


He Chose Titans

by masksarehot



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, Angst, Canon Compliant, Consensual, Drama, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Love, M/M, Romance, Trust, Worldbuilding, action sequences, camaraderies developing, character backstories, character evolution, lengthy plot that intertwines with canon, long multi-part fic spanning several years, relationships evolving, versatile sex roles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-01-13 10:42:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 43
Words: 482,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1223362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masksarehot/pseuds/masksarehot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin swore he would never again be distracted from his fight against the titans, but when an unexpected bond begins to form with Levi, he must decide whether he will follow his heart or his head. [Erwin x Levi (Eruri), romance/drama/angst, semi-canon prequel/retelling.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Promotions (Part I)

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter of this fic begins a little over a year after Levi joined the Survey Corps. I'm pretty sure that as the manga progresses, actual canon will contradict a lot of the choices I've made for this fic, but I'll try to write close to canon events where possible.
> 
> There will be vague references to Erwin & Levi's past in both the manga and "A Choice With No Regrets", but no real spoilers. Most of their backstory here will be headcanon or fanfic-plot-relevant stuff.
> 
> On that note, I'm pretty new to Eruri, so I haven't read any fanfics for it yet. However, because this is semi-canon, and because I'm using some common fanfic tropes, there may be coincidental resemblance to existing fanworks out there. (I hope not, but it's possible!) Any resemblance to any existing fanwork is completely unintentional. Also, if you read any of my LoK fics, you'll probably notice a few of my favourite tropes and plot devices being recycled. Sorry in advance for the repetition. :3
> 
> Will try to keep an update cadence of 2-3 weeks, but might be 1-4 depending on circumstances. Chapters are each 8-10K long. [EDIT: as of Part III, chapters tend to be closer to 15K words, update every 3-4 weeks.]
> 
> Okay, I'll stop babbling now and get on with the story. Thanks for reading!

* * *

  **PART I**

**IGNITE**

* * *

Everything began to unravel the night after Levi's second major expedition. He stormed into Erwin's office, teeth clenched and fists tight:

"They're all dead! Your fucking strategy got them killed."

"There can be no triumph for humanity without taking risks," said Erwin. "Risks mean casualties. It's an unfortunate sacrifice we all must make."

"They're all dead." Levi's voice was frayed. "They weren't just casualties, they were my fucking team!"

The words tasted of blood and smoke, and when Erwin closed his eyes, he saw flames devour the uneaten remains of Henrik's torso, felt forgotten tears run down his face:  _Don't you dare call him a 'casualty'. He was a person, not a statistic._

He swallowed a lump in his throat and drew himself upright, reciting the words his Commander had given him that night, so many years ago: "When we enlist in the Survey Corps, we are asked if we are willing to give our lives for the sake of humanity. Your team fulfilled their vows and made the ultimate sacrifice, and we are all proud of them." The words sounded emptier leaving his mouth than they did in his memory. Had they been just as empty then, too?

And Levi, brave Levi, who had risked his life on the streets for scraps of food, who could fell more titans in a single expedition than most soldiers in a lifetime, dropped to his knees and began to weep.

It was a scene that had replayed countless times and would replay countless more: every member of the Survey Corps had this breakdown at some point, even the strongest soldiers. If Erwin had steeled himself and let him mourn alone, their bond would have cemented at a distance, a bond of respect and professionalism and nothing more.

Instead, memories still fresh on his mind, he knelt beside the weeping man and draped an arm across his shoulders. Levi fell against him, a hand twisting into his shirt, body heaving with sobs. His form was small and warm, and Erwin instinctively curled around him, trying, for just a little longer, to shield him from the horrors of the career he had forced upon him.

Though the incident went unspoken between them in the months to come, a very different kind of bond began to take shape.

* * *

**\- 1 -**

**Promotions**

**March 846**

As Erwin stepped through the doorway, he was surprised to see Captain Anke sitting across from Commander Shadis. For Erwin to be called into his Commander's office at eight o'clock at night wasn't unheard of, as they had spent many late nights together working on strategies for expeditions. Anke's presence, however, was unexpected; she preferred to execute plans, not help create them. She was plaiting damp red hair in a braid over her shoulder, and when her eyes locked with his, she gave him a little shrug, evidently as confused about her presence as he was. Shadis, meanwhile, was sorting a pile of files into two stacks on his desk, his brows heavy, his jaw set.

"You wanted to see me?" asked Erwin, saluting.

"Ah, Erwin." Shadis finished sorting the files, then looked up at him with a polite smile. "Close the door and take a seat. Thank you for coming on such short notice. I apologize for taking both of you away from your leisure time."

It wasn't like him to be so formal, and Erwin immediately began to anticipate bad news. He strained his vision to read the files on the desk. Personnel; Mike's file was at the top of one stack, Levi's at the top of the other. Taking a seat beside Anke, he said, "I assume this is about the Squad Leader vacancy?"

"Partly." Shadis leaned back in his chair, folding his hands on top of the desk. His gaze, deep-set and rimmed with dark hollows, intimidated most who met him, but Erwin saw the gaze for what it really was: fatigue. Lately, the hollows had been growing, so it was no surprise to hear the next words:

"I'm retiring from the Survey Corps. Effective the end of this week, I'll be making the transition to training new recruits."

Erwin felt a pang of disappointment. The two of them worked well together; the Commander had identified his strategic abilities early on, and seemed to enjoy coaching him through strategies and proposals, giving Erwin more responsibility than a Squad Leader should rightfully have. It was a strong balance of mentorship and trust, one Erwin didn't expect to find again. He had been dreading this day.

"Anke, you'll be promoted to Commander," said Shadis. "Later this week, you'll accompany me to a ceremony at the Capital to formally transfer leadership."

The woman's hands froze mid-braid, her eyes wide. "Thank you, sir," she stammered, her tone conveying more fear than gratitude.

"And Erwin, you'll be taking over as Captain. Since your position will need to be backfilled, that frees up room for both Mike and Levi to be promoted. In addition, we've received funding for yet another Squad Leader position." He slid the two stacks of files across the desk. "Here are the short-listed candidates from the previous round of interviews, several Team Leaders, and a few more candidates I hand picked from the newer recruits. This is a good opportunity to start introducing our new Squad Leaders to the bureaucratic aspects of their roles. Erwin, you and Mike go through one set of candidates, and Anke, you and Levi and do the other. Let's identify the right candidate within the next two days."

Erwin began to flip through a stack of files, scanning the names. "This is all happening quickly."

"I'm an old man. I've been doing this a long time." Shadis fell silent, but it was easy to fill in the blanks. They had neighbouring rooms, and Erwin regularly overheard yells from nightmares.

Shadis cleared his throat. "Anke, you're dismissed. Erwin, stay behind a moment."

"Sir." The woman saluted, then scurried from the room, her arms curled around her stack of files.

Once the door closed behind her, Erwin frowned. "She's nervous." He wasn't certain how to feel about that. While her fear didn't inspire confidence in her leadership abilities, it did, at least, make her more likely to listen to his counsel. He had worked hard to gain control of the strategic aspects of the Survey Corps, and he wasn't prepared to give that up.

"She just needs time to get used to the idea. The two of you will do a fine job of leading this ragtag group, and I'm going to have a hell of a good time scaring the shit out of trainees." There was a long pause, then Shadis' voice softened. "I want you to understand why she was promoted ahead of you."

"I assumed it was because she outranked me."

"This conversation is long overdue." The man's face softened. "I'm supposed to be your mentor, Erwin, and there are a few things you need to learn before you can lead this group. You're an excellent strategist, no question. Your drive to free humanity is unmatched, and your ability to separate your heart and your head makes you a brilliant tactician." He paused. "But it makes you a shitty leader."

Though Erwin managed to keep his face perfectly neutral, his pulse began to rise. "I'm not sure I understand."

"Think about all the times I've had to suggest more caution to your strategies. If you see the people around you as chess pieces, you start to make risky sacrifices in order to win the game; you forget they're people with fears, with morale. It's not sustainable to cast them endlessly to their deaths. If you do, you're going to end up with a company that despises you, a company so crippled by fear that it can't even fight."

For the first time since Erwin had joined the Corps, his ego smarted. "I take morale into account when-"

"You don't understand it. You calculate it. You've separated yourself so far from your humanity that you've lost the ability to empathize." The sympathetic look on Shadis' face only made the insult more painful. "Anke has connected with the troops. She sees them as humans, and they know it. If she asks them to die for her, they will go to their deaths without suspicion, because they know she'll only ask if it's damned well necessary. That, Erwin, is why she is taking over as Commander."

The tone suggested the conversation was over, but Erwin wasn't accustomed to having his intentions questioned. He leaned forward. "Keith, you and I both know sacrifices are necessary if humanity is to advance."

"They are, absolutely. And soldiers will climb into the maws of a titan for you if they believe you're acting in their best interests." Shadis stood. "It doesn't take much. Grab a beer with the troops now and then, talk to them, get to know them. You'll find that they begin to trust you more, which will serve your goals - and you'll become more cautious about needlessly expending their lives, which will serve theirs. Dismissed."

Rising, Erwin saluted, thumping his chest hard enough to bruise. He grabbed his share of the files and strode across the wooden floor, mind churning.  _That was about the last expedition_ , he thought as he stepped through the door.  _He wants me to understand that I sacrificed too many soldiers for too little gain, but I already knew that._ His jaw tightened as he remembered Levi's tears, felt the small form huddled against his body.

"Erwin." Anke's voice made him jump. She was leaning against the hallway wall, still clutching the files to her chest. "Can we talk?"

He stood tall. "Congratulations on your promotion."

"Thanks." Her voice wavered.

Shifting his files to one hand, he gripped her shoulder with the other. "You'll be fine."

"You'll still be doing all our strategy. I can barely even read a map." She shook her head. "This is ridiculous. Why didn't he give us any advance notice? It's all so fast. I wasn't even done washing my hair! And why the fuck didn't he promote you instead?"

"He said I've distanced myself too far from my humanity."

She squinted, looking just as confused as he was. "I don't really know how relevant humanity is out on the field, anyway. I'd rather follow someone who could distance himself, keep his wits about him."

He smiled, grateful for her confidence.

"Well," she said, "it is what it is, so let's deal with it one step at a time." She held up her stack of files. "What do you think - start this tonight? That way we can get all three of the new Squad Leaders training together, save us some time. Maybe even get them working in their roles for next week's expedition."

"I'm willing to do this now if you are, but we'd better be quick if we want to catch anyone sober." He could already hear the chaotic rumble of discussion and laughter from the end of the hallway.

"Then let's get to it. Just one thing." She pulled off the top file and held it out. "Take Levi and give me Mike."

His eyes snapped to the file, his pulse doubling. "Why?"

"Because the little shit actually respects you. How much flak do you think he'll give me if I try to force him into a night of bureaucracy?" She nodded dismissively at the file in her hand. "I don't have the patience for his crap right now. There's enough on my mind already."

He reached out a hand and delicately clasped the file. "Very well. I'll work with Levi," he said, taking the excuse to say the name, because lately he had come to enjoy the sensation of it sliding between his lips.

.*.*.*.

"Here." Mike dropped into the seat across from Levi and slid a fresh bottle of ale across the table. "We have some heavy drinking to do if we're going to catch up to everyone else." Around them, the new recruits seemed more focused on drink and gossip than their upcoming responsibilities; they had stampeded in three weeks ago to take over the barracks, tracking in shit attitudes and mud. Their noise was a constant reminder of how silent things had become before their arrival.

Maybe Levi should have been taking the opportunity to get to know them better, but most of them were going to be die during their first expedition, anyway. The more attachments he formed, the more pain he would have when they were severed. No, he was better limiting himself to the few attachments he had already. He could count Mike among those, even if things were getting a bit weird now that they were up for the same promotion. Erwin was among them, too, but things were getting a bit weird there, too, for an entirely different reason.

"Noisy little fuckers, aren't they?" said Mike, his nose wrinkling. "They reek of the city."

"They reek of bullshit. All talk, no experience. Little pukes." Levi pushed his other bottles aside and lifted the new one for a swig, but paused.

Erwin stepped into the doorway, Captain Anke at his side, both of them clutching stacks of documents. They seemed to be looking for someone, their eyes scanning the crowded mess hall. It wasn't like Erwin to show his face on a night like this - he usually spent his free evenings holed up in his office with a stack of paperwork.

Placid blue eyes locked onto Levi. His breath froze, but he only responded with a casual nod, because he'd be damned if anyone noticed him get flustered over a little eye contact. Erwin nodded back, and that should have been the end of it, but lately, every glance between them lasted for a beat too long, and this was no exception. Levi's heart began to pound. It was a relief when Erwin finally looked away; he gripped Anke's shoulder and pointed, then the two began to approach.

"They must have decided who got the promotion," said Mike, leaning forward in his chair with anticipation.

Levi's eyes traced the approaching pair, and he felt a flicker of disappointment as Anke began to beeline for Mike. "Congratulations," he said dully. The man had been a member of the Survey Corps for years, and he was overdue for a promotion, so their choice made sense.  _So long as I get to kill titans, who the fuck cares what my rank is?_

But instead of stopping at Mike, Anke stepped to the head of the table, Erwin settling into place beside her.

"Hey guys," she said, her tone too casual, too forced. "We have some good news. You're both being promoted."

"That's great," said Mike.

Instead of responding, Levi slumped in his chair. "Telling us in the mess hall, this late at night - why all the pageantry?"

"We have some critical work to get through tonight," said Erwin.

With a short, displeased sigh, Levi stood. "Please tell me I get to beat some sense into all these screaming brats."

"Much more mundane than that, I'm afraid." Anke cocked her head. "Let's pair off. Mike, come with me. We'll reconvene at ten in my office."

As Mike rose to join her, Erwin grabbed the man's shoulder and leaned in, murmuring his congratulations. Levi's hands curled. It was a typical sight - Erwin was a close-talker, constantly making physical contact with the people around him. Everyone, that was, except Levi. Ever since the embarrassing emotional breakdown several months back, whenever the occasion arose for an encouraging pat or a friendly shoulder grip, he only got a nod. It was just a touch, just a stupid little bit of physical contact, but it was one more part of Erwin Smith that he didn't have.

He pushed out his chair and stood.

Erwin turned to him and gave a formal nod. "Congratulations, Squad Leader Levi."

Levi pushed past him. "Let's get this over with."

They walked down the hall in unison, Levi subtly stretching his strides to keep up with the taller man. In his periphery, he watched the man's face, which, usually neutral, was set in a definite frown.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes."

"Anke seemed nervous."

"She's being promoted to Commander," said Erwin without looking at him.

Levi's steps slowed. "What?" She was a good fighter, and an earnest and genuine leader, but not someone he could see as a Commander. "What about you?"

"I'll be replacing her as Captain."

"I guess that explains why two Squad Leader positions were suddenly available."

"Three."

"Three? Who died?"

Erwin glanced back at him, face unreadable. "No one. We have some big operations coming up, so we needed more senior officers. You're going to help me interview candidates for the third vacancy." He opened the door to his office and let Levi through, closing it behind them. The stack of files dropped onto the desk as he took a seat.

Levi fell into the empty chair across from him, then flipped through the files until he found the one he wanted. "This is who we need." He tossed the file onto the desk: Hange Zoe, one of the newer Team Leaders.

Erwin opened it, scanning the pages. "Difficulty working with others. Disobeys direct orders."

"My file probably says the same thing." Levi leaned back in his chair. "The Survey Corps has a big gaping hole, and Hange can fill it. Anke's good at motivating people; you have brains; Mike smells titans; I'm good at putting them down; and so on. Between us, we can hunt and evade titans fine, but no one actually gives a shit about what they are. We need someone eager to learn more about them, figuring out all their weaknesses, where they come from, all that shit. Hange won't shut up about them."

"What do you propose?"

"Interview shitglasses first, save ourselves some time if the fit is right. Unless you have a better idea."

"No, that's very close to what I was going to propose. Good analysis." Erwin raised a thick brow. "Though since I'm supposed to be training you, I suggest you refrain from using the term 'shitglasses.'"

Levi sighed. "So, what, should I go get Hange so we can do the interview right now?"

"I interrupted your downtime for this. I'll go."

As Erwin walked past, Levi caught himself slowly inhaling, breathing in the faint scent of cologne. _Now I'm smelling people, too. I've been spending too much time around Mike._

He wasn't sure when, exactly, his feelings had evolved from raw hatred to this embarrassing mess of hyper-awareness and racing heartbeats. His theory was that crying in Erwin's arms had fucked him up a bit, crossed a wire or two in his brain. Crying in front of others was not something Levi did, ever, and maybe that moment of vulnerability had left him open to imprint on the man like a chick on its mother.

Regardless of the source, the little crush was becoming distracting, more and more so as the months passed. If things got any worse, he was no longer going to be able to look Erwin in the eye. He was already treading on uncomfortable ground, with sordid thoughts creeping into his mind whenever he had a moment to himself, and vivid imagery during dreams. He was supposed to be killing titans, not trying to get laid.

Trying to distract himself, Levi rose to his feet and began to pace around the office. Did becoming a Squad Leader mean he would get his own office, too? He would certainly keep it cleaner than this. The desk was tidy enough, but the shelf along the back window was covered with tattered books, fading stacks of paper, and dust.

Near one end of the shelf, a metal frame sat facing backwards; it had been there since Levi had first set foot in this office, driving him mad with its chaos. Taking the opportunity to address the errant frame head-on, he lifted it, wondering if Erwin would notice if he set it facing the right way. Inside the frame was a small, fading drawing of a bird in flight, and written in ink below it was a short message:  _Together, we will always soar. -H._

Footsteps sounded in the hallway. He hurried to set the frame back in place, but even with all his speed, the warning was too short. The frame clunked onto the shelf face-down just as the door swung open. Erwin's gaze locked onto him, then drifted down to the frame.

As if nothing had happened, Levi sauntered to the desk and slumped against its side, leaving the chair free for Hange.

"Please come in," said Erwin after a moment, stepping out the way to let their candidate past. "Have a seat. I believe you've already met Squad Leader Levi."

Hange hurried to the chair, auburn ponytail, sharp nose, eyes wide behind thick glasses. "Yes, I have. What's this about?'

Folding his arms over his chest, Levi said, "You like titans."

"Yes. They're fascinating."

Erwin settled into his chair and opened the file. "You have a background in the sciences."

"Specifically human biology, but I have a good amount of experience with chemistry, too." Hange's eyes darted between them.

Levi studied their candidate, seeing none of the obsession he had overheard in the mess hall a few days ago, when the entire table had been subjected to an hour-long lecture on titan behaviour.  _Nervousness?_   _Or maybe we aren't asking the right questions._

Erwin must have picked up on the same thing, because he closed the file and folded his hands on the desk, leaning forward. "You know, Hange, I've heard rumours that titans are mechanical contraptions powered by steam. Do you have any thoughts?"

It was as if a light switched on. Hange gave a short laugh and sat up straighter, cheeks flushing, gestures animated, speech rapid and erratic. "Well, I know we associate steam with the titans, but anyone who says they're some sort of contraption is ignoring a few of the titan's basic properties-"

This was the excited lecture Levi had been expecting. His gaze slid toward Erwin, who gave him a hint of a smile.

After about ten minutes of prattling, Erwin raised a hand to interrupt, and began to go through a standardized list of questions that Levi himself had answered only a few weeks earlier. Though he supposed he should be listening and learning, Levi felt his interest waning.  _This had better be the only interview we have to do tonight. I don't think I can sit through something this dull again._

"Thank you for your time," said Erwin after what felt like hours, rising to shake Hange's hand over the desk. Levi eyed the contact, trying to imagine how that grip would feel.

"What was this about?" asked Hange. "Are you hoping to set up some sort of study? Because I have some ideas about-"

Erwin held up a hand. "There will be plenty of opportunities to discuss those ideas later; it's getting late, and I'm sure you'd like to rejoin your colleagues for a drink. You are dismissed."

Once the door closed, Levi fell into the vacant chair. "Well?"

"What I expected: the passion is there, but the discipline isn't. You and I both know that discipline can be trained, but I'm not sure Anke will agree." Erwin stacked the files, aligning their edges. "Still, your instinct was good: we need a titan expert among our ranks, and there's no doubt that Hange can fill that role. No other candidates in our set of files piqued my interest, and I already interviewed most of them last month anyway, so I think our work for tonight is done." He looked up, giving a warm smile. "We have a lot of time to kill until we reconvene with the others. Levi, would you care to join me for a drink?"

The invitation was so unexpected that Levi stared at him for a moment. "A drink?"

"To celebrate our promotions. I have a bottle of fine whiskey I've been saving for an occasion like this. It's nicer than anything they'd serve us in the hall."

"Might as well." Levi willed his pounding heart to slow, giving a casual shrug.

Erwin began to walk toward a cabinet in the corner of the room, but slowed when he walked past the shelf that held the frames. He lifted the fallen frame and studied it for a moment, then set it back into the position it had been before, facing the window.

Levi cleared his throat. "Look-"

"It's okay." Erwin moved to the cabinet. He soon returned with two glasses and a bottle in hand; filling one glass, he passed it across the desk. "Congratulations."

For several minutes, they sat on opposite sides of the desk, taking small sips of whiskey. It was far nicer than any drink Levi had ever tasted, and he let the liquid slide around his mouth, enjoying the gradient of flavours.

"I wonder," said Erwin, as if to himself. "Do you think I've lost touch with my humanity?"

The question came out of nowhere, and Levi studied the man, trying to figure out his motivation for asking.

Focus returned to Erwin's gaze. "Please excuse the strange question. I suppose you haven't known me long enough to judge."

"Well, you seem human to me. Look how quickly you were able to reach through Hange's nervousness."

"I suppose." The man swirled his glass, staring into the bottom of it. "Shadis thinks I see people as chess pieces, not humans, and it caught me off guard. He wants me to reconnect with my humanity: drink with the troops, get to know them."

"Huh." Levi lifted the whiskey to his lips, insulted that this shared drink was under the Commander's orders.

"No, that came out wrong. This isn't an empty gesture. His statement reminded me that I know very little about my colleagues, you least of all." The last words were delivered quietly, almost as if an afterthought.

"So what, you want to ply me with liquor until I tell you my life story?"

Erwin gave a soft chuckle. "Something like that."

"Huh," said Levi again. It seemed that Erwin Smith socialized with all the intensity and focus he brought to every other aspect of his life. Holding out his glass for a refill, he said, "Shouldn't we start with you? At least you know where I come from. I don't know one fucking thing about you."

Erwin poured them each a fresh glass. "I'm not very interesting."

"I think you're more interesting than you let on."

Looking relaxed, and maybe a bit amused, Erwin leaned back in his chair. "And what makes you think that?"

Between the ale with Mike, the potency of the whiskey, and the faint scent of cologne, Levi's head was starting to swim. Propping his elbows on the desk, he leaned forward. "Your name. Smith. Doesn't make sense that a man of your size and obvious education would have such a working-class family name."

"Is it really that odd? Smith is one of the most common names within the walls."

"In the gutters and factories, yes, but factory families don't grow men to your size. They can't afford the food." Eyes narrowing with focus, Levi took another sip. "So Smith is probably an alias. And if you're using an alias, then your real name must be well known. I'm guessing you're from a high-class family, maybe even lapdogs of the King, but you don't want to be associated with them. Either they kicked you out, or you hate everything they stand for. Maybe both."

For a moment, their gaze held, then Erwin cleared his throat. "At this point, Levi, I'd prefer not to comment on your theories, and I'd appreciate you keeping them to yourself, if it's all the same. I will say this: the greatest threat to humanity is not outside the walls."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the titans may be a symptom, not the disease." The intensity of his gaze was so strong that Levi's head spun, and he had to look down.

"I'm too drunk for your vague shit, Erwin," he muttered, already regretting that he had said anything at all.

There was a pause. "Levi, do you know why I asked you to join the Survey Corps?"

"Because you saw my combat skills and decided to go on a power trip?"

A blond brow cocked, just for an instant, then returned to neutral. "Your skill was an immediate draw, true, but so was your willingness to break the rules to survive. You were flying under the noses of the Military Police, using their own equipment to circumvent them. We need people like you in the Survey Corps, because we can't always play by the rules, not if we're to do what's best for humanity. But I always wondered..." His fingers drummed his glass. "Is this what you want?"

The question surprised Levi. "What?"

"All of this. Being a Squad Leader. You've paid your legal debt, and you've lost as much as the rest of us, more than some. Why don't you just walk away? I'm sure it would be easy enough for you to disappear." There was a twist to Erwin's expression that Levi couldn't quite read.

"The titans killed my friends, and they keep us penned in here. I don't care if they are the symptom or the disease or any of that: we need to kill them." Levi's hand tightened around the glass. "I need to make sure all these deaths mean something."

The twist faded from Erwin's face, his lips curving into a warm smile instead. "I know we had a rocky start together, but I'm happy you choose to stay. You have a great future here, Levi."

The fond admission made Levi's head spin even faster. The world felt as if it were tilting beneath him, as if he were slowly losing his balance. "Sentimental bullshit," he muttered, trying to regain his footing.

Erwin gave a soft chuckle and planted his elbows on the table, hands folding in front of his mouth. "Then let's leave the sentiment behind and go back to learning more about each other. I'm guessing 'Levi' is an alias?"

"Maybe. It's all my aunt ever called me." He shrugged.

"Your Aunt?"

Levi eyed him. He trusted Erwin more than anyone else in the Survey Corps - he had proven time and time again to have humanity's best interest at heart, and their shared moment after the last expedition had only cemented that. Still, there was always a part of him that was suspicious of authority, no matter what its form. Erwin held his gaze, unflinching, and maybe it was just wishful thinking, but Levi swore he saw warmth there.

"Yeah," he said, giving in. "My parents died when I was just a little kid, so she took me in. A few years later, the Military Police locked her up - turns out she had been selling illegal goods and stealing food to keep us alive, and they had been tracking her for awhile. So I fell in with a small gang instead. They took care of me, at first, and when I got old enough, I started taking care of the younger ones. That's the end of it." Noticing the intensity in Erwin's gaze, he added, "Don't start trying to read between the lines or analyze me or any of that bullshit."

"Well, it certainly explains your mistrust of authority, and of people in general." The man's words were beginning to slur. "I hope, in time, you'll grow to trust me."

"I already trust you."

There was another long pause. Levi's chest glowed, and he wondered if it was the glow from his confession of trust, or the glow of alcohol, or both.

"You have it all backwards, Erwin," he added, numb lips fumbling the words. "I trust people - not many, but when I do, I trust completely. You're the one who doesn't trust. That's why you like strategies so much, isn't it? They're the only things that make you feel safe when you work with other people. You can't trust them, so you control them instead."

Erwin's eyes slowly widened as he pulled away. He opened his mouth to reply, but no words followed.

Levi was vaguely aware that he shouldn't be saying all this, but he couldn't seem to stop. "I'm right, aren't I? You don't trust anyone here, not even me. Maybe that's what Shadis meant, that you need to trust your officers."

Quietly, Erwin rose to his feet. He took a few paces toward the window, hands clasped behind his back.

 _What the fuck am I saying?_ Levi's eyes fixed on Erwin, slowly trailing down the man's body, fixing on the backside for a few inappropriate moments.  _Fuck, am I drunk. Such a fucking lightweight. I'm going to get thrown out on my first day as Squad Leader._

"Erwin-"

"No, you're right. I need to be more trusting if I want to become a good leader." Erwin plucked the mysterious picture frame from the windowsill and returned to the desk, setting it on the wooden surface. He sank into his chair, his fingers tracing the frame, his face grim. "As a gesture of trust, I want to share something with you, something that no one alive knows. The details of this conversation are not to leave this room." He slid the frame across the surface of the desk.

Levi picked it up, studying it again. The frame was copper, most of it green with age, but the bottom half was polished and red.  _He handles this frame a lot, picks it up and holds it._

"When I was first training for the military," began Erwin, "I was in love with a good woman. She asked me to give up my life goals and stay with her, start a family. It was an agonizing decision, but in the end, the titans won out over her. I swore, as I left her, that love was never again going to interfere with my goals."

Trying to contain his disappointment -  _of course he's straight; they're always straight -_  Levi's eyes traced the handwritten text on the picture. "So this is from her?"

"No." A low sigh. "I had the right idea then, but not the willpower; my resolve was far weaker than I hoped. I managed to keep focussed on my goal for the first few months, but a fellow recruit had become fixated on me, persistently so. I resisted my feelings, at first, remembering my oath to myself, but I found myself falling for him." Erwin's eyes flicked up as he said the last word.

 _Him._ Levi's breath caught, but he casually took another sip of his drink, trying to mask the surge of hope he felt.

"The military has strict rules about relationships," continued Erwin, "and neither Henrik nor I was interested in formalizing our affair with paperwork, hearings and everything else required to receive official approval. I think a few people figured it out - Mike, for one - but for the most part, we managed to keep it under wraps. Our relationship gave us certain advantages on the battlefield; we read each other well, and our presence highly motivated each other. We were an unstoppable team. For awhile, it looked as if our relationship wasn't going to interfere with our goals, that my anxieties about love had been unfounded."

He paused for a sip of whiskey, and when he began to speak again, his voice cracked. "One day, we were on a scouting mission that went horribly wrong. A group of titans surrounded our party. We tried to outrun them, but one caught my cape in its teeth and pulled me off the horse. Our Squad Leader ordered Henrik to continue the retreat, but he refused to leave me behind. He saved my life, but he died, right in front of me. If he had just followed orders...if he hadn't loved me enough to value my life above his..." He trailed off.

Levi swallowed hard, trying not to relive similar memories of his own. "I'm sorry."

"He was an artist," said Erwin. "This was my favourite drawing of his. It's so lifelike that I swear I can feel the wind under the bird's wings when I look at it." He delicately took the frame from Levi. "I can't bear to get rid of it, but I can't bear to look at it, either, so I keep it facing the sun, hoping it will bleach it away. Maybe the guilt will fade with it."

A lump was forming in Levi's throat, and he swallowed hard to try to dislodge it. Slowly, he reached out a hand and, with alcohol-fuelled bravery, gripped Erwin's wrist in a show of support.

For a moment, both of them stared, shocked, at the contact. Then Erwin's eyes lifted.

"I trust you, Levi."

"I know."

A knock sounded at the door. Levi jerked his hand away, and Erwin stood, straightening his uniform. "Come in."

Anke and Mike walked in, and Mike sniffed the air, then sighed. "Dammit, I knew I should have been paired with you, Erwin. She wouldn't let me drink."

"What?" The woman's eyes narrowed. "You're drinking? You're supposed to be finding a candidate."

"We did." Erwin swept Hange's file off the desk and thrust it into Anke's hands in one exaggerated movement. She glanced down at it, then back up at him.

"You're slurring and you smell like a still."

"Maybe we should debrief tomorrow," he conceded.

Anke gave an exasperated sigh. "Very professional. Get some sleep and sober up, everyone. Meet in my office after breakfast." She turned and marched for the door.

"What did she expect?" muttered Levi. "We were already drinking when you two found us."

"And it all went to waste, because I'm completely sober now," said Mike. "Anyone up for a few more?"

"I'll meet you at our table in a few," said Levi, even though he wasn't sure he needed any more to drink. Mostly, he was hoping for a few more minutes together with Erwin.

"Alright, I'll save you a seat." Mike turned and left, and then it was just the two of them again.

Levi looked back at Erwin and found the man placing the frame back on the windowsill.

"Look, I shouldn't have said half that shit," he said as an apology.

"If there is one person who will keep me honest, Levi, it's you: you have an impeccable ability to read me." Erwin stepped back from the windowsill, still looking at the frame. "Maybe next time we have a drink together, we'll talk about more uplifting topics."

 _Next time_. "Sure." Levi waited for a moment, hoping the man would turn around so they could exchange a smile, or an awkward gaze, or anything to acknowledge that this shared conversation had been an important advancement of their relationship, but instead he kept staring at the frame, his back turned.

Levi turned and left the room. By the time he reached his seat in the mess hall, his jaw was tight. Mike's brows pinched.

"You okay?"

"Fine." Levi dropped into his seat and took a long draught of the ale.

"Looked like Erwin was getting a bit moody."

"The drink was turning on him." Levi spun his bottle on its base, annoyed that the sound of it wobbling was barely audible over the new recruits. Didn't they ever shut up?

"I'm glad you're getting to know him, you know," said Mike. "You two are good for each other. He doesn't have many friends left, and seems like you don't, either."

The observation stung. "Don't you guys go way back?"

Mike shrugged. "Only because we had friends in common back in the day. The rest of them died, so we have camaraderie, I guess, but it's not the same now." He looked sombre, as if he were about to be swallowed by bad memories.

"Don't you fucking start, too," muttered Levi.

Blinking, Mike forced a smile. "Yeah. We were promoted. We should be celebrating, right?" He lifted his bottle. "Congratulations."

Levi mirrored the motion, and downed the bottle's contents, trying to put Erwin out of his mind.


	2. Touch

**-2-**

**Touch**  

 _Not again._ Erwin struggled to free himself, clawing at the tightening cloak around his neck as the titan dragged him into the air. A howl sounded below. Twisting, he saw Henrik galloping toward him, fury written on his face, blades drawn.

 _Don't_ , he tried to yell, but the cloak strangled his voice.  _Don't, Henrik. I know how this ends-_

.*.*.*.

Erwin awoke with a yell, sitting upright. His hands clawed into the sheets as he struggled to catch his breath.

Sharing his memories with Levi last week had been a mistake. Every night since, he had been reliving them in full colour in his dreams. Still breathing hard, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and closed his eyes, trying to steady himself. Once his pulse finally slowed, he stood and grabbed his toiletries bag. Better to wake up an hour early than try to sleep and end up repeating the dream.

The baths were empty, the one luxury of rising before reveille. He lit a lamp, then strode to the window and opened its slats, letting the crisp morning air flood the room. Settling in front of a basin and mirror, he pulled off his nightshirt and began to wash his armpits with soap and chilly water. Once he was satisfied they were clean, he dabbed on a light layer of cologne. When he did this step in his daily routine, he often thought of his mother admonishing him as a teenager:  _remember, Erwin, a gentleman favours true cleanliness over dowsing himself in cologne. I shouldn't be able to smell it unless I'm close enough to hug you._ It was rare that he missed her, but he would have liked a hug right about now to help him compose himself after the nightmare.

He was just massaging shaving lotion into his face when the door swung open. Erwin turned to see Levi standing in the door, dressed only in a pair of pyjama bottoms, a towel slung over his shoulder and a bucket of toiletries in hand.

"You're up early," said Erwin, and Levi shrugged.

"Heard a yell from next door. Woke me up." A brow arched. "You shit the bed?"

"Nightmares."

"Sounds like you're having lots lately."

"You'll move to your new room soon enough, and then you won't have to overhear them any more." Erwin leaned closer to the mirror and pulled his upper lip tight, bringing his razor to the skin.

"You okay?"

"Fine, thank you." He began to shave, a bit annoyed to discover that the blade was dull. After the expedition, he would go into town to restock. Maybe he'd take a few days' leave and decompress for a bit, make a vacation out of it. The nightmares were probably a sign that he was pushing himself too hard.

Levi walked past him to stand by the edge of the bath and dipped a finger in, as if testing the temperature. The water was only heated twice a week for shared baths, and was freezing cold the rest of the time, especially during a winter as long as this one.

"You aren't going in there, are you?" asked Erwin.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"It's going to be cold."

"Always is." Levi turned his back to him and pulled off his pants and undergarments. Erwin tried not to watch, but the angle was such that he couldn't look at the mirror without seeing the man disrobe.

"Always? Sounds like you do this often."

"Waking up before reveille is the only way to get a bath without a herd of noisy assfucks ruining the peace." Levi slipped into the water, visibly shuddering from the cold.

Realizing he had forgotten about shaving, Erwin snapped his gaze back to his own reflection. He quickly finished the job and then washed away the cream, examining his face for missed spots or cuts. He could still see Levi reflected in the mirror, rubbing shampoo into his hair in a way that showcased his muscled upper back, and he found himself staring.

He forced his gaze back to his own reflection. Ogling a colleague was a bad idea, especially while standing around in his undergarments, which weren't really thick enough to conceal himself should he get too excited. He reached into his bag for his comb, focusing on placing a crisp side part above his temple.

 _It's not too late to join him in there_ , he thought to himself.  _It's been a few days since your last proper bath, and the company might be worth the cold._ It was embarrassing how much the idea appealed to him. His imagination began to conjure images of the two of them soaping each other, and he quickly tried to distract himself with conversation.

"About the other night," he said.

In his periphery, he could see Levi turn to face him. "Yeah?"

"I got a bit dour at the end there."

A shrug. "I was saying things I shouldn't have."

"I'd like the opportunity to try for a happier conversation: join me for another drink. Tomorrow, after the expedition." The words left Erwin's lips before he could stop them.  _I'm just trying to get to know my colleague better to further my professional development_ , he said to himself, aware it was a lie, but unwilling to admit the truth.

Levi studied him, damp hair sticking out at odd angles. "A happy conversation? After an expedition?"

"If it goes well. If not, we both might need some company."

Levi continued to study him, expression unreadable. After a long pause, he said, "Yeah, sure."

An inappropriate warmth rushed through Erwin, and he quickly grabbed his toiletries bag, preparing to leave before his loss of composure showed on his face. "See you at the pre-expedition debrief tonight. I'll be leaving the strategy revisions on your desk by noon. Make sure you study them in advance in case you have any questions."

"You won't be at the gear check?" Maybe it was his imagination, but Levi looked a little disappointed.

"One of the perks of being Captain; my gear will be checked in my office at my convenience." Erwin nodded. "See you this evening." He stepped through the doorway.

From that point on, his day became a blur: dress, eat, make minor last-minute tweaks to the plans. Distribute new plans, have gear checked, meet with Anke to discuss the revisions, eat again. Planning, planning, dinner.

He ate alone in his office, needing some quiet time to himself before the debrief. Now that the planning stage was coming to a close, he had time to feel nervous about the upcoming mission. This would be his first strategy that didn't have Shadis' stamp of approval. While he was fairly confident that this expedition was low-risk, and that his plans minimized that risk even further, they couldn't afford a disaster. The last expeditions had been costly enough to raise a fuss among their superiors, and there would be extra eyes on them this time around, especially with the change in leadership. His constant nightmares certainly weren't giving him any confidence that things would go well.

When Anke knocked at his door for the debrief, he was sitting with his forehead pressed to the desk, taking deep breaths to steady himself. He called her in and lifted his head to greet her, and saw that her skin was so pale that she looked sickly.

"I guess this is it," she said. "One last debrief, then nothing's left between us and the expedition but a few hours of restless sleep."

"By tomorrow at this time, we won't have it looming over our heads any more," he said, trying to encourage her.

"If we still have heads." She raised a brow at him. "How the hell are you so calm?"

He thought about confessing his own trepidation, but decided his fake bravery might give her bravery of her own. "The lengthy winter has given us many more months of preparation than usual, so we have thought through every angle. Besides, I have confidence in our skills, and the skills of our team."

"Yeah, it's a good team." She didn't look convinced. "I guess we should go. They'll be waiting for us."

As they marched to the head of the meeting room, Erwin felt the eyes of the Squad Leaders and Team Leaders trail him, and without Shadis at his side, he felt exposed. He hung the charts on the wall and grabbed a pointer, then stood tall beside Anke.

As she began her speech, he let his eyes trail across their audience. Almost everyone in the room was watching her speak, but one pair of eyes met his gaze instead, silver-blue, hooded with disinterested lids and brows. Levi. Erwin had faked disinterest enough times to know the pain that could fester beneath it.  _We've all lost too much. Please, just this once, don't let any of us lose anything more._

"And now," said Anke, "Captain Erwin will walk you one final time through the formation and strategy. If you have any questions about the revisions he distributed earlier today, this is the time to ask."

Coming back to himself, Erwin smiled at her. "Thank you, Commander." He began to point at the charts, explaining their strategy. This formation was similar to their long-range scouting formation, except that Hange and Levi, as the Squad Leaders with the least field experience, would be responsible for guarding wagons at the rear. Their goal was an old military silo a couple hour's ride from Wall Rose. On paper, it was a safe expedition, with a short distance, a zone that was usually titan-free, and a large forest nearby in case they needed to switch to high ground. In Erwin's experience, however, sometimes the safest missions on paper could become the most dangerous in the field, so he had prepared several contingency plans.

A couple of the newer Team Leaders had questions about their roles, and then everything was ready. Erwin let out a slow breath. The planning phase, for now, was finally over.

"Thank you, Captain Erwin." Anke stepped forward again. "I think that's everything. Does anyone have any other questions?"

 _'I think that's everything?' That's how she's closing off this meeting?_ Erwin side-eyed her, gaze landing on the bolo tie around her neck, the symbol that marked her as a Commander. He still wasn't certain if he was envious or relieved that all their responsibility was now on her shoulders.

"Okay, good," said Anke. "Dismissed."

The team stood and saluted, and as they left, she let out a breath of air, deflating. "Fuck."

"Everything all right?" asked Erwin.

"Yeah, fine." Her eyes ticked across their departing colleagues, and he realized she didn't want to show weakness in front of them. He would have preferred to leave the conversation there, but their safety tomorrow depended on her. If she started second-guessing her decisions on the field, they would all be at risk.

"Anke, can you stay behind a minute? I'd like to discuss one last thing." He clapped a hand onto her shoulder and guided her to stand in front of one of the maps on the wall, pretending, to help her save face, that their discussion was going to be strictly mission-related. He waited for the others leave.

Levi was the last one to approach the door. Just before he left, he turned to look back at them. There was no emotion on his face, but something about his stance looked smaller than usual. Frightened. Erwin swallowed hard, reminded of how small Levi had seemed after the last expedition. Maybe once he was done speaking with Anke, he should give Levi some encouraging words.

The door closed.

"What's going on?" he asked her quietly.

"Fuck, Erwin, I am not ready for this." Her voice wavered.

"You'll be fine. You and I were practically leading the expeditions by the end there."

"I know, but it's different now." Her fingers twisted into the bolo tie around her neck. "This thing is going to strangle me. If I made a mistake when I was Captain, it was ultimately Shadis' fault, but now..."

"Anke." He squeezed her shoulders and crouched down so their eyes were level. "When I met you, you were a bossy little girl who couldn't wait to order the rest of our team around. That little girl is still inside you somewhere. Find her."

"That little girl grew up. Saw too many people die. Do you know the average life expectancy of a Commander of the Survey Corps?"

He didn't, but he could guess it wasn't very long. Shadis had been an anomaly, the first Commander in years to live to see retirement.

"Six years." Her voice cracked. "And that's with Shadis' long reign tugging up the average."

"That's better than every other position you were in before, and you survived this long."

"I guess. Just tell me it's going to be all right."

"Anke," he said, "it's going to be all right. Just stick to the strategy and keep a cool head."

"Thanks." She cleared her throat. "Get some sleep. I'll see you at reveille."

He saluted and left the room, knowing he wasn't going to sleep. Not yet.

His first stop was Levi's new room. The furniture wasn't fully set up yet, but it seemed likely that the man, being something of a neat freak, might be cleaning the walls or floors to alleviate stress. A mop and a bucket in the corner of the room showed his guess wasn't far off, but they were dry.

Next he tried Levi's bunk, but his bunkmates only shook their heads and said he hadn't returned after the meeting. The baths were empty, too, and he wasn't in the mess hall.

His last guess was that he was in Hange's room for a last-minute discussion about their role in the expedition. As he was about to knock, he heard Hange's voice behind him:

"Looking for me?"

He turned to give a polite smile. "I was wondering if you've seen Levi."

"I saw him heading toward the stables." Hange leaned closer, peering at him. "Is this about tomorrow? Anything I should know?"

"No, I just need to speak to him about a private matter. Did you have any questions?"

"Not really, no. I don't think. Maybe. I'm so excited that I can't think straight." The grin that spread across Hange's face was so unnerving that Erwin fought the urge to take a step back.

"Excited? Well, I'm glad someone is." It was a welcome change from all the fear he was noticing in everyone else. Even he was more nervous than usual, his stomach jumping. Was everyone nervous because of the change in leadership, or were these usual pre-expedition jitters he had never noticed before? There was something disconcerting about the latter. He had always assumed that his colleagues were calm and in control of their emotions.  _Humanity's bravest. Are we all just scared little children, barely keeping our fears in check?_

Though he wasn't sure why Levi would be heading to the stables, he had run out of ideas, so he decided to follow Hange's information. The walk out there might help him clear his head, anyway.

Once he stepped through the stable door, he breathed in the scent of musty hay. The full moon streamed through holes in the roof and landed in silver-blue puddles on the ground.  _The same colour as Levi's eyes_. The thought came out of nowhere, and for a moment he stood and stared, trying to convince himself the thought had never existed.

"Levi?" He strained his ears to listen for any human movement, but only heard the occasional flutter and pawing of the horses. He hadn't really expected to find him here, so he wasn't surprised, just disappointed. He moved quietly along the pathway to the far exit, taking a side door.

A cool blast of air greeted him as he stepped into the yard. Winter had overstayed its welcome by several weeks this year, and it seemed it wasn't quite ready to leave them yet. He folded his arms over his chest, wishing he had brought a thicker cloak with him. The green one he was wearing now was more suitable for spring.

The moon was low and full, lining the trees and grass with a dull edge of silver-blue light. The mountains on the horizon were capped with snow, and above them, a thick band of stars arced across the sky.

Erwin took in a long breath, feeling his throat and chest tingle. Whenever he stared at those distant mountains and that band of stars, he felt a strong connection to the world outside the walls, as if his body knew it was a tiny, insignificant part of something greater.  _We are so small_ , he thought,  _and so very fragile. We only stand a chance if all of us work toward a common goal._

A scuff sounded behind and above him, and as he spun to face it, Erwin's hands instinctively went for the hilts of his blades, but found only air instead. His stance relaxed when he saw a small form perched on the slant of the roof.

"Levi?" he called, loudly enough to be heard, but softly enough that the noise wouldn't disturb anyone in nearby rooms.

"Your fat head is ruining the view," said Levi, his voice muted by the breeze.

"How did you get up there without your gear?"

"The old-fashioned way." Levi pointed to a ladder alongside the stables. It was a sizeable jump between the stable roof and the section of roof where he sat.

"I'd be pretty upset if our best soldier broke his neck hopping between buildings while off-duty," said Erwin, though he was impressed by the man's agility.

"Maybe an old man like you would break his neck..." Despite the distance between them, he swore he saw Levi's eyes twinkle.

Though he was never one to let a dare provoke him, the snide remark allowed him to join Levi under the guise of proving himself. He climbed up the stable ladder and moved, swiftly and quietly, to the far end of the roof, then paused, sizing up the gap. Levi shifted closer to the edge, staring evenly down at him.

 _This would be a stupid way to die._ Erwin felt a sudden rush. When was the last time he had made a risky decision without agonizing over it for days? When was the last time he had exchanged banter or tried to show off?

Somehow, acting under the guise of proving himself had led to him actually wanting to prove himself. "I can't believe I'm doing this," he muttered.

"Well, I'm sure the view's almost as good down on that roof," said Levi. "If you don't mind the smell of horse shit."

With a deep breath, Erwin took a couple steps back, then sprinted forward and jumped. He easily closed the gap, but as he was landing, his shin smacked into the side of the roof. He grunted and lost his footing, and for a panicked second, he thought he was going to roll off the steep roof.

A strong hand closed over his, stabilizing him. He looked up and saw Levi gripping his hand, his other arm wrapped around a pipe near the apex of the roof to anchor them both.

"Tsk. Careful." There was that twinkle again.

Erwin cleared his throat. "If it weren't so dark out-"

"Don't worry about it. I've seen you fight; I know you're good. Found your footing?"

"One moment." Using their joined hands to stabilize himself, Erwin hoisted himself upright and sat near Levi. With no excuse to keep holding hands, he let the grip drop, then instantly missed it. Levi settled to a seat next to him, close enough that body heat glowed between them.

"Didn't think you had it in you to be that reckless," said Levi, a hint of respect in his voice. "I warned you it was dangerous."

"No, you called me an old man." Erwin gave him a sidelong glance. "I can't be much older than you."

"You aren't. Maybe five years, tops." Almost to himself, Levi added, "I think."

"Our ages don't really come up often, do they? I'm thirty-one." The only response was silence, and Erwin decided not to press it. Everyone was entitled to their secrets. Instead, he gathered his lolling knees in the crooks of his elbows and let his eyes drift across the mountains. Beside him, he could hear Levi's soft breaths; his chest rose and fell in Erwin's peripheral vision, slow and even.

"So," said Levi. "Why are you here?"

"I thought you might have questions about the expedition."

"I do." Levi shifted, stretching his legs out and leaning back on his elbows. "What's this cargo worth?"

"Worth?"

"Say it's like last time, and my entire team dies." His tone was flat. "Is this cargo worth it?"

Erwin considered. "This expedition is considered low-risk, so we don't expect any encounters; our scouting teams haven't noted any titan activity in the area for the past year. As for the cargo itself, we don't know what we'll find. The silo is an old military cache, so it should have a stash of supplies that will be of great benefit - gas tanks, blades, rations. Its location was useful when the walls were standing, as it was central to several small village areas, but now it's useless where it is. We'll be taking in all the military supplies, and sending the rations into the city for civilian use."

Levi gave a low, displeased sigh. "Is that what we are now? Scrap collectors?"

"I know it seems like a small step, but every small step is important. Eventually, we will build a new trail of caches leading us toward the outer walls, and that's when we'll be prepared to make bigger moves. That's when we take back our freedom."

"And you're planning to be at the helm when we do, right?"

Erwin's gaze snapped to him. Levi stared straight ahead, eyes distant. His hair swayed in the breeze, and the moon highlighted his face in white: petite features, straight nose, narrow lips.

Without looking at him, Levi murmured, "You hate these fetch missions as much as I do - too much risk for too little payoff. When the big expeditions come around, that's when you'll truly be happy, right? You'd risk anything for freedom. Even your allies. Even yourself."

"I would."

"Good. Conserving lives is important for these shitty little expeditions, but we all know that eventually, we're going to have to put everything on the line. When that happens, I want someone like you leading us. Maybe that's why Shadis left Anke in charge: he's keeping you safe for the time that we really need you. She's good for the shit we're doing now, but she doesn't have the stomach to make big sacrifices. She'll never lead us to victory." Levi's eyes locked onto him. "You will."

Erwin's brows rose. "You believe that?"

"I would have left months ago if I didn't."

Swallowing hard, Erwin looked away, trying not to admit to his rising pulse, the warmth building in his abdomen.

For several minutes, they fell into a comfortable silence. Erwin pulled his cloak tighter around his shoulders, shivering a bit, but the view was so beautiful, the company so welcome, that he didn't have the heart to go back inside. Beside him, Levi sat up and folded his arms over his chest, drawing in his knees.

"It still bothers me," said Erwin. "Shadis saying I had lost touch with my humanity."

"Maybe he just doesn't see it. You're always asking people if they're okay, giving them advice and little shoulder squeezes, things like that." A pause. "Unless that's just an act."

Sometimes it was. The reason the statement had stung so much was because it was something Erwin, himself, feared. The more friends he lost, the less he felt. Death no longer seemed real, and the only way he could feel loss any more was by thinking about Henrik. Maybe that's why it was so difficult to move on: maybe he kept reopening the wound not out of genuine respect for his memory, but out of desperation to feel human.

"Hey, Erwin?" said Levi.

"Yeah?"

"It's okay."

"What?"

"All of it. Fuck Shadis. You do what you need to. We're all just surviving the best we can out here."

The words felt like a release. Erwin took a deep breath, letting the negative thoughts drift away, focusing on the night sky instead. For now, he would cling to this bit of beauty and relaxation.

But Levi shifted, and when Erwin looked over, he saw a scowl on the man's face. "Are you all right?"

Levi drew in a breath as if to speak, but no words followed.

"Say it," said Erwin. "I won't judge. We're all just surviving out here, right?" Besides, how could he possibly judge, in this crisp air, in the face of the mountains and the sky full of stars? Their words were lighter up here, floating away on clouds of condensation.

"Look, this is a fucking stupid thing to be bothered by, so just-" Shivering, Levi tightened his arms around his body. "You're always touching people: gripping shoulders, touching arms, squeezing hands. But with me..." His voice trailed off.

Erwin's brain whirled through excuses:  _I thought you needed space. I didn't want to give the wrong impression. I haven't known you as long._

There was only one excuse that made sense:  _I can't touch you, because last time I did, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I'm afraid of what will happen to me if I touch you again._

In the silence that followed, Levi looked down, face twisting. "I told you, it's fucking stupid."

"No, it isn't. You're right." Finding all his excuses lacking, Erwin brashly decided to rectify the problem instead. His arm draped across the man's shoulders.

Levi tensed, but didn't pull away. "What the fuck are you-"

"You seemed cold." Panic made Erwin's head swim, but it was too late to retract his decision.

"You don't have to-"

"It's okay."

As the minutes passed, the tension faded from Levi's shoulders, and the panic faded from Erwin's mind. This wasn't so bad, just sitting next to each other, a little extra contact for body heat. Not as dangerous as he had expected. They were both still shivering, so Erwin drew him in a little closer.

"You're so small," he said, surprised by the narrowness of Levi's shoulders.

The shoulders stiffened again. "Fuck you."

"No, I mean that your personality is so large and your strength so immense that I sometimes forget you take up so little space in the world. You take up so much more in people's minds."

Levi looked up at him. "Was that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Yes."

"Kind of a shitty one."

Maybe so, but he meant it, every word. Levi took up far too much space in his mind, and that only seemed to augment when they were near each other, pushing reason aside. He subtly shifted his grip, feeling the muscled shoulder.  _You smell like lemons and soap, and I want to sit behind you, envelop you in my limbs and press my face into your hair. I want to run my hands down the front of your torso and trace those lean muscles I've seen so many times in the men's baths._ His cheeks were warm, and he hoped his flush wasn't visible in the moonlight.

Levi edged closer to him and slowly, tentatively pressed a cheek to his shoulder.

Eyes squeezing shut, Erwin tried not to inhale the scent of his hair. "Levi."

"It's fucking cold."

"This isn't..." The word 'appropriate' died on his lips as he accidentally got a waft of hair. There was no reason left at this proximity, no logic, just a desire to press even closer. Eyes still closed, he laid a cheek atop the man's head and subtly, shyly breathed in. His head swam, dizzied by pheromones.

Levi's voice startled him: "Ever since I was a kid, rooftops were always my escape. Close to the stars, away from people. The higher, the better."

"Maybe that's why you're such a natural with the gear," said Erwin. "You were always meant to fly."

The words, like the embrace, were too intimate, but it was too late to retract them. He ached to rub his face in Levi's hair, or pull him onto his lap, or-

His eyes flew open as he remembered himself.

"This is a nice place to escape," he said, latching onto conversation to steady himself. "I tend to immerse myself in the city when I need a break. Hide away in plain sight. This feels more peaceful."

"Always wondered where you went," said Levi. "Lover in the city?"

"No, I have a small room near the market district, and it's a place of solitude. I'm not interested in love, not anymore." He forced the words out even though they hurt to say, here with warm shoulders beneath his arm, in this dizzying cloud of lemon scent.

There was a long pause; he lifted his head. Levi stared at the horizon, so still that he could have been carved from stone. Only the clouds of breath leaving his nose showed he was still alive.

Erwin had suspected for awhile now that Levi was developing feelings for him, but until tonight, he had written off the signs as his own wishful thinking. Maybe it still was - maybe the chemistry between them tonight was all in his head - but he couldn't take that chance. Levi was more valuable to humanity's fight than any single soldier, and Erwin would not become his weakness.

He cleared his throat. "Love is a luxury I can no longer have. I swore long ago to dedicate my life to titans. I lost sight of that once, and it cost my partner everything. It can never happen again: I must stay focused. Besides, it would be irresponsible to allow anyone to form a bond with me. I could die at any moment."

"So could anyone." A muscle in Levi's jaw twitched. "People bond during hard times. It's part of being human."

"Then maybe I do have to leave my humanity behind, at least in that respect."

"You do what you fucking want." Levi stood. "I'm going to bed."

Surprised by the abrupt mood change, Erwin looked up at him, brows raised, but the man was already moving across the rooftop toward the stable. "Levi."

The man turned, shoulders squared and chin high, the breeze ruffling his uniform, cravat and hair. Taken aback by the unexpectedly statuesque pose, Erwin only managed to say, "Good luck tomorrow."

Levi stared at him for a moment longer, then turned and leapt toward the stable roof, disappearing from view.

Erwin watched for a moment longer.  _It needed to be said._

Now the mountains and the empty sky, so accepting earlier, were judging him: he was small, naive, worthless. His trembling hands raked into his hair in an attempt to steady himself, but Levi's scent was still on his sleeve.

With a low sigh, he stood and began to climb down the roof. If he was going to wrestle with his own confusion, he might as well do it in the warmth of his bed.

.*.*.*.

Erwin's horse veered right. For a moment, he thought the titan's maws had missed him, but his cloak tightened around his throat so hard that it jerked him backwards. Stars swam before his eyes.  _Not again._

His body was hoisted into the air. His legs kicked as he fought for breath. He wrenched his body to the side, trying to twist around to face the attacking titan, but the fabric around his neck was too restrictive.

He heard a howl to his right, and his eyes jerked to the source.

This time it was Levi, not Henrik, who galloped toward him at full speed. The man's teeth were bared, brows low, tears streaming from his eyes. With an inhuman howl, he launched himself forward. A cable buried into the flesh somewhere above Erwin's head.

 _No, no, not again!_ Erwin writhed, desperately fighting to free himself. Above him, he heard the sound of a blade hitting bone. Titan blood spattered across his face. The teeth opened, and, freed, he dropped to the ground. He rolled onto his back, gasping for air.

That was when he saw Levi between the beast's jaws, the massive teeth framing either side of his head. Silver-blue eyes, wide and panicked, locked onto him.

"Erwi-" The cry ended in a piercing shriek.

Massive teeth closed, and blood misted upon Erwin like rain.

.*.*.*.

"Levi!"

He sat bolt upright, frantically reaching for his blades, but only found blankets. Eyes darting around the room, he saw the familiar shape of the window, the familiar patch of moonlight highlighting his wardrobe. Just a dream. He wiped the sweat off his forehead, his hand trembling.

The nightmare's grip was beginning to fade, but now memories were rushing in to take its place. He could smell rotting flesh and burning hair, see Henrik's hand jutting from the flames, clawed by rigor mortis, as if he were still reaching for Erwin, still pleading for rescue.

_You won't have to relive any of it. You pushed Levi away. That will never happen to him, not because of you._

One last time, he lifted his wrist to his nose and breathed in, but Levi's scent had already faded.


	3. Expedition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for the encouragement and kind words so far! I was shy about posting this, so you make me feel brave! I'll try to update pretty frequently. :) Also, apologies to those of you who despise the spelling "Hange" - I prefer "Hanji," too, but I'm trying to stick to the Kodansha naming conventions for the sake of consistency. Otherwise I might accidentally jump back and forth between spellings or terms. :P 
> 
> Also, apologies to those just looking for smut -- there's a bit of plot to get through before they start bangin'.
> 
> Anyway, enough rambling. Here's Chapter 3.

**-3-**

**Expedition**  

Levi sat upright, ears straining so hard he could hear them ring. Had he overheard Erwin call his name next door, or had he dreamed it? It had sounded panicked, as if it were part of another nightmare.

He glanced at the window. A bit of warmth was already creeping into the night sky; it was probably about an hour before reveille. Normally, he would head to the men's bath and get ready for his day, but that might mean running into Erwin again, and Levi was still angry and embarrassed about the rejection-that-wasn't-quite-a-rejection on the rooftop. Still, the idea of starting the day without a bath felt wrong, and he might as well get a relaxing clean in now, because the communal bath that night was bound to be depressing. Post-expedition baths always were: blood and sweat and grown men struggling to hide their tears. With a soft sigh, he stood and, careful not to wake his bunkmates, grabbed his bucket of bath supplies.

Unlike the previous morning, the baths were empty, and Levi was annoyed to discover that he was disappointed Erwin wasn't there. Even more annoying was the persistent bulge between his legs, the result of a couple days of neglect. He might as well have a quick jerk now, since the expedition was bound to sap his libido.

He stepped into a stall, careful not to let any part of his body touch the germ-coated walls. He tried his best not to think of Erwin, but the further along he got, the more his resolve faded. Soon he was picturing Erwin splayed across his desk, frantically tugging at himself, cheeks flushed, panting Levi's name-

There wasn't even time for the imaginary scenario to progress: he went under, a grunt escaping his clenched teeth before he could stop it.

Slowly, he came back to himself, to the toilet stall and the mess in his cupped palm. Shame seeped through him. Soon, he would have his own room, and he could have a more hygienic setting for his private time - though so long as he kept picturing Erwin in compromising positions, he doubted a clean environment would make him feel any less dirty.

Once he had wiped up, he plunged into the freezing bath water and dunked his head. His eyes closed and bubbles trailed slowly from his lips as he cherished a moment of stillness underwater.

Then it was time for his cleaning ritual to begin. After he had washed himself from head to toe, he left the bath, skin red and tingling. He combed his hair and patted himself down with deodorant powder, then returned to his room. His bunkmates were just starting to awaken, bleary-eyed and messy-haired. His nose wrinkled. Soon, he would be living in his private room, where he wouldn't have to deal with their snoring, night farts and random odours.

Turning to face the wall, he dressed in a clean winter uniform, carefully tucking his cravat under the fur collar. He retrieved his 3D manoeuvre gear case from under his bed. The gear was only a contingency plan for this expedition, but he was glad to have the excuse to wear it. He had worn it so frequently before he joined the Survey Corps that he still felt naked without it.

 _You were always meant to fly,_  said Erwin's voice in his mind, and he let out a huff, irritated that the man was still haunting his thoughts.

"You okay, Levi?" asked a bunkmate.

"We're about to head past the wall. What the fuck do you think?" He hoisted the case off the ground and lugged it from the room. He'd gear up in his new room, where he could fuss with the straps without disruption.

First, though, he needed some food. The mess hall was still empty, so he had a nice quiet meal to himself, washing it down with a cup of black tea. Others began to trickle in, grim expressions on their faces. There was none of the usual chatter and ruckus, and oddly, Levi found himself missing it. Silence was peaceful when he was alone, but among a big group, it was unnerving. He quickly finished his meal and stood to leave.

He was just about to exit the hall when Erwin stepped through the doorway, nearly colliding with him.

For a moment, their gaze held.

With an abrupt sigh, Levi began to move past, but a firm hand gripped his shoulder. He stopped, but didn't look up.

"Are we still having that post-expedition drink tonight?" asked Erwin.

Levi's jaw clenched. "Yeah, sure."

The hand didn't drop. He finally looked up and saw a crack in Erwin's neutral façade: a crease by one eyebrow. He couldn't decipher what it meant, but it looked like concern.  _Is he worried about me? Maybe he really was yelling my name in his sleep._

"Sounded like you were having nightmares again," he said, fishing for information.

The crease deepened. "Stay safe today, Levi." Erwin's hand gave a squeeze before withdrawing, and he continued on his way to the food service line. Levi ducked his head and left the hall, cursing his racing pulse.

.*.*.*.

As the troops gathered outside the stables, Levi mounted his horse, scratching her behind the ears. Survey Corps horses were worth a small fortune: they were strong, fast and almost impossible to spook. In his early days here, he had considered stealing one and selling it on the underground market, then living like a king for the rest of his days. The thought seemed infantile now that he knew how precariously humanity clung to survival. If he had gotten rich and sat around on his ass for the rest of his life, he would have been no better than the upper class he had always hated.

So much had changed since then. Back then, he had wanted to put Erwin down, thinking him another symbol of oppression, when in reality, the man had given him more freedom than he ever imagined. Not many people got to see the land outside the walls, and now that Wall Maria had fallen, even seeing the land outside Wall Rose was a rare privilege.

He heard a whoop behind him. Turning, he saw Hange on foot, bouncing up and down like a little kid, getting in the way of everyone who was trying to saddle up their horses. With a sigh, he rode closer.

"You all right?"

"Good morning, Squad Leader," said Hange. "What a beautiful day for a ride."

He dismounted. "You're excited?"

"Of course!"

"You're insane. Where's your fucking horse?"

"Back by the stables."

"Well, saddle it up bring it over, shitgoggles. You're going to hold up the entire expedition."

Hange looked surprised. "Shitgoggles?"

He looped a finger under the bridge of Hange's prescription goggles and pulled, letting them snap back into place.

"Ow!"

"Your file said you lacked discipline, but I vouched for you anyway. Don't make me regret it."

"I'll be in position in a moment." Hange hurried away, adjusting the goggles back into place.

Levi, meanwhile, approached the wagons. His squad was assembling, so he pulled a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket and did a quick roll call. There were several new recruits on his squad; some of them looked terrified, but others, chatting quietly between themselves, seemed oblivious to the danger they were about to face.

Luckily, he wouldn't have to micromanage them. Two Team Leaders had been assigned under him, a man and woman, Dita and Ameli. He conferred with the two of them, making sure they understood their positions and had enough cartridges for their flare guns. They called him "sir" and treated him with so much respect that he felt like a fraud. He had climbed the ranks so quickly that he had outpaced both of them; if anything, he should be deferring to them, not the other way around.

In his periphery, he saw Hange approach the other squad and begin the roll call. It looked as if everything was going to depart on time.

Sure enough, the tower bells rang right on schedule. The squads slowly left the base, filing through the front gates.

The path to the wall brought them through the town, and as usual, several townsfolk had gotten up early to see them off. Levi tried not to make eye contact with any of them. Seeing either hope or skepticism in their eyes would add extra pressure onto him, and he didn't need any more; his muscles were already tense, his stomach humming with adrenaline. As a Team Leader during the last expedition, he had failed to protect his team. He couldn't do the same now that he was a Squad Leader, with even more people looking up to him.

They filtered through outer gate, falling into formation on the other side. A strange, familiar sensation rippled through Levi: he was an outsider. The air outside the wall was the same air they breathed inside it, but it smelled more pure. The plant life was identical, but it seemed foreign and surreal. This was his third time on a major expedition, and, thanks to small scouting missions, his ninth time outside the wall, but he still felt as if he had no right to be here.

"This is creepy," whimpered one of the new recruits. "It feels wrong." A couple others murmured their agreement.

Levi turned to them. "Stop making yourselves nervous for no reason, idiots. This was our land until a year ago."

Their heads bowed. Levi turned away and tried to take his own advice.

The morning air was still chilly enough to see his breath, but it was a clear day, so the sun would warm them up soon enough. A thin layer of frost coated the ground, restricting them, at first, to a slow pace - the horses were sure-footed and stable, but there was no reason to take any risks so soon. Gradually, the frost melted, and their pace increased.

Levi's eyes wandered across the formation. Far at the head of the group, he could see Erwin's hair, golden in the sun. He rode next to Anke, ready to act as her tactician. Knowing that Erwin was partly in command helped the butterflies fade from Levi's stomach. There was no one else he trusted to keep them safe.

An hour passed, then two, and his mood shifted from relaxation, to boredom, to apprehension. A crisp layer of snow coated the ground here, and the crunching of the horse's hooves was the only sound around them. No birds, no breeze, no clouds. Levi felt as though he were travelling in a tomb.

Then, at last, Anke shot a single white flare into the air: they were nearing their objective. Ahead of them, Levi could see a large silo, flanked by a cluster of trees. He took a deep breath and held it for several seconds, preparing himself to execute their mission.

As they approached the silo, the formation fanned out, forming a defensive perimeter, while Levi and Hange led the wagons to their target. Levi scanned the perimeter. Everyone faced away from them, sitting tense and upright, clouds of breath puffing from their faces. It was like being surrounded by a fence of breathing statues, and he swallowed hard. Being fenced in made him nervous, even by allies.

"Okay, let's get this shit over with." He motioned at Ameli's team, who dismounted and began to inspect the silo's locked door.

Hange moved in next to Levi, voice low: "The troops should be concentrated near the trees in case of an ambush. We can easily see titans coming on the flat land, but not from the forest."

"You'll have to take that up with Erwin." Levi watched with anticipation as Ameli wrestled with the lock; the woman turned back to him and shook her head, and he sighed.

"Here." He handed his reins to Hange and dismounted. "What's the hold up?" he asked as he approached the door.

"Lock's rusted shut," said Ameli. "We can't get it open. Should we try to ram down the door?"

"Let's try a few things first." He bent to examine the lock, then reached into his boot and pulled out a small knife. The blade slid into the door jam and he experimentally wiggled the latch. In his experience, the military often cheaped out on bunker security; that was how he and his old friends had so easily stolen 3D manoeuvre gear back in the day, and how they consistently had access to the gas required to keep it moving. This lock, however, had a metal flap protecting the latch, so he couldn't get a good angle on it.

"Shit." He stepped back to examine the silo. Metal, a good twenty metres tall, no windows. Two cannon nozzles jutted over the very top: an anchor point for gear. Maybe there was a hatch on the roof.

"Everything all right?" asked Erwin's voice behind him. He turned to see the Captain sitting atop a white horse, the sun framing his head like a halo.  _No one has any business looking that fucking regal._

"Lock's rusted."

"Can you break in, Levi?"

Only Erwin would see his thug days as an asset rather than a liability, and Levi felt badly about letting him down. "Not without the proper tools. They've got it locked up tight." He studied the roof. "Think there's a hatch on top?"

"Maybe. Go ahead and check. If that doesn't pan out, we can always ram the door down."

Levi stepped back and engaged his gear, anchoring a cable to a cannon.

"Wait." Erwin dismounted and moved in close, leaning down until his mouth was by Levi's ear. "While you're up there, check our surroundings for titans. If you see any, and they've noticed us, follow standard procedure with a red flare. If they haven't, then wave instead to get my attention, and point in the direction. If it's all clear, fire a green flare."

Levi studied him for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on, but he couldn't find a single hint on the man's face. "What aren't you telling me?"

After a long pause, Erwin said, "Mike smells titans."

"Fuck."

"Our scouts in the trees can't get a clear line of sight. Maybe you can."

"Sure." Levi turned his attention back to the roof and pulled the trigger. The gear's mechanisms kicked into action, reeling him in, a blast of gas propelling him toward the roof. He landed on the rooftop, his boots giving a soft thud on the metallic surface. There was a hatch in the centre of the roof, a padlock holding it shut.

Even though he had direct orders, he didn't want to look for titans. He hadn't set eyes on them since the expedition that had wiped out his team, and he was afraid of how he would react, seeing them for the first time since the traumatic event. He had seen hardened soldiers sob and scream in the same situation, seen them wet themselves with fear.

Slowly, reluctantly, he raised his head.

The titans were everywhere except the forest: north, east, south. None of them seemed to have noticed the soldiers; they were too far away, shuffling aimlessly around like drunks. From this distance, they seemed small and stupid. Levi was surprised to find himself feeling not fear, but revulsion.

 _We're smarter than them_ , he thought.  _There's no reason we can't wipe them out._

But not today. This wasn't the right place to make their stand.

He lifted his arm to signal Erwin, who echoed the gesture. Levi pointed north, east and south, then drew a path between the points, signalling that they were nearly surrounded. There was a long pause, then Erwin waved back and leaned in to speak with Anke.

The titans were their problem now. Levi focused on his next task: the hatch. He crouched over top of it. The lock here was rusted, too, but so was the latch, and it looked fragile. He jammed his knife beneath it and gave an expert twist. The entire latch snapped off.  _What a piece of shit._ There was that military cheapness he had been expecting earlier.

Leaving a cable affixed to the cannon, Levi lowered himself into the silo, using the gas to control his descent. As he neared the ground, he pulled out a small white flare and held it out. The room was nearly empty. In the corner, he could see a dozen or so boxes of cannon rounds: mostly pomegrenades, a few grapeshots. A handful of rations boxes sat in another corner, along with two gas tanks, a small team's supply of blades, and some unfamiliar red boxes stamped with the royal seal.

Levi's eyes narrowed. Erwin had been talking about this silo as if its supplies would greatly benefit them. Was this tiny cache really worth risking their lives?

His feet touched the ground and, leaving his cable attached to the roof, he walked over to the door. The interior lock was still in good shape, so he gave a bolt an experimental twist.

The door creaked open, revealing a surprised Ameli and her team.

He disengaged his gear and retracted the cable, stepping into the light. "Fill the carts," he said, "but be quick and quiet."

"Everything all right?" asked Hange.

"I need to talk to the assholes in charge. Make sure these idiots are careful - there are live cannon rounds in there." A single pomegrenade could blow open a titan's neck; he didn't want to think what a whole boxful of them could do.

Hands tightening into fists, he marched toward Anke and Erwin. The two dismounted as he approached.

"How many?" asked Anke.

"Lots." Levi glared at them. "There's less than a cart's worth of supplies in there."

She paled. "What do you mean, 'lots'?"

"There's barely enough in that silo to supply me, let alone this whole fucking division."

"Okay, Levi, but the titans-"

"Did you not hear me? We've been set up to fail. Whoever told you two this silo was stocked flat-out lied to you."

She gave an exaggerated groan and clawed her fingers into her crown braid. "For fuck's sake! Erwin, can you please get through to him?"

"Levi," said Erwin quietly. "You and I can discuss the silo's contents later. For now, we need to know more about what we're up against so we can minimize the risks. How many did you see?"

"Twenty, maybe thirty. Too far away to tell their heights, but not big ones. They haven't noticed us yet, but they might if Anke keeps screaming at me."

The two leaders exchanged a long glance.

"Grab the cargo," said Anke. "Then let's get the hell out of here."

When Levi returned to the silo, the carts were almost completely loaded, the sparse supplies divided evenly between them.

"We're almost done," said Hange.

"See what I mean? There's shit all in there," he said.

"We might as well take what's here." Hange leaned closer, voice lowering. "How many?"

"What?"

"Titans."

"Probably thirty."

Hange grinned. "Thirty! What did they look like?"

"What do you think? Naked, big, dumb expressions. Hopefully we don't see any of them close up." He folded his arms over his chest, watching the new recruits bring in the boxes of cannon ammo, and sighed. They had stacked four boxes on top of each another and were handling them as if they contained potatoes instead of live rounds. "Hey, one at a time with those boxes."

"So do you think these titans-" began Hange, but one of the recruits yelled, "Watch out!" followed by, "Shit!"

Levi's eyes locked onto them.

The top box of pomegrenades was falling toward the ground.

Instinctively, he shielded his head and spun on his heel, trying to distance himself from them, but there wasn't enough time. He saw a flash, heard a bang so loud that his head rang. The ground disappeared beneath his feet, and he felt himself twisting in the air.

Then he was lying on his back, and red flares were firing in every direction above him, and then everything faded.

.*.*.*.

Erwin stared at the site of the explosion. The smoke and dust began to settle, revealing an overturned cart and a smoking pit. Soldiers ran back and forth, mounting horses, moving the remaining carts.  _Levi. Where is Levi?_

"Erwin," barked Anke, pointing up.

Red flares fired in every direction above them, and he cursed under his breath. The sound of the explosion had attracted the titans. He gauged the sky, looking for the direction with the least traffic.

"Southeast," he said a split second later.

Anke lifted her gun and fired a green canister southeast. "Let's move."

He was about to follow, but as he glanced at the explosion site, he saw team members frantically pulling the wounded onto the carts, scrambling to finish before the charging titans reached them. A few soldiers used the cannons atop the silo as grappling points, launching themselves in the air to take out the approaching enemies. There was still no sign of Levi.

"Erwin," yelled Anke, turning back to look at him. "Come on. Move it!"

He narrowed his eyes and circled back toward the silo instead. Keeping a good distance between himself and the titans, he galloped past the explosion site and scanned the rubble for Levi. The last cart was just pulling away, and there was no sign they had left anyone behind. With a low sigh of relief, he rode ahead, catching up to Anke.

The Commander glared at him. "Erwin, what the hell was that?"

"Just checking for survivors," he said, yelling to be heard over the hoof beats.

Her brows dropped. "Really? This is the time you choose to lose your head? It's fucking Henrik all over again."

Heat crept onto his cheeks, but he kept his focus on the horizon.

Red flares went up from their right flank: titans were approaching.

"Shit!" Anke shot a green flare to the east, directing their course away from the titans. "Shit. This isn't good."

"Just keep riding," he said. "Trust in the formation. This is no different than when you were Captain." His eyes ticked north, east and south, over and over, his mind alert.

More red flares went off to their right, a single black flare among them.

"Abnormal incoming," he said.

"Acknowledged." Anke's knuckles were white on the reins.

Another black flare, closer. Now Erwin could see the group of titans: two normal, one abnormal, seven-metre class. Several scouts were in pursuit. The two normal titans dropped, but the abnormal was cutting through the line, too swift for them to land an anchor point. It beelined for the head of the formation.

He readied his gear. "It's cutting through our defenses. We'll have to fight."

"Too dangerous on flat ground," yelled Anke. "Continue the retreat."

"We can't outrun this one. It's thirty metres away. Twenty-five. Twenty." He stood in his stirrups, jaw set, finger poised over the trigger.

One of the scouts landed a grapple on the abnormal's neck. She launched herself at it and swung low. The titan swiped at her, but she arced out of the way, narrowly avoiding its hand. Her blades sliced into the titan's knee.

The titan stumbled and fell, and for a moment, it looked as if the problem was solved. Then its hand lashed out, catching the rump of the Commander's horse. Anke and her horse rolled to the ground, and the titan crawled after them.

Erwin vaulted off his horse. Now that the titan was prone, he easily sank a grapple into its head. Twisting mid-air, he used his momentum to curve around the back of its neck. His blades dug deep into the flesh at its nape.

The titan fell slack, and its body began to dissolve into vapour.

"Anke!" Erwin pushed through the wall of steam, searching for the Commander. He found her lying a few feet in front of the titan in a pool of blood. One leg was severed at the knee.

"Shit." He sprinted back to his horse and pulled a first aid kit out of his saddlebag, then returned to her side.

"Oh fuck, it hurts so much," she whimpered.

"I know," he said, even though he didn't. "Stay with me." He jerked her tattered pants up her thigh, looping a tourniquet above her knee. His hands were so slippery with blood that it took a few tries to wind it tightly. A few soldiers slowed as they passed by, but seeing none of them were medics, he waved them on.

"I'm not going to make it," she said. "I'm losing too much blood."

"The tourniquet's on now. You'll be fine." In the corner of his eye, he could see a new group of titans approaching, three five-metre classes. Where was their right flank? Had they all been wiped out, or had everyone moved ahead without them?

"Erwin," said Anke. "Leave me."

Ignoring her, he hoisted her over his back, struggling to mount his horse. By the time he got her settled in place behind him, the titans were closing in. He gave the horse a small kick and leaned forward, urging it to gallop as fast as it could.

"I'm slowing you down," said Anke. "Let me go."

Her grip around his waist was loosening. He grabbed her wrist, locking her in place. She was shaking, and her skin was cold. Behind them, he could hear the titans' thudding footsteps over the hoof beats.  _They're closing in._

"Erwin, listen to me," she said, the words interrupted by gasping breaths at uneven cadences. "I'm fading. We don't both need to die."

His throat tightened.

She thrust her free hand into his view. Her Commander's pendant was in her palm, smeared with blood.

"Anke, don't do this," he said.

"Take it and let me go."

He gritted his teeth and leaned further forward. There was still a chance they could outrun the titans and get her to a medic.

"That was an order, Captain," she said.

He swallowed hard and released her captive arm, accepting the pendant. "Everyone will know about your bravery, Anke."

"That's what I like to hear." She gave him a quick hug. "Make humanity proud, Commander Smith."

He heard the sound of her gear engaging, and then she pulled away. He looked back to watch her arc toward the first titan, grappling its shoulder. Even with only one leg, with only one direction at her disposal, she still managed to land on its back and drop it. With a blood-curdling scream, she launched at the next titan.

She didn't make it. The titans descended on her, and Erwin turned away.

Now that his horse was carrying a lighter load, it effortlessly caught up to the group. He kept it running hard, aiming to find his place among the vanguard. Dozens of sets of frightened eyes locked onto him as he passed, but he set his jaw, gaze fixed forward.

When he had finally reclaimed his position at the head of the formation, he remembered the pendant. He had been gripping the reins tightly with the same hand; the shape of the pendant was indented in his palm like a brand. Not bothering to wipe off the blood, he draped it around his neck.

"Erwin." Mike's voice, to his left. Erwin turned to see the Squad Leader riding beside him, eyes wide.

"Get back in formation, Mike."

"Is she gone?"

Erwin paused to steady his nerves before answering, but he was surprised to find there were no nerves to steady. He felt nothing. Anke, passionate, bossy Anke, who he had known since she was a freckle-faced girl of twelve, had given her life for him, and he felt nothing.

"Erwin, answer me!" said Mike.

"Get back in formation." Loosing his flare gun from his belt, Erwin lifted his arm high and shot a green flare due south.

They rode hard for another quarter hour with no further sign of titans. Erwin slowed their pace to give the horses a break, but without the racing hoof beats and rushing wind in his ears, he could hear the wails and moans of the injured and the bereaved. He tried to ignore them, focusing on the speech he would give as they rallied outside the gates. So long as he kept himself executing a plan, he wouldn't have to consider his emotions - or rather, his startling lack of them.

Once the walls were in sight, he fired a white flare into the air, a signal for everyone to stop and assemble. The formation condensed into rows, the horses halting. Erwin studied the soldiers. Ashen, dirty faces, blood-stained clothes, stunned silence. At least there seemed to be a large number of survivors - that was good news. He scanned the crowd for Levi, but the rear guard was so densely packed that he could only see a sea of faces.

 _Focus_ , he told himself. He could be Levi's friend later; right now, he needed to be his Commander.

He sat tall in the saddle.

"Commander Anke is dead," he announced. "She died a hero, taking down pursuing titans even with a grave injury. She dedicated every last drop of her life to the pursuit of freedom, and her memory will be our inspiration." He gave a strong salute, his fists thudding into his body. "Commander Anke, we salute you!"

The soldiers saluted, the collective thump so loud that it reverberated through Erwin's bones.

"As we enter the gates, hold your heads high." His fists, still in the salute, were so tight that his knuckles ached. "Today, we have seen hell and come through the other side. We have lost a leader, and many of you have lost friends, but you made it through. Today, you proved that you are humanity's finest soldiers, and we shall rally stronger than before."

The soldiers roared. Turning, he began to lead them toward the gate. The bells rang, sounding their arrival.

A crowd gathered inside the gate, most of them obviously looking for loved ones among the returning soldiers. Erwin dismounted and held his chin high, not making eye contact with anyone as he lead his horse through the street. His numbness was his armour, and he didn't want anyone to pierce it. There were still a few more tasks he had to get through tonight: the Squad Leaders would give their casualty report, and he would have to submit the paperwork. That was something he had never done before, and he wondered if he, as interim Commander, had any right to do it. As soon as they arrived at the base, he would send a messenger to the Capital to advise his superiors of the situation. Maybe they could send an advisor out to help him.

Once all the necessary bureaucracy was taken care of, he was going to take a nice long bath, then have that drink with Levi and put all this horror out of his mind.

He left his horse with one of the new recruits, giving it an affectionate pat on the neck. He wouldn't have made it through without that horse, and he hoped it would be given the finest feed as a reward.

"Squad Leaders," he called, "report to my office. I'll be there shortly to join you." He pulled one of the Team Leaders aside and gave them instructions to hire a messenger in the city. The sooner they got word out, the sooner he would know what steps needed to be taken next.

When he arrived in his office to meet the Squad Leaders, he stopped in the doorway, staring.

Squad Leaders Mike and Berit stood at attention, but Team Leaders Dita and Eld stood beside them. There was no sign of Levi or Hange.

Erwin's breath froze. He had never considered that Levi might have died on the field. The man's skill and speed were so great that he seemed invincible.

Four pairs of eyes locked expectantly onto him, but he didn't want to acknowledge them. He wanted to stay here, in this moment before his fears were confirmed, where there was still hope. His numbness finally began to drain from him, leaving black spots swimming in his eyes, fear settling in his stomach like a boulder of ice.

"Erwin?" asked Mike hesitantly, the way one would speak to a person on the verge of a breakdown.

"Where are Squad Leaders Levi and Hange?" demanded Erwin.

"They didn't make it out, sir," said Eld.

"What do you mean?"

Eld and Dita exchanged a glance, and the latter stepped forward, clearing his throat. "They didn't make it out. They were at the centre of the blast, near the flank that was taken out by the titans. We recovered some bodies, but there was no sign of either of them. We presume they were eaten."

 _Impossible._  Erwin's head spun.  _They're skilled soldiers. They must have taken refuge, then lagged behind on the ride home. They'll arrive at the gates in the next hour or two._ He clenched his trembling hands into fists, saying nothing.

Now all four personnel exchanged glances.

"Erwin?" asked Mike. "Are you okay to do this right now?"

"Yes. Let's get started." Somehow, he found his way to his seat without sinking to the floor. He pulled out a sheet of paper, a pen, and an ink pot, then opened the next-of-kin file that sat on his desk. How carelessly he had set it out the night before; how far away death had seemed then.

The memory of lemon scent floated through his mind, but he shoved it under. He could break down later, if he needed to. Right now, he had work to do.

"You first, Berit," he murmured.

"Sir." The woman stepped forward and saluted. "Nine casualties in my squad, three bodies recovered." She began to list off names.

Erwin tried to note them down, but his hand was shaking so badly that his words were illegible. His vision began to blur. He cursed softly to himself, furious that his body would betray him.

"Here," said Mike quietly, taking the pen from his hand. "I'll take notes. You dictate the next of kin."

Clearing a knot from his throat, Erwin said, "Thank you."

They went through all the casualties one at a time, and even though the number was, as he had suspected, low for an expedition of this size, that was no longer a consolation. Erwin read the next-of-kin document mechanically, barely paying attention to the syllables. His ears were straining for the sound of bells, for the announcement that more Survey Corps members had arrived safely within the walls.

"And finally," said Dita, voice cracking, "Levi, last name unknown."

 _He isn't dead. He isn't dead! He isn't-_ Erwin drew in a deep breath and held it, then slowly let it out.

"Commander?"

"One moment." His finger found Levi's name and slid across it, feeling the indentation from the man's heavy hand. "Next of kin, Erwin Sm..." His voice died before he could finish pronouncing his own name. He stared at it, certain he must have misread.

A long, heavy silence filled the room.

"I suppose," said Mike, "you were the closest thing he had to a living friend."

 _Has_ , thought Erwin.  _The closest thing he_ _has_ _to a living friend._

He cleared his throat again. "Is that everyone, Dita?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then there's only one more person to note: Commander Anke Roth. Next of kin, a sister, Sara Roth, Stohess District." Standing, he added, "Everyone is dismissed."

Most of them seemed eager to leave, but Mike lingered. "Erwin, about Anke-"

"We'll talk later."

"No, listen-"

Erwin stood. "Dismissed, Mike."

The man's lip curled, but he turned and left the room, the door closing hard behind him.

Erwin paced toward the window and sagged against it, letting his forehead fall against the cool glass. Any moment now, Levi and Hange would ride into the yard, maybe with a few other soldiers in tow. They would share drinks as Levi recounted a wild story about their escape, and tomorrow, their lives would return to normal.

He had to be right. There was no other option. Beneath his numbness, beneath his denial, a dangerous pressure was beginning to build, and he wasn't sure what would happen if it erupted.

.*.*.*.

Levi groaned. His head throbbed, his stomach twisted, and he was cold. Something hard and knotted was digging into his back.  _Where the fuck am I?_

He could make out Hange leaning over him, wide eyes magnified by the goggles. "Levi? Can you hear me?" The words rocketed through his skull.

"Not so loud. What happened?" He struggled to sit.

"Easy. I think you have a bad concussion." Hange helped him sit up, and his vision gradually came into focus. They sat on a thick tree branch in the middle of the forest. A group of five titans clawed at the tree trunk below them, all of them three- to seven-metre class.

"What the fuck?" he muttered. Had he ventured into the trees during the expedition? When he tried to recall what had happened, his mind felt sluggish.

"Beautiful specimens, aren't they?" said Hange.

"No, they're fucking hideous." Looking down was making his head throb, and he clutched at his temples.

"Easy," said Hange again. "You've been unconscious for awhile."

"How long?"

"Seven, eight hours."

"What?" He tried to stand, but his legs were too weak. "Why are we up a fucking tree?"

"Titans closed in on us while we were stunned from the explosion. The only safe place to go was up, so I grabbed you and pulled us into the trees. Some of them followed us, so I had to fight." Hange beamed. "Took down five without any assists."

"Five?" His brows rose, impressed, and a flush coloured Hange's cheeks.

"Well, it wasn't so difficult, because these titans are particularly stupid. I think that's why they didn't notice us until they heard the cannon rounds explode."

He tried to remember the explosion that kept coming up, but the impact must have rocked his skull, because his memories were jumbled.

"Are we alone out here?" he asked.

"As far as I can tell. We're about five hundred metres from the horses, if they're still waiting where we left them. I'd call them, but the undergrowth is too thick for them. I'm almost out of water, and I expended all my gas getting you here and then taking down those titans."

"Shit." Levi popped out a gas canister to check his levels: three-quarters full. He shouldn't have wasted so much gas getting into the silo. He closed his eyes, trying to force his uncooperative brain to concentrate. "So if we go for the horses from here and I carry you, how much gas will we need?"

"It doesn't matter." Hange's legs dangled off the branch, heels kicking. "Even assuming the horses are there and we make it to them, we're nearing sunset. We can't run the horses at full speed in the darkness, even if we lit our torches; they would outrun the torchlight. All we'd be doing is lighting ourselves up as defenseless targets."

Frustration welled within Levi. "So, what, we're stuck here until morning?"

"Yes."

"Fuck." Levi drummed his heels against the branch as he peered down at the titans. The light around them was orange and dimming. Soon, the temperature was going to drop even more. He didn't want to think about how cold it was going to get. The Survey Corps winter uniforms were made to withstand reasonably cool weather, but expeditions usually halted during the coldest part of the season, so they might not stand up well in freezing temperatures.

 _If there are other soldiers out here, maybe we can all huddle together to stay warm._ "Are we alone out here?" he asked.

Hange was quiet for a moment. "You already asked that. Here, let me have a look at your eyes." A hand gripped his jaw; he tried to pull away, but the grip was too strong. "Well, at least your pupils are the same size. Hopefully your forgetfulness is just the concussion and not permanent brain damage. But don't sit so close to the edge. You could lose your balance."

"I'm fine." He wasn't. His head swam, and the only thing that kept him from vomiting was dignity. He also had the overpowering urge to fall asleep, but he had already lost seven hours of the day to unconsciousness, and he wasn't about to lose more.

"They're going to think we're fucking dead," he said. "Erwin and Anke are probably sending our death notices to the Capital right now."

"Probably."

"Might as well be dead. What do you think the odds are that we make it back?"

There was no response, and Levi glanced at Hange, who seemed lost in thought. At least if he had been stuck up here with Erwin, this might have been more tolerable: talking to pass the time, clinging to each other for warmth, working together to figure out a way home.

"This didn't need to happen," said Hange suddenly. "We shouldn't have formed a perimeter that thin. It left us vulnerable."

"Erwin said several scouting missions had been here before. There were never any titans."

"That didn't mean there were never going to be any. And here we are."

"Yeah," said Levi. "Here we are." He leaned forward, studying the titans. Their movements were slowing. Maybe they got tired at the end of the day, like animals. He hoped so. If that were the case, they could wait until the titans were asleep, then sneak away undetected.

His frustration began to build. The only thing he hated more than being trapped was waiting, and now he had to deal with both at the same time. He reacted by lashing out. "Why the fuck did you take me into the forest? If you had headed toward the group-"

Hange looked surprised. "We were penned in. I needed to get to high ground."

"At least if you took me to the top of the silo, we could have dropped into it for shelter tonight, instead of being stuck in a fucking tree."

For the first time since they met, he saw a flash of anger behind the goggles. "Like I said, we were penned in. Maybe I could have manoeuvred through the titans to get to the group or to the silo if I were alone, but I was carrying your dead weight."

"So now it's my fault."

Hange looked away. "Your concussion is amplifying your emotions and making you irrational. I'm sure you'll thank me for saving your life once you can think straight again."

Levi felt a wave of shame, but he was too proud to apologize. He closed his eyes, wishing fervently that he was back at the base, having that drink Erwin had promised him. He couldn't even remember the last words they had exchanged. If he had known how things would go, what would he have said? A confession? A playful insult? A thank you?

He recalled the way he had dreaded bumping into Erwin that morning, and that dread seemed foreign now. Maybe love and sex were off the table, but he was okay with being friends, if that was what the man wanted. They had bonded on that rooftop, and that bond was meaningful, no matter what the context.

"You know what, Hange?" he said. "When morning comes, we're going to get to the horses just fine. I don't care how little gas we have, or how hard it is to manoeuvre two people with one set of gear: I'll get us there."

"How can you be sure?" There was a waver to the words, and that uncertainty only gave Levi more resolve.

"Because a good man once told me I was always meant to fly," he said, "and I'm going to prove him right."


	4. Erupt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reviews and comments so far! I was hoping to finish off this particular arc in this chapter, but it ended up running long, so I split it into two chapters instead. I'll try not to take too long with chapter 5. Thank you for reading!

**-4-**

**Erupt**

Erwin drifted through his post-expedition routine in a fog. He was trapped in a strange, surreal dream: the room he undressed in, the water he bathed in, the skin he soaped, none of it was real. The eyes, staring, the soft whispers of his colleagues, all fragments of a dream. He towelled off numb skin, dressed, found his way back to his room, and then lied down, staring at the ceiling.

Always, his ears were strained, carefully listening for the sound of bells.

When a knock sounded at the door, he wondered if it would be good news, or bad news, or none at all. "Come in."

The door opened to reveal Keith Shadis. The sympathy in the ex-Commander's eyes felt out of place; emotions did not belong in this numb dream world.

"I came as fast as I could." Shadis stepped into the room and closed the door. "I'm so sorry to hear about Anke."

Erwin's head rolled along the pillow as his gaze returned to the ceiling. "We lost two Squad Leaders as well. Hange Zoe and Levi." The man's name slid between his lips like burning liquid, left them blistering.

"Shit." Shadis' face fell. He crossed the room to stand by the bed, hands clasped behind his back. "I was already sweetening up the powers that be to lay a path for research funding for Hange. And Levi… Well, reputation of his skill was spreading. The new trainees all know his name. They were calling him Humanity's Strongest. I'm sorry. I know you had high hopes for them."

Erwin sat up. He dug into his pocket and pulled out the Commanders' pendant, then held it out. "Here."

"Keep it. You're next in line. We'll start the paperwork next week."

He hesitated. "My strategy led everyone to their deaths."

"Your survival numbers were higher than usual. You didn't cause deaths: you prevented them." Shadis dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder. "You might want to clean the blood off that thing before you start wearing it."

Erwin's thumb slid across the green gemstone, feeling the crusted texture, the only bit of Anke that remained. He swallowed hard. "I need you to show me the proper paperwork to file-"

"Later. We'll worry about the bureaucracy tomorrow. Take a night to collect yourself."

How could he collect himself when he hadn't yet fallen apart?

Shadis gave him a kind smile and turned to leave, but Erwin, suddenly remembering a question on his mind, caught his arm to stop him. "Keith. Among the supplies we recovered, we found locked red boxes stamped with the royal seal, and very little else of value. Do you know what they are?"

The man's expression was unreadable. "Tax collections. When Wall Maria fell, there wasn't enough time to transport all the wealth back to the King, so the Garrison stored lockboxes inside military silos for safekeeping."

"We risked our lives for that silo. We were led to believe that there were supplies of value in there." Erwin's jaw clenched as he remembered Levi's words:  _someone set us up to fail._

"Sometimes, it's difficult to know how many supplies remain in our caches. There can be looters and-"

"Outside the walls? Besides, the locks were rusted shut; no one has been in them for years." Erwin leaned closer, brows low. "Our informant duped us by exaggerating the supplies in this silo, knowing we'd find the King's gold instead and return it. This was always about money, under the guise of being for the sake of humanity."

His mentor looked uneasy. "That's a bit of a stretch. We have to assume that the information was given in good faith. All branches of the military are working toward the same goal."

 _Are they really?_ "Who provided us with the tip about the silo in the first place? It was someone close to the King, wasn't it?"

Now Shadis looked outright uncomfortable.

"Keith." Erwin gave him a friendly smile. "I won't do anything untoward. If I'm going to command the Survey Corps, I have to know which sources are reliable for accurate information, and clearly this one is either corrupt or being led astray from above."

Shadis sighed. "Very well. Captain Nile Dok of the Military Police."

"Nile?" That was a surprise. Nile had been his dearest friend, once upon a time, and while the man was a bit of a yes-man, he wasn't the type to become corrupt.

"I spoke with him last month. He was going through old files and discovered several stockpiles; this particular silo was the most promising on the list."

"I see." The next time Erwin was in the Capital, he would have to pay his old friend a visit. Perhaps he could take him for drinks, get him talking a bit.

"Erwin."

He looked up to see Shadis looking at him with concern.

"Yes?"

"Don't get obsessed with this, not when you're so raw. Take a night off to grieve. You can't bottle up emotions and expect them to go away. Trust me, I tried. They just end up venting themselves at the wrong times, in unhealthy ways."

Erwin focused on the pendant, using his thumbnail to flake off the dried blood. "With all due respect, Keith, people mourn in different ways. I am no stranger to death. I will be fine."

His mentor's face was drawn, the shadows under his eyes heavy. "I worry about you, son. You push yourself too hard. You're a brilliant mind, and humanity can't afford to have you burn out."

The term 'son' and the words that followed made Erwin's throat tighten, but he swallowed hard to clear it. "If it will put your mind at ease, I'll take the night off."

"Good. Please let me know if you need anything."

Shadis left the room, the door closing behind him.

Erwin finished cleaning the pendant, then put it on. The last thing he wanted right now was to take a night off. Pressure was still building from deep within him, and lying in bed thinking was only going to make it harder to maintain his denial. He considered joining others in the mess hall, but decided he needed to be alone - everyone kept giving him those unnerving sympathetic looks.

The bottle of whiskey was still in his office, waiting for Levi's return. Maybe he would help himself to a taste of it while he waited.

.*.*.*.

Darkness was rapidly descending on Levi and Hange, and the temperature was dropping with it. Levi wrapped his arms tightly around himself, trying not to show that he was shivering. Even worse than the cold, he had to take a piss, but he'd be damned if he was going to piss off a tree branch, especially with Hange sitting right beside him. This whole situation was annoying, and he couldn't wait until morning arrived and they could get the fuck out of there.

It wasn't all bad, at least. He couldn't see the base of the tree in the darkness, but the lack of thuds below them suggested the titans had given up, for now.

"Levi?" said Hange tentatively, as if afraid to flare up his anger. "I had to kill a few titans while you were out. There were some interesting findings."

He chewed the inside of his cheek. "I don't care about your fucking findings."

"Last expedition, I kicked a titan's severed head. It was feather-light. Isn't that odd? They're so massive that one would expect them to be heavy. So this time, I chopped off an arm of one of my victims and tried to move it-"

"I don't care." Nausea welled in Levi's chest, white hot, and this time, he couldn't will his way out of it. He leaned forward and wretched. There was nothing he hated more than losing control of his own body, and when it was finally over, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Disgusting."

Hange moved to sit beside him and peered down. "I bet you hit one of them."

"Good. I hope it landed right in its revolting mouth."

"You okay?"

He glared. "No, shitty four-eyes, I am not fucking okay."

Hange's legs swung, childlike. "It's always shit with you, isn't it? Shit and cleaning. You're the perfect definition of 'anal retentive.'"

"Don't analyze me, or I swear I'll fucking jump into a titan's maw right now."

"Leave me your gas before you jump."

He looked up, surprised, and saw Hange smirking at him.

"Fuck off," he muttered, gathering his knees to his chest. He wanted to fall back into a long silence, but his bladder was going to burst. Wetting himself would be even less dignified than pissing from a tree branch. He cursed to himself and stood. "Turn your back."

"You shouldn't be standing," said Hange with concern. "You might lose your balance."

"Better than pissing myself. Do not turn around, you hear me?" Levi shakily made his way toward the end of the tree branch, stopping before it got too thin. The thick jacket was awkward to push aside, and the cold and lack of light didn't make his task any easier. He hoped he wasn't accidentally urinating on his boots.

Once the disgusting task was complete, he carefully adjusted his uniform into place. His hands felt grimy and unclean, but there was nothing to wash them with unless he sacrificed some of their precious drinking water. Scowling, he returned to his spot and sat.

"Done?" asked Hange.

"Yeah, you can turn around again." He hugged his knees to his chest, shivering. He felt a hand tugging at his fur-lined hood, and he tried to duck away. "What are you doing?"

"Cover your head. You'll stay warmer that way."

"I know that," he muttered, jerking his hood into place. "I was shivering on the streets for years while you were tucked away in your warm little university."

There was a long pause. "I didn't go to university."

"What?" He glanced at Hange, who was staring absently at the ground below them.

"My resume is a lie. My family couldn't afford to send me to university. I spent all my spare time in libraries, teaching myself."

He considered. "Being self-taught is more impressive than having it all force-fed to you, really." Seeing that Hange's mouth was beginning to droop, he added, "You've been watching titans all day, right? You should write down everything you saw. Maybe something you observed will help us learn more about them. You could come out of this a hero."

There was no response except for a tiny smile, but that was enough to make him feel a little better. The two of them didn't know each other well yet, but as stoic as he pretended to be, he hated to see anyone down on themselves.

"It's getting cold," said Hange. "Would you mind if we sat back-to-back? That way, we can share body heat without it being too intimate."

He shrugged and turned his back, and Hange mirrored the motion. After a few minutes, he could feel heat building between them, and his shivering began to subside. Body heat in the cold reminded him of the rooftop again, and his teeth clenched.  _Can't you go two fucking minutes without thinking about Erwin?_

He apparently wasn't the only one whose thoughts were back at the base. "What do you think the others are doing right now?" It was strange to hear an even tone coming from Hange; maybe that seemingly unlimited energy had a limit after all.

"Mike's drinking," he said. "Anke's doing paperwork. And Erwin..." He trailed off. "They all think we're dead, don't they?" Was Erwin mourning? It was difficult to picture the man showing any emotions. The grief he had shown over the framed drawing the week before was the first time Levi had seen any sadness on his face.  _How upset is he? Was I important to him, or just a project?_

"You and Erwin," said Hange, as if it were the beginning of the sentence.

His muscles tensed. "Yeah?"

"I always wondered what you did to convince him to bring you into the Corps."

Levi shrugged. "I tried to go toe-to-toe with him, and almost got the better of him. He liked my skills and my attitude."

"That's it?"

"Look, if you're going to ask me what goes on in Erwin Smith's head, I can't answer you, because I have no fucking idea." He wished he knew. Maybe that was part of the reason this stupid crush had gotten out of control; he had always been drawn to a challenge. Erwin was more than a challenge. He was an impossibility.

Hange paused, then said softly, "I thought there might be more to it than that."

Panic fluttered in his chest, but he scoffed and said coolly, "Why would you think that?"

"Well, you've mentioned his name about five or six times since you woke up. And the way the two of you interact, like back at the silo, or when you were interviewing me - it's as if half the words don't get spoken aloud."

"We work together a lot."

Hange twisted to look back at him. "I saw the two of you on the rooftop last night."

His eyes narrowed. "What?"

"You seemed pretty upset, and we've got some time, so I thought you might like to talk through it."

"What the hell? You were spying on us?" He reached behind him to smack Hange's head.

"Ow! Not spying. I'm a scientist. I observe."

"I'm not a fucking test subject." He reached back for another smack, but this time, Hange ducked out of the way.

"Stop hitting me. I'm just making an effort to be your friend."

"Spying is a shitty thing to do." Levi rested his chin on his knees, brows low. "You want to be my friend? Don't fucking spy on me."

There was a long silence, and Hange's back began to quiver against his. He couldn't tell if it was from the cold or tears, but the latter possibility made him feel awful. He gave an exasperated sigh. Maybe it would feel good to get this off his chest.

"Say I do want to talk about it. It all stays between us, right?"

"Of course," said Hange. "I won't tell a single person."

Levi shifted his legs to get more comfortable. Talking about his feelings wasn't something that came naturally to him. Growing up in the gutters meant toughing through problems, not dwelling on them. He took a deep breath.

"So maybe I care about him a bit more than I'd like, yeah. Problem is, he lost someone once, and I think it hurt him more than he lets on. Says he's afraid of losing someone he cares about, or dying and leaving them behind. Or maybe he was just trying to let me down gently."

"No, he's definitely attracted to you," said Hange. "He behaves strangely around you sometimes, like he's afraid to touch you. Except last night, I guess."

Levi's cheeks warmed. "You watch him a lot?"

"I watch everyone a lot. Scientist, remember?"

"Creepy." He chipped at a piece of loose bark with his heel. "I keep wondering how he's reacting right now. Part of me hopes he's crying his fucking eyes out. The other part of me doesn't want him to suffer like that, and hopes he isn't really upset. Both options make me feel like shit."

"Assuming he made it back safely, of course," said Hange off-handedly.

Levi whirled. "Why the fuck would you say that?" He hadn't even considered the possibility that Erwin could have died in the attack. His head began to swim. "Dammit, I have a concussion here. You shouldn't be stressing me out."

"Sorry. I didn't think. I'm sure he's fine."

Levi tightened his arms around his body, shivering hard.

.*.*.*.

Erwin ran a finger around the rim of his glass, eyes fixed on the window. It was nearing ten o'clock, and it was taking considerable effort to maintain his veil of denial. Every passing hour just added to the evidence that Levi wouldn't return. He carefully meted out another small glass of whiskey, making sure to reserve enough for four drinks each for him and Levi. After tonight, he was certain, the man was going to need them.

A knock sounded at the door, and even though he was sure the return would cause an uproar that would have alerted him in advance, his hopes rose. "Come in."

The door swung open to reveal not Levi, but Dita, carrying a box. "Sorry to interrupt, sir, but since you're Levi's next of kin..."

Erwin stared numbly at the box. It was customary to empty the bunks of the deceased on the night of their passing, but Levi wasn't dead, he wasn't dead...

Without leaving his chair, he nodded. "Bring it here please, Dita."

"Sir." The man set the box on the desk, then saluted. "I'm sorry for your loss, sir. He was a good man."

Erwin nodded again. He stared at the box until Dita left the room, and then drained his drink. Careful to save three drinks' worth of whiskey for him and Levi, he poured another glass.

_Levi is going to return. If I open this tonight, it will violate his privacy._

He took in a slow, shaky breath, then slung back the whiskey and stood. He knew, deep down, that Levi wasn't coming back. In all his expeditions with the Corps, he had never seen a soldier return after becoming separated from the main group, at least not after more than an hour or two. Soon, he was going to have to face the fact that Levi was...

Even the word was unthinkable.

He threw open the flaps. The box was nearly empty. He felt a pang of shame when he saw how few possessions Levi had to his name: a few pairs of old pants and shirts, immaculately pressed; some cleaning supplies; a few Survey Corps patches that looked as if they had been torn off old cloaks; a small, worn dog carved of wood. At the bottom of the box, he found a single envelope with "Erwin" written in Levi's heavy, childlike hand.

He pulled out the envelope and set it on the desk, then rifled through the cleaning supplies until he found a bottle of lemon soap. Feeling a bit embarrassed about it, he popped open the lid and breathed in the scent. It wasn't quite the same without Levi's scent underneath it, but it was still so familiar that tears sprang to his eyes.

Abruptly dropping the soap back into the box, he fell into his chair and helped himself to another drink.

_Better hurry back, Levi. There won't be any whiskey left for you, at this rate._

He continued to drink, glancing occasionally out the window. His mind hovered in a neutral mode, concentrating on safe thoughts: the burn of the liquor, the sensation of the glass against his hand.

The town hall clock struck eleven, and Erwin realized the lamp was dimming. He moved to pour more oil into it, almost knocking the lamp over in the process.

Once it was safely refilled, he grabbed the bottle and, bracing his elbow against the table for balance, poured another drink. The last bit of whiskey spilled out of the bottle and into his glass.

With a low sigh, he picked up the envelope Levi had left for him. It took him two tries to slit the wax on the back flap. A letter was inside:

.

_Erwin,_

_I'm no good at these things, so I'll just say thank you. You helped me get my head on straight when it was all mixed up. You were the first and only man I ever respected enough to take orders from. The only man I would ever consider dying for._

_I hope I took a few titans down with me when I went._

_-Levi_

.

Erwin drained his glass, then set the letter down on the desk.

He tried to steady himself, but he felt as if he were eroding from the inside out. Levi hadn't died for him, he had died  _because_ of him. Erwin was the whole reason Levi had joined the Corps, the whole reason the man had stayed around when he could have slipped away. 'Thank you' was not the correct response after all Erwin had put him through.

The erosion was close to the surface. His hands began to shake, and his eyes watered. He stood and tried to focus on small tasks to keep himself together:  _move the empty liquor bottle into the cupboard. Put Levi's belongings neatly in the corner._

As he was moving the box, he stumbled. The lemon soap fell to the ground, and he realized, too late, that he had left the cap loose. Soap began to leak onto the floor. He dropped to his knees, frantically trying to right the bottle and screw the top on, but it was so slippery with soap that he kept dropping it. His breath came in heavy blasts. This was his last link to Levi's scent, his last visceral link to the times they had chatted in close quarters. The soap kept pouring out, draining from the bottle like blood.

A sob erupted from his lips, and he fell to all fours. For the first time since Henrik's death, Erwin began to weep.

.*.*.*.

"When I get back to the base," said Hange drowsily, "I'm going to make them heat the bath, and I'm not coming out until I'm as wrinkled as a raisin. And then I'm going into town and spending my life's savings on good books and mincemeat pies."

Levi grunted his acknowledgement. He was curled in a ball, his forehead resting against his arms, fighting to stay awake.

Hange nudged him with a shoulder. "Don't sleep so soon after a concussion."

"It's bad enough that I have to be stuck up here, but having to stay awake through every moment of it is even worse." He rubbed his face with his mittens, trying to scrub the fog from his mind.

"Keep talking. What are you going to do when you get back?"

Thinking about a nice, warm shelter was the last thing Levi wanted to do, but he heard a note of desperation in Hange's voice. If discussion would help both of them keep sane, then so be it.

"A hot bath would be nice," he said. "I'm going to scrub every inch of filth off my body. Then I'm going to have a bowl of oatmeal heaped with sugar and cream."

"Oatmeal? You can dream up anything, and you choose oatmeal?"

"Shut up. I'll dream up what I want." As a kid living in the streets, he had always dreamed of a hot breakfast, but he didn't owe that explanation to anyone. His head rolled back. Through the branches above him, he could see the clear night sky. The night before, under Erwin's arm, he had marvelled at the beauty of this same sky. Now it seemed empty and cruel.

"What about the Captain?" asked Hange, as if reading his mind.

"What about him?"

"What will you say to him when we get back?"

"I don't know. I guess it depends on how he reacts." He closed his eyes, trying to picture Erwin's reaction to his return, but he had no idea what to expect. It was difficult to imagine emotion on that face. Most likely, he would get a nod, maybe a shoulder squeeze.

A breeze wafted through the branches, carrying the scent of pine needles and snow. Levi shivered and pressed back against Hange.

"What about you?" he asked. "You have a special someone back home?"

There was a long pause. "I'm not interested in romance."

"Married to your work, just like the rest of us sorry bastards?" He pulled his hood further over his face, trying to shield it from the breeze. "I don't get why you're so obsessed with titans, but it's probably a good thing. No one knows a damned thing about them. I know they're quiet down there right now, but I don't know if they're dead or sleeping or what."

"Maybe each night, they go back to their little titan homes and tuck each other into titan beds," said Hange with a hint of mischief. "Papa titan reads baby titan a bedtime story-"

"Please don't do that," he interrupted, grimacing. "Last thing I need is to start putting a human face on those beasts." Killing big, dumb, murderous animals was easy: they were stupid meat sacks with no apparent thoughts of their own. Killing beasts that had communities was a whole different story.

"I was joking." Hange shifted behind him, and when he turned, he saw goggles glinting in the moonlight. "You're softer than I expected. Rumour has it you were quite the dangerous thug a couple years ago."

"Rumour? You mean, Mike?"

"He might have said a thing or two, yeah." Hange's smile glowed in the darkness, giving it a menacing air. "I only ever read about street gangs. Always wondered what they would be like in real life."

He shrugged. "You spend a lot of time hungry, stressed out and dirty. Nothing is ever permanent, not friends or lodgings or even money. You get in lots of fights, though most fights come down to posturing and yelling until one party gets intimidated and backs down, not true violence."

"But you had each other's backs, right?" Hange's hands clasped together. "Bonds thicker than blood, fighting to the death to defend each other's honour-"

"Are you kidding? Everyone was suspicious of everyone all the time. Most of us were together out of necessity, not honour. Although..." He trailed off.

"Although?"

"Sometimes..." He looked down at his mittens, curling and uncurling his fingers. "Sometimes violence is the only way to teach someone their place. Sometimes you do trust a few people, and you end up doing things for them you never thought imaginable." The breeze had been eroding his armour without him realizing it. He felt raw, exposed.

"I took it too far once," he said quietly. "I killed a man. He did something unspeakable to my friend, so I hunted him down. I didn't expect to feel so guilty afterwards. From that point on, I switched my tactics, learning to avoid confrontation instead of seek it. But there's a part of me that wonders..." He trailed off, not quite willing to admit the next words.

Hange had twisted around to lean closer, apparently hanging on to every word. "There's a part of you that liked it, isn't there? And you wonder at your delight in killing titans, if it's exposing a true nature you'd prefer to keep hidden."

His skin crawled. "What if that's what Erwin saw in me when we first met? He saw a psychopath who would delight in making a career of slaughtering things?"

There was a long pause. He felt Hange shift into position again, their backs pressing flat against each other. "Maybe he did. But then maybe he saw himself reflected in you: someone who was willing to go to absolutely any extreme to protect the things they loved."

Levi scoffed. "Killing a man and leading military strategy are two very different things."

"You don't think the two ever coincide?"

"Maybe, but Erwin?" Though the Survey Corps sometimes used violent discipline, he had never seen the man lay a finger on anyone. Not directly, anyway. Sometimes he gave the orders.

Hange's voice lowered. "I hear he used to pull strings for Shadis when it came to stubborn government officials, and no one knows how he did it. Mike thinks it was through blackmail and threats. Maybe even torture."

"Erwin?" The idea was unbelievable, but even if it were true, Levi couldn't decide if it was a deplorable approach or not. How far should a person be willing to go to ensure the survival of humanity?

He recalled that Erwin had mysteriously convinced the higher-ups to allow Levi and his friends into the Survey Corps, bypassing standard procedure. Had all that been through bureaucratic mastery, or had there been some underhanded dealings?

All of this was underscoring one painful fact: he knew almost nothing about Erwin. No one did. Levi's heart pounded.  _I want to be the one he confides in. I want to be the one person he can come to with anything, without fear of judgement._

"Levi?" asked Hange. "You aren't falling asleep back there, are you?"

His eyes flew open. He had begun to drift off, carried away by his thoughts.

"I'm exhausted," he said. "Can't we secure ourselves to the branches and nap until dawn?"

"Your concussion-"

"Fuck my concussion. If I slip into a coma and die, you can take my gas. You'd have a better chance of escaping without me, anyway."

"Okay." Hange stood and began to manually pull cables out of the gears.

Levi glared. "Thanks for agreeing so quickly. Not one protest about my possible death?"

"I'm tired as hell, and we won't be in any condition to go home tomorrow if we're falling asleep on our feet. I genuinely hope you don't die." Using the cable as a grappling hook, Hange secured it to the branch above them, then locked the cable length at her belt. "There. Need me to do yours, too?"

His reflex was to do it himself, but his head was spinning, and after a few seconds of fumbling with the cord, he gave in. "Yeah."

Once they were safely anchored, he curled on his side, shoving his mittens into the opposite sleeves and burying his face in his wrists.

"Hey Hange," he said.

"Yeah?"

"If I never wake up, and you make it back okay, tell Erwin he's an asshole for leaving us out here to die."

Hange peered at him, eyes twinkling. "I'll give him your cravat and tell him your love for him was so powerful that it transcended rank and social class, and thoughts of his visage were what gave you peace during your final moments."

"Cute. He'll never believe any of that came out of my mouth."

"Don't worry, I'll take some time to refine it during the ride back. I'll probably end up throwing in a couple curses and a shit reference or two."

"You've got me all figured out." He closed his eyes, drowsiness settling over him like a warm blanket. "Guess if I want it done right, I'll just have to survive the night and tell him myself."

"Sounds like a good plan." Hange yawned loudly. "Get some sleep. Don't die."

"You too," mumbled Levi, the words trailing off as sleep overcame him.

.*.*.*.

Erwin awoke with his cheek lying in a puddle of thick liquid. At first, he thought it was blood, but then he smelled lemon.  _Levi's soap._

The world tilted and spun around him as he struggled to push himself upright. His mouth was dry, and his stomach was heaving.  _Drank too much._

It took considerable effort to stand. He staggered to his desk and pulled open a drawer to find a clean handkerchief. As he clumsily wiped soap and old tears off his face, his eyes chanced onto Levi's letter, still open on his desk.

_He's not back. He needs help._

His eyes narrowed. His horse was fast, and a single soldier could slip through the night undetected.  _I can be back before dawn._

He staggered to his bedroom. Even drunk, he managed to put on his gear with little effort, having done it so many times before. He grabbed a coin purse and filled it, ready to bribe the Garrison soldiers to let him through the external gate.

His winter jacket was still stained with Anke's blood. His fingers clumsily traced the border of one of the splotches.  _I'm sorry. I won't let the others die._

The severity of his drunkenness didn't hit him until he was working his way down the narrow stairs to the stables; his body lazily ricocheted between the handrails as he descended. He tried to straighten out his trajectory, but his legs had other ideas. _Doesn't matter. Ride will sober me up._

Saddling up his horse was considerably more difficult than putting on his gear. His fingers felt as though they were twice their normal size as he fumbled with the buckles. He was swaying so badly that he had to stop several times to lean against the wall and reorient himself. Paranoid that he had forgotten important steps in his stupor, he triple-checked every buckle. Once he was convinced that everything was ready, he grabbed the horse's bridal and led her through the doors.

A man was standing in the courtyard, hands on his hips. Erwin squinted, but his vision doubled instead of clearing.

"Step aside," he said, and he winced when he heard how badly his voice was slurring. He shouldn't have had so much to drink.

"Erwin, what the fuck are you doing?" asked the man: Mike. His voice was gravelly with fatigue.

Carefully enunciating each word, Erwin replied, "I'm going to the city."

"Why are you wearing your gear?"

With a frown, Erwin began to lead the horse around their obstacle, but the man moved with him, staying in his way.

"Stand down, Mike," he said, trying to ignore the panic building in his stomach –  _keep it together, keep it together_. "That's an order."

"You're not sober enough to pull rank on me." The man folded his arms over his chest, standing tall. "You've been acting crazy ever since we got back."

"I have to leave. They might be alive." He could feel pressure building near the surface now, the last few layers of his control beginning to crack.

"You've got it in your head that you're going to rescue them, right? Going to throw your life away on a stupid drunken hunch. You head out there alone in the dark, you're going to kill your yourself, or your horse, or both." The man stepped in closer, his stance challenging. "This isn't like you."

Erwin tried to push him aside, but Mike caught his wrist. "Please, Erwin. You already let Anke die. I can't lose both of you in one day."

"I  _let_  her die?"

"Well, you won't fucking talk to me about it no matter how many times I try. What am I supposed to think happened?"

Erwin could feel his sanity slipping, slipping, fiery rage coiling inside every muscle, ready to spring. "This is your last warning, Mike. Let go of me."

Mike's eyes narrowed. "No."

Adrenaline flooded Erwin's body.

The man standing before him was no longer just Mike Zacharias, but the embodiment every obstacle that had ever stood in Erwin's way - the corrupt government, every titan he had faced, the walls themselves. Nothing was going to stand in his way, not this time.

He drove his foot at the back of his attacker's knee, zeroing in on the exact point that would make the man buckle. Mike yelped and dropped. Erwin's rage told him to keep fighting, but he ignored it, instead snatching his arm free. He grabbed the reins and began to stumble toward the gate.

Running footsteps sounded behind him.

He turned in time to see Mike's fist driving for his face. His dulled reflexes didn't allow him to dodge and retain his footing at the same time; he spun out of the way, but fell. Mike dropped on top of him, pinning him to the ground.

"What the hell's going on?" asked a woman's voice nearby.

"Erwin's fucking lost it. Go get Shadis," said Mike, turning his head to address her.

Honing in on the opening, Erwin drove the heel of his palm into the man's jaw. Mike yelled and fell back, clutching at his face. Erwin scrambled to his feet. The world swayed, and he staggered, fighting to keep his balance.

The man bowled into him again, and they rolled, the metal boxes of the gear slamming painfully into Erwin's thighs. He landed on his back, his breath knocked from him in a yell. A fist drove for his face. He turned his head to avoid it, too slowly; knuckles connected with his eye socket. Stars sparked across his vision. He shielded his face with his forearms, blocking a second punch, then a third.

Above the ringing in his ears, he could hear his attacker yelling. "-you selfish bastard! How many people have to die-"

He grabbed Mike's collar and tried to throw him off, but that only provoked another flurry of punches. Waiting for an opening, he swung his elbow at the man's face. Bone connected with cartilage with a crack so strong that it vibrated through his arm and shoulder.

Mike rolled off him, clutching his nose and howling. Blood began to seep through the cracks between his fingers, dripping down his forearms.

Erwin took a moment to catch his breath, then shakily pushed himself to his feet. "I'm sorry it came to that, Mike."

"My fucking nose!"

"Don't follow me." He grabbed the reins and began to lead the horse around his defeated opponent.

"Smith!" barked Shadis behind him. "Take one more step, and I'll have you tried for desertion."

Erwin's stomach dropped. He turned to see his ex-Commander flanked by two wide-eyed soldiers.

"Moblit, take Zacharias to the sanatorium. Eld, you take care of the horse." Shadis strode forward to stand before Erwin, hands clasped behind his back, face grim. "Take off your gear."

Erwin held the man's gaze without flinching, even though he could barely stand. Aside from the effects of the alcohol, his left eye was swelling, his lip throbbed, and his legs and hips were battered from rolling around in the gear. He tried to think his way out of the conversation, but his mind was still feral.

"Captain Smith," said his mentor, the words laced with a quiet danger, "that was an order."

Without dropping his gaze, Erwin unbuckled his gear and lowered the entire apparatus to the ground, then clumsily stepped out of it. "Sir."

"Good. Come with me."

"Fuck you, Erwin," snarled Mike behind him.

"Knock it off, Zacharias," said Shadis, his voice weary. "Anke's old office, Smith. Now."

"Sir." Erwin fell into step behind him. Now that the adrenaline rush was fading, his body was remembering how intoxicated it was, and it was difficult to move in a straight line. His hands were quivering, and he felt as if he were going to vomit. Above it all, he couldn't shake the feeling that each step he took away from his horse was a betrayal of Levi.

The began to walk down the hallway toward the offices.

Without turning around, Shadis said, "Which one? Levi, Hange or Anke?"

"Sir?"

"Which one were you in love with?"

Erwin's jaw tightened and he didn't reply.

"It  _is_  one of them, isn't it? The only other time I've seen you pull bullshit like this was when Henrik Schermer died." The ex-Commander gave a low sigh. "When I said you needed to get in touch with your emotions a bit more, this wasn't what I had in mind." He opened the door to Anke's old office.

Erwin fell into a chair and raked a hand through his hair. His entire body was trembling now, and he felt as if he were going to collapse at any moment. Levi, Hange, Anke: he felt the pain of all their deaths, all at once. He would give anything to feel numb again.

Across from him, Shadis leaned back in his chair, his face softening. "How are you feeling?"

"Like hell."

"Here." Shadis pushed a plate toward him; it was covered in crumbs, but still held one lemon wafer. He filled a glass from a pitcher of water. "This will help."

Erwin's stomach was heaving too badly to eat anything, but he gratefully accepted the water. He took small sips, praying with each one that it would stay down.

His mentor poured a glass for himself. "I can relate to what you're going through more than you might think."

"This discussion isn't necessary," said Erwin. He already knew he had been out of line.

"No? I have a Squad Leader out there with a broken nose who would probably say you deserve a good lecture. Hell, I have half a mind to repeatedly dunk your face in ice water until you sober up, so consider yourself lucky I'm just talking at you." Shadis took a sip of water. "When I was just a bit younger than you, I was in love with one of my fellow soldiers. I wasn't present when she died; she was on a routine scouting mission, not even a proper expedition. I went batshit insane when I found out. Pulled a blade on my Squad Leader in front of the entire dining hall. We all snap now and then, sometimes spectacularly, and nothing is more likely to push us over the edge than losing someone we love."

Erwin bowed his head, jaw clenching.

"You're still wishing Mike hadn't stopped you, aren't you?" said Shadis. "You're pissed at us for interfering. What were you planning to do, risk your life for a corpse or two?"

Swallowing hard, Erwin didn't reply.

"Well, when you're sober and you've had a night to distance yourself from this, you'll start to realize how badly you fucked up. But it's okay. Everyone fucks up, even Commanders. The important thing, the thing people will remember, is how you react after you fuck up. You still have a chance to set things right." Shadis leaned forward. "Tomorrow, address the entire Corps and own up to what you did: you lost someone you cared about, and you reacted by attacking Mike and trying to abscond with your gear and a horse. No excuses, just the facts and your apology. The soldiers will respect your honesty. Maybe consider a sincere apology to Mike, too. He was just trying to save you from yourself."

Every aspect of this was so degrading that Erwin's skin crawled. He hoped he was drunk enough that this entire situation would be an empty hole in his memory in the morning.

"Come with me." Shadis stood. "I'm walking you back to your room and posting a guard on you."

"A guard?"

"Just until you come to your senses. Can't have you sneaking off in the middle of the night and getting yourself killed."

It was humiliating to be treated like a disobedient child, and even more humiliating to admit that he deserved it. He closed his eyes.

"Levi."

"What?"

"You asked if it was Anke, Hange or Levi. It was Levi." His voice cracked, and he was tripping over the words, but it felt so good to say them aloud. "You were right: trying to repress feelings just makes them erupt at the wrong time. I broke formation to look for him after the explosion. If I hadn't, maybe Anke would have pushed the formation faster right out of the gates. Maybe we wouldn't have been in the path of the abnormal that killed her. My actions didn't save Levi, and they cost us Anke." His body was trembling uncontrollably. "How can I possibly undo all that with an apology?"

"That pendant you wear around your neck is heavier than the other Commanders' pendants," said Shadis. "The nature of the Survey Corps is such that there will be many deaths under your command, and if you think about them too much, you'll be able to find a way to pin every single one of them on yourself. Don't let them destroy you, but don't forget about them, either. This is the loss you need to consider when you're strategizing, the human element I had to keep reminding you of." He surprised Erwin by pulling him in for a stiff, formal hug, clapping him on the back. "And for what it's worth, I'm truly sorry about Levi."

 _He's not dead_ , thought Erwin, but the outburst had completely shattered his denial, and this time, he recognized the words as a lie.


	5. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your comments! I've been away, so I haven't had a chance to respond yet, but I really appreciate them.
> 
> This chapter was running long again, so I had to chop it in half. Hope to have the next half up very soon. Thanks for your patience and support! :)

**-5-**

**Return**

Levi opened his eyes. Between the tree branches above him, the sky was just starting to glow pink with the sunrise. Remembering where he was, he took a moment to assess himself. His upper back throbbed, his head pounded, and he still felt off-balance. His mouth was so parched that he took a long swig from his water canteen, not worrying about rationing it; there would be more water with the horses.

He realized that his foot was numb. Further down the branch, Hange was using his ankle as a pillow. With a grimace, he retracted his leg. Hange snorted mid-snore and looked up, blinking.

He held out the canteen. "Finish what's left."

"Oh. Morning. Are you well enough to move?"

"No, but it's not like we have a choice." He leaned over to look for titans below them. "Looks like your friends are gone."

"Good. Let's hope they don't come back until we're in a position to outrun them." Hange drained the canteen, then handed it back and stood. "So: let's lock down our plan."

They spent a few minutes discussing how to best utilize the gas and, after a few quick exercises to test Levi's balance and coordination, they decided Hange would pilot, and he would keep an eye out for titans. As undignified as it was to ride piggy-back, he had to admit it made the most sense.

"Use as little gas as possible," he said as he climbed onto Hange's back.

"I know. Ready?"

He nodded. "Ready."

Hange began to run along the branch, waiting until the branch began to bow before sinking a grapple into the next tree trunk; the more time they spent on foot, the less gas they would use. At first, the trees were so close together that they were using barely any gas at all, but as they neared the fringes of the forest, the trees became more sparse. He did his best to scan the environment, but his eyes weren't tracking properly.

"Anything?" asked Hange.

"I can't tell. Hold up when you get to the edge of the trees."

They didn't even need to get that far - once the first glimpses of the silo came into view, he could already see that the area was crawling with titans.

"Shit," he muttered.

"Yeah, I see them." Hange settled on a tall tree to give them a good vantage point. To Levi's left, he could see the silo, and in front of it, an enormous crater and overturned cart. The size of the crater was so impressive that his brows rose.

"Must have been quite the blast," he said, still unable to remember the events that led up to it. He was suddenly grateful to have survived with just a concussion.

"Yeah, I imagine the pair handling the crates were blown apart, maybe a few others, too. We're lucky the cart gave us some cover, or we would have severe burns." Hange was grinning, and Levi sneered.

"Why the fuck are you smiling? People died." He dropped onto the branch and climbed forward to look across the valley.

"Happy to be alive, that's all. Any sign of the horses?"

"I only see one, you creep. Looks like yours." The horse was facing away from them, a good five-hundred metres away. Several titans wandered aimlessly in the snowy field, blocking their path. "How much gas do we have?"

Hange grimaced. "Not enough to close the distance from this angle, unless we want to risk a messy landing."

"So what if one of us goes alone, then brings the horse around for the other?"

"Still might not be enough to get that far. Think we risk bringing a swarm of titans on ourselves if we whistle for the horse?"

Levi dropped to all fours, crawling along the branch. Looking down gave him vertigo -  _fucking concussion_ \- but his balance was decent so long as he looked at the horizon as he moved. Once he had reached a good vantage point, he paused.

"Two seven-metre classes, one five-metre, two three-metre are all in range. We whistle, we risk drawing them in." He slammed a palm into the tree branch. "Shit! We're so close."

The branch bowed as Hange crept closer; he inched over to give room.

"Well," said Hange, "None of them is tall enough to reach us up here, so we don't have much to lose by whistling. If they notice us, it might even gather them together and make it easier to kill them."

"Kill them. Without gas."

"I said easier, not easy. You have a better idea?"

Levi sighed. He stuck his finger and thumb into his mouth and blew a sharp whistle, realizing too late that he hadn't been able to wash his hands since the previous morning. He grimaced and spat off the branch several times, trying to clear the taste of sweat and leather from his mouth.

"Too quiet." Hange let out a shrill whistle that left his ear ringing, and he groaned.

"Right in my fucking ear."

"Damn, still not responding. It was right next to us during the explosion - I wonder if loud noises can damage a horse's ears?"

He rubbed his sore ear. "Wonder what that's like."

"Stop yapping. I'm trying to think." Hange stood and squinted at the titans. "They aren't responding, either. But look at how evenly spaced they are. What if..."

The length of the pause suggested they were about to try something truly stupid. "Fine, go on," he said. "Say it."

"If we leapfrog between the titans, we might be able to conserve gas."

He stared. "Leapfrog between them. The two of us, using one gear, and me almost completely useless."

"If we anchor ourselves onto their backs and move between them, we can down each one as we go." Hange's chin lifted in a look of superiority. "I killed five of them by myself yesterday, so we should have no trouble finishing off that many together. I'm telling you, these are even dumber than your average titan. They have frostbitten nervous systems or something."

Levi gave an irritated sigh. "This is insane."

"Better than waiting here to die, right? Hop on."

Insane or not, it was their best option, so he obeyed.

Not wasting any time, Hange leapt off the branch, giving a delighted noise that was somewhere between a howl and a laugh. The grapple sank between the first titan's shoulder blades, and they swooped toward it. The dumb beast barely had time to see them coming; Hange stood on its neck and drove the blades deep into its weak point, scissoring the flesh.

The titan began to fall, and they sank a grapple into the next one.

"My turn," said Levi, getting caught up in the rush. As they approached the next one, he readied his position, planting his feet on Hange's hips for leverage.

They landed on its back, and he pushed off, jumping high into the air. His mind was still playing tricks on him, trying to disorient him, so he closed his eyes, letting his muscles work by memory as he pulled into a spin. Even without the gear and the gas, he still had enough power to take out the titan's flesh.

"Sloppy cut," said Hange, running up the titan's neck to its head as it began to sink to the ground.

"No gear and a concussion." He tried to wipe the titan's blood from his skin, but it began to dissipate into steam, indicating that their platform was about to do the same. "Next one together. Jump. I'll grab your ankles."

"What?"

"Throw me."

Hange's eyes lit up with understanding.

Together, they arced toward the third titan. As they approached, Hange's body twisted away from the target, then spun toward it, whipping Levi forward. He dove for the weak spot head-first, his blades sinking into its neck like an arrow from a bow, and twisted, cutting a wedge out of the flesh.

Hange landed firmly beside him. "Holy shit, that felt good."

"You're telling me. Your turn next."

As they approached the next target, the gas sputtered.

"Dammit," said Levi.

"We're fine." Hange's gaze was focused on the fourth target. "How close are we to the horse?"

"Maybe a hundred metres." The fifth and final target was only about ten metres behind the fourth - it was still a hell of a jump to the horse. Not only that, but around them, other titans were beginning to take notice. It was only a matter of time before they swarmed. He gritted his teeth.  _We're going to run out of titans to leapfrog, and it's too dangerous to run on flat ground._

They landed and executed the fourth target and, without hesitation, Hange sank the grapple into the fifth. The fourth's hand fell as they passed, nearly knocking into them, and they barely managed to dodge with a burst of air.

Hange cackled. "Close one!"

The celebration was premature: the gas sputtered, then gave out entirely. They began to freefall toward the last titan.

Levi gritted his teeth.  _I'm not going to die here._ "Steer us onto its back," he growled, "and then we climb."

"What?" As their speed increased, so did the wind around their ears, and he barely heard the word.

"Climb the cable," he yelled.

Without the control of the gas, they slammed hard into the titan's rump. The impact jarred Levi loose, and he frantically grabbed for Hange's ankle as he fell.

The titan twisted, trying to find them, and Levi grunted, struggling to maintain his precarious grasp. "Climb up."

"I can't grip the cable," yelled Hange. "It's iced over from the steam from the other titans."

His grip began to slip. "I'm going to fucking fall!"

"Shit!" Hange clicked two broken blades into place and drove them into the titan's flesh, using them as picks to scale its back. The titan began to swat at them with panicked motions, visibly distressed, and one of Hange's hands slipped.

"Levi, let go. You're too heavy."

"Fuck." With his free hand, Levi pulled out a blade and intentionally drove it at a bad angle against the titan's flesh; the blade snapped closer to the hilt. Stabbing it in as a new handhold, he released Hange's ankle, then pulled out a second blade. The titan's flailing arms nearly smacked him several times. His breath came in short blasts as he used all his energy to swing his body out of the way.

"Levi!"

"Yeah, one sec." He broke off the second blade, then began to climb. When he was almost at the top, he looked up to see Hange preparing to slice into the titan's vulnerable spot. "Wait."

"What? This thing is going to smash us or throw us off if we don't take it down."

"Look around you." They were still too far from the horse, and the surrounding titans were getting uncomfortably close. "We have to move it-"

The titan began to writhe, trying to shake them loose, and he stopped talking to put all his focus into holding on. "Move it forward," he managed to yell through clenched teeth. His hands ached.

"Levi-"

"Move it forward!" One hand slipped off the handle, and he frantically swung for it, trying to reclaim his handhold.

The thrashing stopped. The titan took a shaky step forward.

Levi found his grip and looked up. Hange stood atop the titan, grinning wildly, a fistful of hair in each hand, trying to jerk its head forward. "Come on, you bastard. Dance for me!"

He climbed up the titan's spine as quickly as he could, then paused on a shoulder for a better vantage point. The horse still had its back to them, unaware. He tried another whistle, but there was no response.  _Its hearing really is fucked._

"Levi, get up here and help!"

Climbing up the titan's hair - so coarse and oily that his stomach heaved - Levi braced himself against the beast's forehead and pulled at its hairline, trying to direct it toward the horse. The beast bent forward to try to shake him loose, and the motion made it stagger forward a few more paces.

"This is too slow," he yelled. He counted six other titans within range. His fear erupted as anger. "That shitty fucking horse! What the hell is the point of it if we can't get its fucking attention?"

"Unless..." Hange pulled out a flare gun and made an adjustment, then aimed at the horse.

"What are you-"

The flare canister met the ground a few metres in front of the horse, exploding in red smoke. It reared with surprise and began to back toward them.

Levi's eyes widened, and he pulled out his flare gun. "How did you-"

"Here. A Survey Corps horse won't spook, but it has the sense to avoid exploding things." Hange grabbed his gun and adjusted it. Together, they ejected flare after flare, quickly herding the horse toward them. The titan swayed and swatted, but they easily kept their balance, motivated. The end was within sight, and it was getting closer, closer...

"Now," barked Levi.

He heard Hange's war scream - so fearsome that he jumped - followed by the sound of slicing flesh. The dead titan began to drop toward the earth.

The instant the drop distance was safe, Levi jumped off the titan and rolled on the snow to break his fall. When he righted himself, the horse was only a metre to his left, and Hange was already mounting it. He put his foot in the stirrup, but between his disorientation and the horse's size, he couldn't make it up to the saddle.

"Come on!" Hange gripped him by the collar and hoisted him up.

The horse began to gallop.

Levi buried his face in the fabric of Hange's jacket, not looking back. His head throbbed and his mind hummed with adrenaline, and he had the overwhelming urge to vomit.

He felt Hange twist to look behind them, then heard a laugh. "We're losing them. Ha! We are fucking amazing, Levi."

His pulse raced. He was only a few more hours from a meal, and a bath, and his own bed. And Erwin. Maybe it was ridiculous to put one man on par with the rest of it, but he was too exhausted to care.

.*.*.*.

 _What the hell?_ Erwin blinked, barely awake. Eld was slumped in a chair across from him, head lolled back, snoring.  _What's he doing in my room?_

Then the previous night's events slammed into him, left him reeling. Levi, Anke and Hange were dead, and he had drunk three-quarters of a litre of whiskey and then tried to stage a one-man rescue mission, and furthermore, something had happened with Mike, some sort of argument...

He gingerly sat up, bracing himself for the onslaught of what was sure to be the worst hangover of his life, but the room tilted instead.  _I'm still a bit drunk._ He rubbed his face with his hands, and that was when he rediscovered the injuries that Mike had given him. Their fight came back to him in full detail. Wincing, he rose to his feet.

A small vomit bucket was by his bed, and he was grateful that, at the very least, the drink had erased this bucket's existence from his memories. That wasn't something he wanted to remember.

 _Poor Eld must have had a long night._  He shook the man's shoulder to thank him and dismiss him.

He took it upon himself to empty the bucket. He braced one hand on the wall as he walked to the men's bath, his movements clumsy. Voices floated through doors and down the hallway: he must have slept through reveille. Fortunately, no one passed him in the hall. He didn't want anyone to see their soon-to-be Commander stumbling half-drunk down the hallway, carrying a pail of his own vomit.

A few soldiers were in the men's bathroom. He quickly moved to the stall and emptied a bucket, then rinsed it in the sink. Several pairs of eyes followed him, but he ignored them, focusing on washing his hands and face.

When he finally lifted his head to look at himself in the mirror, he frowned at his peaked reflection. His left eye was dark and swollen, and his lower lip was split. He wet his palms and tried to tame his hair, but a few strands kept falling into his face, and others stuck upright. No wonder everyone was staring.

A hand reached between him and the mirror, holding a bottle of mint mouthwash. Erwin turned to see Shadis.

"Thank you," he said, accepting the bottle. He opened it and took a swig, then began to swish it around his mouth.

His mentor clapped him on the back. "How are you feeling?"

Erwin finished rinsing his mouth, then spat. "I've had better mornings. Do you know where I can find Mike?"

"Last I heard, he was still in the san."

"Thanks." He handed back the mouthwash. "I'm deeply sorry about last night, Keith."

Shadis studied him. "Do you feel embarrassed?"

"Yes, sir."

"Regretful?"

"Sir."

"Good. Means you'll learn from it."

 _I learned a lot_ , thought Erwin.  _I learned that even if I don't act on my urges, they can still lead me astray._ He felt as if his spirit had been scrubbed with a wire brush. Everything he thought he knew about his resolve was wrong. "I'm going to have some breakfast, then talk with Mike. After that, would you mind if we chatted about how I should address the troops tonight? Maybe we could start doing some of the casualty paperwork as well."

Shadis hesitated. "Are you sure you're up for it?"

"I need to keep busy." Even the thought of trying to read a document made his stomach heave, but if the alternative was sitting around sniffing empty shampoo bottles and weeping, he would gladly choose the paperwork.

"You're also going to want to start thinking about who you will groom to be the next Captain," said Shadis. "It'll be a year or two before anyone in this lot is ready, I believe, but it doesn't hurt to start training people early."

Erwin's heart sank. There was only one man he could picture as his Captain, one man who had the independence and skill required for the role, and he was dead.

.*.*.*.

"You okay back there?" asked Hange.

Levi groaned, his face still buried in the back of the jacket. About an hour into their ride, he had tried lifting his head, but the morning sun had spiked through his eyeballs and into his brain. "Is it at least getting cloudy?"

"No, still bright. We're close to the wall." There was a pause, then, "How are we going to get over the wall with no gas?"

"Do you have any flares left?" he mumbled into the fabric.

"What?"

He pulled his face free, wincing at the bright light. "Do you have any flare cartridges left?"

"I'm all out. Check the saddlebags - there might be some spares"

With a displeased sigh, he began to rifle through the bags. "Why the fuck did you bring books?"

"For observation. Would have been nice to have those in the tree. Might have helped us pass the time."

"There's only one canister in here. Black." He looked up. "We fire that, and the Garrison is going to think an abnormal is about to storm the gates."

Hange grinned. "That just ensures they're going to notice us, doesn't it? Would you do the honours?"

He used his teeth to pull off his mittens, then slotted the cartridge into his gun and fired. The canister ejected, then fell onto the grass. A plume of black smoke shot into the air, but began to dissipate before it reached the height of the wall.

"You adjusted our guns to herd the horse, remember?" he said, unimpressed.

"Oh, right."

"Now what? It's not high enough."

"Patience. It's close enough. The Garrison will have scouts stationed on the wall. We just need to wait for one of them to notice the smoke." Hange slowed the horse to a walk, guiding it toward the gate. "Just a few more minutes, and we'll be able to go home."

.*.*.*.

Mike looked up as Erwin entered the sanatorium, then quickly looked down again. He was sitting up in bed, gauze wrapped around his nose and head. A half-full bowl of broth was perched on a tray in his lap.

"Go away, Smith. I'm trying to eat." He paused. "Not that I can taste any of it."

"This won't take long." Erwin pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed. "I wanted to thank you for stopping me last night, and sincerely apologize for hurting you."

Mike eyed him. "My nose. Of all the things you could have smashed, you had to go for my fucking nose. The medics say it's going to be a couple weeks for the swelling to go down enough for me to smell anything."

 _I didn't do it intentionally; I was drunk_ , was the first phrase that rose in Erwin's mind, but he remembered Shadis' advice from the night before: no excuses. "I'm truly, deeply sorry, Mike. You were only trying to protect me, and I had no right to react the way I did."

There was a long pause, then the man sighed. "I was drunk, too, and I was taking Anke's death pretty hard. You weren't the only one who snapped. I was trying to pick a fight." He held out a hand. "Out of our class, it's just you, me and Nile now. We need to be on the same team."

Erwin accepted his hand and shook it. "Yes, we do."  _Let's hope Nile knows that._

Bells sounded from the Garrison post at the wall.

"What the hell?" muttered Mike, turning to look at the window. "Are we under attack?"

"No." Erwin slowly rose to his feet, gaze fixed on the window. "They'd be mobilizing us already if that were the case. I should go see what's going on."

 _Don't get your hopes up. What you want is impossible,_  he told himself, but his hopes were already soaring.

He left the room and marched down the hallway, then took the stairs to the yard two at a time, stumbling a couple times in the process. Other soldiers were gathering in the yard, too, puzzled looks on their faces.

"Sir-" said Moblit, but Erwin cut him off.

"Everyone, stand back. Open the gates." He strode forward, dizzy with hope, and stood in front of the wooden gates that closed off the Survey Corps compound.

The gates slowly parted. Erwin's breath caught.

At the end of the street was the impossible: Hange and Levi on horseback, alive.

He stepped forward to greet them, chin high, eyes filling with tears.

.*.*.*.

"We made it," cried Hange as they approached the compound gates. "I can't believe it, Levi - we actually made it! We are unstoppable."

He was silent, his gaze fixed on the only thing that mattered: Erwin.

Erwin looked like a shell of the man he had been when they had last met. His golden hair was dishevelled, and his face was bruised. All his usual control had been sapped from his face, leaving his brows pinched, his eyes glossy.  _Levi_ , he mouthed, as if testing out the word, as if he weren't sure he trusted his eyes.

Levi responded with a brief nod.

Erwin's mouth closed and his throat bobbed, and that was when Levi noticed the Commander's pendant around his neck.

The horse came to a halt. The pair dismounted, standing before their new Commander. Around them, dozens of their colleagues stared at them with wide eyes and slack jaws.

"Welcome back from the dead," said Erwin, his voice cracking. "I imagine you both have quite a tale to tell." He turned to Hange in acknowledgement, but then his gaze drifted back to Levi, who found he couldn't look away. The bruising and burst blood vessels in one eye made the blue of Erwin's iris glow in contrast.  _I forgot how blue they are, like the sky outside Wall Maria. And just as unreachable_. He added the last part out of habit, but the way the man was looking at him now, he wasn't so sure.

"We're very happy to be here," said Hange. Levi opened his mouth to echo the sentiment, but he couldn't find his voice.

Erwin clasped his hands behind his back and stood tall. "Levi, come with me for a quick debrief on our situation. Hange, it will be your turn next."

"What?" said Hange. "Can't it wait? He needs medical attention, and food, and water-"

"It won't take long." The man spun on his heel and began to march away. Levi turned to follow.

"Levi, you need-" began Hange.

"I'll be fine. You go get what you need." The food and all the rest of it could wait: above all of it, he needed a moment with Erwin in private. He still didn't know what he was going to say, but he couldn't just shrug off their reunion.

As they walked down the hallway, he noticed that Erwin was shuffling a little, one hand trailing the wall. The scent of day-old alcohol wafted behind him, making Levi's nose wrinkle.

"You okay?" he asked. "You look a little roughed up."

"Had a bit of a difficult night. I imagine yours was worse, so I won't complain."

Levi hesitated, then said, "You're wearing the Commander's pendant."

"Dead," said Erwin before he even had the chance to ask the question.

"Shit."

"We'll talk more about that during your debrief." He opened the door of his office, ushering Levi through and closing it behind them.

The first thing Levi noticed was the empty soap bottle on the floor, surrounded by a caking pool of yellow liquid. "What the hell? My soap!" He hurried forward and dropped to one knee, picking up the bottle. "That shit was expensive. I'm gone one fucking night-"

"Levi."

He turned to see Erwin standing by the doorway, hands clenched in fists at his sides. He looked as if he were about to say something, but then he closed his mouth again, a pained expression on his face.

 _He's at a loss for words._  Levi slowly stood and turned to face him, hoping to rescue him with words of his own, but his mouth was suddenly too dry to speak.

Erwin took a couple steps toward him, then stopped. "I thought..." He chest rose, then fell.

For a long moment, they watched each other, unmoving.

Slowly, Erwin paced up to him. He placed a trembling hand on each side of Levi's jaw, the motion far too intimate to be platonic. They were close enough that Levi could smell mint and alcohol on the breaths that puffed across his skin. He felt the warmth of the man's palms, the strength of his grip, and his eyelids began to droop.

Then Erwin lunged down, his mouth pressing against Levi's.

The angle was all wrong: their noses mashed together, their mouths didn't quite line up, teeth dug into his lips, and stubble scraped his skin. On top of that, Levi's head was throbbing, and he wasn't sure which of the two of them smelled worse. It was, technically speaking, the worst kiss he had ever experienced.

So why were his knees giving out? Why were his eyes fluttering closed? He felt a rush of adoration for this man and his clumsy, honest, face-mashing kiss.

Erwin began to pull away, but Levi caught his collar, tugging him back in. This time, their heads tilted, and their lips met at a better angle. Warmth rose to Levi's cheeks, settled between his legs, and he ran his tongue across the split lower lip, tasting the metallic tang of old blood. Their mouths parted, the tips of their tongues brushing. Erwin gave a low groan, and his hands released Levi's jaw to rake into his hair.

A knock sounded at the door.

Erwin broke the kiss and barely pulled away, their foreheads still touching. For a moment, they waited, frozen in position and breathing hard.

 _Go away,_  thought Levi.  _Don't give us time to second-guess this. Please, just go away._

Another knock.

"I'm so sorry, Levi," whispered Erwin.

"Wait-"

But the man had already pulled away, striding for the door.

 _Sorry for the kiss, or for the interruption?_ Levi angrily adjusted the front of his pants, swearing he was going to cut down the intruder.

"Sir," said Hange's voice when the door opened. "I really must insist you don't speak with Squad Leader Levi just yet. He has a severe concussion, so he should avoid stressful environments. He needs food and water. If you want someone to fill you in, I can take his place. He was unconscious for the majority of it, anyway, and it was my decision to go for the trees that caused us to be cut off from the group-"

"That's enough for now, Hange, thank you," said Erwin, "but you make a good point. I should let both of you settle in before we discuss any of this further. Please excuse my enthusiasm." He turned back. "Squad Leader Levi, you are dismissed." His face was back in its default neutral expression.

 _The least you could do is look disappointed, jackass._ "Fine," said Levi, annoyed at both of them. He shoved his hands into his pockets, then marched through the door and down the hall, not looking back. He didn't want to try to scrutinize that unreadable face one moment longer.

Hange hurried to keep up. "You know, irritation can be a sign of a worsening concussion-"

Levi whirled. "Idiot. Next time, think about what you might be interrupting before you knock."

His words were met with a blank stare at first, but then Hange's eyes slowly widened. "Oh.  _Oh."_

He whirled and continued his march down the hall. He heard Hange calling his name, but he was too frustrated to reply.

His footsteps finally slowed when he reached the sanatorium. Mike sat on a bed in the corner, his face heavily bandaged. The man looked up at them, and his mouth dropped.

"Holy hell, you guys are alive?"

"Takes more than an explosion, a night of exposure and a few titans to kill us." Levi sat beside the bed. "What happened to your face?"

Mike grimaced. "You'll have to ask Erwin."

"Right, during one of those personal, revealing discussions he's so famous for." The kiss began to replay in his mind, but he shoved it away. His pants were fitting poorly enough as it was, and he didn't want to frustrate himself even more.

"Hey," said Hange. "Enough talking. You need medical attention."

Levi sighed - the words were true enough, but he was still ticked off about the interruption. "Fine."

And so, he submitted to a long series of medical tests that told him exactly what he already knew: he had a concussion, and he needed to take it easy while he recovered, and other than that and a bit of dehydration, he was fine. The medic gave him some wafers and a salted lemonade to sip until dinner to help his body recover.

He thought about asking Mike for more information about his injuries, but the man had already been discharged. Hange sat on the bed instead, holding a jar of yellow liquid.

"You got this gross lemonade too, eh, Levi?"

He frowned and turned away.

"Aw, come on." He could hear guilt in Hange's voice. "I didn't mean to interrupt. At least now you know Erwin is interested in-"

He whirled to grab the other's collar. "You agreed that not one single soul would hear about what we discussed in that tree," he said, his voice low and dangerous, "so I suggest you stop that sentence right there."

Hange blinked. "You seem tense. Maybe you should go take a bath and relax."

As annoyed as he was, the suggestion was a good one. He had been planning to have a bath next, anyway.

When he went to change, he was surprised to discover he had been moved into his new room. His furniture had been set up - all wrong, but the thought was nice - and his belongings were neatly stacked on the bedside table. An unfamiliar bottle of soap sat on the bed, a note attached:

_I'll buy you a new bottle of soap when I'm in town next; until then, borrow one of mine. -ES_

With his free hand, Levi popped the cap and held it to his nose. It smelled like blond hair and thick eyebrows. Erwin couldn't be too regretful about the kiss if he was setting up Levi's room and giving him soap, could he?

When he entered the men's bath, he found another surprise: the water was heated, even though it wasn't a scheduled bath day. Had Erwin arranged this, too? A heated bath all to himself was the greatest reward he could have hoped for after his ordeal. He stripped and sank under the water. When he resurfaced, he already felt more relaxed. Normally, he would be in a rush to wash himself, but the bath was such a lovely contrast from the cold tree branch that he decided to take his time.

He had just started to soap his hair when the door opened, and Erwin stepped into the room. Their eyes locked.

"My apologies for interrupting," said Erwin, moving to step back through the door. "I expected you to still be in the san."

"No, come in. Unless you're here to take a giant shit."

"Just brushing my teeth." The Commander approached the sink, pulling a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag. "Is the bath heated to your liking?" He leaned forward to peer at his reflection in the mirror, touching his black eye.

"Not bad. You should join me." The words felt too forward, so Levi added, "You smell like shit. How much did you drink last night?"

"It's that obvious, is it?" Erwin frowned at his reflection, then began to ready his toothbrush. "I'm embarrassed to admit I finished off that entire bottle of whiskey. Our drink will have to wait for another day, I'm afraid."

Given how rarely the man drank, he must have had one hell of a night. Levi was beginning to understand where those mysterious injuries might have come from. "Well, I can smell it on you from here, and there's plenty of room in here."

Erwin finally looked at him. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Shadis is here to help with my transition to Commander, and there are a few duties we need to attend to before dinner." He seemed to be reaching for an excuse.

 _He regrets the kiss._ Levi turned away, folding his arms over his chest. "I get it."

A sigh. "Levi..."

"No, I get it."

Erwin watched him for a moment longer, then started to brush his teeth.

Levi sank into the water until his bottom lip skimmed the surface. "We're just going to pretend it didn't happen, right?" he muttered, wondering how he ever expected anything more out of the closed and unreadable Erwin Smith.

The man cast him a sideways glance, but didn't reply.

Levi's instincts told him to sulk, but instead he returned to washing himself, trying to pretend nothing unusual had happened. A few minutes later, he heard movement to the corner of the room, then the sound of clothing being removed, but even though he was surprised, he didn't turn around. As Erwin slipped into the water beside him, Levi caught a glimpse of broad purple bruises in his periphery. He stared. The man's hips and thighs were thoroughly battered.

"Titan?" he asked.

"No."

"Mike?"

There was no reply. Levi couldn't shake the feeling that whatever happened between them was somehow connected to his disappearance.

Erwin sat on the bench across from him, his arms draping across the tub ledge in what was probably meant to be a casual pose, but ended up displaying his musculature. Levi subtly studied him. The man was so tall that the water only reached his breastbone, and his strong chest was lightly covered with coarse blond hair. His head lolled back against the wall. Even his throat was appealling, the lines of his neck swooping gracefully toward his jaw.

The urge to crawl onto his lap and start kissing that beautiful neck was strong, and Levi felt his cheeks darken. He gave a frustrated sigh. "Fucking talk to me, Erwin. We're two grown men, so let's discuss this like adults."

Slowly, the man lowered his chin to meet his gaze. "All right. Where did you want to start?"

"Where the hell do you think?" For a moment, Levi felt his bravery wavering, but he steeled himself.  _If you can face down a group of titans, you can face down this blond bastard._  "I'm getting mixed messages. First you're holding me on the rooftop, then you're telling me you can't be with anyone, then you kiss me, then you try to play it off like nothing ever happened. Make up your fucking mind. Do you want me or not?"

"Of course I do," said Erwin quietly.

The direct answer was so unexpected that Levi's breath froze, and his chest ached, and even as exhausted as he was, he felt a surge of energy. The words replayed in his mind, and he scrutinized them, certain he must have misheard.

"You do," he repeated.

"Of course." The man's cheeks were darkening, but his expression stayed placid. "Someone like you draws admirers: agile, intelligent, feisty and pleasant to look at. My admiration for you has been evolving in ways it shouldn't."

Levi's heart pounded; he was having a difficult time processing everything he was hearing, and he wasn't sure if that was from the concussion or from shock. "What do you mean, 'shouldn't?"

"You want to discuss this like adults, so let's look at our situation objectively." Erwin leaned forward. "I'm your Commander now, Levi, and you're clearly the best candidate for a future Captain position. If word of favouritism were to get out, it could undermine our credibility. We are in a fight for survival above all else, and that fight must always come first. If we are to lead the Survey Corps, we must have unconditional respect." His gaze dropped. "And on a more subjective note, the last man I loved died. Love makes people make poor decisions. In our line of work, that's something we must avoid at all costs."

 _Love._  The word made Levi's heart race, even though the context was less than ideal. "You think you're the only one who's lost someone they loved?" He felt himself getting angry the excuse kept coming up. "My first partner was killed in a fight with the Military Police. My second abandoned me and never resurfaced. You'll never see me using either of those as a reason to shut myself off." His eyes narrowed. "I know you had a pampered upbringing, so death might have been a shock to you when you finally had to face it, but for some of us, loss has always been a fact of life. You can't let one person's death completely change y-" He abruptly stopped himself.

The Commander's eyes were wide, his jaw clenched. Slowly, he leaned back against the wall of the bath, his face stony. Even though they were on opposite sides of the bath, Levi felt as though the man were looming over him.

 _Shit, I crossed a line._  What was it about speaking with Erwin that made him aggressive? He seemed to bury his foot in his mouth every time they spoke. Not quite sure what to say to undo the damage, Levi waited for a response, his heart pounding.

Erwin's voice was very quiet. "Do not assume I knew nothing of death before I joined the Survey Corps. Last week, you guessed that my life was more interesting than I let on, and you were correct, but do not confuse 'interesting' with 'easy.' The two rarely coincide."

"The medics warned me that I might be more irritable than usual because of the concussion," said Levi quietly, the closest he could come to an apology.

There was an agonizing pause, then Erwin's face relaxed and his eyes came back into focus. "I suppose my refusal to disclose my past opens up my history for misinterpretation, doesn't it? You're correct that I have let the past impact the present more than I should. But I'm not quite ready to let go of what happened with Henrik, not yet, and I need you to understand that. Once I have an idea in my head, it's very difficult to dislodge."

"So that's it, then?" said Levi. "One shitty kiss, and we both move on with our lives like nothing happened?"

A brow cocked. "Shitty?"

"Yes, shitty. You stank, and I stank, and I ended up getting more nose than mouth."

Erwin looked a little offended, but only said, "I don't see any option other than denial." His fingers absently traced his bruised eye.

"Did your denial have anything to do with that bruise?"

A pause. "I will be making a public apology at dinner about the events that led to my injuries, so you'll learn more then."

"Public apology? It was that bad?"

Erwin looked down, visibly uncomfortable. "I did not take the news of your death with grace."

In all the scenarios Levi had imagined when he pictured the man's reaction to his death, nothing came close to whatever scuffle the bruises suggested. His face softened. "Well, I'm alive."

"You are." The man looked up, solemn. "I want you to understand, Levi, that no matter how much hesitation you might sense from me now, the moment when you appeared at the gates is one of the most emotional moments of my life."

A lump formed in Levi's throat, and he realized he didn't want to let his own feelings go unsaid. "When I was up in that tree, I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to say when I saw you again. Never did figure it out. But before this conversation ends and we start pretending nothing happened, I want to get it out."

"Okay," said Erwin softly. "Go ahead."

Unable to meet his gaze, Levi kept his eyes fixed on the surface of the water, keeping his tone casual. "Look, I think a lot about working side-by-side with you, and killing titans with you, and fucking you, and sleeping next to you, and having stupid conversations about dumb shit, where you can tell me things you would never tell anyone else. I know there's a chance I'll never have most of that, but I need you to know how I..." He chanced a look up. Erwin's eyes were glassy, but he couldn't tell if that was just from the bath steam. "I'm no good at this sort of thing."

"No, that was..." The man's voice broke. "Levi, I don't know how to proceed from here. Not with you."

"What do you mean?"

"If you were anyone else, my priorities would be clear, but even while I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to put a permanent wall between us, all I can think about is how badly I want to pull you closer." The words trailed off as he spoke, the confidence draining from his tone.

Levi felt his breaths begin to accelerate; he smoothly pulled his knees to his chest. "This is exactly what I'm talking about, asshole. You can't say shit like that."

"I know, I..." Erwin bowed his head, rubbing his temples with one hand. "I know."

There was a long silence. Levi waited, but it quickly became apparent there would be no further explanation.

"You know where I stand, Erwin," he said. "Figure out what you want." He dunked his head back, rinsing the suds from his hair, then stood. "No kisses, or flirting, or any of that unless you're prepared to follow through. And don't expect me to wait around forever, either."

"That's fair." The man's voice was quiet. "I need a few days to think all this over. I won't make a single advance until I'm sure it's what I want. You have my word."

Feeling a lump rising in his throat again, Levi quickly stepped out of the bath, reaching for a towel with one hand, retrieving the soap with the other.

"And I want that new soap soon. This one smells too fancy." He suddenly wondered what had happened to the old one, but decided this wasn't the time to ask. Erwin already looked confused enough as it was, and it was unnerving to see that expression on the face of someone he admired. He wondered if he, himself, looked just as lost. His head was certainly spinning. On top of that, his limbs were shaky, and he felt as if he were going to vomit.  _Must be the concussion again,_  he told himself.

He was about to leave, but then he heard, "Levi."

When he turned, Erwin gave a small, forced smile. "For what it's worth, I'm glad you're back."

"Yeah, me too." Unsure of how to end the conversation, Levi turned and left the room.


	6. Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you for all the comments and kind words! :) I appreciate them more than I can say, and I will reply to each one individually soon! :) Here's chapter 6 -- chapter 7 will be coming soon. <3

**-6-**

**Hands**

Erwin lifted his pen and dropped it, watching it roll down the file he had propped at a slant on his desk. His other hand cupped his chin, the only thing holding his head upright. His eyes were scratchy and drooping, and his mind paced circles around his conversation with Levi.

_What do I want?_

He caught the pen at the bottom of the makeshift ramp and dropped it back onto the top, watching it roll again.

The problem wasn't figuring out what he wanted: he already knew that. He thought he had lost Levi forever, and now that the man was back from the dead, all the reasons to hold back felt meaningless. Sitting in that bath, he had barely been able to resist the urge to grab Levi's wrist and pull him onto his lap. At least he had shown some restraint then; he was ashamed of how recklessly he had acted during their initial reunion. How far would things have gone if Hange hadn't interrupted that kiss?

He frowned. That "shitty" kiss. The word drove into his pride like a thorn, worming its way deeper each time he thought about it. Maybe he had been a little too enthusiastic, but he was normally an excellent kisser - or so others had told him - and he hated the idea of their only kiss being of inferior quality. Though, if he were honest, he couldn't tell if it was really a point of pride, or if he was just looking for an excuse to try again.

He dropped his head, fingers raking into his hair. Why was he spending his entire afternoon thinking about Levi? There was work to be done.  _Focus._

A knock sounded at the door, and he was embarrassed by how badly he wanted Levi to be standing on the other side of it. "Come in."

Shadis stepped into the room, a smile wrinkling his face. "This is an unprecedented day for the Survey Corps. You must be happy."

Erwin set the pen neatly beside the file, subtly flattening his ramp. "Indeed, I am. Happy is an understatement."

His mentor closed the door and took a seat opposite him. "Levi's return isn't going to cause any problems, is it?"

"No, sir," he replied. No more than it already had, anyway. He hoped.

"You'd better be telling the truth, Smith. I'd hate to see you throw your career away. It's good for a man to get laid once in awhile, but don't mix business and pleasure." He pulled an envelope out of his jacket and handed it across the desk. "Summons from the Capital."

Erwin opened it, discovering an invitation to a formal induction ceremony in five days. He swallowed hard. This was everything he had wanted, but not at the cost of losing Anke.

"After the induction ceremony," said Shadis, "there will be a gala."

"A gala?"

"Not on your behalf, I'm afraid. No one was expecting a handoff this soon after Anke's promotion, so they're rolling you in with the spring solstice festival, since you would be invited to that anyway. You'll probably want to identify your next in command before then, bring them along and show them the ropes, the way I did with you and Anke on occasion."

Erwin tried to picture Levi at a gala in the Capital. The concept was almost ludicrous. "Will you be in attendance, Keith?"

"No, the new trainees are having their first exam this weekend, so I need to shadow Instructor Marta. But the other military branches will be there." The man leaned back in his seat. "Be sure to introduce yourself to Commander Dot Pixis. He's a bit of an odd duck and likes the drink more than he should, but he's been around long enough to understand how the system works. He'll be a valuable ally if there's a crisis within the walls. Captain Kitts Woerman will be with him, but-" Shadis frowned. "He won't be of much use to you. Rumour has it they're going to promote another Squad Leader to Captain soon. The branch is big enough that one Captain isn't enough, anyway."

Erwin quietly began to take notes. "And the Military Police?"

"You've already met Commander Williams, but rumour has it he's taken quite ill and may not be in active duty for awhile. Likely Captain Nile Dok will be there instead."

"Good." There was still the matter of the empty military silo to discuss.

Shadis eyed him, evidently reading his mind. "Don't go getting obsessed with those tax chests, Erwin. You're going to find the Military Police has questionable motives on occasion, but pointing fingers at them will only bring you trouble. Don't give them any ammunition. The Survey Corps is hanging by a thread as it is - the Interior has been trying to shut us down for years. Each expedition is scrutinized and criticized behind our backs."

Erwin's brows rose. "Is that so?" He had known the Corps was at risk, but not as badly as that.

"Over the years, I have purposefully been shielding you and Anke from some of the messier politics. I know you've seen bits and pieces of it, but not the big picture." His mentor leaned across the desk. "Get in good with Supreme Commander Zackly; make him an ally, right from the start. He already likes you, so that shouldn't be hard. And make sure you have some expeditions that show demonstrable progress. The last one was good - having a high survival rate and bringing back something of value of the King will make people happy. If you can finally establish a base outside the walls and make progress toward reclaiming Wall Maria, that will make the Interior happy as well. The safer they feel, the happier they'll be, and the happier they are, the happier you are."

Erwin's heart beat in his throat. He had long been aware that the wealthy elite had different motivations than the rest of the populace, and this only heightened his suspicions. He nodded. "Thank you for this information."

"You'll figure out the rest yourself, probably in more detail than I ever did. You're a smart kid. Need a hand with that paperwork?"

"Please."

It was, thankfully, much easier to concentrate with his mentor present. They worked together on the paperwork until the dinner bell rang. Shadis stood and waited for him, but Erwin shook his head.

"You go ahead. I need a minute." He hadn't spent any time preparing a speech, so he would have to improvise. He needed a couple minutes to collect himself first.

He went to the men's bath and wet his comb, then carefully parted and combed his hair. Using a hand towel, he polished the Commander's pendant, then straightened his collars. The black eye and split lip were still ugly, but he didn't look nearly as peaked as earlier, though he certainly was feeling the hangover more. At least that meant he was finally sober.

With one last look in the mirror, he dampened his fingertips and smoothed his eyebrows, then took a deep breath.

When he entered the mess hall, he saw Shadis, the Squad Leaders and a few Team Leaders sitting at the longest table. As he walked past, Levi looked up at him. Their eyes held for a beat too long, but this time, it felt comfortable. Levi gave a small nod, and Erwin returned it.

 _We'll be okay,_  he decided, e _ven if we make the logical choice and keep our relationship platonic._ The thought of a platonic relationship was accompanied by a wave of loneliness, as if he were pre-emptively heartbroken, and that's when he realized logic wasn't going to save him. Not this time.

He moved to the head of the room and clasped his hands behind his back, waiting. Gradually, the murmuring died down, and dozens of eyes focused on him.

"Good evening, everyone," he said, his voice echoing. "I'm here for two very unusual reasons. The first is to welcome back Squad Leaders Levi and Hange Zoe for accomplishing the impossible: returning to base after a day's separation from the group. I'm certain they have quite a story to tell, but as they have had a trying day, I ask that you give them some space to allow them to reorient themselves. Please join me in giving them a salute out of respect for the trials they have endured."

The room rose to its feet. He thought he saw Levi's eyes roll, but Hange's lit up as their comrades saluted in unison.

Once everyone was seated again, Erwin continued. "The second reason I'm here is to address some rumours that are circulating about my behaviour last night. This will not be easy for me to admit; I have a longstanding reputation as a man who can separate reason from emotion. However, if I am to be your Commander, I want my relationship with each of you to be built on a foundation of honesty and trust. This includes admitting to mistakes when I make them."

He paused. His eyes scanned the room and landed on Levi. "In my many years with the Corps, I have lost countless people close to me, but last night's losses were a particular strain. I reached a breaking point and made the poor decision to drown my misery in alcohol, which led to another poor decision to mount a one-man rescue operation." He saw Levi's eyes slowly begin to widen. "It was a stupid, selfish decision, especially at a time when a good portion of our senior leadership was deceased or missing. If it hadn't been for decisive action by Squad Leader Mike Zacharias, I would have ridden to my death, and I'm ashamed to say I didn't react well to his intervention. The scuffle that ensued was no way for any member of the Survey Corps to behave, let alone a future Commander.

"I come to you now with a sincere apology. You trust me to make the best decisions for the sake of humanity, and I betrayed that trust. I am deeply sorry." He pulled into a salute.

He didn't expect what happened next: around the room, soldiers began to stand and return his salute. His heart pounded in his throat.  _Is this what Shadis meant when he said people would respect me if I were more in touch with my humanity?_

Levi stood and saluted as well, and Erwin swallowed hard. The man rarely saluted, even when proper decorum required it.

"Thank you for your generous acceptance," he said to the room. "That is all I have for you today. Good evening."

His cheeks were warm as he walked to the service line to receive his tray of food. Public speaking was no trouble for him - he enjoyed attention and responsibility - but he was accustomed to showing strength in public, not weakness. The soldiers working in the service line gave him nods off approval and respectful murmurs of "Sir," which put him a bit more at ease. As strange as it was, it seemed his little breakdown last night had been a step forward with the troops, not a step back.

He had planned to take his tray back to his office, but as he passed the long table, Levi slid over, leaving room for him at the end of his bench. The invitation was appealing; perhaps taking a break from paperwork would refresh his mind. Erwin accepted the seat, the fit so tight that their thighs were almost touching.

"Erwin," said Hange with wonder, "you were going to come rescue us?"

He smiled kindly. "Both of you are valuable assets to this team, and between your disappearance and Anke's death, I'm afraid my head wasn't on straight. Thankfully, Mike put it back into alignment."

"Don't ever try to fight Erwin," said Mike to his comrades, his voice pinched by the bandaged nose. "He was the top of our class in hand-to-hand combat, and he's a lethal force, even drunk."

"I didn't know you could fight," said Levi.

"I try to avoid it." Erwin tapped his black eye. "Don't sell yourself short, Mike. This eye is going to get me a lot of questions when I go to the Capital next week."

"Tell them a titan did it," said Dita. "It's not like the brass would know what it's like to fight one."

"All right, enough banter," said Shadis. "I know we're not supposed to pester our Squad Leaders for information about their disappearance, but Hange looks ready to burst."

Hange's eyes lit up. "Levi, do you mind if I tell them all about it?"

"Yeah, sure." Levi began to eat with his left hand, casually laying his right on the bench. Erwin glanced down at it. They were sitting so closely that the little finger was almost touching his thigh. Was the proximity intentional? An invitation, even?

"When the blast struck, we were partially shielded by the cart," said Hange. "Levi got the worst of it; he was unconscious when the dust settled. Titans were closing in on us, and I panicked: I grabbed him and went for the trees. I should have gone for the silo, but-"

"There was no time to think," said Levi, and Erwin was surprised by the gentle tone. Apparently a night in the woods had done a great deal to forge a bond between the two. The thought of Levi unconscious and helpless made fear settle in a cold ball in his stomach.  _Even when I went back to check on him, I got there too late. If not for Hange, he really would be dead._

He glanced down at the bench again. The tabletop gave them cover; no one would see anything if he were to place his hand on top of Levi's.  _You're supposed to be taking time to think this through,_ he told himself, but he was a man who could see several steps ahead of every situation, and it was already clear where this one was going.

Without changing his posture or expression, he began to eat with his right hand, laying his left along the side of his thigh. His hand was less than an inch away from Levi's, leaving just enough of a gap to back out if he changed his mind. He had promised not to make any advances unless he was certain, after all.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Levi's throat bob.

"We were still being pursued by titans," continued Hange, "and several of them were tall enough that the trees wouldn't protect us. I left Levi on a branch and took out five titans unassisted."

"Five?" said Mike dubiously.

"Not as impressive as it sounds. These titans were strangely sluggish. I don't know if they were tired or the cold slowed them down or what. But I had some interesting findings when I tried to chop off the arm of one of them..."

The body heat building between their thighs was wearing away Erwin's resistance. He stretched out his fingers, crossing his little finger over Levi's. The man gave him a sharp glance, but didn't pull away. The gesture could still be explained away as an accident, if necessary, but in his heart, Erwin knew there was no going back now, not when that little centimetre of skin contact was making his stomach flutter. He sat stiffly upright, eyes locked on Hange, and in his periphery, he saw Levi mirror the pose.

"Okay, enough about your findings," said Eld, interrupting the rambling. "I want to hear how you got out of that mess."

"Oh," said Hange, "Well, the temperature kept dropping, and the remaining titans were still swarming the tree trunk. Levi didn't wake up for another eight hours or so-"

The severity of the concussion was much worse than Erwin had imagined, and his stomach plummetted.  _I came so close to losing you._

Decisively, he grabbed Levi's hand.

In his periphery, he could see the man's jaw tightening. He struggled to keep his own breaths even and controlled, waiting for a reaction. This hand grip was more terrifying than any move he had ever made. He could effortlessly seduce a stranger at a bar, deliver a passionate kiss to someone he barely knew, but something about Levi stripped away all his years of practice. In this moment, he was just a dumb kid in love, waiting anxiously to see if his crush would accept his hand or pull away. He tried to distract himself by listening to Hange speak, but he had lost the ability to comprehend words.

Then, finally, Levi reacted. His hand rotated, palm up, and their fingers intertwined.

A rush ran up and down Erwin's spine, and he bit the inside of his cheek. This was well past the point of no return, but he didn't feel trapped. He felt free.

He cast the man a sideways glance, and Levi did the same, their faces perfectly stoic as their thumbs slid together beneath the table.

.*.*.*.

The conversation continued after dinner ended, shifting naturally between new topics. Officers drifted from the table, until eventually it was Levi, Erwin, Mike and Eld. Mike had started telling tales about their trainee days. Normally, Erwin wasn't fond of discussing his youth. He had been a lot more headstrong then, idealistic to a fault, with a temper for anyone who questioned him. There was also the matter of their heavy drinking habits; it had been peacetime, after all, and so the military had been much more lax with its trainees back then. Tonight, however, Mike was painting it all in a rather flattering light, so Erwin didn't mind Levi listening.

Besides, their hands were still joined under the table, their shared little secret, and he didn't have the heart to break the contact.

"-so we've still got five stations left to complete, and Lars loses it. He tells Erwin he's not going to follow the plan, and we're all going to fail the exercise, and he calls him a shitty leader," said Mike. "Erwin's face goes purple. Not just red, purple. We all step back, expecting him to clock the guy. Instead, he snaps out a fist and stuns him. One jab to the head, boom, Lars is down before anyone knows what happened. Erwin drapes him over his shoulders and takes him with us. He did the rest of the course with Lars unconscious on his back. Told Instructor Marta some bullshit about an accident at the third station, and we passed with flying colours. We even got bonus points for rescuing a wounded teammate." He shook his head. "That was when I learned how far Erwin Smith will go to reach his goals, and I decided right then I would follow him anywhere."

Levi turned to him, raising a brow. "You going to knock me unconscious if I question your decisions, Erwin?"

"Since then, I've learned there are more subtle ways to convince people to one's side," he replied dryly.

Eld stood and stretched. "Well, it's getting late, and last night was a long night for all of us. I'm turning in."

"Yeah, me too." Mike stood as well.

They exchanged their goodnights, then it was just Erwin and Levi, sitting suspiciously close to each other on the bench, their hands still joined.

"You must be exhausted," said Erwin quietly.

Levi shrugged, but when he spoke, his voice was softer than usual: "Yeah, but I'm still feeling a bit screwed up from last night. Not sure I should be alone right now."

Finally releasing his hand, Erwin slowly rose to his feet, his knees creaking. "I could come check on you." It was strange to have his hand to himself again. He curled his fingers around the cold, hand-shaped echo of Levi's grip, already missing it.

"Okay. Give me about fifteen minutes."

For a moment, they were silent. As Levi stood, he lifted his abandoned hand and stared at it, as if he didn't believe his own memory.

"Levi." Erwin leaned in close. He kept his eyes on the few soldiers still lingering at their tables, watching them to make sure they wouldn't be overheard. "I know what I want, but I also know I have wounds that need to heal. A relationship with me would progress slowly. It would take great patience."

When he pulled away again, Levi's face had a gentleness to it he had never seen before. "It's okay."

"It's been a very long time..." he said, not quite sure how to admit that Henrik had been his last male partner. Gender shouldn't matter to him - it had never mattered before Henrik - but since the man's death, he had only had two partners, both of them women, and that wasn't by accident.

Stopping to consider his romantic life made him realize how lonely he was. His last encounter had been two years ago, before Levi had even been in the picture. If he was honest, he hadn't been interested in pursuing anyone else since Levi had first caught his attention, sobbing in his arms. Or had it started before that?

"Erwin," said Levi, reaching up to grip his arm. "It's okay. You lead, and I'll follow you. Anywhere."

The last word was delivered so earnestly that shivers ran down Erwin's spine. "Then I'll come by in fifteen minutes and we can talk about this more." With a little nod, he turned, intending to return to his room to change.

His path brought him past the office, and he slowed, realizing there was one more thing he needed to do first.

_I need to let go._

He shut the door behind him and lit the lamp, then picked up Henrik's frame. He held it to his chest. His eyes closed as he tried to visualize Henrik standing in front of him for one last farewell.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't picture the man. He could see bits and pieces with perfect detail, but when he tried to put them together, the pieces swam in and out of focus, never binding together. Panicking, he realized that he couldn't quite remember the man's voice, or even the boisterous laugh that had first drawn his attention. Five years was a long time, especially with so much else on his mind.

His eyelids parted.

_The memory has decayed, and I'm desperately holding on to the husk it left behind. I was so intent on grieving that I let the natural grieving process slip me by. How can he be at peace if I won't let him fade away? Is he still a man to me, or have I reduced him to a concept, an excuse to feel sad?_

Erwin took a deep, shaky breath, then opened the bottom drawer of his desk and set the frame inside it. The drawer closed. He felt a small wave of peace - not closure yet, but it was a start.

Once he got back to his room, he pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms and an old cotton shirt, then brushed his teeth and combed his hair. By the time he was ready, his hands were shaking, the enormity of what he was about to do finally dawning on him.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he left the room and marched three doors down the hall to Levi's new room.

He knocked.

The door opened, and Levi stared up at him, wearing loose-fitting pyjama pants.  _The only pair of pyjamas he owns_ , thought Erwin, remembering that paltry box of possessions. The dim lamplight cast the muscles and grooves of Levi's torso into strong contrast: lean muscle, very little body fat. A perfect weapon of a man.

The door had barely closed behind them when Erwin caught Levi's shoulders and pulled him in, arms wrapping around him in a hug. Once again, he marvelled at how small the man was - he only came up to chest height, and his shoulders and hips were narrow.

After a moment, Levi's arms wrapped around him, so tightly that it was hard to breathe. Erwin hadn't expected him to be too interested in hugs. Really, it was difficult to picture Levi enjoying any form of intimacy; he was so particular and easily disgusted that it seemed like the baser aspects of being human would be too messy or irritating for him.

Their bodies were flush, and the close contact was starting to arouse Erwin. He wondered if he should pull away before it became noticeable. All his previous romances had happened rather explosively, and he wasn't certain about the proper etiquette for one that was supposed to move at a slow pace, even when he was the one who had requested it.

"It's a good thing you had that bath," said Levi. "I would have had a noseful of smelly, shitty armpit right now."

"I suppose it is," said Erwin, amused by the man's crassness. Closing his eyes, he bowed down to bury his nose into the top of the dark hair, breathing in. Smelling his own soap there felt wrong; he would have to replace the lemon soap soon.

"You...feel good," said Levi, sounding a bit awkward.

"So do you. I've wanted to hold you like this ever since I found out you were missing. I didn't think I'd have the chance."

There was a long pause.

"You'd better not be screwing with my head again." Levi's arms tightened. "If you start spewing some crap about how we can't be together..."

Erwin gently gripped the man's chin and tilted it until their eyes met. "I made you a promise, Levi." His thumb ran across the narrow bottom lip. "I wasn't going to act until I was sure."

Slowly, carefully, he leaned down. Their lips grazed once, twice, then he pressed in closer. This time, their lips parted, but he kept the kiss shallow, softly inhaling the taste of Levi's breath. Levi gave something close to a growl, and his hands curled into Erwin's collar, fighting to pull him closer, but Erwin wasn't ready to relinquish control just yet. Their tongues barely grazed, then he gradually, slowly began deepening the kiss.

His plan was to orchestrate every move, to keep the pace slow and controlled, but their tongues brushed again, and it felt so good that he began to lose himself. Their bodies pressed together, jaws widening, and Erwin's tongue slid deep into Levi's mouth. He felt Levi's hands run down his back to his ass, where they massaged the muscle, urging him in closer. Hiding his arousal was impossible now, and it no longer seemed like a priority, anyway, so Erwin mirrored the motion, pulling Levi flat against him. The urge to grind was getting overwhelming, and he wasn't sure he could fight it much longer. He was the one who had asked them to take it slowly, after all, but he couldn't remember why.

He finally broke the kiss and pulled away, panting for air. Levi's eyes were heavily lidded, his lips parted.

"Was that a better kiss than before, or still shitty?" asked Erwin.

"Fuck..." Levi tugged on his neck, drawing him down again.

This kiss was deep from the beginning, and this time, Erwin couldn't hold back. He tilted his hips forward and back, just once, and warmth flooded his groin. He heard the man's breath catch, felt hands tighten into his ass.

Then Levi walked him backwards to the bed and shoved him onto the mattress, crawling over top of him, their lips sloppily finding each other again. Erwin's palms slid up and down that bare, muscled back. They were both grinding now, and this was probably advancing far faster than it should, but he didn't care, he just needed to feel that hard evidence that he was wanted, needed to feel it rubbing against his own.

Levi broke the kiss and began to lick down his chin, then throat, then across his neck. It felt so good, so good, it was almost too much. Overcome, Erwin suddenly rolled, pinning the small man beneath him, burying his face into the slender neck, paying him back with the same intensity. He found one particularly sensitive spot about an inch below the left jaw, and he buried himself into it, letting the damp skin slide between his teeth. Levi's gasps started as curses, then devolved into incoherent noises, growing loud enough that Erwin finally pulled away. There were empty rooms on either side of them, but they shouldn't take any chances.

They took a moment to steady themselves, both panting hard. Erwin pulled off his shirt and swiftly folded it into quarters, tossing it onto the desk beside them.

"Fuck." Levi's palm slid up his stomach and chest. "Fuck, look at you." His lips were swollen, his dark hair was mussed, and his face, normally so emotionless, was twisted into an expression somewhere between helplessness and pain.

Erwin leaned down to kiss the man's forehead. A faint layer of sweat was building on the pale skin, leaving his lips salty. "You all right?"

"Shit," breathed Levi.

"I want to get you off."

"Shit." Levi's eyes closed. "Okay, I... Shit."

Erwin went for an ear this time, his tongue tracing its grooves. His body rolled to one side as he began to run his palm down the man's chest, stomach... He slid over the top of the pants, feeling the rigid shape beneath, and Levi threw his head back with a gasp.

 _He's sensitive._ He had always pictured Levi being wild in bed, but not in such a vulnerable and expressive way.  _Does he surrender this completely to everyone, or just to me?_ Admiration swelled within him as he found the man's lips again. His fingers gently tugged at the fabric, and Levi gave a low groan into his mouth.

Not content to have the cloth barrier between them, Erwin slipped his hand under the waistband.

Skin met skin, and Levi gasped and tugged the waistband down his hips, out of the way. For a moment, Erwin lost composure, his eyes fluttering shut. He had forgotten how intimate this contact felt, how well it allowed him to read his partner.

"Wait." Levi reached out to stay his wrist. "I want to jerk you off at the same time."

Erwin froze. Why was it that the thought of touching Levi was comfortable, but the other way around felt too fast? Was it that he was too afraid to lose himself in front of anyone? Perhaps his grief was manifesting as control issues. He scoured his emotions, trying to make sense of them.

"Levi..." He trailed off, not sure what to say.

"Too much, too soon, huh?"

Frustration washed over him. "It doesn't make sense. I don't understand my own logic. I don't understand these arbitrary borders I'm using to divide up intimacy."

Levi studied him for a moment, then said quietly, "Look, Erwin, whatever you're feeling is what's right, okay? It doesn't have to make sense."

"It's not fair to you if I'm putting arbitrary timelines on things."

"It's okay." Levi reached up to grip his shoulder. "Don't over-think this. I'll speak up if I feel anything's unfair."

Taking a slow breath, Erwin let the words sink in. "Thank you for your generous understanding."

"Don't be so formal. You're grabbing my dick, not giving a speech to the brass." Levi pulled him down for another kiss. Already, the man's mouth was feeling familiar: narrow lips and tongue, small teeth with a couple gaps near the back. A groan rumbled between them.

Erwin's hand began to move, setting into a gentle rhythm, and soon Levi fell back to the pillow. He was wearing that pained expression again, his hands clawing into the blanket. "Fuck. I'm not going to last."

"Good." Erwin kissed across to his ear, increasing the cadence of his hand. "Let yourself go. I want you to come for me, Levi."

"Holy shit."

He felt as if he were rising with him. "Come on, Levi: come for me."

"Fuck!" Levi arched, and Erwin pulled away to watch his face, contorted and strained and beautiful.

Then, slowly, the man sank back to the bed, breathing hard, his face perfectly relaxed. Erwin stretched out beside him, delivering slow kisses to his jaw.

"Fuck," said Levi with a puff of air, as if he had been holding his breath. His eyes opened, and he propped himself onto an elbow. "Think you could grab me a handkerchief? Not sure where your moving crew put them."

Erwin looked down. He had tried to catch everything in his free hand, but some of it had spilled onto Levi's stomach. It would have been tidier if he had just used his mouth. His groin throbbed at the idea.

He retrieved a handkerchief for each of them from the top dresser drawer. They were silent as they cleaned themselves; he tried not to be offended by the disgusted expression on Levi's face. He had expected it, to some degree.

Clearing his throat, he stood, not sure how this exchange should end. "You probably need your rest."

Levi's eyes were fixed between his legs. "You sure you don't want to get off? What if you jerked yourself off while I made out with you?"

Erwin's knees weakened, and he was surprised by how badly he wanted that. "I suppose that arrangement could be a good intermediary step."

"Stop being so formal. Don't you ever forget your manners?"

Suddenly bashful, Erwin's cheeks glowed. He wasn't accustomed to anyone speaking to him so bluntly, at least not in this context.

They shifted to lie side by side on the bed, studying each other. This was surreal, Levi's eyes locked onto him, their hands slowly trailing across each other's arms. Even his own shyness was foreign.  _Maybe I was mortally wounded out in that field with Anke, and everything since has been a dying man's dream._

Dream or not, he wanted it to continue. Trying to push past his shyness, he slipped his hand into his pants.

Levi watched him for a moment, as if sizing him up, then leaned forward to kiss his ear. Erwin felt his breath escape in a rush.  _He's a natural hunter, instinctively identifying his prey's weak spot._  His muscles tensed.

"You like that?" murmured Levi, using his tongue to trace the ridges.

Realizing he was holding his breath, Erwin sharply exhaled, but then a hand began to caress his chest, and he gasped.

Levi sat up, eyes trailing down his body. "Look at you," he murmured. "Look how fucking hot you are. But still so quiet and polite." He bent in again, kissing across his neck to his throat, then down. Erwin closed his eyes, his fist moving faster as he felt Levi's hands massage his chest and shoulders.

One particular spot felt so good that a short cry slipped from his lips, and the hands paused.

"I see."

Then he felt damp warmth on a nipple, and for a split second, he was bewildered, but then heat flooded his body. His mind went white. He couldn't tell if he was saying the words aloud, or just thinking them:  _oh fuck, Levi, that feels so good, oh fuck, oh fuck..._

"That's more like it," said Levi, his voice so low that it was almost a growl.

Erwin felt himself cresting, but he wasn't ready to end this yet. He subtly slowed his pace, fighting to hang on.

Then he realized that Levi's finger was tracing his bottom lip. Frenzied, he pulled it into his mouth. He heard Levi take in a sharp breath.

"Erwin-"

"Don't stop," he pleaded, his voice lisping around the finger.

Levi returned to licking his nipple, and Erwin pulled the finger deep into his throat, suckling it, wrapping his tongue around it. Levi gave a soft moan. The sound, combined with the stimulation on his tongue and his chest and between his legs, was too much to handle, and he was rising, he couldn't fight it anymore. The finger fell from his mouth.

"Levi," he warned. "Oh fuck..."

He went under so hard that his back lifted off the bed, every muscle shuddering.

Slowly, he came back to himself.

He opened his eyes to see Levi hovering over him. The man's expression couldn't quite be called a smirk, but one corner of his lips had lifted, just slightly. He reached down to smooth the hair off Erwin's forehead.

"I don't think I've ever heard you say 'fuck' before today, then you drop it about thirty times in the space of a minute." There was a twinkle in his eyes, as if he were proud.

Erwin pulled him in for a soft kiss. He was surprised by how natural this felt, basking in the afterglow with Levi at his side.

"Here." The man handed him a clean handkerchief. "Erwin..." The not-quite-a-smirk faded from his lips.

"Something on your mind, Levi?" he asked, mopping up.

"Would you...stay?"

"Stay?"

"Here. Tonight. With me." Levi's cheeks darkened, and he shrugged, looking away. "If you want."

In this post-orgasm haze, Erwin felt like he would agree to anything the man asked of him, but he tried to think about it logically. "You don't think it might be suspicious if I came out of your room in the morning?"

"It wouldn't be hard to sneak you out without anyone seeing. But it's just an idea." He shrugged again, the display of uncaring so exaggerated that Erwin understood how much it really meant to him.

"You've convinced me. I'll stay." He stole another kiss, then stood, pulling on his shirt. "I should probably go wash my hands first. I'll be back in a minute or two." He normally wouldn't bother washing up until morning, but he felt the need to be cleaner than usual for the sake of his fastidious partner.

When he reached the men's bath, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror: flushed cheeks, mussed hair, and an enormous grin.

"Subtle," he told his reflection, but the grin wouldn't go away; instead, his blush deepened. He quickly washed his hands and face, then took a minute to rinse off his stomach while he was at it.

When he returned to the room, Levi was already in bed; he shifted over, leaving room. Erwin slipped under the covers. They laid on their backs, side-by-side.

"What the fuck just happened?" asked Levi, and Erwin gave a soft chuckle.

"I agree. This is...surreal."

"You still okay with this?" The words were laced with insecurity.

The urge to smile finally faded from Erwin's lips. He rolled onto his side so they could look each other in the eye. "Levi, it won't be easy to be with me. There will be a lot I won't be able to tell you, and plans that must take priority over either of us. If our work ever comes into direct conflict with our personal relationship, the work will always win. Always. The titans must come first."

"I know that," said Levi.

"I need to know one thing before we proceed." Erwin searched his eyes. "Does this change anything? Are you going to be able to die if I order you to, or let me die if it's necessary?"

The man gave an irritated huff. "This is the worst pillow talk I've ever heard."

"This is important, Levi. I need your answer."

"Fine. But before I answer, I have a question for you: can you still order me to die?"

Erwin hesitated. He didn't want to consider giving the order, but one day, he might have to. "I would be reluctant, but my personal feelings won't cloud my judgement. At the end of the day, we all must serve humanity above our own interests. Yes, I could order you to die, Levi, but I want you to understand: your death would haunt me more than any I have ever caused." Even though he said the words for Levi, there was no one who could possibly understand their true impact. No one knew just how deeply ghosts of the past had shaped him, how they had forged his life's work. The words were the greatest compliment Erwin could give.

Maybe Levi didn't know the specifics, but he seemed to register the importance of it: his eyes widened a little, then settled again. "Yes, I'll go to my death for you."

"Even if things go badly between us? Even if I break your heart?"

"Fucking hell, Erwin." Levi huddled into the blanket. "Yes, of course. Now would you shut up? This is a shitty way to cap off the evening."

"I'm sorry to be so dour," said Erwin, touched by the man's loyalty. "I had to be sure."

"Next time you're going to talk about breaking my heart or asking me to die, can you at least wait until..." Levi paused. "Never."

"It won't come up again." It began to dawn on him that he had potentially ruined the night with his poor timing. "I'm sorry, Levi. If you want me to leave-"

"It's fine." Levi rolled onto his side, turning his back. Erwin spooned up behind him, wrapping an arm around him, his hand flat against the centre of the muscular chest. He could feel the man's racing heartbeat in his palm.  _So strong, so lively._   _I came so close to losing this forever._ His throat tightened.

"Can I ask one more thing of you, Levi?"

The man sighed. "What?"

His voice cracked: "Make sure this heart keeps beating."

There was a pause, then a hand covered his, their fingers intertwining.


	7. Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and a huge thank you to those who have taken the time to review or tell other people to read this fic. Your comments & readership are gobbled like candy! :) <3
> 
> This chapter has a couple vague references to "A Choice With No Regrets," but no real spoilers aside from one character's name.

**-7-**

**Morning After**

Lips pressed against Levi's forehead. He stirred and tried to speak, but he was so exhausted that his voice came out in a groan instead.

"Go back to sleep. You need your rest," murmured Erwin's voice, and then a knuckle grazed his cheek.

As Levi drifted back to sleep, he heard the door click.

.*.*.*.

"Erwin?" Levi sat upright. The room was empty. He swore he had only closed his eyes for an instant longer, but the pillow beside him was cold.

At first, he thought he had dreamed the whole encounter, but then he saw the used handkerchiefs on the floor. He wrinkled his nose as he dropped them in the laundry basket, but he was glad they were there. As unhygienic as the rags were, at least they were real.

It was still dark outside, but through the window, he could see a crack of light on the horizon. Even exhausted as he was, he had still managed to awaken before reveille.

He gathered his toiletries and headed into the hallway. As he passed Erwin's room, he wondered if the Commander would have any regrets. The gentle kiss to the forehead – if that hadn't been a dream – suggested no regret, but he was still insecure. It wasn't that he doubted Erwin's interest. Uninterested men didn't hold a hand in secret for more than an hour, or watch an orgasm with parted lips and pinched brows, as if drinking in their pleasure. Erwin was interested, no question.

What he doubted was the longevity of that interest. Ever since the turning point of their relationship, when they had left their rocky beginnings behind and Levi's admiration had begun to grow, he had built Erwin into someone completely unattainable, someone who could have any person he chose. Aside from his unparalleled brilliance, he was tall, classically handsome, and excelled at everything he did. Why would he choose a perpetually sour, uneducated, scrawny rat of a man? Once the initial rush of hormones died down, Erwin was sure to see right through him.

Or maybe Levi's mind was just playing tricks on him. It wouldn't be the first time he had started to overthink everything at the start of a new relationship. It was a defense mechanism cultivated after years of heartbreak: everyone always left him or died, in the end.

He slipped into the icy bath. The scent of Erwin's soap made his mind begin to retrace the events of the night before. The memories had disproportionate power over him. It had just been a hand job, the most innocent form of sex he could imagine, but the intensity of it made it the most memorable sexual encounter he'd had in years. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, thinking about Erwin's hand: its size and strength, the knotted knuckles, the deep-set fingernails. It looked and felt so good no matter what it was touching.

His eyes opened. Was thinking about a hand enough to turn him on now? He shook his head.  _Pathetic._

The dizzying rise and fall of his mood was wearing at his nerves. By the time reveille sounded, his stomach had twisted into knots. He retrieved a clean uniform from his closet and pulled it on, then carefully tied his cravat. If he left now, he could reach the mess hall before any of his comrades and drink warm tea until his stomach settled.

He stepped into the hallway.

"Levi."

His heart skipped a beat. Turning, he saw Erwin standing in the hall, a towel slung over his shoulder, apparently on the way to the baths. His face was as inscrutable as always, his stance rigid. Levi's eyes drifted down the furry chest.  _Now I'm never going to be able to see him topless without remembering how sensitive those nipples are._

"Good Morning," said Erwin. "I know you'll probably need a few days to recover from your concussion, but we still need to do a proper debrief while the incidents are fresh on our minds. Bring Squad Leader Hange by my office after breakfast."

"Yes, Erwin." He hesitated, thrown off by the man's formality. "We're okay, right?"

The Commander paused to glance up and down the hall, then stepped in closer, his stance relaxing. "I'd say better than okay. Wouldn't you?" Was that a flicker of insecurity in that placid blue gaze? Maybe Levi wasn't the only one overthinking things.

"Of course. This is all just a bit weird."

"That's to be expected while we readjust our perceptions of each other. It will take time." Erwin reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder, the gesture forced and awkward, but not unwelcome. "I have some business to discuss with you, and it's looking like it'll be a beautiful day outside. After our debrief, why don't we take our lunches outside and find somewhere private to talk?"

"Yeah, sure."

Erwin's face returned to neutral as other soldiers appeared at the end of the hall, and he retracted his hand. "That will be all for now, Levi. Dismissed."

With a frown, Levi moved past him. Even though it was just for show, he didn't like being dismissed.  _I'm not your damned dog._

In spite of his annoyance, even that small conversation was enough to leave its mark. His cheeks were still burning when he arrived at the mess hall, and he was glad that neither Hange nor Mike was around to notice.

This was the exact opposite of how his previous relationships had started. Usually, there was one really good drunken fuck, then a few more casual fucks, then an awkward  _are-we-dating_ phase, and then he ended up in love without realizing it had crept up on him. He had never thought himself the type to blush after a simple conversation.

Lost in thought, he stayed at the table sipping tea long after his food was finished. Slowly, other soldiers began to trickle in, but there was no sign of Hange. Growing impatient, he stood.

The office that had been assigned to Hange was still empty, so he tried the bunks instead. A soldier with short blond hair answered the door, and he struggled with the name for a moment - he was pretty sure it was Nanaba, but they had never really interacted.

"I'm looking for Hange," he said, avoiding the name entirely.

"Is that Levi?" came a gravelly voice from inside the room. He heard a book slam, then Hange appeared at the door, hair mussed and eyes sunken. "Morning."

He leaned against the door frame and folded his arms over his chest. "You look like shit."

"I've been up all night writing out my findings."

"All night? Really?" He stared. "Aren't you exhausted?"

"No, too busy."

"Well, you just got even busier. Erwin wants us to come by his office for debriefing."

"Oh, good. I wanted to talk to him anyway. Let's go." Hange stumbled past him, bumping into the door so hard that Levi winced.

"You need to sleep," he said. "You can't even walk straight."

"I can sleep later."

Levi glanced at Nanaba, who was staring after the Squad Leader with a worried expression. "You're scaring your roommates."

"Bah, they're used to me by now. Hurry up!"

With a low sigh, he hurried to catch up.

When they arrived at Erwin's office, they found him seated at his desk, working his way through a stack of paperwork. He looked up as they entered and gave them a polite smile. "Please be seated."

As Levi sat, his gaze drifted across the surface of the desk. It was cluttered: papers, a few ink bottles, files, even a dismantled flare gun.  _This office gets messier every time I see it._

His gaze moved to the shelf on the window, and he froze.

The one chaotic frame, Henrik's drawing, was gone.

He felt as if he were sinking into himself, spiralling into his core. Had Erwin taken it down already, after just one hand job? His stomach twisted.  _I thought we were supposed to be taking this slowly._ Did Erwin see him as Henrik's replacement?

"Levi?" asked the Commander. "Are you okay?"

He snapped his focus away from the shelf. "Fine."

"You look a little pale," said Hange, peering in uncomfortably close. "More than usual."

"So what? You do, too. Can we get this over with?" He folded his arms over his chest, slumping in his chair. He could feel them watching him, and it was making him claustrophobic.

After a moment, Erwin held out a flare gun. "Hange, last night you mentioned something about altering the flare guns to eject their canisters. Can you show me what you did?"

"Oh, that's easy. You see this spring here?" Hange leaned forward to poke the gun.

Levi's head dropped back against the chair, and he let out a long, quiet sigh. He wasn't sure what he was going to be able to contribute to the discussion; he couldn't remember anything from the blast, and even the details of what had happened on that tree branch were a bit hazy. Besides, now his mind was humming with thoughts of that missing frame, even though he tried to block them out. He was sick of introspection, and sick of guessing where he stood.

Erwin asked several questions, making notes in a file. Trying to preoccupy himself, Levi eyed the pen as it glided across the paper with the man's graceful handwriting. Several of the words were indecipherable. He could read printed words just fine, but sometimes struggled with the loopy, flowing script that educated men like Erwin used.

"Hey Erwin, why are you writing all this down?" he asked, interrupting Hange.

"Any parts of a mission that deviate from the plan must be noted," said the Commander without looking up. "Any time soldiers are separated from the main body, the question of desertion or even treason must be addressed."

"Treason?" repeated Hange, voice faint.

"Don't worry. I'm documenting the event in enough detail to ensure treason is never a consideration." Erwin dotted the paper, then looked up at them. "As you two get familiar with the higher ranks of the military, you'll come to realize that a good deal about Survey Corps leadership is making sure the Interior is comfortable with us. Every time we come back with fewer troops, they begin to question us."

"We didn't need to lose that many people this time," blurted Hange.

Levi's eyes snapped to the Squad Leader.  _Are you really going to do this now?_

The Commander set down the pen and lifted his chin. "Something on your mind, Hange?"

"The perimeter was spread too thinly, and there weren't enough scouts on high ground. If we had settled in the forest first and then sent a team down to ground level to retrieve the silo supplies, we could have minimized the loss of life..." The confidence faded from Hange's voice as Erwin's face hardened.

"These things are always more apparent in retrospect," he said quietly. "We will learn from this and-"

"But I knew we weren't positioned well before the attack happened." Hange turned to Levi. "Remember?"

He shrugged, the memory a bit fuzzy. "I told you to take it up with Erwin."

There was a long pause.

The Commander folded his hands on the desk and leaned forward. "Hange, I'm sorry if I led you to believe that you didn't have the right to question me. I am just one man, and my strategies are subject to human error. If you ever find yourself questioning any of my decisions, it's your duty to notify me immediately. We may have a hierarchy, but every member of our team has a responsibility to minimize casualties. Ignoring your doubts could mean endangering your comrades, and that is something you must never, ever, do. That goes for you too, Levi. Ultimately, the weakness in our strategy was my mistake, and I take full responsibility, but one or both of you should have raised your concerns. Understood?"

Levi sank deeper into his chair. Beside him, Hange's head was bowed.

After a pause, Erwin lifted his pen again. "Let's continue. Please explain to me in detail how you took out that last group of titans."

As Hange tentatively began to speak, Levi's eyes drifted back to the shelf, to that missing gap where the frame had once stood. Was it realistic to try to build a relationship that was equal in private, but imbalanced in public? Or was Erwin just desperate to fill the space Henrik had left behind?

He clenched his teeth, doubts crowding his mind.

.*.*.*.

It took more than an hour, but at last, Erwin was satisfied that his report was complete. Just in time, too: Levi looked bored out of his mind, and even Hange was getting antsy. Erwin felt a pang of sympathy. It couldn't be easy to relive such a difficult night in great detail.

Now it was his turn to debrief them. Keeping his update short, he gave them a few details about Anke's death, then updated them on the other casualties.

"I'll be heading to the Capital in four days for my induction ceremony," he continued. "Once the paperwork is finalized and I've formally been promoted, I'll be meeting with you and the other Squad Leaders to talk about how we're going to structure ourselves, and what our next goals will entail. Given that we've had a change in leadership and a great deal of personnel loss over the past several expeditions, we'll be rebuilding the squads from the ground up. Give some thought to what type of squad will fit your leadership style best, and which soldiers will help you achieve our goals.

"That about covers everything I wanted to tell you. Does either of you have any questions for me?"

"Actually, sir, I'd like to talk to you alone for a few minutes," said Hange.

"Of course." He nodded at Levi and said to him, "You're free to leave. I'll see you at lunchtime for our meeting; please close the door behind you."

The man stood and left the room without so much as a word or a glance back. Erwin's brow furrowed.  _Did I say something to upset him?_

As much was he wanted to chase after him and make sure everything was okay, that discussion would have to wait until lunch. He turned his attention back to Hange, who was leaning forward in the chair, legs bouncing.

"Now then," he said. "What did you want to speak to me about?"

"Research," said Hange. "I've been writing down my observations from the past couple expeditions, and it's all pointing at one fact: we know absolutely nothing about the titans. For example, the ones we met during the last expedition were sluggish. Was it the cold? Were they abnormals? I have some theories, but for now, they're all baseless conjecture."

This level of interest was exactly why Levi had suggested they promote Hange in the first place, and Erwin leaned back in his chair, intrigued. "What do you propose?"

"Research expeditions. Small teams. I'd like some time to study titans in the wild. Maybe we could even capture one and study it in detail. Oh, and weapons - we need to develop better weapons and research tools. The current-"

Erwin held up a hand, recognizing the growing light of obsession in the bespectacled eyes. "Your goals are lofty, and your imagination is admirable, but the timing isn't right to launch large-scale research operations, so let's take small steps. I'll allow you to stay in the sidelines and make observations during our next few expeditions. We'll make sure your Team Leaders support-"

"No."

He blinked. "Pardon?"

"Observations aren't good enough." Hange looked up, brows low. "The time for large-scale research operations is now. You're a man of reason, Erwin, so you must see that until we understand what we're fighting, we're just throwing away lives. If we figure out what the titans are, we can build better weapons, attack them more efficiently. Lives could be saved."

Erwin could indeed see it, and moreover, he was motivated to learn more about the titans, perhaps more than anyone else in the Corps; it was the reason he had joined up in the first place.

Even so, he knew they had to time their research carefully. For one thing, Shadis' warning about the Survey Corps' shaky future made him suspect that throwing resources onto a new project would only give the Interior more reasons to shut them down. Furthermore, he had deep suspicions that uncovering the nature of the titans would cause a whole host of new problems, and they weren't ready to handle those problems. Not yet.

"The timing isn't right," he said.

Hange's eyes flashed. "People are dying. If we drag our feet-"

"The timing isn't right," he said again. "We'll revisit this in one year's time."

"A year!"

He closed his report and opened a drawer to file it away, but he heard a slam. When he looked up, Hange was leaning forward on the desk, palms planted on its surface.

"Erwin, I didn't come here to watch people die while I sit in the sidelines." The brown eyes narrowed. "I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice. I demand a dedicated research team and permission to perform research expeditions. I also demand resources to begin prototyping and testing new weapons."

He raised his brows, more confused than intimidated. "And if I refuse to meet your demands?"

"I go to your superiors with some unsavoury information about you."

"You're going to blackmail me?" He struggled to keep a smirk off his face; instead, he leaned back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. "What information do you have?"

"I know about you and Levi."

"What about us, exactly?" he asked without missing a beat, even though his chest tightened.

"I know the real reason you were going to mount a rescue operation, and it wasn't for me." Hange leaned closer. "I know about the affair."

"Affair," he repeated.  _So that's what we're calling it._ "Do I strike you as someone who would risk his career for an affair?"

"Not intentionally, but people can't think straight when sex is involved. Relationships between superiors and their subordinates are heavily frowned upon, are they not? You will meet my demands, or I will begin to spread my information."

Hange's bravery and resolve were so admirable that Erwin almost regretted what he was about to do, but he couldn't leave this end loose.

"Say you were correct," he said. "Say I foolishly succumbed to my lust and put my career in jeopardy. What proof do you have?"

"I saw you on the rooftop, the night before the expedition."

"You saw? Your word against mine? A newly-promoted Squad Leader with noted discipline issues speaking out against a Commander with more than a decade of good service – whose word do you think holds more weight?"

Hange's eyes widened just a little, a flicker of awareness that he had plucked a loose thread and was about to unravel the entire plan. Erwin tilted his jaw to look down his nose.

"Well?" he asked, secretly hoping that there was more to the threat. He enjoyed a challenge.

"Levi admitted there was something between you," said Hange, sounding less confident.

That surprised him, but he kept his face neutral. "If Levi was a willing participant in an affair, do you think he would be willing to testify against his supposed lover?"

Hange's mouth flattened into a straight line. "Oh."

"Whatever strange air there was between Levi and me has been resolved and is no longer in play, so your threats hold no sway over me. What's more..." He gave a polite smile, letting a hint of a threat shine through. "Blackmail only works if your information outweighs your opponent's. If they have information to use against you, they might turn the tables on you, and your attempt to control them might end up indebting you to them instead."

Hange's head tilted, eyes narrow, as if trying to size him up. "Are you saying you have information about me?"

"The official military background checks are too lax for my tastes. I always dig deeper when someone is about to be promoted. Much deeper." He leaned forward, his voice low. "I know you were born Zoe Kerr, the illegitimate child of high-ranking weapons scientist Hange Lise and a soldier by the name of Calvin Kerr. Your father died in combat before you were born, and your mother was too heartbroken to raise you, so you were adopted by your paternal grandmother. The two of you lived in abject poverty in a small village inside Wall Rose, subsisting on the small stipends your estranged mother infrequently sent your way. In spite of the distance between you, you idolized her and patterned your life after her, going so far as to lift her name and, when university wasn't a possibility, her academic credentials. Your attempts to follow in her footsteps by working in research were cut short when your negligence caused a tragic accident-"

"Stop," said Hange, voice tight. "Please... Stop."

He waited. Slowly, Hange sank back to the chair, head slumped.

"Your personal history will stay with me and me alone," said Erwin quietly. "Everyone has their secrets, but I need you to understand: if you plan to reveal my secrets - if you even pretend to reveal my secrets and spread falsehoods instead - I will not hesitate to reveal yours. Fair is fair, right?"

In response, Hange gave him an uneasy smile. "Mike warned me you were ruthless."

He returned the smile. "I had a feeling you were, too. For what it's worth, I admire your nerve. Threatening your Commander during your first week as Squad Leader..." He shook his head. "That's commitment to your cause. I can already tell you're going to be a valuable asset to the team."

Standing, he straightened the papers on his desk. "You're correct that we need to pursue research: the sooner, the better. Unfortunately, we are bound to a delicate balancing act: if we push too hard or do anything too radical, we could lose our right to leave the walls entirely, particularly now that our leadership is in flux. The Interior is easily spooked. We have to give them time to grow accustomed to us."

Hange frowned. "So we just let people die in the meantime?"

"Any deaths that result from playing their game are on their heads, not ours." He clasped his hands behind his back, ready to close off the conversation. "Start preparing for the future now: as you plan to build your squad, choose soldiers who can eventually move into research roles. You might want to identify a candidate as a research assistant and start training them, too. As for weapons research, we might be able to arrange a room for you to do so on your own time, but you must provide the funds and source the resources yourself. We'll revisit this in one year's time. Understood?"

Hange still looked uneasy, but only said, "Sir."

"Good. Dismissed."

As the Squad Leader left the room, Erwin sat back in his chair, smiling to himself. In some ways, Hange reminded him of himself as a Squad Leader.

Though the prospect of paperwork was dull in comparison to matching wits with Hange, there was still a mountain of it to get through, so he returned to work. It seemed that for every paper he filled out, two more resurfaced. He was going to have to figure out how to streamline the bureaucratic aspects of being Commander; otherwise, he wasn't going to have any time to strategize. Perhaps the restructure should include a Commander's assistant.

He was so engrossed in his work that he didn't realize it was lunchtime until a knock sounded at the door. "Come in."

Levi entered, holding two bagged lunches and a thermos of tea. He dropped a bag on the desk. "Here."

"Thanks." Erwin rose. "Are you still interested in eating outside? I have a spot in mind."

"Sure, whatever." The man's gaze drifted to the window.

"Levi, are you okay?"

A shrug. "Yeah, fine."

 _It's going to be like pulling teeth to get him to talk._  Erwin frowned and grabbed his lunch. "Follow me."

He led them down the hallway and took a sharp right, toward the maintenance store rooms. This hallway didn't get much traffic, and when it did, it was usually with muddy equipment and booted feet. He glanced back and saw Levi looking around, nose wrinkled. "Filthy," the man muttered.

"You're welcome to organize a cleaning crew, if you like. Might be a good way to teach the new recruits some discipline." Erwin turned down a dark hallway and approached an old wooden door. A latch held it closed, the padlock rusted.

"I thought we were going to eat outside," said Levi, sounding a bit wary.

"I have a particular spot in mind. Did you know this was a Garrison outpost before the Survey Corps was formed? There are several old areas of the barracks we don't make use of anymore, and this is one of them." He tugged on the doorknob. A screw had been removed from one side of the latch, invisible to anyone who was unaware; the padlock was only for show. The door creaked open, revealing a dark, musty-smelling room on the other side.

"Erwin?" asked Levi nervously.

"This way."

They stepped into the room, and Erwin closed the door, immersing them in darkness.

"Shit," muttered Levi. "If there are fucking rats or bats in here, I swear-"

"There aren't." He gripped Levi's arm and led him toward the far wall. "If you feel along the wall, you'll find a series of metal rungs embedded in the brick." He gripped his lunch bag between his teeth and began to climb.

The makeshift ladder was longer than he remembered, and his forearms were aching by the time he reached the top. He felt for the hatch and, finding it, threw it open. He emerged into sunlight, Levi on his heels.

They let the hatch fall closed as they took in their surroundings. The ladder had taken them to the top of a small platform overlooking the city. A small wall, about mid-thigh height on Erwin, encircled the platform, giving them some privacy. A sea of clay roofs sprawled before them, and above them, the sky was wide and blue.

Levi's eyes widened. "You can see the whole city from here."

"This was a guard tower, back in the time when the walls were new and the military kept a vigilant watch on the citizens at all hours. It hasn't been used in decades. Since it's one of the highest vantage points in this area, not counting the walls, I thought it might appeal to you."

Levi did a slow spin. "Not bad. Not bad at all."

"No one else seems to know this spot exists, so it's private." Erwin sat down, leaning back against the wall. "The view's nice at night, too."

"You come up here a lot?"

"I used to, years ago."

Levi's face twisted. "With Henrik."

Erwin fell silent.

The man's brows dropped. "It's barely been a full fucking day since we first kissed, and you're already pulling down his picture frame and taking me to your secret spot? I'm not just a replacement. You can't force me into the hole he left behind."

For a moment, Erwin stared, taken aback by the outburst. Levi leaned against the wall and tightened his arms around his chest, his brows low. A breeze drifted between them, ruffling his dark hair and his cravat.

"Levi," said Erwin quietly, "while it's true I used to come here with Henrik, I continued to come here alone long after he was gone. My only thought was that you would enjoy the height and the view. As for the picture, I took it down last night before I came to see you. Through your words, I came to realize that I was hanging on to a ghost of a memory, mourning him out of habit. I promise you, Levi, it never once occurred to me to replace him. You're so unlike him that I couldn't possibly compare the two of you."

The man stared at his feet, his jaw clenching. "Unalike how?"

Erwin hesitated. He considered it rude to talk about a past partner, but Levi seemed to be waiting, so he gave in. "My relationship was Henrik was strange. I disliked him when we first met - he was a clown, a man who had no qualms throwing his dignity aside for a cheap laugh. I found him obnoxious. Over the years, and after countless drunken nights that I usually regretted the next morning, he finally wore away my resistance and began to win my heart. It was hardly a traditional love story, and the only reason we were so close in the end was because we had years for our relationship to grow."

"So what about me?"

"Completely unlike that. The moment I first..." Erwin trailed off, cheeks warming. If Levi was feeling skittish, he shouldn't dump this on him.

As if sensing his hesitation, the other said, "I need to hear this."

"Well, obviously your skills piqued my interest immediately. I enjoy a worthy opponent, and your resistance was attractive. I'd be lying if I said I didn't find you physically attractive then, too."

"While you were having Mike kick the shit out of me? You fucking sadist."

"Not exactly at that moment, but when I first saw you, yes. When I saw you take down your first titan, my admiration began to grow, but you were still so hostile that I swallowed everything back. Even as we interacted more, even as you began to warm up to me, I was still able to deny my feelings. Then came the day you broke down in my office. I don't know what possessed me to hold you, but..." He shook his head. "Whatever this is between us, Levi, it's completely unlike what happened with Henrik. With him, I needed time to appreciate him. With you, I've been trying to suppress my feelings since we first locked eyes."

There was a long pause. Levi still wasn't looking at him, but his stance was more relaxed now.

"Are we okay?" asked Erwin, carefully selecting the same words Levi had given him in the morning.

"Yeah." Finally, the grey eyes locked onto him. "Yeah, we're okay."

For a beat, their eyes held, then Erwin smiled. "Why don't we have some lunch now, and then we can move on to the business I need to discuss with you?" He cocked his head to his right, inviting Levi to sit next to him.

The man's nose wrinkled. "There's bird shit everywhere."

"I can bring some old sheets or a tarp next time, if we decide to come here again. For now, use this." He took off his jacket and set it beside him as a makeshift seat.

Levi eyed him for a moment, then sat. Without warning, he lunged to grab the Commander's pendant, pulling himself in for a kiss. The force of it slammed Erwin's back against the wall, knocking a grunt from him.

Levi barely pulled away to murmur, "That's for offering your jacket." He kissed him a second time, hard, then released the pendant. "That's for looking so fucking hot without it."

A bit dazed, Erwin looked down at his plain dress shirt and 3DMG straps. "It's all standard issue."

"Take the damned compliment." Levi flopped to a seat beside him and pulled a sandwich out of his bag. The small mouth was still in its standard frown, the expression bored, but somehow, Erwin could tell that his spirit was lighter. He was learning to read Levi on a level he couldn't quite identify.

They began to eat. Erwin watched Levi out of the corner of his eye, fascinated by his eating habits: small bites, delicate chewing, a dab with the cloth napkin after every bite. Where did a boy growing up on the streets learn those manners? He already had a suspicion that the abridged personal history Levi had given him the week before was missing a few key chapters, and small details like this only made his suspicions grow.

Swallowing his last bite, Erwin wiped his mouth, then poured them each a mug of tea from the thermos. "I want you to come to the Capital with me."

Levi's gaze slid toward him. "When?"

"This week. When I was a Squad Leader, Shadis often brought me along to acquaint me with the duties of high-ranking positions. I have an eye on you as our future Captain, so I think it's important to start exposing you to the bigger picture. You'll accompany me to the inauguration and gala. I'll introduce you to others of your ranking, and..." He leaned forward. "You'll be helping me with some research."

Finishing his meal, Levi set his bag aside. "What do you mean by research?"

"What I'm about to say is highly classified: do not repeat this to anyone." Even though there was no way they could be overheard, Erwin's voice dropped. "You were right about the supply silo. Those red chests we found contained gold belonging to the King. Someone led us to believe we were retrieving vital supplies, knowing we would find the King's money instead. We need to root out the source of the lie."

"Good," said Levi. "So we'll be doing an interrogation?"

"Before we do anything drastic, I want to politely question an old friend and see if we can dig a little deeper." He paused. "I'm also thinking we might be able to find out what happened to your aunt." He studied the other, watching for a reaction.

"I know what happened to my aunt," said Levi flatly, and the defensiveness only heightened Erwin's suspicions that the story he had been given was incomplete.

"You said she was arrested, but that was years ago," he said carefully. "If she's still imprisoned, I may be able to pull some strings to free her. I can be very persuasive."

With a sigh, Levi gathered his legs, his knees casually lolling against his elbows. "Look, Erwin, you told me last night there'll be things you can't tell me, right? The same goes for me. Don't dig into things that should stay buried. I swear you can trust me."

Erwin realized he had been trying to manipulate the man instead of treating him like an equal, and his stomach sank.  _It's been so long since I've had a partner - or even a friend - that I've forgotten how to interact with people._ "Okay, Levi."

After a pause, Levi moved closer, casually draping an arm across Erwin's upper back. "So the inauguration and then a gala, huh?"

"Yes. I'm planning to head into town tomorrow to buy your soap, and I thought you might like to come along and purchase a suit for the gala. I know a good tailor."

"I can't afford a suit."

"Your salary should more than cover it, shouldn't it?" Their pay was modest, but they had almost no expenses.

Levi sighed. "Don't tell anyone this, okay? You remember my friend Farlan? His sister had a bad head injury about ten years ago and never recovered; she gets confused easily and doesn't know where she is. Farlan found a home for her that has nurses who keep her happy and healthy. Before we joined up, we used to do odd jobs to raise the cash, and then we pooled parts of our military salary for awhile. I decided to take over the entire payments after Farlan…" He trailed off. "It's my fault he can't provide for her anymore."

Every time Erwin thought he had Levi figured out, the man handed him a new piece that didn't fit the puzzle. "Are you saying you give away your entire salary?"

"Most of it. What do I need money for?"

"A suit, for one thing." He did a quick calculation of his own finances: he had been amassing pay for several years, and he had come to the military with a sizeable sum of money to begin with. "One could argue that ultimately, your friend joined the Survey Corps because I forced you to join. Paying for his sister should be my responsibility."

Levi looked at him, eyes wide. "That's stupid."

"I can easily afford it. If that seems like too much, then at least let me cover half. That will allow you to have some money of your own."

"Look, just stop. I'm not going to accept your help. I'll wear my fucking uniform to this thing."

"The King and several Lords and Ladies are going to be present, Levi. Our uniforms aren't appropriate." Other branches had formal dress uniforms, but Survey Corps soldiers had such a low life expectancy and so little reason to wear fancy dress that the Interior had deemed them an unnecessary expenditure.

"Would my uniform be too much of a reminder that people are out there dying for them?" Levi scoffed. "They have a problem with it, they can buy me a suit themselves."

Erwin leaned back into the other's arm and closed his eyes; the sun lit up his vision in red. As was traditional in the Survey Corps, he had mostly let Levi's lack of discipline slide on matters of formality. The world outside the wall was so chaotic that it seemed petty to focus on minutiae like proper salutes and titles. While all the soldiers had a healthy respect for command and strong discipline on the field, that was due to necessity more than training. Those who stepped out of line got eaten.

It wasn't like that in the Interior, where people were safe enough to hold themselves to arbitrary rules and customs rather than the rule of life or death. Very few soldiers in the Corps had the training to adapt to that lifestyle, and Levi seemed the type to outright rebel against it.

"You will wear a suit, Levi," he said without opening his eyes. "I'll buy it for you myself, if I have to. It's important that the Survey Corps shows a secure and united front, and that may mean following social customs that seem pointless. Like it or not, we have to play by their rules if we want to advance our goals. I promise you, it's not forever. Just for now."

In the pause that followed, the scent of warm tile and baking earth rose on the breeze. It smelled like spring. He found himself reluctant to open his eyes. Would anyone care if he took a nap here in the sunlight with Levi's arm across his back?

"Okay, Erwin," said Levi quietly. "I'll get a fucking suit."

Opening one eye, Erwin peered at him. "I'll make sure you're rewarded for it."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning suits are attractive, and I'll be sure to appreciate you wearing one."

Levi's cheeks darkened, but he looked away. "More vague bullshit."

"I promise it will be worth your patience." Now he had relayed all the information he had intended, and he should end the meeting, but the thought of Levi in a well-tailored suit was more exciting than it had any right to be. He glanced at the man, fighting the urge to pull him onto his lap. There was still a mountain of paperwork to get through; this meeting was taking up too much time as it was.

"When are you comfortable meeting next?" he asked. "To spend the night together. How soon is too soon?"

Levi's brow furrowed. "Do we have to plan it? Can't it just be spontaneous?"

"If we leave it to whim, I'll be back in your room tonight, and we're supposed to be taking things slowly. Besides, we're starting to arouse suspicions."

He felt Levi's arm tense across his back. "Is that what shitty four-eyes was talking to you about?"

"It is. Between you and me: Hange tried to blackmail me."

"Blackmail  _you_?" Levi's scoff was the closest thing to a laugh that Erwin had heard from him. "Talk about picking the wrong target."

"It was a mistake, but a revealing one: Hange's determination and drive will make for a formidable ally, with a bit of coaching."

"That fucking idiot," muttered Levi. "It's my fault. When we were stuck in that tree, I talked about you a bit."

"Really?"

"A lot."

Erwin's brows rose. He hadn't expected to be so prevalent on Levi's mind. The thought of the man shivering on a tree branch and thinking of him made his throat tighten, and he suddenly turned and gathered him in a tight hug, the angle awkward.

"Fuck," breathed Levi as the air was squeezed out of him. "What the hell, Erwin?"

"I appreciate you thinking about me, that's all." He loosened his grip a little, but didn't let go.

"Are you going to get this sappy anytime I say anything remotely sentimental?"

"Possibly."

In the distance, the city clock struck one.

Embarrassed by his loss of control, Erwin released him, then stood, straightening his uniform. "I didn't realize we'd been up here so long. I have a one o'clock meeting with Shadis. Come by my office tomorrow after breakfast, and we'll go into town together. Civilian garb, please." If Levi's celebrity was growing as quickly as Shadis suggested, then going out in uniform might get them lots of unwanted attention.

"Sure." Levi stood on his toes and grabbed Erwin's neck in a futile attempt to reach his mouth for a kiss. "Fuck, you're too tall."

Erwin leaned down and gave him a long, soft kiss. When he pulled away, he took a moment to run his knuckle along the narrow jaw line. It was still so strange seeing that gentle expression in Levi's eyes; he felt so relaxed that he imagined his own face looked the same.

"Don't forget this." Levi retrieved the jacket he had been using as a seat, then shook it out and handed it over. "Wash that before you wear it again. It's covered in bird shit." He bent down and lifted the trap door. "You go first. I'll wait a minute or two, in case anyone's at the bottom."

"Good plan." Stepping down onto the ladder brought Erwin to Levi's eye level, and he couldn't resist stealing one more kiss before he descended.

.*.*.*.

Levi lingered on the rooftop for a minute longer, waiting for the heat to leave his cheeks. It annoyed him that a couple kisses were enough to leave him this flustered. If he was this bad now, how was he going to react when they finally had sex?

Once he had given Erwin enough of a head start, he began to climb down the ladder, letting the trap door fall closed above him. He exited through the dark room and the door with the faulty lock, closing it firmly into place behind him. His nose wrinkled again at the dirty hallway. Perhaps he would take Erwin's suggestion and round up some of the new recruits as a cleaning crew.

He rounded the corner, and his eyes narrowed as he saw a familiar face at the end of the hall. Silently, he closed the distance, then smacked the ponytailed head hard. Hange's glasses fell to the floor.

"Oof, what the hell?" Hange dropped to all fours, feeling around.

"You know what that was for, shit-for-brains."

"Levi?"

He kicked the glasses out of the way, then squatted down and gripped Hange's collar. "Do you understand what a fucking secret is?"

Hange winced. "I had no choice. I needed leverage, and that was the only thing I could use against him."

"And how did that turn out for you, asshole?" His voice dropped. "You betrayed my trust for nothing. Erwin and I talked last night, and nothing's going to happen. We're done."

"Oh." Hange's mouth drooped into a frown. "I'm sorry, Levi. I know you like him, and the way you two were looking at each other all the time, I thought for sure-"

"Shut up." He reached for the glasses and handed them over. "You're going to help me clean until I decide to tolerate you again, and you're going to find recruits to help us."

"There's no need to be so bossy," muttered Hange, adjusting the glasses into place.

"You're lucky I'm letting you off this easy. Get going."

And so Levi threw himself into his work, and time began to fly. It wasn't that he enjoyed cleaning, necessarily; it was grueling, tedious work. The feeling of peace when he brought order to chaos, however, was worth all the effort. His peace was somewhat interrupted by Hange's constant chatter with some of the new recruits. He half-listened, aware that he was supposed to be thinking about rebuilding his squad. A few of them caught his eye with their obedience and attention to detail, particularly a dark-haired man by the name of Gunther. He made a mental note to speak with the man's Team Leader to find out how he performed on the field.

They broke for dinner, and neither Erwin nor Shadis made an appearance in the mess hall. Apparently Shadis was heading back to the training camp the next morning, so he imagined the two were in for a long night as they finalized all of Erwin's training.

That night, Levi rearranged the furniture in his room to his liking, then washed up and crawled into bed. He expected sleep to come easily after a night in a tree then another up late with Erwin, but he found himself tossing and turning. His head still felt strange from the concussion, and he couldn't get warm. It had been such a clear day that the temperature must have dropped radically when the sun went down. He burrowed into his blankets, shivering.

Would seeing Erwin two nights in a row really be too much, too soon? He couldn't stop thinking about how warm those broad hands would feel on his skin.

Pulling on his pyjama bottoms, he slipped through his door and padded down the hallway. A crack of light shone from the bottom of Erwin's door, so he knocked once. Twice. "Erwin?"

When there was no response, he turned the knob and peered into the room.

Erwin was slumped across a small desk in the corner, a mountain of papers beside him. Though his head was facing the other way, Levi could see his back rising and falling with even breaths.

 _I bet Shadis sent him to bed, but he kept working in here anyway._ Levi stepped into the room and silently closed the door behind him, then locked it. The floor creaked as he moved closer, but Erwin didn't stir. A pen sat loosely in his hand, its point bleeding a massive pool of ink onto a piece of paper.

"Erwin," whispered Levi.

"Hm?" The man lifted his head, his eyelids heavy and his hair ruffled. "Levi?"

Levi felt a wave of fondness. "You need to go to bed, you idiot."

Erwin blinked, running a hand through his hair. "The paperwork-"

"Can wait. Here." He leaned in and loosened the Commander's pendant, then pulled it over the man's head and set it on the desk. His free hand began to work at Erwin's buttons, subtly admiring the man's physique as it was revealed. He briefly considered tracing the lines of the muscled abdomen with his tongue, then decided Erwin was likely to fall asleep on him before it led anywhere. Maybe in the morning.

"Stand up," he said. "You're going to bed."

Erwin lurched to his feet, then plodded to the bed and sagged onto it. "You aren't supposed to be here," he mumbled.

"And you aren't supposed to fall asleep on a desk, you fucking workaholic. Move over. It's too cold to sleep alone."

Erwin shifted, leaving room.

Once he had extinguished the lamp, Levi crawled into bed next to his exhausted Commander and pulled the covers overtop of them. He rolled onto his side and pressed closer, laying a hand on the centre of Erwin's chest. Heat rolled between them in waves, and he finally began to feel warm.

"This isn't going to be a nightly thing," he said. "Don't get used to it. I was just cold."

After a moment of silence, he realized Erwin was already unconscious. Snuggling closer, he buried his face in the man's shoulder, and a moment later, he began to drift to sleep.


	8. Mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big long chapter this time. I've officially decided to bump the rating up to Explicit. Thanks to everyone who is reading and commenting. Your comments are such a big inspiration to me! :) <3
> 
> Previous chapter: shyness, Hange blackmail, tower-top discussions and a sleepy workaholic.

Erwin awoke the next morning to discover he was spooning behind Levi, his arms wrapped around the man's narrow ribcage. It took him a moment to remember being ordered to bed the night before, but when he did, he smiled to himself. Levi acted tough, but beneath it all, he was caring.

The room was bright, sun lighting up the curtains; they must have slept through reveille. There was still a mountain of paperwork to do, and his bladder was full, but he couldn't bring himself to move away from Levi just yet. He stroked the man's chest with his fingertips, acquainting himself with the soft smattering of chest hair. Levi stirred, shifting back against him, and he was so warm that Erwin's hips rocked against his will.

"You awake back there?" asked Levi, voice groggy. "Or just dry-humping me in your sleep?"

Erwin cleared his throat. "I'm awake. It looks like we slept through reveille."

"Screw reveille. We were both going on leave today, anyway - unless you decided to do more paperwork instead."

"I should probably take a break. I've been told I'm a workaholic." He nuzzled the back of the narrow neck, then began to trace a slow figure-eight with his tongue.

Levi gave a shuddering breath and edged back against him. "If you want something, Erwin..."

He did want something: he wanted to sink his teeth into Levi's neck, pull down the thin layer of cloth between them and thrust into him. The mental image was so powerful that his eyes squeezed shut.  _You promised yourself you would move slowly._

Well, maybe sex was off the table for now, but there were other options.

He slid his palm down the muscled abdomen, then lower, overtop of the waistband. As he rubbed the strained fabric between Levi's legs, he heard a soft groan. This was something he had forgotten about having a male partner: thanks to physiological responses after sleep, morning lent itself well to intimacy.

"Fuck," whispered Levi, tilting his hips into the grip. Erwin felt a sympathy wave of arousal so strong that his eyes rolled back into his head. He firmly slid his hand back up to the waistband, preparing to plunge beneath it this time.

A knock sounded at the door. "Erwin? Are you in there?" called Shadis' voice.

"Fuck," muttered Levi, and Erwin marvelled at his ability to get so many different meanings out of a single word.  _Fuck, indeed._

It was tempting to pretend he wasn't in, but Shadis was scheduled to return to his post with the trainees, so this would likely be their last opportunity to speak for several months. Retracting his hand, Erwin threw off the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"Ignore him," whispered Levi.

"I can't. He's leaving." Louder, he said, "One moment please, Keith."

Levi muttered a slew of curses as he sat up. "Fine, I'll hide," he whispered. "But you'd better worry about hiding  _that._ "

Erwin looked down and saw the size of the bulge in his pants. Gritting his teeth, he strode to the closet. He stripped off his pyjama bottoms, then pulled on a pale blue dress shirt and his uniform pants, struggling to close the fly. He fastened the brown skirt of his uniform as well, letting it fall loosely in front of his groin to try to disguise the bulge. He turned to see Levi staring at him, wide-eyed, and realized he had just given the man a show.  _It's not as if he's never seen me change before,_  he thought, but changing in a roomful of colleagues was different than changing after spending the night in each other's arms.

He strode to the door. In his periphery, he saw Levi step into the closet.

"Sorry for the wait, sir," said Erwin as he opened the door, then saluted.

"At ease." Shadis was wearing a long jacket, a travelling bag in his hand. "You weren't at breakfast, so I thought you'd left early for your leave. Glad I managed to catch you."

Erwin could feel Levi's presence in the closet, burning a hole in his mind; his eyes kept trying to dart in that direction, even though the motion would probably make him look suspicious. "My apologies; I had a bit of a long night."

"Understandable. Care to walk me to my carriage?"

Heading outside was probably a good idea. The further he was from Levi, the less suspicious he would act.

As they began to walk down the hallway, Erwin said, "The next-of-kin documentation went out in the post this morning, and I'll have my formal reports ready in time for my arrival at the Capital. Thank you again for all your help."

"Of course. Do you have everything you need from me?"

"I believe so, yes. If I have any questions, I'll send a messenger to the training barracks." He hesitated. "I started drafting up the documentation for my incident with Mike."

"What?" Shadis shook his head. "Leave that off the books."

"Sir?"

"I won't breathe a word of it, and I doubt any of your troops will, either. Better that the brass doesn't have anything to hold against you later." Shadis smiled at him. "You're going to be one hell of a Commander, Erwin. Just remember what I said about your humanity. Keep your head, but keep your heart, too. Find that balance point."

"I'll do my best." Erwin absently touched his wounded eye. It didn't hurt as much now that a couple of days had passed, but he could still feel it: a reminder that he was capable of tipping the balance too far in either direction.

They arrived in the courtyard. An elegant carriage waited for Shadis, far nicer than the ones that usually transported the Survey Corps, and Erwin raised an eyebrow. Apparently the Trainee Corps had money to spare.

Shadis clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Take care, son."

"You too, Keith." He gave one last salute, then Shadis stepped into the carriage.

Erwin watched as the carriage left the gates. Now he was formally in control of the Survey Corps, with no mentor watching over him, no one to keep him in check if he pushed too far. Any restraint would have to come from within. Like his personal life, pushing too quickly could cause complications: he had to take it slowly. There were plans to be executed, but not until he had all the pieces aligned, and that could take years of careful arrangement.

Sometimes, he envied people like Hange, who lived their lives with a reckless disregard for self-control. Ever since Erwin had been a little boy, he had lived a life that was deliberate and planned.

What had Levi said during their drink together? That Erwin couldn't trust people, so he controlled them instead? He had hit the nail on the head with that one.  _And I trust myself least of all._

When he returned to his room, he found the closet door wide open. Levi was nowhere in sight. He frowned, disappointed, but decided it was just as well: they had errands to run. His stomach was growling, anyway, and he had his heart set on breakfast at his favourite pastry shop in town.

He pulled off his shirt and grabbed a towel and toiletries, heading to wash up.

Levi was in the bath, washing himself; his hand paused when he saw Erwin enter, but then he continued washing, acting as if there was nothing between them. Other soldiers were milling around, so Erwin did his best not to ogle. Selecting the sink nearest the bath, he began to lather his shaving cream.

"'Morning," said Levi, his tone disinterested.

"'Morning." Erwin studied himself in the mirror as he applied the cream. His split lip was already healing, but the black eye was turning a brilliant shade of red-violet. There was no way he was going to be able to hide it for the gala. He'd need to create an interesting story about how he had earned it. And a short one, because he'd likely be telling it many times.

Levi dunked under the water to rinse himself off, then stepped out of the bath. Erwin's eyes briefly slid sideways, taking in the man's dripping naked form. Visions of tracing that body with his palms, his tongue, were so vivid that he closed his eyes for a moment to steady himself.  _Take it slowly, take it slowly..._

With exaggerated focus, he leaned closer to the mirror and began to shave.

"Hey. Erwin."

Levi stood beside him, wearing only a towel.

"Yes, Levi?" He carefully kept his eyes on his reflection.

"You eat breakfast yet?"

"Actually, I was thinking of stopping by a pastry shop for something a bit nicer than our usual fare." He rinsed the blade. "You're on leave today too, right? Would you care to join me before you head out? My treat."

Levi's eyes darted to the side, as if he were gauging the distance to the other soldiers cleaning up around them. "There was a thing or two I wanted to take care of before I left."

"Nothing that can't wait, I'm sure. It's a beautiful day outside, and I'd like to get out before the crowds start to clog the sidewalks. I'll meet you by the gates in ten minutes?"

The man's eyes narrowed. "Fine," he muttered, then he turned and left.

Erwin finished shaving, then returned to his room to change his clothes. He swapped out the military pants and skirt for a pair of brown pants and black boots. As he walked toward the main exit, he rubbed a hand along his bare neck. He wasn't even formally a Commander yet and he already felt naked without the pendant.

Levi was leaning against the gate post outside, his arms folded over his chest. He wore a simple grey collared shirt and black pants, his cravat tied at his throat.

"For a man so brilliant, you really are stupid," said Levi, pulling away from the gate to greet him.

"What do you mean?" Erwin unlatched the gate and let Levi through, then closed it behind them.

As they began to walk along the cobblestone, Levi's voice dropped so that no one would overhear: "When I said there were a few things I wanted to take care of, I was hinting I was horny."

"Ah." Erwin felt his cheeks warm. "I'm only human, Levi. I have a few blind spots. You may find you have to be rather aggressive to get through to me."

"So I'm supposed to take it slow, but be aggressive."

"I'm not making a lot of sense right now, am I?"

"No." Levi edged closer, walking so closely next to him that their arms were touching. Erwin found himself deliriously weighing the risks of holding hands - were they far away enough from the base to have anonymity in the crowd? - then realized it didn't matter. Risks aside, the height difference between them was so great that holding hands would require awkward contortion.

He found himself wondering how that height difference would translate into other contexts.  _It will certainly make sex against a wall a viable possibility,_  he thought, and the vision took root in his mind. He caught himself glancing down a dark alleyway as they passed, envisioning them secretively fucking against a shadowed wall. His teeth clenched. He really should have taken a private moment to take the edge off before they met up, because he was still worked up from the unexpected interruption earlier .

"I want you to understand, Levi," he said quietly, "my failure to pick up on your hint wasn't for lack of wanting you."

Levi glanced up at him. "I know. I felt how hard you were grinding against my ass this morning."

Erwin's mouth went dry.  _Enough._ There was one place in town private enough for them to hide away and blow off some steam, and they would have a few hours to kill while their suits were being tailored. He silently added the new destination to his mental list of the day's errands, hoping they had the willpower to wait until then.

He led them to the pastry shop, a quaint stone building on a corner with large stained-glass windows. Blooming flowers hung at even intervals from its roof, lovingly tended by one of the owners. Inside the shop, protected by glass cases, were trays of flaky pastries prepared with fruit and cream. Levi's eyes widened as he looked over the assortment.

"You could feed an entire family dinner for the cost of one of these," he said.

"Look at this as a celebration for our promotions. The tea assortment is excellent as well." Erwin selected a flat pastry with sliced apples spread on its surface and ordered a pot of floral tea. After a few more minutes, Levi chose a butter tart with a thick crust. Erwin paid, and they settled into a small table in the corner. Levi sat with his back against the wall, his eyes darting to the door each time someone entered, as if sizing up the newcomers.  _I wonder if he knows he's doing that,_  thought Erwin, flattered that a man so instinctively guarded had chosen to trust him.

"I didn't realize we were going on a date," said Levi dryly. "I would have brought flowers."

Erwin smiled and poured him a cup of tea. "Not necessarily a date. I've brought others here before with no romantic intent. I enjoy the opportunity to have a little treat now and then."

"Is this what your life would be like if there were no titans? Getting fat on sweets and tea?" Levi carefully cut a chunk out of his tart with a knife and fork.

"I can't even begin to imagine what life would be like if there were no titans. Every choice I've made in my life has been contingent on their existence. No, more than that: every choice I've ever made for others, and every choice that has ever been made for me."

Levi swallowed, then washed down the bite with a sip of tea. "So what will you do when they're gone?"

The question made Erwin pause. He took a careful bite of his pastry, chewing it as he considered. "I don't expect that to happen during our lifetimes," he said finally. "We're laying the foundations for future generations to win the war."

"I think we'll be the ones to destroy them. You're fighting with purpose to get to the bottom of the titans, not just scrambling to survive; once we know what they are, we can exterminate them. So what will you do when that happens?"

Erwin was flattered by Levi's confidence. He knew the words were oversimplification, and more than that, he didn't expect either of them to live to the end of the battle. They were too important to the cause, too front-and-centre; men in their roles did not survive war. His heart twisted.  _I wonder which of us will die first._

"If the war is won," he said aloud, "the Survey Corps' objective will shift to establishing new colonies outside the walls and maintaining peace. I would be honoured to help oversee that process."

"That's it?" asked Levi. "Politics and peacekeeping? No settling down in a little house in the country?"

"Well, maybe a bit of that, too. If I had someone to settle down with."

Their eyes held for a moment, then Levi looked down and took another sip of tea. For a few minutes, they ate in silence. The crisp pastry melted on Erwin's tongue in a gradient of flavours: fruit, then butter, then honey. Food of this caliber was a rarity this far from the Interior, and he savoured every bite of it.

Across from him, Levi dragged his fork across his empty plate to collect the remainder of the filling. "That was pretty good."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Erwin settled back in his seat, clasping his tea cup with both hands. "So what about you, Levi? What will you do when all this is over?"

"I don't know anymore." The man mirrored his posture and took a sip. "I guess if you're going to oversee settlement or anything like that, I'd help out if I could."

"You wouldn't prefer to find a nice girl, settle down and start a family?"

"Never been interested in girls, and I've got all the family I need." Levi looked into his teacup, swirling the liquid. "I told you, Erwin: where you go, I'll follow."

A lump was forming in Erwin's throat. He cleared it. "I'm not sure what I did to earn your loyalty, but I'm grateful for it."

"You were smarter than me," said Levi bluntly, looking up at him. "You've proven again and again that you see an inhuman number of steps ahead of every situation. I bet you've already figured out exactly how and when this war will end."

Erwin gave a small, humourless smile. "I have my theories."

"But you aren't going to share them."

"It's better that you don't know."

Levi stared at him for a moment, then shook his head and drained the rest of his tea. "Where to next?"

"The general store is on the way to the tailor." Erwin stood. "I believe I owe you some soap."

"All right, but let me pick it out, okay? You'll probably get the wrong one."

"I thought you said I was smarter than you."

"About strategy, not cleanliness. I've seen your fucking office." Levi's eyes twinkled, and the corner of Erwin's lips lifted.  _Fair enough._

The general store was just down the street; it was a frequent destination for Survey Corps soldiers due to its proximity to the base. As they stepped into the store, Levi turned toward the soap aisle. Erwin followed, picking out his shaving cream, razors and other toiletries. He hesitated for a moment at the erotic lubricants section, then glanced at Levi, who was busy squinting at a shaving cream label.

 _It's going to happen sooner or later._   _Might as well be prepared._ Erwin reached out and grabbed a bottle of erotic oil, hiding it in his palm.

"I just need to grab one more thing," he said to Levi. "I'll meet you up front when you're ready." The only response was a distracted nod.

Erwin made one last stop at the tool case at the back of the store and spoke to the man at the counter. The man eyed him for a moment and then, recognizing him, surreptitiously handed over a small bundle from beneath the counter. Lock picking tools. They would have come in handy during the last mission; it was a waste for someone with Levi's talents to travel unequipped.

Levi was waiting for him at the cashier, a bottle of soap in hand. The cashier began to slide their purchases across the counter as she tallied the total. As she slid the erotic oil into view, Levi turned to Erwin with a raised brow.

"It's good for dry skin," said Erwin, deadpan.

"Your skin doesn't look dry."

"Well, I'd hate to be caught without it if I ever needed it."

"Hm." Levi turned away, his cheeks reddening.

They left the store in silence, making their way down the street to the tailor. Erwin's face was burning, his mind swimming with images of all the ways they could play with the oil. He tried to calm himself down as they approached the tailor's shop, letting his mind fill with boring thoughts like fabric types and suit cuts.

The tailor was a husky man by the name of Olivier with dark curly hair and a handsome grin.

"Mr. Smith," he cried, striding forward. He clasped Erwin's hand and shook it with great enthusiasm. "It's good to see you. And you've brought a friend."

"This is Levi." Erwin glanced down at his companion, who had his arms folded over his chest, an uncomfortable scowl on his face. "We're in need of suits for a gala in the Interior."

"Oh, wonderful." Olivier paced around them, looking them up and down. "I have a suit that will look great on you, Mr. Smith. As for your friend, he's so tiny that we may have to dig into the children's collections, but I believe-"

"What?" growled Levi.

Erwin dropped a hand on the man's shoulder to steady him. "Olivier, we don't need to know what collections the suits are from. Just brings us something that will fit. Levi is a great hero to humanity, so please make sure he looks the part."

"Of course, Mr. Smith," said the tailor with a broad grin.

"Asshole," muttered Levi as the man departed. "Erwin, how much is this bullshit going to cost me?"

"It's an extension of your uniform. It will be covered for you." Erwin didn't mention that he planned to pay for it out of his own pocket, but by the suspicious look Levi gave him, he was certain the man saw straight through him.

Olivier returned with a suit for each of them, rambling about their fashionable attributes. Once they tried them on, he pinned the fabric in several places to demonstrate how they'd fit once they were tailored. Levi looked handsome in his tight-fitting dark grey suit, but he looked down at the price tag on the sleeve and scowled.

"Don't worry about the price," said Erwin.

"We could feed an entire family for a month with this much cash," growled Levi, "and we're going to spend it on shitty suits to impress the fat bastards who're living off the backs of the starving? Fuck this." He pulled off his jacket and dropped it on the floor. Olivier gave a shocked cry and hurried to retrieve it.

Erwin studied Levi for a moment, gauging his size. He had access to an old suit that might fit him with a little alteration.

Turning to the tailor, he gave a polite smile. "I'll take my suit with its alterations please, Olivier. We'll explore other options for Levi for now."

"Of course." The tailor's smile was strained. "I can have that ready for you by four o'clock."

They changed back into their regular clothes and Erwin settled the fees, then cocked his head at the door, signaling that it was time to leave.

When they stepped outside, he said, "I wasn't aware you were so opposed to spending money on fashionable clothing."

Levi smoothed his cravat. "Only when it's for the wrong reasons."

"Are you going to be okay at this gala?"

"I'll be good, if that's what you're asking." Levi looked up. "Where are we going now?"

"A few more blocks down the road," said Erwin. "I know where we can find you a suit, but I'm going to need your help getting in."

The man gave him a blank look.

Reaching into his bag, Erwin pulled out the bundle that contained the lock picking tools. "A gift for you." He hadn't expected them to be useful so soon.

Levi unrolled the bundle. His pace slowed as he stared at the tools. "Erwin," he said suspiciously.

"Don't worry, the home you'll be breaking into is my own. I didn't think to bring along the key. The neighbours don't really know me, so I'd recommend discretion while you work." He was looking forward to seeing the man's skills in action – mostly because he wanted to size them up for a future plan, but partly because, as much as he hated to admit it, the idea of Levi breaking the law was a bit of a turn on.

"So you're taking me home on the first date?" Levi shook his head. "I thought we were taking it slow."

"I have an old suit that might fit you. I wore it when I graduated from the Trainee Corps." Erwin watched him, waiting for a reaction, and he wasn't disappointed; Levi cast him a withering glare.

"No fucking way you were my size when you were fifteen."

"Seventeen – I joined up a couple years later than most. And yes, I was a late bloomer; I didn't hit my growth spurt until I was almost eighteen."

"I'm still waiting for mine," muttered Levi. It was the closest he had ever come to joking about his height, and Erwin glanced at him, surprised. Height had always seemed like a sore spot for him.

There was a long silence as they shifted into single file, winding their way down a particularly busy street. When they fell into step together again, Levi said quietly, "Does it bother you?"

"What?"

"My height."

"No. Truth be told, I find it attractive," said Erwin. "Why? Does my height bother you?"

Levi shrugged. "It's going to make some things difficult."

"Like holding hands."

The grey eyes narrowed at him. "I meant in the bedroom."

Erwin cleared his throat, realizing how naïve he must have sounded. "Nothing a few pillows can't overcome. Besides, we can get creative. There are several positions that only work with a sizeable height difference. I have a few in mind we can try."

Their gaze held, and he realized they were discussing sex as casually as if they'd been together for years. His face burned; he was certain it must be beet red.

"This is fucked up," muttered Levi, blushing as well. "You won't even let me touch your dick, and we're already planning how we're going to fuck. It's like a business contract."

"It's good to plan ahead," said Erwin.

"Of course you'd say that. You probably have our whole timeline mapped out on paper." Levi shook his head. "It's okay to be spontaneous once in awhile, you know. A relationship isn't a battlefield; acting on an impulse won't kill you."

The words sparked something to life within Erwin, a playfulness he had long ago suppressed.  _Very well._

His eyes did a quick sweep of the area. Seeing they were in the clear, he grabbed Levi's arm and yanked him several paces sideways into an empty, narrow alley.

"What-" began Levi, but Erwin dropped his bag, grabbed the man's shoulders and threw him against the wall. Their mouths met in a long, deep kiss. He felt Levi's groan rumble through his jaw, felt strong hands claw into his ass.

He tore his mouth from Levi's and moved to whisper in his ear: "I'd like to remind you that it was my spontaneous kiss that started this madness, and my spontaneous hand-hold that continued it, and I promise you, neither of those were planned."

Then, his point proven, he pulled away entirely and bent to retrieve his bag.

For a moment, Levi stayed flat against the wall as if stunned; his eyes were wide, his lips still parted.

"Shall we proceed?" asked Erwin, secretly proud to have thrown him off.

"Shit," said Levi, and he finally pulled away from the wall, brushing at his shirt. "You've got a bit of an ego on you, don't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Every time I insult you about something, like jumping onto the roof or being spontaneous, you have to try to prove me wrong. I wonder..." Levi cocked his head at him. "Bet you're too chicken-shit to jerk me off right here in this alleyway."

Erwin smiled, enjoying the man's deadpan humour. "Subtle, but I'm wise to your wily ploys, Levi. Besides, I can think of nicer venues than a dirty alleyway."

"Fine," said the man with a sigh. "Then lead on."

"Not much further now." After that kiss, Erwin was glad they were getting closer to refuge. He had only meant to catch Levi off guard, but his plan had backfired; now his thoughts were running away on him again, too.

They rounded a corner into a residential district, and Erwin slowed.

"There." He pointed at a single-story rowhome, its entrance barely visible in the shadows. "The brown door. Do not allow anyone to see you enter."

"No problem." Levi began to approach the house from the sidewalk, his hands in his pockets. He gave a glance up and down the street, then walked straight for the door and pulled a tool from his pocket; a glint of silver, and the door opened. He stepped inside.

Erwin scanned the area to make sure no eyes were on him, then casually strode to the door and opened it. Levi stood in the room, arms folded over his chest.

"That's it?" asked Erwin.

"You'd be amazed to learn how easy it is to break through any door. Locks are more of an honour system than actual protection."

"That's disconcerting." He closed the door behind him and locked it. "What about doors in a military building? Similarly easy?"

Levi squinted, as if trying to read him. "Maybe a bit trickier, but not by much. We used to break into Military Police bunkers all the time."

"Good." Before any questions could come up, he changed the topic: "Welcome to my home. This is where I come when I need to hide from the world."

Levi did a slow spin, and Erwin took it in through his eyes. The wooden room was large enough to contain a bed, a desk, a wardrobe for his belongings, a small stove and an icebox, with very little room to navigate between each of them. A door on the left wall, closed, led to a small bathroom. Inside the bathroom was his one luxury: a hand-pump shower. It took a good deal more work than a bath, but left him feeling cleaner, and sometimes, especially after expeditions with high body counts, he desperately needed to feel clean.

The shower was sure to impress his cleanliness-obsessed guest, but as he was about to give a tour, he caught sight of an unmarked envelope on the floor. Someone must have slid it beneath the door. He bit the inside of his cheek, knowing there was only one person who could have delivered it.  _I told her not to contact me here._

As he bent down to retrieve it, Levi stepped into the room and ran a finger along the surface of the desk. "This place is small." He rubbed his fingers together. "And dusty."

"It meets my needs," said Erwin absently. He retrieved his letter opener from the desk, then slit the envelope open. "There's a feature in the bathroom you might like. Feel free to take a look." He pulled out the letter and unfolded it, scanning the elegant script:

_'Erwin,_

_'The city is abuzz with news of your upcoming promotion. Commander of the Survey Corps? Disgraceful. I always prayed for you to come home, but not under such distressing circumstances. Your mother weeps for you every night - she pretends she doesn't, but I hear her, and it breaks my heart; it should break yours, too, if you have any feelings left at all. If you won't abandon your sacrilegious path, at least be man enough to tell her why you betray us.'_

He felt a throbbing twitch in his eye. As casually as if the letter was an unwanted advertisement, he tore the paper down its centre and dropped it in the garbage bin.

"Bad news?" asked Levi. Erwin looked up to see the man frozen with one hand on the bathroom doorknob, watching him.

He gave a polite smile. "No, just annoying clutter. Sometimes shopkeepers drop flyers in my mail slot."

One of Levi's brows furrowed. "It looked like there was a Wallist crest on it."

"The butcher down the street is rather devout." It wasn't a lie, exactly, just an unrelated truth. Erwin moved to the wardrobe and pulled open the door. "Here we are." He pulled out a black suit. The collar was a little too high for current fashions, and the fabric was a bit cheap, but it was serviceable.

Levi accepted the hanger, his fingertips sliding along the collar as he held it up against his body to compare. "You're shitting me, right? This has to belong to an ex-boyfriend or something. There's no fucking way you were this small when you were seventeen."

"Ask Mike. He was a full foot taller than me for most of our training; used to use my head as an elbow-rest." Erwin shook his head. "You wouldn't have recognized me back then. I was an awkward teenager - nose too big for my face, enormous feet, cracking voice."

"Couldn't have been that awkward. You said you were with a woman while you were training." Levi pulled the jacket over his shirt. He sniffed. "You wore the same cologne."

"I did, and yes, I was with someone - I can't tell you what she saw in me. Half the trainees were in love with her. She ended up marrying a friend of mine, and they've done quite well for themselves." Erwin stepped forward to straighten Levi's collar. "The sleeves are a bit long on you, but the fit across the shoulders is good. Try on the pants, too."

Levi pulled off his boots, setting them neatly by the entrance, then undid his belt. He dropped his pants and stepped out of them, and Erwin's eyes trailed the muscular thighs and calves. He wanted to rub his palms along them, feel the wiry hair, kneel between them-

 _Focus._ He glanced at the wall, waiting.

"They actually fit pretty well." Levi took a couple steps in place, tugging at the fabric to test its give. "Bit tight in the crotch."

"They were a bit short on me, so I thought they might work." Erwin looked him up and down. The suit accentuated the taper between Levi's upper and lower torso, and hugged his muscular thighs.

"Well?" Levi did a slow spin. The fabric was tight against his ass. Erwin took a long, deep breath. They were locked away from sight, they had a few hours to kill, and he couldn't be the only one slowly going mad from lack of contact. Surely it would be okay to give in to his lust for a little while.

Stepping in, he caught the slender jaw, bending down for a deep kiss. Levi pulled away to give him a withering look.

"You creep, I'm dressed like your kid self."

"I never saw myself in it." Erwin went for his neck instead. "All I see is an athletic man in a tight suit." He nipped at the skin beneath Levi's ear; his palms slid aggressively down the man's sides, then his hips.

"You're going to wrinkle it if you keep that up."

"It needs to be pressed anyway." He felt dizzy, high on their proximity. His tongue traced a meandering line up to the man's earlobe, where he rumbled, "I've spent the whole morning thinking about what I want to do to you."

"Fuck," breathed Levi, his hip muscles tensing.

The unconscious reaction gave Erwin bravery. He pulled back to look the man in the eye. "I'm going to undress you and lay you down on the bed, and then I'm going to explore your entire body with my mouth." He hadn't intended to push things so far this soon, but his body's ache was once again drowning out his logic. He waited for Levi's reaction, heart pounding in his throat.

The man paled, staring at him with wide eyes. "Okay."

They kissed again, and Erwin unbuttoned the suit jacket; he tossed it over the desk chair, then began to unbutton the dress shirt beneath it. Levi groaned into his mouth and reached for Erwin's collar.

Erwin caught his wrist. "Just you."

"I don't want to be naked by myself." Levi leaned in again, nipping his lower lip. "I won't try anything unless you ask. I just want to see you."

The fog of hormones and damp panting breaths and racing heartbeats made it difficult to think straight. Erwin released his wrist, and they began to unbutton each other's shirts.

When they were both topless, he crushed Levi against his body, feeling the warmth of skin against skin. Levi's hands curled into his back, clawed into his flesh, and he felt his eyelids flutter shut. He needed to be closer, needed to be closer - he walked Levi back to the bed and pushed him onto it, then dropped on top of him, grinding him into the mattress. Levi rolled him over with surprising strength, and their mouths locked, their hips rocking.

 _This is too fast,_  thought Erwin, and it wasn't at all what he had planned, but he didn't want it to stop. He raked down Levi's back, and the man grabbed his hair in response, pulling hard.

"Fuck," growled Erwin, the word breaking their kiss. Levi jerked his hair, tugging his head back, opening up his throat; he felt a warm tongue trace either side of his trachea. Their legs intertwined, and Levi's foot slid along the shin of his pants, stroking him with his toes. The sensation was oddly familiar...

Erwin froze as a memory crashed over him: he and Henrik on this very bed, rolling and laughing on its surface, their feet rubbing playfully together, Henrik's toe trailing down his shin-

"Hey." Levi released his hair. "You okay?"

"I..." It took several blinks to clear the intrusive memory from his mind. "My apologies. I'm okay."

The man watched him for a moment, then rolled off him. "Here. You lead."

Touched by his consideration, Erwin nodded his thanks. "Sit at the end of the bed."

Levi obeyed, and together they pulled off his pants and undergarments. Erwin untied the cravat last and set it aside, and then it was just Levi sitting in front of him, nude and beautiful. Erwin knelt between his legs and slowly rubbed his hands along the man's arms. This was a position of worship, and he intended to pay homage to this contradiction of a man, to the surprising strength in the small body, to the caring nature beneath the crass exterior.

Their eyes locked. Levi's jaw was quivering, his chest rising and falling with quick breaths. Erwin leaned forward to press a soft kiss into the centre of that chest. He could feel the pounding heartbeat beneath his lips, could smell Levi's raw scent. He felt himself throb in response and decided this would be a good time to take off the rest of his clothes, before his pants became too uncomfortable.

He stood and unbuttoned his pants, then slid them off his bruised hips. There was nothing between them now - no clothes, no ranks, no politics. They had been naked together before, but never in such an intimate context. The honesty of it was humbling.

His groin was at Levi's eye level, less than half a metre from his face, and Erwin could feel the faint breeze of breath on his skin. Levi stared, then slowly his eyes rose to meet Erwin's, as if asking permission. Erwin swallowed hard. He wanted to step forward into that mouth, so badly that he ached, but he forced himself to kneel down instead.

He had promised to explore Levi's entire body, but he could already tell that the man was struggling to restrain himself, so it seemed cruel to tease him much longer. He began to kiss along a thigh instead. Levi's hands tightened into the quilt, and he was so quiet that Erwin wondered if he was holding his breath.

Slowly, his kisses moved closer to the centre, the hair getting thicker, the scent getting stronger, heat wafting from the skin in a layer so thick that it was almost tangible. He nuzzled soft, wrinkled flesh, and Levi let out a low curse. Here, he could taste Levi's scent, amplified and warm; it mingled with the familiar scent of a man's groin, and also a third element that was completely new, completely unique to this area of this man's body. Shivers ran down Erwin's spine and settled in his tailbone, and he let out a quiet moan.

Levi shifted. "Stop sniffing my crotch, you pervert," he said, voice strained.

"I can't stop. You smell so good." Erwin's voice cracked. He began to trail his lips higher, barely skimming the skin, breathing in. As he approached the tip, his tongue made contact, then began to drag.

The groan that sounded in Levi's throat was so unchecked, so vulnerable, that Erwin's eyes fluttered closed. He ran his tongue in a slow circle, teasing.

"Fuck," gasped Levi, and he tilted his pelvis, trying to thrust deeper.

Erwin gripped his hips, locking him firmly in place.  _Not yet._ Still shallow, he released a long, hot breath, then inhaled deeply, playing with air currents.

"Fuck! Erwin, please..."

He delivered a soft kiss to the tip and then looked up, delighting in the man's desperate expression: brows pinched, jaw loose, eyes closed. "Please what?"

"Please...your mouth..."

He felt Levi's hands rake into his hair, twisting, pulling, but not pushing down. It shouldn't have been a surprise that Levi would be respectful even in such an intimate situation, but Erwin still found himself noting it anyway.  _He has good manners._ His tongue traced another circle, and the hands in his hair tightened.

Gradually, working up and down, he began to take Levi into his mouth, then throat. With each movement, he listened to the man's catching breath, felt the hip muscles twitch wildly beneath his fingertips. Each hint of appreciation made his head swim. He felt as if he were the one receiving the attention, not giving it. When he finally pushed all the way to the base, Levi cried out, and Erwin echoed him with a muffled cry of his own.

Part of him wanted to enjoy this first exploration for hours, discovering every taste and scent and texture, but instinct began to drive him forward. His hand rose to join his mouth, and he fell into a steady rhythm. His ears strained for aural cues, using them to adjust his tempo.

Levi's gripped his hair hard enough to hurt, goosebumps erupting across his skin. His legs wrapped around Erwin's body, his toes curling into Erwin's calves.

 _He's close._  Not quite ready to end things, Erwin slowed his pace, then released him to nuzzle and explore with his tongue again. His partner's cries were starting to blur together, curses and begging, and it was so hot, so hot, Erwin's groin ached. He was tempted to push things further, to stand up and thrust into Henrik's mouth, just once-

_Henrik?_

His stomach dropped. The room began to tilt.

He looked up and saw Levi's face, felt the man's toes in his calf, Henrik's toe sliding along his calf as they rolled on the bed, Henrik's toes black and stiff and flames licking along them, the scent of burning flesh still in Erwin's hair no matter how many times he washed it, Henrik's- Levi's dead hand clawing for him from the funeral pyre, Levi's head cracking between the titan's teeth...

The world heaved; he stumbled backwards, gasping for air.

Levi's eyes snapped open. "Erwin?"

The word echoed, distorted, wrapped around Erwin's lungs. "Excuse me," he rasped, and he staggered to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. The reflection in the mirror was wide-eyed and white. A corpse, he looked like a corpse. Darkness began to tighten around him like a noose.

 _What the hell is this?_ he demanded of himself, feeling as if he were outside his body, watching the scene play out _. You were done mourning him. You were hanging on to a ghost of a memory. You've moved on._

He breathed slowly in and out, trying to regain control of his renegade lungs, but they betrayed him, his breath escaping in a quiet sob.

With shaking hands, he filled the basin and splashed cold water on his face. He rubbed his eyes hard, the wounded one smarting, and he welcomed the pain, using it to try to ground himself.

_There is a trusting, beautiful, aroused firebrand of a man waiting out there for you, and you're fucking it up._

_Get out there and fix this._

He took a deep breath and held it, willing his racing heart to slow.

.*.*.*.

Levi shoved a hand through his hair, eyes on the closed bathroom door. He wasn't sure what to do. Knock on the door? Wait for him to come back? Dress and leave?

Erwin's expression was frozen in his mind: he had looked up in him in utter fear, as if he had been a stranger - no, worse than that. As if Levi had been the face of death. He tried not to take it personally. After all, he had promised patience, and setbacks were to be expected. He tried to remember how hard it had been to start being intimate again after his first boyfriend had died.

But he  _was_  taking it personally. That one terrified look seemed to bring to life all his fears about being insufficient:  _He saw through me_.  _He regrets me._

"Dammit." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Most likely, the best thing to do was give Erwin some space. He would pull on his clothes, and slip out the door, and they could talk about this later, when they had both had time to process everything.

Before he could move, the bathroom door opened, and Erwin stepped into the room. His eyes were dull, his skin pale, and a damp swath of hair was plastered to his forehead.

 _He looks like shit._ Levi's hurt feelings dissipated, concern taking their place. "You okay?"

"This isn't fair to you, Levi. I can't ask you to put up with my bullshit." Erwin sounded tired, his voice cracking.

Levi cocked his head to the side, an invitation to sit beside him. The man swallowed hard, then joined him, the bed shifting with his weight. Their thighs were almost touching, their hands close, almost identical to their postures the night they had held hands for the first time.  _If I reach across and hold his hand right now, will it be comforting, or pressuring?_

He erred on the side of caution, folding his arms over his chest instead. "You haven't been with anyone since Henrik died, have you?"

"I have," said Erwin, but the word ended on the wrong tone, as if there were more to it, and Levi read between the lines:  _I'm the first dick he's had in his mouth since then._

It all made sense now. Erwin still associated giving head with Henrik, and nothing since then had given him any reason not to, so he had inadvertently stirred up forgotten memories. Levi felt a pang of compassion. Once, when he was much younger, he had been in a similar situation, only he had handled it with far less grace. His partner at the time had patiently helped him heal. Now it was his turn. He wasn't sure how to help, exactly, but he would try. Trying to comfort Erwin was probably a good start.

He turned and pulled the covers down, then crawled into the bed and held out a hand. Erwin hesitated.

"Trust me," said Levi. "I won't try anything."

After a moment, Erwin clasped his hand.

Levi pulled him into the bed, then guided him to curl up on his side, pulling his head down to rest on Levi's chest. Once they were settled, he pulled the covers over them and wrapped his arms around his Commander in a gentle hug - not too tight. He didn't want him to feel trapped.

"I can hear your heartbeat," said Erwin, sounding more like a frightened boy than the mastermind of humanity's future. He shifted his cheek against Levi's chest, as if settling in. "My memories are blurring. I keep superimposing your face onto Henrik's death."

"You hear my heart, right?" said Levi. "It's still beating."

"I can't trust my own mind."

For someone who was constantly analyzing everything around him, being unable to trust his own mind must be hellish. Feeling protective, Levi tightened his embrace.

"You asked me if I was replacing Henrik with you," continued Erwin. "How can I say I'm not if I'm confusing the two of you in my mind like this? If I reach for your name and get his, or if I reach for his memories and get you..." He trailed off.

The statement surprised Levi, because it indicated a lack of experience with serious relationships; otherwise, the man would understand that memories, faces and names sometimes blurred when one relationship ended and another began. He had expected Erwin to be a confident lover with dozens of long-term love affairs under his belt - a handsome man with such a dominant air would have no trouble finding a partner.  _It's by choice,_  he realized, remembering the man's admission to putting his mission above all else.  _He chose titans over love, every single time. Except Henrik. Except me._

He gently combed the blond hair, trying to soothe him. "It's normal to mix up faces and names at first. It's not the same thing as replacing someone. People get used to patterns, and it takes awhile to adapt to a new one. That's all it is."

"So you're saying this is going to happen again," said Erwin quietly. "I'm going to keep getting confused and flash back to worse times."

Levi wasn't sure how to answer. More than that: he wasn't sure how that made him feel. He had always thought of Erwin as someone above him, someone who had mastered his mind and body. It was disconcerting to see him so undone, especially knowing their intimacy was what had triggered it.

They lay there in silence, Erwin's head on Levi's chest, Levi smoothing his hair. After several minutes, in unspoken unison, their free hands drifted toward each other and intertwined. It felt natural, one large hand and one small, their fingers so easily fitting into the spaces between the others'.  _That's how we work,_ thought Levi.  _We fit together. We're both screwed up in some ways, strong in others, and our strengths fit each other's weaknesses._ He wasn't sure if that was love, or just the fondness that came with a close professional partnership, or both, but whatever ran between them, it was deep enough that it would take more than one panicked incident to shake Levi's confidence.

Decisively, he pressed a kiss into the golden hair. "How are you feeling?"

There was a pause. "Ashamed."

"You still have my patience and my respect, Erwin. I want you to know that."

The Commander rolled onto his stomach to study him, settling his hands and chin on Levi's chest. "Thank you," he said solemnly.

Neither of them looked away, and Levi found himself drawn into the blue irises: dark perimeters, pale blue fibres that darkened again toward the pupils. He felt as if he were standing by the edge of a lake on a sunny day, staring into the bottom, the textures accentuated by rippling beams of light.

Tentatively, he reached out a hand and smoothed a blond eyebrow with his thumb. The brow was taller than his thumbnail, so thick that it felt more like wiry dog fur than a human brow; it tapered to a sharp point too soon. The abrupt sharpness complemented the strong curve of his nose and the severe cheekbones. When Levi had first spotted the man swooping through the city with his gear, he had likened him to a bird of prey.

The blue eyes searched his. "Levi, am I pushing my luck if I try to kiss you after everything I've put you through today?"

"Go ahead."

Erwin shifted up the bed to close the gap between their faces. The motion brought his body onto Levi's, and Levi suddenly remembered they were both naked under the covers. Blood began to rush to his cheeks and his groin, and he cursed himself. Getting turned on now was inappropriate.

Erwin, however, seemed oblivious. Their lips pressed innocently together. When he pulled away, his eyelids were low, and there was colour on his cheeks. A lock of blond hair was still loose on his forehead; Levi reached up to smooth it back into place. All this eye contact was giving him an idea.

"You know, Erwin," he said, "if you're ever worried about getting confused about who you're in bed with, you just have to keep your eyes on me the whole time. It's not like you can get mixed up if you're watching me."

"That's a good idea," said Erwin, sounding intrigued.

Levi shrugged it off, but he was already picturing the man between his legs, sharp gaze boring through him, unrelenting, and he was shocked by how much the idea turned him on. His breaths began to accelerate; he had been close to orgasm twice already that morning without getting off, and his body wasn't letting him forget it.

 _Knock it off,_  he told himself. _Do you want him to have another panic attack? Don't even think about pushing too fast._ He stretched his legs, hoping the motion would release some of the restless energy building in his muscles.

Erwin studied him. "When I was first learning to ride a horse as a boy, I had a bad fall. As soon as I was well enough, my father tried to encourage me to start riding again. He told me that the longer I waited, the more my mind would exaggerate the risks, making it into an insurmountable ordeal. I wish I had listened. After that, I couldn't so much as look at a horse without panicking, until I joined the Trainee Corps and was forced to learn to ride."

Levi tried to read him and, as usual, failed. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I feel like leaving things on a sour note now would encourage a needless rift to build between us, one that would be harder to overcome if we waited."

"You want to try again?" asked Levi, not sure he was understanding.

"You must be quite pent up by now. I'd like to try a little something with the oil I bought, if you're comfortable giving me another chance." There was a vulnerable crack in Erwin's expression, a little crease by one eyebrow.

"Okay," said Levi casually, as if his heart wasn't thudding in his chest. "Keep your eyes on me the whole time."

The vulnerable crease smoothed, and Erwin forward for another kiss, deeper this time. Then he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and bent down, digging through the shopping bag on the ground. When he returned, he had the small bottle in his hand. He lay on his side, and Levi did the same, facing him. He watched as Erwin pooled oil in his broad palm.

"You'll be okay," said Levi, half statement, half question.

The sharp eyes locked onto him. "While I'm doing this, Levi, I want you to look at me. I want to see your face." His gaze was intense, almost intimidating.

 _Fuck, that's hot._  Levi bit the inside of his cheek, meeting his gaze head-on.

A slick hand caught him off guard, gripping him between the legs. He tilted his head back and cried out.

"Levi, look at me," said Erwin.

Stunned by the authority in his voice, Levi obeyed. When he had suggested eye contact, he hadn't meant to tip the control completely in his partner's favour. He felt a surge of rebellion: no one ordered him around, especially in bed.

...but he should play along for now. Control was comforting for Erwin, and under the circumstances, he certainly needed to feel safe.

Besides, Levi didn't want to admit it, but it felt curiously good to hand control to his partner, better than he could have guessed. As Erwin began to stroke him, he felt his eyes flutter, and he struggled to keep them open. The struggle was worth it just to see the hard light in those blue irises.  _He looks determined, like he's trying to conquer me_.  _Power-tripping asshole._

Then Erwin shifted, pressing flat against his body. His grip changed; heat blistered between them, and it took Levi a moment to realize what was happening:  _he's jerking off both of us with one hand._ He lifted the covers to look, vaguely aware that a string of curses were slipping from his lips, but too euphoric to care.

"Levi, look at me."

Ignoring the command, he tilted his hips to get a deeper angle, enthralled by the sight of the two of them moving together.  _Fucking shit, that's hot._

"Levi," said Erwin sharply.

"Fuck you." The words slipped out before Levi could stop them. Embarrassed, he looked up, expecting disapproval, but he found a smirk instead. He didn't have time to interpret it; Erwin lunged in for a deep, rough kiss. Levi bit into his tongue, wrapping a leg around him, raking a hand down his chest. He wanted to be as close to him as possible, closer, he wanted to be inside him.

Erwin broke the kiss, gasping, "Touch me."

That was a command Levi was happy to obey. He drove his hand between them, closing over Erwin's, feeling the two of them slide together through their joint grip.

"Fuck!" burst Erwin. Now he was watching their hands too, his face flushed and strained.

Panic began to rise in Levi's chest. He wasn't going to be able to hang on, not with this frenzy of oiled hands and tangled limbs and thrusting hips. He lunged forward and kissed Erwin hard, and their moans began to rise together.

He felt Erwin cry his name into his mouth. A spasm rippled through his body, and his toes curled, and waves of white light flooded his groin, his mind.

Then there was perfect stillness, his ears ringing.

When he finally remembered to breathe, he opened his eyes. Erwin's cheek was on the pillow beside him, eyes closed, expression soft. Levi studied him, his entire body glowing. In a strange way, he was proud of the man.

"Is there a handkerchief somewhere around here?" He sat up to examine the damage, then grimaced. "Disgusting. You're going to need to wash these sheets."

A blue eye opened. "You can use the hand towel in the bathroom." The eye closed again. A moment later, Erwin's breaths were slow and even, as if he had fallen asleep. Levi was tempted to join him. They still had a few hours to kill, and it might be nice to nap together, even if the sheets were filthy.

He carefully climbed over top of him. Once he was standing, he paused for a moment, watching Erwin sleep. His face looked even more handsome with mussed hair and flushed cheeks, though maybe the afterglow was tainting Levi's opinion. The fondness building in his chest was so warm that it was almost nauseating.

Standing, he began to move toward to the bathroom.

As he passed the desk, his eyes locked onto the garbage bin, where Erwin had thrown the torn letter. The warmth drained from Levi's body. From here, he could clearly see the Wallist letterhead, and it certainly didn't look like a business flyer.

He glanced back at Erwin and, judging that he was still unconscious, bent over and plucked the papers from the bin. The looping script was difficult to read, and as he struggled through it, his eyes widened. He glanced back at the sleeping man.

 _Is he a Wallist?_   _Has he cut ties, or is he in league with them somehow?_ He thought of the fanatical worshippers, of their protests against scouting missions and staunch opposition to upgrading the walls. They were one of the biggest thorns in humanity's side.

It wasn't his place to judge - if anyone understood that good people could come from bad places, it was Levi - but he felt his heart pounding anyway.

 _Stop it,_ he told himself _. This is fucking Erwin Smith, the man who'll be humanity's key to freedom. He doesn't have any shady motives._

Determined not to have his confidence shaken, he set the papers back in the bin, then continued to the bathroom.

His eyes went immediately to the pump shower by the tub. He had heard of the contraptions, but never seen one in person: a way to clean oneself without sitting around in one's own filth. He was tempted to try it out, but he couldn't figure out how it worked. Maybe another time.

After he had cleaned up, he brought a hand towel back for Erwin. Rolling the slumbering man onto his back, he mopped up his abdomen. "There, it's better than nothing."

"Thank you," mumbled Erwin, barely conscious.

Levi crawled into the other side of the bed, then grimaced as the man tried to spoon behind him. "Stop that. You're all sticky."

"Hm. Hold me, then." Erwin lazily rolled onto his other side.

Feeling a bit ridiculous, Levi pressed against the man's back, reaching up and over the broad rib cage. He kept forgetting about their size difference until moments like this brought them into sharp contrast. He thought back to their earlier conversation about size differences, still concerned.  _If I try to fuck him, I'll look like a dog humping a horse._

Well, they'd worry about that when they got to it. At this rate, there was plenty of time to figure it out.

Once he had settled in, he laid a soft kiss at the base of Erwin's neck, and his eyelids began to grow heavier.

As drowsiness settled over him, everything began to seem simpler. His worries were petty. This warmth, this closeness, was what mattered.

 _I don't care where you came from, Erwin,_  he thought, his eyes closing.  _I don't care if anything we do looks ridiculous, or if we have to wait a year before you're okay with fucking, or if you need me to coax you through everything we do together, one step at a time. I will follow you._

He snuggled closer, and his lips lifted into a smile.


	9. Passage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a little thank you to the kind folks who have been reviewing or recommending this story, I tried to do a portrait of Erwin on my Tumblr. I plan to do one of Levi eventually, too, as well as other art of these two together. The pic can be found at my tumblr: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/90537972121 . Your reviews are my fuel, and your recommendations get more eyes on this story, which is invaluable to a fanfic author, so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart! :)
> 
> Previous chapter: suit shopping, Erwin's home, breakdown and smut.

"You should dance with him," said Hange. "At the gala."

Levi was tempted to drop his end of the heavy trunk and force the other to carry it alone. Instead, he affected his best glare. "Think about how would that look."

"It wouldn't be that unusual. I've seen men dancing with other men before."

"Use your brain, idiot. I meant because he's my Commander. I told you-"

"Stairs coming up behind you."

He turned his head so that he could navigate. "I told you, nothing's going to happen between him and me, and I'm fine with it, so fucking drop it." His voice strained as he struggled down the steps toward the main gate, where a carriage - and Erwin - would be awaiting him. He wasn't sure what his Commander had packed to make the trunk so heavy, but he was beginning to regret offering to move it.

"You aren't fine with it," insisted Hange, discussing the sensitive topic far too loudly. "You two barely look at each other anymore. How can you carry on a professional relationship if you're both pining, pent-up and lonely?"

With an exaggerated sigh, Levi jerked the trunk forward.

Hange stumbled. "That wasn't nice. I'm helping you carry this thing out of the kindness of my heart, even though it's way too heavy for me. You should've asked Mike for help if you were too grumpy to chat."

"Mike's getting last-minute orders from Erwin." While they were at the Capital, Squad Leaders Mike and Berit would be in charge. Levi predicted there would be a lot of drinking and slacking off; he hoped they wouldn't return to find the barracks coated in vomit and filth.

"You have an overnight ride in a very private carriage-" began Hange.

"Look, just shut up, all right? It's not going to happen. We'll figure out our professional relationship and all that. Just give us time." He made a mental note that their attempts to act normally around each other weren't convincing.  _Maybe we were overcompensating and came off too cold._

They approached the carriage and dropped the trunk into the luggage hold. Levi had to admit that, just as Hange had said, the carriage would be private. It had proper doors, and curtains hung in the windows.

He shifted his stance, trying to vent nervous energy without betraying just how excited he was. He and Erwin hadn't had the occasion to be together in private since the trip into town two days ago. He had tried to visit Erwin late the previous night, but found him working with Berit to revise the training schedule for the new recruits. Though he tried his best to stay up and check again a few hours later, he had fallen into a dead sleep until morning.

At least this morning, they had managed to sneak in a few quick kisses after the weekly Squad Leader meeting. That's when Erwin had informed him they were staying at a hotel near the ballroom instead of the Military Police barracks, sharing a single room.

"Won't that make people suspicious?" Levi had asked, confused.

"No," Erwin had replied. "Shadis did the same on occasion with me and Anke. Everyone will just assume it's for convenience reasons."

"So is it?"

"Partly." His Commander had bent down to nibble his ear, making Levi's pulse rise. "Also, I promised you I would reward you for wearing a suit."

"Oh. Didn't you already do that the other day?"

"I didn't get a chance to finish what I started. Not the way I wanted to, at least."

"Still ended pretty fucking well."

Erwin had given a low hum of agreement in his ear, then they had exchanged one last kiss and parted ways.

"Levi," said Hange, trying to attract his attention. "You alright?"

He blinked, remembering where he was. "Yeah. Go bug Mike or something. And tell Erwin to hurry his ass up."

"You're welcome for the help with the trunk. I'm telling you, dance with him at least once. And watch your mouth around the nobles, shorty." Reaching over, Hange ruffled his hair.

"'Shorty?' What the hell?" He ducked away, smoothing his hair back into place.

As Hange was leaving, Erwin entered the courtyard, flanked by Mike and Berit. He was still explaining something to them, a hand on each of their shoulders. Levi shifted his stance again, pulse rising at the sight of him.

Once the conversation ended, the Commander approached him. His smile was bright, gleaming in the late evening sun. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Levi. Everything's packed and ready to go?"

"Yeah. What the hell did you pack in that trunk?"

"Ammunition."

Levi scrutinized him and, finding no tell on his face, said, "Literally, or...?"

The Commander only smiled and began to walk toward the driver, but Levi wasn't letting him off that easily. "No, don't be a mysterious asshole about this. I've had bad luck with live rounds lately."

"It's not literally ammunition. You go ahead and get seated." Erwin nodded at him, then leaned closer to the driver and began to give instructions.

Warily, Levi opened the door and stepped into the carriage. His hair just barely skimmed the roof, and he struggled against a squeeze of claustrophobia. He wasn't a good traveller - not by carriage, at least. Memories lurked just below the surface, carefully repressed for more than a decade, and being boxed inside a carriage was too familiar, too confining...

He took a long breath and slowly released it. The grip around him lessened, and the memory sank into the depths of his mind where it belonged.

Feeling a bit more at ease, he inspected the interior. The benches were padded. Flaps on the doors flipped out between them to create two makeshift beds lengthwise along the carriage. The beds would be easily long enough for him, but Erwin might be a little cramped.

He dropped onto a bench and waited. A minute later, his Commander stepped into the carriage, closed the door and locked it. Levi felt a wave of panic, but took several slow breaths.  _It's okay. You're in here with Erwin. You're safe._

"The driver has orders to travel straight through until morning." Erwin lit the lamp that jutted from the wall, then drew the curtains. "If you need any rest stops, tug on the bell cord to alert him. I tucked some water canisters under the benches, as well as some dried fruit." He took off his jacket and hung it from a hook on the door.

Two days apart had sharpened Levi's libido. He eyed the man's uniform; he had seen the leather straps on hundreds of soldiers, but Erwin wore them better than anyone. His high-collared white shirt was neatly pressed, and it must have been tailored, because it fit his body perfectly, just tight enough to show the muscles of his chest and arms.

Levi pulled off his jacket, too, and hung it on a second hook. Erwin pulled the cord to ring the driver's bell, and the carriage rumbled as it began to move. They sat on opposite benches, watching each other.

"So are you going to tell me about this heavy-as-shit 'ammunition' you had me lug downstairs?" he asked.

Erwin pulled off his boots. The leather had a tendency to develop peculiar odours, but to Levi's relief, Erwin's feet didn't seem to smell.  _He takes good care of his uniform._

"Erwin?" he prodded.

"One of the King's tax chests."

"What?" The chests they had retrieved from the silo had all been sent to the King in a shipment two days prior, or so Levi thought. "Are you keeping it?"

"I'm just hanging on to it for now, waiting to see who kicks up a fuss about it. Someone knew that money was there, and that someone will notice it missing. I have plans for it once we reach the Capital."

"So you're pissing someone off until they get angry enough to come after you."

Erwin smiled. "It isn't elegant, I admit. It's only one facet of the plan. According to Shadis, the suggestion to visit this particular silo came from Captain Nile Dok of the Military Police. I expect to see him at this gala, and I'm going to question him."

"You mean interrogate him?" asked Levi, remembering his conversation with Hange when they were stuck in the tree:  _I hear he used to pull strings for Shadis... Mike thinks it was through blackmail and threats. Maybe even torture._

"No, I plan to ply him with liquor and get him talking. We were good friends once. I'm sure it won't take much persuasion to reconnect." Erwin's eyes lost focus, his face distant, and Levi was surprised to feel jealousy burning in his chest.

"How close were you two, exactly?"

The blue eyes fixed on him. "Once upon a time, we were like brothers, but it must have been a friendship of convenience, because when we went our separate ways, we lost touch."

Levi wondered if he and Erwin qualified as a friendship of convenience, or if this connection between them ran deeper than that. They certainly had different personalities and backgrounds, and he wasn't sure they would have become friends in any other context. If they were separated for a long period of time, would their connection persist? He didn't want to find out.

Casually, he stood, made his way across the swaying carriage, and flopped to a seat next to his Commander. He removed his boots, then stood them neatly in the corner, getting comfortable.

Erwin draped a hand across his shoulders and pulled him in close. "There are other aspects of this business with Nile, as well as the gala itself, that I'd like to discuss with you, but we have another twelve hours of travel to go over the details, and there's more pressing business to attend to."

"Like what?" asked Levi, turning to look at him.

"Like the fact that it's been two full days since we had some privacy." Erwin trailed his fingertips along Levi's jaw, and then, without warning, lunged, his mouth covering Levi's.

Levi let out a low groan, his eyes fluttering closed. A persistent tongue slid between his lips until they parted, then plunged deep into his mouth as a hand began to move up his thigh.

This level of aggression was unexpected, especially after Erwin's breakdown last time they were alone. Gasping for air, Levi pulled back. "You're grabby today."

"Is it too much?" The man's eyelids were heavy. "I can't stop thinking about how you felt in my mouth. I came to your room last night intending to service you, but you were already asleep, and it was too late to wake you."

Levi's brain froze somewhere between the titillation of the image and the awkwardness of the term 'service', and the hand advancing up his leg wasn't helping him focus. Struggling for words, he said, "Wake me next time. Screw sleep. Your mouth is better."

"Noted for the future." Erwin's roving hand settled firmly between his legs, thumb running circles over the fabric.

Trying to keep pace, Levi's hand went straight for Erwin's groin, and his breath caught when he discovered how aroused the man was. "Holy fuck, Erwin."

"I haven't had time to take care of myself since we met last." He grabbed Levi's arm and half-pulled, half-lifted him toward his lap.

Happy to oblige, Levi straddled him. "No time? It takes a minute or two, doesn't it?"

"I've been distracted." Erwin grabbed Levi's hips and clamped him down, grinding hard.

Levi tossed his head back. Even fully-clothed, it felt good to rub against each other like this. He felt lips on his neck, then by his ear.

"What about you, Levi?"

The friction building between his legs, at once pleasurable and chafing, was so distracting that it was difficult to form words. "What about me?"

"How many times since we last met?" There was a desperate edge to the deep voice.

"None of your business, you fucking pervert," said Levi, testing him. Erwin's fingers curled into his hips, so hard that Levi expected them to leave bruises. "Ah, so you  _do_ like it when I insult you, don't you, you creep? Four. Four times."

"Four times," repeated Erwin. His grip still strong, he swapped places with Levi, pushing him to a seat on the bench and kneeling between his legs. When he looked up, his blue eyes had the same sharpness Levi remembered from their last encounter. "Were you thinking about me?"

"Yeah. I almost always do."

Erwin lifted the skirt of Levi's uniform, unbuckled the straps in his way, then began to undo the fly. "What was I doing in this fantasy?"

Levi hesitated. "Erwin..."

"If you're willing. I want to learn more about what you like, and..." The blue eyes fixed on him again, showing a hint of vulnerability this time. "Hearing your voice will remind me that you're you."

"Oh." That made sense. It was important to stave off any accidental flashbacks to Henrik, and it wasn't like the man could keep eye contact the entire time from that position - not easily, at least.  _  
_

Erwin tugged his underwear out of the way, then carefully wrapped his fingers around him. Levi took a breath through clenched teeth, startled by the contrast of warm skin and the cool evening air. Their eyes locked as his Commander took him into his mouth.

"Oh shit," whispered Levi, transfixed by the sight. He could feel Erwin's tongue working around him.

The man pulled back to say, "Keep talking," then reclaimed him.

"Shit." Levi tenderly ran his knuckles along one of the man's angular cheekbones, impressed by his skill. His mind was swimming, and he struggled to bring it into focus. Recalling fantasies wasn't difficult, because they were almost always the same. "I picture me walking in on you touching yourself, sometimes in your office-"

The man trailed his tongue to the tip, then pulled away to say, "Pick a specific fantasy and tell me in detail."

"Okay- Ah, fuck!" His eyes squeezed shut and he bent forward, his fingers clawing into Erwin's hair. "Your mouth is so fucking warm."

The man hummed his approval, the sound reverberating through Levi and sitting in his abdomen, glowing with heat.

"I..." He forced his eyes open and saw Erwin looking up at him, mouth and hands still working. "Fuck, that's hot. That's how you looked at me, right there. When I came into your office. You were wearing your harness, your boots, your pendant and nothing else, and..." He shuddered as he felt the man take him deep into his throat. The rattle of the carriage vibrated through him, adding texture to the stimulation. "Oh shit, Erwin, I can't-"

The man pulled away again. "What did we do?" He reached out to grab Levi's wrist and kissed the back of his hand, and then Levi's finger was inside his mouth, a hot tongue swirling around it.

"You fucking tease." Levi gave a low, frustrated groan. "You were lying on the desk jerking off, your ass hanging over the end, and your legs spread when you saw that I was there." His sentence ended in a sharp breath as Erwin bent down and engulfed him again, but this time, Levi's finger was still in his mouth. Now he could feel everything with his fingertip as it happened: the thrusting motion, the slippery skin, the tongue working with so much enthusiasm. It was too much stimulation, too much information to process. Levi's eyes closed, his breaths coming hard and quick.

"I started fucking you," he managed. "I started fucking you so hard, and you were yelling my name."

The tongue stopped moving for a moment, the mouth still.

Levi cried out and began to thrust, desperate for the stimulation to continue. A moment later, Erwin began to move again, and Levi yanked his hand free of the man's mouth.

"Erwin," he warned. "I'm..." He couldn't finish the sentence. He vaguely heard himself yell, felt the vibration of Erwin's encouraging moans, and he doubled over, overcome. When he at last was able to open his eyes, sparks dancing in his vision.

Erwin tucked him carefully back into his underwear and did up his fly, tugging the skirt back into place. He was carefully avoiding looking up, and Levi's glow dimmed.  _Is he having bad memories again?_ His mind paced through the past few minutes, trying to figure out what could have upset him. His heart sank as he remembered the exact moment when Erwin had hesitated.  _Shit._

"You okay?" he asked.

The man sat on the bench beside him. "Of course." There was an intake of breath, as if he were about to speak, but nothing followed.

"You didn't think I'd want to fuck you," said Levi flatly. "Right? You thought I'd want to be fucked  _by_ you."

There was a pause. "It doesn't change anything."

"You and Henrik, who did the-"

"Usually me. Not always, but usually. It doesn't matter." Erwin glanced at him. "It's fine, just unexpected."

Defensiveness rose in Levi's throat, pinching his voice: "Unexpected because I'm small, right? Everyone expects the short man to take it."

"No, because you're obsessed with cleanliness. I didn't think you would be interested in putting a part of yourself into a potentially unclean area of the body." Erwin's cheeks were dark, and he shifted, looking uncomfortable.

"No, I'm obsessed with  _being_  clean, so I don't want someone else to be inside my- Look, it doesn't matter." Levi twisted to look up at the man and searched his eyes, looking for a hint of discomfort. He didn't find any, but that didn't mean it wasn't there. "Does this fuck things up?"

"No," said Erwin earnestly. "It's fine. All I care about is that I can physically express the way I feel about you - the method doesn't matter."

"The way you feel about me?" asked Levi, curious how, exactly, he would define it.

The man's face turned an even darker shade of red; he cleared his throat and looked away.

 _Say it_ , thought Levi, but it was probably too soon. This was all too new. He wasn't sure how to put it into words yet, himself, but he could put it into action. He could show his gratitude that the man was so considerate, so flexible.

He dropped to the floor, kneeling between Erwin's legs.

"I'm going to touch you," he announced, looking up for any hint of hesitation on Erwin's face. "Stop me if you need to. Remember to keep your eyes on me." He lifted the skirt and undid the straps and buttons. For a moment, he grazed the hard length with his fingertips. He had never had the opportunity to look at him before, not this close.

"See what you do to me?" asked Erwin quietly.

He did, and the sight of it was making his feral side rise. He licked his palm to dampen it in preparation, holding eye contact, playing up the lewdness of the gesture.

Erwin's throat bobbed. "You're much more vulgar in bed than I imagined." It was delivered as a compliment, and Levi felt his ears warm.

"So what did you imagine?" he asked, reaching forward to grip him.

"I don't know, exactly-" The words disintegrated into a low groan as Levi began to tease him with an exaggerated milking motion.

"Not easy to talk while this is happening, is it?" Levi leaned closer, letting his breath slide across the tip, but not touching it with his mouth. Not without permission. "Tell me one of your fantasies, Erwin."

"Levi-"

"Be specific." His grip began to move with purpose.

"Fucking you in an alleyway," gasped Erwin. "The other day, I wanted to fuck you in the alleyway."

It was still strange to hear his Commander swear so openly, and Levi was tempted to press it by teasing him some more. He released him, his fingertips slowly trailing the length. "Do you like to fuck hard, Erwin? Or slow?"

"Slowly at first, then..." He let out a groan as Levi's fingertip traced circles around him, and his head began to loll.

"Hey, none of that." Levi gripped his chin and tilted it, forcing Erwin to look down at him. "You have to look at me, remember?"

The blue eyes were glazed. "Use your mouth."

A pleasant shock spiked through Levi's body. "You're sure?"

"I need your mouth."

Eagerly, Levi leaned forward, closing the distance between them. The second his tongue touched, he forgot about keeping the man talking, or making him swear, or everything except that taste, that glowing heat of skin against his tongue. He knew he should be putting in effort to make this moment special - this was probably the first mouth around him since Henrik died - but Levi felt hurried, like lingering would give Erwin time to second-guess everything. He moved aggressively, using his hand, encouraged by the rumbling groans he heard above him.

Then Erwin gasped his name, and blood rushed to Levi's head.  _That's it. Let go,_  he thought, dizzy. The name repeated, then again, then began to alternate with  _oh fuck_ , a rhythmic chant that matched his breaths, rising in pitch.

Levi chanced a look up, and the strain he saw on the face was so beautiful, the skin glowing pink, the sharp angles smoothed by the squinted eyes and clenched jaw. Their eyes locked.

Erwin cried out, his head tossing back to expose his beautiful throat.

This is where Levi would usually pull away, but he forced himself to ignore his revulsion, because if Erwin was going to make sexual compromises to be together, then so would he. He was surprised by how easy it was to stay with him until the end, by how close to Erwin it made him feel, as if he were carrying him through it instead of just being a passive observer.

The last cry faded from Erwin's lips, and his head fell forward, eyes closed.

 _So beautiful,_  thought Levi, overwhelmed, as he finally broke away.

The blond eyelashes parted, and a hand reached for Levi's jaw, tracing it with a feather-light touch. Feeling a little emotional, Levi swallowed hard; he saw the other do the same.

"I need to kiss you," said Erwin, hoarse.

"My breath-"

"I don't care."

Levi stood and leaned forward, their lips touching. There was no hunger in this kiss, just softness. He could taste himself on Erwin, and surely the reverse was true, but that didn't matter, nothing mattered but this man and his gentle lips.

When Levi pulled away, their gaze held. Erwin was looking at him with wonder, his eyes glassy.

 _I've fallen too hard,_  thought Levi _. I'm lost. I knew you would show me freedom, but not like this._  It had never hit him this early, never this hard.

He leaned forward for another kiss, his heart soaring. _I love you._

.*.*.*.

Erwin sat on the makeshift bed with his legs extended in front of him. Levi's head was on his lap, stretched out perpendicular to him along the bench. Erwin combed the dark hair, enjoying the comfortable silence between them. There were still plans to discuss, but the post-orgasm haze was taking awhile to leave his body. He wasn't sure what had left him the most dazed: the feeling of Levi's mouth, or the way he had looked up at him when it was all over. Smiling, he trailed his knuckles behind the man's ear.

"What are you grinning about?" asked Levi.

"Just enjoying this shared moment of peace."

"Speaking of things you enjoy..." The man's eyes fixed on him. "Why do you like it so much when I insult you?"

"What?"

"When we're fooling around. You get turned on by me insulting you."

"I don't know that I necessarily-" Heat rose to Erwin's cheeks as he reconsidered his own words. Levi's observation wasn't wrong. "There's a certain coarseness to your character that I find appealing, and maybe a degree of challenge." Too embarrassed to analyse himself any further, he cleared his throat. "We have some business to discuss."

Levi's brows dropped. "Really? Now?"

"It can wait a little while if you'd like to lay here for a bit longer."

"If I do, I'll fall asleep." Levi gave an abrupt sigh and sat up. "Feels like I've done nothing but work since I got promoted."

"I hope that doesn't include the last half hour or so," said Erwin lightly. "I'm afraid it's all part of being a Squad Leader. Work will be even more time-consuming when you're a Captain."

"Can't you just give me a team and point me at things that need killing?"

"That's not how the system works," said Erwin.

"Well, maybe instead of trying to make me fit the system, you should make the system fit me."

Erwin knew he was just being difficult, but on some level, the words made sense. Everything about Levi was unconventional, from his training to his history with the Corps. Was forcing him into a conventional role really the best way to utilize him?

"Let's put that aside for now," he said, making a mental note to think about it some more later. "I want to talk to you about how our time in the Capital is going to play out."

He began to narrate their timetable. The carriage would pull up to their hotel around eight in the morning, giving them time to settle in and unwind after their journey. At noon, they would take their lunch at a restaurant opposite the Military Police barracks.

"Why so far out of the way?" asked Levi. "Aren't there restaurants by the hotel?"

"There are," said Erwin, "but we will have another task while we're there. I'll get to that in a moment."

After lunch, they would return to the room and dress in their uniforms. Supreme Commander Zackly would swear in Erwin at the courthouse. After that, they would return to the hotel to change into their formal wear, then head to the ballroom for the dinner and gala.

Levi gave a loud "tsk" and slumped into the corner, arms folding over his chest. "How long do I have to stay at the gala?"

"Long enough to be noticed."

"Meaning...?"

"Meaning I may have a mission for you." Erwin shifted to face him. "While we're at lunch, we're going to scope out the exterior of the Military Police barracks. If my discussions with Nile at the gala make me suspicious that he had ulterior motives when he gave us the information about the silo, I'm going to ask you to retrieve the documents he used to determine which silo we should target."

Levi's eyes widened. "You want me to break into the office of the Captain of the Military Police?"

"A tall order, I know. I can show you which window is his, and give you information about the layout of the building. I may be able to obtain blueprints-"

"I don't need blueprints," said Levi flatly. "What happens if I'm caught?"

 _Why wouldn't he need blueprints?_ thought Erwin, but he decided not to press it. "This can't be traced back to me, or it would reflect poorly on the entire Corps. You can't get caught."

They eyed each other for a moment.

"I get it," said Levi, looking away. "If I get caught, we play it off like I returned to my underhanded, criminal ways, and it had nothing to do with you. Would you like me to steal some silver while I'm at it to add to my cover?"

Erwin sighed, the snarky tone not lost on him. "I wouldn't ask this of you if I had options, Levi, but you're the only person I trust to do this task, should it be required. You've thwarted the Military Police hundreds of times before, and your speed and specific skill set are assets for this mission. The Military Police are going to become increasingly useful to our operations, and we need to know if Nile will be an ally. Will you do it?"

"Fuck." The man shook his head. "Yes, of course I'll do it. But if they catch me and execute me, I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your shitty life."

"I won't let them execute you. Believe me, Levi: so long as I'm still breathing, you will never be executed." The words were a little too strong, too honest, so he buried them: "We'll be paying a visit to Nile the next morning to put my 'ammunition' into play, so you can slip the file back into place then. He'll never know it was gone."

For a few minutes, the only sound was the rattle of the carriage. Levi looked up at him. "Aren't you and Nile close friends? Can't you just be up-front with him about all this?"

Erwin shrugged. "I need to verify that he's still trustworthy."

"Is this how you 'trust' people? Testing them? Sneaking around behind their backs?"

Their gaze held. Levi looked almost insulted, and Erwin, for all his ability to read people and situations, couldn't fathom what was on his mind. "I trust when evidence supports it. The fate of humanity can't rely on sentiment alone."

"I hear you have a file on Hange."

"I have a file on everyone."

"Even me?" asked Levi, the insult deepening on his face: creased brows, pinched mouth.

Erwin hesitated.

"Be honest with me." Levi leaned forward. "Have you been testing me? Are you researching me behind my back?"

"No. Your file is nearly empty, Levi." He took a slow breath, trying to word his feelings in a way that was at once sincere, but not too imposing so early in their relationship. "I trust you unequivocally."

"Why?"

"Because you've already tried to betray me, once upon a time, and you couldn't go through with it. And..." He slid a hand along the bench, palm up: an offering. "I see the way you look at me with absolute trust in your eyes. I see the way you follow me into battle, the way you accept missions and requests with a combination of careful questioning and faith in my reasoning. I believe you would follow me into hell if I asked you, but only if you, yourself, agreed that was necessary. Blind trust can be turned, but your brand of trust, deep and considerate, is unmovable."

Levi stared at his hand for a moment, then reached out, his hand closing over it. "You'd better not ask me to follow you into hell."

"One day, I might have to. I may even have to send you ahead of me, if the situation requires it."

"You're fucking morbid," said Levi. "You know that?"

"So I've heard." Erwin's thumb slid across the back of the slender hand. "Our war is never far from my mind."

"I guess that's a good thing for the rest of us." Their hands rotated, fingers interlacing, and Levi visibly shivered. "This is stupid."

"What?"

"The way I get goosebumps from just touching your big dumb hand."

"'Big dumb hand,'" repeated Erwin, amused by the man's insistence on sounding tough even when they had privacy. "I don't think that's how you would have described it about fifteen minutes ago."

Levi's cheeks turned crimson, and he pulled away. "Big dumb  _sticky_  hand."

Erwin tried not to be offended, but his body was still sensitive, inside and out, from his orgasm. "Why is my hand the sticky one? You were licking your hand and grabbing me."

Now the man lifted his own hand to examine it, nose wrinkled. He rummaged through his pocket and pulled out a folded white handkerchief, then proceeded to rub his palms with it.

Erwin watched, face grim. This was the fastidious, paranoid behaviour he had expected when they had first started becoming intimate, and he wondered why it had taken so many days to surface.  _Why now? Something must be bothering him._ Was it the new mission, or the gala itself, or the morbid discussion? His stomach twisted with guilt.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

Levi shrugged, still scrubbing at his hand. "I just want it to be this time tomorrow, so this bullshit will be over with."

"I'm sorry to drag you to this gala, Levi. I will spend some time rethinking what your role as Captain will entail, but you should know that some level of formality and socializing will be a requirement."

"I know. I understood that climbing the ranks would involve bullshit." The man shook his handkerchief over the ground, as if shaking out imaginary dirt, then folded it and put it neatly in his pocket. "And speaking of bullshit, I asked Mike about what you were like when you were trainee."

"Oh?" The change of topic was so abrupt that Erwin's brows rose. He wasn't about to force the uncomfortable conversation to continue, however, so he followed Levi's train of thought. "And what did he have to say?"

"He said you were short for awhile, yeah, but he laughed at the idea of you being awkward like you claim. Said you were charismatic and well-spoken."

"Sounds like he's remembering incorrectly," said Erwin.

Levi leaned back against the wall, loosely gathering his knees in his elbows. "He said you used to piss off him, Nile and Anke by attracting all the ladies whenever you went out to the bar in a group."

"It wasn't intentional. I was usually in the corner with a book until I got drunk enough to have any interest in socializing." He smiled to himself, his training days far enough behind him now that they were cloaked with nostalgia. "It's a good thing you didn't know me back then, Levi, or you would have loathed me. Once I got a bit of drink in me, I was an arrogant little bastard. Used to calmly provoke arguments and watch the chaos unfold, that sort of thing. Sometimes I would subtly pit Nile and Mike against each other so I could play myself off as the calm mediator type and impress their dates. Usually got away with it, but not always. This isn't the first black eye Mike has given me."

Levi shook his head, something approaching a smirk playing on his lips. "So by 'awkward', you meant you were an asshole."

Erwin chuckled. "Perhaps." His smile faded and, deciding to take a risk, he said, "What about you, Levi?"

"What about me?"

"What were you like when you were younger?"

Levi looked down and shrugged. "Short and miserable. So, pretty much the same."

"Are you miserable?" asked Erwin, his stomach dropping. He had suspected Levi wasn't a happy person, but 'miserable' was a strong word.

"Maybe." The man folded his arms over his chest. "Humanity's trapped in a festering hell-hole, and it feels like we lose more ground every day. Most of my friends are dead, and my colleagues are dying left and right. Aren't we all miserable?"

Erwin didn't respond. Now that he took a minute to consider his feelings, he realized that misery wasn't among them. As sick of it was, part of him liked the challenge of fighting against the titans: it gave his life meaning.  _People are dying, and I have the nerve to enjoy the struggle? Maybe I'm still an arrogant bastard after all._

"It's not always bad," continued Levi. "I feel hope when I'm cutting through titan flesh. And..." His gaze drifted up to meet Erwin's. "When I'm with you."

Swallowing hard, Erwin shifted along the bench, reached over and pulled him into an embrace. He closed his eyes, burying his nose in the dark hair.

Levi leaned into him. "Are you smelling me again? Fuck, it's like I'm cuddling with Mike."

"You smell clean." Erwin breathed in again, not caring how odd it might seem. "Forgive my sentimentality, Levi. It hurts me to think of you being miserable, and to hear that I can help stave that off, even a little..." His arms tightened. "I feel considerable guilt about dragging you into this miserable lifestyle. I never thought I might be helping you endure it."

"Don't feel guilty. My life was even worse before. I didn't even realize how miserable it was, how important petty things had become." Levi nuzzled under his chin. "I was always angry, but I didn't understand why. I had no purpose, no meaning except to try to escape my shitty past."

This was the closest he had come to acknowledging whatever had come after his aunt and before his rise to a position of power in the underground, and Erwin didn't dare move, afraid that even the slightest muscle twitch would frighten Levi away like a startled bird. He held his breath, waiting.

"When I first got to the streets," continued Levi, his voice low and cracking, "I kept trying to cram happiness into my life however I could. I slept around, drank too much, tried anything that would give me a bit of a rush. I was a fucking wreck, a filthy, sad little wreck, and none of it helped. Took me a few years to wake up and start straightening out my shit, but even when I started taking better care of myself, I still had no purpose.

"That got better after I met you. The Survey Corps gives me purpose. Order. And..." There was a pause. "Erwin, I spent most of my life starved for respect, and you're the first person who gave it to me freely. I had no idea how good that would feel, after being looked down on my whole life." His eyes narrowed. "Some people went so far as to try to strip my own self-respect, tried to whittle me down to nothing."

There was a long pause. Erwin said quietly, "I can't have been the first who respected you. What about your friends who joined the Corps with you?"

"They respected me because they had to. I was older than them, and more established than them when we met-" The words halted, and Levi was silent.

"I'm sorry," said Erwin, understanding that their deaths were still fresh on his mind. Sometimes he was so wrapped up in his own traumas that he forgot just how much Levi had endured. The man had impressive resilience, weathering tragedies that would have broken anyone else.  _Humanity's Strongest, indeed._

The thought reminded him of another topic to discuss. "Levi, there's something I should warn you about before we get to the Capital: it seems you're becoming something of a celebrity."

There was a long pause. "What?"

"Shadis said many of the new trainees knew your name, and they're calling you Humanity's Strongest. You're becoming a hero: a man who came from nothing, who's as strong as an entire squad. You're giving people hope."

Levi let out a dismissive scoff and pulled away. "Those brats don't know a thing about me. I'm not a fucking hero." His eyes were glassy. "I need to go to sleep."

"Very well." Erwin studied him, sensing an abrupt mood shift. "Do you need the carriage to make a stop before we rest?"

"No, I'm good. Never been a fan of shitting in the woods anyway." Levi stood and, bracing himself against the ceiling, dimmed the lamp. He pulled a blanket and pillow out of a compartment near the back of the carriage, then sniffed them. Satisfied, he tossed them to Erwin. "A bit musty, but I can still smell soap on them, so they should be clean."

"Good." Erwin laid out the pillow and blanket, then stretched out, rolling onto his side. "I think there's enough room here if you want to sleep on this side with me."

Levi eyed the panel, wary. "Can that thing support both of us?"

"It's sturdy." He lifted up the covers as an invitation.

Levi crawled into place. The fit was tight, but so long as they spooned, they had enough room. Erwin pulled the smaller man tightly against him, then kissed his temple.

"Comfortable enough?" he asked.

"It'll do." Levi yawned.

"We just need to weather it for tonight. We'll share a real bed tomorrow night." Erwin settled into the pillow, debating whether or not he should ask the question on his mind. He didn't want to push Levi too hard when his mood was shifting, but the question seemed inoffensive enough. "Can I ask you a question, Levi?"

"Sure."

"When did you list me as your next of kin?"

"Oh." Levi shrugged, as if it were no big deal. "When we got back to the base after my friends died."

"That soon?" He had expected it would have been after the next expedition, the one that had made Levi break down in his office. "I thought you still hated me at that point."

"I didn't have anyone else to name. And like I said, you were the first person who ever freely gave me their respect, so I respected you back. Besides, it's not like I had anything important to my name. I've left everything behind, so many times..." His voice trailed off.

Erwin thought of the little box of possessions, of the way the man gave away most of his salary to help a friend's sister. His fingers curled into the fabric over Levi's chest.  _I'll make him my next of kin when we get home. He can put my possessions to better use than anyone else._

"I'm sorry, Levi," he said quietly. "You've endured so much in your life, and received so little in return."

The man was silent for so long that Erwin thought he had fallen asleep, but then Levi's hand tightened around his. "Tell me everything's going to be okay."

His voice sounded so frail that Erwin's stomach twisted. "I don't understand."

"Tell me everything's going to be okay. I'll believe you. Just tell me."

"Levi, what's wrong? You're shaking."

"I shouldn't have started thinking about the person I used to be. Now I can't stop remembering." Levi's voice was small and tight. "Look, I'm not good with being boxed into a carriage like this."

"Do you need to step outside? Would it help to talk through it?"

"No, just...tell me."

Erwin wasn't sure how to respond. He couldn't say everything was going to be okay, not truthfully. He had best guesses about how the future would play out, insight based on patterns, information and human nature. What lay ahead for them was only strife. Change could not happen without great sacrifice.

But that wasn't what the man needed to hear. He nuzzled the back of the man's neck. "Your past can't hurt you here, Levi, and whatever our future holds, we'll face it together." It was the best he could promise.

Levi snuggled back against him and was quiet, but he was still trembling. Concerned, Erwin held him close, hoping his presence would make the man feel safe until he fell asleep.

.*.*.*.

A sharp moan startled Erwin awake.

Levi was twitching violently in front of him, whimpering under his breath. Nightmares. Such things were commonplace in the Corps, but Erwin had never been sure of the best way to deal with them.

If he woke Levi now, it might disorient him. He tried to hold off, but each whimper and cry jolted through him, and eventually, he couldn't stand it anymore.  _This is my fault. I started him talking about his past, and now he's suffering._

He sat up and smoothed hair from the man's damp forehead. "Levi. It's just a dream."

Silver-blue eyes snapped open.

Then Erwin was hurtling toward the floor; his back hit hard enough to knock the air from his lungs. He gasped, stars swimming in his vision.

Levi barrelled at him, pinned him down, eyes and lips flared, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Levi," wheezed Erwin, too scattered to process what was happening. Cold steel pressed against his throat.

"Fuck you," screamed Levi. "Tell me why I shouldn't slit your throat right now, you fucking psychopath!"

"Levi." He struggled to regain his breath. "Levi, it's me, Erwin."

Slowly, the man's face shifted to recognition, then to horror. He staggered back. His knife clattered to the floor.

Erwin sat up and hunched forward, trying to suck air into his lungs.

"Stop the carriage," said Levi, his voice shaking.

"Levi-"

"Stop the carriage!"

Erwin struggled to his feet and pulled the cord to ring the driver's bell. When he turned back to Levi, he saw the man scrabbling at the door. The carriage slowed, then stopped. Levi tore open the door and staggered into the darkness, then dropped to his knees.

The driver stepped into view, staring at Levi for a moment before he poked his head through the doorway. "Everything okay, Commander?"

"A little motion sickness, that's all," said Erwin. "He'll be fine in a minute. I'll let you know when we're ready to depart."

"Sir." The driver bobbed his hat, gave one last wary glance at Levi, then left.

Erwin rubbed his trachea with one hand and picked up the fallen knife with the other. When he tilted the knife, using it as a mirror, he saw that the skin on his neck was intact. He let out a small sigh of relief.

Levi's boots were scattered in the corner; he must have flown at them to retrieve his knife and then tackled him.  _He moved so fast that I didn't stand a chance._ Erwin returned the knife to the secret compartment in the right boot, then set them neatly upright. On his way to the door, he grabbed a blanket and pulled on his boots.

When he stepped outside, Levi was still on his knees, facing away, his back shaking. The night air was chilly, the sky above them clear and speckled with stars. They were between towns, overlooking a meadow, and the view could have been romantic under different circumstances. Erwin stepped into the brush, and a twig snapped under his feet.

Levi sniffled. "Go away."

"I shouldn't have gotten you talking about your past," said Erwin quietly. "Especially when you were already under so much stress. I should have known it would kick up bad memories."

He heard another sniffle.

"Come back to the carriage, Levi." Erwin stood behind him and draped the blanket over his hunched form.

"I attacked you."

"You were just disoriented because I woke you up in the middle of a nightmare. It's okay." It wasn't as okay as he was pretending. His hands were shaking. Seeing that much raw hatred on the face of someone he trusted had been the most terrifying situation he had faced in years.

"Don't look at me," said Levi without turning around. "Please, just... I need a minute."

"I'll be waiting for you when you're ready." Erwin returned to the carriage and sat on the bed. With nothing left to do but wait, no actions to distract him, his emotions finally crashed down on him. He leaned over the side of the bed, raking his hands into his hair.  _He didn't mean to attack you. He was dreaming_ , he told himself, over and over. To keep himself occupied, he tried to analyse the words Levi had screamed, tried to deduce information about his mysterious past, but he was too shaken.

A good ten or fifteen minutes passed before Levi returned. His eyes were downcast, his skin pale and sweaty. Without looking up, he closed the door, locked the second bed into place, and dropped onto it.

"Did I hurt you?" His voice was hollow.

"I'm fine. You just knocked the wind out of me a bit, that's all." Erwin pulled the cord to signal the driver to continue on his route. "Are you okay?"

Levi shrugged, still not looking up. His shins were coated with mud, but he didn't seem to care, and the uncharacteristic disregard for his cleanliness broke Erwin's heart.

"Do you still need space?" he asked gently.

Levi shrugged again, and Erwin interpreted it as a request. He sat beside the man and gently rested a hand on his knee.

"You still have my patience and my respect, Levi," he said, using the same words the man had given him during his breakdown a few days prior. "This doesn't change anything."

Levi didn't reply, at first, but after a moment, he sagged sideways until his cheek rested on Erwin's chest. "Erwin?"

"Yes?"

"I would never hurt you. Not on purpose." His voice wavered.

"I know." Erwin closed his eyes. "It's okay, Levi. Everything's going to be okay."

Levi's arms tightened around him.


	10. History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely comments. T_T *hugs*
> 
> Previous chapter: Levi & Erwin ride the carriage to the Capital City, and romance and drama ensue.
> 
> Please note: This chapter has very minor spoilers for events that have happened in later chapters of the manga, but they're literally like 1-2 frames of the manga that I will be running wild with in terms of headcanons, so it shouldn't spoil much of anything.

**Chapter 10**

**History**

Levi awoke next morning to a cacophony of city sounds: merchants yelling, the murmur of a crowd, the clattering wheels of nearby carriages. The curtains glowed with daylight, and the air inside the carriage was warm and stuffy.

He had fallen asleep sitting up, slumped against Erwin. He pulled away and saw he had left a little splotch of drool on the man's shirt.  _Disgusting,_  he thought, wiping his damp cheek _._

Erwin was still asleep, his head angled back against the wall.  _He's going to have one hell of a neck-ache if he's been like that all night._ Carefully, Levi pushed the sleeping man sideways until his ear rested against the wall, aiming to give his poor neck a rest. The man stirred, but didn't awaken. Levi draped the blanked over him. He lingered for a moment, ashamed that he had attacked the only man he had ever truly trusted. Erwin deserved to get a bit more rest after being so rudely awakened in the night.

Levi lifted the corner of a curtain and peered out the window. The Capital. His eyes traced the familiar landmarks as they passed, his stomach hollow. This city was the unattainable ideal he had loathed and aspired to all at once for most of his life. He hadn't been back since he had joined the Corps, and he hoped that didn't mean more memories, more nightmares.

The carriage approached the hotel, a building five stories tall, with ornate pillars lining its front and colourful flower gardens along its borders. Levi's eyes trailed up its floors, wondering how many people from the Underground had ever stayed in accommodations this fancy.

The carriage stopped. Levi reached for his boots to pull them on, and his hand froze when he felt the knife in the hidden pocket.  _He put it away for me after I tried to hurt him?_ Swallowing hard, he pulled the boots on, covering the mud stains on his white pants and socks. As he put on his jacket, he used his toe to gently tap the underside of Erwin's foot. "Hey."

The Commander's eyelids parted. "Good morning" He seemed so calm and alert that Levi wondered if he had been faking sleep.  _Was he studying me, or avoiding me?_

"We're here." Locking the padded bed flap back into place, Levi opened the carriage door. The city sounds instantly amplified, and the stench of garbage, mud, perfumes and sweat slammed his nostrils. Had the city always been this disgusting? The Underground, his true home, had to be even worse. If not for Erwin, he would still be there, completely ignorant of the clean scent of forests and open skies.

The driver greeted Levi, then began to lift the baggage out of the back compartment. He strained with the trunk for a moment before Levi brushed him aside and lifted it out himself.

"Need help with that?" asked Erwin, stepping out of the carriage. His hair was fluffier than usual, but other than that, he looked chipper and smart in his uniform, as if nothing either violent or sexual had happened during the night.

"Sirs, I can take your things," said a voice behind them. They turned to see a hotel employee wheeling in a cart for the baggage. It was the first time any member of the public had ever called Levi 'sir'. It sounded wrong. Phony.

While Erwin checked in with the front desk, Levi glanced around the lobby. The floor was tile, most of it covered by ornate carpets. Planters around the room overflowed with lush ferns, backed by drapery, and an enormous, tacky chandelier hung over the lobby. Even the people around them were gaudily over-decorated, with thick necklaces and clothing made from rich fabrics. He hadn't realized anyone could afford to dress in such ludicrous ways for something as simple as walking through a hotel lobby.

One woman, however, stood out from the crowd. She leaned against a corner of the room, by one of the ferns, and instead of the fashionable clothing, she wore a simple grey cloak with a hood over a dark grey smock. He couldn't see her face, but she was looking fixedly at the counter, her stance rigid. Was it his imagination, or was she watching Erwin?

As if she had somehow overheard his suspicions, she glanced in Levi's direction. Turning away, she strolled to the exit. He watched her leave, trying to decide if he was just being paranoid. She didn't seem to be in any particular rush.

Erwin approached him, holding out a key. "This one's yours, Levi. Our bags are waiting for us upstairs. Follow me."

As they began to climb the stairs together, he added quietly, "How are you?"

Levi shrugged, unable to look him in the eye.

"We have a few hours before we have to be anywhere." Erwin glanced at him. "We have time to try to take your mind off everything that happened last night, if you're interested."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Our room has a heated bath. Maybe a soak and a massage?"

The idea of Erwin's soapy hands all over his body did sound appealing. "Couldn't hurt." His stomach sank, heavy with guilt.  _Why is he being so nice to me?_ Given their history, shouldn't Levi's attack have shaken his trust?

The turned down a hallway on the top floor, then stopped in front of their room. As Erwin put they key into the lock, he looked down at Levi, and his face softened. "It's okay, Levi."

"What?"

"Here." Erwin opened the door, pulled him inside, then closed it behind him.

Before Levi could react, he found himself in a tight hug. His first instinct was to push away, but Erwin was holding him with just the right amount of tension - firmly enough to be secure, but not suffocating.

"Does this help a bit?" Erwin was looking down at him with kindness in his eyes, a look Levi rarely saw on that face in public, but was beginning to become accustomed to in private.

"Hm." His eyes slipped closed as he pressed his cheek into Erwin's chest. "How the hell do you smell so good after travelling all night?"

"Do I? I feel like I'm drenched with sweat."

Levi breathed in, savouring the faint spice of cologne. Below it was a musky smell that he recognized as sweat, but it smelled good to him, almost like the scent of baking onion bread or pretzels. The scent stirred his feral side, and he had a sudden longing to bury his face in the man's armpit, between his legs, and inhale. Disgusted by his own urges, he stepped back.

"Maybe we should have that bath," he said.

They lit the fire beneath the water tank. While they waited for it to warm, Levi unpacked his belongings, arranging them neatly in the hotel drawers.

Erwin, meanwhile, pulled out a file and sat on one of the two beds. He began to spread the papers on the bed's surface, setting them at random angles and intervals.

Levi stood over him, folding his arms tightly to stop himself from reaching out and straightening the papers. "There's a desk in the other room."

"I'm more comfortable here." Erwin looked up, brows raised. "Is this bothering you?"

"You should unpack first. Your drawers are on the right, and the top half of the middle row is yours as well."

Erwin's brows pinched with confusion. "We're only here for two nights. Besides, I wanted to go over the attendee list for the gala one last time."

Levi sighed. "Fine. I'll unpack for you." He popped open the trunk and, ignoring the tax chest, which took up most of the space, began to pull out his Commander's clothes, placing them neatly in drawers. After a few minutes, he realized he was being watched.

"What?" he muttered, looking over his shoulder.

Erwin sat with his head cocked back a little, as if studying him. "Do you enjoy cleaning?"

"I enjoy tidiness." Levi tucked the man's underwear into the bottom drawer and slid it shut.

"I think I understand. It gives you control. Makes you feel like you can bring some order to this chaotic world. You clean because you have to, not because you enjoy it."

"Remember when we had that drink together, and I told you not to start analyzing me?" Levi rifled through the trunk. "You brought seven non-matching socks. How did you even get non-matching socks? Aren't they standard issue?"

"I'll be wearing boots most of the time. No one will know."

"I'll know, and I'm the one you have to worry about impressing."

"Good thing I have other means of impressing you." Erwin slid off the end of the bed and strode towards him.

Levi turned away, cranky. He felt hands moving up and down his biceps. "Don't tell me," he muttered. "Me getting pissed off turns you on."

He felt lips on his neck, then teeth gently closing over his earlobe. "I'm afraid everything you do turns me on."

A little spark of excitement rocketed up Levi's spine, but he continued unpacking. "Everything? What if I pulled down my pants and took a giant dump right here on the floor?"

There was a pause. " _Almost_ everything you do turns me on. You're a difficult man to compliment, Levi."

"Just when I'm busy." He jerked away from the man's grasp and rifled through the trunk, pulling out a dress shirt. "This will need to be hung up in the closet."

"Why don't you take a break? The water is probably ready by now. There's a bottle of soap in the trunk that should foam up nicely."

"Okay," said Levi, hoping the looming threat of unpacked clothes wouldn't keep him from relaxing.

Erwin pulled off his jacket and threw it on the bed, but then seemed to think better of it; he retrieved the jacket and hung it neatly in the closet instead. He loosened and removed the bolo tie, hanging it with the jacket, then his hands began to work at the buckles of his gear straps.

Not bothering to hide the fact that he was watching him, Levi began to undress. He had spent so long trying to pretend he  _wasn't_ looking at Erwin that it felt strange to openly study him. Now he could finally begin to memorize the small details: the constellation of tiny moles across his skin, the blond fuzz on his lower back and ass, the bulging leg muscles that were almost disproportionate to his sleek upper body.

Erwin finished hanging his clothes in the closet, then, fully nude, turned to Levi. He cocked a brow. "Were you watching me?"

Levi had been so distracted that he hadn't even finished unbuckling his straps. His cheeks burned, and he searched for an excuse. His eyes fixed on the mottled bruises across the man's hips. "Does that still hurt?"

"A bit."

 _All that talk about sending me to my death, but he was still willing to throw everything away to save my life._ Levi was beginning to think Commander Erwin Smith, the ruthless, driven man who would stop at nothing to stop the titans, was a persona, a stone mask, one he wore because humanity required it.

The mask was off now, the face relaxed and soft. Erwin stepped forward to help him undress. Once they were both naked, he took Levi's hand and wordlessly led him to the bath.

They worked together to pour the hot water into the basin, balancing it with cold water until it was tolerable. The soap was so foamy that once they were both in the water, the bubbles rose above the ledge of the tub. Levi sat with his back against Erwin's chest, enveloped by his arms. He heard a low sigh of contentment leave his own lips.

"I thought it might be nice to have a calm moment before the day's activities begin," said Erwin. "Would you care for a massage?"

"Sure," said Levi, using a casual tone to cover his sudden awkwardness. He was beginning to realize this bath wasn't just intimate, it was downright romantic. Romance required acting a little flirty, a little cute, and he had never been interested in dropping his guard to let that side of himself show. After the aggression of the night before, however, he probably owed Erwin a bit of romance, so he'd give it a try.

"You're tense," said Erwin, working Levi's upper back. His pressure was strong, but controlled. "Take slow breaths."

"Mm." Levi bowed his head, closing his eyes.

"How's the pressure?"

"It's all right." He felt his body begin to relax without his permission, and he tensed again.

"Everything okay?"

He needed a response other than 'I'm too uptight to let myself relax,' so he reached for his most recent source of tension: "I thought I saw someone watching you in the lobby. A woman."

The hands paused for a moment, then drifted lower, working knots out of his shoulder blades. "Was she dressed in colourless robes?"

"Yes," said Levi, surprised at the accurate guess.

"What did she look like?"

"I couldn't tell. She had a hood." Levi turned to look back at him, hoping to catch a hint of what he was thinking, but even in private, Erwin's face defaulted to neutral. "Friend of yours?"

"My sister."

Levi studied him for a moment longer and, finding nothing on his face, settled back into position again. "I didn't know you had any living family."

"I have a mother, a stepfather, and a sister. Possibly two older brothers, too, though they left the family when I was small and didn't keep contact, so I'm not sure they're still alive."

"You don't talk about any of them."

"No, I don't." Erwin cupped warm water in his hands and drizzled it down Levi's back in a warm cascade. "As callous as it may sound, I would rather forget they exist."

"I can understand that." Levi's eyes closed as he let the warmth soak into his skin.

There was a long pause, and he realized he had said the words aloud, but thankfully, Erwin didn't press him. The heels of his hands began to work Levi's mid-back.

"At any rate," continued Erwin, "my sister has been trying to contact me for several years, and I've been returning her letters and asking her to stop, but persistence is a trait we share."

"What does she want?"

There was another long pause, and Levi finally worked up the courage to ask about the letter he had found in the garbage can.

"Erwin, are you a Wallist?"

His Commander gave a low sigh. "You read the letter."

There was no point hiding the truth from a man who would see right through him. "Yeah. I could tell you were lying about what it was." He probably owed him an apology, but he was still a bit shaken by the lie.

Erwin's hands moved up to his neck, and Levi's head lolled forward.  _Not like I can be angry with this asshole when he's touching me like this._

When Erwin finally spoke, his voice was low. "It's difficult to know how much of my past is safe to share with you."

"You can trust me," said Levi, not letting his voice betray how wounded he was.

"Absolutely, yes, and if there were no external factors, I would be happy to share all of myself with you, the good and the bad. The problem, in our times, is that some knowledge is dangerous to possess." He was quiet for a moment. "I will say this: my father died when I was young, and that was when everything changed. My brothers left, my sister and I were confused and heartbroken, and my mother became paranoid. She moved us to the city and changed our family name. Your observation that 'Smith' was a pseudonym was an astute one." There was a hint of admiration in his voice, and Levi shrugged it off.

"Every Smith I ever knew lives in the Underground." He paused, all too aware that the next question was a sensitive one: "So what is your real name?"

"I'll keep that to myself, if you don't mind," said Erwin quietly. "I would be proud to bear my father's name and carry on his legacy, but I've been Smith for so long that I didn't remember what preceded it, not at first. By the time I found it again, it no longer felt like my name - and more than that, if my mother went to such lengths to hide it, she must have had a reason."

Levi could tell the subject troubled him. "You can still carry on your father's legacy as Erwin Smith. Having a different family name doesn't change who you are."

"Or having none at all?"

Levi bit the inside of his cheek, not ready to discuss that yet. "So what does your family have to do with the Wall cult?"

"My mother was increasingly protective as I grew up," said Erwin. "She worked hard to put us through school and provide a secure environment for us. By the time I reached my teens, I wasn't allowed outside without her supervision except to go to school. I spent a lot of time reading, playing chess with my sister, and thinking about the titans, about how humanity could defeat them. My mother always grew agitated if I mentioned them, however, so I learned to keep my thoughts to myself.

"Regardless, for the most part, it was a comfortable childhood - until my mother got it into her head that we needed to join the Wall Cult. I still don't know where the idea came from, or why she clung to it so desperately, but she turned to it with an almost fanatical devotion. First it was weekly services, then twice a week, then she began to bring us to the church every other day. Her fanaticism only worsened when she fell in love with a fellow Wallist. The day she announced their engagement, she told us we were going to move into one of the Wall Cult devotion facilities as full-time members."

He was so wrapped up in his memories that his hands had stopped moving, but Levi decided the end of the story was more important than the end of the massage. "So did you go?"

"No. I had an argument with my mother, the first we'd ever had, and it was..." He paused. "We said horrible things to each other, but it doesn't matter. Even if we had tempered our words, the end result would have been the same: I wanted to free humanity from the walls, and she thought that was sacrilege. There was no way for us to reconcile those differences. I was nearly fifteen by that point, more than old enough to sign up for military training, so I left a note saying I was joining up, took my share of my father's inheritance and departed that night."

Levi tried to picture a young Erwin leaving home without saying goodbye. It was surprisingly easy to imagine.  _Even back then, he would have sacrificed absolutely anything to attain his goals._

Erwin's arms settled around him, hugging him close. "I loved my mother and my sister, and I was so naive and sheltered that I didn't fit in with the other soldiers at first. If it wasn't for Nile's friendship, I might have given up. Who knows where I would have ended up? Maybe I would have been in the Underground myself."

Jealousy flickered in Levi's chest again at the mention of Nile, and he tried to smother it.  _When he was fourteen, you were still a kid,_  he reminded himself, although he wasn't too sure about that. His exact age was a bit of a mystery to him; too many difficult years had blended together in his mind.

"So why's your sister trying to contact you now?" he asked.

"She'll claim it's to save me," said Erwin, "but I suspect it's because I'm gaining influence. She always thought highly of my intelligence, so she's probably afraid I'll succeed in my evil plots to free humanity from this sacred prison." He rested his chin on top of Levi's head, and his voice faded: "And yet, if I'm perfectly honest, a part of me wants to see her. We were so close, once."

Levi reached up to grip the forearms that were crossed over his chest, showing his support.

"It's almost a shame I didn't weather it for a year or two," said Erwin after a few minutes. "We know almost nothing of the Wall Cult faith, and they're gaining influence. If I had more than a cursory knowledge of the faith, I might be able to use that to our advantage, but I never penetrated deeply enough into the organization to gather any useful information."

"Would your sister give you information?"

"Given the tone of her letters, I doubt it. Besides, I don't want her to get involved, for her own safety. If there's one thing I learned about the Wall Cult during my brief interactions with them, it's that they'll put their beliefs ahead of anything, even the well-being of their members. They're willing to sacrifice everything."

His voice sounded like he was smiling, and, disturbed, Levi craned his neck to see a full grin on Erwin's face. The expression made his skin crawl.

"That's funny to you?"

"No, it's something I respect." Cold blue eyes fixed on him. "If we ever have to face the Wall Cult head-on, Levi, they will make for formidable opponents. I haven't yet learned their weak points, but with my mother and sister among their ranks, they may know mine. It would be interesting to see if they could break me before I broke them."

Levi's stomach dropped.  _The mask of stone isn't a mask at all,_  he realized. How was it that the warm, caring man he loved was also so cold and pragmatic?

"You're not just morbid," he said aloud, "you're fucking creepy."

"Ah, my apologies." Erwin's smile warmed. "I should be enjoying your company in this warm bath, not getting carried away by the past or the future."

"Not such a warm bath any more. The water's getting cold." Levi stood, careful to keep his balance in the slippery tub, and reached for the bucket. He bent forward to fetch a bucketful of hot water from the tank, then froze as he felt a hand sliding up the back of his thigh, then his ass, then closer to the centre. He turned to face Erwin, who was staring fixedly at his rear. "Don't get any ideas."

"The view was too pleasant to ignore."

"Fine, grab my ass if you want. Just don't touch my asshole." Levi poured hot water into the bath and then filled the bucket again to repeat the process.

"No?"

His heart sank at the disappointment in Erwin's voice. "I shit from there," he said as an explanation.

"I see," said Erwin quietly.

Levi gave a low sigh. This was his only hang-up in the bedroom, and it had never been a problem before. His past partners had all been happy to receive without giving, and there were plenty of other parts of the body for them to touch and kiss if they wanted to explore. Erwin was different. Already, it was becoming obvious that he took great satisfaction in giving, in exploring.

It all came back to one bad experience he had when he had first started having sex, when he and his partner had pushed forward with too much zeal, not understanding the potentially painful consequences. He knew he had let the incident cloud his judgement, had conflated it with other obsessions and blown it out of proportion. Maybe it was time to try to let go, see if old truths still held true. Hadn't he been the one saying a person shouldn't let the past interfere with his present?

He sat down facing Erwin. "It's been a long time since I experimented a bit," he said awkwardly. "I might be willing to give some things another try."

"There's no pressure." Maybe it was Levi's imagination, but he thought he heard a note of hope in the deep voice. "And no rush. We're taking things slowly, after all."

Levi hesitated.

Erwin must have read his hesitation as annoyance, because he said, "I know I'm asking a lot in terms of patience-"

"No, it isn't that," said Levi. "I don't mind waiting, but come on, this isn't slow. You first kissed me what, four or five days ago? Then suddenly we're sucking each other off on our way to share a hotel room together. Sure, we didn't fuck on the first date, but when you said slow, I thought we'd be giving each other hand jobs for a month, not...this." He stared at the foamy surface of the water, not wanting to look up at Erwin in case he saw regret or fear in his eyes.

Finally, Erwin spoke: "I suppose we haven't been taking it slowly at all, have we?"

"If you want to slow things right down again," began Levi, but he couldn't finish the sentence. The idea of taking a few steps back was physically painful, twisting in his chest like a knife. Sex between them wasn't just sex; it was opening up their vulnerabilities to each other: panic attacks, neurotic tics, masks falling away, old hangups tossed aside. Already, Levi was pushing his own boundaries - hell, he had even swallowed for the first time, something he never imagined would interest him.  _Now that I've opened myself up to him, I don't want to close that door again._

"I don't want to slow things down," said Erwin, unknowingly echoing his thoughts. "It's like I said before, Levi: I don't know how to proceed with you. I'm trying to balance this affair with whatever is best for my mind, for our careers, for humanity, and it feels like every time we touch, the balance tips further away from logic." He found Levi's hand and lifted it, wiping the suds off, then kissing a knuckle. "I wonder if I really need as much time as I think."

As his lips found the knuckles a second time, Levi felt his eyelids begin to droop. "Are you treating this like a chess game you can win if you position us in the right places, then move us forward at the right times?"

"Maybe. Maybe I'm trying to apply logic to something completely illogical." Erwin pulled the hand forward, gripping Levi's elbow with his other hand, drawing him closer.

Following his lead, Levi settled on his lap. They saw eye-to-eye in this position, and even though the context was innocent enough, Levi's mind drifted back to sex.  _Our bodies align so perfectly when I'm on his lap, or when he spoons behind me. If he started riding my lap like this, he'd tower over me.._

His heart sank. What if sex between them just wasn't going to work? They connected so well on every other level; it would be a shame if this was what drove a wedge between them. If Levi was unwilling to compromise, and Erwin ended up trapped in one role where he was accustomed to having a choice, eventually the resentment would build.

Erwin bent forward and kissed the tip of his nose; his hands slid down Levi's back. "I'm sorry, this was supposed to be a romantic bath, and I spent the whole time in a monologue about my life, then analysing the pace of our sex life." He gently nipped at the nose this time, and Levi's eyelids fluttered closed. He could feel their slick skin pressed together, and even with all the hot water sapping his libido, his body began to stir.

In a hormone-fuelled moment of bravery, he blurted, "Touch my asshole."

Erwin pulled back to look at him, brows raised, and Levi felt his cheeks warm.

"Levi?"

"Just...touch it. There's no cleaner place than a bath, right? So if there's a time to try it..." He shrugged and looked down, ears burning.

"You don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with," said Erwin.

"Yes I do, because I told you I would never let my past interfere with my present, and I'm not a fucking hypocrite. So do it before I change my mind."

A pause. "Very well."

Erwin gently tilted Levi's pelvis back, pulling the cheeks apart underwater; their foreheads rested against each other, breath mingling between their lips. Unsure of what to expect, Levi closed his eyes, bracing himself.

Then he felt Erwin's finger lightly graze him, and he was almost disappointed at how innocent it felt, the same as any touch anywhere else on his body. Shouldn't an area so taboo feel either amazing or horrible?

"How's that?" asked Erwin softly.

"It's all right."

The finger began to trace a gentle circular motion, and Levi's breath caught. "Fuck."

"Want me to stop?"

"No." He swallowed hard. The entire surface of his skin was becoming sensitized, something between an itch and a tickle, and his groin was beginning to throb. His eyes fluttered closed as he felt a tiny increase of pressure, the finger pressing just a millimetre deeper.

"Still okay?" asked Erwin, kissing the top of his hair.

Levi opened his mouth to reply, but a small moan slipped out instead. _I've lost control._  Panic rippled through him, and he pushed away.

Erwin released him. For a moment, they stared at each other, Levi breathing hard.

"Are you all right?" asked Erwin gently.

Levi wasn't sure how to articulate his panic. Letting go of control during sex wasn't usually something that bothered him, but this... This was an unknown. He felt as if his body had betrayed him, giving in so thoroughly to such a tiny, unfamiliar gesture, especially one he had resisted for so many years.

"It's just new," he said aloud. "I'm fine."

"Okay." Erwin planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Then let's give you time to decide if you want try it again sometime or not. We should get washed up and get out of the tub, anyway. We need to head out for lunch."

They soaped down and washed their hair - a bit awkwardly, sharing such a small space - and then towelled off.

Levi wrapped his towel around his waist and stepped into the main room to change, but his eyes were drawn to an envelope on the floor. His brow furrowed. Someone must have slid it under the door while they were bathing. "E.S." was written on its surface, and he recognized the distinctively styled "E" from the letter he had seen a couple days ago – an extra loop on the first stroke, identical to the way Erwin wrote it.

"I think your sister left you another letter," he called.

Erwin strode into the room, his wet hair spiked out from his head at odd angles. He accepted the envelope and opened it, and as his eyes scanned the letter, his mouth fell into a frown. "She wants to meet with me tomorrow."

"Maybe I should do it for you," said Levi. "Tell her I'm there on your behalf. Maybe I can intimidate her, get her to back off."

Erwin looked thoughtful. "Let me think about it a bit more. There may be a better way to approach it." Stuffing the letter back into the envelope, he set it in his trunk. "Dress casually. We don't want to attract attention."

Levi pulled on an old green long-sleeved shirt, black dress pants and the black dress shoes he had planned to wear with his suit. They were uncomfortable, and he winced, hoping the walk would break them in a bit.

Erwin, meanwhile, wore a pale brown collared shirt. He stood in front of the mirror with a comb, carefully parting his hair.

"Do you own any shirts that aren't collared?" asked Levi.

"I didn't think to bring any. Does it look too formal?"

"No, it's fine." He reached up and straightened one end of the man's collar. "There."

Erwin looked down at him for a moment, then caught his jaw and bent down to give him a kiss. Not ready for the force of it, Levi took a half-step back to maintain his balance. He tasted mint; it mingled with the fresh scents of shampoo and cologne to form a dizzying scent that was distinctly Erwin. By the time the kiss broke, he was light-headed.

"Ready?" asked Erwin.

Too flustered to speak, Levi gave him a brief nod.

They made their way downstairs, then onto the street. The city was bustling with morning traffic, people wearing fashionable clothes as they meandered down the cobblestone sidewalks. Levi remembered the Capital being pristine and tidy, so he was surprised to notice signs of wear: the buildings were dirty, the flowerpots empty. Several stores were shut down, their windows boarded up. Even the people looked worn - the padded stomachs of the rich were rare now, and the well-dressed had gaunt cheeks. The fall of Wall Maria had put pressure on everyone, even this far in. Levi wasn't sure how that made him feel. Everyone suffering together should, theoretically, encourage them to band together in the same fight, but he had a feeling the old class struggles he remembered were still in play.

As they walked, he found himself glancing down alleyways, remembering forgotten moments that had seemed so important once upon a time.

"Everything okay?" asked Erwin.

Levi shrugged and glanced up at him. "Lots of memories."

"I would have expected your memories to be confined to the Underground."

"Between you and me, I spent time above ground whenever I could." He cocked his head at one street lined with small, trendy shops. "You see that street there? I pretended to be a lost child – I'd wear my one good set of clothes and cry for taxi fare. And over there." He nodded at a clock tower rising above a post office. "I sometimes scaled that tower during the night to look at the stars."

"I wonder if we ever crossed paths without realizing it," said Erwin thoughtfully, studying the tower.

"Maybe. It doesn't matter." Levi glanced up at him. "You would have dismissed me as street trash, and I would have dismissed you as a spoiled rich kid."

"Perhaps," said Erwin quietly.

Their destination was a large cafe across the street from the main Military Police branch, a bustling shop with a fenced-in area that contained several outdoor tables. They ordered their lunch and a pot of tea and sat at a table in an isolated corner. Levi sat with his back against the stone fence, staring across the street. The majority of the Military Police headquarters consisted of the barracks, two enormous stone wings that housed nearly a thousand soldiers. Directly across from them was the square building that held the offices and records.

"Do you have a good view?" asked Erwin.

"Yeah." Levi took a sip of tea and subtly glanced around them, ensuring they were out of earshot from the other patrons. "Which office is Captain Dok's? Probably on the fourth floor, right? And it must be on this side, or you would have sat us at a restaurant on the other side of the building."

Erwin leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest, looking at him as if sizing him up. "I know I said I wouldn't pry, Levi, but you seem familiar with this building. It can't be from legal encounters, because criminal processing is done at the north-west branch."

"I wouldn't know. They never managed to catch me." Levi swirled his tea, then watched the leaves settle into the bottom of the mug. "You've shared a lot of your past with me today, so I guess I owe you a bit, huh?"

"You don't owe me a thing, but if you have some sort of history with this building, and if you're comfortable sharing it, it could be useful for strategic purposes."

Levi shifted, getting more comfortable, and took a sip of tea. It would be nice to get these particular memories off his chest; he had been carrying them for too many years.

"So, I told you my first boyfriend was killed in a fight with the Military Police, right?" he said. "Matthias. He wasn't even supposed to be there. It was a dumb scuffle in the Underground, a dispute between rival gangs. I left him sleeping and didn't tell him where I was going, because he was sort of our moral compass, and I knew he wouldn't approve. But things got out of hand. We fucked up. The Military Police got involved, and we ended up in a 3-way standoff.

"Matthias came running in - I still have no idea how he figured out where we were, but he was a smart kid, a thinker like you, Erwin. He gave some heartfelt speech and managed to talk sense into us. We were all standing down, stepping back, and it should have been fine, but some prick in the Police decided to order his squad to fire. Fucking asshole." His fists tightened at the memory. "Matthias was in the middle, so he was the first to drop."

"I'm sorry," said Erwin quietly.

"It's fine. I've had a long time to come to terms with it, but at the time, I was hell-bent on revenge." His eyes flicked up to the Military Police building. "I broke into that records building. I wanted to find the name of the Squad Leader so I could personally execute him. I spent a lot of time planning it all, getting all the information I could in preparation."

He paused for another long sip of tea. Erwin was watching him attentively, a forkful of food resting, forgotten, against his plate.

"I made it to the records room and was rifling through the files, trying to figure out their filing system - I wasn't very good at reading back then, and the room was a mess. The door opened and a recruit stepped into the room. His name was Niklaus - he was a couple years younger than me, and he had been assigned to maintain the records room. He was keen to prove himself useful so that he could climb the ranks, and he thought I'd be his prize. We fought, and I was a better fighter, but my knife was no match for his swords. We ended up in a draw. So we made a deal: he'd let me go in exchange for information from me."

"About rival gangs?" asked Erwin, and Levi's lip curled.

"Fuck no. Would have loved to get those assholes taken out, but I'm not a snitch. No, we're talking about the really evil folks who hide in the Underground. People who do vile things to innocent people and try to hide from punishment. Monsters. I traded him the rumoured location of one of them for my freedom.

"But I still needed to find out who killed Matthias. So I came back for another information trade. That began a working relationship, where he fed me information about rival gangs and police movements, and I gave him rumours about monsters who would help him build his reputation. He began to climb the ranks of his organization, and I climbed the ranks of mine."

Erwin was studying him, gaze intense. "It wasn't just a business relationship, was it?"

Levi's cheeks darkened and he busied his hands with pouring another cup of tea. "Why the hell would you think that?"

"Because you wouldn't trust anyone that quickly, especially a member of the same group who had killed someone you loved. The information exchange was just an excuse."

With a shrug, Levi said, "There is a certain type of officer of the law who gets turned on by the thought of being fucked by a dirty criminal, and if that officer is a handsome blond with broad shoulders, the criminal might be happy to oblige." He was certain his entire face must be glowing red.

"I imagine that comes with all sorts of built-in perks," said Erwin, a twinkle in his eye. "The taboo nature of it, for one. Handcuffs, for another."

"Shut up. The point I'm making is that I got to know the building well."

"Did you ever find the Squad Leader you were looking for?"

"Yeah." Levi's jaw tensed. "Yeah, I did." He couldn't look him in the eye, because he was sure his inner monster was showing, and he didn't want to see disapproval on his Commander's face - or, even worse, understanding.

After a long silence, Erwin said, "Is Niklaus still stationed in the building?"

"I don't think so," said Levi. "One day, he disappeared, and I never did figure out where he went. I assumed he got promoted and didn't bother to tell me, and I went through a bit of a crisis thinking he had abandoned me. Now I wonder if someone found out about our arrangement and something more sinister happened."

He glanced at the building again, his eyes fixing on the windows of the records room.  _While I'm in the building, maybe I can drop into the records room and find out what happened to Niklaus. It's only a few rooms down from Dok's office._ He frowned, considering. Did he want to know? He had already accepted a scenario and mourned it, had already recovered. Would re-opening that wound be worth the potential closure?

"Levi," said Erwin, "is your history going to cause any problems during your mission?"

"No," said Levi, shifting his gaze back to his Commander. "It'll give me an advantage. I know how to move easily between rooms, and how to scale the side of the building without gear. I know the flow of the rooms and the best places to station guards. I'll be in and out like a ghost."

He felt a booted foot press against his under the table, a private offering of support. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry to hear about the heartbreak you had to go through, twice in a row."

"It's okay. It was a long time ago. I don't regret how anything played out - it all brought me here."

A corner of Erwin's lips lifted into a small smile. "I admire your resilience, Levi. I'm not sure most people would have come out the other side of everything you've been through."

"I'm not special. People are stronger than they think." Levi drummed his fingernails against his mug. "Can we drop this for a bit?" All the focus on his past was making him uncomfortable. He didn't want to accidentally tap into the wrong memory.

"Of course. I need to start briefing you on all the people I'll be introducing you to at the gala, anyway." Erwin leaned forward, folding his hands on the table. "There are a few people in particular I want you to watch out for - I'd like to hear how you read them, see if your instincts tell you anything I might have missed."

Levi gave a long, drawn-out sigh. "My instincts are telling me that's going to be boring as shit."

"Your instincts are reliable," said Erwin with a smile, "but it's necessary."

"Okay, then let's get this over with." He sat tall, trying to push his memories out of his mind.

.*.*.*.

Even though Erwin could tell the debrief was making Levi's eyes glaze over, it had to be done. He kept it as brief as he could, naming key players and their relationships. Once they finished their lunches, they began to make their way back to the hotel. Erwin continued going through names in his head, visualizing the complex web of relationships. He needed to play the room tonight if he wanted to make a strong first impression as Commander, and he wanted to start getting a feel for potential allies and opponents. While he was familiar with many of the nobles thanks to trips to the Capital with Shadis over the years, he hadn't had the occasion to put most of them into play. Some of them might be useful one day.

They made it back to the hotel room with just enough time to change before they headed across the street for the ceremony. Erwin pulled on his uniform. As he tightened the Commander's pendant around his neck, he studied himself in the mirror. That black eye was going to put a damper on his charisma, making him memorable for all the wrong reasons. He leaned closer and tilted his head to examine his split lip, and noticed a love bite on his neck, right below his ear. "Levi."

"Yeah?" The man stood beside him, sharing the mirror so that he could part his hair.

"Can I see your neck?" He hunched to Levi's level, pulling down the man's collar.

Levi swatted at him. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Looking for something." There was a large love bite at the base of his throat. Erwin didn't even remember when he had kissed him there, at least not hard enough to leave a mark.  _I lose so much control around him._

"My cravat will cover that," said Levi, pulling away.

"I'm afraid there's no covering mine." Erwin frowned, leaned toward the mirror again, and touched the mark with two fingertips.

"No one will notice. It just looks like another bruise."

"I hope you're right." The last thing he needed were rumours of some sort of affair. Though, given the propensity for the noble class to gossip, maybe salacious rumours would help him more than hurt him. His head spun. He was already fatigued from trying to step into different thought processes, and the ceremonies hadn't even begun. After this trip was complete, he was going to need a day or two off to rest his mind.

A few minutes later, they made their way to the courthouse across the street. The main courtroom was already packed, the audience arranged along three borders of the room. The central rows held the the Military Police, Captain Nile Dok standing at their helm. The rows along the left wall held the Garrison, headed by a bald man with a moustache: Commander Dot Pixis. The right wall seating had been opened to members of the public, and Erwin scanned their faces, looking for his sister. She wasn't present, and he felt conflicting waves of relief and disappointment.

At the far end of the room, seated at a table overlooking the crowd, were three of the King's representatives, but, as Erwin has expected, the King himself was absent. He didn't expect him to show up at the gala, either. In all his years in the military, he had never once laid eyes on the King. He was beginning to wonder if the figurehead was not actually a man, but merely a concept.

As they stepped into the room, he glanced down at Levi. The Squad Leader's eyes scanned the room, and his stance was a little too upright, a little too tense. This was his first time in a formal military setting outside the Survey Corps, and Erwin wondered what thoughts were running through his mind, especially given his history with the Military Police. He gave the man's shoulder a quick, friendly squeeze, wishing he could give him a long hug instead, but that would have to wait.

The centre of the courtroom was empty, save for a desk that would be the Supreme Commander's seat. Erwin led Levi onto the floor. They came to a stop at the back, directly in front of Nile. Erwin glanced behind them and gave him a nod, and Nile returned it, but there was no time to exchange greetings. At the head of the room, a guard stepped forward:

"Announcing Supreme Commander Darius Zackly."

The military members of the audience saluted, even Levi, who was evidently on his best behaviour. The Supreme Commander took a seat at a table at the head of the room. He looked older than Erwin remembered, his skin wizened, his hair white.  _Who will take over when he retires?_ he wondered. Pixis seemed a likely bet, but the chain of command wasn't always clear when it came to promotions at a high level.

The room fell silent.

"Captain Erwin Smith," announced Zackly, "please step forward."

"Sir." Erwin approached the table and stopped a few paces in front of it, pulling into a salute.

The Supreme Commander opened a file and pulled out some papers, perching reading glasses on the end of his nose. "I'm sorry to be doing this so soon. Commander Anke Roth was full of promise, and we didn't even have a chance to see what she was capable of."

"We didn't, sir."

Zackly looked up at him over his glasses. "I've been following your career for a long time, Erwin, and you've continually impressed me with your strategic advances for the Survey Corps. You have the rare ability to approach familiar problems in unconventional ways. I foresee great things for you - I hope this appointment won't be such a short one."

"I will do my best to carry on Commander Shadis and Roth's legacy, sir."

"I'm sure you will. Shall we get started?" The man adjusted his glasses, then began to read through the Commander's creed. Erwin had studied it inside and out so often that he could recite every word of it. He stood tall, following along in his mind.

"-in service to humanity, and in service to the King," finished Zackly. "Do you, in front of this crowd of superiors, colleagues, subordinates, and the general public, accept this responsibility and all it shall entail?"

"Yes, sir, I do." Erwin's shoulders were starting to ache from holding such a tight salute.

"Then by the authority granted to me by His Majesty the King, I declare you Commander of the Survey Corps." He scrawled his signature on a scroll, then rolled it and stood. "Congratulations, Commander Smith."

Erwin accepted the scroll, the audience applauded, and then it was over: the moment Erwin had been aiming for every day for fifteen years had come and gone. He had always looked forward to this promotion with anticipation, imagining a wave of satisfaction and pride, but this felt like any other day, any other meeting.

Dazed, he moved to stand by Levi as Zackly dismissed the court.

Levi cocked a brow at him. "Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"You okay?"

"It was over so fast." Erwin pasted on a polite smile, nodding at the sea of people who streamed past him with hollow congratulations, accepting the occasional handshake.

"Zackly had some high praise for you," said Levi.

"Let's hope I'll live up to his expectations."

"You will."

As he looked down at the Squad Leader, Erwin's natural smile overcame the fake one. "Thank you, Levi."

The stream of well-wishers began to dwindle, and at the very end of the line was Captain Nile Dok. As the man stepped forward, he grinned and shook his head. "I can't believe you beat me to Commander, you bastard." He held out his hand.

Erwin pushed aside the hand and went for a hug instead, clapping the man's back a couple times before releasing him. "Good to see you, Nile."

"You, too. What the hell happened to your eye?"

"Mike."

Nile's brows rose. "Fighting over girls like old times?"

"Not exactly," said Erwin, but he didn't offer an alternate explanation. Instead, he turned to Levi, who was staring at the Captain with a curled upper lip. "Nile, I'd like you to meet my next in command, Squad Leader Levi."

"The man from the Underground, right?" Nile held out a hand. "I've heard a lot about you. You're getting quite the reputation around these parts."

"Yeah." Levi shook his hand, the expression of disgust still on his face.

"Well," said Nile, obviously uncomfortable. He turned back to Erwin. "Marie would have sent her congratulations, but she'll see you tonight, so she can pass them along herself."

Surprise turned Erwin's blood to ice, squeezed the air from his lungs. He took a careful breath and defaulted to his polite smile. "Is that so?"

"We hired a sitter for Jasper. It's been awhile since I took her out on the town, so she's excited. Won't stop talking about it." Nile studied him, his grin fading. "It's been a long time. You haven't been by since before Jasper was born."

"I suppose I haven't."

"He's almost five years old."

"Social pleasantries are a luxury those of us on the battlefront cannot afford." Erwin glanced down at Levi, who was caving in on himself, arms folded tightly around his chest. "Please excuse us, Nile. We have a few preparations to make before the gala begins, so we'll have to catch up with you at the gala."

"Of course." Nile bobbed his head at each of them, then departed.

Once they were alone in the hall, Levi glanced up at Erwin. "What the fuck was all that?"

"All what?" asked Erwin, still staring after Nile.

"The way you went from hugs to posturing within about three sentences."

"We have a complicated history."

Levi scowled. "His facial hair is disgusting. It looks like pubic hair."

"His wife likes facial hair, so I suppose he does the best he can with what he has," said Erwin, secretly amused by the comparison. "We should go back to the hotel and get changed into our suits. I'm thinking I might like to stop at the hotel bar before the gala begins." Between the anticlimactic promotion ceremony and the idea of seeing Marie again, he needed a drink.

Levi eyed him warily. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," said Erwin, but his heart was still pounding.


	11. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments and kudos. T_T I am not worthy!!
> 
> Previous chapter: Erwin & Levi arrived in the Capital, shared a bath and some conversation, then Erwin was promoted to Commander.
> 
> This chapter, like the last one, has a very slight spoiler for the manga, but it's one I ran with and fleshed out, so it should be pretty much indistinguishable from the stuff I'm making up/headcanons. :)

**Chapter 11**

**Dance**

Levi slicked the last strand of hair into place, then straightened his cravat and stood to his full height. He had always suspected that slicking back his hair would make him look like a little kid, but he had to admit it looked polished. The suit was a bit long in the arms, but otherwise it made his legs look long, his body toned. _Not bad._

He glanced sideways at his Commander, who was fussing with his eyebrows and a pair of tweezers. "Almost ready, Erwin?"

"You're lucky, Levi, with your slender eyebrows."

"Skinny eyebrows would look dumb on your face. How do I look?"

"The amount of grooming these beasts take..." Erwin grimaced, leaning closer to the mirror.

"Erwin," said Levi, losing patience with his unusual distraction. "Your eyebrows look fine."

His Commander turned to address him, but the blue eyes widened, trailing up and down Levi's body.

A bit self-conscious, Levi said, "It looks all right?"

Erwin slowly circled him, then stopped in front of him and gripped his shoulders. His face was solemn. "You are the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes upon."

Cheeks burning, Levi looked away. "Shut up."

"I mean it." Two fingers pressed under Levi's chin, lifting it, and then Erwin's mouth closed over his. The kiss just barely broke, and he added, "I'm tempted to forego the gala and take you straight to bed."

"But you won't."

"We have business to attend to first." Erwin stood tall and straightened his Commander's pendant. "How do I look?"

"Like the kind of man I'd want to go straight to bed with." Levi caught the pendant and pulled him down for another kiss.

As they began to descend the stairs toward the hotel bar, Erwin began to get fidgety again, continuously adjusting his pendant. Levi watched with his periphery, dread pooling in his stomach.

"Okay," he said finally, "what the hell is going on with you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Erwin, straightening the tails of the bolo tie.

"You've been twitching like a druggie ever since we got back from the courthouse." With a sidelong glance he added, "Ever since you talked to Pubeface."

Erwin was silent.

"Pubeface is Nile," said Levi.

"Yes, I understood. I'll be fine after a drink."

 _Something about Nile threw him off,_ thought Levi. _Maybe they used to fuck?_ That didn't seem right. Admittedly, he didn't always get the right read on people, but Nile came across as decidedly uninterested in men. Maybe it was just nerves about his first public appearance as Commander – but that didn't seem right, either. It was strange to imagine Erwin getting nervous about anything.

They settled at a table in the hotel bar, and Erwin excused himself to get their drinks. Levi watched, wary, as Erwin took a shot of liquor at the bar, then returned with two ales. _What the hell?_

"I'll start by introducing you to Pixis," said the Commander, taking a seat. He slid Levi's ale across the table. "I don't know him all that well myself, but Shadis strongly recommended making him an ally. He's fond of the drink, so sharing a glass of wine with him should gain us some ground."

"Sure." Levi focused on Erwin's drumming fingers. "Do you think maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself? You don't need to meet everyone tonight, do you? There will be plenty more bullshit parties for you to attend after this one."

The fingers stilled. "I suppose you're right."

 _So it was just nerves about his new role after all,_ thought Levi, relieved. "You probably have some master plan you want to execute, and becoming Commander was the first step, right?" he said, because he was beginning to understand just how far Erwin looked into the future. "Take it easy. You don't have to do it all on the first night."

"You're absolutely right." The man smiled at him. "Thank you, Levi."

But a few minutes later, his fingers started drumming again.

They finished their ales in silence, then stood. Erwin's hand briefly pressed against the small of Levi's back as they left the bar, guiding him through the door. The contact was unexpected, and Levi felt a flush colour his cheeks. _Affection in public -- is the alcohol already loosening him up?_

Across the street, townsfolk in expensive outfits milled around the hall entrance. The large double doors were wide open, broadcasting a lively song played by a string instrument and a harpsichord. Men in dark suits stood at the entrance taking people's names, and Military Police members dotted the streets, surveying the crowds.

"This is fucked," muttered Levi, feeling completely out of his element.

"You'll be fine," said Erwin. "If you're in doubt about what to say, just smile politely and nod along." He glanced down at him. "Well, just nod along, I suppose."

They gave their names at the door, then stepped into the hallway. Levi felt dozens of eyes fix on him, as if people could tell he didn't belong. He returned a couple stares, his eyes narrow, and felt a flicker of satisfaction at the shocked looks he got in return.

Then they stepped into the main ballroom, and he forgot to be angry.

The room was enormous, several times the size of the dining hall back at headquarters, the ceiling at least three times as high. Lamps hung from the rafters, interspersed with crystal chandeliers that reflected the light in intricate patterns. A balcony ran along the border of the ceiling, and on it, he could see a few well-dressed couples kissing or staring down at the dance floor.

The dance floor itself was nearly empty, save for an elderly couple dancing off-beat and smiling, and a couple young girls spinning and giggling. The rest of the crowd was seated at small square tables, enjoying food and drink from the buffet. There had to be at least a hundred people seated, and others moving between tables, drinks in hand, the phony smiles on their faces so grotesque that they looked like little titans. Levi shrank against Erwin, fighting the urge to flee.

"Holy fuck! Erwin," cried a woman's voice.

Erwin turned just as someone barrelled into him, knocking him back a few paces. Levi jumped away, hand instinctively going for his knife before he remembered he wasn't wearing his boots.

A small woman had her arms around Erwin's neck, emitting high-pitched giggles. He spun her around once and then set her down, a broad grin on his face.

"You shaved your beard," she said with a pout, running her knuckle along the square jaw with a familiarity that made Levi's blood boil. He glared at the woman, sizing her up. She had dark, wavy hair, and freckled skin several shades darker than Erwin's. Her eyes were brown and bright. Her build was small and compact, about Levi's height, and she wore a flattering brown dress that accentuated her tiny waist.

"Go easy on him, Marie," said Captain Nile, hurrying to join them. "Sorry, she's had a bit to drink."

"I'm fine," said the woman, her eyes still locked with Erwin's. "Just excited. It's been too damned long."

"It certainly has," said Erwin, his voice warm.

Levi's eyes shifted to Nile, to Erwin, then back to the woman, and his heart sank as he remembered their discussions about his past. It all fell into place: the tension with Nile, the nervousness, this ridiculous display of familiarity. _When he was young, he was in love with a woman, but he left her behind to join the Survey Corps, and she ended up marrying his friend. Fuck!_ He understood that Erwin had a past -- one didn't start a relationship at their age and expect a clean slate -- but he had never expected to come face-to-face with it.

 "Marie," said Erwin, standing tall, "I'd like you to meet Squad Leader Levi."

The brown eyes lit up, and the woman turned to Levi. "I've heard a lot about you. It's an honour." She curtsied.

"Levi," continued Erwin, "this is the effervescent Marie Dok."

 _Effervescent._ Levi's skin crawled. "I need a drink."

"You've come to the right place," said Marie. "Open bar. Why don't the boys get us a drink while we get settled at the table?"

He panicked. "Some of us have work to do."

"It can wait." Erwin gripped his shoulder and squeezed. "You go ahead and get settled. Is ale okay?"

"Something stronger," said Levi.

And so he ended up stranded at a table with Erwin's ex-lover at a party full of the upper class he had always hated-yet-admired. Marie sat beside him, her elbows on the table, and smiled.

"It really is an honour," she said. "They're calling you Humanity's Strongest."

"I guess." His eyes darted around the room as he tried to think of a way to get out of this without completely ostracizing himself. "I'm supposed to be making rounds and meeting people."

"I'll save you some time." She leaned closer and pointed at a large man with a top hat. "That man there? He's a pompous asshole who thinks he's important. And that woman he's with? Pompous asshole. In fact..." Her hand swept the entire room. "Every single person you see is a pompous asshole."

He wanted so badly to hate her, but she was speaking his language. "Doesn't that make you a pompous asshole, too?"

"Fuck, yes. I'm the worst of the bunch." She pulled a flask out of her handbag. "Pre-drink drink?"

"What is it?"

"Potato vodka."

He gave in and slid an empty glass toward her. She poured him a generous helping, and he took a sip.

"Not bad." He eyed her. "Who brings a flask to a gala?"

"Do you have kids, Levi?"

"No."

"If you did, you'd understand." Her eyes twinkled, and she paused for a sip of alcohol. "By the way, I was so sorry to hear about Anke. There aren't many of the old gang left. How's Mike doing?"

"Same as always," he said with a shrug. He glanced around for Erwin, and found him chatting earnestly with Nile at the bar.

"So he's still quiet, still sniffing things a lot?"

"Quiet?" repeated Levi. "Mike? Sometimes I can't get him to shut up."

"He must trust you a lot," said Marie. "I barely ever heard him speak."

"Maybe he didn't like you." He took a long sip of his drink.

She stared at him for a moment, then shook her head with a small smile. "He wouldn't be the first, or the last." Her eyes trailed the crowd, landing on the chatting pair. "And Erwin?" Her voice softened. "Is he doing okay? That black eye seems a bit out of place."

Levi eyed her and finished off his drink.

Before the silence became too awkward, Erwin took a seat on Levi's other side and set a glass of amber liquid in front of him. "Not quite as good as that whiskey I had before, but it's close. We never did get that post-expedition drink." His hand brushed Levi's under the table, the motion too precise to be an accident.

"I hope my wife didn't say anything inappropriate while I was gone," said Nile, taking the last seat.

She frowned. "Thanks for your trust, Nile. You worried I'm going to start telling embarrassing stories? Like the time you got so drunk that you pissed yourself and passed out, and it took four of your friends to carry you back to the barracks?"

The man's teeth clenched. "Marie!"

"Or how about that time Anke and I convinced you and Erwin that we'd make out if you two did it first?"

Her husband let out a low groan and buried his face in his hands.

Levi glowered at Erwin; the Commander looked away, cheeks dark, and said, "That was a long time ago, Marie."

"I'm sure you remember it well," said Marie, grinning. "Nile wasn't into it so much, but you put on a good show."

"To be fair," said Erwin, his tone matter-of-fact, "Nile was a surprisingly good kisser."

"Screw you both," came the muffled reply.

Levi's lip curled as he fixed his gaze on his drink. The idea of it was nauseating: the man he admired kissing that weaselly, bearded face, all because of some horny urge to see women kiss. The Erwin he knew was a genius, a man of composure and sophistication, not a hormone-driven brat.

The startling revelations were bothering Levi, but even worse were Erwin's interactions with Marie. Just what was their current relationship? Why did he keep giving her little glances when he thought no one was looking?

Levi tossed back his drink and stood.

"Everything all right?" asked Erwin, but Levi pretended not to hear him and marched into the crowd. He needed to get away from the conversation as quickly as possible.

He had a brief thought that he might try to mingle -- _at least one of us has to remember why we came here --_ but the stench of perfume and phony laughter was choking him. His feet brought him to the buffet table, and his stomach growled. Maybe food would help his mood. He selected a plate, inspected it for cleanliness, and, satisfied, began to look over the thin cuts of meat.

"Levi," said Erwin's voice behind him.

"I'm busy."

A hand closed over his shoulder, and Erwin spun him around to face him. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

Levi was too angry, and too ashamed of the disproportionate scale of his anger, to engage in rational conversation. "Can't it wait? I'm fucking starving."

The blue eyes searched his. "Okay," said Erwin finally. He selected a plate and stepped into line next to Levi.

As the line moved and they selected their food, his Commander spoke, his voice low: "While we were getting drinks, I spoke with Nile about the last mission."

"And?"

"And he was as evasive as I feared."

Levi let out a low sigh. "Fine. I'll deal with it tonight." He wasn't in the right mindset for the break-in mission, but at least it would be an excuse to get out of this joke of a party.

"I'm sorry, Levi. I didn't realize how strongly this setting would disagree with you." Erwin's brows were pinched with concern, and that only made Levi angrier. _He's completely oblivious to why I'm upset._

"I've taken shits with more character than anyone at this fucking party," he muttered.

Erwin didn't seem to hear him. "About Marie," he began.

Levi waited. _Maybe I'll get an explanation after all._

"You may hear some tales from my past that seem rather...out of character." The Commander glanced back at the table. "Marie's family owned the bar we used to frequent during our training days, and she was often our bartender. I'm afraid it was in her best interest to get us as drunk as possible while staying sober herself, so she has catalogued away several embarrassing moments. I assure you, for most of my youth, I was even more serious than I am now. Anything you hear was the exception rather than the rule."

"Okay." It wasn't the explanation he wanted, but he was too angry to properly express how he was feeling. He preoccupied himself with selecting a few pickled vegetables from a tray. He could feel Erwin watching him, but he didn't turn to acknowledge him.

They returned to the table in silence.

.*.*.*.

As they ate, Nile and Marie began to reminisce about the old training days. While Erwin was happy to bask in nostalgia, his eyes kept drifting to Levi. The man's sour expression deepened more and more as the evening progressed. His earlier reluctance to say what was wrong worried Erwin. _I thought we were better at honesty by now._

His eyes also kept drifting to the seats of honour at the head of the room, to the empty throne where the King should be seated. No one seemed to find it odd that he was yet again missing.

"I was hoping I might finally meet the King tonight," he said at one point, and Nile shrugged it off.

"Since the fall of Wall Maria, he's been busy ensuring our shrinking lands can support our population. I'd rather he be hard at work than mingling with the rest of us."

"Good point," said Erwin without conviction, wondering why there was always an excuse.

The drinks flowed, and his inhibitions began to melt away, his body warm and fuzzy. He knew he should be showing Levi around and introducing him to several distinguished guests, but it was so pleasant to dwell on these memories, the time when they had all been innocent and happy. Even he, with his goals and morbid visions of reality, had been more naive then -- the titans, and all the horrors that came with them, had been nothing but a concept.

Marie was in the middle of telling a story about the time Commander Pixis himself had been drinking in her bar, when several other musicians joined the violinist and harpsichordist on stage. A waltz began to play, and couples streamed onto the floor.

"Fucking finally," said Marie. "Come on, Nile, let's dance. Just this once."

"I don't dance," said Nile, as if the words were an addendum to an argument they had rehashed several times before.

"Fine." The brown eyes locked onto Erwin, and his blood ran cold. "Erwin? How about it?" She held out a hand. "Just like the old days?"

His eyes flicked up to Nile, who shrugged. "Go for it."

Levi wouldn't look at him.

"Very well," said Erwin, still watching Levi as he reached for her hand. "It looks like there aren't any objections." He had forgotten how tiny her hand was, how the narrow fingertips were always cold. One day, he had walked her home late after a snow storm, and they had broken into an impromptu snowball fight -- afterwards, he had breathed onto her fingers to warm them-

He blinked, pulling himself away from the memory. "Shall we?"

She smiled. "Lead. I'll follow."

The words reminded him of Levi, and he cast one last look at him, but the man still wouldn't meet his gaze. After this dance, decided Erwin, he would pull him aside for a chat.

He led Marie into the centre of the dance floor, then swooped her into position, and she gave a shriek, then covered her mouth, embarrassed.

"Marie," he chided. "Are you going to be able to keep up?"

"Shit, I wasn't expecting that speed. You're so much stronger than the last time we danced." One hand settled beside his neck, the other interlocking with his. "Taller, too. Much taller."

"It's been a long time." He led her through the gliding steps, the movements coming easily even after a decade and a half.

"You're all grown up now," she said, and he found he couldn't look away from her long-lashed eyes. "Commander of the fucking Survey Corps. I guess it was worth it."

"Worth it?" he repeated.

"Leaving me." She delivered the words matter-of-factly, but he could see hurt flicker in her eyes.

"Marie-"

"No, it's fine. I'm over it." She smiled. "Nile is a kind husband and a good father. I love him. It's just..." She trailed off.

"Just?" he prompted.

"Talking about the old days stirs up a few things."

"I suppose it does." Erwin broke their gaze to steer her through the crowd. He spun her out with as much strength as he could, then back in, and she laughed; he chuckled, too. He had forgotten how good it felt to be light on his feet, to use coordination for fun instead of life-or-death maneuvering.

"I'm curious how you got all those bruises," said Marie.

"I'll leave it to your imagination."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? Even that little love bite on your neck?" Her eyes sparkled.

He cleared his throat. "That's a bruise."

"Sure it is. You know, Erwin, I used to wonder why I couldn't convince you to stay," she said, her tone still light. "Why you found titans so much more interesting than me. But tonight, I think I finally figured it out."

"Did you?" He spun her again.

"Yeah." Her eyes narrowed with mischief, a smirk on her lips. "I didn't have the right parts."

"Parts?"

"Balls and a dick."

His chest tightened, but he didn't miss a beat: "Titans don't have genitalia."

"No, they don't, but that's not what I'm talking about, and you know it." Her gaze locked onto their table. "Levi's pretty cute."

"Is he? I hadn't noticed." He felt sweat bead on his temple. There were very few people in the world who could see through him, and Marie was one of them. If she guessed that he was involved with Levi, Nile would have full access to that information, and he wasn't sure Nile was trustworthy.

"He's feisty, too." She arched a brow at him. "Just how you like them."

"It does make him resilient on the field," said Erwin, intentionally misunderstanding. "He's already our strongest soldier, even stronger than Mike, and he's still improving. I imagine he'll leave the rest of us in the dust after a few more expeditions to hone his skills."

She pursed her lips, unimpressed. "Please don't embarrass yourself by playing dumb. I see the way you look at him, like he's the only person in the room who matters." A corner of her lips lifted. "Then again, it's not just him – you're looking at me that way, too."

"Everyone with eyes is looking at you that way," he said, trying to pull the conversation away from Levi. "You haven't aged a day, and that dress is elegantly tailored."

"Flattery to make me change the topic? Real nice, Erwin."

"It's sincere," he said. "You look stunning."

"Shut up," she muttered, cheeks darkening.

He wanted to look for Levi, to see if he could read anything on that angry, inscrutable face, but looking for him would only cement Marie's suspicions. He trained his focus on her instead, and their gaze held.

His mind, still hazy with alcohol and nostalgia, began to drift. How would his life have played out if he had given up his goals to start a family with her? She was certainly beautiful, and they had always had excellent chemistry, even before they had become romantically involved. Their life together would have been pleasant. He had to admit it was nice to look down at her and see the genuine smile of someone who, in spite of all that had happened in the past year, lived a comfortable life.

Then he thought of the struggle humanity faced. Any life they could have built together would have been based on denial. People weren't safe, any of them, even those cloistered within the deepest walls. So long as that was a fact, he was unable to settle. The titans had to be eradicated, and he didn't trust anyone else to do the job.

 _Besides..._ He thought of the camaraderie on the field, the scent of sweat and blood, and the utter faith in his team. The glide of pen against paper, the sensation of a wooden pointer sliding across a map. Shared drinks in quiet times with those who survived, their bonds stronger than blood.

He thought of Levi, of all their moments together so far: that first hug in his office, their discussions on the rooftop, on the guard tower, in his home. He thought of the way they fell into step so easily together, flowing together. Their whole life was a dance. This warm nostalgia, this gala and all its wrappings, they were all a farce in comparison.

"What's that?" asked Marie.

"What's what?" he asked, coming back to himself.

She touched his chin. "That smile. That's not for me, is it?"

"No, it's not," he said, trying to pretend it didn't hurt to see her face fall.

.*.*.*.

From the moment Erwin and Marie stepped onto the dance floor, Levi's stomach began to sink, and it sank further and further the longer he watched. Their eyes held, their bodies moving in perfect synchronization, flushed smiles on their faces. He finished off another drink, not caring any more if he was going to be too drunk to complete his mission. _Anything to numb this hell._

He glanced over at Nile. The Captain downed his own drink, then Marie's, then reached over and finished off Erwin's.

"How fucking thirsty are you?" asked Levi. He didn't really care, but even awkward discussion was better than focusing on the couple and their perfect dance.

Nile stared at the dance floor, his face grim. "Does he ever talk about Marie?"

"Not really."

There was a long pause, long enough that Levi's eyes drifted back to the pair. Erwin was staring fixedly at Marie as they spun. Levi waited for him to look over, even for a moment, but the Commander seemed to have forgotten the rest of the world existed.

"Do you trust him, Levi?" asked Nile softly.

"Yes. Absolutely." Even if he was hurting, even if he was having doubts, he wasn't going to open up to a rat-faced man he barely knew.

"Let me tell you something about Erwin Smith." Nile leaned closer. "When he has a goal in mind, he will step over absolutely anyone, with no regard for how they might feel. He gets things done, sure, but he brings with him a wave of destruction that leaves hurt people in his wake. His family. Marie. Me. We've all seen it, all fallen victim to it. Be careful. You can trust him as long as your goals align, but the second they don't..." He trailed off, his eyes glassy.

Levi's jaw tightened. "What the fuck are you trying to say?"

"We were so close, once. Like brothers. I didn't even question that he would respect my relationship, but take a good look at my wife and me. We both have dark hair and dark eyes, right?"

"Yeah?"

The Captain's gaze bored through him. "So why does my child have blond hair and blue eyes?"

The floor began to tilt beneath Levi. He looked over at Erwin and Marie, saw them whispering together, their moves in perfect unison, Erwin's hand so delicately resting on her lower back. _Fuck!_ He pushed away from the table and stood. The crowd, the music, it was all leaning in, touching him, filthy with the sweat of hundreds of stinking, corrupt nobles. He pushed through the crowd. _Out. I need to get out._

.*.*.*.

As the dance continued, Marie's mouth began to droop, her steps less enthusiastic. Erwin trained his eyes on her, still not comfortable looking for Levi. _Above all else, I have to pretend he means nothing to me. I have to maintain this lie; even if she doesn't believe it, Nile won't be able to use it against me if I just keep denying everything._

"Does he know?" she asked. "Levi."

He stepped beside her and twisted, the dance bringing her back against his front for a brief moment. "Know what?"

She tilted a little to look up at him, dark eyes rimmed with tears. "That you always choose titans, in the end."

His step faltered, and he forgot his lie. "Levi has the same goals I do."

She shook her head. "No, Erwin. Be careful with this one. He's more fragile than he pretends."

"Are we talking about the same man?" he asked, brow furrowing. He spun her back into position. "He's the strongest person I've ever met."

"Maybe so, but you're stronger than anyone, and you don't even realize it. You'll crush him if you aren't careful. You'll leave him shattered."

He studied her. "Is this about Levi, or about you?"

One of her tears spilled over. She looked down, lip curled, angrily swabbing at her face.

"Marie." He stood still and tried to wipe one of her tears, but she knocked his hand away.

"Fuck off, Erwin." Another tear spilled over, and he gave a low sigh.

"I thought we were long past this."

"We were. I just... Fuck. I drank too much. I don't know why I thought it'd be a good idea to dance with you. I'm going back to the table." She turned away.

"Marie," he said, dropping a hand on her shoulder. "Are you happy with the way your life played out?"

She stopped and looked up at him, her expression sullen, her eyes red.

"Do you like knowing that when your husband leaves for work, he'll come back to you at the end of the day?" he asked. "Are you happy that your child will grow up knowing both his mother and father? Do you enjoy living deep in the walls, far away from the threat of the titans?"

She wiped her cheek again. "Yes."

"Then it was worth it," he said, releasing her shoulder. "Think about how your life would have turned out if we stayed together, and you'll agree."

Her eyes dropped away, and she turned. His stomach twisted in knots, but he lifted his eyes to look past her, back to the table. Back to Levi.

Levi was gone.

He slowly turned and scanned the room, looking for him, but he was nowhere to be seen. Possibly he was hidden among the crowd, too short to be visible, but Erwin's instincts told him otherwise. _This setting was too much for him._

Stepping into Levi's mindset, he scanned the room again, trying to determine where he would have gone. His eyes locked onto the staircase to the upper balcony. Whenever Levi was stressed, he went higher.

Without looking back at the table, he made his way to the stairs.

As he climbed, Marie's words echoed in his mind: _you always choose titans, in the end_. He had been perfectly clear with Levi, hadn't he? He hadn't left any room for doubt: the titans would always come first. If the situation arose where he had to choose between Levi and humanity's future, he would choose humanity in an instant. Levi would do the same.

Still, he found doubts licking at the back of his mind, and he tried to snuff them: _We both understand the terms of our relationship. If anything, I've mentioned it too often._

The realization hit him so hard that he froze mid-step, his knuckles white on the banister: _It's not that I doubt how clearly I've communicated it._

_I doubt my ability to follow through._

He had failed that before they had even kissed: when Levi had been missing, Erwin had been ready to throw his life away, betting everything on an unlikely outcome. All his logic, all his strategy, they all disappeared around Levi – he had already realized that was the case in the bedroom, but it went beyond that. This was far deeper, far more insidious.

_If I have to choose between Levi and my goals, will I be able to make the right choice?_

He kept moving up the stairs, one at a time, legs heavy. Walking away from his family, from Marie, had been surprisingly easy. Even moving on from Henrik, as devastating as his death had been, hadn't deterred him from his duties for long. Somehow, his feelings for Levi had wormed their way into his resolve from the very beginning. It didn't matter when they consummated it, how fast they moved: he was already in over his head.

 _I should push away now,_ he thought. But as he considered it, he realized that was impossible. Everything about Levi held him captive. His capability in the field, his speed, his power. His crass nature and volatile temper. His obedience and respect, absolute, but not blind. His powerful physique, his smile that only showed in his eyes. Even his tics, his weaknesses, his obsessions. They had all woven around Erwin's heart like vines, digging in, taking hold.

_Can I still order him to die?_

He scoured the balcony and found no sign of him, but his eyes were drawn to a curtain along the wall, slightly out of place. Behind it was a metal door, open a crack. He slipped through it and pulled it back into place behind him.

A metal staircase at the back of the room led to an open hatch on the roof. His heart pounded, certain now that he was getting close, as he climbed up to the hatch and peered through it.

Levi sat on a ledge along the border of the flat roof, knees drawn to his chest, looking up at the evening sky. Erwin paused to watch him, taking in the way the orange light and violet shadows played across his skin.

A moment later, the silver-blue eyes locked onto him. Levi's face twisted, and he turned away. "Fuck off."

Ignoring the inappropriate comment, Erwin stepped onto the roof and stood a few feet back. The sky was a brilliant orange, the sun just dipping behind the horizon. Music rose up from the hall, slightly muted, but still beautiful. Under happier circumstances, it could have been a romantic setting.

"I'm sorry, Levi," he said. "I sometimes forget how difficult parties are for more introverted people than me."

"I didn't expect to have to watch you grope your ex on the dance floor," muttered Levi, his arms tightening around his chest.

Erwin looked at him, surprised. _He's jealous?_

"You could have warned me," the man continued, sullen. "I couldn't figure out why you were so damned nervous. Thought it was something important."

"Levi-"

"No, I get it. It's not like we've been together long. And I don't have tits, or a perky personality, or charisma. I can't give you a child. We can't even dance together without making those rich assholes down there suspicious. I get it." He curled tighter into himself. "But this mission I'm going on tonight: is it really about Nile, or is it because he's Marie's husband? Are you checking up to make sure she's safe with him?"

"I would never put you in danger for something so petty," said Erwin.

"Do you still love her?" Levi's tone was so dull that it had to be faked.

He paused. "You knew from the beginning that I carry love with me long after relationships end. My residual love for Henrik is why I wanted to proceed with caution-"

"No bullshit, Erwin. Answer the fucking question."

He gave a low sigh, trying to word it in the most delicate way possible. "She was my first love. I will always care for her. That is not a threat to you in any way."

Levi's brows dropped, eyes fixed on empty air in front of him. "Sure looked like a threat, the way you were dancing."

"We spent the whole dance talking about you," said Erwin evenly. "She guessed I had fallen for you. I denied it as best I could, but she saw right through me." His voice dropped. "I failed to protect our relationship, Levi, and I hurt you while I was doing it. I really let you down tonight."

The silver-blue eyes finally fixed on him, and maybe it was Erwin's imagination, but they looked glassy.

"May I join you, Levi?" he asked softly.

The man shrugged.

Erwin sat beside him, hanging his feet over the edge of the rooftop. The street was several stories below them, and he suddenly realized he didn't have his gear, and this height was an actual threat. The street dipped away from him, a wave of vertigo threatening to overcome him, but he steeled himself.

"I shouldn't have told you to fuck off," said Levi. "That was out of line."

"It's fine." Erwin tore his gaze from the street, forcing himself to look at Levi instead. "You were the second person in a row to do so tonight, so that took some of the sting out of it."

A narrow brow cocked in his direction. "Marie?"

"Yes. It caught me off guard. I had forgotten how blunt she can be."

Levi shook his head. "Starting to get a feel for your type. Short, crass and blunt."

"You aren't wrong." He glanced sideways. "Feel like I was just approximating my type until now, though. Everyone else pales in comparison to the real thing."

There was a long pause, and his heart pounded as he waited to see if Levi would accept the compliment.

Instead, the man's heels drummed the brick. "Did you fuck Marie when Henrik died?"

Erwin stared at him, surprised. "Did Nile tell you that?"

"In a way."

There didn't seem to be any point in lying. "It's a mistake we both regret." He gave a low sigh, ashamed to be dwelling on a moment he would sooner forget. "I was heartbroken, grieving and looking for an escape. She didn't give me any indication that she and Nile were still together, and I should have asked, but I didn't. Denial was more convenient."

Levi's face twisted and he looked away. "What the fuck, Erwin? You're supposed to be a better man than me. It's the whole reason I followed you in the first place. Now I keep hearing more and more bullshit about you, and it doesn't make sense. It's screwing with my head. I've spent months thinking I wasn't good enough for you – I can't adjust to you being as stupid as the rest of us."

Erwin shifted to face him. "I appreciate you thinking so highly of me, Levi, but I'm human. I've made more than my share of mistakes. I'm certainly not above you. When the uniforms come off, the hierarchy between us disappears."

 There was no response. Erwin searched the narrow eyes, feeling like a piece of the puzzle was still missing. "What did Nile tell you, exactly?"

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then looked away. "His kid looks like you."

"What?"

"Blond hair, blue eyes. If you fucked her when Henrik died, the timing lines up."

Erwin tried to decide how the information made him feel. He had never met the boy, and the idea of having a son was so far removed from his reality that he couldn't even imagine it. He felt nothing.

"Nile's father is fair-haired, and that can skip a generation," he said, finding it easiest to dismiss the notion entirely. "And one night is statistically unlikely to result in a pregnancy. Too many factors would have to align. Besides, Marie would have mentioned something by now."

Levi's mouth pulled into a deep frown. "Making a kid together is supposed to be the deepest bond two people can share."

Erwin cast him a sidelong glance, suddenly understanding where his insecurity was coming from. _He thinks that when I'm with a man, I'll miss the things only a woman can bring to a relationship._

"Which do you think would hold more weight with me, Levi?" he asked gently. "The bond, through a child I never met, with a woman I willfully abandoned? Or the bond with a man who has followed me into hell and come out the other side, because we relied on each other in mind, body and spirit?"

Levi's throat bobbed, their gaze holding.

The last sliver of the sun dipped beneath the horizon. In the background, the music shifted to a slow, melancholy song. Emotion flooded Erwin's chest.

He stood and held out his hand. "Let me show you my real dance. I want you to see, by comparison, that I was just going through the motions when I was dancing with Marie."

The man turned away. "I'm not done being pissed off."

Even though Erwin's heart ached from the rejection, he didn't withdraw his hand. "I need you to understand something, Levi. I hurt Marie terribly when I left to join the Survey Corps. She warned me not to do the same to you, to make sure you understood that my goals will always come before love. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized something."

Levi's eyes shifted toward him, waiting.

Erwin spoke clearly, his voice strong: "If it had been you instead of Marie, I wouldn't have been able to leave you behind."

In the silence that followed, he reached for the man's arm and lifted it, then trailed to the end, intertwining their fingers. "Do you understand how much that terrifies me, Levi? I'm grateful beyond words that we share the same goals. I'm not strong enough to leave you behind. I tried, last week, and it broke me."

Levi slowly rose to his feet. His hand twisted; their palms met. "I think you could leave me behind, if you had to. But I'd never force you to make that choice. I'll be by your side."

The music downstairs began to crescendo, and Erwin's skin erupted into goosebumps.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, and Levi shrugged.

"I only know how to lead, but I can't lead you. You're too tall."

"Then how about a dance where neither of us leads?" Erwin held a hand in front of his chest. "Press your palm to mine."

Levi looked up at him quizzically, but obeyed.

"Now the other hand, then back again."

"What is this?" asked Levi, following the motions.

"Winter's Kiss, a dance that was popular among youths when I was a boy. Next we spin around each other in three steps. Watch my feet."

Levi easily picked up the steps, and they began to move properly with the music: one, two, three, spin, always rotating around each other like snowflakes on a breeze. It was a simple dance, almost childish, with no body contact except for their hands, but somehow, the limited contact only made it more exhilarating.

The music began to pick up speed and swell, rising and falling, and their dance followed. As they whirled, Erwin's head began to spin, the dizziness combining with the wine and his feelings for Levi to give him a potent high. Heat blistered between their palms, the sensation heightened by the contrasting lack of touch. Levi's grace was beautiful, his timing impeccable, their shared gaze their only anchor as the world around them whirled.

Erwin's heart soared. _No logic, no strategy. No past, no future, just you, Levi. You and me._

The song rang its final chords, and his throat ached. He didn't want it to end, not yet, it was too soon...

Silence brought them to a standstill. He stared down at Levi, both of them breathing hard.

"Shit," said Levi. "That was pretty good."

Erwin gave a nod, assigning it the gravity of a bow. "I suppose all good things must end."

"Only if we let them." The man held out his hand. "Lead. I'll try my best to follow."

With a smile, Erwin pulled him into position as the next song began. This was a softer song, with a waltzing lilt and a major key, but his throat was still tight from the drama of the song before it. He forced Levi against his body, his grip too tight. Levi kept trying to fight him, pulling in different directions, and they stumbled.

"Let me lead," said Erwin quietly.

"Loosen your grip," replied Levi.

The exchange seemed to speak to a deeper truth about their relationship, but Erwin was too drunk with wine and dance to give it much thought. He loosened his grip, and their dance began to flow. They glided across the rooftop, effortlessly reading each other's bodies. He was surprised that Levi was such a good dancer -- yet another facet of the man that contradicted everything Erwin knew about him. Confident they were reading each other well, he spun Levi out and brought him back in. They fell back into step with the precision of a couple that had been dancing together for years.

"You dance well."

"Better than this." Levi's eyes twinkled. "Give me a challenge."

Erwin smirked. "If you insist." He twirled him and spun on his heel, his steps broad and complex. He could tell Levi didn't know the proper steps, but he improvised, easily keeping pace. Admiration swelled in Erwin's chest, warm and comfortable, and he felt his lips widen into a grin. That adaptability and dexterity were impressive, both on the battlefield and off it.

As the music began to wind down, he dipped Levi low, their faces so close that he could feel harsh breaths on his face.

Levi was smiling.

Perhaps 'smile' wasn't the right word for it -- the top row of teeth was showing, and there was a faint curve to the lips, but there was no crease below the eyes, no movement of the cheeks. On anyone else, it would be a grimace, at best. On this face, however, it was a sign of bliss.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Levi.

Erwin bent down to taste the not-quite-a-smile, tracing it with his tongue. Levi leaned into it, their tongues meeting, his hands raking Erwin's hair. It was the wildest kiss since their first, bordering on frenzied, and Erwin reluctantly tore himself away to gasp for breath.

Light-headed, he stood tall, lifted Levi upright, then smoothed back a strand of hair that had fallen loose, marring Levi's perfect coif. The new hairstyle was forcing him to look at the man with fresh eyes, re-discovering his handsome features: high forehead; fine, straight nose; thick black eyelashes and slender eyebrows; that small mouth that so rarely revealed those small teeth, slightly crooked, but surprisingly white.

A flush coloured the pale cheeks. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?" asked Erwin, tracing the lean jaw with a knuckle.

"Looking at me that way. I don't know what it means."

 _It means I love you._ The thought spontaneously burst into Erwin's mind, and his breath caught. So soon? He repeated the words in his mind -- _I love you, Levi --_ his heart racing. They were as freeing as his first trip outside the walls, and just as terrifying, but they made one thing abundantly clear: he was ready to give all of himself. The weight of the past slid off his shoulders; he felt as if he were finally standing tall.

"We should get back downstairs. I'll introduce you to a few people to establish your alibi, and then you can head out on your mission." He gripped Levi's shoulders and stared him squarely in the eye. "And when we meet again at the hotel, I want you to have sex with me."

Levi's eyes widened. "You mean oral sex? Or _sex_ sex?"

Erwin leaned close to his ear. "I want you inside me."

He felt a shiver ripple through Levi, but then the man stepped back to eye him. "Erwin, how drunk are you?"

He was quite drunk, true, but this decision was a culmination of thoughts he had been having all day. "You were right: we haven't been moving slowly at all. Whether we have sex tonight or a month from now won't matter, not after it's been so long. What will matter is your patience, your willingness to coax me through it, something you have been doing admirably." He felt his cheeks darken, and he was glad the dimming light would mask his blush.

"Don't offer it unless you mean it," said Levi, his face strained. "Do you understand how badly I want you? If this is all drunken bullshit-"

"No bullshit. I want to feel close to you. I want to feel your pleasure and mine at the same time, as one." Erwin cupped the man's cheeks and bent down, pressing a soft kiss into his forehead.

A low, shuddering groan sounded in Levi's throat, and the man stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Erwin's waist and pulling him in for a tight hug.

"As soon as you give me permission," murmured Levi, "I'm going to be on you so fucking fast."

Erwin's eyes fluttered closed. Between the enthusiastic words and the lingering intensity of the dance, his pants were uncomfortably tight. He clutched Levi to his chest and buried his face in the dark hair. _I love you,_ he mouthed there, where it was safe, where only he would know the words existed. His head was swimming now, and he wasn't sure anymore if it was wine or love or lack of blood flow.

Levi pulled away. "Okay, stop holding me like that, or I'm going to end up fucking you right here, and this mission isn't going to happen."

Stepping back, Erwin said, "I need a moment to cool off before we head back downstairs."

"Yeah, me too." The man adjusted the front of his pants.

They sat on the ledge of the roof again, a different type of tension burning between them this time. The moon was low on the horizon, glowing yellow, and a couple stars were already shining in the darkening sky.

"Maybe sober up a bit while I'm gone," said Levi. "You're no good to me drunk."

"I'm not that drunk."

"You sure as hell aren't sober. You didn't even look around to make sure the area was secure before you started dancing with me and begging me for sex." Levi cocked a brow at him. "You don't hold your drink well, do you?"

"I haven't had much occasion to practice."

They sat silently for a few minutes, listening to the music and the muted crowds from below. A cool breeze wafted past them, sending a shiver through Erwin's body.

"Erwin," said Levi quietly, "what if it doesn't work?"

"What?"

"Sex."

Erwin turned to look at him, and was surprised to see the man hunched over, shrinking into the ledge. "It will work."

"We both came into this expecting to top, and-"

"We'll make it work. I promise you, Levi. Don't overthink it. Everything else has come naturally so far. This will, too." He rose to his feet and held out his hand. "We should get downstairs and make our rounds."

Levi accepted his hand and stood. "Fine. Let me know when it's safe for me to slip out. The whole mission should take about an hour."

"Okay," said Erwin, and he hesitated. "Be careful, Levi. If at any point you feel you're in danger, please retreat. I'm only sending you on this mission because I think the risk is low enough to be worth the potential benefits, so if I've gauged the situation wrong and you need to withdraw, trust your instincts." The last time he had assessed a mission to be low risk, he had almost lost him.

"I'll be fine. Wait." Levi reached up and smoothed stray hair off Erwin's forehead, tucking it behind his ear. "There."

They exchanged one last kiss, then walked toward the hatch, Erwin leading, Levi following closely behind.


	12. Infiltration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for taking longer than usual with this update. Thank you so much for your kind kudos and comments and, of course, your patience. They mean the world to me!
> 
> I did a little doodle of the dip at the end of the dance scene last chapter as a little celebration for hitting 250 kudos. If you're interested, you can see it here: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/88255573766/
> 
> Previous chapter: Past and present collide at the gala, where Levi meets Nile and Marie and learns more about Erwin's past. In the end, the two share an intense dance on the rooftop, and decide they're ready to take their relationship to the next level...but first, Levi has a mission to complete.
> 
> Note: as with previous chapters, there are a few vague spoilers here, but they're deeply intertwined with my own headcanon. As well, I made some assumptions on parts of the lore that are a bit fuzzy, so there may be stuff here that contradicts canon eventually. Ah well. ;)

** Chapter 12 **

** Infiltration **

As they stepped away from the roof and back through the curtain, Levi felt Erwin's hand at his lower back, guiding him through, just as he had when they left the hotel bar.  _Does he know he's doing that?_ It might attract suspicion - Erwin was touchy-feely, sure, but the gesture was a little too intimate, a little too noticeable. At some point, Levi would have to bring it to his attention, but for now, he would stay silent and enjoy it. After the intensity of the dance and kiss, he was ravenous for contact.

_I want you to have sex with me,_ whispered Erwin's voice in his mind, and he shivered. How the hell was he supposed to concentrate on his mission knowing what awaited him when he returned?

They approached the railing along the balcony overlooking the dance floor. Levi leaned against it, looking down. The party was growing chaotic, strains of obnoxious laughter and yells rising above the music. His upper lip curled into a sneer. Even a conversation or two, just enough to establish his alibi, was going to be difficult to endure. He wished for some liquid courage to help him cope, but if he kept drinking, he wasn't going to be sober enough to complete his mission. He was already a bit too drunk as it was.

"There." Erwin leaned in so close that their cheeks were almost touching; he pointed to a balding man with a moustache near the centre of the room. "That's Commander Pixis. He'll be our first stop."

Their target was beet red, leaning heavily on a woman beside him. "He's pissed out of his gourd," said Levi.

"That's not unusual." Shifting his finger toward a tall, lanky man with brown hair, Erwin continued, "Next will be that man, Reinhold Schultz - he and the people flanking him are prominent members of the merchant's guild. I'd like to introduce you to them, show you off a little, if you don't mind. We need to position ourselves to be attractive investments if military funds dry up."

"Why would they dry up?" asked Levi. "Your formation increased our survival rates, didn't it? I thought these assholes liked it when we survived."

"Let's just say a good Commander always has a contingency plan, and leave the rest of that discussion for another time and venue. Our final stop will be the man and woman standing to the right of the throne."

Levi's eyes fixed on the targets. They were clearly of the noble class, with gaudy finery trimmed with fur and precious metals. "What the fuck are they wearing?"

"They'd look right at home in our hotel lobby, wouldn't they?" said Erwin. "Maybe hanging on the wall like the tacky, useless artwork they are. Shall we?"

 _He really is drunk_ , thought Levi as they walked toward the staircase. This was the first time he had ever heard his Commander openly insult someone.

As they descended, his eyes drifted back to their table. Nile and Marie were still seated; Nile was speaking with another couple, but Marie's eyes were on Erwin. As if sensing she was being watched, her eyes shifted to Levi. For a moment, they stared at each other, and then she gave him a sad little smile and a nod, something between  _no hard feelings_  and  _good luck_. Unsure how to respond, Levi looked away.

"This way," said Erwin, oblivious. He plucked two glasses of wine off the bar, then handed one to Levi as he led him across the floor. Pixis was speaking with a pretty young woman, his speech and movements so laboured that Levi swore he could smell his alcohol-soaked breath from ten metres away.

"Commander Pixis," said Erwin, stopping in front of the man to give a full salute. "I wondered if we might have a word with you."

Pixis looked up, eyes bloodshot and twinkling. "Put that salute away, Smith. We're peers now, and you'll spill your wine." He leaned forward, squinting. "Who's the little fellow?"

Levi's brows dropped, and he opened his mouth to reply, but Erwin spoke up first:

"Please allow me to introduce Squad Leader Levi, sir."

"Ah, the man from the Underground. Shorter than I expected. Smaller." The elderly man peered at him. "Are you really as strong as they say, lad?"

"Stronger than you, old man," growled Levi.

"Levi," said Erwin, a note of warning in his voice.

"What? He's too drunk to remember any of this, anyway."

A deep guffaw erupted from Pixis' mouth. "You'd be surprised. This old man is sharper than he seems. Now Smith, Shadis tells me you are something of a strategist. I'd like your opinion on the situation in Karanese District."

As the Commanders spoke, Levi's interest faded, and his eyes wandered. After the intensity of his rooftop dance with Erwin, this party no longer seemed intimidating - now it just seemed sad. All these people were connecting in meaningless ways, their shared moments amplified by alcohol instead of love. It was all hollow, right down to the excess food, no doubt procured from reserves that were about to spoil; given the state of the food industry, there wasn't much left to replace it. One last binge before they began to starve with the rest of the population. It was only going to be coughed up later that night, anyway, their guts poisoned by excess drink.  _What a waste._

_To think I used to want to be one of these pigs._

Erwin said his farewell to Pixis, and Levi followed wordlessly as they moved to the merchant circle. If this meeting was as strategic as Erwin said, then he didn't want to fuck anything up by opening his mouth. He nodded his greeting, sipped his wine, nodded along when Erwin praised his attributes, then gave firm handshakes as they left.

Once they were a safe distance away, Erwin smiled down at him. "You did a good job back there."

"I wasn't even paying attention."

"Well, you came off as polite and attentive." His eyes fixed on the gaudily-dressed pair, their third target, and his mouth set in a straight line. "I'm not sure I can do this one."

"Too drunk?" asked Levi, unable to fathom any other reason.

"The man is Lord Sahlo, one of the nobles who pushed for that slaughter of an expedition after Wall Maria fell."

Levi's jaw clenched, remembering the innocent, untrained citizens falling around him. It had been a cull, a way to trim the population under the guise of an attempt to reclaim the wall. His second major expedition, the one that had lost him his entire team - the one that left him sobbing in Erwin's office upon their return. There had been so much death...

"Why the fuck are you sucking up to him?" he growled.

"He's a dangerous man," said Erwin quietly. "I need to monitor him. I need to learn how to control him. His move wasn't just a callous way to thin humanity's numbers - it was also a ploy to turn public opinion against the Survey Corps. In spite of the whole expedition being the government's decision, the Wings of Freedom were stained that day with the blood of innocents, and it was our command that left with many and returned with none. I'm certain he's filing that away for the future, waiting for an opportunity to manipulate the populace against us." His eyes had deadened, his tone flat.

Levi's skin crawled.  _He sounds paranoid._ He hated the government's decision, hated it with every fibre of his being, but he was certain it was all a matter of numbers to them, not some obscure conspiracy to disparage the Survey Corps. They simply weren't that important.

"Is that really what you think?" he asked. "Or are you just drunk?"

Erwin's eyes fixed on him, and light came back into the blue irises. "I've overdone it, haven't I?"

"The drink or the paranoia?" Levi folded his arms over his chest. "Look, can I just go on my mission? Now that I know that Lord Asshole over there-"

"Sahlo."

"-is responsible for all those deaths, all I want to do is kick his face in."

"Very well. I think you've made enough of an impression that no one will suspect your absence." Erwin's face softened, and he leaned close to whisper, "Be careful, Levi. Don't forget what I told you."

"That I'm going to fuck you tonight?"

"That you must back out immediately if you're in danger. Come back safely."

"I'll be fine." Levi nodded and, desperate for contact, gripped the man's bicep as a farewell. He immediately wished he hadn't - the gesture seemed so forced and melodramatic that even Erwin looked down at him with amusement. "Uh." He let go, turned and slipped through the hall, his ears burning.

He fought his way between drunken couples near the exit, then walked briskly toward the hotel. Once he stepped into the hotel room, his eyes drifted toward the bed. He really shouldn't allow his mind to wander - he had to focus on his mission - but for just a moment, he let himself entertain the near future.  _Tonight, Erwin and I will have sex on that bed._ A shiver rippled down his spine as he remembered the power of their dance, the way the heat from Erwin's palms had seared his skin. Whatever intensity they had tapped into on that rooftop, it was going to blister between them when their naked bodies were pressed together.

He bit the inside of his cheek.

Sex was something he was good at; he had more than a decade of practice, and insecurities about his height and size had encouraged him to perfect his skills. He knew how to read another man's body better than his own. All their encounters until now suggested Erwin would be no different.

But he  _was_ different. This was the first time Levi had come into a relationship feeling inferior to his partner. Maybe he shouldn't feel that way after all he had learned about Erwin tonight, but a part of him still did. And the height difference, and all the complications that came with that, didn't help anything.

He took a deep breath.  _Stop freaking out about it and focus on your mission instead._

Opening a drawer, he found the old clothes he had brought along for the mission: black cotton pants, a long-sleeved dark brown shirt. Once he had changed, he pulled on his military-issue boots, dropping the loose pants over top of them to disguise them. The last touch was to tuck a black scarf into one pocket, and a pair of dark leather gloves into another. The scarf would serve as a face mask once he was in position: it would protect his identity, and also shield him from dust. His route into the building wasn't well tended by the janitorial staff.

He took a few steps forward, and then grimaced - the thin pants were getting caught on the knee flaps of the boots, hindering his movement. In retrospect, he should have tested out the combination before he finished packing. He cast a glance back at his dress shoes, but immediately discarded the idea. They had stiff soles, too noisy, too difficult to climb with. His military boots were soft-soled and broken in. He'd just have to bear with the awkward catching sensation until he was away from the crowds, and then he could safely tuck them in without worrying about drawing attention.

On his way out of the room, he grabbed the lock picking set Erwin had given him, tucking it into the back of his pants.

The streets were busy with townsfolk out for late dinners or drinks, but the alleys were almost empty, so he stuck to them instead. The scent of rotting garbage was at once revolting and familiar, flooding him with contradicting sensations: nostalgia, shame, claustrophobia, loneliness.

At the next intersection, he switched back to using the main streets.

Old memories would just cloud his focus.

.*.*.*.

Erwin's resolve was fading.

He had intended to play the entire room, but the crowd was getting drunker, louder and less coherent. Faking interest in a conversation with nobles was exhausting enough, let alone when they were rambling and slurring.

Distraction was also sapping his energy; his thoughts were growing heavy with the realization that he had screwed up his relationship with Nile. He had come here with the intention to judge whether or not Nile was trustworthy, but had come off as the untrustworthy one instead. He shouldn't have flirted so openly with Marie, especially with Nile already suspicious about Jasper's parentage. Reopening Marie's wounds hadn't done him any favours, either. He should find them and apologize, try to smooth things over.

When he looked over, however, their table was empty.

He glanced back at the drunken masses, then turned away. The Doks lived nearby. A walk might sober him up a little.

As he stepped outside, the din quieted and the chilly night air settled over him, leaving his skin tingling. He had always found a strange peace in observing a big event from a distance, and he paused to watch the entrance for a moment, enjoying the self-imposed isolation. This felt more natural than trying to work the crowd.

Though, one part of his evening had felt more natural than either. His eyes trailed up to the roof, and he smiled, taking a moment mentally retrace every step he and Levi had taken together.

He turned on his heel and set out, his step light.

As he walked, he began to plan his evening. After he spoke with Nile and Marie, he would stop at a shop and buy a nice bottle of wine, maybe a couple candles. Nothing too fancy - romance would probably make Levi uncomfortable.

Then, he would draw himself a bath and clean as carefully as he could, inside and out. He wasn't sure what to expect when it came to sex with Levi, but being as clean as possible was certain to be a requirement.

Finally, he would settle in a chair with a book and wait for his return. Hopefully, the mission wouldn't take too long. After the way the last expedition had ended, Erwin was skittish about putting Levi in harm's way, more skittish than he was willing to admit.

He turned onto the street where the Doks lived. Their house was a small single-story home, a tidy rock garden along its front. Erwin approached the doorway, took a deep breath, stood tall, and then knocked.

On the other side of the door, he heard pounding footsteps and a cry of, "They're home!"

The door flew open. A small boy stood in the doorway.

"Jasper!" A girl fell into place behind him, presumably his sitter. She stared for a moment, then blurted, "Commander Erwin?"

Erwin was so focussed on the boy that he barely heard her. The boy blinked up at him. He had wheat-blond hair and lashes, his nose long and sharp. Even at his young age, his cheekbones were already high and prominent.

"You must be Jasper Dok," said Erwin, his voice cracking.

The boy nodded.

"Are your parents home yet, Jasper?"

The only response was a long stare, and Erwin stared back.  _Many boys have blond hair in their youth that darkens as they age,_ he told himself.  _And that could be Nile's nose._

"Captain and Mrs. Dok aren't due back for a little while yet, sir," said the sitter. "I can get you some paper, if you'd like to leave a message?"

"Yes, please," he replied, and the girl ducked into the house.

"You're Erwin?" asked Jasper, half hiding behind the door.

"I am." He slowly sank to a crouch, lowering himself to the child's eye level. The blue eyes were large, and they turned up in the corners.  _Like mine._

"Mommy and Daddy said you kill lots of titans," said the boy, his face filled with wonder. "They said you're very brave."

Erwin swallowed against the lump forming in his throat.  _He has Marie's brows and lips._

"Sir," said the sitter, appearing in the doorway. She handed him a stick of graphite and a sheet of paper.

"Thank you." Erwin pressed the paper against the brick wall, then paused. The two of them watched him expectantly, as if he were about to compose some great speech, but he couldn't find any words. He looked down at Jasper again, his heart twisting.

 _My dear Nile and Marie,_  he wrote,  _I'm sorry. Erwin._

He folded the paper in half and handed it to the girl.

"That's it?" she asked, looking disappointed.

"What'd you write?" asked Jasper.

"An apology," he replied.

"Why?"

"They'll understand." He had come here intending to apologize for his behaviour at the gala, but he owed them too many apologies to count. For hurting Marie by leaving her. For hiding his initial relationship with Marie from Nile, and later, for having an affair with her. For refusing to attend their wedding, for cutting them out of his life, using the excuse that Nile had betrayed him by choosing the Military Police, when the truth was that he couldn't bear to see them live out the life he could never have.

Even after all that, Erwin was important enough to them that their child knew his name. In return, he had scarcely let Nile or Marie cross his mind since he had joined the Corps. Yes, that was ultimately what it came down to: he was apologizing for being a bad friend.

And more than that... He looked solemnly down at the child. He felt a sudden urge to hold him close, to protect him from all the evils in the world, both inside and outside the walls.

"Jasper," he said instead, "you are a very lucky boy. Your mother is one of the strongest women I have ever met, and your father works hard to provide a good life for your family. Even before you were born, you were his number one priority. You are very lucky to be a Dok."

The child blinked at him, and Erwin hesitated.  _How much comprehension does a four-year-old have?_ He hadn't spent much time around children, even when he had been one himself.

Clearing his throat, he stood tall. "Goodnight," he said to the boy and his sitter.

As he strode down the street, his fists tightened.

He had always told himself that Nile had taken the easy way out, that he had been too lazy to make any sacrifices. Now, Erwin realized he had misjudged. At the end of the day, they had both chosen their sacrifices: Nile had put aside all his ideals to build his family and keep it safe. It was a choice Erwin was unable - unwilling - to make.

It didn't matter who had provided the seed: Nile was the child's father. Erwin had forfeited that option years ago.

.*.*.*.

Seeing the Military Barracks by night stirred up memories, and Levi steeled himself.  _Focus._

He was pleased to see the night patrol concentrated near the entrance: three guards, one male, two female, chatting idly. A quick scan of the roof revealed no guards, and there were only a few lights on in the windows. Levi felt a swell of admiration for Erwin's timing: with the gala distracting the main police force, this was the perfect night for the mission.

His lips settled into a frown as he looked at Nile's window. The light was on. He would aim for the storeroom next door, then use the rafters to work his way toward the office. Hopefully the office was empty, and Nile had just left the lamp on by mistake, but he would approach it as if it were occupied just to be safe.

Using his peripheral vision to survey everyone around him, he arced his path toward the close end of the building, where an overhang created deep shadows. This was the route he had always used to visit Niklaus; he could follow the shadows along the wall to a dark corner where the building jutted out at a ninety-degree angle. A brick chimney in the corner gave him cover; instead of being built into the corner, it was offset by about a metre, forming a little alcove that shielded him from prying eyes.

Standing inside the alcove, he tucked his pant legs into his boots, tied the scarf over his nose and mouth, and then pulled on the gloves. He looked up for jutting bricks along the wall and chimney, planning his ascent.

As he began to climb, he subconsciously kept his hips tight and his leg movements small, as if trying not to jostle his non-existent gear. Once he realized he was doing it, he snorted softly to himself. The gear truly had become an extension of his body. He had to admit it was liberating trying to manoeuvre without being hampered by the blade boxes, but this entire climb would have been over in about two seconds with the grapple on his side.

By the time he reached the fourth floor, his fingers and forearms ached. He forced himself to endure the ache for one moment longer, pausing to scan the area for any sign that he had attracted attention. Seeing none, he swung toward a small ledge above the fourth floor windows. The ledge just barely wide enough for him to skulk along, one foot in front of the other. He wobbled at first, still drunk, but then found his balance. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he turned his body to edge past a small overhang. His shoulders were much wider now than the last time he had done this, though the leg muscles from gear manoeuvring had thankfully lowered his centre of gravity, making it easier to balance.

He passed over Nile's office and stopped above the storeroom. Gripping the ledge, he lowered his feet to the tiny lip around the storeroom window, and then gingerly released one gloved hand. Careful to maintain his balance, he reached for the window and pushed. Locked.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath. With his one free hand, he reached under the back of his shirt and pinched the head of each of the lock picking tools. The one he wanted was in the middle: a long, flat tool with a small hook at the top. He withdrew it and slipped it between the window and the brick, looking for the latch.

His movements were too clumsy, too imprecise. His other hand, the one clawed into the ledge to anchor him, was beginning to ache, and fatigue rippled through his shoulder muscles in waves. He had grown accustomed to broad, circular movements, not stationary exertion like this. By the time he found the latch, sweat was beading on his upper lip.

The window opened. He swung through it and dropped to the floor. As he waited for his eyes to adjust, he strained his ears. He could vaguely hear conversation a few rooms away, a male and a female voice, but he couldn't make out any words. A few minutes later, the voices stopped.

The room around him slowly began to take shape in the dim light from the window: shelves, stacked boxes, cleaning supplies. He set his jaw before nostalgia could overtake him. He wasn't here to remember; he was here to follow Erwin's orders. He eased the window shut, then climbed the nearest set of shelves.

The Military Police building, like everything in the military, had security flaws that were easy for an enterprising thief to exploit. One of the biggest flaws was the ceiling system: some genius architect must have decided that the typical military wooden rafters were too gaudy, because they had designed a false ceiling of square wooden panels below the rafters. Levi squatted on the top shelf, slid a wooden panel aside, hoisted himself onto a rafter, and then slid the panel back into place below him. Now he could freely crawl from rafter to rafter, perfectly hidden from view by the panels. The rafters were coated with dust, and his nose wrinkled. At least his mask would prevent him from inhaling too much of it. The last thing he needed was to give away his position with a sneeze.

Another major security flaw was the wall system between offices. They must have been added as an afterthought long after the building was constructed, because they didn't properly align with the ceiling. The result was a gap above each wall, just large enough for a small man like Levi to climb into the next room. The fit was tighter than he remembered – he had bulked up a lot since the days when he had been courting Niklaus – but still manageable. He squeezed through and continued along the rafters, shielded by the false ceiling.

The next room over was Nile's office. Levi squeezed through the gap above the wall, then settled onto a rafter to take in his surroundings. Light shone between the wooden panels of the faux ceiling, projecting a grid-like outline on the ceiling above him. He listened, cautious. Hearing nothing, he reached down, intending to slide a panel aside, just a crack, so he could scope out the office.

At the sound of footsteps, he froze, his fingertips just barely brushing the panel. He heard an exasperated sigh below him:

"Aren't you done yet?"

Marie's voice. Levi's jaw clenched.  _What the fuck is she doing here?_

"Just a few more minutes," replied Nile, irritated.

 _Shit._  Levi shifted his weight back onto the rafter and focused on keeping his breaths quiet.

He heard the sound of shuffling papers, then Marie's voice: "This isn't really the romantic night I had in mind."

"Yeah, well me neither." More papers shuffling. "This really can't wait. I'm sorry."

"Will you at least tell me what's so damned important?"

A sigh, then Nile said, "Erwin was asking some strange questions."

Levi's heart beat in his throat.  _What papers is he moving around? Is he destroying evidence?_

"Do you have something to hide?" asked Marie.

"Of course not! But you know Erwin - he's fucking paranoid. I bet you anything he's going to come nosing around here the first chance he gets, and he'll start misinterpreting everything and making wild theories-"

"Nile," interrupted Marie. "You're the one who's fucking paranoid."

Once again, Levi found himself liking the woman.

"Yeah, well," said Nile, "doubt me all you want, but I guarantee you we're about ten minutes away from a knock on that door, and Erwin will come waltzing in with a false smile, spinning his words, trying to trap me in his delusions."

"Tonight?" asked Marie, surprised. "Don't you think he's all over Levi by now?"

 _Shit!_  Levi slunk against the rafter.

There was a long pause, then Nile said, "'All over' as in some sort of physical altercation?"

"'All over' as in having sex," she said. "You didn't notice the way they were looking at each other?"

Another pause. "Erwin isn't gay."

"No, but he isn't straight, either. Trust me, I know that look in his eye. Those two are going to duck out the first chance they get and spend the whole night-"

"I don't want to know," said Nile, his voice rising in pitch. "For fuck's sake, Marie, we were roommates. I used to change in front of him!"

"Calm down."

"Did you know he was gay back when you and Anke made me kiss him?"

"He's not-" A sharp sigh. "Can we drop this? I'm sorry I brought it up."

For a minute, the only sound was the scratching of a pen. Levi closed his eyes, cursing Erwin. Here he was risking his neck to determine if Nile could be trusted, and before they had come to any conclusions, Erwin had effectively handed the man's wife the one secret they had.  _This bastard had better end up being trustworthy._

"Come on, Nile." Marie's voice took on a warm tone. "You don't need to finish this tonight. If we leave now, we can stop at the old alley on the way home and spend a bit of time recreating some memories. Then you can get up early tomorrow and finish up here. Okay?"

"What kind of memories?" asked Nile quietly.

"Remember when we got stranded after the winter dance of '42?"

The man gave a low hum, and there was the sound of kissing. Levi let his head loll back against a support beam, biting the inside of his cheek. In theory, overhearing this conversation was helping him gather intelligence, but in practice, his feet were growing numb from his awkward crouch.  _Keep talking or get a move on, you assholes._

A few minutes later, Nile murmured something too quiet to overhear. There was the sound of a drawer closing, then locking. The door opened, the lamp went out, footsteps sounded, and the door closed.

Levi sat in the dark, tense, waiting to make sure they weren't going to return. After several minutes, he let out a long, soft breath.

Sliding a panel aside, he dropped into the room. He felt around the surface of the desk for the lamp, then lit it, keeping the light dim.

Nile's office was the messiest he had ever seen. The walls were lined with bookshelves, but instead of being neatly alphabetized like the ones in Erwin's room, the books were stacked at odd angles, some jutting out from the rest. A few had been hastily shoved spine-side in.  _How does he find what he's looking for? Has he even read these books, or are they just for show?_

Papers littered the desk, and by the window, a filing cabinet's drawers were all open, folders poking out of it haphazardly. Crumpled papers overflowed the garbage bin.

"Disgusting," muttered Levi to himself as he knelt by the bin. He gingerly began to flatten the crumpled papers to read them. A few were receipts that didn't seem relevant - expensive restaurants, bar tabs. Maybe Nile was frittering away military money on personal expenses, but that didn't make him untrustworthy, just typical of his branch.  _I'll let Erwin know just in case._

After a few papers, he chanced upon the information he was looking for. A simple order:  _Direct the Survey Corps to silo 5214B._ At the bottom of the page, Levi saw a stamped insignia he didn't recognize. He traced it with his gloved finger, committing it to memory. It looked like a stylized "S," with curling tails that coiled around the main body of the letter.

He had overheard the desk drawer lock before the couple left. Maybe there was more communication from this S person there.

Levi paused as he heard faint footsteps echoing down the hallway. He snuffed the lamp and waited, his hand dropping to the knife hidden in his boot. The footsteps drew closer...

...then continued down the hall.

Once they had disappeared completely, he re-lit the lamp.

The lock on the desk drawer was so small that he couldn't get a good look at its interior mechanism in the dim light. He pulled out the smallest lock pick and gingerly inserted it, feeling around. It took a few tries and a couple more tools, but eventually, it gave. The drawer slid open.

Several files lay inside, and the top one was labelled  _Erwin Smith._

Levi's eyes widened. He lifted the file and settled on the floor behind the desk, bringing the lamp down beside him.

The first page was a standard military sketch portrait from Erwin's training days. His face was narrow, and his nose really was too big for his face, but everything else was unmistakably Erwin, from the hairstyle down to the cold eyes. His expression was hard, and familiar: this was the expression he had worn around Levi during their early days.  _When did it soften for me? Was it a gradual thing, or did it happen all at once?_

Inside the file, Nile had been compiling notes about Erwin's character. The elaborate writing was difficult to read, and Levi was conscious that he was short on time, so he did his best to skim. Many details were familiar: his Wallist family members, his prowess with hand-to-hand combat, his weakness at horse-handling.  _Not that you'd know that now._

Some details were surprising: Erwin had finished first in his class, in spite of a noted tendency to question and defy authority.  _Looks like Hange and I aren't the only ones with obedience issues._ He had sustained a severe leg injury in combat training that the doctors called career-ending, but he had fully recovered after only a few months.

Most surprising of all was a half-written letter at the end of the file, the ink still fresh:

 _._ *.*.*.

_Attention: Supreme Commander Zackly_ _._

_Re: Commander Erwin Smith._

_Further to our discussion last night, I have gathered some of my thoughts, and I submit them to you now so you have the full context._

_When I first met Erwin Smith, I judged him to be sheltered, weak and scared. I pitied him and became his confidante and, later, closest friend. The more he opened up to me over time, however, the more I realized my initial impression was completely backwards. As you well know, "weak" is the last word anyone should use to describe Erwin. His conviction is frightening, especially when it's misplaced._

_I saw it for myself one night when, hysteria in his eyes, he confessed to me his true reasons for joining the military._

_When he was a boy, Erwin had a series of recurring nightmares about the origins of the titans and governmental conspiracies. These left a mark on him. As he grew older, he became convinced that they were not dreams, but rather repressed memories. He began to form several theories about the titans based on these dreams, and he was dead set on joining the Survey Corps, thinking he could prove those delusional theories to the rest of the world. These delusions always worried me, as they only seemed to grow stronger with time. He would frequently "remember" lost details and describe them to me with an eerie smile and a bizarre light in his eyes. I began to fear for his sanity._

_It seems his time in the Corps has only hardened his resolve and entrenched these delusions deeper in his mind. He alluded to them again during our discussions at the gala._

_While Erwin is clearly a capable Commander, this commitment to his imagination is worrying. At present, I do not doubt his ability to carry out his job. He has always excelled at putting his personal needs aside while focusing on the greater good._

_I am, however, concerned that these delusions might grow and engulf him. I fear there may be a day when his paranoia will outweigh his rationale. I would recommend a full psych evaluation, but he is a good actor, the best I've ever seen, and he would easily convince the examiners that nothing was wrong_ _._

_Instead, I ask you to keep a watchful eye on him. I can commit to_

_._ *.*.*.

The letter ended there; Marie must have interrupted him before he could finish.

Levi's teeth clenched so hard that his jaw ached. His gloved hands gripped the top of the page, preparing to rip it, but he hesitated. Nile probably wouldn't notice a few crumpled papers moving around his garbage bin, but he would certainly notice this letter disappearing from a locked drawer.

He closed the file, set it back in the drawer, and locked it. He would tell Erwin about it in detail.

Seeing no further clues as to who the stylized S represented, he set the lamp back in place and snuffed it. Feeling his way up a bookshelf, he worked his way back up to the rafters. Maybe the records room would have some answers for him.

As he felt his way along the rafters in the dark, his mind circled around Erwin. As much as he distrusted Nile, his questions at the gala about trusting Erwin had planted seeds of doubt in Levi's mind, and the letter wasn't helping anything. He had seen the creepy smile and hints of paranoia for himself.

Still, Erwin needed to be paranoid to prepare his soldiers for worst-case scenarios. Maybe it wasn't even paranoia at all - maybe he was seeing so far into the future that logical measures would seem mad to those who weren't as far-sighted.

Besides, it was difficult to believe that the smartest man Levi had ever met would mistake dreams for memories. If he believed they were memories, then they were memories.

In spite of Erwin's insistence that he was just a man, Levi knew better. Erwin Smith was a visionary. Erwin Smith would be humanity's saviour. If he ever seemed paranoid or creepy while he did it, that didn't matter. All that mattered was his vision, because that would set humanity free.

And Levi would do everything he could to help him.

He clenched his jaw and doubled his speed in the darkness, eager to find helpful information. He knew the records room better than his own room back at headquarters, assuming it hadn't changed much since he had last visited. If there was information on Nile's superior, he would find it.

The first sense to disorient him was scent.

It slammed into him the instant he reached the wall to the records room, before he had even squeezed through the crack above it. Musty papers, dry wood, oil, dust. That smell had always been strongest on the carpet, where he would pin Niklaus face down, gripping the officer's hands until his knuckles cracked, whispering "filthy pig" into the man's ear...

He clenched his teeth and eased over the wall. Dropping down through a panel, he landed hard on the desk, nearly knocking over a lamp with his foot. He listened for a moment and, gauging that he hadn't attracted any attention with his blunder, lit the lamp.

The second sense to disorient him was sight. The records room was nearly unchanged from his last visit: rows of filing cabinets, tightly-packed bookshelves, the in and out piles on the counter top.

Even the chair behind the counter was the same, Niklaus' bite still embedded in the top from one particularly vigorous session in the early days of their relationship. He reached out a shaking hand to trace the mark, and that was when the third sense hit him: the grain of the wood digging into his palms, the squish of the carpet beneath his feet - he could feel the rug burn on his knees, feel the strong body feigning a struggle beneath him, feel the hostility draining from each of them as hormones flooded their bodies, their chemistry overcoming their hatred of each other's lifestyles...

A shaky sound slid from his lips before he could stop it, something between a sigh and a wail.

 _Shit._  His body snapped into a crouch and he held his breath, listening in case the sound had attracted any attention.

Nothing.

Slowly, he stood upright.  _Pull yourself together, you drunken fuck. You have a mission to complete._

At least with the filing system unchanged, he knew where to find his target. As he carried the lamp toward the back corner of the room, he began to see memories in his periphery: the patch of carpet where Niklaus had first propositioned him. The table where they had first made love instead of just fucking. The window they had stared out together, where Niklaus had reached over to put an arm on his shoulders and whispered the words that had changed everything:  _I'm falling in love with you._

Each step, each memory, stripped away another year, and by the time he reached the filing cabinet he was looking for, he was seventeen years old again, his gloved hands shaking, his vision blurred.

 _Focus._ He held out the lamp, reading the drawer labels, until he found the range he was looking for, labelled  _Do-Dz._ This lock was easy to pick, and he slid the drawer open. His shaking fingers rifled through the folders, then paused on one labelled  _Dok, Nile._

Not far behind it, he could see the files beginning with 'Dr.'

His past warred with his present.

"Fuck it," he whispered. It was right there; he would never have a better opportunity to find out what had happened. He moved past Nile's folder, zeroing in on one labelled  _Dreher, Niklaus._ Before he could change his mind, he yanked it out.

A red stamp on its surface glowed in the lamplight: 'DECEASED.'

His vision blurred again, and he blinked to clear it, violently opening the file and flipping to the end.

_Tried and convicted for treason for leaking military secrets to gangsters. Execution carried out by firing squad. Requested no blindfold._

Levi slowly sank to his knees, rereading the sentence several times, hoping he had misread. Treason. Known gangsters. Execution. He flipped to the previous page for the details of the trial.

Niklaus hadn't named Levi in the trial: he had named two of Levi's biggest rivals instead, two gang leaders who had disappeared off the streets around the same time. Even when everything had fallen apart for him, he had used his death to help Levi, keeping him safe, attacking his rivals instead.

_And in return, I assumed he had abandoned me. I cursed him. I hated him._

"Shit," he growled, furious with himself. "You fucking asshole. Fucking shit!" He slammed his fists into the metal drawers.

Two loud  _clangs_  echoed through the room.

He tensed.

Footsteps began to sound down the hallway.

 _You fucking dipshit._  He snuffed the lamp and waited, ears straining until they rang.  _This is why you don't come on a mission drunk, and you don't start looking up personal information._ If this blew the whole mission, he was never going to forgive himself.

The door creaked open, and lamplight flooded the room. Levi slipped behind a bookshelf, resting his hand on the hilt of the knife hidden in his boot.

The footsteps were soft and tentative. They moved to the centre of the room and stopped; the shifting lamplight suggested their owner was peering around the room.

"Hello?" A girl's voice spoke, loud but shaky. "I know you're in here. If you surrender now, I promise you won't get hurt."

If she stepped far enough into the room, Levi might be able to slip past her and out the door behind her. He eyed the next bookshelf, planning his escape route. The gap between the shelves was small, but fully lit, so she must be looking in his direction.

A few more footsteps, then silence. A shadow fell across the gap. Levi darted to the next bookshelf, crouching behind it.

"I should warn you," said the girl, "I'm armed."

 _Military-issue rifle,_  thought Levi.  _No gear._ The rifles were quick and deadly, but the quiver in the girl's voice suggested inexperience. Even if she caught him, she might be too terrified to pull the trigger. He took several deep breaths, eyeing the gap to the next bookcase, waiting for an opportunity to move.

The light swung around again, and he darted across the gap. One more bookcase to go, and then he could sneak to the door.

"What in the world?" muttered the girl, and he saw the light swing toward the ceiling, presumably to the shifted wooden panel. Not wasting the opportunity, he moved into place against the final bookcase. The door was a good seven metres or so from his position, with no cover. He needed to make sure she was looking away.

He pulled a tool free from his lock picking set - the most useless one, with a thick loop at the end - and tossed it toward the back wall. The instant he heard it clatter, he bolted for the door.

Six metres, five, four...

Wood splinters showered his body as a 3DMG anchor buried into the wall in front of him, the wire blocking his path.

He whirled.

A woman stood by the desk, the lamp behind her forcing her body into silhouette. Her face was shadowed, but he could clearly see the gear boxes at her sides.

 _Dammit._ Levi darted back the way he had come, pressing flat against the bookcase. Since when did the Military Police use 3DMG while on building patrol? His chest heaved, and his eyes darted around the room. They fixed on the ceiling.  _Up. Go up._

"Hey!" yelled the woman, and booted footsteps rushed toward him. He scurried up the bookshelf, aiming for the wooden panels of the ceiling.

He heard a puff of gas, then a hand gripped his ankle and yanked. As he fell, he twisted his body so that he landed on his attacker. She hit the ground hard, the air escaping her chest with an "Oof!" Without even looking down, he pushed off and sprinted for the door, sliding deftly under the 3DMG wire.

"Wait!" called the girl, voice hoarse.

Another anchor sank into the door frame ahead of him, and he heard a burst of gas. The girl slammed into him from behind. They rolled; Levi landed face-down, his forehead knocking the carpet. The scent of the carpet was so familiar that his head spun.  _Niklaus..._

The girl rolled him over. She holstered her gear triggers and pulled a rifle off her back, shoving the muzzle in his face. Levi blinked, his vision blurred from the impact. So much had happened since the expedition that he had forgotten he was still recovering from his concussion. Blood trickled into his mouth beneath his mask, and he sputtered.  _Did she break my fucking nose?_

"Put your hands where I can see them," barked the girl.

He blinked, and she came into view: red hair, large eyes, stubborn youthful expression...

"Isabel," he croaked.

"What?" said the girl, taken aback.

He blinked, coming back to his senses in time to capitalize on her shock.  _Get the gun out of your face._ He grabbed the muzzle and tugged, pressing it into the carpet beside him.

She pulled the trigger.

The floor beside him exploded, knocking him sideways. His ear rang, and he clutched at it, eyes filling with tears. "Fuck!"

The blow had knocked her backwards, too, and she was clawing at her ears, curled into a ball. Shakily, Levi stood. He stared down at her, his heart pounding.  _She looks so much like Isabel. So much..._ He could almost hear the girl's voice, singsong and childish. His eyes flooded with tears again, these ones not from the explosion.

Then he turned to climb the bookshelf, eager to escape.

A 3DMG wire narrowly missed him, embedding into the ceiling. He gave a low sigh, frustrated by her persistence, and turned. The girl was hunched, but she stared at him defiantly. "Not on my watch."

"You shouldn't use those things indoors," he said. "It's dangerous." He stepped on the wire and pressed down, expecting it would make her stumble forward and lose her balance.

Instead, the anchor point pulled down several panels of the false roof. He shielded his head just in time; the panels slammed into his arms with so much force that he sagged to his knees.

When the panels fell away, the girl was standing over him, one of her blades pointed at his throat.

"Shit," he muttered, rubbing his ear. It was still ringing, but not as badly as he expected given the proximity of the blast.

"Who are you?" she demanded. "Why are you here?"

His eyes scanned the environment, looking for a way out. Gear wasn't particularly effective indoors, but it allowed her to slingshot herself after him, so running wasn't going to be helpful. He needed to find a way to overpower her.

The blade pressed against the skin of his throat, below the scarf. "I asked you a question, so please be kind enough to answer it. What's your name?"

He met her glare with one of his own. "Nile Dok."

She sighed. "Right. Please get on your feet."

He stood slowly, sizing her up. There was a tremble in her blade hand. Her earlier reaction to his confused 'Isabel' suggested she was easily distracted, but he would have to be careful, because she also had an itchy trigger finger.

"Those boots are military issue," she said.

"I stole them."

Her lips flattened. "If you're not going to cooperate, then can you at least take off your mask?"

"Why?"

"Because I have a blade at your throat."

He gave an exasperated sigh and lifted his hands towards his mask, subtly shifting his stance...

...and hooked the back of her heel with his foot. She shrieked and fell backwards, hitting hard; he kicked her blade away, then stepped on her chest and loomed over her.

"You fight well," he said. "Very well. But you're easily distracted." Blood trickled into his mouth again, behind the mask, and he grimaced as he accidentally swallowed some.

She glared. "You have about a minute before the other officers get here. They'll have heard my gunshot."

"What officers?" he asked, leaning over her face. "There were only three out front when I came in."

"We were out patrolling," she said, eyes glistening. "Our shift is just ending, so we're meeting back here. The place is crawling with officers."

Levi would have assumed she was bluffing, but the gear was unusual. The Military Police were only authorized to wear gear on special occasions, and patrolling the city during a gala might be such an occasion. "How many of you?"

"Dozens."

He eyed her, then pulled his knife out of his boot and pressed it to her throat. "Get up," he said, removing his foot from her chest. "Drop the gear."

Her eyes filled with tears, and he tried to pretend it didn't hurt him. Isabel had tried to pull the same shit, too, when she knew she was in trouble. She had known tears were the easiest way to erode his resolve.

"You have cuffs on you?" he asked.

"No."

That left him with four options: bind her with the gear wires, knock her out, kill her, or bring her with him. Given her prowess, binding her with the wires might be too dangerous.  _Never put a prisoner within easy reach of her weapon._

Also, he wasn't sure his planned escape route was the safest one. If a patrol was returning, there would, by default, be dozens of eyes on the outside of the building.

"Does this building connect with the barracks?" he asked.

Her jaw wobbled, but she stared at him, wordless.

With a sigh, he used the flat of the blade to trace a line across her throat from ear to ear. "You'll be dead within seconds," he said, his stomach churning as he tapped into a part of himself he had tried so hard to forget. "I'll cut deep enough that you won't be able to cry for help."

"My name is Sofi Lalonde," she blurted, tears spilling onto her cheeks. "I have two sisters and three brothers. I'm the oldest."

"Why are you-"

"My mother died when I was young, and I helped raise my family. The youngest is only three years old. My father didn't want me joining the military-"

"Enough," said Levi, smacking her trachea with the flat of the knife. She whimpered, but fell silent. "I know what you're doing. It won't work." She was trying to humanize herself in his eyes, make him grow attached to her so that he couldn't kill her. "I'll ask one more time: does this building connect with the barracks?"

"Yes." She sniffled.

"All right, Sofi Lalonde. You help me get there undetected, you get to go free. Let's go."

Booted footsteps sounded at the end of the hallway.

"Shit." Levi dragged her toward the door. "Make them go away."

"What?"

"Stick your head out the doorway and tell them your gun went off by accident. Make it convincing, or you die."He shoved her forward, forcing her head through the doorway.

The footsteps stopped. "Recruit," yelled a male voice from down the hall. "We heard gunshots."

At first, the girl didn't say anything, but Levi traced her kidney with the tip of his knife, and she swallowed hard.

"Sorry," she said. "I got spooked by a rat. Really spooked. I shot at it."

A pause. "Using your gun in an enclosed area without reason is a punishable offense." The voice sounded bewildered.

"I know," she said. "I'm sorry. I'm new. I'm still learning." Her body was shaking, and sweat rolled down Levi's temple.  _They're going to notice her crying._

After a moment, the male voice said, "You okay, recruit? Need any help in there?"

"No, just cleaning up my mess. I feel horrible about it."

"Well, hurry up. The Commander ordered a code eighty-two."

Levi bared his teeth at the familiar phrase; the man was using code to ask if she was in distress. "Tell him area three-six-two is secure," he hissed.

The girl looked back at him, eyes wide, and he tightened his grip on the scruff of her neck. "Do it," he growled.

Defeated, the girl turned down the hall again. "Area three-six-two is secure, sir. I'm sorry for the trouble. I'll explain everything to Squad Leader Mann tomorrow."

There was another pause, long enough that Levi began to shake.  _Believe her. Believe her..._

"Very well, recruit. Don't let this happen again. And if you get spooked again, sound the alarm next time. Don't play the hero." The booted feet turned and walked down the hall as the man bellowed, "All clear!"

Once the footsteps had faded, the girl turned back to Levi, her eyes wide. "You know the military distress codes."

"Is the hallway empty?" he demanded, his knife finding her throat again.

"You know the military distress codes, and you're wearing our boots, and you're a good fighter. I finished top in my class, and you took me out with no effort at all-"

"Shut up." He shoved her into the hallway. "Use the back routes, the ones no one guards. The only way you get out of this safely is if I do."

As they hurried down the hallway, he felt a little quiver of excitement in the pit of his stomach, a little reminder that he was a monster who got joy out of exerting his dominance over another living being. A voice echoed in his mind, gruff and familiar:  _Embrace who you are, Levi. Your body is a weapon, and you have the cold heart of a killer_ _._

His throat filled with bile.  _No. I'm better than that. I'm not going to kill her, not unless I have to. And if I do, I'm not going to enjoy it._

The girl stopped at a door at the end of the hallway. "It's unlocked. Only the cleaning staff use this staircase, and they're not on shift yet. It goes all the way to the basement, and from there, you can take a tunnel to the barracks."

"You're coming with me," he said. "Open it."

She obeyed, throwing the door open with too much force. He reflexively caught it before it could slam against the wall. It was just one moment of distraction, one moment where his focus was on the door instead of the knife, and she took advantage of it. Her hand reached for his face and tugged. He clamped onto her wrist before she could tear the mask away entirely, but the damage was already done: it had loosened. The scarf slipped down his face and settled around his throat.

He spun her away and shoved her toward the stairs. "Move," he growled, fixing the knife on her throat again. For a moment, he thought he had been fast enough, that she hadn't seen his face, but she refused to step forward.

"I said, move."

When she spoke, her voice was sombre: "You're Levi. From the Survey Corps."

 _Shit._ He softly pulled the door closed behind them. "Who the fuck is Levi?"

"It really is you. Right?" She twisted to look at him, her face drawn. "I'd never forget your face. I saw you when I was a Trainee."

Levi's heart sank.  _I have to kill her now. There's no way around it. She knows who I am. If they trace this back to Erwin, everything falls apart_ _._

"You were my hero," she said, her voice wobbling. "Humanity's Strongest, ascending from nothing to become one of humanity's most promising heroes. You were the reason I wanted to join the Survey Corps, but my father made me promise to spend a couple years in the Military Police and then re-evaluate how I felt. He doesn't understand people like you and me, people who would give their lives to help free humanity." She paused. "Or that's what I thought you were like, at any rate. You aren't the hero I imagined you to be."

Between the guilt, the stress, and the blood he had swallowed from his injured nose, his stomach twisted so violently that he was afraid he would wretch.

Maybe there was another way. Maybe he didn't have to kill her. What would Erwin do, if he were in this situation? Probably try to convince her to their viewpoint.

"Someone with your fighting skill doesn't belong in the MP," he said, pushing her toward the stairs. "It's a waste of your talent."

"That's what I told my father."

They turned a corner, then continued down the stairwell. "Look, Sofi," he said quietly, "I'm no hero, but I'm not just a criminal, either. I'm investigating corruption within the Military Police. I was supposed to slip in, gather information, then slip out. No one can know I was here."

After a long pause, she said, "What kind of corruption?"

"Endangering lives for the sake of money. Distracting the Survey Corps from its main objectives, for selfish gain. Someone is working against us, and the longer we're distracted from our goals, the longer humanity will be forced to suffer. We have to weed out the corruption before it spreads, before it takes over the entire organization." He was surprised how easily the words slid from his mouth, as if he were channelling Erwin. "Have you noticed anything of that sort around here?"

"I've only been a member for a month, so I haven't noticed anything yet," she said. "Lots of laziness, and that's about it. But maybe I can help you." She turned to eye him. "...if you let me live."

"Are you just offering that because you're desperate to save your life? How do I know you won't run to your Squad Leader the second I release you?"

Her jaw set. "What good would that do? I already let slip I finished first in my class, so you can easily identify me and find my family if I betray you - even after you leave here, you've still got a knife pressed to my throat."

"Smart girl."

They reached the bottom of the stairwell, and the girl threw open a door. "I know it's none of my business, but... Who's Isabel?"

"You're right, it's none of your business," said Levi. "Stop and hold up the lamp."

She obeyed, and he studied the stone hallway. A metal grate was embedded along the left side, large enough to step through. He recognized the style of the grate; they connected the Underground to the surface world. This vent must tie into the network of tunnels he had used to sneak in and visit Niklaus.

"I know my way home from here," he said.

"Home?" she repeated.

The word had slipped out; the familiar environment was messing with his head. Still, he thought of Erwin, waiting for him back at the hotel room. "Yeah, home." He turned to study her. "Remember, Sofi Lalonde, if the MP hears a single word about my involvement in this incident, you and your family will die. I will not show them the same mercy I've shown you. I suggest you start by cleaning the evidence of our fight from the records room, before your superiors start asking questions."

"Are you really here for the reasons you said?" asked the girl. "You promise you aren't trying to take down the whole military from the inside, or anything like that?"

"I am on humanity's side," he said with as much conviction as he could muster.

Her lips spread into a smile. "I knew you were a hero."

Grimacing, he plucked the lamp from her hand, then shoved her back toward the stairs. "Get out of here."

"Wait." She recovered her balance and stood tall. "I want to join the Survey Corps."

He stared. "So put in an application."

"I can't betray my father like that. I promised him two years here, at least." Her eyes sparkled in the lamplight. "Please, sir, ask Commander Erwin to put in a request to recruit me. It'll take a year or two for the paperwork to go through, anyway, and that way I can tell my father it wasn't my idea, that I've been called to action."

"I don't have time to deal with your daddy issues."

"You saw me fight," she said, her brows dropping. "And the Survey Corps needs all the help it can get. I'll keep your secret and prove my loyalty, you'll see. I will fight by your side, sir, and you won't regret it." She pulled into a salute.

Levi rubbed his forehead, embarrassed by her enthusiasm. "Okay, settle down. I'll talk to Erwin."

"One last thing," she said, bowing her head. "Make sure you put in the transfer for the correct name. My name isn't Sofi Lalonde. That was a lie to protect my family."

"Oh? Then what is it?"

"Petra Ral," she said.

He eyed her, and she held his gaze.

"Very well," he said. "I'll talk to Erwin about putting in a transfer request for you, Petra Ral. Just remember: if anyone - and I mean anyone - hears word of my involvement in what happened tonight, your family will suffer for your mistakes."

"Of course." She bobbed her head, then turned and hurried through the door.

He stared after her for a minute, then, certain she was gone, sank slowly to his knees as his willpower finally gave out. He was dizzy, and blood was still trickling down his face, down the back of his throat. His chest was heavy with the guilt of the mistakes he had made, past and present.

Worst of all, he had let his personal issues interfere with the mission - exactly what he had promised Erwin  _wouldn't_  happen. His Commander had placed all his trust in him, and Levi had failed him. All he had to offer was a stylized "S" and a single enthusiastic recruit who might or might not unravel everything.

Shaking, he sheathed his knife, then pulled open the grate, his spirits low, his heart heavy.


	13. Expression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much for your lovely comments, and HUGE hugs to the people who have included me in fic recs on Tumblr (omg!!!) I have reworked that Erwin portrait I posted a few chapters ago (http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/90537972121/). I'm working on a Levi, too, because I want to thank you all. *hugs*
> 
> Previous chapter: Levi's mission doesn't go as planned, and Erwin pays a visit to the Dok household.

**Chapter 13**

**Expression**

 

A knock sounded at the window.

Erwin slowly set his book on the side table and leaned forward in the chair. The room was several stories up -- were his ears playing tricks on him?

"Erwin!" came a muffled yell. "Open the fucking window."

_Levi?_

He strode to the window and tore open the curtain. Through the glass, he could see Levi's face, his nose and mouth coated in blood.

Heart pounding, Erwin threw open the window and thrust out a hand to help him in. "Were you followed?"

"That's your first fucking question?" Levi struggled through the window frame and dropped to his knees on the carpet, breathing hard. "No, I wasn't followed, and I wouldn't have led anyone here even if I had been. I only came through the window because I would've terrified the lobby staff."

"Is this your blood?" demanded Erwin.

"Yeah."

Erwin dropped to one knee and gingerly touched Levi's jaw, his chin, his nose -- the man cursed and pulled away.

"Do you need a doctor?"

"I don't think it's broken. My mask smeared the blood around, made it seem worse than it is." Levi touched his chin, then grimaced. "It's all caked on. I can feel it cracking and flaking when I move my mouth. Fuck." He looked down. "I fucked up, Erwin. I fucked up so badly."

Erwin bit the inside of his cheek and grabbed Levi's hand, pulling him toward the bathroom. Along the way, not breaking his stride, he snatched a wooden chair from the desk. Once they were in the bathroom, he set the chair by the sink.

"Sit," he said, his voice gentle.

As Levi obeyed, Erwin filled the basin with water. He pulled a handful of wash cloths off the shelf, then soaked one of them.

When he turned back to Levi, he found the man staring absently at the tiles between his feet.

"Levi." Erwin knelt in front of him and gently lifted his chin. "It's okay." He began to wash the dried blood. It really was caked on in a few spots, and he had to scrub to remove it. "Am I hurting you?"

The man shook his head, still not looking him in the eye.

"Good. Let me know if I do."

As Erwin continued scrubbing, neither of them spoke. After several rinses of the cloth, the water became too bloody, so Erwin drained the basin, then refilled it.

When he moved from the jaw to the bloodied nose, Levi winced. Erwin frowned and gently traced the bridge with his fingertip. It was still straight, with no lumps in the bone, but the flesh was swelling. Not a break; possibly a hairline fracture, or maybe just a bruise. Tears glistened in Levi's eyes, and Erwin couldn't tell if they were emotional, or, more likely, reflexive tears from the nasal injury. His heart ached anyway.

"Levi, look at me."

The eyes rose to meet his, the bloodshot backdrop making the irises glow turquoise by contrast.

"It's okay," said Erwin. "Whatever happened, we'll fix it."

Levi nodded, looking down again.

"This part is going to hurt. I'm sorry." The cloth made contact with the bulb of the bloodied nose. Levi closed his eyes, a muscle jumping in his jaw, but didn't flinch. As the blood washed away, Erwin assed the skin for damage. No open wounds.

"I can't remember the last time someone made me bleed," said Levi quietly.

He finally seemed composed enough to talk, so Erwin sat back on his heels, taking a moment to study him. "What happened?"

"Nile was in his office. Marie, too. They didn't see me." Levi's eyes flicked up. "She told him about us."

Erwin looked down, folding the cloth to hide the blood. "I see."

"He was trying to hide documents because he thought you'd come snooping around, but she talked him into leaving. I found the orders to direct us to that silo -- it was signed with a stamp, but no name. I can draw it for you, if you want. Then I found your file in his desk. Nile's talking about you with Zackly. He thinks you're dangerous and delusional."

"I see." Nile was the one person he had fully confided in, and even though it hurt to have him dismiss his memories as delusions, Erwin wasn't surprised. Maybe that disbelief wasn't such a bad thing; Jasper and Marie needed Nile around. His theories were dangerous.

Levi looked away again. "Then I went to the records room to get more information. Except..." He trailed off.

His silence said everything. Even though Erwin had expected this mission outcome, disappointment sank in his chest like stone. "You looked up your ex instead."

Levi's head bowed.

"What did you learn?"

"Dead. Executed for treason, because they found out he was feeding me information. But he gave them my rival's names instead. That fucking idiot went out protecting me, and I assumed..." His teeth clenched, an edge sharpening his voice: "I smeared shit all over his memory because I assumed the worst of him. That's two lovers dead in a row because they tried to protect me, because I had to pick that one goddamned fight with rival gangs. I am fucking _scum._ "

Not sure what to say, Erwin reached out and clasped Levi's knee. He knew this thought process all too well. His mind had retreaded it every day since Henrik had died.

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

"I lost control," said Levi, breaking the silence. "Swore and punched the filing cabinet. A guard was nearby, returning from patrol, and she overheard. She was a good fighter, and sharp. I got the upper hand – after she knocked me around a bit – but she figured out who I was."

Their eyes locked.

"Is that so," said Erwin, his mind already whirring, planning ways out of the potential diplomatic nightmare.

"I couldn't bring myself to kill her. I figured it would be too much of a mess to clean up politically, and I didn't want to be a monster. Besides..." His voice shrank. "She looked too much like Isabel."

"So what did you do?"

A shrug. "Tried to talk my way out of it. She seemed eager to help us, and she agreed to keep my secret if we'd pull her into the Corps. A slow transfer, a year or two. I want her on my squad, Erwin. She's fearless and a good fighter, and she uses her environment to her advantage." As he spoke, his sadness seemed to fade, giving way to admiration.

"Do you trust her to cover for what happened tonight?"

"I'm not sure, but I threatened her family, and she knows we can track them down at any time. If her desire to help isn't genuine, then her fear will be."

Erwin watched him. "All this has some aspects in common with the way I first recruited you."

"Except I never landed a clean hit on you."

"I'm just glad the damage isn't worse." He leaned up to brush his lips against Levi's, but after only a brief kiss, the man jerked away.

"My face is still covered in blood."

"I'm doing my best to rectify that." Erwin stood to rinse the cloth again, running his tongue along his lips, tasting iron. _You taste alive._

This had been too close, just one more mission that was supposed to be low-risk that had gone awry. Had the girl been less cooperative, Levi would have been imprisoned or labelled a wanted man. _I have to stop taking such big risks with him, at least for now. The stakes aren't all that high yet, and he'll be an important player when the game escalates._

"You're disappointed," said Levi. "Right? I fucked up."

Erwin turned and saw that the man's head was low, his shoulders stooped.

"Levi." He knelt down and rested his palm on a muscular thigh. "You did well. I'm impressed you got out of such a dangerous situation, and you made a new ally on the inside. Besides, if you can remember that stamp you saw with Nile's orders, it won't take long to track down its source. You did well indeed."

When there was no response, he slid his hand along the man's jaw, tilting his head up. "Listen to me: you made a mistake because you're human. Never see humanity as a weakness -- it is a strength, one you excel at, one I lack. It's just one of the many reasons I need you by my side."

"Yeah?" said Levi, his brows pinching.

Erwin's throat tightened. "I need you." He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Levi's waist, pressing his cheek against his chest. He could hear the man's heartbeat, loud and quick, and the sound ricocheted through his bones, left him hollow. _It's my fault you're in pain right now._

A hand settled in his hair. "You sure as hell don't act like someone who lacks humanity, Erwin. Not around me, anyway."

He looked up, giving a small smile.

Levi's face softened, and he smoothed hair from Erwin's forehead. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like _that_. The same way you looked at me when we were dancing. Like you're looking right through me." His thumb swept the crease below Erwin's eye. "You're going to get me all horny again."

"I did promise to reward you for everything you endured on my behalf tonight," said Erwin. "When you're ready."

With no hesitation, Levi lunged down, and their lips met. A low rumble sounded in Erwin's throat, and blood rushed to his groin. He slid his tongue deeper. He wanted to be inside Levi, so badly that he ached -- he carefully pushed the thought below the surface, replacing it with the one that made sense: _I don't care how we do it; I just want to use our bodies to express how we feel._

His hands curled into Levi's hips, and he pulled him off the chair and down onto his lap. The weight of the small body felt so good that he thrust against it, every nerve in his body alight and glowing. The rooftop dance, the taste of blood, the thought of Levi skillfully infiltrating the building, the warm body in his arms, it was all too much. His resolve was slipping. He thrust again and again, losing himself in the burning friction.

Levi shoved him down against the tile floor, forcing his arms above his head, hands smoothing his forearms to pin him down. Their hands found each other, intertwining so tightly that it hurt. The kiss finally broke.

"I want you," gasped Erwin as he felt Levi's teeth pinch the skin of his neck.

"Fuck." Levi dragged his tongue along his jaw line, then sank his teeth into Erwin's earlobe. "Fuck, wait. We can't yet. I need to bathe, and I've still got blood on my face, and-"

"I don't care." He wrapped his legs around one of Levi's thighs, grinding. "I don't care; I need you. Right now."

"Oh shit, that's hot." Levi pulled away, his brows pinched, gasping for breath. "But you'll have to wait. I'm fucking gross."

"I don't care."

"I'm so sweaty that my balls are sticking to my leg."

The unpleasant mental image surprised Erwin; he stopped grinding.

Levi released him and rose to his feet, breathing hard. "Our first time isn't going to be on a bathroom floor with me covered in my own filth. Not with you, Erwin. It needs..." His voice softened. "It needs to be better than that."

Sitting up, Erwin pressed his palms into his thighs. He closed his eyes, trying to regain control of his breaths.

"Okay?" asked Levi, uncertain.

"Okay." Erwin shoved a hand through his hair. "Water tank should still be warm. I didn't finish my bath too long ago."

"Thanks." Levi began to peel off his clothes, and Erwin turned away, but not before he saw the man's bare ass, so muscled and pert. He wanted to nuzzle his face between the cheeks -- but that was another desire he would need to bury, too. With Levi's feelings about cleanliness, that was one activity that was certainly off the table.

"I'm going to go sit down for a minute," he said, his head spinning. When he got to the bedroom door, he took a moment to lean his forehead against it, taking slow breaths. His groin ached -- part of that was probably because the skin was chafed from his frantic thrusting, true, but most of it was from blood flow. He couldn't remember the last time he had wanted anyone this badly.

He gripped the doorknob and turned. As he passed by the mirror on the dresser, he paused to study himself. His mouth was set in a frown, a little crease by one eyebrow. He traced the crease with his fingertip, searching himself for its source. Was he still hung up on Henrik? Worried about Levi? Concerned about how the logistics of this would play out? _That's not the face of a man about to get laid._

_Am I ready for this?_

He busied himself with setting a pair of candles on each bedside table, putting the erotic oils in a drawer. After he lit the candles and turned down the lamps, he poured two glasses of white wine. He spent a few minutes deciding how he should be dressed, then decided leaving his suit on would suffice. A part of him wanted to fulfill Levi's fantasy and wear his harnesses and boots, but there was no need to complicate things yet. Instead, he tightened the Commander's pendant neatly at his throat and straightened his collars.

A few minutes later, Levi stepped into the room wearing only his pants, drying his hair with a towel. His face was completely clean now, but the bridge of his nose was noticeably red and swollen.

Erwin stood to greet him and, at a loss for words, held out the second wine glass.

"Thanks." Levi hung the towel on the back of a chair and finger-combed his hair into place. "Have you been drinking this whole time?"

"No, I've sobered up a bit."

"Good."

Levi accepted the wineglass. His jaw shifted, as if he were slowly gritting his teeth, trying to decide what to say.

Erwin wanted to fill the silence, but words were still failing him. He turned to look at the bed. "We can just sit for a bit first, enjoy a little wine and each other's company."

"Okay," said Levi, sounding relieved.

They settled on the bed facing each other, wine glasses in hand. Levi glanced around the room.

"Candles?"

"I thought they might add a bit of ambience." Erwin hesitated. "If they're too tacky-"

"No, they're fine."

They stared at each other, then each took a sip of wine. Levi's fingertips drummed the glass, and Erwin watched them, fascinated: he held his wine glass by the bowl rather than the stem.

"What the hell is this bullshit?" said Levi after a moment. "A few minutes ago, we were all over each other, and now I'm terrified to touch you."

Erwin relaxed a little, glad they were admitting to their fear. "I think we've accidentally put too much pressure on ourselves."

"Are you waiting for me to make the first move?"

"You had a difficult night. I want to make sure you're all right before we proceed."

Levi stared into his wineglass. "I've been through so many emotions in the past twenty-four hours that I feel like I'm going to puke."

Erwin understood. The carriage ride, the nightmare, meeting Marie, the rooftop dance, the mission, finding out Niklaus was dead... "There's no rule saying we have to do anything tonight. I'd be just as happy sharing drinks and quiet conversation."

"Bullshit," said Levi. "After the way you were rutting against me? I think you gave my thigh rug burn."

Warmth flooded Erwin's cheeks. "I mean it. There's no pressure."

"Believe me, I'm going to fuck you tonight. Just give me a minute." The man grabbed the bottle and refilled his glass. "You want me to top up your wine?"

"Thanks, but I should stop here." He was already feeling a buzz; maybe he hadn't sobered up as much as he thought. Swallowing the rest of the liquid, he set his glass on the side table.

Levi took a sip, then said resolutely, "Okay." He rose to his feet and set his glass on the table, too, then stood in front of Erwin, between his legs. It was a perspective Erwin wasn't accustomed to yet, looking up at the man's face, and he was surprised by how square his jaw was from this angle.

Levi stared down his nose at him, but his expression was soft. The candle flames gave his irises a honeyed tint. "Do you know how fucking beautiful you are in this light? Your skin looks so damned smooth." He slid a palm against Erwin's cheek; Erwin turned into it, breathing in. The hand slid across his cheekbones, then traced the bridge of his nose.

"So fucking pretty. You're just..." Levi's voice faded: "So fucking pretty."

Erwin ached to touch him. His fingertips found Levi's biceps, tracing all the way down his forearms, then back up again.

A shiver rippled through Levi's body. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" He retraced the movements, and the man let out a low groan.

"Make your hands glow like that. You were doing it on the rooftop, too, when we were dancing."

Erwin understood exactly what he meant. Energy flared at the points of contact, coursing through him, the sensation so strong that it was akin to those last few lazy contractions after an orgasm: comfortable, warm pleasure; a need being satisfied.

"What you and I have, Levi, defies explanation." He leaned closer, deliberately letting his breath hit the inside of the muscular forearm, and he delighted in the goosebumps that formed in response. "Our time together in the field has taught us to read each other's bodies in ways most couples cannot." He pressed a kiss into the milky skin. "And this is still so new: as we grow together, as we learn to read each other both on and off the battlefield, this warmth, this energy between us, will only strengthen."

For a moment, the only sound was their breaths, loud and ragged.

"I'm supposed to be the one seducing you," said Levi.

Erwin met his gaze. "You already have. I've been anticipating this moment since you left my side tonight, and I've thoroughly prepared. So tell me what you want tonight, Levi, because it's yours."

"Oh, really?" The man looked down at him with slit eyes, a look somewhere between desire and superiority that made Erwin's groin ache. "First, I'm going to kiss you until we're both good and hard. Then I'm going to undress you, and you're going to suck me. Then I'm going to eat you out until you feel like you're going to explode, and that's when I'm finally going to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to walk straight tomorrow."

Erwin's mouth was almost too dry to form the words: "I see." He must have misheard the middle part; there was no way a man like Levi would be interested in putting his mouth anywhere near someone's anus. In fact, Erwin fully expected a good portion of their night would involve Levi trying to ignore the anatomical reality of what they were doing.

"'I see?'" repeated the man, folding his arms over his chest. "That's all you have to say?"

"What's wrong?"

"I thought that description would be enough to get that surprisingly filthy mouth of yours running again." He bent down, and their lips met.

Erwin felt a hum sound in his throat. The kiss was deep, but slow; Levi was carefully controlling the depth and speed of his tongue, a change from his usual wild, frantic kisses. _He's determined to control every bit of this,_ thought Erwin, and he was surprised to feel a wave of frustration. He had never thought of himself as a dominant partner, but Levi was so strong-willed that he was inadvertently highlighting all the little ways Erwin was accustomed to leading. He remembered Marie's words: he didn't realize how strong he was. _If we truly are equals, then I need to be comfortable letting him take the reins._

Levi broke the kiss and eyed him. "You okay? You seem distracted."

"I'm overanalyzing everything," said Erwin.

"Well, stop thinking."

"I'm trying." His gaze shifted to the wine. Maybe another drink would help.

"Hmm." As if reading his mind, Levi reached over and picked up his wine glass. He held it to Erwin's lips and gently tilted.

Erwin took a mouthful, but before he could swallow, Levi lunged in and kissed him, tongue sliding deep into his mouth. Wine dribbled between their chins, and Levi pulled back to gently suck it off Erwin's skin.

For a moment, their gaze held, lids low, then Levi took more wine into his mouth and leaned in again. It trickled down Erwin's throat, as powerful and sweet as the kiss itself.

"More?" rumbled Levi, his lips slick against Erwin's.

Erwin tried to respond, but all that came out was a small moan of agreement. Wine flooded his mouth once more, and he felt himself begin to tilt toward the bed. Then his back was against the mattress, Levi crouching over top of him.

Using one hand, Levi undid the buttons of Erwin's suit jacket and then the shirt beneath it, pushing them aside to reveal his bare chest. Levi's expression was as dispassionate as always, but his lips were parted a crack, his eyes fixed on Erwin's chest. He drizzled wine along the exposed collarbone, then bent down to drag his tongue along the liquid.

Erwin's hands clawed into the bed and he tilted his head back, giving Levi access to his throat. His mind was buzzing, and he couldn't tell if it was the fault of the alcohol, or love, or hormones. When he had imagined sex with Levi, he had never pictured anything this slow and tender. _He's constantly surprising me._

The man set the glass aside, then kissed down his chest, aiming for a nipple. When he began to circle it with his tongue, Erwin heard himself curse.

"There's that filthy mouth." Levi's murmur vibrated the sensitive skin, and warmth flooded Erwin's body. He regretted neglecting this part of his body for so many years. _It's as if he knows my own body better than I do._

As Levi's mouth worked at the nipple, his hand smoothed down Erwin's abdomen, then over the fabric of his pants, rubbing between his legs. Another curse slipped from Erwin's lips. The friction between his legs began to pull him away from himself; his back arched, his hips rocking.

Then Levi pulled back, and the absence of his weight made Erwin feel as if he were floating. He watched the narrow fingers run along his belt.

"I want you naked, but you look so fucking good like this that I also want to leave you half-dressed." Levi gripped the bolo tie and pulled it taut, leaning down to give him a slow, shallow kiss. When he tried to pull away, Erwin caught the back of his neck, staring intently into his eyes.

"Then don't undress me yet. I'll suck you off like this."

Levi's face was inscrutable. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Tell me how you want me."

The narrow hand slid down his chest, his abdomen, as Levi considered. "Kneel on the floor." He swung his legs off the edge of the bed and stood.

Erwin knelt in front of him. He let his gaze drift up the muscular abdomen to the shapely pectoral muscles, finally landing on Levi's face. The man was looking down at him, his eyes and lips flat. _Is he guarding himself? His expressions were so unchecked before tonight._

They worked together to remove Levi's pants. Erwin quickly folded them and lobbed them onto the dresser. He sat back on his heels to examine Levi, grazing him with his fingertips. The wine gave him courage to voice his thought aloud: "You have such beautiful colouring, such a perfect shape."

He chanced a look up and saw that Levi's cheeks were dark, his face beginning to relax.

Aiming lower, Erwin leaned in to nuzzle between Levi's legs, enjoying the texture of wiry hair and wrinkled skin. He knew he should be maintaining eye contact -- the last thing he wanted to do was ruin another intimate moment with a flashback to Henrik -- so he kept his focus in the present by repeating Levi's name in his mind: _Levi, Levi, Levi._ He traced a slow figure-eight with his tongue, then took a testicle into his mouth, gently sucking. A gasp sounded above him, and he felt a hand settle in his hair.

"Harder," rasped Levi.

Erwin looked up and saw the mask of indifference finally fall away, the slender brows pinching. He gave a questioning hum as he sucked harder, making sure he understood correctly.

"Yeah, like that. Fuck." Levi's eyes closed. "Rougher."

Energy rippled through Erwin, prickly and hot. He applied firm pressure with his tongue, carefully gauging Levi's reaction. He was accustomed to men who were extremely sensitive to pain -- Henrik flashed into his mind for a split second before he shoved the thought aside -- but Levi seemed to relish the pressure. His hand tightened in Erwin's hair, half-formed obscenities falling from his lips.

Unable to resist anymore, Erwin dragged his tongue all the way up to the tip, then enthusiastically took it into his mouth. He pressed all the way to the base, pausing for a moment to feel a throb in response. Sucking a little harder than he normally would, he began to move.

Levi groaned, raking a hand into his own hair. "Use your teeth."

The concept was so foreign that Erwin pulled away, surprised. "What?"

"Use your teeth. You've got me all worked up; I need it rough tonight."

The request went against everything Erwin had ever been told, everything he had ever experienced, and he began to feel self-conscious. He picked up where he had left off, but this time, cringing at the thought of it, he lightly dragged his front teeth across the flesh. Levi moaned and thrust closer. The response was encouraging, and Erwin's self-consciousness began to fade. He worked in a little scrape of teeth here and there, using Levi's sounds and physical response as his guide. After a few minutes, he gripped him, using his hand and mouth together, swirling his tongue. Levi's eyes were glazed as he stared at nothing, his mouth hanging open, one hand clawing into Erwin's hair, the other tangled in his own.

Erwin tasted salt. _He's close. I should hold back._ Even as he thought it, instinct drove him forward; he tightened his grip, increasing his pace.

"Oh, fuck," said Levi. "Wait, I can't..."

Erwin stroked as fast and as hard as he could, his mind dizzy, as if he, too, were about to climax.

"Oh, fuck!" said Levi, panicked this time, as his entire body tensed.

Erwin froze in place, refusing to let him finish.

After a moment, the man slowly relaxed. "That was close. Shit." His eyes opened and he lowered his hand from his forehead. "Shit. How do you... You're so fucking good."

Erwin reluctantly released him. Levi held out a hand and tugged him to his feet. Their mouths pressed together, their kiss sloppy as they worked together to pull off Erwin's shirt and jacket.

Then, Levi pulled down the suit pants and dropped to his knees. His warm mouth was so unexpected that the phrase "Fucking Sina!" slipped from Erwin's lips. He froze, mortified. _Did I say that out loud?_

Levi paused, then slowly leaned back to look up, brows raised. "Did you just use Wall Sina as a curse?"

Heat flooded Erwin's face. "You must have misheard."

"Interesting." The brows slowly lowered back into position. "So you can take the boy out of the Wallists, but you can't take the Wallist out of the boy. If I do a really good job tonight, will you curse all three walls at once?"

Erwin stared him down. "You misheard. Drop it."

Levi studied him for a moment, then rose to his feet. "I need more wine." He retrieved his wine glass from the bedside table, taking a few sips.

Erwin let out a low sigh, annoyed at himself for putting a damper on the evening's momentum. He took the opportunity to step out of his pants and fold them, then tossed them on the dresser. Then he stood behind Levi, resting his hands on the man's flanks, and bent down to kiss his shoulder. The muscle tensed.

"I wasn't trying to embarrass you," said Levi.

"I know. I'd rather pretend I never had any association with the Wall Church, if it's all the same." This time, the shoulder relaxed under his kiss. He ran one hand down the man's spine to his lower back. Trying to change the subject, he said, "I like this, right here."

"What?"

"This whole area. The indents here." He traced the dimples on either side of Levi's spine. "This layer of fuzz." He smoothed his palm across the soft layer of hair lining the very bottom of Levi's lower back. "This curve." He slid down to the jutting gluteal muscles.

"Hm." Levi drained his glass and set it down, then turned to face him, hands settling on Erwin's hips. The skin contact was warm and glowing, a sharp contrast to the cool air of the room. "While we're talking about asses, here's the thing: I need you to get on all fours on the bed."

"But?"

"But you still need to keep eye contact, right? To make sure you don't forget who I am. I have an idea, but it might not..." Levi gave a nonchalant shrug. "We could move the dresser mirror to the bed so you could see me in the reflection."

Erwin considered. "Let's try it."

Together, they lifted the large mirror off the dresser. Levi ran a finger along the top of the frame to check for dust, then rubbed his fingertips together and nodded. They leaned the mirror against the head of the bed. Erwin sank to all fours in front of it. He would unfortunately have a clear view of his own face, which might be distracting, but he was willing to put up with that if the mirror reduced his chances of having a flashback. "That should work."

"Good." Levi knelt behind him, hands smoothing his hips. "Holy fuck, Erwin."

Erwin felt a shiver ripple through his body as the hands slid down the muscles of his ass. "What?"

"I always wondered how you'd look bent over in front of me." Levi's fingers curled into the muscle. "That is way fucking hotter than anything I imagined."

Erwin felt his face redden. Having such a cleanliness-obsessed man scrutinizing the most vulgar area of his body made him feel exposed, and he half-expected to hear a 'tsk' of disgust. He felt vulnerable, as if he were half his age again, clumsily engaging in experimentation with an older soldier -- wanting to impress, but paralyzed by fear.

"You cleaned yourself, right?" asked Levi.

"Yes. Thoroughly."

He expected a visual inspection, or, at most, a tentative touch.

Instead, he felt Levi's tongue.

He yelped, slumping forward into the pillow.

The tongue pulled away. "You okay?"

Erwin's head spun, and he lifted his head. "I didn't expect..."

In the mirror's reflection, he saw Levi watching him, face neutral. "You didn't think I'd eat ass because I hate dirt and shit?"

It was more crass than they way he would have phrased it, but accurate. "I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

"Obligated? I told you, I'm only uptight about my own body. When there's an ass this beautiful in front of me, none of my bullshit matters." Levi leaned forward again, running his tongue along the crack. "Does it feel like I'm doing this because I'm obligated to?" he asked, voice partially muffled by flesh.

Erwin's eyelids fluttered closed. "No."

"Good. Then shut up and enjoy it."

He found it difficult to shed his self-consciousness, at first. His instincts were to squeeze his eyes shut and bury his face in the pillow, but he fought to keep his eyes open, training his gaze on Levi's reflection. The sensations began to build, slowly at first, then faster. Tension built deep inside him, and he vented it with gasps and moans, all louder than he had intended. When Levi probed deeper, he heard himself yell.

"Mm." Levi lifted his head, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Look at you, all squirming and loud. Look at that beautiful fucking expression on your face."

Erwin's eyes flicked to his own reflection. It was the first time he had ever seen his own face in any sort of sexual situation -- mirrors had never played into his sex life before -- and he was surprised by the raw honesty: flushed cheeks, wild eyes, raised brows, open mouth, flared lips. It was a vulnerable expression. Human. _Why did I ever worry about my humanity?_

His eyes drifted back to Levi. _You bring out my humanity._ He felt a swell of love, so strong that it was almost an ache.

"I can't wait," he said aloud, his voice cracking, "I need you."

Levi ran a finger down his tailbone. "I've barely gotten started back here."

The magnitude of his desire was difficult to express. There was a vacuum inside of him, an emptiness that only Levi could fill. "I need you."

"Well, you'll just have to wait." The man bent forward again, and Erwin cried out.

Time began to distort. His world narrowed to the sensation of Levi's tongue, the blasts of breath against damp skin, the little hums and throaty groans that escaped from that heated mouth. His hands kneaded into the pillow, the cotton surface impossibly soft against his skin. Every bit of his body was sensitized, every hair standing on end.

Eventually, Levi pulled away, his voice quiet: "Where's the lube?"

It took Erwin a moment to remember how to speak. "Beside table. Left. Top drawer."

The mattress shifted behind him. Struggling to catch his breath, he lifted his head and saw his own reflection. He had moved beyond looking human now; there was a desperate light in his eyes, a snarl on his lips. He looked feral.

Levi settled into place behind him, smoothing a hand along his spine. "You still doing okay?"

There were no words to express the strength of the bond he was feeling, the unfamiliar sensation of surrender. "Fuck," breathed Erwin.

A kiss pressed into his tailbone. "I need your help with this part. Tell me if I go too fast or too slow."

Erwin felt a drizzle of oil, then a slick finger, just barely pressing into him.

"Is this okay?" asked Levi, his voice still low and soothing.

"Yes." His fingers were so slender that his presence was more comfortable than Erwin had anticipated. Foreign -- it had been a long time since another person's finger had been inside him -- but not uncomfortable.

"Deeper?"

"Please."

"Let's see." Levi gently pressed deeper, feeling around inside him. "Right about here?"

Electricity shot through Erwin's lower body, and he winced. "A bit softer."

Levi eased the pressure, and the electricity faded into a pleasant, warm hum. "Like that?"

"Yeah." A bit shy, Erwin said, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"All this attention focused on me, but none on you..."

"After having my face buried in that gorgeous ass, I need time to cool off, or I'm going to blow before I'm even inside you." Levi's free hand slipped between Erwin's legs, gripping him. "Are you really concerned about my needs? Or do you just want to shift the attention away from yourself for a bit because you have problems giving up control?"

Erwin gasped, his eyes slipping closed, as both of Levi's hands began to move.

"That's it, isn't it?" said Levi. "You can't let anyone else take the lead, in the bedroom, on the dance floor, in the field." A kiss pressed into Erwin's tailbone. "I saw your file. Tendency to question and defy orders. You fucking control freak."

Erwin's mind was too frenzied to form a counter-argument. He felt a second finger gently stroke him, a question, and he thrust his hips back against it in answer. When it slipped inside, he felt the first stretch, the first flicker of pain, but Levi was patient, holding back until he relaxed, then carefully proceeding. The pain faded, and his body began to glow.

"Fuck, that's hot," said Levi, staring intently at him through the mirror, and Erwin realized a string of curses had been pouring from his lips. He bit the pillow, but the words kept coming, muffled by the fabric.

"I have half a mind to fuck you like this." Levi bent down to kiss along his spine, down to his tailbone. "But I want to see your face, and not just in a mirror."

 _I can't wait._ "More," said Erwin, impatient.

"Already? Are you sure you're ready?"

"Yes." He lifted his head to make eye contact. "More."

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then looked down to focus on his hand, gently introducing a third finger. Discomfort spiked through Erwin; he bore down and breathed through it, teeth clenching, eyes squeezing shut.

"You okay?" Levi's voice was uncertain.

"Keep going," said Erwin, strained.

"Don't get greedy, you idiot. You need to take this slowly."

"I'm fine. Keep going." He took several slow breaths, and his body finally relaxed. Now he could focus on the fullness, on the feeling of Levi gently massaging him inside and out. "Oh fuck."

"Does that feel okay?" asked Levi, his voice still uncertain.

Erwin's eyes slowly opened, and in the mirror, he saw the man watching him, one brow slightly pinched. "Yes, it's good, it's good, it's so good..." His eyes fluttered shut as warmth waved through him. _Oh fuck, I'm not going to last._ "Levi!" he said, the word rising in pitch.

The man stilled both hands. Erwin breathed hard, feeling his body hover dangerously near the edge, then fall safely back. He let out a long, low groan, his muscles relaxing again.

Levi gently withdrew his hand and, as if it had been propping him up, Erwin's legs gave out. He dropped to the mattress, rolling onto his side. His hair was plastered to his forehead, his breaths ragged.

Levi carefully wiped his hands on a handkerchief, then set it on the side table. He circled around to finish off the last of his wine, then lifted the mirror off the bed and set it against the wall.

Erwin watched him through slit eyes, taking in his movements. _Such grace and efficiency in his build, his actions._ Clumsily, he sat up.

Levi settled to a seat beside him, holding out the bottle of lubrication. His mouth opened, but before he could speak, Erwin caught his jaw, lunging forward for a deep kiss. Levi leaned into it with a long, low moan.

After several smaller kisses, their foreheads pressed together, their breath hot and damp on Erwin's lips. Wordlessly, he tugged the lube from Levi's hand and opened the cap, pouring a generous pool into his hand. He reached down to grip Levi and was surprised to find him hard.

"Feel what you do to me?" whispered Levi.

Erwin was still having trouble reconciling the man he knew with the acts he had performed, and the evidence that he had not only tolerated the acts, but outright enjoyed them, made warmth rise in his chest. He leaned forward for another kiss, still rubbing him with oil.

Then the kiss broke, and they paused, searching each other's eyes.

"Ready?" asked Erwin quietly.

Levi swallowed hard. "Yeah."

Erwin lay on his back, and together they tucked a folded pillow under his hips, tilting his pelvis up. Levi looked smaller than usual as he knelt between Erwin's legs, his petite form barely wider than the thick thighs. His mouth was set in a firm line, eyes narrow with concentration, as he gripped himself and eased forward.

The first push was too hard.

"Slower," said Erwin politely, managing to keep his voice calm.

Pulling back a bit, Levi leaned forward. He began to kiss and stroke Erwin's thighs, distracting him, relaxing him. After a minute or two, he pushed a little deeper, gently working himself in and out.

 _It won't always be this complicated,_ Erwin reminded himself, trying not to let the effort dissuade him. _And in a few minutes, you're going to be writhing with pleasure. Be patient._

"Doing okay, Erwin?" murmured Levi into his thigh, one eye fixed on him.

The show of concern resonated disproportionately with Erwin, tightening his throat. He reached out a shaky hand, the fingertips just barely brushing Levi's jaw. "Go deeper."

He had forgotten how strange it felt, at first, the crawling sensation that his anatomy wasn't meant to be used this way. It felt good, it felt really good, but it was still strange. _Be patient. You're almost there._

"Still okay?"

"Deeper." He could feel his body relaxing, feel the pressure building a little more with each thrust.

Then, without warning, warmth radiated through his body. He tossed his head back. No, he had been wrong before: this was natural, it was perfect, their anatomy combining in exactly the way it was supposed to. He heard himself vocalize, felt Levi's name shape his lips.

"Erwin, look at me."

He lifted his head, and saw Levi staring at him with wonder, as if he, too, was feeling that perfect bond. Erwin's heart beat faster. _He's inside me. He's inside me..._ The concept was surreal. He ran his hand down the front of the man's body, feeling the abdominal muscles ripple in rhythm with their movements.

Levi shifted his position, leaning forward, but then he looked frustrated. "I'm too short to kiss you."

"Here." Erwin twisted to grab a couple pillows, propping them behind his upper body.

Levi slowed. "Your back-"

"I'm flexible." The pillows forced his spine into a U-shape, bringing his head between his knees, closer to Levi. He strained forward until his ears rang and his hamstrings screamed. Their lips touched, and Levi began to thrust again. They pressed closer, tongues and moans intertwining, bodies rocking together.

 _He's inside me, he's inside me. Fuck!_ Erwin wrapped his legs around Levi's torso, pulling him deeper, hands clawing into his back.

The kiss broke, and Levi pulled back to look down at him, his expression pained. "You feel so good."

"Yeah?" Erwin clenched around him, and Levi gasped, his eyelids fluttering.

"So good, so fucking good." His palms ran roughly down Erwin's thighs, across his abdomen, between his legs. "Fuck, I can't....I..." His eyes were slit and losing focus.

Erwin gripped his jaw, staring intently at him. "Levi, I want you to fuck me hard."

A strangled cry left the man's lips, and he began to pick up speed. Even as his control slipped, his movements stayed precise, driving along the most sensitive areas. Erwin stared up at Levi, filled with awe, as he was overcome once again with a familiar thought: _he's a natural hunter, honing in on my weak spots._

But no, that was wrong. This wasn't weakness. Levi was reading his body and unleashing its strength, lifting him, giving him flight. Energy built inside him, condensing between his legs, radiating to his limbs.

Levi's eyes rolled back, his fingers digging into Erwin's hamstrings. A curse slid between his clenched teeth, then another. Erwin ran his thumb along the man's lower lip, feeling the damp flesh, the hot blasts of each curse. His head was light, his body soaring. _I love this man, I love him, I love him..._

"I'm not- Erwin, I can't-" Levi's eyes opened, a hard light in the silver-blue irises. The muscles of his torso and shoulders were tense. _He's close._

Maybe Erwin should have slowed him down, made it last, but he wanted to see how far they could fly together. He strained even closer, their mouths almost touching again. "Come on, Levi. Harder." He dropped one hand between his legs to touch himself.

"Fuck!" Levi closed the distance to kiss him, thrusting into him so hard that the bed frame began to creak.

"Come on," said Erwin into his mouth, his body beginning to shake from the strain of holding his head up. He grabbed Levi's shoulder to hold himself up, his legs tightening around the man's torso. His back was contorted, but he was beginning to drift from his body, slipping into a world where there was no discomfort. There was only Levi here, the rigid slamming, the gasps and moans that were slipping from their lips.

"I'm going to come," gasped Levi.

Erwin's grip sped up as he tried to keep pace. His lips were almost too numb to form the words: "Stay inside me."

"Oh shit, Erwin, I'm-" Levi let out a wail, his last few strokes violent.

The warm contractions deep inside him were too much for Erwin. His mouth split in a silent scream, his entire body coiling, tighter than he expected, tighter, tighter... And then the tension released, his entire body shaking, his mind and groin glowing white-hot.

Even after the last contraction faded, he was still soaring, his body light, his mind at peace.

.*.*.*.

 

"Hey. Wake up."

Erwin opened his eyes.

Levi leaned over him, holding out a handkerchief. "I mopped up your stomach, but I'm not wiping your ass for you."

"Mm." Erwin accepted the handkerchief, his hand clumsy. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Passed out for a good twenty, thirty minutes." Levi's eyes twinkled. "Do you always fall asleep after you come? Because I'm starting to notice a pattern."

Erwin's cheeks burned. "I'm prone to it, yes. Especially if the sex is really good." He awkwardly began to wipe up.

"So..." Levi sat on the bed beside him. "That counted as 'really good?'"

"My limbs are still tingling."

 A hint of a smile showed on Levi's face, and he edged closer. "You going to be up for round two in a bit?"

Feeling a bit self-conscious, Erwin said, "I'm afraid my body doesn't bounce back very quickly."

"Oh. How much time do you need?"

"A few hours, at least. Probably until morning, after coming that hard." He rose to his knees to do one final wipe. "If you can't wait that long, I'd be happy to take care of you."

Levi shrugged. "I'll wait until morning. It's more fun when we're both going to come."

Erwin drew him close and pressed a kiss into his temple. He smelled of lemon soap, candle wax and sweat. "You smell good."

"So do you. Every part of you. Fuck, Erwin." The man's eyelids fluttered closed. "If you had told me two weeks ago that this was where I'd be..." He let the sentence hang unfinished.

"Any regrets?"

"Maybe that we didn't do this sooner." He turned to run his fingertips along Erwin's jaw line. "I never would have guessed you'd be that fucking good in the sack."

"Likewise. We work well together."

Levi hesitated. "Except for my height. Your back-"

"I told you, I'm flexible. It worked just fine." Erwin leaned forward to kiss the high forehead, then lingered, tasting the salt on his skin.

For a moment, they were silent, content to breathe together. Erwin's mind began to drift back through the evening, and, startled, he remembered the blood.

"How's your nose?"

"Oh. I forgot about it until now." Levi nestled under his chin. "I guess this would be a good time to tell you about the mission in detail. I only gave you the short version before."

"If you like. It can wait until morning." He didn't want to stir up unpleasant memories so soon after such a powerful shared moment.

"No, I'd rather get it out of the way." Levi idly drew a swirl in the centre of Erwin's chest as he began to walk through the mission, in thorough detail this time. When he came to the point where Marie and Nile were talking, he paused. "Nile nearly shat himself when she told him you were interested in men."

"Did he, now?" said Erwin, not really surprised.

"He never noticed?"

"No, I kept all my relationships private, and my crushes as well. He probably thought I was completely uninterested in sex -- that's why he never suspected Marie and I were together."

"He was upset that he had changed his clothes so many times in front of you." Levi glanced up at him, disdain in his voice: "Please tell me you never had feelings for that rat-faced weasel."

"No." Erwin smiled. "Maybe a fleeting curiosity here or there, but nothing important. Of our close group of friends, I was more enamoured with Mike."

"Mike?" repeated Levi, grimacing.

"I'm afraid I pined after him for the better part of my first year," said Erwin, amused by the memory; the concept seemed bizarre now. "I thought everyone was like me, so his constant crushes on girls didn't deter me -- I had no concept of people being straight or gay." _Still don't,_ he added to himself, still mystified by the gender divisions others imposed on their love lives. "I finally tried to make a move at our first Christmas party. He let me down gently, but things were always a bit awkward between us after that." He chuckled and shook his head, embarrassed for his kid self. "It was so long ago -- I wonder if he even remembers?"

"Mike," said Levi again. "Zacharius."

"Yes. Or- No, was that... I think it was Mike." Erwin considered, his memories hazy. "I haven't thought about this for a long time."

Levi rolled onto his stomach, studying him. "You don't remember?"

The intensity of his tone surprised Erwin. "Does it matter that much?"

"Yes, because your mind is supposed to be the one thing in this world I can trust. That's the whole reason I'm following you."

"I keep telling you, Levi, you shouldn't elevate me above anyone else. I'm human. I'm subject to the same confabulation and forgetfulness as any other person."

Levi looked disappointed. "But you've built your entire career around memories, right? Memories that Nile thinks are delusions? What happens if your memory is wrong?"

"Well..." Erwin combed hair off the man's forehead. "I've questioned their legitimacy myself, on occasion. They feel more like dreams than memories, as if they exist on the periphery of my consciousness. But they're so detailed, so consistent with the details we keep uncovering about our world and the titans, that I'm convinced they're real. That belief is so strong that I'm willing to bet my entire life on them. I'm a bit of a gambler, Levi: when the outcome is important enough, I'm not afraid to play my entire hand."

"Are you ever going to tell me what these memories are?" asked Levi, his face unreadable.

Erwin shook his head. "Only Nile knows, and it's better that he doesn't believe me. Like I told you, knowledge is dangerous to possess. One day, I'll prove my theories to the world. When you see the proof for yourself, you'll understand exactly why I joined the Survey Corps, why I've built my life around securing humanity's freedom. But until then, I can only ask for your trust and your loyalty." He raised a brow. "What about you, Levi?"

"What about me?"

"Are you a gambler? Are you willing to bet that my hidden hand is the winning one, without ever seeing it for yourself?"

"You already know the answer, asshole," muttered Levi, chucking him under the chin. "Stop making me say it."

"I like hearing it."

"Fine: I'll follow you, Erwin. Anywhere. And if all this leading up to yet another comment about eventually sending me to my death, I swear to-"

"It's not." Erwin smiled. "We're getting off topic. Perhaps you should continue with the mission details."

"Sure." Levi folded his hands on Erwin's chest and his chin on his hands, getting comfortable. He spoke of the papers he had found in the garbage bin. The extravagant expenses didn't surprise Erwin, but he carefully filed them away in case he needed to pressure Nile later. When Levi described the stamp that had accompanied the orders to direct the Survey Corps to the silo, Erwin's jaw clenched. He didn't even need to see it drawn: he remembered Shadis looking at an envelope bearing the two-tailed S, face white, mouth tight.

"Sahlo," he said aloud.

"Sahlo? That asshole who pushed for the sacrifice expedition?" Levi's brows furrowed. "What the fuck is he doing giving orders to Nile?"

"He's an advisor to the Council; it's not unheard of for them to make power plays within the MP. Don't worry, I have some ideas about how to address this tomorrow. Keep going -- what happened next?"

"Well, I found the letter Nile was writing to Zackly." As Levi relayed the contents of the letter, Erwin's mind began to churn. He had to think of some way to convince Nile to drop that conversation, while also convincing him to stay quiet about his relationship with Levi. He could almost see the puzzle pieces coming together, but not quite -- he'd let his mind continue working on that problem tonight while he slept. He often found solutions came more easily after a good night's sleep.

"Then I went to the records room," said Levi, his tone softening. "Niklaus' file was in the same drawer as Nile's. I thought I'd just take one peek, but..." His eyes dropped. Erwin subtly hugged him a little tighter.

"It's okay."

"No, it's fucked up," said Levi quietly. "I don't feel as upset as I should."

Erwin slowly stroked his hair. "You already grieved his loss years ago, even if you thought it was for a different reason. Don't hang onto guilt or sadness because you feel like it's necessary. That's what I've done with Henrik's death, and it only made me corrupt his memory with arbitrary rules and rituals. Do what your emotions are telling you, even if they aren't what you expect."

Levi's eyes rose to meet his. "No, it has to bother me, at least a bit. What if all this exposure to death has been warping me? I barely even blinked when you told me Anke died."

"You didn't like Anke."

"No, and she didn't like me, either. But she was human; I respected her, and I spent a lot of time working with her. What if I'm losing my ability to feel guilt and loss? What if they're the only things keeping my inner monster at bay, and going numb means I won't be able to control it anymore?"

"Your inner monster?" repeated Erwin, surprised.

Levi scoffed. "Come on, you've seen it in me, from the moment you first threw me into the mud. It's always there, trying to take control: it wants to drench my hands in blood. I felt it again tonight, when I had my weapon on the girl. A part of me wanted to slit her throat and watch her bleed."

The words made Erwin's blood run cold.

Levi sat up, frantically rubbing the back of one of his hands as if scrubbing it. "If I don't feel guilt about what happened with Klaus-"

"You do," said Erwin, confused. "Your reaction is what drew the guard."

Levi switched to rubbing the other hand, mirroring the spot he had rubbed on the first one. "What if I'm just a weapon? What if I'm just in denial, if my heart really is the cold heart of a killer?" He seemed to be shrinking, his shoulders hunched, and Erwin recognized the twisted expression on his face.

_He's withdrawing into the memories that took over last night._

Erwin pushed himself upright and sat behind the trembling man, pulling him back against his chest. "Levi, you have the warmest heart of anyone I've ever met. If you ever feel you're lacking emotion, it's because your body is doing what it has to do in order to survive. Sometimes, we aren't capable of processing every emotion we should, so the mind skims over a few. It doesn't make you a monster."

Levi's body was still shaking.

"Listen to me," said Erwin gently, pressing his mouth to the man's ear. "You found a way to keep that girl alive, even though it was the riskiest option. A cold-hearted killer would have chosen efficiency without a second thought."

"Yeah," said Levi quietly. "Yeah, you're right."

Erwin reached around him and gripped his wrists, stilling the rubbing. "You chose to let her live. Your hands are clean."

Levi turned his palms up, as if examining them. "Yeah, I guess they are." His body finally relaxed; he slumped back against Erwin.

They were silent for a moment.

"I've killed before," said Levi, his voice barely audible.

The confession didn't surprise Erwin. From the first time they had locked eyes, he had seen in Levi the desire to survive at any cost. He could still feel the kiss of steel against his neck as Levi stared down at him during their first expedition together, ready to end his life. "It's okay," he said quietly, hugging him tighter.

"It's not okay, Erwin."

"It _is_ okay. Everything you ever did brought you to this moment, to a role where you save the lives of countless people every time you head onto the field, eliminating the titans that would have been their doom. If you really are a weapon, Levi, then you are humanity's weapon. It doesn't matter how many lives you took before you found your true path: it ultimately led you to save far, far more."

"It doesn't work that way," said Levi. "You can't just weigh lives ended against lives saved and decide you're a good person if you've saved more than you've ended."

Erwin fell silent. That was the exact calculation he made every single time he planned an expedition.

"Fuck, I'll shut up about this." Levi rubbed his forehead, the tension vanishing from his body. "To think I was complaining about _your_ pillow talk. We're both fucking morbid."

Erwin hesitated. "Are you sure you don't want to-"

"Let's just drop it. I'm fine."

After a long pause, Erwin said, "Okay. Keep talking about your mission. What happened after you drew the guard's attention?"

As Levi relayed the rest of his mission, his speech was dull, as if he were guarding his emotions. He explained the guard's skills in detail, and Erwin was impressed by her resourcefulness. If she was from the Ral family he was familiar with, then it was a family trait; his first Squad Leader had been a man by the name of Ral, an excellent fighter with a solid head and kind heart.

"And that's everything." Levi pushed away and stood. "I need a drink. You?"

"Maybe one more." Erwin rose to his feet as well. He took a moment to stretch as Levi emptied the bottle into the glasses.

"What about you, Erwin?" asked Levi, handing him a glass. "Was your night any less shitty?"

"Yes, though not as productive as I had hoped. I managed to speak with a few potential investors, but then everyone got too drunk for rational discussion. I gave up and went looking for Nile and Marie to try to patch things up, but of course they weren't home." He thought again of Jasper's eyes, and his mouth set in a straight line.

Levi cast him a sidelong glance. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I met their child."

Levi said nothing, waiting.

Erwin took a long swallow of the wine, then said, "I would be a terrible father. Nile is far more suited to the task."

Levi's gaze flickered. "You've got an entire Corps to raise."

"I suppose I do."

There was a long pause as they sipped the wine. After a few minutes, Levi wandered to the window and knelt in front of it, opening the curtain. Erwin settled into place beside him. The moon was bright, but the stars were barely visible here, drowned by the city lights. He idly dragged his finger across the glass. Cool air cushioned the window; it felt good on his glowing skin.

He breathed on the glass, then doodled Sahlo's seal in the condensation. "Is this the stamp you saw?"

"Yeah."

Erwin pressed his palm into the glass, erasing the seal. He was struck with a childish urge to draw Levi's profile on the glass, or perhaps their initials with a heart around them. He smiled to himself, imagining the repugnance he'd see on Levi's face if he did something so sickeningly cute.

He glanced at the man and saw him staring at the moon, his frown deep. _Is he thinking about his past again?_

"Levi?" he asked gently.

"If I were to tell you right now that we'd only be having sex the way we did tonight," said Levi, "would you leave?"

Erwin studied him. "What do you mean?"

"My size puts so many limitations on the ways I can fuck you. And I know you like to be in control and do things to your partner, maybe even more than receiving." Levi looked small and boyish; he folded his arms over his chest. "Are you going to get bored, or feel like you're being neglected?"

"I would consider myself lucky to experience tonight's pleasure over and over." Erwin breathed on the glass again and idly drew a spiral, starting from the outside and working inwards. "Sexuality is so nuanced and complicated that no two people will ever align exactly. We can work past it. Just look at how amazing tonight was, and that was only our first time -- we'll only get more skilled from here."

For a moment, they were silent.

"What does it feel like?" asked Levi quietly.

"What?"

"Having me inside you."

"Like this, I suppose." Erwin finished the spiral, then drew rays bursting from its centre. "Coiling inwards, then erupting from the centre."

Levi sighed. "Can you give me a less bullshit answer?"

Erwin smiled. "I'm not sure I can put it into words. I can feel you inside me, separate but joined, and every time you move past the sensitive spot, I feel a throb of warmth inside me. It feels strange, at first -- like a full bladder, or like things are moving in the wrong direction -- but as the body relaxes, it evolves into a satisfying fullness, and beyond, into a deep connection. It feels..." He trailed off, at a loss for words.

"Good?"

"Incredible."

Levi stared at the patch of fading condensation. "So why do you prefer to top if it feels so good to be fucked?"

"Well, partly because no one had ever taken me with such skill, so I didn't realize it could be that good," said Erwin, matter-of-fact. "Partly because I enjoy controlling the depth and rhythm, which is easier to do, in most positions, from the top." He glanced at Levi. "When you called me a control freak, you weren't wrong."

Levi didn't seem to hear him. His brows were low, his eyes hard, as if he were focused on something far outside the window. "What if I told you I wanted to try it?"

Erwin's heart beat in his throat. "I'd be honoured by your trust, but I wouldn't want you to feel pressured. I can tell you were uncomfortable with being touched there, let alone pushing any further."

"Look, it's just... You're not the only control freak here." Levi shrugged. "What happened in the bathtub felt too good. It scared me. I have some issues with control, and not just in the bedroom."

This wasn't news to Erwin, but he gently put his arm around the man in a show of support. "Then I'm flattered you give yourself to me with such abandon."

"It took a lot of practice to learn to let go. At first, I was always silent during sex, and I had so many rules: always from behind, no touching, kissing only before or after." Levi shook his head. "I must have been a boring lay."

"I can't imagine."

Levi looked down. "The thing is, I can control my voice, my muscles, all that. I can't control my asshole, not completely. I've fucked enough of them to know that sometimes things get filthy. I'll be damned if I'm going to get my filth on anyone." His brows dropped. "Or that's what I always thought. But maybe I'm just hanging onto that thought because I'm scared to let go."

Erwin thought of his own anxiety when he had been on all fours. "I understand. There's a certain vulnerability to revealing a part of yourself that you can't control. Such vulnerability requires an astronomical level of trust."

"Yeah." Levi shrugged. "So I thought maybe we could try it again. Not sex, just what we did in the bathtub. Maybe tomorrow, so I can make sure I'm clean."

"You don't have to do this for me."

"Well, what if I want to try it for my own sake?" He chanced a look up, and their gaze held.

"Levi," said Erwin solemnly, "I will try whatever you want, whenever you want. I promise you I will never judge you no matter what happens, and you will always have the right to pull away from any activity you don't enjoy. I will never betray your trust."

"I know." The man's voice was a whisper, his face soft.

Emotion swelled in Erwin's chest, so strong that he felt tears forming in his eyes. He quickly blinked them back, scolding himself for being so sentimental. It was too soon to make the confession he wanted, so he settled on vagueness instead: "You know, Levi, a man could fall in love with someone like you."

Levi's jaw clenched. "Bad things happen to people who fall in love with me."

"I'll take that gamble. I'm Commander of the Survey Corps; I've dedicated my life to having bad things happen to me, anyway." He drew in the smaller man, resting his cheek on the dark hair. "Remember, Levi: when the outcome is important enough, I'm not afraid to play my entire hand."

After a moment, Levi leaned against his shoulder, his body relaxed.


	14. Gamble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much for your lovely comments, and for sharing your thoughts and pictures and all that good stuff. You encourage me to keep writing. :)
> 
> Previous chapter: Levi returns from his mission; Erwin helps clean the blood from his face, and then they finally do it. :D

**Chapter 14**

**Gamble**

 

Levi awoke to find Erwin half-sprawled on top of him, snoring in his ear. Each noisy breath reeked so strongly of old alcohol that Levi grimaced.

"Get off me," he muttered, pushing. Erwin mumbled in his sleep and rolled onto his other side, taking most of the blankets with him.

Levi considered wrestling for his share of the covers and spooning up behind him, but the curtains were already glowing with the orange light of sunrise, and the room was in disarray. He slipped out of bed.

His first task was to isolate the handkerchief they'd used the night before; he tossed it into an empty laundry sack. Next, he set the wine glasses and bottle neatly next to the door for housekeeping to take away. He hung their suits in the closet, taking a moment to appreciate that Erwin had folded them when he had tossed them on the dresser. He placed the dresser mirror back where it belonged. Once the mirror was in place, he wiped their greasy fingerprints off the glass, then paused to check the damage from Petra Ral's attack. The bridge of his nose was bruised, and the hollows around his eyes were darker than usual, but the damage wasn't nearly as noticeable as Erwin's black eye.

When the room was suitably tidy, he went into the other bedroom and messed up the bed a little, as if it had been slept in. The last thing they needed was a nosy housekeeper discovering their sleeping arrangement.

Content that everything was in its right place, he gave himself a minute to kneel by the bed to study Erwin. The man's face was so slack that it was difficult to imagine it twisted with pleasure. Their encounter was bathed in warm haze in Levi's mind, as if it had all been a pleasant dream. He kissed the tip of the sharp nose, then stood.

When he arrived in the bathroom, his eyes were drawn to the basin; it was streaked with old blood, the washcloth stained with rusty splotches. His nose wrinkled. He scrubbed the basin clean, then tossed the soiled cloth into the sack with the handkerchief.

Now, finally, their hotel room was in satisfactory condition. He drew a bath, not bothering to heat the water first. He intended to take his usual speedy bath, but his groin was unusually sensitive from their activities the night before, so he lingered. Memories drifted through his mind, and a shiver ran down his spine.

He would never have imagined the strength of the fires that burned behind those icy blue eyes. Even when Erwin was yelling curses into the pillow, with his body at the whim of Levi's fingers, Levi had felt as if they were moving in unison as equals. It had been reminiscent of the palm-to-palm dance they had shared on the rooftop: the important part not the steps themselves, not who was leading or following, but the fact that they were doing them together.

He couldn't wrap his head around it. He was accustomed to dominating, to his partner offering himself up, to everything being strictly under his control -- but on a level he couldn't explain, the whole time he had been inside Erwin, the man had been inside him as well.

_Maybe my control issues aren't as deep-rooted as I thought._

He carefully washed his rear. He still wasn't sure if he was ready to expand his horizons just yet, but if the occasion presented itself, he was damned well going to be as clean as possible. He spent some time working at his entrance, using all the coaxing techniques he had used so many times on partners. When his finger finally slipped in a little, he winced at the stretching sensation; it was a burning feeling, almost prickly. _I should have grabbed the lube before I did this._

The thought of missing any lingering bit of filth pushed him past the discomfort. He took it slowly, and after several minutes, he was surprised to find he had eased his entire finger inside.

 _What's the big deal about this?_ It didn't feel special; it just felt like he had to take a shit. He felt around a little, playing with his prostate a bit. _Now I feel like I have to shit and piss at the same time._

His lip curled as he slowly withdrew his finger, then scrutinized it. It was surprisingly clean, but now he couldn't shake the feeling that the water was contaminated. He pulled the plug, hurried out of the tub and washed his hands several times in the basin.

Once he had brushed his teeth, patted on deodorant powder and combed his hair, he returned to the main bedroom.

Erwin hadn't moved. The sunlight coming through the curtains was yellow now, and Levi frowned. At this point, they were burning daylight.

"Hey." He kicked the bed.

Erwin muttered non-words, shifting.

"Erwin. Get your lazy ass out of bed." At the mention of the man's ass, a memory flashed through his mind -- Erwin on all fours in front of him, ass high in the air -- and another shiver rippled through him.

"Hm?" The blond eyelashes parted, then Erwin clutched his face. "Oh fuck, my head."

"You're hung over?" Levi folded his arms over his chest. "You fucking lightweight."

"A little quieter, please." Erwin's words were muffled by his hands. "Can I ask a favour? My coin purse is in the top drawer. I could really use a strong coffee and something soft and bread-like."

"Go get it yourself."

Erwin squinted at him. "It looks like it's really bright outside."

Levi gave a _tch_ and rifled through the drawer until he found the coin purse. "Fine. But I'm not going to spend our last full day out here babysitting you. Have a bath and pull yourself together."

He dressed in his uniform, taking a moment to neatly tie his cravat. As he stormed downstairs, he tried to tell himself he was annoyed, but he felt guilty instead. _You were the one feeding him wine. What did you think was going to happen?_

The streets were nearly empty save for shopkeepers setting up for the day. The sun was already warm against Levi's skin, the sky blue. Once upon a time, this crisp morning air would have tasted like freedom, but in comparison to the air outside the walls, it tasted of dust and rotting fruit. His nose wrinkling, Levi strolled to the nearest bakery and pushed through the door.

A young couple stood by the back shelves, setting out bags of bread. At the sound of the door closing, they turned. Their eyes lit up with recognition, then clouded with confusion. Levi could almost see their thought process: _Humanity's Strongest! But why's he so short?_ He wasn't sure what bothered him more: that flicker of disappointment, or the fact that he was already so recognizable.

He strode forward and pulled a loaf of bread off the shelf. The strong scent of yeast made his stomach growl. "Hey," he said to the couple. "Do you sell coffee?"

"I'll brew a pot!" said the man, hurrying to the back of the store. The woman was still staring at him with round eyes.

"What?" asked Levi.

"I'm sorry, it's just..." Her cheeks rouged. "Thank you for visiting our humble shop, Squad Leader Levi, sir."

"How the hell do you know who I am?" he asked, skin crawling.

"We were at Commander Erwin's induction ceremony yesterday. The whole neighbourhood was there, really." She stared fixedly at the floor. "We've all heard about you: the man who came from nothing, who fights as well as a thousand men, who'll keep us all safe from the titans. Thank you for everything you do for humanity."

Levi's lip curled. _I used to steal bread from shops like this._ He turned to study the pastries in a display case near the cash register.

A few minutes later, the man returned, carrying a thermos. He thrust it at Levi. "It's not very good quality, but I hope it will suffice."

Skin still crawling, Levi accepted it. "How much?"

"It's all complimentary," said the man. "Consider it our thanks for all you do for humanity."

"This thermos looks expensive."

"No, no, it's fine." The man bowed. "Thanks for visiting our bakery."

"Yes, thank you," said the woman.

Levi eyed them, then strode for the exit.

When he returned to the hotel room, Erwin was in the bathroom brushing his teeth; his hair was damp, and he wore a towel around his waist.

"Here's your fucking coffee." Levi flung the thermos and bread onto the bed, then pulled off his boots.

"Everything okay?" asked Erwin, the words barely understandable around his toothbrush.

"Why the hell are people treating me like a hero?" Levi set his boots neatly against the wall, then flopped backwards onto the bed. "I thought the Interior hated the Corps."

Erwin spat and rinsed his mouth, then said, "Many do -- the wealthy, in particular. They think our expeditions are an unnecessary risk to their cushy lifestyles. But you, Levi, know this best: not all residents here are wealthy. Even above ground, there are those who scrape by on struggling family-owned businesses. To them, you are a man who rose from nothing to become important, something they all dream of doing themselves."

"Well, then they can fucking enlist. I'm not here to be an example." Levi dropped his forearm over his eyes.

He heard padding footsteps; the bed shifted with Erwin's weight. "I'm sorry to say this, Levi, but you'd better get used to it. As time passes, your reputation is only going to grow."

"You're the hero here, not me."

"No. I'm the leader of the military regiment that will cost them the lives of their friends and family. I'll be the one to blame for their deaths, for any missteps we make. My name will be the one they curse and sob. They need a hero, someone who gives them hope, and it won't be me."

"Fuck," said Levi, because knew Erwin was right. He lifted his arm. "The couple at the bakery gave us free coffee and bread."

"That was kind of them." Erwin opened the thermos and took a deep breath. "Ah. I've missed having coffee this fine. Would you like to share?"

"I don't drink coffee." Levi sat up and opened the bread bag, peering inside it. "We're going to get crumbs everywhere if we eat this here."

"Then I'll get dressed and we can find a nice park bench to eat at, maybe stop to buy you some tea along the way. There's a park on the other side of the barracks that will be quiet this time of morning, and we can go straight up to Nile's office once we're finished."

"Nile's office?"

"If I'm remembering correctly, you said Marie told him to go back early this morning. I owe him an apology." Erwin took a sip of the coffee, then let out a contended sigh. "I needed this. Thank you."

"How's your head?" asked Levi, still feeling a bit guilty.

"Pounding, but manageable. I can still manoeuvre around Nile with ease."

"Manoeuvre around him?" repeated Levi. "You aren't just going there to apologize, are you?"

Erwin smiled. He took another sip of coffee, then stood and began to dress.

They walked in silence toward the barracks, side-by-side. Erwin stopped at a small tea shop. As they stood at the counter, Levi saw two young children in his periphery, pointing and whispering, admiration on their faces. Somehow, being admired while he was with Erwin wasn't as annoying as it had been when he was alone. On some level, deep down, he liked being seen with Erwin -- he liked the idea of people seeing how important they were to each other.

"You drink it black, right?" asked Erwin, passing him a thermos.

"They gave you a thermos, too?"

"No, I bought it. You can use it to bring tea with you on expeditions." Erwin gripped his shoulder. "Let's move on."

They walked around to the back side of the barracks, coming upon a park built around a small man-made pond. Trees lined the property at even intervals, a small gravel path lining its borders. Once upon a time, Levi had looked at parks like this as wild expanses of green space. _If only I'd known what was outside the city._

They settled on a bench. A dozen or so soldiers were jogging on the path, sometimes in pairs, sometimes alone. As each of them passed by, they paused to shout, "Good morning, Commander," always with the exact same intonation.

"Creepy," muttered Levi. He glanced up at Erwin. "Did you sit us here just so you could feed your bloated ego?"

Erwin smiled. "No, but I must admit, it's an unexpected perk. It still doesn't seem real that I'm a Commander." He pulled the loaf of bread out of its bag, then produced a small jar of preserves and a knife. "I saw this at the tea shop, and I couldn't resist. I hope you like apple butter."

"Sure," said Levi, even though he had never had the occasion to try it.

Together, they polished off the bread and preserves, sipping the drinks from their thermoses. The shadows shortened as the sun rose higher in the sky, and members of the public began to trickle into the park. A few of them walked dogs on leashes. Levi's nose wrinkled.

"How can they spare the food for those filthy beasts, when the humans beneath their feet are starving?"

"They're the last generation of pets," said Erwin. "When Wall Maria fell, the government mandated that people were only allowed to keep food animals from then on." He leaned closer to Levi. "I'm surprised to hear you call them filthy beasts. I had you pegged as a dog lover -- when I took possession of your belongings, I saw a small wooden dog among them."

"Oh." Levi shrugged. "Yeah, a friend whittled that for me." He took a long sip of tea, planning to leave it there, but then decided he was feeling chatty. "There was this old stray dog that used to follow me around when I was a teenager, some sort of shepherd mix with one eye. She kept me warm and safe while I was sleeping, and I kept her fed and clean. I bawled like a baby when she died, so my friend gave me the carving. I carried it everywhere for a few years." He shrugged. "She really was a filthy beast, though. Used to eat garbage and roll around in puddles, shit like that."

Erwin smiled. "You really do have a kind heart, Levi."

Levi shrugged, embarrassed, and stood. "Let's go get this visit with shitbeard over with."

A guard greeted them at the entrance and, upon learning their destination, insisted on escorting them to Nile's office. As they approached, Levi could see a cleaning cart set up outside the records room. The staff must be cleaning up the mess left by the battle he and Petra had fought the night before. His heart pounded in this throat. _I hope she was true to her word and kept our secret._

Nile sat at his desk, hurriedly sorting through papers; he didn't even look up as they entered.

"Commander Erwin Smith and Squad Leader Levi, sir," said the guard.

The Captain looked up, his eyes widening. "Erwin? What the hell are you doing here?" In spite of the words, there was no surprise in his voice.

"That's no way to greet a friend," said Erwin, helping himself to a seat. Levi slumped into the chair next to him and folded his arms over his chest. The office was even messier than the night before, and the morning light revealed cobwebs in the corners of the ceiling.

"I'm busy, so whatever you want, make it quick." Nile shoved a stack of papers into a folder, not even bothering to align the edges of the paper first, and Levi felt his temples throb. He visualized himself reaching over and tapping the papers across the desk to tidy them, and that soothed his irritation a little.

"I wanted to stop in and apologize," said Erwin quietly.

Nile's jaw set. "Apologize?"

"For my behaviour last night. It should have been a lovely evening of reminiscing, and instead I tried to drag you into my delusions yet again, and I upset Marie." The Commander bowed his head. "I'm sorry. You're both dear friends, and I shouldn't have treated you with such disrespect."

Levi eyed him, surprised by the word choice.

Nile leaned back in his chair, evidently thrown off by the same word: "Delusions?"

"The dreams I used to refer to as memories." Erwin looked down, a sad smile on his face. "I'm more firmly entrenched in reality these days than I once was, but something about the familiar air renewed my old zeal, and I began to lose myself again.  I wanted so badly to believe that the dreams were real, that I had some great insight or knowledge others lacked, but it simply isn't true. It wasn't just you who had to hear my old ramblings -- last night, after the gala, I spoke with Levi about them in length. Thankfully, he was able to pick them apart and open my eyes to just how delusional I really was. It's a great weight off my shoulders. I owe him more than I convey." He reached over to Levi and gently squeezed his shoulder, a tender smile on his lips.

Levi stared at him, confused. _Erwin, what the fuck are you doing?_

"At any rate," said Erwin, turning back to Nile, "I owe you an apology, face-to-face, for all the time I spent trying to convince you those delusions were real. I drove a wedge between us over the years, Nile. I am deeply sorry."

The Captain cleared his throat and shifted in his chair. "Oh." After a long pause, he added, "You and Levi…uh… Marie seems to think you two..." He cleared his throat again, then folded his arms over his chest. "You know, never mind. I'm glad someone finally knocked some sense into you."

Erwin smiled. "Indeed. We should all be so lucky to have such a devoted second-in-command."

"I guess." Nile's face was crimson, and Levi felt his cheeks burn, too.

"At any rate, now that I have delivered my apology, I suppose we should head downstairs," said Erwin. "Lord Sahlo will be waiting for us."

Though the words were a surprise, Levi sat perfectly still, his face impassive, not wanting to interfere with whatever scheme Erwin was hatching.

"Sahlo?" Nile gave the Commander a blank look. "He's working in his parliament office today."

"Are you sure?" asked Erwin. "He specifically said to come to this office."

"He's only here Tuesday through Thursday."

"Ah," said Erwin. "I suppose I shouldn't have made this appointment last night. I'm afraid he was rather drunk at the time."

"I can ask someone to hire you a cab," said Nile, apparently eager to get them out of his office. "Or send a messenger to alert him-"

"No, no, we've wasted enough of your time. Let's go, Levi."

 _Finally,_ thought Levi, standing.

"Wait," said Nile. "Before you go -- you came by my house last night."

 _Shit._ Levi sat back down again, folding his arms over his chest.

"Yes, to deliver my apology," said Erwin.

"Yeah, we got your note." Nile hesitated. "You should visit more often. I know Marie misses you, and Jasper won't stop talking about you. You made quite the impression on him."

"He's a good lad," said Erwin. "Sharp for his age." He stared evenly at Nile. "He has your nose."

Their gaze held for a moment, then Nile looked away. "Yeah, I guess he does."

 _This is so fucking awkward._ Unable to tolerate the tension any longer, Levi let out a loud sigh. "You said your apology, Erwin. Can we go?"

"Yes, I think that's everything," said his Commander. "Thanks for your time, Nile. I hope we'll see you again soon."

Levi stood and began to walk to the door. He was surprised to feel Erwin's hand yet again on his lower back, guiding him forward. _In front of Nile?_

As they reachedthe door, Erwin stopped. "Oh, and Nile, one last thing: I'm going to be sending you a request for a few transfers."

The Captain sighed and set his pen down. "Why?"

"I'm working with Sahlo on some special operations, and we need three skilled fighters to round out our optimal squad makeup. I've taken a look at this year's rankings, and I'd like to request Petra Ral, Oluo Bozado, and Luba Lehtonen. All three expressed interest in the Survey Corps early on, so they are likely going to be easily swayed with an onboarding bonus. I'd be willing to make some budgetary concessions to make this happen, ones that could benefit the Military Police."

"Ral?" Nile's eyes darted to Levi, and for one dizzying moment, Levi thought his botched mission had been exposed, but then the gaze darted back to Erwin, unchanged. "Why do you want Ral? She might look good on paper, but she's an airhead. Last night she caused a fuss by shooting up our records room. Thought she saw a mouse or some nonsense."

"Is that so?" asked Erwin with a small chuckle. "Well, her uncle was my first Squad Leader, and I believe excellence is in her bloodline. Her combat scores were phenomenal. Besides…" His eyes twinkled. "We house all sorts of quirks under our roof. She'd fit right in with the rest of the Corps."

"I suppose she would." Nile leaned forward, contemplating. "I'll talk to the Commander when he's back from leave. We can probably spare Ral and Bozado, but Lehtonen is pregnant, so I doubt she'll accept."

"Then I'll leave it in your hands to choose a suitable third candidate." Erwin smiled. "Take care, Nile, and please pass along our regards to Marie and Jasper."

As they began to march side-by-side down the hallway, Levi's head spun. "What the hell was all that about?"

"I'll tell you when we get back to the hotel." Erwin stood tall, nodding respectfully at soldiers they passed. "You did well."

"I didn't do anything."

"That was exactly what I needed. At our next destination, however, you'll have a role to play."

"So what's next? Are you going to meet with your sister?"

Erwin grimaced. "That's right, she asked to meet today, didn't she? No, we have other tasks to attend to. I'll explain our plans to you shortly."

They crossed the cobblestone street and returned to their hotel room. Once they were safely inside, Levi leaned against the dresser, folding his arms over his chest.

"Okay, fill me in. You tricked Sahlo's location out of him, and you were trying to convince him you no longer believed your dreams, so he wouldn't send that letter to Zackly about your 'delusions'. I got that much. But why the hell were you all over me? Don't we want to convince him we _aren't_ fucking?"

Erwin leaned against the dresser beside him, slumping a little, legs crossed at the ankle. He reached for Levi's hand, pulling it into his lap. "Your observations are astute. However, there was no point in pretending there was nothing between us. Marie is already certain we're partners. If she believes it, Nile will believe it."

"Partners," repeated Levi, his heart pounding. "Is that what we are?"

"Lovers? Boyfriends? Beaus? What term would you use?"

Levi realized his fingers were curling; he relaxed them. "Let's not label it yet."

Erwin's fingers traced the lines of Levi's palm, and warmth trickled up his forearm, slow and lazy. "Regardless, Nile has one characteristic I can use to my advantage: he truly wants what's best for me. So long as he believes my relationship with you is in my best interest, he'll stay quiet. All I had to do was convince him that you were the key element 'curing' me of my delusions. As far as he's concerned, you're neutralizing my risky ambitions, while also keeping me grounded and happy. From both a personal and professional perspective, this will seem like the perfect arrangement. He won't dare risk destroying that."

"Hm." Levi felt a swell of admiration. "So what about the transfers? You had those names all ready to go. Why three?"

"I always have an eye on the list of top graduates. It's good information to have in one's back pocket, and we really can use as many good soldiers as we can get. Your friend Petra Ral's request to transfer put us in a good position: it allows Nile to plant an informant in our ranks."

Levi eyed him. "That's a good thing?"

"It is. Once we've identified an informant, they can be selectively exposed to information, which allows us to manipulate the person on the receiving end. Even if I've eased Nile's suspicions a bit, this opportunity will seem too perfect to pass up; by asking for a pregnant soldier who was unlikely to transfer, I've 'accidentally' left a slot open for him to hand-pick his own candidate. If he has any lingering doubts about my intentions -- and I'm certain he does, especially after I mentioned Sahlo -- he'll start to wonder, _do I trust Erwin? Should I use this opportunity plant a spy in the Corps, just in case?_ "

Levi raised a brow. "So he thinks he's outsmarting you by sending in a soldier who'll monitor you. Instead, you get a way to feed him any information you want, and maybe misdirect him if you need to."

"Precisely."

"You shifty bastard," said Levi, impressed. He slid his thumb across the back of Erwin's hand, feeling the soft blond hair. His body began to stir. "How's your hangover?"

"Quite a bit better, which is fortuitous. I'll need to be sharp to go head-to-head with Sahlo."

"What? What are you planning?"

The blue eyes twinkled. "We're going to gather our ammunition and pay Sahlo a visit."

"Oh," said Levi, a little disappointed that they were heading right to another business meeting instead of having sex. Erwin had told him he'd have to be aggressive to get through to him, true, but he wasn't sure if this current plan was time-sensitive. He wasn't about to screw up Erwin's plans just for the sake of a quick fuck. "And by ammunition, you mean?"

"The lockbox of the King's tax money." Erwin pushed himself away from the dresser, then lazily stepped around Levi to face him. "I want you to come armed. He may try to threaten me, and he needs to understand I'm well-protected. Don't hurt him -- just make him understand how dangerous you are."

"Okay."

"And Levi," said Erwin, gripping his shoulder, "I may act as if I'm upset with you for acting out of line. I apologize in advance. I need to sell the idea that you're willing to do anything to protect me, without permission."

"Okay," said Levi again. "You've got this all planned out, don't you? You're already six steps ahead of that asshole."

Erwin smiled. "It will be a gamble. Last night was my first time talking with him directly, and he was too drunk to partake in a coherent discussion, so I didn't get a chance to size him up -- I'm not sure what I'm facing. But I believe my bet will work out in a way that benefits us all." He looked regal, his chin high, the window's light glowing behind him, and Levi felt a swell of heat deep inside his abdomen.

Their gaze held.

"Do we have to leave right away?" asked Levi.

"The parliament office doesn't open until ten on Saturdays. We have a bit of time before we have to leave." Erwin's eyelids drooped, his pupils softening. "Did you have something in mind?"

"Well," said Levi, "you're fucking hot when you're scheming, and we never did have that round two."

"Hm, I see." Erwin bent down, forcing their mouths together so hard that the dresser creaked under their weight.

Lust spread through Levi like flames through tinder. He tasted bitter coffee on Erwin's breath, but he ignored it, pushing his tongue past Erwin's, into his mouth. Their heads tilted, the kiss deepening, and his Commander let out a rumbling groan that vibrated their mouths.

Then Erwin pulled away, their lips still skimming. "One thing first." He sank to his knees, pushed the uniform skirt aside, and expertly unhooked Levi's lower harness from his belt.

"Shit," whispered Levi, slumping back against the dresser as he watched.

Once the buttons were undone, Erwin pulled Levi out of his pants. He lunged forward, his mouth so soft and wet that Levi threw his head back. Blood rushed between his legs as he hardened.

"Fuck," breathed Erwin, frantically rubbing his lips, his nose, his face along him.

"Oh shit." Levi tilted his hips toward him. "What the hell's gotten into you?"

"I couldn't stop thinking about you during my bath." He sucked hard, and Levi winced, still sensitive.

"Softer."

Erwin eased up, but his movements were still frantic. Levi watched him, jaw hanging slack, eyes half-shut. That eager mouth felt so good that he didn't want to interrupt, but he had put a lot of effort into washing his ass.

"Use your finger, if you want."

Erwin pulled back, lips sliding along him again. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I cleaned up, so it should be fine." Levi swallowed hard and folded his arms over his chest. "So do what you want."

"Levi." The Commander kissed the inside of his thigh. "This shouldn't be something I'm doing _to_ you, but something I'm doing _with_ you."

"What?"

"What do you want, Levi?"

The blue gaze was so intense that Levi looked away. "I want you to try it."

Erwin nodded. He stood and held out his hand. "You'll be more comfortable on the bed."

Follow his lead, Levi pulled off his boots and lay back on the bed. Erwin retrieved the bottle of lubricant from the drawer, then knelt between his legs and tugged the pants and harnesses off his legs.

"You won't be able to see me if you blow me like that," said Levi, self-conscious. "Not easily."

"I can lift my head if I need to. I'll be fine." Erwin kissed along the inside of his thigh, then bent forward to take him into his mouth.

Levi stared up at the ceiling, feeling as if he were about to submit to an unfamiliar medical examination. Would it feel as unimpressive as the exploration he had done during his bath? Would it feel so amazing that he'd regret waiting this long to try it? His fingers clawed into the blanket. He was so on edge that even Erwin's mouth around him began to feel peculiar, as if his body were breaking down the pleasure into its components instead of experiencing it as a whole. When he felt the first stroke of Erwin's finger, he jumped. The finger eased off.

"No, it's okay," said Levi. "Keep going." _I didn't go to all this trouble to try for half a second._

Erwin's touch was feather-light, moving in slow circles. He must have been distracted, because his mouth stilled, as if he had forgotten about it. Levi gave a little thrust, and the man hummed, then began to use his mouth as well.

After a few minutes, Erwin pulled away to look up at him. "How does that feel?"

Levi shrugged, uncertain. It wasn't as shockingly pleasant as it had been in the bathtub yesterday. "Go in a bit."

The lubricant seemed to help with the raw chafing feeling Levi had felt during his own explorations, but Erwin's finger was substantially thicker than his, so the stretch was tighter. His breath caught, and he remembered the advice he had given to lovers before: _bear down. Take deep breaths._ Slowly, his body began to relax.

"How does it feel?" asked Erwin, his voice quiet.

Levi couldn't decide. "Go deeper."

He felt fuller now, and a bit of that stretch again, but still no pleasure. He could feel Erwin's eyes on him.

"Maybe I'm just not very sensitive," said Levi. The sensation was so unimpressive that he was going soft, even with the attention of Erwin's mouth. "It just feels like I'm taking a backwards shit."

A grimace flickered across Erwin's face before it settled into neutral. "There's still a little distance to go before I reach your prostate."

"Really? It feels like you're all the way in already." Levi felt himself begin to tighten, and he focused on relaxing again. "Keep going."

"Are you sure?"

"I didn't come this far to back out halfway."

"Okay," said Erwin. "Just let me take a moment to focus on this first." Using his mouth and free hand he tried to coax Levi back to life. At first, it seemed his efforts would be in vain -- Levi was so distracted that his body wasn't responding the way it should -- but the swirling tongue was persistent. He also used an unexpected technique in his grip, a little twist and squeeze at the top of each stroke that made Levi's head sink back to the pillow, his eyes rolling toward the back of his head. _I need to give that a try sometime._

"Now, let's see," said Erwin a few minutes later, and his finger pushed deeper. This time, Levi was so relaxed that there was almost no resistance.

"Fuck," said Levi, lifting his head. Now he was starting to get that strange half-tickle, half-glow he had felt the day before in the bathtub.

Erwin dragged his tongue along the shaft. "Still okay?"

"Deeper."

Heat spiked through the pit of Levi's stomach and the inside of his cock. He grunted, and his abdomen seized involuntarily. "What the hell?"

Erwin began to use his hand and mouth in unison again. Levi felt his spine arch.

"Oh fuck, what-" He let out a cry. The sensation inside him was strange, and he still couldn't decide if he liked it; it was that same urge to urinate from before, but mixed with a powerful glow. Pressure was building, and building, and he writhed and heard himself cry out again. "Erwin, what the hell!"

"Do you want me to-"

"Don't stop!" He groaned as he felt the warm mouth again, external pressure that matched the pressure mounting inside him. "What the- Oh _fuck!"_ There was no warning. His stomach contracted in waves, he felt himself empty, and that was it.

He stared blankly at Erwin, more bewildered than satisfied. The Commander released him and delivered a soft kiss to the tip.

"What the fuck just happened?" asked Levi, panting. Sweat trailed down his temple.

Blue eyes fixed on him, as if waiting for his assessment.

"That was fucking weird," said Levi, too disoriented to phrase it more politely.

Erwin's mouth set in a straight line. He gently withdrew his finger, then moved to the dresser, pulling out a clean handkerchief.

Levi fell back to the pillow and draped an arm across his forehead. "It wasn't _bad_. Just weird."

After a long silence, he rolled his head along the pillow to look at Erwin. The man was fussing with the handkerchief, not looking up.

Levi raised a brow. "You're disappointed."

"A bit." Erwin sat on the edge of the bed, facing away. "I know it's unrealistic to expect you to immediately love something you've been nervous about for so many years, but..." He trailed off.

"You wanted to blow my mind, right?" said Levi, sitting up. "Show me what I'd been missing, make me beg for it next time?" Even though he usually liked a bit of space after orgasm, he kissed Erwin's shoulder.

"It feels like a missed opportunity."

"Look, Erwin." Levi kissed along the ridge of his shoulder, toward his neck, and spoke between kisses. "You can't put that kind of pressure on me." He nuzzled an earlobe. "It was over so fast I can't tell if I liked it or not. We'll try again sometime."

A pause. "Very well."

Levi inhaled the scent behind his ear, getting a strong whiff of cologne, and his groin stirred. "Besides, I came so fast that I'll be good to go again in a second, so stop sulking. I want to take you over the dresser."

Erwin barely turned his head, one eye fixing on him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I can't stop thinking about your ass."  Levi brought a hand to his jaw. He was surprised to feel sharp stubble; it was so blond that it was barely visible. _You beautiful bastard, with your golden hair._

"I see."

"Maybe wash your hands first."

"Of course." Erwin kissed the tip of his nose, then retreated to the bathroom.

Levi stood and found the handkerchief, experimentally wiping himself. The cloth came back clean. _How about that? All those years of worry for nothing._ He moved over to the dresser, rocking it to test its strength. It seemed sturdy enough to hold the weight of a ninety kilo man getting fucked. The mirror knocked against the wall a bit, but it should hold.

Erwin returned and crossed the room in four large strides, catching Levi's jaw and forcing him against the wall with his kiss. Levi's breath escaped through his nose in a moan. A hard lump dug into his thigh; he pushed back on the man's chest, just enough to break the kiss, and looked down. Erwin was half-squatting and leaning into him to bring them to eye level, his limbs shaking from the strain of the awkward position.

"Is this bulge your dick?" asked Levi, rubbing against it with his thigh.

Erwin looked down at him, lids heavy. "Yes." He bent forward for another kiss, but Levi stopped him.

"Is that from...what we just did?"

"Yes."

"You're still this hard from it?"

"Do you know what it does to me to be inside you, Levi? To feel you clenching around me, to see you placing your trust in me above your own discomfort?" Erwin bent to kiss his neck. His teeth pinched the skin.

Levi stared straight ahead, his eyes slowly widening. _That's why he's so disappointed -- it meant this much to him, and I dismissed it as "weird."_ He remembered the man's words: _This shouldn't be something I'm doing_ to _you, but something I'm doing_ with _you._ He had been so focused on his own feelings that he hadn't even bothered to consider what the actions might be doing to Erwin. Looking back with this new information in mind, the whole experience seemed hotter. He loved the idea of Erwin getting this excited.

He turned to kiss Erwin's ear. "I get it now," he said. "It's not just about control, is it? You really do want to make me feel good. You're so fucking giving, you noble bastard."

"It might be a bit about control, too," admitted Erwin, running his hands down Levi's chest.

Levi released a soft puff of air, the closest he ever came to chuckling. He ran his tongue along the cartilage, then bit the lobe. "It's my turn. Bend over the dresser. Make sure you can see me in the mirror."

Erwin grazed his lips against Levi's, then pulled away. He settled in place in front of the dresser, planting his forearms firmly on top of it, his hips jutting out behind him. Levi let out a low groan. He grabbed the lubricant, then stepped into place behind him, his hands smoothing the clothed rear. He grabbed the man's hips and gave an experimental thrust against him; he felt Erwin subtly lower his hips so they aligned better.

Levi glanced up at the mirror, making eye contact. Erwin's face was even, and Levi felt a surge of rebellion. _I want to make him flushed and sweaty. I want him panting my name._ He flipped the uniform skirt up and unclipped the lower harnesses, then yanked Erwin's clothes down to mid-thigh. He didn't bother asking if he had cleaned; he knew Erwin would never present himself like this if he hadn't. He uncapped the oil.

"You don't need to use your fingers this time," said Erwin. "I'm still ready from last night."

Levi held his gaze, remembering how much guilt he had felt when that third finger had been too much the night before. "Are you sure?"

The man's eyes were so intense that he almost had to look away. "I want it hard."

Levi's groin throbbed. "Okay." He coated himself in the lubricant, then slowly began to work his way into him.

The blond head dropped, breaths harsh, and Levi felt a pang of concern.

"Erwin?"

The Commander's hips pushed back against him. "I'm fine. I'm fine. Keep going."

Levi worked himself all the way in, and they both gasped. He had already been sensitive that morning, and the recent orgasm made him even more so; he felt numb and raw and aroused all at once. His ass tingled, the ghost of Erwin's finger still leaving its impression inside him. He pulled most of the way out, then pushed in again. The sensation was so strong that he cried out, unmoving.

Erwin bucked against him. "Keep going."

Levi found he had to move hard and fast to overpower the faint numbness. The stimulation was half pleasure, half irritation, as if he were scratching an itch and aggravating it at the same time.

"You're so fucking tight," he heard himself say.

Erwin's head tossed back, his gasp audible, and the sound drowned all conscious thought in Levi's mind. The slap of skin on skin spurred him instinctively forward, his harsh breaths matching the same cadence, increasing as the minutes passed. Red fogged the periphery of his vision. He reached forward to grab Erwin's hair, yanking his head back; his other hand clasped the back of the man's harness, using it to pull him in with each thrust, making that slapping sound as loud as possible.

Their motion pounded Erwin's word into two breathy beats: "Harder." Blue eyes fixed on him in the mirror, wide and wild. "Harder."

Levi cried out and drove into him, staring down at their union, transfixed by the sight of their bodies joined and moving together. Aggression was rising in his throat, prickly and hot, and he wanted to smack the fuzzy, pale skin of Erwin's cheeks until they turned red -- but at the same time, he wanted to hold the man close, kiss him, make gentle love to him. Violence and tenderness warred within him, and he knew he couldn't have both at once. He let out a yell of frustration.

"Harder," gasped Erwin, his voice barely audible above his harsh breaths. His entire face was red, his hair plastered to his forehead.

This wasn't enough. Levi wanted to be closer, wanted to be further inside, wanted to reach into him with his hands and tongue and every part of his body. He wanted Erwin to do the same to him -- the thought surprised him, but it was so hot that he let his mind run with it -- the two of them twisting together, bodies linking in every way they could, merging into each other.

"Levi!" Erwin's teeth were bared, his jaw clenched. His frustration was so obvious that Levi didn't even need to ask what he wanted. He released the blond hair and reached around Erwin's waist instead, grabbing him between the legs, squeezing harder than he should have.

"Fuck my hand," he ordered, and he felt the man rock back against his hips, then forward into his hand, his movements unchecked. Levi's eyes closed and he heard himself sob. He wanted to be kneeling in front of him at the same time, feeling him drive into his mouth. He needed to be closer, closer... He leaned into him; the dresser creaked.

Erwin's hand closed over his, helping his fist move, curses slipping unchecked from his lips. _He's lost control,_ thought Levi. _We've both lost control._ The thought terrified him so much that it almost snapped him out of the moment, but no, he couldn't stop, he couldn't stop, not when they were both so close.

"Erwin!" he heard himself yell, and he heard a wail, but he couldn't tell whose it was. He came so forcefully that stars sparked in his vision and his legs gave out. He clung to Erwin's waist, barely holding himself upright.

Erwin took over, thrusting back against him, jerking their joined hands with surprising violence. "Oh fuck," he gasped.

"Come on, Erwin," gasped Levi, struggling to find his breath and his footing.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck-" Erwin hollered and tightened around him with so much force that Levi grunted, and then his legs must have given out, too, because they fell to the floor.

Levi clumsily crawled onto the man's chest to watch him, still breathing hard. He stared at that flushed, sweaty face, still feeling that spark of irritation, that itch: _I want to be closer. That wasn't enough. I need to be closer._ He reached out a shaking hand and grabbed Erwin's neck, his thumb tracing the thick trachea.

The man's eyes parted a crack, fixing on him. "Levi?"

Levi tried to speak, but his throat was tight. Hot liquid streaked down his cheek, but no, that couldn't be a tear; he wasn't a sentimental man. None of this was him, this vulnerability, this desire to merge, this loss of control.

"Levi," said Erwin softly. He tucked a strand of hair behind Levi's ear. "It's okay."

The words dropped out from under Levi, and he felt as if he were falling backwards, falling, falling... His head dropped, a tear dripping off the end of his nose.

"Levi?"

"Fuck, I don't know why-" A third tear dropped, and he wiped his cheek. "Dammit!"

"It's okay." Erwin's voice was soft and low. A hand slid across his hair, slow and gentle. "Come here." The hand drew him closer, and Levi felt his ear press to Erwin's chest, the fabric of his shirt glowing with heat. Beneath it, he could hear a heartbeat, loud and strong.

 

.*.*.*.

 

Erwin smoothed the back of Levi's hair, breathing in the lemon scent. His limbs were tingling, his ass throbbing, and he still felt the occasional jolt of electricity in his groin. He understood Levi's stray tears; his throat was tight, too, and he felt as if his heart were swelling. Even though drowsiness was descending on him, he refused to fall asleep. Not this time.

After a few minutes, he saw Levi's eyelids part.

"How are you feeling?" Erwin tucked a strand of dark hair behind his ear.

A pause. "Overwhelmed." 

Erwin slid his fingers along the back of his head, feeling the velvety texture of shaved hair. "Understandable. That was rather intense."

Levi shifted to look up at him, cheek still pressed to Erwin's chest. "I'm surprised you're still awake."

"I could tell you needed me to be present."

"Hm." Levi's brow furrowed, and his gaze fixed above Erwin's head. At first, it seemed he was preparing for a deep statement or confession, but he only said, "Your jizz is dripping down the dresser."

"Well, it had to go somewhere," said Erwin. He eased himself out from under Levi and sat up. "Sahlo will be in his office shortly."

They cleaned up in silence, reassembling their uniforms and getting the room back in order. When they were ready to leave, they stood a few paces apart, watching each other.

Levi swallowed hard, his hands balling into fists. "You do weird things to my head, Erwin. You make me feel shit I don't understand yet. It's confusing as fuck."

"Confusing in a bad way?" asked Erwin, even though he already knew the answer.

"No." Levi shrugged. "It's just weird. I've never cried after sex before."

"I wouldn't call that crying. It was only a couple tears.'"

"Well, it was still fucking embarrassing."

"I considered it a great compliment," said Erwin with a gentle smile. "I know how strong you are, Levi. I know how well you hide your emotions. To see you so vulnerable... That's the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me."

"Stop with the sentimental bullshit," muttered Levi, but his face softened.

Erwin closed the distance and bent down to kiss him. Levi looped his arms around his neck, holding the kiss for a few beats longer, then finally released him.

"Shall we go pay Sahlo a visit?" asked Erwin.

"Sure," said Levi. "I need to rough someone up to feel like myself again."

Together, they wrapped the King's lockbox in a towel and carried it downstairs. Erwin hailed a cab. He watched Levi carefully, aware now that carriages made the man uncomfortable. The mid-travel nightmare seemed so long ago now -- and so did that first sensation of Levi's mouth. He smiled, his cheeks warming.

"What are you smirking about?" asked Levi.

"Just remembering how beautiful you looked with your mouth around me the last time we rode in a carriage together."

"You insatiable bastard, how can you even think about sex right now? If you aren't as bruised as I am, then I clearly didn't do something right." Levi shifted in his seat and stared fixedly out the window. "You know, that was my first time swallowing."

Erwin studied him. "Really?"

"The idea always grossed me the fuck out." Levi's eyes shifted to him, the rest of his body unmoving. "I don't know what it is about you that makes me feel this way, like I want to try everything I never did before."

Though the words gave Erwin the urge to kiss him, this carriage didn't have curtains in the window, so he settled on a warm smile. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. I want to do everything to you. With you." Levi winced and adjusted his pants. "Oh, for fuck's sakes."

Erwin's pants were getting tight, too, and he was supposed to be the one who needed several hours to recover. "Our chemistry is getting overwhelming."

"No shit. How the hell am I supposed to spend time around you back at the base without anyone noticing I'm pitching a tent?"

"Things will settle down a bit once we're out of this initial burst. It's all still new, and we're both coming out of lengthy dry spells. Our libidos will dull as time passes."

"Part of me hopes you're right," said Levi. "The other part is enjoying this too much."

Erwin smiled.

The carriage stopped, and the driver hurried to open their door.

"Shall we?" asked Erwin, and Levi shrugged.

"Lead on."

As they lifted the towel-wrapped lockbox and stepped out of the carriage, Erwin drew himself tall, his face settling into neutral. The next few minutes would determine the future of the Survey Corps. If he played his cards well, he would secure their expeditions for the next year or two.

The guards nodded and let them pass, none of them showing any interest in their cargo. Erwin filed away the information for future reference: _I could walk in here with explosive devices or weapons, and no one would bat an eye._ He stopped at the front desk, where a concierge was scrutinizing a list.

"Excuse me," he said. "I have an appointment with Lord Sahlo, but I'm afraid I don't know where his office is."

"Lord Sahlo doesn't have any appointments today," said the concierge without looking up.

"I'm afraid we were both rather inebriated last night when I set it up. If I could just have a few minutes of his time, I'm sure he would remember. It won't take long."

She finally looked up, and her eyes widened. "Oh, Commander Erwin! Welcome to your first official day in your role. Normally, all appointments have to go through Administration -- Lord Sahlo should have directed you to one of my associates."

"Ah, my apologies." He smiled. "I'm afraid I'm still learning all the proper procedures."

"Of course, of course. Just remember for next time. Lord Sahlo is on the second floor, third door on your left. I can escort you there, if you like."

"No, we'll be fine." He gave her a warm smile. "Thank you."

They lugged the lockbox up the curving staircase, then approached Sahlo's office.

"Ready?" asked Erwin quietly.

"Sure."

They stepped into the doorway.

Sahlo sat at his desk, his black suit much tamer than his garish get-up the night before. A glass of amber liquid sat atop his desk near his left hand, the right holding a quill pen. He looked up, his brows rising almost to the rim of his hat.

"Commander Erwin? To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Erwin nodded at Levi, who closed the door. They approached the desk and lowered the lockbox onto it.

"We neglected to send this in our shipment," said Erwin as he removed the towel.

Sahlo stared at it. "I don't understand," he said, but a muscle above his lip began to quiver.

Erwin's pulse rose. _Let the game begin._ He sat in a chair opposite Sahlo, casually folding his hands in his lap. "When we recovered the King's tax money from the old military silo, our directions were to ship it all to your shipping and receiving company, but the new recruits neglected to include this box. Since I was coming to the Capital anyway, I figured I'd deliver it in person and take a moment to get acquainted with you."

The Lord squinted at him. "I don't have the foggiest idea what you're talking about, Commander."

"Your shipping and receiving company," said Erwin. "HDB Shipping. I was surprised when we traced the company back to you rather than the King, seeing as this tax money is rightfully his."

"What the hell are you driving at?" growled Sahlo.

"There's no need for that tone. I'm here in your best interests." Erwin leaned forward. "I could have gone directly to the King's accountants to return this, but I had a suspicion that would only make them aware of a larger sum they never received. I am correct in assuming they don't know we successfully retrieved any of this money, aren't I?"

Sahlo's eyes flashed. "Are you accusing me of using His Majesty's military resources to steal his money?"

Erwin lifted his chin, staring down his nose at the man. "Yes."

For a moment, their gaze held. In his periphery, he could see Levi sitting bolt upright, muscles coiled and ready to spring.

"You're full of bullshit," said Sahlo. "I don't know what lies you're trying to weave, but they're all bullshit."

"I see. Then I apologize for wasting your time." Erwin stood. "We'll return this lockbox to the King's accountants directly." He reached out a hand to grab the box.

Sahlo's hand slammed onto the box, his jaw clenched. "Say, for one minute, that you're correct. What's to stop me from taking possession of this box right now, and having the guards haul you away for attempted blackmail?"

Erwin smiled. "If you check the shipping manifest, you'll notice not one, but two boxes unaccounted for. The other one is in a location only I know, set to ship out to the Supreme Commander in a few day's time with explicit notes about its origins and your involvement -- unless I personally cancel the shipment. I brought this one to you as an act of good will."

"Good will!" spat the Lord. "Lobov warned me about you, you fucking snake. If you try to take me down, I swear you'll go down first, so hard that-"

There was a blur to Erwin's right, and then Sahlo's hat was pinned to the wall. The hilt of Levi's knife jutted from it, still quivering.

"Watch your fucking mouth," growled Levi, advancing on him. Sahlo stared up at him, dumbly patting his bare head as if just noticing the hat was missing.

"Levi," barked Erwin.

"You're wasting your time, Erwin." Levi pulled the knife out of the wall, letting the hat fall to the ground. He stomped it flat. "The only message rich assholes like him understand is pain." He grabbed the man's greying hair and jerked his head back. "Isn't that right?"

Sahlo was breathing hard, his nostrils flaring, the whites of his eyes showing all the way around his irises. "Call off your dog, Erwin," he said, his voice rising in pitch.

"Levi," said Erwin, "sit down."

"Look at his eyes," said Levi. "Not a drop of decency, just cowardice. You can't reason with this fucker. He's going to stab you in the back if we don't send him a message now."

Erwin rose. "Sit. Down. That's an order."

Levi's eyes narrowed, but he roughly released Sahlo and returned to their side of the desk, flopping into his seat.

The Lord's face was red and slick with sweat, his eyes continually darting toward Levi. "What do you want?"

"The Survey Corps has a constant need for supplies and funding, two things the old military silos can provide." Erwin leaned forward. "You're going to give me the full itemized list of silos. In exchange for your generous aid, I'm willing to doctor the numbers on our reports, delivering only half the tax gold back to the King, while secretly delivering the other half to your shipping and receiving company. As thanks for our kindness and for not exposing your blatant theft, you'll freely donate the equivalent of eighty percent of that money to Survey Corps research and weapons development. As well, you'll be pledging full support for all our expedition requests for the next two years."

"Eighty percent!" said Sahlo.

"Consider it carefully. That works out to ten percent of every haul, straight to your pocket." Erwin's voice dropped, his tone deep and solemn. "The alternative is zero percent, and a thorough investigation into your shipping and receiving company and your business dealings. I wonder what other untoward behaviour they'd find if they started digging?"

Sahlo's eyes narrowed. "You're playing a dangerous game, boy."

"Humanity is nearing extinction. I don't have time to play it safe." Erwin stood. "I'll expect the full list of silos and their contents on my desk by the end of the week. Our next expedition proposal will reach you shortly thereafter, and I will look forward to your full support." He turned to Levi and cocked his head. The two began to walk toward the exit.

"Erwin," growled Sahlo.

He turned to see the Lord glaring at him, lips flared. "Yes?"

"I'm not Lobov. I'm not some dumb rube you can play like a fiddle. I have contacts, a network that goes far deeper than you can imagine. You have just made a very powerful enemy, and I promise you: one day, this is going to come back to you a hundred times worse."

"Just try and touch him, pig," snarled Levi, starting forward, but Erwin caught his shoulder.

"It's okay, Levi. Once Lord Sahlo has had some time to think this over, he'll realize our alliance will benefit us both." He bobbed his head at the lord. "Thank you for your time."

He let the door close softly behind him, and he heard a loud curse from the other side.

Adrenaline coursing through his veins, he began to walk down the hallway, Levi keeping pace beside him. He side-eyed the man, giving him the tiniest hint of a smile, and Levi shook his head.

"You slick bastard."

Once they were on the street, Erwin took a deep breath, his muscles uncoiling.

"When did you find out he owned that shipping and receiving company?" asked Levi.

"I didn't. It was an educated guess. He took great care to hide himself through Nile, and the orders were to send all reports with the shipment. He was probably hoping to take advantage of Anke's inexperience, slip this one past her before she learned proper procedure." Erwin gripped Levi's shoulder. "Thank you for your intimidation. That will encourage him to think twice before he comes after me."

"You think he will?"

"Eventually. First, he'll pressure Nile to plant a spy in our ranks, so Nile will take advantage of that third transfer spot we left open. When that doesn't yield any useful information, he'll either give up and accept his ten percent kickback, or he'll start digging harder for a way to manipulate me. By that point, I plan to have more dirt on him, ready to deploy as needed." He smiled. "But in the meantime, we've secured new funding, access to extra supplies, and two years of support for our expeditions."

"Not bad," said Levi.

"Not bad at all. May I buy you an early dinner to celebrate? We can wander around town for a few hours, then find a place to settle and eat." He was going to suggest drinks, but his stomach was still queasy from the night before.

"Sure." Levi glanced at him. "One last thing. That second lockbox you're keeping hidden-"

"I'm not. I changed the numbers on the reports to make it look as if we found an extra one that doesn't exist. As I'm sure you have learned by now, it's easier to keep key evidence out of your opponent's reach if said evidence doesn't actually exist."

Levi raised a brow. "I'm glad you're on my side."

"Likewise," said Erwin, remembering the inhuman speed of his knife.

 

.*.*.*.

 

They stayed at the restaurant into the night, talking about nothing, comparing memories of the Capital, discussing the future of humanity. Erwin had always thought of Levi as a man of few words, but the more they interacted, the more he realized the man was eloquent and thoughtful. He made a good conversation partner. _I would have learned this earlier if I had taken the time to join him and Mike for drinks, all those times they asked me._ He made a note to be more social once they returned.

They also spoke in hushed tones about how their relationship would proceed once they returned to the base.

"Two nights with no contact once we return," said Erwin. "At least. Gives us time to heal, and keeps suspicion low."

"Heal?" said Levi, his foot finding Erwin's under the table. "Have I been too rough on you?"

"I'd say you were exactly rough enough."

"Well, I'll be as gentle as you need tonight."

Their eyes held.

"Back to the room?" asked Erwin.

"Yeah."

The instant the hotel room door closed behind them, they fell against each other, kissing.

They made slow love, taking their time, arching against each other, breathing each other in. Part of it was necessity, both of them bruised and sore, but part of it was an unspoken need for a deep connection, an expression of the words they were both thinking, the words neither was ready to say. Erwin finished first; Levi's palms pressed to either side of his face, hanging on just long enough to watch him through it, before he, too, went under.

They lay together, flushed and sweaty, and Levi began to pull away to clean up, but Erwin caught his arm.

"Lie with me," he said. "Just for a few minutes."

Levi's nose wrinkled as he sank back down to the bed. "You're just going to fall asleep and everything's going to dry and get gummy."

"Please," said Erwin quietly. "I still want to feel close to you."

He saw Levi's throat bob. "Okay." He lay down and curled up next to Erwin.

Haze was descending on Erwin, warm and comfortable, and his eyelids were heavy, drooping, drooping...

 .*.*.*.

  _This again?_

The cloak tightened around Erwin's neck, and he jerked backwards off the horse, hoisted into the air. Even though he recognized the nightmare, even though he had been through it hundreds of times before, dread still gnawed at his veins like acid. He twisted, trying to free himself from the attacking titan. _Maybe if I can free myself in time, I'll wake up, and I won't have to watch him die again._

He heard the howl of fury below him, saw Henrik -- no, he had morphed into Levi -- saw Levi draw his blades and launch at the titan that held him captive. The blades hit bone above Erwin, and he dropped to the ground and rolled.

Above him, Levi reached out from the beast's mouth, head pinched between the massive teeth. "Erwin!"

But this time, the beast wasn't a titan; it was Lord Sahlo, titan-sized, but still human. His teeth closed, and Levi's blood drenched Erwin as thickly as if it had sprayed from a faucet.

"You fucking monster!" roared Erwin.  He drew his blades to advance, but he was frozen, rooted to the ground. Sahlo loomed over him, face twisting into a malicious smile.

"You play a dangerous game, boy. You gamble wildly without considering how it will affect those around you. You think the titans will devour everything you love, but you're wrong."

His face morphed into Erwin's. " _You_ will."

.*.*.*.

Erwin's eyes snapped open.

The candle was low, the room so dimly lit and warm that his panic felt out of place. Levi had burrowed into his chest, his snores softly fluttering against Erwin's skin.

"Levi," he whispered, burying his nose in the man's hair. He closed his eyes and breathed, "I love you."

The words had slipped out by accident, but he was disappointed when the man continued snoring. _One of these days, I'll be brave enough to say it to him when he's awake._

His heart still pounded from the dream. It infuriated him that Sahlo held any sway over his subconscious. When he was awake, Erwin knew he had handled the negotiations flawlessly. Sahlo wouldn't dare touch him, at least not straight away.

 _It's airtight,_ he thought, but the imagery of Sahlo devouring Levi was still fresh in his mind.

Well, he'd just have to make sure Sahlo never found out how much Levi meant to him. He kissed the sleeping man's forehead. His one weakness. He knew he was foolish, embracing this hole in his armour. _I must be certain to cover it at all times._

Now that he was awake, he was becoming aware that his body was sticky with sweat and fluids. Grimacing, he reached for the handkerchief, moving slowly so he didn't wake up Levi. It was too late to wipe up properly; the sheets were damp beneath him. He frowned. Levi deserved a cleaner sleeping space.

He eased out from under Levi. To his surprise, the man didn't awaken. Perhaps all their physical activities had taken a toll on him. He slid his arms under the sleeping man's body. He was heavier than he looked, but still small and slim. Erwin cradled him to his chest, feeling a strong urge to protect him.

Marie's words floated into his mind: _Be careful with this one. He's more fragile than he pretends._

Erwin set his jaw. He must not hurt Levi. No matter what happened with Sahlo, or the titans, or anything else, Erwin must not be the one to devour him. Humanity needed their hero.

He set him on the bed in the other room, pulling the covers over him. Levi stirred, then settled again, breaths still even.

Once Erwin had put out the candles and taken a minute to clean himself up, he climbed into bed, spooning behind Levi.

"Erwin?" asked Levi, his voice groggy. "The hell?"

Erwin kissed the back of the man's neck. "It's okay. Go back to sleep."

Levi snuggled back against him, giving a contented hum, and Erwin felt his heart swell.

"A few days ago, you asked what I wanted after the war was won," he whispered. "This, Levi. All I want is this."

There was no reply; Levi's breaths were even. Erwin closed his eyes, arm tightening around him.


	15. Adjustment (Part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you once again for all your amazing comments. I'm blown away by the lovely things people have to say about this fic. Thank you so much. *hugs* I'll reply individually to each of your comments ASAP. <3 <3 <3
> 
> Part I was going to be realllly huge compared to parts 2 & 3, so I broke it into 2 parts, and this will now be a 4-part fic. This part opens immediately after chapter 14, and it's time for a new arc to start up. It may take a chapter or two to gain momentum, and I apologize if the pacing feels wonky.
> 
> Warning: there are some minor spoilers for A Choice With No Regrets in this chapter, and a whole lot of headcanons that vaguely allude to events from the SNK manga - they will probably be proven wrong at some point, though. :P
> 
> Previous chapter: Erwin meets with Nile and then with Sahlo to manipulate the hell out of them. Also, sex.

 

* * *

**PART II**

**ABLAZE**

* * *

"Wake up," said Erwin. "We've reached Trost."

Levi sat up so quickly that the stack of paperwork began to slide off his lap. He clamped onto it before it could fall to the floor. "What the hell? When did I fall asleep?"

"About an hour ago. I suppose the paperwork did get rather tedious." Erwin stacked his own pile of papers on the bench beside him, then slipped the stack neatly into his file.

The carriage must have rolled over a rock, because a bump rattled the cabin, and Levi nearly lost his papers again. He frowned and carefully aligned the edges. "You should have woken me up. That was the last hour we had before everything has to go back to normal."

"You looked so relaxed that I didn't want to wake you."

They exchanged a long look.

"Levi," said Erwin quietly, "this trip was..." He couldn't find the word. "I feel like we've been away for years, not a few days."

"Yeah." Levi looked down. "How the hell are we going to pretend nothing's going on between us?"

"Well, I suppose we handle it by showing half the truth: that we've formed a strong bond, and we've become close friends."

"Close friends?" Levi's brow furrowed.

The concept seemed obvious to Erwin, and Levi's surprise made him wonder if he had been presuming too much. "I'd say we're forming a strong friendship, wouldn't you? Last night, we spent hours talking about nothing, and that wasn't for the first time. Besides..." He braced himself, fighting against the instinct to duck his eyes. "You already know me better than anyone alive."

"I do?" asked Levi.

"Of course you do."

"What about Nile or Marie?"

"Nile thinks he knows me, but his image of me is outdated, and based on several incorrect assumptions. And Marie..." Erwin paused. "She knows my emotions, but she never understood my passion to free humanity. You don't just understand it; you share it."

The grey-blue eyes searched his, a little too wide, and Erwin felt his throat tighten.

"Here." He sat upright and dropped his arms to either side, inviting him to come closer.

Levi studied him for a moment, then shifted across to the bench on Erwin's side of the cabin. Erwin closed his hands over the narrow hips and pulled him onto his lap.

"Hey, what-" began Levi, but Erwin cut him off with a kiss. There was only a moment's hesitation, then Levi leaned into it, wrapping his arms around him.

When the kiss broke, their foreheads rested together. Erwin's thumb ran across his bottom lip. "I suppose friends don't kiss like that."

"Mm." Levi stole another kiss. "Two days?"

"Two days. Until Tuesday night, we are colleagues and friends, and nothing more." He smoothed the dark hair, buried his nose in it, breathed in. "I don't know how I'm going to sleep without you. I should have scheduled an overnight ride home so I could have held you one last time."

"It's just a couple nights," said Levi dismissively, but he buried his face in Erwin's neck.

His form was small and warm, and Erwin instinctively curled around him.

* * *

**-15-**

**Adjustment**

Levi stepped out of the carriage and stretched an arm above his head. He wasn't sure what time it was, but the sky was already dark, stars just beginning to appear. He took a deep breath. The scent of Trost was already more familiar than the scent of the Capital. He was returning home.

He glanced over at Erwin, who had defaulted to his Commander armour: guarded smile, neutral face, rigid stance. He already missed seeing the true Erwin that hid beneath his role. Though, maybe he already looked the same, shifting back into Levi the Squad Leader instead of Levi the friend and lover.

"I may hold an informal Officer's gathering tonight," said Erwin. "I'll send for you if I do."

"Okay." Levi squinted as two silhouettes appeared in the doorway overlooking the courtyard. The larger silhouette had to be Mike - it was as tall as the door frame - and the other one appeared to be bouncing. That must be Hange. "Not a moment's peace."

"Levi," said Erwin quietly, "thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything." For a moment, the mask dropped, and his eyes were soft again. "We'll pick up again in a couple days."

Levi nodded.

"Welcome back," yelled Hange, bouncing closer. "We're here to help with your luggage."

"Thank you, both. It'll be much lighter this time around; we unloaded some cargo while we were away." Erwin stepped toward the back of the carriage. "Incidentally, Hange, we should take a moment tomorrow to discuss your ideas for weapons development. I may have secured some funding."

Hange's eyes lit up. "Sir."

Levi and Mike began to pull the trunk out of the carriage; without the lockbox of gold, it was, indeed, considerably lighter than it had been before.

"How's the nose?" asked Levi, noticing the man's face was still wrapped with bandages.

"Can't smell a damned thing." Mike raised a brow. "Looks like you took a blow or two yourself. Wasn't Erwin, was it?"

For one stomach-twisting moment, Levi misunderstood what he meant by 'blow', but then he remembered his own wounded nose. "No, I got in a scrap. Long story." He wasn't sure how much of his mission was meant to be common knowledge.

Leaving Hange to help Erwin, the two men began to haul the trunk up the stairs, then lugged it down the hallway. Their immense height difference made their task so awkward that Mike silently plucked the trunk out of Levi's hands and carried it alone. Levi would have protested, but he was sore from being cramped in a hot carriage all day.

"Have a good time?" asked Mike.

"Not really," said Levi. "And I heard more than I wanted about your trainee days."

The man snorted, the sound strangled by his bandages. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, Erwin's a chatty drunk." Levi glanced up at him. "Things got a bit personal. Heard he had a bit of a thing for you, back when you were kids." Though he said the words casually, his heart pounded in his chest. It seemed impossible that Erwin's brain could ever fail him. This would be a good test of whether or not his childhood memories could possibly be flawed.

"Oh." Mike shrugged. "I forgot about that. Yeah, he was a naive little thing back then. I had to be his first rejection. Felt like shit. Hope he's not still sore about it."

"No, he's fine." said Levi, and then he let out a silent breath of relief.  _If Erwin remembered that correctly, he's probably remembering everything else correctly as well. I can still trust his mind._

Mike deposited the trunk in Levi's room. "Want help unpacking?"

Levi thought of the bottle of lubricant, of all the soiled handkerchiefs. "I've got it. Thanks."

"Suit yourself. Drinks later?"

"Sure."

Then he was alone. He began to pull his belongings out of the trunk, leaving Erwin's untouched; he would drop the trunk off in the Commander's room later. He was almost finished when he heard a knock at the door. His pulse rose.  _Erwin?_ "Come in."

Hange stepped into the room. "So?"

He sighed. "What do you want?"

The door closed, and Hange approached, eyes a little too wide behind the oval lenses. "Did you dance with him?"

"Of course not." The memory of dancing on the rooftop under the setting sun was so overwhelming that he turned away. He fixedly pulled his soap out of the chest, setting it in his toiletries pail.

The hair on the back of his neck was crawling. He lifted his head, then jumped. Hange's face was inches from his.

"Your ears are pink."

"Your hair is greasy," he retorted. "Have you bathed at all since we got back from the expedition?"

They stared at each other, then Hange grinned and pulled away. "Welcome back."

"Uh, thanks," said Levi, feeling as if he had just been scrutinized and then judged.

"Erwin has invited us all to his office for drinks. Sort of an informal mission debrief."

"In a minute. I need to unpack."

"It can wait. Come on." Hange grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the door.

"Oh shit, put your arm down. You really need a fucking bath." Levi snatched his hand away. Truthfully, the scent of body odor didn't bother him as much as other smells - in some contexts, it was even pleasant, so long as it wasn't his own - but he needed an excuse to be annoyed.

They arrived at Erwin's office to find him seated behind the desk. Berit was perched uncomfortably on a wooden chair in front of him.

"Mike will join us shortly," said Erwin as he slid bottles of ale across the desk.

"I'm surprised you can still drink after how hard you hit the bottle in the Capital," said Levi. "And how hard it hit back."

Erwin's lips flattened. "I'll be fine, thank you, Levi."

"Speaking of hitting..." Berit tapped her nose. "What happened there?"

Levi shrugged. "Got in a scrap."

"The Commander got drunk, and you got in a scrap? So really, the two of you were just partying while the rest of us were hard at work back here?" Her arms folded over her chest.

Levi's eyes narrowed. "I just did eight fucking hours of paperwork in a stuffy buggy while your pasty ass was here playing house-"

"It's okay, Levi," said Erwin with his guarded smile, the one he pasted on to put others at ease. "There's more to it than that, I assure you, Berit. We'll discuss everything when Mike gets here."

"I'm here." Mike stepped into the room, closing the door behind him, and flopped onto a chair. He was so enormous that Levi cringed, expecting the chair to break, but it held.

"Good," said Erwin. "Then let's get started. We'll do a formal Officer's meeting tomorrow, but our activities in the Capital have cemented our focus, so I wanted to meet with you tonight and give you a quick overview first."

As they passed around the ale, Erwin sat tall in his desk, his voice taking on a deep, confident tone that made shivers ripple down Levi's spine. He spoke of building relationships with the Military Police and the Garrison, as well as several key investors.

"Of special note," he said, "thanks to some leg work by Levi, we've built a strong business relationship with one of the lords. He has agreed to fund our weapons research with sliding donations based on the results of our upcoming expeditions. I expect these donations to be large enough that we will be able to formally start a weapons research division, headed up by Hange."

Hange's hands clapped together. "Really?"

"There's an old storage room next to the dungeon cells downstairs. You can clean that up and use it as your research base, on one condition." He leaned forward across the desk. "You will not use any materials that could endanger the lives of anyone in this base. If you wish to build new explosive devices, for example, you must take that research offsite."

Hange gave a delighted whoop and stood to deliver a thumping salute. "Sir! I'll make the Corps proud."

Levi took a sip of ale, glad Erwin had added the stipulation about dangerous materials. Otherwise, Hange's reckless enthusiasm was bound to kill them all.

"I look forward to your results." The Commander turned to address all of them. "As I mentioned, we'll be having a formal meeting tomorrow to kick off our new squad selection. I trust each of you has given some thought as to what type of squad you want to lead?"

"Research," said Hange. "And support."

"Defense," said Berit.

"Offense." Mike tapped his bandaged nose. "With some tracking and scouting once this thing heals."

All eyes focused on Levi, who shrugged. He hadn't really thought about it. "Speed and strength." He hoped it was a good answer.

Erwin nodded. "You and Mike could form our right and left arms. I believe a combination of offense and scouting would suit your leadership style well."

 _I have a leadership style?_ Levi idly swirled the ale in his bottle.

"It looks as if we'll have a wide spread of skills," said Erwin with a kind smile. "That makes my job easier, and should make squad selection easier as well. Tomorrow, we'll discuss your initial squad selections and begin interviewing the remaining candidates. I expect the interview and squad assignment process to last until the end of next week.

"During this time, I'll be putting together a proposal for our next expedition. This will be a large-scale operation; we'll be sweeping through the old military silos, gathering supplies, while also scouting for a permanent base outside Wall Rose. After we've recovered everything we can from the silos, our overall mission will shift to securing that permanent base, while also building caches of supplies leading to Wall Maria. All of this will culminate in a wall reclamation effort three to five years in the future."

There was a long silence. Levi's skin erupted into goose bumps.  _We can do this. We can take back Wall Maria. With this man leading us, we can do anything._

"Commander," said Hange. "That silo we found was almost empty. Why would we try to track down any others?"

"I have secured access to the itemized list of contents for all silos within Wall Maria," said Erwin. "We'll be prioritizing silos based on what they contain. I promise you, Hange, I will weigh the benefits of each silo against the risks required to reach it. As an extra precaution, we'll be performing a small-scale scouting mission in advance of the expedition, so we know roughly what to expect in terms of titan traffic."

"Scouting missions?" Hange's eyes lit up. "I volunteer my squad. We can use the opportunity to research-"

"You don't even know who will be in your squad yet, shitty four-eyes," said Levi. "And your squad will be a support squad, anyway. It should be me or Mike."

Erwin's eyes locked onto him, and Levi saw a brief flicker of fear before the face returned to neutral. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. There's no need to volunteer just yet. We'll discuss the details of the scouting mission once I have the itemized list of contents, and once the squads have been formed."

Levi stared at him, mind spinning around that flicker.  _Is he afraid to put me in danger?_ Certainly he had misinterpreted the look. Erwin had only agreed to move forward with a relationship on the principle that it wouldn't interfere with their work.

"So," said Erwin, "Now you know our objectives for the next few years. This may shift as necessary, of course, but we must always be moving toward the reclamation of Wall Maria. That is our next major goal.

"That's everything I wanted to cover tonight, but you're welcome to stay here and drink for a while, if you like. My time with Levi in the Capital showed me how little I know about each of you, except maybe Mike. If we are to proceed forward as a team, we need to know each other thoroughly. I think it will be valuable to spend time drinking and talking together like this on a regular basis."

Levi winced, feeling awkward on his behalf. "Did you just formally invite us to casual hang-outs?"

Mike shifted on the chair. "If we're going to hang out here, you're going to need to get a couple couches or something."

"That's a good idea," said Erwin.

"Okay." Berit leaned forward. "If we're being all buddy-buddy, can I ask what happened to Levi's nose? Because I'm really curious."

"Yeah, I'd like to know, too," said Hange.

Levi glanced at Erwin, not sure how much he was supposed to reveal.

The Commander sat tall. "Levi was on a reconnaissance mission somewhere off-bounds to the public. A member of the Military Police found him and tried to take him down before she realized who he was."

"She landed a blow on you?" asked Mike, impressed. "I can barely touch you when we're sparring, let alone when you're fighting for your life."

Levi shrugged. "She had gear on, and I didn't. And I was drunk."

"Her fighting skills were so impressive that we recruited her," said Erwin. "In fact, three members of the MP will be joining us within the next year. But enough about that - Berit and Mike, I'm curious to hear about what we missed while we were gone. How did everything go here? Did the new recruits behave?"

As Berit spoke, Levi's eyes drifted back to Erwin. His bottle was nearly full, his spine rigid.  _Was he always this stiff and formal?_ It was so unlike the man he had come to know in the Capital. Erwin had several conflicting sides: the ruthless strategist, the formal leader, the relaxed conversational partner, the intense lover. It was going to take time to reconcile all four into one. And yet, he already found himself loving and admiring each of them for a different reason.

"Levi's smiling," interrupted Hange, shocked.

Levi pulled his face into neutral, but not before every eye in the room locked onto him.

"That wasn't a smile," said Berit.

"Sure it was. Or as close as he gets." Hange leaned forward, squinting. "You know, both of you have been acting strangely since you got back. Levi keeps blushing, and Erwin keeps getting this little twinkle in his eye."

"Hange," said Erwin. "You're interrupting your colleague's update."

"Hange's right." Mike folded his arms over his chest. "You offered to have drinks with us. You don't normally socialize without at least five minutes of convincing."

Erwin's throat bobbed. Levi watched him, mouth dry, palms sweating. He could almost see the wheels turning in the man's head, but they weren't turning fast enough.

"You got laid," said Mike. "Both of you. Right?"

"What?" said Levi.

"That's not-" began Erwin, but the Squad Leader interrupted him.

"Brothel visit? Or did you just pull the Commander card and woo a couple women back to the hotel?"

"This isn't appropriate," said Erwin, irritation darkening his expression.

"If my nose wasn't busted up, I'd figure out the answer in a second."

"How?" asked Hange.

"Brothels have a very distinct smell of-"

"Shut up," snapped Levi. "It's none of your business. Fucking hell." Hange's eyes locked on him; he felt as if his body were slowly being turned inside out.  _Shit. We're going to be found out on our first night back._

Berit drained her bottle, then stood. "Look, this is intriguing, it really is. Mike's said more in the past five minutes than he did the entire time you were away, and I've never seen Levi make so many facial expressions. But I barely slept while you two were gone, and I'm exhausted, and I really don't want to know anything about my commanding officer's love life, so if it's all the same, I'm going to go pass out." She saluted. "Excuse me, Commander."

"Goodnight," said Erwin, nodding at her. "And my apologies. I let this conversation get out of control." He still looked as if he were struggling to regain his composure, a nervous crease showing beside one eyebrow.

The door closed behind her.

"You assholes scared her away," muttered Levi.

Mike shrugged, returning to his ale.

"At least you had a good time in the Capital," said Hange diplomatically.

"For the most part. The gala itself was enjoyable." The Commander's fingers drummed the top of his desk. "For me, anyway. I'm not sure Levi was as thrilled, particularly when I met up with old friends. We ended up reminiscing for far longer than I should have, and I'm sure the old tales got tiresome."

"Shit!" Mike leaned forward so quickly that his chair creaked. "Marie was there."

Levi's eyes narrowed, his gaze shifting to the Squad Leader. There was an accusatory tone to the words that made his hackles rise.

"Mike-" began Erwin.

"No, it all makes sense now." Mike cast him a disappointed look. "They're  _married,_  Erwin. With a kid."

"You're getting the wrong idea."

"Who's Marie?" asked Hange.

"A woman we knew as trainees." Mike shook his head. "Nile and Erwin both fell for her, and she kept dating both of them. It was constant drama."

"This isn't something we-" began Erwin, but the man was still going.

"Then we came out here and she moved to the Capital to settle down with Nile, but every time Erwin went to the Capital on business, he'd hook up with her all over again-"

"Mike, that's enough."

Levi's eyes narrowed.  _Every time?_  That was different from the version he had heard.

"Thought you'd be decent enough to knock it off once they married and had a kid," said Mike.

Hange took a long sip of ale, eyes darting between the three men.

For several seconds, the only sound was the tapping of Erwin's fingers on the desk top. Then, he leaned back in his chair, his arms folding over his chest. "Very well; I'll address your concerns, Mike, and then we will drop this topic. First of all, you're exaggerating. Our love triangle, such as it was, wasn't nearly as sordid as you make it sound. Marie genuinely loved us both, and no party of our triangle wanted to hurt any others, so yes, some secrets arose, but they were well-intentioned. Secondly, no, I did not sleep with her during this visit, nor have I since they wed. And thirdly, it wasn't 'constant drama.' There was even a period of nearly a year where she and I were exclusive."

"You weren't exclusive." Mike tapped his nose. "This thing doesn't lie."

The Commander's mouth twisted. "I see."

Levi almost felt badly for him, but he was still upset about this new version of events. After the conversation at the gala, he had understood their relationship as one indiscretion, not a chain of them. To his dismay, he could feel his respect for the man beginning to bleed away, drop by drop. He had a few strong moral codes, and one of them was that infidelity was betrayal, and betrayal was a filth that could never be washed from a relationship.

Maybe he should have let it slide, but he was beginning to fixate on that infidelity; it was burrowing into him, expanding, and the question spilled over: "I thought you and Marie only slept together  _once_  after she settled down with Nile?"

"This isn't an appropriate venue for this discussion," said Erwin, shifting in his seat. "I've humoured the topic long enough."

"No, this is important. Were you screwing around behind Henrik's back? Or was it after he died, and you were just betraying your best friend instead? Is that what you do to the people who trust you? Smile politely at them, then go stick your dick in their wives?"  _And then lie to me about it? How many half-truths have you told me?_

"Wait, who's Henrik?" asked Hange, eyes still drifting between the three of them, but the question went ignored.

Erwin rubbed his temples. "Any poor decisions I made as a young man have no impact on my ability to command the Survey Corps, so we will not discuss them in this office. You two have probably convinced Hange I'm some irresponsible, sex-crazed maniac, which couldn't be further from the truth."

Hange took another sip of ale. "It's okay. This is interesting."

"No, it's not okay, and this is bullshit." Levi drained his bottle, then stood. "I'm going to bed."

"Levi," said Mike, "calm down. I was just giving him a hard time."

"Yeah, well you can fuck right off. All of you." Levi turned on his heel and marched from the room.

Too angry to return to his room, he kept walking. He ended up near the stables, and he decided some self-imposed isolation on the rooftop might be what he needed. He hadn't had a moment alone since they had left for the Capital, and he was starting to feel penned in.

He climbed to the stable roof and jumped carelessly across the dangerous gap to the higher perch, too upset to be cautious. He settled on the tile and let his knees loll in his elbows, fixing his gaze on the stars.

He couldn't pinpoint exactly why he was so angry, and that made him even angrier. This was the same useless emotion that had gripped him when Erwin, Nile and Marie had been reminiscing about their past. It wasn't jealousy. Jealousy would have been easier to dismiss - he knew Erwin's past wasn't a threat to whatever they shared now. No, this was a deep disappointment, an incongruity between his ideals and reality.

Logically, he knew everyone made relationship mistakes, especially when they were younger. When he looked back on his own past, he could point to countless examples of immature bullshit. There was the one relationship where he had tried to control his partner by emotionally manipulating him, constantly bullying him into staying together. In another relationship, he had swindled large sums of money from his partner under false pretenses. A lump of shame built in his throat, so large that he coughed to clear it. He shouldn't blame Erwin for sanitizing the truth in his version of events. If Levi had been asked about his past relationships, he might have tried to make himself sound less despicable, too.

Footfall sounded on the stable roof. He peered down, and was surprised to see not Erwin, but Hange.

"Leave me alone," he muttered.

"That's what people say when they need someone the most."

"It's also what people say when they want you to _leave them the fuck alone_."

"Now, now, don't be like that." Hange jumped across the gap, wobbling on the landing. "Wow! That was close."

He was impressed with the strong jump - even Erwin, with his height advantage and powerful legs, had been unable to land it cleanly - but only said, "If you fall, I'm not cleaning up your bloody, meaty mess."

Hange dropped to a seat beside him. "Want to talk about it?"

"No, I don't want to talk about it. That's why I told you to leave me the fuck alone." Levi rested his chin on his forearms, drawing his legs closer to his body.

"Then I'll have to guess. You idolize the ground he walks on, so it breaks your heart to hear about his imperfections, right? Makes you start second-guessing him?"

His muscles tensed. He didn't reply.

Hange's legs stretched out beside him. "You've got to relax your expectations, Levi. We've all done stupid things because of love. It doesn't make him any less admirable. He's a great man."

"I know that," he muttered. "While we were at the Capital, I got to see him outpace every noble and military officer we bumped into. He's a fucking genius." Deciding it wasn't giving away too much, he added, "We talked a lot while we were there, and I guess he figured out how much I admire him, because he kept reminding me he's human and he makes mistakes. But..." He trailed off.

"But you can't see him that way, right? Because you dedicated your life to following him, and if he's anything less than perfect, then it reflects poorly on you for trusting him?"

Levi glanced over. Hange's face was subdued, almost kind.

"Maybe," he said, his defenses dropping.

"Following Commander Erwin is a wise decision," said Hange solemnly. "Believe me, I know several geniuses, and Erwin could easily outpace them all. Even brilliant people make the wrong call sometimes - he did last week with the perimeter layout around the silo - but that doesn't mean you shouldn't trust them. Especially if the mistake was ages ago."

Levi was quiet. His eyes focused on the moon. It was barely visible, masked by wispy clouds, but their edges glowed, illuminated by its brilliance.

"Look." Hange leaned closer. "There's nothing more frustrating than having your professional skills brought into question because of mistakes you made in your personal life. Don't do that to him, okay?"

He studied the bespectacled face. "It sounds like there's a story behind that."

"It'll have to wait for another time." Hange's head cocked toward the stable. "Looks like someone else wants to talk to you."

He peered over the edge and saw Erwin standing on the stable roof. Even in the dim moonlight, Levi could tell he was wearing his soft face.

"Fuck," he muttered, because he was beginning to feel like a child coming down from a tantrum.

"It'll be okay." Hange's voice was almost too soft to hear. "You'll work this out. You two need each other more than you realize."

"We what?"

"You complement each other well. And even if you're too stubborn to get romantically involved, you both could use a friend. Work past this, okay?"

"Levi," said Erwin from the lower roof, his voice echoing through the courtyard. "When you have a moment, I'd like to talk to you."

Levi sighed. Eyes narrowing at Hange, he said, "If anyone -  _anyone_  - hears even a hint of what we just discussed, I will break your fucking glasses. While you're still wearing them."

Hange smiled. "Go talk to him."

Saying 'thanks' was too difficult, so he added, "And go back to being crazy and weird. It's creepy when you're nice."

He turned, jumped down to the stable roof and rolled the landing, then rose to his feet in front of the Commander. For a moment, they stared at each other.

"Care to join me for a walk?" asked Erwin.

"Isn't that going to make people suspicious?" replied Levi quietly.

"I think ignoring you after your outburst would be even more suspicious."

Levi's ears burned with shame.  _They all must think I'm so fucking childish._

They climbed down to the stable, then fell into pace side-by-side, strolling along the perimeter of the base. The city was so quiet that Levi could hear wind whistling through the tree branches. It was hard to stay angry in such a peaceful setting.

"What's on your mind?" asked Erwin.

Levi shrugged.

"You can tell me. I won't judge."

"Fine." He shrugged again. "These stories I keep hearing are so different from the man I know and respect, and it's hard to figure them out."

"Well, I'm not the same man I was ten years ago. We all must make mistakes and learn from them in order to grow." Erwin rested a hand on his shoulder as they walked. "I'll keep saying this as often as you need to hear it: if this relationship is going to work, you have to see me as a man, not as an ideal. There are going to be parts of my past that bother you, and parts of my present and future as well."

"I know," muttered Levi. "I just wasn't expecting Mike to say all that shit. It put me on edge."

"He was out of line, especially now that I'm his commanding officer. I told him as much once you left, and he'll be acting more professionally in a group setting from now on." Erwin glanced at him. "But there's more to it than that, isn't there?"

"Yeah."

Their wandering footsteps brought them to a pathway that cut through the park behind the base. Erwin sat on a low bench along the pathway, then cocked his head beside him. Levi slumped to a seat.

"I'm sorry you had to hear unflattering things about me, Levi," said Erwin. "I mentioned once that I'm not an easy person to be with - I meant that. I'm not good with relationships. I get caught up in my work and push my partner to the side. I withdraw and become cold when I'm under stress. I'm oblivious to my partner's needs, especially when my work requires my full attention. And yes, sometimes I make selfish decisions.

"But I've never been unfaithful to my partner. You already knew I left Marie to chase after my personal goals. What you may not know is that I tried to do the same to Henrik; in fact, we broke up a good five or six times during the course of our relationship. Sometimes when that happened, I did run back to Marie. I pretended I didn't know she was with Nile, but I knew, deep down, and I betrayed him anyway." He paused. "I'm no ideal."

Levi turned to study him. The moonlight barely illuminated his profile, accentuating the slight hook to his long nose, the sharp tip. He looked strong and beautiful. "Loyalty is important to me."

"I know. I can tell that by the way you're so loyal to those close to you, and I feel lucky to count myself among them. I won't ever betray that trust. I promise."

"I know. I don't feel threatened, just..." The emotions fell into place as he voiced them. "Look, everything is happening so quickly. Maybe I'm panicking a little after seeing how close they all came to guessing everything back there. There's a lot on the line if we're found out, or if we fuck this up and end up unable to get along, and I know it's going to be painful sometimes to pretend there's nothing going on between us..." He trailed off.

Erwin's voice softened: "When you consider my flaws, a part of you wonders if I'm worth the risk and the sacrifices?"

Levi winced. This was too much conflict, too much drama. He pulled away from the conversation for a moment, focusing on their surroundings instead. A bat fluttered between the trees in front of them. In the distance, he could hear the clattering of a horse and carriage. The wind ruffled his cravat, but he was so on edge that the uneven pull on his neck was magnified and irritating. Everything was. He took in a breath and held it.

A hand closed over his.

Levi glanced down at their joined hands resting on the bench between them. "Someone will see."

"It's too dark." Erwin paused, and uncertainty crept into his voice. "Unless you want me to let go?"

"It's fine."

The breeze was chilly, and their joined grip burned in comparison.  _He's doing that thing again, where his hand glows when it touches my skin._

"Levi." Erwin's voice was so soft and deep that Levi swore he could feel it vibrate through his body. "I'm going to tell you every sordid detail about my past - at least, everything that's safe to share. I want to cover every upsetting comment you might ever hear from Mike, Nile or Marie, so that you hear it from me first. Most of all, I want you to see all my flaws so you can decide if I'm worth the risk and the sacrifices, before it's too late to turn back."

 _It's already too late,_  thought Levi, staring at their hands, both grey-blue in the dim moonlight. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I've hurt you twice in as many days, and I don't want that to continue. We'll deal with it all now. I need you to understand the man I was, the man I am. If you don't like what you hear, then I want you to walk away."

Levi's eyes snapped to him, his chest so tight that he couldn't breathe. Erwin's face was gentle, but his jaw was quivering.

"You know I'm not going to walk away, Erwin."

"Please. Hear me out."

"Okay," said Levi, already worried about what he might hear.

Erwin's chin tilted up, his eyes fixing on the stars. "I'll begin by addressing the conversation we were having with Mike. You know Marie was my first mutual love. I fell hard. We dated informally at first, each of us seeing other people on the side, but as time passed, things grew more serious. Though Mike's revelation tonight has shed some light on my skewed perceptions at the time." A muscle in his jaw jumped. "Without thinking to ask Marie's opinion, I automatically assumed she and I were exclusive. I used to do that sometimes, Levi, back in my emotional youth; I would get a convenient idea in my head, and it would become my reality regardless of whether or not it was actually true."

"Is that why Nile's so convinced you're delusional?" asked Levi.

"Maybe. He knows the young, idealistic version of me, the one who hadn't yet fully embraced logic over emotion. But I'm getting off topic before I've even begun." Erwin's voice strengthened again. "After Marie and I parted ways, Henrik came into the picture. He had been trying to win my heart for a couple years, and…"

He paused. The length of the pause suggested something unpleasant was about to follow, and Levi braced himself.

"I took advantage of his feelings for me," said Erwin. "During my first year here, a bunch of us were drinking downtown, and I had been kissing a handsome civilian all night, but he left before things could escalate. I was stumbling drunk and painfully aroused, so I turned to Henrik. He thought I was finally returning his advances, and I let him believe it. The next day, I rejected him all over again - until a few months later, when I was yet again drunk and desperate." His face twisted. "I used him, Levi. For months. I strung him along so that I'd have someone to fuck if I got lonely."

"You fell in love eventually," said Levi, hoping to pardon him.

"Yes, but even when we formally became a couple, we weren't equals. I loved my career first and Henrik second, but he saw me as his top priority. He fought tooth and nail to keep me happy, to pull me closer when I was too caught up in my work. My emotional needs were always met, and his often went neglected." Erwin's eyes drifted up to the sky. "He deserved so much more energy than I was willing to give, but I was his first relationship, so he didn't know any better. And then he threw his life away for me, so he never will."

"But you loved him, right?" said Levi, shocked. The way Erwin had spoken about the man, he had imagined a deep, healthy relationship.

"I did." Erwin's eyes closed, his face still tilted upwards. "That only makes my mistreatment of him that much worse."

 _So that's why he feels so guilty about his death, after all these years,_  thought Levi.  _His grief and regret weren't just about the death itself, but about the relationship as a whole._ His grip tightened around Erwin's hand, and the man looked down at it with widening eyes, as if surprised to remember they were clasped.

"When he died," said Erwin, "I took it poorly. I was too sick with guilt to eat, and I became delirious. They had to force-feed me broth in the san. Shadis came to visit me there - it was the first time we talked in depth. He told me I was too young and talented to throw my life away over a friend's death, and he'd take me to the Capital to sit in on a meeting with the Supreme Commander if I'd just eat a bowl of soup on my own. My ambitions proved more powerful than my emotions, and I ate, so he kept his word." He shook his head. "And on my first night of leave during that visit to the Capital..."

"You slept with Marie," said Levi.

"In spite of what Mike thinks, that's the last time anything happened between us." Erwin glanced at him. "Nile proposed four months later, and they got married right before Jasper was born. I was invited to the wedding, but I didn't go." His jaw tightened. "It was a reminder of everything I had sacrificed to join the Survey Corps. I rarely regret my sacrifices now, but at the time, I resented Nile. So that's another strike against my character, I suppose."

Levi shrugged. "I wouldn't have gone, either. Especially if you were still in love with her."

Erwin gave him a small smile, then sat upright. "So now you know the unpleasant history of my love life, such as it is. There is a smattering - less than a smattering, really - of one-night stands sprinkled in there, but nothing else of note. I suppose I should tell you about my unpleasant professional history as well, particularly my shadier methods of gathering information."

"I already know that you use blackmail," said Levi. "I don't really care."

Erwin studied him for a moment, then said, "You know I have an extensive network of contacts."

"Seems like it, yeah."

"I've worked hard to build them in person, sometimes at great potential risk to myself. Many of them are members of the nobles, government and military. Others are...less legitimate."

That was a surprise. "How much less?"

"I'm not opposed to tapping into gang networks if I have to." Erwin traced the back of his knuckle. "That's how I found out about you."

Levi's eyes snapped to him. "What?"

"One of my contacts mentioned you during idle conversation: the strongest man he had ever met, who flew around on gear like a soldier. My curiosity was piqued. One day, when I was doing a routine trip to the Underground to meet with one of my contacts, I happened to see you, and I was impressed. The next day, I put in a proposal to capture and recruit you."

"Wait," said Levi, because he couldn't figure out why the man was recounting familiar old events as if they were a character flaw. "Was this before or after you knew Lobov was going to hire me?"

"I already knew he would," said Erwin, "but he had no idea."

"What?"

"I wasn't just reacting to Lobov's moves. I played both sides. I used my contacts to subtly bring your skills to Lobov's attention, to plant a seed that you would be the perfect assassin. I had to make sure you were the one he hired; I couldn't leave it up to chance, or he might have tried to hire someone else." Erwin held his gaze. "And then I intentionally provoked him. Shadis gave me an opening, and I took it. Lobov was becoming problematic, and I knew pressuring him would make him consider assassinating me, so he'd turn to you. Two birds with one stone: you would join the Corps, and I would have the opportunity to track Lobov and take him down."

"What the fuck?" Levi jerked his hand free. "Are you saying it's your fault that asshole approached us in the first place?" His ribcage felt as if it were being squeezed. He had always partially blamed Lobov for the deaths of his friends - mostly himself, but partly Lobov. Did that mean that blame lay with Erwin instead?

Erwin studied his own palm, stroking it with his thumb, as if tracing the old wound from their physical altercation. "Here is yet another of my flaws: I didn't see you as a person back then. I saw you as a resource, one that humanity needed in order to win its war." His eyes lifted. "And in exchange, you saw me not as a person, but as a target. You wanted me dead. Things have changed since then, for both of us."

Even though he had a point, Levi's hands tightened into fists. "Okay, fine; keep going. What else do you have to tell me?" He thought back to his discussion with Hange in the tree, to the rumours of the man's brutality. "I've heard you've used torture to get information. Maybe even murder."

"No," said Erwin. "The stakes haven't been that high. Not yet. But you should know I will go to any length for the sake of humanity. I would give my life, or anyone else's. I'll even take lives, if I have to." His face was hard, full of resolve, and Levi's stomach dropped.  _He has no idea._

"You don't want to murder anyone, Erwin. Stick to manipulating humans and slaughtering titans."

"In some cases, murder may be the only viable option."

"No, listen. Human deaths are not something you ever recover from." He shifted, pulling one knee close to his chest. "It doesn't matter who they are, or how much you hate them: you'll never forget the look on their face right when they realize they're going to die. Ever. You'll see every single face every time you close your eyes." A shiver ran through his body.

Erwin glanced at him. "We don't have to follow this line of thought."

It was too late. Levi was already seeing greying skin, pools of blood, so much blood. Washing the floor, washing the inside of the carriage, washing that fucking psycho's clothes, scrubbing blood out of everything, always, and it never came out easily, it stained everything.

"Sometimes people look terrified," said Levi, his voice dropping in pitch. "They get this look of panic that spikes right through your stomach, this raw fear that everyone instinctively understands. Others have a look of hatred. That one's easiest to move past, because it's a look of power, so it's like they die with dignity. Others are almost peaceful. Accepting. That's tough to see, because they're accepting something  _you're_  about to do, as if they're better than you, on a more evolved level. But the worst..." He drew the other knee up to his chest to join the first. "The worst is when a person gives you the look of despair. A look so strong that you can hear their anguish in your mind:  _Why?_  That's the look that haunts you, because there's no good answer, not for most of them" Darkness was sifting into his vision, his muscles tensing, as expressions of the deceased shifted through his memory. So much blood... He scratched the back of his hand, shrinking into himself.

"Levi," said Erwin, his voice tentative, "how many people have you killed?"

"Does it only count if I'm holding the knife? Or does it count if I'm watching and I don't do anything to stop it?"

A pause. "It doesn't count unless you're holding the knife. Especially if you were too young to know how to react."

"I wasn't too young," said Levi. "I knew how to end it, end it all, but it meant I would have had to hold the knife, and I would have had to see one of those four looks on his face." He felt as if the wind were kicking up around them, whistling in his ears. "Was I too scared? Was I afraid of what he'd do to me if I wasn't strong enough to finish him? Or was I just lazy? Was it more convenient to keep doing what we were doing, so I wouldn't have to separate myself from it and question the morality of it?"

"Were you mercenaries?" asked Erwin. His tone was so cautious that Levi's imagination, already overactive with the faces of the dead, painted an image of a foot pressing into ice, trying to apply weight to it without making it crack.

"Mercenaries? Maybe. I don't know anymore. My memory isn't very good. Maybe I blocked a lot of it out. It's hazy. I don't know." His breaths were coming too quickly. The crack was spreading, deepening...

He felt a strong arm across his back, then Erwin pulled him in, embracing him.

"Someone will see," said Levi, his voice thin.

"It's okay. I'd do the same if we were just friends." Erwin pulled him tightly against his chest.

 _Why the fuck was I panicking about the morality of his sex life?_  Levi pressed close to his chest, listening for that strong heartbeat.  _Why does a monster like me think he has the right to judge?_ When he had first joined the Survey Corps, he had dreamed about the moment he would end this heartbeat; he had stared at the face he now loved, wondering which of those four expressions it would wear. Fantasizing about it.

 _Fuck._ The imagery in his mind was so vivid that he shrank against his Commander. How could he have thought these things and delighted in them?

"I'm flawed, Erwin," he said quietly. "I'm beyond flawed. My past is shit-stained and I'm uneducated, and rude, and violent, and constantly sour. Maybe you should be the one asking yourself if I'm worth the sacrifices  _you're_  making."

"It's okay. I know you, Levi, flaws and all, and the more of you I uncover, the harder I fall." Erwin's chin rested on top of his head. "I love all of you, the good and the bad."

Ice water flooded Levi's veins, shocking him into the present.  _Love._  His body felt as if it were floating, his mouth parched, his hands clawing into the back of the man's jacket. "What did you say?"

The pause was a little too long and unnatural.

"I love you, Levi."

Levi pulled away to look up at him. Erwin held his gaze, a muscle jumping in his jaw.

"Why?" was the only word Levi could find.

"Because of everything you just said. You're brave and driven, in spite of all you're endured. Your street smarts and sharp wit more than make up for any missing education. Your rudeness is amusing, and maybe even a little arousing. Your physical strength and violence make you potent in the field, and your happiness shows in subtle ways I'm learning to read. On top of that, you're kinder than you pretend, and you genuinely care about everyone around you." A shy smile wobbled across his lips. "And you already know how I feel about your looks and your skills in the bedroom. I've fallen harder than I ever meant to, harder than I ever have before."

Levi could only stare. In his mind, the last lingering power imbalance between the two of them began to dissipate.  _He loves me. He knows what I am, and he loves me anyway._ He stared at that wobbling smile, seeing not humanity's hope, not his Commander, but a man, a man who was somehow socially awkward in spite of his brilliant diplomacy; a man who was sometimes a little too self-involved, a little too obsessive; a man who acted with decorum, but rutted like a dog in heat whenever he was horny; a man who blurted out morbid thoughts at inappropriate times, who fell asleep after sex, who sometimes used cologne to stretch his baths a day longer than he should, who couldn't handle his drink nearly as well as he thought. The more Levi thought about it, the more he understood what Erwin had been trying to say.  _I already know your flaws, Erwin, even better than you do, and I adore them._

His silence must have sent the wrong message, because Erwin's gaze dropped.

"I apologize. I shouldn't have said the words so soon, especially when you were upset."

"It's fine." Levi tried to swallow, but his mouth was still too dry. "I'm just trying to wrap my head around what we are now."  _Say it back,_  his mind screamed at him, but the moment had passed, and now it felt forced.

"It's all going to be a bit of an adjustment," said Erwin. "Our relationship has changed so dramatically since we first met, especially over the last week. Take some time to decide if this is what you want."

"What?" Levi's lip curled. "Of course it's what I want, dumbass."

Erwin's eyes searched his. "Even after everything I told you?"

"It's like you said: I know you, flaws and all, and..." Now he did have the perfect opportunity to say it back, but his throat caught.

When he finally dared to look up, Erwin was smiling. The man stood, holding out a hand. "If you're feeling better, we should probably get back to the base."

"Yeah." Levi accepted his hand and rose to his feet. He glanced around and, seeing no one in sight, climbed onto the bench. It was low enough that he was only a few centimeters taller than Erwin.

The man looked quizzically up at him.

"No one's around, and we just had our first fight." Levi gripped the back of his neck and pulled him in, pressing a kiss to his lips. Erwin hummed and stepped closer, their bodies flush. When the kiss ended, their gaze held.

"I wouldn't really call this a fight," said Erwin. "And if it was, it was technically at least our second."

"I can't wait until we're past all this early relationship bullshit," said Levi. "When we have a routine and there's none of this insecurity or second-guessing or anything."

"It'll come, in time." Erwin snuggled against his neck, arms wrapping around him. Levi rested his cheek against the man's forehead.

"I wish I was this tall." He closed his eyes, envisioning himself enveloping Erwin in a strong, protective embrace.

"Like I've said, I find your height attractive." Erwin kissed his neck. "We should get back to the base, because your body heat is alluring, and we promised ourselves we'd wait two days before we did any of this. All risks and suspicions aside, I'm still too chafed to take that back."

"Maybe if you stopped dry-humping everything all the time..."

Even in the moonlight, the man's cheeks were visibly dark. "Am I really that bad?"

"Bad? No, it's fucking hot." Levi pressed his lips to one of Erwin's brows; it tickled his lips. "It's like you can't control yourself around me." Blood was rushing between his legs just thinking about it.

Erwin shivered. "We have to stop talking about this." He stepped away, and Levi immediately felt too cold in his absence. He dropped to the ground, falling into place beside him.

They returned to the base in a silence so comfortable that Levi's heart glowed. He glanced up and saw a placid expression on Erwin's face. They'd have to take walks together more often; he didn't expect to feel so light after such a heavy discussion. _Almost as if the heavy subjects are lighter when we share them between us._

As they rounded the corner to the bunks, they could see Mike down at the far end of the hallway - he was leaning against Levi's door, arms folded over his chest.

"You know," whispered Levi, "as soon as his nose heals, our secret is out."

"Yes," said Erwin. "We'll have to tell him before then."

"Tonight?"

Erwin shook his head. "Let's take some time to figure out how we'll word it. We can trust him to keep our secret, but he may take issue with our relationship - particularly since he's still injured from my ugly behaviour while you were missing."

As they approached, Mike pulled away from the door, his arms dropping to his sides.

"I'll let you two talk," said Erwin. "Goodnight, Levi. Mike."

"Wait," said Levi. "The trunk is still in my room."

"It's okay. I'll unpack tomorrow." With a smile, Erwin stepped into his room, then closed the door behind him.

For a moment, Mike and Levi eyed each other.

"Look," said Mike, "I'm sorry I upset you."

"It's fine," said Levi, searching for a believable excuse for his anger. "I'm just pissy. I haven't taken a shit in three days, so my asshole is all jammed up."

The man leaned forward, hair falling into his eyes; his voice was low. "Just tell me this: did Erwin sleep with Marie?"

"None of your business," said Levi, "but no."

"Good." Mike glanced at Erwin's door. "If you two just found some random women, that's fine-"

"How the fuck do you not know that I'm gay, after all this time?"

"Oh." Mike stood tall. "Okay, then: if you two just found some random  _people_ , that's fine, but romance fucks with his head a bit."

"Romance fucks with everyone's head." Levi turned to face his door, ready to open it. "Goodnight, Mike."

The man seemed surprised to be pushed aside mid-conversation, but he only nodded and said, "Goodnight."

Levi hoped the exhausting day would make it easy for him to fall asleep, but even after he had gone through the paces of his nighttime routine and crawled into bed, he tossed and turned.  _Romance fucks with my head, too._ He couldn't stop replaying bits of his conversation with Erwin in his mind, sometimes with apprehension, sometimes with joy. Beneath it all, his darker memories were skirting the perimeter of his consciousness, and he fought to keep them at bay, focusing instead on the memory of that quivering jaw.  _I know you, flaws and all. I love you, Levi._

His bed felt too empty, too cold. Several times, he nearly gave up in favour of joining Erwin in his bed, but he set his jaw and pushed through. He had promised two days, and he wasn't about to break that promise.

Finally, too exhausted to feel embarrassed, he settled on a compromise. He slid out of bed and opened the trunk, then pulled out the dress shirt Erwin had worn under his suit at the gala. It smelled of his cologne, his natural scent, and a bit of alcohol. Sensations flooded Levi's mind: the feeling of Erwin's bare chest under his palm, the flushed ecstasy of his face when he came, the undulations of his hips when he ground into Levi's thigh.

He crawled back into bed and lay on his side, hugging the shirt close. His body finally began to relax. He tried not to let that worry him; he wasn't dependent, he was  _indulging_.

He could indulge a little more, if he chose. He had a two-day wait ahead of him, after all, and orgasm might help him sleep. He dropped a hand between his legs, burying his face in the fabric, letting Erwin's scent fill his nose and mouth. He finished a minute later, so hard that his spine curved and he let out a small yelp.

Now the whole situation felt ridiculous -  _how would he react if he knew you were huffing his scent and pawing at yourself? -_  but Levi was relaxed and glowing. He gave his stomach a few sloppy swipes with a handkerchief, too exhausted to do more. He knew he should go to the bath to wash his hands, but his eyelids were already heavy.

He curled up on his side, hugging the shirt tightly against his chest, and his eyes finally closed.


	16. Deprivation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I broke the 400 kudos milestone with that last chapter (OMG THANK YOU), so I did some thank you art - it's for everyone who has taken the time to fav/follow/review/comment/kudos, no matter where! Your kind words and recommendations mean so very much to me. This is just a little doodle from Chapter 2. http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/95078588646/
> 
> Next chapter will likely take 3 weeks to go up instead of the normal 2, because I've got PAX & a wedding to attend on nearly consecutive weekends, so I'm going to be busy busy busy. Thanks in advance for your patience.
> 
> One last note: I have tried very hard to leave Hange completely gender-neutral in this fic, but a gendered pronoun slipped through last chapter, and I didn't catch it right away. Sorry about that. :( The phrase has been fixed now.
> 
> Okay! Enough rambling. Let's do this.
> 
> Previous Chapter: Erwin and Levi return to the Survey Corps base, and Mike and Hange get nosy and almost figure out everything. Levi freaks out and has a calming chat with Hange, then a revealing discussion with Erwin, where we learn a bit more about Levi's past. They've agreed to be platonic for two days, to avoid raising suspicions.

**-16-**

**Deprivation**

Erwin awoke before dawn. His bed was cold, his underwear was tight, and drool coated his chin. He wiped his face and sat up.  _What a miserable contrast to the last few mornings._

The first thing he needed to do was take care of the bulge between his legs. Ever since his romantic life had heated up with Levi, his libido, normally a low smoulder, had erupted into flames, and the next two days were going to be unbearable if he didn't give himself release. Unfortunately, his bladder was full enough that it was sure to be distracting. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and waited; the hallways were usually quiet before reveille, but he didn't want to chance on anyone in this worked up state. Once his body had calmed down, he gathered his toiletries and pulled on a pair of pants.

He pushed open the bathroom door, and his breath caught. Levi leaned close to the mirror, shaving his jaw, a towel wrapped around his waist. Erwin's underwear began to feel too tight again.

"Morning, Levi," he said, keeping his tone casual.

Levi's eyes shifted to him. "Morning. Sleep okay?"

"Not quite as well as I did in the Capital."

"Yeah, me neither." Levi's eyes shifted back to the mirror. "We're alone, by the way."

"Good. Then I can do this." Erwin strode forward and pressed a kiss into the top of the man's head.

"Hey, watch it. I've got a razor here." In spite of the words, the man's cheeks flushed.

Erwin stepped into a stall and closed the door. "Your hair's dry. Not bathing this morning?"

"Don't talk to me while you're taking a shit."

"I'm not."

"Shit, piss, whatever, it's still nasty." He heard the razor swish through water. "It's a heated bath day. I'll join in at the regular time."

Erwin waited until he had left the stall to reply. "You know they're putting automatic showers into the Military Police barracks? They'll be heated, and they won't even require a hand pump."

Levi grimaced, then patted his face dry. "Maybe I should put in a transfer. Would be nicer than stewing in everyone else's juices any time I want a hot bath."

The door swung open, and Mike stepped through. He bobbed his head at them and then stepped into the stall.

"Looks like everyone's up early today." Erwin leaned close to the mirror and began to lather shaving cream on his face and neck. In his periphery, he could see Levi watching him; he subtly tilted his neck to expose his throat, then flexed his neck and chest muscles, hoping to give the man a flattering view. He could feel tension curling between their bodies like smoke.

"Gym, Levi?" came Mike's voice from the stall.

"Now you're talking at me from the toilet, too?" Levi shook his head. "It's basic manners: if your asshole is open, your mouth is closed."

Erwin mouthed,  _Even in bed?_

Levi, unimpressed, flattened his lips at him.

"Can't sleep," said Mike, emerging from the stall. He began to wash his hands. "Want to spar a bit before breakfast?"

"Yeah, sure," said Levi. "Could use some action before we're stuck in meetings all day."

"Erwin?"

The Commander hesitated. He normally preferred to exercise in the evening, when the other soldiers were drinking or playing cards. He liked having the gym to himself. The idea of watching Levi in action, however, was tempting. Besides, who knew how busy he'd be that night, working on the proposal?

"I have been feeling a bit soft after indulging so much in the Capital," he said, rubbing his stomach. "Maybe I'll come lift some weights."

"Just weights?" Levi looked disappointed. "Now that I know you can fight hand-to-hand, I want to spar with you."

"I doubt I would provide much of a challenge." Erwin smiled. "We'll see how I feel. I'll meet you two down there."

Once he had shaved and changed, he descended the stone stairs that led to the gym. He paused at the bottom of the stairs, watching from the doorway. Mike and Levi didn't seem to notice him; they were locked in combat in the roped-off fighting ring near the back of the room. They wore thick gloves, padded helmets, chest pads, and pads on their shins and forearms, but Erwin doubted any of that did much good. Most of their attacks whiffed, and they redirected a few, but the ones that hit were loud enough that they echoed through the room.

The gym was a sparse room that had once been a spare weapons warehouse, back when the much larger Garrison force had inhabited the barracks. Aside from the makeshift fighting ring, it consisted of a few benches, a couple barbells and weights, a punching bag, and a few sets of dumbbells. Most soldiers seemed to prefer training in the yard, using their 3DMG or jogging. While stamina, speed and 3DMG handling were important, Erwin had always been careful to set aside time to train the basics: weights and hand-to-hand combat. His family had instilled that in him from a young age. Equilibrium inside the walls was bound to shift eventually, and when that happened and chaos arose, Erwin would be prepared to defend himself.

He settled on a weight bench, intending to start his workout, but found himself taking a few more minutes to watch the pair spar. This wasn't the first time the three of them had all been in the gym at the same time, but the details had never been this important to him before.

Mike's fighting style hadn't evolved much since they were young: graceless, but powerful. He had a bad habit of telegraphing his moves before he followed through, but his strength was so overpowering that his unpredictability seldom mattered. Most soldiers had similar fighting styles with gear and without, but Mike was an exception: with gear on, he became efficient, lethal and graceful, his skill second only to Levi.

Levi.

Erwin's gaze locked onto him. He had faced his combat style a couple times before, and he hadn't stood a chance against it. Levi's strength on its own would have posed a challenge, but it was his inhuman speed that elevated him to an impossible opponent. He sifted out of the way of punches like sand on the wind, the muscles of his bare chest and abdomen contracting in ripples. Even against Mike, the fight was one-sided. Mike couldn't land a clean hit on him.

Erwin's heart had begun to beat too quickly. He pulled his eyes away from Levi and began to load weights onto the barbell. He had a simple routine, three to four times a week: bench press, squats, bent-over rows and deadlifts, followed by a variety of abdominal exercises and pull-ups. Some days, when he had more time, he spent more time working the small muscles of his arms, shoulders, back and chest. He naturally tended toward a lanky upper body, his muscles concentrated below the waist; the 3DMG didn't help that, with its demands on the core and legs. It took concerted effort to keep his upper body filled out.

He was halfway through his third set of bench presses when Levi leaned over him, face damp and flushed. The silver-blue eyes were alight with such interest that Erwin felt a surge of strength. He finished the set cleanly and set the bar back into place, breathing hard.

"Not bad," said Levi, inspecting the weights. "Was that your first set?"

"Third."

"Third? You should go heavier. I bet you can press twenty kilos more than this, easy."

Erwin sat up, wiping his damp neck with a towel. "Maybe. Or maybe that would end up trapping me under the bar."

"That's why you shouldn't lift alone. You need someone to spot you." Levi glanced back at Mike, who was leaning against the wall by the fighting ring, nursing a water flask. "Why don't we lift together next time?"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I'd like to spot you." Eyes still on Mike, Levi lowered his volume: "I like seeing you straining and sweaty."

Erwin was glad his face was already red. "Next time, then."

"Hey, Erwin," called Mike. He set his flask down and stood. "You're up next."

"I wasn't planning on sparring."

"I want a rematch from the other night."

"Some other time." Erwin stood and lowered the barbell to the floor, beginning to load it with weights for his deadlifts.

"Hm," said Levi.

"Hm what?"

"Now that I know you can fight, I want to see you in action." Levi folded his arms over his bare chest, looking down his nose at him. "You weren't much of a challenge last time we faced off."

 _He's just trying to provoke you,_  thought Erwin, but it was working.

"I can see I won't get any peace until I go through with this," he said, striding toward Mike. "Levi, give me your pads. I'll take on Mike first."

"Mine are all sweaty, and they'll be too small on you, anyway. Here." Levi dug through the equipment bin and pulled out a fresh set. He began to help Erwin strap them on - an unnecessary gesture, but appreciated, especially because their hands accidentally brushed against each other several times. Erwin subtly breathed in, enjoying the scent of the warm air radiating from Levi's skin.

Once he was fully outfitted, he stepped into the ring, squaring off with Mike. He held his fists high and relaxed into stance. Mike's eyes were partially hidden beneath a fringe of dark blond hair, but Erwin used them as an anchor anyway, taking in his whole form at once.

He took a deep breath, tapping into a side of himself he hadn't used for many years. After his father's death, his mother had insisted on hiring a self defense instructor for her children; they had trained several times a week right until Erwin had left for the military. The constant practice had been necessary; Erwin had been a slow pupil. For one thing, his sister was naturally the more bloodthirsty of the two of them, while he had considered physical conflict brutish. For another, he had a natural tendency to overthink his moves instead of trusting his instincts, making him slow to react. It had taken years of constant repetition to hone his skills and sharpen his speed. He had hated it at the time, but now he had no doubt the classes had prepared him for a successful career in the military.

"All right," he said. "Let's go."

Mike snapped out a few jabs, testing him, and Erwin's jaw set. The man's old tells had faded since the last time they had sparred. Training with Levi was paying off.  _That's going to make this matchup more difficult._

A hook barrelled toward Erwin's head. He sidestepped, delivering a soft punch to Mike's ribs as a rebuke. "Not to the face."

"Fine." The man circled him, eyes narrow, jaw set. Erwin kept pace, watching, waiting for an opening.

Then Mike stepped forward for a punch, leaving a small patch of his flank unguarded. Erwin ducked under his fist and drove for the opening, but before he could connect, Mike knocked his arm away.

"I've been sparring with Levi, you know. I'm used to short people tricks."

"Short," scoffed Erwin.

Their back and forth continued, each blocking the other's punches. Erwin felt lighter with each move, as if the contact between them was jarring loose years of grief and responsibility. The banter, the knowing smirks, the mindless violence: he was young again, cocky and spry. He dodged two punches and a kick, spinning to Mike's back, and gave a low laugh.

The man whipped around to face him, eyes narrow. "Stop holding back."

"I'm not holding back," lied Erwin. "I'm out of practice."

"Bullshit. Where are your kicks?"

"I'm an old man, Mike. My hips don't flex the way they used to." Truthfully, he was saving his legs, waiting until the man got fatigued enough to start falling back on his old tells. The wait shouldn't be too much longer; he was already beginning to telegraph his hooks, twitching his shoulder back for a brief instant before driving forward. A few more minutes, and every move would play across his face before his body had even initiated it.

He stared down his prey.  _Once that happens, you're mine._ Fire beat through his heart, his limbs tingling.

"Don't wear yourselves out," said Levi. "I want a turn, too."

His voice was such a powerful distraction that Erwin momentarily dropped his focus. He snapped back to himself to see Mike's shin driving for his flank.

 _Shit!_ He instinctively dropped, and the shin grazed the top of his head. He used his momentum to sweep out Mike's support leg. The man gave an undignified yelp and plummetted to the floor.

"You're down," said Erwin. "Your turn, Levi."

"That wasn't a proper fight," said Mike, sitting up. "You were toying with me."

"We had a proper fight recently enough that I'm not ready to relive it," said Erwin. His pulse was audible in his ears, his lungs burning. He stood and held out a hand. "Maybe I'll be more aggressive when my guilt fades. Or maybe you should have applied more pressure until I was forced to fight back."

Mike grumbled, but clasped his hand and rose to his feet. He leaned against the wall and unclasped his flask.

"You need a minute?" asked Levi, climbing into the ring.

"Just one." Erwin studied him. Their height difference was going to drastically impact the balance of the fight. While his reach would be a clear advantage at a distance, Levi would have the advantage in close quarters.  _With his speed, it's going to be hard to keep him in my optimal range._

"You're trying to size me up, right?"

"Yes."

"It won't help." Levi shrugged. "You can't win this kind of fight with strategy. Thinking just slows you down."

Erwin smiled. "So I've heard."

"Ready?"

"Yes."

The word had barely left his lips when Levi was barrelling at him, so fast that his body was a blur. Erwin instinctively threw out a forearm, blocking a punch before he had fully registered what was happening. Levi's free hand drilled toward him, and Erwin's other arm snapped out to block that one, too.

For a moment, they stared at each other, their arms locked and straining, and he swore Levi smirked at him.

The contact broke. Levi ducked, and somehow he was already at Erwin's flank, driving a foot towards his shin. Erwin lifted his leg just in time to avoid it, trying to carry his motion forward to smack the back of the moving knee, but he his foot found only air. Levi's fist popped into his ribs with so much force that Erwin staggered, clutching his side.  _He's too fast. I can't read him._

Levi stood in front of him, chin angled so that he was looking down his nose at him. "You were the best in your class?"

Erwin grinned. "Told you I wouldn't be much of a challenge." Pride was tinting his vision red, but he blinked it back, refusing to let it take control.  _Every fighter has weaknesses. Find his._

He stood tall, lifting his arms. "Keep going."

"If you're sure."

Levi drove forward again, this time stopping short and snapping out a heel at gut-height. Erwin sidestepped it - right into Levi's backhand, which connected with the padding over his ear.

"Your ear would be ringing now," said Levi, eyes twinkling. "You would stagger backwards, stunned and defenseless, and I'd drop you."

Erwin's teeth clenched; he caught the man's arm and twisted, trying to force him to the ground, but Levi was short enough that he was able to spin out from under the hold to relieve the pressure on his arm. He reclaimed his arm, then his elbow swung at Erwin's gut.

Time slowed.

 _He always does multiple moves in a row,_  thought Erwin. _Don't be distracted by his main movement. Be looking for the follow-up as you dodge._ As he stepped back out of the elbow's way, he scanned the man's other limbs. There; Levi's heel was lifting. _He's going to kick. His elbow is still extended._

Erwin shifted back out of his reach, then swung his back leg under the elbow, aiming for Levi's unprotected flank.

The kick connected.

Levi staggered back a step, then looked up, eyes wide. Taking advantage of his shock, Erwin followed up with a roundhouse kick, smacking the side of his arm.

Levi bared his teeth, brows dropping.

If Erwin had been able to keep him at that distance, he might have been able to press his advantage, but Levi was too fast. He closed the gap between them, throwing out a barrage of blows. Erwin frantically deflected them all, the bones of his forearm aching from the jarring force. A surprise punch caught him under the jaw.

 _I can't read him when he's this close. I need to get him out of range._ He thrust his palms at Levi's shoulders, intending to shove him back. One connected, but Levi caught the other one with both hands.

The world flipped, then Erwin lay on his back, his breath coming in short blasts. He tried to sit up, but Levi sat on top of him.

"You're down."

 _Not yet._  Erwin rolled, trying to manoeuvre himself into a position of superiority. Levi caught his arms and carried the movement further. When they settled, Levi was straddling Erwin's hips, leaning forward, his fist at Erwin's trachea.

"Try that again, blondie," dared Levi. His face and chest were flushed, his breaths ragged, sweat plastering his dark body hair to his chest and abdomen. A bead of sweat trailed off the end of his nose, landing on Erwin's chin.

 _Oh fuck, that's hot._ Testosterone swam in Erwin's blood. He wanted to grab the man by the hair and pull him down, kiss him, bite him, drive against that muscled, clothed ass centered so perfectly over his groin. He wanted to wrestle with him, try to overpower each other, rolling over and over, until the friction between them made one of them go under.

His eyes searched Levi's. The man closed his mouth and swallowed hard.

"Well," said Mike, his tone so awkward that Erwin wondered if their sexual tension was obvious. "What next?"

Levi rose to his feet, his knees creaking. Erwin quickly rolled onto his front, pretending he was trying to catch his breath. The thin shorts were too revealing. He closed his eyes and tried to think of the least appealing imagery he could imagine -  _Nile fucking Marie, Nile fucking Levi, Levi fucking Sahlo_.

He felt a foot nudge his flank, then Mike spoke: "Levi, I think you broke him."

"I'm fine." Erwin reached for his towel and sat up, subtly dropping the towel over his lap. He raked a hand through his hair, avoiding looking at Levi in case he got flustered all over again. "But I should probably head upstairs. The bath should be heated by now, and I have a few things to do before our meeting this morning."

"We should do this again sometime," said Levi, and even the slight ragged sound to his voice made Erwin's pulse rise.

"Indeed." Not sure what else to say, and still trying to avoid eye contact, Erwin marched from the gym.

He returned to his room, locked the door behind him, then whipped off his shorts. It took him seconds to harden again, and he lay on his back on the bed, fist tight and tugging hard, fixated on that tense moment after the fight. His back began to arch, and he felt a cry building in his throat. He clapped his free hand over his mouth in case the sound was about to escape.

A knock sounded at the door.

Erwin froze, and for a moment, the only sound was his shuddering breaths.

"Hey Erwin, you in there?" said Levi, his voice so warm and liquid that Erwin felt it drizzle over his skin.

 _Don't,_  he told himself, but he was already striding across the room. He opened the door, grabbed Levi by the wrist and yanked him into the room, closing and locking the door behind him.

Levi stared. "You're naked."

Erwin grabbed the man's hair and kissed him hard, the force of it knocking him against the wall. He kissed a line down the slender neck, using his teeth, then across to his armpit, and he breathed in.

"What the hell?" Levi tried to pull away, but his hair was caught in Erwin's fist. "Get your face out of my armpit, you pig."

"But you smell so good." Erwin released his hair and kissed the underside of his arm, then down his flank, his groin aching. The man's sweat didn't smell like sweat; it smelled like thick forest, rippling muscles, and flushed, panting faces.

"I'm disgusting," protested Levi. "And you said we had to wait at least two-"

"I know what I said." Erwin kissed down the salty, damp trail of hair of his abdomen, pulling down his waistband. He breathed hot air along Levi's length, then looked up, giving him a chance to back out.

He could tell by the pinched brows that Levi was torn. "Does it stink?"

"No."

"Fine, then – if you really want to, go ahead and-" His voice ended in a gasp as Erwin's mouth closed over him.

He tasted stronger than usual, and Erwin sucked hard, relishing the uncensored flavour.  _So good, you taste and smell so good._ He used his hand alongside his mouth, taking him hard and fast, driven by the momentum of their fight. His other hand wrapped around himself again, stroking hard.

"Oh fuck," gasped Levi, beginning to counter-thrust.

Erwin glanced up and saw the man watching with slit eyes, his hair stringy with sweat, his red face streaked with drying salt.  _This man, so powerful, so beautiful._ He tried to cry out, but the sound was muffled deep in his throat.

"Oh shit," breathed Levi, his head lolling back to rest against the wall. "I'm going to- Oh  _shit."_

Erwin swallowed, savouring the taste and the warmth. He hung on long enough to carry Levi through, then let himself fall. The climax itself was small in comparison to the intensity of the buildup, more like a hiccup than an orgasm. He would have been disappointed, but then he looked up and saw wonder on Levi's face, and somehow, that was enough to satisfy him.

He gave one last stroke and swirl of his tongue to make sure Levi was dry, then tucked him back into his shorts and stood.

"You wanted something?"

Levi's eyes were wide. "What?"

"You knocked on my door."

The eyes fluttered closed. "Yeah. Bath. Heading to the bath."

"Let me just grab my towel." He opened a drawer to pull one out, then wrapped it around his waist. When he turned around again, Levi was still flat against the wall. "You okay?" he asked, a little smug.

Levi raked a hand through his hair; it fell in his face again. "Were you rubbing one out when I knocked or something?"

"Yes."

"After how hard you were at the gym, I had the feeling you might be."

"And yet," said Erwin, "you still knocked."

Levi shook his head. "Two days. Fucking pathetic. We can't even make it through one."

"This doesn't count," said Erwin. "There was no foreplay, no cuddling, no sharing a bed together afterwards. Besides, the whole thing barely lasted a minute - there was no risk that we would have been caught."

"Sounds to me like you're changing the rules of the game." Levi caught the back of his neck, pulling him down for a slow, gentle kiss. When they pulled apart, his face twisted. "Oh fuck, is that what I taste like right now? That's disgusting."

One last spasm rippled between Erwin's legs. "I like it," he said, his cheeks warming, and to cover up his sudden shyness, he cleared his throat. "We should bathe now if we want time for breakfast before the meeting."

As they walked side by side down the hallway, Levi glanced up at him. "You fight well."

"I could barely touch you."

"You landed two hits on me. It took Mike several sessions to get that far. We should spar together more. We'd probably learn a thing or two from each other."

"Even now that you know what it does to me?"

"Not just you." Levi looked straight ahead, his face blank. "We'll just have to make sure to shoot out a load or two first so we don't start going at each other in front of Mike."

"'Shoot out a load,'" repeated Erwin, amused.

They stepped into the bath and found Mike sitting near the back, away from the new recruits. He waved them over.

As they approached, Erwin's gaze fixed on his bandages.  _If he had his sense of smell back, he'd smell Levi and me all over each other._  He still wasn't sure how Mike was going to react; he had a habit of being protective of Erwin's personal life. He had never liked Marie, and he had been watchful of Henrik, always taking Erwin's side when the two had a fight. Levi and Mike had been developing a strong friendship – was that going to be impacted?  _We're going to have to talk with him soon._

They slipped into the water next to Mike and sat. Levi immediately began to soap himself, but Erwin took a minute to lean back, letting the warm water soothe his muscles.

"I still want a proper rematch," said Mike.

"You'll get one. Just give my aching bones a day or two to heal." Erwin let his head loll back against the edge of the bath. "Are both of you ready for the interviews?" He noticed Levi staring at his throat, his hands frozen in place mid-scrub. He was becoming aware that Levi found his neck and throat attractive; he stretched his head a little, putting on a show.

"I don't like the idea of interviewing people without being to smell them," said Mike.

"What does smelling them tell you, anyway?" asked Levi, resuming his scrubbing.

"Their character. People's scents change depending what they're thinking and feeling."

Levi raised a brow at him. "Yeah? What did your nose tell you about me?"

"That you would make a strong enemy, but a stronger ally."

Levi looked unconvinced. "What about Erwin?"

"That he's worth following."

"I'm glad you feel that way," said Erwin. "I'm sorry again about your nose. If you take off the bandage, has the swelling gone down enough for you to at least get some scent off the soldiers you're interviewing?"

Mike shrugged, not looking him in the eye. Erwin felt a pang of regret. Of all the places to attack, why had he gone for the nose?

"Well, give it a try," he said. "If it doesn't work, then we'll leave your squad open to shuffling. You can sniff them out later."

"You're going to creep them out," muttered Levi, shaking his head. "The two of you are like damned dogs."

Erwin's cheeks burned, recalling the delicious scent of Levi's sweat; he glanced at Mike, who looked confused.

They washed, carefully not looking each other in the eye, as was typical during group baths. Erwin allowed himself a few seconds to take in Levi's shoulders and upper back, enjoy the way the water made his skin glisten, but he looked away before he could become too obvious.

Spending the morning in Levi's company was so enjoyable that he tried to drag out the bath as long as possible, but eventually, he ran out of body parts to wash. His heart ached as he tore himself away. There were tasks yet to complete before the recruiting started up. Besides, it wasn't like him to spend so much time socializing, and Mike was bound to grow suspicious.

He took his breakfast alone in his office, double-checking candidate files to ensure they were stacked in alphabetical order. While he had been in the Capital, Berit had personally pulled the files and compiled the roster, and his quick spot-check showed that she had done an excellent job of it.

The Squad Leaders arrived shortly before nine o'clock, and Erwin was surprised by the way his stomach flipped when he saw Levi, even though they had only been separated for a short time. He nodded cordially at him, and Levi nodded back, face stoic.

Once everyone was seated, Erwin greeted them. "Hange, would you mind keeping notes on the roster?" The task seemed most befitting someone with a research background.

"Sir." Hange accepted the stack of papers.

"Mike, how's your nose?" he asked, noting the man had taken off the bandages.

"Still can't smell a damned thing," said Mike.

"Hopefully that will change by the time we're finalizing the squads," said Erwin, feeling guilty. "All right, everyone, let's start by having the four of you call out the soldiers you would like to hand-pick for your squads. If there are any disputes, we can talk through them. Then, we can begin calling in the remaining candidates for interviews."

"I want Nanaba and Henning," said Mike. "And that new recruit Lynne seems strong – I'd still like to interview her, though."

"My squad is pretty good the way it is," said Berit, the only one of the four who was an experienced Squad Leader. "There are a few I think might be better fits on other squads. Moblit would make an excellent researcher, Hange, and Dita might suit you, too. There are five or six soldiers who are better suited to a scouting team, as well." As she began to rattle off names, Hange furiously scribbled notes on the roster.

"Give me Eld and Gunther," said Levi. "And I want those three new recruits Erwin's bringing across from the MP."

"Ral and Bozado will go to you when they eventually transfer," said Erwin, "but the third will go to Mike." If Sahlo was going to plant a spy, then he wanted that person far away from Levi. Even if they managed to keep their relationship a secret, someone watching them closely might notice suspicious glances or telling conversations. Besides, Mike was difficult to read, and his nose helped him excel at tracking spy movements.

"Oh, I guess that just leaves me," said Hange. "There's a new recruit, Nifa, who has training as a lawyer's aid. I think she might be helpful with the administration side of research."

"We should interview her regardless," said Erwin. "I may have use for her in an administrative setting as well, if you are willing to share her." He would have to keep one ear on the interviews in case any other administrative folks turned up. They might be able to help him streamline the paperwork required of the senior officers.

Once they had sorted out the names, the interviews began. They pulled in the soldiers one at a time, asking them questions. At first, the four Squad Leaders were a bit lost, so Erwin did most of the talking. Once they were on their third interview, however, Berit seemed to have caught on. By the fifth, even Levi was asking a few questions – not always in the most polite manner, but it was something.

Content that the four had everything under control, Erwin turned his attention to the expedition proposal. It was going to be difficult to build it without knowing where, exactly, the silos were, but he would build the backbone the best he could until Sahlo came through with the specifics. The two week timeline he had given himself for the proposal was going to be tight, so he wanted to get as much of a head start as he could. He needed to start getting results while Sahlo was still intimidated; time and distance had a way of dulling fear.

They broke for lunch, the five of them sitting at a table in the dining hall, comparing notes and thoughts. Erwin sat next to Levi, their thighs nearly touching, and he couldn't help remembering their secret hand-hold – it seemed so long ago now. He used his peripheral vision to watch Levi, sliding his foot closer until their boots pressed together. He felt a small nudge in return; taboo magnified the tiny hint of affection. Shivers ran down his spine.

The interviews continued until dinner, and this time, their meal break was less energetic. Hange kept shaking out the hand that had been taking notes, as if it were cramping. Mike and Berit seemed to be passing the same yawn back and forth, and Levi's eyes were dull. Though Erwin would have liked to push for a couple hours after dinner, he decided they had put in enough work for one day. He shouldn't push them too hard. Once they had eaten, he dismissed them.

He had no such restraint when it came to his own limits, however, and he settled at his desk, intent on working as long as his energy held out. He had, after all, already visited the gym, and there would be no romance with Levi, so he might as well use his momentum. Any hours spent now could be reclaimed the next night, when he and Levi would come to the end of their two-day pact.

He didn't realize he had fallen asleep until his name startled him awake.

He sat up, his breath coming in a snort. The lamp was low, nearly out of oil. Levi sat across from him, one leg crossed over the other, dressed only in pyjama bottoms and slippers.

"Did you fall asleep at your desk again?"

"I suppose I did." Erwin sat up and smoothed the paper in front of him, setting his pen aside. "What time is it?"

"Three. You do this a lot?"

"Reasonably often." He tilted his head, studying Levi. The man had dark circles under his eyes. "What are you doing up so late? Can't sleep?"

Levi shrugged. "Bad dreams again. Went for a walk to calm down, saw your light was still on."

"Do you need me to be there with you?"

He raised a brow. "I thought we were waiting until tomorrow night."

"We are, but your well-being is more important than that." Erwin watched him, trying to gauge his response. He was certain the man would refuse his invitation, but his inflection and posture would indicate whether or not the refusal was sincere.

"Nah, I'll be fine," said Levi. "I'd probably just attack you again, anyway." His face twisted.

"Levi-"

"No, we're not going to talk about it. I just..." The man shrugged, looking away. "I appreciate your concern. I'm fine." The words were jagged, as if he was forcing them out, but they seemed sincere.

Erwin nodded. "If you're certain. Let me know if I can do anything to help."

"Yeah. Thanks." Levi's arms folded over his chest, so tightly that his muscles flexed. "You still haven't unpacked your clothes out of the trunk."

"Ah, sorry, I had forgotten all about it."

"Well, come get it soon. It's stinking up my room with your smell." Was that a blush showing on the pale cheeks? It was difficult to tell in the dim light.

Erwin stood and circled the desk. "Come here," he said gently.

Levi gave an irritable sigh, but stood. "I told you, I'm fine."

"I know you are. I just want to give you a hug. As a friend." He wrapped his arms around the smaller man. As he drew him in, he caught a whiff of his own cologne coming off Levi's hair.  _Is he using my scent to calm himself somehow? Maybe my old clothes, or my cologne bottle?_ He wasn't certain if he was interpreting that correctly or not, and asking would probably just humiliate him, but it gave him an idea.

"Here." He stepped away and pulled off his jacket. "Sleep in this. It smells like me, so it'll be like I'm there holding you."

Levi's cheeks darkened. "What is it with you and smell?"

Erwin ignored him, draping the jacket around his shoulders. "You can return it to me in the morning, but no hurry. I have plenty of spares."

"Sentiment," muttered Levi, but his face softened. "You should get some sleep, too."

"In a little bit." He crouched down to kiss the man's forehead. "Until tomorrow night, Levi."

The man looked up at him, his pupils large and soft in the dim light. Erwin stepped away, feeling loneliness pre-emptively tighten around his heart. Clearing his throat, he circled back to his chair and eased into it.

By the time he looked up again, Levi was gone. He set his jaw and continued his work, determined not to be distracted by his emotions.

.*.*.*.

Erwin awoke to a knock at his office door. Sunlight streamed through the windows. He had slept through reveille. At least he had made good headway before passing out again; he was well on track to meeting his deadline.

"Sir?" called a light voice.

"Come in." He stood and stretched his head. His neck was aching; he must have slept with his head smashed to the desk at an odd angle. Long nights were getting considerably more and more difficult as he aged.  _Next time, I'll put on a pot of coffee._

Nanaba stepped into the room, holding a stack of envelopes. "Mail, sir."

"Just leave it on the desk. Thank you, Nanaba."

The door had barely closed when it swung open again. Levi marched into the room, using two hands to carry a mug on a saucer, Erwin's jacket tucked under his arm. "I thought I told you to go to bed, idiot."

"Good morning, Levi."

"Here." Levi whipped the jacket at him.

Erwin caught it one-handed, then lifted it to his nose and breathed in. "It smells like you," he said, partly to tease him.

"Shut up," said Levi, looking away, his cheeks red.

"Did it help?"

"I don't know. Probably." Levi set down the mug. Coffee. He slumped into a chair. "Mike's bringing you breakfast in a few minutes."

Erwin put on his jacket, then began to sort through his mail. "What time is it?" Several envelopes had come from potential investors he had spoken with during the gala. He set them in a separate pile on his desk.

"Ten to eight." Levi leaned forward and adjusted the pile of envelopes, squaring their edges.

"I see. I really overslept." Erwin's voice faded as he came upon an envelope addressed in familiar script. His brows lowered. "Dammit."

"What?"

"My sister sent mail here. She's getting bolder." He reached for his letter opener to slit the end of the envelope. He skimmed the letter, skipping over the guilt trips and religious rhetoric. "She wants to meet me at my apartment tomorrow at five o'clock. If I'm not there, she's going to come find me here." He let out a low sigh. He had gone to great lengths to ensure that his home life and his professional life never intersected, and she was threatening to destroy fifteen years of successful separation.

"Stubborn little shit, isn't she?" said Levi.

"Family trait." Erwin clenched his teeth and folded the letter, shoving it in a drawer. "I suppose I've let this go on long enough. I'll make time to meet with her."

"I'll come."

Erwin raised a brow. "This is a private family matter, Levi. There's no need."

"She seems desperate, and you have no idea what the hell she's like anymore, or what those Wall fuckers might ask her to do." Levi shrugged, but Erwin saw genuine worry ripple across his features. "I'd rest better knowing you had backup if this was all some sort of trap."

"Well, if it would put you at ease, it might be nice to have company." The concern was touching, and more than that, his logic was sound. For all he knew, the Wallists might have brainwashed his sister into some sort of assassin. She had always been passionate and volatile, so she would be easy to control - and as Commander of the Survey Corps, he was certainly a threat to their ideals.

The final envelope was large and thick, marked with Sahlo's seal. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. "I suppose now we'll see if my gamble paid off."

"Oh?" Levi leaned forward.

Erwin held up the envelope, tapping the seal with his fingertip. "Our friend Sahlo replied earlier than expected. It certainly feels thick enough to contain the information I requested."

"'Morning," said Berit from the doorway. She settled into a chair. "No couches yet?"

"I'm working on it," he replied, distracted. He felt Levi's eyes on him as he slit the wax, then pulled out the thick bundle of papers.

The first several pages were an itemized list of silos by coordinates, and he felt a wave of relief. "He came through. Thanks again for your help, Levi. This will shape the course of the Survey Corps in the months to come."

Levi's body relaxed, and he slumped into the chair again. "Glad that shit-for-brains was good for something."

"Morning," called Mike as he stepped into the room, Hange on his heels. He set a bowl of porridge on the desk.

"Morning. Thanks," said Erwin without looking up. He flipped through the pages, skimming the contents. Several silos held food supplies and weapons, far more than he had expected. They would be able to build a good dozen caches out of these supplies alone, if they were able to recover all of them. There were sizable tax caches here, too, and a quick mental calculation showed there'd be more than enough to support Hange's weapons research.

He flipped to the last page, and his good mood faded. He let out a low, humourless chuckle.

"What are you laughing about?" asked Levi, leaning closer.

Erwin lowered the paper so he could read it for himself:

_My Dear Commander Erwin,_

_It's with the greatest of excitement that I join you on this business venture to aid the Survey Corps with future expeditions and weapons research. With you at the helm, I'm sure the public's long-unfulfilled expectations will at long last be realized, and you won't fritter away their tax revenues the way past Commanders have. I am delighted to supplement their hard-earned money with funds from my own pocket._

_As we discussed, I have enclosed the fully itemized list of silos. I'm sure the food and alcohol stores, in particular, will help keep your soldiers fat and happy in the manner to which they're accustomed._

_I was so excited about our arrangement that I couldn't contain myself! I pulled some strings and arranged the preliminary expedition presentation for Friday at noon. I understand this gives you a narrow timeframe for the preparations, but I'm confident a man of your brilliance won't let us down._

_I'm a man with many connections, Commander Erwin, and I'm sure you'll come to appreciate, in time, how important it is to have me as an ally._

_Eagerly and with great hope_ _,_

_[Sahlo's seal]_

Levi squinted at the words. Erwin could tell he was struggling with the flowing script, but he didn't dare insult him by offering to help.

"Wait," said Levi. "It's Wednesday today, and the meeting is Friday? So you have to travel back to the Capital overnight tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"What?" said Hange, and he realized the other Squad Leaders had been listening in. "But you were going to take the next two weeks to work on the proposal."

"And that was already going to be a stretch. I'm afraid our new ally has made things very, very difficult for me." Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "I ask that the four of you conduct the interviews somewhere else today, as I'll need a quiet environment to finish off this proposal. Berit and Mike, would you be so kind as to arrange transport to Mitras for tomorrow night at ten o'clock? And perhaps one of you could fetch me a pot of coffee. Hange, I'll need to meet with that young woman who has legal training, the one we interviewed yesterday."

"Nifa, sir?"

"Nifa, yes. I'll need her feedback on my proposal a few hours before I leave, to give me time to edit it. Could you ask her to come by my office tomorrow at five o'clock?"

"Erwin," said Levi, and he tapped the envelope on his desk, the one from his sister demanding a five o'clock appointment.

"Of course," muttered Erwin, his pulse rising. "Tell Nifa three o'clock, please, Hange."

"Sir." The ponytailed head bobbed as Hange ducked from the room.

Then he was alone with Levi, and he could drop his calm facade. He raked his hands into his hair. "Shit."

"That damned asshole," said Levi. "He's fucking with you on purpose, isn't he? Can't you just push back your meeting with the brass by a week or two?"

"Not without losing face, something I can't afford to do this early in my appointment as Commander. The King's men are difficult to book time with, and to get me in so quickly, Sahlo must have talked up this expedition. He's trying to knock me down by building me up too much, knowing that reality will never live up to their inflated expectations. If I lose credibility with them, then my word will mean nothing, and my threats will lose all power. He'll be free, and I'll be disgraced." He shook his head. "Levi, I'm afraid I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this one."

"No, you'll handle him. You just have to figure him out, and you will." Levi folded his arms over his chest. "Besides, you probably would have been disappointed if he hadn't put up a fight, right? I bet you're secretly getting a thrill out of this, you twisted bastard."

Erwin couldn't help chuckling. "Perhaps."

There was a pause. "Look, I know we were supposed to spend the night together, but we can just take a few minutes to get off together if it'll give you more time on your proposal."

Erwin's smile faded. "I'm sorry, Levi. If I'm leaving tomorrow night, we may not have that night together until after I get back."

The man shrugged, but his voice was small: "How long will you be there?"

"I imagine it will be a quick trip." Erwin gripped his shoulder. "Come find me after dinner and see how I'm doing. Maybe everything will fall into place faster than I expect. For now, only concern yourself with the interviews."

"Okay." Levi's brows pinched.

"Everything will be fine," said Erwin, but his chest tightened. He wasn't so sure of that himself.

"Okay." With one last worried look at him, Levi turned and left the room.

.*.*.*.

Thankfully, the outline Erwin had prepared the night before made his work flow smoothly. The most time-consuming part was cross-referencing the silo contents with the map locations to plan a route; there were too many moving parts to keep track of in his head. He took a few minutes to cut scraps of paper and stick notes to the map, then spent an hour shuffling a wooden figure along the board, trying to figure out the safest, most efficient route.

At lunchtime, Hange came into the room bearing a bowl of stew, a large chunk of bread, and a fresh pot of coffee. "Mike said you'd forget to eat if we didn't feed you."

Erwin smiled. "He knows me well. Thank you, Hange. Any word from Nifa?"

"She looked nervous, but she'll be happy to look over your proposal whenever you send for her. I can help out, too, if you like. I've read a lot of that sort of thing."

"Actually, if you have a moment, I'd like your opinion now. I'm trying to plan our expedition route." He slid the wooden figure from silo to silo. "Since you'll all have new squads, and many of the recruits are still green, the first few days will be spent practicing travelling in formation, so we'll stick to these known low-traffic routes. Here-" He pointed to a building marked on the map. "-is an abandoned checkpoint we can use as a base of operations. If we manage to hold it, we can radiate out to two silos a day from there, regrouping each night." He traced lines on the map. "Any thoughts?"

Hange leaned forward, brow furrowed. "Without any scouting intelligence, it's hard to say."

"I know. There will be some flexibility once we have that information, but I need to propose an overall strategy for now. What do you think? Is two per day too aggressive?"

Hange tapped the northeast segment of his route. "I'm concerned about this area here. The hills are going to wreak havoc with our carriages, and they'll also force our formation to tighten."

"True," he said. "That being said, look at the treasure trove of weapons that those two silos hold. There's an old checkpoint between them. Maybe split it into one per day, travel more cautiously through that region, and stay at that checkpoint overnight?"

"Sounds better than hitting both on one day. How many days is this expedition going to take?"

"Somewhere between eight and fourteen, depending how long it takes the squads to adjust to the formation."

"Okay." Hange glanced up. "When?"

There seemed to be a hidden motive behind the question, and he could already guess what it was. "I anticipate sending the scouting team out in two weeks, then launching the expedition two weeks after that. And no, I don't believe you'll have time before then to prepare new weapons to bring with us. Besides, we have enough new variables to work with; adding more would only put the mission at risk."

Hange's face fell. "I have an idea for a little weapon that-"

"Not this time," he said. "The funds are only going to start coming in once we've retrieved the silos' contents, and we'll want to test weapons on smaller-scale missions. Think longer term."

"Sir," said Hange, looking disappointed.

He smiled and reached across to squeeze Hange's shoulder. "You don't have to keep calling me 'sir' now that you're a Squad Leader - just Erwin will be fine. Thanks for the lunch and the feedback. I'll send for you and Nifa tomorrow. You're dismissed."

Confident now that he was on the right track, he began to flesh out the proposal. Route diagrams and charts were his favourite aspects of documentation, so he saved them for later, when he was bound to be too exhausted to concentrate well. Instead, he worked on getting the financial aspects out of the way.

The first step was to halve each of the silo's tax contents, as he had promised Sahlo. His strategy had a potential loose end here: if Sahlo felt like it, he could easily turn around and have Erwin tried for falsifying the numbers. The kickback and threats would hopefully be enough to keep him quiet, but just in case, Erwin planned to make another stop while he was in the Capital. One of his contacts did excellent document forgeries, and he'd easily be able to alter Sahlo's itemized list to match Erwin's falsified numbers, making it look as if the fake numbers were Sahlo's idea all along.

By the time the dinner bell rang, he had finished the financial planning and moved onto the specifics of the strategy. In an effort to stave off fatigue, he had consumed so much caffeine that he didn't have an appetite, and his hands were shaking. He had been up and down at least once an hour to use the toilet, his kidneys practically aching from the strain. His mind, at least, was alert, in spite of his fractured sleep the night before.

The four Squad Leaders entered his office a few minutes after the bell, all carrying trays of food.

"Erwin?" said Berit. "Do you have time for a quick debrief?"

His mind was racing so fast that he felt as if it were pushing on the underside of his skull; he didn't want to be interrupted. He knew, however, that he needed to devote some of his energy to his officers. Gone were the days when Shadis had shielded and isolated him while he was planning.

He forced himself to put down his pen. "I have a few minutes. Come in."

They filed in and settled into chairs with their trays.

Levi set a fifth one tray front of him. "How's it going?" Their eyes held, and Erwin could see the unasked question there:  _are we going to have time to be together tonight?_ He hoped so; he had been carefully washing himself clean after each of his bathroom visits, just in case.

"Things are shaping up quite well," said Erwin, leaning back in his chair. "I believe I should be able to make the deadline with time to spare."

Levi's face softened. "Good."

As they ate, the Squad Leaders updated Erwin on their interview progress. As he had suspected, it was still too early to have any real progress, but it sounded as if the four of them were amicably slotting soldiers into the correct squads with almost no bickering. They worked well together.

He found himself enjoying their company, but there was still work to be done. He dismissed them the instant his bowl was empty.

Levi lingered, waiting until the door closed behind the others, then approached the desk. "Well?"

"Come by at ten o'clock," said Erwin. "I should be able to take a short break then."

Levi picked up a stick of graphite and adjusted it so it was square to the edge of the desk, not looking him in the eye. "You going to want me to fuck you?" he asked quietly.

The words made a shiver run down Erwin's spine, but he said, "I'm not sure actual sex is a good idea; between the stress and the coffee, I don't quite trust my stomach right now. But I have another idea." He reached across the desk to trace the back of his hand. "How about we go up to the old guard tower - the one where we had lunch before - and use our mouths on each other under the stars?"

Levi looked up. "You mean, sucking each other off at the same time?"

"It might take a bit of maneouvring. If we lie on our sides and I curl forward, we can probably make it work. We'll bring up a few blankets to lie on." He traced circles around a knotted knuckle. "If it doesn't work, that's fine, but it would be nice to give it a try."

A shiver visibly ran through Levi's body. "I'll come back at ten."

Erwin stood and leaned forward across the desk, skimming the man's lips with his own. "I look forward to it."

And so he was crestfallen when, at nine thirty, he realized he had made a basic calculation error that meant he would have to redo a third of his proposal. When ten o'clock came, he was frantically rewriting a financial segment, a fresh pot of coffee at his side. His frustration must have shown on his face, because Levi stopped short in the doorway.

"What happened?"

Erwin shoved a hand through his hair, barely looking up. "For some reason, I was under the impression that twelve plus fourteen was twenty-five, and I carried that same impression through every one of my calculations."

Levi closed the door, then sauntered forward and leaned against the desk. "That was a dumb mistake. How much more time do you need?"

"Three, four hours?"

"From one mistake?"

"A critical one, I'm afraid, and the more I track it down, the more everything else unravels. This entire proposal is so hastily constructed that it didn't hold up to my scrutiny." He looked up and, seeing the disappointment on Levi's face, gave a low sigh. "I'm sorry, Levi."

"We could just do something quick," said Levi. "If we jerk each other off, it'll only take a few minutes."

"I don't think that's a good idea. You know how sleepy I get after orgasm." Erwin carefully corrected a number. "Believe me, I'm aching to spend time with you, but at this rate, I won't have time until one or two in the morning, at the earliest."

"Then I'll come back in a few hours."

Erwin hesitated, wanting more than anything to agree. "You shouldn't wait up for me."

"I won't. In the Underground, you learn to sleep for short, specific chunks of time, so I can get some sleep and still get here in time." Levi arched a brow. "Besides, you'll need the stress relief. You're going to give yourself a fucking heart attack if you keep pushing forward this hard all the time."

Erwin poured a fresh cup of coffee. "I don't mind. A part of me enjoys the pressure."

"That's the problem, and that's exactly why I'm going to make sure you take a break." Levi stood to his full height, shoulders thrown back. "I'll be back in a few hours."

.*.*.*.

True to his word, Levi returned at two o'clock, dressed in his pyjama bottoms and slippers. Erwin was beginning to feel edgy, the caffeine and lack of sleep taking their toll on him. He had corrected the errors and finished a large portion of the full work, but it wasn't enough - he was on a roll; he needed to keep going; he couldn't let Sahlo win...

"Hey." Levi closed the door behind him. "Take a break."

Erwin's jaw clenched. "I don't have time." Realizing he had snapped the words, he sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I'm sorry, Levi, I really, truly am, but we're going to have to postpone. Even if I had the time, I'm far too stressed for my body to respond. I promise I'll make this up to you tomorrow night." He wasn't sure how he'd stay awake then, but he'd find a way.

"You need a break," said Levi flatly. He sat across from him. "Look at you, all wound up on stress and coffee. I can see your teeth vibrating from here. Your asshole's probably puckered shut. You aren't going to be able to shit for a week if you don't take a moment to relax it."

In spite of his best efforts to control his emotions, an exasperated sigh slid from Erwin's lips. "Please, go back to bed and let me finish. Tomorrow we can-"

"I'm horny now," said Levi. His tone was demanding, but hurt flickered in his eyes.

 _I'm shutting him out, the way I used to shut out Henrik,_ thought Erwin, and he was so exhausted and furious with himself that he lashed out:

"Then masturbate. This proposal is more important than-" He caught himself, too late.

Levi flinched as if he had been kicked. "More important than me."

Erwin's stomach twisted. "I didn't mean that."

"No, I get it. Fine, have it your way." Slumping further in his chair, Levi reached a hand down the front of his pants.

Erwin stared. "What are you doing?"

"Following orders." Levi pulled himself out of his pants. "My Commander told me to masturbate."

"You can't do that here. If someone comes in-"

"What, someone's going to break down your door at two in the morning? You keep doing the important things and let me worry about this." He began to stroke himself, and gave an exaggerated sigh. "Fuck, that feels good."

 _He's being childish, and passive-aggressive, and I'm not going to play his game._ Erwin's jaw tightened and he looked back down at his work. He tried to focus on the document, but he was too on edge, and the rhythmic sound of sliding skin was a constant reminder of what was going on in front of him. In spite of himself, blood began to pool between his legs, and he felt a flush rising to his cheeks.

Levi let out a low groan. "Good suggestion. I haven't even come yet, and I'm feeling better already."

Erwin calmly flipped a page, not looking up. "Is masturbation how you usually resolve conflict?"

"I think it might be from now on. Look how fucking hard I am."

"I don't have time to look," said Erwin, double-checking the labels on a diagram. "Almost done?"

"No, I'm having too much fun. Think I'm going to draw this out."

There was a strained rasp to his voice, and Erwin couldn't tell if the man was still angry, or if his anger had been drowned by hormones. Against his better judgement, he looked up. Levi leaned casually back in the chair, legs splayed, showcasing himself. When he noticed Erwin watching, he paused to touch the tip, a string of moisture following his finger as he pulled away.

Erwin swallowed hard. "If someone comes through that door-"

"They'll see my back and won't have a clue what's going on." Levi's eyes narrowed at him. "Why the hell are you looking at me like that? Do I seem more important now that my dick's out?"

The ache between his legs was becoming unbearable. "Maybe I do need a break."

"You should have thought of that before you decided to be an asshole." Levi's head rolled back along the chair, his hips thrusting slowly into his hand. A low, pleased hum sounded in his throat.

"Fuck," whispered Erwin before he could stop himself. His aching groin drowned his pride. Beneath his desk, he unbuckled his lower harnesses and opened the fly of his pants. The first blast of chilly air made him shiver. It felt so wrong, baring himself here, in this room that was only meant for business.

Levi eyed him, his lips parted, cheeks dark. "You jerking yourself under there?"

"Perhaps," said Erwin, the word catching in his throat.

"You clean enough to suck?"

The idea was so scandalous that his eyes fluttered closed, and he could only manage a throaty "Yeah."

Levi circled the desk. "Don't think this means I forgive you." He knelt between the Commander's legs. "You're already hard."

"I like watching you play with yourself." Erwin tried to stroke the man's jaw, but he was so jittery that the movement was clumsy. His eyes darted to the door. He was surprised to find himself wishing that someone would walk in on them like this, with his partner shielded carefully from view.

Levi looked up at him, a brow raised. "What was that throb for?"

"I'm nervous about being interrupted," he replied, cheeks burning.

"You sure nervous is the right word?" Levi ran his tongue along him, and Erwin shuddered, caught off guard by the heat of his mouth. "Because I'm getting the feeling you like the risk, you pervert." He ran his tongue along the length again, from a different angle this time. "Just think what it'd be like if someone walked in. You'd have to act like nothing was going on, but I'm still angry, so I'd make it as difficult for you as I could."

Erwin's breaths were coming in harsh blasts. "Show me how you'd make it difficult for me."

"Only if you show me how you'd act if someone else was here."

The fantasy was so taboo that heat flooded Erwin's body, as if he were already on the edge of climax. "Okay."

Levi took him all the way into his throat, his tongue tracing patterns as he went. Erwin's instincts told him to arch and cry out, but he sat perfectly still, his face stoic. The forced repression was tantalizing in ways he had never expected, his body extra sensitive now that he knew he wasn't allowed to react.  _Oh fuck._ He glanced down, and Levi made eye contact, still holding him deep in his mouth.

Erwin tried to suppress a cry; it escaped as a whimper.

Levi slid him out of his mouth. "That would have given you away. You're terrible at this."

"Maybe you're just too good at that."

"Try harder." The man paused to run his tongue around the head. "You might need to do this for real one day."

"Oh fuck," gasped Erwin, dizzied by the thought. He planted his elbows on the desk and folded his hands against his mouth, trying to stay calm. He felt a hand wrap around him, felt Levi suck harder and begin to stroke him, and his breath escaped in a hiss. He buried his face in his hands, breathing hard.

Levi, too busy to speak, gave a disapproving hum.

"I can't," whispered Erwin. "I can't fake it. Fuck." His hands raked into his hair. If someone walked in on them now, it would all be over, everything he had worked so hard to achieve. His body began to shake, a combination of nerves, caffeine and over-stimulation.

It didn't matter how stealthy he was anymore, anyway; Levi was attacking him so zealously that each stroke was loud and wet. Erwin pushed the chair back so he could watch him. The man's eyes were wild, hair hanging in his face. His other hand worked between his own legs, so hard that the movement was audible.

Erwin couldn't hold back anymore. He bucked forward into the man's mouth, fighting to hold back his cries; his was mostly successful, but a single squeak escaped. When the last pulse faded and he opened his eyes again, stars swam in his vision, and he realized he had been holding his breath.

Levi pulled away, his nose wrinkling. "You taste like coffee."

Erwin was too relaxed to feel insulted. He slid off the chair and dropped to his knees on the floor in front of Levi, leaning forward for a kiss. He could taste himself, unpleasantly bitter, but more important than that was the gentleness of Levi's mouth, a warm contrast to their cold interactions a few minutes prior.

Levi gasped and pulled away, his breaths catching. Erwin stared at the clenching chest and arm muscles, as awed by the man's athletic motions as he had been at the gym the previous morning.  _He's close._

"Shit," whispered Levi, eyes closing, head tilting back.

"Let me help." Erwin bent onto all fours and placed his mouth above Levi's hand, sucking the tip. He felt a hand claw into his hair, heard gasps as they began to pick up speed, moving in unison.

Then Levi breathed his name, and Erwin tasted him. He lingered for a few moments longer than necessary, gently tracing him with his tongue. He felt safe and cozy here, tucked carefully away behind the desk, safe from potential prying eyes.

When he pulled away, they held each other's gaze.

"I did need a break," said Erwin, still angry with himself. "Levi, I didn't mean you were unimportant. I'm under a lot of stress right now, and-"

"I know. I was a dick, too. It's fine." Levi caught his jaw, drawing him in for a kiss.

They both fixed their clothes and stood. Once everything was in order, Levi leaned forward to pull him into an embrace, but Erwin stopped him.

"We're in full view of the door now."

"Yeah, but I locked it when I came in."

Erwin blinked. "You what?"

"Wait." Levi's head tilted. "You genuinely thought someone might walk in on us, and you went along with it? That wasn't just role-play?"

Heat crept across Erwin's cheeks.

"Holy shit, you really are a pervert." Levi folded his arms over his chest. "I'm not stupid. There's no way I'm going to start jerking off in your office unless the door's locked. I don't want to do anything to fuck this up."

"I got carried away."

"Well, good thing one of us had some sense about it. You going to get some sleep now?"

"No, not yet. I'm running low on time." Erwin glanced down at the proposal, his vision blurring, and let out a low sigh.

"You need company to help you stay awake?" asked Levi.

"I can't ask you stay up for me."

Levi shrugged. "You aren't. I'm offering. I should go over the new recruit roster, anyway, so I can prepare for tomorrow's interviews in advance. Everyone else already did, and it's getting harder to fake it as we go." He reached up and straightened Erwin's collars, then adjusted his bolo tie. "Just give me a minute to get some tea."

"Sounds good." Touched by his attentiveness, Erwin couldn't resist a final kiss before they got down to work. He tilted the man's jaw up with two fingers, closing his mouth over the slim lips.

 _Even if this isn't as time-sensitive as the proposal,_  he thought,  _it's every bit as important. Maybe even more so._ He could already tell that Levi was going to help keep him grounded. Balanced.  _But only if I let him._ His eyes were growing heavy, so he let them close.  _And his body is warm, and small, and smells like lemons._

Levi broke the kiss and nudged him. "Hey. Are you falling asleep up there?"

"No." Erwin pulled away, blinking. "But I think I'll grab another cup of coffee, just in case."

"I'll make some extra tea. Couldn't hurt for you to drink both." Levi began to walk for the door.

"Levi," said Erwin. "Wait."

The man paused and half-turned, waiting.

"I'll do my best to never shut you out. But if I do, I..." He looked down, so exhausted that he couldn't find the right words. "I told you before that you might have to be aggressive to get through to me, and I appreciate that you did so tonight. Don't ever hold that back." His throat tightened. "I want to give you the love you deserve, and you must never settle for anything less."

Levi eyed him for a moment longer, then nodded.

"I'm rambling," said Erwin, rubbing his forehead.

"Yeah, but I get it." The man turned to face him. "But don't always assume you're the only one in the wrong; I was a dick about the whole jerking off thing. I know you're paranoid about treating me like shit because you feel guilty about what went on with Henrik, but you treat me better than you think. And if you don't, I'll call you on it. That's how we've always worked, even before we hooked up – hell, even before we could tolerate being around each other – so stop overthinking it. We're fine."

"Okay." Erwin smiled. "Thank you."

"And stop thanking me all the time. I'm here for myself, you know. It's not like I'm doing you a favour." Levi began to move to the door. "I'll be back with some tea and my paperwork."

Erwin felt a swell of fondness. If only he could take the man to his bed and hold him close, drifting off to sleep together... He blinked, trying not to let the warm, tempting drowsiness overcome him.  _The sooner you finish this proposal, the sooner you can make that a reality._

Settling into his chair, he continued his work.


	17. Angles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind words and support! I am delighted people are reading and enjoying this story, and every comment means the world to me. :) Thank you, also, for your patience with this longer-than-usual update.
> 
> I published this chapter in a bit of a rush, as I'll be going away with limited Internet access. There may be more typos than usual. I'm planning to look over it again when I get back and polish it up a bit, but I figured it wasn't worth holding off the entire chapter for the sake of a few typos. Sorry in advance! :) I also may be slow about replying to your comments on the last chapter. Sorry. T_T
> 
> Previous chapter: Erwin, Levi and Mike spar at the gym. Erwin and Levi find themselves unable to wait two days for a bit of fun, so they vent a bit of pressure, but their big intimate night must be delayed when Sahlo pressures Erwin to get the proposal ready practically overnight. Erwin pushes himself too hard, and Levi "convinces" him to take a break.

**-17-**

**Angles**

"Morning! How's the proposal looking?" asked Hange, stepping into Erwin's office.

Erwin held a finger to his lips; he pointed at the chair across from him.

Hange tiptoed forward to look, then grinned. Levi lay sideways across the chair, cradled by its armrests like an infant being held by its mother. The roster still lay on his chest, and he was softly snoring.

"He fell asleep about an hour before reveille," whispered Erwin. "I didn't have the heart to wake him."

"He even looks grumpy in his sleep. I wonder if he's having grumpy little dreams." Hange's eyes lit up. "Can I play a prank on him?"

"What kind of prank, exactly?"

"If I clap really loudly behind his head-"

"That sounds like a good way to get punched in the throat. Let him sleep." Erwin motioned to an empty chair, keeping his voice to a whisper. "The first draft of the proposal is complete. If you and Nifa have a little time to give me feedback, I'd be grateful." He carefully straightened the stack of papers, his hands trembling.

"We'll handle it, sir," said Hange, eyes locked on his hands. "You should get some sleep."

"I think my heart is pumping pure coffee at this point. Besides, we have to continue the squad selection interviews."

"Or instead," said Hange, raising a finger, "we could postpone the interviews by a day so I could dedicate all my time to your revisions, and you could get some sleep to get your head on straight. It looks like Levi could use some sleep, too. He seems a bit sleep-deprived lately."

Erwin thought of the nightmares, the late-night talks, the physical exertion in the bedroom. "Very well. Tell Mike and Berit they have the day to work on personal training, or perhaps observe the new recruits in the training grounds. I'll meet you back here around three o'clock."

Hange was already flipping through the proposal. "Better make it two. I see a lot of spelling mistakes already."

His temples throbbed, and he swallowed back a wave of defensiveness, forcing humility in its place. "Given the speed with which it was written, I expect you'll find the occasional rambling off topic and logic flaws as well. Thank you, Hange." He stood and studied Levi.

"He seems pretty dead to the world," said Hange, nudging the man with a fingertip. Levi stirred, but didn't open his eyes. "You could probably carry him."

Erwin couldn't tell if the light tone was due to hope or mischief. His gaze slid to Hange's face.  _Is that an 'I want you to be a couple' expression, or 'I know exactly what's going on here'?_

He knelt down and shook the man's shoulder. "Levi."

Levi's eyelids parted. "What time is it?" he asked, his voice groggy.

"About half an hour past reveille. Thank you for your company. You have the day off to recuperate."

Levi blinked, slowly swinging his legs around so his feet touched the floor. "Did you finish your proposal?"

"Yes. Hange will be scouring it with Nifa so they can give me some feedback."

"Already on it," said Hange, making a note on the page.

"Come on, I'll walk you to your room." Erwin rose to his feet.

Levi yawned and stretched, then stood. "I don't need to sleep any more."

"I want you to rest, Levi. That's an order. You've been pushing almost as hard as I have, and I need you fresh for your squad selection." He gripped the man's shoulder and began to steer him toward the door.

"Goodnight, Levi," called Hange in a sing-song tone, as if talking to an infant.

"Shut up, shitglasses," muttered Levi, not even looking back.

As the pair stepped into the hallway, Levi rubbed his eyes. "Why'd you let me fall asleep? I told you I was going to stay up with you."

"And you did, right up until the end, and that allowed me to stay focused. Thank you." They stepped into Levi's room; Erwin closed the door behind them.

"Closing the door?" said Levi. "Are you planning to throw me against the wall again? Because as hot as that is, my dick is still sleeping."

"I'm just here to drop you off." Now that Erwin was away from his desk, fatigue was starting to settle over him, so heavy that he slumped against the wall. The bed looked so soft, so inviting.

"I can't tell which of your eyes is the black eye anymore, they're so dark," said Levi, following his gaze. "You need to sleep, too."

"I suppose I should return to my own room in case I oversleep my appointment and Hange comes looking for me." He found himself unwilling to sleep alone. "Unless you're confident you can wake us up before two."

"I can, but is it a good idea to sleep together?"

Erwin stifled a yawn. Maybe it was the fatigue dulling his logic, but he didn't really care anymore if it was a good idea or not. "Your door has a lock." The words reminded him of their secret encounter in his office the night before, and his cheeks warmed. Levi's cheeks darkened, too, but he turned and locked the door without a word.

They crawled under the covers, Erwin spooning behind Levi. He ran a hand down the man's abdomen, enjoying the softness of his body hair, the grooves of his stomach muscles. He ran his fingers over the waistband of the man's pyjama bottoms. "You should take these off."

"I told you, I'm too tired for sex."

"I won't try anything. I just want to feel the warmth of your bare skin against mine." He buried his nose in the line that ran vertically down the back of Levi's neck muscles; he had seen this anatomical feature on others from time to time, but never this closely. He could feel the velvety hair of Levi's undercut rubbing against his brows and forehead. "How is it that a man so hard and tightly built feels so soft?"

Levi turned his head, as if trying to look back at him. "If I take off my pants, will you shut up and let me sleep?"

Erwin gave a soft chuckle. "I make no such promise."

"Ah well, they're too warm, anyway." Levi reached under the covers and pulled off his pants, folded them and set them on the side table. Erwin did the same, then spooned up behind him again. This time the man's skin, soft and surprisingly cool, pressed against his. Erwin let out a contented hum.

"You're glowing like a damned cook stove." Levi inched back against him.

"Must be from all the coffee." His body was responding to the naked warmth pressed against him, but his eyes had slipped closed, and he found himself unable to open them again. He pressed his palm to the centre of Levi's chest, and he felt a hand close over his, fingers interlacing.

"Okay, maybe this is nicer without all that fabric between us," said Levi.

Erwin tried to respond, but in spite of all the caffeine, he was fading. He let himself fall back into darkness, warm and content.

.*.*.*.

Levi awoke to the sound of the lunch bell. Erwin's embrace, which had been warm and silky before, was hot and damp with sweat. He winced and extracted himself from the strong grasp, then sat up.

"Levi?" mumbled Erwin, squinting up at him.

Levi smoothed the blond hair back from his forehead. "You've still got an hour or two. Go back to sleep."

Erwin blinked. "You'll wake me up?"

"Yeah." He traced a line down the sharp nose. By the time he reached the tip, the man was already asleep again.

For several minutes, Levi watched him, memorizing small details: the tiny flare of his upper lip, the slight puff of jowl above his jaw line, the gradient between the dark blond of his undercut and the pale blond top. Was the top naturally sun-bleached, or did he use something to help it along? At first, the idea seemed too vain, but then he remembered the way Erwin was fussing over his eyebrows before the gala.  _Can't say I blame him. If I were that pretty, I'd probably fuss over my appearance, too._

His eyes traced lower, finding a small scar under the man's jaw, another across his collarbone. Scars were an occupational hazard, and Levi had never really paid attention to Erwin's. Part of it was willful ignorance: he knew better than anyone that some scars had deep emotional components, so they shouldn't be acknowledged.

He would have loved to lift the covers and study every part of the Commander's body in detail, but his stomach was growling. Reluctantly, he tore himself away and pulled on his uniform. He paused by the door to look back at Erwin, his heart singing.  _I'm getting so fucking sentimental._

Berit was in line at the mess hall, holding two trays. He fell into place behind her, taking two trays as well.

"For the Commander?" she asked, nodding at his second tray.

"Yeah."

"How's he doing?"

Levi shrugged. "Dead to the world, hopefully."

"Hange's still looking through the proposal. Asked me to grab an extra lunch and come back to give my opinion on a few paragraphs." Berit accepted two bowls of stew, then reached for some bread. "Apparently, it's looking pretty good, all things considered."

 _I wonder if "all things considered" will be enough,_ thought Levi, but he didn't reply.

"So, what did you two do to get that Lord on our side, exactly?" asked Berit. "I read the letter. He seemed kind of bitter."

"Erwin is very convincing."

"Convincing enough that this new alliance won't backfire?"

Levi's eyes narrowed. "If you're trying to hint that Erwin isn't trustworthy, Bershit, I'm the wrong person to talk to."

"'Bershit?'" she repeated. "Come on, Levi, you can do better than that. And of course I trust him. I just worry that he might be pushing too hard, too soon. You know how ambitious he is. You saw how stressed he was yesterday; that's not sustainable. If he cracks or burns out, we all go under."

Levi studied her. "Why the hell are you telling me this?"

"Because someone needs to tell him that the proposal is too aggressive. Four weeks is too soon for an expedition with all-new squads, especially such a major expedition. We need at least six weeks to train for an expedition of this size, maybe even eight." She leaned closer. "Look, I see the way you two interact. You have a good rapport. Of any of us, you have the best chance of getting through to him about this. Hange would leave on an expedition tomorrow if given the chance, so that's no help. Mike's too passive, so he's just going to default to Erwin's judgement. But I've seen you openly question him before, and I've seen him take your words into account."

"Do it yourself." Realizing they were holding up the line, Levi gathered two lunches, then stepped to the side. "He's made it clear he wants anyone to question him if they think he's making a poor decision."

"Yeah, he'd probably listen to me, but this is too important for 'probably.'" Berit's eyes searched his. "Please. For the good of the Corps, at least mention it to him."

Levi knew Erwin had considered all angles. If they were setting out at four weeks, there was a good reason for it. Still, he had insisted that all concerns be brought directly to him, and Berit usually had reliable instincts.  _How would he want me to approach this?_

"Fine, I'll mention it," he said. "But you're just wasting my time. He has a good reason. We just can't see it yet."

Berit smiled. "Thank you, Levi."

Without replying, he turned and marched from the hall.

Making sure the hallway was empty, he brought both trays to his bedroom. Erwin hadn't moved, so Levi set his tray on the bedside table, then settled into a chair and ate. After that, he took a chilly bath, then spent some time tidying up his room.

When the town clock struck one o'clock, he stopped his work. Erwin had shifted onto his other side, facing away from him. Levi couldn't resist crawling into bed behind the man, forcing an arm underneath him so he could wrap his arms around him.

Erwin shifted back against him. "Is it time?"

"You've got an hour."

"I should start preparing for my trip tonight." The Commander gave a long, low sigh. "...and my meeting with my sister."

Levi pressed closer against his back, gently biting his ear. "If you want, I can go alone and tell her to fuck off."

"No, I need to stop putting it off." Erwin pulled his ear free; Levi leaned even closer, biting it again. "Feeling a bit frisky, Levi?"

"Frisky? You make me sound like an animal."

"You're the one gnawing on me." Erwin rolled to face him, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Don't worry; I've set aside some personal time for the two of us a bit later this evening. Would you like to hear my schedule?"

"Your pillow talk gets sexier every day." Levi kissed down the man's nose, then grasped the tip between his teeth.

Erwin pulled away, pressing a hand to his chest to hold him at a distance. "First, I'll get ready-"

"And eat lunch. Might be a bit cold." Levi motioned to the tray on the side table, and the Commander smiled.

"Thank you for that. Once I'm finished preparing and eating, I'll meet with Hange and Nifa to go over the proposal. I'll work on revisions until nearly five o'clock; at that point, you and I will head to my private residence to meet with my sister. After we've dealt with her, you and I will stay there to share in some private time before I return here to finish any last-minute revisions."

Levi felt his body stir. "Have you planned out that private time in detail, too?"

"I have some ideas. We didn't get our climactic night together after abstaining - well, somewhat abstaining - for those two days, so I'd like to do something special for you." The man leaned forward for a kiss; Levi bit his bottom lip.

"Like what?" he asked, their mouths still touching.

"You'll see. If you're going to keep chewing on me, I can think of one activity that will definitely be off the table." Erwin tilted his head and slowly bit lengthwise along Levi's lips.

"I'll be good." Levi slid lower, closing his teeth over the strong chin, then pulled away as he remembered: "Berit thinks four weeks is too soon for the expedition."

Erwin gently pushed him away to look at him. "What was that?"

"Berit. She thinks it's too soon with new squads. I told her you had a good reason. Do you?"

"Of course. Think about how we handled Sahlo; I'm counting on his fear to hold him at bay until we start lining his pockets. What do you think will happen if he has time to sit around thinking about the deal I've offered him? We need to get moving while we still hold the power balance, and four weeks is the absolute soonest we can get our squads mobilized." He paused. "At any rate, we'll be spending the first part of the expedition training the new squads to follow formation, so it's not as if they'll head into dangerous territory untrained. Is that enough information?"

"Yeah, I'll tell Berit not to worry."

"Thank you. And please tell her she's welcome to raise these concerns with me directly." Erwin kissed his forehead, then lingered; Levi felt a long intake of breath across his skin. "I suppose I should start getting ready for my trip. The Capital won't be the same without you."

"It's just a day or two," said Levi, embarrassed by how anxious he was about their upcoming separation. "I'll be here when you get back."

"And I'm glad for it." Erwin pulled away and sat up. "Why don't I meet you at four-thirty in my office? Bring your gear, but don't bother putting it on yet. You have the day to do whatever you'd like until then. I recommend taking some time to scout some of the potential squad members - the new recruits will be training in the yard today."

"Sure." Levi slid out of bed and straightened his uniform. "Send for me if you need anything."

They exchanged a long kiss, then Levi turned to leave, his cheeks glowing.

A few minutes later, he settled to a seat in the yard next to Mike and Berit. The woman raised a brow at him. "Well?"

"I stand by Erwin's decision," Levi said. "You have a problem with it, talk to him."

"His logic is sound?" she asked.

"Yes."

Mike shot them a quizzical look, but Levi didn't bother to explain. Instead, he focused on the new recruits as they ran through their training exercises. Berit was carefully taking notes, and even Mike jotted a couple words here and there, but Levi committed the names to memory.

Watching the new recruits ended up passing the time far more quickly than he expected. When he finally remembered to look up at the clock tower, he saw that he only had fifteen minutes until his meeting with Erwin. He cursed and hurried to his room to retrieve his gear case.

When he arrived at Erwin's office, the Commander was focused on a document, flanked by Hange and a teenage girl with wide eyes. The three of them looked up as he approached.

"How's it going?" Levi fell into a chair, casually crossing his legs.

"It should be workable." Erwin didn't sound convinced.

"It's fine. You've just been looking at it too long," said Hange. "Another hour to polish the last few issues, and it'll be indistinguishable from one you spent two weeks on."

"I hope you're right." Erwin stood. "Is it about time for our meeting with the investors, Levi?"

The description surprised him, but he didn't miss a beat: "Yeah. Don't want to keep those assholes waiting."

"Certainly not. Let me stop by my room to get my coat. Thank you both for your help." Erwin nodded a goodbye to Hange and Nifa, then strode to the door. Levi fell into step behind him.

The Commander pulled his gear case out from under his bed, then dressed in a long, dark coat, the Survey Corps logo on its breast and shoulders. He paused in front of his mirror, dampening two fingers and running them along his eyebrows.

Reminded of his vanity, Levi said, "Your hair-" He cut himself off.

"Yes?" Erwin pulled away from the mirror, then they left his room.

"It's so much blonder on top."

The Commander cleared his throat. At first, it seemed like he wasn't going to answer, but once were outside the base, he said quietly, "I comb bleach into it every now and then, and I suppose the sun has the most effect on the top layer."

"Really?" asked Levi. "You bleach your hair?"

"I was very blond as a youth. Everyone around me constantly commented how I took after my father, and how I had such beautiful pale hair. I suppose I absorbed that into my personal identity. It darkened as I got older, so I tried to maintain it."

"Maybe I should do the same," said Levi dryly.

"It would probably go orange." Erwin glanced at him. "Besides, you have such lovely hair. I've never seen hair that dark. It always reflects the light."

The compliment caught Levi off guard, and his cheeks glowed. "Yeah, yours isn't bad, either."

As they approached the apartment, Levi began to scan their surroundings in case Erwin's sister's pleas were setting up an ambush. "I don't see anything suspicious."

"No, but then, we're early." Erwin glanced around, then moved to the door and pulled out a key. "Once we're inside," he said quietly, "put on your gear. I want you observing the door from a high vantage point, in case she brings anyone with her. Once she enters, drop down and join us."

"Okay."

The door creaked opened, letting a small strip of light into the dark room. Once they were both inside, Erwin closed the door and sparked the lamp to life.

A grey cloaked figure sat on the bed.

"Shit!" Levi pulled out a knife and dove at the figure; it blocked his knife-hand. His weapon clattered to the floor. Undeterred, he grabbed the figure in a choke hold.

"Release me," said a female voice from under the hood. She struggled, her movements clearly practiced, but Levi was stronger.

Erwin stepped forward. Backlit by the dim lamp, he seemed to loom over them, but in spite of his intimidating appearance, his voice was frail: "Helena?"

"Release me!"

"Levi," said Erwin quietly. An order.

"She broke in," he replied, but he released her and stepped back.

The woman stood tall in the centre of the room, lowering her hood with a slow, dignified movement. Erwin turned up the lamp at the same time, and the combined effect was intimidating, as if her visage were lighting up the room.

Eyes locked on her, Levi backed toward his knife and crouched to pick it up. She was tall, nearly as tall as her brother, broad-shouldered and busty. Her pale blond hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. Her face was like Erwin's, but rounder, more feminine; the sharp nose was shorter, the cheekbones softer, the brows thin. Her eyes were every bit as intense, and fixated on her brother.

For a moment, her expression wavered. "Holy Sina, you look so much like Papa."

"I thought you didn't remember him," replied Erwin, his voice so unnaturally calm that Levi knew he was hiding his true emotions. His head tilted, almost imperceptibly. "Or have memories started returning, the way they did for me? Is that why you're so desperate to talk to me?"

She blinked, and then her eyes narrowed. She nodded in Levi's direction without actually looking at him. "Why did you bring a bodyguard? I told you to come alone."

"And I told you never to contact me here, and look how that turned out."

Levi felt as if hundreds of insect feet were crawling across his skin. He shrank back against the desk, regretting his offer to attend such a personal meeting.

As if sensing his discomfort, Erwin turned to him. "Levi, allow me to introduce my younger sister, Helena Smith."

"No." Her icy eyes fixed on Levi. "That's not my name, not anymore. I'm Tessa Kohl, and you, little man, have no place in this conversation."

His brows dropped, and he opened his mouth to reply, but Erwin spoke first:

"Anything you have to say to me will be heard by both of us. That's non-negotiable."

Tessa-not-Helena's eyes held Levi's for a moment longer, then she looked away. "Fine." She sat on the bed again. "I'm getting married. Mama wants you there."

The Commander's brows rose. "That's what was so urgent?"

"Maybe you didn't have the decency to invite me to your wedding, Erwin, but I'm more gracious than you. You're invited. Bring your wife."

"Wife?" repeated Levi, his eyes shifting to Erwin. For a moment, his stomach quivered, but then he saw the furrowed line above the man's brow.  _He's just as confused as I am._

Tessa's eyes darted between them, the same furrowed line appearing on her forehead. "When you were in Mitras, the room was registered to you and an L Smith."

After a long silence, a smile spread across Erwin's lips. "I see what happened. Levi has no surname, so the concierge must have recorded our names as 'L & E Smith.'" He cast an amused look at Levi. "Should we start picking out china patterns?"

The woman's eyes narrowed. "Don't mock me."

"I'm not married, Helena-"

"Tessa."

"-and I doubt you really want me at your wedding, so I'll save you the stress and the expense. I won't attend. If that's all you came for, you have your answer." He stood and reached for the doorknob, as if preparing to let her out.

Her arms folded over her chest, and she stared him down.

Levi felt anger rise within him, hot and prickly.  _He wasn't kidding when he said she was stubborn._ He wondered how they would react if he grabbed her by the scruff of the collar and threw her out the door.

"Was there something else?" said Erwin, exasperation in his voice.

"It's not all I came for, and you know it." She gave an uneasy glance at Levi, then leaned closer to her brother, her voice lowering. "I came here to warn you. Right now, you're poised to be the biggest threat to the sanctity of these walls, and it's attracting attention. Your repeated attempts to break free from this holy sanctuary are pissing off the wrong people. We can keep you safe; you just have to come back to us."

"If I'm pissing off the wrong people from your perspective, then that only reinforces to me that I'm on the right path."

Her eyes glistened. "You don't understand what you're dealing with."

"So help me understand," said Erwin. "Explain it to me."

She looked down. "I can't. If you come back to us, maybe I can. Trust me, Erwin. Your Survey Corps can't save you from yourself. Only we can."

They were silent. Levi's heart beat in his throat as he tried to make sense of the conversation.

Erwin's hand gripped the doorknob. "I'm glad to hear you've changed your name again, Tessa Kohl, and I hope Ma did as well, because it severs my last link to you both. For your sake and for mine, it's best the world think I have no family. I will never change my path, and even if I did, it certainly wouldn't be to ally with the Wallists. You have no brother. I have no sister." He opened the door. "Do not contact me again."

Their eyes held, then she stood. Once she reached the door, she paused.

"I mostly came because Mama still loves you." She stared straight ahead. "She cries for you every night. I told her you had become too cold to care, that your manic ambition had crushed every drop of love from your heart, but she refused to acknowledge what you had become."

Rage welled within Levi, and he couldn't stay silent anymore. "You selfish little shit! I've seen this man work himself half to death out of love for humanity. The only reason he stopped caring about you-"

"Levi," warned Erwin, but anger was rushing out of him like water from a tap.

"-is because his love for humanity is so fucking huge that he's sacrificed  _everything he is_  so that he can fight for our freedom. You and your ilk huddle inside your little churches, doing your best to ensure we stay trapped and starving, protecting your own interests. So you were popped out of the same vagina, you shared a few chess games as kids - who fucking cares? People like Erwin think bigger than that. His love is on such an enormous scale that self-absorbed little Wall fuckers can't possibly comprehend it." His body was shaking.

Tessa's eyes shifted to him, ice blue. "You don't know a thing about me, little man, and it's clear you don't know a thing about my brother. I pity you."

Levi bared his teeth. "If I ever -  _ever_ \- see you near him again-"

"Don't worry about it," she said. "The next time I see him, he'll have put himself in a coffin." For a moment, her mask cracked, and the look she gave her brother was one of anguish.

She turned away and strode through the door without looking back.

Erwin closed it behind her, then slumped, his forehead pressed against the wood.

Levi was still trembling. "That arrogant shit head! How dare she-"

"Levi." Erwin pulled away from the door, his face still impassive. "It ended the way it needed to end. We aren't going to discuss it any further."

His eyes were so distant that Levi's heart twisted. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"I said we weren't going to discuss it." There was that tone again, the one he had used when Levi had teased him for his religious curse a few days back - and there was that same feeling, that cold hollow in his chest, the one that had resonated when Nile had warned him of Erwin's selfishness, when Tessa had said those words:  _too cold to care._

His jaw quivered.  _Do I actually know this man? Will I ever?_

After a moment, Erwin's face softened, and he gave a smile. "Are you hungry? I have an activity in mind that might take some time, but if you need to eat first..." He trailed off, and the smile faded. "If you're still interested in that sort of thing, after all you just witnessed."

Though Levi's chest was still hollow, he forced himself to step forward and wrap his arms around Erwin. After a moment, the man hugged him back, his too-tight grip more honest than his expression or his words.

"I can't breathe," complained Levi.

"I'm sorry. You're so protective of me, Levi, and I'm not sure I deserve it."

"We weren't going to talk about it." The ice between them was melting, and Levi nuzzled his cheek in the gap between the broad chest muscles. "What's this activity you have in mind?"

"It's a surprise. I just need a couple minutes in the bathroom to prepare." Erwin pulled back; he lightly traced Levi's cheekbone with his fingertips, the movement coming to a rest on his bottom lip. "Levi-"

"It's fine." He kissed the fingers. "We'll take your mind off everything. Go do whatever you need to do."

While Erwin was in the bathroom preparing, Levi began to wander around the room, exploring. The wardrobe was full of Erwin's old clothes; mostly collared shirts, a couple suits, and a few casual outfits. The majority of the clothing would fit Levi well, and he fingered a green hooded shirt, wondering if Erwin would let him take some of this.  _Or would Mike recognize it from their training days?_

The bookshelves behind the desk were alphabetized by category, aside from a few books that had been pulled out and set aside. A thin layer of dust coated the shelves, and Levi looked around for a dusting rag. He found a feather duster in the corner of the wardrobe. It wasn't his preferred cleaning method, as it seemed to kick up the dust rather than actually wipe it away, but he gave the bookshelves a quick dusting anyway. Once that was done, he began to dust and tidy the desk.

The bathroom door opened. Levi looked up, and the feather duster began to slip from his fingers. He fumbled it a few times before it fell to the floor.

"Everything all right, Levi?" Erwin stood in the bathroom doorway, naked except for his 3DMG harnesses, his boots and his Commander's pendant. The harnesses fit a bit looser without his clothing underneath them, straining with the weight of his gear.

Levi opened his mouth to speak, but his mouth was too dry, and all that would come out was a squeak. He closed his mouth.

"Too much?" said Erwin, his face glowing pink. "I know you said you liked imagining me in this outfit, so I thought I'd try it out for you."

Levi's heart thudded in his ears. "No, it's- I..." He was floundering. No other words would come.

Erwin stepped into the room and closed the bathroom door. "I know you didn't picture the gear, but I had an idea. You can say no, if you aren't interested. Our weight and height difference makes it impossible for you to take me standing up, but if we use the gear..." He triggered the gear, slamming the anchors at diagonals into a wooden crossbeam of the ceiling. Slowly, he retracted the wires, until he was hanging from the ceiling as if on a swing. "We can adjust it so the height is perfect for you to stay on your feet."

Levi began to tremble.

"Is it too strange?" Erwin's face was deep red now, almost purple.

Still unable to speak, Levi shook his head. His eyes trailed the man's body, its perfect lines accented by the gear straps.  _So beautiful. So fucking beautiful._ He shrank against the bookshelf.

Erwin's voice softened: "Why don't you come over here?"

Levi's hands balled into fists. He slowly crossed the room, then stood in front of the suspended man, staring at him. "I don't... I've forgotten what to do."

"Start with a kiss." Erwin leaned forward, the movement setting his body into a light swing. He lifted one of Levi's hands, placing it alongside his jaw, then waited.

Forcing himself past his shyness, Levi leaned forward. Their lips skimmed. He pulled back and stared at the placid gaze, the drooping eyelids.  _This beautiful man,_  he thought, leaning forward again.  _He's doing this for me. All for me._ He groaned into another kiss, pressing more firmly this time.

Slowly, tentatively, Erwin's arms brushed the side of his body, then wrapped around him, pulling him in. Their kiss deepened, low moans passing between them. Levi's fingers skated down the man's back, feeling the leather harness, bare skin, the fuzz of his ass. It was unbelievable, months of fantasy come to life. The kiss broke as he rested his forehead against Erwin's, breathing in.

"This can't be real," he whispered, unaware the words were forming until they had already slipped from his mouth.

"This is real, just like the heat that's glowing between our bodies." Erwin laid his hands on either side of Levi's face. "Like that beautiful, tortured expression on your face. Like the fabric of your pants straining and twitching, before I've even touched you. This is real, and it's all for you, Levi. Whatever you want from me is yours."

"Fuck, look at you." Levi pulled away to look him up and down, lightheaded. "Holy shit, Erwin,  _look at you_." He lunged forward, kissing him so hard that he felt teeth dig into his lips. All four limbs wrapped around him this time, and he could feel the weightlessness of the man's body, the twisting counter-motion of each movement. He ran his fingers down Erwin's back, feeling the subtly shifting core muscles that held him upright. His hand slid down to the tailbone, then lower.

He tore his mouth away. "Lube?"

"Inner jacket pocket," said Erwin, breathing hard.

Levi pushed away, leaving his Commander gently swinging, as he hurried to the bathroom. The jacket hung on the back of the door. His hands were so clumsy that it took several tries to unzip the inside pocket. At last, his fingers curled around the small bottle. He took a deep breath, then stepped toward the door.

Erwin's eyes met his. His arms were raised above his head, gripping the wires in a casual pose. Levi studied the muscled arms, his gaze tracing the triceps into his armpit, across his chest, down his abdomen.

"You're already hard," he said, trying to sound casual.

"Because I'm enjoying how you're reacting to this so far."

Levi set the lubricant on the floor next to Erwin, then walked over to far wall. He pulled off his jacket and laid it neatly on the dresser. His hands rose to his throat, and he began to untie his cravat - he didn't put much thought into it, at first, but then he noticed the Commander watching him. He slowly slid the cravat off his neck, letting his head loll a little. Erwin's lips parted a crack.

Levi slowly unbuckled his 3DMG, not bothering to disassemble it properly, and let the harnesses slide off his shoulders and hips. He set the entire apparatus neatly against the wall, his boots beside it, then turned his back and began to unbutton his shirt. When he lifted his half-buttoned shirt over his head, purposefully showcasing his back muscles, he heard a sharp intake of breath behind him. He looked back over his shoulder.

Erwin was still slowly swinging on the wires, arms over his head, but now his knuckles were white. His head was tilted, and he looked down his nose at Levi, as if scrutinizing him; it might have been insulting if he hadn't worn such an awed expression.

 _Fuck, that's hot._ Somehow, he was managing to look seductive and seduced all at once. Levi studied him for several seconds, committing the image to memory.

Remembering himself, he removed his pants and everything beneath them in one movement. He dropped them sloppily on the dresser, too impatient to fold them.

Then, he marched up to Erwin, caught his face with both hands, and pulled him in for a kiss.

Once again, he found himself torn between violence and tenderness. A part of him wanted to take Erwin hard, but the other wanted to linger, to let his body communicate the words he was still too shy to say. After the aggression of their encounter in Erwin's office the night before, he was leaning more towards being gentle. He began to kiss along the man's neck, connecting each kiss with his tongue, and he heard a low hum in response.

Erwin's hand fell between their bodies, wrapping around both of them and slowly pumping. The heat, the intimacy and the motion were overwhelming, and Levi took a shuddering breath. It felt amazing, but he had something else in mind.

"Your ass is clean?"

"Of course." Erwin bent forward and gently nipped at his lower lip.

"Good." Levi eased Erwin's hand aside and began to kiss a line down his chest, then across his hip. The bulk of the 3DMG got in his way, so he paused his attention to walk around to the man's back. He had planned to kneel down behind him, but he paused.

"If you're strapped in," he said, "then I can do this." He grabbed the straps on the back of Erwin's thighs and lifted his ass to face level.

Erwin gave a surprised gasp as his front end tipped. His palms slapped against the floor, supporting his upper body.

"You okay?" Levi hoisted a thigh over each shoulder.

The only response was a whispered, "Shit."

Levi buried his face between the round muscles, taking a deep breath. The idea of doing this act creeped him out if he thought about it too much, but that first breath always changed his mind. There was a powerful concentration of pheromones here that tapped into a deep, animal side of himself, filling him with desire, leaving no room for hesitation. His hands curled into the muscled flesh, pulling it apart, his face pressing deeper.

At the first touch of his tongue, Erwin cried out, a powerful contraction waving through his muscles. Levi grunted and pushed closer.  _That's it. Be loud for me._

For several minutes, he let his ears guide him, listening for the little gasps and moans leaving Erwin's lips. When he began to hear whispered curses, he knew it was time to press deeper with his tongue. He leaned into it, feeling the man begin to writhe, but the suspension gave him no traction. Levi easily held him in place.

The realization dawned on Levi out of nowhere, his eyes snapping open:  _he can't see my face from this position._

He remembered the man's breakdown in this room, not too long ago. Was he better off interrupting their momentum to suggest they change position? Or should he wait until the man spoke up? It wasn't as if they had seen each other's faces the night before, when Levi had been under the desk.  _Maybe he doesn't need to anymore?_

Erwin groaned and bucked up against his face, and Levi's eyes fluttered closed. He pulled back far enough to say,

"Say my name."

He meant it as a way to check in on Erwin, to make sure he wasn't confused, or falling into past memories, but when his strangled name left Erwin's lips, Levi's head spun.

"Again," he said, for selfish reasons this time.

"Oh fuck," gasped Erwin, his voice rising in pitch. "Levi."

He had heard his name thousands upon thousands of times in his life, and it had never sounded as good as it did in that moment. He buried his face into the warm flesh, probing aggressively with his tongue, swept away by the sound.  _The way he said my name, oh fuck. He's dressed only in his gear and his ass is in my face and he's crying my name._

"Fuck!" Levi tore his face away and squatted down, fumbling for the lubricant.  _I need to be inside him._ His hand closed over the bottle.

He pulled Erwin's thighs off his shoulders, setting him upright. He coated two fingers with the liquid, then traced the same circle his tongue had been making moments earlier. Stepping in close, he began to kiss the back of Erwin's neck.

"Go in," breathed Erwin.

Levi slid one finger inside him, and he felt a shudder ripple through the broad back.  _He's sensitive today._ His free arm wrapped around Erwin's waist, holding him in place.

The Commander's hips tilted back. "Another."

Levi complied, then pressed deeper. He knew he had found the right spot when Erwin's entire body went rigid, and he breathed, "Motherfucking Sina." This time, he didn't seem to notice the religious curse, and Levi didn't dare bring attention to it.

After a few minutes of teasing, Erwin seemed to have lost the ability to speak altogether, and Levi was confident he was ready. He pulled away and found a handkerchief from the drawer, using it to wipe his fingers. For good measure, he dumped some lubricant into his palm and began to coat himself with it, circling around to Erwin's front. The man's face was red, his eyes open a crack, his mouth slack and panting. Levi leaned in to press a kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Put your knees on my shoulders."

Erwin complied, his movements sluggish. Levi helped him into place, gauging the angle.

"Lengthen the wires by about two, three centimeters."

Erwin nodded, adjusting the gear. Once their heights were aligned, Levi began to press into him.

He was almost to the hilt, when Erwin suddenly cried out. His head tossed back, his spine arching. On reflex, Levi's hand snapped out and caught him by the strap across his chest, saving him from pitching right back into the floor.

"Erwin?"

"The angle," gasped Erwin.

"You mean this angle?" Levi slowly pulled out again, then pushed in, and received another cry in response. "Does that feel good?"

"Yes, it-" Erwin covered his face with his hands as Levi gave another slow thrust. "Fuck!"

Every hair on Levi's body stood on end, his skin burning. He ached to push harder, but these reactions were worth milking. He moved so slowly that he ached, relishing the cry near the end of each stroke.

"Faster," said Erwin, his voice strained.

"No, I think I'm going to keep it slow." Still holding him upright with one hand, Levi ran the other one down the man's body, carefully skirting any areas that might get him closer to release. His temples were tight, his ears ringing, as he struggled against his urge to pick up speed.

Erwin groaned, his hand reaching between his legs, but Levi knocked it away.

"I'm close." The tone was desperate, almost begging.

"I can see that." Levi slowed his thrusts even more. "Look at me, Erwin."

"I can't."

"I want to see your face."

"I can't, I..." The word was swallowed by a groan, his back arching even more.

Levi gripped the bolo tie, tugging on it. "Lift your head and I'll go faster."

With deep, shuddering groan, Erwin lifted his head. His brows formed a peak, his lips flared in an 'O', and his eyes were unfocused.

"Holy shit," whispered Levi, and he found himself thrusting faster.

"Oh fuck." The man reached for his groin again, but Levi, once again, knocked his hand away.

"Levi, please, I need to come." For all his size and muscle, he seemed small, helpless, and Levi felt his eyes roll toward the back of his head. He grunted, fighting to stay in control.  _Look how vulnerable he'll be for you. Look how much he trusts you, loves you._

"Levi!" Erwin began to counter-thrust against the air, his head tilting back again. "Oh shit, I'm going to come."

Levi's eyes flew open. "Really?"

"Oh fuck!" Erwin's body went rigid, his knees squeezing Levi's neck, his chest and abdomen tightening. A shudder rippled through him, his cries escalating, and for the first time, Levi watched his body orgasm unhindered, no hand or mouth in the way. The sight was so beautiful that the moment it ended, Levi fell forward, pressing his mouth to the damp flesh of the man's abdomen.

"Oh fuck, Erwin." He wasn't close to orgasm yet, but he felt a shiver ripple through him anyway, a single sympathy wave.

For a moment, they were still. Levi experimentally gave another thrust, and this time, the shudder that rippled through Erwin wasn't a pleasant one.

"Too sensitive?" Levi kissed a nipple.

"Shit." Erwin lifted his head, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't think I could orgasm without being touched."

"You're apologizing? That was hot as hell. Fuck."

"But you didn't come," said Erwin, running a knuckle along his jaw.

"There are other ways to get me off. You could fuck me with your fingers."

Erwin looked up at him, eyes wide, and Levi didn't blame him. The words had surprised him, too.  _Where did that come from?_  He had cleaned himself carefully just in case, but he hadn't expected to want to act on it.

"Look," he said, shrugging it off, "you just made yourself completely vulnerable to me and let me do something I've always wanted to do, so I'll do the same to you. That's all there is to it." His mind was spinning around the idea:  _Erwin's fingers inside me, his gaze on me, teasing me, waiting. Why does that idea seem so hot right now?_

But then again, a lot of things were hot right now that shouldn't be, like the mess on their abdomens, the sweat trailing down Erwin's temple. He felt as if he were drunk, all his inhibitions stripped away. Hell, it wasn't even bothering him that his pants were crumpled on the dresser. He pulled out.

"Where do you want to be?" asked Erwin.

"On the bed."

"Then I should disengage." Erwin pressed his feet to the ground and stood, then retracted the gear anchors. The instant he was no longer supported, his legs buckled.

"Easy there," said Levi, catching him and holding him up.

"Bit weak in the knees."

Was that just post-orgasm weakness, or a result of pushing too hard on the proposal? Levi felt a flicker of worry, and tried to cover it: "Guess I fucked you too hard."

"Just hard enough, I'd say." Erwin pulled away, still a bit unsteady, and removed the gear, leaving his harnesses on. He bent down to pick up the bottle, then paused on his way up to kiss Levi's forehead. "Let's move to the bed."

For a few minutes, they sat on the edge of the mattress, kissing each other's mouths and necks. Levi wondered if it was obvious that he was stalling. He found himself wishing Erwin would be more aggressive; otherwise, this might never happen.

Finally, his patience wore out. He nipped at the man's earlobe. "Are we going to do this, or what?"

Erwin pulled back to study him. "Tell me what you need, Levi."

"I need to not make any decisions."

After a moment, Erwin said, "Lie on your back."

He obeyed. Erwin settled between his legs; he ran a hand down the side of Levi's face, then trailed it down his neck, then his arm. He gripped the wrist and moved it, pressing Levi's hand and groin together, then wrapped the fingers into place.

"We overwhelmed you with too much stimulation last time, so let's keep this simple," he said. "I want you to touch yourself slowly. Let me know if you need me to slow down or stop." He kissed his navel, then pulled back to douse his finger in oil.

Now that Levi knew what to expect, the first touch wasn't as jarring as it had been the first couple times. He spread his legs further apart to make it easier on Erwin, pulling his knees a bit closer to his chest. This would probably be easiest if he was on all fours, but he wasn't ready to expose himself so brazenly just yet. Still, the mattress was soft and saggy, and he could tell the angle was awkward.

"Here." He grabbed a pillow and put it under his ass, tilting his hips up. He had only been thinking about making access easier for Erwin, but now he realized, too late, that the movement had put him on display. Erwin's gaze drifted to his finger and held, and Levi's face burned.

"Is it okay?" he asked, worried that something unsightly might be holding the Commander's attention.

"Yes." Erwin's finger traced a small circle; his other hand slid down Levi's hamstrings, then cupped his ass. His face was relaxed, the corners of his lips curled in a tiny hint of a smile. "How is it so far?"

"Not bad." Levi closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation. "Kind of tickles a bit." He idly began to tug at himself, just enough to keep himself hard.

"Shall I try going in?"

He shrugged. "Yeah."

His muscles relaxed more easily this time, at first, but then Levi began to panic.  _Is it easier because we stretched my asshole? What if we keep doing this regularly? Am I going to start shitting myself all the time?_ He knew the thoughts were ridiculous - he'd been doing this with partners for half his life, and they'd never had any problems like that - but his own body was different. It needed to be pristine, untouched, clean. His eyes flew open. "Erwin-"

The finger had already frozen in place; his tension must have been obvious. Placid blue eyes focused on him. "Need me to stop?"

"Just wait a moment." Levi took several deep breaths. He tried to focus on whatever had driven him to request this in the first place, and found himself remembering how excited Erwin had been after their last attempt. "Why do you like doing this?" he asked, latching onto the idea.

Erwin kissed his thigh. "The intimacy of it. I love knowing that you're letting me into an area of your body that's been relatively unexplored. And I must confess I love the sensations - the tightness, the warmth." His voice was gentle, almost soothing, and Levi felt his panic begin to fade.

"Does it turn you on?"

Instead of answering right away, Erwin shifted his position, showing that he was semi-erect. "You know how slowly I recover, and look at me. If I hadn't just come as hard as I did..."

Levi stared, head spinning. "Okay, keep going."

Erwin continued kissing his thigh, slowly pressing deeper. Levi held his gaze, focusing on the thought:  _this is turning him on, it's turning him on..._

Lightning shot through his groin and the inside of his cock, and he gasped.

"There?" asked Erwin.

Levi nodded, holding his breath. It already felt so much different than last time.

"Breathe," reminded Erwin, his voice still gentle. "Would you like me to try a few things so we can see what you like?"

Remembering to take slow breaths, Levi nodded again.

"First, I'm going to try different amounts of pressure. Your body will probably tell me what you like, but don't be afraid to be vocal about it."

"Okay." Levi lay back, giving himself a few more strokes as he waited to feel something different. At first, he was getting that strange full-bladder-like sensation from before, but then there was the lightning sensation again, and it grew into a beautiful ache, almost a hunger. "Oh, shit."

"Like that?"

"Yeah. Fuck." He gave himself a few more strokes, letting his head roll along the pillow.

"You like heavy pressure. I suspected as much. Does it feel good?"

"Yeah, it's not bad." He looked down at Erwin. The man's jaw was rigid, his eyes sharp and focused.  _He's so fucking into it._

"I'd like to try out some different motions with my finger next," said Erwin, gaze boring through him.

"Sure."

The stimulation began to vary, and Levi felt himself begin to melt under the fiery gaze and the careful attention. His head sagged back to the pillow, and he felt a groan catch in his throat. He held it back, still a bit shy. To his surprise, he was beginning to miss the stretching sensation that had been present up until a minute or two ago.

"Everything okay?" asked Erwin.

"Yeah, why?"

"You're awfully quiet up there."

Levi lifted his head to look at him. Erwin's cheeks were red, his eyelids heavy. "It feels pretty good."  _I want more,_  he thought, but his mouth wouldn't form the words.

"Keep going?"

"Yeah."

Erwin kissed a line along his thigh again, his free hand smoothing Levi's abdomen. "I love that you're letting me do this. I love reaching into you like this, being inside you, a part of you."

Levi could relate - he enjoyed doing the same thing for the same reasons. His body was starting to ache for another finger, and he cloaked it in a safe thought:  _I love that moment when he begs me for more, so I bet he'll love it if I do the same._

"I need..." He was certain his face must be beet red. "Give me another finger."

Erwin's brows peaked. He pulled out and added more oil, then began to gently ease his way in again.

This time, Levi felt that stretch, that glorious stretch, and he couldn't hold back a groan. "Fuck!"

"Still okay?" asked Erwin, arousal gravelling his voice, and Levi felt a shiver run through his body.  _He's so fucking turned on by this, he's so fucking into it..._ He forced himself to lift his head again.

"Are you hard, Erwin?"

"Yeah." Even the man's gaze was hard, staring at him with the piercing intensity he wore when he was close to orgasm. He pushed the fingers to the same depth as before.

Levi's head fell back with a moan. His skin was sensitive and tingling, his muscles glowing. "Shit."  _I want more,_  he realized, and the thought shocked him.

"Don't forget about this." Erwin gripped his wrist and moved it in a jerking motion.

Levi's breath came in blasts as he followed the man's lead, moving his hand. Pressure was already beginning to build inside him; he let out a cry to vent it, but it built again immediately after, worse than before. He forced his eyes open a crack so he could see the fixation on Erwin's face.

"Shit! Erwin-"

"Come on." The fingers pressed harder, almost crossing the border into pain, and Levi felt his limbs begin to tense.

He had heard of full-body orgasms, had given many to others, but had never experienced one for himself until now. The pleasure rippled through his limbs and digits, then back to centre, his stomach muscles contracting in waves that lifted his upper body off the bed. He was vaguely aware that he was yelling, but he couldn't hear it over the blood rushing in his ears. When it finally began to ebb, he forced his eyes open and, seeing the awe on Erwin's face, found he still had a few contractions left.

Then it was over, and every muscle slackened at once. He fell back to the mattress, breathing hard.

"Levi," breathed Erwin, and he began to frantically kiss Levi's thigh, his knee, his abdomen.

Levi's eyes cracked open as he watched Erwin work his way up his body, and then the frantic mouth was mashing into his, the angle hurting his bruised nose, but he barely felt the pain. Erwin rolled him onto his side so they were facing each other, limbs wrapping around each other, tongues sliding together.

Then the Commander pulled away, breathing hard. Mussed blond hair hung in his face, his cheeks and lips were rosy, and his eyes were glassy.

"You aren't going to start crying, are you?" asked Levi.

Erwin laughed - not his usual reserved chuckle, but an honest, uncensored laugh. "Levi, you're smiling."

"I'm not," he retorted, but he could feel that he was.

Erwin's thumb ran across his lower lip. "I've never seen you smile like this."

"Yeah, well I've never heard you laugh like that. I guess that's what happens when we fuck each other's brains out." Levi ran a hand down the man's chest. The hair was damp, and he vaguely wondered if it was sweat or other bodily fluids.

"So, it was better this time around?" asked Erwin.

"You don't have to interview me every time we mess around, you know. It's creepy. Like you've got some Levi-fucking strategy you're fine-tuning."

"Maybe I am." Erwin kissed his forehead. "We're going to miss dinner if we don't get back to the base soon. I can show you how to use my shower - I'm sure you're anxious to get cleaned up."

"Thanks," said Levi, surprised to discover that he wasn't. He glanced at the crumpled clothes he had left on the dresser, but felt only mild annoyance, not his usual need to straighten them. The discarded feather duster was still bothering him, however, lying out of place on the floor. The dust was probably settling back into place on the bookshelves, too. He shivered."One of these days, I'm going to clean this place for you."

"If you like. Maybe we could do some sort of paperwork-for-cleaning labour trade." Erwin pulled him in for one last kiss, then stood. "Come on, we should get moving."

.*.*.*.

After a hastily eaten dinner, even hastier packing, and some careful revisions, Erwin was ready to leave for the Capital.

As the city clock tower rang ten o'clock, he knocked on Levi's door under the guise of seeking help with his luggage. Levi yanked him into the room and closed the door. They shared a long, deep kiss; Erwin slowly rubbed the man's biceps, memorizing the way he tasted and felt.

Then Levi leaned against his chest, wrapping his arms around him. "You going to jerk off a lot while you're gone?"

Erwin chuckled and kissed the top of his head. "I'm not sure I'll have the time or the privacy. If I do, I'll certainly be recalling the way you looked writhing on the bed this afternoon." His throat tightened. "I'm going to miss you, Levi."

"Shut up. It's only a couple days." Levi's arms tightened around him. "Don't let Sahlo push you around."

"I'll do what I can." He paused. "I'm afraid the driver is waiting for me, and our schedule is tight."

"Fine." Levi pulled away. "Where's your luggage?"

They loaded the carriage, and, with other eyes on them, exchanged a formal nod.

"Good luck with the squad selections," said Erwin stiffly.

Levi shrugged. "See you in a few days."

Their gaze held for a moment longer, then Erwin stepped into the carriage and closed the door.

Though the long carriage ride would have been more entertaining with Levi present, he still managed to make it productive: first, he was putting finishing touches on his proposal, then he was practicing his presentation, and finally, he slept. His body was still catching up on all the sleep he had missed; he didn't awaken until the carriage came to a full stop in front of the military barracks.

"We were a bit delayed in Stohess, sir," said the driver. "I'm afraid you don't have much time to spare before your appointment."

Erwin thanked him, but his stomach twisted. He hastily dropped off his luggage in the spare room he was borrowing, then took a minute to check his appearance in the mirror. Grabbing his files, he hurried to the door.

When he arrived at the parliament building, he was surprised to find Lord Sahlo waiting for him in the lobby.

"Commander Erwin," said the lord, the words accompanied by a surprisingly pleasant expression. They shook hands. "How was your trip?"

"Unexpectedly rushed," said Erwin.

"What an oddly specific response," said Sahlo, his grin showing that he knew full well what the response really alluded to. "As agreed, I am fully prepared to back your proposal today. I trust you were able to put something together, and you won't make both of us look like asses?"

"That remains to be seen. The timeframe was significantly shorter than usual."

"Then I suppose today will either make or break our business relationship." He clapped a hand to Erwin's shoulder. "I want you to join me for drinks once this meeting is over. We have much to discuss."

 _He's trying to show me that he's the one in control here._ The more interactions they shared, the less confident Erwin became. He had to find a way to tip the balance back in his favour. "I'll see if I can make time in my schedule."

"I'd recommend that you do." Sahlo nodded at him. "Follow me. Everyone's waiting on you."

 _Did he just stall me to try to make it look as if I were running late?_ Erwin frowned, unimpressed.

As he entered the meeting room, he saluted Supreme Commander Zackly, who nodded at him. Four other lords were seated at the table, two of them new faces. One was presumably Lobov's new replacement, and the other was a middle-aged man with round features and dark hair. Erwin made a note to follow up with his contacts about these two later. He didn't like facing unknown entities.

Aloud, he said, "Thank you, all, for agreeing to meet with me on such short notice."

"Lord Sahlo was insistent that this expedition would change the future of the Survey Corps," said Zackly, raising a brow. Erwin had worked with him enough times to understand what that raised brow meant: Zackly understood that Sahlo was trying to pressure him. Erwin felt himself relax. It would be helpful to have an ally in this meeting.

"Indeed, sir, what I'm presenting to you today is the first phase of the new direction of the Survey Corps." He set two copies of his proposal in the centre of the table, then began to unfold maps and visual aids. "With Lord Sahlo's help, we've obtained a list of abandoned silos outside Wall Rose filled with medical supplies, food rations, weapons and ammunition. The expedition I'm proposing today has a single goal: we will recover as many of these supplies as we can. For some time, we've wanted to build supply bunkers leading up to Wall Maria for a future reclamation effort, but there was always the fear of draining the limited resources located within Wall Rose and Wall Sina. If we repurpose the contents of these silos, as I'm going to propose today, we will be able to make great headway with very little impact to the citizens within the walls."

The Lords stared blankly at him, but Zackly raised a brow. "Oh?"

Erwin smiled. "Why don't I walk you through it?"

.*.*.*.

The presentation went surprisingly smoothly. They broke for lunch, during which the lords gossiped at length about nobles Erwin had never even heard of. After lunch, Erwin fielded their questions, most of them from Zackly. He closed out the meeting with a promise to further humanity's cause and a resounding salute.

As the other lords departed, Zackly pulled him aside. "A bit sloppier than your usual proposals, Erwin, but still a fine job."

"I'm afraid some enthusiastic parties pushed this forward more quickly than I anticipated, sir."

Zackly leaned closer. "I figured as much. Don't worry, it was solid. I don't want to promise anything yet, but I'm confident we'll be able to push this through. Come by my office tomorrow afternoon and we'll discuss. I have a few more questions to consider when it comes to the actual execution of your plan."

Erwin nodded and saluted.

Sahlo was waiting for him in the lobby again. His smile was too broad, his eyes still dead and even. "I must say, I'm a little disappointed with the quality of your proposal, but you seem to have fooled the rest of those assholes. May I treat you to dinner? I have a location in mind that might suit your temperament."

He was still exuding arrogance. Erwin began to regret leaving Levi behind; a good threat might scare him back into place. Maybe dinner would present him with a subtle way to regain control.

Sahlo led him to a carriage, but Erwin shook his head. "We're walking."

"It's quite far."

"I'm sure I can handle it." He wasn't about to get into a carriage and leave himself open to be taken to a random location.

"Have it your way." Sahlo shrugged, and they began to walk. "You don't trust me, do you? You're reading this all wrong, Commander. I've taken a genuine interest in you, and I've come to realize it's in my best interests if you succeed."

Erwin glanced at him. "I see you're wearing a new hat."

The lord grimaced. "Your guard dog did a number on the old one - what's his name again? The thug from the Underground."

"Levi."

"Levi, that's it. He's loyal, I'll give him that. What does it take to turn a ruffian into a loyal dog in such a short period of time? Surely not blackmail - it's not as if a criminal values his reputation."

"I showed him the bigger world outside the walls," said Erwin, "and I treated him with respect."

"That's it?"

"That's it. Someone who has been kicked around his whole life will respond well to being treated like a human being." He refused to let his face betray even the slightest hint of emotion, even though his heart warmed. It was strange to think about how different their relationship had been back then.

"Hm," said Sahlo. He was silent for a few minutes, then said, "Here we are."

Erwin stepped into the restaurant, surveying the room. The restaurant was surprisingly quiet, and he quickly realized why: a chess board sat in the centre of each table.

"I overheard Commander Shadis speaking with Commander Pixis a couple years back, saying you were quite the chess player. Everyone was already talking about you then, saying you were going to be a Commander yourself one day." Sahlo slid into a table and wiped his damp brow, out of breath from the walk. "Care to indulge me in a game?"

Erwin sat at the table, eyes fixed on the board.  _He wants to size me up, determine how threatening my strategic skills are._ Should he play for real and intimidate Sahlo, but potentially reveal information about how he operated? Or should he play sloppily and lull him into a false sense of security?

A server approached the table and set a box between them. "Lord Sahlo. Commander. What would you like?"

"Two glasses of red," said Sahlo to a server, "and two chicken pies." He opened the box to reveal chess pieces, then began to arrange them on the chess board. "They say you can learn more from a single game of chess with a man that you can in an entire week's worth of conversation. I thought this would be a good way to get acquainted with each other, Smith - may I call you Smith?"

"I'd prefer Commander or Erwin."

"Odd name, that. Smith. Your file says you spent some time in the City growing up, and yet no family named Smith has ever lived within the inner walls." Still bent over the pieces, Sahlo peered up at him from under the rim of his hat. "Almost. Records do indicate a family named Smith appearing briefly, only to disappear into the Wall Church, never to be seen again. I'm well acquainted with many high-ranking Wallists, and not a single one of them knew you had any ties to them at all. More than that, the name Smith is so common in the outer walls that it's impossible to trace. You're a man without a past, Erwin Smith. Does Supreme Commander Zackly know about the mystery that surrounds you?"

"I believe my years of loyal service speak more loudly for me than my humble roots ever could." Though recalling his sister's visit still made his chest ache, he silently thanked her and his mother for changing their names once they had formally entered the church. Perhaps all those years of his mother's paranoia had been more practical than he had assumed.

"Black or white?" asked the Lord, motioning to the pieces. The first test: did he want the first move?

"White," said Erwin, deciding to present himself as a man who seized every advantage. His goal would be to intimidate Sahlo while underrepresenting his own strategic prowess at the same time.

Sahlo turned the board. "Your move."

Erwin moved a pawn. "What about you, Lord Sahlo? Mitras, born and raised?"

"Ah, Smith, my history is well known. I'd rather talk about you some more." The wine arrived; he took a long sip of one glass, sliding the other across the table. "I know you and Nile go way back, but I get the feeling he has conflicted feelings about you. His words to describe your personality weren't exactly flattering."

"It's still your move."

"Ah, right." The man slid a pawn two squares forward. "How were you able to command the loyalty of Levi within less than a year, but not Nile after more than a decade? Couldn't you show him a bigger world and treat him with respect?"

"Nile has no interest in a bigger world. More than that: we were in love with the same woman long ago, and he never learned how to drop a grudge. A pity, as we were quite close, once." He took a sip of wine, then slid another pawn forward.

"Ah, so you're a ladies' man."

"A bit, at the time. No time for such things any more."

Sahlo held his gaze. "You know that transfer you requested, of three soldiers? Nile wants to make the third one an informant. He's convinced we need to keep an eye on you."

Erwin's blood ran cold. The whole point of the transfer had been to give them an opportunity to spoon-feed information back to Sahlo.  _Does he know that's what I was doing, or is he just trying to win my trust by backstabbing Nile?_  "That's unfortunate."

"I think I talked him out of it, but I'd keep an eye on those transfers, if I were you."

The lord's chatter began to fade as the chess game proceeded. Erwin played recklessly, sacrificing pawns and both his bishops to push his advantage. He could tell Sahlo was playing sloppily as well. They ate their food and started second glasses of wine, each turn slowing down as the game progressed.

Erwin had just offered up his second rook, when Sahlo cursed and picked up the board, dumping the pieces on the table. Erwin jumped.

"Stop jerking me around!" growled the lord. There was that temper Erwin had seen when he and Levi had first threatened him. The man's face was red, his teeth bared.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're throwing the game on purpose. I don't have time for bullshit." The Lord leaned across the table. "Do you know why I'm supporting you, Smith? It's not because your little show intimidated me. I know people who could end you and everything you've ever held dear, all in the blink of an eye. They can twist a knife into your weak spots and leave you broken and ruined."

Erwin held his face neutral, not even blinking.  _You don't know anything about me, and you have no way of finding out, so how will you find my weak spots?_

For a brief instant, his mind replayed the dream he'd had of a titan-sized Sahlo killing Levi, its face morphing into his own:  _you play a dangerous game, boy..._

He shoved it aside. Nightmares had no place in this strategic setting.

"No, I'm not afraid of you and your ragtag regiment of eager titan feed," continued Sahlo. "The reason I'm going along with your little show is because I see in you ruthlessness, a desire to go to great lengths to get exactly what you want. I also see a brilliant manipulator. You were absolutely right when you said our alliance could benefit each other, and I have big plans for both of us, but only if I can be sure you really are the genius everyone says. So stop holding back, and fucking show me how you play!"

Erwin studied him. "Only if you do the same."

Their gaze held, then Sahlo smiled. "You're sharp, boy. I'll give you that. Very well. I won't hold back, either."

From the opening moves of their new game, Erwin saw a change come over his opponent: his spine straightened, his jaw set, and the fake smile left his lips. There was a startling subtlety to the lord's strategy, a tendency to lay traps like a hunter carefully laying a snare. In spite of himself, Erwin felt his respect for the man begin to grow. He had greatly underestimated the man's intelligence.

Still, like fighting titans, like sparring, every opponent had a weakness, and Erwin excelled at finding them. Soon, Sahlo's became apparent: he showed a strange tendency to favour the right side of the board, using it for his traps whenever the pieces allowed it, and overlooking similar opportunities on the left. The board layout didn't allow Erwin to take advantage of that knowledge yet, but when it did, he would be ready to strike.

As they began their fourth glasses of wine, a crowd began to gather. Lord Sahlo was well known among the locals, and Erwin supposed his own strategic prowess must be becoming well known by now. He was completely immune to spectacle, but Sahlo seemed to be considering the crowd's expressions before he made each move. This, too, provided useful information.  _Public opinion matters to him. If I want to pressure him in the future, I need to threaten his reputation with the people._

As they entered the endgame, Erwin's body was glowing from the wine, but his mind was sharp. An opportunity began to form: Sahlo was trying to lure him into a checkmate, but in a few more moves, he would leave his own king exposed.

He was noticing another pattern: the Lord always took down strong pieces if given the opportunity.  _If I use my queen as bait, I can convince him to open up on the left, and then I can take him._

He slid a bishop into position, waiting.  _Two moves until he checks me._

Next, he positioned his knight.  _One._

"Check," said Sahlo, smirking. As was Erwin's design, the rook holding him in check was also perfectly positioned to take the queen. The crowd murmured, impressed.

Erwin raked a hand through his hair, faking stress. He took a long sip of wine, then stepped his king out of the way.

Two more moves, and Sahlo could have taken him down, but, as predicted, he went straight for the queen instead, leaving a hole in his defenses.

Erwin advanced with his bishop. "Check."

Sweat ran down Sahlo's temple. His only option was to move his king to the right or the left. Erwin held his breath, waiting. He would go to the right. He always favoured the right. The crowd was murmuring, and Sahlo's gaze darted to them, then back to the board.

The king shifted right.

Erwin moved his knight. "Checkmate."

The crowd began to clap, and Sahlo's crestfallen look told Erwin everything he needed to know: the lord had truly been playing to win.  _I got a perfect read on him, and he knows it._

The power balance was once again in his favour.

"Damn." Sahlo flicked his king onto its side. "I see the rumours about you weren't an exaggeration." For the first time all day, he looked uncomfortable. He held out his hand. "I look forward to working with you, Smith."

"Commander," corrected Erwin, shaking his hand.


	18. Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I feel like I'm repeating myself here, but I mean it sincerely every time: thank you again, so much, for all your support. It means the world to me. :) :) :)
> 
> This chapter is lo-o-o-ong. Sorry in advance; I couldn't find a good place to break it into two. The next one will be considerably shorter, I think? 
> 
> Also, I'd like to give a shoutout to ShadowMelly for gifting me a wonderful eruri fanfic!!! WOW! Thank you so much! *hugs* If anyone wants to read this lovely gift, it's posted here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/2363015
> 
> Previous chapter: Erwin finishes his proposal, meets up with his sister, gets intimate with Levi, then heads to the Capital to pitch his proposal - and ends up playing chess with Lord Sahlo.

**-18-**

**Doors**

"Excited?" asked Hange.

Levi shrugged. "Not really."

"No? You're dancing in place."

Realizing he was shifting his weight from one leg to the other, Levi frowned and stood tall, folding his arms over his chest. "I just want to know if the proposal went through or not. That blond bastard's kept us waiting long enough." Erwin's one-or-two-day trip to the Capital had turned into five. A message on the second day had stated he was spending time meeting with investors, but Levi didn't believe that was the only delay. Was Sahlo giving him a hard time? Was the proposal encountering difficulties?

The carriage pulled into the yard and stopped. Hange greeted the driver, then rounded the back to start unloading the baggage, but Levi waited.

The door swung open, and his breath caught as Erwin stepped through it.

"Good morning, Levi," he said, the morning sun illuminating the border of his hair like a halo.

Levi scrutinized his face and found no hint of emotion, just his default polite, empty smile. "Been awhile."

"Yes, sorry for the delay - I hope my absence didn't hinder your work. Let's assemble the Squad Leaders after I've finished my breakfast." He squeezed a shoulder as he walked past, the movement so gentle that it was almost a caress, and Levi's blood stirred.

The three of them hauled several bags upstairs.

"Didn't you leave with a single bag?" asked Levi.

"Some of our investors were kind enough to give us supplies for the upcoming mission as gifts of good faith: dried meat, tea, coffee, blankets." They set the baggage against a wall in Erwin's office, and the Commander smiled. "Ah, I see the new couches arrived intact. Good. Hange, please tell Berit and Mike that we'll have an officer's meeting here in approximately twenty minutes. Levi, I'd like you to accompany me to breakfast. I have some information I want to run past you."

"Sir. I'll leave you two to talk." Hange saluted and left the room, giving a wink to Levi before the door closed.

Levi's cheeks burned. He folded his arms over his chest again, staring up at Erwin. He wanted to jump up and wrap all four limbs around the taller man, kissing his lips, chin and neck, but that empty smile was making him hesitate.

"Well?" he said. "You're gone five fucking days and I don't even get a kiss?"

"My apologies, Levi," said Erwin, the fake smile finally relaxing. "I'm desperately pent up. I don't trust myself to kiss you right now without getting carried away, and we have other duties to attend to first."

"Maybe a hug?" asked Levi, not wanting to admit how badly he needed contact.

"If it's brief."

They met in a chaste embrace, only their upper bodies making contact.

Erwin buried his face in the top of Levi's hair. "It's good to see you, Levi."

"Yeah. Good to see you, too." Hearing his name leave those thick, shapely lips made Levi's heart pound. He pressed his cheek to the man's chest, and found a heartbeat racing so fast that it rivaled his own.  _I guess I'm not the only one who's feeling sentimental._

"It feels as if it's been longer than five days." Erwin dropped his arms and stepped back, and this time, there was kindness in his smile. "The world doesn't stop when we're apart, but it certainly feels lonelier."

"That's a good way to put it."

Erwin straightened a strand of Levi's hair into place, his knuckle tracing down his cheek before pulling away. "Shall we head to breakfast?"

The mess hall was empty save for a cluster of stragglers talking animatedly over empty plates. Erwin helped himself to some oatmeal and Levi poured a cup of tea. They settled at a small table near the back of the room, out of earshot of the other soldiers.

Levi nursed the tea, his third cup that morning. "Did the proposal go through?"

"Yes, yesterday morning. Zackly was on board from the start, and Sahlo, to his credit, was pushing hard on the other representatives. There were a couple unknowns - two new Council members - who took some extra convincing. Sahlo offered to lean heavily on them if needed, but I decided to book extra meetings with them instead to walk them through their concerns. That seemed to do the trick." Erwin's jaw muscle tightened. "I don't want Sahlo doing us too many favours."

Levi studied the tensing jaw line. "Did something happen with that asshole?"

"Yes." Erwin paused to take a spoonful of oatmeal, then continued. "Traditionally, I keep my political schemes to myself, but because you're you, Levi, I'm going to keep you apprised of all my dealings. Anything I tell you is to remain between the two of us." He looked up, the blue eyes kind. "When you're eventually standing beside me as my Captain, I want us to be peers more often than we're superior-subordinate. You have a sharp eye for reading people, and strong short-term tactical instincts. I sometimes think too long-term and lose perspective on the immediate future, so I can benefit from your perspective. You also have an intimate knowledge of the Underground culture, while my understanding of it is only cursory. That's why I need your opinion on a few things I learned about Sahlo."

Levi's brows rose at the unexpected compliments. He had never thought of himself as a tactical person; if anything, he saw himself as a weapon to be aimed. "Okay, go ahead."

Erwin spoke about the meeting in detail, then a chess game at a cafe. "I was confident I had regained the upper hand. The next night, however, I was supposed to meet him at his office to detail future fund delivery. When I arrived in his office, he was accompanied by two escorts. One for him, one for me. A peace offering."

"Escorts," repeated Levi, his stomach dropping as his mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario.  _He didn't want to offend his new business partner, so he-_

"Levi." The Commander leaned closer, his voice lowering. "You know I consider us to be exclusive, right? We haven't spoken about it formally, but I have no desire to be with anyone else - particularly someone who has been bought and traded as if they were a commodity."

"Of course I know that."

"You looked a little worried."

"Why the fuck would I be worried?" asked Levi, his brows dropping. "Keep going. What happened?"

"I politely declined, of course. I can't figure out his angle. Perhaps she was going to physically harm me, or he was setting up future blackmail material, or he was otherwise trying to test me. My concern is the latter - perhaps he was trying to dig up information on the current state of my sex life, or my sexual preferences, or-"

"Or," said Levi, "he's just a pervert who wanted to suck up to you after you defeated him at chess, and you're overthinking the whole thing."

"Ah." Erwin smiled. "I suppose that's possible. Regardless, I noticed a symbol tattooed on the women's ankles, one I've seen around the Underground: a diamond shape split into two triangles, a dot in the centre of the top one."

"Rage," said Levi. "All his affiliates get that tattoo."

"Rage?"

"Rage Klein, one of the Underground kingpins of the sex trade and black market goods."

"I see." Erwin paused. "I assume Rage is a nickname."

"Never thought to ask. Beat him up one time, got the shit kicked out of me by his henchmen another, and that's about all I know about him." Levi studied Erwin's face, trying to guess where the discussion was leading. "Are you thinking he has ties to Sahlo?"

"Maybe. Maybe he just wants me to think he does. Or maybe it's just coincidence that he hired those particular women." Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I've been trying so hard to think like him over the past few days that I don't know which way is up anymore. Regardless, I'm interested to investigate this a bit to see if there are any ties - the more information I have about him, the easier it will be to keep him in check in the future."

"And you want me to investigate it?" guessed Levi, his heart pounding in his throat. He hadn't been back to the Underground since he had joined the Survey Corps, and now that he was a high-profile soldier, he certainly wouldn't be well-received.

"I'm not sure that will be necessary. I re-established connection with an old contact in the Underground, and I'm thinking of asking her to pursue this lead for me." He side-eyed Levi, a faint smirk on his lips. "Her name is Leona Reid, and she asked me to pass along a hello. Apparently you two go way back?"

"Fuck," muttered Levi, knowing exactly what was coming next.

"She said you owe her a substantial amount of money."

"Of course she did. Did she mention that it was her stupid son's fault I borrowed it in the first place?"

Erwin's eyes twinkled. "The same son you used to date?"

Levi shook his head, lips flattening. "That was years ago."

"Apparently he's married with two adopted kids now, doing quite well for himself in the factories. She thought you might like to know."

"Yeah, great. Maybe she should ask  _him_  for her fucking money." Levi shook his head. "Why the hell is she one of your contacts? Do you fake a lot of documents?"

"I do."

The answer surprised him. "Like what?"

"Mostly receipts or invoices." Erwin paused, stirring his oatmeal, then added quietly, "My identification papers."

Levi took a long sip of tea, then set the cup on the table. "You don't have your original papers?"

"No, my mother destroyed them when we took the name Smith. Once I ran away from home, I needed identification to join the military, so I wandered into the Underground in my best suit, carrying a large sum of money, and started asking around." Erwin shook his head. "I was so sheltered, so naive."

"No kidding. How long did it take before you got mugged?"

"About ten minutes. A group of kids took all the money I had on me. I..." Erwin looked away. "I must have been visibly upset-"

"You were crying," guessed Levi.

Erwin cleared his throat. "I was visibly upset, and Leona happened to see me and take pity on me. She always said I reminded her of her son, something I find interesting now, given your history with him."

"Yeah, so maybe I have a type," muttered Levi.

"Then I'm fortunate I match it. At any rate, her help all those years ago started a working relationship that has continued to this day." He paused. "What's your take on her, Levi? Is she trustworthy?"

"Yeah, she's good."

"Glad to hear it. At some point, I should walk you through all my contacts and get your opinion on their reliability. At any rate, I'm thinking of getting her to trace Sahlo's movements around this Rage fellow. Not too soon, of course. We can't discard the possibility that Sahlo's trying to bait me so he can track  _my_  contacts."

He sounded fatigued. The black eye was almost unnoticeable now, but both his eyes were shadowed and sunken.

"You didn't get enough sleep while you were gone, did you?" asked Levi quietly.

"No, I probably didn't."

"Why are you so worried about him? He's just one lord. Isn't there a whole panel of them approving expeditions?"

Erwin lifted another spoonful of oatmeal to his lips, taking the time to chew it before continuing. "Remember Lobov? He was just one man, and a less crafty one than Sahlo, but he still managed to erode Survey Corps support. Sahlo has more connections and greater intelligence; if left unchecked, he could spell the end of our entire regiment. I have to control him now, before he manages to gain control of the entire government while our backs are turned."

His voice was so gravelly that Levi wished he could reach over and grip his hand. "You wanted my take on all this, right? I think you need to take a week to get your head on straight. You've been trying so hard to think like him, from every angle, that you're getting paranoid. So maybe he's smarter than you expected - he's still not smarter than you. Don't think too much and end up overestimating him. You'll tie yourself in knots."

Erwin smiled. "I suppose you're right. I'll take some time to let all this simmer in the back of my mind. I just have one last question for you: say Sahlo was involved with Rage Klein. What sort of dealings might that mean?"

Levi shrugged. "He might just be a regular solicitor of the sex workers, but it's possible he could be using his shipping business to ship Rage's goods. Drugs would be a good guess – when I was running drugs, most of the clients were nobles, so I wouldn't be surprised if Sahlo had his hands in them. Rage hates my guts, but I know a few people close to him who might be able to look into it from the dealing end." He noticed the Commander was staring at him. "What?"

"I didn't realize you were involved in the drug trade."

"Oh. Shit." Levi's stomach dropped; that was a detail about his past he hadn't ever wanted to reveal. "Look, I was young when I got to the Underground, and I only had the clothes on my back. I needed money fast, and my options were drugs or selling my body, and I was more than happy to give away my body for free, so that only left one option. I broke away as soon as I could afford it."

Erwin was looking at him with something close to pity, and Levi's jaw clenched. This was exactly why he hadn't ever wanted to bring it up. He didn't want to think of the look he'd see on that face if he revealed he had, for a short while, been in the habit of sampling his own merchandise. Or maybe Erwin already knew. It didn't take a genius to guess that a kid on the streets looking to forget his past might spend a few months dabbling in self-medication before he came to his senses.

He shrugged it off. "The point is, you can use my contacts, too, if you need to."

The pitying look faded. "Thank you, Levi. We don't need to follow up on this just yet, but it's good to know there are options for the future."

"Yeah." Levi frowned, lost in his memories. There had been one other option available to him when he had first arrived in the Underground: mercenary work. He would have been good at it, but it was also exactly what he was running from. No, he had wanted to escape his past, smothering it beneath every bit of pleasure he could cram into each day. Looking back now, it had been a dark period of his life, but maybe all that misbehaviour had kept him alive – maybe it had helped him through the worst days of his escape, giving him moment-to-moment reprieve until his feet found the ground again. He was glad he had come out of it sober, disease-free and relatively unscathed.

"Levi?"

He looked up. The blue eyes were still boring through him.

"I'm glad we met when we did," said Levi. "I was in a dark place for a few years there."

"I sometimes wonder," said Erwin quietly, "what would have happened if I had met you earlier, if you had entered the military at the usual age. Would it have saved you any pain? Or was that pain necessary in order to hone you into the man you are today?"

 _Isabel and Farlan would still be alive,_ thought Levi, but he shoved the thought aside. "There's no point second-guessing it. You're overthinking things again. What happened, happened, and things turned out okay." Under the table, his booted foot found Erwin's.

"I suppose it did."

Levi's voice lowered: "And by the way, of course we're exclusive, you idiot."

Erwin's boot slid against his. "I didn't want to presume."

"You think I let just anyone do the kind of stuff you do to me?"

"Well, last time we tried to define what we were, you seemed a bit hesitant," said Erwin.

"Only because the word 'boyfriend' is too childish, 'lover' is too dramatic, and 'partner' is too businesslike." Levi's cheeks darkened.

Erwin leaned in, a mischievous grin on his face. "How about soul mates?"

Levi's nose wrinkled. "No."

"Sweethearts?"

"Erwin-"

"Passionate life mates?"

"Knock it off." Levi kicked his ankle. "We're just  _us_. We don't need a word for it. It's not like we need to define it for anyone, anyway."

"I suppose you're right." Erwin's smile softened, his look so loving that Levi looked down.

"Knock that off, too. You're going to give us away, looking at me like a fucking sap." Levi nodded his nose at him, pretending his heart wasn't pounding in his chest. "Finish your damned oatmeal."

While Erwin ate, Levi filled him in on the squad recruitment progress. Most of the recruits had been successfully assigned to squads, with only a few stragglers remaining. Mike still wanted a chance to sniff out each of the recruits once his nose healed - "I have no idea how we're going to convince them to let him do it, but he's insisting, so there's still a little shuffling that might go on."

The next step was going to be working with Erwin to break the new squads into teams and assign them to part of the overall formation. "You're back just in time. We should be ready to start that tomorrow."

"Good." Erwin scraped the bowl with his spoon, gathering the last bit of oatmeal, then lifted it to his lips. Once he had swallowed, he said, "It's about time for our debrief. Shall we return to my office?"

As they stood, Levi watched him. There was that cold expression again. It was still strange to him, the way the man switched between business and pleasure, as if there were two men living within the same body.  _When we win this war, will he be able to turn off that serious side, or will it always be there?_

The other Squad Leaders were waiting for them when they arrived. The three new couches had been arranged to form a square with Erwin's desk. Hange and Berit shared one, and Mike's enormous frame was slung over the second. Levi sank onto the third, folding his arms over his chest.

The Commander pulled several papers out of his bags, then settled to a seat at his desk. "Thank you, all, for your patience during my absence. The good news is that the expedition has been approved. The bad is that we have only four weeks to prepare our new squads. I'll be working with you over the next few days to solidify our formation. In the meantime, I want to bring your attention to our route." He handed a stack of papers to Levi, who took one and passed it down. "Keep in mind that this is only a draft; our scouting party will come back with information about terrain and titan activity, at which point I'll be revisiting the route. They'll also be scouting out the two abandoned checkpoints we'll be using as bases."

Erwin leaned forward, folding his hands on the desk as he continued. "Because there's a lot of ground to cover, I want to send out two Squad Leaders and have them each part ways during the day to check out the silos, then rendezvous back at the checkpoints each night. I expect it will take you about a week to cover the entire route, so speed is of utmost importance. Because of this, I'll ask each of you to take only two teams with you - enough to have backup if you encounter strife, but small enough to be mobile."

Levi ran a hand through his hair, his body tensing. It was going to be difficult to scout with all-new squads, but he was ready for the challenge. He recalled how dull and slow the titans were, the ones he had seen from his vantage point on the tower last time around; they were just dumb, giant meat-sacks.

"Hange," said Erwin, "I know you've been wanting an excuse to start making observations, and your squad's defensive capabilities will be useful at the checkpoints. I want you to lead one of the scouting teams."

Hange sat upright, visibly vibrating. "Sir!"

Mike and Levi exchanged a look.  _We're the two scouting teams,_ thought Levi, his brow furrowing.  _Erwin, what are you doing?_

"As for the other team," said Erwin, "Berit, I want you to bring your most skilled fighters."

Silence settled over the room, so thick it was almost suffocating.

Levi was the first to find his breath. "Berit?"

Erwin's eyes fixed on him. "You have a question, Levi?"

The gaze was powerful; Levi set his jaw, refusing to be intimidated. "Mike and I are your scouting squads."

"Mike is at a severe disadvantage until his nose heals, and your squad is still new. Berit's squad has, more or less, been intact since before you even joined the Survey Corps. She knows her soldiers' strengths and weaknesses better than anyone in this room, so she's in the best position to build suitable teams for this mission."

"Erwin." Berit's face was pale, her eyes wide. "I'm a defensive squad. I've always been a defensive squad. If Mike's not an option, then send Levi."

"Levi hasn't completed a single mission with a squad at his command."

"Neither has Hange. Besides, you know he's got good battle instincts."

The Commander eyed her, then the rest of them, one at a time. "Any other thoughts?"

Mike shrugged. "I'll trust your decision."

"I won't," said Levi. "Not this time. I should be doing this mission, Erwin, and you know it."

The icy gaze shifted to him, and Levi saw a familiar flicker of fear. He tried to remember where he had seen it before, then his eyes narrowed: Erwin had looked at him this way when they were first talking about their squad types. Was he trying to protect Levi? Hadn't the whole point of their relationship been that it wouldn't interfere with their fight against the titans? Anger began to rise in his chest.  _The whole reason I trust you is that you don't make stupid decisions like this._

"I want Levi with me," said Hange. "I'd want Berit with me on a full expedition, definitely, but if we're scouting, we don't need support; we need speed and offense. Especially if we get penned in at the checkpoint."

"Exactly." Berit folded her arms over her chest, leaning back into the couch. "You of all people should know this makes sense, Erwin. Didn't you start out on a scouting squad?"

The Commander stared at Levi again, and Levi steeled himself, refusing to duck his eyes.  _Listen to us, you asshole._

"Very well. Your reasons are sound." Erwin looked down and tapped his stack of papers against the desk to align them. "Hange and Levi will lead the scouting teams. Once the squad selections have been finalized, I'll touch base with the two of you with more details about what your tasks will entail. With that out of the way, shall we finish off the squad interviews? I understand you're nearly through the list of candidates."

As they began the interviews, Levi folded his arms tightly over his chest, seething. Erwin wouldn't look him in the eye, even when they broke for lunch, even when Levi tried to get his attention. By the time they wrapped up the last interviews, the dinner bell was about to ring, and Levi was fuming.

The other Squad Leaders stood.

"You going to come to dinner?" asked Hange.

Erwin became busy with aligning a stack of papers again. "I'm afraid my time in the Capital has shifted my appetites to a much later dinner time. I have some paperwork to take care of, anyway."

"Levi?"

"In a minute. Go ahead without me."

He waited until the others had left, then marched to the door and locked it for privacy. When he returned, he slammed his palms on the desk. "What the hell is going on with you?"

Erwin slid the papers inside a file. "We'll discuss it later."

"No, we'll discuss it now."

A thick brow rose as Erwin's gaze finally met his own. "Watch your tone, Levi. You're speaking to a commanding officer."

"No, I'm speaking to  _you,_ Erwin Smith - the man, not the Commander. First you make a shitty-ass decision, and now you won't even look me in the eye?"

There was a long pause, then Erwin said softly, "I'm embarrassed."

The answer was so unexpected that Levi pulled back. "Embarrassed?"

"I made you swear up and down that a relationship between us wouldn't interfere with our goals, and I'm the one who screwed that up, only a couple weeks in." His eyes searched Levi's. "I'm a Commander now - I can't put everything at risk for love the way I did when I was young and foolish. I thought my reasoning was sound, that I was keeping you out of harm's way for the good of humanity, but it's clear, in retrospect, that my bias was twisting my logic. That cannot happen. Ever."

A lump was forming in Levi's throat; he swallowed it and marched over to Erwin's side of the desk so he could loom over him. "Well, when you fuck up, don't take it out on me. You promised you'd try not to shut me out."

Erwin stood and drew him into an embrace.

Levi's eyes closed and he sank against the man's chest, holding him tightly. "Asshole."

"I'm sorry." A hand slowly rubbed up and down Levi's back, soothing him. "I know you're capable, but after what happened on the last mission, I'm more worried than I like to admit. Promise me you'll come back safely."

"You think I'm going to die on a shitty little scouting mission? When I go, it's going to be in a blaze of glory, not-" He stopped when he felt a lump forming in the front of the man's pants. "Really, Erwin? When I'm talking about my death?"

Erwin cleared his throat. "It's from our proximity, not your words. Like I said, I'm desperately pent up."

Levi's body began to stir. He'd been thinking about their reunion for days, planning to push his own comfort levels to give Erwin a 'welcome home' surprise. Still, feeling that lump pressing against his belly, he found himself too impatient. He needed something quick and familiar. The new, complex stuff could wait a few hours.

"Is your ass clean?" he asked.

"Should be, though I certainly wouldn't recommend using your mouth. If you want me to go bathe to be sure-"

"No, fuck it. Your room or mine?" He gripped Erwin's collars and drew him down for a long kiss. A groan slid between them, and he felt teeth gently close over his tongue.

Erwin tore his mouth away. "You locked the door, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"There's lubricant in the top left-hand drawer." Erwin bent in for another kiss, then whispered, "Take me over the desk."

He didn't need to ask twice. Levi rotated Erwin to face the desk, then pressed a hand to the man's back, shoving him face-down. He began to unhook the man's harnesses, then paused to find the lubricant. "When did you put this here?"

"After you went down on me, I couldn't stop thinking about having sex here." Erwin's voice was soft and ragged. "Don't bother with fingers first. Go right in."

"Yeah?" Levi pulled down the man's pants to mid-thigh, revealing his broad, muscular ass. He bit his lip and ran his hands over the fuzzy skin.

"Be rough with me, if you want. I'm still embarrassed from before." Erwin's voice took on a shy tone: "Maybe I need to be punished a little."

Levi felt the urge to groan, but he stifled himself, glancing up at the locked door across the room. There would be people wandering down the hallway at this time of day. That lock wouldn't do them any good if the noises they made could be heard on the other side.

He pulled himself out of his pants and coated himself with a thick layer of lubricant, then gently began to lean into Erwin.

"Fuck," whispered the Commander, his shoulders and neck rounding over the top of the desk.

"You okay?"

"Yes. Keep going. Be rougher, if you want."

"Shit," rasped Levi, working his way deeper. Once he was all the way in, his teeth clenched. He couldn't vent his arousal vocally, so he lightly clapped the man's ass to show his appreciation.

Erwin groaned. "Yes. Harder."

"My dick, or my hand?"

"Both."

"What, you want me to spank you?"

Erwin tightened around him, then paused, as if considering. "It would seem that I do."

"I can't spank you in your office in the middle of the day, dumbass. Someone's going to hear us." Levi began to thrust quickly, but kept the movements shallow and noiseless.

"Fuck," said Erwin, the word more of a whimper than a whisper.

"Be quiet."

"I can't, not when you're-" A groan interrupted the sentence, this one decidedly loud.

"Shit." Levi untied his cravat and looped it around the front of Erwin's face to cover his mouth, gripping either end to hold it taught. "There, bite down on that. If this doesn't work, we're going to have to stop, so you'd better shut up." He began to thrust again.

Erwin's groans were softer this time, the fabric of the cravat catching most of the noise. It was getting harder and harder to keep his movements shallow, but Levi kept his focus. If he started going deeper, the slapping sounds would echo around the room, and who knew how easily sound would carry through the door? One of them had to keep his wits about him.

Erwin gave a muffled cry, his head dropping again, straining the cravat tight in Levi's hands. Levi grunted, struggling to maintain control.  _Keep it shallow, keep it shallow..._

Across the room, the doorknob began to twist.

Levi stared dumbly at it, not comprehending what he was seeing.  _It's locked. I locked it._

The door swung open, and Berit and Hange stepped into the doorway.

Levi's eyes locked onto them. Stunned, he dropped the ends of the cravat.

Erwin's head snapped up. Both ends of the cravat fell to the table, the middle part presumably still held between his teeth.

"I knew it!" yelled Hange, just as Berit clapped her hand to her mouth and shrieked.

"Fucking knock first," snapped Levi.

"Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck." Berit grabbed Hange, who had begun to laugh, and stepped back into the hallway.

The door closed behind them.

"Shit." Levi pulled free, fumbling to pull up his pants. "Shit!"

Erwin tore the cravat from his teeth and stood, dressing himself as well. "I thought you locked the door."

"I did." Levi strode across the room and opened the door, testing the lock. The knob twisted, but the deadbolt didn't move. "Your fucking lock is broken." He slammed the door.

"You didn't double-check it when you locked it?"

"No, I didn't double-check it, and don't pin this on me. A lock should fucking work!"

"Well." Erwin sank into his chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "At least we were mostly clothed and standing on this side of the desk. Do you think they might be convinced we were doing something else?"

"I was fucking riding you like you were a horse and my cravat was the bridle. I don't think they're going to mistake that for anything else."

"Shit."

"Yeah." Levi began to pace. "Now what do we do?"

"The only thing we can do." Erwin sat straighter in his chair. "This was bound to come up eventually. Let's face it head-on. Go find the two of them, and Mike as well, for a brief meeting here."

"What? Why do I have to do it?"

"Because." Erwin's cheeks darkened. "They just saw me gagged by your cravat, and I'm sure my bare rear was visible from the door. At least you were in a less compromising position. I'll do the talking when everyone's here."

Levi sighed. "Fine."

He stormed into the hallway and found Hange and Berit huddled in Berit's office. As he approached, Hange started laughing again.

"Shut up, shitglasses," said Levi. "Both of you, Erwin's office. Now."

Without waiting for them to respond, he turned on his heel. Mike was in the cafeteria, eating a bowl of stew.

"Erwin needs to see you in his office," said Levi.

"Now? I'm still eating."

"Now. Bring it with you."

When he returned to the office, Erwin was leaning against his desk, arms folded defensively over his chest. The cravat and lubricant were nowhere to be seen. Berit sat on the couch, staring fixedly at the floor; Hange sat next to her, gripping the woman's shoulder as if showing support.

Mike stepped into the room carrying his stew.

"Close the door behind you," said Erwin.

"Don't bother trying to lock it." Levi settled against the desk beside the Commander. Erwin cast him a sidelong glance, but said nothing.

Once Mike was seated, Erwin stood tall, his face solemn.

"Thank you, all, for coming. I've asked you here because of an unexpected situation. Two of you are here because you were exposed to something first hand; the other, because you'll become aware of it soon. We had hoped to discuss this on our own terms, but our own careless behaviour has forced us into full disclosure earlier than we would have liked." He paused.

 _Stop dragging this out,_  thought Levi.  _You're just making things worse._ Berit was turning purple, presumably from embarrassment.

"We join the Survey Corps with a goal in our minds and in our hearts," said Erwin. "Sometimes, however, the human heart can breed other feelings, feelings that might drown out logic when-"

"Just get it over with," said Levi. He turned to the group. "We're fucking."

Berit buried her face in her hands, but Hange only smirked. Mike's expression didn't change.

Erwin cleared his throat. "What Levi is trying to say is that feelings have blossomed between us, and what you saw was us expressing-"

"Please stop. We get it." Berit finally lifted her head. "Is it even legal for a Commander to fuck one of his subordinates?"

"Well," said Hange with twinkling eyes, "technically, Levi was the one doing the fucking, right? The Commander himself seemed to be in the receptive position, some sort of gag-"

"Stop," said Berit, rocking in her seat. "I'm trying to forget that image." She suddenly stopped rocking, looking down at the couch cushion beside her. "Oh fuck, please tell me you haven't done it on the new couches."

"Are you kidding?" said Levi. "Do you know how hard it is to get semen out of upholstery?"

Berit let out a loud, pained groan and covered her face again, and Erwin dropped a hand on Levi's shoulder.

"Perhaps you should stop talking for now, Levi."

Levi shut his mouth and let his gaze trail across the three officers instead. Only Mike seemed to be quiet so far; his hair was hanging in his face, his arms folded over his chest. His meal sat on a side table, forgotten.

"I know we're asking a lot of you by requesting your silence on this matter," said Erwin. "You're correct, Berit: while not outright illegal, this relationship could be considered a conflict of interest, and neither of us is interested in having our feelings put under scrutiny by the courts, especially at this early stage. Furthermore, I have certain political opponents to juggle, and I have no desire to have Levi used against me. If that were to happen, we would all suffer the consequences." He stood tall and reached for Levi's hand, as if they were standing united. "You have my word that our relationship won't interfere with either of our duties. Over time, I hope to prove that to you through our actions."

The three were silent. Levi felt Erwin's palm sweating, but when he looked up, the man's face was as cool as if he were discussing expedition strategy.

"Do you have any questions or thoughts?" asked Erwin. "Hange?"

"I do. Why was Levi the one penetrating? Given your size difference, wouldn't it be more efficient if-"

"That's none of your fucking business," growled Levi, face hot.

Erwin squeezed his hand to silence him. "The way we choose to express our feelings is not up for discussion."

"Okay, then I just want to say I'm happy for you." Hange's face suddenly became solemn. "We live with heavy burdens. You most of all, Commander. People shouldn't have to live every moment in misery, focused on their duties, no matter what sort of strife they face - it's a miserable way to live. I'm glad you've found a bit of happiness in this mess. I've got research to keep me happy. Berit has her boyfriend in town. Mike has..." A pause. "Smelling things? I don't know what Mike has. But you two always seemed pretty lonely and serious, so I think it's good you found each other. And Levi's a lot less grumpy when he's getting laid, so that's a perk for the rest of us."

Levi's face burned. "For fuck's sakes-"

"Thank you, Hange. We appreciate your acceptance." Erwin's gaze shifted. "Berit?"

"Oh, fuck." Berit shrugged and shifted uncomfortably on the couch, not looking at them. "I just need time to get my head around this. The image is burnt into my brain. Just...please don't have sex on the couches, okay?"

Levi eyed the couches. The more she spoke about it, the better the idea seemed.  _Those cushions have good bounce to them. Maybe we could cover them in some sort of plastic to keep them clean._

The Commander studied her. "For what it's worth, I'm truly sorry you saw what you did. I hope time will erase the image from your memory. Are you comfortable keeping our secret?"

"Of course. Just be careful, all right?" Her eyes finally lifted. "I've known you for a few years now, Erwin, and I know your ambitions will always take priority, even if this gets messy. I don't know Levi quite as well, but he seems the same way. The thing is, not everyone here knows you two, especially the newer recruits, and if they'd been the ones walking in on you, they could have run straight to the brass with tales of you shirking your responsibilities. We can't afford to lose either of you over something that stupid."

"Yes," said Erwin quietly. "That's very true."

"And..." She looked down again. "That whole thing about this upcoming scouting mission - I want you to think good and hard about it, Erwin. If you chose me, at first, because you honestly thought I was a better fit, then that's fine, but if you were just trying to protect Levi, then..." she paused. "That can't happen again. I'm not going to die so that you can keep your fuck buddy safe."

"I know." Erwin's face was grim. "Anything more to say?"

"No."

Levi's arm was getting tired from the awkward angle required to hold Erwin's hand, and the sweaty palms were starting to bother him. He retracted his hand, wiping it on his pants, and looked up at Erwin.  _Are we almost done here?_

Erwin gripped the edge of the desk, his stance relaxing even more, almost awkwardly so, as if he were trying too hard to seem casual. "How about you, Mike?"

The man stared at them through a curtain of hair. He shrugged.

The Commander tensed. Levi watched him in his periphery, wondering what was silently passing between them.

"Very well," said Erwin finally. "Hange and Berit, you're dismissed."

"Levi, too," said Mike. "I want to talk to you alone."

There was a tension in his voice that Levi had never heard before, an unexpected hardness in his eyes. "You okay?"

"Don't worry, I'll keep your secret." The hair-cloaked eyes shifted to him. "We'll talk later."

"Okay." Levi glanced at Erwin. The Commander's jaw was clenched, his eyes hard.

He left the room confused, his stomach churning.

.*.*.*.

The door clicked shut.

Erwin sank to a seat on the couch across from Mike. "I had a feeling you might be upset."

The man leaned forward, elbows on his thighs, his hands falling loosely between his knees. "Been trying to decide how I'd react when you finally came clean."

"You knew?"

"Ever since Levi didn't return from the mission. That's why I kept an eye on you that night, and good thing, too. After Henrik, I expected sulking, not a suicidal rescue attempt." Mike rubbed the bridge of his nose, grimacing. "Thought it was one-sided until I found out Levi was gay, then everything fell into place. Would have figured it out soon enough, anyway. You two couldn't be more obvious if you tried."

Erwin's stomach dropped; he had thought they were doing a good job of being discreet. "We seemed obvious because you know us so well?"

"No, because you're being idiots." Mike shook his head. "We've known each other a long time, Erwin, so I'm going to be blunt. I have three things to say to you. One: be careful with Levi."

The words were a surprise, given that the man had always sided with him in previous relationships. "Why does everyone think he's so delicate?" asked Erwin, irritated, remembering Marie:  _you're going to break him._

"I don't think he's delicate. But you're under his skin, and he's under yours, and that could fuck both of you up if things go wrong. I'm going to tell him the same thing. Be careful."

"Very well," said Erwin. "What's your second point?"

"Be honest: is Levi next in line as Captain because of his skills, or because of all this?"

"Ah." Erwin sat straighter, trying not to let his surprise show on his face. Mike had never seemed all that interested in his position on the military ladder. "That's independent from my feelings for him, I assure you. You're being kind enough to blunt with me, so I'll show you the same courtesy. Levi has shown leadership capabilities since before he even agreed to join the Survey Corps. He's a natural leader and he has good instincts. You're one of our strongest soldiers, Mike, and your instincts are good, too; you should have been promoted to Squad Leader much sooner than you were. Given a few more years of experience, you'll evolve into a fine leader. I can already envision a future where the two of you are my right and left hand men. In the near future, however, Levi's the stronger candidate for the role of Captain. You still have some leadership skills to learn." He paused, waiting to see how the man would react.

Mike grimaced, but he said, "Fair enough. I'm not really interested in being a Captain, anyway. I just needed to know."

Erwin studied him, trying to get a read on him. "And your third thought?"

"Don't throw everything away for this. I've seen you put yourself and others at risk for him already, and I bet I'm going to start seeing the opposite, too, if you two aren't careful." The man's eyes bored through him. "Humanity needs you to stay focused. I followed you because you use your head, always, no matter what happens. Or that's what I thought. Marie didn't manage to sway you, but Henrik was a distraction. Don't let Levi be the same."

Erwin's mouth twisted. "I promise you, I can separate my heart and my head."

"Can you?" asked Mike quietly.

The blood drained from Erwin's face. Those words, those two little words, spoke to all the insecurities he had earlier that day, when he had realized he was putting Berit's squad at risk just to keep Levi safe. And even after that realization, even after he had thought everything was under control, he had let himself get caught in a compromising position like a horny recruit.

All it would have taken was anyone else - anyone except his officers - walking through that door, and everything would be over. His dreams, his goals, his ambitions. He had come so close to throwing it all away.

"I'm aware of my own shortcomings in that area now. I swear to you, Mike, it won't happen again," he said clearly, but the words felt like a lie.

The man nodded, looking convinced. Fear bubbled in Erwin's stomach.  _Is that true? Do my goals still come first?_ During the gala, he had come to realize that he wouldn't have been able to leave Levi behind the way he had left Marie. Did that mean all his goals were disposable so long as he was in love with Levi?

_What am I doing? How can I pretend I would sacrifice anything for the sake of humanity, when I already know that's no longer true?_

"That's everything." Mike's voice startled him back to himself. "I'm going to go find Levi."

"Go easy on him."

"Sure. Just going to tell him what I told you."

The two men rose to their feet and stood tall. Though Erwin was still shaken, he kept his face placid, biting back the doubts that threatened to rise to his lips:  _I didn't mean for this to happen. I lost control. I don't know any more if I can separate my heart and my head._ Instead, he said, "Do you believe I'm capable of successfully balancing love with my goals?"

Mike's head cocked a little, as if he were instinctively moving to get a better scent on him, even though his nose wasn't working properly. "If you say you can do it, then I believe you."

Erwin forced a smile and gave the man's arm a friendly clap. "Thanks, Mike. If you have any other concerns, please don't hesitate to talk to me about them."

The man nodded, then left the office.

Once the door had closed behind him, Erwin sank to a seat at his desk, clutching at his throbbing temples. His doubts were snowballing. Stupid; all of this was stupid. Fifteen years of good service, and in the past few weeks, he had risked everything in a series of asinine decisions. Staging a drunken rescue attempt, sneaking around the base for stolen kisses, dancing on gala rooftops, sex in his office - had he really thought none of it was going to catch up with him? Had his foresight really been so blinded?

He sat at his desk and pulled out the bottom drawer. His graveyard. The framed picture Henrik had drawn for him sat on top. Now, when he picked it up, he didn't remember Henrik - all he could think about was that first personal conversation he and Levi had shared over drinks. Levi wasn't just overpowering old dreams; he was overpowering old memories, too.

He shifted the frame aside. Below it was a handkerchief, monogrammed with an "E." He lifted it to his nose and breathed in. Marie's perfume was still detectable, albeit faint. Below that was an assortment of trinkets: a copy of the letter formally informing him of his promotion to Squad Leader. A coaster from the last time the 86th Trainees Squad had gone out for drinks before they left to their separate branches. The ring of a fellow graduate who had died during an early expedition, with no surviving family. In fact, there were several bits of jewelry here; he had carried each of them on several missions after their owners fell. Now he couldn't even remember who some of them had belonged to. Some had been friends. A few had even briefly been lovers, but he couldn't even remember which trinkets had been theirs. What had been so important in that moment was only useless junk to him now.

_Is this Levi's future? Will he eventually be a cravat or a small wooden dog stuffed in this drawer, a new lover's memories gradually overpowering my memories of our time together?_

He shifted the surface contents aside to reveal an old, worn book at the bottom of the drawer. His throat tightened as he opened the front cover, tracing the words elegantly written in ink.

_Or has Levi marked me deeply enough that I will always remember the timbre of his voice, the light in his eyes, long after the passage of time should have dulled my memories? There's no question that he'll die for humanity, at my hand. Will the knowledge that I killed him haunt every waking moment for the rest of my life? Will it shape every decision I make from that day forward? Can I afford to let my life be shaped by yet another ghost?_

He released the cover as if it had burned him, letting it fall closed, but he didn't even need to read the inked words to hear them in his mind. 'Erwin, may you never stop dreaming, and may your quest for knowledge always drive you forward. Love forever, Papa.'

A sharp breath left his lips. He leaned back and rubbed his face with his hand, closing the drawer with his foot.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

He grabbed a bottle of ale from the cold stores, then made his way to the abandoned part of the base and stepped through the hidden door with the false lock - at least this broken lock was useful for privacy, he thought bitterly. He found his way to the ladder and climbed to the hatch, then stepped onto the old guard tower. The sun had already dipped below the horizon, the western clouds a brilliant orange. The colour reminded him of the rooftop dance he had shared with Levi under the sunset.  _We could have easily been caught there, too. What is it about him that makes me ready to throw everything away for him?_

As he sipped the ale and looked out over the city, he struggled to realign his priorities. Anything they shared together was fleeting light in a field of darkness; he was deluding himself if he tried to assign it any more importance than that. Love didn't matter, not in the grand scheme of things. All that mattered in this world were the titans, along with everything - everyone - that stood in his way.

The two of them were meaningless, he and Levi. Disposable. It was foolish to get so attached when both of them were sure to die.

It seemed unlikely the titans would ever be able to touch Levi, unless he got caught off guard by a teammate's blunder as he had during their last expedition. Would it be Erwin's political gambles sending both of them to the hangman's noose for treason? Would it be Wallist extremists, the one his sister had warned- no, he wasn't ready to think about his reunion with her yet. He was dealing with enough as it was.

He closed his eyes, but now he only saw his new recurring nightmare, the one where he, titan-sized, devoured Levi.  _That's how it will end. There's no way around it. Why are you risking everything for a soldier you're going to consume?_

By the time he had finished his ale, the orange had faded from the evening sky and the temperature was beginning to drop. He set the bottle to the side and gathered his legs close to his body.

The hatch creaked behind him; he turned his head to see Levi step on to the roof. Erwin's pulse raced at the sight of him, and he silently cursed his own weakness.

"There you are," said Levi. "Couldn't figure out where you disappeared-" He stopped mid-sentence. "Are you crying?"

"No." Erwin turned to look across the city again, blinking a few times.

Levi's voice softened. "Look, it's not a big deal." He settled to a seat next to him, staring across the city as well. "They'll keep our secret, and now we don't have to feel like we're hiding from everyone all the time. They can even help us have some privacy now and then." He pressed a finger to the tip of the empty bottle, idly tilting it. "Besides, it's not like anyone expects you to stay celibate."

"What we were discussing earlier today," said Erwin. "About how I can't afford to put everything at risk for love now that I'm a Commander..."

The bottle froze in place. "Yeah?"

"Even after that discussion, I risked it all again for a quick thrill." His head dropped. "I've lost all perspective. I don't have any logic around you, Levi. No control. I have to be in control, above all else - it's my greatest strength, one I'll need to utilize if we are to defeat the titans."

After a few beats, Levi's hand curled around the bottle. He lifted it to his nose, his inhale creating a slight whistle across the bottle's mouth.

"I'm sober," said Erwin quietly.

The man set the bottle on his other side, then gathered his knees, mirroring Erwin's posture. His head tilted back, gaze fixing on the sky above them. "So. What do you want?"

"I don't know, and that terrifies me, because I know what I  _should_ want. I see now that I can't trust myself the way I thought. I should want clarity. I should want focus. I should be pushing away all distractions. All that happened today..." His voice faded. "It can't happen. The titans must come first. Always. I cannot let anything stand in my way, even my own emotions. I'm disposable. You're disposable. Why do I keep losing sight of that? Why do I keep taking risks to be with you, when we're supposed to be focusing all our energy on saving humanity from extinction?"

Levi was still for so long that Erwin's mind began to drift. He felt the heat curling off the man's body; his own flesh burst into goosebumps in response. The night air was surprisingly chilly - or maybe he was just more vulnerable than usual right now, more sensitive.

Finally, Levi spoke, his voice dull: "Stop dancing around it."

"Around what?"

"Are you breaking up with me or not?"

The words were a surprise, but at the same time, they made perfect sense. Erwin began to shiver.

"If that's where you're going with this, then just do it. I get it, and I'll still be loyal to your command," said Levi. "I just need to know before I get even more attached."

Marie's voice echoed in Erwin's mind:  _you always choose titans, in the end._ He wrapped his hands more tightly around himself, drawing his legs closer to his body. "I know what my answer needs to be, so why can't I bring myself to say it?"

After a few minutes, Levi's palms pushed into the floor, and he stood. "I never intended to be a burden." There was no bitterness in his words, only sadness, and Erwin's heart twisted.

The hatch closed behind him.

Darkness crept across the city. Erwin's hand wrapped around the cold pendant at his throat as he shivered alone on his perch.

.*.*.*.

Late that night, he tossed and turned, the bed too hot with the blankets, too cold without. His mind wouldn't stop churning. He had gotten up twice already, once to jot down ideas about how to deal with the new Council members, another to record a weapon idea to discuss with Hange. Burying his mind in strategy was the only respite from the confusing emotions that swirled within him. Levi's last words echoed in his mind, their sad tone haunting him.

Footsteps sounded down the hallway, a faint glow of light appearing under the door crack. The sound stopped outside his door, the glow stilling.

Erwin sat up, ears strained.

The doorknob turned, and then Levi stood in the door frame, dark circles under his eyes, dressed in only his pyjama bottoms. Their gaze held.

Hope, sadness, relief, and worry swelled within Erwin like silt stirred by river currents, flooded through him. "Levi," he said, the word cracking.

The narrow mouth twisted. "I can't sleep."

"Neither can I."

"It's your fucking fault, you know."

"I know."

"All of it."

"I know."

After a moment, Levi closed the door behind him, then locked it and double-checked the door. He paced toward the bed, setting the candle on the desk as he moved past it, not breaking his stride until he reached the bed. He stared down his nose, his expression neutral.

Erwin shifted over, leaving room for him on the bed. An offer. His heart beat in his throat as he waited.

The silver-blue gaze bored through him.

Erwin lay on his side and placed his hand palm-up on the middle of the bed. "Please, Levi. Just for a few minutes. I want to explain what I'm feeling – rationally, this time."

Levi eyed it for a moment, then climbed under the covers. He lay on his side staring at the open hand.

"I'm sorry," whispered Erwin. "You aren't a burden."

Emotion rippled across Levi's face, almost too quickly to see - tensing lips, a crease between the brows. His hand reached out, curled with hesitation, then finally lay atop Erwin's. Heat swirled between their palms, and Erwin couldn't tell which of them was trembling. Maybe both.

"Did you figure out what you want?" whispered Levi.

"I want to rid this world of titans. I want to ferret out all humanity's enemies and destroy them so that future generations can be free. And I want you at my side." Erwin swallowed hard, intertwining his fingers with Levi's. "I must offer up our hearts, everyone's, but today I realized I can't offer yours. I'm not strong enough, Levi. I don't want to see you die, knowing it was my fault. I don't want you to become a half-forgotten trinket in a box, a fading memory." His thumb drifted across Levi's knuckle. "But that's my dilemma, because I can't afford to compromise my goals the way I have been. How can I uphold my role as Commander of the Survey Corps if love is going to make me this selfish?"

"Then don't offer up my heart. Let me do it instead."

Their gaze locked. "What do you mean?"

Levi shrugged. "Look, you asked me to think about my leadership style. The way I lead is by instinct: I look around me and make snap decisions. That's how I worked in the Underground, and it's how I've worked since I joined the Survey Corps." His fingers curled around Erwin's. "This morning, you said that as your Captain, I'll stand beside you as your peer, right? So put the burden of life or death on me. Let me decide how and when to risk myself. I'll still follow your orders - I always will - but let me operate independently within the greater plan. Let me move around the battlefield and make my own decisions about when to risk myself and my team, according to my instincts."

"You want me to give you your own autonomy on the battlefield?" asked Erwin.

"Yes. That way, if I die, it'll be because I made a bad judgement call, not because you gave the order. You won't have to carry the guilt. Besides, we both know I'm more useful if I'm allowed to break away and follow my instincts. It's been that way from the very first time I took down a titan. I'm not cut out to blindly follow orders all the time."

Erwin studied their joined hands, considering. He had already been aware that their ranks would be different than the usual positions of Commander and Captain. Levi excelled with minimal supervision; his initiative was one of his greatest strengths on the battlefield. They had the potential to be a formidable team: with his strategic acuity and foresight, and Levi's instincts and battle skills, they could complement each other's weaknesses and become greater than the sum of their parts.

More than that, the words were showing that finally, after so much struggle, Levi finally understood that they were equal, just two men, two dreamers with freedom in their hearts.

_Maybe we can make this work._

"When we return from this expedition," said Erwin, "we'll discuss what your role of Captain will entail. I like the idea of you acting with greater freedom than the role would usually allow." His grip tightened. "We can lead the Corps together, side by side. Your heart is yours to offer."

"Good, then that's one less thing for you to worry about. And we're also going to calm the fuck down, all right?" Levi shifted closer. "No lovey-dovey shit in public, no sex unless we're sure we're behind locked doors, no dumb strategic decisions." His face fell. "If you want to stay together, I mean."

"I told you, Levi, I want you at my side." Erwin's throat ached. "If you'll still have me."

"I'm here, aren't I?" said Levi softly.

Erwin leaned closer, intending to kiss those narrow lips, but stopped. Did he have the right to kiss him, after all the hurt he had caused?

But Levi was already inching closer, his eyes on Erwin's mouth.

Together, they closed the gap. The kiss was brief and soft, once, twice.

"I'm sorry, Levi." Erwin shifted halfway onto him, flattening him against the bed, and kissed him again. For shutting him out, for not being strong enough, for breaking his own oath to separate his heart and his head: "I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." Levi's hands slid across the back of his neck, gently drawing him closer.

Erwin's body still ached from the interruption before, but these kisses were too important to rush, soft and apologetic, thick with emotion. He savoured Levi's taste - mint on the surface, rosemary and yeast on his breath below that, and that deeper taste that was uniquely Levi, the one that made his heart pound in his temples.  _How could I have considered giving his up?_ He heard himself gasp, heard Levi echo it, and he shifted more of his weight onto the smaller man's body. His head tilted to the side, the tip of his tongue skimming Levi's lips, then deeper, deeper. The man arched beneath him, a rumble sounding in his throat.

Starting to get caught up in the moment, Erwin shifted again, crouching over Levi on all fours. Their kisses slowed, then broke apart.

Levi reached up to grip Erwin's neck, a thumb running across his throat. "I want you."

"The door is locked for sure this time, right?"

"Yeah. I checked it."

"Then I'm yours." Erwin bent down and to drag his tongue along the underside of the man's jaw.

"No, I mean  _I want you._ " Levi wrapped his legs around Erwin's waist and drew him in, centering him between his legs.

Slowly, Erwin pulled away from his neck to look down at him, certain he was misunderstanding.

"Don't make me put it into words." Levi's cheeks were dark. "'Fuck me' is too raunchy for the mood, and 'make love to me' is too corny."

It was difficult to breathe. Erwin forced air in, and it shuddered on the way out. "Are you sure? There's no pressure-"

"I know that. But we're going to work together side-by-side, right? So maybe I should trust that you won't hurt me. Besides, I'm going away on a dangerous scouting mission, and if I do decide my heart needs offering, I don't want my last regrets to be about how I should have tried taking it up the ass from you." His gaze had drifted to the side as he spoke, showing his underlying discomfort in spite of his confident tone. "Maybe I'll like it. Maybe I won't. Only one way to find out."

Erwin cupped the narrow jaw. "Levi. Look at me. Is this something you truly want? Or are you offering out of obligation?"

"Look, maybe I'm a bit nervous, but..." The slim brows were pinched, his breath coming in small, quick puffs. "I want to try it."

Erwin's breath escaped in another shudder. He bent down for a series of kisses, speaking between them: "I'll be gentle. So gentle, Levi. I promise."

"I know."

He slid his palm down Levi's bare stomach, feeling the soft line of hair down its centre. As his palm slid over the fly of the man's pants, Levi closed his eyes and thrust up into it. "Shit," he whispered. "I guess we have to be quiet, huh?"

"Yes, it really wouldn't do for Mike to overhear us. We've put him through enough today." Erwin smoothed down to the inseam, then back up again, feeling the bulge harden. "I haven't taken over the Commander's room yet - it's against an outside wall, so it would give us some privacy. Maybe I'll rearrange the Officer's bedrooms, put you right next to me, so we have a buffer around us when you spend the night with me."

"One of these days, I'm going to teach you proper pillow talk." Levi squirmed as the hand slid beneath the waistband. "Oh fuck, your hand is burning hot."

Erwin leaned in to kiss him again, slowly stroking him. He kissed down the narrow neck, across his collarbone, down to a nipple. Even though he knew Levi wasn't responsive there, he lingered for a minute, enjoying the feeling of it on his tongue, between his lips.  _He likes heavy pressure,_  he thought, and he pinched it experimentally between his teeth. He heard a strangled gasp above him, felt a throb in his grip.  _Maybe I've just been too gentle with him._

As he worked his way down one side of the man's abdomen, kissing and nipping the skin, Levi began to squirm again. Erwin pulled down his waistband, closing his mouth over him. The harder he sucked, the more Levi's back arched, so he kept the suction strong. It felt so good to bring him pleasure after bringing him so much misery earlier that day; he poured all his effort into his actions as an apology. As he began to move up and down, he saw the man's hands curl into the blanket.

He slowed, taking a moment to lick the tip. "I wish I could hear you moan," he whispered, wondering if it was too late to spirit him away to his apartment in town.

Levi looked up, his cheeks dark, eyelids low. "No, this is better. I'm going to be self-conscious enough as it is, so I'd probably be too shy to be loud, anyway."

Erwin couldn't understand censoring one's moans - he had never been good at censoring himself - but he respected that everyone's comfort levels were different. "Then I'm glad you won't feel pressured to be noisy for me." He pulled the pants further down and began to drag his tongue lower, lower...

"Hey." Levi caught his hair. "Not there."

He never would have dared show it, but Erwin felt his stomach sink with disappointment.  _Don't push him. This is all new territory for him._

"My apologies," he said sincerely, kissing a line back up to the tip. He ran his tongue in a circle and breathed in, tasting him. Then, he pulled away and stood. "One moment."

"Where are you going?" asked Levi, a brow creasing.

"There's lubricant in my bag." His personal belongings were leaning against the wall; he had brought the bag here from his office before going to bed, but had been too upset to unpack. He knelt down and began to rustle through it.

"You brought it with you? I thought it was in your desk."

"I bought a second bottle while I was away."

"Yeah? Did you use it?"

Erwin turned to look over his shoulder; Levi lay on his back, his hand slowly stroking between his legs. "You really like the idea of me touching myself when you aren't around, don't you, Levi?"

"Maybe. Did you use it?"

"Yes, twice. I was planning on another session between those two times, but Sahlo's leer around his hired women was too off-putting." Erwin's hand closed over the bottle. Between Levi's interest in the topic and the scene that had played out between them in the office before he left, he was starting to get an idea.

He pulled the chair away from his desk and set it facing the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Here." Erwin tossed him the bottle.

Levi caught it one-handed. "Erwin?"

"I'm going to touch myself for you. While I'm doing it, I want you to do whatever you need in order to get yourself relaxed and ready for me." He studied the man's face, hoping his suggestion would be agreeable.

"Shit. Yeah. Okay." Levi slid off his pants and tossed them on the floor, then knelt on the bed. He poured oil onto his hands, one hand dropping to his front, the other to his back.

Erwin sat in the chair. Holding eye contact, he slid his palms down his chest, his abdomen, then between his legs. He slouched down to get comfortable. At first, he felt self-conscious, but then he heard a sharp intake of breath from the bed. Encouraged, he grabbed himself through the fabric of his pants, letting his head roll along the back of the chair. He thrust into his hands a few times. It felt good to be watched like this, better than he had expected.  _It's like I'm offering myself to him as an apology._

Levi's back was arched and stiff, his hand still working behind his back. His other hand lazily stroked his front, the slick oil glinting in the candlelight.

Their eyes locked again, and Erwin pulled his pants off his hips, exposing himself. Levi's stare was so narrow and strong that Erwin felt self-consciousness trickle over him like ice water. Why was that so arousing? The intensity between them reminded him of sparring, as if their locked arms were straining against each other again, wrestling for control. He rolled his head to the side to expose his neck, letting his lips part a crack, and began to tug at himself.

On the bed in front of him, Levi was biting his lip, his abdominal muscles twitching. Erwin bit the inside of his cheek to stifle a groan, more turned on by the sight than he had expected.  _In a few minutes, I'm going to be inside that beautiful body._ He shuddered, his muscles tightening.

"Fuck," he mouthed, not trusting himself to keep his voice down if he tried to whisper.

Levi's head was beginning to tilt back, his bottom lip white from the force of his teeth. Heat surged through Erwin's body, catching him off guard.  _Fuck!_ His hand froze and his eyes squeezed shut. For a moment, he thought he might tip over the edge, but after a few deep breaths, the danger faded.

"Don't tell me you're going to come already," whispered Levi, the words laboured.

"I need to touch you." Erwin pulled off his pants and slung them over the arm of the chair, then stood. He leaned on the mattress on one knee, lowering himself to Levi's level and drawing him in. Their bare chests pressed together. Levi's skin was so warm and fuzzy that Erwin shifted against him, enjoying the sensation of their chests rubbing together.

He reached behind Levi and gripped his wrist, coaxing him to pull out, replacing the man's finger with his own. He found him surprisingly relaxed. Levi's breath caught.

"Let's use a bit more oil than that," whispered Erwin in his ear. He pulled back to find the bottle of oil, then generously slicked two fingers. This time, he used both, pressing gently into him. "Is that okay?"

"Fuck," whispered Levi. "It feels so much better when you do it." His body was slack. Erwin felt hands claw into his back, as if the man were trying to hold himself upright.

"How are you feeling?" he whispered, kissing his neck. "We can keep doing this for awhile, if you want. Or would you like to try something else?"

"Yeah."

Erwin kissed his neck again, then stood. He passed a handkerchief to Levi, certain he'd appreciate the opportunity to wipe his hands. He did the same, then set the soiled handkerchiefs aside.

His heart pounded as he returned to the bed. Levi lay on his back, watching him.

 _It's really going to happen._ Erwin crouched over top of him, smoothing dark hair off the creased forehead.

"Don't make a big deal out of this," whispered Levi. "Just do it."

"Okay." Erwin cupped the underside of the man's thighs and pushed them toward the bed, tilting his hips up. He would have liked to thrust a few times along the surface first, teasing him, but it sounded like Levi wouldn't appreciate the delay. Maybe another time.

Instead, he gripped himself and began to enter.

Levi's brows knotted together.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Keep going."

Erwin slowly worked his way deeper, gently rocking. His teeth clenched, his mind reeling:  _I'm inside him._ He was about halfway in now; he struggled to hold back a groan.

"Shit!" gasped Levi. He grabbed Erwin's biceps, his grip so strong that Erwin froze.

"Do you want me to slow down?"

"No. I don't know." Levi's eyes were barely open, his brows forming a peak. "It's too much, Erwin. It's too much."

"Do you want me stop?" asked Erwin, alarmed.

"No. No, it's good, it's just... It's too much. I don't know how to..." The man's voice trailed off and his grip tightened.

Erwin smoothed a hand along the wrinkled forehead. He couldn't understand what he was trying to say, but his discomfort was clear. "It's okay, Levi." He slowly began to pull out.

"Wait, I didn't mean-"

"It's okay. Here, sit up. We're going to switch positions." Erwin helped him sit up, then lay on his back instead. "Straddle me," he said, guiding Levi by the hips. "I'm sorry, I should have thought of this from the start. You're in control. Take it as slowly as you need."

The creased brow began to relax. Levi leaned down for a kiss; Erwin caught his jaw, tongue slipping deep into his mouth. When Levi pulled away, he looked more like himself again, less frightened. He gripped Erwin and centered himself, then began to work his way onto him.

Erwin let out a long breath, running his palms across the small, flexing chest. He had spent so many late nights imagining this moment, more than he would admit to himself, but his imagination hadn't been able to touch what he saw before him now: Levi's jaw barely cocked to the side with determination, his pupils large, lips parted to show clenched teeth.  _Oh fuck, Levi._ Erwin ran a thumb to the hollow between Levi's collarbones, then up his trachea, up his chin, along that narrow bottom lip.

Levi barely seemed to notice; he stared at nothing, still working up and down, pushing a little further with each motion. The need to stay silent was increasingly frustrating. Erwin wanted to listen for those little noises he had become familiar with so he could tell if Levi was enjoying himself or not. His face didn't give any clues.

Then Levi surprised him: a soft grunt left his lips as he pushed down hard on the last few centimetres, taking him all the way in.

Erwin tensed, feeling muscle tighten around him. He gripped the narrow hips, fingers curling into the flesh.

"You feel that, Levi?" he whispered, delirious. "I'm inside you. Oh fuck, I'm inside you." He thrust up tighter against him, holding back a cry, venting it as a shuddering breath instead.

Levi ground into him, his breath harsh. "Holy fucking shit."

"Still doing okay?" asked Erwin, sweat beading on his temple from self-restraint.

"Look at you." Levi's breaths were coming too quickly. "Look how much you're enjoying this. Oh shit, I can actually reach your mouth when we do it like this." He bent forward so they could share a long kiss. His hips began to tilt to different angles with each thrust. Erwin could tell he was trying to figure out what felt best for him.

They fell into rhythm, taking it slowly at first. Their mouths pressed together, sometimes kissing, sometimes exchanging soft breaths and grunts in place of the moans and cries they'd usually use to communicate.

After a few minutes, Levi slowed and rested on one elbow. His face was red, sweat beading on his temples and upper lip. "I'm so clumsy and shitty at this."

"Clumsy?" whispered Erwin, surprised. He flexed a few times, pulsing inside him. "Can't you feel what you're doing to me?"

Levi's breath caught, and his eyes fluttered closed. "Yeah. Yeah, I can. This is just...different. I don't know what I'm doing."

"You're doing fine." Erwin gripped his hand and drew it in, delivering a slow kiss to his knuckles. "Would it make you more comfortable if I took charge again?"

"Yeah."

"Lie on your side facing away from me."

His brow furrowing a bit, Levi uncoupled from him and lay on his side. Erwin spooned up behind him. One hand clamped around Levi's chest; the other gripped his upper thigh, moving it forward to bend the leg at an angle.

"The good thing about this position," he breathed into Levi's ear, "is that I get to grope you from behind while I'm fucking you." He squeezed a pectoral muscle with his hand, thumb circling around the nipple. His other hand reached between them, guiding himself in. Levi gasped and bore down on him, taking him all the way in again.

Erwin let out a soft groan. He hadn't expected that much enthusiasm. "You're so warm."

Levi gasped again, melting back against him. "Grab me," he whispered.

Erwin reached down to grip him, and Levi's hand closed over his. They began to stroke him together in time with their thrusts.

"How's that?" Erwin nuzzled the back of his ear.

"Good." Levi's whisper was staccato, as if he were having trouble forming words. "Harder."

Erwin grunted and began moving with more force. He kissed along Levi's neck and upper back.

"Oh shit, you're so fucking hard," whispered Levi. His head began to roll back, his spine arching. Erwin caught him under the chin with his free hand, holding his head in place, and kissed the corner of his jaw, then down his neck, pinching the skin with his teeth.

"Erwin-" the word melted into a humming sound that rose in pitch.

"Stay quiet," whispered Erwin gently, even though the sound was making him glow. He wasn't going to last long, not at this rate. He closed his mouth over the ridge of muscle between Levi's shoulder and neck, trying to muffle the cries that were building beneath the surface. He could feel that Levi was getting closer, too, the muscles of his torso beginning to twitch and jerk.

"Faster," gasped Levi.

Erwin squeezed his eyes shut, his body tightening. "I can't. I'll lose control."

"Good." Levi's head barely turned, one eye fixing on him. "Fuck me hard."

Erwin didn't realize, until he heard those words, just how badly he needed them. A moan caught in his throat, and heat flooded his body. He began to move faster, harder.

Levi pushed Erwin's hand away from his groin, taking over. Erwin gripped his hip instead. His other hand grabbed Levi's jaw, palm resting on his throat, elbow on his chest, forcing the small body down on him over and over to counter each thrust.

"Come on, Erwin," breathed Levi. "Lose control."

Erwin's vision blurred. His world had narrowed to those words and the feeling of Levi's body sliding against his, tight around him.  _Stay quiet,_ he reminded himself, even though he couldn't remember why. He pressed down on Levi's hip, shoving him into the mattress, and then leaned on him, half-mounting him.

Levi blasted a voiceless cry into the pillow. "I'm going to come."

Erwin buried his face in the back of the slender neck and moved faster, gasping for air.

"Ah, fuck!" Levi whispered. His body stiffened, then began to shudder, his limbs vibrating at the crest of each wave.

The rhythmic clenching was too much for Erwin. He curled protectively around him and drove the last few strokes hard. A rush engulfed his groin and mind, a high so powerful that electricity danced across his skin and his mind glowed white.

When the last pulse faded, he was left with limp muscles, sweaty skin and an overwhelming desire to sleep. The silence was a stark contrast to the harsh breaths and chaos a moment before. His ears rang.

He was just beginning to succumb to the warm haze when Levi nudged him with his shoulder.

"If you're going to fall asleep, at least roll off me first, or you'll suffocate me."

"Sorry," mumbled Erwin, rolling onto his back, eyes still closed.

Levi leaned over him, presumably retrieving the handkerchief. "Fuck, what a mess. Is there a trick to cleaning this up?"

"Yeah." Erwin's lips curved into a smile. "Don't let me come inside you."

"Helpful." There was a long pause, then his voice jolted Erwin awake again: "You know, that...wasn't bad."

It was a struggle, but Erwin managed to crack one eye open. Levi was sitting beside him. His cheeks were dark, mussed hair hanging in his face. He looked surprisingly shy.

"Yeah?"

Levi shrugged. "Once we figured out how to make it work, anyway. Do you know how fucking hot it is when you lose control like that? It's almost like..." He stared fixedly at the handkerchief, folding it into quarters. "It's almost like, if you feel about someone the way I feel about you, you end up wanting to do stuff they enjoy, because the way they react makes it the hottest thing ever to you, even if you never would have thought of doing it if they hadn't wanted it."

 _Just say you love me,_ thought Erwin, but he understood his hesitation, especially after all the uncertainty of the day. That was his fault. Guilt trickled over him, ice cold.

Levi stood. He tugged the covers out from beneath Erwin and draped them over him, then pressed his lips to his forehead. "Get some sleep."

"Wait." Erwin caught his arm. "Stay."

"I thought we were going to try to be more careful?" said Levi, but he didn't pull away.

"It's fine." Erwin's thumb caressed the flushed skin. "We know the door is locked this time. There's no risk. Stay." The other officers would cover for them if they accidentally slept in. They had allies now – at least that benefit had come out of this mess of a day.

After a long pause, Levi crawled under the covers. "I made a giant wet spot on top of the blanket."

"Here." Erwin clumsily moved closer to centre, taking the spot himself - he couldn't feel it through the thick blanket, anyway. He spooned up behind Levi. Now that they were cuddling instead of having sex, it felt like a completely different position, a different dynamic. Safe. Cozy.

His eyes began to close, but he struggled to stay awake for a few more seconds. There was one more thing that needed to be said.

"Levi," he whispered, groggy. "I still don't know if I'm making the right decision, but I want you to understand: I may have doubted whether or not we should be together, but I never once, not for one single moment, doubted that I love you."

He tried to stay awake for the response, but sleep was relentless, and warm, and welcoming. Levi was silent for so long that he finally gave in.

As he was just drifting off, he heard the whispered words he was waiting for, though he couldn't tell if they were real or imagined:

"I love you, too."


	19. Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for your kind words, crits & comments after the last chapter! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and THEN taking the time to let me know what you think. It means the world to me! I also want to give a huge shout-out to Tumblr user comicforadults, who drew a lovely piece of fan art for this fic! It's been posted to my tumblr here (http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/99943395551/) and is hot hot hot! Thank you so very very very much. I am blown away that my little fic inspired you to draw something so lovely. T_T
> 
> Previous chapter: Erwin tries to cut Levi out of the upcoming scouting mission to protect him, but gets called out for it. They try to have sneaky sex on Erwin's desk but OOPS the lock is broken, and Hange and Berit walk in. After a talk with the officers about their relationship, Erwin begins to question if he should really be pursuing the relationship after all. After a near break-up, Erwin & Levi make love, with Erwin penetrating for the first time. It's a bit awkward at first, but they get the hang of it.

**-19-**

**Conversations**

"Knock it off," said Levi, directing Erwin's roving hand away from his bare bottom. "I have to get going."

"We could probably sneak in one more round, if we're quick." Erwin's kisses began to trail from his neck to his ear.

"You going to be able to get it up this soon?" A hot tongue ran along the inside border of Levi's ear, and he shivered.

"Probably not." Erwin's voice was a low rumble in his ear. "But my tongue and fingers work just fine." His hand trailed down to Levi's tailbone.

"I told you, nothing in my ass. I'm going to be sitting on a horse for a fucking week." Levi pulled away and sat up. "Why are you so clingy all the sudden? Don't trust me to stay alive?"

Erwin looked up at him, his features settling into flat lines. The solemn expression contrasted with his flushed face and mussed hair, which was sticking out in all directions. Levi shook his head and combed it back into place with his fingers.

"Don't look so serious. When I get back, you can play with my ass all you want, okay? Maybe I'll even try taking your dick again."

Erwin's brows perked, but he only said, "You might be saddle sore."

"Then you'll just have to be gentle." Levi bent down and kissed his lips.

"I'll do my best." Erwin pulled him back in for another kiss, this one longer. When he pulled away, he tucked a strand of hair behind Levi's ear; it promptly fell in his face again. "Maybe I'll even arrange for overnight leave for both of us, so we can go to my apartment. I want to hear you moan for me."

"Sure," said Levi, and although his heart raced at the idea, discomfort tightened his throat. Letting Erwin ride him had been a pleasant enough experience - hell, by the end there, it had felt pretty fucking amazing - but a part of him was still self-conscious about what he was supposed to do during the act. Clench his muscles? Counter-thrust? Swirl his hips? Until he figured that out, he would be too distracted to moan. Maybe these were questions he should be asking Erwin, but he didn't want to draw attention to his own deficiencies.

 _I need to relax about this stuff._ He thought of Erwin needing more wine during their first time together, and suddenly understood. He smoothed a thumb along a thick blond eyebrow.  _I never would have thought it when we first met, but we really are a lot alike._

"Levi?"

He traced a line to the sharp cheekbone, crossing over the faint, barely visible lines that were beginning to form in the corner of the blue eyes. "Make sure you bring wine. I'm going to need a drink or six after spending a week with Hange."

The lines crinkled. "Of course. We'll have an evening of wine and romance. And since you're likely to be stiff and sore, I'll massage you. Everywhere. Outside..." He leaned up to brush another kiss against Levi's lips. "And inside." His hand tightened around Levi's ass.

"Stop it. I have to get going, and I'm not going to fit into my pants if you keep pawing at me." Levi batted his arm away and stood. "Comb your hair before you go out there. You look like you've just been fucked."

"Are you giving me orders?" Erwin swung his legs over the side of the bed and began to straighten his hair. "To think that a few minutes ago, you were speaking so nicely to me. Pleading, even."

"Shut up," said Levi, trying to pretend he wasn't amused. He wiped himself off with a damp cloth, then pulled on his uniform and his gear.

Once they were both fully dressed, Erwin handed him a comb and bent down. "Would you mind?"

"Sure." Levi parted his hair - most of it had naturally settled into the part already, anyway - and carefully combed it. "So if you bleach your hair, why don't you have any roots?"

"I wouldn't say I  _bleach_  it, per se. I just comb a bit of bleach through it once in a while, to help it lighten naturally in the sun."

"I see," said Levi, even though he didn't really understand the distinction. He combed the last few strands into place. "There. Your hair's getting a bit long."

"Yeah, it's about a week from becoming unmanageable. I've been too busy to see my barber. I'll go sometime before you return." Erwin stood tall, and now that he was perfectly coiffed, the faint flush on his cheeks was the only indication he'd been biting his pillow a few minutes earlier. "Oh, I almost forgot." He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a small envelope. "Read that sometime tonight. Make sure no one else sees it."

"Okay." Levi tucked it into his inside jacket pocket, wondering if it was orders for the mission or something more personal.

Erwin pressed a hand to either side of Levi's face and bent down for a kiss that left both of them gasping for air when he finally pulled away.

"Be careful," he said softly.

"Stop acting like I'm never coming back. I'll see you in a week," said Levi, his voice cracking around a lump in his throat.  _It's not going to be this difficult every time we're separated, is it? We're going to be spending a lot of time apart when he's in the Capital or I'm on patrol, so we'd better get used to it._

Steeling himself, he picked up his gear case, turned and marched for the door, Erwin on his heels.

When they arrived in the courtyard, their teams were already settling into formation: four teams of five people each. Two carts near the back of the formation carried their supplies.

"There you are." Hange dismounted and hurried over. "I wanted to send a search party out to find you, but I was worried about what they might stumble across."

Levi's face settled into a scowl.

Behind him, Erwin cleared his throat. "Our delay was my fault. Levi and I were going over some last minute orders. Do you have everything you need?"

"Yes, everything's ready. Thank you, Commander." Hange turned to Levi. "Eld saddled your horse and restocked your saddle bags. We should head out now if we want to reach the checkpoint by mid-afternoon."

"Be careful, both of you," said Erwin. "While your data will be valuable to the upcoming expedition, your lives - and the lives of your teammates - will be infinitely more so. Do not take any unnecessary risks. Be sure to protect your mental wellbeing as well - the two of you recently went through such an ordeal that you may be more vulnerable than you think. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, pull back."

"Stop worrying." Levi folded his arms over his chest. "We'll be fine."

"My apologies if I'm being a bit too thorough. What happened last time was a bit of an ordeal for me, as well." Erwin reached out to grip each of their shoulders. "Good luck."

Guilt flickered in Levi's stomach. He hadn't spent much time thinking about how traumatizing his supposed death had been for Erwin. No wonder he was being so weird and clingy. Levi reached up to awkwardly clap the man's shoulder. "We'll be fine."

Erwin held his gaze for a moment longer, then turned and walked away, back straight and stiff.

Hange leaned close. "Last minute orders, eh? Who was giving the orders to whom, I wonder?"

"Shut up."

"I meant that as a double entendre."

"I know what you meant, you fucking pervert." Levi tore his gaze from Erwin's departing back and began to move into position.

"Levi, wait." A hand closed over his shoulder.

He sighed and turned, ready to snap,  _What?_  Hange's pale face stopped him.

"What he said about being emotionally vulnerable..." The goggled eyes darted to the left, then the right, as if ascertaining they wouldn't be overheard.

"Oh." Levi's irritation waned. "You okay?"

"I think so, but I'm a little shakier than usual. And I have this heavy feeling in my chest and stomach."

"Huh," he said. "You seemed fine after we got back. I didn't think it was bothering you."

Hange's gaze dropped. "I was so grateful to be alive that it didn't really bother me, at first. But the more I think about it-"

"Don't think about it. You'll be fine. You're going to see your first titan, go bat-shit and forget anything bad ever happened."

"I suppose."

"You okay?" he asked again, fishing for a different answer this time.

"I think so. Yeah." Hange looked up, a spark of excitement finally showing in the dark eyes. "Yeah, let's do this."

The scouting party rode to the wall in tight formation. A small crowd had gathered in the streets for their sendoff - surprising, given that this was such a small mission. Berit's team stood atop the wall; the Squad Leader fired a green flare as the formation approached, signalling that the titans had been cleared from the area around the gates.

"Give the speech," said Levi. "I'm no good at that stuff."

"Oh." Hange turned to face their teams, voice gaining strength. "We chose you for this mission because you're the cream of the crop. Your strength, skill and speed will be integral to this mission, and the information we bring back will be integral to the success of the upcoming expedition. The reclamation of Wall Maria begins with its first step, here, today. Prepare to advance!"

The team hollered, raising their swords. Levi gave Hange a nod of respect.  _Not as good as Erwin, but not bad. For a beginner._

The gates opened.

As they crossed under the shadow of the wall and into the sunlight on the other side, Levi took a deep breath, letting the crisp air fill his lungs. In one short year, nature had reclaimed these lands: no garbage, no body odour, no sewage, nothing but the taste of a wild, free land.

Berit's team had done an excellent job of clearing out the titans, leaving the road empty. They rode in a huddle until the road widened, then spread into an inverted V formation, its apex at the back. The carts rode at the centre back of the V, a small defensive team riding behind it. The remaining teams stretched out in groups of three, forming the right and left flanks.

Levi rode in front of the carts with Eld and a new recruit named Sonja. In Erwin's absence, it was his job to direct the formation using signal flares. His head already ached as he tried to consider everyone working together at once; he was accustomed to considering only a small, immediate team.  _And there are only twenty of us. How the hell does Erwin keep track of the entire regiment at once?_

Even though it was late spring, the weather was still abnormally cool. The breeze sent a chill through Levi, raising goosebumps on his neck. If it was this bad when the sun was up, it was going to be even colder at night. At this rate, the entire scouting party was going to have to huddle together for warmth while they slept; the decrepit checkpoints were sure to be even draughtier than their headquarters in Trost. If Erwin had been along on the mission, huddling together would have been welcome, but Levi didn't relish the idea of sleeping against someone who was practically a stranger. His nose wrinkled. It'd be even worse after a few days, once everyone became sweaty and stale.

His mind lingered on the much more pleasant notion of being pressed up against Erwin. After their near break-up, something had changed in the Commander. They no longer sneaked little risky affectionate gestures in public, but once the bedroom door was closed - and locked - Erwin was all over him. It was as if their fight had broken through his last defensive wall. They had shared the same bed nearly every night that week.

Levi's body glowed as he reviewed his memories from that morning: the beautiful contours of Erwin's muscular ass jarring and rippling in front of him, the slew of curses the Commander had pressed deep into his pillow, the way his entire body had seized with orgasm.

"Squad Leader," called Eld, pointing to the west. Red flares had gone up from the right flank. Titans.

"Thanks."  _Focus, you idiot._ The terrain was hilly enough that Levi couldn't get a look at the titans they had spotted, but his number one priority was avoiding combat where possible. He fired a green flare to redirect the formation away from the threat. Green flares rippled through the formation on either side of him as the teams confirmed his directions, and he felt a wave of satisfaction. It felt as if he had his fingers in every piece of the formation, turning it in the direction he wanted to go. That depth of control was so like Erwin. He wondered how the regiment had managed to function before Erwin had devised the formation. Each mission must have been chaotic. Catastrophic.

As they continued the push toward their first meeting spot, Levi stayed alert, scanning the horizon. Other than a few red flares here and there, the ride was quiet. Three hours in, one of Hange's squad members rode over to him:

"The clearing up ahead, sir."

Levi nodded and fired a white flare, signaling for the formation to begin to pull in. They'd take half an hour in the clearing to rest the horses and stretch their legs.

While Hange directed a few scouts to surveillance positions around the perimeter of the clearing, Levi turned to Eld and Sonja.

"You two, ride to the top of that hill before you take your rest." He pointed south. "The valley below it was called out on the map. Could be high-traffic."

"Sir," they said in unison.

Levi dismounted. He was just hooking up his horse's feedbag when Hange approached.

"Titans are quiet today."

"Yeah," he said without looking up from his task. He was about to hear an explanation whether he faked interest or not, so he wouldn't bother putting in the effort.

"I wonder if it's because it's been so cloudy lately?" Hange stepped closer and patted his horse affectionately on the neck. "I still think weather is connected to titan activity. Everyone seems to think it's only sunlight, but we've encountered titans early in the morning before, and some seemed more active than others. Besides, those three I killed alone during the last expedition were so sluggish – maybe heat is involved, too? Given that their temperatures run so hot-"

"Three?" interrupted Levi. "I thought it was five."

"Oh." Hange's stance shifted back and forth. "Three, five, who can remember?"

He turned back to his horse. "Look, I don't give a shit about kill counts, but keep your story straight if you want to have any sort of credibility with your squad."

"Well..." A pause. "Ever do that thing where you blurt out something that isn't true, but it'd take too long to explain why you lied, and you don't even know why you did it, so you have to commit to the lie? And it makes you feel like shit every time it comes up again?"

"If you thought before you spoke, that wouldn't happen." He finished hooking up the feed bag, then rubbed his horse's nose. "You wanted something?"

"Oh, right." Hange pulled out a small bag and held it out. "I have a task for you sometime during this mission, whenever it's reasonably safe. I want you to use one of these when you're in close quarters with a titan. Let me know how it reacts, in as much detail as you can. If you can do it more than once, that would be even better."

He rifled through the bag and pulled out a shell. It was shaped like a flare, but its casing was metal. "What is it?"

"A little something from the lab."

"A new weapon? Did Erwin okay this?"

"Well…" Hange shifted again. "He told me not to bring any  _new_ weapons, but this is something the MPs already use, just in a new setting. It's a stronger type of sound round than the ones we use -- it makes a loud noise at a frequency that stuns-"

"No," said Levi, pushing the bag away.

"Fine. I should be able to get enough data by myself."

"You're not going to use them, either. We're supposed to be scouting, not running experiments."

Hange's jaw set. "If this works – if it stuns them the way it would stun a person – we'll have an effective way to safely escape close-range encounters."

"And if it doesn't," said Levi, "you're going to deafen your teammates and attract the attention of every titan in the area."

"Give me  _some_  credit. I'll only test it out in low-risk settings."

"You know what I think, shitgoggles?" said Levi, folding his arms over his chest. "I think you're emotionally vulnerable after what happened on the last expedition, so now you're hell-bent on proving that you aren't afraid of titans, that you have what it takes to head up the research team. Relax. You don't have to do all that right away. This is just a scouting mission - all we have to do is get back alive with information about the route and it'll be a success. Go have a snack, take a shit in the trees and then focus on the mission."

There was a long pause as the Squad Leader's brows slowly lowered over the goggles.

"I know you're going to be Captain one day, Levi, but you don't outrank me yet. I'll do what I think is best for the Corps." With a curt nod, Hange walked away.

Levi watched, his jaw tight.  _That could have gone better._

"Sir," said Eld, riding up to him. "Lots of titans to the south."

"How many?" asked Levi. "Are they close together or spread out?"

"At least fifteen, maybe twenty. Spread out. Doesn't seem to be an easy route through them."

"Shit." Levi turned. "Hey, Hange, get back here. Bring your map."

The two Squad Leaders spread the map on the ground and crouched around it, along with Eld, Sonja, and Hange's new assistant, a blond-haired man by the name of Moblit. Sonja began to mark Xs on the map with graphite, replicating the titan layout to the best of her memory.

"Don't forget the two here," said Eld, tapping a blank spot - the one space where Levi had thought they had room to manoeuvre.

"Shit," said Levi again.

"What if we go east first and avoid the meadow?" asked Moblit, sliding a finger to a gorge.

"No visibility," said Hange. "We'd be sitting ducks in there - unless we have spotting teams running along the crest on either side of it, but then  _they'd_ be the sitting ducks. And the mountains to the west are too steep to navigate at full speed; we'd have to walk the horses, and who knows if the carts can handle the terrain? Straight through the meadow is the only realistic option."

"Realistic," repeated Levi, staring at all those graphite Xs.

For several minutes, they were silent. He closed his eyes and tried to tap into old strategic knowledge he hadn't used in years. When outnumbered by great odds on the streets - or before that - what would he have done?  _Probably pull the targets onto me and give the others time to escape._

His eyes opened. "We need a decoy team. Small enough to move quickly, but large enough to keep the titans contained if we need to engage. Maybe two people? If I take Eld to this location-" He tapped the densest area of the map. "I can use one of your sound rounds, four-eyes. It'll draw the titans in."

Hange's face paled. "You two can't fight that many titans at once."

"You believe the rounds will stun them, right? One round to stun the nearest titans and draw the others in. Another round to stun the remainder after they've gathered around us. You lead everyone else through the empty space we've created. Meanwhile, Eld and I slip away through the stunned titans. If it gets messy, we work together to hold the titans' attention while the rest of you escape."

"Levi." Hange sat back, frowning. "Erwin said not to take any unnecessary risks."

"He also said not to try out any new weapons," he said.

"It's too dangerous. I don't know if the rounds will stun them or not. That's why I wanted to try a round on a single titan, separate from a group. If it doesn't work and you get swarmed, you'll be on flat ground. The two of you wouldn't stand a chance. I'm not even sure our entire group could handle that many."

"Fine," he said. "Then give me a better plan. We have to get through somehow. If we stay here and try to wait them out, they might swarm us here, and these trees are too low to give us an advantage. We'd be fucked."

Their gaze held, then Hange looked back at the map, brow furrowed with concentration.

"Well?" asked Levi, hoping there was some plan he hadn't considered.

"Shit," muttered Hange.

"We can do it," said Eld softly. "We just have to run the horses as hard as we can. If we get overwhelmed, we could head for the trees here and switch to 3DMG." He pointed to a cluster of trees to the south. "Yeah, they're short trees, so it's not much better than being on the ground, but it's better than nothing."

Levi turned to look at him, impressed. He hadn't expected any strategic thinking out of the quiet man, at least not so soon. Eld's intellectual scores as a trainee had been fairly strong, but he was young, only a year out of training. Most people his age didn't have the life experience necessary to think on a large scale.  _I did, but my story's not normal._

"Okay, we'll do it," said Hange reluctantly. "But if you get stuck and head for the trees, fire off a red flare. We'll have a team circle toward the trees to assist." Turning to Moblit, the Squad Leader added, "Are you getting all this, Moblit?"

"Yes, Squad Leader." The assistant frantically scrawled notes in a book.

"Good. Erwin's going to need every detail so he can think about how we're going to get an entire army through this bottleneck. But for now-" Hange thrust the bag of sound rounds at Levi. "Take them all. You might need them."

Levi stood and turned to Eld, face grim. "You sure you're up for this, Eld?"

The man nodded. "I'm the best equestrian on the squad, sir. I won't let you down."

"Good man." Levi made a mental note to buy him a drink after the mission was over.

He let Hange announce their plans to the team, taking a moment to himself to eat and drink. His hand trembled as he recapped his water flask, and he frowned.  _Pull yourself together._

Fifteen minutes later, he and Eld approached the apex of the hill on horseback. Half the spare sound rounds were in his saddlebag, half in Eld's.

They crested the hill. The meadow opened up below them, full of flowers, bathed in sunlight, and crawling with titans. The hair on the back of Levi's neck stood on end. He took calm, steady breaths, and his focus narrowed to the titans and Eld and nothing else. He took in the titans' positions and movements, plotting the safest route to their target location.

"Follow me," he barked.

The horses burst onto the meadow at a full gallop. Levi entered his battle state of mind, thinking not in words, but in movements and observations. A titan ahead of them looked up. Its arm had barely started moving toward them, but Levi had already reacted; his horse darted out of reach. The hoof beats of Eld's horse kept pace behind him. The titan's hand whiffed them both, kicking up a breeze that ruffled Levi's cape.

Two wandering titans closed a gap ahead of him. Levi abruptly changed course, and now his pulse was racing in time with the hoof beats. Slow, steadying breaths. There was no time to worry, no time to think. Instinct would carry him through.

Fifty metres to the target location. Forty. He guided them in a speedy semi-circle around a particularly interested titan, confusing it, before getting back on track. Thirty. Twenty. He loosed his flare gun, raising it high in the air; he covered one ear with his shoulder, the other with his spare hand.

"Cover your ears!" he yelled, and he pulled the trigger.

Even with his ears covered, the sound round was so loud that he felt it boom in his chest.

His world tilted.

_The box of pomegrenades began to fall toward the earth. Levi spun on his heel and tried to run, but not quickly enough. A flash. The explosion knocked him into the air; he twisted and landed hard. Red flares fired in every direction above him. Pain rocked his head, his vision blurring, his lungs refusing to suck in air, darkness closing in-_

"Squad Leader," yelled Eld.

Levi realized he had been lost in his head. "Shit!" Of all the times to finally remember the explosion during the last mission... He forced himself into the present.

The two titans nearest them were stunned and shaking, but two others were unaffected - and all around them, others were converging on the source of the noise, some charging from halfway across the meadow.

_It's working. We're opening up a route for the others._

Levi's hands tightened into the reins, his knuckles white. There were too many titans closing in. Even if the next sound round managed to stun half of them, he and Eld would still have far too many to deal with by themselves. The contingency plan to lure them to the tree line and request aid from Hange's group was still an option, but now he could see the trees for himself, and they were only three or four metres tall. That was barely better than flat ground - maybe even worse, if small titans were hiding among them. Besides, the trunks were too thin to support their weight, so the trees couldn't even function as grapple points.

_The best option is for everyone to run. There's no need to risk the entire group just to save me. I'll hold the titans off as long as I can, then slip through the fray to meet up with the others._

He set his jaw and clicked a blade into place.

"Sir?" yelled Eld.

Levi led them out of the line of a charging titan, then dropped back to ride beside him. "Once we pull the rest of them in, I'm going to drop a few titans to carve an opening for you. Take it. Lead my horse to safety and put in just enough distance to stay out of danger. When I fire a third sound round, bring her back toward me, but stay out of the fray. If it's too messy, bring her back to the group and don't look back. I'll find you later."

The man's eyes widened. "Squad Leader-"

"Don't argue. This is the best way to keep the group safe. Get ready to cover your ears." He stood on the saddle, his muscles straining to keep him balanced, as he prepared to engage his gear. The approaching titans were almost in range. Just a few more seconds...

He covered his ears and fired another sound round, then leapt from his horse, sinking an anchor into a stunned titan's shoulder.

One, two, three titans dropped. He sank his anchor into the head of a fourth and, mid-arc, scanned his surroundings. Hange's group was crossing the meadow without any resistance. Eld was already threading his way through to the outside of the pack of titans, using the openings Levi was giving him.

Levi hacked the flesh out of a fourth titan's weak spot, breathing heavily. Bouncing between moving titans gave him no rest, and his muscles, accustomed to working in shorter bursts, were already aching. He gritted his teeth and landed on a titan's head to catch his bearings. He was still in the thick of the pack; titans surrounded him three or four deep in every direction.

He cursed under his breath and leapt in time to avoid a swatting hand, sinking his anchor into another shoulder. His blades sank into a fifth nape.

The cut was sloppy. Blood spattered across his face, steaming as it dissolved, and for a moment, his vision was obscured.

His grapple missed its next target, and he began to plummet.

"Shi-" The ground slammed into him, knocking his breath from his lungs. He rolled, barely avoiding a stampeding foot.

"Fuck!" He leapt to his feet and sliced deep into the achilles tendon of the titan that had nearly stepped on him. As it fell, he bolted forward, not bothering to finish it off; he had to get higher. The writhing mass of bodies above him obscured any obvious grapple points. His eyes ticked between them.

An enormous hand plunged toward him. Levi braced himself in stance, slicing the fingers off as they tried to curl around his body.

A red flare shot into the sky.

Then he heard a yell, saw Eld descending onto the titan in front of him. The titan's eyes rolled into its head as it began to fall. Eld swooped toward the next titan, but a hand batted him mid-air. He cried out, barely recovering in time to land safely on a stunned titan's head.

Grateful for the opening, Levi sank his grapples into the nearest target, snapping his body up to its shoulder level. His blades carved the side of its neck, and he twisted, directing the cut into its weak spot.

In the corner of his eye, he could see Eld frozen in place, still standing on the titan's head.

"Eld," yelled Levi. The man's face was slack, his eyes wide.  _He's panicking._

Behind them, he heard puffs of gas canisters.

Sonja and Gunther burst into his periphery, working together to fell a titan next to him. Several titans turned their attention to the duo.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Levi propelled himself to Eld. The man's eyes were vacant.

"Snap out of it, idiot." Levi wrapped an arm around the man's waist. He propelled them both through the opening Sonja and Gunther had made for them, then landed outside the fray, shoving Eld toward his horse. The man stared dumbly at it for a second.

"Move," barked Levi. Behind him, he could hear their rescuers dropping a second titan. He mounted his own horse. "Sonja, Gunther! Get out of there."

The two landed and mounted, steam trailing from their clothes; they began to ride hard toward the rest of the group. Levi turned toward Eld and saw him struggling to pull himself into the saddle.

Two titans began to break away from the confused group and charge toward them.

Levi gritted his teeth. He was so exhausted that he didn't trust himself to take them both out without a struggle. They had to outrun them. "Eld!" he roared with as much authority as could muster.

The man jumped. He glanced at Levi, recognition coming over his face, then put one foot in the stirrup and pulled himself up. They began to gallop - just in time. The titans broke into a sprint behind them.

"Oh fuck," he heard Eld yell. "Oh fuck, oh fuck-"

"Shut up and ride!" Levi leaned close to his horse's neck. "Come on, girl," he murmured, more grateful than ever for the speed and strength of Survey Corps horses.

By the time they had caught up with the rest of the group, the two titans were falling behind.

"Levi," called Hange.

"Keep going," he yelled, scanning the group to assess their situation. The horses pulling the carts were flecked with sweat. Fully laden, there was no way they could outrun titans even if they were fresh, and they were nearing exhaustion. The gap between them and the titans was beginning to narrow again.

"Shit," he muttered, deliberately dropping to the back of the pack.

Hange turned to look at him, eyes so wide he could see the whites even through the goggles. "Levi!"

"I said, keep going." He pulled a sound round out of his saddlebag and loaded the gun. He couldn't remember if these two titans had been stunned or resisted it before, but there weren't many options left. Once the gun was loaded, he slowed his horse, waiting until the titans were a little closer, a little closer...

The ground shook with the footsteps of the approaching titans.

_Now!_

Levi's horse darted east. The titans began to follow him.

"That's right, you ugly bastards," he muttered. "Come get me." He narrowed his eyes, leading them away from the group. The throng of titans they had left behind was out of sight now; he hoped they were out of earshot, too.

Covering his ears, he fired.

One titan stopped, stunned, but the other kept running.

At least one was better than two. He clenched his teeth and sank a grapple into the titan's forehead. As he arced toward the titan's back, the enormous eyes locked onto him.

A hand snapped up and grabbed one of his wires.

 _Shit!_ Levi immediately released the other wire and pulled into a spin, attacking the inside of the titan's elbow to sever its muscles. The arm fell limp; the hand released the wire. With a yell, Levi used a burst of gas to propel himself up to the shoulder and around the neck, spinning and cutting as he moved.

A chunk of flesh flew from the titan's nape, and the beast began to sink to the ground, steaming.

Levi burst from the steam and sprinted toward his horse.

As they galloped back to the group, sweat ran down Levi's forehead and into his eyes. He wiped it with the back of his hand, then grimaced as he smeared the steaming remains of titan blood across his face. Even though he knew they'd dissolve soon enough, he pulled out a handkerchief and began to mop his forehead.

He glanced behind them. There were no more pursuers. One corner of his mouth curled into a smirk.

When he caught up with the group, Hange turned briefly to look at him, then looked away, face pale. Eld was still riding near the back, sobbing unabashedly into the back of his hand.

Levi rode up next to him. "Eld. Good job."

The man's eyes squeezed shut and he curled tighter into his hand. Levi's heart sank.  _He hasn't been here long. I shouldn't have asked him to risk himself like this so soon._

"It's okay," he said. "We made it."

"I panicked." Eld's words were barely understandable through his sobs. "I'm so sorry, Squad Leader. I let everyone down."

"We made it," repeated Levi. "It's okay." He wasn't really sure what else to say. On one hand, it was important that the man chastise himself for freezing up - that could have put the entire team at risk. On the other, who wouldn't freeze up when surrounded by more than a dozen man-eating giants? Even Levi had experienced his own moment of panic.

He turned to Sonja and Gunther and found them staring straight ahead, faces ashen. "You two did well, too. Thanks."

They nodded, but seemed too shaken to speak.

Once they had made it through the meadow, the valley opened up before them, no titans in sight. A small abandoned village lay in ruin on the horizon to the southwest. Their checkpoint would be one hour or so south of there, an old Garrison patrol outpost. Today would be spent securing it and preparing it for use by the expedition two weeks from now. Tomorrow, they'd begin fanning out to scout the silos.

They spread back into formation and only encountered two more individual titans as they approached their destination. These two were easily avoided without conflict. By the time they arrived at the gates of the checkpoint, the entire group was still intact. Levi felt a swell of pride.  _Not a single death - not bad for two new Squad Leaders._

Hange dismounted and examined the gates. "It's locked, and we don't have a key. I guess we can climb over and break it open."

"Let me take a look." Levi rummaged through his saddlebag for the lockpicking tools Erwin had given him. The lock was rusted, so it took some brute force, but after a few minutes, it gave way. The gates creaked open.

The checkpoint was a mess: half of it had crumbled, and vines and overgrowth had nearly consumed the other half. As the scouting party walked their horses toward the stables, Levi's nose wrinkled.

"What a fucking mess. We need to fix up this place before we do anything else."

"We have other priorities," said Hange.

"Look at these walls. You want titans climbing up the vines? My teams are going to start cleaning before we do anything else."

"No, your teams are going to patrol the area to make sure we're really secure." Hange's jaw jutted.

 _What are you so pissy about, four-eyes?_ "Okay, then your teams are going to clean-"

"-are going to examine this place for structural integrity, and you and I are going to talk."

Levi blinked, surprised by the tension in the other's voice. "I guess the cleaning can wait."

Once the teams had been sent on their tasks, Levi leaned against a tree near the wall, folding his arms over his chest. Hange approached, shoulders hunched and tense, fists clenched.

"Why are you so pissed?" asked Levi. "Did you accidentally shit yourself during the ride?"

Hange's brows lowered. "What the fuck were you doing back there?"

The harsh tone was so unexpected that his arms tightened around his chest and he curled into himself. "What?"

"When you were fighting the titans. You weren't supposed to engage them. The plan was to run to the woods if you needed help."

"Did you see those trees? They would have been worse than flat ground; it would have endangered the entire group. Besides, I sent Eld to safety, so I was only risking myself."

Hange spoke through clenched teeth: "How do you think the Commander would have taken it if I had to tell him you died because you went charging headfirst into a herd of titans, on flat ground, with no backup?  _After_ he warned us not to take unnecessary risks?"

He had never seen the Squad Leader so angry. Guilt twisted his stomach, but his brows dropped. "Don't use Erwin to try to manipulate me, shitgoggles. It wasn't 'unnecessary.' How else were we going to get through? The situation changed, so I made a call. And I tested your fucking sound rounds - don't you want to know how that went?"

Hange turned away, but not before Levi noticed the dark eyes filling with tears. His stomach knotted, and he let out an irritated sigh.

"Now you're crying? What the fuck, Hange; what's this really about? I figured you'd want me to charge in to test your shitty sound rounds. Hell, I thought you'd be the first one to charge in there with me."

"I froze," said Hange, voice cracking.

"What?"

"When you deviated from the plan. I had no idea what to do. I froze. How can I lead a squad if I can't even react to one little situation change? We have to be flexible or everyone could die." Hange's voice faded: "Erwin was right. I'm still emotionally compromised from what happened last mission. I shouldn't be out here, Levi, not yet."

He stared, not sure how to respond. "You sent Sonja and Gunther to assist us, and that was exactly the right thing to do."

"No, they left on their own. Even they knew how to act in an emergency. I just sat there." Slowly, Hange sank to a crouch. "It's like last mission, after the explosion, when I froze up and went for the trees instead of the silo. It turned out okay, but only by fluke. I have lives riding on me now - I need to make better decisions on the fly."

Feeling guilty, Levi remembered chastising Hange for that particular decision during the last expedition. He hadn't meant to sow the seeds of self-doubt.

He knelt down and grabbed the ponytailed head, tilting it until they looked each other in the eyes.

"How long have you been in the Survey Corps, Hange?" he asked quietly.

A pause. "Two, three years?"

"And you were in research before that, right?"

"Yeah."

He lightly smacked the back of Hange's head. "Then stop thinking you should know how to react on the field. It takes years to train your instincts, and it's not like you can prepare for it by studying. I've been fighting for my life since before you were born. So you froze up; big deal. We all do, sometimes. Learn from it and move on. We've got to survive a week out here, and your team needs a leader, not a shitty, snivelling whiner."

"I see." Hange slowly stood. "Thanks, Levi."

"Sure." He stood, too. "And I don't care what you say; this place is getting cleaned top to bottom before the day ends, or we'll all die of lung rot in the night."

"We don't have cleaning supplies."

"I brought plenty."

"Oh. Then I guess we can do some cleaning after all." Hange began to follow him to the carts. "Let's meet up tonight after dinner, all right? Just you and me. I want to go over Erwin's orders one last time."

 _Erwin's orders._  Levi suddenly remembered the envelope stowed in his inside jacket pocket. Curiosity almost spurred him to find a quiet area straight away, but Erwin had specifically said to open it that night. Instead, he vowed to throw himself into his work so the day would pass quickly.

And so, the teams worked together to secure and clean the checkpoint. By evening, Levi was exhausted, but the checkpoint was clean enough to meet his standards and the area was secure. While they ate their evening rations, he and Hange announced the next day's tasks to the team. They were to avoid engaging titans wherever possible, instead noting down their positions and their travel patterns. There was more to discuss, but several of the team members were yawning, some falling asleep in place. The Squad Leaders dismissed them, giving them permission to settle in for the night.

"Levi and I will take first watch." Hange's head cocked at Levi. "Come on."

He wanted nothing more than to read Erwin's letter and then fall asleep, but he thought of the other's near-breakdown earlier that day and decided an hour or two of company would be tolerable.

They climbed up to the guard tower. This was one area they hadn't cleaned, and Levi wrinkled his nose as his hands closed over dusty ladder rungs. They snuffed the torches and sat side by side at the top of the tower. Hange pulled out a bottle.

"You really think it's a good idea to drink while we're on watch?" asked Levi incredulously.

"A few swigs will be fine. It's been a long day." Hange took a few swallows, then handed it over.

Levi sniffed the drink, then, finding the scent pleasant, pulled the sleeve out from under his jacket to carefully wipe the mouth of the bottle. The liquor was some sort of brandy, and he found himself reluctant to pull the bottle away.

"Hey, not so much." Hange grabbed it out of his hands and capped it again.

Carefully straightening his sleeves, Levi said, "You feeling any better about earlier?"

"Yeah. You were right; I need to learn from it and move on. Put it behind me. I'm starting to get excited about this whole thing again. Observing titans without engaging them is going to be interesting." Slim fingertips drummed the neck of the bottle. "How are you doing? Missing Erwin?"

He ignored the sidelong glance and knowing grin. "How dependant do you think I am? It's been less than a day."

"Not at all. You can miss someone without being dependent. It's not like you're freezing up out here or neglecting your duties or anything." Hange looked thoughtful for a moment. "It was when you were at the Capital, right?"

"What was?"

"When you hooked up."

Levi's eyes narrowed. "None of your business."

"Oh, come on." Hange smiled. "You miss him, right? It might help to talk about him."

"You're just being nosey."

"Of course I am. I'm a sucker for romance."

"Really?" Levi raised a brow. "I thought you said you weren't interested in romance."

"In others, it's intriguing." Hange's face softened. "I said I'm not interested in romance for  _myself_. Not anymore."

The words were pronounced like the beginning of a conversation. Levi's stomach was glowing, and he was lonelier than he had expected, so maybe this was a good time to have a deep talk. Their discussions back in the tree had been pretty interesting, after all, and Hange had talked to him after he'd stormed out on the officer's meeting not that long ago. It was his turn to listen. He quickly scanned the horizon, ensuring there were no titans approaching, then settled back against the wall.

"You must want to talk about something important," he said. "You look like you're holding in a fart."

"Feels like it." Hange's lips curved into a sad smile. "Do you remember me telling you that a person's professional skills shouldn't be questioned because of mistakes they made in their personal life?"

"Yeah. What was that about?"

Hange glanced at him. "You sure you want to know? It's a long story."

"Then pass me the bottle first." Levi snatched it and took another swig. Once he had swallowed, he handed it back. "Okay, go ahead."

"Before I joined the military, I was working in a weapons research facility in Karanese District. Faked my university credentials and lied about my age; I was good enough in interviews that no one caught on." Hange swirled the bottle, then took another sip. "I started work as an entry-level lab assistant, but my depth of knowledge and my enthusiasm caught my boss's attention. He made me his personal assistant. He was a scientist and entrepreneur, tall, young, charismatic, quick smile. I was smitten."

Levi tried to imagine the Squad Leader smitten with anything except titans. "Did you get all hyper and weird around him?"

"Yeah, and I kept tripping over my words and getting flustered. I guess he must have found that endearing, because we started sleeping together a couple months after my promotion." There was that sad smile again. "I thought it was love. Maybe it was, I don't know. We spent most of our time talking about new prototypes. He had an idea for an explosive cannon shell that made two explosions - the first one localized, the second one scattered. Sort of smaller bombs nested inside a large shell. He thought they'd be good to clear out titans that had congregated around the gates, as focusing on one at a time was ineffective. It was a tricky concept to nail down, because the inner bombs had to scatter in the initial explosion, but not actually explode for another second, so the casing had to heat to a very specific temperature range before the inner explosive material could ignite. We tried a few alloys-"

"I don't care," said Levi.

"Right." Hange's cheeks darkened. "Anyway, my boss was a good entrepreneur, but he was a sloppy scientist. My calculations showed that the initial blast was going to be far larger than he anticipated. There was a seam in the protective material around the inner bombs that meant they would explode with the initial blast, making it catastrophic in size. It could have been easy to fix - we just needed to rework the design and the seam a bit - but he got offended when I brought it up. Berated me in front of the team and belittled my research. I was so young and inexperienced that I took every word to heart. He loved me, so why would he get so angry unless I was truly in the wrong?" The smile faded. "The thing about science is that it doesn't matter what your ego tells you; the numbers don't lie. We tested the prototype the next day, and my calculations had been correct. Some of my teammates were crushed beneath the rubble, others were caught in the fire. The media and the investors questioned my boss for gross negligence."

The silence was so long that Levi shifted, folding his arms over his chest. "That's not where the story ends, is it?"

"No." Hange was staring at the stone floor, fingers tracing a seam between blocks. "Their investigation uncovered my calculations, so attention shifted to me: I was responsible for the written proof that we knew about the explosion risk in advance. Somehow, when they focused on me, they uncovered our affair. Turned out my boss was married with two kids. The media started questioning what kind of person would sleep with their married boss, and started digging into my past. Suddenly they were threatening to question everything I didn't want to discuss, from my university credentials to my gender. They were painting me as untrustworthy, saying I had no morals and had willfully helped my boss bury my calculations."

"Shit," muttered Levi.

"Yeah. But where I saw the potential end of my career, my boss saw an opportunity. He pinned the entire incident on me and my inexperience: I was just some naive kid who had made a series of blunders. He fired me and I was stripped of my credentials. The investors and media were satisfied, and they backed off." Hange's fingers curled into a fist. "To this day, I don't know if he was so quick to use me as a scapegoat because he was trying to protect himself, or because he wanted to quickly put an end to their investigation to save me from further scrutiny."

Levi stayed silent, but he could guess which of the options had been foremost in the man's mind.

"Whatever his motivations," said Hange, "I couldn't get a job in research after that. I changed my name and joined the military because I had nowhere left to go."

 _Do any of us use our real names? The Survey Corps really is a refuge for broken freaks._  "It's shitty as hell that all that happened to you."

Hange half-laughed, half-snorted. "Yes. Yes, Levi, it really was shitty as hell. And by that point I was six or seven years older than most trainees, so training was shitty as hell, too. I suppose it was worth it, because now I'm here, and Erwin's going to finally let me do research. But I'm done with love, after that mess. And like I said, I'll never, ever judge anyone professionally based on their love life. Not after what happened to me."

"One shitty boyfriend and you're giving up on love?"

Hange shrugged. "For now. I have too much else on my mind."

"You can just turn it on and off like that?" asked Levi, surprised. "Don't you ever want anyone?"

"I get dumb little crushes now and then, but they don't impact me that much. They're fun to entertain, and that's about it."

"Yeah?" Now they were verging on gossip, but Levi was relaxed and enjoying the conversation. "Like who?"

Hange's cheeks darkened. "Oh, I don't know. You remember that tall redhead who was in Berit's squad? Darren, I think it was. I had quite a crush on him for awhile."

"Hm, your taste isn't bad," said Levi, remembering the broad shoulders and muscular ass.

"I like tall men, but he wasn't very bright. We wouldn't have had anything to talk about. If I can't hold a conversation with someone, they don't hold my interest."

"You're too picky. It's not as if there's much time to talk when you're horizontal." He glanced over, curious. "Wait, tall and smart is your type? Like Erwin?"

"Mm. I had a bit of a thing for him back when he was first working on the long-range scouting formation. That man's a damn genius." Hange smirked. "Of course, if I'd known that one day, an angry little man was going to stuff a cravat in his mouth and fuck him over his desk, I wouldn't have wasted my energy."

With a displeased sigh, Levi rubbed his forehead.

Hange chuckled and took another sip of liquor. "The looks on your faces."

They were silent for a few minutes, eyeing the horizon. Still no sign of any titans. Levi worked up his courage to ask a question that had been on his mind.

"Look, shitgoggles, not that your opinion matters, but when all that happened, that comment you made about assuming that I'd be taking it from Erwin, not the other way around..."

Hange turned to him. "Yeah?"

"Was it because you expected me to be submissive to him? Does he seem like he'd be more dominant than me?"

"What?" Hange's brow wrinkled. "No. It's because he's so much taller than you. It just seems like everything would line up better that way. What does position have to do with submission and domination?"

Levi shrugged. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Hange leaned closer. "I hope you're not suggesting that the one sticking a penis into someone is automatically the dominant one."

Levi leaned away, annoyed by the other's stare. "Well..."

"What would that say about male-female relationships, Levi?"

"It's not the same. Assholes are dirty, and letting a guy shove something into it requires a lot of trust, because if he gets shit on his dick-"

"Ugh, stop." Hange's nose wrinkled. "First of all, I don't care who's doing it, sex is messy and bodies do weird things you can't control, so don't use that as an excuse. I don't know if you've ever experienced a vagina up close, but they have their own quirks that can be nerve-wracking at times. Second of all, trusting someone is a hell of a lot different than being dominated by them."

"Trust is a form of submission," he said flatly. "You're leaving yourself completely vulnerable to the other person. They could screw you over, if they wanted."

"No, trust is an act of equality. Besides, sex itself requires a lot of trust, with naked bodies, and genitals doing weird things, and fluids flying everywhere. Love requires trust, too. So does everything we do out there on the field. Even the two of us talking about this is a form of trust, and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't say you're submitting to me by sharing your thoughts this openly."

Levi's head was spinning. He must have had more to drink than he thought; talking about himself this honestly wasn't something he was comfortable doing with anyone but Erwin. "I'm done with this discussion."

"Oh." Hange sat upright. "Did I pry too much? I get carried away sometimes."

"No shit." He stood. "Finish up the watch on your own, all right?"

"Oh," said Hange again, looking so sad that Levi hesitated.  _I'm being an asshole._

"Look," he said, "I went through a lot today, so I'm pissy. I just need some rest. We'll talk again tomorrow night, okay? I bet you won't be able to shut up about all the titans you're going to see." He roughly patted the top of the Squad Leader's head as he walked past. "Trade off with one of the others soon and get some sleep."

Hange gave him a feeble smile. "Okay. 'Night."

He nodded and lit a torch, then began to climb down to the base.

The whole conversation had been strange. He'd never given much thought to his definition of trust or submission, or the differentiation between the two. He had kept his trust in others closely guarded his whole life, starting from the very first days he could remember. His aunt had been such an unreliable caretaker that he had never trusted her, not completely, and when she was gone and he had fallen under the wing of others, trust had been the last thing on his mind. Farlan and Isabel had been the first people he had openly trusted, and even then, it had been with reservations. If he had become something of a leader to them, it was only because they mistook his self-reliance for authority.

He found his way to an abandoned room with a working lock. He set the torch in a bracket and slid to a seat by the door, pulling the letter out of his jacket. A faint aroma of Erwin's cologne hit his nostrils. He lifted the paper to his nose and closed his eyes, breathing in.

 _Fuck, it smells so good._  His body, numb as it was after the long day, began to stir.

Erwin. Now there was a man Levi trusted more than anyone he had met in his life. Erwin thought it was a considerate, careful type of trust, and maybe that was how it came across, but Levi knew better than that. Deep down, in the core of his being, he trusted Erwin with his life. Wherever the Commander went, he would follow. Any questions Levi threw back at him were a layer of caution for posterity only, habit more than actual hesitation.

Given that enormous amount of trust, he wasn't sure why he was still a bit self-conscious about his abilities when they switched up their sex life. It wasn't as if Erwin was going to judge him or betray him, and he had seemed responsive to Levi's efforts.

_Maybe I'm trying too hard to be submissive - to put his pleasure over mine - and it's screwing me up. Hange's right; it's just a position. Submission has nothing to do with it._

He felt a wave of satisfaction, as if he'd just had an epiphany. He had been overcomplicating everything by trying to force himself into a pigeonhole that only existed in his head. Next time Erwin rode him, Levi was going to approach it like any other sex act. He'd do what felt good and let himself be carried away by their shared emotions instead of trying to figure out what he was 'supposed' to do. If that meant squirming and moaning, so be it. If that meant bossing Erwin around, then he'd do that, too. Now that he thought about it, he'd done a bit of that last time, anyway.  _Even when I think I'm supposed to be submissive, I suck at it,_  he thought wryly.

His pants were getting so uncomfortably tight that he paused to adjust himself. This line of thought was only going to fog his head even more, and he wanted to be alert to take in Erwin's message.

He breathed in the cologne as he opened the envelope, unfolded the letter and began to read. Erwin had printed the text instead of using his usual flowing script, and Levi was both grateful and insulted. His breath caught as he clued in to what he was reading: a description of seven different ways Erwin was going to be masturbating during his absence, one for each night.

"Holy shit," he whispered, dizzy. He was tempted to read the all at once, but decided it would be best to savour one per night.

_Night one, I'll be face-down in my pillow, mimicking the position you were riding me in just this morning._

"So that's why you insisted on that position, you kinky bastard," murmured Levi as he unbuckled his pants.

_I'll stick my ass high in the air, but without you behind me, I'm sure to feel empty. I'll slick two fingers with oil and then sink them into myself, all the way down to the knuckle._

"Oh shit," whispered Levi, frantically moving his hand.

.*.*.*.

Erwin tried his best to bottle the moans that were building inside him, but a few escaped as he came hard into his hand. He froze, wondering if the pillow had muffled the noise. As embarrassing as it would be to have sex with Levi overheard by Mike, it would be even worse to be overheard when Levi was out of town.

He rolled onto his side, breathing hard, and reached for a handkerchief. Once he had cleaned up, he shoved the oil and the list of seven positions safely inside the drawer. Orgasm was never as good alone as when Levi was with him, but knowing they were linked by the letter had made it more intense than usual. He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, wondering if Levi had sequestered himself off from the group to touch himself, too.

The bed was too cold. He and Levi had been sharing a bed so often that he was already growing accustomed to having that warm, small form beside him. He rolled onto his side and drew a spare pillow against his chest, wrapping his arms around it. He buried his face in the top of it, pretending he was keeping the real Levi safe.

_Of course he's safe. It'll take more than a few wandering titans to fell Humanity's Strongest._

His sleep was fitful, and he awoke at reveille with a throbbing headache and scratchy eyes. He sparred with Mike in the gym, ate and cleaned up, then settled into a full day of paperwork. There were formations to draft in detail, investors to contact, supplies to order and budgets to finalize.

He tore himself away from his desk shortly before midnight. He was so exhausted that he was tempted to go straight to sleep, but he felt as if the paper he had handed Levi was a binding contract. Levi was out there risking his life while Erwin was sitting at his desk pushing papers; this was the least he could offer him. Besides, he could probably use the stress release. He lay face-down on a pillow, preparing to act out his promise.

The days began to blur. Erwin sent messages, he received messages. Paperwork. Time in the gym. Long hours staring at maps and shifting around pieces. The only distinctions between the days were the contractual promises each night - welcome distractions, but too short. By the fifth day, he felt as if his mind were pacing in circles. He hadn't set foot outside since Levi and Hange's departure. Maybe some time practicing in the sunshine would give him a mental break.

Gearing up and working through the obstacle courses in the yard would likely take too long - and besides, he didn't want to have to shower afterwards - so he settled on target practice. The yard was empty; the new soldiers were in special classroom sessions all day, so several of the older soldiers had taken a day of leave.

After a few throw attempts, Erwin swung his arm a few times to loosen it up, then pulled the knives free from the target. The early afternoon sun was warmer than he had expected; he had already taken off his jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt, but he was beginning to wish he had worn his gym gear instead. He hadn't expected throwing a few knives to be so physically exerting.

"Mind if I join you?" asked a female voice behind him. He turned to see Berit approaching, dressed in civilian garb.

"I thought you were on leave today," he said, moving back into throwing range.

"I was. Came back early." She settled into place beside him.

"Everything okay?"

She shrugged as if to dismiss the question. "What about you? Thought you'd be working on the expedition planning."

"Needed a break, so I decided to work on my aim. It's always been the weakest part of my offense, and seeing people like you and Levi take out titan eyes has been inspiring me to improve." He threw the three knives again, then frowned as they sank into the outer ring of the target. "Though I don't seem to be improving much."

"Your upper torso is too stiff when you throw. It's screwing up your aim." Berit retrieved the knives, then fell into stance beside him. "Watch my torso." She threw a knife; it landed in the centre of the target. "Watch my hand follow through." She threw the second, then the third, and they landed neatly around the first one. "You shouldn't rely on knives alone, though - it gets more complicated when you get the gear hilt in there, because you have to time the release right."

"I thought I'd focus on the aim first, then the release technique once I had this nailed down." Erwin tried again, and this time, two of his knives were marginally closer to the centre.

"You're still too stiff."

Erwin frowned, retrieving the knives. "Maybe I'll take a break for a bit." He sat on a stone block to the side and watched Berit practice, trying to study her form for the details she had pointed out before. Instead, his gaze was drawn to her furrowed brow. Berit's youthful face always looked happy, even at neutral, so he knew something big must be troubling her.

She glanced over. He must have been wearing a similar expression, because she asked, "Worried about Levi?"

Erwin looked around and, seeing they were still alone, said, "Levi is more than capable of taking care of himself. That being said, I have so much experience with loss that it has become expected. A part of me is prepared to lose him during his mission, and it's giving me some anxiety."

"You're lucky, you know." Her knife landed hilt-deep. "Maybe it's stressful, but at least you've both chosen the same goals, the same lifestyle. You'd never question each other about why you do what you do, and you get to be together all the time between missions." The last knife split the leather cover of the target.

She was dancing around something; maybe this was another good opportunity to take Shadis' advice and get to know his troops better. "Did something happen during your leave today?"

Berit sighed and dropped to a seat on a stone block beside him. "Silas asked me to marry him."

"Ah. And I'm guessing by your demeanour that you turned him down?"

"No, but I didn't say yes, either." She pulled a single ponytail over her shoulder, fiddling with her hair tie. "His proposal was conditional: he asked me to leave the military."

Erwin raised a brow, but before he could speak, she pressed ahead:

"That came out wrong. It's not like he's trying to control me. He knows I need to have a career to feel fulfilled, and he's supportive; he's celebrated each of my military achievements with me. The thing is, he wants to start a family, and he wants kids that know their mother. And I think he's sick of waiting for each expedition to return, wondering if I'll be coming back alive."

Erwin felt a wave of sympathy. He'd had a similar conversation with Marie a decade and a half earlier. "And what do you want, Berit?"

"I don't know. I believe in our cause, and I believe we're going to change the world. But a part of me just wants a little house in the country, where I can run a cute little shop and be surrounded by three or four cherub-faced kids." She threw the ponytail over her shoulder. "Can I be honest, Erwin?"

"Of course."

"A couple months ago, I would have turned him down and kept doing what I'm doing, but Anke's death is really messing with my head. We were supposed to be old grumpy ladies together, and now her future is gone, just like that." Tentatively, she added, "Does it bother you?"

"What?"

"Her death. You two knew each other from the very beginning."

Erwin's mouth flattened into a straight line as he thought of the way Anke's arms had slipped from his grasp, of how quickly he had obeyed her order to let her die. "Not as much as it should. It seems all this exposure to death has been numbing me."

"You're lucky," said Berit bitterly.

"Lucky? Shadis said that sort of thing was my biggest weakness."

"No, it's a strength. Remember how he used to break down at the end of expeditions? It was so hard on morale, and didn't do anything to give the investors confidence in us. Anyway, the point is, I'm not sure what to do about Silas. I really love him, but..." She glanced up. "I'm sorry, you're my Commander, not my counsellor. I shouldn't be telling you all this."

"It's fine. Part of my role is to be your mentor, after all." He was flattered that she was opening up this much to him. Their relationship had always been polite, but distant. Maybe seeing him with Levi had helped her realize he was more than just a stoic figurehead, that he was a man with feelings and failings, just like everyone else. He decided to meet her halfway.

"Berit," he said, "do you remember Mike talking about Captain Nile's wife, Marie?"

"Well, I left before that discussion, but Hange filled me in later. The one who's a drama queen, right?"

"That wasn't really fair of him to imply," he said, shifting to try to find a more comfortable position on the hard stone. "Mike is protective of me, so he blamed Marie for a lot of failings that were actually mine. Regardless, when I graduated from training, she gave me an ultimatum much like the one Silas gave you. Like you, I was torn, but in my case, my goal won out. That goal had been the most important thing in the world to me since I was a young boy. She simply couldn't compete."

Berit was quiet for a moment, then said, "Do you regret it?"

"I did from time to time, particularly when she married Nile. Until then, I'd clung to the delusion that I could have both my goals and her love; I'd help humanity win the war and return to her, and we could build our lives together in a new, better world. In the end, however, our goals were simply too different, and our individual goals were more important to us than each other. She needed a family. I needed the Survey Corps. Over time, my love for her has faded from a roaring fire to a tiny spark, but the motivation that fuels me burns hotter than that fire ever did." He turned to her. "You have to consider your motivations, Berit. You have to weigh your contradicting goals and decide which ones will still burn brightly as the decades pass."

"I want to free humanity," she said. "More than anything. But I'm not sure I can sacrifice everything for that to happen. I'm not like you, or Levi, or Hange. My passion doesn't consume me like you three."

"Then consider this: is there a compromise? Do you need to be on the front lines to be happy? If not, maybe you could transfer to work with Shadis in the Training Corps. That way, you could still feel as if you were contributing to the war, but you'd be safe from the titans."

"Huh," she said, her eyes lighting up. "I didn't even consider that. Thanks, Erwin. I'll give it some thought."

He nodded.

"You know..." She shrugged. "All this is giving me perspective. If I were in love with someone who shared all my goals and my passion, and I was going to be spending the rest of my life next to that person anyway, I'd marry him in a second. Even if we had to keep the marriage a secret. There would be absolutely nothing to compromise, because our futures would overlap perfectly, so I would want to take advantage of that."

His brows rose. "Are you implying that I should marry Levi?"

"I'm saying I sure would if I were in your shoes."

Why was his stomach flipping, his heart beating a little faster? Why was he picturing Levi in a suit, their hands joined, matching rings on their fingers? "It's a little early to think about that type of commitment. We've been together less than a month. And does he really strike you as the type to want to marry?"

"Sure he does; I see the way he looks at you. I'm not saying you have to do it now, but maybe it's something to consider down the road." She shrugged again. "We could have a little party, just the officers."

"I suppose this means you've come to terms with Levi and I being together," he said, deflecting the topic.

"I never had a problem with  _that_. I think it's kind of cute, the two of you saving the world together. I just didn't want to see you biting down on a gag while he stuffed your ass." Her face wrinkled as a shudder rippled through her. "Fuck, I'm never going to get that image out of my mind."

Erwin cleared his throat. "The locksmith will be in tomorrow to fix the lock."

"Good."

"Just in case, you might want to knock first next time."

"That one's on Hange. By the way, I am dead serious about keeping those couches clean. I don't want my ass anywhere near your ball sweat."

Erwin laughed. He had never realized the innocent-looking woman could be so crass - he had the urge to get her and Levi drunk together and let them banter.

"Let me know what answer you decide to give Silas," he said. "I just ask that if you plan to leave, you give me plenty of notice."

"Of course. Thanks, Erwin."

He smiled, then stood. "Would you mind going over my technique one more time? I'd like to get at least one bull's-eye before I get back to my paperwork."

"Sure. Get ready to throw. I'll move you through it."

Erwin allowed Berit to pose his back and arm, his mind distant. When he had joined the Survey Corps, he had always assumed he was permanently giving up any chance of marriage. It wouldn't be fair to his spouse - he could die at any moment.

But, like Berit had said, Levi understood. Erwin couldn't imagine how the man would react to his death, but he doubted their marital status would affect its impact. Given how he, himself, had reacted to Levi's supposed death, it seemed their bond was strong enough that even a platonic relationship would hurt them.

_It's still too soon, but maybe one day, we could consider it._

His heart began to pound.

"Yeah, keep your back nice and relaxed, like that," said Berit, bringing him back to himself. "You were overthinking it before. Let yourself flow; do what comes naturally."

 _A valuable lesson for many facets of my life,_  thought Erwin.

"Try throwing now," said Berit.

He stepped forward and whipped the knives. The first was off-centre; he narrowed his eyes at the target, trying to adjust his aim. The second was even worse. "I think I'm over-correcting at the end of the arc."

"Stop thinking," said Berit. "Trust your body, like you're on the gear, or sparring. It's an immovable target; you don't have to outsmart it."

He chuckled. Very well. If he had been doing better while his mind was wandering, then he would let it wander.

With a long, slow breath, he thought of Levi in a suit, their hands joined, each wearing a ring, pledging to unite their lives into one.  _Perhaps our lives are already one, anyway. Perhaps it would just be a formal recognition of everything we already know._

He stepped forward and threw.

The knife sank hilt-deep into the centre of the target.

"That's more like it," said Berit with a grin. He smiled. But now his mind was firmly on another path.

"How long were you and Silas together before he proposed?" he asked quietly.

"Six years," she said. "It was a long time to be together without discussing marriage, if you ask me. What about you and Marie?"

He considered. "Difficult to say, given that it was a tumultuous relationship, but the serious part of it was nearly a year. In our case, at least, it was much too soon to consider marriage. Everything was too new, and we had too many hesitations."

"Three years seems like good middle ground," said Berit. She pulled the knives out of the target. "Long enough to know each other, short enough that neither person is wondering what the hell the hold-up is."

"I agree." His cheeks were warm. Three years -- maybe three and a half to be safe. That would bring them to the summer of 849. He selected a date in his mind: August thirty-first. If he and Levi made it that far, if everything between them was still healthy and loving, then Erwin would bring up the topic of marriage.

"Invite me," said Berit. "If you get married." She held out the knives, palm flat.

"Of course," he said, accepting them. "At this rate, you'd make up a third of our guest list."

"If we're all still alive by then." Her mouth twisted, and she fell silent, but the thought continued in Erwin's mind:  _if you can keep us alive._

He felt the first pangs of anxiety about the upcoming mission. For the first time, the entire mission, from beginning to end, would be under his control. No Shadis, no Anke; every success would belong solely to him, and so would every failure. He could minimize death, but never eliminate it.  _Any one of us could go. Berit, Mike, Hange. Levi._

"You okay?" asked Berit.

"I should get back to work. There's still so much to do." He could think about weddings later; his temples were throbbing.

"Yeah, maybe I'll do some work, too," said Berit.

"You're on leave."

"You're the last person who should lecture me about working too hard," she said with a smirk.

He chuckled. "A fair point. Would you care to practice some more tomorrow? Mike's keeping me distracted in the mornings at the gym, but I'll need an evening break as well."

"Sure, I don't mind. By the time Levi and the others get back, you'll have perfect aim."

As he walked across the yard, he tried to rein in his racing mind. He'd have dinner, then work for a few hours, then take some time to relax in that fifth pose he had described to Levi. Two more days of this, and then, if everything went according to plan, Levi would be safely back inside the wall.

Stopping at the entrance, he turned to give the wall one last look. He hoped everything was going smoothly. He hated not knowing what was going on out there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I made a bad calculation before and put 3 years, but it should be 3.5. That's been corrected now. I'll post a timeline on my Tumblr to clear up any confusion about the dates!
> 
> EDIT: timeline is here: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/100520786951 )


	20. Connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and supporting my fic! It means so much to me. :) *hugs*
> 
> I want to give a huge thank you to ClaireSail, who drew THE desk scene from Chapter 18! It can be found here (NSFW!) http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/101788523841(NSFW) and is just the way I envisioned it. Rawrrrrr! Thank you so much for sharing this. I am so honoured that you took the time to create this beautiful, sexy pic and send it my way! T_T *hugs*
> 
> Previous chapter: Levi and Hange head out on patrol and, after a harrowing run-in with some titans, have some personal conversations. Erwin and Berit discuss the benefits of marriage, and Erwin decides that if all goes well, he's going to propose to Levi in three or three-and-a-half years or so (August 849.)

**-20-**

**Connection**

"Where's Hange?" asked Levi as he stormed through the checkpoint's main entrance, dripping mud and sweat.

"Upstairs with Nifa getting stitches," said Moblit.

Levi pushed past him and began to climb the stairs.  _Sounds like your day went about as well as ours._

"Sir," called Moblit, "I don't know if it's a good idea for you to interrupt them."

Levi ignored him. He owed Hange an awkward interruption.

The rooms upstairs were dark, save for one, cracks of light showing around a closed door. He turned the knob. Hange sat facing away from him, naked from the waist up. Nifa was tending to a nasty-looking gash on the Squad Leader's mid-back.

Levi stepped into the room and cleared his throat. Nifa looked up at him and shrieked.

"Hm?" Hange turned around, squinting, and then laughed. "Calm down, Nifa. It's just Levi."

"Squad Leader, you're topless!" Nifa frantically tried to drape her patient with a green cloak.

"Oh, relax. I don't have anything he's interested in."

"My eyeballs are too packed with mud to see anything, anyway." Levi closed the door and draped himself over an old wooden bench in the corner.

"Looks like your mission was a success today, too," said Hange.

"This rain is a real pile of shit. No signal flares, and the horses stagger around like drunks slipping in their own vomit. We found a couple new sinkholes to mark down on the map." He grimaced. "I've got mud in my ears and my ass crack, and no bath in sight until we get home."

"Everyone alive?"

"Yeah, but it was too close. You?"

"Same." Hange took a swig from a bottle. "We found a sinkhole, too, more than a metre deep. Lots of split trees and wood in there. My wound isn't too bad, but a couple of the others got cut up pretty badly. Jakob has a nasty gash on his thigh, and his horse took a bad tumble. Dita's out at the stable right now assessing the horse's injuries, and Jakob's resting."

"Shit." Levi flopped dramatically back against the bench, too tired to care that he was dropping bits of mud all over it. "Did you make any progress, at least?"

"No, same as yester- Fuck!"

"Sorry, Squad Leader," said Nifa, wincing. "The flesh is starting to swell."

"It's okay. Do what you have to do." Hange lifted the bottle again, draining the rest of its contents. "I'm going to be drunk as hell in about ten or fifteen minutes, Levi, so I hope you don't mind taking point on the plans tonight. Needed something to cut through the pain. This wound went down to the rib."

His lips flattened. He would love to be drunk right about now, too. The rain had started two days ago, and here they were, day seven, and they hadn't even finished scouting the silos around the main checkpoint, let alone the two silos attached to the second checkpoint further south. "I don't know what the hell to do, Hange. We have at least two days' worth of scouting left out here, probably more if we want to get that second checkpoint prepared for the expedition."

"Well, we can't stay out here forever. We need to give ourselves - and the horses - time to rest before the expedition, and Erwin needs time to process the observations we've collected."

Levi sighed. He knew the Squad Leader was correct, but where was the balance point between ensuring they had enough information and ensuring they got home early enough to be useful? "Maybe Berit would have been the better choice for this mission after all. I don't have the experience to know where we should draw the line."

"Yeah, me neith-" The word ended in a yelp.

"Sorry," said Nifa. "That's the last one." She held out a shirt. "Do you need anything else, Squad Leader?"

"No, thank you, Nifa." Hange pulled on the shirt and then slumped forward, tilting the empty bottle as if trying to swallow more liquid.

"I know you're blind without your glasses, but I didn't think you were stupid, too," said Levi, closing his eyes. "You already emptied it."

"Hm. Where are my glasses?"

"How the hell should I know?" He should probably open his eyes to help look, but he was too exhausted. "Maybe I'll just sleep here tonight."

"You'll freeze."

"I'm cocooned in mud. It'll keep me warm." He couldn't shake the feeling there was one more thing he needed to do before he succumbed to sleep. His eyes flew open as he remembered:  _Erwin's letter._  He rummaged through his rain gear. The paper was soaked, mud-stained and completely illegible. "Shit." He lifted it to his nose, but he couldn't smell anything but mud. "Shit!"

"Oh," said Hange, drawing out the word. "Love letter from your boyfriend?"

"None of your business, two-eyes."

"Ah, because I'm not wearing my glasses. Clever." Hange dropped to all fours and began to feel around. "Where did she put the damned things?"

Levi gingerly tried to peel apart the sheets of paper, but they were so fragile that they began to tear. "Dammit. I was saving the last bit to read tonight."

"Not like you could masturbate with that much mud in your underwear, anyway," said Hange, patting around the floor.

His stomach dropped. "What?"

"I assume that's why you keep ducking away by yourself every night, all secretive. Don't worry, no one else noticed, and I won't judge." Hange patted along the side table. "It's good for people to stay on top of that sort of thing during missions. Keeps the aggression manageable, keeps you focused. On that note, if you and Erwin need time to yourselves during the upcoming expedition, I can act as a guard outside the room."

A shudder rippled down Levi's spine. "Don't tell people stuff like that, you pervert. It's creepy as hell."

"Part of weapons management is making sure all our resources are working at optimal capacity, machine or human. A-ha!" Hange's hands closed over a pair of goggles on the side table. Once they were on, however, the Squad Leader frowned. "Everything's still blurry."

"Because you're drunk, idiot."

"I suppose I am." Hange dropped onto the bench beside him. "So, what's next, Captain?"

He grimaced. "Not Captain yet." He would be one day, however, so he should probably try and think longer-term. What would Erwin do if he were here? Probably start by assessing their current resources. "So, we're scheduled to return to the base tomorrow. We have at least a day's worth of work left at this checkpoint, another at the second checkpoint, a third if we want to prepare that checkpoint for the expedition. We've got a total of nineteen soldiers…" He trailed off and gave Hange a sidelong glance. The Squad Leader was staring at the floor, face ashen. "That's a good survival rate for this type of mission."

Hange gave him a forced smile. "I know."

The death hadn't been Hange's fault - from the sounds of it, an abnormal had ambushed them from the tree line, and the rain had hindered their ability to take it down. Still, the Squad Leader was taking it harder than Levi had expected. The night it had happened, he had heard sobs coming from the other side of a closed door. He had hovered in the hallway, not sure what to say, before finally deciding to move on, but now he wished he had said something,  _anything._ The memory had been tearing him up ever since. Maybe Hange was annoying, but they were comrades, and the bond between them was quickly developing into friendship. They were supposed to have each other's backs out here.

"Look, shitglasses, you know it's not your fault, right?" he said, awkwardly nudging the other's elbow. "It's surprising we haven't lost anyone else yet."

"I guess." Hange looked down again, pressing ahead: "While we're tallying resources, I ran a couple more tests on those sound rounds."

"And?"

"And they only seem to stun maybe one in five titans, at most - not nearly the numbers I theorized. That's such a small benefit compared to enormous risk of attracting the attention of additional titans. The only practical application seems to be to make a large group of titans converge, like what you did last week, and that's not something we encounter often." The Squad Leader sighed. "How am I supposed to develop weapons for an enemy we know so little about? If I had one in the lab I could experiment on-"

"You going to bring one home with you like a lost puppy?" asked Levi dryly.

Hange didn't reply.

He slumped deeper into the bench, trying to focus on planning again. "I guess we should figure out our food and water supplies tomorrow and use that to help us decide what to do."

"At least the rain barrels will be full, so we'll have a supply of water. I don't know, Levi, I think the weather is going to make our decisions for us from now on." Hange sagged against him and gave an exaggerated yawn. "We have to wait out the storm. No point throwing our resources out there when we aren't going to get anything out of it."

Feeling crowded, Levi tried to edge away, but he was pinned against the edge of the bench. Besides, the air was cold, and his usual complaint about being close to Hange - the body odour of someone who had no clue about proper hygiene - didn't matter when his sinuses were packed full of mud.

"I hope Erwin doesn't lose it when we don't return tomorrow," he said, thinking of the worry on the man's face when they had departed.

"He's a big boy. He can handle it," mumbled Hange.

"I guess." He hoped so, given the reaction last time they had gone missing. Erwin's stress levels weren't his only concern - what would happen if they returned without adequate scouting data, and the expedition had to be postponed or, worse, cancelled? He almost wished he didn't know about Erwin's dealings with Sahlo and their urgency to bring him results.  _What a fucking mess. Every bit of this is stressful as hell._

Half-asleep, he murmured, "What do you think it's like to live in a world without all this stress?"

"Who knows? Boring, probably."

Levi yawned.  _Might be nice for a little while,_  he thought, but then he wondered what the hell a person  _did_ if they weren't fighting to stay alive. He could picture himself having lots of sex with Erwin, eating three square meals a day, and...what else? He had often dreamed of a coddled lifestyle when he was younger, but now he couldn't fathom it. Keeping occupied kept him going, kept him from questioning all the misery he had encountered in his life. Erwin was the same. Hell, they all were.

 _At least we aren't in it alone._ He thought of Erwin, of Hange, of Mike.

His eyes closed, and he found them too heavy to re-open.

.*.*.*.

The sound of ringing bells startled Erwin awake: reveille. Day eight of the scouting mission.  _If everything went well, Levi will be back today._

He sprang out of bed and grabbed his toiletries, heading to the men's bath. Mike had invited him to work out that morning, but Erwin had deliberately declined, intending to save all his energy for the bedroom. He sank into the heated bath water, taking a moment to let it caress his body before he began to wash. A few other soldiers trickled in, saluting as they saw him, and he nodded back. At some point soon, he was going to have to tell people not to bother saluting unless it was a formal situation. Given how recently he had become Commander, however, he didn't mind revelling in it a bit.

Mike slipped into the water beside him and nodded his greeting. "You were using red ink recently, right?"

"Don't tell me you can smell colours now," said Erwin with a smile.

"No, but that would sure be helpful. I can smell the vermilion in the ink."

"I'm glad your nose is finally recovering." Erwin dunked his head under the water, then surfaced and began to lather his hair. "The saline rinses are helping?"

"Seem to be."

His voice lowered: "Then I suppose after tonight, your nose is going to give you more insight into my personal life than you ever wanted. My apologies in advance."

Mike shrugged. "I'm used to it. You two aren't the only ones hooking up around here."

Erwin didn't doubt it. The Survey Corps soldiers had always formed strong bonds due to the intense pressure of their situation, and he had often noticed that bubbling over into sexual escapades. He didn't mind, so long as his soldiers were staying focused. If anything, sex probably helped morale.

After his bath, he met with Mike and Berit over breakfast, locking down training plans for the day. Then, returning to his office, he finished an expense report, sealed it, and addressed it to the last on his list of investors.

And that was it: the last bit of pre-expedition work he could finish without the scouting data from Hange and Levi. Any tweaks he could do now would just have to be re-done once he had that data, so this was a good point to take a break. Given how hard he had been working over the past few weeks, he would take the morning to drop off his report at the messenger service by hand. While he was downtown, he could purchase some supplies for Levi's return and get his apartment ready for their romantic evening. A contractor had installed a hot water tank for him a couple days ago, a surprise for Levi; a post-mission hot shower would surely be appreciated.

He pulled on his rain cloak and stepped outside. The rain had been coming down nonstop for three or four days now. Were Hange and Levi encountering it, too, or if they were far enough south to avoid it? Aside from rain neutralizing signal flares, it could cause other problems; one was that there were several patches of land that had limestone bedrock, which gave the surface a tendency to form sinkholes during flooding. Erwin had only encountered this issue once, back when he had been a new recruit, and it had been devastating to their expedition.

He frowned. Even if they had avoided it, these rainstorms could still drift south before the expedition. Perhaps he had more work to do, after all: a contingency plan for heavy rainfall. He would start it that afternoon.

After he had dropped off the envelope with the messenger service, he stepped into the general store. A downside to being the Commander was that he was recognizable, and purchasing erotic supplies was certain to start gossip. He debated how to approach it, then remembered Levi's words: no one expected him to be celibate.

He approached the merchant at the back of the store, the one who had sold him lockpicking tools.

"Commander Erwin," said the merchant, nodding. "We have some new coffee beans that might be of interest to you. They're supposed to be reserved for the noble class only, but I pulled a few strings for our more discerning customers such as yourself."

"Thank you. I'll take a look," said Erwin. He leaned closer. "On that note, I'm looking for a few other items I wish to purchase discreetly."

"Oh?" The man leaned closer. "Weapons?"

"No, I'm looking for a particular type of massage oil, one that has mild warming properties. Also, I wonder if you have any fine sweets in reserve."

"Ah, I see." The man grinned. "Looking to impress a special woman, Commander?"

"Perhaps. I trust you to keep this quiet," said Erwin, going along with the mistaken assumption. The more romantic distance there was between him and Levi in the eyes of the public, the better.

"I have a few things in stock that might interest you. What about a nice gift for the lady - maybe some jewellery? Or is she more the type to appreciate a fine cigar?"

Erwin smiled. "Cigars might go over better than jewellery, but I'm not certain. Fine alcohol, however, is sure to be appreciated."

"Well, then, I have some high-quality ice wine that might be of interest to you, direct from Utopia district."

After some discussion, Erwin bought two bottles of ice wine, a tin of salt water taffy, a tin of beef jerky, some scented candles and a bottle of massage oil steeped with a hint of hot pepper to ease aching muscles.

Once he had reached his apartment, he began to set up the room. He set out the wine, two wine glasses and the food. The candles and massage oil went on the bedside table, along with a small stack of clean handkerchiefs. After a moment of reflection, he changed the bed sheets; he would take the dirty ones back to the base to sneak into his laundry.

He stepped back to survey the room, his heart already beating too fast. In the letter he had given Levi, he had finished off the seventh day with a detailed description of his plans for their reunion, as well as a somewhat embarrassing confession of the depth of his love for him. He still wasn't sure if the last part would make Levi blush, or roll his eyes, or both, but he no longer felt the need to censor himself - to either Levi, or himself.

Checking the bathroom, he was pleased to see the water heater had been set up exactly as he had specified. The tank held a large reservoir of water; he had been assured it was enough to last a good fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes of warm water, streaming down Levi's naked body. With a smile, he set out his fluffiest towel, but his lips fell into a frown when he saw mildew on the walls. All this effort was going to be wasted if he didn't take care of that before Levi saw it.

Well, he had some time to kill.

He pulled off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and began to clean the bathroom. Once it was sparkling, his attention shifted to the main room. He straightened his books, tidied his desk, and gave everything a good dusting and sweep. By the time the entire apartment was clean, he was so flushed and sweaty that he decided to test out the water heater.

Even after he had heated the water, showered and changed back into his uniform, the gate bells hadn't sounded. He frowned.

 _Maybe I missed them while I was showering,_ he thought, but when he arrived back at the base, the scouting party hadn't returned. His ears strained for the sound of bells throughout the afternoon, then into the evening.

"It's the rain," said Mike.

"I'm sure they're fine," said Berit. "Just delayed."

Erwin knew they were probably right. Scouting missions often ran on a different schedule than planned; they relied on titan movements and weather, two things outside of human control.

Still, he couldn't rein in his growing concern. The scouting information was integral to the success of the expedition, which was integral to the continued existence of the Survey Corps.

And on top of all that, there was Levi.

He slept fitfully that night, hugging a pillow close.  _Tomorrow night at this time, I'll be holding the real thing instead._

But another day passed, and the scouting teams didn't return.

.*.*.*.

Levi hugged his knees tightly to his chest, shivering. "This is bullshit."

"We just have to wait it out," said Hange beside him.

"I'm sick of waiting."

"Well, we can't scout, and we can't return to the base. Until this weather clears up, we just have to be patient."

"Food rations are running low," said Nifa, who was pressed against Hange's other side. "Even at reduced rations like this, we'll be out in two days."

"More like one and a half," said Moblit from the far side of their huddled circle. "We'll need to divert some of the grains to the horses."

A growling stomach sounded among them - it didn't matter whose; they all felt it. Even Levi, in his time outside of the Underground, had grown accustomed to three square meals a day. Sure, Survey Corps food always tasted of yeast preservative, and the quality sometimes left much to be desired, but at least his stomach was always full. He was accustomed to being dry, too. The checkpoint's ceiling was leaking nonstop now, and they were all damp and freezing.

"Well." Hange gave a thin smile. "At least we won't die of dehydration. Maybe we can catch some frogs for food. I don't think there's enough dry wood to get a fire going, but we can eat them raw if we get hungry enough." There was forced optimism in the Squad Leader's voice, and Levi both appreciated and hated it.

"I'm not eating raw fucking frogs," he said.

"I'll have his share," murmured Eld, making Levi wonder if the man's stomach had been the one growling.

With a low sigh, he scratched his arms. Mud still caked his skin, pasty in some places, cemented in others. He was certain fungi and parasites were swimming across his skin beneath it. Maybe he could bathe in one of the rain barrels.

"Well, since we're all together," said Hange, "Levi and I have been talking about what to do next. Our number one priority right now is to get back alive."

"Squad Leader, what about our mission?" asked Moblit.

Levi's jaw clenched. As much as he hated to leave a job unfinished, they had few options. It wasn't just the lack of supplies - the weather was putting everyone on edge. Morale was low. Even Hange appeared to be having a hard time putting on a cheery face. For a group of soldiers who had dedicated their lives to freeing humanity, sitting in hostile territory twiddling their thumbs was the worst kind of imprisonment.

"Commander Erwin will manage with whatever information we can provide," said Hange, glancing at Levi. "I'm sure he's already cluing in that something went wrong, and he's working on contingency plans."

 _I hope that's what he's doing,_  thought Levi.

"The rain's a bit lighter tonight," said Eld, who had been on watch earlier that evening. "Maybe it will finally let up tomorrow and we can go home."

Levi didn't want to get his hopes up.

But when they awoke the next morning, the rain had finally stopped.

For the first time in days, Levi began to feel optimistic, but the feeling was short-lived. The ground, unsurprisingly, was waterlogged, and while the road was rarely subject to the sinkholes that plagued the land to the south, the mud was too slippery to run the horses at maximum speed. Levi was certain the left and right flanks would be encountering even more difficult terrain away from the road, so he kept their pace slow.

Thankfully, there were few titans around; he only had to redirect the formation twice during the first half of their journey.  _Maybe they hate the rain as much as we do._

As they began to approach the choke point that had given them so much trouble on the first day of the mission, Levi turned to Eld. "You up for scouting ahead?"

"Sir," said the man, eyes narrowing with determination. Since his breakdown on the first day, he had been going out of his way to prove that he had a solid head on his shoulders.

"Good." Levi turned to Sonja. "You, too. Don't engage unless you have to."

"Sir!" The two soldiers began to pull away from the group.

Levi fired a green flare in the direction of the meadow, then, a moment later, a white flare to tell everyone to pull in for the choke point.

Eld and Sonja returned just as the formation's flanks were closing in.

"Sir," said Eld, "Same situation as last time, but the titans are concentrated on the eastern side of the meadow."

Levi turned to Hange, who was approaching on his left. "You hear that, Hange?"

"Yeah." The Squad Leader pulled alongside them. "Think we could get the whole group past them before they notice, then outrun them?"

"Maybe," said Sonja. "Depends how fast they are. Didn't seem to be any abnormals, but it's sometimes hard to tell."

Levi looked back over the group. The carts were empty, and the horses pulling them were fatigued. Their other horses were running on very little food, so they were likely stressed and exhausted, too. One injured horse, in particular, was of concern; it was holding up now, but would it hold up if they sprinted? He frowned. "I don't think the horses are going to be able to sprint. Not while we have to lug those things around."

Hange glanced back at them, then at Levi again. "How replaceable are those carts?"

"Probably more replaceable than our teams and the horses."

The two Squad Leaders' eyes locked for a moment longer, and then, in silent agreement, Hange turned to the group. "Prepare to halt! We're going to leave the carts behind."

They came to a stop on the road, flanked by scrawny three-meter trees. It was dangerous to stay here for long; they hurriedly freed the horses from the carts and pushed the carts off the road. Eld and Dita took charge of handling the spare horses.

"We are going to evade the enemy," yelled Levi. "Do not engage unless necessary. Move out!"

They burst onto the meadow at full speed. The titans were ambling around the far side of the meadow; at first, it seemed like they might not notice the scouting party, but then a few looked up. They began to stupidly lumber in the direction of the scouting party.

"Shit." Levi leaned forward, willing his horse to sprint as fast as it could.

"Hey Levi, they seem slow," yelled Hange, barely audible over the hoof beats and the air racing past his ears. "Do you think the weather is affecting-"

"Save it and run, shitgoggles."

Minutes later, they reached the far end of the meadow, the titans safely out of range behind them. They crested the hill to the meeting place they had used on the first day of the mission.

"We've attracted too much attention to rest here," called Hange.

He nodded. "Pull out your map. Find us a good resting point about twenty minutes away." He turned back to the group. "Prepare to deploy the formation. We'll be resting soon, but not yet."

He took a slow, deep breath. His muscles ached and his head was buzzing with stress, but in a few short hours, they'd finally be home.

.*.*.*.

"-and so," continued Erwin, his voice gravelly, "if we split our supplies into eight smaller carts instead of four large ones, we'll reduce the chances of getting stuck in any residual mud in the event that the rain has saturated the ground to the south. It'll also be easier on the horses, as they may tire easily due to fighting for traction on muddy ground. Of course, this means we'll need to change the formation slightly, so I've drawn up a new map." As he unrolled it, he looked up for the first time since he had started the meeting. Mike and Berit were staring at him with solemn faces. "Is something wrong?"

"Did you sleep last night?" asked Berit.

Erwin gave an irritated sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "If we could please focus on the task at hand-"

"You're skirting the obvious, Commander: there isn't going to be a mission if Levi and Hange don't return. We can't head out with only two squad leaders."

"We did expeditions with two squad leaders all the time back in the '30s," said Erwin, looking to Mike for backup.

Instead, the man shrugged. "Those were smaller, simpler expeditions."

Erwin closed his eyes to steady himself. His patience was frayed; he had been awake all night - and most of the night before that - preparing contingency plans. Now that they were on day ten of the scouting mission, he had to accept that something had gone horribly wrong. Without the scouting data, and two squad leaders short, they'd have to severely scale back the mission.

He wished there was another option, but it was already too late to push the expedition out to a later date, because several investors had already forwarded their funds, and he had used them to buy supplies. The initial timeline had been too tight to be more fiscally cautious. And so, he had backed himself into a corner. This expedition - or some form of it - had to happen, no matter how many people they had, no matter how little scouting data he received.

No matter how much his heart ached.

He had letters all ready to send, explaining their undesirable situation to the investors and members of parliament along with adjusted returns on their investments. They sat neatly in top drawer of his desk, waiting, but he couldn't bring himself to send them. Not yet. Time was running out, however; they could only afford to wait another day, two at most, before they had to switch to the contingency plans.

"Erwin," said Mike.

"We won't be running the same mission if we're reduced to only two squad leaders," said Erwin, opening his eyes. "I've prepared a series of contingency plans for a smaller mission, if need be. If the scouting party doesn't return by tomorrow evening, we'll switch to the new plans."

"Can we review them?" asked Berit. "The three of us, together?"

His brows rose. No one had ever questioned his strategy before. "Of course, but if only asking because you're think Levi's absence is clouding my judgement, you're mistaken."

They were silent, and he felt their gazes scrutinizing him. He let out a low sigh, seeing his recent behaviour through their eyes: attacking Mike, making poor Squad Leader selections for the scouting mission, getting caught having sex in his office. "I suppose my behaviour over the past few weeks isn't exactly confidence-inspiring, is it?"

"It's not that we don't trust you," said Berit, glancing sideways at Mike for confirmation, and the gesture tore at Erwin's heart; it meant the two of them had been discussing this behind his back _._ "We both think you're brilliant, and we're prepared to put our lives on the line to follow your lead. We're just a little wary. Your relationship is still new, so you're a bit emotionally compromised, maybe more than you think. Add in the fact that we both think you're pushing too yourself too hard right now..."

Erwin glanced at Mike. "Both of you?"

The man looked away.

"I see." Erwin forced a polite smile, carefully masking his wounds. "Of course I'm worried about Levi, and Hange and the others, too, but I assure you, I'm well aware of the importance of this expedition. Every decision I'm making is from a place of logic, not emotion. If it will put your minds at ease, then yes, let's go over the contingency plans together." He pulled out a map and unrolled it.

By the time they had reviewed the entire plan, both Squad Leaders seemed confident that he was of sound mind. Fatigue was catching up with him, however, blurring his vision and making his joints ache.

"Maybe I'll go take a short nap," he said, relenting.

"I think that's a good idea," said Berit. "We'll come wake you up if we receive any news from the scouting party." She hesitated. "Sorry for doubting you before, sir. It looks like you have everything under control after all."

"You are always welcome to question my judgement. I appreciate that both of you are watching out for the good of the Corps." He smiled kindly at both of them, but his insides felt cold. Empty. The more they spoke about contingency plans, the more he began to accept that Levi might not return.

With a yawn, he excused himself. He bathed first, since he hadn't for a few days, then returned to his bedroom. Once he settled into bed, his burning eyes refused to close.

In all his years envisioning his future, he had never imagined the Commander role would be nearly this stressful. He had always assumed his role as Shadis' strategist was a close approximation to the real thing, but this pressure was a hundred times worse. At this rate, he was going to burn himself out before his career even got off the ground.

He had played his cards against Sahlo too soon. He saw that now. He should have kept his suspicions under wraps for at least a year or two while he figured out the Lord's pressure points. This hastily-constructed expedition was too ambitious, too big of a gamble, especially for a new Commander with three new Squad Leaders at the helm.

He tried not to let himself focus on Levi's absence - this was so much bigger than their relationship, and he had to keep objective for the sake of the Corps - but it was a persistent undercurrent, eroding the ground, destabilizing his footing. He was afraid of how he would react if Levi didn't return, and he hoped he could stave off his emotions until he had the time to grieve.  _His heart was his to give_ , he told himself, remembering their agreement. Maybe he would manage to keep his head together if he focused on that. Above all else, the Survey Corps depended on him to keep looking forward until the expedition was complete.

And right now, the Corps depended on him to get some sleep so he could make clear-headed decisions.

He held his eyes closed, even though his eyelids felt as if they were scratching his corneas. He began to count backwards from one hundred, not allowing his mind to drift to plans, or to Levi, or to anything else.

Slowly, gradually, sleep overcame him.

He awoke several hours later to tolling bells and jubilant shouts from the hallway.

.*.*.*.

Levi ignored the stares of the townsfolk they passed, his eyes on the road _._ His throat was tight. Their journey was finally over. Each step forward, each toll of the bell, brought him closer to home.

"I'm going to sink into the bath and never leave," said Hange beside him. He shook his head. If even Hange was talking about needing a bath, their mud situation was dire indeed.

The base seemed to glow in the sunlight, the survey corps banner waving proudly on the flagpole in the courtyard. The gates parted, revealing a crowd of soldiers. Standing at the very front was Erwin, flanked by Berit and Mike. Together, the officers saluted.

Erwin and Levi locked eyes. The Commander's hair was mussed, dark circles under his eyes, but when he smiled, Levi felt a glow blossom deep in his stomach, filling his chest, his limbs.  _What a sight for sore eyes._ He wished he could run up and wrap his arms around him, but that would have to wait.

Instead, he halted the group. The gates closed behind them. "Eld, take our horses. Hange, let's go debrief." He dismounted, and shuddered as he felt chunks of mud slide down the inside of his clothes. Sweat from the ride had mingled with the fine layer of dirt all over his body, destabilizing sections that had been cemented to his skin. He felt the urge to wretch, but swallowed it back.

"We're back," called Hange, somehow vibrating with energy beside him.

"So I see," said Erwin, stepping forward. "A few days later than scheduled - you had us a bit worried, but I'm glad to see you made it back in one piece."

"Most of us." The bounce faded from Hange's step.

"We're down one man, and we had to abandon the carts," said Levi. They came to a stop in front of the Commander. "And we let you down. We didn't get all the data you wanted."

"Oh?" A troubled look crossed Erwin's features, but then he composed himself again. "Given that this many of you made it back, and that you have any data at all, you definitely didn't let me down. Judging by all the mud, it looks like the weather was less than cooperative."

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Well." Erwin's face softened. "I'm glad most of you made it back safely. You all look exhausted - why don't we take the night to get everyone fed, cleaned up and tended to? In the morning, we'll use your data to modify our expedition plans. The baths are already heated today, and you're welcome to pull out one keg of ale for the scouting team."

"Sir," said Hange, giving weary smile. "Thank you."

"But first," said Erwin. "Levi, I have some special plans to discuss with you. Why don't you take a night of leave with me and we can discuss, away from prying ears?"

"It's just us, Erwin," said Berit. "You don't have to make some business excuse; go have fun. We'll cover for you."

The Commander cleared his throat. Levi felt himself blush, though he was certain it wasn't visible under the layers of dried mud.

"I'll walk you to your room, Levi, and explain everything to you on the way," said Erwin, as if choosing to ignore Berit. "The rest of you: if there's an emergency while we're out, ring the guard tower bell. We'll be able to hear it from our location."

Together, they walked to the base, marching side-by-side.

"You're going to need to bring a change of clothes," said Erwin, not looking down at him. "And whatever toiletries you use when you bathe."

Levi glanced at him, but the man's face was unreadable. "Okay."

They stepped into his bedroom, and Erwin closed and locked the door behind them. Then, he dropped to his knees and buried his face in Levi's chest, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

"Oof," said Levi involuntarily as he struggled to maintain his balance. "Wait until I'm clean, idiot. I'm covered in dirt."

"You smell good." Erwin buried his nose in Levi's armpit.

"Don't put your nose there. I haven't bathed in ten days-"

"You smell alive." Erwin's fingertips curled between his shoulder blades.

"Of course I do. I'm alive, aren't I?" Levi buried his face in the blond hair and breathed in. He smelled soap and, faintly, cologne. His eyelids fluttered. He had missed that scent.

Erwin kissed the centre of Levi's chest, then began to kiss his way down the front of his shirt, audibly breathing in as he moved. His fingers fumbled at the button on his pants.

"Hey." Levi grabbed his wrist. "I told you, I haven't bathed in ten days."

"I don't care."

"It's not like I've been at the gym for an hour - there's so much dirt on me that it cemented my dick to my underwear. You go down there, you're going to get a mouthful of pissy mud."

Erwin froze. "I see. Well, I have a place where you can wash up. A heated shower." He looked up; his nose was streaked with dirt.

For a long moment, their eyes held, and Levi felt a lump growing in his throat. Trying to push past it, he brushed the dirt off the sharp nose. "A heated shower," he repeated, his voice breaking.

"Remember that romantic night I talked about before you left? I've arranged a little something. Nothing too extravagant." Erwin's jaw quivered for a moment, but then he stood and caught Levi's chin. He kissed the underside of his jaw, then his ear. "I need to show you how happy I am that you're safe."

"I just cleaned your nose, blondie. You're going to get it all covered in dirt again if you keep snuffling at me like that," said Levi, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away. "You're sure you don't want to talk about the mission data at all?"

"It can wait until morning. Everyone needs rest so we can approach it with a clear head, especially given your complications. So, the night is ours. Why don't you gather your things and meet me by the front gate?"

"Okay."

The Commander pulled back and ran a thumb along Levi's lower lip. His face was so soft and vulnerable that he looked frightened. Boyish. "I'm glad you're back."

Levi swallowed hard. "Yeah, me too."

"You won't let me kiss you until you've brushed your teeth, will you?"

"Not a chance."

"That's probably a good thing." One corner of Erwin's mouth lifted, his eyes gentle. "Once I start kissing you, I'm not going to want to stop."

Non-stop kisses sounded good to Levi. Really good. Hell, he would have settled for a hug - a long, warm, tight hug. The sooner they left, the sooner they could be together, showing their affection any way they wanted. He turned away. "I'll get my stuff together."

"Then I'll see you shortly." Erwin excused himself from the room.

Levi shoved a clean change of clothes into a bag, then gathered his other supplies as quickly as he could. He took a moment in the bathroom to splash his face with water, certain the mud would draw unwanted attention from the general public. His nose wrinkled as he examined his face in the mirror. He hated the way he looked with facial hair. Most of it clustered around his mouth and chin, and the rest was sparse, giving it a patchy appearance. His undercut was getting long and shaggy, too. Maybe he would set aside some time tomorrow to shave it.

When he arrived at the gate, Erwin was waiting for him, wearing his professional face.

Levi scratched at his facial hair. "I don't know what's itchier, the mud or this bullshit."

"I've never seen you with a beard."

"Not much of a beard." Levi fell into step beside him. "Can't wait to shave it off."

Erwin's voice lowered: "I'd like to shave it for you, if you'd let me."

Levi looked up. The man was staring straight ahead, his expression calm, but there was a faint flush on his cheeks. "Is shaving a thing for you?"

"Perhaps. More of a tender thing than a sexual thing."

Levi tried to picture it, then felt a wave of panic. "I'm not so good with blades on my neck, but maybe I could let you shave the face part of it."

"I'd like that." Erwin smiled at him, looking a little bashful. Levi felt a little bashful himself. Ten days apart was a long time, especially when their relationship was still relatively new.

"Where are we going?" he asked, trying to cover his shyness.

"My apartment. I had a hot water tank installed into the shower. It's still a hand-pump, though, and I thought your arms might be tired after holding the reins for so long..." Erwin trailed off. His face was red.

"What are you saying?"

"I could pump the water for you, if you're comfortable having me in the room with you. I've already bathed today, so I'd...mostly be watching."

"Oh." Levi looked down, his cheeks hot. "Sure."

"I'm being demanding right now, aren't I? You're probably exhausted, and I'm making all these requests."

"It's fine." He shrugged. "After having to make so many decisions on the field, it's nice to have someone else take charge."

"Well, then I have one more to make." Erwin leaned closer, his voice still quiet enough to keep the conversation private. "You recover so quickly that I was thinking we might want to vent a little energy for you first. Since I'm going to be riding you a bit later, why don't you ride me first, right after your shower? Then we could take a little break and give you time to bounce back."

"Yeah?" said Levi, a spark running down his torso and into his groin.

Erwin gripped his shoulder and leaned close to his ear, his voice dropping to a whisper: "Take me hard and fast. There will be time for lovemaking later tonight, when I'm in charge. I want you to be merciless with me, Levi."

"Fuck," whispered Levi, his knees suddenly so wobbly that he grabbed Erwin's sleeve to keep himself upright.

"You okay?" The man's voice was cheeky, but his entire face was red.

"Yeah," said Levi, but he couldn't stop thinking about what awaited him. _  
_

As they stepped into the apartment a few minutes later, he glanced up, remembering that he should thank him for the letter. "You know, you made me come six times during the mission."

"Only six?" asked Erwin, pulling off his boots and setting them by the door.

"The letter got ruined before the seventh day. Fucking rain." Levi pulled off his cloak, then winced as dried mud scattered all over the floor. "You cleaned up in here, didn't you? And I'm messing it all up."

"It's fine. Did you get to read the seventh part of the letter?"

"No, and I'm pissed off about it." He set his boots next to Erwin's. They looked like kid's boots in comparison.

"That section was a preview of what I'm going to do to you tonight. I suppose this means it'll all be a surprise." Erwin stepped into the bathroom and knelt, presumably to light the water tank.

Levi glanced around at the snacks, the wine glasses, the massage oil, the candles. Every bit of the room was spotless; he ran a finger along the top of the wardrobe and was impressed when it came back clean. "You did all this for me?"

"Of course. I thought it might make the night a bit more special." Erwin stood up and brushed his hands together. "The water should only take about fifteen minutes to heat up."

"I'll brush my teeth now, then," said Levi, stepping into the room. The shower was against the far wall, no walls, the tile floor sinking a little at its centre to allow it to drain. A chair sat next to it. That must be where Erwin planned to sit as he pumped the shower.

Once his mouth was clean, Levi returned to Erwin and grabbed his bolo tie, finally pulling him down for a kiss. Erwin hummed and gripped either side of his face, his lips parting for him. It felt so good to feel those soft lips, that warm tongue. Levi felt a wave of emotion he didn't realize he had been holding back.

When they broke apart, Erwin traced his jaw with a knuckle. "I've never seen that expression before. What does it mean?"

Levi swallowed hard and shrugged. "It means I missed you. A lot."

"Yeah?" Erwin gently kissed him again. "I missed you, too. More than I care to admit."

"Were you worried when we came back late?"

"Of course, but I tried not to let my emotions run away on me. I know how quickly circumstances can change out there." He gripped Levi's shoulder. "I have confidence in your abilities, and I know your heart is yours to offer; any risks you took were risks you deemed absolutely necessary. I trust you to keep yourself safe."

Levi glowed from the praise, but at the same time, he wondered if he was worthy. "I took some pretty big risks out there. Hange was pissed."

Worry flickered across Erwin's face, but he gave a polite smile and said, "You made it back in one piece, and your instincts are good. I'm sure your risks were worthwhile." He pressed a soft kiss to Levi's forehead. "Would you like a drink while we wait for the water to heat?"

They settled at the small table in the corner. Erwin opened the food containers and poured them each a glass of wine. The first sip was tainted by the toothpaste, but soon Levi's palate adapted. It was sweeter than any wine he had ever tasted, and smoother.

"What is this?"

"Ice wine," said Erwin. "This particular variety of grape is said to be a potent aphrodisiac, though I suspect those effects are really due to the wine's high alcohol content."

Levi drained his glass and held it out for seconds.

"You might want to a bit easy on it," said Erwin.

"I know my limits." He needed to be a bit drunk if he was going to properly loosen up his inhibitions later, anyway. He reached for a strip of beef jerky and took a nibble. "Holy shit. Is this real beef?" Meat was growing increasingly scarce in the months since Wall Maria's fall, and actual beef even scarcer. Cows were an inefficient form of livestock now that grain supplies were dwindling, aside from old dairy cows.

"It is. I thought you might like something special to eat after being stuck with rations for so long."

"This is so fucking thoughtful." Levi began to feel uncomfortable. "You went to all this effort, and I didn't do anything for you."

"You came back. That's all I care about." Erwin said the words casually, but when he took a sip of wine, his glass was shaking. Levi found his stocking foot under the table, lightly stroking it with his toe, and Erwin smiled.

The gauge on the water tank began to whistle.

"I'll make sure the temperature is good," said Erwin, draining his wine and then standing.

As soon as he was out of sight, Levi grabbed a handful of taffy, eagerly peeling the paper off the candies and popping them in his mouth. They had been his favourite sweet as a kid, something he had indulged in as a rare treat if he had a few spare coins. Later, he had used them to bribe Isabel into doing household chores.  _Did I ever tell Erwin that? Or is this just a lucky guess?_

Once he had eaten his handful, he drained his second glass, then carefully folded the papers together so it looked as if he had only had a few candies instead of such an undignified number. Then, ready to shower, he joined Erwin in the bathroom.

"It's ready for you," said Erwin. He sat in the chair beside the shower pump, still fully clothed.

"Aren't you going to get sprayed there?" Levi began to unbutton his shirt. Chunks of dirt fell to the floor, and his skin crawled.

"I might catch a bit of spray, but nothing catastrophic."

Levi didn't bother folding his clothes; he dropped them in a pile by the door. They were so full of grime that there was no point trying to fold them neatly. He looked down at his naked body and grimaced. Disgusting. Dirt streaked his skin, plastering it in chunks in places, and the scent was overpowering, like rancid onions. "Oh fuck, start the water."

The first trickle of warm water was so delicious that he groaned. As it picked up pressure, he let it run over his naked body, washing the mud away. Remembering Erwin, he turned and saw the man working the shower pump, his eyes narrow and focused. Levi followed the man's gaze down to his abdomen and saw dirty water trailing down it in streaks.  _I guess he finds that hot._ Feeling both self-conscious and aroused at once, he ran his palms down his body, exaggerating the flex of his muscles as he moved. Erwin's mouth cracked open.

"Like what you see?" asked Levi. The words made him feel ridiculous, but they seemed to be appreciated: Erwin adjusted the front of his pants, gaze lifting to meet his.

"Very much."

"You going to jerk off while you watch?"

A pained look rippled across the sharp features. "I don't bounce back as easily as you do, and I have other plans for my dick tonight."

 _Has he ever said the words 'my dick' around me before?_ Levi couldn't remember. The words sounded so dirty coming out of Erwin's mouth, and he was getting uncomfortably hard. He hurriedly poured soap onto a scrub brush and began to scrub himself down. It took a lot of work, particularly around the toenails, and his hair was so greasy that he had to wash it three times, but finally, he was clean, his skin tingling and glowing red.

The hot water was starting to run out, but he still had an important area left to wash. Holding eye contact with Erwin, he gently worked a finger inside himself, cleaning as best he could.  _I bet there's even mud in here,_  he thought, grimacing.

Erwin appeared to be holding his breath, the muscles of his upper body taut. "Getting yourself ready for me?"

"Yeah." It didn't feel like anything special, but he wanted to put on a show, so he groaned a little. "It's been so long that I'm all fucking tight."

The Commander didn't respond, but his throat bobbed.

Satisfied that he was clean, Levi pulled his finger free and washed it thoroughly. He gave his body one last pass with the soap, then rinsed off. "But you want me to take you hard first, right? So take off your clothes and go stand by that mirror." He cocked his nose at the full-length mirror bolted to the far wall, next to the sink.

Erwin's throat bobbed again. He released the shower pump and stood, beginning to undress as he walked. Levi dried himself off, then snuffed the flames under the water heater. He walked slowly toward Erwin, eyes trailing the man's naked form: broad shoulders, narrow torso and arms, large thighs. The outline of his muscles showed through the skin on every surface of his body.  _Fuck, he gets more beautiful every time I look at him._

As they stepped together, their lips met. Levi felt himself groan, heard Erwin echo it. Palms slid over skin, tongue against tongue. He felt the smooth skin of the man's neck, then the slight calluses where the gear rubbed his collarbone, then lower, to soft hair.

Erwin gasped and broke the kiss, whispering, "Your hand feels so good on my chest."

"Yeah?" Levi rubbed both palms across it, thumbs finding his nipples. The man gave a sound that was half-hum, half-groan; he closed his mouth over the ridge of Levi's ear. Encouraged, Levi touched a nipple with his tongue, but Erwin pulled away.

"Don't get me too worked up. I need to last through this."

"I don't want to be the only one enjoying myself," said Levi, self-conscious.

"Believe me, you won't be." Erwin nuzzled his ear. "The entire time you were gone, I dreamed of the sound of you coming." His fingertips traced a line down Levi's abdomen.

"Yeah?"

"There's no more beautiful sound in the world." His fingers wrapped around Levi, one at a time, then squeezed. "Later, I'm going to coax that sound from you, slowly. But for now, I want to hear you race toward it. I want to hear you fuck me until you yell."

 _Shit._ Levi swallowed hard. "When did your mouth get so filthy?"

"I've always been filthy, haven't I? Or maybe it's because I spent ten days imagining how our reunion would play out." Erwin began to stroke him. "How do you want me?"

"Press your hands against the wall and stick out your ass for me," said Levi, reaching for a bottle of lubricant on the shelf above the sink.

Erwin complied, facing the mirror. Levi slathered himself with oil, then kissed down the man's spine.

"Lower your hips a bit," he said, pushing the broad ass lower.

"Like that?"

"Yeah." Levi gently slid into place behind him and pushed into him a tiny bit, waiting to make sure he was relaxed. "Oh fuck, I've missed this."

"So have I."

"Yeah? You like when I do this to you?"

Erwin held his gaze through the mirror. "I love everything we do together."

Levi's pulse raced and his cheeks warmed. He broke eye contact, looking down at the man's lower back muscles instead. His fingers traced the lines as he pushed a little deeper. The Commander's face contorted.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," whispered Erwin, his eyes fluttering shut. "Deeper."

Once Levi had worked himself all the way in, he felt his control begin to slip. He was used to getting off at least once a day, often twice, and the past few days of abstinence had caught up with him. More than that, the twisted expressions and gasps Erwin was making were so erotic that he felt his eyes roll toward the back of his head. Getting carried away, he lightly clapped the man's ass with his hand.

Blue eyes locked onto him through the mirror. "Harder."

Levi grunted and repeated the motion, harder this time. "Like that?"

"Harder." Erwin's eyes opened a crack. "I told you, Levi: be merciless with me."

"Oh  _shit_." Levi smacked his ass, and the resulting cry made his vision cloud. He curled his hands into the man's hips and began to slam into him. Erwin's legs were bent at an awkward angle, the strain on his muscles making them shake; the vibration rippled through Levi. It was too much stimulation; he couldn't hold off.

"Fuck!" He threw his arms around Erwin's waist, clinging to him, as his entire body seized. His orgasm lasted several pulses longer than normal, the last ones making him shudder. Light-headed, he pulled out and sank to his knees.

Erwin knelt beside him and wrapped his arms around him, softly kissing the top of his head. Levi slumped against him.

"Think that will take the edge off?" asked Erwin, a hint of cheek in his voice.

"Fuck," panted Levi. "I think I blew three loads' worth of come into your ass."

The Commander gave a laugh that was somewhere between amusement and shock. "I think that's the crassest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Not thinking so clearly right now." Levi nuzzled under his chin. It felt good to be held by him, both of their skin glowing and damp. His mind was fuzzy, his body relaxed.

"We'll probably be more comfortable on the bed," said Erwin quietly. "But first, we should clean ourselves up a bit. You should wash yourself off, and I apparently have three loads of..." He trailed off. "I can't even say it. You really outdid yourself with that one, Levi."

"You bring out the best in me."

Erwin kissed his temple. "I almost forgot - I bet you'd like to get rid of that beard."

They quickly cleaned up in the shower, then Levi lathered and shaved his neck only, saving his facial hair. Once he was ready, he sat in the chair. Erwin knelt in front of him and applied the cream, his brows pinched with concentration. "How high do you want your sideburns?"

Levi shrugged. "I'm going to shave my undercut tomorrow, so it doesn't really matter."

He wasn't sure how he'd feel about someone bringing a blade to his face, but he felt only the tiniest flicker of panic. Erwin lifted his chin with two fingers and began to shave, his movements precise and gentle.

"You've done this before," said Levi.

"Careful - your face moves when you talk. I don't want to nick you." Erwin studied his chin, delicately sliding the blade across it. "And no, this is my first time shaving someone else. I've always wanted to, though. I love the trust involved, and the chance to really study and feel each contour of your face. It's intimate." He paused and bent forward to kiss the tip of Levi's nose, then continued.

It  _was_  intimate, Levi decided, and surprisingly comfortable.

"There." Erwin pulled away, tracing the newly-shaven jaw with his fingertip.

"Wait." Levi's heart beat in his throat. "Do me a favour and try something?"

"Anything."

"Shave my neck."

Erwin's head cocked a little. "You already-"

"Just a bit. Just mimic it. Right over my throat." Levi's hands balled into fists, his palms sweaty.

"Okay." The confidence drained from the man's face, but his hands were still steady as he lathered a tiny bit of cream at Levi's throat, then began to slide the blade along the skin. He paused, his eyes locking onto Levi, as if checking with him that everything was okay.

Levi realized he was holding his breath. His heart raced, his palms sweating, but he wasn't panicking or flashing back to old nightmares. A few years ago, even a dinner knife pointing in his direction on a table would have sent him into a panic.

"Levi?" asked Erwin quietly, lowering the blade.

He wanted to explain just how much the gesture had meant, but the words wouldn't form. All he could manage was, "I trust you, Erwin."

The Commander must have understood the hidden depth to the words, because he reached out to squeeze Levi's hand, looking him squarely in the eyes. "I know. And I trust you, too."

Levi swallowed hard, drawn into the gentle gaze.  _Trust is an act of equality_ , said Hange's voice in his mind, and staring into that gaze, he agreed.

Erwin lifted their joined hands and kissed a knuckle. "What next? Shall we sit on the bed and enjoy some wine?"

"Yes." Levi's voice was more breathless than he had intended, and he blushed.

"Here." Erwin pulled a couple of bathrobes out of the closet. The smaller was worn and soft, and it smelled like his cologne.

They settled on the bed in their robes. Erwin refilled their glasses and began to catch him up on some of the events he had missed while he had been away, including Berit's proposal from her boyfriend.

"You think she's going to say yes?" asked Levi, wondering who they would promote to replace her.

"I'm not sure. She seemed more open to the idea once I suggested she move to Shadis' division instead. It was an interesting discussion, in many ways." He fell silent, and a smile crept across his lips.

"What?" asked Levi.

"Hm?"

"What's that dumb look for?"

"Ah, sorry." The man paused. "I suppose a part of me hopes she'll accept and invite us. I have a soft spot for weddings."

"Yeah?" Levi felt there was more to it than that. He thought of Marie, and Jasper, and felt a wave of sympathy for him. "I bet you would have been a good family man."

Erwin glanced at him. "A man with my career goals has no business having a family."

"I mean if the circumstances were different. You're so damned considerate and smart, you'd be perfect at it, just like anything you do."

"That's quite the compliment, Levi. You know I don't regret how anything turned out, don't you? I'm very lucky. I've fallen in love with someone who shares my goals, my passion. Our futures overlap perfectly: the two of us saving the world together. Maybe it will end us early, and maybe it's stressful, but at least it's not lonely."

"I bet we'd get bored if we didn't have all this stress hanging over our head, anyway," said Levi.

"You're probably right." Erwin leaned closer. "Still, if we make it through this, I want you to understand: the only person I want to grow old with is you."

The words hit Levi hard; he slowly set his glass down, his chest glowing.  _I want to grow old with you, too. I hope we have the chance._ There was a strange melancholy in his throat now, blending with that glow, filling him.

"Levi?" A thick brow furrowed. "Is something wrong?"

He lunged at Erwin, wrapping his arms around him, and buried his face in the thick collarbone. A moment later, he felt an arm settle around him, a cheek resting on top of his head.

Maybe it was the wine, maybe the strength of their embrace, that provoked Levi to say the words: "I love you."

Erwin's embrace tightened, his voice cracking: "I love you, too."

A white-hot rush flooded Levi's body. He clung to Erwin, and Erwin clung to him, and for several minutes, neither of them moved.

Gradually, slowly, their grip loosened and they pulled apart. The blue eyes held Levi's, filled with such adoration that a flush rose to his cheeks. He settled to a seat again, retrieving his wine glass. He could feel the other's eyes on him, but he couldn't bring himself to look. How did a person transition to normal conversation after something that intense?

"Are you hungry?" asked Erwin awkwardly. "I hoped the wine and treats would tide us over until we got some actual dinner, but-"

"I'll have a bit more." Levi grabbed the jar of jerky; they each took a strip and began to eat. He was becoming aware that he wasn't the only one feeling awkward. Deciding they'd be more comfortable if they were touching, he slid over until their thighs pressed together. Erwin's thigh looked massive next to his, even covered in the housecoat.  _I always forget how fucking huge he is._

"I'm feeling a bit shy," murmured Erwin. "That's strange, isn't it? We've been together for a few weeks now, and I've known you a year and a half."

Levi shrugged. "It makes sense. We've been apart for ten days."

"We were having sex a few minutes ago."

"It's easier to fuck than talk."

"I suppose, in some ways." Erwin looked thoughtful. "Also, part of my shyness is that I'm trying to figure out a good segue to let you know how hard I am."

Levi barely managed to swallow his mouthful of wine; he coughed. "What?" He reached over and opened the man's robe. "Holy shit."

"This wine  _is_  supposedly an aphrodisiac."

"That, and you haven't actually come yet." Levi knelt on the floor in front of him, careful not to spill his glass, and gently ran his tongue around the head. He heard Erwin's breath catch.

"Levi..."

"Want me to stop?" He sealed his lips around him and sucked gently. This time, Erwin gave a low moan.

"Levi, wait. I have other plans."

"You keep saying that, but I don't see you following through."

Erwin's jaw set; he caught the smaller man under the armpits and lifted him as if he were a child.

"What the hell?" demanded Levi, but then broad lips closed over his mouth, and his indignation faded. A tongue slid between his lips.

Then Erwin pulled away, leaving his face feeling chilled by contrast. "Finish your wine, then disrobe and lie on your back. I promised to massage every bit of your body, and I intend to follow through."

"Okay," Levi managed, breathless. He drained the rest of his wine in one swallow. When he lowered the glass, he saw the other's head shake. "What?"

"I didn't quite mean to finish it all in one gulp, but I suppose it works." Erwin finished the last mouthful of his wine, then set the glass aside. "I'm going to use massage oil. I thought you might be uncomfortable with the sensation of oil buildup on your skin, so I'd be happy to wipe it away as we go if the sensation bothers you."

 _There you go, being considerate again._ Levi stood and let the robe slide off his shoulders, then stepped out of it. He folded it neatly in half and draped it over the back of a chair.

"Here." Erwin pulled back the top cover, revealing a clean sheet. Levi settled back onto it, hands curling into fists at his sides.

The Commander turned down the lamp and lit the candles. He straddled Levi's legs, still wearing his bathrobe. The front of the robe was loose at the top, exposing a large triangle of his muscular chest. His underside was bare, resting against Levi's thighs, radiating warmth.

"So tense," murmured Erwin, trailing his fingertips along Levi's forearm, then lifting the clenched fist. He kissed a knuckle, then uncurled a finger, pulling it into his mouth. Goosebumps erupted along Levi's arm. That mouth was so beautiful, with its faintly snub upper lip and plump, soft flesh. It was a good thing, he reflected, that they'd gotten him off before this; his body was already stirring.

"Hm." Erwin pulled the finger from his mouth. "I shouldn't get too carried away. We haven't even started the massage yet, and I'm already trying to seduce you." He pulled Levi's arm straight and lifted a bottle of oil, pouring a small stream along the inside of the forearm. The goosebumps made Levi's skin so sensitive that a pleasant shiver rippled through his arm and down his torso, landing between his legs.

"The oil's going to feel warm in a moment." Erwin barely voiced the words. "Don't be alarmed." He smoothed a broad hand along the skin, rubbing in the oil. He used plenty of pressure, just the way Levi liked it. The surface of his skin began to tingle, and he sucked in a breath of air, surprised.

"Does it feel good?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it really does." The thumb slid along his skin, working firm circles along the muscles. The pain and tension from holding the reins began to slide away.

Erwin's lids were low, the pupils barely visible beneath the fringe of dark blond eyelashes. His face was relaxed, his lips slightly parted. It was a look of adoration, expressing an emotion that Levi felt, too, kindling in his belly and chest.

Once his arms and shoulders were done, oil trickled across his collarbone, then the strong grip began to work across his chest muscles, lingering. And lingering.

"I didn't realize you liked my chest this much," murmured Levi after a few minutes.

Erwin smiled. "Well, there's a lot of tension here. I have to be sure I get every last bit of it." His thumbs slid across the nipples, which tingled from the massage oil, and Levi gave a sharp gasp. "I do like your chest, and I don't think I've spent enough time showing that until now. One of my favourite things about your pectorals is the way they flex when you're inside me. Earlier tonight, I could see them in the mirror, contracting with each thrust."

"Yeah?"

"Flexing in conjunction with these shoulders. Such a beautiful sight." Erwin rubbed his shoulders again.

"You already massaged those."

"I'm backtracking, aren't I?" Broad palms slid down to Levi's abdomen. "I suppose I should press ahead, or I'm never going to finish this massage."

 _That doesn't sound like such a bad thing._  Levi finally gave in and closed his eyes, letting relaxation settle over him like a warm blanket. "Take your time."

The massage gradually travelled down his abdomen and across to his hips. As tension slipped away from the rest of his body, it began to build between his legs instead. When Erwin crossed over a particularly sensitive spot inside the hipbones, Levi gasped.

"Hm, I see." Erwin's thumbs slowly circled. "Like that?"

"Fuck." Levi had always known his hips were sensitive, but not like this. His groin began to throb, and he gasped again, his back arching.

"I wish I could grab you right now," murmured Erwin, "but this oil would probably burn. That being said, you are making a bit of a mess. Maybe I can clean that up for you."

Hot lips closed around him. Levi's eyes flew open, and his gaze locked with Erwin's as the man slowly took him a few centimetres into his mouth, his tongue swirling.

"Fuck!" Levi tried to thrust further into his mouth, but Erwin broke contact.

"I'm getting carried away again." His gaze was even. "The plan was to relax you, but I'm getting you worked up instead. Perhaps we should leave your hips alone for now."

Levi gave a choked cry. "Screw your plans."

"No, I think I'll stick with them. Don't worry, you'll enjoy yourself. Just try to be patient."

Levi swore he saw a twinkle of mischief in the blue eyes.  _That bastard is enjoying torturing me. This is payback for the time I fucked him in the harness, isn't it?_

Erwin slid to the end of the bed, by his feet; his robe shifted as he moved, revealing that he was every bit as hard as Levi.  _Well, at least I'm not the only one in agony._

"I imagine you aren't interested in your feet getting any sort of attention, right?" asked Erwin. "Licking or sucking or anything like that?"

The idea jarred Levi out of his haze. "Disgusting. I barely even like anyone touching them. Don't tell me you have a thing for feet?" Getting used to someone fucking his ass was one thing; letting someone do weird things to his feet was another. So far as he was concerned, feet were ugly, utilitarian body parts, covered in germs and prone to odour.

"No, I'm not particularly fond of them, either. But as far as feet go, yours are lovely. They're so-" He cut himself off and glanced up.

"Say small, and I'll plant one of them between your legs," said Levi.

Erwin chuckled. "They're so perfectly proportional to your height." He ran his hands along the tops of Levi's feet, to his ankles, then around to the back of his calves. A groan slid from Levi's lips. He often forgot how much stress his calves held during riding and manoeuvring.

"Your legs are so strong." Erwin's voice was a soft rumble. The front of his robe was tenting.

Levi swallowed hard. "You like them, don't you?"

"I do." The grip travelled up to his thighs, then back down, feeling more like a grope than a proper massage. "You're dripping, Levi. Looks like I'm going to have to clean you up again."

"You, too," said Levi, nodding between the man's legs, where a damp patch was forming on the fabric. Erwin looked down, his brows rising.

"I see. That's unusual for me."

"Guess you must be really turned on," said Levi, trying to keep his tone cool even though his head was spinning.  _So hot, so fucking hot._ "Why don't you bring that up here and let me take care of it?"

Erwin applied more pressure as he rubbed up and down his legs, eyes following his hands. "Hm."

"That's not an answer."

The hands smoothed up and then down once more before he got his answer: "Okay, just for a minute or two." Erwin stood and moved to kneel on the bed beside Levi, who carefully separated the flaps of the bathrobe.

"Look how hard you are." Levi's fingertips fluttered along him, and he heard a sharp intake of breath in response.

"Roll onto your side a bit," said Erwin, stretching out on his side, too, but facing the other way. "Maybe we can both do this at the same time."

It took some manoeuvering, but they managed to align themselves. Levi took Erwin into his mouth - just the tip, just so he could clean him off with his tongue - and shuddered as he felt Erwin do the same. He grabbed the man's hip and felt the muscles flex in rhythmic pulses, as if he were about to thrust but then restraining himself. That alone would have been enough to make Levi throb, but he had Erwin's mouth to contend with, too: persistently lapping, too faint to bring him closer to orgasm, but strong enough that he ached to press deeper.

Even stronger than the physical sensations was the sense of connection. He could flick his tongue and hear Erwin moan in response, and that same moan, in turn, would vibrate him.  _As if our bodies are joined. As if we're feeling the same things at the same time._ He took Erwin deep into his mouth, desperate to be even closer, to feel what he felt.

"Wait," said Erwin, tearing himself away. His hip muscles were rock-hard.

"Mm?" hummed Levi, plunging him into his throat.

"Levi!" A strong hand entangled in his hair and yanked his head back.

He looked down at Erwin, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Too much?"

"I don't..." Erwin's eyes were closed, his hair in his face. He seemed to be struggling for breath. "I don't know how I'm going to hold back once I'm finally inside you."

Levi felt a shiver of anticipation, augmented by the tingling sensation from the massage oil. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." Erwin took a long breath, then slowly let it out. His eyes opened. "I wasn't expecting that to be so intense."

Levi knew exactly what he meant, but he set his jaw. "Well, pull yourself together. You've got plans to execute, remember?"

Erwin chuckled and sat up. "That I do. Let me wipe the oil off so you can lie on your stomach. I'll do your back next."

They worked together to wipe the oil off Levi's body, and then he lay on his stomach. Erwin began to work his upper back, silent.

"You okay?" asked Levi after a few minutes. "You were so chatty before."

"Mm. I didn't expect all this to be so taxing on my self-control." Warm palms slid along Levi's shoulder blades, leaving tingling skin in their wake. "I wonder if I'll ever be able to dote on you without getting painfully aroused? Will time dull this overwhelming chemistry between us?" The palms slid down to the base of his spine.

"Who knows?" Levi closed his eyes. His muscles were feeling loose and rubbery, and his mind was the same, no doubt partly thanks to the wine. He felt the bed shift, then Erwin sat near his ankles, running his hands along Levi's calves and hamstrings. "Why'd you skip my ass? It has muscles, too."

"Indeed it does." Erwin leaned forward to kiss a cheek. "But I don't want to use this oil near such a sensitive area, in case it burns. If you want me to switch over to the lubricant now, I can give it some attention."

"Maybe just a bit longer on my lower back first."

A few minutes later, Erwin wiped the oil with a towel, then stood. His voice was gentle: "I'm going to go wash my hands and get the lubricant. Help yourself to some more wine or food, if you wish."

Levi rolled onto his side to look at him. "Step closer for a second."

When the man complied, Levi parted the front of his robe and leaned closer, pulling him into his mouth again. Erwin gasped a series of barely-formed curses, his eyes fluttering closed.

"There." Levi kissed the tip, then lay back on the bed. "Don't take too long."

The man stared down at him for a moment, his eyes glazed, then turned and walked to the bathroom.

While he was waiting, Levi sat up and helped himself to half a glass of wine, another strip of jerky, and a few sweets. His movements were clumsy, but he didn't feel drunk, just comfortable and happy.

When Erwin stepped into the room again, he had left his robe behind, leaving him naked. He seemed to have regained his composure: his face was neutral, his stance relaxed.

Levi lay on his stomach again. The bed shifted behind him, then oil drizzled across his ass. Erwin gripped the muscles, and as he began to massage him , Levi released a long groan into the pillow.

"Feel good?" Erwin's voice caught.

"Yeah." Levi was beginning to get that novel sensation he had experienced the last couple times they had done this, that empty feeling inside him that needed filling. Previously, he had greeted it with some apprehension, but this time, he was relaxed enough to embrace it. It was just a position, after all. The connection between them was so strong that he wanted to express it any way he could. For the first time, he said the words without forcing them: "I want you inside me."

"I see," said Erwin, distracted, as if he were disconnected from the words leaving his mouth. His hands were tightening, the pressure increasing. His thumb slid across the top of Levi's tailbone, setting off a shiver that ran through his spine. "My hands? My tongue? Or something else?"

"Not your tongue."

"I see. Can I put it nearby? Say, here?" The thumb ran along his tailbone again, and the skin there was so sensitive that Levi couldn't stop himself from imagining how a hot breath would feel against it.

"Okay."

He felt a finger slide between the muscles, then deeper. He gasped, his hips arching back against the force.

"You're eager," said Erwin, surprised. He kissed the base of Levi's spine, then his tongue slid along the top of his tailbone. A sensation that was half-tickle, half pleasure exploded from the contact, travelling through Levi's body in tiny, strand-like shivers. He barely managed to squelch a moan as it left his throat.

"No one will hear you but me," murmured Erwin into the flesh, his finger slipping deeper. "Don't censor yourself." He began to stroke deep inside him, coaxing stronger and stronger sensations out of him.

"Shit!" Levi's hips arched off the bed as he pushed back, not caring anymore about decorum, or cleanliness, or anything except those growing sensations. Erwin's tongue stroked his tailbone, alternating between tense, pointy strokes and flat, soft strokes, and he felt another cry building in his throat. This time, he let it sound. Erwin moaned in response. His free arm slid under Levi's abdomen, lifting it off the bed to draw him in closer to his mouth. His finger was relentless, and Levi gasped. He wanted more fingers, as many as the man could give him; he wanted his mouth down lower to replace his finger. He wanted every sensation, every experience, every possible way they could express their love.

A few minutes later, Erwin's embrace began to tighten, his finger moving with more and more pressure. His kisses trailed across Levi's ass, and his teeth pressed gently into the flesh. Levi cried out, his hands curling into the pillow.

"Fuck me."

"Yeah?" Erwin ran his tongue over the area he had just bitten. "You sure? I can keep going like this for a bit."

Levi bucked back against him, too delirious to phrase a response. "Please."

The man hummed and kissed him one last time, then pulled out. He rolled Levi onto his back, then paused to wipe his hands on a handkerchief. Levi watched, breathing hard. His mind was tingling almost as much as his skin.

Erwin set aside the handkerchief and reached for the lubricant, but Levi blocked his hand.

"Let me do that."

The man nodded, and moved to the bed, kneeling between his legs. Levi pooled the oil in his palm and began to stroke him, their eyes locking. Erwin looked so beautiful in the candlelight, his face pinched with desire, his body tense, his chest rising and falling with audible breaths. Levi wanted to compliment him, but he couldn't find the words, so he whispered his name instead. He felt a throb in response.

Satisfied that Erwin was coated, he released him, using the last bit of oil on himself.

Erwin bent down to kiss his forehead, then reached under Levi's lower back, tilting his hips to line up the angle. Levi guided him inside and then pushed against him, taking him all the way in. They groaned in unison, their bodies pulsing together, holding in place while they adjusted.

Erwin was the first to recover. "Ready?" he whispered.

 _So fucking considerate._ Levi looked up at him, at the golden hair glowing in the candlelight, at the large, soft pupils, and felt a swell of love so strong that his throat tightened again. "Yes."

Erwin's hands closed around either side of Levi's face, their noses almost touching, as he began to move. He quickly found the best angle, and Levi cried out, his head tossing back. He wrapped his limbs tightly around the man's torso.

"Levi." Erwin bent in and kissed his neck, under his ear, his jaw. His breaths were hot and loud, synchronized with his movements. So slow, so gentle, but such force at the end of each stroke, as if he were barely keeping himself contained.

"Fuck," whimpered Levi. It felt so good, as if the man knew exactly how to read his body, exactly how to interact with it.

For a moment, Levi was distracted, trying to figure out what he should be doing to contribute, but then he remembered that he was supposed to be letting his body guide him instead of overthinking everything. He closed his eyes and felt the rhythm of the thrusts, letting himself slip into something akin to his battle state of mind. No thought, no strategy, just the movement of Erwin's body, the building sensations in his own. He began to rock his hips, counter-thrusting.

"Levi," gasped Erwin.

He opened his eyes a crack. "Does that feel good?"

"Yeah."

Levi raked a hand into the back of the golden hair, drawing him closer. Their bodies slid together, friction building between their chests. He groaned and moved side-to-side a little, accentuating the sensation of hair sliding against hair.

Erwin gave a soft cry, hips angling deeper, and now he was hitting the right spot on his way in and out. Levi felt himself begin to drift, clinging to the strong body to anchor himself, completely unaware of anything outside the two of them.  _This is so much more than just sex,_  he thought, feeling that bond, that connection, beginning to form again.  _This is trust. This is love._

"Levi, you feel so good, so good..." The grip on either side of his head tightened, fingers raking into his hair. Deep inside him, he could feel Erwin getting harder, larger, massaging him just as firmly and lovingly as his hands had massaged his body minutes ago.

Levi gasped, raking the man's back, arching against him with each thrust.

"Oh fuck," gasped Erwin. Their foreheads pressed together and their lips met once, twice. "I'm getting close. I want to come with you."

Grunting, Levi forced his hand between them and began to touch himself. Their breath mingled between their open mouths, their eyes holding until a surge of energy forced Levi's closed. "Oh fuck, Erwin, I'm close."

"It's okay. It's okay. So am I." The man kissed his nose, his brow, his forehead, as he began to thrust harder.

"Erwin..." Levi tilted his hips, finding the best angle. "Fuck!" He could feel every twitch, every pulse, every rush, all of it travelling between them, belonging to both of them.

A trembling hand raked deep into his hair, their lips barely skimming. "Oh god...fuck, Levi, I'm going to come, I'm going to come..." The words rose in pitch, blending together.

Levi yelled through clenched teeth, his grip speeding up, his hips rocking so hard that his muscles ached. He tried to say Erwin's name again, but his lips were flared and he couldn't move them.

Then Erwin cried his name and gave a final thrust. His energy rippled through Levi, filled him with white light that glowed brighter and brighter until it overwhelmed him. They clung to each other, their bodies contracting together, their yells melding into one, as the pleasure they had built together moved through them in waves.

Slowly, Levi's body relaxed into the mattress, the fog lifting from his mind. The last few twitches were just leaving him - or maybe they were Erwin's twitches rippling through him.

An unsteady hand stroked his forehead, and he opened his eyes. Erwin had propped himself on one elbow to look down at him, eyes glassy. A lump began to form in Levi's throat. His hand closed over Erwin's; their fingers wove together. For a moment, neither spoke.

Then Erwin smiled and began to roll off him. "I have clean handkerchiefs, and if you want to use the shower again-"

"Wait." Levi caught his wrist.

The man paused, looking back at him.

"Just...a few more minutes." The desire to stay close to that warm body was, surprisingly, stronger than the desire to mop up.

Erwin looked surprised, too, but he only nodded. He settled back into bed. Levi rolled onto his side and rested his cheek on the muscular chest. The man's heart beat was strong and fast. He closed his eyes.

"Everything okay?" whispered Erwin after a moment.

"That was..." He couldn't find the right word. "That was important."

There was a pause, then Erwin said softly, "Yes, it was."

After a moment, Levi felt the covers settle gently around his shoulders, and a hand gently stroked the hair off his forehead.

"I'm so glad you came back," whispered Erwin, the words hitching.

A tear leaked from the corner of Levi's eye. He snuggled closer, burying it safely in the man's chest.


	21. Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your continued support, comments, recs and kudos! It means so much to me.
> 
> Previous chapter: Levi & Hange's scouting mission is interrupted by miserable weather, so they're forced to return to Trost several days late with their mission half-complete. Levi and Erwin retire to Erwin's apartment, where Levi showers and then they make love, sharing a deep connection between them.

**-21-**

**Smoke**

"Advance!" yelled Erwin.

With a roar, the Survey Corps rushed through the open gate.

Blood surged through Erwin's arteries, his skin tingling, electrified by the energy of two hundred troops moving together under his command. After so many years of working and planning, this was his chance to prove himself -- to Sahlo, to the townsfolk, to the Corps, to himself. The late nights, the stress, the political manoeuvring would all be worth it when they returned with enough supplies to carve a path to Wall Maria and enough funds to bolster their research branch.

Even though Berit's team had worked hard to clear the titans from the city on the other side of the wall, more titans approached, curious about the ruckus. Erwin kept his gaze fixed straight ahead, trusting the support teams to do their job. An anguished cry sounded behind him, and he was certain that had been their first casualty, but he didn't look back. If he mourned every death along the way, he wouldn't stay focused on their objective. He could mourn once the mission was complete.

Still, he glanced at Levi to make sure the man was still riding at his side. As requested, Levi had been given complete autonomy over his role in the mission. His squad, overall, was subject to the same plans as everyone else, but Levi had assembled a strike team of five soldiers who would travel with him through the formation as needed. Eld, Sonja, Gunther, Nadya and Anton. They rode behind the Squad Leader in a V-formation.

Levi glanced at Erwin. "Think the support teams need backup?"

"Your call. I'd wait for a signal flare."

As if on cue, a red flare went up near the back of the formation.

"Let's go," said Levi to his team, and the five of them pulled away from the group. Erwin kept his gaze forward and fired a green flare, letting the group know to continue the advance.

As they pulled away from the city, the ground before them opened up into green meadow. Erwin thrust out his right hand. "Deploy Long-Distance Enemy Scouting Formation!"

A bark of understanding sounded behind him. The hoof beats began to fan out. Erwin fell back to ride behind Berit's team. Half her squad rode in the vanguard, the other half in the rear, protecting the carts. Mike and Levi's squads formed the right and left flanks, and Hange's teams were scattered throughout the formation to support and observe.

Erwin kept their pace to a slow trot. While the ground here had mostly dried out since the rainstorms, there was no telling if that was the case further south. The ride was uneventful save for a persistent group of titans hounding them to the east. Erwin had to redirect the formation several times. He wondered how many lives they were losing. That was Mike's area, so with any luck, he had smelled the titans before anyone had been forced to engage.

A rider approached from Hange's group: Nifa. "Sir," she called. "We're approaching the designated rest spot. Mike smells titans ahead, clustered. It's likely that the choke point we struggled with during the scouting mission is heavily populated again."

"Thank you, Nifa," said Erwin. "Any losses?"

"Not from our group, sir. Mike's nose has been most helpful."

Erwin let out a breath. He fired a white flare into the sky to pull in the formation.

While they stopped in the clearing for a break, Mike and Nanaba scouted ahead, gathering information about the titan population in the choke point. Erwin spoke briefly with a couple team leaders, then took a break himself, pulling a small bag of food out of his saddle bag.

"Hey Erwin."

He turned to see Levi approaching him, a ration bar in one hand, a water canister in another.

"Levi." He nodded. "Something to report?"

They fell into step beside each other, pacing idly away from the group.

"We followed the red flares," said Levi. "Helped Berit's team at first, then travelled across to support Mike."

"Good." Erwin stopped, staring at the hill that stood between them and the titans. "Mike smells a group in the meadow ahead, much like what you and Hange encountered during your scouting mission. We need to take them out, or at least thin their numbers; this choke point is going to be critical in other scouting missions and expeditions. How many titans can your strike team take on?"

"If they're clustered, I can take four easily, five in a crunch. The others, maybe three or four." Levi's eyes narrowed, gaze distant, as if he were planning. "Send Mike in with another strike team. We could pincer them."

"Setting up a pincer will take too long; your primary objective is to keep the titans off the rest of the group. Even if you can't drop them all, herd them away from the group and keep them cornered."

"Okay." Levi took a swig of water, then wiped his mouth. "We'll look at the layout Mike gives us and figure out our approach." He bit into a bar of rations, then grimaced and washed it down with more water. "Little pucks of dried shit."

"Here." Erwin pulled a couple pieces of wrapped taffy out of his jacket pocket, pressing them secretively into the man's hand.

Levi stared at them. "You brought these for me?"

"I figured you'd be sick of rations by now." Erwin gave him a formal nod. "Call me over when you and Mike are finalizing your plans. I'll start relaying formation instruction to the rest of the group." He turned away, looking for Berit and Hange.

.*.*.*.

Thirty minutes later, Levi stood by his horse with Mike and thirteen other soldiers: his strike team, Mike's five best soldiers, and three of Berit's strongest defenders.

Levi stuffed the last piece of taffy in his mouth, chewed, then swallowed and turned to face Mike. "Okay, _now_ I'm ready."

The man sniffed. "Taffy?" He raised a brow. "Special ration privileges?"

"Shut up." Levi mounted, then circled his horse to face the other soldiers. "Everyone ready?"

"Sir," rang out in chorus.

He turned to look at Erwin, who sat atop his horse near the front of the formation, ready to charge through the meadow two minutes after the strike team had deployed. The Commander's gaze was dispassionate and steady, but Levi was beginning to understand Erwin: the colder he looked, the more emotion he was repressing. Lifting a hand, Levi waved, letting him know they were ready. The return wave was stiff.

"Guess we're good," he said, turning back to Mike. The man nodded. Levi was starting to understand him better, too; instead of becoming cold, Mike became quiet.

"Okay." Levi shifted his grip on the reins, his palms sweaty. "Let's go."

They filed through the trees and onto the meadow, then moved into formation. Most of the titans were once again clustered on the eastern side of the meadow. Levi recognized several of the same titans he had seen during the scouting mission. _Guess they'll hang around if we don't kill them._ As they approached the group, a few of the beasts looked up, their faces twisted and grotesque. Levi's eyes narrowed.

"Ready 3DMG and wait for my command."

Around him, he heard blades clicking in place. He clicked his into place, too, and climbed onto the saddle, crouching low on the horse's back. _A bit closer...a bit closer..._

"Now." He fired a grapple into the back of the nearest titan and reeled himself in, cutting a chunk out of its flesh. Using his momentum to pull into a spin, he took out two titans beside it, zigzagging between them. Around him, he could hear the movements of his teammates, the thudding steps of the titans, and the whistle of grapple points slicing through the air.

Then a scream.

He turned to see Nanaba caught in a titan's grasp, eyes wide with panic. He aimed his gear, intending to slice off its fingers to free her. Mike got there first, slicing the tendons in its wrist. Its hand opened.

Not wasting time making sure she was safe -- Mike had her now -- Levi turned back to his task. He anchored on another titan's back and went for its nape. Four. Red was clouding his vision, but he blinked it back. He had to stay present, had to keep his teammate's positions and safety in mind. Five. Adrenaline fuelled him; he was getting stronger, not weaker. He growled and dove for a sixth.

"Sir!" called Eld's voice to his right. He turned. Sonja was clinging to the hair of a six metre as it tried to shake her off; her leg, severed at the knee, trailed blood down its face. Eld and Gunther were frantically trying to land a grapple on it, but it was thrashing too much.

"Fuck," muttered Levi, redirecting from his sixth target. He blasted the gas to propel himself high into the air, instantaneously assessing the situation. Sonja was swinging in front of the titan's eyes as it thrashed, so he couldn't throw blades to blind it without risking that she might be impaled. That would be the easiest way to neutralize it.

"Sonja, let go," he yelled. "Eld, Gunther: catch her." He began to dive toward the titan's eyes.

Sonja released the hair and began to fall. Below her, Eld and Gunther prepared to intercept.

The titan stopped thrashing and dove forward, mouth opening wide.

There was a scream cut short by a loud, wet crunch, then Sonja's severed arm was flying through the air.

Levi roared and gauged out the titan's eyes. It staggered backwards; he leapt away and sank a grapple into its shoulder, then swung around. His blades cut deep into its nape.

It fell to the ground, its mouth lolling open. Sonja's remains rolled out, covered with a slick layer of slime. Her eyes were wide and blank.

 _Not again!_ The redness was closing in on Levi's vision now, and he wrestled it back. No, he couldn't give into his rage. He had to get everyone out alive.

"Gunther!" yelled Eld.

Levi's eyes snapped to the sound. Gunther stood on the ground staring at Sonya's remains, his skin pale.

"You idiot, _move!"_ Levi propelled himself forward to take out a titan closing in on the shocked soldier. Eld downed another beside him by cutting out its ankles; Levi swooped in to finish it off.

One last titan toppled in his periphery, and then it was over.

The survivors stared at one another, drenched in steaming blood, as the remains around them began to dissolve.

Mike walked up to Levi, wiping blood off his cheek. He shook his head, grimacing.

"Who?" asked Levi.

"Jan."

"Shit," said Levi. "Sonja."

"Shit."

They stared at the steaming remains for a moment longer, silent. On the far side of the meadow, the last of the Survey Corps formation passed through.

Levi strode forward and grabbed Sonja's remains by the wrist, dragging them toward the horse. Wordlessly, Mike did the same for Jan.

"Everyone saddle up," said Levi. "We got this group, but no telling how many more are out there." He slung Sonja's body over her horse, tying it in place by her harnesses. "Eld, lead her horse."

"Sir." The man's face was pale, but his jaw was tight. Determined. He had already come so far since their last outing.

They rode toward the rest of the group, pushing hard to reclaim their positions.

"Stay back by the carts for now," said Levi to his strike team. He rode ahead to catch up with Erwin.

The Commander's eyes stayed fixed on the horizon. "Impressive work. We got everyone through safely, and that particular cluster won't be bothering us again."

"Sonja and Jan are dead," said Levi.

Erwin finally looked at him. "I see." It was his cold, professional gaze, and Levi longed for a spark of sympathy, just a spark -- anything to let him know he wasn't alone.

"I gave the order that got Sonja killed," said Levi, feeling his composure begin to crack.

The Commander studied him for a moment longer, then looked forward again. "Is your focus compromised?"

"Of course not."

"Then we'll discuss it later. Dismissed, Squad Leader."

"Sir," said Levi, because if the man was going to be distant and formal, then he'd get it right back.

He dropped back to ride with his squad, his stomach churning.

.*.*.*.

Erwin felt a wave of relief as they closed in on the checkpoint. His composure was at its limits. The ride past the meadow had been harrowing, with constant redirections that had added an hour to their journey. Still, the formation had done its job; despite the many sightings, they hadn't clashed with any other titans.

The checkpoint was as decrepit as Hange and Levi had said, but the wall around it was solid. As the troops cared for the horses and began to patrol the area, Erwin brought his officers to an old room with a large table and a few chairs. The first task was to update their roster. He began to flip through the roster, marking off names. Four casualties: two from Berit's squad, one from Mike's, one from Levi's. The three of them looked grim, their eyes downcast.

"Considering how much strife we faced today, these losses are far fewer than I anticipated," said Erwin. "All four of you did well out there. Mike and Levi, I know I originally said I wanted you to begin your daily scouting operations today, but I think it's more valuable for you to rest. The information from last week's scouting mission should be sufficient for the first two silos. The scouting operations will become more important later, anyway, when we approach the silos we didn't scout in advance."

As his gaze drifted between them, he saw Levi's face twisting. _He's upset about Sonja._ His heart ached for the man. He knew how sensitive Levi was about death.

Now wasn't the time to console him, however. He rolled out the map and began to walk them through instructions for the next day.

Once the orders were clear, the officers gathered the troops in the large common room downstairs. Erwin began to brief everyone on the next day's objectives while they ate, then handed the floor to Berit, who assigned watch duties and patrols.

As she finished speaking, he wove his way over to Levi, who was leaning against the back corner of the room, staring absently at the floor.

Erwin leaned against the wall beside him. "You aren't eating?"

Levi shrugged, not looking up. "In a bit."

"Would you care to accompany me for a walk? I want to discuss a few things with you."

"I can't do this right now."

Erwin stood tall, clasping his hands behind his back. "Do 'this'?"

"Hear a bullshit speech about how it was for the greater good, and everyone here is prepared to offer their beating hearts for humanity." Levi's mouth twisted. "Not yet."

Taken aback, Erwin tried to study him, but the man refused to lift his head.

"Very well," he said finally. "When you want to talk, come find me." He reached out to squeeze the man's shoulder. "Don't be too hard on yourself."

The only response he got was a shrug.

Stomach sinking, Erwin left him alone. He brought his rations to the makeshift office, settling onto a stone bench. Afternoon bled into evening as he logged the day's events and expenses, then adjusted the formation to fill the gaps left behind by the deceased. Once all that was done, he pored over the next day's mission, memorizing every detail. The more information he held in his mind, the less time he'd waste consulting notes and maps. Every second counted on the field.

An hour after nightfall, a knock sounded on the door. He lifted his head and saw Levi standing in the doorframe.

"Come in."

Levi stepped into the room and closed the door. He was still staring at the floor, dark circles under his eyes.

"You should be resting," said Erwin.

The man shrugged. "Can't sleep."

"Would you like to go for a walk?"

Another shrug. "Okay."

They fell into step as they left the base, pacing along the perimeter of the wall. The sky was clear, the stars bright. It reminded Erwin of the night they had sat on the rooftop together, before the last expedition.

Levi folded his arms over his chest. "She followed my orders and died, right in front of me."

"Here." Erwin pointed to a wooden bench, damp, mossy and rotting. Levi's nose wrinkled, his disgust apparently overwhelming his grief.

"I'm not sitting on that."

Erwin unbuttoned his cloak and slung it across the bench. "Better?"

"You're getting it dirty for nothing," said Levi, but he sat.

Erwin sat next to him, close enough to feel the man's body heat. Feeling relaxed for the first time since they had left the gates, he leaned forward, elbows on his thighs, hands hanging loosely between them. "Autonomy is a double-edged sword, Levi. It leaves us free to make mistakes. You have to keep in mind that you made the best decision you could with the knowledge you had at the time."

"I know." Levi leaned forward, too, mirroring his posture. "I've tried to live my life by that code: we never know how things are going to turn out, so we have to make the best decisions we can and look back on them without regrets." His head bowed. "But I've never been good with death."

If they were in private, Erwin would have drawn him in for a hug, but there were other soldiers on patrol. "It gets easier."

Levi looked up at him, his eyes wide. "Easier? If someone dies because of me, I don't want my grief to get _easier_."

"I meant that it gets easier to keep pushing forward, to ignore it and stay focused on how their sacrifices will aid humanity as a whole."

"I know what you meant, but if someone around me dies, I should feel it. I deserve to feel it. Besides, pushing everything down just sounds like a recipe to have it build up and explode out at the wrong time."

Erwin fell silent.

After a few minutes, Levi stood. "I'm going to bed."

"You're a good man, Levi."

"What?"

Erwin looked up at him and let his mask drop, let all his insecurity and vulnerability show on his face. "I don't know how you keep moving forward while you're feeling so much. I can only keep going if I shut down my emotions entirely, bury them in goals." He swallowed hard. "I'm not very emotionally accessible out here. I'm sorry."

Levi's face softened. "I know you feel deaths more than you pretend. Do what you need to do, okay?" He glanced around them, then reached out and ran his hand along Erwin's jaw. Erwin caught it and turned his face into it to kiss his palm. The skin smelled like leather.

Their hands trailed as they stepped apart.

He watched Levi walk away, and his heart pounded in his throat. He thought of Anke, of the four he had lost that day, of Henrik, of his father. After so many years focusing on repressing his emotions, he had mastered the skill. He was so disconnected now, so into his expedition state of mind, that he felt nothing. He stared up at the stars, feeling a deep connection to the empty spaces between them.

Eventually, he began to shiver so hard that his teeth were chattering. He stood and shook out his cloak.

The troops were lined up in the sleeping area, bedrolls pressed tightly together for warmth. Levi was already asleep, curled up against Hange's back. Mike was on his other side, but he moved over to make room when Erwin approached.

"Thanks." Erwin wedged his bedroll between them and wormed into place, pulling the thin blanket over his body. It was too short; his feet poked out at the end. He rolled onto his side and shifted closer to Levi.

The man stirred and edged back against him. He was so warm that Erwin slipped an arm under Levi's blanket, pulling him in close.

"Mm," murmured Levi.

"Still awake?" whispered Erwin, but the only reply was soft snoring. He tightened his arm around the man. The world began to shrink until it was just him, and Levi, and the warm promise of sleep.

.*.*.*.

They arose at dawn the next morning. Erwin addressed the Squad and Team Leaders over breakfast, ensuring they were up to date on the day's mission information. He called out the likely titan movements as recorded by Levi and Hange, as well as past data on the area.

Levi seemed to be back to his usual self, if maybe a bit quieter than usual. Then again, things had changed so much since their last expedition that Erwin was no longer sure what was normal for the man when he was on the field. Everyone wore a mask out here, and everyone's demeanour changed.

He pulled Levi aside as everyone was saddling up the horses. "How are you doing today, Levi?"

The man shrugged. "Fine."

Erwin held his gaze for a moment longer, hating the way their interactions had changed since they had left the wall. Their barriers might be necessary, but so was the bond between them. _We can use it to our advantage; we should be helping and supporting each other out here._ A little hand hold and innocent night-time cuddling weren't enough.

He leaned closer. "Come find me tonight. I need to speak with you privately."

Levi's face softened. "Okay."

Erwin squeezed the man's muscular shoulder, then turned away.

They set out a short while later. The titans were more active in this area than they had been on the first leg of the trip. The front lines saw no strife, but red and black flares frequently went up from the flanks, no matter which way he redirected. When several went up in a row, he knew the flanks must be engaging. Runners brought him details after each encounter. By the time they were approaching the silo, there had been two casualties.

This silo was located on the fringes of an abandoned town. Berit's squad was to dismount here and travel through the town by 3DMG, ensuring there were no titans hiding among the buildings. Wherever humans had been clustered, titans often remained, as if driven by some distant memory that the spot had, once upon a time, been a source of food.

The remaining squads formed a perimeter around the silo. Given the proximity to town, Erwin expected this silo to be empty, raided by fleeing citizens. He was pleasantly surprised to see that the military locks had held fast. Once the area was secure, he waved Levi over. The man expertly opened the lock, then stood beside him as the teams began to recover the supplies.

"If I see anyone carrying live round boxes stacked on top of each other," said Levi, "I am going to kick them in the face."

"Might want to wait until after they've set the rounds down," said Erwin.

"Ah, so you did bring your sense of humour with you. I thought you'd left it at home."

"I try to keep it buried, but it has a way of surfacing when you're around."

Levi shook his head. "You know people died back there, right?"

"I do." The smirk faded from his lips. "I am grateful for their sacrifice."

"There was an abnormal. Took out two people before my team dropped it." Levi folded his arms over his chest, watching the steady stream of goods leaving the silo. "Eld and Gunther took it down together. They're really getting their shit together."

"I'm sure your competence inspires them," said Erwin.

Levi glanced up at him. "Maybe."

They continued to supervise the recovery. Every minute or two, Erwin would look up at Mike, who was standing watch atop the tower. The man shook his head each time, confirming that there were no titans in the area.

"I hope they're all this easy," muttered Levi.

"That would certainly be nice."

As the stream of soldiers ended, Hange and Nifa approached, paper in hand.

"Sir," said Nifa. "There were six extra coin boxes and two additional gas canisters."

"Thank you, Nifa. Good work." He turned to Hange. "Make sure the goods are secured. Levi, tell Berit to gather everyone keeping watch in the village. We'll head out for the second silo in fifteen minutes."

As he returned to his horse, he tried not to be overly confident. They were ahead of schedule now, but who knew what would happen by the time they reached the second silo?

At least they had found more coin than expected. Lining the pockets of both the King and Sahlo would increase their trust in him. He hoped the other silos would be this bountiful.

The trip to the second silo was hampered by mud, but it was almost completely uneventful. This door was rusted shut, and they ended up damaging two gas canisters when they knocked it down. Still, the rest of the goods were in decent shape, and as they headed back to the base, Erwin was optimistic. This was a strong start to the expedition.

Once they returned, Mike and Levi's strike teams took a short break, then headed out to scout the next day's silos. They returned a few hours later with updated information. Erwin adjusted the plans, then met with the officers, who then relayed the information to their teams.

As it began to get dark outside, Levi entered Erwin's office, letting out a loud yawn. "You wanted to see me?"

"Close the door," said Erwin, standing.

"It doesn't lock." The door shut. "Not that that ever stopped us before."

Erwin circled the table and strode across the room.

Levi looked up as he approached, mouth flat. "Don't try anything. I'm dirty as hell."

"I just want to hug you." Erwin pulled him in close, pressing a kiss into the top of the dark hair. It was already greasy and strong with Levi's natural scent. A low rumble sounded in his throat before he could stop himself.

"Hey." Levi pushed back, eyes narrowing up at him. "Don't get carried away."

"Not at all?" asked Erwin, surprised. "We're going to be celibate for the entire expedition?"

"Do you know how disgusting and dirty our assholes are getting out here? We're going to get dick infections if we try anything."

"Dick infections," repeated Erwin, amused by his delicate word choice. "There are other options besides sex, you realize."

"Didn't you smell how disgusting I was when I showered after the scouting mission? I don't care what's involved: I'm going to stink." Levi shrugged. "We'll just take care of things ourselves and fuck like rabbits when we get back home."

"I was hoping for something a bit more intimate."

Levi flopped into a chair and leaned back, tipping it back on two legs. "What did you and Henrik used to do?"

"What?" asked Erwin, surprised.

"On long expeditions. Could help us figure out how to handle this."

It had been many years since he had even considered it, and it took him a few seconds to recall. Ah yes, there it was: frantic groping in alcoves while Mike stood guard. "We decided to risk the dick infections."

Levi's nose wrinkled. "Disgusting."

"How about this?" Erwin paced around the chair to Levi's back and pressed both hands onto his shoulders, bending down to murmur into his ear. "You kneel on the floor and touch yourself. I'll sit behind you and bury my face in your hair. That way, I'll be too busy enjoying the sun-baked, wind-swept scent of your hair to smell anything you might be self-conscious about." He breathed in, relishing the scent.

The shoulders stiffened beneath his hands. "What about you?"

"I could rut against your ass."

"Sounds like a good way to get rug burn."

"I'll be careful." Remembering the unlocked door, Erwin pulled away. "We'll need a private place -- know of one that would work?"

Levi stood. "There's a room down the hall that has a lock. Follow me."

The slipped into the hallway, then sneaked down to a room at the end. Levi locked the door. Erwin pressed him against it, then tried to find his mouth in the dark. His lips landed several centimetres too high; before he could correct himself, Levi's hand pressed to his chest to stop him.

"I haven't brushed my teeth since we left."

Erwin felt a wave of frustration. "Levi, I really don't mind."

"Well, I do, so knock it off."

Swallowing back his frustration, Erwin sat, pulling Levi down into his lap. He buried his face in the slim neck, his hips rocking.

"Shit," breathed Levi. His arms snaked around Erwin's shoulders. "I didn't realize how horny I was."

Erwin was too busy kissing the salty skin of his neck to reply. He felt a moan building in his throat, but didn't let it sound. As isolated as this dark room might seem, there was an entire regiment of soldiers downstairs who could wander upstairs at any moment.

"Here," whispered Levi, pushing away. There was a shuffling noise in the darkness, then he added, "Sit behind me."

Erwin slid into place behind him, his thighs on either side of the small body. He slipped a hand beneath Levi's jacket and grabbed his chest, feeling the muscle through the dress shirt. The harness was in the way, and he was tempted to unbuckle it, but that was a slippery slope.

"Touch yourself," he whispered.

He heard a zipper, then Levi's body began to jerk with quick, rhythmic motion. The room was so quiet that Erwin could hear soft puffs breath, the sound of moving skin.

Erwin began to grind against Levi's ass. He buried his face in the dark hair and gripped the man's chest. A glow began to build in his abdomen.

It quickly became apparent that chafing was, indeed, going to be a problem. He kissed the back of Levi's head and then leaned back, pulling himself out of his pants. As he began to touch himself, his breath escaped in a long shudder.

Levi grunted, squirming back against him. "I'm already close."

"Good. Don't hold back."

"Fuck. Feels good when you grab my chest like that."

Erwin groped the man's chest with one hand, the other moving faster. "Like that?'

"Yeah. Fuck." Levi's body was tightening. "Shit, just a sec. Where's my handkerchief?" The sounds and body movements suggested he was rummaging through his clothes. "Okay, found it."

Erwin's teeth clenched as he felt himself getting close. "Can I use it when you're done?"

"I guess. You're in charge of washing it, then. I'm not carrying around our dirty cum rag."

"Keep saying romantic things like that, and I might go off right now."

"Fucking hilarious." Levi began to hunch forward, his chest rock-hard. "Oh, shit. I'm close. I'm close..."

Erwin tried to reply, but he grunted instead. He buried his mouth in Levi's hair, trying to muffle himself.

"Shit. I'm going to-" Levi doubled over, his body tensing. A few seconds later, he relaxed. His chest muscles twitched sporadically against Erwin's palm. "Fuck," he breathed.

"I wish I could have seen your face," whispered Erwin, closing his eyes. "Where's the handkerchief?"

"Here."

A folded cloth slid against the hand gripping Levi's chest. Erwin grabbed the cloth and pulled away, biting his lip as he emptied into it.

"Shit," he gasped when he finally remembered to breathe.

"Kind of anticlimactic, huh?" Levi leaned back against him.

 Erwin took a long breath, then set the rag aside and awkwardly fastened his pants. "A bit impersonal. At least it's not as lonely as masturbating alone. When we get back to Trost, we can make love for hours."

"I'm going to eat you out until you forget your own name."

"I look forward to it." As pleasing as the mental image was, what he missed most was the strong sense of connection between them. He knew the emotional distance was largely his fault. "Thank you for this, Levi. I apologize if I've been a bit distant."

"No, I get it. You have a lot to think about when you're out here." Levi snuggled back against him.

"You're certainly agreeable right now."

"Well, I just came." Levi paused. "But I'm also tired as fuck, and we've been gone from the others a long time."

"Yeah, we should head to bed." Erwin gave him one last tight hug, then stood.

Once they had tidied themselves up and retrieved the handkerchief, they parted ways. Erwin went over one last set of plans, then went downstairs, sandwiching himself carefully between a snoring Mike and a slumbering Levi. Within seconds of his eyes closing, he, too, drifted to sleep.

.*.*.*.

The days began to pass, blending into a rhythm: wake, relay the day's mission over breakfast, head out, silo one, silo two, discuss the aftermath and casualties. Then Mike and Levi's strike teams would head out to scout the next day's silos, reporting back with details. Erwin would modify the mission, meet with his officers, eat dinner, plan some more, and then sleep.

Every second night, he would pull Levi aside for more impersonal, take-the-edge-off time, but he found himself missing him a little more each time, not less. He missed Levi's kiss more than anything, and began to dream of secreting him away for a few hours so they could make out like a couple of teenagers. Still, they had other priorities.

The mission, at least, was proceeding well. Within ten days, they had successfully retrieved the contents of every silo near the first checkpoint. One had apparently been raided during the evacuation to Wall Rose, and another didn't contain half the contents on the roster, but the others had been bountiful.  Now it was time to proceed to the second checkpoint further south, where the two remaining silos held enormous caches. Their supplies would make up more than half of their total haul; they were critical to the success of this mission, as well as to the plans to reclaim Wall Maria down the road.

And so, he felt his optimism waning when Levi and Mike returned on the tenth evening with bad news about the route to the second checkpoint.

"The area's still waterlogged," said Levi, handing him a piece of paper. "Eld and Nanaba recorded all the sinkholes."

"Still," murmured Erwin, studying the paper. "That's unfortunate."

"Yeah. And the checkpoint is a crumbling piece of shit. The wall around it is intact, but that's about it. We'll be sleeping in rubble."

"I see." Erwin frowned. "How dangerous is the gorge between here and the checkpoint?"

"It's a death trap. We're lucky we had this guy," said Levi, nodding up at Mike. "He kept us up to date on where the titans were around us. The gorge is too deep to give visibility, and too steep to travel easily between the ledge and the depths. Any teams riding above to scout will be stuck on their own up there."

The situation was exactly as Hange had suggested a couple weeks ago, when he had first been drafting up the mission. Erwin's brow furrowed. "I see. How long did it take you to pass through?"

"About thirty minutes," said Mike.

Erwin doubled that in his mind to account for the carts: an hour. That was a long time to be in territory that had no easy escape route. "What are your gut feelings on this one? Can we do it?"

Mike shrugged. "We've been through worse."

"Yeah, getting to the checkpoint won't be so bad," said Levi. "Not sure about what's after it, though."

Erwin drummed his fingers on the paper, weighing the pros and the cons. If their current loss rate held steady -- one percent of their forces per day -- they'd lose an additional four percent of their forces: one day to travel to the checkpoint and secure it, one day for each of the silos, then one day to return back to the first checkpoint.

Then again, they had already lost ten percent, so an extra four was acceptable given the enormous caches awaiting them. They were already well under his projected casualties for this point in the mission. Besides, if they came back for the caches later, who knew how many lives they'd spend getting to this point again? Doing it all in one expedition was the best way to minimize casualties in the long run.

His eyes wandered across the scouting team members who were brushing down the horses, and he wondered how many of their young lives he was about to forfeit.

"Thanks for the information," he said aloud. "I'm going to take a couple hours to process this. We'll have an officer's meeting first thing in the morning to discuss our next steps. You're dismissed."

Mike nodded and turned away, but Levi glanced around, then stepped closer.

"Anything else to discuss with me tonight?"

Erwin gave him a kind smile. "Not tonight, I'm afraid. This is a lot of information to process, so I need to stay focused."

"Okay. Maybe tomorrow night, then?" The man half-turned away, surveying the soldiers around them, as if making sure no one would overhear. His voice was low: "There's a patch of wild mint in the garden behind the next checkpoint. If we chew it, it might almost be as good as toothpaste."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I need to fucking kiss you. I'm sick of just jerking off together like we're two strangers at a strip club."

Erwin's brows rose. "I'm not sure what kind of strip clubs they have in the Underground, but that's not what people usually-"

"Look, you know what I mean." The man's shoulders rounded. "I need more. I know we're supposed to stay focused, and death is all around us, so maybe I'm being selfish, but-"

"Levi." Erwin squeezed his shoulder, letting his professional facade drop. "I know exactly what you mean. I miss you."

Levi looked up at him, face softening. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." His throat was tightening. He gave one more squeeze, then withdrew his hand. "We'll revisit this tomorrow night. Depending how this push goes, we might not be in the mood."

"Or we might need a distraction even more than we do now."

Erwin looked across the soldiers again, the lives he was going to willingly offer up, and his jaw tightened.

Foregoing his usual group meeting over dinner, Erwin stayed in his makeshift office until the oil burned low, sliding wooden markers across the map. He was hopeful there was another way to the checkpoint and silos that wouldn't take him through the dangerous gorge, but the terrain made his decisions for him: the only way around the gorge was a route that would take the formation a good ten hours out of the way. Not only was that a gruelling distance for both the horses and their riders, but the territory was un-scouted. Known danger was always safer than a complete unknown.

He awoke at dawn with his cheek pressed to the map, a crick in his neck, and no confidence in his plan.

Before breakfast, he summoned the officers. They gathered around the table, faces worn and grim, which wasn't all that surprising. At this point in a lengthy expedition, it was common for fatigue and despair to set in.

"Today," he said, "we're going to leave the recovered goods here, for now, and head south to the second checkpoint with only our food, water and medical supplies. Two remaining silos there hold a bounty of goods, almost the same amount as what we've already salvaged. We'll hit those silos one day at a time, which means five short days from now, we will be home. At that point, I will be heading to the Capital with Levi to report on our success, and the rest of you will be entitled to several days off to recuperate."

A wave of relief washed over them; he could see their stances relaxing and frowns lessening, even Levi's. Having an end goal to push to was always better for morale than an indefinite task.

"Our biggest challenge today will be this gorge." He traced his finger along the map. "It will take us about an hour to pass through. Much of it is too steep for the horses to climb up or down, and dangerous for 3DMG use, so we should treat this as a route with three separate tracks: the eastern cliff, the western cliff, and the central track inside the gorge itself. The cliffs have too many narrow segments for the carts, so we'll have to take them down the centre. This leaves them blind to titan ambushes from above, so we'll need interference groups on the eastern and western tracks. I recognize this is less than ideal, but there is no easy defensive solution. Here is my proposal."

Four pairs of eyes locked onto him, waiting expectantly.

Erwin traced the paths with his finger. "Berit and Hange, you will ride with the carts down the centre of the gorge. I want half your teams in the vanguard, half in the rearguard. Your task, above all else, is to protect the carts and the supplies they carry.

"Mike, you'll be riding along the eastern cliff, Levi, along the western. Your teams will be spotting and eliminating any titan threats before they can ambush the carts. You may be required to switch to 3DMG and aid Berit and Hange as needed. I don't think I need to tell you how difficult the gear is to use in rocky terrain, so be careful.

"As for me, I'll be riding alongside Mike. His nose will warn us of impending danger, and I can use that information to direct the group. Our options will be limited to speed, not direction, and I may at any time signal for us to break into a full run. Our objective is to get as many people and supplies to the checkpoint as we can, so our tactics will focus on fleeing, rather than engaging, where possible."

There was a long silence.

"I don't like the idea of you being that exposed," said Levi. "You should be with the carts." His brow was furrowed, a tiny twitch in his lips.

Erwin held his gaze. "I need to have the best vantage point possible, so I need to be on high ground."  
"I'll make sure he's safe," said Mike quietly.

The Squad Leaders stared at each other for a few seconds, then Levi nodded. "Okay."

"Any other concerns?" asked Erwin. When he was met with a long silence, he stood tall, clasping his hands behind his back. "Please relay these details to your teams during breakfast. We'll be using the morning to safely stow the goods we rescued from the silos, and we'll be departing at noon. Dismissed."

As three Squad Leaders filed from the room, Levi stayed behind. Hange, the last one out, glanced back at them and then softly closed the door.

"I'm sorry, Levi," said Erwin. "I don't like leaving your squad so exposed, but I need your skills. You'll be protecting all of us."

Levi surprised him; he closed the distance between them and pressed his cheek against Erwin's chest. "You didn't come to bed last night."

"I fell asleep here." Erwin hugged him tightly, wishing they had time to hold each other for a few minutes, but they had other tasks. He released him. "We'll talk tonight. You need to relay the plans to your team, and I need to think of contingency plans for this leg of the journey."

"Yeah, okay." Levi stepped back, his face solemn. "Make sure you eat something. If you pass out from hunger, we're all fucked."

"I'll eat. I promise." Maybe he'd even chew a few coffee beans to help him stay alert – he had smuggled a small pouch of them in his saddlebag.

"Good. Don't forget, we have plans tonight." Levi caught his bolo tie and pulled him down, pressing a kiss to his cheekbone. It was such an unexpectedly gentle move that Erwin's throat tightened.

Then, without looking back, the Squad Leader left the room.

Erwin's hands curled into fists as he returned to the map. There would be time to acknowledge the butterflies in his stomach later. For now, he had work to do.

.*.*.*.

They set out shortly before noon, travelling in the long distance scouting formation as long as the landscape would allow. It felt good to be riding alongside Mike like the olden days, when the man had been a Team Leader on Erwin's squad. No words passed between the old friends, but Erwin felt a bond nonetheless. They read each other well on the battlefield, instinctively following each other's cues.

The cliffs of the gorge rose ahead of them, and Erwin stared. "Gorge" was an understatement -- canyon would have been more appropriate. Even when Wall Maria had stood, this area had been largely uninhabited due to the harsh terrain, so this was his first time seeing it face-to-face. For a moment, he felt intimidated. _This isn't a place for humans._

Remembering himself, he looked across the faces of his troops and saw trepidation on their faces. He sat tall.

"Shelter and rest awaits us on the other side! Deploy the special formation." He thrust his right arm out, showing as much strength as he could muster.

A note of understanding rang out from the troops as they split into three. To the west, Erwin could see Levi leading his team to the cliff, knuckles white on the reins. The man looked up at him, and they exchanged a nod. _Stay safe._

The eastern ledge overlooking the gorge was narrower than Erwin had anticipated; in places, it was only safe to ride through two at a time. He cocked his head at Mike, who nodded and fell into place beside him, the two of them taking the lead. Below them, Erwin could see the defensive teams and the carts, and in his periphery, he saw Levi's squad. The terrain on the western side gave Levi's team a wider gap, and he was grateful. The more manoeuvring room the team had, the less precarious their positions if anything went wrong.

"Halfway," said Mike after awhile, pointing at an old gnarled tree growing out the cliff face. He must have mentally used that as a route marker when he was scouting.

Erwin glanced across the group, feeling uneasy. Perhaps it made sense that there were no titans in this area, given that there had never been any settlements -- there were no remnants of humans to attract hungry titans. Not that anyone was certain what attracted them in the first place. Fresh corpses didn't draw their attention, and neither did animals of any kind. _It's almost as if they can smell our souls._

"Erwin," said Mike, his voice urgent.

Erwin's eyes locked onto him. "Which direction?"

"West. Lots, coming our way."

His breath caught. He looked across the gap at Levi, then cursed. There were trees lining the western side of the cliff; he didn't have a clear line of sight. The cliffs were too far apart and too steep to send a messenger over by 3DMG.

Setting his jaw, he clicked a green flare into his gun and aimed it forward, along the route of the gorge. _If he sees me signal, he'll know something's amiss._

The coloured smoke hissed through the air. Berit fired an answering round from below.

Moments later, a green round went out from Levi's position behind the wall of trees.

Breathing hard, Erwin increased their pace. "You think we can get soldiers over there if he needs help?"

Mike's jaw slid out at an angle, as if he were considering it. "It's a dangerous shot down to the carts, and another from the carts to the cliff line, and then we'd be sitting ducks over there without horses. We might lose more people than we save."

Erwin held his gaze for a moment, then turned back toward Levi. The wall of trees had ended, so they had a clear line of sight again. The Squad Leader held out both his arms in an exaggerated shrug as if to say, _what's going on?_

Erwin clicked a blade into place and motioned past Levi, to the west. The man nodded and turned to face his squad, presumably to relay the message.

"He's capable," said Mike.

"He is," said Erwin, but his heart was thudding in his chest.

.*.*.*.

Levi clicked a black round into his flare gun, just in case they encountered an abnormal. His squad could hold the line against a sizeable group of normal, predictable titans, but one or two abnormals could change everything. He didn't see an easy way for anyone to come to their aid, but at least they could warn the others in case their line fell. They had to protect the carts and the bulk of the Survey Corps at all costs.

The hills along their western flank flattened into open land, and that's when Levi first saw the approaching titans. There were nine of them, all between 3- and 7-metre class, charging toward them. They were too widely spaced for Levi to ricochet between them. His throat tightened. _That's a fucking army._

"Shit," whimpered Gunther.

 _What the fuck do we do?_ Levi glanced across the gorge at Erwin, whose face, even from this distance, was visibly pale. He saw a glint of metal as the man waved forward: _run._

"We're going to try to outrun them." Levi turned to address the group. "Go, as fast as you can. Strike team, with me; we'll form the rear flank. We'll engage, if we have to. All other teams: keep pace with the group, and stand your ground if they get past us. If you see a white flare, that means your primary directive is to abandon your horses, drop down to the carts and get the fuck out." If it came down to it, the strike team could buy them time. Their priority right now was to save as many lives as possible, even if that meant sacrificing a small subset of his squad so the majority could flee.

"Shit!" whimpered Gunther again, and Levi silently echoed the sentiment.

He thrust out his arm. "Go!"

The rest of the teams burst past him, opening into a gallop. Levi and his strike team fell to the rear. In his periphery, he saw Erwin and the carts speed up.

"Sir," yelled Eld, his voice wobbling. "They're too spaced out. If we engage one, the others will surround us."

"We don't need to kill them, just neutralize them: go for eyes, knees, ankles, anything that will slow them down. Pick them off one at a time. Work in pairs. Eld and Gunther, Nadya and Anton. I'll take out as many as I can alone." His throat ached. _We needed Sonja here-_ No, that thought could wait for another time.

The titans were closing in. Levi's breaths came in short blasts, his conscious thought fading to the background, instinct taking over...

He veered toward the titans, swords drawn.

The first pair of soldiers rode to the closest titan, the second pair to the second closest. Levi went for the third. His anchor slammed into its forehead and he leapt off the horse, using a burst of gas to propel himself around to the titan's back. The anchor released, and he pulled into a spin as he dropped, carving out its weak spot. It was a sloppy cut, and the angle dulled his blades.

The next titan was too far away to hit with his grapple, and there weren't any objects in the environment he could use for height advantage. Well, his blades were dull, anyway. He mounted and ran toward it, then, when he was close enough, flung the dull blades at it. They stabbed deep into its eyes; it howled and dropped to a seat on the ground, clawing at its face.

Eld and Gunther began to ride toward it as if to finish it off, but Levi yelled, "It's down! Get the next one." They nodded and rode for the fifth. Nadya and Anton burst past them, riding for the sixth.

Levi charged toward the seventh, but then his stomach dropped.

More titans were approaching from the rear -- six of them, between three- and ten-metre class. At least one of them was moving at a higher speed than usual, barrelling toward them.

_A fucking abnormal._

He fired the black round into the air.

Erwin's answer came a moment later: a green round, aimed forward. _He wants us to run._

Levi gritted his teeth. He fired a white round, signalling for the rest of the teams to drop down to the carts. _Save yourselves._

"Hold the line," he yelled to his strike team. "Give them time to get away."

The seventh and eighth titans dropped, and Levi felled the ninth, finishing off this swarm. The abnormal was still closing the ground between them, but the second swarm was far enough back to outrun. He wiped a smear of steaming blood from his forehead, filled with revulsion. _I might be able to take them all, if they stay clustered..._

But those weren't his orders.

The carts and the group were far ahead of them now. Most of his squad had, as ordered, used their gear to drop down to the carts. This was a good time to run.

"Strike team, take the horses," he yelled, pointing his blade south. His strike team began to whistle, and the horses fell into a herd behind them. Levi brought up the rear, constantly looking over his shoulder.

The gap between them and the swarm of titans began to widen, but that one abnormal was still gaining on them.

_I guess it's up to me._

Levi clicked fresh blades into place and fell back from the group.

"Squad Leader," yelled Nadya, her voice almost lost among the stampeding hoof beats. He glanced her way and saw the four soldiers staring at him with wide eyes.

"Keep running," he called. "If this one gets past me, take it out. Protect the group at all costs." If this abnormal decided to jump down to the centre of the gorge, it could cause horrendous destruction before anyone had time to drop it.

He could feel the reverberations of its footsteps, closer, closer...

The abnormal lunged at him.

He leapt from the saddle, expended a large burst of gas and pulled into a spin, razing up the beast's arm. An enormous hand slammed at him; Levi dodged just in time, leaping high into the air. His grapple sank into the nape of the titan's neck.

_You aren't so tough._

His blades sliced the flesh, and the titan sank to the ground.

He lifted his head and, through the steam, saw the advancing horde. Now that his battle instincts were fully awakened, there was the red fog of the blood thirst, the one that told him he could take on this entire swarm. He knew he could do it: he was too fast for them, too smart. He could ricochet from one to the other until they were nothing more than a pile of steaming, bloody remains. The idea made his muscles burn, his heart sing.

 _Those aren't my orders!_ It physically hurt to turn away. Breathing hard, he mounted his horse.

 _We don't have to run. I can take them out,_ said the red fog.

He stared straight ahead, at the team he had been tasked with keeping alive. His eyes drifted across the carts, where the rest of his squad was safely huddled, and finally, across to Erwin, far in the vanguard, his golden hair glowing in the sunlight.

 _If I throw my life into danger, he might risk these lives to try to save me,_ thought Levi. _Or, worse yet, he'll do nothing, and then spend the rest of his life blaming himself._

He couldn't do that to the man he loved.

He leaned forward, resolute, as the red fog dissipated. If Erwin wanted them to run, then they'd run.

As they pulled away from the titans, the gorge began to flatten. On the horizon, Levi could see the walls of the checkpoint.

Erwin only slowed them when they were about to close in on the walls. Levi stared back at the way they'd come.

The land was quiet. _We lost them._

They began to file through the gates: first the carts, then the horses. The soldiers who had fled began to mill between the horses, reuniting with their mounts.

"You showed good judgement back there, Levi," said Erwin's voice behind him. "Having the majority of the team drop down to the carts may very well have saved their lives, and your strike team kept the titans occupied so that they didn't consider venturing down the cliffs toward the carts. Good work."

Levi turned. The Commander was flanked by Mike, both of them grim-faced. "Are they still following us?"

"Not that Mike can tell," said Erwin, glancing at the Squad Leader as he mentioned him. "But I'm going to have him loop back before he begins this afternoon's scouting mission, just to double-check that they're no longer a threat. You're going to stay here. Your team has already seen enough action for one day, and we'll be tackling one silo a day out here, so we don't need both of you to scout."

"Okay." Normally, he would have protested, but his muscles were starting to realize just how much energy he had expended. Going into his battle trance was always so draining. "I can organize a cleaning crew instead."

Erwin looked as if he were about to stop him, but then caught himself. "Might as well." He gripped Levi's shoulder, and that grip was so tight that it conveyed everything his face didn't: fear, relief, concern.

Levi held his gaze. "We'll talk more tonight, after dinner?"

Erwin nodded, then turned and walked away.

.*.*.*.

Mike returned late in the afternoon with unpleasant news: the land between their new base and the first silo was laden with sinkholes. "Road washed out in a couple places, too." He handed Erwin a map.

The furniture was so battered that they'd had to make a makeshift table out of a door and two benches. Erwin gingerly unrolled the map, hoping the table would hold. Mike's team had clearly marked all the sinkholes they had come across. Erwin's brow furrowed; there was very little room to manoeuvre if they needed to avoid titans. This was going to take a lot of careful planning.

Not trusting his own judgement alone, he pulled Hange aside -- the Squad Leader seemed to be relieved to abandon Levi's cleaning tasks. By dinnertime, the two of them had locked down a route.

He spent dinner relaying the plan to the officers, then finished off a bit more paperwork. By the time Levi arrived in his office -- or rather, the crumbling remains of a room where they had set out the door-table -- night had already fallen.

Levi began to set his lamp on the door-table, then appeared to think better of it, holding it instead. "This whole place is a shitpile. You have time to take a break?"

Erwin stood tall and stretched his neck, which ached from hours of hunching over the table. "I'm not sure where we'll find any privacy." Large chunks of the checkpoint were missing, as if titans had smashed through it. The only remaining door was now functioning as his table.

"I saw a place. This way." Levi cocked his head toward the doorway.

They stepped into the hallway, where they were greeted by Hange. The Squad Leader's face was surprisingly gentle.

"Our guard," said Levi.

"Hange?" Erwin felt a blush creep up his face, and he hoped the yellow lamplight would hide it. "You don't have to-"

"It's fine." Hange smiled. "I told Levi I'd help protect some private time for the two of you."

"And you promised you weren't going to listen or sneak a peek," said Levi sternly.

Hange's nose wrinkled. "Are you kidding? I've already seen more than I ever wanted."

Erwin's cheeks burned. "This is highly unusual."

"Oh, relax. It's just sex," said Hange. There was a pause. "Sir."

His skin crawled, but he looked down at Levi, and decided the awkwardness would be worth it.

They walked down a long hallway, its corners lined with cobwebs. At the very end was a large room, scant remains of a stone wall jutting from its centre.

"I figure we can sit behind there," said Levi, motioning at the stone remains.

"It's not too dirty in here for you?" asked Erwin.

"We're already fucking filthy, and I've got other priorities right now."

"Well," said Hange, "I'll go wait at the end of the hall and make sure no one sneaks up this way. Just don't be too loud -- the sound will probably carry."

Erwin shifted on his feet, uncomfortable. "This is well beyond your duties as a Squad Leader."

"Consider it a favour. As a friend. Besides, Levi's much more bearable when he's getting laid." Hange quickly turned and marched down the hallway.

Still feeling a bit awkward, Erwin turned to face Levi, who was setting the lamp behind the stone rubble.

"Even if someone gets past shitgoggles somehow, this wall should shield us. Maybe we should turn off the lamp just in case?"

"No, I want to see your face." Erwin circled the rubble and sat, his knees creaking. He leaned back against the wall. A moment later, Levi sat beside him. He held out his hand, revealing several small green leaves.

"Take them."

Erwin grabbed them and began to chew. The mint taste was strong, cutting through the thick layer of grime inside his mouth. He used his tongue to scrub his teeth with the leaves, trying to clean it as much as possible. Beside him, he could see Levi doing the same with his own mouthful.

After a few minutes, he was convinced that his mouth was in kissable condition. He swallowed it, hoping the mint would settle his stomach as well. The constant stress had tied it in knots.

Levi swallowed, too.

For a moment, they sat side by side, the room silent except for their breaths. Erwin reached over to cover Levi's hand, which lay beside him on the ground. Their fingers intertwined.

"I miss you," he said quietly.

Levi turned to him, his irises glittering in the lamplight. The strong lights and shadows showcased the curve of his cheekbones, the sharpness of his jaw. Erwin's breath caught. _Even this deep into an expedition, he's still so beautiful._

"So?" said Levi, and Erwin could tell he was shy.

Summoning all his bravery, Erwin leaned down to kiss the narrow lips.

It was a foreign sensation at first, their lips chapped and rough, but then Levi's lips parted for him, and there was that familiar damp warmth, those slightly crooked teeth. Levi's breath was still strong even with the mint, but not unpleasant; the taste made Erwin's groin stir. He heard a small moan slide through his nose before he could catch it.

He pulled away, gasping for air, but Levi lunged forward and closed the gap again. These kisses were shallower, softer. A tongue soothed his dry lips, then finally probed deeper. It felt so good to kiss like this, knowing they weren't going to be able to have sex -- the denial made it even more arousing. Erwin felt as if he were a lovestruck boy, existing in a time when kissing was the ultimate form of expressing love, of experimentation.

Levi pulled back and rested his forehead against Erwin's. "What are you doing to me?"

"Hm?" Erwin rolled his head forward to kiss the tip of the pointy nose.

"I'm sitting in filth, our faces are chapped to shit, and we're just kissing, but it feels..." Levi breathed in, his eyes fluttering closed.

"It feels good?" Erwin nipped at the tip of his nose this time.

"So fucking good." Their lips met again once, twice. "I could kiss you all night."

Erwin ran the pads of his fingers along the narrow jaw. "Then don't stop." He lifted Levi onto his lap and bent forward to kiss him again.

Gradually, as their kisses progressed, the innocence began to fall away. Levi shifted in his lap, and Erwin's hips rocked, just once, and soon they fell into a rhythm. Friction built between them, almost painful, as their hands became claws. Their kisses deepened, tongues rubbing together, teeth digging in.

Levi tore his mouth away to whisper frantically, "I need to come."

"Touch yourself." Erwin kissed his jaw, his neck.

"That's not enough." The man's hand twisted into the bolo tie and pushed Erwin away. For a moment, the frenzy paused. Their gaze held, their chests heaving with breaths.

"Levi?" asked Erwin gently.

"It's not enough. I need more." The narrow brows pinched. "But the smell..."

"Here." Erwin pulled off his jacket and laid it across their laps.

"What are you-?"

"We can be closer without exposing ourselves to any unpleasant scents." Erwin fumbled beneath his jacket to undo Levi's belts and fly, pulling him out of his pants. With his other hand, he did the same to himself.

"Fuck," whispered Levi, shifting his position until they touched, the jacket still covering them both. His skin was burning hot, and so soft; Erwin threw his head back, choking back a groan. His hand wrapped around both of them and began to stroke.

Levi cursed again, closing his fingers over Erwin's, the two hands moving in unison beneath the jacket. Their eyes locked, and for the first time since they had set out on the expedition, Erwin felt that strong connection he had been craving. He bent forward to kiss Levi, his hand speeding up. Normally, the awkward contact wouldn't be enough to bring him to orgasm -- not easily, anyway -- but that shared connection was pushing him forward.

Levi threw his head back; his eyelids began to flutter, his lips flared. "Your jacket... We're going to fuck it up. I'm already wet."

Liquid trailed down Erwin's knuckles, and he felt himself begin to fall. "Levi," he whispered. "Levi, I can't-"

"Shit, I'm going to come." Levi tossed the jacket aside, using his hand to tilt their aim.

As the first pulse rippled through Erwin, he fought to keep his eyes open a crack. They came together against the stone wall, and the sight was so arousing that he couldn't hold back a moan. He could feel Levi pulse against him in their joined hands, could hear Levi's breath escape in a silent scream.

Then everything was still.

Slowly, he regained control over his body and his breaths. His eyes closed, his head slumping forward. A moment later, he felt Levi's forehead rest against his.

"What a mess," muttered Levi. "We got some on your pants."

"It's okay."

"And the wall looks like-"

Erwin didn't want to hear whatever crass comparison was certain to come. He grabbed Levi's cravat and pulled him in, delivering a chain of gentle kisses to his lips.

"Mm." Levi pulled back. "Trying to shut me up?"

"Maybe at first. Now I can't stop." He tilted his head for a few more pecks, then leaned into a firm final kiss. "Levi, I want nothing more than to curl up with you and kiss you all night."

"But?"

"But we should clean up and get some rest. Tomorrow's mission is sure to be difficult."

"I guess. Part of me wishes we could just stay here all night." Levi ran a finger down Erwin's nose, his expression sad. Erwin felt melancholy swell in the pit of his stomach. _If only we lived in a world where we didn't have to prioritize humanity's happiness over our own._

"Come on," he said, standing.

By the time they were dressed, Erwin could feel his professional demeanour falling back into place. He stood in front of Levi, not sure what to say.

"Stay safe tomorrow," he said finally.

"Yeah, you too." Levi's face was impassive, the earlier sadness buried. It was difficult to stay vulnerable out here.

With one final kiss, they stepped out of the room.

Hange was waiting at the end of the hall. A brow rose as they approached. "Well, aren't you two rosy-cheeked. Get what you needed?"

Levi delivered a friendly punch to the Squad Leader's bicep as he walked past. "Mind your own business, four-eyes."

"Thank you for your assistance, Hange," said Erwin, awkward. The idea of using someone to keep watch was a lot more ludicrous now that he wasn't pent up.

"Don't worry about it. Now you'll focus better tomorrow, so we'll all benefit." Hange smiled. "And I may have a couple favours to call in later."

"Then let's hope the next couple days are a success so we can fund them," said Erwin. "Let's get some sleep."

.*.*.*.

They set out for the first of the new silos early in the morning.

 Not trusting himself to remember every sinkhole, Erwin commandeered one of Berit's defenders, a man named Gerard, to ride beside him with the map. The man was an excellent navigator, giving him plenty of advance notice whenever they were getting near any sinkholes Mike's team had noted. Erwin redirected the formation, wending around potentially unstable ground. They arrived at the silo intact.

As the formation pulled in, Erwin directed the teams to form a perimeter around the silo. He stood at the southernmost point of the perimeter, observing. The air was unnaturally still, and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He watched Levi pick the lock, then begin to direct teams to unload the supplies. _He's really showing his leadership capabilities this expedition,_ he thought, feeling a swell of pride. Soldiers began to stream out carrying boxes upon boxes of supplies.

"Erwin," barked Mike a few minutes later, halting his horse in front of him.

His stomach dropped. "Where?"

"West, a ways out. Can't tell how many there are."

"Are they closing in?"

"Slowly." Mike stared at the silo, frowning. "We should still have time to get all the supplies out."

Erwin waved over Gerard and examined the map. Even if they had time to load the carts, they'd have to push immediately east to try to avoid the titans. That took them into territory that hadn't been scouted yet. He set his jaw. Staying the course could mean losing soldiers to titans; changing course could mean getting bogged down in a sinkhole.

"There are a lot of them," said Mike, sniffing the air. "More coming from the northeast."

"Shit," muttered Erwin. He turned to face the group and barked, "Hange, Berit, Levi."

They all looked at him for a moment, eyes wide, and then began to jog over. He used the few seconds to race through scenarios in his mind, calculating likely outcomes.

"Titans?" asked Levi, standing in front of him.

"Northeast and west, closing in. Lots of them."

"How do they know we're here?" asked Hange.

"That's not important right now. Here's what we're going to do." Erwin dismounted and held out the map. The others huddled around him. "The instant the supplies are secured, we're going to start running at high speed along the route we used to come here. If the titans begin to intercept, we'll have to engage. We can't circumnavigate them here, not with so many unknown sinkholes waiting for us."

Four pairs of eyes locked onto him, showing a mixture of fear and determination.

He held each of their gazes in turn, Levi's the longest. "I don't need to tell you how dangerous this might be." He tapped the second checkpoint on the map. "If it all goes to hell, our top priority is to get those goods back to the checkpoint. The value of these supplies cannot be underestimated; this will be the key to getting us to Wall Maria for our reclamation effort. You are, of course, to try to minimize casualties as much as possible. Understood?"

"Sir," said the others.

"Good. Let's get the carts loaded as quickly and safely as possible. Brief your team leaders on the new plan while we're waiting. I'll fire a red flare if our departure becomes even more urgent." He stood and saluted them. "Good luck, officers."

They hurried away, except for Mike, who sniffed the air a few times.

"If you have any further information, Mike, please let me know," said Erwin, preparing to dismiss him.

The Squad Leader turned to him, fear showing on his normally stoic face, and Erwin's stomach had already dropped before the words were uttered: "Even more coming."

"Where?"

"Wandering in from the south. They don't seem to have noticed us yet, but they might get wind of us soon. And the western group is going to be within sight at any second."

 _Shit._ Erwin glanced at the horizon, then back at the silo. The cart teams were strapping in the last supplies. The other Squad Leaders were still speaking with their Team Leaders. _We're running out of time. If we get surrounded, we're finished._

"All teams," he roared, "prepare to return to base!"

By the time everyone had mounted, the titans were already visible on the horizon.

Erwin gritted his teeth and fired a green flare north, toward the checkpoint. As they began to pull away from the silo, the teams settled into close-range formation. Berit rode next to him, barking orders at her team.

Erwin glanced over at Mike, who pointed northeast. _They're getting close, too._

"Gerard," he called to their navigator, "keep an eye on the map. We have to avoid the sinkholes at all costs."

"Sir," replied the man.

Erwin glanced back toward the approaching titans. The smaller carts, even fully-laden, would be able to keep out of range of the titans under normal conditions, but the slippery terrain was sure to become a problem. His head whirled. _Should we abandon the supplies?_ It would be a big blow to his plans to reclaim Wall Maria, but those supplies wouldn't help one bit if there was no regiment to use them.

Just as Mike had foreseen, a cluster of titans appeared to the northeast. Red flares began to go up from the eastern vanguard and the rearguard, indicating that the titans were closing in.

"They're going to pincer us," said Berit, panic in her voice.

"Gerard," called Erwin, "if we deviate west-"

"No good, sir. Sinkholes everywhere."

He cursed under his breath. There was no avoiding it; even if they abandoned the carts now, they were still going to have to fight. "Nearest tall trees?"

"Northeast."

Right by the group closing in. Erwin glanced back across the formation, knuckles white on the reins.

A black flare went up from the centre of the formation.

 _What?_ Erwin stared at it as the smoke began to drift. How was that possible? Was it an abnormal, or a different type of emergency?

"Berit," he barked. "Send a team."

"Sir!"

He clicked a green round into place and fired to the northeast.

"Commander," said Gerard, "we can't go northeast! The titans-"

"We can't win this battle on flat ground." He clenched his jaw, not allowing himself to second-guess his decision. Fight here on flat ground, get to advantageous ground by the northeast titans, or deviate west and sink everyone into sinkholes: those were his options.

Berit's runner came galloping up beside him. "Commander! Black flare went up because four carts are stuck in a sinkhole. The rearguard is defending while they try to free them."

"Shit," yelled Berit.

"Impossible," said Gerard, frantically scouring the map. "We just travelled over the same patch of land ourselves, and it wasn't marked-"

"The carts are heavy with supplies," said Erwin, eyes ticking back across the formation. "They must have been just heavy enough to disrupt the stability." Red flares were going up from the rear and the western flanks now. The trees were still too far away to reach, and he couldn't just abandon the back half of the formation. He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath.

"Erwin?" asked Berit, voice wavering.

His eyes opened and he fired a green round back toward the carts. "All teams, form a perimeter around the stuck carts. We must defend them until they can move again."

"Sir!" Green flares burst into the air around him, and runners streamed back through the ranks to relay to the message to the rearguard.

Erwin circled his horse, then galloped toward the centre of the formation. Red flares were going up from the east, closer and closer, and the ground was beginning to shake with approaching footsteps.

"Behind you!" hollered Berit.

Erwin turned to see a titan lunging at him.

He yelled and cracked the reins; the horse burst forward. The titan lunged past him and swallowed the soldier behind him. Two of Berit's squadmates anchored onto its shoulders, taking it down. But now other titans were surrounding them. Too many.

"All soldiers, engage," roared Erwin, clicking his blades into place. More red flares were going up in the rear. His heart pounded in his throat.

A soldier took out a titan's knees, and it fell to the ground. Erwin sank his grapple into its nape and sliced deep into the flesh. Another lunged down at him; he anchored to its hip and swung high into the air, then barreled toward its weak spot. Blood spattered his face, and he wiped it away.

"Your left," yelled Berit behind him.

Not wasting time looking, Erwin blasted the gas to propel himself forward. Teeth snapped behind him, so close that the breeze blew him sideways, knocking him off kilter. The titan's shoulder bashed into him.

He plummeted toward the ground.

Instinctively, he pulled into a ball. He landed hard on his shoulder and rolled. Pain shot through his torso. Stunned, he lay on his back, wheezing for air.

 _Get up._ He struggled to his feet, blinking the spots from his vision so he could reorient himself.

Titans had surrounded them, grabbing soldiers, biting their bodies in half. Severed limbs and bodies littered the ground, red mist, screams... Steam fogged the air. Erwin's head spun. _This isn't real. This is a nightmare._

Berit stood in front of him, stance wide, swords brandished. A 6-metre titan faced her, its head tilted. Studying them.

 _An abnormal._ Erwin reached for his flare gun, but the blow had knocked it off his belt. He spotted it several metres to his right. The bag of smoke flares lay beside it, rounds littering the ground. He took a step toward it, then yelped and sank to one knee as pain squeezed his torso. The landing must have damaged his ribs.

"Commander, stay back!" Berit barked the names of two nearby soldiers, and the three of them began a coordinated takedown on the abnormal titan. Berit threw her blades at its eyes, and the other two moved in to disable its legs.

The ground shook. Another titan was approaching from Erwin's left. He gritted his teeth and stood tall, forcing himself to push through the pain in his ribs. He aimed his grapple at the titan's head.

The gear wouldn't fire.

He looked down and cursed. The impact of his fall had crushed the grapple and gas mechanism on one side.

"Erwin," yelped Berit. "Help!"

He looked up to see the woman skip along the ground like a stone across water; she gave a burst of gas to regain control and landed on her feet, skidding to a stop beside him. The abnormal was squeezing the life out of one of her soldiers, and the third soldier was nowhere to be seen. Blades jutted out of the abnormal's bloody eye sockets, but it was still advancing on them, leering.

"My gear's broken," wheezed Erwin. "Take out its legs. I'll get help." He barrelled toward the flare gun, clutching his ribs. The pain was so intense that darkness blossomed through his vision. _Keep going. Keep going. We need backup._

He heard a scream. Berit flopped along the ground beside him, landing in a heap. He couldn't tell if she was unconscious or dead. _Keep going. Keep going._ He was so close to the flare gun, so close...

Enormous fingers wrapped around him and lifted him into the air.

Time slowed.

The fingers began to tighten around him. Erwin roared. With a surge of adrenaline, he sliced off the beast's index finger, pulling one arm and a blade free from its grip.

 _Three more._ He tried to hack the next finger. The titan's remaining fingers squeezed his torso in response. Cracks reverberated through his chest, pain spiking through him. _Shit!_

Then he was held up to the titan's face, with its perverse leer and steaming eye sockets. It tilted its head, as if trying to study him even though it was still blinded.

Erwin's brows dropped.

_No._

He thought of his father, of the enthusiastic light in the blue eyes, the passion that would creep into his soft voice.

He thought of the humans trapped inside the walls, of the freedom out here and beyond, the land that was rightfully theirs, the land that had been stolen from them.

He thought of Mike, of Nile, of Marie and Jasper. Hange, Berit, and Levi.

Levi.

_No! Not yet._

He howled and twisted his upper body, ignoring the agony, zeroing in on the discarded flares on the ground.

_Not yet!_

The black flare cartridge lay on the ground, the same distance away from him as the bull's-eye in the training grounds back in Trost. He had one free blade. One shot.

 _Just like you practiced. Don't overthink it. Distract yourself._ Pain seared through his chest and shoulder as he raised his blade in the air.

He focused on Levi: the way their fingers interlaced, large and small, fitting together so perfectly that they might have been created for each other. He thought of the tenderness that showed in the silver-blue eyes, reserved only for Erwin. The smooth voice, somehow liquid and warm even when it was at its harshest, stringing together crass phrases with word mastery that would make a poet jealous.

His heart glowed. He threw the blade.

It twisted through the air once, twice, and sliced the round in half. Black smoke burst from it in a cloud that began to dissipate as it rose into the air.

_Please see it..._

Stars began to dot Erwin's vision.

_Levi._

.*.*.*.

Another titan fell beneath Levi's blade -- his eighth? Tenth? He had lost track. Around him, Gunther, Eld and Anton were carving through their foes, but he couldn't see Nadya.

He landed on his feet, looking around. All the titans were engaged with pairs or trios of Mike's soldiers. Mike nodded at him

"We've got this. Go."

"Move out," called Levi to his team. He mounted and led the three soldiers deeper into the battlefield. Now that he had time to survey the damage, his stomach churned. The titans had torn through the eastern flank. Remains were scattered everywhere, titan steam casting a low fog over the land.

Once they emerged from the steam cloud, his eyes ticked across the battlefield, looking to see where they'd be most useful. He frowned. _Where_ wouldn't _we be useful?_ Three carts were still mired, and the soldiers who had been struggling to free them were engaging with titans instead. Titan steam was going up from the south and the north, wafting on the wind. His blood ran cold as he stared at the north. There were no signal flares going up, and in a bloodbath like this, that usually meant there was no one left to pull the trigger.

_Erwin and Berit are over there._

"Orders, sir?" called Eld.

His eyes narrowed. "North."

As they began to gallop toward the frontlines, Levi's eyes scoured the horizon for signs of life, for golden hair. The carnage was even worse here than it had been by the carts, and he cursed.

A puff of black smoke went off in the distance -- not in a tall column, but in a burst, so low that he almost missed it. _What the hell?_

"Follow me," he yelled to his team.

They galloped toward the front at top speed, and that's when Levi saw a titan lifting Erwin toward its mouth, Berit unconscious at its feet.

His stomach dropped. "Get Berit," he called to the others, and he barrelled toward Erwin. _Go faster, you fucking horse, go faster!_

The titan's hand was almost at its mouth now, its jaw was widening...

The instant Levi was within range, he stood in the saddle. His grapple sank into the titan's temple. It turned to look at him with steaming eye sockets.

 _Fuck you!_ Levi launched into the air and pulled into a spin, driving at its weak spot. The titan tried to bat him away with its free hand, but without its vision, it was swinging blindly.

Levi's blades sank into its flesh.

The titan dropped to its knees, its arm lolling to the side. Erwin rolled out of its fist, flopping to the ground. He tried to push himself up on one arm, then sank flat.

"Erwin." Levi landed beside him, eyes scanning their surroundings.

"My ribs," gasped Erwin. His breath was coming in wheezes, his skin pale.

"Where's your horse?" Levi couldn't see it. _We'll have to share mine._

"Squad Leader," yelled Gunther, pointing. Four more titans were running toward them.

"Get Berit out of here." Levi gripped Erwin's shoulder. "Get up."

Erwin struggled to one knee. He yelled and hunched over.

"You fucking asshole, _get up._ " Levi grabbed his arm and jerked him to both feet.

"Fuck!" The Commander fell against him, and Levi grunted, bracing himself against the man's weight.

"Move." He began to pull him toward the horse, already wondering how he was going to get the half-conscious man onto it. Levi might be humanity's strongest, but ninety kilos of dead weight was going to be difficult to manoeuvre.

"Squad Leader," called Eld. He had Berit slung across the saddle in front of him.

"She alive?"

"Yeah."

"Get out of here. I'll find you."

"Levi," said Erwin, his voice strained. "I'm...fading." He stumbled.

 _We don't have time._ "This is going to hurt." Levi grabbed the man under his armpits and began to drag him toward the horse. Erwin yelled, and the sound stabbed deep into Levi's heart, but he ignored it. _Better pain than death._

"When we get to the horse," said Levi, "you're going to use all your strength to get into that saddle. I don't give a shit how much it hurts. Got it?"

There was no reply; the man's gasps were beginning to rattle in a way that made Levi's stomach twist.

When they reached the horse, however, Erwin bore his own weight, as if tapping into one last reserve of strength. He climbed into the saddle with a noise that was half-scream, half-roar. Shaky, Levi climbed into the saddle in front of him.

"Hold on tight.".

The horse began to gallop.

Erwin leaned against his back; his head was increasingly heavy on Levi's shoulder.

"Come on, you asshole, stay with me." Levi glanced back, and his stomach dropped. A three-metre titan was on their tail. Normally, his horse could outrun it, but with Erwin's added weight, he wasn't so sure.

"I have to take care of this." He nudged Erwin's head with his shoulder. "You need to control the horse."

"Break my finger," mumbled Erwin.

"What?"

The man's left hand thrust into his field of vision. "The small finger. Do it."

"What the fuck?" Levi turned his head to stare. Erwin's lids were low and fluttering.

"Passing out. Need pain...shock me awake."

Levi panicked. "You're passing out because you have too much pain, you fucking moron!"

"Squad Leader," rasped Erwin. "That's an order."

"Fuck." Levi grabbed the hand he had held tenderly so many times, then gripped the bone of his little finger. _Even on a guy this large, it's so small. So fragile._

He closed his eyes.

The bone snapped with a sickening crunch that reverberated through his hands, his arms. The Commander's yell was so pained and animalistic that Levi's stomach heaved, tears flooding his eyes. "Erwin, you fucking asshole!"

"That helps." Erwin's thumb pressed into the break to prod it, his hand withdrawing. "Thanks. Go."

Levi swallowed bile and awkwardly shifted to pass him the reins. He leapt from the horse and launched his grapple mid-air, anchoring to the titan's shoulder. Exhaustion was setting in, and it took two passes to hit the right angle.

The titan fell.

He stood in front of the remains, breathing hard, as Erwin circled the horse to retrieve him.

"Doing okay?" asked Levi, climbing into the saddle. The other titans were still pursuing them, but they were falling behind.

"Levi." Erwin leaned against his back. "Order the retreat. We're done. Find Gerard. He knows the sinkholes."

"Fuck." Levi fired a green flare north, toward the checkpoint. A smattering of green flares responded.

As they rode, Levi looked down at the arms wrapped around his waist. Erwin was still prodding that broken finger, more and more aggressively.

"Still with me, Erwin?"

"I..." The Commander coughed, and when he spoke again, his voice was a heavy wheeze. "Sorry, Levi. Getting blood...on your cape."

"Blood?" Levi glanced back, alarmed. "Where's it coming from?"

"My...mouth..."

The arms around his waist went slack as Erwin slumped against him.

 


	22. Sedate - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you, as always, for taking the time to read this fic. Your comments and kind words mean the world to me.
> 
> Because this chapter ran long, I split it into two (22 & 23) and posted them at the same time. I'm planning to have Chapter 24 up around Dec 25, and that will finish up Part II. I'll be taking a short break before Part III starts up in late January.
> 
> This fic is getting pretty long, so I posted a brief chapter-by-chapter summary, if you want to either figure out where you left off, or just look back over what's happened so far for...some reason. http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/104352024576
> 
> Warning: syringes feature pretty heavily in this chapter & the next one. My apologies to people afraid of needles.
> 
> Previous Chapter: The Survey Corps heads out on the expedition to recover goods from all the silos, and it goes well at first, but then things begin to go horribly, horribly wrong. (And I'm sorry about that cliffhanger...)
> 
> [SPOILER WARNING] This chapter references some aspects from chapter 56 of the manga. As with all other spoilers in this story, I have intertwined them heavily with my own headcanons, and I'd say the spoiler-y parts are like 20% spoiler, 80% headcanon. Still, if you want to avoid the bulk of the spoilers, search for the line "His eyes flew open." in this chapter and start reading from there, skipping over the beginning stuff.

**-22-**

**Sedate (Part 1)**

"Erwin," said a voice, very far away - Levi?

"Erwin." No, this voice went further back, years back...

_Papa?_

"Wake up, daydreamer."

His eyes opened.

His father sat at the head of the dinner table, a kind smile on his face as he carved the roast.

"Papa?" asked Erwin, aware that seeing his father was a special occasion, but unable to remember why.  _Is this real?_ He looked down and ran his fingers across the familiar red-and-white checked pattern of the tablecloth, feeling the ridges where the colours met. Helena sat across from him, no more than four or five years old, and Mama sat at the end of the table. The woman's cheeks were rosy, a smile on her face; she looked out of place. When he thought of Mama, he thought of frown lines, thin wrists.

"The door, Erwin," said Papa. "Could you please answer it?"

"Oh! Sorry." He swung his legs over the side of the chair and hopped down.

As he was walking to the door, he heard Mama say fondly, "Our little dreamer. Head always in the clouds."

The door swung open.

A group of blurred figures stood on the front porch. At first, Erwin thought he had debris in his eye that was blocking out the visitors, but no matter how many times he blinked, he couldn't clear it. He squinted hard, and felt a great strain in his head, like stretching elastic. For a brief moment, he saw a black hat with a white band, but then the strain in his head snapped back into place and the blur took over again.

"We're here for your father," said a voice he couldn't quite discern, as if the sound had been blurred out, too.

The world tilted.

Then he saw Mama and Helena climbing into one carriage, and he stood in front of another, its steps looming before him. Behind him, he could hear Papa pleading, "Leave my family out of this!"

"Move it, kid," said a gruff voice, and he felt a gun barrel press between his shoulder blades.

He climbed the stairs and slumped onto a bench, tears dripping down his face. Papa set next to him, face white, but he gave a gentle smile and hugged Erwin close. "It's going to be okay, son."

"We're going to ask you a few questions," said a blur-voice as three shapeless figures settled across from them.

"I'll answer everything you ask," said Papa, "but please, let my son leave. He has nothing to do with this."

"You sure about that? Your brat's been spreading your secrets. He's the whole reason we're here."

Papa's eyes darted to Erwin, and for a brief moment, those gentle blue eyes showed fear. Surprise.

Betrayal.

 _Erwin,_  said a voice, very far away.  _Erwin, snap out of it!_ Pain seared through his side, then vanished.

"Let my father go," pleaded Erwin, his voice shaking. "If I'm the reason you're here, then ask me your questions instead. Papa is very important. People rely on him." Tears streamed down his cheeks.

"People rely on us, too, you know," said one of the figures.

"Stop wasting your time talking to him," said another. "Just knock him out."

"Erwin," said Papa , "sit quietly." The panic in his voice made Erwin's heart rate double.

"Yeah, kid," said a figure, "settle down, or we'll have to give you medicine that will make you sleep. You wouldn't want that, would you?" A hand held up a syringe.

"No!" screamed Erwin, his hands balling into fists. "Where are you taking us? What are you going to do to Papa, and Mama, and Helena? Let us go!"

 _He's too worked up. We have to sedate him,_ said a female voice.

The figures lunged. Erwin screamed and thrashed. Someone was pinning him down, and people were shouting. The syringe descended toward his arm.

"Papa!"

One of the blurred figures was pinning his father against the corner. "Please," yelled Papa, struggling. "Please don't hurt my son!"

The syringe was almost in Erwin's arm.

Everything went silent - the struggle, his breaths, the shouts, the rattle of the carriage - except Papa's voice, which rang out in his mind with perfect clarity:

"Erwin, listen to me: no matter what they do to you, never forget-"

_Papa!_

His eyes flew open.

Strength surged through him. He was powerful now, more powerful than he had been a moment ago. He knocked the syringe away and shoved back the bodies that tried to pin him down. Pain suffocated him so violently that his vision blackened. Voices called his name, and more figures reached for him. He thrashed.

Strong hands closed over either side of his face.

"Erwin," said a voice, smooth and warm, and the blurred figure that leaned over him was somehow comforting. "Stop fighting us. You're hurting yourself."

He stared up at the blur, desperately trying to suck air into his burning lungs.

A syringe descended toward his arm again, and he flinched.

"He doesn't trust you," said the smooth voice. "Let me do it."

The hands withdrew from his face. The instant the liquid hit his veins, Erwin felt his body begin to relax. The pain was still excruciating, but now he could identify notes of it instead of being deafened by its cacophony.

His eyes fluttered closed, and he finally identified the smooth voice. "Le...vi..."

"Stop talking," said Levi. "You need rest. I'll be here."

"I forgot..." murmured Erwin.

"Forgot what?"

His lips moved, voiceless:  _What Papa told me to remember._ Warm darkness was spinning around him, soaking into him, tempting him with the promise of no pain. He relaxed into it, knowing that Levi was watching over him.

.*.*.*.

Levi bowed over Erwin's unconscious form, still holding the empty syringe.

Mike's hand closed over his shoulder. "You okay?"

It was such a stupid question that Levi didn't bother giving him an answer. Instead, he watched the medics bind Erwin's wrists to the stretcher railings. "You don't have to do that."

"Yes we do," said one of them. "His ribs are broken. He could kill himself if he panics and flails like that again. Besides, if the three of you hadn't been here, we wouldn't have been able to hold him down."

"…Fine." He stared down at Erwin's face. The Commander's expression was fully relaxed now, but his skin was still slick with tears. The cracked lips were tinged blue.

 _What were you seeing? Why were you so upset?_ Levi's throat tightened, but he cleared it. There wasn't time to mope. With Erwin out, it was his duty, as unofficial second-in-command, to take control of the mission. He turned to Mike and Hange, who were both ashen-faced and solemn.

"Let's go."

"Where?" asked Hange, voice cracking.

"To find Berit." He let his eyes trail across the sea of injured soldiers. The main room of the second checkpoint had been converted into a makeshift sanatorium, the wounded lined up on bedrolls. Most of the surviving soldiers were wounded. Even Mike had a nasty gash on his forearm.

Berit lay on a bedroll at the far end of the room, her arm in a splint and a bandage around her forehead. She pushed herself onto her elbow as they approached.

"What was that all about?" she asked. "Is he okay?"

"Bit of a nightmare," said Hange with a forced lighthearted tone.

"Fucking idiot is going to kill himself." Levi sat on the floor. "How are you feeling?"

"I got off lucky. Broken arm, a little concussion." She smiled. "I hear you saved my life, Levi. That was sweet of you."

He shrugged. "Figure your husband-to-be would be pissed if we brought you home in a body bag."

"Silas proposed?" asked Hange.

Berit's eyes narrowed. "Great. Last time I tell Erwin anything private."

"Oh," said Levi; he hadn't realized it had been told in confidence. "Look, we have bigger things to worry about. With Erwin down, the four of us need to figure out what the hell to do next. We should start by counting-"

"Tomorrow. We need to rest." Hange reached for his shoulder.

He jerked away. "If we don't take command-"

"Levi. We'll figure it out in the morning."

For the first time, he noticed the dark circles under Hange's eyes. He glanced at Mike and saw his mouth drooping.

"Fine," he muttered. He had been hoping to keep himself distracted from Erwin's condition, from all the soldiers he had lost. He turned to Mike. "At least let me stitch your arm."

Fifteen stitches later, Levi had run out of distractions. It was still too early to sleep. Giving in, he returned to Erwin's side. A medic named Nate was squeezing liquid between the unconscious man's lips with an eyedropper.

Levi leaned against the wall and folded his arms over his chest. "He going to be okay?"

"Hard to say. Biggest concern is internal bleeding and whatever's going on with his lung. We'll be keeping him sedated so he doesn't move around and make things worse, at least until we diagnose the problems." Nate's face wrinkled with a kind smile. "But the Commander's a tough one, Levi. I've seen him bounce back from a lot over the years."

Levi recalled the way Erwin had mounted the horse with broken ribs, then had stayed focused on the mission right up until the moment he had passed out.  _A tough one, indeed._  His eyes drifted down to the splinted little finger, purple and swollen, and guilt twisted his stomach.

The blond eyelashes fluttered. Erwin's head tossed and he murmured a string of nonsense syllables.

"Is he feverish?" asked Levi.

"No, just high as a kite. He's probably in a better place than we are right now."

Levi stepped closer and leaned over the man's face. "You'd better not die on us, you asshole."

The eyelashes fluttered again, then parted, just a crack. "Levi?"

"You should be resting," said Levi, his heart pounding.

"Everything hurts." Erwin's pupils were pinpricks, and his eyes kept drifting to the side, then ticking back to Levi. "I'm spinning."

Nate approached Erwin's other side to check his pulse. "We might need to give him more sedative to keep him under. You were the only one he trusted with it before - would you be willing to do it again?"

"Sure." Levi couldn't tear his eyes away from the wounded Commander. He wanted to crawl onto the stretcher next to him and smooth the hair back from his forehead. Instead, he settled for a platonic grip to the shoulder. "Erwin, I'm going to give you something to knock you out."

"No." Erwin tugged against the wrist bindings. "Our strategy...I have to..."

"You need to sleep so you can get better." Levi accepted the syringe from Nate. "You're not going to fight it this time, all right?"

"Taking care of me," mumbled Erwin. "And saved my life. So good to me."

"It's nothing." Levi administered the drug. The instant it hit his bloodstream, Erwin's face slackened and his eyes closed.

"Levi?" His voice was barely audible. "One day, I'm going to..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to marry you."

Levi stepped back. "What the fuck?"

Nate chuckled. "Like I said, high as a kite. People say the damnedest things when they're sedated."

Levi's head reeled as he stared at Erwin. The Commander was out cold now, his breaths slow and rattling.  _You bastard, why would you say something like that? We're in public, and you're half dead._

He barely kept himself together as he stormed through the checkpoint. The guard towers were all unstable, so he settled on the next highest point: the top of the stable roof. His throat ached as if he had to sob or scream, but at the same time, he was numb.  _'One day, I'm going to marry you?' Fuck. Those could be your last words, asshole._

He buried his face in his knees. In his mind's eye, he felt that finger snap between his hands, heard the howl as Erwin mounted the horse, saw tears running down the gaunt face as he deliriously fought against the medics...

_Don't you dare fucking die. Not after all that._

He heard approaching boot steps, but didn't look up. One person sat on his left, another on his right. He knew without looking that it was Mike and Hange.

"You okay?" asked Hange quietly.

Levi didn't answer. He knew they had lost people, too, but he was too hollow to offer any support.

Hange leaned a cheek on his shoulder and Mike edged closer to his side.

They sat there until the sun went down, huddled together for warmth, comforting each other without exchanging a word.

.*.*.*.

Levi jerked upright, blinking.

Pink light flooded through the gaping holes in the roof. For one blissful moment, he forgot where he was, but then it all came rushing back. After many sleepless hours of pacing and wandering through the checkpoint, he had fallen asleep in a cold stone corner next to Erwin's stretcher. One of the medics had apparently draped a blanket over him during the night. The gesture was kind, but he couldn't feel any gratitude.

He stood, stretching his aching neck. The medics were moving among the wounded, giving them water and medication. Erwin was unconscious, his skin still pale and sunken. Making sure no one was looking, Levi slicked the damp blond bangs off his forehead, combing them neatly into place.

One of the new recruits came over a few minutes later. She gave him a polite smile. "Squad Leader. I'm guessing you want a report on the Commander's status?"

He nodded, not trusting his voice.

She examined a piece of paper, her brow furrowed. "We thought a lung might be punctured, at first, but it seems more likely to be a contusion, which should be a better scenario. Four ribs are fractured, at least one of those in several places. He's a bit dehydrated, but we're making sure to ease off the sedative at regular intervals so he can surface enough to drink some water."

"I see." Levi's hands tightened into fists at his sides. "Is he going to make it?"

"Still hard to say. He doesn't seem to be bleeding anymore, at least, but we need to get him back to town as soon as possible. That lung is a big risk for complications; worst case, we'd have to put in a tube to drain fluids. Can't do that out here without risking infection. Besides, our morphine supplies are running low, and it's very important that we keep his pain controlled so he breathes properly." She set the paper aside and began to take the Commander's pulse. "He's not the only one in rough shape. We aren't equipped to deal with this many injuries, especially because we lost most of our medical staff on the field."

"I see," said Levi.  _We have to get back to Trost as soon as possible._

Hange and Mike were asleep on the floor in the next room. He nudged them with his foot. "Wake up. We have work to do."

First, they began the arduous task of checking the survivors against their squad rosters. Levi was happy to find Gunther, Eld and Anton alive, but Nadya hadn't returned. His heart sank.  _I barely even said two words to her. I don't even know when she died._

He tried not to think of Isabel and Farlan, he tried so hard, but every time he lost people, he thought of them. Time had dulled the guilt, but not the empty space they had left behind. He wondered what they'd think of him now, temporarily leading the Survey Corps, in love with the man he had sworn to kill. If they had any sense, they'd be furious with him for throwing away their lives to try to kill Erwin in the first place. Knowing them, however, they would just be happy he had found someone. He blinked until his vision cleared.  _Maybe I'll check in on Farlan's sister at the care facility next time I'm in the Capital. Maybe seeing her again will make me feel like Farlan's still with me._

He took a deep breath.  _Focus._

The rest of his squad had fared even worse than the strike team. By the time he reconvened with Mike and Hange, his hands were shaking. They found a quiet spot away from the group.

"Thirteen survivors from my squad, eight of them wounded," said Levi. His voice trembled against his will, as if his body were reacting to the emotions he was still too numb to acknowledge.

"Eighteen survivors in mine, twelve of them wounded," said Hange. "Three in Berit's, all of them wounded."

"Eleven," said Mike. "Eight wounded."

"Plus the five officers, three of us wounded, so I guess that means fifty survivors in total, thirty-four of them wounded." Hange's head bowed.

"Shit," whispered Levi. "What did we set out with? About two hundred?"

"Yeah, one hundred and ninety-eight."

Mike raked his hand into his hair and turned, pacing away from them. Levi stared at the names of the casualties on his roster. For several minutes, none of them spoke.

Levi took a long breath, then let it out slowly, trying to steady himself. "How many carts did we end up recovering from that last silo?"

"All but four," said Hange. "Three still in the mud, and we had to dump some supplies from the fourth to carry the wounded. I asked the team to dump the tax chests first - they're the only thing that won't be ruined by the elements, so we can retrieve them on our next expedition."

"What?" Levi's eyes locked onto the Squad Leader. "You dumped all the money?"

"Yeah?"

"You moron." Levi stepped forward and smacked the ponytailed head. "That money was the most important part."

Hange looked up, eyes wide. "It's just money."

"That wasn't just money."  _If we don't pay Sahlo off, he might turn the entire Council against us. Trying to control him was the whole reason we did this stupid mission so soon._ Frustrated, Levi reached out to smack Hange's head again.

A strong hand caught his arm. He looked back to see Mike frowning at him.

"Knock it off, Levi. We had to leave people, money or supplies. Hange made the right call."

Levi withdrew his hand, glancing at Hange. The goggled eyes were downcast, and he could tell they were filling with tears.  _Shit._  He looked away."Mike, do you think we could recover the money with a small team?"

The man held up his wounded arm. "Four fingers are numb; can't close my fist all the way. I'd be useless on the gear."

"How about you, four eyes?"

"It's not worth it, Levi." Hange's voice cracked. "We have sixteen able-bodied soldiers, and they're all exhausted. Besides, we have to get back to Trost as soon as possible. Several of the wounded need proper medical care, not just first aid. That includes Erwin."

Levi knew they were right: they had to leave the money behind.  _Erwin won't like this, but it might save his life._ "How the hell are we going to get back through the gorge with so few people, and so many injured?"

"Run and hope we're lucky," said Hange.

"I'll inform the medics that we want to head out," said Mike. "We need to figure out how to transport everyone."

After an hour of preparation, they were ready to set out. Mike and Levi took the lead, guiding the formation based on Mike's nose. Behind them, the carts rode in the centre of the formation; a couple were heavily laden with supplies, and the others carried any wounded soldiers who were unable to ride. Because of the enormous losses, the horses outnumbered the riders by more than four to one. Several soldiers were riding with four or five horses in tow. Levi glanced back at them, uneasy. No matter how obedient Survey Corps horses were, he couldn't shake the feeling he was going to be stampeded at any moment.

The gorge appeared in front of them. Mike sniffed the air, then pointed to the western cliff, where Levi's squad had encountered the titans before.

"Shit," said Levi. "How many?"

"Half a dozen?"

Gritting his teeth, Levi picked up speed, hoping the wounded in the carts could handle a harder pace over the bumpy terrain.

They were about halfway through the gorge when a shadow fell over them. Levi looked up at the cliff.

A titan was falling toward them.

On reflex, he jerked the reins. His horse stopped so suddenly that it reared. The titan landed on its feet in front of them; the ground shook from the impact, dust billowing into Levi's face.

The titan had barely lifted its head when Mike burst out of his saddle. His grapple slammed into the rock wall behind the titan. He swung his blades for the neck, but veered off course with a sharp yell.

 _His injured arm._ Levi anchored high on the cliff wall, but as he swung toward the titan, the rock began to crumble. The grapple gave out. He dropped hard onto his feet, and he half-stumbled, half-ran forward as he fought to control the landing. Before his balance failed him entirely, he managed to find an anchor spot on the beast's head. He propelled himself high into the air.

His blades spattered titan blood across his face and chest. The titan fell, steam billowing from its corpse.

"Fuck." He dropped to the ground. One ankle smarted, so he shifted his weight to the other leg. "You okay, Mike?" The man was still lying in a heap on the titan's far side.

"Yeah. Forgot my hand was screwed." Mike sat up, rubbing his head. "You're limping."

"Fucked up my ankle a bit." Levi shook out his leg, hoping it was just a mild strain. "Do you smell more of them up there?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's get moving before another suicidal piece of shit throws itself down here." Levi limped back to his horse, wiping the steaming remains off his face.

The rest of the formation had stopped, and the soldiers stared at them with wide eyes. Levi mounted and thrust out his right arm. "Move out!"

Thankfully, they travelled through the rest of the gorge without any encounters, and on the other side, Mike's nose allowed them to redirect the group away from harm. They rode through the first checkpoint's gates around noon.

Levi felt a wave of relief, but it was premature – they weren't home yet – so he shoved it aside. He turned to the group. "Take a break, but leave your horses saddled. Mike and Hange, come here."

The group began to murmur with confusion.

"Take a break?" repeated Hange, dismounting. "Aren't we stopping here for the night?"

"It's only another four hours or so to Trost," said Levi. He dismounted, too, and tested his injured leg. It felt a bit bruised, but he could stand on it just fine. "If we take a few minutes to load up the supplies we left here before, then we can be home before nightfall."

Mike and Hange exchanged a look, considering.

"It makes sense," said Hange reluctantly, "but what about the impact of fatigue on morale?"

Levi shook his head. "Look around you, shitgoggles. Morale can't get any fucking lower."

"I'll check with the medics first," said Mike. "In case anyone can't survive a second push so soon."

"Okay," said Levi. "Hange, make sure Berit agrees with our plan. I'll see if Erwin's awake."

He strode toward the medical carts, checking a couple different ones before he found Erwin. The Commander's eyes were closed and his skin was still pale, but his lips had more colour than before. That seemed like a good sign. Levi glanced around and, seeing that everyone around him was preoccupied or unconscious, took a moment to trace the bridge of the Commander's nose. He tapped the sharp tip. "Hang in there a bit longer. We're almost home."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he turned away, looking for the others.

Thankfully, Berit and the medics all agreed that pushing for Trost was the best course of action, so they didn't have to waste any time discussing their options. The only delay was the time it took to load the supplies they had recovered from the first checkpoint's silos. It took some shuffling to find room for everything, with so many wounded soldiers requiring cart space, but Hange took control and showed a surprising aptitude for organization.

Within an hour, they were ready to leave. They set out in the same formation they had used in the gorge, preparing to outrun every potential threat.

The first major landmark was the meadow where they had fought the large cluster of titans on the first day of the mission. Levi felt a pang of guilt, remembering Sonja's death. So many had died under his command since then, and as much as he wanted to mourn each of them equally, his grief about Sonja was still disproportionately high.

 _But she didn't die in vain._ The meadow was completely empty, and he thanked Erwin's foresight. If they hadn't taken out the titans then, this would have been the Survey Corps' last stand. There was no way this fatigued, battered group could hold their own in such a massive fight.

They rode on, Mike leading the group by scent.

"Protect that nose of yours," said Levi as he fired a green flare away from a threat on the horizon. "It's a fucking gift."

Mike smirked at him. "Tell your boyfriend not to punch it anymore."

"I still can't picture him attacking you."

"Yeah, can't say I expected it. Bet it surprised him, too." Mike glanced at Levi. "How is he?"

"They're keeping him under so he doesn't hurt himself even worse. Four cracked ribs, something wrong with a lung."

"That it? He'll be fine," said Mike. "But there's one thing you might not know about Erwin."

"Yeah?"

"He's a terrible patient. Too stubborn, too driven. He's going to be hell-bent on pushing himself too soon."

"Huh," said Levi. That fit perfectly with the Erwin he knew.

"You're going to want to look after him while he heals, right? Be prepared to pick your battles. You won't be able to win them all." The man sniffed, then frowned. "There's a titan to the northwest."

Levi nodded and fired a green flare northeast.

Even though he redirected their course several times, they still managed to reach Wall Rose before sunset. Levi didn't bother to give the traditional welcome home speech. He fired a white round into the air, alerting the Garrison that they had returned. The sound of ringing bells filled the air.

The gate opened, and the scent of Trost filled his nose: garbage, horse manure, dust. He felt clashing waves of relief and disgust.

A crowd began to assemble on either side of the road through town. Levi dismounted and held his head high, leading the group forward. Shocked murmurs filled the air, and he could feel eyes boring through him. He knew how it must look: nearly two-hundred soldiers had left, and now, barely more than a dozen were able to walk.

"Where's Commander Erwin?" yelled a man in the crowd.

"Injured," said Levi.

"Where's my son Reg?"

"My daughter Nadya - I don't see her!"

"Is Franco dead?"

"What knowledge did you bring back? Were the lives you lost worth it?"

Shapes began to close in around Levi, looming over him. He couldn't breathe. His mouth twisted and his hands tightened into fists as he fought the urge to start punching and kicking.  _Ignore them. You're almost home. Just a little further..._

"Looks like Commander Erwin was just as foolhardy as every asshole that came before him," said one man.

Levi's gaze snapped to the man and he opened his mouth.

Hands tightened over his shoulders, warning him to stop. Hange's voice rang out beside him, loud and clear: "The Commander will be happy to address you about the goals and results of this mission as soon as he can. For now, it's important that we get the brave wounded some medical attention. We appreciate your understanding and your patience, and we, of course, share your grief for those who were lost. We will contact their families as soon as possible."

"What are you doing?" growled Levi, red still fogging the fringes of his vision.

"Saving you from yourself." Hange pushed him toward the base. "Let Erwin sort out the public relations when he's well enough."

As they filed through the front gates of the base, many of the soldiers, overcome by emotion, began to weep. Levi stared dully at the rooftop near the stable, wondering if Erwin would ever again be able to make the leap to their perch. His eyes drifted up to the guard tower, the site of romantic lunches and their near-breakup, and so many conflicting emotions competed for his attention that he felt nothing.

While Hange helped the medical team deal with the wounded, Levi and Mike coordinated the supply storage. They'd take a proper inventory later; for now, their top priority was to get everything stowed away so the soldiers could take some leave.

When they were just finishing up, one of the medics jogged up to them. "Commander Erwin is starting to come out of his sedation. Do you want us to let him awaken fully so you can update him on the situation?"

Levi's pulse drummed in his ears. "How clear-headed is he going to be?" He couldn't take another off-handed comment about marriage.

"He'll be groggy, but lucid."

"I see." He turned to Mike, and they exchanged a long look. The man shrugged.

"Okay." Levi turned back to her. "We'll be up in a few minutes. Make sure Hange and Berit are there, too."

The san was packed full when they arrived. A couple doctors from the village were already helping the medics treat the worst patients. Levi scanned the room, but couldn't see Erwin.

"Over here," said Nate, waving from a doorway. They found Erwin in an adjoining private room, a doctor by his side. Berit sat in a wheelchair in the corner, Hange standing behind her.

Levi strode up to the bed and leaned over it. Erwin's eyelids were fluttering, and his hands were bound to the bed railings at his sides.

"He doesn't need to be tied down."

"Levi," said Nate. "Remember what happened the last time he woke up. His ribs are fragile right now - if he panics, he could seriously injure himself."

Erwin's head rolled along the pillow, and he mumbled a few unintelligible syllables.

"He responded to your voice last time, Levi," said Nate. "Try talking to him."

There was a lot he wanted to say, but not in front of so many people. He cleared his throat. "Hey, blondie. Wake up."

"Mm?" Erwin's eyes opened a crack. "Levi? What- Ah, fuck!" His eyes screwed shut and he curled off the bed, tugging at the bonds, as if he were reflexively trying to grip his wounds.

"He needs morphine," said the doctor, checking his pulse. He signalled to Nate, who began to fill a syringe. "Make sure you keep on top of his pain. The more pain he's in, the more tense he'll be. That will make his intercostal muscles pull on the injured ribs, making them hurt even more. It's a vicious cycle, one we have to interrupt. Pain is going to prevent him from breathing deeply, which could lead to lung-"

"No drugs," wheezed Erwin, tugging at the bonds again. "I'm fine."

"That's not what your pulse says. You must refrain from moving around. You're in a fragile state right now."

"That's why you're bound, you idiot," said Levi.

"I need...to be clear-headed..." said the Commander.

Levi's numbness was finally beginning to fall away, and the first emotion to surface was irritation. He snatched the meds from Nate, then squirted half the syringe's contents back into the vial. "You want to stay sober, fine, but you need something. You're taking half now, half after we're done talking."

"Levi, I don't want-" began Erwin.

"Shut up and let us help you." He swabbed the man's arm with alcohol. Erwin cooperated, allowing him to inject the medication. Within seconds, he relaxed back into the bed.

"Better, right?" said Levi.

"Yeah."

"Good." He began to untie the wrist straps.

"Levi-" began Nate.

"He doesn't need them." He pulled the straps free and let them fall to the floor.

Erwin blinked. "Where are we?"

"Back at the base," said Hange's voice behind Levi, and he jumped. He had forgotten the others were there.

"It's good to see you awake," said Berit. "I don't know if you remember, but we got swarmed at the first silo of the second checkpoint. Levi's team saved our lives."

The blue eyes shifted to him. "Is this true?"

"I guess." Levi tried to look away, but his gaze landed on the splinted little finger. His stomach flipped, and he found himself wishing the numbness would take hold again.

"Ah, yes. I remember now." There were unnatural pauses between Erwin's words, as if he were struggling to catch his breath. "Thank you, Levi. And I'm glad you're okay, Berit. You saved my life, too."

"Did my best, sir," she replied.

"The rest of the mission, after I fell. How was it?"

Levi couldn't bring himself to look at him; he kept staring at the broken finger. For several seconds, no one spoke.

"Your faces," said Erwin quietly. "It was that bad?"

"We lost four carts' worth of supplies from the first silo, sir," said Hange, voice catching.

"Lost?"

"Three are still stuck in the mud. We had to dump a fourth to make room for the injured. We considered a recovery mission to retrieve those supplies, but we were too short on able-bodied soldiers. We all agreed that returning to base was the best option."

"I see."

There was a long pause, as if the Commander were working up the courage to ask the next question. Levi folded his arms tightly over his chest, bracing himself for it. He didn't have to look back to know the other Squad Leaders were doing the same thing.

"How many?" asked Erwin finally, the words barely voiced.

Mike was the first to speak. "Seventy-five percent."

Erwin jerked as if someone had slapped him. "Seventy-five percent...survived?"

Several seconds passed. Levi hunched tighter.

"Mike," said Erwin, his voice urgent. "Survived?"

"No."

The Commander's breaths wheezed louder, faster, faster...

Concerned, Levi looked up. Erwin's face was pale, almost green, and his body began to heave.

"Sedative," barked the doctor.

Erwin rolled to the side and retched.

Chaos erupted. The medics converged, yelling orders, and the Squad Leaders stepped forward, and at the centre of it all, Levi stared at Erwin's rolling shoulders, feeling each heave spike through him with white-hot dread. Liquid began to seep across the blanket, tinged pink.

"Get out of here," he heard himself growl, and the words made so much sense that he whirled to face the officers. "Get out!"

They gaped at him, wide-eyed, then hurried from the room. Levi shut the door behind them and slumped against it, staring at the medical team. They rolled Erwin onto his back. His chin was slick with blood and vomit, and his breath was still coming in loud, terrible gasps.

But it was his eyes that hurt the most: they locked onto Levi, wide and terrified, not one ounce of confidence in them. Levi could have handled tears, or anger, but he couldn't handle that complete lack of Erwin, that utter helplessness. He was pinned against the door by that helpless gaze.

The doctor yanked down the sheet. Bruises bloomed across Erwin's flank and chest, a mixture of black, red and yellow. It was worse than Levi imagined, so much worse.  _I should have been there. I should have been by his side; this never would have happened._ The doctor's fingers slid along Erwin's ribs, examining them. Erwin yelled through clenched teeth, and the sound spiked through Levi's chest.

Nate whirled to face Levi, his brows low. "You shouldn't have given him such stressful news when he was so frail."

"How the fuck was I supposed to know he'd lose his shit?" Levi's knuckles ached from clawing at the door. "Maybe if you were doing your fucking job-"

"Both of you, be quiet. You aren't helping." The doctor pried open Erwin's eyelids to examine his eyes. "Give him the rest of the morphine. I can't tell if he worsened his lung injury or he's just hyperventilating."

Wordlessly, Nate handed Levi a syringe. Levi stepped forward to administer it.

"Le-" rasped Erwin between breaths, the whites of his eyes showing all the way around the irises.

 _I should have protected you._ Levi depressed the plunger, then passed back the syringe. He gripped the first four digits of the wounded man's hand, carefully avoiding the broken one. Erwin clung to him. His breaths began to slow as the morphine took hold.

"That's better." The doctor pressed a tube to Erwin's chest, listening through the other end. The other medics prepared more medication in the background, murmuring amongst themselves. Levi ignored them, focusing on the junction of their hands. Sweat was building between them, but he didn't let go. Erwin's grip was beginning to slacken.

"He's a lucky man," said the doctor, pulling away. "This episode doesn't seem to have made anything worse, at least for now. But that cannot happen again."

Levi let out a relieved breath. He tried to release Erwin's hand, but as he began to pull away, the man reached for him again.

"Okay," whispered Levi. "I'm here." Their fingers intertwined.

"Should we strap him to the bed again?" asked Nate.

"Hard to say." The doctor wrote some notes on a piece of paper. "That movement and spasming was dangerous, no question, but if he had vomited on his back, he could have choked. Might be best to leave him loose. Keep him on morphine and anti-nauseants so this doesn't happen again. Your top priority is to keep him calm and breathing properly, so his pain  _must_ be controlled. Sedatives might be a big help right now, too." He nodded. "I'm going to go attend to the other patients for a bit, but call me if his condition changes."

He left the room.

Levi ran his thumb across Erwin's knuckles, then realized Nate was staring. He didn't bother pulling away. That would just draw even more attention to it, make him look as if he were feeling guilty.

The elderly medic cleared his throat and dismissed the others, then, once they were alone, stepped in close to Levi.

"You have a calming effect on him, something he needs right now. If you're comfortable staying while I clean him up and administer the rest of these meds, it would be a big help."

"I'll clean him up," said Levi. "Alone. He's more comfortable with me giving him meds, anyway." He stared down at their entwined fingers. "I'm the one who stressed him out like this in the first place."

Nate was quiet for a moment, but then he nodded. "When he's ready, give him the two syringes on the counter. We'll be in the next room, so call for assistance immediately if you need it. I'll make sure you have some privacy." He gripped Levi's shoulder, then left the room.

For a moment, the only sound was Erwin's rasping breaths, slower now than they had been a few minutes ago. Levi smoothed stringy blond hair back from the man's forehead. Their eyes held.

"Seventy-five..." said Erwin, and his body seized as if he were retching one last time.

"Stop thinking about it. You're going to work yourself up again." Levi retracted his hand and slowly walked around the bed, sizing up the situation. Most of the mess had gone over the edge of the bed, but the blanket and pillowcase both had damp spots. "I'll be right back."

He slipped through the door and spoke to one of the medics. A few minutes later, he returned to Erwin's side with clean bedding and several washcloths.

The blue eyes followed him as he stripped the blanket, tossing it into the corner. He draped a fresh blanket over Erwin's battered body.

"This might hurt," he said, sliding a hand under Erwin's head. He eased out the pillow and gently lowered his head to the sheet, hoping the change in angle wouldn't put too much stress on his ribs. The scent of vomit and the visible tinge of red made Levi's stomach lurch, but he forced it back. He eased a clean pillow under Erwin's head.

"Sixty-five percent," rasped Erwin. "At one silo. And the supplies... We lost four carts..."

"Stop thinking about it." Levi wiped the floor, trying to erase the scent from the room, the stains from his mind. Maybe he couldn't control how quickly Erwin recovered, but he could make his room clean and sterile. That was better than nothing. He shoved the soiled bedding outside the door.

Next, he scrubbed his hands in the basin, then soaked a cloth. He began to dab the mess from Erwin's mouth and chin.

"Shouldn't see me like this," whispered Erwin. His lids were low now, his face slack.

"This is what we do," said Levi. "One of us bleeds, the other washes it away." It wasn't so long ago that their situations had been reversed, when Erwin had cleaned the blood off his face after the botched mission into the Military Police headquarters.

"I'm filthy. You hate filth."

He scrubbed a stubborn spot at the corner of Erwin's mouth. "You could be caked head to toe in your own shit and piss and I'd still want to help you clean up." Once the last of the mess was gone, he tossed the cloth into the sink. His thumb slid across a thick eyebrow, smoothing it into place. "I know you don't want drugs, but I have to give you a bit more."

"No. Pain means I'm alive." The man's eyes closed. "Others aren't so lucky."

"So that's what this is all about. You want to punish yourself for their deaths, don't you?" Levi stood up to wash his hands again. "Well, fuck that. You should be trying to get well so you can make their deaths mean something. Pain isn't going to help you heal."

After a pause, Erwin said, "Orders first. Then meds."

Levi dried his hands, then returned to his side. "Okay. What are your orders?"

"I need a written report: supplies. Casualties. Arrange a carriage to Mitras. Tonight."

"Tonight?" Levi studied him, trying to determine if the morphine was clouding his judgement. "You can't travel like this. You're going to be laid out for days."

"No. Need to head off rumours. The Council..." Erwin winced, shifting. "Can't appeal with results, so sympathy might help. This can't wait. Could undermine the whole mission."

Levi remembered what Mike had said:  _be prepared to pick your battles._ He could easily overrule Erwin and have the medics keep him sedated until he was well enough to travel, but that could shatter the man's trust in him. Maybe he could appeal to him with a compromise instead.

"How about this? Let the medics observe you for a full day and see how you're doing. If you're okay to travel, we'll go  _tomorrow_  night. Not tonight."

"Levi-"

"One day won't make a difference to the pigs at the Capital, but it could be a big difference for you. If you're still stable tomorrow, the medics will be more likely to let you go, and so will the other officers." He looked down. "And I'm going to be the one taking care of you when we go, so I'd like to know you aren't going to die on me mid-trip."

Erwin studied him for a moment, then gave a small nod. "Okay."

"Is that it for the orders? Can I give you your meds?"

"Yeah." A small smile tugged at the man's lips. "Thank you, Levi. I won't forget this."

Levi bent down to kiss his forehead, then administered the medication. Moments later, the Commander was out. Levi stayed with him for a few more minutes, his head bowed, trying to find the strength to walk away.

.*.*.*.

The medics and the doctor were initially opposed to letting Erwin travel so soon, but after a lot of discussion, they agreed to allow it if there were no complications overnight. Levi had proven he had suitable first-aid skills, and the Capital had a better hospital than Trost. If worse came to worse, medical aid wasn't far away.

By the next afternoon, Erwin was already showing signs of improvement. He still ran out of breath easily, but he could string together several words without stopping, and his pain levels were tolerable so long as the medics kept on top of his medication. They had transferred him from the bed to a wheelchair that had the ability to recline. Sitting and sleeping in a reclining position was easier on his ribs than being upright or lying flat.

That evening, Nate rolled him out to a carriage where Levi was waiting. The Squad Leader helped lift the chair into the cabin, securing it to a bench. Erwin gingerly reclined, finding the most comfortable angle. He could hear Levi and Nate outside the carriage discussing the medication schedule, as well as a list of warning signs that would mean Erwin's condition was worsening. Once they were done, Nate poked his head in.

"I still think you're pushing too hard, Commander. If you would only reconsider..."

"I'll seek help if I need it," said Erwin. "I assure you, this is what's best for the Corps."

"Very well. Don't forget to do your deep breathing exercises. They'll keep your lungs clear." Nate saluted. "Safe travels, sir."

Levi climbed into the carriage and shut the door. He slumped on the bench facing Erwin, arms folding over his chest. "He's right, you know."

"Not you, too, Levi? This was your suggestion."

"Well, maybe I'm second-guessing it. You can't even stand."

"I don't need to stand." The carriage rattled as it began to move over the cobblestone, and he winced.

"Already?" Levi reached under the seat and pulled out a black medical bag.

"What are you doing?" asked Erwin.

"What I was ordered to do: keeping your pain level down while we travel." Levi pulled out a vial and a syringe.

The world tilted.

 _Carriage...vial...syringe..._ Erwin's chest tightened.  _Papa...blurred figures...don't forget...don't forget..._

"Erwin?"

He realized he was breathing hard, his hands trembling. "Can't I have pills instead?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light.

Levi looked down at the syringe, then carefully set it back inside the bag. "Don't tell me you're afraid of needles."

"Guess I am."

After a pause, Levi said, "The day you were injured, you fought back when we tried to give you sedative. Took four of us to hold you down."

 _So that wasn't a dream._ Erwin bowed his head. "My apologies for the fuss."

"I know you said there are things you can't tell me, so don't answer if you don't want to. I'm just curious." Levi leaned forward. "You were screaming for your father. Those dreams you've mentioned, the ones Nile thinks are delusions - did this have something to do with them?"

Erwin's throat tightened. "Perhaps."

Levi's gaze was steady. "You still won't tell me what they are, will you?"

"I won't. It's too dangerous. I'm sorry." Memories floated through Erwin's mind, perfectly clear, down to the red-checked tablecloth. Nothing that real could be a delusion, could it? The only things out of place were those blurred figures and voices.

"Levi, I'm curious. Ever have vivid memories with parts cut out? Faces? Voices?" He wanted to say more, but his injuries made it difficult to say too many sentences at a time.

The man shrugged. "Yeah."

"No, I..." Erwin paused to catch his breath. "Not forgotten parts, or fuzzy details, but _holes_. Crystal clear memories, but bits are blurred. And when you focus, try to unblur it, it hurts. Like your brain's pulling in two."

Levi gave him a puzzled look. "Yeah, I knew that was what you meant."

"You don't think it's odd?"

"That's just how memories work. Details disappear."

Erwin thought of the vague parts of Levi's history: his unclear age, his uncertainty about whether or not he had been a mercenary, his confusion about what had happened with his aunt.  _He has even more holes than I do._  "Your last name..."

The man's eyes narrowed. "What about it?"

"Do you remember it?"

"Of course I do." Levi hesitated. "Maybe. Look, I don't want to talk about this stuff right now. You need to relax. The drugs are fucking with your head or something; you're all over the place."

"I suppose."

"And I have to give you this dose now. Close your eyes and think about something else."

Erwin obeyed. He felt Levi lift the short sleeve of his shirt. A few seconds later, the drug flooded his veins. His body relaxed. It was the same experience with every fresh dose: he never realized just how bad the pain had become until the meds dulled it again.

"You can open your eyes," said Levi. "If the drugs make you sick, let me know. I bought some ginger candies in town yesterday. They'll help your stomach. You'll probably get constipated, too, so I have some herbs for that."

Erwin smiled. "You're so good to me, Levi."

The man clicked one of the door flaps into place to form a bed parallel to the wheelchair, then sat on it, facing him. "You said something like that earlier, when you were really fucked up on the drugs." He looked as if he wanted to say more, but then his mouth flattened.

"I appreciate your attentiveness." Erwin reached out to run a hand along his jaw, but froze when he saw the splinted, purple finger. "Oh." He held it up, examining it from both sides. "I asked you to do this, right?" He had been so full of adrenaline by that point that his memories were disjointed, and the drug haze certainly wasn't helping him sort out his thoughts.

"Yeah." Levi slumped forward, staring at the floor. His voice was barely audible over the rattle of the carriage. "Said you needed a shot of pain to keep you conscious."

The man's sudden mood change was surprising, and Erwin reached out again, hoping to console him. "I think it helped. Thank you."

Without looking up, the man caught his hand and gently set it back by his side. "Don't move around so much. You're going to hurt yourself."

"Levi?"

The man slumped deeper, his hair falling into his eyes.

"Levi." Erwin studied him. "What's wrong?"

"It's just... It's so hard to see you like this. Wheezing every word, drugged up, in a chair. I should have..." Levi's breath shuddered. "I thought I was too late, that I'd have to watch that fucking monster eat you, right in front of me."

Erwin's eyes closed as his heavily medicated mind painted images to match the words. He heard the crunching sound of Henrik's bones between the titan's teeth, heard his scream, saw the blood-soaked hand reaching for him... His throat tightened.

"Levi, I never want to hurt you like that."

There was a pause, then Levi gave a soft, disgusted snort. "You were about to die, and you're worried about how  _I_ felt?"

Erwin opened his eyes. "You'll have to mourn my death, one day. It shouldn't be a scarring one. I'll try to make it easy on you."

"What?" Levi finally lifted his head; his eyes were wide.

Erwin wanted to stop, but the drugs had a firm hold over his mind, and he couldn't hold back the words spilling out of his mouth. "When I die, I'll visit you in a dream. To say goodbye. Papa did that for me; told me he loved me. It helped with closure. I'll stop to visit you before I enter hell."

Levi looked uncomfortable, as if he wasn't sure whether or not to engage in the conversation. Finally, he said, "Didn't think you'd be the type to believe in spirits and hell."

Erwin rolled his head to look at the window. In the crack between the curtains, he could see the moon, high in the sky.

"It doesn't matter if it's real," he said softly. Whether the visit from his father had been real or not, it had been what Erwin had needed. Even if it was just his imagination, it had been so real that it had felt like a proper goodbye, one he hadn't gotten in the waking world. He liked to think of his father visiting each of the family members for a farewell, then dissipating into whatever afterlife awaited them. The thought was comforting.

"Look," said Levi, "stop thinking and get some sleep. You're getting weird."

The Commander barely heard him. The moon began to blur. No, comfort wasn't the real reason he wanted to believe in an afterlife. Not if he were honest with himself.

"Levi," he said quietly, "there has to be something else after this life. There is nothing here that can adequately punish me."

"Erwin-"

"I just sacrificed one hundred and fifty lives. That's only the beginning. There'll be countless more before I'm done; it's the only way we can fight the titans. Sheer numbers. I'll destroy so many families. To them, I'll be the monster who consumes their loved ones." He swallowed a growing lump in his throat. "An eternity of suffering must await me after I die. It's my only fitting end. Anything else would be unfair."

He heard the makeshift bed creak as Levi sat upright. "Erwin, what the hell?"

"The families of the bereaved, when you returned - what were their faces? I selfishly left you to face them. I alone should have faced their anger. Their grief. That's my responsibility. You were just following orders."

Levi stared at him for a minute, mouth agape, then his face twisted. He stood.

"Levi?" asked Erwin, coming back to himself.

The man ignored him. Bracing an arm against the ceiling, he moved toward the medicine bag sitting on the bench. He threw the bag under the bench, so hard that it thudded against the carriage floor.

Erwin jumped.

Levi's shoulders sagged, his back still turned. "I didn't save your life to listen to you talk about how much you hate yourself, you asshole."

"You're angry."

"No shit."

"With me?"

"No, I'm just  _angry_." Levi half-turned to face him, his brows pinched. "It's not fucking fair, Erwin. You've sacrificed so much for humanity, and what do you get? A titan crushing you half to death, and people cursing you, and whining politicians trying to shut you down, and on top of it all, you're beating yourself up. I can protect you from the titans - maybe, when I'm in the right place - but I can't protect you from the people or the politicians. I don't know how to say the right thing or convince them to leave you alone. And..." He took a shuddering breath. "And I can't protect you from yourself. Not even when I'm sitting right next to you. You're so deep inside your own fucking head, I can't reach you."

Erwin's heart sank. "Levi, come here."

"Why? So you can talk more about dying, and how you deserve to suffer?"

"No. Please come here. It's hard to speak loudly."

The man eyed him for a moment, then moved closer. He dropped to a seat on the makeshift bed and leaned in. "What?"

"I'm sorry, Levi." Erwin reached out, laying his palm against the slender neck. The muscles tensed, at first, but as his thumb stroked the fuzz of the undercut, the muscles began to relax. "You do get through to me. You protect me from myself all the time. You make me take breaks and sleep when I'm working too hard. You talk me into taking meds. You bring me back to reality when I get on morbid tangents." He was losing his breath again, but he rasped the words anyway: "I need you."

The crease between Levi's brows faded. Slowly, he leaned forward, until their foreheads rested against each other. "Don't talk about dying anymore, you asshole. I can't take it. I..." His voice shrank. "Don't leave me."

Erwin breathed in. He could smell mint, and lemon shampoo. "I'm not going to die yet. I have too much left to do."

He heard Levi swallow, and then the man's head tilted until they met in a kiss. Their lips were still chapped from the expedition, but the pressure was so gentle that Erwin's heart began to race. They kept the kisses shallow and slow, mouths open, breathing each other's breath.

Then Levi pulled away. His irises looked grey in the dim lamplight, his pupils large and soft. It was hard to tell if his eyes were damp, or if that was just a trick of the lighting.

"You okay?" asked Erwin quietly.

"I guess. You?"

"Yeah."

"Then you need to sleep." Levi pressed one more kiss to his lips. "If you need anything in the night, I'll be right here by your side."

Erwin smiled. "And I'll be by yours."

Levi's throat bobbed. He gripped the blanket that sat across Erwin's lap and lifted it, tucking it in around his shoulders. Then he lay down, the makeshift bed creaking as he settled into place.

 _Side-by-side,_  thought Erwin, his eyes closing.  _Both of us exactly where we belong._

He reached out a hand, and Levi accepted it, their fingers intertwining.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter continues in chapter 23, which was posted at the same time as this one! :)
> 
> A/N: I know syringes have strong symbolism in Attack on Titan canon, so I just want to clearly state, for the record, that Erwin has *not* been injected with titan serum. All syringes in this chapter are sedatives or opiates.
> 
> However, the parallels to what Eren went through are intentional, and will (subtly) come into play later in the story.


	23. Sedate - Part 2

**-23-**

**Sedate (Part 2)**

**[NOTE: This chapter went up at the same time as Chapter 22,**   **as they're technically two halves of the same chapter. Please make sure you read that one first!]**

Early the next morning, Levi wheeled Erwin into their hotel room. Though their room was on the bottom floor this time around, it was an identical layout to the one they had stayed in during their last visit. It was strange to look back on that time, when sex was only some distant future possibility and they hadn't yet admitted they were in love. So much had changed in a few short weeks.

Levi pushed the Commander up to a table in the corner of the room and set his file folder in front of him, then began to unpack. "How's your pain level?"

"It doesn't matter," said Erwin. "I have to be completely sober so I can focus."

"You won't be able to focus or talk properly if you're in too much pain." Levi shoved Erwin's clothes into a drawer. "I could give you a small dose - a half, or a quarter."

"Quarter would be good. Thank you."

Levi paused to get the dose ready, then administer it. The Commander was still wearing a short-sleeved shirt and, under the blanket, loose-fitting pants. Levi frowned. "We have to figure out how to clean you and get you into your uniform." They might be able to lower him into the bath without putting too much strain on his ribs, but pulling him out of it was going to be an ordeal, so a proper bath was out of the question. "Think you can kneel without too much trouble?"

"Don't worry about it, Levi. We'll just comb my hair."

"The sponge baths they gave you in the san weren't enough," said Levi, not sure how to tell the man he stank without being blunt. He lit the flames under the water heater, then began to hang their extra uniforms in the closet.

"Levi," said Erwin quietly.

"What?" He turned.

The Commander was staring evenly at him, his expression guarded. "About last night, in the carriage... The kinds of things I was saying..."

"It's okay. You were drugged up."

"Still, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Erwin." Levi put his hands on the man's shoulders. "Save your breath for the brass. You don't have to explain yourself to me. It's fine."

The man gave him a gentle smile in response. "Thank you, Levi."

"Sure. Let's get you cleaned up."

Once the water was warm, he gently eased Erwin out of the chair. Undressing him was a three-part process: undress the lower body, help him kneel in the bathtub, then pull off the shirt. Raising his arms made Erwin cry out, and Levi's throat tightened. The bruising had spread even further than before, and was deep blue and black. He could see two distinct bands that must have been formed by two of the titan's fingers.  _You poor bastard. No wonder you're in so much pain._

"I didn't realize it was that bad," said Erwin, studying himself in the mirror.

"Fuck." Levi's gaze travelled lower; a hip was badly bruised. "Is your hip hurt, too?"

"Feels like it." Sweat was beading on Erwin's temples.

"You okay?"

"A bit uncomfortable."

"Let's make this quick." Setting his jaw, Levi crouched beside the tub and gently poured a bucket of water over him. Even running water across the bruises was enough to make Erwin wince.  _You poor, poor bastard._

Carefully avoiding the bruises, he wiped the man's skin down with a soapy washcloth. There was so much grime on him that the washcloth turned brown; he had to rinse it several times. The sponge baths clearly hadn't been thorough enough.

Washing the man's intimate areas felt perverse at a time when he was so badly injured.  _It's just like any other part of the body,_ Levi told himself over and over, washing his ass with the cloth. By the time he had finished the back and was ready to start washing the front, Erwin was hard.

"Sorry," said Erwin quietly.

"It's fine." Levi hesitated, looking up. "Did you want me to-?"

"No, thank you. Can't handle heavy breathing, or tensing muscles. Pain's a bit distracting, anyway." Erwin's cheeks were pink, his face solemn. "I'm sorry. I can wash it."

"No, don't strain yourself. It's fine." Levi lathered his hands and pulled down the skin, carefully washing him clean. He worked his way down to the base, then washed between the man's thick thighs. Though he kept mentally repeating the phrase like a mantra -  _it's just like any other part of his body -_ by the time the task was done, Levi's pants were tight, and he silently cursed himself. As much as his body might want attention, he wasn't in the mood. He pressed a palm into his groin, trying to shift it into a comfortable position.

"I'll make this up to you," said Erwin. "All of this. I'll take you far away. Just the two of us, a romantic getaway."

Levi gave a soft snort. "When would we ever have time for that?"

"In the winter. During the holidays." Erwin's gaze lifted to meet his, his face solemn. "I know it's a long wait, but I won't forget. We'll make love day and night."

A pleasant shiver ran down Levi's spine, but he only said, "One thing at a time. Let's get you through this meeting first."

He lathered the blond hair and carefully massaged the scalp. After rinsing away the suds, he patted him dry with a towel.

With the bath done, he helped Erwin over to the toilet, then left the room so he could use it in private, only returning once he heard a flush. By the time Erwin's hands were washed and his teeth were clean, he was beginning to sway on his feet.

"I need to sit down."

"What about your stubble?" asked Levi.

"Leave it. Shows that I'm fresh off the field."

"Okay." Levi led him to the bed and helped him to a seat. "Take a quick break, then we'll dress you."

Fifteen minutes later, Erwin sat in his chair in uniform. His hair was neatly parted and combed, his eyebrows smoothed. Levi pulled the bolo tie over his head and tightened it, then folded the collars into place.

"There."

"Good as it'll get?" Erwin examined himself in the mirror, poking at the hollows in his cheeks. He pulled down the skin under his eye and frowned. "My eyes are sunken. Bloodshot."

"That's from the morphine." Levi stepped back, folding his arms over his chest. "You're ready to face those bastards." His shoulders sagged just thinking about it. He had been so focused on getting the expedition home, then looking after Erwin, that he hadn't stopped to think about what this meeting would entail: asshole politicians trying to find a reason to shut them down while Erwin did his best to hold everything together. His emotions were so frayed that he wasn't sure how he was going to tolerate it.

His exhaustion must have been noticeable, because Erwin said, "Levi, I'll be fine once I'm seated. I know you hate meetings. Why don't you go wander instead? Take an hour to yourself."

"Don't trust me to talk to the bigwigs?"

"Of course I do." The blue eyes settled on him, warm and kind. "You've been through a lot, done so much. You deserve a break."

"Thanks. That works well, actually." Levi shrugged. "I was thinking I should check in on Farlan's sister while I'm here. Find out where my money goes every month."

The kind gaze settled on him for so long that Levi knew Erwin was reading more into the words. "You've lost a lot."

"Everyone has." Levi handed him the papers from the desk.  _But I didn't lose you._  He bent down and kissed the tip of his nose. "Don't let those assholes push you around."

One corner of Erwin's mouth lifted. "You know I won't."

"I know."  _You'll have them eating out of your hand._

The cobblestone road was bumpy, and even though Levi took it slowly, he was sure the jarring ride couldn't be very comfortable for Erwin. As they approached the courthouse, he stared at the stone steps, wondering how the hell they were going to get the chair to the top of it.

The door opened, and Nile Dok stepped out. He waved at them and began to jog down the stairs.

"What's Captain Shitbeard doing here?" muttered Levi.

Before Erwin could answer, Nile came to a stop in front of them. He looked down his nose at them. "Always knew this job was going to kill you one day, Erwin."

Levi's blood boiled. "The hell are you doing here, asshole?"

Erwin jumped in before the Captain could respond. "Thankfully, I'm not dead yet. I'd be gone for sure, but Levi intervened." His expression was probably supposed to be a polite smile, but it twisted into a grimace.

Nile winced. "You look like hell. Zackly asked me to lead you around to the alley entrance to avoid the stairs."

"How kind of him," said Erwin. "Levi, I should be good now, if you want to leave. See you in an hour?"

"Sure. Don't let this Council lapdog drop you down the stairs."

Nile's brows rose. "Nice to see you, too, Levi." He began to push the chair toward the side of the building.

Levi watched until they disappeared around the corner, his jaw tight.  _Good luck._

.*.*.*.

Erwin shifted in the chair, trying to find a comfortable position. He was beginning to regret taking such a small dose of morphine; the pain was going to be distracting.

"So your future Captain doesn't have the stones for a little political discussion," said Nile.

"Levi's good at seeing through bullshit," said Erwin. "I'd like him by my side. But the past few days have been hard. Thought I'd spare him the stress."

"You got fucked up really badly, didn't you? Listen to you, gasping for air every few words." His tone was snide, but that wasn't surprising. The man had never been good at showing concern, and it always came out sounding rude.  _Being Nile's friend might have been what prepared me to understand Levi so well._

The chair stopped; they were between buildings now, nothing but brick walls on either side. The Captain moved to the side of the chair and knelt down to Erwin's level. His voice was low.

"I hear you're getting mixed up with Sahlo." He looked up and down the alley before he continued. "Be careful. You can't trust that snake. He's already pressuring me to plant a spy among those three transfers I'm giving you in January."

That was interesting, given that Sahlo had said Nile was the one wanting a spy. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. I've gotta keep the peace with him, so I'm going to do it." Nile's gaze bored through him. "Oluo Bozado. Kid's a good soldier – bit of a prat, but good. Don't hold this against him. I told him some bullshit about being selected for a mentor review process, a special honour, all that, so he has no clue what he's actually doing. He and I will be sending letters back and forth on a regular basis. Monitor his responses to me and you'll know exactly what he's passing on to us."

"I see. Thank you."

"You didn't hear any of this from me." Nile stood and continued pushing the chair along the path. "Don't know why the hell I'm putting my neck on the line for you."

"You're a good friend," said Erwin.

"I guess." Nile paused. They rounded the corner to the back of the building. "Oh, I almost forgot. Marie got a big shipment of booze from her parents. Wanted me to invite you and Levi over for drinks tonight."

"I won't be drinking, but I'd enjoy a visit," said Erwin, his heart beating a little faster. "Not sure about Levi. I'll ask him."

Nile frowned. "He doesn't like me much, does he?"

"He doesn't trust easily. It's nothing personal."

"Well, he's welcome, too, if he'll come. Come by any time after seven." Nile opened the door and wheeled Erwin through; he pushed him up to the head of the table and then settled along the side, next to Supreme Commander Zackly.

Zackly adjusted his glasses. "When I heard you were injured, Erwin, I didn't realize it was this badly. If I'd known, I would have recommended you take a few days to recover."

"I appreciate your concern, sir. I hope you'll excuse my laboured speech. This really couldn't wait." He had been so intent on getting here that he hadn't stopped to consider if his frequent pauses for breath would dampen his charisma. As he looked around the table, he was pleased to see expressions of pity and concern. Even Sahlo looked upset. Good. If they pitied him, they'd pay attention.

"We're just waiting on Lord Fromm," said Zackly.

"Sir." Erwin opened his folder, double-checking that his papers were in order. His mouth was dry from all the medication; he should have thought to bring a water flask.

Fromm appeared a few minutes later, taking his seat across from Sahlo. Zackly gave a brief introduction, and then Erwin had the floor.

He sat as straight as his body would allow. "As you've no doubt heard, the expedition ran into complications." He did his best to speak naturally, carefully regulating his limited breath. "In the weeks leading up to the expedition, torrential downpour blanketed the southern districts of Wall Maria. This destabilized large swaths of terrain. We managed to retrieve supplies from almost all the targets, but while returning to the checkpoint from the penultimate silo, we encountered an unexpected sinkhole. Three of our carts were mired in mud, just as several wandering groups of titans surrounded us. I'm going to walk you through the numbers so you can understand the full impact of these events, as well as what was recovered and what we learned."

He paused as if for effect, subtly catching his breath. His head was spinning, and his ribs ached. Now he really regretted not taking more morphine.

His eyes trailed across their grim faces, Sahlo's last. The lord looked outright worried, and Erwin felt a wave of confidence as he realized how well he had positioned himself.  _He talked me up in order to push this expedition through faster. He thought he was screwing me over, but it backfired, because now his reputation is at stake as much as mine_. Their alliance was doing exactly what it was supposed to do: Sahlo wouldn't dare throw Erwin to the wolves while their two reputations were so closely intertwined. His most outspoken opponent had been successfully silenced.

Feeling a burst of energy, Erwin began to discuss the supplies they had recovered and how they would be utilized in the Wall Maria reclamation efforts. He carefully avoided any mention of the tax chests they had left behind. Better that they didn't know. He would cover the missing money from his own personal accounts. The trust of the people in this room was much more valuable.

Next, he discussed the number of survivors. A murmur rose around the table.

"The numbers are painful to say aloud," he said, talking over the noise. The room settled into silence again, and he continued: "After the low casualties in the previous mission, I had thought we were finally in a position to nearly eliminate the loss of life in Survey Corps expeditions. It is clear, in retrospect, that I was overconfident. Pin it on rookie optimism: my projected deaths for this mission were far too low.

"We can, however, learn a great deal from this. The losses were a scant 1-2% per day right until the last day, which means our approach is, on the whole, working. What undid us was underestimating the threat posed by mud and sinkholes. Now we know the threats these pose, and we'll pay closer attention to the weather in the future.

"At the end of the day, this mission was a huge step forward for the Survey Corps, and for humanity as a whole. We learned to account for the weather to improve our survival rates, and we gained a bounty of supplies. We are now in a good position to start laying a route to Wall Maria."

"And how do you intend to do that?" asked Fromm, raising a bushy brow. "You only have fifty people, most of them injured. You look like you'll take months to recover, yourself."

Sahlo leaned forward, folding his knotted fingers on the table. "This was always a multi-year plan, Fromm. I explained this back when we approved this expedition: we can't get to Wall Maria in one attempt. It's not a task, it's a process."

"We are still on track to take back Wall Maria within three years," said Erwin, grateful for the lord's support. "In the short term, our approach will be two-pronged: familiarize ourselves with the route and build our numbers. Smaller scouting missions will explore the planned recovery route, seeking the best places to lay our supplies. We will also stage a small reclamation mission to gather the supplies we missed in that last silo. Squad Leaders Levi and Mike Zacharias are our top two strongest soldiers, and their best soldiers are alive and well. They'll do a fine job of laying the framework for future expeditions.

"While this is happening, I'll be working to recruit new, talented soldiers to bolster our numbers. Ex-Commander Shadis and I have a good rapport, so I know he'll be happy to work with us to raise our profile with the trainees. In the meantime, our leaner rosters will mean less overhead, something I'm sure the taxpayers will appreciate. Perhaps we can re-allocate a portion of those funds toward a proper recruitment campaign.

"As well, as you may have heard, the general public is quite taken with Squad Leader Levi. They've begun to call him 'Humanity's Strongest,' and they've romanticized the rumours of his journey from thug to high-ranking soldier. I intend to make use of his growing celebrity to encourage private investors to donate, perhaps through endorsements or appearances. We need better weaponry if we are to retake the wall. Private investment allows us to fund that without putting a burden on you or the taxpayers. I'm sure you'd agree this is the best approach for everyone involved."

He paused to assess the mood of the room. The lords were nodding along. Erwin had expected a backlash from the number of deaths, but at the end of the day, all they cared about was their money. By addressing that concern, he had made them completely forget that three quarters of his soldiers had died.

Revulsion was building in his throat, but he swallowed it back. He could lament their lack of morals later. For now, he had to ensure that everyone in the room was on the Survey Corps' side.

.*.*.*.

Levi glanced around the care facility. It was a square stone building with no windows.  _More like a prison than a home._ He frowned and double-checked the sign, making sure this was the right place.

Stepping through the door, he approached the front desk. "I'm here to see Kristin Church."

The clerk gave him a warm smile. "Sorry, sir, we weren't expecting any more visitors for our patients today. All visitors need to register in advance."

"How the hell was I supposed to know that? I'm not from around here. My family sends her fees by mail." Levi's skin crawled; he wished Erwin was here to sweet talk his way in.

The clerk looked taken aback. "I see. Are you family?"

"Her brother," he lied.

"Then I think we can make an exception. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you." The clerk stood and began to flip through a filing cabinet against the back wall. "My apologies, Mr. Church. I'm new here, so I'm not too familiar with our clients yet. Let me look up her room number for you. Let's see." She pulled out a file and began to leaf through it. "Ah, yes, Kristin has been a client of ours for a few years now... Oh."

"What?"

"Ah. I..." She cleared her throat. "Excuse me a moment." Clutching the file to her chest, she darted into a back room.

Levi could hear frantic whispering, and his stomach dropped. He already knew what had happened before the clerk returned with a nurse in tow.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Church, but Kristin-" began the nurse.

"When?" he demanded.

"Four months ago. Pneumonia." The woman's face was gentle. "We tried to alert you that she was ill, but the military informed us that Farlan Church passed away more than a year ago, and we had no other contact names."

Levi's stomach twisted until it ached. "And you just kept taking my fucking money every month?"

"Well, we didn't know where it was actually coming from, and it was benefiting many other patients. Might you be interested in continuing to support us in her memory?"

Without saying a word, Levi turned and marched out the door.

His eyes stung, and his throat was tight. Maybe should have asked about the location of her grave, laid a flower on it for Farlan's sake, but what did it matter? They were both dead, and Erwin was half dead, and one day, Levi would die, too. They were all dying: the majority of his squad, his team before that, Isabel and Farlan, and Klaus and Matthias and every fucking person he had ever cared about. His vision was blurring, and he had the overwhelming urge to beat the crap out of something.

He stopped.

A vent lay below his feet. The inside was too dark to see, but he knew where it led. He could smell the stench of the Underground wafting up on damp, warm air. Sewage. Despair. It was familiar and revolting all at once.

He stared. What would have happened if Erwin had died on the field, if he hadn't gotten there in time? Would he be standing at the top of a staircase now, preparing to descend into the life he had once known? He had originally stayed in the military purely for him: he had seen Erwin as a mentor figure, of sorts, someone to learn from. Was that still the only reason he was there? Was Erwin the tiny thread connecting him to the Survey Corps, or was there more than that now? He began to shiver as he thought of Mike, of Hange.

Were all his ties just people? That wasn't enough. Lives were frail.  _I want to make sure all these deaths mean something._ That was the answer he had given Erwin when the man had asked why he stayed, but everyone died, especially in the Survey Corps. It didn't matter what happened after they were gone. Dead was dead.

He slowly crouched over the drain, staring between the rungs.  _I'm sorry, Farlan. I thought I was taking care of her. I didn't even know she was dead._

Far below, in the darkness, he saw a light. He squinted. A boy and a girl were walking hand in hand, carrying a lantern. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but she bumped him good-naturedly with her shoulder, and the boy ruffled her hair in response.

He closed his eyes as memories came pouring back. He had always looked back on his time in the Underground with bitterness, but it hadn't been all bad. There had also been a sense of community, a sense of belonging. The people there were trapped both by the titans and by a corrupt system, and yet they still managed to find meaning in their miserable lives.

 _That_  was what kept him in the Survey Corps, and would have kept him there if everyone he loved had died. He wanted all of humanity to taste the freedom he had briefly tasted outside Wall Maria, terrible and beautiful, vast and empty, limitless with possibility. Everyone deserved that opportunity, even the people living beneath his feet in the world he had left behind. Hell, some of them deserved it even more than the people living cushy lives above the surface.

It wasn't just about making deaths mean something; it was about making every  _life_  mean something, too. At some point, he had stopped valuing his own life and started valuing everyone else's instead.  _I guess Erwin's been rubbing off on me more than I realized._

When he closed his eyes, the pattern of the vent briefly glowed on his eyelids. He took several long breaths, watching it fade.

The meeting was still in session when he arrived back at the courthouse. He slipped through the doorway and took a seat in a chair along the side of the room.

Erwin sat at the head of the table, his chin high. His voice was gravelly and he had to pause for breath every few words, but his audience still seemed to be paying attention. Levi felt a swell of pride.  _Even half-dead, you have more life in you than anyone else in this room._

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end as Levi became aware that someone was staring at him. He shifted his gaze and met the eyes of Lord Sahlo. The man quickly looked away, his jaw quivering. Levi felt rage swell within him. This was the man who had pushed Erwin to work himself nonstop, who had forced them to rush the expedition.

"All right," said Zackly a few minutes later. "I think we should adjourn here. Thank you for taking the time to come in even under such grave circumstances, Erwin."

"We'll look forward to your proposal on recruiting and investors," added Sahlo. "Only after you've recovered, of course; please take your time. Though while you're here, I have some suggestions about how to approach the latter - if you're okay to stay behind a few minutes, that is."

"Of course," said Erwin.

The men began to file from the room. Levi watched them leave, his lip curling into a sneer. Every single one of them was a rich old man.  _Maybe if the Council contained a single person who didn't have limitless food and money, they'd get their priorities straight and the poorer classes wouldn't be in such terrible shape._

Nile brought up the rear, signalling for the soldiers standing guard in the corners to follow him. The door closed behind him, leaving the three of them alone.

"Levi," said Erwin, looking at him for the first time since he had entered. "You're welcome to join this discussion, too."

The losses he had experienced were snowballing together, and Levi found he couldn't contain his rage. "Good, because I have words for this pig." He walked up to the table and dropped into a chair. "I hope you listened carefully to the part about casualties, because every single one of them is your fault."

The lord flinched. "What?"

"Levi," warned Erwin.

"Their blood's on your hands." Levi's brows lowered. "You were so eager to get your greasy paws on whatever funds we could bring back that you pushed the expedition ahead too fast. If we'd been better prepared-"

"Levi," said Erwin evenly, "Lord Sahlo controls neither the titans nor the weather. He's not to blame for our losses."

Sahlo didn't seem to hear him. He leaned forward, eyeing Levi. "You don't trust me, do you?"

"No shit."

"Funny, that. Your boss over there knows everything about me, and he seems to trust me just fine. I'm an open book, and he's read every page. But you..." Sahlo folded his hands on the table. "Both of you, boss and guard dog, men without real names, without pasts. I've been trying to learn everything I can about you, and I've come up against some surprising walls. So why have you decided that  _I'm_ the untrustworthy one here?"

"Walls aren't surprising," said Erwin. "The Underground isn't known for its record-keeping."

"True." Sahlo's gaze shifted to him. "But you certainly didn't come from the Underground, Commander. You don't have that malnourished, weedy look about you. But Humanity's Strongest over here trusts you anyway, even though he doesn't know a thing about you. I'd just like a little of that benefit of the doubt myself."

Levi's blood boiled, but this wasn't the time to lose his temper. He had complicated everything enough already by speaking out. He bit the inside of his cheek.

"Lord Sahlo," said Erwin, "The past is long over. Let's look to the future instead. You have some ideas for investors?"

"Yes." The lord relaxed back into his chair, straightening his hat. "I'm not sure I agree with your idea of using your dog as a showpiece. He's a bit on the rabid side, wouldn't you say?"

 _Fuck you,_  thought Levi, but there was nothing he could say without proving the lord's point, so he said nothing.

"What do you suggest?" asked Erwin.

"That I find you some sponsors. I have an extensive network of contacts through my shipping and receiving company, and I'd be happy to start spreading tales of your people's heroism and your particular drive and intelligence." He leaned back in his chair. "For a price."

"A price?"

"You're giving me half of your monetary findings going forward, right? And you want me to kick eighty percent of that back to the Survey Corps. I'd like to hang on to a bit more. So how about this? For every sponsor I find, you'll let me keep a full percent more." The lord smiled. "We would, of course, agree on a baseline monetary value that a qualifying sponsor would be worth, in order to make sure that you were ending up with more money than you would have gotten from my one percent. I want this to benefit both of us."

"I'll consider it," said Erwin. "We'll assess our finances and, if we agree to move ahead with it, we'll submit a suggested baseline to you with your fund shipment." He pulled a folded piece of paper out of his file and slid it over to the lord. "This is the value of the shipment. We recovered funds from all but one silo, so it's a bit low, but close to what was expected. When we eventually recover that last silo, we'll ship the remainder to you."

Levi cast Erwin a sharp glance.  _We're missing the funds from two silos, not one._

"A tidy little amount. Glad your people didn't die for nothing." Sahlo folded the paper and slipped it into his front pocket. "I'll make my eighty percent donation to you as soon as the funds arrive." He nodded. "Good day, Commander." He glanced at Levi and gave a little sneer.

The door closed behind him.

Levi rocked his chair back on two legs. "You didn't tell them we dumped a bunch of the tax chests?"

Erwin's gaze settled on him, cold and businesslike. "No, I had enough bad news for them as it was. I'll supplement the amount, for now - a loan I can pay back to myself once we recover those chests."

"So how are you going to keep him on our side when we stop doing expeditions that involve money?"

"I have some ideas," said Erwin, still staring at him.

Levi lowered the chair legs to the ground. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You know Sahlo didn't have anything to do with the expedition's failure, don't you?"

Levi shrugged. "If he hadn't been an asshole and rushed you, the ground would have dried, and we might have outrun those last titans."

"If we start wondering 'what if,' we can find a way to blame anyone." His eyes were hard. "As distasteful as it may be, Sahlo is our ally."

"Well, I don't trust him, and I don't care if he knows it."

"He knows it." Erwin looked thoughtful. "It's interesting that he was trying to test your trust in me. I'm not sure what his angle was."

"His angle was that he's a jackass." Levi stood. He gripped the wheelchair handles and began to roll the Commander toward the back door.

After a moment, Erwin said, "How's your friend?"

"Dead." Levi opened the door and backed through it, pulling the chair with him. "No more monthly fees, at least. If you need help with money, I'm going to have a lot more now."

"I'm sorry," said Erwin quietly. "Can I do anything?"

Levi's stomach was twisting. "Maybe buy me a few drinks tonight. I don't want to be sober right now. I don't know what the fuck I'm feeling."

"Nile and Marie invited us for drinks, tonight, after dinner, if you're interested. Marie's parents sent alcohol from the bar; they need help getting rid of it."

"I thought Nile hated you."

He heard a smile in Erwin's voice: "I told you, we have a complicated history."

Normally, the idea of hanging around with the Doks would be revolting, but free alcohol was exactly what Levi needed. "Fine, let's do it. Now stop talking. You already pushed too hard today. You're wheezing so much that it's painful to listen to you."

"It had to be done," said Erwin quietly.

"Well, sounds like it went well, at least. I don't know how you do it, but I'm sure as hell glad you're on my side."

They emerged from the side path and rounded the front of the building. One of the soldiers patrolling outside the courthouse perked up and began to hurry toward them. Levi glanced up and, recognizing her face, slowed to a stop.  _Not now._

"What is it?" asked Erwin.

"Our new recruit," said Levi, watching as Petra skidded to a stop in front of them.

"Commander Erwin," said Petra, saluting. "Squad Leader Levi. Sirs."

"At ease," said Erwin. "What's your name, soldier?"

"Petra Ral, sir. I was hoping to run into you." Her eyes were shining, her cheeks pink. "I've received word that I'll be transferred to your division in January. I'm honoured to have received your invitation. I'm excited to show the Survey Corps what I can do."

Her enthusiasm made Levi's throat tighten.  _That's the same expression Isabel was wearing when Farlan first introduced me to her. They're about the same age, too._

"Word is that your combat and teamwork skills are exceptional," said Erwin. "I had the pleasure of working with your uncle when I was a new recruit. I expect you'll be every bit as useful to our mission as he was."

She smiled and gave a determined nod. "I won't let you down, sir."

"Good. We'll see you in a few months." He gingerly formed a partial salute, one fist on his chest. She saluted back.

As they moved away, Erwin said, "She's taken quite a shining to you, Levi."

"What?" asked Levi, distracted.  _I can't lead her into battle. I can't throw her life away the way I threw away Isabel's._ He felt his mood began to teeter toward despair again, and he gritted his teeth, annoyed that his emotions were so fragile.

"Those shy little glances, that blush-"

Levi's mouth twisted. "I thought I told you to stop talking." He paused. "Do you think she looks like Isabel?"

After a pause, Erwin said, "Not really."

"Maybe it's just her mannerisms."

"I'm afraid I didn't know Isabel that well. Is this going to be a problem?"

"No," said Levi, hoping it wasn't. He couldn't afford to associate his guilt with one of his soldiers. He might get overprotective.

When they returned to the hotel, Levi helped Erwin take off his shirts, then gave him a proper dose of morphine. The man's eyes fluttered shut.

"I'm sorry, Levi," he said. "I need to sleep."

"It's fine. It'll help you heal. I think I need a nap myself." Levi wheeled the man to the side of the bed, then undressed and crawled under the covers.

"I wish I could crawl in next to you," said Erwin. "Make love to you. Show my gratitude."

"There'll be time for that later." Levi wondered how far away 'later' would be. With the extent of the man's injuries, it was going to be a long time before they could have sex with any degree of energy. Even the gentlest lovemaking was out of the question until he was through the worst of it. He couldn't even imagine sharing a bed with him - one wrong move in the night, and he might smack Erwin's injuries and aggravate them.

Thinking about that recovery time made him feel lonely. He reached out a hand and closed it over Erwin's. Their fingers interlocked, and he felt a little better.

Moments later, he heard slow, rasping breaths coming from the chair, but sleep didn't find him so easily. He lay staring at the ceiling, his mind pacing circles around Isabel, and Farlan, and the sneer on Sahlo's face.

.*.*.*.

That evening, they stopped at the hotel bar for a quick dinner, then headed to the Dok household. Erwin, properly medicated now, seemed to be floating on a cloud of chemical happiness. He told idle stories about nothing, pointing out facts about streetlamps and cobblestone. Levi normally would have enjoyed the chatter - it wasn't often that he saw Erwin so relaxed - but he was still too distracted by his unstable emotions.

They approached a two-story house with flowers in the windowsills. The door was adorned with a metal knocker with the name  _Dok_  spelled in curly letters. Below it hung a plaque depicting three characters holding hands: a man, a woman and a baby.

"Nauseating." Levi's lips flattened as he looked at Erwin.  _"This_  is the life you used to regret giving up?"

"Well, not exactly," said Erwin, deadpan. "The letters would have spelled 'Smith.'"

"Maybe we should get one of these for your bedroom door. Pretend we're a family, give you a taste of what you could have had."

"Smith-hyphen-question mark, with a plaque showing two men stabbing a titan?"

"Brings a tear to my eye." Wondering what sort of domestic hell he was about to enter, Levi used the knocker.

A few moments later, the door opened, and a small child looked up at them. Levi stared into the all-too-familiar blue eyes. "Holy shit."

The child ran back into house. "Mom," he yelled, dragging out the word into several syllables. "They're here!"

Levi's stare shifted to Erwin. There was no question about it: the eyes were identical.

"He's Nile's child," whispered Erwin firmly.

"I didn't say a word."

The door open wide and Marie stepped through, the child hiding behind her skirt. "Erwin, Levi! Welcome." She bent down to kiss Erwin's cheek, then stepped back to look at him, pity in her eyes. "You poor thing."

"It's nothing," said Erwin with dismissive machismo that made bile rise in Levi's throat.

"And Levi." Marie surprised him by throwing her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Nile tells me you saved Erwin's life. I'm so glad he has someone taking such good care of him. Thank you for coming."

Levi wanted to be annoyed, but her hug was warm and soft, and he found himself relaxing into it. He needed a hug more than he wanted to admit. "I hear there's liquor."

"Lots of it." Marie pulled away, dark eyes sparkling. "You two come in and get settled in the living room while I prep a few things in the kitchen. Nile will be down in a second - he just has to run Jasper down the street to his aunt's, and then he'll join us."

Levi looked around as they stepped into the house. The room was large, but simple, with wooden floors and white walls. The furniture was all matching and stylish, and if it weren't for a small wooden duck near one wall, he wouldn't have thought any children lived here at all. He subtly ran a finger along a shelf. Clean.

Nile came down the stairs wearing a dress shirt and a vest that matched his pants. He nodded briskly at them and, after a few standard pleasantries, departed with Jasper.

Levi's skin crawled.  _Is that what this evening is going to be? Strained politeness?_ He hoped the drinks were coming soon.

"Levi," asked Erwin quietly, "I wondered if you might help me onto the couch? I'd rather spend my evening out of the chair."

Levi's brows pinched. "You shouldn't be moving around."

"I know. I'll stay there the entire evening. Been in this chair for so long that my ass is starting to flatten."

"We wouldn't want that." Giving in, Levi leaned over him and reached out his arms. "You lead."

Getting him out of the chair took a few tries - he seemed to be stiffer and in more pain than he had been that morning. Once they got him upright, Levi gently lowered him to the couch.

"How's that?"

Erwin sank into the couch, gaze trailing across the room. "My ass is grateful to you."

"Wouldn't be the first time."

Erwin smiled, but it seemed forced.

"Need more morphine?" asked Levi, even though he suspected what bothered him wasn't physical.

"No. Thank you."

Leaning closer, Levi lowered his voice. "Is it hard for you to be here?"

"A little." A pause; the blue eyes fixed on him. "I don't regret anything. You know that."

"Yeah, I know." Levi tucked away a stray strand of blond hair. "But I know you want a life like this, deep down. Wish I could give it to you."

Erwin raised a brow. "You'd be bored stiff."

"Maybe. Wouldn't know until I tried it." If he were honest, it wasn't all that different from the life he had built for himself in the Underground, once upon a time. Sharing a military base with two-hundred other soldiers wasn't the same as having a private home.  _Well, I guess that's only fifty other soldiers now._

"Levi," said Marie, poking her head out of the kitchen.

He jerked away from Erwin's forehead. "What?"

"Could I get a hand in the kitchen for a moment, please?"

"What the hell? You put your houseguests to work?"

She put her hands on her hips. "Well, 'houseguests' would show some manners, so you're disqualified. Get your ass in here." She turned back to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, "And I saw you inspecting my dusting job, you asshole."

Levi glanced at Erwin for support and found the man grinning at him. "Shut up."

As he was just stepping into the kitchen, he heard the front door open. He glanced back and saw Nile take a seat across from Erwin.  _At least I don't have to make small talk with shitbeard._

"Here." Marie slid a jar across the counter. "That thing's sealed so tightly it'll take Humanity's Strongest to open it."

As Levi twisted the lid, his eyes wandered across the counter. Bottles and bottles of alcohol were lined up against the wall, some in bizarre shapes and tints.

She followed his gaze. "Yeah, we need help with all that. My parents own a bar, and they're always sending us odds and ends. We don't entertain much since Jasper came along, so it's building up, and we need to clear it out as soon as possible."

"I'll do my part," said Levi.

"Yeah, I bet you've had a rough week." Marie pulled four glasses down from a cupboard. "Puts things in perspective when I think I'm having a tough day, you know? Just thinking about what you guys go through."

The jar lid popped as he broke the seal. He turned to her, and found her staring into the bottom of the glasses, her face distant.

"What?" he asked.

"Is Erwin okay?"

He slid the open jar to the side, then leaned back against the counter, arms folding over his chest. "He's fine."

She looked up at him, genuine worry on her face. "He doesn't look fine."

"He just led his first mission as Commander and three-quarters of his regiment was wiped out. He's got four broken ribs and a lung injury. What did you expect him to look like?"

"That's just it. I'd expect him to be broken down, or sad. He just looks...blank."

 _Perceptive._ Levi was still determined to be aloof around her, but she was slowly getting under his skin. "We deal with it in different ways."

"I guess." She tilted the open jar over the glasses, filling the bottoms with a light layer of syrup. "Erwin's on morphine, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'll make his without alcohol. You want a double, or would that be too strong?"

"I'll drink it straight from the bottle."

She smirked at him. "A man after my own heart, but let's start with cocktails before we get to the heavy drinking." Selecting a couple bottles from her collection, she began to add more liquid to each of the drinks. "I'm glad he has you, you know. I can tell a lot of emotion passes between the two of you. If he's pretending to be blank, he needs someone who can see through that and give him the support he needs."

Levi shrugged. "I guess." The liqueur she was pouring smelled of citrus, one of his favourite scents.

"I see the way he looks at you." Her smile was sad. "Never saw him look at anyone like that before."

He shrugged again, but deep down, he felt a spark of pride.

She measured out shots of gin. "Does he still apologize after sex?"

Levi tensed. "What the fuck?"

"Oh, relax. Who would I tell? Nile still wants to believe Erwin's straight as a rod, and the nobility here doesn't give a shit about what some military wife has to say." Marie leaned closer, raising a brow. "How about the inappropriately intense pillow talk? I bet he still does that. 'Now that we've both come, let me tell you exactly how humanity's going to go extinct one day.' And then he just fucks off to sleep and leaves you wide awake and stressed out."

A little snort left Levi's nose before he could stop it. He cleared his throat, trying to cover the sound.

"Thought so." Marie winked, then handed him a glass. "What do you think? Enough syrup?"

He took a sip. The gin was finer than he was used to, and it blended with the citrus flavours to make a smooth, slightly sweet drink. "Not bad."

"Good." She grabbed two of the drinks, then nodded at the last one on the counter. "That's Erwin's."

They returned to the living room and found Nile and Erwin deep in conversation about a noble Levi had never heard of. He settled into place next to Erwin and handed him his glass.

Marie sat by Nile and nudged him. He smiled and accepted his drink. Levi had never seen the man smile so warmly before.  _Maybe that asshole does have a nice side._

"Well, since we're all here," said Nile, "Marie and I have an announcement: we're moving back to Stohess. Commander Williams is retiring at the end of the year, so they'll be promoting me to take his place."

"Congratulations," said Erwin, smiling. "I can think of no one better for the job."

Levi studied Nile, trying to decide if this was a good or a bad thing for the Survey Corps. The man did have a rapport with Erwin, if a bit of a rocky one, so they might get extra access to police information. On the other hand, his alliance with Sahlo made him untrustworthy.

"Drink up, all of you," said Marie. "We have a ton of alcohol to get rid of before we move."

"Too bad we can't play the old drinking games anymore," said Nile with a grin. "Mike, Erwin and I would have been able to clear out that entire shelf in one night, back in the day."

"Really?" Levi glanced at Erwin. From what he had seen, the Commander didn't have a high tolerance.

"I was usually under the table when those two were barely getting started," said Erwin, smiling. "Even Anke could out-drink me."

Levi studied Nile. "You're telling me this scraggly-haired idiot can hold his liquor?"

Nile snorted. "Ha! You're one to talk. You're what, forty kilos soaking wet? I bet you'd be down by your third drink."

"You'd be plucking vomit chunks out of that shitty excuse for a beard before I even felt a buzz."

"Is that so?" Nile swished the drink in his glass, as if considering. "Care to test that theory?"

Erwin glanced at Marie. "Should we stop this before it gets out of control?"

She shrugged. "There's an awful lot of liquor to get through. Besides, Levi's had one hell of a week, and Nile deserves to celebrate. Might be good for them to cut loose a bit. You two can always stay the night if things get too rowdy."

"Hear that, Nile?" said Levi. "You have your drinking game." He had been responsible and controlled ever since his Commander had first fallen unconscious, and he was surprised by how much he was looking forward to abandoning it all for a little while.

"I've never seen you plastered," said Erwin, sounding intrigued.

"That's because I don't get 'plastered,'" said Levi. He drained the rest of his glass and slammed it down on the table, welcoming what was about to come.

.*.*.*.

As the night progressed, Levi and Nile began to get louder, their discussions more animated. The bravado between them escalated to a card game at the table, though they seemed to be spending the majority of the time arguing about the rules. Erwin smiled to himself as he watched from the couch. He enjoyed seeing this new side of Levi. It reminded him of the days when responsibility had been a vague future possibility, when getting drunk and laid were the top priorities of his classmates. He wondered if Levi had ever gone through that phase. Something told him the man had passed straight from his toddler years right into adulthood. Childhood was a luxury that impoverished citizens couldn't afford.

Marie returned from the kitchen with more drinks. She set two of them on the table, then settled on the couch across from Erwin. "Haven't seen Nile like this for a long time."

"I've never seen Levi this drunk." Erwin watched the man's exaggerated gestures, finding them endearing. "He suffers so much. Never takes time to enjoy himself like this."

"I'm sure he takes time to enjoy himself when he's with you. Just in a different way."

He glanced at her. She was cupping her drink with both hands, staring into the bottom of it, but when she noticed him looking at her, she smiled.

"I'm happy for you, Erwin."

The statement seemed ridiculous: his ribs were throbbing, as was his little finger, and his heart was heavy with the burden of the expedition's losses. "Really?"

"I mean, I'm happy that you found Levi. The two of you have something special." Her face softened. "I used to worry that you'd just keep chasing your goals, isolated and alone, getting crazier and more miserable until you died. I'm glad you found someone to accompany you."

"No, no, just listen," said Nile loudly from the table. "I don't mean... I don't mean to be disrespectful. But people shit from there. I'm just saying, doesn't it smell?"

"Maybe  _yours_ does," said Levi, his speech heavier than usual with the brash, growling accent of the Underground. "Most people wash. Try that sometime. Especially if your ass hair is as scraggly as your facial hair. Bet that holds the stink."

Nile looked around, then leaned forward. His whisper was almost as loud as his yell. "You and Erwin...?"

"What?"

"You actually do that?"

"That's private, shitfuck. Shut up and play your hand."

Marie shook her head and took a sip of her drink. "I guess Nile's getting a bit of sex education."

"I doubt he'll remember it, anyway," said Erwin. "Sounds like Levi's winning this competition."

"Maybe." Marie winced as the men's voices began to rise in volume again. "If they get any more obnoxious, I'd say we're the ones losing. Fuck, they're loud."

He chuckled and stretched his back a little, trying to get more comfortable. Pain shot through his torso. He winced.

"Painkillers wearing off?" she asked.

At the words, Levi rotated to face them. "Holy shit, Erwin, s'been hours. You should've said something, you stupid, stubborn asshole."

"We've only been here three hours," said Erwin. "I don't think you can use a syringe right now, Levi. You can't even blink properly."

"I've used them in worse." Levi stood, then swayed, clutching the back of the chair to keep his balance. "Fuck."

"Ha!" said Nile, jumping to his feet. "What's the matter, can't handle- Oh shit." He tipped sideways, then slowly, slowly sank to the floor. "Marie..." he whimpered, rolling onto his back.

"Oh god," muttered Marie. She marched over to him. "Serves you right for taunting him."

"Sick of cards, anyway." Levi staggered over to Erwin and sank onto the couch. "Where's the meds?"

"In the bag beside the couch."

"Got it." Levi slumped onto his side and began to slap his hand over the edge of the couch, searching for the bag.

Across from them, Marie helped Nile to the couch and lowered him onto it. The Captain began to laugh wildly at nothing. She rolled her eyes. "Last time he was this drunk was right after you, Mike and Anke left."

"Oh?" said Erwin, surprised.

"He was feeling guilty about deciding to join the MP and leaving the rest of you to the Survey Corps. Tried to find solace in the bottom of a bottle."

" _You_ were feeling guilty," slurred Nile, flopping against her shoulder.

She patted his thigh. "Of course, dear: I was feeling guilty. Now close your eyes and try to sleep this off."

"But Levi's two drinks ahead."

"And I'm still sober," said Levi. He sat upright, swaying, and began to fumble through the medicine bag.

"I can do that." Erwin reached over to take the bag from him. He could already envision a vial of morphine smashing on the hardwood floor.

Levi coached him through filling the syringe, then took it from him. The slender brows pinched with concentration, and for a moment, his hand was perfectly steady.

 _Even when he's drunk out of his mind, he can still perfectly control his body with a bit of focus,_  thought Erwin, impressed.

"Done." Levi handed him the empty syringe. Erwin capped it and tucked it into the pocket with the others.

Across from them, Nile, still slumped against Marie's side, began to snore.

"Looks like you win, Levi." She stood and lowered Nile to the couch. "I'll be right back. I'm going to get everyone some water."

"Bring more gin," said Levi.

Once she was out of the room, Erwin squeezed Levi's knee. "I'm a bit jealous I'm not drunk with you. Might be fun to be drunken idiots together."

The man's eyes narrowed. "You're the idiot. I'm not drunk. Just sleepy."

"You can lay your head on my lap if you like."

"Okay. Just for a minute." Levi stretched out on his back, gently laying his head in Erwin's lap. His eyes fluttered closed. "I want to drink more. It still hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Death."

Erwin smoothed a strand of hair off the high forehead. "I'm so sorry, Levi."

"Not your fault." The man's voice was fading. "Erwin?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you didn't die. I love you."

Erwin's heart glowed, so strongly he thought it might combust. "I love you, too."

Eyes still closed, Levi's lips stretched into a warm smile, a full one that showed his teeth and dimpled his left cheek. Erwin's breath caught. He cupped the man's face, wishing he could hold that smile in place forever.

"Huh."

He looked up and saw Marie grinning at them from across the room. "'Huh?'"

She set a couple glasses of water on the coffee table, then sat down next to her husband. "That was unexpectedly adorable."

Erwin looked down. Levi's smile was already gone; his breaths were even. "He's a lot sweeter than his brash demeanour would suggest."

"Well, that too, but I meant you." Her eyes took on a wistful sheen. "You always hated that word."

"What word?"

"Love. You flat-out refused to say it, and you'd get angry if I tried to say it to you."

"Did I?" he asked, surprised.

"Of course. I made some rather angsty journal entries about it, and the ridiculous ways you'd try to work around it: I care for you, I trust you, I carry you in my heart, all sorts of bullshit. I even got one letter from you that spelled it l-u-v, as if that were something different."

He honestly couldn't remember any of it. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. We were just dumb kids. I created my fair share of drama, too." She ran her hand through Nile's hair. "But everything worked out for the best, right? We've each got our grumpy, drunken idiots, and you're leading humanity's hope, and I'm finally going to get out of this fucking city."

"You don't like Mitras?" When they were younger, she had always wanted a fancy house in the Capital.

She shook her head. "I have no friends here. It's just me, Nile and Jasper. Everyone knows we're only here because of Nile's position, and they're snooty assholes about it." She twisted a strand of dark hair around her finger, looking thoughtful. "I don't want my children growing up like these people."

"Children?" repeated Erwin, sensing it was more than a hypothetical.

She patted her stomach and gave him a shy smile. "You aren't the only sober one tonight. We only just found out. It's a lot of change all at once, but I'm excited. And you should have seen Nile - he actually started crying. I think he's more excited about this than his promotion."

"Ah. Congratulations." He hesitated, the morphine lowering his inhibitions. "Marie, about Jasper-"

"Don't."

"I can help pay for his education, maybe send some-"

"Erwin, don't." She held his gaze. "You and I, we were a long time ago. None of it matters anymore."

"I suppose it doesn't." He looked down at Levi, studying his peaceful features. "Sometimes I think about how simple things were back then. The worries that seemed so large then are so insignificant now."

"Do you miss the old days?"

"Sometimes." He traced Levi's eyebrow with his fingertips. The man gave a small moan, shifting a little. "Sometimes, I wish I could hide back there, when I wasn't sending person after person to their deaths, when I didn't understand how precarious humanity's survival really is. I wish I could bring Levi back with me, and all of us could hang out in the bar and laugh about trivial things together."

His jaw tightened.  _But I have responsibilities now, and I can't afford to shirk them. People are counting on me._

There was so much left to do, so many steps to take, each one monumentally larger than the last. First, he had to recover, then get more soldiers and sponsors, then recover the last of the supplies, then, finally, push to Wall Maria. Even then, even if they somehow managed to reclaim the wall, there was the larger goal of pushing beyond the walls. And every single one of those steps would mean more lives lost under his command, more chances that he, Levi and everyone else would die.

His hand began to tremble, and he anchored it in Levi's hair, but the panic that had begun to bloom was already spreading through his body.

"Marie," he whispered, "I pulled this man away from a sheltered life in the Underground, and now he's walking by my side, following me into the depths of hell. I'm terrified the flames that drive me are going to consume him. I have constant nightmares that I turn into a titan and swallow him whole." He ran out of breath, gasping for air.

"Wow. Calm down. I just wondered if you missed telling stupid jokes in the bar." Marie stood and circled the coffee table. She crouched to his eye level, so close that he could smell her perfume. "That big brain of yours always was so dramatic."

He stared blankly at her, still fighting for his breath.

"Erwin." She cupped his cheek, her face solemn. "Don't live so far in the future that you forget to live in the present."

He considered her words, his breaths slowing.

"You're welcome to stay as long as you need to while Levi sobers up." She returned to the other couch to shake Nile awake. "Stay until morning, if you like."

"Thank you, Marie," he said solemnly. "I appreciate your company and your hospitality."

"Of course. Goodnight." She smiled and hoisted Nile to his feet. The man's blink was uneven, and he didn't seem to know where he was. "Come on," she said, carefully leading her shuffling husband toward the stairs.

Erwin looked down at Levi, stroking his brow. The man stirred and gave a small moan.

"You awake?" asked Erwin.

"Huh?"

"Think you can walk?"

"Should be," said Levi, and then he began to snore.

Settling in, Erwin leaned his head back against the couch. It wasn't quite as easy on his ribs as the wheelchair, but he had missed being this close together. One night of discomfort would be worth it.

He rested a hand on Levi's chest, savouring the warmth of the contact. He really did spend too much time with his head in the future. Levi helped him value the present, too.

_You protect me from myself._

The road ahead was long, and increasingly difficult, but they were together, and they were alive.

Here, in the present, that was enough.


	24. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: this chapter is sort of an interlude to close out Part II, a little piece to act as a break/diversion from the stress of the main plot. Because of that, this chapter is light on plot, and VERY heavy on smut and silly fluff -- as in, I'm a bit embarrassed about how much smut is in it. If you're reading this fic straight through, you'll probably notice this chapter completely grinds the pacing to a halt, haha. But I enjoyed writing it, and I think the boys deserve a bit of fun after all they've been through so far, so up it goes. :)
> 
> I'll start publishing Part III around the end of January, if all goes according to plan. This seemed like a natural place to take a little breather before I dive back in to tackle Parts III & IV.
> 
> \---------
> 
> Secondly, I wanted to give a shout-out to two awesome people who made lovely fan art for the last couple chapters!
> 
> (*) tsukinoyoukai made this beautiful illustration of Erwin's heavily drugged slip-up in Chapter 22: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/106478384296/ (guhhhh, Levi's reaction is perfect!)
> 
> (*) trashyoldmen drew an adorable follow-up to the door knocker scene in Chapter 23: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/106659346226/ (I laughed so hard & with so much obvious delight that my husband came into the room, and then I had to explain the whole scene to him...)
> 
> Thank you, both, for these lovely pieces!!! I am so honoured that you took the time to draw these. *big huge hugs~*
> 
> \---------
> 
> Finally, I've put some notes at the end of this chapter about Christmas and my theories about the SNK timeline, etc. Only for the people who are wondering what the hell I'm thinking. ;)
> 
> All right, enough rambling, sorry! Thank you for reading, and big hugs to everyone who has been taking the time to comment, akjsdlfj;asf! <3
> 
> \---------
> 
> Previous chapter: A stubborn, injured Erwin goes to Mitras with Levi to sort out the political aftermath of the expedition. Levi discovers an unfortunate truth about Farlan's sister, and the duo ends up spending a memorable night with the Doks. (At least, Erwin's going to remember it. Not sure about Levi...)

**-24-**

**Present**

 

"I can't believe this is the last time the five of us will be hanging out like this," said Berit.

"You're welcome to come back and visit whenever you like." Erwin drained the last of the whiskey and then slid four full glasses across the coffee table. The Squad Leaders each took one.

Berit sipped the amber liquid. "Never thought I'd make it out alive."

The others were silent.

Erwin leaned back into the cushions, his stomach and mind glowing. He and Levi sat on one couch, while Berit, Hange and Mike sat on the other. The lamps were low, and even though it was still afternoon, it was already dark outside. Through the window, he could see large snowflakes, glowing orange from the lights in the yard. Nostalgia kindled in his stomach, faint, but warm. No matter how old he got, this time of year always had him reflecting on the past, good and bad.

Alcohol was good for drowning that. He stood.

"What are you doing?" asked Levi.

"We need another bottle." Erwin squeezed his shoulder, then walked over to the cabinet in the corner.

"Sit down. I'll get it for you."

"Levi, I'm fine." In spite of the assurance, he could feel the man's eyes trailing him. Erwin's recovery from his injuries had been a slow process, complicated by constant re-injury that had probably, in retrospect, been his own fault. Still, it had been nearly a full month since he had last discarded the final artifact of his injuries: his cane. Though he still tired easily, he had been training in the yard and the gym nearly every day, working hard to get his strength back. He was determined to be ready for the field by the time the ground thawed in the spring.

Levi didn't seem quite so optimistic. In the long months of his recovery, Levi had been keeping a watchful eye over him, making sure he got enough sleep, did his physiotherapy exercises and didn't push himself too hard. For the most part, the concern was endearing. Sometimes, however, it was overbearing, and Erwin had stopped telling him about the occasional twinges or aches he got on his wounded side -- though he had a feeling Levi could tell when he was hiding it, anyway.

As he reached for the top shelf, he felt one of those twinges, a sharp pain as if someone had punched him in the side. He breathed calmly through it, retrieving the liquor bottle. The doctors had suggested the one badly fractured rib hadn't healed properly and probably never would. He hoped they were wrong. An unexpected twinge on the battlefield could cost him his life.

He returned with a bottle of brandy. My apologies, everyone, I'm out of whiskey."

"Anything is good," said Mike, pink-cheeked after consuming the majority of the previous two bottles.

In the background, the clock struck five.

"Shit," said Levi. "The carriage will be here in half an hour."

"Already?" Erwin settled next to him and poured himself a small glass.

"So now that it's just the five of us," said Hange, "can you tell us where you're actually going?" The cover story had been that the duo was heading to the Capital, where they would go their separate ways to visit family and friends for the holidays.

Levi scoffed and poured himself a full glass. "Good luck. He won't even tell _me_."

"Somewhere far away," said Erwin, "where no one will recognize us." He leaned close to Levi and nuzzled his ear, whispering only loudly enough for him to hear: "We'll be able to do absolutely anything we want with no consequences. I can fuck you against a tree, or behind a building, or on a park bench, without fear of ruining our reputations."

A shiver ran through Levi's body. "What the fuck, Erwin?"

"What'd he just say?" asked Hange. "Mike?"

The man snorted. "I can't smell words."

Berit's nose wrinkled. "I don't think it was meant for our ears."

Levi downed half his glass as if it were a shot. "He said he's a creepy old man who's abducting me to who-the-fuck-knows where, and he's going to act out and get us both arrested."

"Mike knows where we're going," said Erwin, "in case of emergency. Trust me; the journey will be worth it." He kissed Levi's earlobe, then his neck, then tried to pull him onto his lap. The man frowned and pushed him away.

"It's like you have seventeen goddamned arms, you pervert."

"I might have had a little too much to drink," admitted Erwin.

"Okay, ease off, lovebirds," said Berit. "If you get in the habit of groping each other during officer meetings, you're just going to scare off whoever replaces me."

"We have to get everything ready to load onto the carriage, anyway." Erwin finished his drink, then stood. "The three of you are welcome to stay here as long as you like. Help yourselves to any of the alcohol in the cabinet. And Berit." He knelt in front of the seated woman, bringing himself to her eye level. "It's been a pleasure to work with you. I know you and Shadis will work wonders with the upcoming generations of trainees."

She nodded and shook his hand. "The wedding invitation will be on your desk when you return. I hope you can attend."

"I'd be honoured."

The group exchanged their seasonal greetings, and then Erwin and Levi stepped into the hallway.

"You're like a fucking centipede when you drink," muttered Levi. "Crawling all over me with too many limbs."

"Are you complaining or bragging?"

"Bit of both."

"I see." They arrived at the door to Erwin's room. He pulled Levi through and shut it behind them, then bent down to give the man a long, slow kiss. When he pulled away, Levi's lids were low, a faint flush on his cheeks.

Erwin ran his thumb along the moist lower lip. "I thought maybe you were complaining so much because I was teasing you without following through."

"Fuck," breathed Levi. He caught the Commander's pendant and pulled him down for another kiss. "We don't have time." Their foreheads rolled against each other.

"And I probably drank too much to be useful." Erwin closed his teeth over the lower lip and gently tugged, then let it fall away. "If you can hold off until the carriage, I'll take care of you."

"Sure, that works." Levi released the bolo tie and stepped back.

"Not complaining about my roving hands anymore, are you?"

"They're not so bad in private." There was a twinkle in the man's eyes, an almost-smirk on his lips. He turned and left the room.

Erwin took a slow breath, then turned to gather the last of his things. He slipped a small bottle of oil and a handkerchief into his jacket pocket, just in case he needed them during the ride.

He enlisted the help of two young soldiers in the hallway, who were more than happy to carry their Commander's trunk while he slowly worked his way down the stairs to the courtyard. He kept his head high and his stance natural, but his body was still remembering how to move without the help of a cane, and he ran out of breath by the bottom. Trying not to be discouraged -- he'd get his fitness back eventually -- he stepped outside.

Snow dusted the ground, and at the centre of the courtyard stood Levi. Erwin stopped in his tracks, struck by the man's strange beauty. Snowflakes landed on Levi's long eyelashes, and puffs of air from his nose and lips floated around him like smoke.

The man folded his arms over his chest. "Ribs bothering you again?"

"No, just distracted." Remembering himself, Erwin helped him load the trunk into the luggage compartment.

The inside of the carriage was chilly, and Erwin turned on both lamps. Levi settled onto a bench next to him, and they shared a large fleece blanket.

"First stop is the Capital," said Erwin. "This driver thinks we'll be going our separate ways there, but we'll switch to a private transport company after that. I used fake identification, so we'll be untraceable."

Levi snuggled closer to his torso, nudging his way under Erwin's arm. "You went to a lot of effort, setting all this up."

"I promised you a romantic trip." He buried his face in the dark hair, breathing in. "This is probably the only time we'll have an opportunity to do something like this. Everything lined up perfectly. Everyone knows I'm still recovering, so a trip out of the city will seem natural for stress-reduction reasons. The recruiting initiatives are all in full swing, but it's too early to gauge the results, so there isn't any real work I can do at home, which means I can travel without guilt. Most of the investors are distracted by Christmas, and the ground's frozen so solidly that we can't scout. Nothing is critical in terms of political manoeuvering, and the titans have been quiet. There will never be a better time to get away." He closed his eyes. "I want to have at least one memory like this, one I can treasure in dark moments: the two of us pretending, just for a week, that we're normal people with normal lives."

"You're getting morbid again."

"I know." Erwin kissed the part of his hair. "I'm already dreading it ending."

"It hasn't even started. Don't miss the whole thing because you're too busy worrying about it being over." Levi turned to face him, his expression solemn. "Every day we're there, that day is all that matters, okay? No looking ahead, no working. Think you can do that?"

"I'll do my best." Erwin thought of the paperwork he had sneaked into the trunk. _I've forgotten how to relax._

Levi straddled his lap and pulled the blanket over his shoulders. Their gaze held, so intense that Erwin felt a shiver run down his spine. The snowflakes had melted, leaving tiny water droplets on Levi's eyelashes and hair that sparkled in the lamplight.

The man searched his eyes. "You're really fucking beautiful, you know that?"

Erwin smiled. "I was just thinking the same thing about you."

Their lips met. Levi shifted closer, their abdomens pressing together. Erwin ran his hands down the man's back, feeling the gear straps, the thin fabric of the dress shirt, the shifting muscles beneath it. One palm ran down Levi's spine, then lower.

The kiss broke. "I believe I promised you something more than this, Levi." He patted the man's ass. "Why don't you sit facing the other way?" He had originally hoped to use his mouth, but the carriage was rattling more than usual over the frozen ground, and he didn't want to think about what would happen if they hit a frozen pothole. Hands were safer.

Levi turned his back and sat, then adjusted the blanket over them. Erwin pulled the oil out of his jacket pocket. He kissed the back of Levi's neck, then began to suck the skin, pinching it with his teeth.

Levi's head tilted, giving him better access. "You're going to leave marks."

"It doesn't matter. Not where we're going." Erwin ran his tongue to Levi's jaw, then ear, then traced the groove down the back of his neck. His teeth pinched the skin again, and the man ground back against him.

"I love it when you squirm," murmured Erwin, groping his chest with his free hand, then working his way down to the belt buckle. His mouth kept working at Levi's neck, and now he could hear soft pants and moans. He finished unbuckling the belt and reached under the waistband. The first contact of skin to skin was so warm that they both let out a small groan.

"Here." Levi undid his fly and pulled himself out of his pants.

Erwin slicked one hand, then set the bottle aside. He wrapped the hand around Levi, one finger at a time. The other hand nestled between the man's legs. His fingers traced the soft, wrinkled flesh, enjoying the texture of the hair there. _He's more swollen than usual. It must have been a couple days._

"Erwin," gasped Levi.

Enjoying his impatience, Erwin began to stroke with maddening slowness.

"What are you doing?" Levi tried to thrust harder into his hands.

"I suppose I'm still in a teasing mood." Erwin slowed his movement even more. "We have a long trip ahead of us, so there's no need to rush."

Levi gave a noise that was almost a whimper. "I was too busy packing to jerk off this morning."

"That's not my fault. Don't worry, I'll make sure you get off. Eventually."

"Sadistic bastard." Levi squirmed back against him. "I want it hard."

Erwin's tongue traced the border of his ear. "I'll give it to you hard when we get to our destination. Maybe I'll warm you up with my fingers, then fuck you against the wall."

Levi gasped and tried to thrust into his hand. Erwin moved with him, making sure he didn't get any extra friction. He bit his earlobe, his hand still:

"Or maybe I'll ask you to pin me to the bed and take me hard."

"Erwin, move your fucking hand."

He obeyed, still moving slowly. "I want you so deep inside me that I can taste you when you come."

"Fuck!" Levi writhed against him.

Liquid dripped down Erwin's knuckles. "Shit," he whispered, unable to restrain himself. "Getting close already?"

"I would be, if you'd go faster." The small body was starting to tense.

Erwin pulled his hands away, and Levi let out a loud groan.

"For fuck's sakes, Erwin-"

"I just need to reposition myself. Stand up for a second."  He slid out from underneath Levi and sat him on the bench, then moved the blanket aside so he could kneel between his legs. His hands found their former positions and he began to move again, faster this time.

Levi looked down his nose at him, mouth open, cheeks flushed. Erwin had intended to keep his mouth safely away from the delicate area until the last minute, but that look and the trailing liquid were too much for him. He leaned forward to suck the tip, and he immediately regretted not doing it sooner.

"Fuck!" Levi's hand raked into Erwin's hair as he slouched down the bench, trying to encourage him to go deeper. "Fuck, I'm going to-" He cried out and his back arched, his head tossing back. Erwin pulled him into his throat and swallowed, relishing every pulse.

Then Levi sagged against the carriage wall. Erwin swirled his tongue gently around him a few times, then tucked everything back into his clothes and did up the man's pants. Once every button and belt was in place, he nuzzled the inseam, breathing in. Something about the scent of fabric and laundry soap mixed with Levi's natural scent was soothing to him.

"Are you sniffing my crotch again?" asked Levi, his voice gravelly.

"My nose was cold, and this area is nice and warm."

He felt a hand stroke his hair, clumsy. "Come up here. I'll warm it up."

"One more minute." Erwin nuzzled his inseam, hands roving from the man's knees to his hips and then back again. Content, he shifted back to the bench. Levi huddled against him, wrapping the blanket around them again.

"Fucking tease." The man kissed the tip of his nose. His lips were warm and smelled of alcohol.

"I'll be more cooperative during our next encounter," said Erwin, but then he raised a brow. "Or perhaps I'll tie you to a chair and be even less cooperative."

Levi nipped his nose. "Power-tripping asshole."

"Only on special occasions."

"You're the only person I'd let get away with it." Levi's arms settled around him, the dark head resting against Erwin's chest. Erwin tried to shift to get more comfortable, but his injuries were aching from the hard seat. He had been too busy to notice before.

"Would it be all right if we lay down now?" he asked.

"Getting tired?"

"A little. It might be warmer."

Levi pulled away, but if he guessed Erwin's real motivations, he said nothing. They worked together to lock the bed into place, and then lay down, spooning together, their hands interlocking.

Levi pulled Erwin's hand to his mouth and began to kiss the knuckles one at a time.

"You're affectionate tonight," said Erwin, closing his eyes so he could focus on the sensation.

"Well, I just came. And we haven't had a chance to relax like this for awhile, with all the scouting and meetings with investors and everything."

"I suppose that's true," said Erwin. "That reminds me: we'll be stopping in Stohess on the way back. There's a New Year's gala I want you to attend. Many prestigious potential investors will be there, and I'd like to show off Humanity's Strongest to win their favour."

Levi gave a disgusted scoff. "Do I have to say anything?"

"No, just stand there and look pretty. Maybe perform an arm wrestle or two to put on a bit of a show."

"Fine." The man half-rolled to face him. "Nile and Marie going to be there?"

"I expect they'll be busy with the new baby." Erwin closed his eyes. "Might be nice to visit them while we're in the area."

Levi made another disgusted noise. "Last time I was hung over for two fucking days."

"If only there had been some way to prevent that from happening? Perhaps _not_ challenging Nile to a drinking contest?"

Levi shook his head. "Asshole."

"Too cheeky?" said Erwin, smiling.

"Nah, I like when you're a brat like this. Means you're relaxed." Levi awkwardly rolled to face him while staying close enough to avoid falling off the edge of the narrow bed. "When are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Now's as good a time as any." Erwin kissed the wrinkle between the slender brows. "We're going to Utopia district, in the north. A resort in a small hot spring town. We'll be in a cabin with our own private bath filled with piped-in hot spring water, and a fireplace, and a wide bed stuffed with goose down. There's a fine restaurant where we can dine, and a ballroom for dancing, and a snow-filled park lit with festive lights for the season."

"Holy shit." The wrinkle deepened. "How much did you spend on this?"

"Only what I could afford."

"For your birthday, I bought you a sweet cake," muttered Levi.

"And I enjoyed it very much. This isn't just a birthday trip. It's also Christmas, and a celebration of my recovery." Their foreheads rested together. "It's also an excuse to make love to you every way I can think of without being distracted by work. I'm looking forward to walking around hand-in-hand with you, like a couple who has nothing to hide. We'll need to use pseudonyms, of course, but everything else will be honest and open."

Levi was quiet for a moment. "I'd say 'thank you,' but that sounds kind of shitty and small compared to all this."

Erwin paused for a yawn so strong that his eyes watered. "There are other ways you can thank me."

"Yeah, I have some ideas." A pause. "You really want to fuck me against a tree?"

"The idea is nice, but it'll probably be too cold." His eyelids were heavy. "I just like the idea that we _could_ do it and not worry about scandal."

"It's still illegal if civilians have sex in public, you know." Levi edged closer, snuggling under his chin. His breaths were soft and warm against Erwin's collarbone.

"Hm," said Erwin, unable to manage anything further.

There was a pause, then he felt a kiss on his throat. "Get some sleep. We'll talk more in the morning."

He smiled, and then he was drifting, drifting...

 

.*.*.*.

 

"I don't think you understand, Commander, exactly how deep I go."

Erwin lifted his head. He sat at a table opposite Sahlo, a chessboard between them. _How did I-?_

Sahlo pushed forward two pawns, and Erwin vaguely understood that he was cheating, but he couldn't recall the proper rules.

"Past, present, future," said Sahlo. "We control them all. You understand that you know nothing, so you're smarter than most, but you don't know just how deep that nothingness goes. You are empty. We can drain you and fill you back up again in an instant."

The lord thrust all his pieces forward with both hands, steamrolling over Erwin's pawns, his knights, his rooks. The bishops fell last. The queen and king teetered, but stayed upright.

"Enough," said Erwin, his blood boiling. "I refuse to play with you if you're going to cheat."

"Ah, but Erwin, you know as well as anyone: only those who play outside the rules have a chance at winning the game." The lord looked up, a sickening grin smeared across his lips. "A king is so weak on his own, don't you think? He's only as strong as the pieces around him. The only way to undo him is to defeat those pieces, one by one." He reached forward, flicking over the queen. "We'll save Levi for last. We'll make him watch as we strip you down to nothing. He'll _know_ he's your fall, and his last thoughts will be about how he let you down."

Rage flooded Erwin's heart, so strong that he no longer cared about positioning, or long-term strategy, or even the law. He drew his sword, lunged forward and swung the blade at Sahlo's throat.

Just before it made contact, Sahlo's face flickered, then became Levi, but it was too late to stop the blow's momentum, too late, too late...

The blade clattered to the ground. Erwin sank to his knees, Levi's blood dripping from his hands.

"He will be your fall," boomed Sahlo's voice, "and you will be his."

Levi's eyes widened, his face losing colour, his lips mouthing Erwin's name...

 

.*.*.*.

 

Erwin sat up, breathing hard.

Levi sat on the bench against the back of the carriage. The curtain was open, the moonlight colouring his skin a deathlike shade of blue. He watched his Commander for a moment, then turned to look out the window again. "You okay?"

Erwin raked his hands through his hair and hunched forward. The night air was chilly against his damp skin. "Shit."

"Same here," said Levi quietly. "Was it the one where you turn into a titan and eat me?"

"No. A new one. I tried to strike down Sahlo and slit your throat instead." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I've made you too important to me. What if he-"

"Don't. It's just the dream fucking with your head." Levi nodded at the bench next to him. "Sometimes helps to get out of bed, leave the memory of it behind for a bit."

Erwin brought the blanket as he settled into place beside him. He reached up for the lamp, dimming it to bring the night sky into full view. The moon was bright, the arc of stars almost as clear as it would be if they were outside the walls. "Beautiful night."

"Yeah." Levi shifted closer to him; he was shaking.

"Dreaming about the old days?" Erwin draped the blanked around both of them, even though he was certain the shaking had nothing to do with the temperature.

"I guess. Farlan and Isabel..." The man's voice was quiet. "This time, when I attacked you, I didn't hesitate. Felt the blade slice through your neck." He rested his cheek on Erwin's shoulder. "The terrifying thing about it is that it almost actually happened."

"You were never going to kill me. I bet my life on that, and I won."

"I guess." Levi shook his head. "Look at us. First night away on a romantic vacation, and we dream about killing each other. What a couple of sad, morbid fuckers."

They sat quietly against each other, and gradually, Levi's trembling faded. Erwin traced patterns along the silhouetted tree tops they passed, feeling the bumps in the road, the warmth of Levi's body against his. The nightmare's grip on his stomach relaxed, then vanished.

"We're going to need fake names," he said, clinging to a cheerier topic.

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking I might go with Helmut Adler."

"Helmut." Levi pulled away to look at him. "You don't look like a Helmut."

"What would you suggest?"

Levi shrugged. "I'm no good at names. Something strong. August. Bruno. Osmar."

"I like August. August Adler. Sounds poetic." Erwin ran a hand down the man's cravat, tidying it. "And who is August's date for the week?"

Another shrug. "I use Farlan Church."

"Well, it might be best to use something no one could ever trace back to you. The military records all show a pre-existing relationship between-" Erwin stopped, suddenly curious. "You use his name?"

"If I need to give a fake name, yeah. I told you, I'm no good at names."

In all their conversations over the past several months, Erwin had never pried into Levi's past life with his friends. The man had given little anecdotes here and there, but he had never really indicated how the three friends had come to live and work together.

Levi held his gaze. "You're wondering if I ever fucked Farlan, aren't you?"

"It's none of my business," said Erwin. "Though, he does seem to be your type."

"Yeah. Blond, hot and straight as an arrow." Levi's face softened. "We don't always get what we want, but sometimes it's better that way. Would have made a shitty couple, but we made great friends, and by the end, he was like a brother. Close to what happened with you and Mike, I guess."

"I see."

They were quiet for a moment, then Erwin said softly, "What about Emil?"

"Emil?"

"Your name. Almost the same letters as 'Levi', and I believe it means 'rival,' which is a nice nod to our beginnings. Emil...Jahnke?"

"Emil Jahnke and August Adler." Levi's lips flattened. "I'm not going to remember that."

"Boyfriends from southern Wall Rose." Erwin draped an arm across his shoulders. "August is a teacher, and Emil runs a successful bodyguard company. They met in a bar two years ago and fell in love. One thing led to another, until recently, they bought a house. They've embarked on this trip to celebrate the beginning of their shared life together."

"You've thought this through."

"I have." Erwin studied the moon, his mind drifting. "They have their whole lives ahead of them. To them, the titans are very far away, someone else's problem. The two of them are so in love, so full of hope."

Levi glanced up, then settled back against him again. "No one will ever believe we're that sheltered. Everything about us says we're soldiers."

"True. And the world needs us to be soldiers." Erwin's throat tightened. "We don't always get what we want, right?"

Levi pulled the blanket up to his neck and didn't reply.

 

.*.*.*.

 

They arrived in the Capital just as the sun was rising. After a large breakfast at a cafe, they changed into casual clothes, then separately made their way to the docks. As August and Emil, they each paid the fare to travel by boat to Utopia District, then boarded at different times. Erwin's dealings in the Capital, thus far, were minor enough that it would have to be a large coincidence to run into anyone who might recognize him, but he didn't want to take any chances while they were within the city limits. Once he became better-known, a trip like this was going to be impossible, but for now, anonymity should be easy to find.

An hour after departure, he found Levi, as agreed, near the ship's prow. The man was leaning against the railing, looking over the edge. Erwin leaned up next to him and saw that the narrow mouth was twisting.

"Bad memories?" he asked.

"Memories?" Levi glanced at him. "You think I ever went on a boat in the Underground?"

Erwin shrugged. "It sounds as if you travelled a fair bit above ground."

"Not by boat." He grimaced. "I don't trust them."

"Can't swim?"

"I swim fine. Won't help me if I'm trapped in this thing while it runs aground and then sinks."

Erwin smiled. "It's a straight stretch from here to Utopia district. I'm sure the captain can navigate just fine." He draped an arm around Levi's shoulders.

Levi ducked away, looking around them. "What the hell?"

"We're August and Emil now, remember? We can show our affection in public."

"Well, August can wait until we aren't trapped on a floating coffin with nobles from the Capital."

"I see." Erwin pulled away, propping his elbows on the railing. "Then I'm guessing Emil isn't interested in that blow job in the supply closet I was about to offer him?"

"In the supply closet?"

"Thought all those cleaning supplies might put you in the mood to get a bit...dirty."

Levi eyed him. "You aren't going to make terrible jokes the entire week, are you? Because I'll jump overboard right now."

"So cruel," said Erwin, smiling.

"You bring it on yourself." Levi shifted closer to him, mimicking his pose on the railing. "There anything to do on this boat to pass the time?"

"I brought paperwork."

"No."

"Well..." Erwin glanced at him. "I brought a book. Maybe we could find a quiet spot and I could read to you."

Levi's nose wrinkled. "Let me guess: some Commander's war diaries? Sahlo's latest shipping manifest?"

"No, this is a work of fiction, a serial that ran in a Mitras paper. It's about a thief who falls in love with an officer of the Garrison." He smiled. "Having lived something similar, I thought it might be entertaining, if maybe a bit ridiculous."

"Huh." Levi studied him. "I guess listening to you speak for a couple hours wouldn't be so bad."

The statement made Erwin's heart race a little faster: _he likes the sound of my voice._ It was a silly thing to get excited about, but even after a few months together, there were still new compliments to give and receive.

They found a quiet room below deck and settled into a corner. As Erwin began to read aloud, Levi laid his head in his lap, watching his face intently.

The story, though poorly written, was entertaining enough to pass the time. Between it, a few meal breaks and a short nap, the trip passed more quickly than either of them expected. They disembarked in Utopia District late in the evening. The air was chilly, the snow on the ground nearly up to Levi's knees. Erwin opened his trunk and handed Levi an old winter jacket from his youth. It was a bit short in the sleeves and the collars were unfashionable, but Levi put it on without complaint. They hired a cab and rode toward the resort.

Levi's nose wrinkled. "The fuck is that smell?"

"Hot springs." Erwin smiled. "I've heard people liken it to the scent of titans, so I thought you'd be right at home."

"Titans? Fuck, no. Smells like rotten eggs." The man covered his nose. "Are we going to be breathing this in the whole time?"

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it."

The road up to the resort was decorated with hanging lanterns of different colours. Levi stared at them, his mouth slightly agape, as he apparently forgot about the offensive scent.

The same coloured lanterns lit the path to their cabin from the main office, and a holly wreath hung on the door. The inside smelled of pine and sulphur. Erwin lit the lamp by the door, revealing a wide bed, a raised hot spring tub, a fireplace, and a full suite of wooden furniture. Levi stared at it all, then hurried into the bathroom.

"There's a heated shower in here." He poked his head through the door, his eyes wide. "No hand-pump."

"Why don't you take a few minutes to try it out?" said Erwin as he bent down to light the fireplace. "But don't take too long. There's a little something I'd like to take care of before dinner."

After a few tries, the log caught. He left only one log on, for now. In the background, he could hear running water. After taking a minute to align their things against the wall and tidy their jackets, he knocked on the bathroom door.

To his disappointment, the shower was hidden by a wooden stall. "There enough room in there for two?"

"Keep out," said Levi. "I'm washing my ass."

Well, Erwin had been planning to test out the hot spring tub after dinner, anyway, so he'd get clean then. He washed his face, brushed his teeth and added a few dabs of cologne to his skin.

The water stopped, the stall opened, and Levi's arm reached out, fumbling blindly for a towel. Erwin smiled and handed him one. The arm and towel snapped back into the stall.

"How long until dinner?" asked Levi.

"We have time to do something quick now, if you'd like." Erwin leaned against the wall and folded his arms over his chest. "I thought we might soak in the tub after dinner. My ability to perform is more fragile than yours, and the hot water might be enough to disrupt it, so I thought I might top now, and later, when I'm likely to be soft, you can-"

"Stop planning it." The shower door opened, and Levi stepped through. The towel was draped around his waist, his hair dishevelled and damp. "You want me, just take me. Be spontaneous."

 _Very well, then._ Erwin began to close the distance between them, but Levi took a step back.

"Not until I've brushed my teeth."

"Are you clear on the definition of 'spontaneous?'"

Levi threw his towel at him. "I'll be ready in a minute."

"I'll be waiting." Erwin hung the towel on the rack, then stepped into the main room.

A few minutes later, the man finally left the bathroom. Erwin strode up to him and caught his jaw, tilting it up for a forceful kiss.

When he pulled away, Levi's eyelashes were fluttering. "Shit," he breathed.

Erwin hummed and grabbed the slender wrists as he leaned down, using his tongue this time. Mouths still joined, he pushed the man several steps back and pinned his wrists against the wall. He gently pressed his thigh between Levi's legs.

Levi turned his head a little, breaking the kiss. "Get undressed."

Erwin hummed again, stooping down to bury his face in the man's neck. "You're in no position to give me orders." His hands tightened around Levi's wrists.

The wrists twisted, and suddenly Erwin was holding air. He looked down at Levi, surprised. The narrow fingers were already unbuttoning his shirt.

"You think it's that easy to hold me? I'm not letting you pull that teasing shit two times in a row." Levi kissed a line down the centre of his chest.

"Not too low. I haven't showered yet."

"Maybe I'll tease the hell out of _you_ this time." Levi kissed his belt buckle, then pressed his mouth over the fabric below it. Warm air flooded through the cloth, and Erwin shuddered.

"I want you," he said, his voice cracking.

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then shook his head. "Okay, screw teasing." He began to undo the buttons and belt. They worked together to strip his lower half, but before Levi could get his shirt off, Erwin caught him under the thighs and lifted him, pressing him against the wall.

The man's limbs wrapped around him. "Your injury-"

"I'm fine." Erwin kissed him hard, trying to ignore his body's limitations. His ribs were burning. He had hoped to take him against the wall, but it was becoming clear that wasn't an option yet. He thrust his hips, rubbing himself against the man's underside, enjoying the warmth of the skin contact. "Shit," he gasped.

Levi bit his ear. "You going to dry hump me or actually fuck me?"

Erwin grunted in response, his legs beginning to shake from the strain. _Guess I'm not quite as recovered as I thought._ He pulled away from the wall and staggered toward the bed, then dropped Levi onto the mattress and fell on top of him.

"Fuck," wheezed Levi. "You're heavy."

Erwin ignored him, but did take a moment to lift his weight onto one elbow as he kissed Levi's jaw, his chin, his throat. He paused between the man's legs to take him deep into his throat, and Levi gave a shocked cry. As he pulled away, Levi thrust toward his mouth as if trying to follow it.

"Roll onto your front," said Erwin, running a finger down the man's thigh. "I want to take you from behind. I'll be right back."

He retrieved a bottle of oil and clean handkerchief from a side pocket of his trunk. When he returned, Levi was lying on his front, and his ass was so round and pert that Erwin forgot what he was doing. The oil and handkerchief dropped noisily to the side table as he knelt on the bed. He spread the man's legs to either side and knelt between them, grabbing his ass, feeling the soft, fuzzy skin. His hands ran up to the man's lower back, then down to his hamstrings, and now his eyes were threatening to roll back into his head. His groin ached.

Levi shifted his hips, as if putting himself on display.

"You are so beautiful," Erwin heard himself say. He bent down to kiss the spine, then the dimples on either side, then moved lower, to the tailbone. He gently tickled it with his tongue in the way Levi liked -- or perhaps "tolerated" was a better word for it.

He lifted his head and saw Levi burying his face into the pillow, clutching it with clawed hands.

"Feel good?" he asked, never certain.

"Lower," said Levi, voice muffled by the pillow.

Erwin's heart skipped a beat. _He can't mean what I think he means._ He buried his face down low, licking the seam between his balls.

"No, higher."

Erwin pulled away. "What?"

Levi twisted to look at him. "Put your mouth on my asshole."

"Ah." Erwin's mouth was dry.

"Just for a bit." A flush coloured the pale cheeks. "Look, it's a special occasion, and I know I'm clean enough for it. Don't make a big deal out of it." Levi relaxed face-first into the pillow again.

Breathing hard, Erwin nuzzled below his tailbone. He breathed in, inhaling the pheromones. A shiver rippled through his body, and he felt himself harden until he ached. His breath left his mouth in a slew of curses.

He started with his tongue flat, gently lapping. Levi's spine arched toward the bed, his hips lifting into the air.

"You okay?" murmured Erwin.

Levi said something unintelligible into the pillow.

Erwin reached up and grabbed the pillow, tugging it aside. "Don't muffle yourself. I need to figure out what you like." He buried his face into the damp flesh again, tonguing gently. "Be loud."

"Fuck," gasped Levi.

"Feel good?"

"Yeah. Better than I..." The words faded into a series of groans.

Erwin began to use more force, tracing circles. If he were honest with himself, he had wanted to do this ever since he had first seen this ass in the Survey Corps uniform. He couldn't think of any act more intimate or requiring more trust, especially considering Levi's discomfort with this sort of thing. He hummed, and Levi bucked into his mouth, his moans rising in pitch. Erwin shoved his arm beneath the tilting hips, pulling him tightly against his mouth. _He's getting hard. Doing this is making him hard._ His head spun.

"Fuck me," gasped Levi.

Instead, he probed a bit deeper, and the sound that left Levi was almost a wail. Goosebumps erupted across Erwin's skin, all over his body. He would have loved to linger, but he had already teased Levi enough on the first leg of their trip. Besides, he was getting desperate.

He pulled away and drizzled oil over both of them, then gently began to work his way inside.

Levi's shoulders rounded, his forehead pressed against the mattress. "Your mouth made me so sensitive."

"Yeah?" Erwin slowed down, gently easing himself in and out. "You feel that?"

"Yeah. It's so good." Levi's knuckles were white as he grabbed at the sheets.

Erwin bent down and bit the back of his neck. "You want it slow like this?"

"Harder."

He pressed the rest of the way in, holding in place. He dragged his tongue along Levi's neck to his ear. "Can you give me the order?"

Levi half-turned toward him, his gaze steady. "Erwin, give it to me hard."

Glowing, restless energy rippled through Erwin's body and settled between his legs. Lifting himself on his elbows, he began to move.

Levi cried out and buried his face in the mattress again, his shoulders tight. Erwin kissed a shoulder blade, then bit the skin. "Like this?" he asked, knowing he was still being too gentle.

"Harder."

The word rippled through him like fire, setting every nerve alight. He pushed himself onto his hands, increasing the pace. Below him, he could see those beautiful back muscles rippling as Levi's hips counter-thrust against him.

Erwin placed a hand on his lower back and pushed.

"Oh fuck," gasped Levi.

Now he could feel those rippling muscles pushing back against his hand. Erwin grunted and leaned hard, pressing the man into the bed. Levi sucked in a loud breath and arched his back; Erwin placed his other hand between the man's shoulder blades.

"That's it," gasped Levi. "Pin me to the bed. Fuck me hard."

A series of curses began to slip from Erwin's lips. He changed the angle to use gravity to his advantage, driving into him as hard as he could, hands pushing him down with the full brunt of every thrust.

"Fuck," said Levi, over and over. His hands clawed at the mattress. Erwin fell on top of him and gripped those clawed hands, his mouth by the man's ear, pace unrelenting.

"There," said Levi.

"Here?" Erwin kept the angle steady.

The small body tensed. "What the fuck...oh fuck..." He began to tighten around Erwin, his back flexing.

"Come on." Sweat beaded on Erwin's temple, and he wasn't quite there yet, but he needed Levi to come, he needed it so badly that he ached. He used every bit of strength he had, moving hard and fast, and he swore he could feel the build up as if it were his own.

"Erwin, I'm- Fuck!" Levi writhed so hard that he almost threw Erwin off him.

"Levi..." Erwin pressed his open mouth against the man's neck, breathing in, trying to taste his orgasm.

Then the body beneath him relaxed, and everything was still. Erwin rested his forehead against Levi's neck, giving him a minute. The room seemed too calm now, too quiet.

Levi stirred, and when he spoke, his voice was groggy: "Did you come?"

"Not yet. Can I come on your back?" He realized, too late, that the mess was likely to be unappealing. "Unless you'd rather-"

"Yeah, go for it," mumbled Levi.

Erwin felt a wave of anticipation as he pulled out and grabbed himself. He groped the man's ass with his free hand, his eyes tracing the beautiful lines and curves. He was further along than he thought, and his orgasm surprised him.

"Fuck," he grunted through clenched teeth. With Levi disoriented and facing away from him, it felt lonelier than he would have liked -- still satisfying, but a bit anticlimactic after all the buildup. With the last spasm, he sat back on his heels, his head bowed.

"Feel good?" asked Levi.

"Yeah."

"I like it better when I can see you."

Erwin smiled. "Me, too." Black spots swam in his vision, and he had an overwhelming urge to lie down. He reached for the handkerchief and swabbed away the mess, then gave in. He collapsed on top of Levi, breathing hard.

"Hey. You're heavy, remember?" Levi nudged his shoulder, effortlessly rolling Erwin onto his back.

 _I always forget how strong he is._ Draping his forearm over his eyes, Erwin gasped for breath. "Levi, the things you do to me..."

"You were the one doing things. I was just lying there." The bed shifted.

"You weren't just lying there." He opened his eyes and saw Levi leaning over him, studying him. With a smile, Erwin tucked a strand of dark hair off the high forehead. "I'll never stop being amazed by how well we work together. You bring out sides of me that I didn't know existed."

"Yeah, tell me about it." The man caught his hand and lifted it to his mouth, kissing a knuckle. "Never thought someone eating my ass would feel that good."

"Yeah? It was all right?"

"Yeah. Now I get why you make those stupid noises when I do it to you." Levi kissed another knuckle. "Let's try it again sometime."

"Of course."

They lay there for another moment, and Erwin's eyes were just drifting closed when someone's stomach growled. He couldn't tell who, but it didn't matter. He forced himself to sit up. "We should eat. The restaurant is only open for another hour."

They dressed and bundled up, then set out. The temperature had dropped, and the air was crisp and tasted of smoke. Breaths left their lips in clouds as their footsteps crunched in the snow.

"Sure is pretty," said Erwin, looking up at the trees. The snow that rested on the needled branches seemed to glow blue in the moonlight.

"Yeah. Cold as fuck, though." Levi's shoulders were rounded, his arms folded tightly over his chest.

Erwin draped an arm over him and drew him closer as they walked. Another couple walked up the path toward them, and Levi's shoulders tensed, but the couple only exchanged a pleasant nod with them and kept walking.

"Like I said," murmured Erwin, "we're completely anonymous up here."

"Weird."

"A bit." Erwin kissed the top of his hooded head. "Nice, though."

"Yeah."

They stepped into the dining hall, kicking the snow off their boots in the front entrance. The restaurant decor combined the same rustic charm and elegance as their room, and the lighting was pleasantly dim. A host came over to greet them, then led them to a table. Erwin scanned the room for familiar faces out of habit and, finding none, rested his hand on Levi's lower back.

They ordered a half-bottle of fine white wine and a fish platter to share. It was an increasingly rare experience, eating food that wasn't heavily laced with preservative yeast, and Erwin found the flavours subtle and pleasant. Levi seemed to feel the same way; he was quiet during the meal, voraciously eating everything set in front of him. They enjoyed a mug of tea after the meal, and Erwin studied Levi.

"I've always wondered why you hold your mugs that way."

Levi looked down at his hand, which held the mug from the top with clawed fingers. He shrugged. "Handle broke off a cup once. Been paranoid about it ever since."

"I see," said Erwin, sensing there was more to the story, but not wanting to push him. He mimicked the hand position himself, then tried to drink. Tea dribbled down his chin.

Levi shook his head and leaned forward to dab his chin with the napkin. "It's not as easy as I make it look."

"Apparently not."

Dessert was ice cream, something Erwin hadn't had since he was a child. Levi poked it with a spoon, suspicious.

"My mother used to make this whenever it snowed." Erwin took a spoonful, then closed his eyes, feeling the sweet mouthful melt on his tongue. He swallowed. "Never this good, though. They must have access to real cream up here."

Levi tried a bite, and his eyes widened. "Damn."

"Good?"

"I'm not going to be able to go back to rations after this week ends."

 _It'll be hard to go back to a lot of things after the week ends,_ thought Erwin as he reached across the table to hold Levi's hand.

When they left the restaurant, the sky had clouded over, and large, fluffy snowflakes drifted from the sky. Erwin stood on the front step and stared at the lanterns hanging from the trees, the moon glowing behind the clouds. His breath froze. _This is the most picturesque setting I've ever seen._

"You hear that?" asked Levi.

He listened and heard the wind gently blowing through the pine trees. It sounded almost like rushing water. "It's so peaceful and quiet."

"I mean the singing." Levi pointed to their right, past several cabins. "Somewhere down there."

"I see." Erwin strained his ears, but couldn't hear it. He offered an elbow to Levi. "It's a beautiful night, and we have our own private hot spring to heat us up again once we get back to the room. Want to go exploring?"

Levi studied him for a moment, then took his arm. "Sure."

They followed a path of lanterns down to a small amphitheatre, where a choir, dressed in red cloaks with white fur trim, sang to a crowd. The strains of _O Tannenbaum_ rang out in harmony. Erwin and Levi approached from the back.

"Almost forgot it was Christmas," murmured Erwin. The holiday wasn't all that important to him anymore. The military didn't waste money on decorations or celebrations, opting instead to give mandatory time off. Even before that, his mother had banned Christmas celebrations after his father had died; it had been his father's favourite time of year. Erwin's chest ached just thinking about it.

He looked down and saw Levi craning his neck, trying to see through the crowd. Erwin leaned close.

"Want me to lift you onto my shoulders so you can see?"

He received a glare in response. "Try it, and you're fucking dead."

The song ended, and the crowd applauded.

"Want to keep walking for a bit?" asked Erwin.

"As long as you don't offer to put me on your fucking shoulders," said Levi, falling into step beside him.

They wandered further along the path and came upon a small, round bridge over a stream. They stopped at its apex and Levi leaned against the railing, staring into the water. Steam curled off it, and the rock banks were bare.

"Must be fed by the hot springs," said Levi, folding his arms on the railing.

"Looks like it." Erwin settled closer to him, unable to stop staring at Levi long enough to look at the water. Snowflakes were catching in the dark eyelashes again, and the usual crease between his brows was smooth.

Levi looked up at him. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

In the background, the faint strains of the choir began to sound. They echoed against the rock walls, giving them an ethereal quality. Erwin's throat tightened as memories of the past combined with the present beauty of the setting. He bent down to give Levi a small, soft kiss. His damp lips felt the cold breeze when he pulled away.

"You okay?" asked Levi. "You look like you're going to cry."

"It's just the breeze making my eyes water." He leaned on his elbows, looking down at the steam. "Do you celebrate Christmas, Levi? Or did you always celebrate your birthday instead?"

Levi scoffed. "Didn't celebrate anything."

"No?" asked Erwin, but the man's face was tight. _He doesn't want to talk about it._ Trying to redirect the conversation from the potential reminder of an unpleasant past, Erwin looked around, then leaned closer. "We didn't, either, after my father died. He was really big on Christmas. One year, he told me Christmas was originally a religious holiday in the old world. It celebrated the birth of a major prophet. Your birthday would have been quite auspicious, I think."

Levi looked up. "Yeah?"

"He said the songs we sing are mostly from the old religion, though the candles we light come from a different religion, and the lanterns are from yet another. It's almost as if the people who first moved to the walls sough to include elements of various-" He glanced down at Levi, sensing disinterest. "Sorry, I'm rambling. Talking about the outside world is forbidden, anyway."

"Lots of things we do are forbidden." Levi stared blankly ahead. "This stuff means a lot to you, right?"

"It meant a lot to my father. That's enough reason for me to think about it and keep it alive." Erwin stepped back and gave him a kind smile. "Perhaps we should return to the room?"

"Sure."

They fell into step, and Erwin reached for Levi's hand. Their mittens were so thick that the grip was clumsy, and he suspected Levi's arm was at an awkward angle due to their height difference, but his heart pounded, anyway. _Just a normal couple._

Further down the path, they came upon a young pair engaged in a snowball fight. The woman threw a barrage of snowballs as she charged at her partner. He staggered backwards, but grabbed her as he went down. They fell, laughing, into the snow, completely obliviously to their audience.

Erwin chuckled to himself, but then saw Levi cringe. "Too cute for you?"

"A bit."

Once they were definitely out of earshot, Erwin said, "How do you think Emil would react if August tried to throw snowballs at him?"

"It wouldn't be pretty. Emil doesn't have a good sense of humour about getting wet and cold." Levi looked up at him, a hint of a smirk on his lips. "Besides, you wouldn't stand a chance."

"No? I've been practicing my aim."

"Yeah, but you're weak as hell. You've been doing nothing for six months."

Erwin felt as if he had been punched in the gut. "I think I've been doing okay, all things considered."

"Oh." Levi grimaced. "No, I meant, you were hobbling everywhere on a cane up until a few weeks ago, and I've been out scouting and working out this whole time."

 _That's not all that much kinder,_ thought Erwin, but he took a deep breath. Levi had been at his side every step of the way; he understood how hard his Commander had been working to get well, even if he wasn't phrasing it properly. The only reason Erwin was taking so much offense was because the words had aligned with that little voice, deep down, that constantly told him he wasn't working hard enough.

He swallowed back his pride, and said, "Well, snowballs are different than fighting on the battlefield, anyway. It's an art I was forced to learn to defend myself -- you never had an overly aggressive kid sister." He bent down to scoop the snow.

"Isabel doesn't count?" Levi folded his arms over his chest. "Don't embarrass yourself, Erwin."

"August," he corrected. He packed the snowball as small as he could, then tucked it in his elbow, building a second one. "The key to a good snowball-"

Something hit his ass.

He whirled to see Levi leaning against a tree, arms folded over his chest. "What?"

Erwin nodded at the hollow in the snow in front of the man, clearly manmade and appropriately sized for a snowball. "Might want to hide the evidence next time." He tossed one of his snowballs.

Levi, in one motion, caught and threw it. Snow exploded across Erwin's chest, so hard that he took a step backwards.

"Holy shit," he said, brushing snow off his jacket.

"I told you, it wouldn't be pretty." A corner of Levi's mouth twitched.

Erwin cocked a brow. "I'll have to adapt my tactics." Keeping an eye on him, he bent down and began to hastily form more snowballs, stashing several of them in his pockets.

"Tactics in a fucking snowball fight. You have to suck the fun out of everything, don't you?" Levi dropped to his knees and began to scoop up snow.

Less than a minute later, they were ducking behind trees, snowballs flying back and forth. Erwin's hood fell back, his hair hanging in his face, as he tried to simultaneously dodge and throw. There was snow on his chest, his arms, and one thigh, while Levi was still bone dry. Erwin kept a careful eye on the man's supply, planning to overwhelm him when he ran out of ammunition.

Levi tossed the last of his stash; Erwin just barely managed to dodge it.

"Shit," said Levi as he reached for a snowball and found none.

"This is where tactics become important," said Erwin with a grin, and he began to pull snowballs out of his pockets, lobbing them at Levi. The man grunted and flipped out of the way, then swept low, gathering an armful of snow. He launched forward.

"Shit, wait!" Erwin threw a barrage of snowballs to try to defend himself as Levi, somehow dodging every single one, closed the distance. Then there was an armful of snow in Erwin's face, and he was taking several steps backwards, sputtering and laughing.

"How are those tactics working for you now?" asked Levi, a grin in his voice.

More snow flew into Erwin's face. His hands clamped on his attacker's arms, but Levi ducked, and the world flipped. Erwin landed on his back in the snow, and he felt Levi's full weight land on top of him.

And then he heard a noise he had never heard before: an understated, subtle snickering.

 _He's laughing!_ Frantically, Erwin wiped the snow out of his eyes so he could see.

Finally, after so many months, he saw that honest smile he had only seen once before, the red cheeks dimpled on one side, the grey eyes sparkling.

Erwin's chest heaved, his eyes flooding with tears. He caught the back of Levi's head and pulled him in for a kiss. He got only teeth at first, but then Levi gave a surprised hum and his face relaxed. Their kiss was long and slow, and Erwin gently rolled them until he lay on top, body weight pressing Levi into the snow.

When he pulled away, Levi's smile was gone, and Erwin regretted making it disappear.

"Sorry," he said.

Levi reached up and clumsily moved damp hair off his forehead with his mitt. "Fucking weirdo, getting all misty-eyed over a snowball fight."

Erwin swallowed the lump in his throat. "I very rarely see you smile."

"What? I smile all the time."

"And I've never, ever heard you laugh."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Levi's eyes twinkled again. "Maybe you need your hearing checked, old man."

"Old man?" said Erwin. "I'm not the one who obsessively plucks his grey hairs."

"I don't- How did-?" Levi's eyes narrowed. "Well, you just can't see yours because you're blond."

Erwin chuckled and gave him a slow kiss, then stood and helped him up. "For what it's worth, I take your smiles and laughter as a great compliment. It means a lot to me that you show me these secret sides of yourself."

"Well, you do the same," said Levi, brushing himself off. "You think anyone back at the base would believe me if I told them you started a snowball fight? That's how we work, right? We give each other all of ourselves. Even the parts we usually hide from everyone else."

"I suppose we do." Erwin grabbed his mitt, and they fell into step together again.

Once they stepped into their cabin and took off their jackets and boots, Erwin knelt by the tub. The bottom of the tub was lined with six blue glass compartments, about knee-high, that served as windows to the bottom of the water. A large candle sat inside each of the compartments. When he lit them, the flames and glass made the water appear to glow blue. He stared at it for a moment, enchanted.

"They thought of everything, didn't they?" said Levi from the fireplace, where he was starting a fire.

"It certainly adds to the ambience. Amazing what the human mind can come up with when it's not preoccupied with titan fighting, isn't it?"

They undressed and sank into the tub, sitting on the bench. The water was warm and made Erwin feel buoyant, almost weightless. He looked over at Levi and smiled at the blue lighting on the man's body.

"You look like a spirit." He draped his arms along the back of the tub, one of them positioned behind Levi's neck.

"We need one of these at the base." Levi's head lolled back against Erwin's arm, his eyes closing. "I don't know how I'm going to go back."

They sat in silence for several minutes. Erwin reflected on the words. He had meant for this vacation to give them good memories to carry with them, no matter how rough their futures became. Instead, he was exposing them to a world they could never have -- what if this only made them bitter?

"Hey, Erwin?" said Levi quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me more about these people we're pretending to be."

"August and Emil?" He paused. "Well, they're both career-focussed, probably to a fault -- August, in particular. Part of the reason they came on this getaway was to put that aside and focus on each other, something that sometimes escapes them back home, especially when they're busy. It's not for lack of love -- they're just both very driven."

"Sounds familiar." Levi looked as if he might be falling asleep; his face was completely relaxed. "You said they met in a bar?"

"Yeah, August was celebrating the end of a difficult semester at school, and Emil was celebrating the expansion of his bodyguard business. Emil saw August drinking alone, and immediately recognized his type -- how did you describe it? Blond, hot, and possibly straight as an arrow."

"Nine times out of ten, they're straight," said Levi with a hint of bitterness.

"Well, this time, Emil hit that one in ten. Bought August a drink, and they ended up chatting all night about nothing. They left the bar together at closing time, went back to August's place."

Levi opened his eyes. "They fucked on the first date?"

"Sure."

"You wouldn't even let me touch you on our first day together."

Erwin slid closer. Their thighs touched, the skin slippery and unnaturally soft from the hot spring minerals. "Well, August never saw an ex-lover eaten by titans, so he doesn't have any sort of trauma to consider. I figure he's more like my younger self."

Levi's brows rose. "You used to fuck on the first date?"

"Ah." Erwin's cheeks darkened, and he hoped it could pass as flushing from the heat of the water. "I didn't have the patience for any of society's courtship rules, so if it felt right, and my partner was willing, there was no point in restraining myself. If that's moving too fast for Emil, August would have respected-"

"No, Emil would be fine with it. As long as he got to top, at least for the first little while."

"That works." Erwin slid deeper into the water, letting it hit his collarbone. "It was supposed to be a one-night thing, but August got attached. He awkwardly invited Emil to stay until morning. After they shared a nice discussion over brunch, they realized they were falling in love."

"Cute," said Levi. His hand rested on Erwin's thigh, gently stroking it under the water. "I like thinking we could attract each other's attention even if we hadn't been in the Survey Corps."

"Of course we could. If you had bought me a drink in a bar, I would have taken notice."

Levi hesitated. "So what does their future look like?"

"Well, they have a nice romantic getaway here," said Erwin, trying to picture how things would play out if they were their alter egos. "They return to their new home and adapt to living together. It's a bit strange, at first -- August forgets to clean up after himself, and Emil is a neat freak."

"I bet August pulls dozens of books off the shelf at a time and leaves them in little disorganized piles on the floor, then just walks away. And at night, he falls asleep at his desk and gets drool all over everything."

Erwin cleared his throat, choosing to ignore the too-familiar criticisms. "They continue to grow closer, while also finding career successes as individuals. When their relationship is three and a half years in, August takes Emil on another romantic getaway." His heart pounded in his throat as he pictured it in his mind. "They take a day hike up a hill, because he knows Emil will love the view. And at the top, as the sun goes down over the horizon, he gets down on one knee."

"Oh?" said Levi, his eyelids low, but something about his body was too precisely relaxed, as if he were covering underlying tension. Perhaps it was his breaths, steady and even.

Erwin held his gaze. "He's not sure how Emil will react, or if he's even interested in taking this step together, but they've been together for long enough that he's pretty confident things will be okay no matter how Emil responds. And so, as the sun sets on the three-and-a-half year mark since that first night at the bar, August asks Emil to marry him."

Levi took a few more measured breaths, watching him. "Emil would probably say yes."

Adrenaline rushed through Erwin's body, and he took a steady, practiced breath of his own. "Yeah?"

"Sure. I mean, three and a half years -- that's practically fucking married. Long enough to know if it's a good fit, at least."

"I agree." Erwin smiled, confident now that his three-and-a-half year plan was the right one. His hand closed over Levi's. "They have a small wedding, just their closest family and friends, then spend a month travelling as newlyweds. Then they settle into their home, where they have their whole lives ahead of them. Maybe they'll adopt children together, or maybe their careers will be enough to keep them fulfilled. They'll hear news stories about the reclamation of Wall Maria -- maybe, if we're all lucky, about the emancipation of the human race. Their biggest stresses will be petty arguments, or bill payments, or trouble at work.

"And when they're wrinkled and grey, when their minds start to go and their bodies are failing, they'll be each other's comfort and support. Their love will grow stronger, year after year." His throat tightened. He glanced at Levi, trying to envision him as an old man. He would look good with white hair, he decided, and his features were so fine that they would age well.

_A sight neither of us is likely to live to see._

"I envy them," Erwin added softly. "August and Emil. They won't even realize how lucky they are."

After a moment, Levi's fingers interlocked with his. "You said once that if I had been Marie, if I had asked you to leave everything behind for a life with me, you probably would have agreed."

The lump in Erwin's throat grew, constricting his airflow. He took in a shuddering breath. "I did."

"We could become them," said Levi, not looking him in the eye. "We could disappear and never return to base, say 'fuck you' to humanity and live for ourselves instead."

Erwin was dizzy, lightheaded, spinning. _Ask me._ But even as he thought it, the weight of his responsibilities were already grounding him. "It would mean living every day with the knowledge that we had left our duties and our comrades behind."

The other nodded slowly, as if distracted. "I don't think I could live with that."

"No. Neither could I."

"What a couple of sad, morbid fuckers," muttered Levi.

With a sad smile, Erwin said, "We're fighting to give future Augusts and Emils a chance at all this."

"Those little shits had better appreciate it. The hell we go through for them. The things we give up."

Erwin's grip tightened on his hand. "At least we aren't alone."

"Yeah, that's something." Levi looked at him, his eyes sad. "I want to make love to you."

The phrasing was so surprising that Erwin's brows rose. "Okay. Just give me a minute to clean up."

A few minutes later, he lay on his back on the bed, a pillow under his hips, as Levi gently worked himself into him. Already, Erwin could feel that the hot water had, as predicted, sapped away his ability to perform, but without the pressure of worrying about his own orgasm, he was free to focus all of his attention on Levi. The man's face was strained and flushed, and when he pushed all the way in, his nose briefly wrinkled, perfectly timed with his moan.

Erwin whispered the man's name, running the heel of his palm across the fuzzy chest.

"Oh god," whispered Levi, his eyes closing. "Oh fuck, Erwin." He hunched over the Commander's abdomen, his head dropping, as he slowly rocked. Warmth began to build deep inside Erwin, and he groaned, his toes curling.

Levi's head tossed back, his face pained. "I wish I could kiss you."

Not trusting his spine's flexibility in the wake of his injuries, Erwin smoothed a hand across the man's face instead. Levi gasped and kissed it, then took a finger into his mouth, gently circling it with his tongue. A long, low groan sounded in Erwin's throat.

For several minutes, their bodies rocked together, Levi kissing and licking his fingers. Erwin ran his free hand across every space of the pale skin he could see, exploring him, memorizing his texture. The skin was still soft from the hot spring, still warm.

"Fuck." The finger fell from Levi's mouth. "You feel so good. I never want to stop. I never..." His eyelids fluttered and he pushed in a little harder, holding for a beat. Erwin could feel him pulse inside him, and he gasped.

"Even slow like this, it feels so good." Levi bent down and kissed Erwin's breastbone. His strokes were still slow, but harder now, almost violent at the end. "You're so warm..." His voice rose into a moan.

Whispering his name, Erwin wrapped his legs around the man's torso. He wanted to memorize every facial expression Levi was making, every perfect sound.

"I want to be closer, I need..." Levi kissed across to his nipple, then began to circle it with his tongue. His strokes were still slow and firm, and Erwin began to feel a familiar warmth building inside him, even though he wasn't hard.

"You feel so good," he whispered, barely able to form coherent thoughts.

Levi moaned. "Oh fuck, Erwin, I need you." He sucked hard at the nipple, and Erwin threw his head back.

"I'm here. I'm yours."

Levi clung tightly to him, breathing the words over and over: _I need you. I need you._

"It's okay. I'm here." Erwin leaned back, feeling Levi's torso rocking between his legs. He ran his hands along the flexing arms, then combed fingers through the dark hair. _So good. You feel so good._ Pleasure was still building inside him, washing over him, lapping at every inch of his skin, as warm and soft as the spring water. His body began to twitch, and he was withdrawing into himself. He wanted to call Levi's name, but he couldn't move his lips; they were numb, engulfed by that growing warmth. He was vibrating, energy burning him at every point of contact, building deep inside...

He heard himself yell as the pressure erupted, and he heard Levi echo the sound. They clung to each other, their bodies quaking, their cries fuelling each other, answering each other.

The instant the last pulses faded, Levi crawled up his body, ignoring the mess between them, and kissed him hard. Erwin could barely coordinate his lips to kiss him back. Every muscle in his body was relaxed and tingling.

Levi pulled away, resting his forehead on Erwin's. "I wish..." He swallowed hard and didn't continue. There was no need. They were both thinking it, and what was the point in wishing for things they could never have?

Erwin closed a hand over his cheek and lifted his chin, staring solemnly into his eyes. "We're here, Levi, for six more days. Don't miss the whole thing worrying about it being over, remember?"

The man paused, then nodded. "Yeah."

Erwin kissed Levi's forehead, then gripped his shoulders and gently rolled him to the side. He passed over a handkerchief, then quickly used another to clean himself. "I'll be back in a moment. I just have to get something." 

Levi sat up, mopping himself. "What are you getting?"

"It must be after midnight by now, right?" Erwin stood. In spite of the fire, the room was chilly, and goosebumps rose across his skin as he bent in front of the chest. "It's your birthday, and I have something for you." He had intended to save it for breakfast, but after such an emotional connection, the timing felt right. He tucked the gift in his palm, then returned to the bed. "Hold out your hands."

A brow furrowed, Levi obeyed. Erwin dropped a set of keys into his outstretched palms.

"Keys?" asked Levi.

"A formality." Erwin spread them in the man's palm and tapped one key at a time. "Apartments. Trost -- you're familiar with this one already. Karanese. Ehrmich. Shiganshina -- that one's useless now, but one day, it'll be useful again."

"How fucking rich are you?" asked Levi, staring at the keys..

"I tied up much of my father's inheritance in real estate long ago." He considered Shiganshina and added, "Some were better investments than others."

"So you're giving me permission to use all these?"

"More than that. They're ours."

Levi's gaze lifted to meet his. "Ours?"

"Well, I can't put your name on the deeds without raising suspicions, of course, but effectively, they're half yours. You'll have full access to them whenever you like. I'll never sell them without consulting with you first, and you'd be entitled to half the sale value. As well, I've formally made you my next of kin, so if something happens to me, the deeds will all transfer to you." Erwin's cheeks were burning, so he looked down. "I guess this is the closest I can come to asking you to move in with me, given that we've lived together since before we fell in love. It's more symbolic than anything, a sign that I consider you more important than just a typical relationship." The gesture had seemed grander in his mind, and the dumbfounded stare from Levi was making him second-guess himself. "I'm sorry; this was supposed to be romantic."

"No, it's..." Levi swallowed hard, his fingers curling around the keys. "This is really fucking nice of you, Erwin. But it's lopsided."

"Lopsided?"

"I have nothing to offer you."

Erwin frowned. He gripped both of the slender hands, the keys pressed between their palms. "Levi, think about all that has happened this year. Because of you, we were able to retrieve the contents of the first silo, which began the whole silo reclamation process. Because of you, I learned that I could trust Nile, and now that he's Commander, we can possibly ally with the Military Police in ways we never could before. You were the one to get Sahlo's name in the first place, and you keep him on his toes if he gets too cocky around me. You've sacrificed your future to stand by my side, to fight for the causes we believe in. And more than that..." He pressed Levi's empty palm to his chest. "You're the reason this is still beating. You rescued me, then nursed me back to health when I was near death's door. You stood by my side as I recovered." He swallowed hard. "In return, I've thrown a few properties at you and asked you to continue risking your life at my command. You're right; it is lopsided. But not in the way you think."

Levi's mouth twisted. "You're too fucking sentimental," he muttered, and he looked down, but not before Erwin saw glassy eyes.

"Happy Birthday, Levi," he said quietly.

The keys fell to the bed sheets as Levi wrapped his arms around him, burrowing beneath his chin.

 

**(To be continued in Part III...)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~On Christmas, religion, and the overall SNK timeline~  
> [no manga spoilers]
> 
> So, it's probably clear by now that I'm one of those folks who thinks the Attack on Titan timeline is set far in the future. (I actually believe it's not on Earth, either, but that's a story for another time.) We know knowledge of the outside world is forbidden, and the Wall Cult appears to be the only major religion -- and one increasingly intertwined with the government, at that. it makes sense that an oppressive government, seeking to keep its citizens penned in, would encourage a religion that venerates the walls and forbids leaving or altering them in any way. Because of this, and because of the complete lack of other religious symbols portrayed within the fiction to date, I believe there are no other religions actively practised within the walls. Wallism is all they've got.
> 
> I do, however, feel like the early leaders within the walls would understand the value of having at least one major holiday (boost to commerce and morale...plus, they probably had nostalgia for the holidays of old.) We know, from official material, that only a small subset of humanity was allowed into the walls. This subset seems to be largely homogenous in terms of culture and ethnicity, which makes me think that Christmas (which, in many parts of the world, has already become less of a religious holiday and more of a cultural one) might be adopted as the catch-all. It made sense to me that some traditions might be borrowed from other popular religious holidays and festivals of the "old world". Need something to flesh out the holiday after all religious references were stripped out to make it compatible with Wallism. 
> 
> This is why Christmas exists in the HCT!SNK world, and why it's quite different from the Christmas celebrated in many places IRL. Given all the Christmas material the SNK merch team likes to throw out every December, I figured it wasn't too much of a stretch to include it.
> 
> NONE OF THIS is intended to be a commentary on religion. I'm not trying to make a deep statement here. At the end of the day, I wanted an excuse to (1) work in my wall religion headcanons, and (2) inject some of my own warm fuzzy nostalgia about the holiday season. Please don't read too deeply into it! ;) <3


	25. Warning (Part III)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. I'm sorry this took an extra 10 days on top of my predicted publish date. Setting up a new arc/tying stuff together + battling health stuff = that took way longer than expected. Thanks for your patience! I'm blown away by the positive reaction to this fic lately (holy hell) and I hope this new arc will be feels-y and satisfying. :)
> 
> I'd like to take a moment to call out three awesome pieces of fan art I was lucky enough to receive after the last chapter!
> 
> (*) Cottonomz made an amazing NINE-PAGE comic depicting Erwin & Levi's discussion about August & Emil in the previous chapter! HOLY CRAP! http://cottonball.tumblr.com/post/107963718223/ (This also makes for a good refresher/segue into this chapter. :D)
> 
> (*) Aileine did a beautiful comic depicting Erwin & Levi's bond and the sacrifices they have made together! AHHH! http://aileine.tumblr.com/post/106952831668/
> 
> (*) Alsoalice did a lovely, sad picture of Levi after being inspired by feeling sad about chapter 24! WOW! http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/108780368666/
> 
> I am absolutely blown away that I could inspire people to create such lovely things. Thank you so very much.
> 
> Anyways, on with the chapter! (My apologies for any weird typos/etc. I'll be taking another look at this over the next couple days to polish up any typos I catch.) Also, some mild spoilery stuff for chapter 55, heavily headcanonized.
> 
> Previous chapter: As Levi's birthday approaches, Erwin takes him north for a romantic getaway.

* * *

  **PART III**

**Consume**

* * *

 

For several months following Erwin and Levi's return to Trost in late December 846, the Survey Corps continued its focus on recruiting and finding investors. Levi's celebrity was a great help to both, and though it made him uncomfortable to hold the spotlight, he knew it was for the good of the Corps. He arm wrestled, he demonstrated titan takedowns to trainees, he punched through cinder blocks, all while Erwin told tales of his amazing feats on the battlefield. Because they weren't leaving the walls, there was almost no negative publicity to counteract their efforts, and as a result the Survey Corps began to flourish. By early summer, their numbers were high enough to resume expeditions, and Erwin had recovered enough to lead them.

As time passed, Erwin's goal of taking back Wall Maria within three to five years began to seem plausible. Now that they had a goal in sight, they aggressively pushed ahead with several smaller expeditions a year instead of just one or two large ones. They carved a path toward the wall, laying supplies and securing checkpoints. It was slow work, and costly: actively attempting to clear checkpoints meant engaging the titans head-on rather than avoiding them. Casualty rates were high. Fortunately, Levi's strike squad fared well, but other teams began to weaken. By the end of the autumn of 847, they were desperately in need of more soldiers.

That winter, Erwin intensified the recruiting drive yet again, enlisting the help of Shadis and Berit to raise the Corps' profile with Trainees. Once spring arrived, they headed out with their numbers bolstered, and the annual cycle began again: perform a song and dance for investors, lay supplies, recruit more trainees to fill the empty spaces left behind. The months began to blur together, and so did the names and faces of the young soldiers around them.

The steady loss of soldiers wasn't the only change in the Survey Corps. Less noticeable to the masses, but more noticeable to Levi, was the impact on officer morale.

As the expeditions passed and the number of casualties increased, Mike became more quiet and withdrawn. He still socialized with the other officers, but rarely contributed to the conversation aside from the occasional shrug or grunt. It wasn't in Levi's nature to try to draw someone out of their shell, but he was beginning to miss the man's stories. Training with him these days was more like punching a piece of equipment than a friend.

Hange, meanwhile, dove headfirst into research, spending odd hours working on new weapons and poring over titan behaviour documentation. While their knowledge and traps were improving at a rapid rate, Levi found himself missing the quiet, personal conversations he had once shared with Hange. They still had their moments, but Hange was growing increasingly eccentric. It seemed most conversations these days led to a boring lecture about titan physiology.

Levi, meanwhile, didn't feel he was changing much. His personality had been forged in times of stress long before he had joined the Corps, so extra stress didn't affect him. His role, however, demanded more of his time and attention than ever before. The troops had begun to call him Captain as he took on the honourary role of Erwin's right hand man, and his duties had accumulated accordingly. He worked almost as hard as Erwin himself these days.

And Erwin...

Every time the townsfolk confronted him after expeditions, every time a politician or investor questioned his intentions, the Commander's mask hardened a little more. Each time it hardened, it took a little longer to come off again. His calm expression and polite, restrained smile were the only expressions he ever wore whenever anyone except Levi was in the room. The tone of his voice had always been measured, but now it was careful, polite and emotionless.

Still, even when the mask was up, Erwin and Levi were inseparable. Ultimately, it was Erwin's vision guiding the Survey Corps, but the two of them stood side-by-side at the helm. Erwin took the lead on finances and long-term planning, while Levi took on many of the day-to-day issues involving the soldiers. The strength of their joint leadership was invaluable, as was their ability to read each other on the battlefield.

This shared drive was a double-edged sword. It was too easy to lose themselves in their work, too easy to forget they were Erwin and Levi, not just Commander and Captain. Once they were in private, they were still the same lovestruck men who had wrestled in the snow in Utopia District, but making private time was the difficult part. Even on the nights they made love, it was increasingly common for one of them to awaken to a cold, lonely bed while the other sat at the desk by lamplight.

By the end of year 848, they had begun carefully scheduling three nights a week together, from midnight until reveille. It seemed to be the only way to ensure they kept their romance strong - and, as a bonus, it forced them to get a decent amount of sleep a few nights a week. Maybe it wasn't as spontaneous as they would have liked, but there didn't seem to be any other solution. They had always known their duties took priority over their relationship. Until humanity was free, they were not.

Still, a part of Levi missed the early days of their relationship, when the reclamation of Wall Maria had seemed impossibly far away. It had been easier back then to fool themselves into thinking they had time to lounge around together.

And so, he was relieved when, one warm spring night in 849, Erwin spoke up from his side of the bed: "We should go away together."

Levi rolled over to face him. "Yeah?"

"A few months from now. Let's set aside a week, make some excuse, and forget all this for awhile." Erwin laid a hand along Levi's jaw, tracing his lower lip with his thumb. "I want one last chance to enjoy ourselves before the final push to reclaim Wall Maria."

"You think we're going to die in the push."

"It's likely at least one of us will." Erwin's gaze was so sad, so painful that Levi found himself wishing for his emotionless mask to go up instead.

"We're not going to die." He kissed Erwin's thumb. "But sure, I'll go away with you."

"Maybe the end of the summer. We'll be between expeditions, so it won't impact our schedule."

"Sounds good." Levi slid across the mattress to seal the agreement with a kiss.

But urgent tasks stole time from them night after night, week after week, and when they finally had a moment to lift their heads, summer was already ending.

* * *

 

**-25-**

**Warning**

**September 849**

"Captain."

Levi looked up from his desk to see Eld and Petra standing in the doorway of his office. His eyes drifted to a stack of papers in the woman's hand. She had mentioned something about paperwork during lunch; he hadn't paid much attention. "Okay, grab a seat."

The soldiers nodded and pulled up chairs across from him. Petra slid the papers across the top of the desk.

Levi was so fatigued that the numbers blurred. He flipped through a few pages, frowning. "What am I looking at?"

"Salary guidelines and my pay stubs, Captain." Petra politely smiled, her gaze ducking away from his. She had been doing that a lot lately, and he was beginning to wonder if he had offended her without realizing it.

"And?"

Eld sighed, folding his arms over his chest. "She's being underpaid. She doesn't want to say anything because she's stubborn."

"No, because I don't want to seem like the only reason I'm here is to get paid," said the woman, eyes narrowing at him. "I don't want to cause a fuss-"

"Your family needs the money."

"Both of you, shut up," said Levi. He was running on two hours of sleep, and his head throbbed. It was aggravating enough that heavy rainfall had been drumming at the windows all day; their rising voices weren't helping his headache. "Petra. Why aren't we paying you enough?"

Her cheeks darkened. "I think it's something to do with my transfer, Captain. The accountants probably don't realize I was in the military for more than a year before I came here."

 _Erwin's not going to like this_. Levi leaned back in his chair. One of their major investment sources had just dried up - something to do with squabbles over a will - and Petra's back pay would add up to a sizeable amount. He took a long sip of tea, then set down his mug. "Is Oluo having the same problem?"

Her mouth twisted as if she had eaten something unpleasant. "I haven't asked."

"Well, he's meeting with Erwin next door. We'll ask when they're done." Levi rocked his chair forward, setting all four legs on the ground, and pulled out a ledger. "Let's figure out what we owe you while we're waiting." He wasn't great with words, but he was good with numbers.

The three of them were only a few minutes into the task when a knock sounded at the door.

"What?" called Levi.

The door open, and Oluo walked in, smoothing a ridiculous copycat cravat he had recently started wearing. "Captain, I can't find Commander Erwin anywhere."

Levi tried to blink the clerical fog from his mind. "He's not in his office?"

"No." The soldier ran a hand through his curly hair, his face tightening with an arrogant expression. "We had a meeting for five o'clock on the dot, and I've been waiting twenty minutes. I can't write my monthly report to Commander Nile without him, but I can't wait around all day for him. My time is valuable."

Oluo was one hell of a soldier and he had a good heart, but he had the unique ability to annoy everyone who came near him. Levi felt his skin begin to crawl with irritation at the arrogant tone. "Did you check the research lab?"

"Of course."

"The mess hall? The bathroom? Maybe he's taking a really long shit."

"Checked. Not there. He's not in the gym, either."

Levi glanced at the window. The rain was still coming down so hard that it sounded like hail. His mouth flattened.  _Ah._  Rainstorms like this did strange things to Erwin's mood. "I know where he is. Talk to Eld and Petra about this clerical problem while I'm gone. Figure out if it affects you, too."

"Captain, maybe we'd be better off summarizing it for him in a letter when we're done," said Petra.

"A clerical problem? I'm sure you could both benefit from my experience," said Oluo, pulling up a chair. "After all, the Captain and the Commander entrust me with direct communication with Commander Nile, and-"

Levi stepped out of his office, closed the door behind him and shook his head.

He strode through the hallway, ignoring at the soldiers who greeted him along the way. Making sure no eyes were on him, he ducked down the hallway to the unused portion of the building, then made his way to the guard tower door. The broken lock here still gave the illusion that the door was sealed off. Levi had suggested installing an actual lock - they made use of the tower often enough that someone was bound to discover their secret sooner or later - but Erwin had muttered some excuse about a new lock only drawing attention to it. Levi suspected he was just too cheap.

The door closed behind him, immersing him in darkness. He paced his way to the ladder by memory and began to climb.

He opened the trap door to the guard tower, and was immediately bombarded by raindrops so large and warm that they felt slimy. Erwin was perched against the small wall lining the top of the tower, his back to the trap door. He seemed to be staring across the city, though the fog was so thick that Levi couldn't even see the rooftops of nearby buildings.

He let the trap door fall closed. Though Erwin didn't turn around, his posture straightened a little at the sound. His hair was dripping and his jacket was dark with moisture.

"You're soaking wet." Levi padded closer, then leaned against the wall beside him.

Erwin's voice was quiet: "When it rains like this, the city smells like the land outside Wall Maria."

"You think so? Still smells like garbage and piss to me." Levi glanced at his Commander; he was clutching an envelope to his chest. "Is this a normal rainy day sulk, or is that bad news?"

Erwin looked blankly down at the letter, as if he had forgotten about it. "It's from Helena."

"Your sister?" Levi swabbed raindrops off his face. "I thought I told her to stay away from you."

"This is the first I've heard from her since our meeting a few years back." His face hardened. "She wants to meet tomorrow at an apartment in a small town in Wall Rose."

The jumping muscle in his jaw wasn't enough information - was he angry? Worried? Levi edged closer to him. "You going?"

"I'd be travelling through the town on the way to Mitras, anyway. The timing is more than a little coincidental." A pause. "I can't figure out what spurred her to reach out to me after such a final visit last time. My imagination is not being kind to me."

Levi didn't hesitate: "I'm coming with you." The original plan had been for him to stay behind and train some of the newer recruits, but Mike could handle that alone. He wasn't about to let Erwin go into family drama unprotected, particularly when Tessa - or Helena, or whatever her name was - had said Erwin would be in a coffin the next time they met.

The blue gaze fixed on him for a moment. Levi held it, unyielding. At last, Erwin gave him a polite smile. Levi hated that smile; it was worse than a frown. It meant the man was suffering and he wanted to do it alone.  _Self-sacrificing asshole._

"We'll leave at eight thirty tomorrow morning," said Erwin. "Unfortunately, that means we won't be spending tonight together as planned - you'll need to sort out the training in your absence, and I have a bit of extra paperwork to do."

"So make it up to me while we're in the Capital." Levi stood. "Now come inside. You're getting drenched, and Oluo's been waiting twenty minutes for-" He stopped as he saw the man's face fall. "What now?"

"Oluo's report," said Erwin. "It's September already, isn't it?"

"Yeah?"

"We had been planning to go away together."

"It can wait," said Levi with a shrug, trying not to show his disappointment. "We've been busy." Busy was an understatement. First there had been the expedition at the end of July, then Erwin had been in the Capital alone for nearly two weeks. After one frantic night together, Levi had left on a three week scouting mission. Last night's reunion had been cut short by their work on the reports for Erwin's upcoming trip. Just thinking about it all, he felt loneliness pit in his stomach, cold and hollow.  _There's never any time._

"I'm sorry, Levi," said Erwin quietly. "It was really important to me that we go away this August - it's been my plan for a long time. I'm disappointed that I let it slip by."

Levi sighed. He pressed a cheek to the man's chest and snaked his arms around him. The cloth was damp. Beneath it, he could hear Erwin's heartbeat, strong and fast.

"Look," he said. "Stop looking for things to feel bad about. We've got enough stress already." He closed his eyes, feeling raindrops seep through his hair and trickle down his scalp.

Erwin's arms wrapped around him, his embrace tight. "After our next expedition, let's go away. For real, this time. How does a few days in Ehrmich sound? We can use the excuse that we're inspecting the empty Survey Corps base, but stay in our apartment."

"I've never been to Ehrmich," said Levi.

"It's not quite as fancy as the last time we went away, but there are some scenic places to visit. There's..." Erwin hesitated. "There's a small hill overlooking the city, and I think you'd like the view. Maybe we can go for a hike together."

Levi's breath caught. He recalled August and Emil and their trip up the hill, their celebration of three-and-a-half years since they had first started dating. He had replayed that conversation in his head countless times over the past three years, wondering if Erwin would follow through.

Nuzzling against the broad chest, he said, "Sure, let's go on that hike."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I bet I'll like what I see when the sun sets."

Beneath his ear, Erwin's heart began to beat faster.

.*.*.*.

That night, Levi met Mike in the mess hall for some ale. They took a small table together, and Mike listened quietly while Levi covered all the training instructions. Once he was done, there was still a half-full bottle for each of them to get through. For several minutes, the only sound was the occasional sip of ale and then the thunk of glass on wood. This was the most awkward silence between them yet, and Levi couldn't take it anymore.

"Hey, you okay?"

Mike shrugged. "Why?"

"You're quiet."

The man looked down, the dark blond fringe covering his eyes. He absently peeled at his bottle label.

"Couldn't shut you up, once," continued Levi. "Always had a story to tell."

"Most of the people in those stories are dead now."

"Huh." Levi took a long swallow of ale. "Guess it wears on a person."

"Yeah. Start wondering who will be next. Maybe someone you care about more than you should." Mike drained the rest of his bottle.

"Oh." Levi watched him, wondering who he meant. His first instinct was Hange, but that seemed unlikely given that Mike was scent-oriented and Hange seemed to have given up on voluntarily bathing.  _Nanaba? Lynne? ...Gelgar?_ Usually he had a good sense of who was fucking whom around the base, but he hadn't noticed anything unusual about Mike lately, even when they had been on the field together. Maybe he had just been too absorbed with his work to notice.

"Maybe I'll feel chattier when we win back Wall Maria," said Mike. "Except the closer we get, the further away it feels."

"Won't be much longer now. Six more months, tops." Levi drained the rest of the bottle. "This is depressing. Want to go spar?"

"Now?"

"I know it's late, but I'm heading to the Capital tomorrow, and fuck knows when I'll be back."

Mike appeared to be considering the offer. He stood. "Should we invite Erwin?"

"I'll ask, but I doubt he'll have time. I'll check with four-eyes, too." Hange was a bit weaker in a fight than the rest of them, but seemed to take strange delight in taking stupid risks in the fray. Their first sparring session had ended with Hange cackling on the ground with broken goggles and a nosebleed. Levi had sincerely feared for the Squad Leader's state of mind.

His first stop was Erwin's office. Not bothering to knock, he opened the door.

Two sets of eyes looked up at him; Petra was sitting at his desk.  _Right, she was going to talk to him about the pay issue._

Levi slumped against the doorframe. "Mike and I are sparring for a bit. You have time, Erwin?"

The Commander's brows cocked. "It's nine o'clock at night."

"Didn't think so."

"I have time, Captain," said Petra quickly.

Levi eyed her. "Think you can keep up?"

Defiance sparked in her eyes for just a moment before it was overcome by her usual pleasant expression. "I think I did pretty well last time we sparred."

"You mean that time I was drunk off my ass and you had your gear?" He turned away. "Sure, try it, if you want. And Erwin, don't forget to sleep tonight. You're no good to us if you're dead on your feet at the Capital."

Hange's office was empty, so Levi went downstairs to the lab. Hange was stabbing a large, barbed hook into a thick canvas, and Moblit was taking notes.

"Hey, shitglasses," said Levi, cocking his nose at the Squad Leader. "Take a break and come spar with Mike and me."

Hange knelt down to peer at the canvas. "If we perfect this design, Erwin's going to hire a contact to make a bunch of these out of the same material as our blades."

Levi sighed and turned to Moblit. "How about you, scribbles?"

"Not tonight, Captain. Sorry." The man knelt beside his Squad Leader, sketching.

It wasn't quite the turnout Levi had hoped for, but at least Petra's presence would add some variety to their routine. The girl was stretching her legs in the gym when Levi arrived. She was dressed in simple black workout gear, her hair pulled back in a half-ponytail. As he approached, she hopped to her feet and saluted. He waved her down.

"You're jumpy today."

"Sorry, Captain." She was staring fixedly at his bare chest, as if avoiding his gaze. He wondered if it had been a mistake to wear his gym gear. His squad wasn't accustomed to seeing him out of uniform; this might be breaking his illusion of leadership. Or maybe her discomfort had nothing to do with him at all.

"Someone piss you off or something?" he asked. "Erwin? Oluo?"

"No. I mean, Oluo's annoying, but I'm fine." She grimaced and added under her breath, "Really, really annoying."

"Oh?" he asked, even though he knew.

She sighed. "You must have noticed he's been dressing like you and trying to talk like you, Captain. And he's always bragging about how you and Commander Erwin entrust him with important reports to the Capital."

"He does all that because he's insecure. See through that, and it won't bother you as much. He'll grow out of it one day, anyway." Levi swung his arms, trying to loosen them up. His back was stiff from sitting at his desk all day. "You don't have to like each other, but don't let interpersonal shit affect your opinion of him on the battlefield. You two work well together, and I don't want you losing that." He stepped into the ring. "Now let's see what you've got while we're waiting for Mike."

"Okay, Captain." She stood opposite him, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Light flared in her eyes, that same defiance he frequently saw on the battlefield. Petra had a deep aggressive streak beneath that gracious exterior, and he was interested to see how she would use it in a sparring match.

His eyes trailed down her body as he sized her up. Her height was going to prove interesting - he was accustomed to fighting opponents who were taller than him. However, she was too upright, too tense. She must be overthinking the positions of her limbs. Erwin had a tendency to do that, too.

She stepped forward with a punch that would have been strong enough to catch most opponents, but Levi easily sidestepped, then spun around her follow-up punch. He tapped the back of her head.

"Hey!" She whirled to face him. "Don't just dodge around me. Fight m-"

He dove in low and caught her by the collar and the waistband, hoisted her over his head, and gently dropped her onto her back on the mat. She landed with an  _oof._ He stood over her, staring down his nose.

"You're trying to press the offense by beating my speed, but you can't," he said. "You've gotten too used to big, slow targets. The way you fought me as Sofi Lalonde was by anticipating a human's movements and instinctively reacting to everything I did. Don't lose that."

She stared up at him, eyes wide. "You remembered my fake name."

He shrugged. It wasn't often that someone kicked the shit out of him. "Get up."

After a few more minutes, Petra seemed to warm up, her attacks posing a mild challenge now. She was definitely one of the better soldiers he had fought hand-to-hand - she used her petite height to her advantage, and she was quick to capitalize on every opening he offered.

Mike arrived a few minutes later with Lynne and Gelgar in tow. Levi stepped aside, letting Mike and Petra spar for a few minutes. She fared far better against Mike; the man kept getting caught off guard by her aggressive counterattacks. He finally dropped her, and she moved to step out of the ring.

"Not yet," said Levi. "Lynne, fight her."

Petra's brows rose, but Levi only folded his arms over his chest. He needed to keep his squad at the top of their game, and a person's weaknesses were clearest when they got tired and sloppy. He would be doing the girl a disservice if he didn't have any improvements to suggest.

Lynne was fast on the gear in the field, but slow at hand-to-hand. Petra had the upper hand from the beginning and easily won the match. She also revealed the weakness Levi had been seeking.

"Petra, come here," he said once the match was over. He grabbed her shoulders and set her in stance away from the others. "Throw a right punch." He stood beside her and placed a single finger against her right hipbone.

"Um, Captain," she said.

"I'm making a point. Throw a right, then hold your stance with your punch extended."

She did so, her hips twisting.

"Look how far forward my finger is," he said. "Now throw a left and do the same." He moved to her other side, placing a finger on her left hip. This time, her hip only moved a couple centimetres. "Look where my finger is."

"Oh," she said. "I'm not twisting my hips enough on that side, am I?"

"No, and it's cutting your power in half. When I get back from the Capital, I'm going to test this again, so work on it. We'll be doing gear training, too, and I want you to show me a right and left strikes. Maybe you're doing the same thing in the air, and that's why your left strike is so weak." His nose wrinkled as he noticed the acrid smell coming off her. "But wash your workout clothes first."

"Oh!" She stepped away, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Do I stink?"

He hesitated at the horror on her face.  _This is probably one of those situations where I should have kept my mouth shut._ "Well, you just fought three fights in a row. Anyone would stink after that."

"Oh," she said again, her face crimson. "Sorry, Captain. Thank you for taking the time to train me. I'll go wash." She whirled on her heel and marched to the door.

As the door closed, Mike stepped up to Levi's side. "You're an asshole."

"What?"

"She's tripping over herself to impress her Captain, and you didn't say one nice thing about her fighting, then told her she stank." Mike's arms folded over his chest. "She smelled fine, by the way. Maybe you just don't like the way women smell."

"She's a soldier. She can take it," said Levi, but he found himself thinking the man was right.  _Why am I so hard on her?_  Even as he was thinking it, he knew the answer: because she reminded him so much of Isabel. He wanted to make sure that this time, he trained her right. He wanted her to be able to defend herself against any threat that came her way.

He let out a low sigh.  _Petra isn't Isabel. She's survived dozens of fights already. You can't change the past, so let it go._

"Come on." Mike clapped a hand on his shoulder and cocked his head toward the ring.

Levi nodded and fell into step beside him.

He spent the next hour sparring and, when he wasn't in the ring, carefully studying the others. Every soldier had a unique fighting style, and there were things he could learn from each of them - new moves, or new things to avoid. By the time he sank into the cold bath upstairs, his muscles ached and his mind was alight.

He poked his head into Erwin's office around eleven o'clock. "Hey."

Erwin looked up from his paperwork, his eyes glazed. "Come in."

Levi shut the door, then dropped onto the couch. "Have time to take a break?"

"Not really, but I have a contract to read through, so I could get away from my desk and sit with you for a bit."

"Sure."

Erwin tucked a stack of papers under his arm and gripped a tea mug, then sat on the couch next to Levi. He held out the mug. Levi accepted it and took a sip: black tea with a hint of brandy.

"You're drinking?"

"Only a little. Not sure I can get through this bullshit without it." Erwin leaned over to kiss Levi's cheek, then paused. "You bathed already."

"Were you hoping my hair was wet because it was dripping with sweat, you pervert?"

"Probably a good thing it's not. I don't think I could withstand the allure of your sweat right now." Erwin gave a soft, breathy kiss to his jaw.

Levi pulled away. "The door's unlocked."

"Ah. Then I'll be good." The Commander took the cup back, grabbing it with a distinctively clawed hand the way Levi did. He had started doing that at some point over the last couple years, and Levi couldn't tell if it was intentional or accidental. He didn't want to ask for fear that pointing it out would embarrass him and make him stop. There was something flattering about him copying Levi's movements. Levi had probably picked up some of Erwin's habits without realizing it, too.

"How was sparring with Petra?" asked Erwin.

"She isn't bad. Mike said I was being an asshole, though."

"I can't imagine." Erwin smiled. "Our workload has grown so much that I'm thinking it's time to finally start training a fourth Squad Leader. Is Petra a good candidate?"

Levi considered. "She's got the right demeanour for it, but she's still too green. Always trying to impress her superiors instead of thinking for herself. Eld's a better fit, but needs a bit more time. Maybe give him another year."

"Anyone else leap to mind? Maybe someone from Mike or Hange's squads?" Erwin took another sip of his drink, then held it out again. Levi accepted it. The alcohol was stronger nearer the bottom.

"Probably Nanaba and Dita." He yawned so hard that tears welled in his eyes. Sparring had taken it out of him, more than he realized.

"Okay. I'll get Hange and Mike's opinions on all this, too. Maybe we can time this to have a fourth Squad Leader in place for the wall reclamation effort." Erwin held out a hand to take back the drink. Levi drained the rest of it, then placed the empty mug in his hand.

Erwin stared into the bottom of the mug. "I was hoping you'd save me a little bit."

"There was too much liquor at the bottom. You can't read your contract if you get drunk." Levi leaned against his shoulder, his eyelids heavy. "I did you a favour."

"Always looking out for me."

"Mm." It was suddenly too much effort to form words.

"Are you falling asleep? Don't tell me the liquor hit you that quickly."

"Shut up," mumbled Levi, too tired to explain that he was tired from sparring.

He felt a soft kiss press into the top of his hair, and then he began to drift. He didn't realize he had fallen asleep until Erwin's voice woke him up:

"Levi."

"Hm?" He opened his eyes and immediately noticed his neck was stiff. He sat up, rolling his head to stretch it. "Did I fall asleep?"

Erwin smiled. "For about an hour. Snoring and everything."

"Holy shit." He was embarrassed to see a damp spot on Erwin's shoulder; he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Didn't realize I was so tired. Maybe I should go to bed." He paused. "Am I sleeping in my bed tonight, or yours?"

"Probably yours, though I wish I could join you. I have some more work to do before we leave." Erwin smoothed the bangs from Levi's forehead and pressed a kiss into the centre of it. He smelled of sweat, cologne, spiced tea, brandy and, faintly, coffee.

Levi breathed in the scent, tasting it.  _Maybe you just don't like the way women smell,_  Mike had said, but it was more than that, because Levi didn't like the way men smelled, either. All his previous lovers stank. Not Erwin. No matter how strong his smell, it still made Levi glow - especially now, when he was pent up. One night of frantic sex wasn't nearly enough release after such a long scouting mission.

"We'll have time for sex in the Capital, right?" he murmured.

Erwin pulled away to look at him, face solemn. "Every single night."

"Good."

They exchanged a shallow kiss, both too paranoid about the door to relax into it.

"See you at eight thirty in the courtyard." Erwin strode over to his desk and began to arrange stacks of paper. "Come in plainclothes; we don't want to be in uniform when we meet my sister. Bring at least one more set of plainclothes in addition to your uniforms, as well as a suit. We'll be doing more than just speaking in front of the Council during this trip."

"Sure. Goodnight." Without looking back, Levi left the office. He shuffled to his room, removed his boots and collapsed on the bed.

.*.*.*.

Morning came too soon.

Levi usually awoke an hour before reveille, but this time he woke up with the bells, the room already orange with the light from the sunrise. He dragged himself to the bathroom to clean up, annoyed that he didn't have his usual peace and quiet. At least it was a heated bath day; he soaked for longer than necessary, his muscles a bit sore from sparring. He had a lengthy breakfast and three cups of tea, keeping an eye out for Erwin, but the man didn't appear.

Once he had finished packing the last of his things, he carried the trunk next door to Erwin's bedroom. Shortly after Berit had left the Survey Corps, Erwin had shuffled the room arrangements, carefully placing their rooms side by side against the wall of the building. When they were in Erwin's room, they had a one room buffer, and it was only Mike on the other side. Below them was the furnace room. Now the only occasion to muffle themselves was during expeditions, though of course they couldn't outright yell unless they were in their apartment in town. Levi sometimes wondered what the apartment neighbours must think went on in there.

He knocked on Erwin's door, but there was no response. Levi frowned. He knew what that meant.

Leaving the trunk in the hallway, he strode to Erwin's office and threw open the door. "You didn't sleep."

The Commander looked up from his desk, surprise on his face. "Is it morning already?"

"Didn't you hear reveille?"

"I suppose I was distracted." His eyes were sunken, the skin around them dark. "What time is it?"

"Eight."

"I see." Erwin raked a hand through his hair. "I haven't even started packing."

"The hell's the hold up?" Levi strode across the room and perched on the corner of the desk, looking down at the document. The printed text across the top read,  _Application for Military Promotion._ Had Erwin chosen a new Squad Leader already? It wasn't like him to make any personnel changes without running them past Levi first."Who's getting promoted?"

Erwin smiled. "You."

"Me?"

"September marks your fifth anniversary with the Survey Corps, which means you're formally eligible to hold the rank of Captain. We've been referring to you by that rank for long enough - it's about time you got the proper pay and military recognition for it."

"Huh," said Levi. "Can we afford that?"

"We'll make it work. It's important that every soldier receives fair compensation for their duties." Erwin stood and began to gather his papers. "I'm afraid my work is scattered around my office. It'll take me a few minutes to get everything in order."

"Get everything you need here, then go get cleaned up," said Levi. "I'll pack your trunk."

Erwin gave him a nod that conveyed gratitude. "Thank you, Levi. I'll see you in the courtyard in fifteen minutes."

"Make sure you eat something," said Levi as he left the room, because he knew Erwin would forget without a reminder. For someone who managed an entire branch of the military, the Commander was surprisingly terrible at taking care of his own needs.

As was typical after a series of long work nights, the floor of Erwin's room was littered with books and clothes. He always made the effort to tidy up before Levi spent the night, but this was a more spontaneous visit. Levi wrinkled his nose and began to deposit the clothes into the laundry hamper. He paused to lift one of the dress shirts to his face, breathing in the collar: Erwin's cologne, soap, and shampoo. His heart began to pound.  _I wonder if he's going to be too tired to fuck in the carriage?_

Perhaps it was his pent-up libido that guided him as he packed two bottles of lubricant, a small toy and that little pair of black underwear that tended to ride a little too far up Erwin's ass. Once that was taken care of, he turned to the necessities: a spare uniform, a few sets of plainclothes, a suit, and then all his toiletries.

Lastly, he grabbed the book from Erwin's nightstand, being careful to keep the bookmark in place. On rare occasions when they had spare time, he enjoyed snuggling up to Erwin as the man read, sometimes aloud. Maybe they would have a quiet moment to themselves at the hotel.

With one last scan of the room, he shut the trunk and hauled it downstairs.

He found Erwin in the courtyard speaking with the driver. Once they had confirmed their route and their things were safely stowed, the two men settled into the carriage, facing each other. Erwin's eyes were cold.  _His mask is on,_  thought Levi. Given that they were about to face his sister, that made sense.

"Levi?" said Erwin. He must have been staring.

With a shrug, Levi looked down. "Can't read you when you're wearing that dumb expression."

"Ah. Am I doing it again?"

"Yeah, but I get it. You've got a lot on your mind."

"No, I apologize. I don't mean to seem cold." Erwin carefully crossed the cabin and sat beside Levi. "I'm trying to figure out what my sister could possibly want. My mind is racing with possibilities, all of them dismal. Truth be told, part of the reason I stayed up all night was because I was afraid of the ways my mind might taunt me if I didn't keep it occupied." He shifted closer, a hand settling on Levi's knee. "Even when I recognize that my mind is giving me irrational possibilities, I can't seem to block them out. Particularly when I'm tired."

That hand on Levi's knee was breaking the ice between them. It always seemed to be that way lately: the walls between their business and personal sides crumbled when they touched. Levi ran his fingertips in slow circles over the back of Erwin's hand, feeling the faint, sparse blond hair, and the familiar lines of the tendons beneath it. "You think she's in some kind of trouble."

"Maybe. Or maybe my mother is dead. Or-" The word ended too abruptly, and then there was silence.

"You need sleep," said Levi. "You get paranoid when you're tired."

"I know."

When Levi finally dared to look up, he was relieved to see vulnerability on Erwin's face. He reached up to trace the jaw, faintly stubbled blond. "Lay your head in my lap. I'll watch over you."

"But what about you?" Erwin's voice had finally softened. "You must still need to vent some energy after your mission. I'm sure the other night wasn't enough."

"I'm that predictable?" said Levi, hoping his desperation wasn't showing on his face.

"Well..." The hand on his knee tightened as Erwin leaned down to press a soft kiss below his jaw. "You aren't the only one who needs it." The cold tip of his nose nuzzled Levi's ear.

A shiver ran down Levi's spine, but he knew there were more important things right now than their dicks. The upcoming meeting might require some delicate manoeuvring, so Erwin needed to be alert. His groin ached in protest as he forced out the words: "Later. You're going to be useless if you don't get any sleep."

"Very well. We'll take good care of you tonight." Erwin kissed his ear, then pulled away.

Levi drew in a shaky breath. He settled in the corner, and Erwin laid his head in his lap, stretching out across the makeshift bed. The blue eyes were still open, staring at nothing. Levi slid his palm across them, encouraging the eyelids to close. "Stop thinking."

The eyelashes parted again. "I'm too wound up."

"Focus on my hand." Levi began to comb his fingers through the blond hair, moving slowly, scratching the scalp.

"Mm. That feels good."

"Close your eyes," said Levi, keeping his voice soft. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Gradually, Erwin's expression relaxed, his breaths loud and even.

Levi stilled his hand, watching him. They had been together for long enough now that it was easy to forget how handsome Erwin was, and he liked to study his sleeping face once in awhile to remind himself. The brows had seemed abnormally thick and severe when they had first met, but now Levi couldn't picture him without them. A few hairs there were white, and in his undercut, too. Faint lines were barely visible in the corners of his eyes; they had developed so gradually that Levi couldn't remember when they had first appeared. Otherwise, he still looked young for a man in his mid-thirties, a surprise given the stress of their lifestyle. Part of that, no doubt, was due to the perfectly impassive face he wore during most of his waking hours.

Warmth swelled in his chest.  _This man loves me._ That fact still seemed impossible when he weighed himself against the Commander's beauty, intelligence and drive. He wondered if it would ever stop feeling surreal.

He shook his head at his train of thought.  _If I'm feeling this sappy, that probably means I need sleep, too._ He leaned back against the corner of the carriage and closed his eyes, content.

A knock startled him awake. He sat up, feeling as if only seconds had passed. The carriage had stopped moving, and Erwin was still asleep in his lap. At some point during their slumber, their hands had intertwined over his chest. A corner of Levi's mouth lifted.  _Cute._

"Commander?" called the driver from the other side of the door. "Captain?"

"Are we there?" asked Levi.

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, just a second." Levi nudged Erwin's head with his thigh to wake him up. A wave of discomfort shot through his leg, and he cringed.  _My leg's asleep._

"Just a bit longer," mumbled Erwin, eyes still closed.

"Get up. Your fat head is crushing my leg." He struggled out from underneath him and stood. Painful tingles travelled through his heavy leg. "Dammit." He stomped the floor a few times, trying to get blood flowing properly through it.

Erwin slid upright, limbs and neck limp. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to do this meeting without me?"

"Think for a second about how that would go and then ask me again."

The man paused. "I'll be out in a moment."

Levi opened the door and hobbled down the stairs.

"Address is just around the corner, sir," said the driver, tipping her hat. "I'll stay here, as requested. It'll just look like I'm resupplying." She motioned at the buildings, and he realized she had stopped outside a general store.

"Good thinking." Levi straightened his outfit: black pants, a dusty blue long-sleeved shirt and black boots. He was so accustomed to wearing the Survey Corps uniform that he always felt a little insecure without the 3DMG harness, as if he would float away or slowly expand without it holding him together. He opened the trunk in the luggage compartment and, making sure he wasn't seen, he tucked an extra knife into his boot, then a small hook blade up one sleeve. With any luck, he wouldn't need them, but he didn't trust the Wallists.

Erwin stepped out of the carriage, his face grim. "We have a bit of time before we need to be in place. Let's find something to eat."

They found a small cafe across from their destination where they could use the bathroom, then have a small snack and a hot beverage. Levi kept his eyes trained across the street, watching for any hints of an ambush. It certainly didn't look like an ideal trap location. The building was a square apartment block, the tiles on the roof nearly invisible under moss. Four children were playing in front of it, throwing a small ball back and forth, hurrying to the side whenever they needed to let carts or horses pass. He glanced at Erwin and saw the man watching them, his brows pinched, his mouth flat. It was an expression of regret. With Erwin, that could mean several different things.  _Maybe he's thinking of his own childhood, of the innocence he's lost. Or maybe he's thinking about the children he'll never have._ He slid his boot forward to press against Erwin's under the table.

The Commander's face flickered, then settled into neutral as he turned to Levi. "Unless they set up hours ago, it doesn't look like an ambush."

"No."

"Still, if we're in danger, do not hesitate. You have my permission to take whatever measures you see fit." Erwin's gaze hardened. "Our safety is your number one priority. I'm trusting your instincts above all else, and I will back any action you take. Understood?"

"Okay, Erwin," said Levi, his stomach twisting.

"Good." The Commander stood, setting a stack of coins on the table. "Let's head over."

.*.*.*.

As they approached the apartment, Erwin kept his face neutral, taking slow, steadying breaths. His fist was heavy as he raised it to knock once, twice.

The door swung open to reveal his sister, Helena. She glanced quickly around him, then stepped aside. "Hurry."

Levi stepped in first, and Erwin followed. The door closed behind them, and Helena lit the lamp.

A figure sat on the bed in front of them, hunched. A hood blocked out most of its face.

Erwin's breath caught and he took a step closer. The figure stood to her full height, lifting her chin. Her features were sunken, her skin wrinkled, but beneath all that, her face was so familiar that Erwin instantly felt as if he were a child again. His heart pounded in his throat.

"Mama, you shouldn't be standing," said Helena, rushing to the woman's side and helping her to a seat on the bed.

Levi stepped closer, his voice quiet. "No signs of an ambush."

"Thank you, Levi." Erwin couldn't stop staring at his mother. He had been pre-pubescent when he had left home, but he remembered her being tall, with broad shoulders and a quick temper. Had she always been so tiny? She was barely Levi's height.

"Sit down, Erwin," said Helena. "Your little bodyguard can wait outside."

"Levi stays." Instead of sitting, he moved forward, stopping at the foot of the bed. He stared down at his mother. Sometimes, late at night, when his mind spiraled out of control, he fantasized about what he would say to her if he ever saw her again. Their parting argument had faded in his memory, but the wounds it had left inside him had never fully healed. For the first time he wondered if he had marked her in the same way. Things were a lot less black-and-white now than they had been when he was fourteen, and he was sure he must have said things to her that had been unfair.

"Bend down so I can see you." It was Mama's voice, but not, frayed at the edges, ground away. He studied her for a moment longer, then sank to one knee. Her eyes searched his, and he was surprised by how defeated she looked. Once, the spark in her eyes had been stronger than Papa's, stronger than Helena's.  _What have the Wallists done to you?_

She reached out for his face. "You look so much like your father," she whispered, and pain shot through his chest. He redirected her hand and stood.

"Why did you ask to see me?"

"Sit," said Helena again, more forcefully this time.

"Very well." Erwin pulled out two chairs from the side table, offering one to Levi. The Captain dropped into his chair and sat with his legs crossed, eyes trained on the women. Erwin sat next to him, his mind racing.

"Mama insisted on warning you," said Helena, taking one of her mother's hands into her own.

"Warning me?"

"She's been frail lately, so this trip isn't easy on her-"

"Stop fussing. I'm fine." The older woman snatched her hand away. "Just give me a moment. I haven't seen my son in twenty damned years."

Erwin's jaw clenched. "We're on a tight schedule. What are you warning me about?"

"I said, just give me a moment!" There was that fire he remembered, and suddenly he was fourteen again, and she was shouting at him:  _...your fault he's dead..._ Tears had streamed down his cheeks, a string of ugly words sliding from his lips as he had shoved the last of his belongings into a bag: ... _cowardly woman, hiding away while humanity suffers..._

His jaw was quivering, so he clenched it. "Our carriage is waiting outside."

"We're putting ourselves at great risk by coming here," growled Helena, "so you will show some respect to your mother."

"It's about a member of the Council," said his mother. "A brother of the Faith."

 _Minister Nick,_ thought Erwin. The man was the Wallist appointee to the Council; he had replaced Lord Fromm about a year ago. The sudden injection of religion into politics was unprecedented, and even Supreme Commander Zackly was unable to explain it. Erwin had tried to find common ground with the new appointee, but had only been met with Wallist rhetoric: the walls were sacred; the Survey Corps was committing blasphemy by travelling outside them; repairing Wall Maria would be akin to defiling a sacred goddess. The man's presence was increasingly problematic, and Erwin hadn't yet figured out how to deal with him.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Levi beat him to it: "You mean Minister Nick?"

"No," said his mother. "Brother Étienne."

Levi's brow furrowed. "Who the hell-?"

"It's a pseudonym," said Erwin, remembering that Helena went by Tessa now. His own background checks on Minister Nick suggested it wasn't the man's real name, either.

"Many of our parishioners choose new names to give themselves a sense of rebirth," said his mother. "You know Brother Étienne better as Lord Martin Sahlo."

Erwin let a low sigh.  _Shit._

Levi turned to him. "What the hell? Sahlo's a Wallfucker?"

The woman's eyes shifted to the Captain for a moment, a brow rising, before she looked at her son again. "Étienne only began attending weekly a year ago, but he has quickly become an important member of the Church. He recently made arrangements to support Minister Nick in representing the Faith's interests on the Council."

Erwin held her gaze, his mind trying to connect this new information to what he understood about Sahlo. None of the pieces fit together. "I see."

"I..." His mother looked down. "I overheard a conversation that wasn't meant for my ears. Étienne was speaking with one of our higher-ups about an alliance with you. He said it was breaking down, that you were becoming a problem. They were discussing the best ways to deal with you."

Erwin closed his eyes. He hadn't noticed any indication that Sahlo was unhappy with their arrangement. Granted, their last several expeditions hadn't yielded much coin for the Lord, but there were still plenty of kickbacks coming to him from investor referrals. Perhaps allying with the Wallists would somehow net him more money than the Survey Corps alliance could possibly provide.

There was another possibility, one that would be harder to deal with: perhaps Sahlo wasn't motivated by money, like Erwin had assumed. Perhaps he saw their relationship as a real-life chess game, one he was determined to win.

"Keep talking, old woman," said Levi, leaning forward on his knees. "What did they decide?"

"'Old woman?'" growled Helena.

"Tessa, it's fine." The woman leaned forward. "The higher-up suggested a dangerous expedition to wipe out the Survey Corps entirely, but Étienne said your survival rates were too high now for that to be a viable possibility. They discussed blackmail, but Étienne said he was unable to find anything on you. By the time the meeting ended, they were discussing hiring..." She swallowed hard, lifting her chin and sitting tall.

"Hiring what?" demanded Levi.

"An assassin," said Erwin quietly.  _How did this situation get out of control without me noticing any warning signs?_

Levi glanced at him. "Another lord tried to hire an assassin to take you out once. It didn't go so well for him."

"That was because I pulled all the strings in the background. This time, it's unexpected." Sahlo had often indicated he knew every detail about what had happened with Lobov - Erwin wouldn't be able to pull the same tricks twice.

Helena rubbed her mother's back. "Mama hasn't slept a wink since this conversation happened," she said, her voice the softest Erwin had heard it since they were children. "It's unthinkable that a brother of the Faith would consider something so foul, and I firmly believe they will opt to use political manoeuvring instead. But Mama insisted that you needed to be warned."

"The Church is made up of humans," said her mother. "Humans are susceptible to greed and violence."

Erwin leaned forward, mirroring Levi's pose. "You both must leave the Wall Church," he said quietly.

In response, he received twin sets of blank blue stares.

"If they trace my past to you," he said, "you'll be in danger."

"Why would we leave?" said Helena. "Both our husbands are with the church, and I'm expecting."

Erwin blinked, surprised by the jealousy that gripped his lungs. "Congratulations," he said stiffly.

"Thank you," she replied, equally stiff. "So no, we aren't going to leave."

"Come back with us," blurted his mother.

This was the part of the meeting Erwin had been dreading. He stood and turned to Levi. "I think we have all the information we need."

Levi nodded. "Let's get the fuck out of here."

"If you join us, you'll no longer be a threat to the Church's interests," said his mother, her voice getting more desperate. "And you can help us fix whatever corruption is making our members think it's reasonable to hire assassins. Your political acumen-"

"-will be used to serve humanity, not to serve people who think giant stone walls are more valuable than human life." He gripped the doorknob.

"Erwin," sobbed his mother.

He turned to look back at her one last time, and immediately regretted it. Tears streaked down her hollow cheeks, her brows pinched-

_-"Erwin, Erwin, Erwin-" She cradles Helena to her chest as they are forced onto the second carriage, reaching out for Papa-_

His head bowed.

"Erwin?" asked Levi, his tone uncertain.

"Wait for me in the carriage." He stepped away from the door. "Helena, leave."

"That isn't my name anymore," she snapped, "and you're crazy if you think I'm going to leave you alone with-"

"Tessa," said Mama, wiping her tears. "Step outside for a moment, please."

The woman cast Erwin a furious glance, then followed Levi out the door, shutting it behind her.

Then it was just the two of them, mother and son. Erwin clasped his hands behind his back so the trembling wouldn't show. She stood, too, a bit unsteady, but she threw her shoulders back and drew herself to her full height.

For a moment, they were silent.

"I've wanted this moment for twenty years," said Mama softly, "yet I still have no idea what to say to you. I only know I'll regret it forever if I say nothing."

He kept his face emotionless, as if he were staring down a political opponent.

Then she stepped forward and fell against his chest, her arms wrapping around him. She still wore the same perfume he remembered, and a flood of related, forgotten scents rose in his memory: plump cinnamon rolls baking in the oven, the lilac water she used to mist their bedding, the hot scent of baking rocks on their driveway in the summertime. He stood stiffly, arms at his sides.

"It wasn't your fault," she said. "You were just a boy. I'm so sorry."

He tensed. "Of course it was my fault."

"Erwin." She pulled away to look at him. "Your father took a stupid risk and paid the price. I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of it, but you were too young to know any better. You've always been so good at trusting reason over emotion, but this is one instance where you were never able to do that, and I blame myself for letting you shoulder the blame for so many years. It wasn't your fault. Put aside your guilt and think about it logically, and I'm sure you'll agree."

He stared at her. The facts were clear: he had been directly responsible, and so he had to continue on the path his father had started. This wasn't guilt; it was logic.

_But what if I'm not being logical? Would I trust a boy younger than Jasper with knowledge about the outside world? If that was traced back to me, would I blame him, or myself?_

His head spun. No, it was his fault. It  _had_  to be his fault. Every choice he had made in his career had been made with the goal of carrying on his father's legacy. He was too far along this path to second-guess it.

"Help me set things right," he said, shifting the topic. "I know nothing about your faith, and it's taking a strong hold in political circles. If you could tell me anything-"

Her face hardened. "I have told you all I can safely say."

"Then this meeting is over," he said, even though he wanted her to hug him again, to reminisce about Papa, to tell him she loved him. "Please take care."

"One last thing." A sad smile appeared on her lips. "The man you brought with you. Levi, was it?"

He eyed her. "Yes?"

"You look at him exactly the way your father used to look at me."

His heart began to race, his palms sweaty.  _Impossible. We've been careful not to show anything, and she was only around us for a few minutes..._

"I'm glad you've found a new family. Tell him to watch over you." Her smile faded. "But be sure to watch over him, too. Your name wasn't the only one Étienne mentioned."

.*.*.*.

Levi said nothing to Tessa, or Helena, or whatever her name was, as he left the room. He was too uncomfortable. How strange it had been to see Erwin's mannerisms on two women, to hear the similar cadences of their voices.

More than that: this was just one more time that Erwin had faced unimaginable stress, and Levi had been unable to help him.

Maybe he wasn't good with family drama, but he was good at securing an area. He did a quick perimeter of the block, looking for any signs that the women had been followed. Sahlo was clearly more dangerous than either of them had expected, and he wouldn't put it past the man to track anyone leaving the Church's walls. Fortunately, he didn't see anything suspicious.

Erwin's sister glared at him when he returned. "You think I'm stupid enough to hold a dangerous meeting without making sure we were alone, little man?"

"I'm supposed to trust a Wallfucker with no military training?"

"You idiots have no idea what you're playing around with," she said, eyes narrowing. "If you continue on your path, my child may not grow up with the holy protection of the walls."

"If you think your walls are going to keep this world is safe, then you're the idiot." Not wanting to waste any more breath on her, he strode away.

The driver greeted him at the carriage. He nodded and slumped to a seat inside, his heart beating so loudly that he could hear it in his ears.

There was an easy solution to these new political developments: he could kill Sahlo. Levi was the only soldier skilled enough to make it look like a random crime or an accident. The idea was so distasteful that his stomach churned, but he would do it if it would help the Survey Corps.

A few minutes later, the carriage door opened, and Erwin stepped inside. His eyes locked with Levi for just a moment, empty, and then he dropped onto the bench beside him.

"You okay?" asked Levi.

Erwin gave him a tiny smile, but then leaned forward onto his knees, his hands raking into his hair.

After a moment, Levi reached up and pulled the cord, signalling the driver to start driving. He placed a hand on the curved back, rubbing slow circles.

"I don't know what the hell just happened," said Erwin.

"Let me kill him."

There was a pause, then Erwin lifted his head to look at him. "Sahlo?"

"Yeah. I'll make sure it won't be traced back to us." Levi forced himself to hold the other's gaze, even though his stomach was still twisting with revulsion.

Erwin's face softened. "I won't ask you to do that, Levi. For one thing, you abhor death. For another, there are dozens of other Sahlo-like lords waiting in the wings, and we don't know a thing about them. As complicated as this situation has become, at least we know our foe."

"Those replacements probably aren't connected to gangs and Wallists like Sahlo."

"True. Still, I'd rather try to regain control before we do something extreme. He's a valuable asset when we're on the same side." Erwin's voice was heavy with fatigue. "But I'm afraid I've made you a target as well."

"What?"

"My mother overheard Sahlo mention you by name as a potential target, too."

"Well, that's not a surprise. We already knew he hated me." Levi watched him, concerned by his defeated posture and tone. "That was a lot to take in back there. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." Erwin gave a low sigh and sat upright. "My thoughts are racing and cluttered."

Levi studied him for a moment. He reached under the bench and reached into Erwin's bag, pulling out a notebook and a package of graphite sticks. "You need this."

Erwin accepted them, face blank. "I don't understand."

"Sort out your thoughts. You're no good to the Survey Corps if you're wrapped up in your head trying to untangle personal bullshit."

"I thought we might spend some intimate time together."

"Are you in the mood for it?" Levi folded his arms over his chest. "Or are you going to be lost in your head the whole time, trying to figure out this mess?"

Erwin gave him a small smile. "Sometimes, Levi, I think you know me better than I know myself."

"Sure, and it's the same the other way around." He nodded at the paper. "Start sorting. We'll fuck later."

Erwin bent down to give him a long, slow kiss, then began to write on the paper.

At first, Levi watched over his shoulder. The page began to fill up with scribbled names, half-scrawled thoughts, flow charts and overlapping circles. He was slow at first, gathering speed, skipping between topics so quickly that Levi couldn't follow his chain of thought. Erwin filled one page, then a second, then began to map out elements of both on a third. His brow furrowed, his lips mouthing words without saying them. Sometimes he would take in a little gasp of air, as if a flash of inspiration had hit.

During situations like this, Levi always became conscious of just how deep Erwin's genius ran. His intellect was apparent in his strategies and in everyday conversation, but then, it was carefully filtered and presented in a way that his audience could follow along. When Erwin laid his consciousness bare like this, it became apparent that he could think along multiple tangents at the same time, easily weaving them together.

Once upon a time, this feeling of awe had made Levi feel like less of a person next to Erwin, less evolved. Now, however, he often saw that same awe on Erwin's face when he observed Levi's physical prowess on expeditions, in the training yards, at the gym. Perhaps that was why they worked so well together: they admired each other's expertise without feeling threatened by it. It was a balance, a mutual respect, that Levi had never shared with anyone else.

After about half an hour, Levi's mind was fatigued from trying to follow Erwin's thought process, and his awe had worn thin. He stretched out on his back on the makeshift bed perpendicular to Erwin's bench, folding his arms over his chest. "I'm going to take a nap."

The Commander slid closer so the side of his leg rested against Levi's shoulder. He bent down to kiss the man's forehead, then went back to his brainstorming.

Levi closed his eyes, letting his mind wander.

He wondered how it felt to be reunited with one's family after so long. He tried to picture his mother. He had a vague impression of her face, but not his father's. In fact, he couldn't even recall his father's name. So many of his memories from his childhood were fuzzy, and he had never been clear on the proper timeline. He wasn't like Erwin - he didn't have a flawless memory for names, places and dates. Was the aunt he remembered actually a blood relative? Had his father even been a part of his life? How old had he been when his mother died?

The approaching sleep began to paint images in his mind. At first, they were lovely images of his aunt, but they began to twist. The carriage walls began to close in as a cruel smile formed before him, blood dripping down a knife...

He sat up with a gasp. A warm hand smoothed his hair.

"You okay, Levi?"

He blinked and turned to see Erwin reaching out to him. The notebook was halfway filled now, and the graphite stick had been worn to a nub.

"How long was I out?" Levi stretched his shoulders and neck.

"About two hours."

"Fuck, I have to stop passing out like that." Sleep deprivation was wreaking havoc with his normal sleep patterns. "How's your head?"

"I think I'm about ready to take a break and have something to eat." Erwin made one last note, then looked up again. "Would you be interested in hearing my conclusions?"

"Sure."

Erwin pulled out a bag of provisions: a loaf of sliced bread, a tin of yeast spread and twin thermoses of coffee and tea. The tea was lukewarm, but still pleasant, and the bread comfortably filled Levi's stomach. He hadn't realized he was so hungry. Daytime carriage trips always threw off his internal clock.

Once they had finished the last of the food, they sat side-by-side, legs touching, as Erwin began to flip through the pages of his notebook.

"Here's what we know," he said. "First, Sahlo is a member of the Wallist church under the name Brother Étienne. He joined recently, at a time when the Wallists are gaining a larger foothold on the Council and in the government. This suggests it's a strategic alliance, not actually a religious choice.

"Second, he feels our alliance is breaking down, and he wants me out of the picture. He's still getting sizeable kickbacks from the investors he refers to me, and I've been bolstering that a bit with funds of my own, so nothing is actually 'breaking down.' I suspect something big is about to change on his end, and the benefits of our alliance will no longer outweigh the drawbacks.

"The likeliest explanation is that he's on the cusp of some sort of deal that's more valuable than our alliance. He's worried I'll trace it back to him and expose him. It's likely connected to the Wallists in some way. I've been largely in control of our relationship from the beginning, aside from a few concessions here and there. I suspect he's been trying to figure out a way to gain the upper hand, and he thought he would have it before this deal came together, but he hasn't been successful. I'm sure he's realized by now that I've had contacts keeping an eye on him. It wouldn't take much effort for me to increase the pressure and sniff out everything. He needs to take me out before everything's finalized."

"So," said Levi, "what is this deal?"

Erwin smiled. "That's the missing piece of the puzzle. Why would a Lord with gang contacts need to get involved with a church? The most likely scenario to me is a mutually beneficial arrangement involving drugs and money laundering: Sahlo's shipping companies act as a drug courier for Rage Klein, and the Wallists keep Sahlo's money clean through investments in the church. Perhaps drugs are even a key component of Wallist rituals - it would explain why so many of them have that sedated look about their eyes. This is all conjecture, at this point.

"However, my mother gave us an excellent clue that may help us track down more information. We've long known that Sahlo has had dealings with the kingpin you identified as Rage Klein, but we've never been able to connect the two. I have a hunch the name Étienne will get us a bit further."

"So what," said Levi wryly. "You head down to the Underground and start asking around?"

The man's smile twisted a little, and he looked away.

"Erwin," said Levi, suspicious. "That was a joke."

"My contacts haven't had any luck penetrating Rage's network in three years. Most of them are too afraid to get close; their lives are directly impacted if they make an enemy of him. Those of us who live on the surface don't have to worry about retribution." He stared fixedly at a page that had the heading  _Underground._ "I thought while I was in the area, I would pay a visit and see what I can learn. It would..." He trailed off.

"Erwin," said Levi again.

"It would be helpful to have someone along who understood what we were looking for." The Commander was still staring at the page. "Someone who had been in direct contact with him before."

Levi's heart beat in his throat. He slumped against the back of the seat. "That was years ago."

"It's still the best lead we have. I know returning to the Underground is a potential risk for you - we'll both be armed with full 3DMG. I wouldn't ask if I didn't fear Sahlo's plans for both of us. If he gets out of control, it's not just our lives in danger; the entire Survey Corps could be in jeopardy. He holds too much sway on the Council." A pause. "I'm sorry to ask this of you, Levi."

"Shit," muttered Levi.

"If you accept, we'd head down tonight-"

"Of course I accept."

The blue gaze shifted to him. "Yeah?"

"I trust your judgement." Levi folded his arms tightly across his chest. "If this is important enough to risk our safety, then yeah, I'll come help you track him down."

"Thank you," said Erwin. "I'm sorry that-"

"Stop apologizing. What's the plan?"

Erwin closed the notebook and set it aside. "We'll be checking into the hotel around six o'clock this evening, so we have an hour or two to eat and get settled before we head below the surface. I don't expect us to get all this sorted tonight, but I'd like to exhaust at least a few of our leads. I don't face Sahlo until tomorrow, and I'd like to have some information in my back pocket so I can position myself accordingly."

"Do you think he'll make a move this soon?" asked Levi.

"If he's considering assassination, he must be desperate. He's going to try to lean on me to judge the immediacy of my threat. We need to appear docile, make our threat a lower priority to him." Erwin gave him a polite smile. "I'm afraid you may see me submit to him more than I'd like, and you may have to stay your usual show of aggression around him."

"Do what you have to do. I'll behave."

"Not too much. We don't want to tip him off that we're suspicious of him." Erwin let out a low sigh and rubbed his temples. "It figures these new complications would arise when we're so close to reclaiming Wall Maria."

"Maybe that's why he's repositioning himself," said Levi, thinking aloud. "Territory's about to expand. He wants to make sure he gets a big piece of it."

The blue gaze snapped to him, eyes wide. "Could this be about territory?"

"Sure. Maybe literally. I bet the Underground is full of refugees who were landowners before Wall Maria fell. Junkies will do anything for their next hit once they're hooked."

"Interesting." Erwin shook his head. "Now I have even more to think about. Thank you for your perspective, Levi."

Levi shrugged. "Politicians and gang leaders aren't all that much different when it comes to turf wars. One's more subtle than the other, I guess."

"True." Erwin's brow furrowed, and he hesitated. "There's something else I should tell you."

"Oh?" He seemed so uncomfortable that Levi shifted closer.

"My mother guessed there was something going on between us. She might be a security leak."

Levi's stomach dropped. "How? We barely even looked at each other."

"It was enough. It seems I've inherited some of my father's facial expressions." Erwin's voice became quiet: "I'm sorry, Levi."

"Is she a risk?"

"I don't think so, but I can't be sure." Erwin's gaze was growing distant again. "Twenty years, Levi. It was suddenly as if no time had passed at all. I don't- I can't wrap my head around it. What am I supposed to feel?"

"Feel whatever you need to feel."

"I need to feel nothing. I needed to be able to walk out of there without looking back. I have to abandon my family so they can't be used against me, but my emotions betrayed me." Erwin's eyes closed. "I'm not strong enough."

The words turned Levi's blood to ice. "Knock it off," he said. "You're always worried you've lost your humanity, right? So you care about your family. That's pretty human. Take this as evidence that you still have your humanity and stop beating yourself up about it."

"I suppose you're right," said Erwin softly, his eyes still closed. "This is all so much to take in."

 _He's withdrawing into himself again now that he doesn't have something to distract him._ Levi frowned. He swung a leg over the man's lap, straddling him, and clamped a hand over either side of his face.

"Erwin, you're fucking exhausted." He traced the sharp cheekbones with his thumbs. "You need to get some more sleep before we get to the Capital, especially if we're going to the Underground."

"No, I..." Erwin looked up at him, face somber. "I need to unwind a bit first."

"Oh?" asked Levi.

The blue eyes searched his. "I need to spend a few minutes focusing on the one thing in this life I'm sure of."

The words were flattering, but Levi said, "You sure that's a good idea right now?"

Hands clamped onto his hips, glowing with heat. Erwin's gaze was fixed on his lips now, and he was leaning forward. "Please," he whispered. Their lips brushed. "I need you."

 _This probably isn't the best time for this, given how vulnerable he is right now_ , thought Levi, but the man's mouth was warm and wet, and Levi felt himself drawn into the kiss. Their heads tilted, their lips parting, their tongues grazing. He groaned into Erwin's mouth. Their surroundings disappeared. No family, no Sahlo, no church, just each other's warmth.

The kiss broke and their foreheads rested together. "I need you," whispered Erwin again, pulling him down into his lap.

 _I need you,_   _too,_  though Levi, giving in. He slid his palms along the back of the other's neck, down to his shoulder blades, their torsos pressing together. "Let me fuck you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Levi pressed his mouth to Erwin's neck and sucked gently so he wouldn't leave a mark. "I have plans for you to fuck me later tonight, at the hotel. But I want to be inside you right now."

In response, Erwin lifted him off his lap and pulled out a bag from under the seat. He withdrew a bottle of lubricant from a side pocket.

"Fuck," whispered Levi, feeling a resurgence of the desperation that had been building all day. He knelt between Erwin's legs and unbuttoned his fly. He pulled the pants and underwear off the man's hips, then pulled off one boot, but he was in too much of a rush to pull off the other. Instead, he left Erwin's pants and underwear hanging off one booted leg.

Barely even pausing, Levi grabbed him and leaned in to lick him from base to tip. Erwin let out a long, pleased breath and leaned his head back against the seat.

 _Fuck, that's hot._ Levi's pants were suddenly too binding. It had been a few weeks since he had last done this, and he missed it. If it weren't for the risk of the carriage going over dangerous potholes, he would linger. He gave one more long lick, then kissed the tip.

"Remind me to suck you off for hours tonight."

A corner of Erwin's lips lifted. "Didn't you say you had plans for me to ride you tonight?"

"It's going to be a long night." He slicked a finger and began to ease it in.

"Fuck," breathed Erwin. Levi watched his face for the subtle changes that showed his pleasure: wrinkles formed in the corners of his closed eyes and at the bridge of his nose, his mouth stretched a little wider. Erwin's body was already relaxed. The longer they were together, the less preparation they seemed to require, as if their bodies naturally opened up for each other. He slid in a second finger, watching Erwin's face for the deepening wrinkles, the flush forming on his cheeks. The broad lips parted:

"More."

"You're greedy today," murmured Levi, brushing a third finger against him.

"I need-" The words ended with a gasp as Levi pushed ahead with the third finger. "Fuck!"

"Too much?"

"No, it's good. It's good." Erwin's eyelashes parted a crack. "I'll take everything you want to give me."

"Oh really?" It was tempting to keep going - sometimes, when Erwin was this responsive, Levi could make him orgasm with his fingers alone. Still, he was aching to be inside him, and Erwin would be too sensitive for that if he came beforehand.

Levi kissed the inside of the man's thigh, then withdrew. He hastily pulled down his pants, then reached for the lubricant, but Erwin's hand closed over it first.

"Let me do that."

Levi nodded, bracing himself against the roof of the carriage. The road here was bumpy, the vibrations rattling his teeth. Erwin's slick hand closed around him, squeezing in all the right places, stroking hard. The last remnants of Levi's control instantly dissolved; he bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep himself together, but a wail slid from his mouth anyway. He lunged forward, kissing Erwin so hard that the man's head smacked back against the carriage wall. Erwin caught his cravat and held him in close, head twisting so they could kiss deeper.

 _Fuck._ Levi's eyes closed, feeling the carriage's vibrations ripple through his body. He grabbed Erwin under the knees and tugged. Erwin shifted into place, his calves resting on Levi's shoulders. The best thing about sex in the carriage was that the benches were exactly the right height for Levi to keep kissing him while he was inside him - it took a bit of contortion on Erwin's part, and Levi had to dig into the floor hard with his toes, but it was worth it.

As he began to work his way inside, Erwin gasped and curled tightly around him, chin hooking over Levi's shoulder. Levi ran his tongue around the border of Erwin's ear, working in deeper.

"Fuck," said Erwin, but there was an unusual lack of conviction to the word, as if he were saying it because it was expected. His arms and chin were still curled around Levi's body, grip so tight that it was hard to breathe.

"Erwin?" The word came out as a gasp. "You okay?"

"Don't stop." The words were strange, too. Shaking. Maybe it was just from the road - it was especially bumpy here. Levi gripped the back of the seat with one hand to keep his balance, and the other gripped the back of Erwin's head. He pushed in all the way, and Erwin gave a loud cry, clawing into his back.

"Shit." Levi began to rock slowly, even though he was desperate to speed up. "Oh shit, I'm not going to last long." He pushed back, trying disentangle himself from Erwin's grasp so they could share a kiss.

He froze. Erwin's eyes were damp.

"Shit," said Levi, alarmed. "Am I hurting you?"

"I'm fine."

"You look like you're about to cry."

"No, it feels good. It feels so good." Erwin's mouth found his again, whispering into his lips: "Don't stop."

"Are you sure?"  _Am I imagining things?_

"Levi, please; I need you." Erwin began to rock his hips, gyrating against him. The carriage went over a bump, accidentally forcing Levi deeper, and they both gasped.

"Shit." Levi began to thrust again. His open mouth barely grazed Erwin's lips, tasting a string of whispered curses.

"Come on," rasped Erwin. "I need it hard." His hands raked up Levi's back, beneath his shirt, as their pace increased. Levi dug the balls of his feet into the carriage floor for traction, leaning hard into that gasping mouth, kissing with so much force that his teeth dug into the inside of his lips. He felt a trickle of liquid where their cheeks pressed together - a tear? He tried to pull away, but Erwin held him firmly in place, counterthrusting against him.

Then Erwin moaned into his mouth, one hand dropping between his legs and frantically moving. He was tightening in pulses now.  _He's close,_  thought Levi, and the realization rippled through his body and down his spine. He could already anticipate that twisting face, those quaking limbs, that strained look on his face...

He tore his mouth away. "Fuck!" He stared at the straining fabric over the man's chest, at the moving hand, and it was too much. He drove into him and buried his face in those flexing chest muscles, coming so hard that he yelled.

Erwin's arm slowed for a few seconds, and Levi felt the man's free hand smooth his hair. It took several seconds for the rush to subside. At last, his body stopped twitching as his muscles relaxed.

"Fuck, Erwin," he whispered, not yet able to lift his head. The fabric by his mouth was damp.  _Did I slobber all over him?_  "Sorry, give me a second."

"Take your time." The hand kept gently smoothing the back of his head, and he could hear the thudding heartbeat in the man's ribcage.  _He was so close. I shouldn't keep him waiting._

Dizzy, he pulled out and dropped to his knees, shifting Erwin's thighs onto his shoulders. His hands smoothed the man's knees as he looked up at him. "Come in my mouth."

Erwin watched him for a second. Then his mouth closed and his throat bobbed. His hand began to move again. Levi moved into position, just barely sucking the tip, three fingers slipping into him. Their eyes locked, and Levi felt himself begin to rise with Erwin, soaring on those flared lips, those pinched brows. Erwin let out a rising moan, then another, his head beginning to tilt back, eyes closing. He seemed completely oblivious to everything around him now, focused only on the approaching peak.

 _He's so beautiful._  Levi slid a hand up the man's abdomen, under his shirt, feeling the flexing muscles. His other hand moved faster, his tongue swirling circles, all of it timed to the movements of Erwin's hand, to his harsh breaths.

"Levi," gasped Erwin. "I'm- Fuck!" He hunched forward, thrusting deep into Levi's mouth.

Levi swallowed, swearing he could feel the man's energy flowing into his body. His groin twitched as if his own orgasm hadn't truly ended until now, as if it still had a few spasms left. The last pulse subsided a few seconds later. He swirled his tongue one last time, then pulled away.

Erwin was still hunched forward, his head hanging low, his body heaving with harsh breaths. Giving him a minute or two to come down, Levi pulled a handkerchief out of the bag and gave himself a few careful wipes. He fastened his pants into place and pulled his boots over his pant legs, then ran a hand through his hair. Once he had finished cleaning up, he was surprised to see that Erwin still hadn't moved.

 _That's not good._ "Erwin?"

There was no response. A tear dripped off the tip of the sharp nose.

"Shit." Levi's stomach dropped. He pulled out a clean handkerchief and sat beside him. "You said you were okay, you idiot."

There was a long pause. At last, Erwin spoke, his voice shaking: "There's a fair bit of stress in my life at the moment."

"No shit." Levi held out the handkerchief. "Look, it's okay. Cry if you need to."

"Crying won't help a thing." Erwin accepting the cloth and dabbed at his eyes, then finally lifted his head. He stared straight ahead, face grim. "I'm sorry, Levi. The sex was good - this isn't anything to do with that."

"I know. It's okay." Sometimes, relaxation prompted them to drop walls that needed to stay up; this wasn't the first time one of them had broken down. He wrapped an arm across Erwin's back and drew him closer. "You don't have to hide yourself from me."

"I know." Erwin rested his cheek against the top of Levi's head.

"You'll figure all this out," said Levi. "You always do."

"I hope you're right." Erwin reached for his hand.

 _And if not_ ,  _I'll take care of Sahlo myself,_ thought Levi. Erwin was a political mastermind, but the Underground played by a different set of rules, one where logic rarely came into play. If they got desperate enough, they might have to get their hands dirty in ways Erwin had never experienced.

Their fingers intertwined, and Levi's throat tightened.

_If it comes to it, Erwin, I'll gladly let them drench my hands with blood before I see a single drop of it land on you._


	26. Underground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so sorry that it took ALMOST SIX WEEKS to put this chapter up. Real-life got extremely intense for several weeks in a row, and it utterly destroyed my writing time. Thank you so much for waiting patiently while I sorted everything out. I also apologise in advance for any typos. I'm going to do another polish pass on this in the next day or two, but for now, I REALLY want to get it online!
> 
> I'm also super behind on replies to comments. T_T Thank you for your patience, and thank you for your comments/kudos! <3
> 
> I'd like to give a shoutout to telleroftales-weaverofdreams for a drawing of "short, gawky training corps Erwin with straggly facial hair and an oversized nose" - http://telleroftales-weaverofdreams.tumblr.com/post/110896151135. Thank you so much for being inspired by my view of awkward teen Erwin! :)
> 
> Previous chapter: It's September 849, and the Survey Corps has nearly achieved its goal of laying a supply path to Wall Maria, but the political climate is beginning to change. Erwin and Levi meet with members of Erwin's family, who warn them that Sahlo is a Wallist and he intends to assassinate them both. Erwin decides their only logical step is to try to take Sahlo down by finding more information about his link to the Underground gangster Rage Klein. It's time to go Underground and start poking around.

**-26-**

**Underground**

"We'll eat in the bar downstairs," said Erwin as he hung his suit in the closet of their hotel room. "Then we'll come back here and change before we head to the Underground."

"How are we getting below the surface without being noticed?" Levi said from the bathroom, where he was setting out their toiletries.

"I still have our identification as August and Emil, and we have permission through a dummy lord, 'Lord Hasek.'"

"A dummy lord?"

Erwin continued to pull items out of the trunk and hang them in the closet. "Several years ago, one of my contacts set up a fake lord to circumnavigate aristocratic permission on minor issues. It's an ingenious system. 'Lord Hasek' is a recluse who lives at an unknown address, but his lineage is strong enough that he qualifies to authorize requests at the lowest clearance levels, basic stuff that would never attract much suspicion-" The words died on his lips as he lifted a pair of pants out of the trunk, revealing a small pair of black underwear beneath them. He stared at them. "I thought I threw these out?"

"I can't believe they hung these in the bathroom where they can soak in the farts of every single guest." Levi marched into the main room, carrying two hotel-issued bathrobes.

"Levi."

The man stopped. "What?"

Erwin stretched the underwear between his hands.

"Oh."

"I threw these out. They were uncomfortable."

Levi pushed past him and began to hang the robes in the closet. "Waste of perfectly good clothing."

"I'm not sure they qualify as clothing; they ride up too quickly to be useful."

"Can't be that bad."

"They're more intimate with the inside of my backside than you are." Erwin set them aside, then paused again as he saw two bottles of lubricant and a butt plug. He raised a brow. "What, exactly, are these plans you have for me tonight?"

"We'll talk about it later." Levi smoothed the second bathrobe into place, then began to adjust the clothes Erwin had hung up, as if they weren't tidy enough to meet his standards. "So August and Emil have permission from Lord Haber-"

"Hasek."

"-Hasek. I guess we aren't going in uniform."

"No. The last thing we want is word getting back to Sahlo that two Survey Corps soldiers were sniffing around." Erwin set the two bottles of lubricant in the side table drawer - right next to the bottle he had brought.  _At least we won't be short on lube._ "I'm still debating whether or not we should bring our gear as I had originally planned. On one hand, it might be integral for self-defense and mobility if we need to make a quick escape. On the other, we're going to attract unwanted attention if we wear it." Civilian use of 3DMG was illegal, and the Military Police regularly patrolled the Underground.

"It won't matter," said Levi. "Even if we dress down, you're going to stand out."

"Me?"

"You're two metres tall and a hundred fucking kilos."

Erwin's lips flattened. "No, I'm not. Besides, I would have thought you'd be the recognizable one, given your reputation."

"I blended in with a crowd more than you think. Only a handful of people really got to know my face, and most of them have died off." Levi scooped the last batch of socks out of the chest, then nudged the lid closed with his foot. He knelt in front of the bottom drawer of the dresser, but instead of opening it, he was still, his head bowed.

"Levi?"

A pause. "Going down there is just going to screw everything up even worse."

"We'll be fine if we play it smart. We just need a solid lead or two - from that point, I can send in undercover soldiers to dig deeper." Erwin hoisted the chest across the room and tucked it neatly into the corner. "We don't have time to be cautious. If we lose control over Sahlo, the plans to reclaim Wall Maria could be delayed or even halted completely. When that happens, all of humanity suffers."

Levi dumped the socks on the floor beside him, then yanked open the bottom drawer and began to fill it. "Ever think maybe Sahlo's using this assassination thing to bait you into doing something reckless?"

"The possibility takes up a full two pages in my brainstorming notes. Ultimately, I concluded that he couldn't have known about my mother overhearing, or that she's even my mother. The benefits outweigh the potential risks."

Levi didn't reply, but he softly began to curse to himself. At first, Erwin couldn't see what he was doing, so he stepped a few paces forward. Levi was carefully arranging the folded pairs of socks, trying to align them with the edge of the drawer and each other in a perfect grid. Even for Levi, this was a new level of obsession with order.

Erwin sat on the edge of the bed, his chest hollow. "You're upset about returning to the Underground."

"No, I'm upset that you don't know how to fold your socks."

He blinked. "What?"

"Why do you always fold your socks into these fucking balls? It makes them bouncy. They spring up when I try to pack them together. No wonder your room's always such a mess, if you can't fold two shitty socks together." Levi was hunched over the drawer now, his movements jerky.

"It would help if I understood what, exactly, is upsetting you about returning," said Erwin patiently.

"Stop telling me what I'm feeling. This is about your shitty socks, not your shitty plan."

 _And there it is._ Erwin stood, his hands tightening into fists at his sides. "When you're ready to set aside the laundry-related insults and speak rationally about this, I'll be in the bar downstairs."

Levi let out a low, weary sigh, but didn't reply.

Without further word, Erwin stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him. He shoved his hands into his pockets.

Shitty plan. The words had cut deeper than they should have. Erwin had known from the beginning that asking Levi to return to the Underground was an unpleasant request. He had devoted three entire pages to Levi's reaction in his brainstorming notes, weighing the pros and cons. There was no way around it: Levi had intimate knowledge about the workings of the Underground, and since he no longer lived there, Rage held no power over him. There was no one else Erwin could - or would - trust with this mission. He had expected resistance, but he had hoped they could talk through it together.

Levi's barriers went up so quickly, at the most unpredictable times. Every time those walls went up and Levi refused to share a part of himself, Erwin felt an icy hand grip his stomach: their trust in each other wasn't as complete as he liked to think. Parts of Levi were inaccessible to him.

Or maybe it was more selfish than that. Maybe Erwin relied so heavily on information that it upset him when anyone tried to withhold it. Maybe the problem wasn't Levi at all; maybe it was Erwin's overwhelming need to be in control. He had always known there were going to be secrets between them, after all. It was difficult to know when he actually had reason to be concerned about the strength of their relationship, and when he was just being a control freak.

He settled into a booth and ordered their drinks. The server brought him a mug of apple cider, a cup of tea for Levi, and a menu. He had just finished perusing the meal list when Levi sank onto the bench across from him.

"You shouldn't be drinking right before a mission."

"It's non-alcoholic." Erwin closed the menu and slid it across the tabletop.

Levi held his gaze for a moment, expression unreadable, then picked up the menu and began to read through it. After a long silence, he said, "I shouldn't have said your plan was shitty."

"Well, I did try to tell you what you were feeling. You're right. I shouldn't have assumed you were upset about tonight's plans."

Levi's gaze darted up to him for a moment, then back down to the menu. "We both know I am."

The server took their orders, and then for a moment, they were silent.

"I can go alone, if you'd prefer," said Erwin.

"You need me there." Levi stared into the bottom of his tea mug, swirling it. "You don't know what you're dealing with. You convince people with money and your charm, but Rage's cronies have money, and they're immune to charm. There's only one way to get them to talk."

"Levi," said Erwin quietly, "I'm not going to ask you to hurt anyone. Tonight is all about trying to find a direction we can use for further investigation in the future."

Levi lifted the mug to his lips and took a swallow, then set it down. "I mean longer term. We both know where this path leads if we want to take down Sahlo fast. I have skills you don't - skills no one else in the Survey Corps has. You're going to need those skills before this is done. But..." His mouth twisted _._ "When I use them, you're going to see a side of me you've never seen before."

Erwin was certain he  _had_  seen that side of him, but he only said, "A man of your skill doesn't happen by accident. I have no delusions about how you gained your skills or the kinds of opponents you faced in the past."

"Just..." Levi looked away, his brow furrowing. "Don't lose respect for me if the old me comes out."

Was that what this was about? He had expected Levi's anxiety to be rooted in fear, not shame. "I already respected the old you. That's why I recruited you." Erwin leaned forward. "Above ground or beneath it, the same rules always apply: I trust your judgement, and I'll have your back no matter what decisions you make. You have good instincts."

Levi's eyes lifted to meet his, expressionless.

Their food arrived a minute or two later, and as they began to eat, Erwin quietly began to walk through their plan. Their first stop was going to be at the home of his most trusted Underground contact.

"Leona Reid?" Levi's nose wrinkled. "Why her?"

"Our working relationship goes back almost two decades. I trust her as much as I trust any of our soldiers."

"She's just going to ask me to repay the money her dumbass son made me borrow from her."

Ah, yes, the same son Levi had briefly dated. Erwin hesitated. "Levi, if you need help repaying an old debt-"

"I don't need help. It's barely any money at all. It's the principle of it." Levi stabbed a carrot with his fork.

Unsure of where to take the conversation from there, Erwin kept speaking. "She's been keeping an eye out for Sahlo, and she's in a good position to have heard of Brother Étienne. Even if she doesn't have a solid update for us, she might know where we could begin our search. Now, let's talk about how we'll get into the staircase in the first place, and how we'll get back above ground if anything goes wrong."

By the end of the meal, Levi seemed more relaxed. They returned to their room and changed into their least impressive plainclothes. They re-packed their gear into smaller, unmarked cases. It really wasn't good for the gear to rattle around loose in an unpadded case, but the usual cases were bulky and easily identifiable. Levi had suggested bringing the gear with them and stashing the cases in a secret location in case they needed a quick escape. They had so much practice by now that they could put on the straps and gear in less than a minute. It would have been better to wear it, but the attention they would attract - both from the Underground denizens and from the Military Police - wasn't worth the slight time savings.

"Should I slick back my hair?" asked Erwin, examining himself in the mirror.

"No one slicks back their hair in the Underground. Who can afford hair wax? Bend down." Levi mussed Erwin's hair, letting it fall across his forehead. He frowned and shook his head. "It's no use. Your hair is too fucking golden and clean. You're not going to pass as one of them."

"Then maybe my cover story needs adjusting." Erwin smoothed his hair back into place. "I'm from the surface, and I've enlisted your help to navigate the Underground."

"Not far from the truth." Levi examined his own face in the mirror. "Do I really look like I could still be from there?"

Erwin turned Levi to face him, then ran a thumb across his jaw. His skin had always been pale compared to other members of the Survey Corps, but there was a faint flush to his cheeks now, and the creases around his eyes were red instead of black. "No, you look too healthy."

The flush darkened, but Levi only said, "It'll be dim enough that no one will notice."

They carefully divided up a stack of money, hiding the notes and small coin bags in various pockets and their boots. There was a good chance they would have to grease several palms that night, and also a good chance that muggers might try to relieve them of some money.

Erwin neatly set his bolo tie on the dresser next to Levi's folded cravat, something he always did with great care whenever they removed their signature accessories. When his father came home after classes, he had always hung his hat on a hook right next to Mama's scarf, an unintentional but significant symbol of their domestic bliss.

"Shall we?" he said.

"One last thing," said Levi. "Bend down."

Erwin obeyed, expecting the man to fix his hair again. Instead, their lips met in a soft, innocent kiss. When they pulled apart, Levi's face was solemn.

"Levi," said Erwin gently, "it's going to be okay."

The slim brows found their usual furrow. "I guess."

They left the hotel and walked down the street. They were rarely out of uniform these days, but whenever they were, Erwin was amazed by their perfect anonymity. While in uniform, passersby always stared at them, brows rising with recognition. In plainclothes, no one so much as glanced at them.

"We become invisible when we take off the uniforms," he murmured. "Maybe that'll work in our favour in the Underground, too."

"I wouldn't count on it." Levi stopped walking and nodded down an alleyway. "This one, right?"

They stepped into the alleyway and rounded a corner to find a burly guard standing outside a doorway. The guard's lip curled. "Get the fuck out of here. Door's closed."

"My name is August," said Erwin, stepping forward. "I have an arrangement with Lord Hasek."

"You're late." The guard folded his arms over his chest. "Identification and inspection fee."

Erwin pulled out his fake papers and a small bag of coin. The guard barely looked at the paper, taking a moment to count the coins instead. Then, wordlessly, he stepped aside. Erwin moved onto the stairway and began to descend; his footsteps echoed in the stone tunnel, alone. He stopped and turned back. Levi was hovering in the doorway, his face unreadable.

"Emil?" asked Erwin. "You coming?"

"Yeah, just..." Levi wrapped his arms around his ribcage and began to descend. "It already smells like shit."

The door slammed closed behind him, and he jumped, glancing uneasily back.

Erwin's stomach twisted with guilt. "If there was any other way-"

"Stop fucking apologizing. I said I would do it, so I'm doing it." Levi pushed past him, his expression dark.

As they descended the lengthy staircase, Erwin surveyed the city. Once upon a time, the cavernous city of the Underground had been planned as humanity's stronghold, a place no titans could ever possibly reach. That plan had quickly dissipated when it became apparent that the lack of sunlight would cause complication like rickets and an inability to grow most food. The high, massive ceiling was set with small, glowing crystals that almost looked like stars.

That was where the beauty ended. From this height, it looked like an ancient, ruined city, its buildings crumbling and decrepit. Only a few patches of the city were lit with lamps, glowing orange amidst a sea of darkness. The air was thick and tasted of mould and methane.

As they neared the street level, the scent of sewage became overpowering. A throng of scrawny people with sunken eyes and bowed legs crowded the stair entrance, pleading for passage to the surface world. Some held out crying children, as if begging the men to adopt them. Levi's pace slowed, his face stony. Erwin couldn't imagine what the scene was doing to him. Levi had never mentioned his survivor's guilt, but it showed plainly on his face - to Erwin, at least - whenever they spoke of impoverished citizens in the walls, or when they passed beggars on the street. Above all else, Levi was a man who abhorred the death of innocents. Protecting them was what fueled him.

Now they were wandering right into the city Levi had left behind for the military, where he was fed three meals a day and received a comfortable salary. For the first time, Erwin began to understand how big this request had been.  _I'm so sorry, Levi._

They stepped into one of the major streets, moving toward Leona's house. Intoxicated, emaciated men and women littered the streets like garbage. Sickly-looking sex workers hung out on street corners with tattered clothes. A few gaunt eyes followed them, but not many. For the most part, people here seemed too involved with their own problems to care about strangers.

They arrived at a small, square, two-story home. The paint on the outside was cracking and caked with dust, but Leona had carefully lined the walkway with rows of polished brown glass and stone tiles. Erwin glanced down at Levi to check if he was ready, but the man refused to make eye contact.

He knocked. A peephole slot opened in the door, and wrinkled, dark eyes appeared on the other side. They widened.

"Erwin?" The door swung open and he found himself wrapped in tight, wiry arms.

"Nice to see you again, Leona," he said, tactfully edging her back through the door. There were no eyes on them yet, but he didn't want to risk lingering.

"It's been awhile. I was starting to worry you had defected to one of my competitors." She pulled back to look at him. It had only been about a year since their last meeting, but she looked as if she had aged ten: her hair was grey and stringy, her cheeks gaunt.

"You know I would never take my business elsewhere," he said pleasantly. "Please forgive the spontaneous visit. Things have been busy, but this was so important that we had to speak with you immediately."

"We?" She peered around him, and her eyes narrowed. "Ah. You have a rat clinging to your coattails."

"I don't have your money, hag," said Levi.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Humanity's Strongest. Still a rude little asshole, I see."

 _Shit,_  thought Erwin, but he gave each of them a polite smile. "Perhaps we should step inside before we discuss this further?"

"Of course." Leona stepped aside to let them enter. "You keep strange company, Erwin. This one's probably robbed you blind more times than you can-"

"I trust Levi with my life, and he has proven time and time again that he is worthy of that trust," said Erwin politely. "Whatever quarrels you two might have had in the past, I hope you can set them aside for this meeting. There are far larger things at stake."

Levi pushed past him and set his gear case on the kitchen floor, then dropped into a chair at the table. "Fine with me if the old woman's fine with it."

"Fine." The woman's gaze was still trained on him. "Please have a seat. I'll get you both some tea."

"Speaking of which, please allow me to give you a bonus." Erwin set his gear case down and sat next to Levi. He slid a packet of fine tea across the table. "I can't count the number of times our fake identification has come in handy over the past few years, and it came in handy again tonight."

She lifted it to her nose and breathed in, then smiled. "Excellent quality. Thank you. Shall I brew us a pot?"

"No, don't waste it on us. The military gets access to it more often than we deserve."

"Then at least let me offer you the next best tea I have. I already have a warm pot." She began to putter around the kitchen, but her movements were odd. It took Erwin a moment to realize she was easing drawers open, using both hands on the cupboards and gently setting down mugs. Now that he thought about it, her tone had been unusually soft whenever she had spoken to them.

He opened his mouth, but Levi, always on the same wavelength, beat him to it:

"Who else is here?"

She glanced at him with a brow cocked. "I see you're as observant as ever, kid."

"Who else?" asked Levi in his quiet, demanding tone, the one that suggested a knife might come out a few seconds later.

"Not that it's your business, but I have a family member sleeping upstairs."

Levi slumped deeper into the chair. "It's fucking Francis, isn't it?"

Erwin's jaw tightened. Francis must be the name of Leona's son.  _First my past comes back to haunt me, and now Levi's. Hell of a day._ He was beginning to wish for a bottle of brandy instead of a mug of tea.

"We can't have anyone knowing we're here," he said aloud.

"Francis won't be joining us," said Leona. "But he isn't the type to spill secrets, anyway."

Erwin glanced at Levi, who raised one shoulder in a shrug as if reluctantly agreeing.

Their host set mismatched teacups and saucers in front of them. "Poor kid's a little out of sorts. Lost his job on the surface and his partner took the kids. But you aren't here to chit-chat." She sat across from them with a mug of her own, then breathed across the tea's surface to cool it. "You want an update on Lord Sahlo, right? I'm afraid I don't have much to tell you. He's been selling food to one of the local grocery shops, but that's all above board. Can't trace any links to Rage or any other gang."

"I see," said Erwin, disappointed. "We recently learned he's been using the alias Brother Étienne in dealings with the Wallists. Does that ring a bell?"

"Nah, we don't get many Wallists down here, at least not openly. The Walls don't mean much to us down here; titans aren't exactly our biggest threat. The Étienne lead is a good one, though. Name doesn't ring a bell, but I'll keep an ear out."

"I see." Erwin took a long sip of tea. Beside him, Levi was tense, as if he knew what was about to come up. "Unfortunately, we're running out of time. Sahlo is about to make a big move, one we have to be ready to counteract. If we aren't having luck tracing Sahlo to Rage, then we're going to have to try it the other way around." He held the woman's gaze. "Where can I find Rage Klein?"

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"I want to know where to find Rage. Local haunts, headquarters, anything of that nature."

"Holy shit. You have no idea what you're asking, Erwin." Leona tried to stare him down, but he refused to flinch. Her eyes shifted to Levi instead. "You've gotta talk your boss out of this."

Levi gave another one-shouldered shrug. "There's a lot at stake."

"But going directly to Rage? That's crazy."

"Leona," said Erwin, "I'm aware of the risks of taking on the leader of an Underground crime syndicate. I'm not about to confront him or put myself at risk - I just need to trace his link to Sahlo." He leaned forward. "This is what stands between us and the reclamation of Wall Maria. Everyone is suffering because of the lack of farm land, the Underground most of all. How many people have to die because we're all too afraid to take risks? I'm not about to sacrifice humanity's well-being because a lord and a gang leader are holding us hostage."

After a long pause, the woman's gaze dropped. "I don't know where to find him, but I know someone who might. Excuse me a moment." She stood.

As she left the room, Erwin turned to Levi.

The Captain took a long sip of tea, then said, "Francis probably fell in with his old gang of merry idiots. Most important thing to know is where your rival gang operates so you don't step on their turf. He'll know where Rage's hangouts are."

"We can trust him?"

"He hates Rage more than he hates me. We'll be fine."

Erwin hesitated. He was curious about the falling out between them, but it wasn't really his business. "Anything I should know about Francis before our discussion?"

"He's a fucking moron."

"Anything more helpful than that?"

A roar sounded from upstairs, followed by a shout of, "I'll kill him!" Footsteps stampeded down the stairs.

"He's violent and impulsive." Levi rose to his feet. "Stand back."

Erwin brought his tea with him as he moved to stand by the stove, out of the way. A few seconds later, a man barrelled into the room, the stench of alcohol blossoming through the air.

Levi quietly sidestepped the charging man, grabbed an arm and twisted. The man flipped and landed hard on his back. There was a pause, then the room filled with drunken sobs.

Leona hovered in the doorway, her arms folded over her chest. "He's...not adapting so well to his life changes."

The sobbing sound was so pathetic that Erwin couldn't resist stepping closer for a closer look. Francis looked at once brawny and scrawny, an odd patchwork of a broad frame and jutting bones. He had blond hair, and a long nose and face.

The Captain loomed over the sobbing man, lip curled. "Fucking hell,  _shut up_."

Francis smeared his nose on his sleeve and sat up. "You've come to gloat, haven't you?" he slurred. "And you still owe my mother money, you stinking little trashpile, and you stole all my shit."

Levi stepped across the man and grabbed his collar, lifting him until their noses almost touched. "You ever tell her what the money was for?"

The bloodshot eyes flew open. "No!"

"Hey, Leona," said Levi without looking away. "Your useless ass of a son made me borrow money because-"

"Stop!" Francis clumsily tried to smack Levi's arms away and failed. "What do you want?"

"First, you're not going to tell anyone we were here. Second, you're going to tell me a few of Rage's main hideouts."

The man's shoulders sagged. "Fine."

While they were speaking, Erwin stepped closer to Leona. The woman's gaze was distant, her mouth sagging. He rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. She didn't look up, but she stepped closer to him.

"It's tough right now," she said quietly. "Food supplies are low. Any rationing you see on the surface hits us twofold."

"That's why we need to reclaim the wall as soon as possible," he said. "We need more land for crops."

"Rage is a scumbag, but he controls a substantial portion of the trade down here. And, by the looks of it, your friend Sahlo provides a source of food." The woman looked up at him. "Careful what you root out, Erwin. If Sahlo is a major part of our trade, removing him could have massive repercussions for my people. Wall Maria isn't good to us if half the Underground starves before you get there."

Even after all his planning, the thought hadn't crossed his mind. "That's good advice. Thank you." All the more reason they needed to figure out a way to control Sahlo instead of violently removing him.

Levi released Francis' collars; the man slumped back to the floor.

"Here." Levi tossed a sack of coins at Leona. "That should cover the loan and then some." He grabbed his gear case and turned to Erwin, waiting.

Erwin nodded. "I'm sure we'll see you again soon, Leona. Take care." He gripped her shoulder one last time, and she gave him a weak smile.

As they stepped onto the street, Levi gave a low sigh. "Fucking Francis."

"Did he have useful information?"

"Yeah, I know where to start." Levi nodded west, and they began to walk.

Erwin's curiosity outweighed his tact. "Why _did_  you borrow the money?"

"To bribe the MP that were about to arrest him. He told me they caught him stealing food, made me promise not to tell his mother." His brows lowered. "Truth came out later: he'd been arrested for trying to buy sex off a woman on the street corner, an undercover MP. Turns out all the other money he'd been borrowing from me was to pay for sex on the side. So I robbed him to get my money back."

Erwin hesitated, not sure what to say. "That must have been-"

"Don't. It was a long time ago." Levi glanced up at him. "He mentioned a strip club not far from here, run by some of Rage's people. It's not far from a place where we can stash our gear. Seems like a safe place to start, ask around a bit."

"Sounds like a good plan."

"How do you want to approach this?"

"We shouldn't let on that we're travelling together," said Erwin, his voice low. "We're more easily spotted as a duo. I'll play the part of a somewhat clueless investor from the surface looking to engage in business with Rage. But Levi, I want you to take the lead on this mission."

"Yeah?" The Captain's eyes were constantly scanning the area around them, inspecting everyone they passed.

"You're intimately acquainted with the local customs. I'll defer to your judgement."

"Okay, then you aren't an investor. You're a messenger for an interested party. You'll get further that way. Act scared; back down easily. I'll take the more aggressive approach." Levi took a sharp left beneath a crumbling archway. "If one of us leaves with anyone, the other will get on the gear and tail them - not too close to be noticed, but not too far away. An alleyway discussion can turn into a kidnapping in an instant. Rubbing the bridge of my nose means we're in potential danger and need to back out quietly. Rubbing the back of my neck means we need to flee immediately at any cost."

"Understood." Erwin felt a swell of pride. The government officials, Sahlo especially, seemed to write off Levi as merely his pawn, but the Captain's strategic skills and intelligence were not to be underestimated.

They came to a series of conjoined, blocky homes. Levi slowed as he approached one of the staircases. His face was grim.

 _Why does this look familiar?_  thought Erwin. Then he remembered standing next to a bound Levi and his friends at the base of the stairs while Mike and Seth gathered the trio's worldly possessions. "Your old home?"

"It's close to the club."

"No one lives here now?"

"Doubt it. The whole place was ready to collapse even back then." Levi opened the door. The hinge's creaking stiffness suggested it had been unused for a very long time.

They stepped into the home, and Erwin's gaze travelled around the room. The home was empty - people must have looted the furniture. Several long cracks ran through the ceiling, forming an enormous hole over the living room.

Levi stalked over to a closet door. His movements were too stiff, too controlled.

"You okay?" asked Erwin.

"Fine." Levi threw open the door, then hesitated. His fingers trailed down a long, tattered brown scarf. "Fuck," he whispered.

"Isabel's?"

"No. Farlan's. It was his mother's." His throat bobbed, and then he added quietly, "That whole line is dead now. So is almost everyone I knew down here."

"Levi-"

"It's fine." Levi bent down and slid aside a large panel in the side wall of the closet, revealing a large cubby. He shoved their gear cases in. The panel fell back into place, its seams invisible. "Let's go."

As they walked down the street, Erwin watched him out of the corner of his eye. Levi's walk was different, with a confident bounce in each step, almost a swagger. His face was hard, his brows angry instead of just annoyed.  _He looks like the criminal I made a deal with five years ago._

Erwin had two very different reactions to that shift. It was ideal for their mission, and a small part of him did get a thrill out of picturing Levi's old life: freedom from laws, freedom from society's rules. That being said, it was likely a defensive reaction, a mask to cover emotional pain, and he hated the idea of Levi suffering.

 _It's your fault,_  his conscience said, and it was correct, but he would deal with that later. They had a mission to complete.

A block and a half away, they came upon a small, rundown building with a garishly dressed woman standing outside, flanked by two bodyguards. Levi glanced at it, then led Erwin around a corner and stopped.

"Wait here."

Erwin leaned against the cold stone wall, folding his arms over his chest as he waited for Levi to return. As before, the passersby didn't pay him any heed. His invisibility was at once liberating and unnerving. He could always tell when he was in danger when titans or politicians were around, but the people of the Underground weren't giving him any recognizable cues. If one of them were to attack, he wouldn't see it coming.

Levi returned a few minutes later. "I don't recognize anyone in there, and no one recognized me. You'll work the brown-haired dancer on centre stage."

Erwin's brows rose. "What?"

"Work her. Talk to her, buy a few lap dances, build a rapport and ask questions."

"Lap dances?"

Levi shrugged. "She's your type, so it shouldn't be hard to fake interest. She's young, so she probably idolizes Rage and wants to be helpful. Your investment angle might work. Pour on your charms and maybe enjoy a dance or two for yourself. Just don't kiss her or pull out your dick or any shit like that."

"Pull out-?" Erwin blinked. "Levi-"

"I'll work the bartender. Give me a head start and remember the signals." Then he disappeared around the corner again.

 _I'm so far out of my element._ Erwin leaned back against the stone wall and began to slowly count to a hundred. How was he supposed to attract the attention of a woman who had countless men drooling over her every night? He had been a decent flirt back in the day, but that was a long time ago now.

A few minutes later, the bouncers eyed him as he approached the building, but the woman standing between them smiled. Makeup was caked on her face, cracking and flaking near the corners of her eyes and mouth.

"Welcome, hon! We'll need to collect an entrance fee before you can enter."

Had Levi been ask to pay a fee, too, or had Erwin been selectively targetted?  _Maybe I do stand out here more than I think._ He tipped a couple extra coins just to ensure her bodyguards wouldn't cause him any trouble. He could probably take them, even alone and without his gear, but a fight would draw unwanted attention.

He stepped into the club, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dim light. The front of the room was lined with three round stages, a pole in the centre of each. A woman danced on each pole, each of them in a different stage of removing their lacy clothing. Two other women sat behind the stages, playing a song on string instruments that were badly in need of tuning. Patrons sat in front of the stages in rows, slack-jawed. A bar lined the back of the room; he could see Levi chatting with the bartender.

The girl on the centre stage was petite, with a curvy figure barely hidden beneath a lace robe. She reminded him a bit of Marie, at first glance. She gracefully paced around the pole, slipping the lace off one shoulder as she moved.

Erwin sat, then shifted against the hard chair to find a comfortable position. Watching a dancer as a Commander was a very different experience than it had been as a new recruit. He found himself admiring the flexing muscles in her upper back as she delicately spun her body out from the pole, parallel to the ground.  _She has good balance. I wonder how naturally she'd take to the 3DMG?_

The dancer landed gracefully on the stage, paced around the pole, then stood tall. The robe slid off her shoulders and down her body like water. Now Erwin could see her jutting ribs and collarbones, her hollow abdomen.  _Everyone is malnourished down here,_  he thought, trying not to focus on the pleasing curves of her frame. How wrong was it that he was even noticing those curves when that same body told the story of someone who was starving? He found himself watching Levi out of the corner of his eye instead. The bartender was leaning close on one elbow, a grin on his face. Was Levi flirting with him? What would that even look like?

A man approached the centre stage with a gold coin in his teeth. The dancer grinned and dropped to all fours, crawling across the stage toward him. Erwin was no stranger to strip clubs - in his training days, he and several classmates had sneaked into their share of them - but what had once seemed titillating now seemed grotesque.  _He's making her beg like a dog_. She used her hands to press her petite breasts to either side of his face, as if collecting the coin, and the man rubbed his face in her cleavage. Now that she was near the front of the stage, he could see she was young, maybe eighteen. At that age, she should be finding herself, falling in love, breathing fresh air on the surface.

But who was he to judge the scenario? He had thrown women three years her junior into the mouths of titans - was that really a better fate? So far as the dancer and the soldier knew, each of them was using their body to claim whatever freedom they could in this cage of a world, but really, they were just performing for a man who was using them for his own goals.

The worst part was, in spite of the grotesqueness of the display, in spite of his conflict, his body was responding.

He bowed his head and clenched his thigh muscles, trying to keep blood from pooling between his legs. His little moral puzzles could wait until later. He had a mission to execute.

When he lifted his head, the dancer had left the stage. He sagged forward onto his elbows, wishing he had more information about how a person arranged to chat privately with a dancer. Was it as simple as finding her and waving cash in her face?

He didn't have to put much effort into his plan - a moment later, a hand rested on his shoulder. "You look like you could use a drink, handsome."

He turned to see the girl from the stage, this time wearing a tight cropped shirt, a tiny skirt and high boots. Her inner forearm bore a familiar symbol: two triangles forming a diamond, a dot in its top half.  _Rage Klein. He has her marked like livestock._ Anger swelled in his throat, but if there was one thing Erwin excelled at, it was hiding his emotions.

He coolly turned to face the front again. "I'll have your darkest beer."

"Beer?" she said. "I would've expected wine or brandy, the way you're dressed."

He eyed her, barely turning his head. "And how am I dressed?"

"Fancy." She stiffly bent down, as if trying to mimic a pose she had been taught. Her breasts fell forward, barely restrained by the shirt's low neckline.

Erwin cursed the goosebumps rising along his arms. He wasn't in the mood for biology to betray him, not now.  _Dammit, Levi. I shouldn't be the one doing this._ He refused to let his gaze drop from her eyes.

"Fancy?" he repeated.

"Yeah. Far too fancy for this crowd."

"If that's your way of offering a private dance, then I'd be delighted to accept." He let a hint of warmth show on his face. "Name your price."

A flush rose to her cheeks, all her previous poise gone. "Ah. I'm supposed to be serving drinks right now, and your beer-"

"I'm not here for the alcohol." He opened his jacket to flash one of the coin pouches at her. "I'll compensate you better than anyone else here ever could." Dirty, he felt  _dirty_.

She glanced at the stage, then back at him. "One of the girls might cover for me. Hold on." Her Underground way of speech was thicker now, words clipped, consonants trilling. Levi had spoken that way when he had first arrived at the Survey Corps headquarters - when he had spoken at all. Now he tended to enunciate more clearly, but the trill still came out from time to time, especially when he was drunk or angry.

"I'll be waiting." Erwin allowed himself a sidelong glance at Levi. The man was leaning forward on his barstool, still engaged in conversation with the bartender.  _I wish you were about to dance for me instead._

.*.*.*.

Out of the corner of his eye, Levi saw the dancer Erwin was supposed to be engaging. She stepped behind a curtain and disappeared. Fortunately, the bartender excused himself to help another customer, affording Levi a quick look in Erwin's direction. Their eyes locked, then Erwin turned away without offering the warning signal. Good.

A moment later, the bartender returned to top up his drink. "I must say, you seem more interested in the customers than the ladies."

Levi shrugged. "So do you."

The man grinned, showing teeth that were surprisingly white for a resident of the Underground. "They're paying me to be here. What's your excuse?"

Levi took a sip of the liquor, then grimaced, fighting back a shudder. Drinking with Erwin so often had refined his palate, and Underground liquor went down like a mouthful of nails. "I'm looking for information. Heard this is the place to get it."

"Yeah, we get all kinds here, and the girls do hear their share of strange tales. I've heard a few myself."

"I see." Exactly as he had hoped. Leaning forward, Levi set his drink aside. "Any stories you'd share for the right price?"

The bartender leaned forward on his elbows, mirroring his posture. His eyes trailed down Levi's chin to his chest, then back up again. "Are we talking cash, or other forms of payment?"

"I don't fuck strangers."

The bartender smirked. "A romantic." He held out a hand. "Thiemo."

"Emil," said Levi, staring at his hand. "I don't shake hands, either."

The bartender's smirk broadened into a genuine smile. "Well then, what  _do_  you do, Emil?"

"I pay." Levi pulled two coins out of his pocket and slid them across the bar. "For the drink. There's more where that came from if you have information to sell. No bullshit."

Thiemo pocketed the coins, then stood tall and began to wipe the surface of the bar. "Depends what it's about."

"I've been hired by a lord on the surface, Lord Hasek." He paused, second-guessing himself. Was it Hasek or Haber? He kept getting the name mixed up.

"Yeah, I've heard of Hasek," said the bartender, and Levi felt a wave of relief. "His name shows up on shipping labels now and then. Don't think he's ever been down here, though."

"No, but he's looking to expand. Thing is, there's another business owner who's controlling a lot of his potential market down here. Hasek wants me to do a little research, find out more about the guy's dealings down here."

"Give me a name." said Thiemo.

"Étienne."

"Ah. The Wallist fuck. Yeah, I've run into him a couple times. I don't know much, but I'll tell you what I can."

Levi discreetly slid three more coins across the bar. "The more you say, the more I'll give you."

"Sounds good to me," said Thiemo, his grin stretching across his face.

.*.*.*.

"This way," said the dancer, closing a cold, damp grip around Erwin's wrist. She led him to the curtain at the back of the room. He glanced briefly at Levi to let him know he was okay, but the man was too deep in conversation with the bartender to notice him. Hopefully he was getting somewhere.

The girl led him through the curtain and into a dimly lit hallway, then took a sharp left into a small booth lit by a single lamp mounted in the corner. She pushed Erwin to a seat on a padded bench, closed the door, then stood in front of him. Her jaw was trembling, and his heart broke for her. He wondered if there was a way they could just sit and talk without making her suspicious.

A hand trailed up his chest and neck as she stared down at him. "You're a lot better looking than most of the people I've danced for, Handsome."

He had frequently been called handsome throughout his life, and he never understood it. His nose was beaky, and his eyes always looked empty and severe - not to mention his god-awful eyebrows. People were easily distracted by his hair and his height.

It perplexed him, but that didn't stop him from using it to his advantage. He gave a charming smile. "You flatter me. I wasn't the one drawing every eye in the room. I'm honoured you agreed to share that beauty privately with me."

She beamed. "So." Her hands gripped his shoulders. "How much contact do you want? I won't charge too much because you're so handsome."

The question surprised him. "Contact?"

"Yeah, I can do more than dance. I can add on a hand job for an extra ten, a blow job for-"

"I'd prefer to watch you dance," he said.

"Okay, but you might change your mind by the end of it," she said with a wink.

 _Is this secretly a brothel in addition to a strip club?_ He felt a twinge of familiarity, some thread he should pull, but he couldn't quite formulate the thought. The dancer had already begun gyrating her hips, her thumbs hooking into the waistband of her tiny skirt. His mind was sluggish. How long had it been since he had seen a woman in a sexual context like this? He silently cursed Levi.  _I should have been the one flirting with the employee who's staying fully-clothed._

Thinking about Levi only made matters worse. The girl spun away from him and bent down, waggling her barely-clothed ass toward his face, and now he was conflating the two in his mind. First he was picturing Levi in her place, and then he was recalling Levi's ass grinding against his face: the scent, the taste, the sound of Levi moaning for him. The comparison between the two - the man he loved and a woman he barely knew - was making him increasingly uncomfortable.  _This is so hollow, so pointless._

"What's your name?" he asked, trying to keep himself on task.

She paused to look back. "Hyacinth."

"Hyacinth?" he repeated, thinking it a strange name.

She stood and pulled her shirt over her head in a manner that was probably supposed to be seductive, but came across stiff and rehearsed. "They wanted me to choose a flower name, and all the good ones were taken already."

"I see," he said absently. He let his gaze linger on the gang tattoo in her inner forearm. There was something he was supposed to be focusing on, some familiar thought that was just out of reach, but now her breasts were jiggling toward his face. He reflexively pulled away.

She stopped and looked down at him, eyes wide. "You don't like my tits?"

"They're lovely," he said honestly. "I don't mean to offend. This is just...new for me."

"Oh." Her jaw quivered. "I could give you blowjob, if it'll help you relax. Half price."

He couldn't tear his eyes from that quivering jaw. This charade had gone too far; now they were both uncomfortable. He gave her a soft smile. "Actually, I'd like to just sit and talk for a few minutes, if that's all right with you. I'll pay you for your time."

Her brows pinched. "What?"

"I'm enjoying your company, but I don't want to force you to do anything untoward."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh. You're one of  _those_."

"One of what?"

"The surface dwellers of marrying age who think they can save me from this 'untoward' job by whisking me away to safety where we can live happily ever after." Her voice rose. "You probably think I'm trapped here, right? Maybe made some bad life choices, and you can rescue me and show me a better life?"

"I didn't assume any of that," said Erwin politely, even though he had. "You seemed a little nervous and uncomfortable."

"Of course I did! I'm new at this. I want to do a good job. Doesn't mean I'm some quaking little girl who needs a fucking rescue." Her jaw was quivering again, and this time, he was certain it was from rage. "I'm here by choice. I make more here than I would at any other job in town, enough to feed my entire family, and all I have to do is suck a dick or two a night. I'm not going to let some blond asshole take me away from that so we can ride off on his high horse together."

"I sincerely apologize," he said. "I think perhaps I was projecting some of my own reservations onto you."

Her arms folded over her chest; she didn't seem ready to let it go yet. "You surface dwellers don't know shit about life down here."

"We really don't." He wanted to tell her that he was trying, that he was fighting to make life better for everyone, but that suddenly seemed arrogant. Would life really improve for people down here if they reclaimed Wall Maria? Sure, there would be more food, but the classist segregation of the Underground residents had been in place long before the wall had ever fallen. How much would it benefit them, really?

Well, he could question his assumptions about Underground life later. For now, he had a mission to complete. His eyes drifted back to her tattoo, and now that his senses were clear again, he realized what had felt so familiar. The very first link between Sahlo and Rage had been the sex worker Sahlo had tried to offer him early in their relationship, one with the tattoo on her ankle. If this girl was a sex worker, too, she might be aware of the business that supplied Sahlo with his escorts.

"I'm sorry, Hyacinth," he said. "I didn't mean to be so rude. Truth be told, I came here looking for more than a dance before I was pleasantly distracted by your beauty."

"Oh?" she said, staring down her nose at him.

"I represent a rather wealthy lord on the surface. He requires an escort for an upcoming gala, and he heard a rumour that some of the sex workers around here are willing to provide escort services to the surface for a good price."

"Yeah, of course?" she said, confused, as if it were blindingly obvious.

"The problem is, he wrote down a specific business name for me, but I lost the paper. I'm not sure this is the location he asked me to visit."

"Sure it is. We're the only ones in town with the passes."

"The passes?" he asked.

"Yeah, the day passes to the surface. My boss gets 'em through some lord in town."

"I see," said Erwin. "Your boss has good business sense, making sure this business is the only one that can provide your special escort service."

"Yeah. It's the reason we all want to work here. Surface dwellers pay out the nose for their dates." She leaned closer. "Now you see why I don't need to be rescued. First time I land an escort night, I'll make more money in a few hours than you do in a month."

"I don't doubt it. I apologize again, and wish you luck." He gave her a bag of gold. "Who do I contact about setting up a date? I'll be sure to put in a good word for you as his first choice."

"Oh!" The idea seemed to delight her. "Your lord should go through a company called HDB Shipping in Mitras."

His jaw clenched at the familiar name: Sahlo's dummy company, the one he used to receive his cut of recovered funds from Survey Corps expeditions. "And what if I'm ready to talk to someone down here tonight?"

"Talk to our bartender, Thiemo. He's pretty much my boss's right-hand man."

Erwin's stomach dropped.  _The one Levi's speaking to?_

They had to abort the mission. They had gotten in way too deep, and it might already be too late to prevent Sahlo from hearing about this visit.

_We only meant to scout the perimeter, but we jumped straight into the titan's mouth instead._

.*.*.*.

"Say, Emil," said Thiemo with a brilliant smile. "Since we're friends now, I'll let you in on a secret: I have a meeting with some of Étienne's men in a few minutes." He finished polishing a glass and set it under the bar. "Maybe you should tail me, do a bit of observing. You'll probably figure out everything you need to know pretty quickly."

 _Convenient,_  thought Levi. Thiemo had done nothing but talk vaguely around Étienne for the past ten minutes. His reluctance to divulge information suggested he was hiding a lot - too much. This 'meeting' was obviously a trap.

Unfortunately, Levi had no reasonable excuse to bow out. Thiemo was offering him the exact information Levi had been asking about. If he didn't follow through, he'd be outright admitting his cover story had been a lie.

"Yeah?" was all he said aloud.

"Yeah, he wants to talk to my boss. Anyone who tries to go to my boss goes through me first." Metal glinted in his sleeve as he finished tucking a knife into it.

Levi studied the man's thick neck muscles and broad shoulders.  _He isn't just a bartender. He's one of Rage's main goons._

At least if they went onto the street, there wouldn't be an entire strip club's worth of patrons to jump into a brawl.

"Sure. I'll come." Levi slid the last few coins across the bar, then hopped down from the stool. He mimed a twisting stretch, looking for Erwin. He found him standing near one of the side stages, arms folded tightly over his chest. Their eyes met.

Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose: the signal they were in danger.

 _Agreed_ , thought Levi, rubbing his as well. He hoped Erwin was good at tailing people. Stealthily following a human being was far different from stealthily following a titan.

Thiemo lit a small lantern as he led Levi into the back alley. Levi's gaze swept back and forth as they walked, anticipating the trap. He hoped Erwin had taken the time to retrieve his gear. Thiemo was likely going to lead him along a twisting path, making it difficult to follow on foot. The gear might attract unwanted attention, but it would help Erwin track them down.

"Let me know when we get close to the meeting spot," he said aloud. "I'll fall back."

"Yeah," said Thiemo, looking straight ahead. If Levi had missed every other indication that this was a trap, the casual mannerisms would have been a dead giveaway. A man bringing a spy to a meet up would be paranoid about being spotted.

Levi gritted his teeth.  _Coming to this club was a fucking terrible idea._ He should have known that idiot Francis would send them right into danger. It certainly wasn't intentional - no, Francis wasn't smart enough to be malicious - but the man had always had the worst luck.

It was difficult to guess their destination. They were heading south, to an older area of the city that had been thoroughly controlled by Rage during Levi's time down here. He had only been through here a few times in passing. This meant there was no chance he would be recognized, at least, but he didn't have any knowledge about the area to use to his advantage.

A light scuff sounded behind him. He casually turned to look back, but the alley was empty. He hoped it was Erwin, but it didn't sound right. Erwin walked on his heels and moved with a stiff upper body, which added weight to his gait; he sank even lower to the ground when he was in a combat-ready stance, so the scuff would have been extra heavy. This scuff had been light, as if made by someone who walked on the balls of their feet.  _Must be Thiemo's backup._

As they crossed an intersection, Levi saw a shadowed movement in his periphery, then another on the other side. They were converging on him. His eyes darted to the path ahead of them. The alley was opening into a wider road, but the buildings here were even more worn than they had been around the club. This area wasn't maintained; it must be lightly populated.  _They're going to lure me into the open and surround me._

"We getting close?" he asked.

"I'll let you know when to hide," said Thiemo as he turned to him, his smile too broad.

.*.*.*.

As Erwin marched toward Levi's old home, he carefully studied his surroundings, making a mental map of the area. He hadn't been close enough to hear what Levi and Thiemo had been discussing, but he knew Levi would have fought his way out if he were under direct duress. Their departure must have been more amicable. The bartender must have offered to show him something, and Levi couldn't drop his ruse without arousing suspicion.

So, where was the bartender taking him? To a hideout? To Sahlo? The longer Erwin took to retrieve the gear, the harder it would be to find out.

The ceiling shook as he closed the door, debris crumbling into the room. It was difficult to imagine Levi living in a place where he had to dust every time the door closed.

There was a lot about Levi's life down here that was difficult to imagine.

Erwin hastily pulled on his gear, then tugged each strap to double-check the buckles. He struggled to grip both the gear handles and the gear cases at the same time, then gave up. There was no way he was going to be able to operate the gear and bring Levi's case to him at the same time. He would have to find Levi and bring him here instead.

He eased the front door open, then frowned. Several people were milling around the streets. He closed the door and returned to the living room, looking up at the hole in the ceiling. The second floor above him had a crumbling roof, as well, but it wasn't large enough for a person to fit through. Well, the rooftop was the safest way to avoid being identified - he would be noticed, but he would be high up enough that no one could see his face.

He set his jaw, anchored to the crumbling roof, and slingshotted himself toward the hole with a burst of gas. His chin tucked to his chest, arms crossed over his head, as he slammed into the roof. Wood, clay and straw fell around him, his forearms numb from the impact...

...and then he was surrounded by air and a cloud of dust. He flipped forward and landed softly on his feet on the rooftop, brushing dust from his face and hair. The roof was cracking in all directions from the exit hole, so he didn't linger. A taller building across the street would give him a better vantage point. He anchored into it and arced over the street, avoiding looking down in case anyone was watching him.

From the top of the taller building, he had a good view of the city. It sprawled in every direction, boxy and orange in the lamplight, darkness covering large swaths of it. Which way had they taken Levi? It had to be away from the main road. Several blocks north, east and west of the club were well lit. His eyes narrowed as he began to move south, using the gear to travel from rooftop to rooftop. Darkness settled around him, and he moved a bit slower, giving his eyes time to adjust. Soon he found what he was looking for: the glow of a lantern on the walls, a lone light amidst the darkness. He moved in closer and perched on the end of a building, looking down. The streets here were deserted, the buildings even more decrepit than they had been a few blocks ago.

Another glow in his periphery caught his attention. He hunched close to the edge of the roof and peered down. Two men were moving through an alley, their lamp so low it was almost out. A rifle was strapped to each of their backs, but they didn't move like Military Police: they were too cautious, constantly looking back over their shoulders.

Now that Erwin's eyes were adjusting to the darkness, he could see other faint glows like this one, converging on that steady source of light.  _They're surrounding him._

He quietly sprinted across the roof to the far side, then circled around to Levi. He heard Levi's voice before he saw him:

"Stop jerking me around, Thiemo."

Given how softly Levi normally spoke, the loud tone must be an act to try to attract Erwin's attention, a trail of breadcrumbs to lead him in closer.

The bright light stopped moving. "Hey, I'm doing you a favour here," said a voice that must belong to Thiemo.

Erwin shot an anchor into the side of the building next to them and arced high into the air, dropping noiselessly onto the top. When he peered down, he saw Levi standing with his arms folded over his chest, the bartender holding up the lantern to his face.

"I don't have time for you to lead me in circles," said Levi, his voice abnormally loud again.

 _He's stalling here. Why?_ Erwin paced to the far side of the building and saw a large, open courtyard ahead of them. His brows lowered as he understood: the perfect environment to surround someone. He could still see those faint lights moving in around them; he counted half a dozen.  _Why are there so many of them? Do they know who he is?_

"Look, Emil." Thiemo's tone was probably supposed to be friendly, but it had a harsh edge. "This meeting involves some of my boss's key contacts, and I just met you, so I've gotta be roundabout to protect my interests. You think I'm going to lead you straight there and jeopardize the security of my boss's operations, just because you have a cute little ass?"

Erwin frowned.

Levi threw his hands in the air. "Do I look like I know where the fuck I am? Fuck! It took me three goddamned days just to find your shithole bar in the first place."

The small lights had all stopped within a block of them. Levi's chin was raised. He must have noticed they were surrounded. He used that stance on the field, too, taking in his environment through his periphery.

Erwin crouched, his fingers resting on the triggers of his gear handles, ready to move. There was still a chance to keep this conversation going a bit longer, to make the bartender accidentally reveal more information before he helped Levi escape.

"Say, Emil," said Thiemo, "what was the name of the lord who hired you to gather this information about Étienne, again?"

Levi's face blanked.

 _Lord Hasek_ , thought Erwin. They had been over this during their preparations.  _Come on, Levi: Lord Hasek._

"Lord Haber," said Levi.

The lights around them moved in, and Thiemo drew a knife, but Erwin was already swooping toward them. Levi pulled the knife out of his boot in time to block Thiemo's swipe; he kicked the man in the stomach, knocking him back.

Erwin landed beside him and knelt. "Hop on." The approaching attackers were bracing themselves in stance, aiming their rifles.

Levi hopped onto his back, and Erwin propelled them both over the attackers with a burst of gas. One of the guns went off near them, the bullet's impact so close it showered them with dust.

"Shit," said Levi in his ear, his arms and legs tightening around him. "We got way too fucking close to Rage."

"And to Sahlo." Erwin's voice strained as he tried to pilot both of them from rooftop to rooftop. Levi was small, but surprisingly heavy, and Erwin's gear wasn't calibrated to handle their combined weight.

"That meathead bartender is Rage's muscle," said Levi.

"Yeah, his right-hand man, apparently."

"The club must be one of Rage's main bases of operations. I bet the basement is a drug house. Maybe they use the business to launder money."

"Loosen your grip on my chest a bit," wheezed Erwin as he navigated toward Levi's old home.

"Do you know how fucking terrifying it is to be moving around on 3DMG without being strapped in?" said Levi, but his grip loosened slightly.

The street was empty. Erwin landed harder than he intended on the front doorstep; his knees twinged, and he cursed under his breath.

"Hard landing," said Levi, dropping off his back.

"I'm fine. Hurry." In retrospect, using Levi's old home as their base had been unwise. If they had really stumbled deep into Sahlo and Rage's network, the last thing they wanted was for Levi to be recognized. The familiar setting might be a dead giveaway if they were seen here.

They stepped through the door and Erwin gently closed it until it was just touching, watching the street through the crack. Behind him, he heard the familiar sounds of Levi putting on his gear.

"How was the lap dance?" asked Levi.

"Sahlo hires his escorts out of that club, and his shipping company is a conduit for lords to do the same."

"Really? Shit. We're the luckiest and unluckiest bastards ever, stumbling on that all at once. Get anything else out of her?"

Erwin glanced back at him. "I was distracted. We should have switched roles."

Levi tugged each of his harness straps in turn, then began to strap on the blade boxes. "I'm not good at faking interest in women. She would've seen right through me."

"I'm not sure I did any better." Erwin turned back to the door, then gritted his teeth. A group of gun-wielding men and women wandered along the street, clearly looking for them. "We need to move. Leave the cases. We'll come back for them later."

Behind him, the closet door closed. "Let's go."

Erwin softly shut the front door, then turned and pointed to the roof. Levi nodded and shot for the hole without so much as a last glance around his old home.

They landed on the rooftop and used the gear to sneak several rooftops down, trying to make sure their enemies on the street wouldn't see them. Once they had put a decent distance between them, Levi swung out over the street, Erwin following closely behind. Shouts sounded from the street, and a rifle fired, but they were already well out of range. They darted around a corner into a side street, dodging laundry lines and crumbling roofs.

Levi glanced back, and his eyes widened. He dove deeper into the alley with a burst of speed. Erwin checked over his shoulder and saw four figures on 3DMG in the distance.  _Shit._ They must have accidentally passed over a Military Police patrol; use of the gear by civilians was prohibited. His jaw set. Even the most novice soldiers in the Survey Corps could out-manoeuvre the average MP. He swooped after Levi. Together, they zigzagged along alleys, sticking low to the ground.

After several blocks, Levi swung above the tops of the buildings and dropped onto a roof. Erwin landed beside him.

"I think we lost them," said Levi, shoving a hand through his hair. "What a fucking mess. Let's get the gear cases and go."

"The cases are disposable. We'll leave them." Erwin scanned the area. In their haste to escape the MP, they had ventured deep into an unlit area of the city. "Is this where you were before?"

"Not quite." Levi was staring at the ceiling far above them as if studying the glowing crystals. It took Erwin a moment to realize he was trying to catch his bearings.

"Do you know where we are?"

"It's dark and I wasn't in this area very much," said Levi. "I'm going to scout. Stay here."

"It's a bad idea for us to separate."

"With MP crawling around? They capture me and identify me, we pretend I double-crossed you and came back to Underground life. Keeps you out of trouble." Levi eyed him. "Lay low."

"Levi-"

"You wanted me taking lead on this mission, right? Don't let them see you." The Captain jumped over the edge of the building and, with a burst of gas, was gone.

Erwin flattened against the roof of the building.  _A fucking mess, indeed._ He saw now why Levi and Leona had both been opposed to his plan. He had grown too accustomed to the politics of the surface, where lazy lords wove thick webs of bureaucracy and self-interest that changed very little when he plucked at single threads. Down here, people's desperation made them wildly unpredictable. He had expected tangled webs and had found dry tinder instead; the tiniest spark of interest could start a roaring flame.

A murmur from the alley caught his attention. He peered over the ledge of the roof. Two people armed with rifles strode down the alley, lamp low. They were idly chatting, barely glancing around them. Erwin recognized the woman as the one who had gotten a shot on them before. He strained to hear their conversation.

"-long gone. Fucking Thiemo, thinks he can-" The words that followed were unintelligible from this distance. He crawled further forward to watch them. The woman sat on a box against the wall, the man standing beside her.

"You know what?" said the woman loudly. "Fuck him. We have a date to finish." She stood and grabbed the man's collar, then shoved him back against the wall, her mouth covering his. Erwin couldn't hear what the man replied, but the woman's giggle was unmistakably flirty. The light dimmed, then went out, cloaking them completely in shadow.

 _Levi isn't going to see them._  Erwin stood. He had to draw them out before Levi returned.

.*.*.*.

Levi's eyes narrowed as he spotted faint, glowing lights in the neighbouring blocks. Had their escape from the MP landed them right back in Thiemo's lap?

At least he recognized a few familiar landmarks here. Unfortunately, they were a full kilometre and a half from the nearest staircase. Avoiding both Thiemo's goons and the MP was going to be tricky. Their best bet was likely to open the gear into a full-out sprint across the city.

He swooped back toward Erwin and was surprised to see the man's silhouette on top of the roof. That wasn't right; Levi had asked him to stay low.

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He latched onto the side of a building and hung there for a moment, scanning for danger.

The rock wall beside his head exploded.

 _Shit!_ He dove forward, already in motion before he had fully processed what had happened. A gunshot, from below. In the dim light, he could just barely see motion on the ground.

He thrust himself upwards, trying to blast himself onto the roof for cover.

There was another gunshot, and a  _ting_  by his side. His body jerked to the right, and then he was spinning. The gas canister - they had hit the gas canister. He opened up the right canister to try to counterbalance the escaping gas from the left, but he had already pulled into too tight of a spin. It was too dark, too fast, to know which way was up. He fired his grapples in opposite directions, desperate to anchor himself. One grapple found only air. The other latched onto something solid, and then he was careening toward a wall.

He slammed into the side of a building, then dropped a full story to the ground, landing so hard that spots blackened his vision. His lungs were empty and burning; he tried to suck in air, but they wouldn't work. The escaping gas forced him flat against the ground, and he was too stunned to push back against it.

_Fuck!_

Booted feet landed in front of him. Levi struggled to lift his head. Erwin stood guard, back to him, a blade drawn on either side.

"Get up," he said to Levi without looking back.

Levi gasped as air finally found its way into his lungs. The gas fizzled, and then the tank was finally empty. He forced himself to sit up.

Erwin strode forward, and now Levi could see two of Thiemo's goons frantically reloading their guns in the dim light. Erwin knocked each of the weapons away with the flat of his blades.

"Fuck you," the woman roared as she lunged at Erwin, drawing a long knife out of her belt. Erwin caught it with his blade and redirected in an arc. The woman spun around and dropped, disoriented; the knife clattered to the broken stone road.

The man immediately threw his hands into the air. "Don't hurt me. I don't get paid enough for this shit."

Levi rose to his feet, still a bit shaky. The woman was crawling along the ground to try to get to the knife. He kicked it away and drew his blade, its tip hovering centimeters from her face. "Try it."

She looked up at him, eyes wide.

He kept his gaze trained on her, but used his peripheral vision to look for glowing light or movement. There, from the north. It took a moment for him to remember Erwin's fake name through his dizziness. "August."

Erwin didn't look back. "Which direction?"

"North. A block or two away."

"Your gear-"

"Screwed."

"Very well." Erwin leaned close to the surrendering man, his voice deep: "Do not attempt to follow us. I will not show you this mercy a second time." He backed away, blade still trained on him. Levi kept pace with him. Once they were a short distance away, they turned and began to sprint down the alley.

As they ran, Levi glanced at Erwin, impressed. "That was menacing."

"You think so?" said Erwin.

"Yeah, not bad. You should pull that shit on Sahlo when-" A shrill, three note whistle sounded behind him, followed by shouts, and Levi's teeth clenched.  _We should have knocked out the woman._

Two men stepped into the alley in front of them. Levi grabbed Erwin's wrist to jerk him around the corner, but a bullet narrowly flew between them and slammed into the wall. He felt Erwin stumble, heard him sputter.

 _The dust blinded him._ Levi yanked harder, forcing Erwin to keep running. He glanced back as they ran. Tears streamed down the Commander's face, and his face was so caked with dust that it was unrecognizable.

"Can you see?" asked Levi, voice low.

"Barely." Erwin's eyelids fluttered, his eyes still streaming. "Grit in both."

"Useless," muttered Levi as he led him around another corner, trying to lose their pursuers. "Shitgoggles would've been more useful than-" He cut himself short as a man stepped into the alley in front of them. The man's rifle rose, its barrel pointed squarely at them. "Up! We need to go up."

He had barely finished the sentence when he felt Erwin's arms tighten around him. They burst into the air.

"Over here!" yelled the man, apparently electing not to take his shot.

They landed on the roof. Levi fell to his knees, gasping for air. Getting winded earlier had really taken it out of him, and Erwin's grip had been protectively tight.

The Commander knelt beside him, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his palm. "You breathing okay?"

"Yeah," wheezed Levi. "Can you see?"

"Yeah. How far to the nearest staircase?"

"At least a kilometre that way." Levi pointed.

"Blindly fleeing isn't working. We need a plan."

Below them, people were shouting at each other, but they couldn't seem to figure out a way to get to the rooftop. That was one advantage of the Underground's boxy, shoddy workmanship.

Erwin tapped his gas tank. "If I carry you, think we can outrun them and make it to the stairs on three-quarters of a tank?"

"How should I know?" Movement in Levi's periphery caught his attention. Thiemo's men were repositioning themselves across the street, almost invisible in the shadows.  _I wish I knew this area as well as they did._

"We need to get up high," said Erwin. "Get a good vantage point, figure out a safe pathway to the staircases."

Levi's eyes snapped to a tall building a block north, an old ruined church with high spires. "There."

"Might be too high for both of us on one gear."

"I'll blast my good tank. It'll veer us left, but should give us a boost. If we can't get up there, drop me and go."

"Levi-"

"I'll be fine. If we separate, try to lure them after you, give me time to escape. I'll meet you at the foot of the staircase."

Erwin gripped Levi's shoulder and pressed a palm to his jaw. Their gaze held.

Then Erwin turned and hurried toward the back of the building, away from all the voices. Levi followed behind. They easily jumped to the next building without using the gear.

"They're heading north!" yelled a voice from their right. Now Levi could see the rifleman lined up along the roof of the building next to them.

"Get on," said Erwin, barely slowing as they ran toward the next building. His anchors slammed into the side of the church. Levi jumped onto his back, and they burst into the air.

Levi engaged his gas tank, but their ascent was still sluggish. At this speed, they were an easy target for the rifles.

"Open it up," said Erwin.

"I did. It's not..." Levi reached behind him, then cursed. The bullet that had hit his left tank had also damaged the hose of his right; there was no way for the gas to get to the propulsion mechanism. "My gear is dead."

In the silence that followed, he could hear the gear creak as it tried to reel them both in.

He gritted his teeth. "See you at the staircase."

"What?" said Erwin. "Levi-"

Levi released Erwin's torso and began to plummet toward the rooftop below. He pulled into a tuck, landed on his shoulder and rolled.

Gunshots sounded, far over his head.  _I hope you got the speed you needed to escape that, Erwin._ He landed on his feet near the edge of the roof and grabbed the edge, lowering his body over it. It was nearly a storey and a half drop to the ground, and he tucked the landing, easily rolling this drop, too.

Once he had found his feet on the ground, he slumped against the side of the building. His instincts told him to pant for breath, but he held it instead, listening.

A figure zipped over top of him - good. Erwin hadn't been hit. Light flashed around the corner ahead of him, twice. More gunfire.

Levi bit the inside of his cheek. Originally, he had planned to slip away while Erwin distracted them, but what if they got lucky and hit him? He slipped forward and peered around the corner.

Three men stood with their backs to him. Two were reloading; the third had his gun trained on the sky.

Shouts sounded further down the street: "North, north!"

The man aimed at the sky, waiting. "You're mine this time, you bastard."

Levi began to creep toward his back, his boots noiseless on the ground.

"Incoming!" yelled his friend just as Erwin's silhouette swooped through the sky.

Levi lunged. His elbow connected between the shooter's shoulder blades. The shot went wild, and the shooter dropped to all fours.

Two pairs of stunned eyes snapped to Levi. His fists snapped out, one, two, and caught them each in the nose. For good measure, he kicked them hard between the legs, dropping them.

"Shit," wheezed the shooter. Levi grabbed him by the hair and hoisted him up to face level.

"You Thiemo's men?" Levi drew a blade from his boot, pressing the flat of it to the man's trachea.

"Who are you people?" asked his captive, panicky.

The question surprised him. "What?"

"Who are you? Why does he have so many of us out here? Did Anderson send you?"

The name was unfamiliar, but it was clear from the context that it was the name of a rival gang leader. "Yeah, Anderson sent me. Get up." He hoisted the man to his feet and began to walk him toward the alley. Having a human shield would be useful.

Though, now that he had a minute to consider it, he wasn't sure a human shield would be useful against bullets strong enough to penetrate the 3DMG gas canisters. That was advanced technology, far more advanced than anything Levi had ever seen, above ground or below it.

More gunshots sounded from the street ahead of them. Levi edged back against the wall, thrusting his human shield in front of him. "How many of you are there?"

"I don't know. Lots. Thiemo called in the big guns. I just want to go home and sleep."

"Then you better make sure no one sees or hears us." None of this made sense. Why would the bartender send up such a large alarm?

His eyes narrowed.  _He knows who we are._ There was no other explanation, no reason two men could ever draw a small army and high-tech ammunition.

Had the bartender recognized him from his days in the Underground? Or had Sahlo told him to be on alert for two men matching their description? One option was significantly worse for the Survey Corps than the other.

Regardless, this had to end here. Taking him prisoner wasn't an option; they'd never get him back up the staircases. He had to be silenced.

A familiar warmth began to glow in his abdomen.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," whimpered his hostage as they approached the corner. Levi made up his mind: a noisy human shield was worse than none at all. He brought his fist down on the man's head, knocking him unconscious. He stepped over the fallen man and peered around the corner. Several of Thiemo's men had congregated here, and at the centre of it stood Thiemo himself.

Levi took a silent breath and tried to edge forward to get a better view, then realized a woman was standing right beside him, leaning against the wall.

Their eyes locked, and for a stunned moment, she stared down at him.

"Hey-" she began to yell, but Levi drove a fist into her gut, knocking her hard into the wall. Running footsteps approached from his left; he back flipped out of the way, then slashed with his knife. His attacker howled, clutching a bleeding arm.

The warmth in his abdomen began to expand, crackling through his veins.

"Kill him," yelled Thiemo as the attackers began to swarm. "Take the blond one alive."

Levi spun, slashed, dodged and kicked, easily fending off every attack they threw at him.

_This is what you're meant to do._

He slashed a man across the chest and grabbed him by the throat, slamming him toward the ground.

_It's in your blood. This is your purpose._

He threw a woman over his shoulder, knocking down two more people behind them. The hair on the back of his neck rose; he spun and ducked just in time to avoid a gunshot to the back of the head. The blast had barely sounded when he grabbed the gun and spun it, cracking the butt down on the head of his attacker. He twisted, clubbing another attacker's temple, then cast the damaged gun aside.

Now he could see Erwin on the other side of the fray - when had he landed? - trying to wrestle a gun out of Thiemo's hands.

Electricity crackled through Levi's veins, his vision, coloured it red.

_You are a weapon, Levi. Silence him._

He barrelled through the fray and charged at Thiemo. The bartender's eyes widened and he tried to aim the gun, but Erwin knocked his elbow. The gun clattered to the side.

Levi jumped at the bartender, slamming him to the ground. He grabbed the man's hair in one hand and slashed with the other. A strange peace flooded his body, bright white and glowing, at the familiar feeling of steel ripping through human flesh. How many people had he killed in his lifetime, truly? Not just one. It couldn't be just one, not with how familiar this was. His memory began to clear, condensation fading from a mirror, showing the true monster in his reflection.

Thiemo smiled.  _Fuck you, Levi,_  he mouthed as the blood began to spray from his neck.

Someone might have read his lips. Their secret had to be protected. Levi whipped his head to the side, lips curled, and launched at the nearest attacker. The knife tore through flesh, through cartilage. Power surged through him. He turned, hunched, seeking his next target.  _I'll silence them all._

Instead, he saw Erwin. The Commander stood tall, staring at him, his face perfectly blank beneath layers of dust and grime. Too blank.

The crackle in Levi's ears faded, and there was only silence. The other attackers were backing off, faces pale, eyes wide. He felt a trickle down his face, his chin; he looked down and saw dark spray on his shirt. Blood. So much blood.

Then there were shouts, and four soldiers in uniform dropped from the sky, surrounding him. They pointed their guns, shouting commands he didn't understand. He blinked and looked at Erwin. Two more soldiers were handcuffing the Commander. A few gang members were being handcuffed, as well.

Levi blinked. The knife fell from his hand. Rough hands bound his wrists behind him, and then he found himself on his knees beside Erwin.

"We will only speak to Commander Nile Dok," Erwin was saying, over and over.

"Shut up!" said a soldier, booting Erwin in the gut. The blow was so pitiful that Erwin didn't even flinch. "The only person you're talking to is a fucking jail guard, you thug  _scum._ "

"I have money," said Erwin with authority. "Lots of it. My inside jacket pocket, my back pants pocket, and my boot. It's all yours. Take us directly to Commander Nile Dok and tell no one else."

The soldiers glanced at each other, then eagerly began to pull money out of Erwin's clothes. The Commander stared straight ahead, his chin held high.

Blood dripped off the tip of Levi's nose, and his stomach heaved.


	27. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am utterly blown away by the support this fic has gotten. Thank you! It's looking like I'll be hitting 1000 kudos soon (hooooly shit), and when that happens, I'm going to do a big giveaway on my Tumblr. I originally wanted to do thank you art for kudos milestones, but I haven't been very active with drawing stuff lately, so hopefully this will be a nice thank you to the people who are taking the time to read, review & refer. You are all amazing. Thank you.
> 
> I'm also so sorry I'm behind on replying to comments!!! I read every single one like 6 or 7 times and squeal. Thank you to those who have taken the time to comment. <3 I'll try to catch up soon.
> 
> The amazing aileine did a wonderful gif of a certain scene from Chapter 18 - Doors, and it gives me so much delight. Thank you, Aileine! You are a gift, and the eruri fandom is lucky to have you. T_T The gif can be found here: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/115059325961/
> 
> Previous chapter: In spite of Levi's reluctance, he heads Underground with Erwin to try to find some leads. But things can get complicated quickly below the surface, and they soon realize they've bitten off more than they can chew. The pair stumbles too closely into Rage and Sahlo's network, an ends up engaged in battle with a large group of thugs.

**-** **27-**

**Trust**

A roar sounded from the next alley over: "Kill him! Take the blond one alive."

Erwin's jaw set.  _They've spotted Levi._ He opened up the gas tanks, rocketing toward the source of the voice.

The alley opened up beneath him. At least a dozen thugs surrounded Levi, but he was holding his ground, so swift that he was able to hold them all off at once. A few lay wounded in the fringes.

In the shadows, outside the fray, metal glinted. It took Erwin a moment to recognize a rifle barrel.

The bartender was taking aim at Levi.

Erwin plummeted, crossing the flats of his blades in front of him just before impact. Thiemo turned to him, eyes wide, and tried to take a shot. The blade flats connected with his chest. A bullet whizzed past Erwin's ear as the two of them slammed to the ground.

They rolled, over and over, and when they stopped, Erwin held the upper ground, but he froze. A metal barrel was pressed to the underside of his chin. At first he thought it was the rifle, but it lay on the ground, barely out of arm's reach.  _He was carrying a pistol._

"Drop your weapons," said Thiemo.

Sweat beaded on Erwin's temples as he tried to think his way free. In the background, he could hear Levi grunting and yelling the way he did during intense sparring sessions. He cast his blades to the ground, hoping the clatter would attract Levi's attention.

"Holster the hilts, then stand," said Thiemo.

Erwin obeyed, the two of them rising to their feet in unison.

"Good boy," said the bartender. He leered. "Or should I call you 'Commander?'"

Erwin held his gaze, expression flat. "You have me confused with someone else."

"No, I most certainly don't, and I know someone who's going to be very interested in speaking with you."

In the background, the sounds of the scuffle had slowed.

 _Levi's the last man standing._ An assumption, maybe, but he saw no other possible outcome to the skirmish he had witnessed earlier. That meant he had backup if he tried a risky move.

He stomped on Thiemo's foot and, while the man was distracted, jerked his chin clear of the gun barrel. He knocked the pistol out of Thiemo's hand; it skittered along the ground, far out of reach. The bartender lunged for the fallen rifle instead. Before he could steady his aim, Erwin grabbed the gun with both hands, attempting to twist it out of his grasp.

For a moment, they were in a deadlock, both wrestling for the weapon. Racing footsteps sounded behind them, so quick and light that they could only belong to Levi.

_My gamble paid off._

Erwin released the rifle and stepped back.

As expected, Thiemo took aim at Levi instead. Now his attention was split, and Erwin took the opportunity to ram his elbow. The gun clattered to the ground.

A small, muscular mass launched at the bartender, grabbing a fistful of hair.

Erwin expected Levi to threaten him, or maybe stun him.

Instead, metal glinted in the lamplight. Blood sprayed from Thiemo's neck. Levi hunched over him, crimson staining his face, his shirt, his grin.

His twisted grin.

Erwin's stomach plummeted, a drop so steep he thought his knees would buckle beneath him. There were those rare dimples, the ones Erwin had only ever seen a handful of times, spattered with the blood of the man he had just killed.

Levi launched at a nearby woman. The blade slashed again. Before her body had even hit the ground, the man whirled, seeking a new target.

Their eyes locked.

 _Am I next?_ The thought surfaced before Erwin could stop it. Fear rose in his throat, flooded his mouth, acidic and bitter at the same time.

No attack followed. The dimples faded first, then the curve of the narrow lips, and then it was just Levi, staring dumbly at him, blood dripping off his hair, his nose, his chin.

"Don't move!" yelled a woman's voice.

Erwin's gaze snapped up. Half a dozen Military Police soldiers dropped toward them. The gunfire must have drawn them in. His mind raced. There was no physical escape left, but there might be a political one. He raised his hands in the air and dropped to his knees.

"We surrender," he said loudly, hoping Levi was in a state to understand language. "But you must take us directly to Commander Nile Dok."

"Shut up," said a soldier, cuffing Erwin's hands behind his back.

Erwin's eyes twitched to Levi. The man was still staring at him, stunned, soaked with blood. The knife lay on the ground beside him, glinting red in the lantern light.

"Sir," said one soldier, pulling another aside. "Three dead, ten injured, a few more injured the next block over."

"We will only speak to Commander Nile Dok," said Erwin, because if he kept repeating himself, eventually someone would have to acknowledge him.

The soldiers pushed Levi to his knees. His head was bowed, his shoulders slumped.

"-to Commander Nile Dok," finished Erwin for the fifth or sixth time.

"Shut up!" yelled a solder, swinging a leg toward him in a clumsy kick. Erwin tensed his abdominal muscles in time and barely felt the connection. He patiently waited through the insults that followed, staring his attacker down. The MP's had a universal weakness, one that was easy to exploit.

"I have money," he said clearly. "Lots of it."

Now he had their attention.

As the police descended on him, Erwin stared past them, not daring to look beside him, because he couldn't bear to see Levi's slumped, bloodied form.

.*.*.*.

As the soldiers marched them up the stairs to the surface, Erwin mentally rehearsed what he would say to Nile.

The timing was fortunate. Nile usually operated out of the MP base in Stohess so he could be with his family, but he was in town for the next day's expedition approval meeting. The Military Police and the Garrison had recently become heavily involved in expedition planning as of late. When it came time to reclaim Wall Maria, every soldier in all three divisions would be fighting side by side.

Nile was bound to be upset about tonight's incident. He and Levi had come to operate on good - if not overly polite - terms, but the relationship was fragile enough that an event of this magnitude could shake it. They would have to fall back on Nile's fundamental trust in Erwin to get out of this. Even though Levi had technically been in charge of the Underground mission, Erwin would take full responsibility for everything that had happened. He was the one who had set the events in motion, after all. He was the one who had brought Levi into such a dangerous setting in the first place. Levi's hand had held the knife, but it had been forced.

He had two priorities. The first was to make sure they didn't receive punishment for what had transpired. Both he and Levi were too valuable to humanity's future, particularly Levi.

The second was making sure Sahlo didn't suspect them. Levi had taken care of at least one attacker who could have identified them, but there was no telling how many others present had been aware of their identities.

When it came down to it, Erwin had a feeling Sahlo would know exactly who had been responsible anyway, even if no one reported back to him.

At the top of the staircase, the MPs shoved them into the back of a carriage. Levi slumped into the corner shivering, even though it was an unusually warm night.

"He's going into shock," said Erwin quietly. He had seen it enough times to know the symptoms.

"I told you to shut up," said a soldier.

"He may be injured. You should check him for injuries and treat his shock." Erwin eyed the soldier. "If you let him die, you're going to have to go through an inquest."

"Who's going to care? He's a fucking murderer."

"That doesn't matter. He's still a citizen of the kingdom, and as such, he's entitled to a fair trial." He didn't drop his gaze, didn't blink. "You saw the mess down there. This is no minor incident. If this is processed through the proper channels, there will be recognition in it for you. Maybe even a medal. It's in everyone's best interest if he lives: his, mine, yours."

No one said anything further, but one of the soldiers draped a blanket around Levi's shoulders, while another began to examine him for injuries. Erwin bowed his head, confident he was in good hands, and went back to planning his conversation.

The carriage halted several minutes later. Erwin listened, apprehensive. He had given the soldiers access to an inordinate amount of cash, so it seemed likely they would uphold their word, but there was always the possibility these soldiers were more corrupt than most. Thankfully, the carriage door opened to reveal the Military Police headquarters. The soldiers marched them up to Nile's office and handcuffed them each to a chair at his desk. Two soldiers stood behind them, presumably ready to shoot if they tried to escape.

"Thank you for honouring our agreement," said Erwin.

"Don't think we did this for you," said the woman behind him. "The amount of money on you, and that much firepower against you - you're a big fish, aren't you? Best to get the Commander involved, make sure you get special attention, as do the ones who brought you in. But thanks for the cash."

Erwin didn't reply. He glanced over at Levi. The man was still hunched, the blanket still draped around his shoulders. He was shaking a little now, but not as violently as before. His hair was hanging in his blood-drenched face. He was unrecognizable.  _I wonder if I am, too._ His eyes were still gritty when he blinked, and his clothes were coated in dust.

The door burst open, and Nile strode into the office, a file tucked under his arm. His face was twisted into an unpleasant grimace, his hair stuck out to the side, and his jacket was crooked, as if he had pulled on his uniform in a hurry. As he slid behind his desk, his eyes narrowed at the captured pair.

"I don't know what the hell you assholes want, but-" He stopped as recognition set in. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."

"Good evening, Nile," said Erwin.

The Commander let out a long, weary sigh, and then sat back in his chair. "Peter, Lena, can you give us some privacy?"

"But sir-" said one of the soldiers.

"That was an order," said Nile. "You're dismissed."

Erwin heard the thump of saluting fists behind him, then marching boots. He glanced at Levi again, but the man hadn't moved.  _Is he aware, or lost deep in his mind?_

The door closed. Nile stared at them a moment longer, fingers drumming on the desktop.

"Erwin, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Your soldiers filled you in on the situation?"

A flush was slowly creeping up Nile's neck, the tendons strained. "Please tell me you didn't start a gang war in the Underground, then bribe your way into my office in the middle of the night."

"'Gang war' is hyperbole." Erwin sat tall, matching the man's cold stare with one of his own. "Our operation was compromised, so we acted in self-defense when we were swarmed by gang associates. I needed to speak with you directly because of the sensitive nature of-"

"What operation? We didn't authorize an operation to the Underground." The flush was creeping up Nile's jaw line to his cheeks. "The Underground is our territory, not yours. You had no right to overstep the authority of the MP and the Council-"

"You are in a unique position to understand what I need to say."

They eyed each other for a moment, then Nile's gaze shifted to Levi. "He the one who did the killing?"

Levi hunched tighter into himself.

Erwin tasted that bitter, acidic fear again, but only said, "He was acting under my authority."

"Four people are dead."

Levi looked up, the first sign of awareness he had shown since they had returned to the surface. "Four?" His voice cracked.

Nile pulled a piece of paper out of the file, reading it. "Two victims had their throats slashed - the soldiers who arrested you witnessed that part. One blunt trauma, died at the scene. One broken neck. A dozen other injuries of various severity levels, all expected to survive. All were associates of major crime lord Raphael 'Rage' Klein." He tossed the paper onto the desk. "We've been working for years -  _years,_ you assholes - to foster gang equilibrium in the Underground, and in one night of 'self defense,' you have completely undone everything. People are going to be rushing in to fill the power gaps left behind by these four people. And you requested to talk to me because, what, you thought I'd sweep this under the rug for you?"

Levi bowed his head, trembling.

Erwin leaned forward until the cuffs strained his wrists. "Nile, we are two to three expeditions away from taking back Wall Maria. We received inside information that a member of the Council is going to take drastic measures against the Survey Corps before that can happen. We needed to root him out, pluck him like a weed, and to do that, we needed to get closer to his illicit activities in the Underground. Unfortunately, we stumbled in a little too close, and after a series of catastrophic failures, we ended up being surrounded." He glanced at Levi, steeling himself against that stricken, blood-stained expression, those shaking shoulders. "If Levi had not acted as he did, we wouldn't have made it out alive. That means others would have been required to step up to lead the Wall reclamation effort." He eyed Nile. "Most likely, it would have fallen to you and Commander Pixis. While I don't doubt either of your capabilities, you don't have the field experience the job requires. It's true that our actions tonight may have caused short-term chaos, and I apologize deeply for the inconvenience we caused. These actions were necessary to protect humanity's future."

Nile let out another long sigh and leaned back in his chair. "So that's your argument? Illegally sneaking Underground and murdering people was in humanity's best interest?"

Erwin held his gaze, unflinching.

Nile shook his head, looking defeated. "I have no idea what to do here."

"Have soldiers escort Levi to the showers," said Erwin. "Let him clean himself up while I take you through everything, step-by-step." Sitting around in his victim's blood had to be Levi's version of hell, and listening to Erwin recount their evening wouldn't help, either. "I'll gladly face down a hearing and proper legal proceedings at the end of our discussion, if you feel it's warranted. But first, I need you to listen."

"Fine. But if Levi tries to slit the throats of my soldiers-"

"He won't," said Erwin, more vehemently than he had intended.

Nile eyed them each for a moment longer, then stood and grabbed a pad of paper and a stick of graphite on his way to the door.

 _Is he going to write a warning message to Sahlo?_ thought Erwin, but that didn't seem likely. Nile and Sahlo weren't playing on the same team. Each month, Oluo gave his carefully censored updates; Nile pretended they were genuine to appease Sahlo, and Sahlo pretended they were genuine to appease Nile. Those dual charades had played out for nearly three years now. So far, each man seemed unaware that the other was telling Erwin not to trust him. No, it was more likely that Nile was going to get his senior officers involved.

He turned to Levi. The man seemed to have withdrawn into himself again. Perhaps being a bit detached right now was nicer than facing reality.  _Rest well, Levi. I'll get us out of this._

When Nile returned, he was followed by four soldiers. They uncuffed Levi from his chair and dragged him to his feet. He didn't protest or struggle as he was led away. Erwin craned his neck to watch him leave, his throat tight.

The door closed.

Nile dropped to a seat across from him, still staring at the door. "You can take a man out of the Underground, but you can't take the Underground out of a man." His dark eyes shifted to Erwin. "Let me guess: he snapped, and you're trying to take the blame because you care about him?" He cocked his head, as if trying to get a better read. "Or because you need him as a weapon. Or both. I can never tell what your priorities are."

Erwin studied him. "Nile, this is all tied to Lord Sahlo."

Nile jerked upright as if he had been slapped. "Then I don't want to know."

"We managed to trace him to-"

"Erwin!" Nile's brows dropped. "Listen to me carefully: I don't want to know. Sahlo's a devious fucker, and whatever you've found out will probably get you killed. Leave me out of it."

"Do you truly believe ignorance will protect you? He's prepared to assassinate me to get his way. It's more likely that he'll try to control me first, and that means everyone around me is at risk."

"I told you not to get involved with him," muttered Nile, shuffling a stack of papers on his desk.

"You've been involved with him, too, haven't you?"

"I'm not worried. Unlike you, I've been working hard to stay on his good side."

This called for desperate measures. Erwin leaned closer. "What happens if Sahlo digs into my past and finds out I was close to Marie?"

Nile snorted. "You think your friendships as a teenager are going to matter to him?"

"He was at the gala three years ago when I danced with Marie. He's seen me refuse every other woman he's offered me since, and he's commented before that I seem like a man hung up on a past love." That wasn't quite true, but he needed Nile on his side. "It would be easy for him to get the wrong idea. Think about it, Nile: is there anything about your family that could make Sahlo think Marie is important to me?"

Nile's eyes locked onto him. Erwin knew exactly what he was thinking:  _Jasper._

"You," growled Nile. He strode around the desk and jerked Erwin's chair to the side so they were facing each other. His hands clamped onto the arm rests as he lunged in, their noses almost touching. "You selfish asshole! If that fucker comes after my family, I am going to personally string a noose around your neck!"

Erwin didn't flinch. "This is why we had no choice but to fight back. Sahlo holds major sway over the Council, and he singlehandedly has the power to delay the push to Wall Maria. We need to stop him at all costs. This isn't just our problem: what do you think will happen to our society if we start running out of food because of the lack of land? That is why Levi and I went Underground; it wasn't just to save everyone we've ever cared about. Humanity's future is at stake. I didn't put your family at risk, Nile: I made a gamble to try to save it, and everyone else within these walls."

Nile's eyes narrowed, and when he spoke, his voice was quiet and cold. "You can try to convince me your actions were for the greater good, but four people are dead, and you may have turned a powerful lord against me and my family. When you calculate the consequences of your actions, you never, ever,  _ever_  stop to think how it will impact the people you claim to care about."

Erwin held his gaze. "There was no other choice."

A knock sounded at the door.

"It's out of my hands now, anyway," said Nile, and he marched across the room.

Every muscle in Erwin's body tensed.  _Did he invite Sahlo after all?_

Instead, Commander-in-Chief Zackly strode through the door. The elderly man was wearing a long coat over pyjama bottoms.

"Sir," said Nile, saluting. "Once again, I apologize for interrupting you at such a late hour, but these are unusual circumstances."

"So I see." Zackly adjusted his glasses. "Erwin," he greeted.

"Sir." Erwin reflexively moved to salute, but his hands jerked at the cuffs instead.

"I hardly think the cuffs are necessary, Nile." Zackly pulled up a chair and sat at the end of the desk, picking up the file. As he read through it, Nile unlocked Erwin's hands.

Rubbing his wrists, Erwin said, "Sir, if I might explain-"

Zackly held up a hand to stop him, still reading. When he had finished, he looked up, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Where's Levi?"

"Getting cleaned up, under supervision," said Nile. "He was drenched in blood."

"I don't doubt it, after all this." Zackly turned. "Very well, Erwin, you may speak. What happened?"

"Sir." He had been trying to decide how to approach this; every approach was risky. He decided to jump in with both feet. "You'll remember the work I did to take down Lobov when he was diverting funds from the Survey Corps. Tonight, I took a similar risk to try to track down a man whose greed is poised to halt the Wall reclamation effort."

Nile rubbed his face and let out a low sigh.

"Continue," said Zackly, impassive.

"Because the offending person is a Council member, I was unable to seek approval for this mission through the usual channels. I operated of my own accord, without permission. Levi was acting under my authority. We attempted to find evidence of gang connections, and ended up stumbling too close to the heart of the illicit operations. A group of gang members swarmed us. We fought our way out. It was never our intention to cause unrest in the Underground, nor to take lives."

"I see." Zackly stood. "Nile, why don't you go get some sleep? This might take awhile. I can process them in my office."

"Sir." Nile saluted again, giving Erwin an uneasy glance.

"Erwin, come with me."

As they fell into step in the hallway, Erwin studied the older man. Though he had a good read on almost everyone he met, Zackly was a mystery. The man was logical, fair and so expressionless that he must have learned a long time ago not to show his hand. Or maybe he simply didn't hold one.

They stepped into Zackly's office. The man strode to a cabinet on the wall. "Drink?"

"No, thank you."

Zackly poured himself an amber drink from a dark glass bottle, then sat at his desk, gesturing for Erwin to do the same.

"Commander Erwin Smith," he said, drawing out the words. "Keith had his eye on you from the moment you first set foot into the Survey Corps headquarters. When you were first promoted to Squad Leader, he said he wasn't sure if you were going to save the world or stab him in his sleep. Clearly it turned out to be the former, but you do have a bit of stab to you, too, don't you?"

"Sir?" said Erwin, sitting straighter.

"That was brilliant work with Lobov. I don't think I ever told you, but your airtight evidence was all that was needed in his trial. Your ability to get results is part of the reason the King entrusts you with the Survey Corps, and we all expect great things of you." The man took a sip of his drink, then held out an envelope. "And so I was surprised to receive this document earlier this week, and even more surprised to see you sitting in Nile's office coated in dust and cuffed to a chair. I'm assuming your opponent is Lord Martin Sahlo?"

The envelope was marked with Sahlo's seal. Erwin opened it. Inside, Sahlo had documented the monetary amounts retrieved from each silo, alongside the substantially lower amounts the Survey Corps had reported returning to the government. Every number was accurate: all their subterfuge, laid out in perfect detail.  _He's taking big risks. I could easily reveal that the funds were directed to his shipping company._

Thankfully, Erwin had anticipated this possibility. Leona had provided him with forged documents that painted a picture of innocence.

He handed the envelope back to Zackly. "I have official records that show this is all fabrication."

"I expect you do. I decided not to act on these reports of his, yet, and I'll delay it as long as I can. Sahlo chose poorly when he tried to get to you through me. He's been giving everyone grief lately - Nile, Pixis, even me, to some extent." Zackly leaned back in his chair. "Unfortunately, he's also been gaining influence with the King, which means we can't stand up to him. Not through normal channels, at least. As Commander-in-Chief, it's my job to respect the King's wishes above all else. That's why tonight's events put me in an unfortunate position: I must favour those who are favoured by the King."

"I understand, sir."

"Your actions were reckless." Zackly tucked the paper into an envelope, then slid it into a drawer. "Dead bodies in the Underground are easy enough to sweep under the rug, but they're still deaths."

"We had to move quickly," said Erwin. "I received top-secret intelligence that Sahlo is planning to get rid of Levi and me at any cost. We believe he will start trying to undermine me, then escalate as the situation warrants, going as far as assassination. I don't think I need to explain to you how detrimental this would be to the future of humanity. We have plenty of leaders capable of leading the charge, but we'd lose too much time as they got caught up with the plans, the checkpoint locations, and even the strategies we use on the field.

"Knowing all this, I made a gamble that we would be able to get close to Sahlo if we poked around Underground. The problem was, complications arose when we were too successful."

Zackly stared mildly at him. "And did you obtain any concrete evidence of Sahlo's wrongdoings?"

Erwin hesitated. "Nothing we can present in court, unfortunately."

A pause. "What if you had a bit more time?"

"Sir?"

"You say we're less than six months away from reclaiming Wall Maria, correct? I am willing to delay my ruling on tonight's incident if you can prove to me Sahlo is a genuine obstacle. I'm assuming you need to wrap all this up before we reclaim the Wall, anyway, correct? So, I'm going to ask Nile to keep this quiet and focus his efforts on retaining balance Underground instead of following through with charges. I'll wrap up Levi's manslaughter charges with the pardon I gave him when he first joined the Survey Corps. But Erwin." The man leaned closer. "If it turns out all this was unnecessary - if your claims that Sahlo is going to try to block the expedition or take action against you end up being false or exaggerated - we  _will_  revisit this in six months. At that time, I will hold you accountable for everything that happened tonight."

"That seems more than fair, sir. Thank you." Six months would be plenty of time to flush Sahlo out, especially if tonight's actions spurred the lord into action.  _In the long run, tonight's incident could work in our favour._

"Good." Zackly opened another file. "And by the way, I received the application you sent earlier today for Levi's promotion. This probably isn't the best time to discuss it, but we will revisit it before you leave for Trost. I need a little time to figure out how tonight's actions will impact it, if at all."

Erwin nodded, wishing he hadn't sent over the application the second they had arrived. This was the worst time for Zackly to be considering a promotion. "Thank you, sir."

"Levi should be cleaned up by now," said Zackly, standing. "I'll send both of you home. Nile and I will figure out a way to cover up this story without causing too much chaos in the Underground. We may ask you to supply a small team of soldiers for a week or two if the unrest gets out of hand."

That was fair; they had been the ones to cause the mess, after all. Erwin stood and saluted.

"I hope we won't have to revisit this in six months," said Zackly.

"I won't let you down, sir." They had leads now. Sahlo wasn't going to stand a chance.

Levi was waiting for them in the hallway, leaning against the wall, two soldiers standing on either side. He was dressed in a baggy white undershirt and military issue white pants that were too long for him. His hair was damp and his skin was clean. A nasty looking gash on his upper arm had been stitched with dark thread.

"Here," said one of the soldiers, handing Erwin a small bag. He opened it. Bloody clothing.

"Peter, escort them to a carriage, then come back and speak with me here. You other three, come into my office," said Zackly.

"Sir," said Peter nervously.

"They won't hurt you."

Erwin reached out to grip Levi's shoulder, then stopped when he realized his hand was caked with dust and sweat. "Let's go," he said instead.

Levi didn't look up at him, but pulled away from the wall and fell into step behind him.

The carriage ride was uncomfortably quiet. Levi's head was still bowed; he was compulsively scrubbing the back of one hand with his other thumb, as if trying to rub away grime that was no longer there. It was a subtle move, one that wouldn't have attracted anyone else's attention, but Erwin knew it held deep importance.

"Levi," he said quietly.

The scrubbing stopped. "How many people have I killed?"

"What do you mean?"

Levi finally made eye contact with him. His expression was flat. "Before tonight. When you planned to recruit me, what did my file say? How many?"

Erwin leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, holding his gaze. "It's impossible to know how much was factual. We burned that part of your file when we recruited you, anyway."

"Erwin," said Levi, his voice deepening. "How many?"

He thought about lowering the number, but decided to be honest. "Fifteen, but like I said, there was no evidence for any of it. You had enough of a reputation among the MP to make for a convenient scapegoat."

The man's throat bobbed, and he started scrubbing his hand again. "I'm not the man I thought I was. I never have been."

"Levi," said Erwin quietly, "this doesn't change anything."

He waited for a response, but silence swelled between them.

.*.*.*.

When they arrived at the hotel, the front desk staff gave Erwin strange looks. He caught a glimpse of himself in one of the mirrored panels on the wall and realized why. His face and hair were coated with dust and grime. No wonder Nile hadn't recognized them right away.

When they arrived at their room, Erwin stepped into the bathroom to light to the water heater, warming for his bath. Levi pushed past him and began to pour water into the washbasin, scrubbing his hands.

Erwin stood and watched him scrub at his pristine hands, using his nails, digging so deeply that he left angry red marks. "Levi."

The man bowed his head, his teeth clenched and bared. "Leave."

"Levi, stop." Erwin rested a hand on his shoulder.

The man whirled to face him, his eyes flaring. "Fuck off!"

Erwin jerked away. Slowly, he turned and left the room. He focused on pulling off his clothes without spilling dust all over the carpet. In the background, he could hear the sound of running water and scrubbing. He took slow breaths as thoughts warred in his mind:

 _I have to help him,_ warred with,  _I need to give him space._

 _Maybe this is what he needs to calm himself,_ versus,  _dwelling will only make it worse._

He sank to a seat on a chair, burying his face in his hands, trying to find his footing, but it was like scrabbling up a gravel slope. His reality when he had woken up that morning had completely vanished beneath him. Sahlo planned to kill him, and Levi had killed four people, and every single bit of it was Erwin's fault. How had he been so arrogant to think he could face down a lord with endless resources? Why did he ever think he, Erwin Smith - one man - could single-handedly bring down a corrupt system that had been in place for a hundred years, as solid and immovable as the walls themselves?

At the end of the day, he was just a dumb little kid with a dream, destroying the lives of everyone around him because of a single glimmer of hope he imagined he saw in the distance. No one was safe. His mother, his father, his sister. Levi. Nile and Marie. Maybe even that dancer he had spoken with - would Sahlo and Rage try to wring information out of her? Everything he touched crumbled.

He took a deep breath.  _We're almost at Wall Maria. This will all be for a good cause soon._

But then what? Why was he treating that like an end goal? It wasn't the end. It was only a step back to the place where they had started.

The sound of the water boiler was drowning out the running water now, and Erwin forced himself to stand. He hoped the running water had stopped, but Levi was still hunched over the basin, still scrubbing. His hands were red and raw.

Erwin stepped up to him, deciding it was time to risk another outburst. "Levi, stop. The blood is gone."

"It's not gone," said Levi, his voice thin and stretched. "It's never gone."

Maybe this required a different approach. "You can't take back what already happened. Your hands are dirty. Accept it. Embrace it." Erwin crouched beside the basin, trying to see his face. "If you hadn't fought them off, we would have captured and tortured, or worse. Your instincts saved us. That blood is there because of me, because of your commitment to humanity. I am grateful."

There was no response, but the scrubbing had stopped. Erwin reached out and turned off the faucet.

"I have a suggestion for you," he said. "There's cash in the right pocket of my uniform jacket. Take a bundle of it downstairs to the bar and purchase a package of their nighttime tea, then bring it back up here and prepare us each a cup. I promise I won't make you talk about anything you don't want to discuss, but I do need to debrief you on my discussion with Zackly." Maybe it would have been better to wait until the next morning, but he knew Levi. The best thing for him was to have his time occupied with distractions.

Levi shoved a hand through his hair, then turned and left the room.

Erwin filled the bath, then quickly scrubbed the dust from his skin and hair. The bath water quickly turned muddy, and he drained and refilled it. His eyes were still gritty from the gravel that had lodged there earlier. He tried to run them under the water tap, but they were still irritated.

Finally, he was clean. He stood in front of the mirror and parted his hair, then examined his face. His eyes were red and glassy. His cheeks and chin had faint abrasions that looked almost like a flush, or maybe tiny red freckles. His lips flattened. He'd need to prepare a good excuse for his appearance in case Sahlo probed him about it.

He strode to the closet and pulled out one of the bathrobes; it was soft against his skin. Levi sat at the table, preparing two mugs of tea. He glanced up at Erwin, then looked down again, his expression blank.

Erwin dimmed the lamps. He sat across from him and set a candle between them, lighting it. This was a routine he often used on trips to Mitras alone. Focusing on a dancing flame and sipping soothing tea was an important ritual to unwind at the end of a stressful day.

"Thank you for getting this tea," he said aloud. "It contains calming herbs. In the past, it's helped me sort out my thoughts when my mind is racing. I thought we could both benefit from it."

Levi took a sip, then made a face. "It tastes like rotten moss."

The tone was a bit softer than usual, but at least it was close to his usual snide mannerisms. Erwin took it as a good sign.

They sipped at the tea in silence, both watching the small flame between them. Erwin felt the stress begin to ebb from his muscles, his breaths slowing. Across from him, Levi's shoulders seemed to be relaxing.

He was busy figuring out how to start the conversation, when Levi's voice surprised him:

"My hands are dirtier than you think, and the cause isn't as noble as you think, either." His tone was soft and measured.

Erwin studied him. The flame flickered in Levi's eyes; he seemed to be staring through it. His face was smooth, all its usual furrows flattened.

"How so?" he said softly.

"I took down Thiemo because he needed to be silenced, yeah, but then I kept going." Levi's throat bobbed. "You remember me telling you about the four looks you see on someone's face right when you kill them? Well, his face was accepting. He didn't give a shit that he was about to die. I can deal with that. But the woman beside him, she gave me that  _why_  look, that look of despair. She was like Isabel, or Farlan, brought into gang life by circumstance, by loyalty. And the only reason I have for killing her is because it felt good."

Erwin lifted his tea to his lips; it was a struggle to swallow around the lump in his throat.

"I don't even know who the other two deaths were," continued Levi. "I changed the lives of their friends and family forever tonight, and I can't even remember their faces." He stared down at his hands. "You say I acted in the best interests of humanity. You think their families would agree?"

"There are casualties in any war."

"You don't get it." Levi's hands curled, his brow furrowing. "Every death you cause is by choice. You weigh the pros and cons and choose to sacrifice. I just  _react._ I turn into a wild animal and slash at everyone and everything around me until I feel safe. And I fucking enjoy it. This isn't about war. This is about me being a monster." His voice was still calm, a stark contrast to his words.

Erwin thought of that bloodied smile. He swirled his tea, staring at the pattern of the leaves in the bottom of the cup. "I was the one who put you in that position."

"No. You gave me multiple chances to back out. And then you told me to take the lead on the mission."

"I asked you knowing you would feel obligated to accept, and you made every decision based on the larger framework of my strategy. Do not shoulder the blame alone, Levi."

"It doesn't bother you, does it? That I just killed four people?" The tone was almost accusatory.

"I'm concerned for your wellbeing," said Erwin.

"But you don't care that they're dead."

The question struck him as odd. Why should he care for people he had never met, who had died attacking them? He certainly felt grief for his own lost soldiers - when it was appropriate, when he allowed himself to feel it - but these thugs were people who had willingly taken up weapons against them. Maybe it was his fault the battle had begun, but they had been free to leave the battlefield at any time. Soldiers facing the titans didn't have that luxury.

There was a long silence between them.

"Zackly and Nile are going to cover up what happened," said Erwin. "Zackly wasn't surprised to find out who has involved. Sahlo had already been in contact with him, trying to expose the funds I've been 'embezzling' from expeditions."

Levi grimaced. "Shit."

"I have doctored documents to fend off Sahlo's accusations, but it shows just how desperate he's becoming, for whatever reason. Zackly has given us six months to prove Sahlo is involved in activities that conflict with humanity's goals."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll be tried for what happened today."

Levi's eyes narrowed. "He's going to try you for the crimes I committed?"

"For the crimes you committed  _on my behalf_ , and only if we can't provide conclusive evidence. I'm confident we'll be successful."

Levi shook his head. "You've been doing this for three years without any luck."

"Tonight was the first time I really committed to going after him, and we got some solid leads."

"There's an easier, more permanent way to stop him, you know." The man's hands, red and cracking, began to tremble.

Bile rose in Erwin's throat at the thought of asking Levi to kill for him. "I told you, that's not an option. I can take him down through political channels. Trust me."

Levi's eyes closed.

"Levi?"

"Fine." He drained the rest of his tea in one swallow, then stood. "I'm going to bed."

With effort, Erwin managed to keep his voice steady: "Do you want company, or do you need some space?"

Levi's face twisted and he looked away. "Maybe a bit of space."

Erwin nodded, not allowing his expression to change. "Please let me know if you need anything."

Their gaze held for a moment longer, then Levi turned and walked down the hallway to the second bedroom. The door closed behind him.

Erwin's head bowed, his eyes closed.

.*.*.*.

He stayed awake for another two hours, poring over the brainstorming notes he had made earlier and adding annotations. There were so many gaps in logic, so many connections he couldn't yet see. The biggest question was also the most troublesome: why was Sahlo positioning himself to eliminate Erwin now, when they were so close to reclaiming the wall? Levi had theorized Sahlo was interested in land ownership, but the land within Wall Maria was useless if the wall remained unclaimed. It was possible he was trying to stall the reclamation effort to buy more time to gain property, but that seemed far too roundabout.

And what of the high-powered weapons that were used against them Underground? Was that Sahlo's doing? Or simply another reason it was good to have Rage as an ally? And how did the Wall Cult fit into all this?

He rubbed at the bridge of his nose and pulled out the side table drawer, intending to set the book inside it. The three bottles of lube and the toy rolled to the front of the drawer. He stared, his throat tight.  _I wonder what Levi had planned for tonight?_

He wanted more than anything to crawl into the man's bed and hold him close, but Levi had specifically said he needed space. His wishes must be respected. Instead, he turned out the lamp and reached for a spare pillow, wrapping his arms around it, burying his face in the top of it. He should have had a second cup of tea; he was still awake enough for the day's stresses to crowd his mind.

He hugged the pillow tightly and rolled over, restless. His eyes, adjusting to the dark, detected a faint light coming down the hallway from Levi's room.

Maybe he should check on him.

He slid out of the bed and began to pad quietly toward the room. He knocked softly.

"Levi?"

A long pause, then: "Come in."

He eased the door open.

The bed was used, but empty. Levi sat in the corner of the room, knees drawn to his chest, a dim lamp at his side.

"Levi?"

"Corners are safer," said Levi quietly. "Don't have to worry about your back."

"I could guard your back for you, if you'd rather lie in bed. Or I could just sit with you for awhile." He paused. "Or if you still need space, I'll leave."

"Stay." Levi looked down. "I know I'm shutting you out."

"It's okay." Erwin sat cross-legged on the floor in front of him. "Are you angry with me?"

"A bit. Part of me's angry you took us down there after I told you it was a bad idea." His face twisted. "And part of me's angry you stopped me, because I'm a fucking monster who enjoys hurting people."

Erwin slowly reached out for one of Levi's hands, giving him plenty of time to react. When he didn't flinch, Erwin closed his hand over it, then slowly lifted it to his face. His thumb ran across the knuckles, feeling the rough skin.

"Would a monster feel such regret for his actions?" He nuzzled those rough knuckles, ran them along his cheek, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry, Levi. The lives we lead encourage us to tap into aspects of ourselves we may not like. We're both going to do reprehensible things before this war ends. We're going to make snap decisions that seem like mistakes in retrospect." He brought the knuckles back to his lips, softly kissing them, breathing in. "You are welcome to be angry with me. Be angry with yourself, too, if you must. Just understand that no matter how things play out, I'll trust and support the decisions you make. I will always have your back."

Levi's eyelids were low, his lips parted. "Yeah?"

"Of course. I told you, Levi: what happened tonight doesn't change a thing, not for you and me."

Levi's hand opened, cupping his jaw. "I love you," he said softly.

Relief flooded through Erwin, warm and glowing. He hadn't realized just how worried he was that this would come between them. He reached for Levi's shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. The man slumped against him, nestling under his jaw.

"I love you, too," whispered Erwin into the dark hair.

"Will you come to bed with me?" asked Levi into his neck.

"Of course."

They crawled into the bed and turned out the lamp. This bed was a bit smaller than the one in the main room, but still larger than their beds back at the base in Trost, so it didn't feel confining. Erwin spooned up behind Levi, draping an arm around him. Levi hugged it close to his chest and inched back against him. His body radiated heat.

"God, I've missed holding you," breathed Erwin, the religious curse escaping by mistake. He wished he could shake off the last of the Wallist influence from his life. Still, that link to the Wallists might end up saving his life, if his mother's information about Sahlo proved to be true.

"When we're lying like this," said Levi, "all that other stuff seems a long way away."

Erwin closed his eyes, wanting to agree, but his mind was still racing.

.*.*.*.

A knock sounded.

Erwin opened his eyes, groggy. Levi was still asleep beside him. Daylight seeped in through the blinds.  _We slept in._ At least the Council meeting wasn't until that afternoon; they still had plenty of time to prepare.

He eased out of bed, pulled on a shirt and checked to make sure the bed in the main room looked slept in as well, just in case their visitor was someone who couldn't know about their relationship. Another knock sounded before he had reached the door.

He opened it.

Berit stood in the hallway, and he smiled.

"Berit," he greeted, giving her the tightest hug he could manage around her round belly. "I wasn't expecting to speak with you until after the meeting."

"I get tired pretty easily these days," said Berit. "Thought it might be better to meet with you this morning instead, just in case I need an evening nap." She hesitated, her eyes drifting to his hair. "Late night?"

He ran a hand through it, feeling it sticking in every direction. "Indeed. Could you please give me one moment?" He closed the door and turned back to Levi, who was sitting up in bed in the other room, groggy. "Are you okay to do the upcoming graduate review right now?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute." Levi slid out of bed, grabbed his uniform and headed to the bathroom. He seemed to be operating as usual. Erwin hoped that would last.

He invited Berit in and slid a padded arm chair to the table for her. She leaned back into it with an  _oof._

"The kid's active this morning," she said, rubbing her stomach.

"I see," said Erwin.

"Want to feel?"

He had a feeling the sensation of an unborn child's movement would only remind him of the life he had given up long ago, so he smiled politely. "Perhaps not this time, but thank you."

"Suit yourself."

"You seem happy," he said, genuine.

"It's pretty amazing, knowing there's a future person growing inside there. Sure, it's not all fun, but overall, I'm surprised by how much I like being pregnant." She poured herself a glass of water from the jug. "You know, if you two ever decide you want a kid and you need someone to carry it, get in touch."

Erwin blinked. They had become reasonably close friends in the time since she had left the Survey Corps - really, ever since she had jumped in front of a titan for him - but this was a lot to offer, even for a good friend. "That's extremely generous of you, but I doubt we will ever be in a position to start a family." For a delirious moment, he pictured Levi holding a baby he had fathered, with matching snub noses and scowls.

Berit took a long sip, then gestured at the bathroom door. "You propose yet?" she asked quietly.

He gave a polite smile, masking his twisting heart. "I've been busy."

"You're always busy."

"Busier than usual."

She flattened her lips. "So all that going on and on over the past three years about how August 849 was going to be the month-"

"The false confidence of a younger, more naive me, I suppose." He glanced at the closed door, listening to make sure the bath water was still running, then leaned closer. "We're planning a getaway after the next expedition. I've hinted at engagement; he seems receptive. I was planning to buy a ring while I was here, but circumstances changed and Levi ended up joining me, so it will have to wait. Hange will be joining me for the post-expedition debriefing, so we'll select something for him then. I've already picked the setting: a hill overlooking Ehrmich, at sunset."

"That sounds lovely." Berit pointed a finger at him. "Remember to invite me."

"We will," he said, smiling. "The guest list will be small, and we'll have to use pseudonyms, but it should be fun nonetheless." He tried to picture Levi standing across from him as they were joined in marriage. Would he blush? Smile?

Blood-stained dimples flashed through his mind, and his stomach dropped.

"May I ask you for advice, Berit?"

Her head tilted, as if she could sense it was important. "Of course."

Now he had her permission, but he wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to ask. "Did Silas ever do something that showed you a side of him you didn't know existed? Something that made you question how well you really knew him?"

"Is this about Levi?"

Erwin glanced back at the bathroom door and, confirming the faucet was still running, leaned forward. "I thought I understood him, but there are parts of his past so dark that I can't even begin to fathom what he's been through. Sometimes, very rarely, those show through, mainly in his reactions to stress. He refuses to talk about it. I don't know how to help him."

She studied him. "Ever think maybe it's not your place to help him?"

That threw him off. "What?"

"Look, not all problems can be talked through. Whatever ghosts are in his past - and given that it's Levi, I bet it's a shitload - he's handling them himself in the ways that work for him. If he needs help, he'll let you know. If you try to fix him, or help him, or whatever you tell yourself it is, you risk completely dismantling his own coping mechanisms."

"When I think of the suffering he must have endured-"

"You think he wants to see you as a victim?" she asked. "Look, I don't know how you two operate, what passes between you in private. Just don't get so caught up in solving his puzzle that you forget he's a person with feelings."

He smiled. "I should hire you to be my personal therapist."

"There isn't enough time or money in the world for that job." She smiled too, and leaned back in her chair. "He almost done in there? This baby is stepping on my bladder."

"He's taking a bit longer than usual." Erwin wondered if he had gotten caught in another hand-washing cycle. He was torn between giving him space and barging in.

He didn't have to debate for long. A minute later, the sound of running water ceased. Levi emerged shortly after that. His hands were red again, but he was fully dressed, hair combed, chin shaved. He strode into the room and nodded. "Berit."

"Levi." Her eyes held on his hands for a moment, but then she looked up and smiled. "Excuse me for one moment." She stood and half-jogged, half-waddled toward the bathroom.

Erwin pulled out a chair for Levi. "How are you?"

The man shrugged and sank into the chair. He usually had a tendency to slouch or affect uncomfortable-looking poses when he sat, but this time he sat upright, both feet flat on the floor. "It doesn't seem real."

"Maybe that's for the best." Erwin hesitated, then rested a hand on Levi's knee. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Levi's hand lay atop his. Their fingers intertwined. "Keep me busy. Take my mind off it."

"Of course."

The bathroom door opened, and Berit returned. "Ugh, you two are so lovey-dovey," she muttered, nodding at their joined hands, but she was smiling. "This won't take long." She eased back into her chair and pulled a stack of files out of her satchel: upcoming graduates for the Southern Trainee Corps. "You talk to any of the other branches yet?"

"You're the first," said Erwin.

"Well, we're also going to be the best. We've got eleven candidates for you instead of the normal ten. The southern 104th is an exceptionally strong group. Good thing, because the north, west and east branches have been a disappointment. Shadis has been spending a lot of time travelling between those three, trying to figure out how to turn them into soldiers."

"So, is your group actually strong?" said Levi. "Or do they just seem that way compared to the others?"

"I'll answer that question with our top candidate." Berit set a file on the table. "Mikasa Ackerman."

Levi's grip suddenly tightened. Erwin turned to him. The man's eyes were wide, his face pale.

"Levi?" asked Berit.

"That name..." Levi trailed off and clutched at his forehead with his free hand.

"A family from the Underground?" asked Erwin, surprised by the strength of his reaction.

"She's from Shiganshina," said Berit.

"Maybe that's where I know it." Levi lowered his hand and grimaced. "Doesn't matter. Keep going."

"Okay," said Berit, looking a little uncertain. She tapped the file. "Mikasa has perfect speed, strength and stamina. She took to the gear like a natural. Strongest trainee the military has seen in years. With a bit more training, she could be at Mike's level. "

"I see," said Erwin, impressed.

"Only thing is, she's bound at the hip to another trainee, her adoptive brother, but the good news is he's hell bent on joining the Survey Corps. Seems likely you'll get both of them."

"Interesting," said Erwin, watching Levi, but the man's earlier confusion seemed to have faded. "This other trainee, her adoptive brother - is he any good?"

"He's a solid candidate, very likely to end up in the top ten. Like I said, the two of them came out of Shiganshina, so they're familiar with strife." She opened another file. "Eren Yeager."

This time, Erwin was the one who recognized the name. "Any relation to Doctor Grisha Yeager?"

"Yeah, his son. You know Grisha?"

"I did. He was a close friend of Shadis."

Berit cocked a brow. "Really? Keith hasn't said anything about it."

"Dr. Yeager apparently died in the attack on Shiganshina. It's possible Shadis isn't comfortable speaking about him anymore." Erwin traced a fading scar on his inner forearm. "He stitched up a few of my battle wounds over the years, and he was integral in treating that illness that swept through Shiganshina awhile back. Good man with a good heart."

"His son's got a good heart, too. Stubborn as hell - that's the main reason he's doing so well, just pure perseverance, no real innate skill. Seems to have a lot of sway over his classmates as well, lots of charisma. He'd be a solid addition to the Corps. He and Mikasa will likely come with a third." She presented the next folder. "Armin Arlert, their friend from Shiganshina. Kid can barely lift a feather without exhausting himself, so he probably won't make the top ten, but he's exceptionally bright. He found six flaws in our strategic training manual, and also proposed improvements to the flow of traffic in the mess hall that helped it run more smoothly. Keep an eye on him, Erwin, because you might be able to do what Shadis did with you: mentor him and pull him up through the ranks as a strategic advisor."

"I see," said Erwin, making notes. "An interesting group indeed."

"We're just getting started," she said.

As they continued to go through the more notable trainees, Erwin made notes, glancing occasionally at Levi. The contact between their hands was damp. Eventually, Levi pulled away and wiped his palms on his pants. His face seemed calm.

They were just wrapping up when Berit let out a surprised cry, then chuckled and cupped her stomach. "Dammit, child: relax!"

Levi's lip curled. "You can feel it moving?"

"Of course. You want to feel?" She leaned back. "Put your hand right here."

Levi looked both intrigued and repulsed. He reached out a tentative hand, then pressed it against her stomach. A few seconds later, he said quietly, "Holy shit."

Tears sprang to Erwin's eyes without warning.  _Where the hell did that come from?_ The grit had probably scratched his corneas, made his eyes inclined to water.

"Excuse me," he said, and he strode to the bathroom, pulling out a handkerchief as if he were about to blow his nose. Instead, he closed the door and stared at his own reflection, blinking until his eyes cleared.

Even though the door was closed, he heard Berit say to Levi, "You probably think pregnancy is nasty, don't you?"

Levi's voice was so soft that Erwin stepped closer to the door to hear it. "It's creepy as hell. Breasts getting bigger and gushing milk, little parasites growing and pushing your belly out until they get big enough drop out of your vagina and become a shitting, vomiting, screaming brat. But..." He paused. "People like Erwin and me, death follows us wherever we go. It's our specialty. And here you are, making a whole new person out of a bit of cum."

Was that wonder in his voice? Erwin dabbed at his eyes.

"Poetic," said Berit wryly. When she spoke next, her voice was so soft that Erwin almost couldn't hear her: "You ever want kids?"

"Nah, not the way things are now." There was that surprisingly gentle tone, the one that made Levi sound like a different person. "Maybe if things were different."

"Yeah?"

"Erwin doesn't mention it often, but I can tell he wants a family more than anything. I'd adjust. He'd be a good father." A pause. "It doesn't matter, anyway. Things are what they are. This shitty world expects things of us. No time for brats."

Erwin cleared his throat and strode back into the room. He gave them a polite smile. "My apologies for my absence. Unless you have anything else to add, Berit, I think we'll have to close off this meeting now. There are still a few things Levi and I need to prepare before our meeting with the Council."

"Of course." She stood and gave each of them a hug. She held Erwin for a beat too long and whispered in his ear, "Tell me how it goes." It took him a minute to realize she meant his planned marriage proposal. He had already shifted back to his business mindset.  _This shitty world expects things of us, indeed._

As soon as the door closed behind her, an awkward silence descended over the room. Erwin turned to face Levi; the Captain's eyes were downcast, his arms folded over his chest.

"You said you wanted me to take your mind off things," said Erwin.

"Yeah," said Levi, gaze sliding up to him. "Please."

"Would a massage help?"

"I was thinking..." The weight shifted between his feet. "I had some shit planned for last night, and..." He shrugged. "If you aren't too afraid of me."

"Levi, I'm not afraid of you."

"It's just, this shit requires a lot of trust, and-"

Erwin gripped his shoulders and stooped to his level. "Then it will be an opportunity to demonstrate how much I trust you." Taking a blind shot, he added, "Maybe it will be an opportunity for you to learn to trust yourself again, too."

Levi's brows pinched. "I don't like it when you try to read my mind."

"And I've been doing that a lot lately. I'm sorry." He hesitated. "Was I wrong?"

"No," said Levi quietly. His brows lowered. "This is awkward. Kiss me."

Erwin understood - he felt that same shyness, that same hesitation to be the one to initiate, that always took hold when they had an argument or other intense situation. But this time, given all Levi had been through, given that it was Erwin's fault, he pushed through his hesitation with so much zeal that he lunged, his mouth closing over Levi's.

Their tongues touched, then slid together, both of them forcing sparks in hopes they would catch. It didn't take long for the forced effort to melt beneath the heat of their mouths. Erwin's eyelids fluttered, one hand raking into Levi's hair, the other sliding down his back to grab his ass.

Levi surprised him by jumping up and wrapping his legs around him, and Erwin caught him with both hands, grunting a little against his weight. Levi's kiss was deep and so wet that liquid dribbled between their chins. It wasn't like him to be so messy, and the thought of him getting so carried away made Erwin's eyes roll toward the back of his head. He staggered toward the bed, falling onto it, Levi beneath him, the impact making Levi's teeth dig into his tongue.

They pulled apart, breathing hard. Levi wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, but didn't seem fazed by the drool. His eyelids were heavy, his hair in his face, his entire face flushed. The grey eyes shifted between his.

"Look at you," breathed Levi.

"Look at me?" replied Erwin, sweeping dark hair off the broad forehead. "Look at  _you_ , your expression so raw and hungry." He ran a finger along a narrow brow. "You're so beautiful."

The flush darkened. "Stop being sappy. Kiss me a bit more, then we'll do my thing."

"Okay." Erwin replaced his finger with his lips, kissing a narrow brow, then the other. He took a moment to kiss Levi's cheek, intentionally centering it over the spot where a dimple would rarely form, reclaiming it. For a moment, he thought he tasted iron, but then he realized it was just his imagination.

He pulled the shirt collar out of the way and kissed down to Levi's jaw, then his neck. His scent was stronger in a hollow above his collarbone, and Erwin nestled there, gently sucking the skin.

"Oh shit," whispered Levi, twisting beneath him, legs tightening around his waist. Erwin was tempted to grind against him, but he held back, savouring the restraint. He unbuttoned the top button of Levi's shirt and dragged his tongue along the collarbone beneath it. The little cry he received in response was too much for him, and his hips began to rock.

"Shit." Levi grabbed his hair. "Slow down. I have plans."

Erwin pulled away. "Then tell me what to do next."

"Is your ass clean?"

Erwin's brows rose. "I thought I was going to be inside you."

"You are, but I have plans first."

"It should be. I can go freshen up, if you'd prefer."

"Yeah, be quick. Come back naked."

When Erwin returned to the bed, he found Levi, shirt sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms, top collar buttons undone, fastening gear harness straps to the headboard. Erwin must have looked apprehensive, because Levi stopped.

"I was planning on strapping you to the bed, blindfolding you, getting you all worked up and then turning you loose on me," he said, that earlier awkwardness creeping back into his voice. "But if that's too intense after last night... I know you like to be able to look me in the eye when things get stressful."

Erwin strode across the room and grabbed Levi's wrist, deceptively slender, pressing a trail of kisses down the inside of his forearm. "You hate rolling up your shirts like this." Something about the tightness of the rolled-up part being 'imbalanced' compared to the loose sleeve above it - Erwin hadn't really understood, but it had seemed important.

"Yeah, well..." Levi shrugged. "I know you like the way it looks. Does this mean you're okay with this?"

"Of course." Erwin rotated Levi's arm and kissed from elbow to the back of his hand, admiring the cords of his muscles.  _A perfect weapon of a man,_  he thought, but this time, the familiar thought made him pause, made an unpleasant shiver run down his spine. Maybe there were some lingering issues to work through, after all.

"Okay, knock it off." Levi jerked his arm free. "I have to finish setting this up."

"I don't believe I authorized the harnesses to be used this way, Captain," quipped Erwin, stretching out on the bed.

"Every fucking time," muttered Levi. He glanced down at him. "I had to use your harness." The words were heavier than they should be.

"Yeah?"

"Mine is still in that bag they gave us." His mouth twisted.

 _Probably bloodstained._ Erwin gave him a pleasant smile. "It was getting close to time to replace them, anyway. We'll order you a new set when we get back to the base."

Levi nodded, then finished setting up the straps. He opened the drawer and pulled out the toy and a bottle of lubrication.

Erwin's brows rose. "We're using the toy?"

"Yeah."

"You know it sets me off too quickly."

"So maybe it's time we work on your stamina."

Erwin's lips flattened. "My stamina is fine." He reached for the toy, idly examining it. It had been a recent purchase, one made during a drunken wander back to base after he had indulged in too much blackberry wine with a client in the seedier side of Trost. Toys had never been part of his routine with past lovers - he had even been shy about blindfolds and straps until Levi had introduced them - but his drunken self had bought it as a present for Levi. He had been too ambitious about the size of it, and Levi had flat-out refused to use it. They had made a few more purchases since, but secretly, this one had always been Erwin's favourite; when coupled with Levi's mouth, he was overwhelmed with bliss in seconds. He was usually too shy to ask for it, and sometimes even too shy to accept when it was offered, but Levi had always been able to read him well.

"Here." Levi tossed those infernal black underwear at him. "Put these on."

Erwin grimaced. "Really?"

"That's purely for me. Just for a few minutes."

Well, he could sacrifice a little bit, since Levi was going to so much effort to make this special. He pulled them on, and the majority of the fabric immediately slid between his cheeks. The front was too tight, even though he was mostly flaccid.

Levi looked up, and his face slackened. "Fuck." He paced toward Erwin and circled him. "Fuck." He stood behind him and began to grope.

Erwin had never been a fan of skimpy underwear. He was more interested in formal wear or nudity: extremely elegant, or natural. Levi, however, had always been a fan of strappy wear. "I still don't understand the appeal."

"You've never seen yourself from the back." Levi dropped to his knees and buried his face in Erwin's ass, groping at his hamstrings. "Holy shit," he murmured, muffled.

His zeal was arousing and that was making the underwear even less comfortable, but somehow more tolerable at the same time. Besides, it was nice to see him distracted. He deserved a bit of an escape.

The worship went on a bit longer than Erwin would have liked; he waited patiently. At last, Levi pulled away, giving a few last massages.

"Okay. You can take them off."

Erwin glanced back, noting the peak in the front of the man's pants. Maybe he should drag this out a bit longer. "Take them off for me."

Levi reached for the underwear, but Erwin stopped him.

"With your teeth."

"Ah," said Levi, high pitched. He knelt and tried to grip the band with his teeth, then cursed. "It's too tight."

"Then just erase the lines when I pull them off." Erwin peeled them off, letting them fall between his feet, and stepped out of them. Levi slowly dragged his tongue along the red stripe the waistband left behind, making eye contact the entire time. Erwin shuddered, feeling body heat and warm breath, teasing.

Then, Levi stood. He said, breathless: "Lie down on your back."

Erwin lay back on the bed. Levi had pulled the top blanket off, and the sheets were soft. He dutifully put his arms above his head, and Levi strapped them to the headboard.

"Let me know if your nose gets itchy or something."

"I suspect I'm going to be too distracted to notice such things."

"Hopefully." Levi retrieved his cravat from the dresser, where it had stayed, neatly folded, next to Erwin's bolo tie from the night before. "Lift your head a bit." He tied the cravat around Erwin's eyes as a blindfold, then carefully centered the pillow beneath his head. "That good?"

"Yeah." With his vision blocked, he was becoming acutely aware of the draught in the room, raising goosebumps on his skin. He could hear Levi's breaths, already harsh. "You like how this looks?"

"Yeah. So fucking hot."

A tongue circled Erwin's nipple, and he cried out, caught off guard. "Shit."

Then the bed shifted, and Levi's breath was hot in his ear. "You can't move, you can't see, you can't predict where I'm going to touch you. How does that make you feel, control freak?"

Now Erwin couldn't hear anything but his own panting breaths. He was surprised by how little it was taking to put him on edge. Was it some residual fear of Levi that was making this so exhilarating?

"Too over the top?" asked Levi.

"No, it's fine. I'm just thinking too much."

"Stop thinking," said Levi, running his hands down Erwin's flanks. The warmth made him shiver. "Focus on what I'm doing."

"Kiss me first," said Erwin.

A soft, small mouth pressed against his lips, and a lump suddenly formed in his throat. He chased the kiss as it pulled away; Levi indulged him with a few more soft pecks.

Then those kisses trailed down to a nipple again, hands roving across his chest and abdomen, so many competing sensations that Erwin couldn't keep track. He tilted his head back and felt a hand on his throat - a brief flash of blood, a brief spike of fear, but then there was just warmth. A tongue dragged down the side of his abdomen, across a hip to a thigh, two hands on his chest. He was constantly off guard, constantly unable to predict Levi's next move. Even his awareness of time dissipated. It might have been five minutes later, might have been fifteen, when he felt Levi pull away entirely. The bed shifted, and then he was alone.

Erwin let out a whimper, giving a slow thrust at empty air, straining against the arm restraints.

"Just a sec," said Levi, his voice low. He heard clothes hitting the ground.

Then Levi lay on top of him, skin to skin, so warm that they both gasped. Erwin tugged at the restraints, reflexively wanting to clutch that warm body against him. But Levi was already sliding down his body, and then his mouth was warm and sucking hard, and Erwin thrust into it.

Levi jerked away. "Careful."

"Sorry." Erwin thrust at empty air. "It feels good."

"It's fine. Just don't choke me." A firm hand pressed against his pelvis, pinning him into the bed, and there was that mouth again. Erwin yanked on the restraints and struggled to thrust again, but the hand was too strong.

"You're already this far gone?" said Levi, lapping at the tip a few times.

"It feels good," said Erwin again, unable to form a new thought.

"This is why I wanted to do it last night, a couple hours after we got you off." There was a long silence, too long, and Erwin felt concern drown out his pleasure.

"Levi," he said quietly. "Stop thinking."

"Couple of sad fuckers," said Levi. "Letting other shit drag us down when we're lying here like this."

"Kiss me again," said Erwin.

This time, it was Levi who lingered, the kisses surprisingly chaste considering the positions they were in. Their foreheads rested together.

"Okay?" said Erwin.

"Yeah." Levi kissed the tip of his nose. "Okay." He slid down to the end of the bed again. This time, his kisses trailed the inside of Erwin's thigh, then back up. Erwin felt a dragging tongue, and he tried to thrust into the warm mouth at the end of it, but Levi pulled away, kissing his hips instead.

The teasing continued, impossible to predict, and Erwin felt his lips move, but he had no idea what he was saying. Levi paced it out just enough to barely keep him hard, paying attention to the rest of his body as well, the intimacy of it overwhelming. It was as if Levi was everywhere, touching every part of him.

"You're dripping," said Levi, awe in his voice. His tongue swirled around the head, and Erwin let out a loud, long cry. "I haven't even put anything inside you yet."

"Feels good," gasped Erwin, thoughts even less coherent than before.

"Then maybe it's time for this." Levi grabbed his thighs and lifted, repositioning him, and Erwin found himself with his knees by his ears, his ass high in the air. He grunted, surprised.

"Your back okay?"

It was awkward, but not a strain. "Yeah."

"Your back is so flexible." A tongue ran across his ass. "I bet you could suck your own dick."

Erwin felt his ears glow. "I don't know about that."

"You ever try it?"

"I'd rather you do it."

"There's other stuff I want to use my mouth on first." Levi spread him and slid his tongue along Erwin's tailbone. The position and blindfold were disorienting.  _I'm completely at his mercy._ He groaned Levi's name.

Levi hummed his approval and dragged his tongue further. "Want me to suck your balls?"

He got stuck between moaning and agreeing and ended up making a noise that sounded vaguely like,  _uh-huh._ He wanted that tongue everywhere, that warm breath, that purring voice.

Then Levi was sucking and running his tongue in circles, and Erwin's hands clawed into the straps that bound him to the bedposts. His hands began to go numb and cold, but he couldn't stop himself from pulling against the restraints. His back began to arch; Levi pressed a hand against his lower back to keep his ass high in the air.

After several minutes, Levi pulled away, running one hand where his mouth had been. "Do you have any idea how fucking amazing you look right now?"

Erwin tried to reply, but only managed a choked moan.

"Doing okay?"

Another moan, but he managed to make this one rise at the end to show his willingness.

"You'll tell me if you're not?"

He nodded.

Then those hands were running down his front, his back. A damp tongue slid deep between his legs, pressing deeper, the blood rushing to his head, to his dick. His limbs tingled. He could hear Levi groaning, curses smothered by wet skin, and somehow it made him feel an even stronger connection, knowing this one act was bringing them both so much pleasure.

"Oh, fuck," said Levi, using both hands to pull him apart, to bury his face in deep. Erwin bucked up against him. Liquid was trailing from his stomach to his chest, and he couldn't tell if it was him, or Levi's saliva, or both. Liquid trickled down his tailbone, too, definitely from Levi's mouth. He loved it when the man got too carried away to care about being tidy.

"Fuck," said Levi again, pulling away, clapping his ass.

Then Erwin's back was slowly being rolled against the bed as Levi lowered him to lie flat. After being contorted for so long, he felt as if he were being lowered through the bed instead. Floating.

A kiss to his mouth surprised him. He felt a palm press to his jaw. "Still doing okay?"

Erwin's lips were clumsy. "Yeah," he managed.

One last kiss, then Levi's weight lifted off him entirely.

Erwin took a deep, shaky breath, letting his body relax. His hands and forearms ached from gripping the restraints so tightly. His feet were tingling. He could hear the sound of a cap being unscrewed.

"It seems unfair," he said, his voice cracking.

"What does?" asked Levi.

"All this focus on me."

Warm breath by his ear surprised him. "I need to show you how important you are. I need to worship you like a fucking god." A tongue ran around the border of his ear, and Erwin shivered.

"But what about you?"

"I'm fine. Here." A hand cupped the top of his head and gently turned it, and then damp flesh was rubbing against his lips. "Feel how hard you make me?"

Erwin groaned and stretched out his tongue, trying to taste him. Levi finally complied, leaning into his mouth, and oh fuck, he felt so good, so hard and warm. Erwin strained his neck to lean closer to take him in deeper.

"Wait," gasped Levi, pulling away. "You can do what you want to me when I free you, but I'm not done with you yet."

"I'm getting impatient," said Erwin, his hips shifting.

"That's the whole point."

He felt the end of the bed shift, then the drizzle of oils. Levi eased a finger into him, kissing the inside of his thighs.

Erwin realized he had been holding his breath; it came out in a whispered  _Fuck._

The bed shifted, and, unexpectedly, a tongue grazed his nipple. He arched into it, crying out. He had no way to prepare for any of this, no way to anticipate it, and he couldn't decide if the loss of control was still enjoyable, or becoming terrifying.

"Wait," he gasped.

Levi pulled away. "Getting too intense?"

"A bit." His pulse was racing, his palms sweaty. At the same time, he was so aroused that it almost hurt. "I can't decide."

"Here." Levi untied the cravat around his face. The light was bright. Erwin squinted, waiting for his eyes to adjust.

Their gaze held.

Levi's lips were parted, his face so flushed that his neck was blotchy. His eyelids were low and seductive. He hunched over Erwin's torso, visibly aroused, chest heaving.

"Oh shit," breathed Erwin, closing his eyes again.

"You okay to keep going?" asked Levi, hesitant.

"Yeah. Keep going." He sank back to the mattress, adjusting his head against the pillow so he could watch what was happening to his body.

Levi settled between his legs again, using two fingers this time, holding careful eye contact as he did. "You're opening up already."

"Yeah?"

"I think I can fit the plug in. Unless you want to hold off a bit." His eyes seemed to be glazing over; they were firmly focused on his fingers.

A shiver rippled down Erwin's spine in anticipation of the unmoving, unyielding stretch he would feel. "Up to you."

Levi pulled out, but kept staring, pushing his legs apart. He slowly bit into his bottom lip, tilting Erwin's hips up.

"Levi?"

"I really want to fuck you." The grey eyes darted up to him, timid. "I didn't plan on it, but I really, really want to fuck you."

Yes, that would fulfill that craving for a stretching sensation. "Then fuck me."

"Just a few thrusts. Just a few." Levi poured oil into his palm and stroked himself with it, then guided himself in.

Erwin felt the urge to throw his head back, but it fought it, eyes trained on Levi instead. The man reached the hilt and his eyes closed, a cry sounding in his throat. He hunched over Erwin's abdomen, holding still.

 _So beautiful._ "Levi," said Erwin, soothing, at the same time gently squeezing to try to drive him over the edge.

"Just a few thrusts," gasped Levi, slowly rocking in and out. He let out a strangled yell.

 _He's rock hard._ Erwin counterthrust, feeling himself being carried away by the constant rhythm.

"Oh, fuck." Levi threw his head back, his mouth open, lips flared. "I want to take you faster."

"Go faster," said Erwin. "Fuck me hard."

Another strangled cry, and then Levi was slamming into him, so deep that his toes curled. He wanted to grab the man's ass, feel it flexing with each thrust, but the restraints were unyielding.

"Oh, fuck. I have to stop. I have to..." Levi slowed, his head bowed, hands tightening into Erwin's hips. "Fuck." He pulled out, giving a yell between clenched teeth.

Then the only sound was the two of them panting hard. Erwin strained against his restraints, wishing he could cup Levi's chin. "I need to touch you."

"Okay. Okay, just give me a second." Levi smoothed his thighs, then reached for the toy and the lubricant. "I want you to feel like I'm still inside you."

Erwin closed his eyes, his head tilting back. The toy was a little cold, but he was so eager that he bore down anyway.

Levi's breath caught. "Holy shit, you took that quickly."

Erwin tried to reply, but only gasped.

"How does it feel?"

"Good; it feels good." The toy was the perfect shape to stimulate his prostate. He shifted his hips, and warmth shot through him. He wasn't going to last long, not at this rate.

Levi unbound his wrists.

The second he was free, Erwin lunged, pulling him down for a kiss, rubbing a hand through his hair, the other down his chest. Then he rolled, pressing Levi into the bed. He crouched above him on all fours, moving slowly so he didn't get too much stimulation from the toy, but it made him shiver anyway.

"Roll over," he said softly.

Levi pulled him down for one last kiss, then complied. Erwin grabbed his ass with both hands, pulling apart, burying his face in. The skin was warm here, and heavy with Levi's scent. When he licked it, Levi cried out above him, the two of them as closely intertwined as if he were an instrument and Erwin was plucking strings to make him sing.

"Oh god," he rumbled into the flesh. How long had they been at this now - half an hour? An hour? His groin was so hard that it ached, and the toy was subtly massaging him. "Oh fuck, Levi, I need you." He licked up to his tailbone, then back down again, lightheaded, drunk.

Levi didn't reply - he seemed to be drunk himself, his groans muffled. Was he biting the sheets?

After a few more licks, Erwin pulled away, reaching for the oil. "Lie on your back."

Levi rolled onto his back, his eyes glazed. Erwin bent down to taste his panting breath as he slathered oil on them both, then eased into him.

The man yelled, arms and legs curling around him, burrowing beneath his chin. Fingernails dug into Erwin's back, and the toy was hard and unyielding in his ass, and Levi was tight and tense around him in every way possible.

Levi threw his head back, nails raking down his shoulder blades. His neck was so long, so graceful. Erwin bit the pale skin, sucking hard, too carried away to remember that they were never supposed to leave marks.

"Fuck." Levi raked a hand into his scalp, curled fingers through his hair, pulling. His head tilted back, his hips rising to meet him, thrust for thrust. "You feel so good inside me."

The words rose to Erwin's brain like smoke, fogged his senses. Dizzy, he moved faster, teeth pinching the skin beneath Levi's earlobe.

"Fuck!" Levi squirmed, his fingertips painful. "You're so hard. Is it because of the butt plug? Does it feel like I'm inside you?"

"Yeah." The toy perfectly captured his memory, sent it thrusting through Erwin with each movement, fitting so well that it stayed perfectly in place.

"Is it like there's two of me, one to fuck you, one to be fucked?"

The image was so powerful that Erwin rested his forehead against Levi's, momentarily paralyzed. He whispered every curse he could think of, all three walls, every filthy word he'd ever heard, even ones he'd never said before. His wrists still tingled with the afterglow from the bonds, and his back stung from scratches, and there was that echo of Levi inside him, and the real man beneath him, around him...

"Keep going," said Levi, more of a whimper than a demand.

Remembering himself, he started moving again, and they gasped in unison. Their lips met, hands roughly moving across each other's bodies, mirroring each other's expressions, each other's cries.

Levi tore his mouth away, hands on Erwin's jaw to get his attention. "I want to touch myself, but I'm already close."

That glow building deep inside him wouldn't hold out forever, even if he took it slowly, which he was getting too worked up to do. "Come for me, Levi."

Levi wedged a hand between them to touch himself, and Erwin rose onto his hands, watching. So beautiful, he was so beautiful, with the dark hair on his chest and stomach, those flexing chest muscles. His abdomen was clenching and jerking, his lips flared, his eyes only open a crack. Erwin felt a swell of love so warm that sweat beaded on his forehead, his upper lip, the back of his neck. Tears welled in his eyes.

"Erwin," gasped Levi, saying his name every few breaths, his arm moving so fast that his body was vibrating. That sight and the warmth and the toy were too much, but Erwin forced himself to hold off, wanting to watch the beautiful man go under.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck..." said Levi, and he yelled, his head tossing back, his body arching. Then he shuddered in waves, his face at once pained and relaxed.

Erwin grunted and slammed the last few thrusts before he, too, gave in. He fell onto Levi, clutched him, curled around him, as everything around him disappeared in the rush.

It ended too abruptly, left him disoriented. He tried to release a breath, but it came out as a soft sob.

"Erwin?" said Levi.

 _Not again._ He couldn't pull away, frozen in place by his sudden plunging mood. Here, in the afterglow, everything was honest. This was the last moment before everything changed, before he faced down Sahlo as an enemy instead of an ally. He would do it. He always did it. But he was so tired, and it seemed disproportionately unfair that this man beneath him, this beautiful man he loved, was stuck traumatizing himself killing people instead of living a normal life.  _And I keep him by my side by promising these fleeting bits of pleasure, these increasingly small escapes._

_This is all my doing. All of it. Everything that has happened to Levi since we met. Everything Sahlo will do in retribution. Everything that happens to my family, my friends. To humanity._

_I swallow everything whole._

"Hey. Erwin." Levi nudged him with his shoulder.

He pulled away, not bothering to hide his dismay, because Levi would see right through him, anyway. At least here, when it was just the two of them, he could drop his mask.

"I love you," he said, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry."

Levi ran a finger beneath one of his eyes, then the other. "I knew it'd be too intense."

"No, it was perfect." Erwin lunged down to kiss him. The toy was uncomfortable now, but he would bear it for another minute. "You're perfect," he said between kisses. "I'm so sorry, Levi."

"Stop apologizing." Levi looked concerned, but only said, "Let's take a few minutes to rest before we get ready for the meeting."

They quietly cleaned up, then Erwin eased onto his back on the bed. Levi lay on his side, snuggling against him, arm draped across his chest, legs intertwining.

"Is it what I did?" asked Levi.

"Hm?"

"Last night. What you're upset about."

In a sense, but not in the way he thought. "I'm concerned about your wellbeing, but it's more than that."

"So you're upset about facing Sahlo?" A pause. "Or your family? What a shitty trip this has been."

Erwin inched closer to him. "We've had an alliance with Sahlo for so long, and our actions last night have irreparably impacted that. Things are going to change, and until our meeting this afternoon, I have no idea what to expect. Everything has changed, and I don't know if I'm adequately prepared to handle it."

"This has all fucked with your head a bit, hasn't it?" Levi kissed his nipple, then rested his cheek against it. "Stop worrying. You'll figure out what to do."

"I suppose."

"Look, that whole thing we just did, you wanted to show me you trusted me, right? Well, it also showed how much I trust you." Levi looked up at him. "I trust you, Erwin. And whatever shitty things we have to do to protect you - to protect the Survey Corps - I'll do them without question. Don't worry about me. You've got bigger things to worry about. Just remember you won't be alone. You've got me, and Hange and Mike and the rest, and even Zackly's on your side. You'll figure it out. You always do."

Erwin smiled, trying to force his mask back into place, but it was heavy. So heavy.


	28. Loyalties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading, commenting, reccing, all that amazing stuff. I am so happy people are enjoying this fic! I am still intending to get back to all comments ASAP. I just keep getting distracted in the middle of it. :)
> 
> I was amazed to see that 35grams did an illustration from chapter 27! I just...holy shit. If you're reading this, thank you so much. It was perfect. http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/116977681956/
> 
> Also, danny777 is kindly doing a Chinese summary/fic rec/translation of this fic! It's up here on AO3 under the title【兵团/团兵】《他选择了巨人》推荐及翻译 if anyone is interested in checking that out! Thank you so much! :)
> 
> Finally, I am so shocked to have hit 1000 kudos for this fic! HOLY SHIT! I'm just gathering the last few items for an eruri-themed Tumblr giveaway in celebration/thanks. It'll be open to absolutely anyone who wants to apply. More details coming on my Tumblr when the last pieces of merch arrive!
> 
> Oh, and also, I've started a collection of side stories for HCT. They'll mostly be little drabbles loosely tying HCT back to canon (especially in cases where canon diverges a bit from the headcanons here.) Only one up so far; others planned. http://archiveofourown.org/series/254479
> 
> ANYWAY. Enough of my rambling. Here's the new chapter. This next one's a bit politics-heavy compared to the previous ones, but hopefully it's still enjoyable...?
> 
> ***
> 
> Previous chapter: Erwin & Levi surrender to the MP and ask to speak with Nile. Erwin arranges a 6-month deal with Zackly to prove that Sahlo is acting against humanity's best interests. Berit pops in for a work-related visit. Levi & Erwin reconnect after their traumatic experience.

**-28-**

**Loyalties**

Before he tied on his cravat, Levi lifted to his nose and breathed in, mouth open. The fabric tasted of Erwin's cologne. His eyes fluttered closed. Now, all day, he would be reminded of the intimacy they had just shared.

"Everything okay?" asked Erwin, adjusting his bolo tie in the mirror beside him.

"Fine." Levi's eyelids parted. He tied the cravat around his neck, then frowned. He leaned closer.

"You left marks. I can't cover this one."

Erwin finished adjusting his pendant, then turned to him. "Where?"

Levi pointed to a darkening oval beneath his ear. "It's not even subtle."

Erwin crouched down, lower, lower, then stopped at Levi's shoulder. "It's fine. It's tucked away, so it's not really noticeable unless you're at this level and really looking for it."

"Are you making a height joke?"

"No, I'm being serious. Our meeting is with a lot of tall people, so the angle-" Levi's face must have been darkening, because Erwin stopped himself. "Let's get there a bit early and get you seated ahead of everyone, just to be sure. I'll sit on this side to screen you a bit."

Levi let out a low sigh.

"My apologies." The Commander softly kissed the mark, as if to heal it. "I was in a bit of a frenzy."

A shiver rippled down Levi's spine at a rush of memories, but he only said, "Be more careful next time."

They stopped downstairs at the hotel restaurant, ordering familiar favourites, and didn't speak much as they ate. Erwin was lost in thought, and Levi knew better than to distract him.

Besides, he was too fatigued to think of a topic he wanted to discuss. Every potential topic was exhausting: what had happened last night, the upcoming meeting, the upcoming expedition, the wall reclamation effort. Even thinking about the post-expedition trip to Ehrmich was exhausting, because of how much hard work lay between now and then.

Even Erwin looked exhausted, his eyes sunken. His cheeks, nose and forehead were lightly abraded from the debris the night before. Worn.

 _This job is wearing him out._ The thought surfaced out of nowhere, and Levi felt a ripple of panic in his stomach. He looked down, forcing his hand to lift the tea to his lips without shaking. He was disappointed by his own nerves. The night before was really screwing with his head; it wasn't like him to be jittery.

When Erwin finally looked at him, his face was flat, his eyes blank. "Ready?"

The emotionless expression gave Levi confidence; at least one of them was in control. "I guess."

"Follow my lead." Erwin gripped his shoulder, then stood.

They walked side-by-side to the Council chambers. As they began to climb the steps, Levi's jaw clenched. A figure in a grey suit and matching hat paced back and forth at the top of the stairs.

Sahlo.

Beside him, Erwin slowed to a stop.

"Want me to scare him, or back off?" asked Levi quietly.

"That's a good question." Erwin's face was grim. "I still believe we'll get further if we try to cooperate. I'll signal if we need to push him harder."

As if he had suddenly become aware of their presence, the lord stopped pacing. He turned to face them, his hands clasping behind his back.

Erwin tucked his folder tightly under his arm and began to walk toward the lord with such resolution that Levi had to hurry to catch up.

"Commander Smith," greeted Sahlo, a grotesque smile plastered broadly across his face. "I was hoping to have a moment to speak with you." His eyes darted toward Levi. "In private."

"My Captain knows all my business," said Erwin, a sentiment he had expressed dozens of times since the alliance had first begun. Levi felt a swell of pride.  _The bastard's still afraid of me._

The lord looked uneasily at them, then his brows dropped and he grabbed Erwin by the arm. "This way." He pulled him around the corner of the building, glancing around them as they went. Levi followed, scanning the environment for an ambush, ready to pull the knife from his boot if needed.

When they stopped, Sahlo's face was hard. His eyes bored through Erwin. "You two have been very, very busy."

Erwin held his gaze. "Indeed we have. The wall reclamation is a tangible goal, one that inspires us to push forward at all costs. Food supplies are dwindling, and humanity relies on us, even at the expense of ourselves."

"That's not what I meant," growled Sahlo, "and you know it."

"I'm not sure what you're saying." Erwin did not flinch. "Regardless, my statement still stands."

Sahlo's eyes narrowed. He reached into his jacket, and Levi tensed, prepared to intercept a weapon, but the lord only pulled out a small book marked with his seal. He handed it to Erwin.

"You may be familiar with a company called HDB Shipping."

Their conduit company, the one Sahlo used to collect all the gold they had recovered from silo expeditions. "What about it?" asked Levi, forgetting to let Erwin lead.

The lord grinned at him. "I regret to announce the company's demise. The headquarters burnt to the ground early this morning. No one was hurt, but the company's records have been destroyed. Such a dreadful tragedy. Yet somehow, this particular record seems to have survived."

Erwin eyed the man, then opened the book. Levi stepped closer, his mind racing.  _If he's wiped the conduit company clean, what does that mean for our evidence? Does that cut off any of the leads we made last night?_

He reached for the corner of the book, gently tilting it so he could read it alongside Erwin. His lip curled. Inserted into the first page was a contract between the Survey Corps and HDB Shipping saying the company would store Corps funds, absolutely no questions asked, in exchange for a small monthly fee. The signature at the bottom was unmistakably Erwin's.

"This is a good quality forgery," said Erwin, voice as flat as his expression.

"Isn't it? I bet even Levi's questioning whether or not you signed this yourself." Sahlo clapped a hand to the Commander's arm. "Keep reading."

Erwin turned the page. Levi stared at the columns of numbers and dates, not sure what he was looking at.

"A ledger?" he said aloud.

"Well done, Levi. It's a ledger detailing all the illegally acquired money the Survey Corps stored with HDB Shipping over the past three and a half years." Sahlo rocked back on his heels, his hands clasped behind his back. "Zackly already has a document detailing every bit of the King's money you stole from each silo. You'll find the numbers in this little ledger exactly correspond to the amounts in Zackly's document. Once he has both of them, he'll have all the evidence he needs to prove you've been stealing from His Majesty."

"This is bullshit," growled Levi. "You're setting it up like we acted alone. You were the one stealing all the silo gold in the first place. We're the ones who started returning half to the King, and filling your pockets at the same time."

"That's not what the evidence says," said Sahlo. "This one little ledger, my dear fellows, has the power to completely destroy your reputations and your careers. Keep it, as a constant reminder. I have another copy in a safe location in case I need it. And don't bother trying to oppose it with forgeries of your own. If it's your word against mine, yours won't hold."

Erwin finally looked up, his face calm. "There's no need to apply this much pressure. Our alliance has evolved far beyond our shaky beginnings, and we have begun to see eye to eye. If you're unhappy with our terms, I'm happy to renegotiate your payouts."

"Do I seem like a man who needs money?"

"Apparently not, if you're burning your shitty companies to the ground to cover evidence," said Levi.

"Are you implying HDB Shipping was my company?" The lord's eyes twinkled. "The official municipal records have the company registered to one Lord Hasek. Have you met the man? I doubt it. He's quite reclusive."

 _Hasek._ The fake lord they had used to grant them access to the Underground. Levi's eyes darted to Erwin. The man's face was still calm, but his hand at his side tightened, almost imperceptibly.

"I get the impression we share a few contacts," said Sahlo. He leaned closer to Erwin, his face suddenly menacing. "You have no idea how deep my connections go, Smith. I advise you to stop playing your little games and fall into line. You may be unusually clever for your age, but I was navigating political mazes before you were even a glint in your daddy's eye. You cannot win against me."

Erwin's face was still calm. "I am not trying to beat you in some imaginary chess game. I'm trying to secure a future for the human race."

"Then your best option is to fall into line." Sahlo's face lightened into a smile again. "And speaking of which, I have a new proposal for the upcoming expedition. I'll be presenting it in a few minutes, and I trust you'll give it your full attention." He clapped the man's shoulder again. "I look forward to your cooperation. "

He sauntered away.

Erwin's jaw clenched as he stared after him.

"Well?" said Levi quietly. "What now?"

"He's calmer than I expected." Erwin slipped the ledger into his inside jacket pocket. "It makes sense that he would have had contingency plans ready to go. It's unfortunate, however, that he's also familiar with the dummy lord Hasek. I was under the impression none of the government officials were aware of it. I should let my contacts know it's been compromised."

Levi hesitated, glancing around to make sure they were alone. "That's a damned good forgery. Leona is the best around.

"I have a good read on Leona. I don't think she was lying to me when she was giving me updates about Sahlo, or when we were questioning her about Etienne." His jaw set. "Unless..."

"What?"

"Unless he uses a different name." He closed his eyes. "If he knew Hasek was a dummy lord run by a network, he would also know it was easy to appropriate the name for his own use, one difficult to trace because it was in use by so many people. What if Underground, he operates as Lord Hasek? Thiemo was familiar with the name, familiar enough to quiz you on it."

"Leona would've told you if she'd forged documents with your signature." Levi paused. "Wouldn't she?"

"Tell me, Levi, what's more valuable to an Underground business: friendships or money? Particularly in times when resources are fast disappearing. It's very possible Leona works with him. She vaguely tried to warn me away from pursuing Sahlo, said he might be more tied in with the local economy than I can see." Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose, grinning. "Devious. I underestimated his resourcefulness."

The grin was so unnerving that Levi looked away. "So what now?"

"We listen to his new proposal and hope it doesn't contravene our goals. We need to humour him. He's overconfident; if we lull him into a false sense of security, he's bound to slip up." There was an uncharacteristic lack of confidence in Erwin's voice.

"Fine," said Levi, unconvinced.

When they entered the conference room, Sahlo was already seated. He nodded at them in greeting, as if he hadn't just tried to squash them under his thumb. "Commander. Levi."

Erwin greeted him as they sat down, but Levi turned away, dropping to a seat. The Wallist Minister Nick sat across from him, staring at them.

"What?" said Levi.

"I've heard rumours your expeditions have been closing in on the Wall," said the Minister.

Levi folded his arms over his chest and stared the man down, not responding. The last thing he was in the mood for was a religious debate.

"My dear Commander," said Sahlo, leaning closer, "what happened to your face? It's all scuffed up."

"Training accident," said Erwin, separating his papers into a few stacks.

"Is that so? I didn't see an incident report."

"A minor one, caused by my own clumsiness, with no outcome but a few minor abrasions." Erwin lifted his head, his gaze cold. "I didn't see the need to add more paperwork to our already overburdened bureaucratic system. I think you'd agree the Survey Corps has more important things to worry about."

Before the lord could reply, Commander Pixis entered the room, followed by his assistant, Anka. The name had thrown off Levi when they had first met - he had immediately thought of their once-Commander Anke.

The old days of the Survey Corps seemed a lifetime ago. It was strange to think of Erwin as an underling, and even stranger to think about how emotionally he had reacted the time Hange and Levi hadn't returned from the mission. Levi glanced at his Commander, wondering how he'd react now in a similar situation. It would still tear him up inside, but no one around him would see him so much as flinch.

Something about that made Levi feel lonely.

It was strange to think about how distant he and Hange had been then, too, sitting back-to-back in that tree branch, struggling for conversation. And Mike had been the one who could talk for hours. Now it was the other way around.

Levi had been so clueless about his role as a Squad Leader, too, and how his squad had fit into the bigger picture of the Survey Corps. Now he was constantly making decisions with Erwin on a large scale, weighing groups of lives against others, leading entire scouting missions.

Anka was watching him, and he realized he had been staring at her, lost in thought. He turned away, grimacing.

His eyes landed on Nile, stepping through the door. The Commander's eyes narrowed at Erwin, and he didn't even look at Levi. Levi slumped deeper into his chair and pretended not to be offended by the snub.  _Short-sighted asshole doesn't have a clue what we're fighting against._

The final two Council lords came in, follow by the crown accountant, the adjudicator, and a couple other people Levi didn't recognize. Zackly sat last. His eyes fixed on Levi, curious behind thick lenses, and Levi looked away.

Once everyone was seated, the meeting began. After some brief discussion about municipal taxes, Erwin had the floor.

"The Survey Corps has finalized the proposal for our next two expeditions." Erwin unrolled a map in the centre of the table. "These expeditions will install the last of the supply caches we have been laying en route to Wall Maria. With your permission, we'd like to conduct the first expedition in two weeks' time, and the next a month later, before the ground freezes. This will allow us to plan the wall reclamation effort over the winter, integrate new recruits in the spring, and launch the reclamation in late March of next year."

A murmur rose among the others, but Erwin didn't react. He placed markers on the map. "I see a few new faces in this room, so for your benefit, I'll summarize what we've already accomplished. These markers represent caches we've stationed along the planned reclamation route from Trost to Shiganshina. These caches include gas tanks, water, preserved food, blades and medical supplies to support a mobile force made up of the Survey Corps, Garrison and Military Police. We have four remaining caches to lay to finish the route. We also, while we're in the region, need to run scouting teams to Shiganshina and determine the full extent of the damage and get a feel for the lay of the land. Right now, a big hindrance in our planning has been that no one knows exactly what state Shiganshina is in after the attacks. Even those of us who stayed until all civilians had been cleared didn't have time to take note of our surroundings.

"In addition to pushing closer to Shiganshina and laying caches, we've been running smaller scouting missions to survey the area along the route, exterminating titans and studying their movement patterns. Our goal has been to wipe out any titans we encounter along the route to allow as little strife as possible during the final push.

"And so, with your permission and support, the next two expeditions will install the final four caches and end the pre-reclamation phase of this effort, allowing us to formally move into reclamation planning. Commanders Pixis and Dok will be providing us with insight and resources as we finalize our plans this winter. This fight is for all of humanity's benefit, and all of humanity's soldiers will have a part to play." He set green markers in place in the remaining four cache locations.

Levi focused on those green markers, surprised by how close the final one was to Shiganshina. He had seen the maps in Erwin's office so often that he had stopped paying attention to them. He hadn't realized just how much progress they had made.

Erwin passed out papers. "I've drafted our proposed budget, casualty estimates and supply requests. For the most part, this is a standard expedition, but we're running low on yeast and food supplies for these last four caches. I'm hopeful the Merchant's Guild will be flexible enough to provide these supplies up front, in exchange for full repayment - plus interest - once we're fully established back in Shiganshina."

The room was silent as everyone stared at the paper, even though, knowing Erwin's love of preparation, this wasn't the first time they were seeing these numbers. In the silence, Levi could hear his heartbeat in his ears.

Then Sahlo dropped his paper to the table and slid it a few centimetres away. "There are political implications that need to be discussed before we proceed any further with the reclamation effort."

"What the hell?" said Levi. No one else moved, their eyes still firmly fixed on their papers, save for Erwin, whose spine straightened.

"Political implications?" said Erwin.

"Our good Minister Nick has questions about how we're going to repopulate Wall Maria without altering the walls." Sahlo motioned to the man. "And I'm sure in this time of food shortages, the Merchant's Guild is unwilling to release precious resources on a promise."

Erwin's gaze drifted across the men in question, then back to Sahlo. "What are you proposing?"

"A few things." Sahlo stood and reached into Erwin's pile of cache markers, encroaching so heavily on his personal space that Levi's teeth clenched.

The lord dropped a red marker on the western side of the map, about a day's ride from Klorva District. "We all remember and applaud the work your group did a couple years back, recovering the King's gold from silos in the south. There are two silos west of Klorva that functioned as tax storage for the entire western side of Wall Maria. Your group should use this upcoming expedition to recover this substantial amount of gold. As a token of his gratitude, and for the good of humanity, I'm certain the King would be willing to donate a portion of this to your cause. This influx of gold would allow you to buy the food supplies you require at a fair price instead of leeching off the common man."

Levi opened his mouth to let him know exactly what he thought of the idea, but Erwin was too quick with his rebuttal:

"The ground often freezes in late October or early November, which makes travel difficult. If we use this expedition to chase gold, we won't have time to finalize the cache supply route before winter sets in. Furthermore, we won't have the scouting data from Shiganshina that would allow us to plan over the course of the winter. Our entire reclamation effort will be offset by several months."

"Maybe that's not such a bad thing," said one of the other lords. "We only get one shot at reclaiming the wall. The more time we spend planning for it, the better prepared we'll be."

"Normally I would agree," said Erwin, "but our food supplies are dwindling-"

"Yeah, and you want us to give those precious supplies away for free." One of the members of the Merchant's Guild stood up, his face red. "You want us to take money out of our pockets, food out of the mouths of the public. I don't think so, pal."

Levi's eyes narrowed. "Watch your tone, asshole."

The man's eyes twitched to him. "What did you call me, you little shit?"

"An asshole. You don't give a damn about the public unless they're handing you cash."

"Order," called the adjudicator. "Lord Sahlo, you still have the floor."

"Thank you." Sahlo pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Erwin. "Since the turnaround time is short, I did some of the proposal planning on your behalf. Here are the financial estimates from the silo, as well as my estimated casualties based on your casualty reports from the past silos. Do these numbers look correct to you?"

Erwin frowned. "A leading question. The numbers are reasonable, but the proposal itself-"

"A moment, please. I believe I still have the floor." Sahlo stood and passed out papers to everyone at the table except Levi. He handed Erwin the final copy. "Here are my suggested revisions to the schedule: claim these silo funds now, work with the King to determine a donation amount. I'll use my influence to encourage him to be generous. In the spring, you will lay out those last caches, Commander, incorporating the new recruits when they arrive. With your scouting data, we can plan the reclamation over the course of the summer, then launch the full scale effort in September. That gives us a full year to finalize the strategy, and to work with Minister Nick to make sure our Wallist friends are happy with the plan. I have more to say, but I'll give you a moment to digest."

The table was silent, waiting. Levi craned his neck to see the paper Erwin held in his hands. To the man's credit, the paper was perfectly still; Levi was so angry that his own hands were shaking.  _How's he staying so cool?_ he wondered, not for the first time, but then he saw that Erwin's knuckles were white.

Commander Pixis spoke from his place at the table: "The Survey Corps base in Klorva has been unused for decades, and it's too small to house the regiment at its current size. Furthermore, relocating the entire regiment for a single mission is a logistical nightmare."

"Could the Klorva Garrison base temporarily house the Survey Corps?" asked Zackly.

"We aren't suitably supplied. The only missions that make sense for the Survey Corps, as it currently stands, are ones that leave from their base in Trost."

 _At least someone here has some common sense,_  thought Levi.

Sahlo leaned forward to measure distances on the map, bumping Erwin's shoulder as he did so. "Perhaps I was too hasty in thinking you'd have to leave from Klorva. The silos are far enough south that leaving from Trost wouldn't put the troops in titan territory for much longer than leaving from Klorva."

"That's not my only concern about your proposal, Lord Sahlo." Pixis' gaze shifted to Erwin and Levi. "You're asking the Survey Corps to split their attention, at a time when humanity is on the brink of reclaiming one of our biggest losses. I'd rather Commander Erwin and Captain Levi stay focused on the overall mission so they can fully immerse themselves in planning the greatest battle we'll know in our lifetimes. That's far more important than going after a bit of gold."

"Not just a bit," said Sahlo, holding up a finger. "A necessary amount. I'd like to present a second part to my proposal: an investment that will save lives."

 _What the hell is he talking about?_ Levi slumped deeper into his chair.

Sahlo stood, his hands clasping behind his back. "The Military Police are far more accustomed to using rifles than swords, but rifle bullets are ineffective against titans. My contacts and research team - with His Majesty's blessing, of course - have built guns with bullets capable of piercing a titan's skin."

Across the table, Nile nodded. "I like the sound of that."

Levi's eyes slowly widened.  _High-powered weaponry._ He thought of the damage to his gas canister the night before.  _Is Sahlo also supplying Rage's men?_  He glanced at Erwin, trying to guess if the man had made the same connection, but as always, he was inscrutable.

"The bullets," continued Sahlo, "are made of a similar alloy to the blades we already use, so they'll be easy to work into production lines, but they're expensive to produce, and they'll take time to prepare. I'll be fronting the majority of the cost myself, and His Majesty has graciously agreed to invest fifty per cent of the reclaimed silo funds, which will make up the difference.

"So, there you have it. This mission to the silos will get the Survey Corps the money it needs to pay for food supplies, it'll make sure Nile's soldiers are properly equipped to deal with unfamiliar combat, and it will push the wall reclamation effort back a few months, which allows more time for planning. I believe there is no downside."

"As the regiment that has spent the most time in direct contact with the titans, we are better equipped than anyone to know how to combat them," said Erwin, finally setting the paper down. "Squad Leader Hange has been working on new anti-titan weaponry. We'll be back in Mitras after this expedition to speak with investors about mass production. I assure you, the MP and the Garrison will all be well-equipped with the best of our technology."

"So you don't want the MP to have state-of-the-art guns?" asked Sahlo. "You'd push for this suicide mission a few months earlier, at the expense of MP lives?"

The room fell silent.

"Suicide mission is not the right phrase," said Erwin, lowering his chin. Levi couldn't see his face now - it was square with Sahlo - but he could picture its expression. From a top angle, Erwin's features looked even sharper than they did from the front: all brows, angled eyes and hawk-like nose.

Sahlo shrank away a little, but his voice was still confident when he spoke: "I don't think 'suicide mission' is much of a stretch. Let's be honest here, Erwin: you can plan all you want, but the casualties are going to be horrific. We saw what happened last time the Survey Corps undertook a mission to reclaim the wall. We all know you were the one in charge of the strategy that time, too - Shadis couldn't stomach it. He never embraced senseless death the way you did."

Levi's stomach dropped. He wanted to stand up for his Commander, to curse Sahlo to his face, but he all he could see was his team lying before him, civilians and soldiers blending together in a sea of blood and white bones and twisted faces. That had been his second major expedition - not counting routine scouting missions - and it had been his first as a Team Leader. Death after death, lives slipping through his fingers as the civilians around him panicked. He hated Erwin so much when they returned.  _I hated that I had chosen to trust him. I expected his usual cold, empty stare, but I yelled at him anyway. And then he held me, and he was so warm and gentle..._

"That was not a reclamation effort," said Erwin, his tone deep. "That was a civilian sacrifice to keep our numbers down within the walls. A cull. You are well aware of that, Lord Sahlo: you spearheaded the approval of that mission. Those of us in the field heard every single civilian's death scream; you only saw the improved mouth-to-food ratio on paper once it was over."

Muttering broke out among the table as Sahlo's brows lowered. The adjudicator called for order again, then returned the floor back to the Erwin.

"This time will be different," said Erwin, his voice so confident, so authoritative that Levi's heart began to pound. "This time, we have a fully trained force, we understand more about the titans than ever before, and we've prepared a proper line of supply caches. This is no suicide mission, Lord Sahlo. We have been preparing for four long years, and now we are on the cusp of humanity's greatest victory. We will not fail."

"Noble sentiment, Commander, but why the rush? Why not take a couple more months make sure we're properly prepared?"

A murmur of agreement sounded around the table, and Levi's blood boiled.

Erwin was so unmoving that he might as well have been carved from ice. "We must reclaim the wall before the spring to allow time for a full harvest cycle before winter. Our food supplies are dangerously low, and Wall Maria's fields will be critical to the survival of humanity. If we follow your adjusted timeline, we'll be reclaiming the Wall too late to plant crops for the fall harvest season. Think of it: a bounty of wheat, corn, rice, all delayed until the spring. The winter of 850 is going to be a winter of famine, misery and death if we rely on our current food production."

"Leave that to us," said one of the merchants. "We can ration the food supplies."

"By jacking up prices, right?" muttered Levi. "Feed the rich, let the poor starve? That's not fucking rationing."

"You little shitstain-" began the merchant.

"Wait, I'm not done." Levi rocked his chair back. "Every single person in this room has always had enough food to eat, so you don't give a shit about people who don't. I get it. But what do you think's going to happen if you keep getting fatter while more and more people starve? You think they're going to pay their entire week's wages for your rotten scraps? One day, they're going to come to their senses and butcher you smug assholes instead."

The merchant and a couple of the lords began to yell.

The adjudicator called for order again, looking thoroughly annoyed. "Captain Levi, if you are unable to control your tongue, you will be ejected from this meeting."

"I'm done here, anyway." Levi stood and strode for the door. He let it slam behind him and stepped into the courtyard.

 _Fucking Sahlo. Fucking merchant pigs._ He picked up a rock and whipped it at a nearby tree, feeling a course of energy as it cracked against the bark. The energy surge reminded him of the night before, and his stomach heaved. Thiemo's taunting face. That woman's stunned expression. And who were the other two? He began to shiver, feeling a breeze even though there was none.

Nile came out of the building about ten minutes later, a scowl carved deep in his face. He stood in front of Levi, hands on his hips.

"I know Erwin was covering for you last night."

"Fuck off, shitbeard." Levi turned away. "There are bigger things to worry about."

"Believe me, the last thing I want to do is be seen talking to you right now, but Erwin asked me to tell you he'll be a few more minutes. He's talking to Zackly." Nile glanced around, then stepped closer, crouching a little to Levi's level. "Maybe you can get through to him."

"Zackly?"

"Erwin." Nile glanced around again, and when he spoke again, his voice was soft. "Tell him to back off Sahlo."

Levi eyed him. "Why?"

"Because he's not just an upstart Squad Leader with nothing to lose; he's a Commander who holds humanity's fate in his hands. None of us can afford for Sahlo to break him." Nile's face was worried, almost sad. "Just look after him, okay?"

"He can handle Sahlo," muttered Levi, turning his back.

.*.*.*.

Erwin's jaw tightened as he watched the last of the attendees leave the meeting room. That had been one of his least successful meetings since he had first joined the Survey Corps. His words might as well have been raindrops for all the good they had done him; Sahlo had brought river rapids.

Zackly was the last to stand. "Well. Shall we?"

"Sir."

They stepped into a side meeting room. Zackly settled to a seat at the table and held out a hand for Erwin to do the same, but Erwin was too worked up. Instead, he closed the door and turned to face him, fists tight.

"Sir, surely you can see Sahlo was using stall tactics."

Zackly adjusted his glasses. "Ostensibly, his proposal was fine. I agree with you that time is short, and I wish the room had come to agree on your timeline. I also don't doubt he's trying to position himself against you. However, he's being careful to make himself look reasonable. Without evidence of intentional opposition, any claims or protests you bring up now will just make it look as if you're throwing a tantrum because the Council didn't like your idea."

Erwin's jaw clenched, but he knew the man was correct. He nodded, dour. The meeting had been out of his control from the moment Sahlo had opened his mouth. In the end, he had agreed to the lord's proposal, but his mind was already racing, thinking of ways out of it.

"Please." Zackly gestured to a chair again.

Erwin sat. "Sir."

"How are you?" The words were heavy with importance.

"As well as can be expected, given all that transpired over the past twenty-four hours."

"And Levi?"

"Shaken, but recovering. He'll bounce back."

"I'm sure he will." Zackly pulled out a file. "I promised you I'd set aside some time today to speak with you about his promotion. After some serious thought, I've decided not to hold Levi's actions last night against him. It was a case of self defense, and as you said, you were his commanding officer at the time. Our six month deadline for you to provide definitive proof about Sahlo still stands, so it might impact you, in the long run, but it won't impact his promotion."

"Thank you, sir," said Erwin, grateful.

"I know we talked about a five year service requirement for the rank of Captain, but Levi is a special case, and it turns out there's another mandatory requirement."

Erwin had wondered if this would come up. "He didn't attend the Trainee Corps."

"Precisely. The Captain rank requires five years of service  _after_  successful completion of training." Zackly folded his hands on the table. "There is an option to waive the Trainee Corps requirement for the Captain rank at the ten year service level, but that's still another five years out. And it hardly seems wise to send Levi through three years of training, particularly when we're so close to reclaiming the wall."

"I see," said Erwin, disappointed. "I was hoping to promote him to a level that indicated his importance to the Survey Corps."

"There is another option." Zackly handed him a piece of paper: a list of unfamiliar military rankings, written in an old-fashioned hand. "In the early days after we settled these walls, before the Survey Corps even existed, the Garrison used an independent ranking system. It was later phased out to align them with the Military Police ranks. These old ranks, while no longer in use, still technically exist. You may find the rank Leader of the Soldiers interesting."

Erwin skimmed until he found it: a high-ranking officer in charge of making personnel and training decisions, as well as directly assisting their commanding officer. "This is close to Levi's actual job description."

"Unlike the formal Captain rank, it's only one pay grade above his current salary cap, so it isn't quite the monetary compensation he might be expecting. Furthermore, it exists outside the current chain of command, which may cause some headaches for you when you're determining seniority. However, it's the best I can do until his tenth anniversary. We've already bent several regulations for him, so I'm a little uncomfortable bending yet another, but he is a powerful symbol of hope. In advance of our upcoming mission, we will do what we can to use him to raise morale."

"I understand, sir. Thank you for your generosity." Erwin studied the paper, considering. "The soldiers and the public have already taken to calling him Captain, based solely on the importance of his role to the Survey Corps. Would you be okay with us continuing to use that title, even though it's a bit inaccurate?"

"That would probably be best, to avoid confusion. You may present Captain Levi with his promotion at your earliest convenience." Zackly stood.

"Thank you, sir." Erwin stood, too, shaking his hand. He slipped Levi's promotion into his file.

He found his newly appointed Leader of the Soldiers leaning against a tree by the walkway, arms folded, a scowl on his face. Erwin stopped an arm's length away from him, not sure how to open the conversation.

Levi's eyes shifted up to him, the rest of him unmoving. "Did you cave?"

"I did what was necessary." Erwin pulled out a piece of paper and held it out. "Zackly approved your promotion, though not quite in the way we expected."

As they walked back to the hotel, he explained the new role. Levi only nodded and accepted the paper, folding it and putting it in his pocket.

The instant the door of their room closed behind them, Erwin locked it, then began to walk the perimeter of the room. He checked the closets, closed the window shades, and even peered under the beds.

"What are you so damned paranoid about?" asked Levi, pulling his boots off. "You're tracking dirt everywhere."

"Sahlo's pulling out all the stops. I need to make sure what I'm about to tell you isn't overheard." He grabbed Levi's wrist and pulled him to a seat on the bed, then sat beside him. "We aren't going to the silos."

Levi's brows rose. "What?"

"We'll document the plans for Sahlo's expedition and submit the details to the Council, while simultaneously proceeding with our own plans to set up caches. Once we're outside the walls, Sahlo has no idea what we're doing. We can make this work to our advantage." He bent forward for his notebook, which sat on the table, still open to a page he had been scribbling in that morning. He opened it to a clean page.

"Of course," he continued, "the cache mission is higher risk than the silo mission he's proposing. We're certainly going to have a higher casualty rate than he expects. That might end up working to our advantage - those deaths will help us discredit him. We can pin them on Sahlo's proposal, explain that forays into unpatrolled territory are always a risk. The Council will be less likely to let him derail us in the future."

"Erwin."

He looked up. "Yes?"

Levi's lip curled. "You're going to use the deaths of our soldiers as a political tool?"

"If deaths are inevitable, we might as well make sure they're not in vain. Their help on the battlefield  _and_ against Sahlo means they're doubly useful to humanity's cause."

"You think their families are going to feel the same way?"

"I think they'd like to know their loved ones' deaths have as much value to humanity as possible. We'll still be trying to conserve every life we can, Levi. I'm not proposing we actively try to lose troops."

Levi was still staring at him, so Erwin looked at his notebook instead, jotting down notes.

"Obviously, word can't get back to Sahlo that we betrayed him," he continued. "We'll bring a small subset of the regiment with us, soldiers we know can be trusted. A smaller group will travel faster, anyway, and the scouting aspects of the mission are more important than the caches themselves at this point, especially since we won't have all the food stores we need. We can head to Wall Maria without those last four caches; we absolutely cannot do it without knowing what we're up against in Shiganshina.

"After the mission, we'll use Oluo to feed false information back to Sahlo. We'll also need to provide the King with the monetary equivalent of the silo funds, to make it look as if he succeeded." He paused, scratching down a few more notes. Slowly, he became aware that Levi was very quiet, very still.

"Everything okay, Levi?"

His Captain shrugged. "You're making that dumb expression again."

Erwin glanced up at the mirror on the dresser, and he was surprised by how cold his face looked.  _When did my eyes start looking so dead and soulless?_ "I suppose I'm just focussed."

"You sure you haven't lost your mind? This all sounds like a huge fucking risk."

Erwin's gaze shifted back to him. Levi was hunched over, his arms tight around his chest.

"Levi, you saw how dire things have become in the Underground, and that's only going to get worse unless we can recapture farm land. We can afford to delay a little bit, but not to the extent Sahlo has proposed." He leaned closer, his voice softening. "The Underground will be hit hardest. You were absolutely right when you suggested rations were class-based. Lords like Sahlo aren't afraid of food shortages, because they can afford the expensive rations. The military isn't afraid of food shortages, because we'll always be cared for more than average citizens. It's up to people like you and me to stand up for impoverished families who will be left with nothing."

Levi looked away. "So say your plan works, and we can trick Sahlo and lay the caches with a small team. Where are you going to get the money we're supposed to be finding in the silo?"

Erwin's graphite scratched at the paper as he made some quick calculations, and his heart sank.

"It's a substantial amount. I've been gradually funnelling more and more of my liquid assets into the Survey Corps, and I'm afraid my savings have dwindled. If I empty my accounts, I can cover a great deal of it, but we're still short. Unless..." He trailed off.

Levi wouldn't look at him. "Say it."

"I told you I'd never sell any of our apartments without asking your permission. I'd like to request that we sell one."

Levi's throat bobbed. "Which one?"

"Shiganshina is out of the question for obvious reasons, and we use Trost often enough - for business and for pleasure - that it doesn't make sense to sell it. That leaves Karanese or Ehrmich." He hesitated. "Karanese has seen something of a fish stock shortage in the past couple years, and it will take time to replenish. Denizens have been panicking and selling, which has devalued-"

"You want to sell Ehrmich," said Levi dully.

Erwin lifted his chin, fighting to keep his voice steady. "I know what that place represents. I know we intended to visit it after the expedition. I also know housing there is in high demand, so we could easily get the amount we need." He paused to subtly catch his breath. "I'm sorry, Levi. I can't think of any other way to raise funds on short notice. We can still visit the city after the expedition is over; we'll just have to find a hotel."

Levi stood. "I have to think about this. I'm going for a walk."

"I understand." Erwin considered for a moment, knowing the man's escapes sometimes lasted several hours. "We've also been invited to a dinner party at the home of one our investment partners. I know it's a lot to ask..."

"You want me to perform."

"In uniform, please. A couple arm-wrestles, maybe a heroic story about killing titans. I'll meet you there at about seven o'clock." He scribbled down an address and tore out the page, holding it out. The Captain folded it and put it in his pocket without looking up.

"Levi," said Erwin quietly. "I'm sorry."

"I know." The grey eyes finally lifted. "Do what you need to do. I'll see you at seven."

Erwin nodded. He reached out and caught the small hand, lifting it to his lips, pressing a kiss into the knuckles.

Usually, their hands would trail, but this time, Levi retracted his hand, turned and left.

 _He has a lot to process._  Erwin turned back to his work, trying not to let the distance bother him, but his stomach was hollow.

.*.*.*.

Levi shoved his hands in his pockets and strode down the street, ignoring the attention he was drawing. All those people staring and calling his name thought Captain Levi lived a life of heroism and freedom; they didn't see how much strain he was under, his temples constantly tight, his ears always ringing.

He knew they had no choice but to follow the plan Erwin had outlined. The Commander always examined things from every angle. If he said it was the best plan, then it was the best plan, no matter how risky it sounded.

No matter what they had to give up.

Still, the decision to sell Ehrmich had been just one more reminder that their lives were totally outside their control. Captain Levi and Commander Erwin, weapons of freedom, a means to an end. Nothing about them as individuals actually mattered - their health, their sleep, their money, their property, their love, their desires. The only thing that mattered was humanity's survival.

As far as being a weapon went, being a weapon of humanity wasn't the worst option. But he couldn't shake the feeling that Levi and Erwin were on the cusp of disappearing entirely, only Captain and Commander remaining. It wasn't just Ehrmich. What was going to happen to their three shared nights a week now that they were planning two expeditions? Was this their life now, until Wall Maria was reclaimed? Double the workload just to tiptoe around some greedy, power-tripping lord?

Stopping at a tea shop, he bought a pot of tea and, ignoring the barista's fawning, settled into a corner. Several catalogues and almanacs were in disarray on the shelves nearby. He stood them all upright, alphabetized them, then selected a clothing catalogue to flip through. Cravats were still high fashion, as were spats. He snorted softly to himself. Spats: the ultimate sign of the screwed-up priorities of the upper class. Who had money to waste on flaps of cloth to cover shoes? The laundry bills alone would feed an Underground family.

He idly flipped through the pages, blowing on his tea to cool it. The illustrated men were all handsome, like Erwin: tall, broad shoulders, golden hair. One particularly elegant grey suit caught his eye, and it didn't take much imagination to turn the illustration into Erwin. He found himself picturing the Commander wearing the suit, saying his vows, their hands joined. At some point, Levi's throat had started to ache with longing whenever he thought about marriage. Was it on Erwin's mind anymore, with everything else he had to consider? Was it even something they should be wasting time thinking about? His fingers ran across the picture as he thought of their August and Emil alter-egos, of the potential they could never realize.

They had effectively killed August and Emil the night before, anyway; they would never be able to use those identities again, not after what had happened Underground. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe pretending their personal lives had any meaning was only going to make everything hurt more as they diverged further and further from normal lives.

A small child wandered up to the table, eyes wide and long-lashed. "Excuse me, Mister. Are you Captain Levi?"

Levi's lip curled. "Go away, kid."

The brown eyes shone. "They say you're strong as a thousand men!"

 _Where the fuck are your parents?_ Levi scanned the room and found them talking to the barista, oblivious. He gave a low sigh. "Screw off, brat. I don't want to talk to you."

The kid stared at him, shocked, then scampered away. Levi's nose wrinkled.  _Why did I ever dream about settling down, anyway? I hate kids._

He took a swig of tea, trying to wash away the lump in his throat.

Thankfully, no one else approached him. He stayed in the shop through two pots of tea, a biscuit and some sort of sweet, fruity flatbread. He flipped through every single catalogue and book on the shelf, but his thoughts kept drifting from the page. It was nice here. Peaceful. It might be nice to run a tea shop. Customers might get annoying, but the quiet aura would be a nice change from the constant chaos of military life.

In spite of the food and drink, his stomach soon began to growl. It was likely time to head to the dinner party. He slammed the catalogue shut, filed it away and stood.

The sun was low in the sky, and the tower clock in the centre of town read six-thirty. Maybe if he got this out of the way, Erwin would let him leave early enough to head to the MP headquarters and train in their gym for a bit. He needed to kick the shit out of a punching bag for awhile.

He wandered slowly and arrived at the front gates just as the seventh bell rang. A guard checked his name from a list and opened the gates, and he walked up a long driveway to a two-story mansion large enough to house his entire squad. The parlour inside was even more packed with gaudy finery than their hotel lobby, and his nose wrinkled. He had a soft spot for fine decor, but this was just flat-out tackiness.

The nobles around him were so dolled up with makeup, fur and jewellery that they blended in with their surroundings. They stood in small circles, the women laughing like hens, the men giving deep chuckles, always in an identical rhythm.

Levi's skin crawled. He scoured the room for Erwin. His height and golden hair usually made him easily to spot, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Ah, Captain Levi," said a voice behind him, sing-song with false joy. "So glad you could come."

He turned to see a woman he recognized from other upper class parties, but he couldn't remember her name. "Yeah, I'm here."

"I'm so glad." She stopped in front of him. Heavy gems hung from her ears; the lobes were stretching. "Where is your Commander? I was hoping to speak to both of you. I was very impressed by the weapon designs he sent me. Very humane."

Levi stared at her, then remembered the weighted nets Hange had been working on to restrain titans on the field.  _Humane?_ Just how removed from the front lines was this woman that she thought titans deserved humane treatment?

The woman laughed, looking a little nervous. "You don't say much, do you, Captain?"

"Not when it's shitty small talk."

Her smile was even more phony now, and he remembered he was supposed to be impressing potential investors. What was we supposed to do, arm wrestle her?  _Dammit, Erwin, where the hell are you?_

"Look," he said, "you're wasting your time talking to me. I'm useless at this shit. Wait for Erwin to get his ass over here."

"I...see." The fake smile was rapidly fading.

"Lady Gunnhild," said a boisterous voice behind him, and he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, and his jaw clenched. Lord Sahlo stood behind him, dressed in garish finery, an even less genuine smile plastered across his lips. "Please excuse Captain Levi. His skills on the field are unparalleled, but his mastery of the tongue is somewhat lacking due to his unrefined upbringing."

"Get your hand off me," growled Levi.

The Lady gave a relieved smile. "I thought perhaps I had offended him."

"He is a bit cantankerous. It's nothing you did, I assure you." Sahlo smiled at Levi as if they were old friends. "The average Survey Corps soldier is rough around the edges out of necessity, to brave the wild world outside our walls. You'll find Commander Erwin to be the brains out of their leadership duo. Were we on the field instead, it'd be this fellow here impressing you with his moves."

Levi glanced around the room.  _Erwin, where the fuck are you?_

"If you'll excuse us, milady," said Sahlo, "I have urgent business to attend to with Captain Levi. Perhaps a dance later?"

"Of course, milord. Dinner will be served shortly - I hope you enjoy." She gave an uneasy glance at Levi, then turned.

Sahlo leaned in close. "Come with me."

"I have nothing to say to you, shit face," said Levi.

"Ah, but I have things to say to you."

"Wait until Erwin gets here."

"These words are for your ears only." Sahlo gripped his shoulder, harder this time. "There's a lovely veranda where we won't be overheard."

"So your goons can jump me? I don't think so."

The lord gave an exasperated sigh. "Fine, then let's at least move out of sight."

As they moved toward a small side room, Levi used his periphery, carefully monitoring his surroundings.

"It's a smoking room," said Sahlo, as if for Levi's benefit. He pulled the door shut and sat on a red padded chair. "I have a spare cigar, if you'd-"

"What the hell do you want?" growled Levi.

Sahlo jumped a little, but then smiled and leaned forward onto his knees, gesturing at the seat across from him. "Please."

Wary, Levi sat.

"I have some concerns about your Commander. I needed to pry you two apart long enough to speak with you about it." The lord pulled a cigar out of his pocket and gestured to it. "Do you mind if I-?"

"Light that thing and I'll put it out in your eye."

"Such hostility. But I know there's a clever man underneath all that anger. You survived to adulthood in the Underground, something many people don't get the chance to do." Sahlo's face was so uncharacteristically soft that it made the hair on the back of Levi's neck stand on end.

The lord tucked the cigar back into his pocket, continuing to speak. "I know you care about what goes on down there more than most of the people around here. Your Commander sees the Underground in practical terms - contacts to be used, soldiers, such as yourself, to be snatched away from their lives. But it's more than that to you, isn't it? That place still lives in your heart."

"Stop telling me what I feel," said Levi. "What do you want?"

"I want you to think about where your loyalties lie." Sahlo's gaze was almost as hard and piercing as Erwin's. "I know your knee-jerk reaction is going to be to swear at me and storm off, but think about it, Levi. Really think about it. Take a few days, if you need to." He leaned closer. "Erwin's pretending the harvests from Wall Maria will be equally distributed among the people, but you and I both know that's not the case. How often were you starving below the surface, back when there were plenty of crops to go around?"

Levi's stomach twisted with memories he couldn't quite piece together, sharp pains, weakness and delirium. His brow furrowed. "What's your point? Stop talking your way around it and just shit it out."

"There are other solutions, ones that take more time to implement, ones that put food directly into the mouths of Underground denizens. You've seen pieces of the puzzle, but not the whole masterpiece it creates. I am poised to set up something very beautiful for people who desperately need my help, and your Commander is going to yank the rug out from under me just for the sake of his own glory."

"Ha!" Levi had the overwhelming urge to spit in the man's face. "If you think Erwin's after glory-"

"You haven't noticed his possessiveness about being the one to come up with the reclamation plan?" Sahlo's lip curled in a sneer. "Tell me, Levi: has he actually told you how the reclamation will play out? Are you confident he has a plan? Or is he being so headstrong about his timeline because he  _needs_  to be the one to develop the plan, and he doesn't want to give anyone else time to beat him to the punch?" He leaned forward. "Do you truly believe his accelerated timeline is for humanity's benefit?"

"This is bullshit. I've heard enough." Levi stood and began to move to the door. His hand had just closed over the handle when he heard his name. He turned back. The lord was staring at him with stormy eyes.

"Think about this carefully." Sahlo's voice was leaden. "Speak with me at any time if you come to your senses, because I have a role for you in my plans. But be warned: Erwin isn't the only one who will go to any length for the causes he believes in." He stood. "I will go through anything, and any one, to get him to cooperate - and I'll start with his lover."

Levi felt the words squeeze the air from his lungs, but he forced himself to breathe normally. "You think he has a lover? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Levi,  _really,_ " chided Sahlo, as if the truth were blindingly obvious.

"I don't know what information you think you have, but it's wrong. That guy doesn't care about anyone or anything except his work."

The lord leaned forward, squinting intently at him, then smiled. "I see."

"Fucking weirdo," muttered Levi. He marched back into the main room, hoping his performance had been convincing.

 _Does he know? Was that a bluff?_ His head swam as he stepped into the hall. His fingertips rose to his neck, to the love bite he hadn't been able to conceal.  _No, this couldn't have given me away. It could be from anyone..._

The crowd was so loud that his ears hurt, and the strings screeched, and Sahlo's words echoed in his mind.  _Erwin, you bastard, where are you?_ He wove his way through the crowd, ignoring the people who tried to engage him in conversation. After two full circuits of the room, he finally accepted that Erwin wasn't there.  _Now what do I do?_

He was saved by Lady Gunnhild, who gave a short welcome speech, then led them all to a long dinner table in the next room. A lit chandelier hung overhead, but the room was otherwise far more sparsely decorated than the parlour. Levi found his name on a place card next to Erwin's. He flopped to a seat and watched the crowd trickle in, hoping to catch sight of blond hair neatly parted at the side, but the trickle ended and the seat beside him was still empty. His stomach dropped.  _He got caught up in his planning. I'm going to be here alone all night._ Would it be too noticeable if he left now?

"Captain Levi," greeted a voice to his right. He turned to see Anka Rheinberger, an empty chair on her other side. Levi nodded at it.

"Where's the old man?"

"Back at the hotel."

"Huh. Drunk?"

She hesitated. "What about Commander Erwin?"

"Fucked off somewhere and left me here to make shitty small talk with rich assholes."

"Oh."

She looked so unimpressed that Levi struggled for more conversation. "He's probably planning Sahlo's expedition."

"I see." She turned to face him, eyes narrow with concentration. "How do you feel about the delayed reclamation effort?"

He shrugged. "People are going to die."

"You don't think holding off and allowing more planning time will ultimately save more lives?"

"No." He leaned back in his chair. "What's a few more months going to do? The MP and the northern three branches of the Garrison are completely unprepared to face titans, and a few months won't change that. I don't give a shit how fancy Sahlo's weapon ideas are: the biggest weapon the titans have is fear. A panicking soldier is going to misfire a rifle all the same if it's got fancy bullets or not."

"Hm." She smiled. "You're smarter than I expected. Commander Pixis and I came to the same conclusions."

Levi glanced down the table at Sahlo, who was engaged in obnoxious conversation with their hostess. "So if the Survey Corps and the Garrison agree this expedition is bullshit, why don't we speak up?"

Anka leaned closer, voice low. "Politics. Sahlo is highly favoured by the King right now, and we have to tiptoe around him because of it."

"Why's he so favoured?"

"He's been positioning himself well. Rumour is the King is hoping to drop another Lord from the Council and put a second Wallist representative in his place. We think Sahlo's been trying to make himself more valuable than the other Lords, just in case it comes to that. He's protecting his position."

Levi frowned.  _And I bet that's why he's sucking up to the Wallists. Covering all his bases. This fucker has his fingers everywhere to make sure he can grab on to something in case he starts to fall._

"If the Survey Corps stands up to him, will the Garrison stand with us?" he asked.

"I don't know." She turned to smile at a server, who poured a glass of wine for her, then began to do the same for Levi. Levi waited until the man had moved away to continue speaking.

"You don't know? What the hell does that mean?"

"Commander Pixis is a man of logic. Provide him with a concrete, reasonable alternative, and he might take it. It's not as simple as just speaking up against Sahlo. We saw how that went in the meeting. Your group has a lot of ideals, but we need substance."

Levi was tempted to tell her that Erwin was working to expose Sahlo's misdeeds to Zackly, but decided it wasn't his place to say anything. Pixis and Anka seemed decent enough, but Erwin was the one who was good at reading people.  _And he could be doing that right now if he had bothered to show up._

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, until the first course saved them. As the meal progressed - needlessly wasteful and full of rich food - Levi set small servings aside on Erwin's plate. At the end of the meal, he dumped them into a cloth napkin and tied the tops of it.

"I don't think you're supposed to do that, Captain," said Anka politely.

"They can afford to lose a scrap of cloth, and this food would just rot in an alley or some lord's gullet." He grabbed half a loaf of bread from the table and tucked it under his elbow. "I'm leaving."

"Before cocktail hour?"

"I don't want to be around these assholes when they're drunk." He nodded at her, then turned and wove through the crowd. A couple lords tried to speak with him, but he ignored them.

Maybe it was his imagination, but he could feel Sahlo's eyes on him as he left, boring through the back of his head.

.*.*.*.

Levi opened the door to the hotel room.

As expected, Erwin was hunched over the desk, writing furiously. A large pot of coffee sat beside him, and his mug was half-full. His jacket hung on the back of the chair, the top couple buttons of his shirt undone, and his bolo tie sat on the desk beside him. The lamp was far too low.  _He hasn't even noticed it got dark._

Levi lit the lamp by the door and dropped the bag of food on the dresser. Erwin looked up, squinting.

"Levi? Is it time to-" He glanced around him, and his eyes landed on the clock. "Ten? Is that right? But I-" He shoved a hand through his hair, blinking.

Levi kicked the door shut, making a satisfying slam. "You're an asshole. I had to socialize with those fuckers alone."

"Shit. I'm sorry, Levi. I lost track of time." Erwin stood and strode across the room as if to give him a hug.

Levi shoved the food bag into the man's chest before he could close the distance. "You didn't eat, either, did you?"

The Commander paused. He set the packet on the table and untied it. "Levi, did you steal food and a napkin from Lady Gunnhild?"

"No one was using it."

Erwin's jaw tightened. "I should have been there."

"Yeah, you should have." Levi locked the door, set his boots by it, then flopped back onto the bed. He folded his arms behind his head, glaring at the ceiling. "I had to talk to Sahlo without you."

There was a long pause. "What did he say?" asked Erwin, tension in his voice.

"He wanted to convince me to betray you. Said he's weaving some masterpiece of puzzle pieces, one that'll help humanity, and you're too focussed on personal glory to see it."

The next pause was so long that Levi lifted his head. Erwin was perched at the end of his chair, back hunched, staring absently down at the food.

"Erwin?"

The man didn't move. "What else?"

"He thinks you don't have a plan for Wall Maria, but you're pushing ahead because you don't want to give anyone else time to think of a plan before you do. He also..." Levi hesitated. "He said you weren't the only person who would go to any length for what they believe in. Said he'd go through anyone to get to you, and he'd start with your lover."

Erwin's head snapped up to him. "My lover?"

"Yeah."

Erwin's spine straightened, his gaze boring through Levi. "And what did you say in response?"

"I told him he was crazy if he thinks you care about anything but freeing humanity. And he just stared at me really hard and then said, 'I see.' So I called him a creep and left."

Erwin stared at him for another moment, then gave a whispered  _shit_  and stood. He strode to the window and opened the curtain a crack, peering through it.

"He might have been bluffing," said Levi. "Or he might have had someone else in mind."

"It doesn't matter. He's actively trying to find my emotional weaknesses."

He was still peering out the window. Levi rolled onto his side, eyes trailing down the man's back. "There's more. I talked to Anka. Pixis likes your timeline better, but Sahlo's got his lips firmly planted on the King's ass, so they can't touch him unless you give them a solid, logical alternative. There's talk of removing another lord and putting a second Wallist into the Council, so looks like he's covering his ass there, too."

"I see." Erwin finally pulled away from the window. "Thank you for relaying all this."

His polite smile made Levi's stomach sink. "Stop thinking for a bit and eat your food. I didn't steal that shit so it could rot on your desk."

As the man ate, Levi filled the kettle, then lit the burner beneath it. He was still furious that Erwin hadn't shown up at the dinner, but at least he had managed to get some useful information out of Sahlo and Anka. That was better than nothing.

Once the water was boiling, he steeped a cup of tea, then pulled up a chair next to the desk. His eyes wandered across the papers scattered around the desk. The notebook was open to its last few pages now, and several maps and books were open and carefully marked. Levi tried to put his anger aside. Erwin had a lot to think about right now; forgetting a dinner party was better than forgetting a key part of an expedition.

"You should let Hange, Mike and me plan the silo expedition," he said, thinking aloud.

Erwin looked up. "Oh?"

"It's just for show, so it doesn't have to be too well thought-out, right? Just good enough to fool the Council. The three of us can vomit out something based on our past silo recovery strategies. Saves your brain for the real expedition we'll be doing instead." He paused. "Besides, you'll kill yourself if you try to plan two full expeditions in two weeks."

Erwin glanced at his notes, as if debating. "It  _is_  difficult to split my concentration between the two, but I can't ask you to sacrifice your time for my political play."

"Shut up. You can." Levi's grip tightened on the mug. "Don't be a control freak about this. Let us do it."

After a beat, Erwin gave him a smile, this one more genuine than the one he had been wearing a moment ago. "I could use the help. Thank you."

"Don't smile at me like that. I'm still pissed off at you." Levi turned away, sipping his tea.

Erwin's hand closed over the mug. He tugged it out of Levi's grasp, setting it aside.

"What the hell?" said Levi, but a hand closed over either side of his jaw, and then a broad, warm forehead pressed against his.

"I'm sorry, Levi." The whispered words were hot against Levi's lips, and he felt shivers run down his spine.

 _Damn him._ "Suck up all you want. I'm still angry."

"How can I make it up to you?" There was that soft tone, that low growl, that always made blood rush between Levi's legs.

He folded his arms over his chest and looked away. "I don't know."

"Can I try something anyway? Or are you too angry?" Erwin knelt on the floor and pushed Levi's thighs apart. His fingers settled on Levi's belt buckle, and he looked up, as if asking for permission.

Levi's breath caught. He shrugged. "Aren't you too busy?"

"Levi."

"Fine, go ahead."

Erwin bent forward to press his mouth to Levi's pants, breathing out. Hot air flooded through the fabric.

"Shit," whispered Levi.

Erwin looked up at him, using that severe angle that was so intimidating and arousing, that sharp facial structure, those eerie, piercing eyes. Levi felt himself shrink back against the chair, lightheaded.

Then those large hands were unbuckling the belts, then lifting the brown uniform skirt, then pulling the pants off Levi's hips. He felt Erwin's tongue, flat and soft, running circles around one of his testicles. He wanted to stay angry, but it felt so good that a low groan sounded in his throat. Now he could feel that sharp nose pressing underneath his balls, tongue sliding back, the forward again.

Levi's mouth was hanging open, and he couldn't find the strength to close it. He slid forward and tilted his hips up, trying to move into the warm mouth. Erwin looked up at him again, holding eye contact as he licked all the way up to the tip. Levi cried out. This was happening so quickly that he didn't have time to think. The last of his anger fell away.

"Leader of the Soldiers," murmured Erwin, and a rough palm slid under Levi's shirt and up his abdomen. "My second in command. Do you know how important you are to me? To the Survey Corps?" He paused to lap at the underside with just the right pressure.

The idea of being second in command was unusually appealing. Maybe it was the look on Erwin's face, that domineering, possessive look that made their political enemies melt beneath him. Levi grabbed the bolo tie from the desk and lowered it over Erwin's head. The blue eyes flickered with surprise, but then settled back into their intense stare.

"My Commander," said Levi, feeling equally embarrassed and aroused by the words.

Erwin let out a soft, fluttering breath as if composing himself, then bent forward, and his mouth was warm and wet. Levi cried out, thrusting into it, and he felt strong hands clamp onto his hips. He forced his eyes open a crack, taking in that intimidating expression, and oh fuck, Erwin wasn't looking away, he wasn't letting his gaze drop...

Then those thick lips plunged down again, and Levi was deep in his throat.  _Oh, fuck._ His head fell back, his eyes closed. The swirling tongue, the heat, the suction... He gripped a fistful of golden hair in each hand, pulling hard, and he felt Erwin grunt around him. Strong fingers wrapped around the base and began to move, and the friction was overwhelming.

It wouldn't take Levi long to come like this, but his body was greedy. "Inside me," he gasped.

Erwin pulled away, and the room's air was cold on the damp flesh. "Yeah?" He kissed the inside of Levi's thigh.

He was too impatient for sex. "Your fingers."

Erwin gave him another kiss, then stood; the front of his pants was tenting. He pulled a bottle of oil out of the drawer and thoroughly slicked his fingers, then knelt in front of Levi again.

 _He's so turned on,_  thought Levi, dizzy. He reached out a foot and rubbed it between Erwin's legs, feeling the rigid shape beneath the fabric.

The Commander cursed under his breath, his thighs closing around Levi's foot. For a moment, it looked like he might be distracted, but then he gave that determined look again and bent forward. Levi felt two fingers slide into him, agonizingly slowly; he groaned and pushed down on them, trying to speed them up.

"Like this?" whispered Erwin.

"Fuck," whimpered Levi, and then the warm hand and mouth were around him again, lightly scraping him with teeth, soothing with tongue.

His climax built so quickly that he barely had time to prepare. He curled around Erwin, arms and torso and legs contracting, feeling it ripple through him from the tips of his toes and fingers.

As the last pulses faded, he fell back against the chair, limp, breathing hard. He felt a last lick and then cold air, felt the fingers withdraw from his body. His eyelids were heavy, but he managed to part them a crack. Erwin was still staring up at him with that strong look.

Levi suddenly realized why it appealed to him so much.  _His mask is still up. Every time we've had sex lately, it's dropped, and he's been upset._ He wanted to keep this going, wanted Erwin to enjoy himself.

"Fuck my face," he whispered.

Erwin's eyes widened. "What?"

"Come on, stand up." Levi fumbled at the man's belt with clumsy fingers, until Erwin reached down to help him. Together, they pulled his pants down.

"Look at you," whispered Levi, reaching out to touch him.

"That's what happens when you yell like that."

 _I was yelling?_ Levi slumped so his mouth was at groin level. "Go at me hard."

Erwin looked down at him, and the angle reminded Levi of when they had first met, when he had mistakenly thought there had been a power imbalance between them. His heart pounded.

"Levi..."

"Use me," said Levi, an embarrassing whimper in his voice again.

Hesitating a bit, Erwin eased forward into his mouth. Levi gripped him by the wrists, guiding Erwin's hands to the top of his head. Then he reached for Erwin's ass, pulling him in, instructing him to thrust.

It didn't take long for Erwin to give in and start thrusting hard. Levi groaned his encouragement, pulling him in with his hands, their eyes locked. Soon the hands in his hair were tight, and that gaze was piercing through him.

 _He's strong. So strong._ Levi's head spun. He reached up one hand to touch the Commander's pendant, his fingers wrapping around it. His gag reflex, dull as it was, was bringing tears to his eyes, and he loved it, he loved feeling Erwin's power, his desperation.  _Sahlo doesn't know what the fuck he's up against. This man knows exactly what he's doing. He knows exactly what he wants, and he'll do anything to take it._

"You feel so good," gasped Erwin, head falling back, "I'm going to come."

Levi closed his eyes and moved against him, pulling him over the edge. He heard the cries, felt the strength of each pulse, the quaking muscles beneath his hands, the tug on his hair so tight that it hurt...  _So strong, so strong..._

It was over too soon. Erwin released him, then staggered back to sit on the bed.

Levi wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, sniffling a little, an aftereffect of the gag reflex. He felt lighter than he had in months. Once he had cleaned up, he lifted his head.

Erwin sat on the bed, his head still bowed, and a cold weight settled over Levi's shoulders.  _Shit._

"Erwin," he said quietly.

The Commander looked up and forced a smile. "I'm okay."

The words were unconvincing. It slowly dawned on Levi what he was looking at. Erwin needed to keep his mask up to withstand stress; sex made him drop it. That had been okay before, when Wall Maria was still a long way out, when the mask had been a useful accessory. These days, it was a necessity.

Levi's throat tightened. He stood and pulled his pants up, buckling them again, then sat beside him on the bed. For a moment, they were silent.

"I'm sorry again that I wasn't there for you tonight," said Erwin.

Levi blinked, then remembered the dinner. "I forgot about that already."

"Then what's on your mind?"

He couldn't figure out how to express the full extent of it, so he voiced the most immediate portion: "If you're busy with one proposal, and me and the others are busy with another, that's not going to leave much time for those three nights a week we spend together."

"I suppose not," said Erwin quietly.

 _How much work would he have gotten done tonight if I hadn't interrupted him?_ Levi reached out for the Commander's pendant, feeling its weight in his palm.

"Two nights a week?" he said aloud. "Mondays and Thursdays. Just quick shit like tonight, nothing that's going to distract us for too long."

"That's a good idea. I suppose it's just for a couple weeks. We won't have time for much more." Erwin turned to Levi, his eyes glassy. "I promise I'll make this up to you in Ehrmich."

Ehrmich. Levi's brows rose as an idea occurred to him. "Hey, Erwin."

"Yeah?"

"The money you need to fake the silo expedition - if I bought out your half of the Ehrmich apartment, would that be enough?"

There was a long pause. "I can't let you use your money that way, Levi."

"So you're the only one allowed to personally invest in the Survey Corps? What else am I going to spend money on?" Levi ran his thumb around the border of the pendant, not looking him in the eye. "I've been saving up for awhile, and I just got a promotion. Let me buy Ehrmich. If that's not enough, I'll buy Karanese, too. You'll still have access to them. Nothing changes except the name on the deed."

Erwin swallowed hard. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Erwin pulled him in, hugging him tightly. "Thank you, Levi. We'll finalize the paperwork when we get back to Trost."

Levi closed his eyes and snuggled closer, hand curling around the pendant. Maybe this was just a temporary solution, but he couldn't bear the idea of selling their future to a stranger.

He still wasn't sure he should be clinging to that future, but he couldn't bring himself to let go. Not yet.


	29. Walls - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope this doesn't come across as repetitive, because I mean it sincerely every time: THANK YOU for all your lovely comments about this fic. I am constantly walking on air!
> 
> I'd like to say a huge thank you to Sherry, who dedicated a piano cover of Jiyuu no Tsubasa to me on YouTube - omg, thank you! http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/120424573336/
> 
> Also, I've set up an eruri themed giveaway as thank you for 1000 kudos for this fic. You can find the giveaway here, and it will run until the end of July: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/121126782581/
> 
> This chapter was running very long, so I have split it into two smaller chapters (9000 words each). Both halves are going up at the same time as chapter 29 & 30.
> 
> Previous chapter: At the Council meeting, Lord Martin Sahlo shows he's not going down without a fight; he demands a delay until summer for the Wall Maria reclamation effort, pushing Erwin to do another silo expedition instead. Erwin decides to pretend to go along with Sahlo's mission, but secretly stock 2 of the remaining 4 checkpoints on the path to Wall Maria. Levi attends a dinner party, where Sahlo confronts him with some strange statements. Erwin & Levi go at it for a bit, then agree to cut down their personal time so they can successfully plan around Sahlo's manoeuvering.

**-29-**

**Walls (Part 1)**

"What about Pehr?" asked Mike.

Erwin's chest rumbled with a hum of consideration.

"He's busy enough with logistics," said Levi, snuggling back against the rumble. The Commander had his legs stretched across the couch, and his Captain sat between them, leaning back against his chest. Erwin's arms encircled him, holding the file on Levi's lap where they could both read it.

"Pehr's been training Johanna," said Mike, stretching his long legs out across the couch opposite them. He lifted a piece of note paper, studying it - or at least, he seemed to be. His fringe was so long right now that it was difficult to tell where he was looking. "She's ready for straight-forward missions like this one. Transition her to logistics and promote Pehr to Squad Leader."

"I still think Nanaba's a better choice." Erwin's words puffed the top of Levi's hair, warm and gentle. "I'd rather have two people on logistics in case one of them falls during the push."

Mike shook his head. "Nanaba's too reliant on superiors, doesn't have enough initiative. If not Pehr, then Dita or Eld."

A knock sounded at the door. Levi turned to look at Mike, waiting for him to sniff out the knocker's identity.

"It's Hange and Moblit," said Mike.

Good. Then Levi didn't have to leave Erwin's arms. "You're late," he called. "Come in."

The door slammed open, and Hange rushed into the room. Moblit followed close behind, closing and locking the door behind them.

Hange's voice boomed through the room: "Erwin, please reconsider. The new weaponry will enable us to-"

"No," said Erwin.

"Please, just listen."

"I've listened enough times. The answer is still no."

Moblit flopped onto a chair next to Mike; the Squad Leader leaned in close, sniffing. "Breakfast drinks?"

"It's only breakfast if you sleep first," said Moblit dully.

"At least let me take Mike's place tomorrow," said Hange, getting louder. "I have a theory about the-"

"Hange, I forbid it." Erwin shifted, indicating he wanted to get up.

Levi grumbled, reluctantly moving to the end of the couch. The air felt chilly without Erwin's body heat, even though sunlight streamed in through the window.

The Commander stood and stretched, then paced over to his desk. Hange followed like a dog seeking food scraps.

"Erwin, you keep putting it off, keep putting it off... We're only going to be able to reclaim Wall Maria if we understand our enemy."

"We understand enough. Capturing a titan is too dangerous, at this point in time. We need every available soldier for our reclamation effort." Erwin selected a file and turned to face the distraught Squad Leader. "Once we move beyond the reclamation effort and focus on exterminating the titans, your research will become invaluable. We'll revisit this then." He held out the file. "This is your assignment while the rest of us are gone. When we get back, you and I will head to Mitras to speak with investors. At that time, you will  _not_  mention capturing a titan; you will only mention the projects you're working on right now. We will not have this discussion again. Understood?"

Hange made no move to take the file. "Erwin-"

"Hey, shitgoggles," said Levi. "He said no. Take the damned file."

Moblit let out a low groan, raking his hands into his hair. "Please, Squad Leader."

Hange glanced at Levi, then Moblit, then back at Erwin, then snatched the file out of his hands. "Sir."

"Thank you." Erwin clasped his hands behind his back, addressing the entire group. "I have to head into town to finalize some financial arrangements. Levi, Mike, make sure your teams are all ready to leave in the morning. And Levi..." He hesitated.

His hesitation said everything. "Yeah, got it," said Levi.

Erwin held his gaze for a moment longer, impassive, then left the room.

Levi leaned back into the couch with a low sigh.  _Got it._ It was Thursday night, one of their two scheduled nights to spend together that week, but they were both in desperate need of sleep and focus. Once the day's preparations were complete, Levi would retire to his own room, take care of his own needs and go to bed. If he were honest with himself, he was so exhausted that the idea of a night of rest was appealing. He doubted his body would let him do anything else, anyway. Just this past Monday, he and Erwin had fallen asleep half-naked, too tired to continue their foreplay.

Maybe there wasn't much room for physical intimacy right now, but they had spent nearly every waking moment together over the past two weeks. With neither of them sleeping more than two or three hours a night, that was a lot of moments.

Besides, their sacrifices had paid off. The fake silo expedition plans were on the way to the Council records room. They had built a strong team of forty of the Survey Corps' most trustworthy soldiers to carry out the real plans, which were locked down and ready to execute. They had assembled the necessary funds to fake a silo gold haul, thanks to Levi's purchase of the apartments in Ehrmich and Karanese. Erwin even had carriage weight limit calculations ready to explain why the coins were loose instead of in official royal lockboxes.

It was all worth it, and soon, they would have their reward. A week or two on the expedition, then a few days apart while Erwin was in the Capital, and then they'd be together in Ehrmich, where they could forget themselves for a little while.

 _Or find ourselves again._ Levi was no longer sure which was accurate.

Hange dropped to a seat next to him and gave a little moan, flopping dramatically against his shoulder.

"What the hell? Get off me." He pushed against dead weight, then winced as a pungent scent hit his nostrils, like frying onions and garlic. It wasn't necessarily unpleasant, just invasive. "Holy shit, you stink. When's the last time you bathed?"

"A few days ago."

"No, a week yesterday," said Moblit, weary.

"Disgusting." Levi shoved again.

"Fine, I'll bathe before I sleep tonight." Hange sat up. "What's wrong with Erwin? You two have a fight?"

"What?"

"He's been so uptight since you two got back from the Capital. More than usual."

Levi glanced at Moblit before he answered. The man had only been let in on their secret relationship a couple months ago, and it still felt strange to discuss it in front of him. "Maybe he's just pissed off that you keep bringing up your own shitty project ideas when he's got enough to worry-"

"Not enough sex," interrupted Mike from the couch.

"Ah," said Hange, as if it explained everything.

"Fuck off, Mike," said Levi with a swell of defensiveness. "You don't say two fucking words this whole time, and  _now_  you have something to say?"

Hange stood and leaned into Mike's face, as if inspecting his nose. "Can you smell when they've had sex?"

Moblit looked frantically at the door. "Squad Leader, we should really be cleaning up the lab."

"He can't smell anything over your armpits, stinkgoggles." Levi stood. "I'm going to check on the stables. Mike, go make sure the gear checks are going well. Moblit, make sure your dumbass Squad Leader takes a bath."

He left the room without looking back. The Squad Leaders needed to mind their own fucking business and stop hassling Erwin with stupid shit like capturing titans. The only thing that mattered right now was Wall Maria.

In the stables, Dita's team was assessing equipment and packing the carts. Several carts were empty. Because they hadn't successfully convinced the merchants to give them food supplies in advance, they would have to remove food supplies from the nearest two established checkpoints, carry them all the way through the supply route, and transfer them to the two new ones at the end of it. It was easy to get to the nearest two checkpoints - they had travelled past them dozens of times over the past three years - so they would be the easiest checkpoints to restock once the merchants finally came through.  _If they ever do._

While their primary goal was to stock two of the remaining four checkpoints, they would be holding at the furthest point for a few days for their secondary goal: scouting. Levi, Mike and a small strike squad would be venturing toward Shiganshina. This mission's furthest checkpoint would bring them within a half hour's ride of the walled city. Ideally, they would find a way to get into Shiganshina and assess the state of the city, but Erwin believed there would be too many roving titans to safely advance that far. They would do their best; any information they could bring back would be invaluable. Erwin had said it himself during the Council meeting: Shiganshina, at this point, was an unknown. Until they had scouting information, finalizing their plan of attack would be gambling on hunches.

_Gambling on hunches is Erwin's specialty, anyway._

Levi returned to his room, intending to do a little tidying before dinner, but he recalled Hange and Mike's discussion. The stress and fatigue of the past two weeks had hurt his libido, and it really had been a few days since he had gotten off. It wasn't like they would have much time alone during the mission, either, other than a few awkward, impersonal minutes of mutual masturbation here and there.

He locked his bedroom door, then sat on the end of his bed and unbuckled his uniform. Usually, it took him less than a minute to take care of himself, but his body wouldn't cooperate. He tried flipping his grip, tried his other hand, and even tried coating himself with oil. Still soft.

With a frustrated groan, he fell back to the bed. If he couldn't jerk off, then maybe he could at least get a nap in before dinner.

.*.*.*.

Erwin accepted the flat paper parcel. "Did you get everything I requested?"

The woman shook her head. "Everything's locked up tight. This is the best I could do without arousing suspicion."

"I see. Thank you." He tucked the parcel under his arm. With a quick glance around the park to make sure they weren't watched, he added, "Hasek has been compromised."

Her brows rose. "By whom?"

"Sahlo. I suspect Leona may be working with him as well."

The woman closed her eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. When she opened them again, she gave him a humourless smile and said, "I see. We'll be in touch." She stood and turned, leaving him alone on the bench.

Erwin waited a few more minutes, subtly scanning the park. Finding no one suspicious, he stood.

Once he was inside his apartment, he locked the door and lit the desk lamp. He pulled a wooden grid out of the top drawer: a cipher. He slipped a knife under the paper flap of the parcel and slit it open, pulling out an envelope. The envelope's surface displayed a passphrase in code, an official seal that the messenger had come from his information network. He quickly confirmed the phrase, even though he had seen the same woman several times before. With Sahlo acting in unpredictable ways, he couldn't be too careful.

He opened the envelope and pulled out a file. Receipts, documents, contracts. Several of the receipts would be helpful: they showed purchases for Sahlo's estate, billed to HDB Shipping. A document showed the silo Sahlo had sent them after was, indeed, an actual silo. Maybe Erwin was getting paranoid, but he had genuinely wondered if Sahlo had made up the silo to try to test his loyalty to the Council.

Another document was unexpected: transcription and minutes of a meeting between Sahlo and Lobov during the days when Erwin had been pressuring Lobov. One line leapt out, spoken by Sahlo: "Tolerate him, for now. He will be useful to us."

Useful. How could an up-and-coming Survey Corps Squad Leader be of use to a lord? Surely it wasn't just about collection coins from silos - was it?

Whatever Sahlo had meant, it was becoming clear he had kept his eye on Erwin for a long time. How much of their conflict had been accidental, and how much had been by Sahlo's design? And for what purpose?

Erwin flipped the page, considering, when he stopped. Folded in half, tucked between two sheets of paper, was a small certificate. The paper was yellow with age.

-

_**DUPLICATE**_

_RECORD OF BIRTH_

_Martin Jacques Sahlo_

_Born on the 10th of January, 801 in Mitras._

_Father: Lord Jacques Alain Sahlo_

_Mother:_

-

Erwin flipped over the page, examining the back of it. The stamps and signature on the back looked legitimate; the document was complete.

 _Who is your mother, Sahlo?_ He studied the empty space where the mother's name should be. A scandal, perhaps? Maybe Sahlo's father had accidentally impregnated a rival noble's daughter or wife. He grimaced. This felt like a valuable key, but he had no idea where to find the door it opened.

The rest of the documents made feeble links between Sahlo and HDB Shipping, but nothing concrete. Erwin slipped the file carefully into his desk drawer. He'd let it simmer in the back of his mind while they were on the expedition. There were more pressing concerns.

Deep in thought, he wandered back to base. When he arrived, he began a circuit: stables, store rooms, gear check, office. Everything was proceeding exactly as he had requested. A corner of his lips lifted. Maybe he hadn't figured out what to do about Sahlo, but at least he had the mission under perfect control.

He asked a soldier to check his gear, then finished off a stack of paperwork. At this rate, he might even get a full night's sleep. It was nearing dinner time, and he decided to give himself a proper dinner break. If Levi wasn't too busy, they could sneak up to the guard tower and have a few minutes of peace together.

Levi wasn't in his office, and there was no response when Erwin knocked on his bedroom door. He was about to leave, when he paused. Loud, rasping sounds were coming from inside the bedroom. He pulled out his key ring and quietly unlocked the door, stepping into the room.

He smiled.

Levi lay on his back at the end of the bed, a hand tucked down the front of unbuttoned pants. His face was slack, and he was snoring.

Though it was tempting, Erwin had learned in the early months of their relationship that a kiss to the forehead was a terrible way to awaken Levi. On occasion, the man awoke by jumping to his feet, ready to fight. Erwin's teeth were still rattling from the crack of their skulls, three years later. Instead, he knelt beside the bed and stroked the dark hair back from the broad forehead. The man barely stirred.

 _He's so exhausted. He's going to miss his last hot meal before the expedition._ Erwin ran a finger down the petite nose to the gentle snub at the end. "Levi."

"Mm," said Levi.

"It's time for dinner."

"Mm?" The dark eyelashes parted, then narrowed into a squint. "Dinner? I thought I was only out for a minute." He looked down at the hand down his pants. "Oh. Shit."

"Not a bad sight to walk in on."

"Don't bother getting worked up. Couldn't even get it up."

Erwin hesitated. "Yeah, I know that feeling."

Levi withdrew his hand and sat up, buttoning his pants. "I hope we bounce back in Ehrmich."

With all the short-term planning, Erwin had lost sight of what lay beyond the expedition. His chest fluttered. "We will. We're just exhausted."

"Yeah. What are you doing here, anyway? I thought we weren't going to have time together."

"This is business related; I have some information to discuss with you. Thought we might take our dinners to either the guard tower or the park."

"Tower," said Levi. "Then I can sit close to you again."

Erwin smiled. "I'd like that."

They retrieved their dinners and settled on top of the tower. Now Erwin was thinking about Ehrmich and all the trip would entail – one overdue activity in particular.

He'd wait until their second afternoon. They'd both be wearing semi-formal wear in anticipation of a fine dinner later that night. Erwin would suggest a mid-afternoon snack to hold them over. Levi would love a particular tea shop near the centre of town; they had the best selection of tea outside of Mitras, and a large bakery as well. After they had eaten and drunk their fill, they'd take a walk up the hill at the centre of a quiet park near the edge of the city limits. They'd find a private spot to watch the sunset. As the sun went down, both of them bathed in orange light, Erwin would get down on one knee and offer a ring.

A ring.

He idly reached for Levi's hand and held it out, feeling each of the knuckles in turn.

Levi's lip curled. "What are you doing?"

"These hands do so much for me. For humanity. I feel like I haven't shown my appreciation for them lately." He subtly pressed their palms together. Levi had large hands for his height, but they were still small compared to Erwin's.  _His ring finger is narrower than my little finger._ He stored the information away, hoping it would help him find the right ring size when he and Hange went to Mitras after the expedition. "Your hands are so delicate."

"Yeah, well your fingers are like sausages," muttered Levi, retracting his hand.

"I seem to recall you praising their thickness late one night, not too long ago." The memory made his pulse rise. Maybe his libido wasn't as dead as he thought. "I love you, Levi."

A slim brow furrowed. "Where did that come from?"

"Do I need a reason to say it?"

Levi studied him for a moment longer, then leaned in to kiss the underside of his jaw. "Shut up and eat. I bet you forgot to eat lunch, didn't you?"

After a moment's consideration, Erwin said, "I suppose I did."

Levi flicked his forehead.

"Ouch."

"I keep telling you, you have to eat. Coffee's not enough to keep your brain working properly."

He had a point, and the lack of food probably wasn't helping his fatigue levels, either. Erwin took a bite of bread.

Once they had cleaned their plates, Erwin leaned back against the short wall, and Levi snuggled against him, between his legs, positioned just as he had been on the couch earlier. He was warm, and his muscled frame was at once firm and soft. Erwin's eyes closed. When he breathed in, he smelled lemon soap, and above it, chimney smoke.

"It's starting to smell like fall."

After a pause, Levi said, "You think we'll get everything ready and scouted before winter?"

"Of course. We just need the Council to approve one more mission after this, when we'll secure those last two checkpoints, and then we have all winter to plan. You and Mike may need to spend some extra time at the furthest checkpoint, depending how dangerous it is when we arrive. If it's safe enough to do extensive scouting, I'd like you to stay a couple weeks into October, depending how the weather holds out. That should give us enough data to plan throughout the winter."  _If Sahlo and his friends don't prevent all this._ Erwin frowned, nuzzling into the top of Levi's head. "I wanted to speak to you about information I received about Sahlo. Something is puzzling me."

"Yeah?"

"My contact delivered some moderately useful information - receipts, mostly - that included a duplicate of Sahlo's birth certificate. His mother's name was left blank. I thought she might be from a rival noble family, perhaps, or a commoner, but public records showed the family was struggling financially until our lord friend, at a surprisingly young age, lifted the company out of the gutter. Their reputation couldn't have gotten any lower, so it wouldn't have mattered if Sahlo's father married down, or even if they were unwed."

Levi spoke, voice quiet: "Maybe he married further down than you're thinking."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe Sahlo's mother was a sex worker. Maybe his father fell in love, tried to give her a better life."

There was a strange note in Levi's voice, but Erwin was whisked away on a wave of inspiration before he could pinpoint it. He thought of the girl Hyacinth in the Underground:  _You're one of those. The surface dwellers of marrying age who think they can save me._

"He fell in love with a sex worker in the Underground," said Erwin, mind racing. "He brought her to the surface. That's why Sahlo is so obsessed with the Underground, why he's the only lord who gives day passes to Rage Klein's sex workers, why he claims to have some master plan in place to aid the people there. Maybe his mother was employed by the Klein family, and he owes a familial debt of gratitude, or he's leveraging past connections." This opened up so many possibilities he had never considered.

Levi pulled away and turned to look at him. "Hey, Erwin." There was that strange note again.

"Yes?"

"Is there a chance Sahlo might actually be helping the Underground with whatever he's doing?"

Erwin's brows rose.

"Look," said Levi, "I think he's a selfish asshole. I don't trust him. But even when there were three solid walls, the Underground was starving. Is that going to be any different this time around?"

"It's difficult to guess," said Erwin, voice tight.

"No, it's not: the surface-dwellers are going to pack even more food on their plates, and the Underground won't see a crumb. What if Sahlo figured out a way to get food to the people who really need it? What if we fuck that up by trying to stop him?"

Erwin watched him for a moment, then looked away. He gently detached himself from Levi and rose to his feet.

Levi's brows pinched. "You're leaving?"

"I promise you one thing, Levi: if we don't collect Wall Maria's harvest before the winter of 850, we  _will_  run out of food, and the Underground will be first to starve. I don't know what solution Sahlo thinks he's found, but it's useless if there isn't any food to distribute."

"Don't get pissy. I said I don't trust him."

Their gaze held, then Erwin opened the hatch. "Don't let him get in your head."

"What the hell? He's not in my head."

Erwin began to climb down the ladder, his brows heavy.

.*.*.*.

It took until nightfall for Erwin's mood to relax again, and when the tension finally drained from his body, he felt empty. The bed was cold, and his conscience was heavy. Maybe it hadn't been an outright fight, or even an argument, but he hated to leave their interaction on such a sour note - and all because his ego was bruised. He was better than that.

He didn't bother to knock as he unlocked Levi's door. He heard the bed shift, suddenly, as if the Captain were sitting bolt upright.

"Levi," said Erwin, voice low.

The bedside lamp flickered to life. Levi squinted at him, hair ruffled. "I thought you were pissed off at me."

"Can I come in?"

"You're already in."

Erwin locked the door, then sat on the side of the bed opposite Levi, half-turning to face him. "I was rude," he began as an apology.

"No shit." Levi folded his arms over his chest.

"I've been with the Survey Corps for a good seventeen years now, and every single one of those years, through every single decision, I've always had a clear line of sight on my next goal. The decisions haven't always been easy, and sometimes they've come with great sacrifice, but at least they were always clear. Obstacles did little to deter me. But the older I get, the more I realize things aren't quite as black-and-white as I always believed." He folded his hands in his lap, looking down. "I accused you of letting Sahlo get into your head. I was projecting. He's gotten into mine."

After a moment, Levi slid over. "Get in bed, or you'll freeze."

Erwin gratefully slid under the covers. This bed was already warmer than the one he had left behind.

Levi rolled onto his side to study him. "Keep talking."

"My thoughts on Sahlo have been pragmatic, maybe even inhuman: Wall Maria must come first, at any cost. Even if Sahlo has a plan to save the Underground, that will mean nothing if we don't expand our arable land. Our priorities are clear: we have to push past him and reclaim the wall. We must be prepared to sacrifice our most vulnerable citizens if we are to save humanity." He rolled onto his side, too, facing Levi. "But I think of Leona, and I think of you and your past, and I think of the dancer who proudly makes a living in the worst possible conditions. What kind of monster would be willing to sacrifice people like that - the people who have borne the worst brunt of humanity's struggle? Your question was valid: Sahlo may indeed be the only person with a working plan to save the people of the Underground, and we may indeed disrupt it by pushing back against him." He nestled his cheek into the pillow, smelling lemon soap. "I didn't like your question because I don't like the answer I have to give you."

After a pause, Levi reached out a hand and covered his. Their fingers interlaced. "I'm too close to this."

"Because you lived in the Underground?"

"Yeah. You've asked me before if I have holes in my memory, things blurred out." Levi's brow furrowed. "There are lots of years like that, and what I do remember doesn't always fit together in ways that make sense. I'm not good at remembering things from before. Sometimes I get little flashes - faces, or words, or even just feelings. When we went back Underground last time, I felt a lot of them, things I hadn't felt in a long time. When Sahlo talked me to, I felt even more. And I felt some on the tower today, too. When they happen, I stop thinking properly. I feel like a little kid again, stupid and scared. So I act on instinct."

"I trust your instincts."

"Well, I trust your logic more." Levi slid their joined hands to his mouth and kissed one of Erwin's knuckles. "My instincts from back then are all about one person surviving; it's selfish. You have to think about  _everyone_  surviving. I still want to know Sahlo's plan. And if it's just some dumb fucking way for him to exploit people for a profit, I want to kill him. But maybe that's me being scared. So do what you want. I've got your back."

 _I want to kill him._ Erwin closed his eyes; the lamp lit his eyelids red. Red, dripping down Levi's nose, his mouth, his chin. Was the solution really that simple? Were they close enough to Wall Maria that they could kill Sahlo, and no one would have time to fill the power gap he left behind?

"It may come to that yet." His eyes opened. "I'd rather he die by a hangman's noose than by your hand. It's more complicated than simply removing him."

"Then I won't question you again." Levi kissed his knuckle again. "I just needed to know you've considered the Underground."

"I'm sorry. I overreacted." Erwin inched closer, kissing one of Levi's knuckles. "I've neglected you all week, and then I lashed out at you because I was frustrated with Sahlo."

"It's okay."

"It's not okay." He didn't care how busy they got, or how much stress he was under; he must never hurt the man he loved.

Levi leaned closer and kissed the tip of his nose. Their gaze held, then Levi aimed lower, pressing a soft, closed-mouth kiss into his lips. Then there was a second kiss, then a third, and then their lips parted. Erwin let out a soft, fluttering breath, his eyes closing.

Levi shifted closer, fingertips trailing down Erwin's chin, his throat, his chest. The kiss broke, and their gaze held as Levi's fingers traced a line down his abdomen to the front of his pants.

"Should we stop?" whispered Levi.

Erwin barely shook his head, carried away by the feather-light touch. His pants were already tight.  _It's been too long._ He ran his palm down the front of Levi's body and felt him stir. Their mouths met again, then Levi rolled on top of him, their lips still joined.

 _He's so warm._ Erwin ran a hand down his spine, hips gently rocking. Levi kissed across to his ear, then whispered:

"How far do you want to take this?"

"Keep going. I'm clean."

Levi's throat bobbed, and then he bent down for another kiss.

They made love slowly, arching against each other, gaze holding in the dim lamplight. Erwin wrapped his legs around Levi's waist, feeling the man's back muscles rolling beneath his calves with each thrust. His Captain was so beautiful, his chest and shoulders flexing in waves, his eyes narrow with focus. Erwin reached out to cup his cheek and slid a thumb between the thin lips; Levi ran his tongue along it, the closest gesture to a kiss they could share from this angle.

Then an oil-slicked hand tightened around him, moving in the same rhythm as their bodies, and Erwin closed his eyes, tilted his head back, felt Levi's slow waves tug at him inside and out, stronger, stronger...

He heard Levi cry out as he did, felt him ripple through him as they went under together.

His eyelids parted - it felt like seconds later, but the lamp was low. Levi was asleep on his shoulder, a soiled rag in his limp hand.  _He didn't even finish cleaning us up before he fell asleep._

Erwin swallowed hard and pressed a kiss into the man's forehead, breathing in.  _I'm so lucky to have you._

He thought of the push to the Wall, and all that needed to be done before then, and all that was likely to come after it. His heart ached.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," mumbled Levi in his sleep.

.*.*.*.

Early the next morning, they assembled before the gate: Erwin in front, Levi on his right, Mike on his left. A few townspeople gathered on either side of the road, but not many. The public was more interested in the major expeditions, especially the grisly remains at the end of one.

The gate rose, and Erwin shifted higher in the saddle, breathing in the sweet scent of greenery. His stomach dropped with anticipation as he felt every soldier around him hold their breath, waiting for his command.

"Advance!" he roared.

Immediately outside the gate, a curious titan began to run toward them. Levi dispatched Petra, Gunter and Eld. When another appeared, Levi grimaced and went after it himself, barking orders at his remaining teammates.

Erwin kept his gaze forward, but his heart swelled with pride.  _Leader of the soldiers._

Once they were free of the settlement by the walls, a clear path lay before them. They had swept through this area so many times that the titan population, at least for now, had dwindled.

They halted in the courtyard of the first checkpoint to fill their carts with the food supplies the merchants had refused to give them. Once the carts were ready, the troops rested and ate lunch while Erwin met with Pehr and Johanna to discuss their pace. They had a lot of ground to cover before they arrived at their destination, and the danger would only increase as they moved deeper. Shiganshina was the source of all titans inside Wall Maria, and Erwin had every reason to believe they had kept pouring through the hole since the fall, like water through a leak.

That evening, they arrived at the second checkpoint without any losses, having successfully evaded every titan they spotted. Once all necessary plans for the next day had been verified and the troops had eaten, Erwin pulled Levi away to the one room with a lock, chewing a mouthful of mint as they walked.

The instant the door closed, he pushed Levi against it, mouth covering his.

When he pulled away, he felt Levi's hand stroke his chest. "Did you bring a lamp?" asked Levi.

"No."

"It's too dark. I want to watch you jerk off."

"Tomorrow night. This will have to do for now." Erwin bent down to kiss him again.

Expedition lovemaking was always so impersonal, frantically grabbing at themselves under cloaks, splattering on crumbling walls. There were so many complicating factors: numbness from the saddle, trying to avoid arousing suspicion, and, at times like this, lack of proper lighting. And yet, Erwin always found his sex drive came to him in a rush when they were outside Wall Rose. Part of it was certainly due to the complete absence of political stress. There was a wild freedom here.

And part of it was seeing Levi in his natural state. Everything about him - his speed, his observational skills, his instincts - was perfectly suited to being in the field. Even his sweat was natural; it reminded Erwin of the scent of sand on a hot day. He bent forward in the darkness to taste the dried sweat on Levi's neck, landing just below his ear.

"Hey," said Levi, pulling away. "I'm filthy."

"You smell so good," whispered Erwin, barely aware his lips were moving. "Fuck!" His breath hitched and he threw the cloak to the side so he didn't soil it. The last few pulses were fading when he heard Levi give a grunt between clenched teeth.

Both satisfied, they readjusted their uniforms, but Erwin was reluctant to leave. He pulled Levi in and wrapped his arms around him.

"Clingy," said Levi.

"A bit." They hadn't focused enough on each other over the past couple weeks; he wanted to make up for it now. Erwin kissed the top of his head, swaying a little from side to side. They would have to make time to dance in Ehrmich. It had been months since they had last danced together - Erwin had danced with several soldiers in turn during the Survey Corps Christmas celebration, so they had sneaked one public dance then, and another, in private, behind a closed door, the music muffled. Had that really been nine months ago?  _Time is slipping through our fingers so quickly._ He curled tighter around Levi. The next several months were bound to slip by, too, in late nights and frantic, scheduled sex.

"You okay?" said Levi.

"Let's make a point of visiting a dance hall when we're in Ehrmich. If we're in plainclothes and the lamps are dim, we can blend in with the crowd."

"Sure." After a pause, Levi added, "I guess we won't be August and Emil this time."

Erwin's jaw tensed as he realized their aliases were no longer usable, not after using them in their fateful trip to the Underground. He would have to go back to Leona for a new set.  _If I can still trust Leona._

"We'll think of new aliases," he said aloud. "Any requests?"

"I liked the old ones."

Erwin paused. "So did I. I'm sorry, Levi."

"Not your fault."

Generous of him, considering it was. Erwin closed his eyes. "Let's go back to the others."

They shared a final kiss, then returned to the main room and lay down next to Mike. It was too warm to have the excuse to cuddle - none of the other soldiers were - so Erwin rolled to face Levi instead. Levi did the same. Minty breath and body heat filled the air between them, and even though they weren't touching, it felt like an embrace.

Erwin closed his eyes, savouring it. Maybe he was being a bit clingy, but he didn't want a single moment together to slip by. Too many already had.

.*.*.*.

In spite of Erwin's determination to treasure their stolen moments, the days began to bleed together. They travelled an average of two checkpoints a day, aiming to keep the troops and the horses well-rested. Because their numbers were small, they focused on evading titans rather than clearing them out.

Even with their streamlined, maneuverable formation, the titans a bigger problem as they progressed, as did the number of casualties. They had left with forty; by the time they arrived at the most distantly stocked checkpoint, they had thirty-two. One of those lost was the mission's sole field medic.

"We can use each of these deaths against Sahlo," Erwin told Levi, trying to keep his spirits high, but Levi's gaze was as hollow as Erwin's chest. Political games meant nothing out here.

They stayed at the last stocked checkpoint for an extra day, tallying and preparing supplies for the push to the first of the two new checkpoints. Mike and Levi took small scouting teams ahead, surveying two possible routes to their next target. Mike's team narrowly evaded a swarm of titans, but Levi's found a safe path, albeit one heavily laden with bramble.

That night, the three officers - along with team leaders Pehr, Eld and Nanaba - spent several hours discussing their next moves. Erwin unrolled a map at the centre of the table in a makeshift meeting room, marking their two goals with red markers. The first had once been a merchant's warehouse; it wasn't as defensible as a military base, but its fences and silos made it an ideal location to store supplies. The second was an old Garrison outpost, and it was likely to be in rough shape, as it hadn't been used for several decades.

"We need two days at the first checkpoint," said Levi, tapping the map at the centre of the table. "One to repair, clean it and stock it; the other for Mike and me to scout ahead to the next one."

"An afternoon of scouting should be sufficient," said Pehr.

Mike shook his head. "This area is already crawling with titans. It'll get worse as we get closer to the Wall."

Erwin rubbed his chin, studying the red markers. Though they had four checkpoints left to set up - two this expedition, two during the next one - the last three were equidistant from Wall Maria; the Wall was where the military would be making its stand, so the Wall was where the bulk of the supplies needed to be. That meant this mission was going to bring them within an hour of the Wall. The second new checkpoint was bound to be swimming beneath a tide of titans.

"We'll take two days at the first target," he said aloud.

"Our water supplies-" began Pehr.

A whimper sounded from the corner of the room, and they fell silent.

Nanaba leaned against the wall, clutching her stomach.

"Everything okay, Nanaba?" asked Erwin.

"Sorry." She wiped a damp strand of blond hair off her forehead, still hunched. "Monthly cramps. Bad timing."

Erwin's eyes shifted to Mike, whose nostrils were twitching. When his lips flattened, Erwin knew she was lying. "Nanaba, do you need medical attention?"

"No, I'm fine. Just caught me off guard." She nodded at the map. "Please keep going, Pehr."

By the end of the meeting, they had agreed on a timeline and the next day's strategy. Erwin dismissed them and moved to talk to Nanaba, but she ducked out of the room before he could catch her attention.

"Mike," he said instead.

The Squad Leader came over to him. "No idea."

"Keep an eye on her. If she seems to get worse, she needs to see a..." Erwin trailed off, remembering their only medic was dead. "Ah."

"Levi's not bad."

"He's good with first aid, but I'm not sure he can help with a diagnosis if there's a serious problem." In addition to a mastery of stitching wounds that had surely come from the independence one developed in the Underground, Levi had, on many occasions, displayed a surprising knowledge about administering morphine. Or perhaps not so surprising, given his history. Erwin did his best not to think about that - not because it bothered him, but because it bothered Levi.

"Should I isolate her?" asked Mike.

It seemed unlikely she would have developed a contagious stomach bug alone, given they had all been travelling together for more than a week. "Not unless you think it's necessary."

"Okay." Mike nodded, then left the room. Erwin rolled up the map, setting it neatly back in its case, then followed.

Levi was waiting for him in the hallway, arms folded over his chest.

"Captain," said Erwin lightly as they fell into step together.

"Put me on path clearing tomorrow."

"I'd rather have you taking out titans than bushes. We need our strongest soldiers protecting us until we've carved through the rough patch and we're mobile again."

"That bramble is thick as hell. The faster we get through, the less time we're vulnerable. We need my speed to carve the path." Levi led him around a corner. "I'll be on alert for smoke flares if I'm needed to help the patrol teams."

"Very well," said Erwin, convinced. "Johanna's been complaining that she misses being on the front lines, anyway. You can trade places with her." He slowed to a halt. "How are you feeling?" he added, the words heavy with subtext.

Levi reached out to straighten the Commander's pendant. "Tired. Sore. Think I'll head to bed after I check on my horse."

"Understandable. I'm tired, too." Erwin's fatigue hit him as he said the words, his eyelids heavy. The faces of the dead soldiers began to float through his mind, a constant nuisance during missions with heavy losses. Normally, he was able to shove them aside until an appropriate time to mourn, but he found himself too tired to keep them at bay. "What was the name of the boy who died today?"

"The kid with the freckles? Oswald."

"Oswald." Erwin leaned on one shoulder against the wall, losing focus. "He must have been, what, fifteen? Sixteen? I rode past him as he died."

Levi's fingers curled around the pendant. "Don't do this right now."

"He was bleeding out and terrified, but he still used the last of his strength to salute me." A muscle in his jaw began to jump. "He gave his life for me, and died saluting me. I meant everything to him, and he meant nothing to me. I didn't know his name. I don't even recall seeing him before."

"Erwin," growled Levi. "Stop."

The world shifted back into focus, and he saw his Captain watching him with pinched brows.

"Look," said Levi, "just because you can't feel sadness right now doesn't mean you should try to feel guilt."

The problem was that he didn't know what he was feeling - too much and nothing, all at once. At least feeling guilt would give him focus.

He forced a smile. "My apologies, Levi. I should check in on Nanaba."

"You don't have to give me that fake smile."

"Goodnight, Levi." He bent forward to kiss the man's forehead, breathing in. He wished he could curl around him, envelope him, inhale his scent from every surface of his body. His throat tightened, and he finally realized what he was feeling: fragile. He quickly left the room, not making eye contact, because seeing pity or concern in Levi's eyes was certain to make him crumble.

He found Nanaba in the common sleeping area, curled into a ball on her bedroll. He knelt in front of her.

"Are you going to be okay to ride with us tomorrow?" he asked, his voice low.

She nodded. "Just a little sore."

"Please report to Mike immediately if your situation changes." When he stood, his knees creaked. "Get some sleep."

"Yes, Commander."

"That goes for all of you." He turned to the other soldiers, who were playing cards and taking drinks out of flasks he pretended not to see. "Lights out. Tomorrow morning, we will begin exploring new territory - territory humanity hasn't traversed in nearly five long years."

As the soldiers around him murmured and began to douse lamps, Erwin rolled out his bedroll against the far wall, ready to take his own advice. Every joint in his body was aching, and his eyelids were heavy. He tried not to see that soldier saluting, but it replayed over and over in his mind, a waking nightmare.  _Oswald. I don't even know if he was on Mike or Levi's squad._

He was just drifting to sleep when he heard boot steps. He rolled over, blinking. Levi was setting up a bedroll beside him with one hand, holding a small candle with the other. Their eyes held.

"Bit cold tonight," murmured Levi, smoothing out the bedroll. "You stink less than the rest of these brats."

"It is a bit chilly."

He snuffed the candle, then Erwin heard him stretching out along the bedroll. Reaching into the darkness, he found Levi's shoulder. He pulled him in tightly, hugging him against his body.

"Erwin," breathed Levi, too softly for anyone to hear.

"Please, just for a minute." It was dark. No one would see. He breathed in the scent at the top of his head, smoothing the slender back. He needed to hold someone living, feel his weight, his heft. "Just for a minute."

Levi's hands tightened into claws on his back.

.*.*.*.

Nanaba was so pale the next morning that Erwin ordered her to ride beside him. He was beginning to reconsider the possibility of a stomach flu - she kept disappearing from the group while they were preparing to ride out, then returning several minutes later smelling of alcohol.  _She's probably using it as mouthwash after she vomits._

As they filtered through the gates, Levi rode up beside him. "We've got about two hours until we get to the bramble. Easy ride until that point."

"Let's hope the titans Mike encountered didn't wander west." Erwin carefully clipped his flare gun to his belt while the other soldiers assembled.

Luck was on their side. The ride was as easy as Levi had said, the road still clearly marked from when it had been a major trade route before the fall. The flat landscape and cloudy day gave them far better visibility than Erwin was accustomed to having, and while they spotted several groups of titans, they had enough advanced warning to easily avoid them.

Around two hours in, just as Levi had said, the greenery around them began to change. Blackberry bushes, unhindered by frequent horses and carts, had reclaimed the landscape in a thick carpet. While the rest of the formation split into groups, Erwin rode as far as the thorns would allow, then dismounted.

"Didn't realize it was blackberry bushes," he said. Most of them were taller than he was.

Levi dismounted beside him. "I'm not good with plants."

"We used to have them in our yard when I was a kid." Erwin felt that strange elastic snap in his mind that sometimes happened when he was remembering his childhood. He saw Helena plucking berries and dropping them into a pail, then saw Papa feeding Mama a blackberry, and he saw a pie, and a red checked tablecloth...  _Never forget..._

He blinked and turned to the cart drivers and Nanaba. "Blackberry bushes are quick to spread," he said. "We need to clear at least a metre on either side of the road if we want this path to last us until the reclamation effort."

The order was met with a few mutters and groans, but the soldiers dismounted and pulled their blades.

"We should just burn it," said a young soldier.

Levi smacked the back of his head. "You feel how dry it is, brat? Hear that grass crunch under your feet? You try to light this, you're going to set this whole field on fire and roast us alive."

Nanaba still looked so queasy that Erwin stationed her on her horse and gave her his signal flares. They needed at least one person up high enough to view the field around them. He fell in beside Levi, hacking at the thorns. True to his word, the Captain was faster than any of them, spinning and cutting his way through the bramble. Erwin allowed himself a glance his way every few minutes, admiring Levi's skill.

Even with the morning chill and cloudy sky, the work was grueling. By the time they were fifteen minutes in, Erwin's shoulders and upper back ached. Sweat trailed down his temples and beaded on his upper lip.

"Commander," said Nanaba after about thirty minutes. He looked back, and she pointed east. "Red flares, closing in."

Erwin turned. "Levi."

"Okay." Levi sheathed his blades and mounted his horse, riding east.

The other soldiers stared at Erwin, eyes round.

"Keep working," he said, doing the same. "The sooner we get through here, the less attention we'll attract."

Levi returned several minutes later, his cape and hair still steaming. "Four," he said as he dismounted. "Three-to-five metre. We got them all. No others approaching."

Erwin nodded, grateful.

It took nearly an hour, but finally, the path was clear. They cautiously moved the carts through, pausing to carve through any lingering branches. Once they had cleared the other side, Erwin nodded at Nanaba.

"Fire a green flare south."

Green smoke shot into the air, and around them, its echoes.

.*.*.*.

They pulled up to the checkpoint mid-afternoon. The fence was badly damaged, so much so that Erwin recruited a group of soldiers to help him with repairs while Mike and Levi did their preliminary scouting.

Levi's eyes were unusually bright when they returned from their afternoon scouting, even though the news was bad: the path to the next checkpoint was crawling with titans. The officers spent several hours discussing plans for the next day's scouting and checkpoint repairs, then Erwin dismissed them for their evening downtime.

Levi waited until the others had left, then moved in close. "We're so close to Shiganshina."

Erwin was hunched over a map on the table; he traced the route over and over with his fingertip, trying to commit the features of the landscape to memory. "We are indeed. I suppose that's why you spotted so many titans on your scouting mission."

"You led us here."

Erwin looked up, brows rising. Levi's eyes were still alight, and this time, Erwin released they were alight for him.

"I didn't get here alone," he said.

"I was right to follow you." Levi stepped closer. "I knew you'd be the one to lead us to freedom."

"Levi?"

The man stood on his toes and looped a hand around Erwin's neck, tugging him down for a kiss. Erwin closed his eyes and relaxed into it, marvelling for the thousandth time that a man so brutal on the field could kiss so gently.

Their lips broke apart, but Levi didn't pull away.

"I love you." His whisper was breezy against Erwin's damp lips.

The door slammed open.

They jumped apart, but it was only Mike in the doorway. "Erwin."

Erwin stood tall. "Everything okay?"

Mike shook his head and stepped into the room. Nanaba leaned heavily against his side, clutching her abdomen. Her face was red and streaked with tears.

 _Shit._ "Bring her here." Erwin rolled up the map and set it aside. "Levi, you're the closest thing we have to a medic."

"Fuck." Levi dug through the cart of supplies in the corner and pulled out a medical kit.

Mike lifted Nanaba and set her on the table, wincing as she cried out.

"Take off her shirt," said Levi, digging through the kit. "We need to see what's going on."

Mike's face turned crimson.

"I'll do it," said Erwin as he gently tugged the woman's arms away from her body. He pulled off her jacket, trying not to jar her too much. "Lay back."

She tried, then yelped, curling forward again.

"Mike," said Erwin quietly.

The Squad Leader's jaw clenched. He held out a massive hand. "Squeeze it. Hard as you need to."

Nanaba looked up at him, sniffling, then wrapped her hand around his, knuckles white.

"Now lay back," said Erwin, and she grunted through clenched teeth, forcing herself back to the table. She was squeezing Mike's hand so tightly that his fingertips were turning purple, but he didn't make a sound.

Erwin lifted her shirt, pulling it up to the bottom of her breasts. A gash split her abdomen, marked by black thread and fringed by red skin so inflamed that it was shiny.

"Shit," said Levi. "What the hell happened?"

"We-" began Nanaba, but a hiccupping sob cut her off.

"Gelgar accidentally caught her with his blade on the second day, during a coordinated takedown," said Mike, barely audible. "She didn't want him to get in trouble, so she stitched it herself. She was using liquor to try to keep it clean."

Levi leaned closer, grimacing. "Not a bad stitch job. But it's infected. Look at those red streaks."

Now Erwin saw them, crawling a few millimetres across her skin, toward her heart. Treating a spreading infection was difficult enough in a hospital, let alone on the field without a proper medic. His heart sank.

"This is why it's imperative to report every injury - even if it seems like it's under control, and even if another soldier might get disciplined for it." His eyes lifted to Mike. "I assume you smelled the infection?"

Mike nodded. "It's faint."

"It's barely spread," said Levi. "Can't tell how deep it goes, but you caught it early. Probably hurts like hell, though." He pulled out a syringe and a vial. "How much do you weigh, blondie?"

"Sixty," gasped Nanaba.

"Start low," said Erwin as Levi began to fill the syringe. "You can always increase later."

"Yeah." Levi injected the medicine into her shoulder. Nanaba's hand began to relax, slowly slipping out of Mike's grasp. He gently lowered her hand to the table, but didn't let go.

"Still with us?" asked Levi.

"Yeah," said Nanaba, lips barely moving.

Levi looked up at Erwin and Mike. "I say we give her a bit more sedative, then rip out the stitches and see what's going on in there. We'll have to cut out the infected parts and cauterize them."

Mike's eyes snapped open. "What?"

"We don't need to cauterize," said Erwin. " A burn wound has a good chance of getting infected, too. We need to clean the wound and get her to a hospital when we return."  _If she hangs on that long._ It would be at least a week until they were back in Trost, likely longer.

"The infection's barely started spreading," said Levi. "We go aggressive, while we have the chance to get it all, or we lose her."

"What's going on?" mumbled Nanaba, eyelids drooping.

Mike's hand tightened around hers.

Erwin closed his eyes, considering. Nanaba had been with the Survey Corps even longer than Levi; she had excellent precision and adaptability. They couldn't afford to lose her. He set his jaw and nodded. "I trust your assessment, Levi. Mike?"

The Squad Leader cursed softly under his breath, but nodded as well. He pulled a chair over and sat, still holding Nanaba's hand. "We're going to cut out the infection," he said softly.

Her head rolled toward him, her eyes ticking oddly, as if she were fighting to focus. "Cut?"

"It's going to hurt. But it might save your life."

She closed her eyes. "More drugs."

"Already working on it," said Levi, carefully filling a syringe.

"I'll start heating a blade," said Erwin quietly. "Levi, are you comfortable handling the incisions?"

"No, but I'll do it."

They began their preparations, their faces grim.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Continued in Part 2, which was posted at the same time as this chapter!)


	30. Walls - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went up at the same time as chapter 29. Please make sure to read that one first!

**-30-**

**Walls (Part 2)**

Twenty minutes later, Nanaba was unconscious and cloaked in sweat; a mishmash of burn scars and stitches formed a thick band down the front of her stomach. Levi carefully dressed the wound - there was no one else Erwin trusted more than him to keep a wound clean. Mike stood by the bed, arms folded tightly over his chest.

"She's going to be in a fuck load of pain when she wakes up," said Levi. "We should keep her sedated for a few days, for her own good."

Mike's face twisted, and then he turned and strode from the room. Erwin watched him leave, uncertain if he should follow.

Levi finished covering the wound, then pulled away, his lips pressed in a straight line. "I hope we got all the infection out."

"So do I. Are you okay?"

Levi shrugged. "You should ask Mike." He pulled Nanaba's shirt back down over her abdomen. "He was crying when her screams got really bad."

"He was?" Erwin had been too distracted by the screaming, and then by explaining the situation to a worried Pehr, who had poked his head into the room.

"He's really fucked up about this." Levi looked up at him. "You think they're screwing?"

"Mike and Nanaba?"

"Yeah. They're always together."

"It could be a close platonic friendship. I suppose it's none of our business." Erwin looked at the door.

"Go ahead," said Levi. "I'll keep an eye on her."

Erwin kissed the top of Levi's head. "You did a good job tonight."

"A medic would have done better. I just make up shit as I go along."

 _And that's exactly why you're such a successful second in command._ With one last shoulder squeeze, Erwin turned away.

He found Mike leaning against the wooden fence outside, staring up at the sky. The man's shaggy head half-turned to acknowledge his approach.

Erwin leaned against the fence beside him. Without the lights of the city, there were thousands upon thousands of stars visible in the night sky. Their weight, as always compressed him into a cold, tiny entity.  _We are so small..._

"All those times we smelled our comrades' flesh burning on the pyre," said Mike. "Wasn't pleasant to smell her flesh burning tonight. I'm not ready to smell that."

Henrik's corpse flashed through Erwin's memory, but it was more distant than it used to be, as if he were staring at a picture in a book instead of his own memory. He had seen so many corpses since then, lost so many good soldiers.  _I lit the fires that burned them._

"I'm staying with her," said Mike. "Until you guys are come back through. She's too weak to bring with us to the next checkpoint."

"We need you on the field. You're the best warning system we have for approaching titans." Erwin shifted his stance. "Assign someone to stay here with her if you must, but you're coming with us."

"Fine," said Mike, not looking at him. "Rhee twisted an ankle, so it's best to keep her off her feet, anyway. I'll ask her to stay."

"That sounds wise. I'll have Levi show her how to care for the wound."

A long silence followed.

"Most of us won't live through the reclamation, will we?" said Mike quietly. "You, Nanaba, Levi. Hange and Moblit. Lynne, Gelgar and Dita. How many of you am I going to smell on the funeral pyre before this is over?"

Erwin thought about giving a comforting answer, but the man had a good nose for bullshit. "As many of us as it takes. This will be the defining battle of our generation - of all humanity."

Mike aimed a puff of air at his bangs, blowing them out of his eyes. "All this stuff I've been putting off until after the reclamation… Starting to realize it's not a milestone; it's a hard stop. After surviving all these years, can't wrap my head around the idea we might not."

"You and Nanaba..." said Erwin.

Mike shrugged. "She can drop a titan unassisted, and she smells like fruit even when her stomach's full of pus. But if most of us are going to die in six months, what's the point?"

Erwin's stomach dropped out beneath him at the unexpected words.  _What's the point?_ He saw a wedding ring on a blue, slender finger.  _Am I fooling myself by dreaming of a future?_

"Maybe the point is clinging to any bit of happiness you can seize for yourself," he said, trying to talk through it.

"Yeah, easy for you to say. You're different. You stay focused no matter how much strain you're under. There's too much stuff I'm not feeling, and if I let myself feel anything at all, I'll start feeling it all at once and break down." Mike shook his head. "No point seizing anything for myself if it's going to make me useless."

"Then I suppose I'm lucky I'm so cold and unfeeling," said Erwin to himself, and there was that fragile feeling again. He stood tall. "I'm going back inside. You?"

"I need a few minutes."

"Sure." Erwin squeezed his arm. Mike gripped his hand in gratitude.

As Erwin walked back to the building, he tried not to focus on Mike's words, but they were still rolling in his stomach like a ball of ice.  _You stay focused no matter how much strain you're under..._

Levi was still sitting next to Nanaba, his face sunken. He looked up as Erwin entered. "You look like shit."

"You're looking a bit rough yourself." Erwin stepped closer. "Doing okay?"

Levi shrugged. "How's Mike?"

"Needs some space."

"I think..." Levi's jaw set as he stared at the unconscious woman. "I think I do, too."

"Of course." Erwin nodded at him. "I'll watch over her."

"Thanks." Levi strode over to him and stood on his toes, kissing the underside of Erwin's jaw. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"Are you okay?"

He forced a smile, but couldn't bring himself to speak.

Levi lowered himself to flat feet again. "I'll come find you when I've had a minute. I'm thinking..." His throat bobbed. "I'm thinking it might be a bit cold again tonight."

"I'll do my best to keep you warm. But before you leave..." Erwin bent down and straightened Levi's cravat; it had shifted off-centre during the medical procedure. Once it was tidy, he pulled away.

Levi reached for the cravat, stroking it gently with his fingertips, as if appreciating Erwin's handiwork.

"I'll come find you," he said, voice cracking, and then he stepped out of the room.

Erwin sat in a chair beside Nanaba, checking her pulse. Her eyelids fluttered.

"Mike?" she breathed.

"He'll be back soon," said Erwin gently.

"Commander." A tear trailed down her cheek. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Are you in pain? Do you need more morphine?"

Her head barely shook. "I'm just tired."

"Then go back to sleep. Your body needs to heal." A sound at the door surprised him. He looked up and saw Mike in the door frame. The man shifted his weight to his other foot, brow furrowed.

"Someone's here to see you," said Erwin.

Nanaba's head rolled to the side, and a corner of her lips lifted. "Squad Leader."

Erwin stepped out, gripping Mike's shoulder as he passed.

.*.*.*.

In spite of Levi's promise to find him, an hour passed with no word. Erwin occupied himself with one last set of rounds, checking on the soldiers on watch. Levi was nowhere to be seen, but he did chance upon Gelgar sitting in a corner of the hallway, tightly hugging his upper body.

Erwin strode over and knelt in front of him.

"Sir," said Gelgar.

Erwin kept his tone firm. "If you ever accidentally injure a fellow soldier, it is your duty to report it to your Squad Leader. Any disciplinary consequences are minor compared to the consequences of an infected wound. A clean cut could have been easily treated by a medic on the day it happened, and this situation could have been prevented - it was foolish of you two to try to hide it."

The man's face paled. "Is she okay?"

"We're doing everything we can. We'll speak more about this when we return to Trost. For now, focus on your mission. Stay aware of your surroundings at all times. Understood?"

Gelgar nodded.

"Good." Erwin gripped his shoulder, then stood. "Have you seen Captain Levi?"

"He was in the stables earlier, Commander."

 _That's odd._ He would have expected Levi to head to high ground.

But Levi wasn't in the stables when he arrived, and more worrying, his horse was gone.

"Said he needed a moment," said the stable guard.

"He left the checkpoint?"

"Said he wasn't going far."

Erwin's jaw clenched. He strode to the fence.

A lantern was bobbing toward him from the road. He squinted, barely making out a horse and rider.

"Levi?"

"Yeah?" Levi dismounted, approaching the gate on foot.

"You left the base without permission?"

"I didn't go far. Besides, it's night time. The titans are all sleeping, or whatever the fuck they do." Levi stopped on the other side of the gate. "Came back to find you. There's something I want to show you."

"There might be nocturnal abnormals."

"There weren't." Levi cocked his head. "Come on. This is strategically significant."

Erwin held his gaze _._

"Trust me," said Levi, turning back toward his horse. "I wouldn't put both of us at risk if I didn't think it was worth it."

After a moment to weigh the options, Erwin decided to trust him. "We'll be back shortly," he said to the stable guard. "Mike is in charge until we're back."

Levi mounted, and Erwin climbed into the saddle behind him. The horse began to trot toward a grove of giant trees.

"You realize if we both die, the Survey Corps will be left leaderless," said Erwin.

"We're almost there."

"Already?"

"I told you, it wasn't far." Levi paused, then added quietly, "I needed to get away from there. Cutting into human flesh doesn't sit well with me."

"I know," said Erwin quietly.

The horse halted at the base of a tree, and Levi extinguished the lantern. The moon was almost full, and Erwin's eyes quickly adjusted. The moonlight lit the tree branches in flat greys.

"Take it slowly. Not much depth perception when it's this dark." Levi shot his grapple into the air, latching onto a branch, and began to ascend.

Erwin followed. "Tell me what this is about."

"A clear view of our goals." Levi stopped on a thick branch near the top of the tree.

Erwin landed beside him and lifted his head.

"Holy Sina," he whispered.

From this height, lit by the moon, he could see Wall Maria stretching across the horizon. It looked so much like Wall Rose, but it meant so much more. He wanted to speak; his throat was too tight. His knees were weak. He sank his grapples into the branch above them to steady himself.

"Wall fucking Maria." Levi glanced over at him. "It's something, huh?"

"Yeah," said Erwin, still breathless. "It's something." They had come so far since its fall. Here it was, at long last, within riding distance. Attainable. "Levi, we're so close."

"Thought the view might give you some insight when we're route planning." Levi sat on the branch. "And some hope. It's been a hell of a fight to get this far, and you've been down lately."

Erwin sat down next to him, still struggling for words. "The last time we saw this, we were fleeing. The world was falling apart."

Levi was very quiet.

"You probably don't remember." Erwin leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "You were delirious with fever."

"I remember." Levi's voice was small, almost timid. "I remember everything. Haven't thought about it in a long time."

"Neither have I." Erwin's eyes traced the wall as the screams of the dying, muted and dim for so many years, rose clearly in his mind.

.*.*.*.

**March 845**

**Shiganshina**

Erwin landed on the roof of the Survey Corps base, breathing hard. Steam and sweat rolled down his face. His squad members spun and ricocheted between the approaching titans, defending the wall around the base, but they were badly outnumbered.

"Erwin."

He turned to see Mike standing on the next rooftop over, holding open a hatch. With a nod, Erwin blasted to the hatch and dropped down. He landed on his feet and broke into a full stride down the hallway. Mike fell into step beside him.

"I'll grab the files," said Erwin. "Go to the infirmary. Gather the medical staff and the ill. Escort them to a passenger ship." He gave Mike a sharp gaze. "If it comes down to it, Levi is your top priority." Levi was more important to their cause than any single soldier, even Mike - he was as strong as an entire squad.

The man held his gaze and, without questioning him, nodded. He fell back, taking a corner toward the infirmary.

Erwin set his jaw as he marched into Shadis' office. He yanked open drawers. Sharp focus during catastrophe was usually his strength, but his mind wasn't accustomed to a catastrophe this extreme. He was shaky, too shaky to remember Shadis' instructions, and his vision was too blurred to read the files properly. He began to throw every file he could find into a box.

Olga burst into the room. "Sir, we can't hold them off much longer."

He tossed a box at her. "Empty Anke's files."

"Sir."

The top left drawer of Shadis' desk was locked. Erwin braced his foot against the desk top and drove a blade into the crack above the drawer, twisting and yanking hard until it opened. A single folder lay inside; he set it atop the others, lifted the box and hurried into his office. Henrik's framed drawings - and a couple of his own - lined a shelf, but the box was nearly full. He grabbed his favourite, tucking it into the inner pocket of his jacket. He tucked a book from his father in the other side, then stashed a few handfuls of mementos into his pockets.

"Erwin."

He looked up to see Mike in the doorway. "You have a status report?"

"Garrison must have evacuated the infirmary already. All except one." The man cocked his head for him to follow.

Erwin lifted the box, an involuntary grunt escaping against its weight, then strode after him.

He found Levi in his assigned bunk, dressed in a plain white shirt and his pants, shakily fastening the buckles of his 3DMG.

"Levi," he said.

The man looked up. His eyes were sunken and fogged with the same fever that had gripped him all week, the one that had prevented him - and a handful of other soldiers - from coming on the expedition. His skin was waxy with sweat.

"Remove your gear. You're in no condition to fight," said Erwin, even though, deep down, he was impressed by the man's resolve. "Mike will carry you to safety."

"Like hell he will," growled Levi, squinting at the buckles as he continued his work. "People are dying out there."

"We'd prefer to keep you off the casualty list."

"I'd rather die than hide away." The man looked up at him. "Let me help."

Their gaze held. On the other side of the window, Erwin could hear the rumble of collapsing buildings, and above that, screams.  _This may be our last stand, anyway._

"Report to Captain Anke in the south-western quadrant," he said. "Mike, go with him. I'll join you as soon as I deliver the Commander's files to the docks."

"Wait," said Levi, opening a drawer. He pulled out a small bundle, wrapped it into his cravat and shoved it into the box.

Erwin was going to say there was no room for personal possessions, but then he remembered the trinkets stuffed in his pockets. He nodded. "Good luck, soldiers."

The town was in chaos below him as he leapt from building to building. Civilians screamed at him for help as he flew over them, swarms of titans closing in on them. He set his jaw and kept moving. He had his mission, and the box was too cumbersome to fight with. There were too many titans for him to handle alone, anyway.

By the time he made it to the docks, he was hollow, the screams of the dying echoing between his ears. Civilians flooded the docks, desperate to get on board, but the boat was already full. As it began to set sail, people screamed and launched themselves at it, trying to grab onto the hull. The Garrison forces struggled to hold them back.

Erwin passed the box to a senior-looking Garrison soldier, giving her strict orders to make sure it found its way to Commander Shadis.

"Do you need help here?" he asked.

The soldier shook her head. "We're not doing much good here, anyway. You're better off helping with clearing civilians from the city."

"We'll take down as many titans as we can, buy your troops time to finish the evacuation." Erwin gave her a stiff salute, and she echoed it.

This time, without the box in his arms, he was free to help the civilians he had passed over before, but now they were only blood spatters on cobblestone. Their screams still rang in his ears.

He found a smattering of Survey Corps soldiers in the southwestern quadrant of the city, attempting to form a defensive blockade against the onslaught of titans pouring through the hole in the wall. Levi and Mike were on the front lines, zigzagging between titans, working in tandem without sharing a word. In spite of the chaos, Erwin felt a wave of hope.  _The titans are strong, but we're coordinated._

_We have Levi._

The thought came out of nowhere, and struck him as unusual, but there was no time to examine it. Anke and Berit stood on the apex of a building, hunched back-to-back, surveying the city. He propelled himself toward them.

"Erwin. How's the rest of the city?" wheezed Anke, out of breath.

"A bloodbath. The Garrison is coordinating the escape effort the best they can. We're doing the right thing by trying to stem the flow of titans into the city." He strode closer, giving Berit a nod. "How's the knee holding out?"

"Not great," said Berit, flexing her leg a couple times. "But I'll live."

"Where's Keith?" asked Anke.

Erwin hesitated. "He gave me orders to retrieve files, then disappeared. I assumed he told you where he was going."

"Huh. I thought he told you. Probably some top-secret Commander protocol?"

"Most likely."

She stood tall, still breathing hard. "Okay, I think I'm ready to get back out there. Ber?"

Berit nodded. "I've got your back, Captain."

"Erwin, stick with your squad. They're bound to get tired soon. Pull back to the boat if it gets too messy."

He nodded and leapt toward his squad members.

Below him, Levi spun, taking out a titan's nape with startling speed. For a moment post-kill, he hovered, his eyes locking with Erwin's. His gaze was lucid now, more lucid than it had been in days, even though his skin was still waxy. Steam billowed behind him, ruffling his cloak and hair.

 _He's a weapon,_  thought Erwin, awe flooding his body.  _Even violently ill, he has perfect control in battle._

The man's eyes twitched to the gate, and Erwin saw four 3-metre titans push through one after the other. In his periphery, Mike began to move.

The three of them dove in unison. Mike took the titan on the right, Erwin the one next to it, and Levi the two to the left. The titans fell into a steaming pile of remains, and two 5-metres entered behind them. They were lined up so perfectly side-by-side that Erwin swooped down low behind them, taking out all four Achilles tendons in one pass. As they fell, Levi and Mike descended on the napes.

As the battle continued, Mike pulled away to rest on a rooftop, and then it was just Erwin and Levi. Even Levi was flagging, breathing in loud, harsh gasps that Erwin heard whenever they passed near each other. As if by silent agreement, they began to work together on titans instead of taking them on solo.

One particularly troublesome 6-metre broke free from the pack and began to charge toward the city.

 _An abnormal,_ Erwin thought, but by the time he had registered it, Levi was already barreling after it. He was about to land on its nape, when the titan spun. It swung at Levi; the palm connected. The man fell to the ground and rolled.

 _Levi!_ Erwin plummetted toward him, grabbing the back of the man's harness. He propelled upwards, just in time; the titan's hand slammed the ground where Levi had been moments earlier.

They landed on the rooftop next to Mike. Erwin set Levi down and knelt beside him, struggling to catch his breath.

"Shit," said Levi, rolling face-down. His body was shaking. "Shit!"

"Are you hurt?" asked Erwin.

"Nothing broken. But I'm going to- Oh, fuck." He began to wretch.

Mike dropped to a knee beside him, placing a hand on the back of the slender neck. He looked up at Erwin. "His fever's rising again."

"I don't care." Levi wiped his mouth and rolled onto his back. "I'll get back out there. Just give me a sec."

Erwin studied him for a moment, then turned to stare at the steady stream of titans pouring through the gates. The other Survey Corps members had already pulled back - the ones who had survived, at least. Half-eaten corpses littered the ground.

"The city is lost," he said solemnly. "Pull back to the-"

A crack of thunder interrupted him, so deafening that it rumbled through his chest. His head snapped in the direction of the noise: the docks. An unnatural yellow column of lightning crackled in the air, then dissipated. The rumble ended a moment later.

The three of them stared silently at the empty space where the lightning had been. Erwin would have thought he had imagined it, if not for the glowing blue afterimage in his vision.

"What the fuck was that?" muttered Levi.

"Can you move?" asked Erwin.

Levi struggled to sit upright. "Yeah."

"Mike, follow behind Levi and make sure he's okay. Follow me." Erwin took a running leap off the end of the roof, slammed his anchors into the next building, and then slingshotted down the alley.

He already knew what they'd find. When the gate had been breached, he had heard two deafening cracks; one was the gate blowing apart, but the other was unknown. This mysterious lightning bolt would explain the other sound.

The enormous titan must have appeared at the entrance to Wall Maria.

_If the Wall has been breached, humanity will starve._

He opened up the gas, jetting ahead at full speed. Below them, half-eaten victims screamed for help.

"Keep moving," he called to the others, even though he knew these screams would join the chorus that still echoed through his mind.

"We have to help them," said Levi, voice cracking.

"They're bleeding out. We can't do anything for them." If his guess was correct, they'd have far more victims waiting for them at the docks, ones they could actually defend.

His worst fears were confirmed when they reached the Wall. Dust billowed from the gaping hole that had once been a gate. On the other side, amid the crowd still trying to board the boat, stood a titan unlike any Erwin had ever seen. It was at least fifteen metres tall, and covered with a hard, rock-like substance.

 _Armour,_  he thought.  _It has a suit of armour._ This was beyond his worst nightmares, beyond anything he could have possibly conceived.

The boat pulled away from the shore. Titans streamed through the hole in the gate, stampeding into the panicking crowds. Anke, Berit and the others frantically fought to hold the titans back from the crowd.

"Protect the civilians!" roared Erwin as he, Mike and Levi dove in to join the battle.

 _We just have to hold out until the next boat arrives,_ he thought as he racked up kill after kill alongside his fellow soldiers.  _Just one more boat. It can hold the majority of the crowd._

But by the time the next boat appeared on the horizon, most of the crowd was already dead.

.*.*.*.

The volunteers from the Garrison and the Survey Corps were self-selected. No one ordered them to stay behind, but no one ordered them not to, either. It was an unconscious agreement, a handful of sacrifices so the remaining civilians and soldiers could get away on the final boat. They had all dedicated their hearts to humanity above their own needs. They all knew who among them must live, and who among them could be spared.

There was one exception: Levi. As Anke, Berit and Mike began to fall back to the boat, Levi glared and dove deeper into the fray. Erwin hesitated, watching him.

"Erwin," yelled Anke. "Fall back!"

He knew he was needed, but so was Levi.

"Levi," he called, chasing after him. "Retreat."

The man ignored him, giving a roar as he delivered a sloppy cut to a titan's weak spot.

"Levi." Erwin perched on a lip above the destroyed gate. "That was an order."

"The lives of my comrades are worth more than your orders." Levi settled on the lip beside him, eyes fiery with anger and fever. "Go save yourself. I'm not a coward. I'm not going to run away while others die for me."

"Do you think these people are dying so our strongest soldier can offer himself to the titans? You have so much more to do. I promise you, you will save far more lives in the future by staying alive than you would have by offering yourself in a sacrifice today."

"So many have died," growled Levi.

The boat's whistle sounded; it was about to depart.

"You can't undo their deaths, but you can stay alive to give them meaning. Every soldier who died for us to reach this point has given you a gift. Do not throw it away." Erwin leapt off the lip and began to move toward the boat.

He glanced back a moment later and was relieved to see Levi following him.

Moments after they landed, the boat began to travel down its track. Erwin strode to the stern and leaned against the railing, watching. The least the brave volunteers deserved was to be remembered. He studied their faces, trying to commit them to memory.  _I bet Henrik would have stayed behind, if he were still alive. Would I have let him?_

The image that rose in his mind wasn't Henrik, but Levi. How would he feel, standing here, watching Levi's feverish form tire as he fought? How would he feel seeing that last sloppy cut that meant his energy had given out, the titans closing in around him? His heart ached: it would be such a waste for the Survey Corps, for humanity. That man, that one single man, had so much left to do. This wasn't yet his time.

Anke leaned against the railing beside him. "This is it," she said quietly. "Isn't it?"

He glanced at her, not sure how to respond.

"They coordinated an attack," she said. "We're screwed. The only reason we've held out so long is they were stupid. What's to stop them from doing the same to Rose and Sina? And how are we going to feed everyone without all Wall Maria's agriculture?"

"Maybe we lost enough people today that food won't be an issue."

She grimaced. "That's fucked up, Erwin."

"It's our best-case scenario. If there's not enough food to go around, we're either going to see riots and civil war, or a massive sacrifice of the population. I hope that our population shrank enough that we won't see either of those come to pass."

"Fuck," breathed Anke, shaking her head. "This is so fucked up. How do we play this? We have to keep morale up."

"I think perhaps the best thing, for now, is to let everyone mourn the way they need to. Once we reach Trost, there won't be time." He dropped a hand onto her shoulder, squeezing hard. "We will keep fighting, Anke. This isn't the end. Just a setback."

She nodded, looking unconvinced, but her tone was genuine: "Thanks."

The sight of their comrades meeting their heroic end was becoming too much to bear. He saluted them, then saluted his Captain, then walked away.

He found Levi and Mike huddled near the prow, a blanket around Levi's shoulders. Mike was saying something to him, speaking close and low. At least the two of them seemed to have formed a bond during this ordeal. Levi had been something of a loner since his friends had died, eating alone, barely speaking to anyone. It was important that he started making connections.

Erwin waited for what looked like a break in the conversation, then sat down on Levi's other side. Heat radiated unnaturally off the small body.

"I'm sorry I couldn't let you stay, Levi." He leaned his head back against the metal wall.

"They're all dying," murmured Levi, his Underground accent heavier than usual.

"We wouldn't have saved this many lives without your help. For what it's worth, I have a great deal of respect for the strength and courage you showed today."

Levi side-eyed him for a moment, then shrugged. "Well, you were pretty fucking strong. I didn't know you could fight like that..." An unpleasant expression crossed his face, as if he were swallowing something bitter, before he finished the sentence: "Squad Leader."

The unexpected show of respect felt like a verbal salute, and Erwin's chest swelled, but he only said, "'Erwin' is fine."

The man shrugged again. "You saved my life. When the titan hit me. I guess I should thank you."

"You would have done the same for me." He phrased it dismissively, but his stomach knotted as he waited for the response.

Levi hesitated for a long while, as if considering, then said quietly, "Yeah, I would have." He seemed surprised by the words.

Erwin smiled. "I'm glad you're coming to trust your fellow soldiers."

"Well, you seem to know what you're doing. Zacharius isn't bad, either." Levi glanced over at the other man, who appeared to have fallen asleep.

"You showed great initiative and teamwork today, Levi. I know you've only worked one expedition and a few scouting missions so far, but I want to you to be a Team Leader during our next mission."

Levi looked surprised for a moment, but only said, "Are there even gonna be more missions now, after all the shit that happened today?"

"There will always be more missions." Erwin's hands tightened into fists. "As long as we have survivors, we will never stop fighting, down to the last soldier."

"Huh," said Levi. Judging by the light in his eyes, he was impressed. Or maybe that was just the fever.

They sat quietly as the boat continued down the track, the sounds of chaos disappearing behind them. Now Erwin could only hear the lingering memories of screams; they were so loud that he almost wished for real noise to block them out.

He pulled his knees to his chest and subtly placed a hand on his breast pocket, feeling the one drawing of Henrik's he had managed to save. He thought of lazy days between expeditions and training, lounging on the back lawn in the sunshine, drawing together. Henrik's beautiful drawings had always put him to shame, but the man had always found something to praise about Erwin's artwork. That had been Henrik, through and through: finding the best in every situation.  _I wonder what he'd find in this one?_

"Hey," said Levi, annoyed.

Erwin opened his eyes and saw that Mike had passed out on Levi's shoulder.

"Just give him a hard shove," said Erwin. "He's a heavy sleeper."

Levi shoved, and Mike slumped against the wall outcropping on his other side. "How the hell can he sleep right now?"

"Soldiers find sleep whenever we can," said Erwin. "There will be much to do when we reach Wall Rose. You should get some sleep, too. Especially because you're ill."

"I'm fine." The haze had taken over his eyes again.

"You look like you're getting worse."

"Maybe. I think I'm going to puke and shit myself at the same time, and the whole boat is spinning. But there are bigger problems." Levi was quiet for a moment. He inhaled as if to speak, then closed his mouth again.

"Something on your mind?" asked Erwin.

"It's just..." Levi shifted to sit cross-legged, leaning forward on his knees. "How the hell do you stay so calm? How do you stop caring about all those people who died back there?"

"You mean in general, or me, personally?"

"You, Erwin Smith. You didn't care when Isabel and Farlan and Flagon died. You didn't give a shit about all those civilians dying around us back there. I don't..." His head bowed. "I don't want to care anymore. Tell me how you stop feeling. Is it something I can learn?"

The screams of the dying grew louder in Erwin's ears. He thought of Levi's tears when his friends had fallen. He thought of Henrik, the terror on his face as giant teeth closed around him, the clawed hand reaching out of the funeral pyre:  _Erwin!_  He gripped the frame through his jacket, his knuckles white.

"Over time," he said, "you learn to build walls around your emotions, walls with a door you only unlock when it's safe to do so. Some days the walls are thicker than others. Some days you accidentally pack them too full, and they burst. It's a difficult balance to learn, when to feel and vent, when to stash feelings away for later."

The frame was hard in his hand, even through the fabric of his jacket. Unbending. Unyielding. He envied it, envied Henrik for finding rest before this tragedy. Henrik never had to feel these strained walls, worn thin, ready to burst.

"I feel everything, Levi," he said, no longer in control of what he was saying. "At night, when I'm drifting to sleep, I see the staring, dead eyes of every soldier we've ever lost, your friends among them."

Levi turned to him, eyes narrow. "You didn't give a shit when they died."

"I needed you to see me as unyielding while you were completely vulnerable. I needed to make sure you attacked me then, so you wouldn't attack me later. It was a power play, Levi." He held that gaze, noticing, for the first time, the cold, silver-blue sheen in his irises, like moonlight. "Duty must come before emotion if we are to defeat the titans, always. I live my life by that code. But I feel everything, no matter how well I pretend I don't."

Levi was still staring, and now Erwin was imagining milk clouding those moonlit eyes, the skin turning grey, the lips dried and shrivelling. The thought closed around his heart with so much pressure that he thought it would buckle.

 _Humanity needs him,_  he thought, but beneath that was a voice that would not be drowned out, one he wasn't ready to acknowledge:  _and so do-_

He stood, eager to get away from the intrusive thought. "Get some sleep, Levi. There will be a lot of work to do, and we need you well."

"Yeah, I'll try," said Levi, and there was softness to his voice that hadn't been there before.

Their eyes locked, holding several moments too long, and then Erwin turned away.

.*.*.*.

**September 849 (present day)**

"Everything changed," said Levi softly.

Erwin blinked at the words, looking sideways. Levi slid closer, reaching for his hand.

"We're going to get it back." Erwin's eyes narrowed at that glowing goal in the distance. "We're so close."

"The base is going to need a lot of cleaning and repairs, after all those years. Wonder if the rest of my stuff's still there?"

"It may be several more years before we attempt to take back Shiganshina and the other outcrop districts, if we ever do. Our main goal, for now, is to reclaim the main body of Wall Maria." He hadn't considered reclaiming the old base. Most of the soldiers who had shared the space with them were dead now.

"You brought something with you when we left that day," he said, trying to keep the conversation light. "Something wrapped in your cravat."

"That wooden dog carving my friend gave me a long time ago." Levi shrugged. "Didn't have much else to my name, anyway."

"I see." The phantom screams were getting louder, and his walls were thin and so close to bursting that they were throbbing. Here was the goal, right in front of them, and the only thing between it and them was his reclamation plan.

Levi frowned at him. "What is it? You look like you have to take a shit."

The walls burst. "Sahlo's right."

"What?"

"About me. When he told you I don't have a plan for Wall Maria, but I want to be the one to think of it."

Levi's eyes and mouth were round. "But you have a plan." There was an implied,  _don't you?_ at the end.

Erwin's throat was so tight that his voice was hoarse. "I do, but it's horrifying. It sacrifices far too many lives. I've tried for months - years - to think of a better plan, and I hoped by the time we reached the Wall, everything would fall into place, but it hasn't. And no one's questioning me except Sahlo; they all assume I've got a meaningful strategy ready. They all trust me. We have one shot at this before all our efforts are wasted, and the closer we get to the deadline, the more I realize we aren't ready. And yet, if we don't push forward, thousands will starve." He had hoped venting this would make him feel better, but he felt even worse.

Levi was quiet.

Erwin pulled his hand away and sat on the branch, staring at the Wall, grey in the moonlight, the colour of the dead. "Imagine it, Levi: all three regiments hurtling forward on a plan I don't believe in myself. Imagine them failing, our one shot slipping through our fingers. All those soldiers I've fed to the titans, sacrificed for nothing. And yet I'm too cowardly to ask the other Commanders for their feedback, not just yet. It isn't hubris, like Sahlo thinks, or at least not  _only_ hubris. Mainly, it's fear. If I present it to them and they have no suggestions - if it truly is our best plan - it means humanity's chances are just that grim." He shook his head. "I've lost hope."

After a moment, Levi said quietly, "Tell me your plan."

"Levi-"

"I'm not as smart as Pixis or Zackly. If I don't have suggestions, it doesn't mean there's no better alternative. But I can let you know if it's as bad as you think. Maybe Sahlo just got under your skin, made you second-guess yourself."

Erwin's chest was tight, but he pushed through it. If there was one thing he could count on from Levi, it was keeping him honest.

"The main body of the three regiments will travel along the road we're on now." He used his hands to illustrate the movements, drawing a map in the air. "Meanwhile, a small party will use the elevator in the northernmost district to transport cart after cart of sand and rubble to the tracks atop the wall, as well as defensive cannons. This party will face the harsh winds and exposure of the top of the wall to move the carts and cannons more than a thousand kilometres to Shiganshina. The Colossal Titan is, to date, the only one that can reach the top of the wall, so the casualty rate should be low.

"These two groups will meet at the hole in the gate. While the majority of the soldiers battle titans to keep them clear of the wall, the party atop it will drop the debris in front of the hole, effectively burying it and blocking it from approaching titans. We don't know if they can tunnel through it, but it's certain to at least slow them down, and may convince them to go after decoy soldiers instead of the repair party.

"All this will buy time for a repair party on the near side of the hole to build a proper gate. It will have to be built in stages to make it as effective as possible, as quickly as possible - a metal mesh, at first, to temporarily keep the titans out while it can be reinforced with stone and more metal.

"The loss of life is going to come from defending the gate during this repair process. The longer we can keep the titans away from the gate, the more time we'll have to build a solid blockade. Once the gate is repaired, it becomes a matter of exterminating all the living titans trapped within Wall Maria so that it can once again be occupied. That is sure to take its toll on our numbers as well."

He paused to gauge Levi's reaction. The man's face was expressionless.

"It's the best plan I've been able to come up with," he finished.

"It's not bad," said Levi. "We all know a lot of people are going to have to die. At least you've thought of a way to put up a temporary blockade until we can get the more permanent one in there." He paused. "You want the rubble party to go north, but we've never scouted north of Utopia District."

"No. Utopia District hasn't even seen a titan in recent memory, so I don't expect that party to counter anything hostile, save for the weather. But..." Erwin grimaced. "I've been pondering this for several days now: a scouting mission up north may have to be my next assignment for you, after we've finished stocking these remaining checkpoints. There will be winter conditions, so a small party will be best, as you won't be able to travel fast. It'll be low risk so long as you're prepared for winter conditions, but it will take time."

Levi paused. "Before or after Ehrmich?"

"After. Winter begins early in the north and runs late, so timing won't matter so much; it will be difficult no matter when you go." He leaned forward. "Once our current mission is complete and we return to Trost, I'll head to the Capital with Hange to arrange the final checkpoint mission and meet with weapons investors. Then you and I will head to Ehrmich for a few days, then return to Trost to finalize plans for the year's final expedition."

"A few days?" said Levi, brows pinching. "I thought were going to try for a week."

"If we take more than a few days, I fear we'll be risking frost on the ground for the next mission." Erwin lifted his hand and kissed a knuckle. "I promise we won't spend any time on work while we're there: you'll have my undivided attention, and I'll have yours."

After a pause, Levi said, "Understood. Keep going."

"We finalize our plans for the last expedition of the year, then leave mid-October. During that mission, we set up the final two checkpoints, then return to Trost. From that point, you would take your scouting team north for a few weeks as we discussed, returning in time for Christmas."

"I thought you wanted scouting data from Shiganshina before the winter," said Levi quietly.

"I did, but seeing the titan population in this area has me second-guessing the risks versus the rewards. A traditional scouting formation would be vulnerable, given the large titan population. If the weather permits, I can send Mike down here with a small, mobile team - his nose can alert him of approaching titans and, hopefully, keep everyone safe. His nose would be useless in the north, where titans aren't the main threat, so it makes more sense to send you north, and him south." Erwin paused. "Besides, with so many titans streaming in through the walls, titan movement patterns around here aren't going to help us as much as I originally thought. Gather what information you can over the next several days - it will be sufficient to give us a general idea about the state of this area."

"Okay," said Levi. His legs swung, heels kicking the branch. "So I'm going to be gone for a month or two, huh?"

"Possibly. During that time, I'll be in the Capital finalizing plans with Zackly, Pixis and Nile, anyway. I suspect..." His voice wavered. "I suspect we won't see much of each other for awhile."

When Levi finally spoke again, he was quiet: "Maybe that's a good thing."

Erwin's blood ran cold. "What?"

"Look..." Levi pulled his hand away and drew his knees to his chest. "All those times we've talked about you having walls, or a mask, or whatever you want to call it... We both know it's an important part of being Commander, to block out your emotions and focus. Humanity needs you to hold it together. And lately..."

Erwin turned to look at him. Levi was hunched into a ball, very small. "Lately?"

"When you're with me, you fall apart."

"What?" asked Erwin again, too shocked for eloquence.

"When we have sex, or even when we talk honestly, you break down. We can't...you can't do that. Especially not right now." Levi shrugged. "So maybe it's good that I won't be around to distract you."

"You have it backwards," said Erwin, his stomach hollow. "You keep me from falling apart. You let me vent. You remind me I'm human." He paused. "Have you lost confidence in my leadership abilities?"

"Don't be stupid. Of course not. It's just, you have so little time, and I keep selfishly taking up more than my share. How long does it take you to collect yourself after I make you fall apart?"

Reality sank in Erwin's stomach, cold and heavy. Every time he lowered his barriers lately, they were a little heavier, a little harder to fit back into place. He studied Levi's face, blue in the moonlight, long lashes, pinched brows.

"I need you," he said, voice cracking.

Levi turned to study him. "Do you actually? Or do you just  _want_ to need me?"

"Levi..." Erwin leaned forward, their foreheads pressing together.

"It's like you said: duty must come before emotion if we are to defeat the titans. Always." A tear trickled down Levi's cheek.

"Not always. I was miserable then. Lonely. It's like Shadis told me: I was losing my grip on my humanity. If I had continued on that path, I would have burnt out long ago." Erwin rested a hand on the back of Levi's neck. "There's something very important you give me, Levi. Something you've given me since the very beginning: hope. Even when I feel hope slipping away, you remind me that we have a fighting chance. Look where we are right now, why you brought me here." He closed his eyes. "You inspire me. You ground me, keep me human."

It should have been a confession that left him feeling warm, but that ball of ice was still cold in his stomach. Levi gripped the back of his neck and gave a small sniffle, his grip so tight that Erwin knew he was feeling the same way.

 _I need you._ He lunged forward, mashing their lips together, chasing after even a spark of warmth.

Levi jerked away, pressing a hand to his chest to stop him. "At least let me chew some mint first."

"I don't care." Erwin shifted on the branch, half-facing him, and pulled Levi in under his chin. Wiry arms wrapped around him, so tightly that it was difficult to breathe.

"I need you," he whispered into the dark hair. It smelled like smoke and the outdoors and sweat. "I want you. Here."

"Fuck," whispered Levi, sounding like he agreed. "But you'll get shit all over your dick and get it infected."

"I'm sure you're fine, but I'll clean up carefully. I'll even use some of my water ration to rinse off." He closed his eyes, breathing in his warmth. "Please, Levi. I want to show you I won't fall apart. I want to be close to you here, with our freedom in clear view."

Levi kissed the tip of Erwin's nose. "How do you want me?"

"Stand up."

They stood. Erwin turned Levi to face the tree trunk. "Make sure you have an anchor." The branch seemed sturdy, but it was best to be safe - this would be a humiliating way for either of them to die.

Levi sank his anchors into the trunk. Erwin stood behind him and adjusted his anchors, too, so the wires weren't in the way. He unhooked Levi's lower straps from his belt, ensuring his upper body was still safely in the harness, and pulled the man's pants down.

Levi shivered. "Cold out here without pants on."

Erwin rubbed his palms over the bare skin. "That better?"

"A bit. Does it stink?"

"No, you smell good." The scent of his sweat was strong. Erwin reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a bottle of lubricant, slathering it onto two fingers. He leaned forward, kissing the back of Levi's head, as he smoothed the fingers down from the tailbone.

"Doing okay?" he asked, noticing tension in Levi's body. He kissed a line across his nape.

"You feel any mess there?"

"No, you feel soft and warm." Erwin leaned against him, rutting slightly against one side of Levi's ass.

"You're that hard already?"

"I want you."

Levi shivered. "I want you, too."

Erwin gently pushed with one fingertip, and he heard himself groan as Levi began to swallow him. "Fuck."

"Stay quiet," whispered Levi. "Is it okay?"

"Yeah, it's good. It's so good." Erwin was already aching. He kissed the back of Levi's head. "I need you, Levi. My right-hand man. My Captain."

"You're embarrassing," said Levi gruffly. He pushed back against him, taking his finger the rest of the way in. "Oh, shit."

"Good?"

"Yeah. Give me another one."

Erwin complied, bending down to kiss the side of Levi's neck at the same time. He tasted salty, and musky, and like earth. "Oh god, you're so warm."

Levi let out a half-gasp, half-moan, his hands pressing flat against the tree at shoulder width, bracing himself. "I'm ready. Go in."

Erwin pulled out and undid the front of his pants, stroking himself with oil. He slowly guided himself in, and Levi gasped, and then they were one. He paused at the hilt, pulsating, and a ripple ran through Levi and into him.

"Fuck," whispered Levi.

Erwin was grateful for the wires, because he was dizzy. He reached around to grip Levi with his clean hand.

Levi tensed. "Shit!"

"Not so loud." Erwin bit his ear, then whispered into it, "Thrust into my hand."

Levi gasped and began to move, and Erwin timed his thrusts to meet him, pushing in deep. He could feel the connection between them in every movement: he would twitch, and Levi's muscles would throb around him, then Levi would twitch in his hand. They were working perfectly as one, as connected as they had been the day Wall Maria had fallen, communicating without exchanging a word.

A cry rose in his throat, and he bit hard into the back of Levi's jacket collar, muffling himself. Levi was panting in the same rhythm, the air forced out of him with each thrust.

"Shit," gasped Levi. "Erwin, I'm- Fuck!" He bucked back against him, his body shuddering. Erwin carried him through it, then slowed, pausing to catch his breath.

"Fuck," whispered Levi again. He turned his head so he could see Erwin from the corner of his eye. "You close?"

"Yeah."

"Keep going."

Erwin's brows rose. "You just came - won't that be uncomfortable?"

"It's fine. Keep going. Just don't come inside me." Levi reached back between his legs and gently gripped Erwin's testicles. A shock of pleasure jolted through him. He began to move again, fighting to keep his movements gentle, knowing Levi would be sensitive so soon after coming.

"Harder," said Levi, tugging. The sensation was too intense, and Erwin suddenly found himself barrelling toward the end.

"Oh,  _shit._ " He batted Levi's hand away and frantically pulled out, aiming off the branch. A foot slipped; he felt a strong hand clamp into his shoulder, holding him upright while his world disappeared beneath a surge of warmth.

When his muscles finally stopped twitching, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

"That really flew," said Levi, helping him stand. "We should've both gone off the branch, seen whose went further."

Erwin's cheeks burned. "I wasn't sure what to do with it."

"No, that was better than having come drip out my ass with no bath in sight. Kind of hot in a creepy way, too, seeing it glint in the moonlight like that. I just hope you missed my horse."

Erwin tried to smile, but his face was leaden. He slowly sank to a crouch, eyes locked on Wall Maria. The ball of ice was still in his stomach, and post-orgasm fatigue made it harder to ignore. He heard the phantom screams from the victims of Shiganshina, from Nanaba. He thought of their colleagues on the funeral pyre, the fires he had lit with his strategies and sacrifices...

"Shit," muttered Levi, sitting beside him. "I told you it fucks you up when we do this."

Erwin glanced at him and saw his eyes milky in the moonlight, skin stained grey like death.

"Don't worry, Levi. I'm fine," he said aloud, the taste of burning flesh thick on his tongue.


	31. Endgame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you again for all your support, and for reading this far! I wrote much of this using a speech-to-text program, so I apologize for really weird typos. (Things like "save" and "move" in the middle of nowhere, for example.) I think I caught them all, but I'll do another read-through soon...
> 
> Also I'm so so so sorry I'm so far behind on replying to comments. T_T I'll do my best to catch up ASAP. I appreciate EVERY SINGLE ONE so very, very much!! Thank you!!!
> 
> I'd like to give a big thank you to telleroftales-weaverofdreams for a cute little illustration & transcript of a conversation that might have come up between Hange, Levi and Erwin after Hange was certain of their relationship. Thank you! -huugggssss- http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/123347163331/
> 
> Previous 2 chapters: Erwin's timeline for reclaiming Wall Maria is tight: he wants to reclaim the Wall in time for the next harvest season to address the massive food shortages that are about to grip their world. Sahlo, however, wants to push out by several months to allow for the development of proper weaponry. After pretending to accept Sahlo's silo fetch mission - one that would offset Erwin's schedule - Erwin and Levi head out on their true mission: to restock two of the four remaining checkpoints en route to the Wall. Nanaba is severely injured. Erwin and Levi see the Wall for the first time, and it reminds them of the day it fell.

**-31-**

**Endgame**

Levi draped an arm around Erwin's ribcage and moved in closer, nuzzling between the broad shoulder blades. He closed his eyes, savouring the man's early-morning scent: an aura of faded cologne, a hint of soap, a strong layer of sweat and sex, and, beneath it all, his natural musk. Blood rushed between Levi's legs, and he shifted.

 _Maybe we have time for something quick_. Even as he thought it, his body throbbed in protest. The combination of a soft bed, the post-expedition energy and the knowledge they would soon be separated had fanned the flames between them, and the night had passed in a blur of arching backs and muffled groans.

A shiver rippled through him; he shifted closer.

"Mm." Erwin pressed back against him. "Just give me a few more minutes." The gravel in his voice made Levi shiver again.

"You have a carriage to catch." He pulled away to run his fingertips down Erwin's spine, feeling the soft hair that thickened, culminating in a blond layer across his ass.

"Mm." Erwin shifted again, goosebumps rising across his back. "Did you want something, Levi?"

Levi dragged his tongue across the pebbled skin from shoulder blade to shoulder blade. "My ass is fucked out, but my dick might still be working."

"Such poetry." Erwin twisted and rolled until he lay halfway on top of him. Their gaze held. His hands stroked down either side of Levi's face. "Levi..."

"Yeah?"

A thick finger slid down his nose. "You have such a delicate nose."

Levi's eyes narrowed. "Why are you being so sentimental? Did you hit the headboard one too many times or something?"

Erwin smiled and traced his cheekbones with his thumbs, leaning in for a gentle kiss. Warmth surged through Levi, and the body weight reminded him of Erwin riding him earlier that morning, abdomen and thighs clenching in the dimming candlelight. A pleasant memory, but his groin throbbed, and not in a good way.

He let out a low groan and pulled away. "I think my dick's fucked out, too. I could give you a blow job."

Erwin nipped at his bottom lip, and then pulled back. "Tempting, but I fear my drive has outpaced my body."

"Then I guess we'll just have to wait until Ehrmich. Don't take too long in the Capital."

"I'll be back as soon as I can." Erwin gave him a long, deep kiss, then rolled out of bed. He ran a hand through his hair; it still stuck in all directions. "While I'm gone, I want you to start talking to merchants about the food supplies we need for the final two silos. You'll find a file on your desk that has a full list. I need price estimates." He retrieved his underwear from the bedside table and pulled it on. "You might want to consider sending Nana-" He cut himself off. "Petra or Eld."

Levi tried not to think about Nanaba, bedridden in the san. "Why?"

Erwin bent down to pick up his pants, crumpled in the far corner; he shook them out, then pulled them on. "Well, Mike would startle our potential vendors by sniffing them. And there's a chance you might come across as too abrasive. They're going to be skittish about providing supplies during a time of food shortage. We have to be careful not to offend them."

"What?" said Levi, offended. "I can talk to merchant pigs just fine."

"The fact that you insisted on calling them 'pigs' just now doesn't give me a lot of confidence in your ability to know your audience." Erwin strode over to his shirt, crumpled on top of the dresser.

Levi held out a hand. "Toss that here."

"My shirt? Why?"

"You don't need to wear that to walk to the baths. The armpits are getting disgusting and yellow - I'll wash it for you, bleach the shit out of it." The truth was he liked sleeping in Erwin's shirts while he was away; they made for large, cozy sleeping shirts, and they smelled like him.

Erwin's smirk showed he saw right through him. He tossed the shirt.

Levi caught it one-handed, ears burning. "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

They made their way to the baths, conversing, for the sake of the other soldiers, as if they had just happened to bump into each other in the hallway. They chatted strategy with Mike while they bathed in the warm water, then stood in front of the mirrors, towels wrapped around their waists, and lathered their chins with shaving cream. Levi began to shave.

Erwin, however, rested his razor on the sink.

Levi glanced over. The Commander seemed to be locked in the gaze of his own reflection, his jaw visibly tight.

 _So there's the fallout._  Levi had been watching for it since their return. Fifteen deaths out of forty soldiers, and Nanaba was still a risk to be a sixteenth while her wound and burns healed. The night had been such a blend of sex, foreplay, cuddling, and sleep that there hadn't been room for Erwin to have his usual post-orgasm break down.

"Hey."

Erwin glanced sideways at him, then back at the mirror. His razor hand rose slowly to his face, as if it were heavy.

Levi's chest ached. "Pin all this on Sahlo," he said, more fiercely than he intended.

Erwin leaned forward, shaving his upper lip, but didn't respond. His silence was even more painful; it was as if he were too exhausted to bother with platitudes. Levi's hands balled into fists.

"Fuck it. I'm coming with you."

"No, I need you here." Erwin rinsed the blade in the sink. "It's vital that Hange comes with me to secure investors for our reclamation weaponry. Besides, I'm counting on you to make sure we secure the supplies for the next mission, and, even more importantly, to ensure morale stays high." He leaned in close and said quietly, "I expect Mike to be largely compromised until Nanaba is on her feet again. You may end up shouldering a lot of his duties in addition to your own."

"Fine."

If the Commander noticed his frustration, he ignored it, shaving in silence.

They returned to their rooms to change into clean uniforms, then Erwin stepped into Levi's room. They shared the large mirror over the dresser, styling their hair and their neckpieces. Once they were finished, Levi, caught up in their daily routine, began to stride for the door, but a strong hand caught his arm.

"This is our last moment in private before I leave. I'll be heading straight to the carriage from breakfast."

Levi turned. Erwin's face was rock hard, but his eyes were sad.

"You okay?" asked Levi, stepping in closer.

"My mind keeps circling back to the conversation we had the night we saw Wall Maria for the first time." Erwin fixed on Levi's cravat as he adjusted its ruffles.

So it hadn't just been Levi's imagination: something had shifted between them that night, an unidentifiable change in their dynamic. He still couldn't figure out if it had left them closer, or more distant, or both at the same time. Even last night, there had been an undercurrent of melancholy to their lovemaking. Maybe it was the reminder that the reclamation was becoming a reality, and, as Erwin so frequently pointed out, they were both unlikely to survive. Or maybe it was the reminder of what they had been to each other when the Wall had fallen, of how thoroughly they had gotten under each other's skin since then.

Levi gripped Erwin's hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing a knuckle. "We'll figure it out when we're in Ehrmich. Focus on Sahlo and keeping shitty four eyes under control. I'll be here when you get back."

One corner of Erwin's mouth lifted into a smile - a sad one, but at least more genuine than his default polite smile. "I suppose the two of them will keep me occupied. Especially Sahlo."

"Yeah."  _He needs me. I should be going with him._ Levi reached into his boot. "Take my knife."

Erwin's brows furrowed. "That's not necessary."

"Yes, it is." Levi held out the knife. "Hold it with a reverse grip, the way I hold my blade, but with your thumb on top of the hilt. More speed and control that way. Make a sideways punching motion, like a hook. Aim here." With his free hand, he tapped his own throat, ignoring the panic that always arose when he thought of his throat being slit.

"What do you think is going to happen while I'm away?" asked Erwin, his tone gentle.

"If Sahlo's getting desperate, he might try something drastic."

Erwin gripped the blade and threw an experimental slice at the air. His technique was perfect.  _Of course he knows how to use a knife,_ thought Levi, feeling stupid.

But Erwin didn't call him on his over-protectiveness. Instead, he stored the knife in his boot, caught Levi's chin and lifted it. Levi stood on his toes to meet him halfway for a slow kiss. They broke apart slowly.

"Thank you, Levi."

"It's fine."

They fell into step in the hallway, Levi following slightly behind.

"I've left a few personnel notes on your desk for your review," said Erwin. "I feel the recent expedition gave us some headway on selecting a new Squad Leader."

"Dita?"

"Yes. He's still a bit junior, but seeing Pehr on the field reminded me about how busy the logistics team will be as we approach the Wall. We may be able to start training Dita now, then assign him the 104th recruits that join us in the spring." Erwin nodded at a few saluting soldiers they passed in the hall. "While I'm away, I want you and Mike to delegate some responsibilities to Dita and note how he handles them. I've left more information in my notes."

"Sure."

They grabbed trays of food and settled at their usual table. Hange and Moblit were already seated. Moblit's eyes were sunken, and he barely looked up to greet them - unusual for him, given that he was usually respectful of his superior officers, perhaps, in part, to counterbalance his Squad Leader's usual lack of respect.

Hange, on the other hand, stood and saluted.

"All packed and ready, Commander."

"You brought formal wear for the gala tonight?" asked Erwin.

"Sir."

"Sit down and knock off all the formal crap," said Levi. "You're fucking annoying." He hated the pretentious, wasteful galas at the Capital, but he hated not being at Erwin's side at them even more. They were a duo, winning the approval of potential sponsors, fighting for the Survey Corps cause. Sometimes Nile and Marie would be there, which meant a lot of drinking and a chance to sling insults at Nile faster than the man could defend himself. It was  _wrong_  for Erwin to attend a gala without Levi by his side.

"Aw." Hange crouched to Levi's level. "Grumpy because you aren't coming with us? Don't worry, little fellow. I'll take good care of him for you."

He reached out, grabbed the auburn ponytail and yanked. "Call me 'little' again."

"Levi," said Erwin firmly. He gave Hange his polite smile. "I've made a list of the nobles we should be sure to speak with at the gala tonight. I'll brief you in the carriage." He paused and glanced at Moblit, as if taking in the sunken eyes. "Though I imagine you'll want to sleep a bit during the journey, too. No sleep again last night?"

"Breakthrough with the metal alloy improvements," mumbled Moblit.

"I'll make sure Scribbles takes some time off while you're away," said Levi. Hange seemed to thrive on curiosity alone, but normal humans needed at least a couple hours of sleep to recharge. Poor Moblit had been running ragged for months. Hange was like Erwin: when either of them got caught up in an idea, they drove forward with it at any cost. The difference was that Hange was too oblivious to notice how it impacted everyone else involved, while Erwin noticed it and shouldered it with the rest of his guilt.

During the last few days of their mission, Erwin had described to him a ball of ice heavy in his stomach, a dread about what was to come. Levi's anxiety burned hotter and was higher in his chest, almost at his throat.

He slid his boot under the table to rest against Erwin's.  _This might be our last physical contact before he leaves._

They finished their breakfasts, and then Erwin briefly addressed the soldiers, stating that Levi was in charge during his absence. A few minutes of moving luggage to the carriage, and then they stood before each other.

Levi was surprised to feel loneliest here. The man he loved was still right in front of him, but they both wore their professional faces, so there was no possibility to say anything meaningful, even with their eyes.  _We should have a code phrase we say at times like this, something that means 'I love you',_ _that_ _no one else_ _will_ _would know._

Erwin reached out to grip his shoulder. "Take care of the base while I'm gone, Captain. I'm counting on you."

"Yeah. Good luck with those smug bastards at the Capital."

Erwin nodded, turned and joined Hange in the carriage. Levi watched until it disappeared down the road.

.*.*.*.

It wasn't until Erwin stepped into the carriage that he realized he and Hange had never spent much time alone together. He sat on one bench, Hange on the other, and the bespectacled gaze was so probing that Erwin found the hair on the back of his neck rising.

He fell back on mission briefing, going over their potential investors in detail while Hange followed along in a file. That took less than an hour.

The carriage rattled as it hit a patch of rough road.

Erwin smiled. "You must be tired."

"Not really," said Hange.

"You're welcome to sleep, if you wish."

"I might in a bit."

"I see."

There was that probing gaze again. Erwin had often been told his stare was unsettling, and for the first time in his life, he understood what it meant to be on the other side of it.

He found himself remembering Shadis' advice the day he had retired. He slid out a bag from under the bench and pulled out two bottles, tossing one to Hange.

The Squad Leader caught it and looked quizzically at it. "Ale?"

"Have we ever shared a drink together, just the two of us? We've finished the professional discussions I had planned for this journey, and you aren't interested in sleep yet, so maybe it's time I get to know you a little better." He uncorked his bottle and held it up. "To your health."

"And yours," replied Hange automatically, echoing the gesture.

They each took a swig.

"So, tell me about yourself," said Erwin.

"You already know most of it."

"I do?"

"Yeah. Remember that time when I was first promoted, when I tried to blackmail you, but you had even more dirt on me and put me in my place?" Hange snorted and took another swig. "I've been much more cautious about who I try to blackmail since then."

He had forgotten about that. Strange to think that Hange had been aggressively pushing the boundaries of Survey Corps research for so long. "Well, I know your history, but that's not the same as knowing a person. For example, clearly you're driven by curiosity and a thirst for knowledge."

"True. And you are, too." Hange leaned forward. "And that's why I don't understand why you won't let me capture a titan."

He let out a low sigh.

"Think of all we could learn! We don't even know why some of them stop moving at night, why they're feather-light, why the weak spot is what kills-"

"Hange." His words were tight: "You are not to discuss this."

"Fine." Hange slumped against the bench again. "Let's talk about you and Levi."

"My intention was to talk about you."

"I don't want to talk about me. Let's talk about something nice."

"All right." He had been meaning to bring this up, anyway. He cleared his throat and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "About Levi: I have a mission I'd like your assistance with, if you're interested. A personal one, tomorrow morning, in advance of the Council meeting. This is top secret. No one can know about it, not even Levi."

"Oh?"

"Shortly after we return to Trost, Levi and I will depart for Ehrmich District for a few days. While we're there, I'm going to propose marriage."

Hange sat upright, dark eyes sparkling. "Holy hell!"

"I'd like to present him with a ring. It's an old tradition - maybe even a bit old-fashioned..." He hesitated. "Do you think Levi would wear a ring?"

"If you asked him to? Yes. He'd even stop wearing the cravat if you asked." Hange's head tilted. "Would you wear a matching one?"

"After we were wed, yes." He paused. "Although I suppose that would look rather suspicious, wouldn't it? I've been so caught up in the idea of proposing that I may have overlooked that detail." It appeared his logic was still as hampered as ever when it came to Levi.

"Get ones for Mike and me, too," said Hange. "Slightly different ones, if you want. Call them Officer's Rings and no one will question them."

His chest fluttered. "You'd wear a ring just to give Levi and me the opportunity to follow an outdated tradition?"

"Of course. I'm sure Mike would, too. But..." Hange trailed off.

"Something on your mind?"

"It's none of my business, sir, but I was under the impression you and Levi weren't doing so well. You've both been so glum lately."

He raised a brow. "That's none of your concern."

"I know I'm overstepping my bounds. You don't have to respond. It's just that I like Levi, and I like you, and trying to engage in a discussion with Levi about his emotions is impossible unless we're stranded somewhere." Hange's eyes were still probing. "We had some drinks a couple nights before you left on the last expedition, and he was worried he was distracting you. Said he makes you fall apart."

Erwin felt a little sliver of pain, deep in his chest. Levi had spoken about that with Hange before him? "We spoke about that at length during the expedition."  _And we didn't come to a conclusion about what to do about it._ The ball of ice slowly rotated in his stomach, a reminder that it had never really gone away since their discussion.

He forced a smile. "Levi gives me hope, Hange. He allows me to give myself permission to feel grief and worry. There is absolutely no reason to be concerned."

Their conversation fragmented into meaningless small talk, both of them circling a conversation they weren't yet comfortable enough to jump into, dipping toes in and then recoiling. Erwin drained the rest of his bottle, then rummaged for a second.

It wasn't until they were both at the bottom of their second bottles that he felt comfortable enough to say, "His concerns aren't unfounded."

Hange's dark eyes focused on him, glasses glinting in the lamplight. "Levi's?"

"Yes," he said. "During our last expedition, we came near Wall Maria. The moment it was within view, all sorts of memories came rushing back." He lifted his head, holding that dark gaze. "Remembering the pain I suffered during those times, it all felt...pale. Ultimately, back then, the burden was on Shadis. The pain and loss I feel every single day now is so much deeper than that, so much more profound. It's snowballing in my stomach, cold and heavy. And the closer we get to Maria, the closer we are to the moment when I'm going to have to gamble the lives of every soldier in the entire military.

"I know I must not second-guess my intentions, my goals. I know everyone and everything is expendable if it will benefit humanity. My resolve is solid, but beneath it, I'm eroding. The cracks Levi sees in my composure aren't his fault, though his protective nature won't allow him to see otherwise. They simply can't be helped. I regret that he has shouldered my emotional issues and blamed himself for them for so long."

Hange's face was solemn. "Have you told him all this?"

"We've discussed it in bits and pieces." Erwin frowned, leaning back into the corner. It seemed alcohol had the same effect on him as sex: his defenses were down. Now, when he looked to the future, he could only see doubts.

"Are you letting him help you?" asked Hange.

He took another swallow of ale before he answered. "What do you mean?"

"We all know your burden is heavy. Are you letting him carry part of it?"

"He shoulders my burden without my permission. If I had my way, I'd keep it off him entirely."

"The weight of it would squash you." Hange's head tilted. "I observe people a lot, and I think I have a decent read on you, Commander. You have a need to hold all information tightly to your chest, and that's fine for us, because we trust you, but all those strategies and fears and political squabbles must be getting pretty hard to carry by yourself."

For the first time, he stared at Hange and saw a friend instead of a Squad Leader. The usual mad air was gone completely. He had always wondered how Levi tolerated Hange's presence, given their opposite personalities. Now he understood. Hange was sincere, and Levi valued sincerity.

"I am grateful for Levi's strength by my side," he said firmly. "So long as he and I have strength, neither of us will collapse."

Hange nodded, looking satisfied. "Good. But don't forget the rest of us can take a little weight, too."

Now that he took a moment to consider it, he  _had_  forgotten. After Henrik had died, Mike had stepped in as his right-hand man on the field, his stoic nature allowing him to shoulder Erwin's plans and frustrations without flinching. Once Erwin had started focusing on leadership, he had gradually pushed Mike to the side, too caught up in his plans to nurture a friendship. Only Levi had managed to coax him to open up again.

Mike and Hange were leaders too. Why did he feel the need to hold things so tightly to his chest, really? Was it because he was protecting them, or because he didn't trust them? Levi's voice rose in his mind:  _control freak._

He drained the rest of his ale, then said, "I think perhaps I should get some sleep."

Hange nodded. "Yeah, I'm tired, too."

The clicked the door panels into place, each taking a makeshift bed. Erwin lay on his back and stared at the ceiling, thinking of Levi, and he found he still had more to say.

"Am I fooling myself by considering marriage?" he murmured. "Would that secret only add more pressure onto our already overburdened shoulders?"

There was no response. He turned his head and saw Hange's eyes were closed, glasses off, breaths even.  _Good,_ he thought, but at the same time, he felt lonely. Why did he have to suddenly realize how many friendships he had pushed away in his lifetime? He had been perfectly content before their conversation. Levi was his dearest friend and his confidante, and that was all a man in his position needed. Plus, he had Nile and Marie, even if their friendship had awkward dynamics at times. And Berit, though they saw each other maybe twice a year.

Could he still count Mike among his friends? Their strained conversation after Nanaba had been wounded had been their first real one-on-one conversation in years. Mike had never been much of a talker, anyway - Levi, Anke and Nanaba were the only people Erwin had ever seen him converse with in any depth.  _At least he still has Levi and Nanaba to support him._

Hange's point had been valid: he was supposed to trust his officers. They were supposed to help him shoulder the weight of the Survey Corps goals.

He studied Hange's sleeping form.  _Tomorrow, I'll tell you all about Sahlo. Maybe there's an angle I'm not seeing._

He reached up to dim the lamp.

.*.*.*.

Erwin awoke as the carriage stopped outside their usual hotel in Mitras. Hange sat bolt upright mid-snore.

"Morning," he said. "We're there."

"It feels like I just fell asleep a second ago." Hange yawned and stretched.

They settled into their usual hotel room. It was always strange to be here without Levi. Every piece of furniture in the room was attached to countless memories, some pleasant, some less so.

Less than twenty-four hours apart, and he was already missing Levi. How would they handle the upcoming one-to-two month separation while they planned and scouted for the reclamation effort?

"If I bathe now," said Hange, "will my hair be dry by the time we go to the gala?"

"Most likely. We have a few hours. You might find it easier to style damp, anyway."

"Okay, then I'm going to bathe. Don't come in." Hange strode to the bathroom.

When it was finally Erwin's turn to use the bath, he took his time, letting the warm water soothe the aches and pains that always came after a long carriage ride. He dried off and dressed in a dark suit over a white dress shirt, his bolo tie centred neatly under its collar. He combed oil into his hair and parted it, then combed it back off his forehead.

Hange emerged from the other room in a flattering, form-fitting suit with a slightly outdated ruffled collar. The Squad Leader's auburn hair was twisted neatly into a knot at the top, a few tendrils hanging loose.

"Is this okay?"

Erwin was torn between 'handsome' and 'beautiful' and decided neither accurately captured his sentiment. "You look capable and professional. If I were an investor, I'd be interested in hearing your ideas."

"Good."

They stopped at the hotel restaurant for an early dinner. Hange ate with a surprising display of table manners, a far cry from the usual enthusiasm and speed during mealtime back at the base.  _I suppose_ _there's no rush to_ _get back to research_ _here_ _._

"Did you and Levi ever dance at the galas you went to?" asked Hange.

Erwin scanned the restaurant to make sure they wouldn't be overheard. "Occasionally. Never more than a dance, and we do our best to act like it's a formality." He set down his utensils and leaned forward. "I'd like to share a dance or two with you tonight, if you're okay with it. It'll help sell the idea that I dance with all my subordinates."

"How flattering," said Hange drily, and then, after a pause: "I'm not much of a dancer."

"We'll wait until the dance floor is full, so you won't have to feel self-conscious. There's one lord in particular I'm trying to manoeuvre around, and he'll be paying close attention to me, so it's important he sees that all my subordinates get equal attention."

"Lord Sahlo, right? The one who's been pressuring you in the Council meetings."

"Yes. A man with unclear motives and many names." Erwin swirled his glass of wine, then took a sip. "Levi and I have been working to dig up information on him so we can pressure him back. We've determined he's tied to an Underground gang using the name Lord Hasek, and the Wallists under the name Brother Étienne."

Hange's wineglass froze mid-sip, then slowly lowered. "Étienne?"

"You know the name?"

"Well, could be a different Étienne. He was a primary investor in our weapons research when I was working in the lab, a good friend of my boss."

Erwin's brows rose. "Sahlo does have an interest in weapons research. What did he look like?"

"I last saw him ten years ago. He was in his late thirties or so. About my height, dark hair, handsome face in kind of an unusual way - narrow eyes, high cheekbones, broad lips. Always looked like he was smirking, but he had a quick temper. Oh, and he wore a flat-brimmed hat."

"I see." There was no question he was the same man. "Do you know much about the investment arrangement between him and your boss?"

"No. I didn't pay attention to the financial aspects of the project." Hange's eyes were distant.

Erwin understood talking about the past might be difficult, but this could be a new thread to pursue. "What was your boss's name?"

"Othmar Eklund."

He stored the name away for use later. "Would Sahlo recognize you if he saw you?"

"Probably. I was at Othmar's side through most of the project, and I don't look much different than I did then." Hange's eyes lowered. "He would know me by my birth name, though."

"Zoe Kerr."

"Yes. Though he might recognize my current name if he was interested in weapons research long enough to know my mother. She was pretty famous."

Erwin swirled his wine again, considering the conversation. Sahlo knew Hange was attending the gala. If he was getting desperate enough to pressure Erwin - and it seemed he was - then he might be preparing to sabotage their efforts to attract investors. If he was involved with Hange's old research facility, he would know about the explosion Hange had caused.

"If anyone asks," he said aloud, "we may have to address the accident."

Hange's eyes snapped up to him. "I don't want to discuss it. That was years ago."

"It isn't difficult to imagine Sahlo spreading information about the accident to try to dissuade potential investors from working with us. Even if he hasn't, the information is public. Any potential investors may have done their own research ahead of time." He didn't let his gaze drop. "Be prepared."

Hange's face drooped. "I joined the military to get a fresh start."

"I know. Politics has a way of dredging up parts of ourselves we don't wish to address. Look at tonight as a hoop to jump through, Hange. Once we have reclaimed Wall Maria, everything else will be forgotten."

The rest of the meal continued in silence.

As they approached the ballroom, however, a bounce found its way back to Hange's step.

"Look at all the dresses!"

Erwin had to increase his pace to keep up. "I didn't take you for a fan of fashion."

"Not fashion, exactly, but they're so aesthetically pleasing - all different colours and shapes. Like flowers."

"You like flowers?"

"I do. My grandmother gave me an old microscope for my fifth birthday. I spent hours and hours cutting open different flowers and plants and studying their cellular structures. They were so beautiful, just like these dresses. Look at all the colours and layers!"

Erwin raised a brow. "You're not thinking about dissecting all these people, are you?"

"Come on!" Hange caught his arm and yanked him forward.

They stepped into the ball room, and Hange abruptly stopped, eyes wide. Erwin used the pause to scan the room. Sahlo stood in the corner, speaking with a noblewoman he had seen at other galas. Their eyes locked. Sahlo tipped his hat; Erwin pretended not to see him.

Near the centre of the room, Nile wore his formal uniform, speaking stiffly with Pixis. Marie wasn't with him, and though Erwin hadn't expected her, he was a little disappointed.

"Go ahead and explore," he said to Hange. "I'll get us some wine."

"Yeah," breathed Hange without looking at him, wandering into the crowd.

He selected a glass of wine for each of them, then began to pace around the room, locating the targets for their investment pitch. There were six. One was Lady Gunnhild, laughing with another Lady by the dance floor. She had a soft spot for him, so he'd butter her up by asking her to dance once the alcohol was flowing, then bring her back to speak with Hange.

The next two were a husband and wife team; they kept separate finances, but often went in on business ventures together. The husband was a tinkerer who was sure to enjoy talking specifics with Hange while Erwin spoke finance with the wife.

Hange came up beside him, startling him. "Is that my wine?"

"Indeed. You like red, right?" He held out the glass.

"Thanks." Hange grabbed it and downed the entire glass.

Erwin raised a brow. "Are you all right?"

"A little overwhelmed." The dark eyes darted around the room. "I bet some of these people have servants who sleep in better quarters than I did when I was growing up."

"You're the weapons expert in this room," said Erwin. "It doesn't matter where they sleep; they're going to recognize the passion and wisdom in your voice the moment you start speaking."

Hange's cheeks darkened. "Sir."

 _So we're back to 'sir' again._ There was no point in starting their pitch if Hange was this uncomfortable. The dance floor was already filling up. "We talked about sharing a dance. Why don't we do that now, give our potential investors time to drink a bit?"

Hange set the empty wine glass on a small table behind them. "Might as well."

He drained his glass and set it aside, too, then held out a hand. Hange took it, grip surprisingly strong. Together, they walked onto the dance floor. He put one hand on the narrow waist; their other hands clasped.

They moved across the floor in perfect unison, Hange easily keeping up to his steps. Experimentally, he spun Hange out, then back, and Hange laughed with delight. He was surprised to hear himself chuckle as well. This wasn't the deep tension and gravity he felt with Levi, but something light, fun and flowing.

"I thought you couldn't dance," he said, grinning.

"I just sort of assumed." Hange's smile was broad enough to show both sets of teeth. "Do that spin again."

He did as asked, and this time, there was a small stumble; he smoothly caught Hange's waist and turned the stumble into a dip, and Hange gave a boisterous laugh.

He was dizzy. This was the first time in years that he had simply had  _fun_ with a friend, with no expectations upon him, no deeper meaning. It reminded him of his years in the Trainee Squad, drunkenly waltzing around the bar with Nile or Anke or Mike, playful banter set to song.

Hange accidentally stomped on his foot, and he had been so lost in thought that he yelped. That set Hange off in a series of loud, snorting laughs, and the snorts were so undignified that Erwin found himself laughing as well. The nobles dancing tamely around them cast them puzzled looks, which somehow made the whole situation even funnier.  _Humanity's Hope, the Wings of Freedom, and we can't even make it through one song with decorum._

"Damn," gasped Hange, fighting against another wave of laughter. "This is awful. No one's going to support us now. We look drunk."

"We were doing well for a minute there." Erwin stepped back and gave an exaggerated bow, then held out an elbow. "Perhaps another glass of wine to help us catch up to our apparent drunkenness, my dear Squad Leader?"

"An excellent idea, Commander." Hange looped an arm through his.

They retired to the fringes of the crowd, settling near a pillar with fresh glasses of wine.

"I hope you and Levi dance better than that," said Hange, speaking loudly enough for his ears only.

"We move easily as one."

"I remember you dancing at the Christmas party. Very graceful, nice to watch. It's a pity you couldn't dance more without making people suspicious."

"A pity indeed." The conversation was making him miss Levi. Seeking a change of conversation, he gestured toward their first target, preparing to explain their strategy.

Before he could speak, a hand tapped Hange's shoulder. "May I interrupt you for a dance?"

Hange froze.

Erwin slowly turned. The man who stood behind them was tall, with grey hair and a sharp nose. "I don't believe we've met."

Hange turned, chin high. "Othmar Eklund, my former supervisor at the research-"

"Zoe. Please." Othmar held out a hand. "We have a lot to talk about."

The expression on Hange's face was unusually vulnerable. Slowly, their hands reached for each other, as if they were in a trance, as if Erwin wasn't there at all. They drifted toward the dance floor together.

Erwin's eyes narrowed. Whatever tension was between them, it was a clear distraction.  _This wasn't an accident._

He looked around the room. As he had suspected, Sahlo was watching him intently from across the room. Their gaze held. The lord cocked his head toward the staircase.

Erwin set his jaw and began to move through the crowd. He was almost out the other end when a hand caught his arm.

He turned and saw Lady Gunnhild. She wore heavy makeup and an autumn-inspired headpiece, and an orange, green and brown dress that displayed a little more cleavage than appropriate. He did his best not to look at it.

"Commander Erwin." She curtsied. "Would you care to dance?"

He gave her a warm smile. "I would like nothing more, Lady Gunnhild, but I need to have a brief meeting with Lord Sahlo first. May I find you a bit later this evening? We have much to discuss."

"Indeed we do." She smiled broadly at him. "Very well. Find me when you're free to dance."

He nodded and was about to turn away, but he paused. He could see Hange and Othmar on the dance floor, so deep in conversation that they were barely moving. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but Hange looked upset.

_Should I step in?_

"Commander."

The call came from above him. He looked up and saw Sahlo on the balcony overlooking the dance floor, a lit cigar between his lips. The lord tipped his hat in greeting.

Erwin's hands tightened as he climbed the staircase.

"Good evening," said Sahlo, moving over as if to make room on the railing. "It's so strange to see you without your little dog-"

"You brought Othmar Eklund here." Erwin strode forward, stopping a few centimetres closer than was socially appropriate. "Why?"

"That's what I like about you, Commander: always to the point." Sahlo leaned on the railing and blew smoke rings; they floated over the dance floor, growing and dissipating. "Your Squad Leader looks miserable. I must say, I was expecting their reunion to be happier, even after all the drama that passed between them." He raised a brow at Erwin. "You did know they were once in a relationship, didn't you?"

Even if he hadn't known before, it was clear now. "You brought him here to derail our discussions with investors."

"You think I'm that conniving?" said Sahlo. "Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart. Zoe Kerr, the child of Hange Lise, a prodigy so bright that no one noticed the fake university credentials, so dazzled were they by natural talent. Of course Othmar fell in love. He was a sucker for intelligence. It's a pity he was such a coward, pinned everything on Zoe after the accident. And it's a pity Zoe so eagerly took the blame. I wonder where they'd be now, if that unfortunate situation had never happened?"

"Hange doesn't use that name any longer."

"Ah, that's right. With all these fake names flying around, it's difficult to keep track." Sahlo's gaze shifted to him. "It's amazing how weak love makes us, isn't it? Such a liability. We can plan and plan all we want, devote ourselves to logic in everything we do, but that tie to another human being burns so brightly that it casts shadows on everything else."

"I wouldn't know," said Erwin. "I gave up on love years ago, for the exact reasons you describe. I suppose you and I both came to the same conclusions about love when we were young."

"How interesting. That's the first time you've ever drawn a favourable comparison between us. Are we finally, after all these years, becoming friends?" Sahlo mashed the tip of his cigar into the railing, snuffing it out. "Or are you trying to liken the two of us to decrease my suspicions, to cover your own vulnerability?"

"I have no vulnerability."

"Of course not. I'm sorry if I implied otherwise. Erwin Smith, the man carved from stone." Sahlo stuck the cigar into the breast pocket of his suit, as if saving it for later. "You're right, of course. You and I have greater goals, so we must eschew love. If we were to give in - if we were to let our base animal urges overpower our common sense - our enemies could easily use our vulnerability against us. We might try to protect ourselves and those we love, but there is no such thing as a permanent secret. They all leak, given time. And then..." He gestured at the dance floor, where Hange was pushing through the crowd, visibly distressed. "Worlds collide, and all our carefully laid plans crumble."

Erwin's heart beat in his throat. He pulled away from the balcony. "Excuse me."

"Oh?"

"My subordinate has been emotionally compromised."

"I suggest you listen a bit longer. You're busy, so I'll be brief." Sahlo stepped closer, and even though he was the shorter of the two, he seemed to be looming. "You and I are going to meet in my office tomorrow to talk about the plans for the next few Survey Corps expeditions. I have some ideas I'd like you to take into consideration."

"We took your last assignment," said Erwin. It was a struggle to keep his voice and face calm. "Our timeline doesn't allow for any more delays. What's more, your misguided mission lost us more than a third of the soldiers we had on the field. I think the Council will agree it would be reckless to bow to any more of your demands."

"Ah, yes, that's right: you embraced the idea, exactly as written, and you brought back every single scrap of the King's money." Sahlo's lip curled. "Accurate to the amount we told you, right down to the last gold piece."

Erwin's collar was too tight, the bolo tie too heavy. "Is that unexpected?"

"It seems my advisors were looking an old ledger when they were calculating the funds stored in that silo."

"Is that so?"

"That particular silo was mostly emptied during the evacuation of Wall Maria. The old records we were looking at in the Council meeting were off by a factor of thousands. Fortunately, I have a copy of the updated amount stored in a safe place." Sahlo took a step closer, his breath hot and reeking of gin. "It's curious that you brought back the exact amount we told you the first time, Smith. It's almost as if you disregarded the Council's decision and ran your own mission instead, then faked your visit to the silo. But I must be wrong, right?" His smile faded, his voice deepening: "That would be treason."

Erwin didn't flinch. "I'm not sure what you're hoping to accomplish with this bluff-"

"No, not a bluff; I set you up. Don't feel too badly. I took advantage of your sense of urgency, made sure you wouldn't have time to pick apart the details and uncover my lie. It was underhanded, but I assure you, my intentions are noble."

 _You want to delay the Wall reclamation, and you dare call your intentions 'noble?'_ Erwin felt a flash of blinding rage. It would be so easy to grab the man by his collar and pitch him backwards over the balcony: an unfortunate accident due to too many drinks.

"We're out of time," he said aloud. "I refuse to sacrifice thousands to your 'noble intentions.'"

"You sound frustrated, Erwin. And here I was beginning to wonder if you ever felt any stress." The lord straightened the brim of his hat and gave a broad smile. "I fully agree: we are out of time. Meet with me tomorrow morning. Eleven o'clock, my office in the Military Police barracks. No more dancing around, no more lies, no more secrets: I'll tell you everything, and you'll tell me everything, and we'll resolve our differences once and for all. Come alone." He pushed past Erwin, walking toward the stairs. "And good luck with Zoe. There's a lesson in all this: we can change our names as often as we like, but our past will always,  _always_  catch up with us."

Erwin watched him descend, his head spinning. He couldn't shake a single thought:  _he knows everything._

Movement on the other balcony caught his attention. He glanced over in time to see Hange slip behind the curtained wall, likely to use the same exit Levi had, once upon a time, used to escape gala chaos. He drew a deep breath.

He found Hange sitting on the rooftop, legs dangling over the edge, a crumpled handkerchief in one hand, glasses in the other.

Erwin sat, leaving a comfortable gap between them. "Need company?"

Hange sniffled, looking down. "This is unprofessional. I shouldn't be crying."

"It's fine. This isn't the first time a subordinate has fled to the safety of the rooftop, and I quite like it up here myself." Erwin held out a clean handkerchief. "Mitras is confining, with its rules and roles. I much prefer the freedom of the Survey Corps, where we can show all our emotions and still respect one another."

Hange took the handkerchief and blew hard, then sniffled again. "I came here on a mission. We have investors to woo. Let's get back down there."

"They can wait a few more minutes. They'll be easier to 'woo' after a few drinks, anyway." He leaned back on his palms, enjoying the gently breeze on his neck. "I spoke with your old friend Étienne."

"Sahlo?" Hange's nose wrinkled. "Let me guess: he brought Othmar to screw with my head before we could get any traction with investors."

He often forgot how quick Hange was, in spite of the Squad Leader's tendency to zany, scatterbrained ramblings.  _Maybe that's a mask of sorts, too._ "That was more or less his plan, yes. I also feel like he was using you to prove a point."

"What point?"

"That the past always catches up with us."

"Oh." Hange studied him. "Does he have information on you?"

"He might. We're meeting tomorrow morning to lay all the cards on the table." He held the strong gaze. "You're steering the conversation away from yourself again."

Hange shrugged, idly fidgeting with the glasses frame. "What is there to say? Levi told you all about Othmar, anyway."

"He didn't."

A pause. "I figured you two told each other everything."

"We share a great deal, but only what's relevant to our goals. He must have assumed your past with Othmar wouldn't have any impact on your future."

"Ha! I guess he was wrong." Hange put the glasses back in place and set the handkerchief aside. "You know about the accident at the old research facility, and that I was blamed - it was Othmar's fault. He pinned it on me, and I managed to convince myself it was to protect me, but now I'm older and wiser and realize that wasn't the case. I confronted him about it while we were dancing tonight. He tried to tell me I was just being emotional, acted like a patronizing asshole, and suddenly I had my answer." Hange laughed bitterly. "I was so naive. I threw away my career for him."

"You made the best decision you could with the experience you had at the time. You had every reason to expect that a man of science, a man who claimed to love you, would value the truth over his own skin." Erwin watched the reddening clouds on the horizon, remembering the rooftop dance he had shared with Levi, and he felt a swell of optimism. "Besides, it led you to the Survey Corps, and for that, I am grateful. You're leading a research team, exploring beasts that no human has ever understood. You have the opportunity to apply and observe the effects of every weapon you develop, then iterate on the spot. I can't see you being in a more fitting role."

"True. And I do love it. I guess..." Hange hesitated. "I guess I just didn't realize how lonely our work was until I saw him again. It's just a handful of us holding fast while everyone around us dies. I bury myself in my research because that's consistent, but I only feel like the officers really know me. Hell, I didn't even bother to learn the names of my newest squad members, because I expected most of them to die right away."

Erwin thought of the boy who had died saluting him during the expedition. "We're under so much strain that we have to distance ourselves from our humanity in order to hold ourselves together."

"Yeah, and those of us who survive are always changing. Everything about us is so...abnormal. When I saw Othmar again, he was still the same, just a normal man, and it made me realize just how naive he is, just how much I've grown." Hange's hands tightened into fists, voice rising. "And he had the nerve to treat me like the same kid, dizzy with love, fresh out of school. His opinion shouldn't matter - he has no clue what we go through. I hate how much this bothers me."

Erwin sat forward to stare down at the people walking on the street below them. The words rang true: not one of them understood what the Survey Corps went through to protect humanity. Maybe that was what infuriated him so much about men like Sahlo, making important decisions when they didn't understand what they were up against.

"There are people in this world who want to force people into labels," said Hange, voice quieter. "They try to categorize us to fit their narrow understanding of the world. Othmar doesn't see me as a person: he sees  _Zoe_ , and that name is packed with all sorts of assumptions. Labels never really sat well with me. I want people to look past the labels and see  _me_."

Erwin struggled to understand. On one hand, he had worked hard to cultivate a personality that others could categorize. He had studied all the labels that held weight in society, carefully understanding the assumptions people would make about him. There were things that others seemed to hold as important - like gender, or attractiveness, or birthplace. He couldn't understand why any of those should have any bearing on a person's worth, but he was happy to take advantage of others' assumptions.

As a teenager, he had thought his refusal to put stock in these assumptions made him superior to people who still grappled with categorizing their fellow humans. Maybe all it had really done was blind him to the suffering of people who didn't fit society's labels.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Hange looked up. "For what?"

"You've been through a lot to get to where you are, and you've stuck true to yourself in a world that tries to force you into roles that don't fit. I want you to know that I value you -  _Hange._ If I deny your requests, it's not because I undervalue the importance of your opinion. It's because I have to constantly weigh the pros and cons of everything the Survey Corps does, and other tasks must take priority right now."

Hange launched at him, and he found himself caught in a hug so tight that his breath wheezed. He wasn't sure how to react, so he settled for an awkward back pat.

"Okay, I'm feeling better." Hange pulled away and shoved the soiled handkerchief into his hand. "Let's get some investors."

.*.*.*.

In spite of Sahlo's best efforts, Hange returned to the dance floor collected and professional. Othmar was nowhere to be seen - and, curiously enough, neither was Sahlo.

 _Was he only here for me?_ Erwin smirked.  _He's taking every step he can think of to try to intimidate me_ _._

His first stop was Lady Gunnhild, who had already indulged in too many drinks. She whisked Erwin onto the dance floor and her hands were so grabby that Erwin was reminded of his training days, fending off drunken advances of other teenage boys. It was exhausting.

Still, Lady Gunnhild was a shrewd business woman, and when the dance was over, she paid studious attention to Hange's pitch. As she asked more questions, Hange seemed to gain confidence, a spark showing in the dark eyes.

"I must ask," said the Lady, gripping Hange's shoulder. "I heard a rumour about an accident in your old research firm."

Hange paled, but Erwin smiled and stepped in. "Our laboratory has a flawless track record since Hange founded it four years ago. Whatever happened in the past, it has given Hange the perspective and the wisdom to ensure we have stringent safety standards. Even the top weapons laboratories here in Mitras have had small fires and accidents within the past four years; the Survey Corps track record is perfect." He began to rattle off a list of their accomplishments.

By the time the Lady left, he was certain they had secured an investment.

"That was slick," said Hange.

"I told her the truth."

"The truth she wanted to hear."

"That's the key: knowing which truth is most important to each investor." He eyed the husband-and-wife team across the room. "Incidentally, I want you to enthrall Lord Boris there with the minutiae of your most recent weapon. I'll speak with Lady Ida about the fiscal aspects."

By the end of the night, they had successfully spoken with all six investors. It was difficult to gauge their success, but Erwin felt optimistic.

They returned to the hotel after midnight, both of them so tipsy that they had to lean on each other's shoulders going upstairs. Hange collapsed face-down on the bed in the main room.

"Can I have this one?"

"Yes." The bedroom in the side room was smaller, but it had a door and a lock. Erwin was hoping for a little private time to entertain warm, fuzzy memories about the first gala he had attended with Levi.

But first, he was parched. He sat at the table and poured himself a glass of water.

"Hey Erwin." Hange's voice was muffled by the quilt.

"Yes?"

Hange rolled over, glasses crooked. "Tell me more about why you love Levi."

"You already asked this."

"You were sober then. I want more details. I bet you're missing him, and I'm a sucker for romance."

He smiled softly to himself and looked down at his glass, swirling it as if it were wine. "Well, it's true that I miss him." Maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk about love for a moment. "His skill was the first attraction. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I saw dexterity, speed and strength unlike anything I had ever seen. I told myself it was purely clinical admiration, but I felt it in my heart, not my brain. The next attraction was his resolve."

Hange rose up on one elbow and snorted. "You mean his stubbornness."

"Call it what you will; I admire tenacity. His ability to quickly size up the situation was attractive as well. I saw in him a potential partner, a perfect complement to my skill set."

"You're talking about him like his Commander," muttered Hange.

"I  _am_  his Commander."

"So talk about him like his fiancé-to-be." Hange squinted at him. "Do you actually think he's good looking?"

"Of course."

"Really?" Hange sat up. "He always looks like he just smelled something bad."

Erwin gave a soft chuckle, lost in the mental image. "When his nose wrinkles, his lip curls up on the left side. And he's the only man I know who can smile with his eyes while the rest of his face is scowling." He traced the rim of his glass with his fingertip. "I gravitate toward people with a grumpy personality. Grumpy people tend to see the world as it really is, and you always know where you stand with them. Besides, his sharp tongue showcases his intelligence, and his crassness is amusing." He paused. "But there's softness beneath all that. He's rough around the edges, but he's also one of the kindest, most generous people I have ever met."

He thought of Levi buying the apartment in Ehrmich just to keep their symbol of hope alive. He thought of the way he always fixed Erwin's hair and preened his clothes, the way he gently trailed his slim fingers down Erwin's body with utter admiration:  _look at you._

But it wasn't only their interactions that made him so endearing. Levi's face was also so distraught, so vulnerable at every funeral pyre, and his hugs were always strong and lengthy afterwards. Levi truly cared for the troops, even the ones he didn't know by name, even the ones who hadn't been in his squad.

His throat was tight. "You spoke earlier about the human tendency to categorize. People look at Levi and see a violent thug with crass speech, but he's so much more complex than that, so multi-faceted. His passion for the well-being of the people around him burns deeper than anyone I have ever met. I've survived this long by hiding my vulnerable side, but Levi embraces his and shows it to anyone who treats him with respect. That makes me want to protect him, but at the same time, it makes him the strongest man I've ever met. He is fearlessly himself in every situation."

Hange was watching him with soft eyes. "And here I thought you were going to talk about sex."

He chuckled. "That's private."

"I'm not really that nosy, anyway. I've already seen all I need to know."

"Are you referring to the incident from three years ago? Perhaps it's time to let that go."

"Oh, I let it go ages ago. I bugged Levi about it at every opportunity I could get, and it got old. But I never bugged you about it, and we're friends now, right? So I can resurrect it all over again."

"I'm still the one who holds the fate of your future research in the palm of my hand, so you may want to reconsider," he said dryly.

"Ah, fair enough."

They were silent. The alcohol and the thought of Levi were deep in his head now, and he felt his groin stirring. He finished off his glass of water, and then stood. "Thank you for your help tonight, Hange. Get some sleep. We'll have an early breakfast, and then peruse the jewellery shops before I have to head out to visit Sahlo." He needed something to look forward to before he faced down the lord.

"'Night, Erwin," mumbled Hange, eyes already closed.

"Goodnight."

Maybe he should spend some time preparing to face Sahlo, but he could only think about Levi.  _A little stress relief might put me in a better frame of mind._

He locked himself in the bedroom and pulled off his suit jacket, neatly hanging it in the closet. He rolled up his sleeves to avoid mussing them, found a clean handkerchief, then undid his pants and sat on the end of the bed.

He tried to think ahead to what he would do with Levi in Ehrmich, but the fantasy was too complex, and he was too drunk to be creative. Instead, he latched onto a memory from a few weeks ago, before they had become bogged down in expedition planning. They had spent the night drinking with Mike, and Levi had been subtly groping Erwin's thigh under the table all evening until Erwin had given in and dragged him away to their Trost apartment. He recalled the taste of Levi's neck, the way the muscles had strained, the sensation of his throat cartilage under Erwin's tongue, while Levi hardened and groaned beneath him.

He paused to roll onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. He couldn't stop recalling the sensation of Levi's throat under his tongue, the way it had vibrated with his groan. Levi's most vulnerable area, the one he clutched when he woke up with nightmares, the one that still made him tense when Erwin shaved it - to hear and feel him react with such pleasure...

Erwin bit the pillow and came hard into the handkerchief, every inch of his skin tingling.

He stayed frozen like that for another minute, too relaxed to bother moving, but then his neck began to ache. He released the pillow and rolled onto his back, hands lolling to the side.

When they were apart, it was the little details he missed most, those memories so specific - so  _Levi_  - that they were tangible. When they got to Ehrmich, he was going to linger on that beautiful throat and rediscover that rumbling groan.

But his barriers were down, and the memory was fading from his grasp. Now all he could see was Sahlo's crooked smile:

_It's amazing how weak love makes us, isn't it?_

.*.*.*.

He awoke at dawn drenched in the sweat of an old nightmare: Sahlo, and titans, and Levi disappearing between his teeth.

He hated how deeply Sahlo had wormed his way into his confidence. At least things were about to come to a head. Maybe, one way or another, this feud between them could finally be resolved.

The Squad Leader was already getting dressed when he stepped into the main room.

"You call his name in your sleep," said Hange, pulling on a worn set of uniform boots.

"Levi? Only when I'm having nightmares, I hope." His jaw tightened.  _There is no such thing as a permanent secret._

Hange paused, watching him. "Are you okay?"

He was going to brush it off, but remembered their discussion in the carriage about sharing burdens. "I'm about to try to blackmail someone without knowing what information he has on me. He's been building up to this, just as I have, for more than three years. He's crafty."

"Then maybe blackmail isn't the best option," said Hange. "Remember that lesson you taught me about blackmail, all those years ago? Don't try to blackmail someone whose information outweighs your own. Maybe you'll have to compromise instead."

He grimaced. "There's no room for compromise. We're short on time."

"So is everyone."

"True." Sahlo did seem like he was getting desperate.

He pulled on a set of black pants and a plain green shirt with a straight collar. He left his hair loose, as much as it bothered him to venture outside without groomed hair. It was better if none of the jewellers recognized him.

Hange was dressed in dull browns, hair loose and wavy. It was strange to step outside in casual clothes like this. Even when they went out drinking in groups, everyone wore their uniforms. The only person he ever went out with in casual dress was Levi.

They stopped to buy coffee and bread, then toured the shopping district. The shops were just opening, so the streets were empty.

They pretended to be brother and sister, looking together to find a ring for a new sister-in-law. The more distance they could put between Erwin and Levi, the better. It quickly became apparent the shops wanted to sell him ornate rings with gaudy gemstones.

"She likes simple jewellery," explained Erwin at one promising-looking shop. "Thick, plain bands, no stones. I'm hoping to wear a matching one."

"Ah, how romantic!" The jeweller reached for his hand and inspected his fingers, then pulled out sizing bands for him to try on. "What size is the lady?"

"About one size smaller than my smallest finger."

"I see." The jeweller took a few measurements, and then rustled beneath the counter. "The plain styles you describe tend to be preferred by gentlemen with large hands like yourself, but they aren't very popular with ladies. However, we have some children's sizes that might fit the lady in question."

Hange snickered.

"It's common for men in the military to get matching bands to give to their children," said the jeweller. "Let me show you some of those sets."

Together, they examined a tray of rings.

"How about this?" asked Hange, holding out a pair of plain metal bands, silver in colour, with a horizontal gradient from dark to light. The gradient instantly reminded Erwin of the sky, and he smiled.

_Levi was always meant to fly._

He tried on the larger band. It fit perfectly on the ring finger of his left hand.

"The smaller one is approximately the right size for the lady," said the jeweller helpfully.

His heart beat in his throat as he pictured kneeling before Levi, looking up at him, slipping this ring onto his finger.

"These are the ones." He turned to Hange. "Should we purchase two more for you and your...friend?" He was too dizzy to think of a good code name for Mike.

"We can get those later. They don't have to match exactly; the important thing is that all four of us wear rings." The Squad Leader was grinning. "I think your future fiancé is going to like this."

Erwin paid and then they stepped into the street.

Hange gave a shriek and launched at him, hugging him tightly.

"Oof," said Erwin good-naturedly, trying to extract himself from the vice-like grip.

"I'm so happy for you." Hange looked up, eyes rimmed with tears. "You two have danced around it for so long, and you've faced so much misery together, and-"

"Perhaps it's unwise to draw this much attention to us." He managed to free his hands and pushed against the Squad Leader's shoulders. "Would you like to hang on to the rings?" He was bound to forget they were in his pocket and inadvertently ruin the surprise when Levi dragged him into private upon their return.

"I'd be honoured." Hange solemnly accepted the bag.

His head was spinning. "Now I just have to work on what I'm going to say when I propose."

"Keep it simple. He doesn't need a speech."

"I suppose he doesn't." Words didn't even need to seem to pass between them to express how they felt. He smiled to himself. May he would just kneel as the sun set behind him and hold out the ring, and let Levi read between the lines.

"Who are you going to invite?" asked Hange.

Erwin glanced around them and, satisfied they weren't attracting any attention, said, "You, of course. Mike. Moblit and Nanaba both know now, and I trust them both, so they'd be welcome as well. Berit and Silas. Commander Nile and his wife, Marie. Probably no children - it will need to stay a secret, after all, and..." He hesitated. "Children aren't always good with secrets."

"Sounds like a good crowd."

"I think so, yes." He considered. "I should probably extend the invitation to my mother, but I'm not sure she would accept."

Hange's eyes were wide. "I didn't realize you had living family."

"A rarity these days, isn't it? She probably wouldn't be interested in attending. We had a falling out when I was very young." She would probably want it to be a formal church wedding, anyway, and the nature of their work relationship was such that they couldn't have a real wedding _._ He cleared his throat. "At any rate, there's no point planning this far ahead. I still don't know for sure he'll say yes, and with the reclamation coming up, we may die before we get the chance."

Hange's face fell. "That's a depressing thought."

"It's my job to consider depressing angles."

They returned to the room and took turns getting cleaned up, then changed into their uniforms. Erwin carefully groomed his hair and his brows, then leaned in close to check for ear hair or stray nose hairs. Satisfied that he looked immaculate, he stood tall. "I want you waiting in the hallway while I speak with Sahlo. I don't expect a skirmish to break out, but if it does, I want you to be ready to come to my aid. Do not attract the attention of the MP unless I tell you to sound an alarm."

"Levi would be better at this," said Hange.

"Levi's not here. I've fought hand-to-hand with you before. You're stronger than you think, and you take a punch with better humour than anyone I've ever met. Sahlo is untrained. The risks are small." Even as he said it, he patted his boot to ensure Levi's knife was in place.

He looked in the mirror one last time, took a deep breath, and then set his face to neutral.

The Military Police headquarters was almost empty - Saturday mornings were always quiet. Erwin held his chin high as he strode down the hall to Sahlo's office. He gave Hange's shoulder a squeeze.

"Wait for me here," he said quietly and, without waiting for a response, he knocked on the door.

"Come in."

He stepped into the office and closed the door behind him.

Sahlo sat at his desk, hands folded in front of him, the brim of his hat masking his face in shadow. He motioned at the chair across from him.

Erwin sat.

"Tea?" Sahlo topped up his own mug with a teapot.

"No, thank you." Erwin quietly took in the room. No one standing nearby, no weapons. He felt his spine relax slightly.

"You've come a long way to be here," said Sahlo. "How long is the ride from Trost to Mitras, exactly? About ten hours?"

"You'll forgive me for having no interest in small talk."

"Of course. There's a lot to get through, and we're on a tight timeline. You know why you're here." Sahlo poured amber liquid from a flask into his tea, and then paused to take a sip. He leaned back in his chair. "I'm done trying to manage you. It's exhausting. Ever since you and your Captain pulled your little stunt in the Underground, I've had investors to placate, broken trust to repair."

"Our stunt?"

"Stop it." Sahlo's eyes narrowed. "I know you and Levi were in the Underground. I know Zackly did some hand-waving bullshit to cover for you - damned if I can figure out why. Maybe he's protecting you, or maybe he's blackmailing you into some bizarre sexual favours, who knows? You used fake identification crafted by Leona Reid, waltzed into Rage Klein's territory, asked around about me, and started a gang fight. And then your fucking dog killed four people - people who had families, and friends, and roles within Underground society. These are very serious actions, Smith, and they put me in a very, very awkward position."

The hair on the back of Erwin's neck rose, but he stayed silent, hoping Sahlo's apparent chatty mood would lead him to reveal new information.

"The trouble began when you recruited that asshole Levi, of all people." Sahlo took another sip of tea. "He's a thug. I know people around us see  _everyon_ e Underground as thugs, but that's ignorance. The denizens of the Underground are people who have developed their own economy and pecking order, and the majority of them are hardworking folks making the best living they can in deplorable circumstances.

"But a few of them are selfish scum, like Levi. He took in orphans - a nice idea in theory, but he trained them to steal and brainwashed them to his entitled way of life. The brats took food out of the mouths of families, far more than their share." He gave a low sigh. "And then you entered the picture, and Lobov went behind my back and hired that good-for-nothing thug."

Erwin's brows lowered as he tried to guess where the conversation was headed.

Sahlo chuckled. "You look confused. I'm rambling, aren't I? I haven't had much sleep lately."

"I'm surprised a lord knows so much about Underground society," said Erwin. "Do you feel a connection to it because of your mother?"

Their gaze held. Erwin held his face steady; if he revealed it was a desperate guess, he would be handing all his power to Sahlo.

"Interesting," said the lord. "You've gotten further than any other opponent I've ever faced. I promised to lay everything on the table. We've been locking horns for several years now, but we were always moving in a similar direction. Now we're reaching a point of direct opposition, and neither can proceed without the other's cooperation. One of us must take the lead and the other must fall into line."

"And you think you should take the lead."

"Of course I do. You're pushing ahead with this bullheaded, misguided reclamation effort, and you're so charismatic that you're developing a strong following among the other Council members. And you're refusing to bow to pressure, so you leave me with two options: either convince you of my viewpoint, or apply all the pressure I can. The latter might break you, so I'd like to try the former, first."

"There is nothing you can say that can convince me to delay the reclamation effort," said Erwin flatly. "I know my priorities."

Sahlo smirked. "But do you truly understand mine? You seem to think I'm desperate for money - that's what most of our agreements have revolved around until now. I don't need your money, Smith. You must have caught on to that by now. Money is a perk, and I enjoy luxury, but I'm more concerned with protecting humanity's most downtrodden."

Rage rose in Erwin's throat, but he kept his voice calm: "Your past actions speak differently. I sat in on Council meetings where you pushed for the slaughter of 250,000 refugees after Wall Maria fell. You specifically exempted the noble class from the death lottery. How can you claim to be protecting the poorer classes when you specifically targeted them for your sacrifice?"

Sahlo's face twisted. "Do you think the Council - most of them who are nobles themselves - would have accepted the lottery idea if they risked losing their lives? I had to appeal to their cowardice to ensure they accepted my idea. Specifically targeting the refugees was the only reasonable option. The initial plans were far more horrific. You and I both know that sometimes we have to set aside smaller moral quibbles to address the larger ones." He opened a drawer and pulled out a file.

Erwin accepted it and began to skim.

"I had a feeling you'd bring this up. The file contains the original plan to exterminate the entire Underground population," said Sahlo quietly. "You weren't privy to this initial stage of planning - only Commander-in-Chief Zackly represented the military in the initial meetings. The MP's First Brigade was to commit this atrocious act. You've heard of them?"

"Only in passing." Erwin flipped the page, still skimming.

"It would have been a slaughter, as if they were animals. Some were even pushing for their meat to be used to feed the starving." Sahlo's voice was rising. "They said it so carelessly; they didn't view them as people. They were going to hide it from the populace, prevent a panic. At least the lottery and the expedition gave some semblance of meaning to the lives we culled. That's why I fought tooth and nail for it. I convinced the Council the Underground residents would be too feeble to launch an attack of this magnitude. The refugees, meanwhile, were viewed as interlopers, but they were strong, hardy stock, farmers and manual laborers. They had a better chance of succeeding."

Erwin closed the file and set it on the desk. He would check its veracity with Zackly later. "From where I'm sitting, you look like a man who tore apart families and sacrificed a quarter million lives, then blamed the losses on the Survey Corps."

"Be reasonable, Smith. You're a smart man. You must have seen that there wasn't enough food to feed every living mouth once Wall Maria fell - you certainly harp on food shortages in the Council meetings lately.

"As for blaming the Survey Corps, you made the most convenient scapegoat. Can you imagine the chaos that would have ensued if people had blamed the government instead?"

He wasn't wrong, but Erwin's blood still boiled. "You've been outspoken about the Survey Corps being a waste of taxpayer money."

"In its current state, it is. Like I said, you made for a convenient scapegoat."

"The Survey Corps is our only hope to reclaim Wall Maria."

"Wall Maria is lost." Sahlo pulled out a cigar and lit it. "You and I both know the chances of reclamation success are slim. Besides, the Wallists have gained such a strong following that repairing the wall is going to cause massive public upheaval. For the sake of preserving life and stability, humanity would be better off developing sustainable food growth while maintaining Wall Rose as our outer wall."

Erwin's jaw was tight; he loosened it, focusing on keeping his expression neutral. "We've seen how easily the titans can break through gates. We still don't know what caused the Colossal and Armoured titans to appear, or when they might appear again. If they make an attack on Wall Rose, we won't have the infrastructure to support our surviving population."

"So you would sacrifice the entire military in an attempt at reclaiming Wall Maria as a sort of temporary buffer? How many thousands of lives do you expect to throw away? Tell me how that's different from what I did. At least you'll lighten the burden on taxpayers and mouths to feed, I suppose, but the survivors will be left without any military at all."

Erwin's confidence, usually a solid coat, was beginning to flake away. "I have a plan, one we'll spend the winter refining, one that will minimize casualties. The timeline is tight, and the more you push back against it, the tighter it becomes. It begins at tonight's Council meeting, when we'll approve the expedition to stock the four remaining checkpoints-"

"Less than that," said Sahlo. "You already restocked at least one checkpoint during your little deviation from my proposed expedition, correct? Knowing your ambition and efficiency, it was probably two."

Erwin held his gaze, refusing to respond.

"Remember the purpose of this meeting, Smith: all cards on the table."

"Forgive me if I'm not eager to show my cards. You haven't exactly shown any that leave you vulnerable."

"True." Sahlo took a moment to light his cigar, and then leaned back in his chair, blowing a smoke ring in the air. "You've learned something about my mother - or you think you have, anyway. I'd be happy to confirm your information."

Erwin wished he'd had more time to prepare. He charged ahead with Levi's suggestion: "Your mother was a sex worker in the Underground. Your father fell in love and brought her to the surface, but even though he tried to keep her origin a secret, everyone knows every other noble's business in Mitras, and rumors began to fly. His investors began to drift away, and the company began losing money. By the time you were orphaned, the company was bankrupt."

"Love is a distraction," murmured Sahlo, as it to himself.

 _And how did you get from there to here?_ Erwin suddenly remembered his own desperation as a teenager, when he had run to the Underground for paperwork and support. If Sahlo had blood ties to the Underground, he would have been likely to do the same.

"Desperate to keep the family business afloat, you began to make business deals with the only people who would respect you: your mother's people. That's when you began a working relationship with Rage Klein. Maybe he knew your mother from her days as a sex worker, or maybe you just sought out the strongest ally who wouldn't care that the Sahlo line's reputation was tainted. You maintained your relationship with Rage even as you built new relationships with nobles and, over time, repaired your family's name."

Sahlo was studying him with cocked brows, one corner of his mouth curled. "You've been doing your homework."

"I have documentation that proves your business alliance with Rage Klein."

"Impressive." The lord didn't look even remotely concerned. "Is that all you've learned?"

Was this the best time to try to blackmail him? Erwin couldn't shake the feeling that the lord was holding back something. He decided to continue with the business aspect of Sahlo's history and keep his information about the Wallist Brother Étienne in his back pocket.

"You've co-opted the name Lord Hasek, using it to continue your shadier business practices. HDB Shipping was one such company. You used it as bait - you intended for me to trace it back to you from the very beginning, when you used Nile Dok to send us to that first silo. You've had your eye on me for very long time, since the days when you and Lobov were allies." Erwin leaned forward in his chair. "You seem to think I'll be useful to you. I'm assuming it's because you had confidence in my strategic abilities and thought you could manipulate me into stealing tax gold from the remaining silos - in which case, you were ten per cent correct. Yet I can't honestly believe that you'd keep playing a game with me for nearly five years without a larger goal in mind."

"I had hoped you would have put that part together by now." Sahlo knocked the ashes off his cigar, and then inhaled, swishing the smoke in his mouth. "I told you, I don't need your money."

"But the Underground does."

Sahlo's lips curved into a smile. "Now you're catching on."

Erwin paced backwards through their conversation, and the pieces began to fit together.  _We'd be better off looking at sustainable food growth..._

He sat tall, staring the lord squarely in the eye. "You have a plan," he said. "One that allows you to sustainably create food for the Underground population, but it's expensive, so you need funding. Originally, you partnered with Lobov, as he was known to have a vast family fortune, but you quickly realized the two of you alone didn't have enough liquid assets to subsidize your ambitious project. In 844, Lobov moved forward on a plan to cancel the Survey Corps expeditions and funnel the resulting excess funds into the Military Police budget; the MP is so corrupt that siphoning money from their budget is as easy as greasing a few palms."

Sahlo blew a smoke ring. "Our mistake was failing to notice how much power Shadis had given you within the Survey Corps. Shadis would have rolled over to avoid conflict, but you were too driven, too passionate, and you blindsided us. Your dogged pursuit of Lobov distracted him, and that's when he fell victim to your little ploy to recruit Levi. He was too paranoid to listen to my warnings, but I managed to distance myself from him in time to avoid getting snared in your net."

Connections were forming in Erwin's mind, little strands of light strung between points, growing brighter and stronger. "With that option lost and your business partner in jail, you planned instead to coax the Survey Corps into silo reclamations, intending to siphon the money to your venture through HDB Shipping. I assume you thought I would be easier to control."

"Passionate idiots are always the easiest to manipulate," said Sahlo. "Unfortunately, it quickly became apparent you weren't an idiot. To control you, I would have to set up a game, one you felt like you were winning." His nose wrinkled and he took a sip of his tea. "It didn't expect you to play so well."

 _So you needed to play another angle at the same time._  Erwin remembered the 3DMG-piercing bullets they had encountered in the Underground. He stared the lord down. "You couldn't get the upper hand on me, and the money you were getting from the Survey Corps still wasn't enough to fund your venture, so you turned to Rage Klein. He proposed a deal: he would help fund you, and in return, you would supply him with illicit high-technology weapons - at a nice profit margin for yourself."

"A narrow profit margin," said Sahlo, holding up a finger, "in addition to a contract: his gang would buy and distribute all food I channeled to the Underground."

Erwin closed his mouth, trying to figure out where this new puzzle piece fit. He remembered Leona mentioning that Sahlo had a connection to food distribution in the Underground.

"I'll help you out," said Sahlo. "I am, for all intents and purposes, Lord Hasek."

The puzzle pieces still weren't fitting together. Erwin felt a hot swell of frustration.  _He's still in control of this conversation, in spite of everything I've_ _pieced together_ _._

"All nobles get plentiful food rations," continued Sahlo. "It's a dirty little secret known only to the noble class. Thanks to a few well-timed false records and some helpful Underground connections, I created Lord Hasek as a dummy lord to collect extra food rations. As a youth, I smuggled these excess rations to the Underground, where Rage - well, his father, Raphael Sr. - would buy them off me for a pittance. You're correct, my mother had been an employee of the Klein family, and Raphael Sr. threatened to publicly confirm my impure pedigree if I didn't cooperate with his demands." Sahlo's face flickered with sadness, then twisted back into its default smirk. "But he had unwittingly given me an escape. I planned to disappear into the Lord Hasek name, if required. Reinvent myself. But when Raphael Sr. died and Rage took over, he treated me like a peer, and we became business partners. Since I no longer needed to disappear, the Lord Hasek name transitioned to more widespread use among my associates."

"I'm certain the Council would frown upon one of their own having longstanding dealings with an Underground drug kingpin," said Erwin.

Sahlo's nose wrinkled. "Ah, yes, the drugs. I stayed away from that side of things. Too messy. Rage has his dealings, I have mine."

"You're supplying him with weapons. You can't possibly think those have nothing to do with the drug trade."

"They're for self-defense," said Sahlo, his brows low. "Food is disappearing, and the noble class is getting frightened. We are only one more crisis away from those assholes suggesting an Underground slaughter, eating their meat like they're livestock. I'll be damned if-" He seemed to catch himself. He forced a smile again and sat tall.

"This sustainable food source you've been working on over the past several years," said Erwin. "You think it will prevent a food crisis?"

When Sahlo replied, his voice was calmer than it had been a moment ago. "Thanks to the funds provided by people such as you and Rage, my team has zeroed in on a nutritive yeast that grows quickly, provides most major nutrients and doesn't require much in the way of space or energy to create. It's derived from the preservative yeast your Survey Corps uses every day. It looks like feces and tastes like bile, but it can provide the bulk of a population's diet. We just need six more months to start mass production." He stared intently at Erwin. "We are on the cusp of eradicating the current hunger crisis."

"At a profit."

"A small one. I need to make a living."

"And what role do you need me to play?"

Sahlo smiled. "Astute. I need you to delay the reclamation effort until the fall of 850. As I said, we're only one crisis away from a cull. The mass death of the military would surely count as such a crisis."

"You're doing a good job of delaying it on your own."

"You underestimate your own charisma." Sahlo took a last drag from the cigar, and then snuffed it. "Zackly and Pixis trust you completely, and Dok has stars in his eyes whenever he talks about you. Minister Nick thinks you're a godless heathen, but that's no surprise, and I'm not about to underestimate your ability to appease him." He folded his hands on the desk. "I'm tired of wrestling for power with you, Smith. We've seen before that we make a good team when we cooperate."

Erwin studied him. "Your solution relies too heavily on the status quo. We need as many walls between us and the titans as possible. We need space. The Underground denizens need sunlight."

"And your solution relies too heavily on the delusion that it's possible to reclaim Wall Maria."

Their gaze held.

"I can delay the checkpoint stocks," said Erwin. "But I cannot allow another harvest season to slip by before Wall Maria is safely under our control."

"I refuse to accept your half-assed compromise," said Sahlo, voice tightening. "We're running out of time. If your reclamation effort fails, the government  _will_  turn on the Underground to keep the peace. It may even be worse than that - who's to say they'll stop there? What's more, the special weapons won't be ready in time for your proposed date, and both the MP and Rage have need of them before you move on Wall Maria. I've made this very clear, Smith: I need you to agree to my dates."

Erwin stood. "Your yeast product sounds promising. The Survey Corps would be happy to endorse it once the Wall is under our control."

Sahlo stood, slamming his palms into the desk. "You have no clue what you're doing, Smith."

Erwin strode toward the door. The lord's voice spoke behind him, softer:

"...but that's not the name I should call you, is it?"

He halted, stomach dropping. "You may call me Commander."

"Before you go, Commander, I want to tell you a story. I think we have just enough time."

Erwin turned.

Sahlo's face was stony, his gaze sharp. He had never looked more dangerous. "This is a story about a young boy whose father is taken away by the Military Police."

The ground began to tilt beneath Erwin.

Sahlo wasn't blinking. "The boy is taken, too, and he isn't supposed to remember it, but somehow, he does. After his father dies, the boy's mother gives a fake name to the boy and his sister, a common one no one would ever question. They disappear for awhile, and then the boy surfaces in the military. He's a bright kid, top of his class. Everyone recognizes his talent, saying he's going to be Commander-in-Chief one day. But he surprises everyone and snubs the Military Police, choosing the Survey Corps instead."

Erwin marched to the desk, looming over the lord. "Enough."

"Don't interrupt. It's rude." Sahlo's eyes narrowed. "Every soldier knows the Survey Corps' role: to aggressively face down the titans. The boy is different. Almost immediately, he begins presenting strategies to try to evade titans, in pursuit of - what, exactly? Pushing deeper into titan territory, to what end? A few people begin to get nervous, including his Commander. At first, the boy's strategies are amateurish and clumsy, but soon he begins to make sense, and eventually, his Commander decides to trust him. Now the boy has everyone's attention, and not all of it is good. Even the Wallists are aware of him. Even the King."

Erwin searched the lord's eyes, trying to read him.  _Just how deep are Sahlo's connections?_

"Nothing deters the boy _._ Even when society paints him as a villain, even when countless people die beneath his command, he doesn't slow. And now those interested parties are even more concerned. What are the boy's goals? How far will he go to achieve them? He is an unknown. He must be reined in. He blindly charges forward, unaware of how tenuous his survival really is. It's only friends on the inside who keep him going, friends who insist he can be  _controlled._ But even that is a challenge, because the boy lives by his own moral code, and he stubbornly sticks to it to the exclusion of all logic."

Shivers ran down Erwin's spine. This was too much new information all at once. Sahlo was overloading him on purpose.  _He wants to throw me off balance, force me into decisions while I'm reeling._

"Are you implying you're trying to protect me?" he said aloud.

"I'm implying it's mutually beneficial if we renegotiate the terms of our alliance." Sahlo's hands folded on the table again, the knuckles white. "This world is far, far,  _far_  more complex than either you or your papa dreamed. Until now, you have been tolerated. Keep pushing forward, and that will change. I'm not your friend, but I'm the closest thing to it."

While Erwin's gut instinct was to view Sahlo with suspicion, he remembered the conversation his mother had overheard at the Wallist compound. She had assumed it had been Étienne pushing for Erwin's assassination, but what if she had mixed up the parties involved? What if Sahlo had actually been trying to convince another Wallist to take a different approach? What if he was tiptoeing around them for his own reasons?

Erwin felt an unexpected wave of fatigue. He was tired of dancing around Sahlo, and the Wallists, and their investors, and the Council. Why couldn't everyone see they were all fighting the same war?  _The entire system is steeped in corruption._

_It needs to be dismantled._

"You're wasting your energy and your time; I refuse to budge." He stood tall. "Our priorities are clear: Wall Maria must be reclaimed as soon as possible."

"I don't think you understand," growled Sahlo.

"I understand perfectly: you're caught in a web, strung up between Rage Klein, the Wallists, the Council and maybe even the King himself. You've wrapped yourself in so many threads that you can no longer move, and you need me to help free you."

"You would condemn the people of the Underground to a mass culling?"

"A theory based on your paranoia."

"But what if I'm right? How would you feel if everyone in the Underground was executed?" Sahlo's chin lifted. "How would  _Levi_  feel?"

Their eyes held.

Running boot steps sounded in the hallway outside. Erwin turned to face the door, his blood running cold. He heard frantic murmurs. One of the voices was Hange

"Ah, just in time," said Sahlo. "I wasn't able to stop it from happening, but I was able to reduce its severity. That's what you need me for, Smith: I'm the only one on the inside who's willing to be reasonable." He stood and tipped his hat. "I want you to think long and hard about the boy in my story. Consider that I showed you all my cards today, and I would only be comfortable doing that if I held all your cards in my hand. If you won't listen to reason, maybe you'll listen to fear."

A knock sounded at the door, followed by Hange's frantic voice: "Commander!"

"You should get the door," said Sahlo. "It sounds important."


	32. Fray - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read, and for your amazing comments.
> 
> I want to take a moment to draw attention to two lovely pieces of fanart inspired (at least in part) by HCT by shingeki-no-wallflower (a beautiful shaving scene with a quote from HCT and a freaking gorgeous colour scheme!) and thebadgerssett (an adorable pic of BFFs Levi & Marie with a wee bit of inspiration from HCT!Marie.) Thank you both for thinking of me and for giving a shoutout to my fic! I hope you don't mind me mentioning it here & storing your gorgeous artwork in my "amazing gifts from amazing people" tag on Tumblr!
> 
> This chapter was loooong, so I've split it into two again. Chapter 32 & 33 go up today. Chapter 34 will be a lighter, fluffier chapter to round out Part III, and then we'll get into Part IV.
> 
> Previous chapter: Erwin and Hange head to the Capital to seek weapons investors and meet with the Council, but Sahlo quickly becomes a priority. Sahlo is entering his endgame. He lays everything out on the table for Erwin, including a plan to grow yeast products to help the Underground, in exchange for high-powered weapons and a bit of profit. It's clear he's growing desperate. As the chapter ends, their meeting is wrapping up, and a frantic knock sounds at the door...

**-32-**

**Fray (Part 1)**

Levi watched as Erwin and Hange's carriage disappeared down the road, leaving for the Capital. He already felt lonely. It was going to be a long few days until they returned.

At least there was plenty to keep him busy in their absence. His first task, before he even looked at his assignments from Erwin, was to find Mike. He strode straight to the san and, as expected, found the Squad Leader at Nanaba's bedside. Nanaba was sitting upright, eating a bowl of runny oatmeal.

Levi dropped to a seat beside Mike and peered at Nanaba. "How you feeling, blondie?"

She gave him a polite smile. "Recovery's slow but steady, Captain."

"She's able to sit up without too much pain," said Mike, not looking at him. "That's something." He hadn't made eye contact since the night they had performed their impromptu procedure on the woman, and Levi couldn't tell if it was just a normal post-trauma reaction, or if Mike was genuinely upset with how Levi had decided to treat the wound. Nanaba was alive, recovering and infection-free. That had to count for something.

Besides, it wasn't as if Levi had made the decision to cauterize on a whim. Farlan had suffered burns on his torso when he was young, and even as an adult, the scars had given him a lot of grief. Choosing to inflict the same type of wounds on a colleague was something he would never do by choice; it had been their only option. He hoped Mike was able to see that.

"Erwin's gone. He left us assignments." Levi paused, noting the purple circles visible under the man's shaggy bangs. "We'll start tomorrow. Maybe get some sleep."

Mike nodded, hair flopping in his face.

"And a haircut," added Levi.

Mike grunted, noncommittal.

"You should get some rest too, Nanaba." Barely an hour into holding down the base, and Levi had already asked Moblit, Mike and Nanaba to rest. Maybe that would be his leadership style while Erwin was away: making sure everybody got some fucking sleep.

He stood to leave, then squinted. Was that Petra in the bed in the corner? She grinned sheepishly at him and waved her free hand; the other was in the process of being wrapped by a medic.

His brows furrowed. "What the hell did you do?"

"I was a bit overzealous during sparring, Captain," she said. "Bruised my first two knuckles pretty badly."

"Hm. Up against Oluo, were you?" Only two things made the woman fight hard enough to bruise: a titan and Oluo. He thought of his cracked nose, once upon a time, and realized he might count as a third.

"Sorry, Captain," said Petra. "He made a crack about fighting for my hand in marriage."

"I'm surprised he's not in here, too."

"I think he's too embarrassed." Petra grinned. "I got him pretty hard."

Levi found himself unable to muster sympathy. He had a high tolerance for banter between soldiers, but not when it was outright disrespectful. "Next time, you tell him to come talk to me."

"There you go," said the medic, finishing the wrapping. "You'll be good as new in a few days. Don't punch anything else in the meantime."

"Thank you," said Petra, hopping down from the bed. Even at her full height, she was shorter than Levi - a novelty around the base. She saluted him. "Captain, I was wondering if you needed any help while Commander Erwin was away."

"Why would I need help?"

"Well..." Her voice dropped and she leaned closer. "Squad Leader Mike looks like he's not in the right frame of mind to help out right now. Maybe you could use an assistant until he's feeling better?"

His mouth was already moving into position to deliver a 'no', but he glanced at Mike. The man's head was bowed; he still hadn't moved from Nanaba's side.

Besides, he still felt badly about being unintentionally rude to Petra during their last sparring session. He owed her a bit of kindness, and she seemed eager to help.

"Fine," he said. "But you're still going to be expected to do your normal training on top of it. Well, everything you can do with that messed-up hand."

Petra smiled and saluted. "Thank you, Captain! Where shall I start?"

"Erwin left a list of tasks for me on my desk, but I haven't read them yet. Come on."

They proceeded to his office. Levi lit the boiler and pulled out two teacups, while Petra reached for the list on his desk.

Panic flared in his chest. Erwin might have left "special" instructions for Levi on that list. He lunged forward and snatched it out of her hand, scanning it.

"Oh," said Petra. "I-"

"It's fine." Satisfied that there was nothing lewd or confidential, he handed it back. "Go ahead."

Petra blinked at him a few times, then continued reading. Her confused look faded into disappointment. "Half of these are cleaning tasks."

Levi began to spoon tea leaves into the metal filter. "He knows I'll spend most of the time making everyone clean up the base no matter what his orders say, so he wants to pretend he's the one who gave the orders. Erwin's a control freak like that."

"The rest of these are admin tasks." She was still frowning.

"What did you think I'd be doing while he was gone?" he asked.

"I don't know. Strategy planning? Something more exciting than admin work."

"Strategy is Erwin's department. Besides, the Wall reclamation is less than six months away. The most important thing we can do right now is spend our time training to make sure we're in our best possible shape for it."

They began by sorting the soldiers into cleaning teams, focusing on each soldier's cleaning strengths. By the time daily training exercises were about to begin, the afternoon's cleaning was all planned, too.

As the soldiers gathered in the yard for their morning training, Levi read out their afternoon cleaning team assignments, Petra at his side. A chorus of mutters and groans arose from the crowd, and Petra narrowed her eyes at the offenders. The mutters stopped. Levi nodded at her, impressed. He was never certain if it was her fierceness that inspired fear in others, or if her usual sweetness made her displeasure that much more obvious, but when Petra glared, people took it to heart.

Next, they broke into their training teams. Levi's squad was scheduled to train 3DMG in the yard, while Mike's squad would train calisthenics and hand-to-hand, and Hange's squad had target practice. Levi appointed Dita as the temporary leader of Mike's squad, then asked Petra to lead the target practice.

Petra's eyes widened. "Me? Shouldn't Eld or someone else be doing that instead?"

"Eld isn't my assistant today." Levi clapped a hand on her shoulder. "It's easy. Just make them line up behind the targets and go through several different types of throws. Make sure you get in some training, too. I've seen you miss easy throws during the last couple scouting missions."

Petra's face fell, and Levi felt a twist of guilt. He had to remember Petra was extremely sensitive to his criticisms; he also had to stop being so hard on her. _Being hard on her won't change what happened to Isabel._

He leaned closer. "Besides, no one in Mike's squad can touch you in hand-to-hand. They're already shaken up enough about Mike and Nanaba. Don't need you disheartening them any more by beating the shit out of them."

He wasn't sure she believed him, but she smiled anyway and lifted her wounded hand. "I don't think that would be a problem today."

"I still wouldn't bet against you." He turned and signalled for his squad to follow him.

They moved into the park behind the base; he sent teams into the trees to set up dummy targets. He glanced at one of the benches on the path, struck by how much he missed Erwin. They often paced these pathways at night, usually discussing work topics, but sometimes just stealing kisses behind trees or, if they were feeling really brave, on benches. Now that he thought about it, it had been a long time since they had done any kissing here at all.

_After Wall Maria. So much will go back to normal after Wall Maria._

That was the strength of their relationship: it was flexible to work around their goals, like water finding its way through rocks.

He looked away from the benches, trying to ignore the ache in his chest.

They trained until lunch, then rotated stations after lunch. As the younger recruits went to a classroom session to brush up on formations, the remaining soldiers assembled in their cleaning teams. His squad tackled the laboratory - with Hange out and Moblit sleeping, this was their one chance to do it without protest. They carefully skirted suspicious looking casings, beakers and powders, tidying up the rest of the mess. Cobwebs had built in the corners, and Levi swore he could smell Hange's armpits through the entire room. He tried to be angry, but he missed the Squad Leader. With Hange and Erwin away and Mike out of commission, he was short on friends.

At least Petra was keeping him company. After dinner, he brought her into his office and assigned her the dullest paperwork he had, hoping to take advantage of her keenness before she fully realized how boring the work was. She settled on a chair on one side of his desk, and he settled on the other.

By midnight, they were both glassy-eyed and yawning. If Erwin had been present, Levi would have put on the kettle and prepared for a long night of work together, but he found his eyes drooping. It was as if being around Erwin gave him the energy to push past his body's limitations.  _That's a good thing...isn't it?_

He stood and set his paperwork aside. "I'm fucking wiped."

Petra smiled brightly at him. "Perhaps it's a good time to turn in. Thank you, Captain. This was fun."

"Fun?" He wrinkled his nose. "You were filling out expense forms."

"I felt useful."

He tapped his papers against the desktop to even the edges. "You're always useful. You've got more assists than anyone else in the Corps. Be proud of that, kiddo." He froze the instant the far-too-familiar nickname left his lips. There he was, equating her to Isabel again.

Petra was quiet.

He shrugged it off. "Get some sleep. There's more work tomorrow if you want to help out again."

"Thank you, Captain." She saluted, then left the room.

He lifted his gaze to watch her leave. What was it about her that made him miss Isabel so much? Both Erwin and Hange had told him they didn't see the resemblance when he had expressed the comparison, but neither of them had known Isabel like he had. Maybe it was the way Petra looked up to him with stars in her eyes, just like Isabel had.  _Big brother..._

Isabel had never understood just how much he had needed  _her_. Her goofiness and optimism had been like sunshine in the dreary Underground. She had been genuinely funny, sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose. He couldn't count how many times she had clowned around to make them laugh, and then Farlan would start up with his stupid, snorting guffaw. Levi had never been able to maintain a straight face with the two of them around.

"Fuck," he muttered, dropping to a seat. He raked a hand through his hair, trying to claw his way out of this sinkhole, but he was only sinking deeper. Now he was remembering the two of them teaming up against him, trying to make him smile. Their last Christmas together, 843, they had dragged a filthy tree into the house, so scraggly it was barely a branch. He had lectured them on muddying up his floors, and they had responded by wrapping him in the garland meant for the tree, laughing at his growling protests. And that horrible "feast": stolen military supplies, thick with the taste of yeast that had been so foreign back then.

But then after dinner, they had surprised Levi with a birthday gift: a small bag of sweets, a salt water taffy placed carefully at the top. That night, he had held it to his chest, a tear rolling down his cheek, feeling loved and appreciated in a way he didn't know how to reciprocate.

The door opened.

His head snapped up.

Petra stepped into the room, then jumped. "Oh, sorry, Captain, I thought you left right behind me. I left my jacket on the chair."

He didn't trust his voice, so he nodded and sat stiffly, waiting for her to grab the jacket and leave. As she approached, however, her face dropped.

"Captain..." She hesitated. "Are you okay?"

He was exhausted. "Ever have those nights where things from the past come back to haunt you for no fucking reason?"

Her eyes widened. "Maybe? I think about fallen comrades a lot-"

"No, I mean...family." Why was he saying this?  _She's not Isabel. You can't be this open with her._

"Oh." She shrugged. "I'm lucky - my family life is pretty good. I mean, Mom and Dad would rather I dropped out of the military and get married-"

"I thought your mother was dead."

She stared blankly at him.

"Sofi Lalonde," he said. "When I first met you. You said your mother died when you were young."

"Oh. That was just part of the cover story I made up." She hesitated. "You remembered that detail?"

He wasn't sure why that particular detail had been so important to him. The inside of his head was stretching, twisting.  _I wish I could remember-_

"Are you remembering your family?" she asked.

"No." He paused. "Your family wants you to leave the military?"

"Well, they want me to go back to the Military Police, meet a nice man and give them grandkids." She snorted. "I'd rather not, though. Get married. Not yet. I mean, my husband would have to understand military life. And most of the men here are taken...or they're Oluo."

He wasn't sure why she had volunteered so much information, but the company was giving him something to focus on other than the weird twisting in his head. "Military relationships are hard." He thought of Berit. He thought of Erwin. "Lots of extra stress."

There was a long pause, then she said, a bit timidly, "It sounds like you're speaking from experience?"

He tried to think like Erwin: he sidestepped the question. "The stress of it doesn't seem to stop people. So many new recruits fucking in supply closets and classrooms like animals, leaving gobs in the corners, staining their uniforms."

Her nose wrinkled. "That's disgusting."

"Yeah."

"I guess people get lonely, and they cling to each other to feel a bit less lonely."

"Yeah." He thought of Erwin again. Now the twisting was in his chest as well as his head.

He realized Petra was staring at him. Was he showing too much emotion? He drew his face into neutral.

"I bet it's worth the stress, though," said Petra, eyes shining. "If you find the right person."

_Sunshine and optimism._

"Yeah, probably." He thought of Ehrmich, of the sunset on the hill. "Don't write it off just yet."

"What?"

"Love. Getting married. These things can sneak up on you out here." He pictured Erwin on one knee, proposing a future they would probably never live to see.

"One day," he murmured, "you'll look at someone you've seen day after day, and you'll realize everything's different. Yeah, you've seen them on the battlefield at their worst, covered in blood and worn down, and you thought you knew them better than anyone else in the world. But then this one day, you'll be listening to them speaking, and you'll realize you're anticipating their mannerisms and the cadence of their speech. And maybe you already trusted them, and maybe you already would have fought to the death to protect them anyway, but somehow you feel an even deeper bond than that. You don't know how it happened, but they're just suddenly _important._ "

He still wasn't sure when, exactly, the shift had happened. Even when Wall Maria had fallen, when he had first seen Erwin as human, there had still been a divide between them. Somehow, by the time Erwin put his arms around him for the first time, that divide had already closed.

Petra was looking down, a small smile on her lips. "I think I know what you mean."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. There...might be someone special to me."

"Huh." Maybe opening up this much wasn't so bad, if it was going to make her feel a little better about her own situation. "Well then, as your Captain, I say go ahead. Have fun. But beware of military fraternization rules. I don't want one of my best soldiers getting suspended just because she's horn-" He quickly reconsidered his phrasing. "Just don't get caught."

Her cheeks were bright red, but she was smiling.  _That should make up for all the times I made her feel like shit lately._

"Get some sleep." He stood. "You're going to help me with more paperwork tomorrow."

"Thank you, Captain." She pulled on her jacket and saluted, then left.

He carried the lamp to his room, locking the door behind him. The shirt he had taken from Erwin that morning was folded in his closet. He lifted the collar to his face and breathed in. Memories rose to his mind of the night before, when they had taken the shirt off together in-between long kisses. He stripped to his underwear, then pulled it over his head; it came almost to his knees, the sleeves hanging to his fingertips. The fabric was worn and soft.

He slid into bed and curled on his side, his eyes heavy.

.*.*.*.

In his dreams, Sahlo was holding his knife, using it to slash Erwin's neck, backhanded, from ear to ear.

Levi's eyes snapped open.

The sound of Erwin's gurgling breath was still echoing in his mind, and so he wasn't certain, at first, if the noise from the window was real.

The silhouette, however, was undeniably real. It stood outside his window, carefully balanced on the ledge, backlit by faint lamplight from below.

There was the sound again: metal sliding between window panes. The silhouette was trying to open the window latch with a file or a knife.

_It can't be a random thief. No one would break into a military base. It must be an assassin._

Levi's heart beat in his throat. If he rushed in now, he could knock the intruder out the window, but the fall would kill them. No chance for interrogation.

He reached for the knife on his bedside table, then remembered he had sent it off with Erwin. He quickly ticked through his room in his mind, mapping escape routes and makeshift weapons.

Another sliding sound. So the intruder was inexperienced; an expert assassin would have opened the window on the first try.

 _This fight's already over._ He had superior skill, knowledge of his room's layout, and the element of surprise. All he had to do was wait.

And wait.

He was just starting to get bored when the window swung open, noiseless.  _So you took the time to oil the hinges - maybe you aren't a complete idiot._

The intruder rushed toward him.

Levi waited until the shadow was right beside him, then barrelled into it at stomach-height and rammed it against the corner of the desk. A deep voice yelled and hands groped at him, trying to fight back, but he was already spinning, throwing the intruder over his head.

A thud. The intruder lay on the floor, stunned.

Levi grabbed a letter opener from the desk and lunged at the fallen intruder, but he paused.

Light appeared in the cracks around the door.

_Shit-_

He shielded his eyes, but the door swung open before he was ready, and the light blinded him.

"Help," wheezed the intruder.

 _He brought friends_ , thought Levi, already barrelling toward the door. After a couple blind stabs, the letter opener landed in soft flesh; he dove to the side and rolled toward the corner. There was a broom there he could use as a staff.

He scrabbled at empty air. His roll had come up short. He crawled forward, his eyes still slowly adjusting to the brightness.

The hair on the back of his neck moved.

He ducked to the side and felt a sting of metal glance his cheek. His hand closed over the broom handle; he rolled and lifted it in time to block a heavy blow from a sword. His attacker struggled; Levi shoved, and the figure tumbled backwards.

A smash. The lamp. A puddle of oil caught fire.

"Mike," roared Levi, wondering why the hell the man hadn't come running yet. He stepped back from the blaze, his eyes finally adjusted enough to see his attackers.

He froze.

The three attackers slunk toward him, ignoring the blaze quickly building behind them. Two men - blond and black-haired - and a girl with fiery red hair in pigtails.  _Sunshine and optimism._

"What the fuck is this?" he growled, holding his broom in front of him.

They looked uncertain. Young. One of them had a gun like the ones Rage's group had used against them in the Underground. Another held military swords, and the girl held a knife.

"Mike!" he yelled, louder this time. He knew the man was a heavy sleeper, but to sleep through the smell of a blaze, too?

 _He's in the san with Nanaba,_ he realized, his stomach sinking. And since Erwin had gone to such great lengths to make sure they were in an isolated section of the base, no one was going to hear his cries for assistance.

The trio was still inching forward, their hands shaking.

Levi sank squarely into his stance. "You know I only need to question one of you, right?"

The trio exchanged glances.

"You." He nodded at the dark-haired boy. "Your bones are smallest. I'll crack each of them, one by one, until you talk. And if you don't, your neck is last, and then-" He nodded at the redhead. "I'll start with your bones next." His stomach was in knots. "That's if you come out of this alive."

The girl barked, "Now!"

The three converged.

Levi kicked the blond away and blocked the other boy's swords, ducking and twisting to avoid the slash of the knife. He threw out his leg in a sweep and swept out four legs. The blond had recovered and darted forward. Levi slammed the end of the broom handle into his gut. The boy dropped. Levi stomped on his shin for good measure; the bone snapped, and the boy howled.

Now all three of them were on the ground, and the fire was licking across the last of the oil. He couldn't tell yet if the floor was going to catch, but if it did, the whole building could be at risk. He ran for the bed and yanked off the quilt with his free hand, dropping it on the flames to snuff them.

The girl was trying to stand; he swung the broom against her head. She fell, unconscious.

The dark-haired boy rose to his feet. He looked even less certain now than before, but he charged.

Levi spun the broom as he sidestepped, slamming the handle down on the bones of the boy's forearm so hard that the broom handle snapped. The boy yelped and dropped his swords.

Levi grabbed him by the hair and drove a jagged point of the broken handle against his throat, stopping just shy of breaking the skin. "Talk," he growled.

The boy spat at him.

Levi grabbed the boy's hand and twisted. The wrist cracked, and the boy screamed.

"Shut up. Who sent you?"

"I can't-"

Levi stomped his toes, trying to ignore the swell of satisfaction as he felt bones break beneath his weight. "The human body only has so many bones, kid, and yours are all brittle."

"Fuck!" The boy dropped to the ground, grabbing his foot. "You fucking psycho!"

"Is he worth protecting?" asked Levi, squatting beside him. "Or just paying well?"

"Hasek," whimpered the boy. "We were sent by Lord Hasek."

Even though it was no surprise, Levi's eyes narrowed.

He strode over to the quilt, gingerly lifting it to make sure the flames were out. Then he moved to the door.

"You so much as move from that spot," he said, "and I'll make sure you never move again."

The boy's only response was a soft sob; he was still preoccupied with his foot.

Levi strode down the hallway, giving shrill whistles as he strode toward the other quarters, trying to attract the attention of anyone who might be in earshot.

A small figure came running toward him, carrying a candle.

"Captain? Are you bleeding?"

"Petra?" He looked down and saw blood spatters across Erwin's shirt.  _Fuck._ "You patrolling?"

She came to a halt in front of him, still dressed in her uniform. "Yeah, couldn't sleep."

"You missed a spot." He pointed at his room. "Go get Mike and tell him he's helping me question three assassins. We'll need to move them to the cells downstairs."

Her eyes widened. "Captain, are you okay?"

"Erwin's gone for a single day, and his politics explode in my face." He whirled on his heel and strode toward the room. "I'll see if I can get more information out of them by the time you return with Mike."

.*.*.*.

Petra was eager - a little too eager - to help with the questioning, but Levi sent her to organize emergency patrols of the yard instead. There were some tasks only suited to a veteran soldier.

Instead, Mike guarded the cell door while Levi questioned their captives. It didn't take much more pressure to get them to talk. They were just dumb kids from the Underground, desperate for a job.

"He said he liked the look of us," said the blond.

 _Because you look like me, Farlan and Isabel._ Levi tried not to let it get to him, but he was exhausted. He walked away, leaving them to Mike. "Maybe get them some morphine, if you're feeling generous. I'll send out a runner to the Garrison, and another to Erwin." The Garrison could transfer the prisoners to the Military Police for processing. He would report it as a break-and-enter gone wrong, not an assassination attempt. The courts would go easier on them that way.

He wrote out his report and sent Eld to the Capital to deliver it to Erwin. He sent Gunther to the Garrison. He asked Oluo, Nifa and Gelgar to clean his room - there was ash, oil and blood to deal with. Likely he would have to redo their work later, but he was too exhausted to deal with it himself right now.

Once all that was taken care of, he dropped to a seat at his desk, staring at nothing.

Sahlo's voice rose in his mind:  _I will go through anything, and anyone, to get him to cooperate - and I'll start with his lover._

His jaw clenched. Erwin was strong enough to withstand this type of pressure, wasn't he?

_I can't be his weakness. Not now, when we're so close to reclaiming the Wall._

Petra poked her head in his doorway. "Sir?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

He shrugged, annoyed by her persistence. "What do you think?"

"I could make you a cup of tea. You're probably a bit shaken."

He paused. If the alternative was considering the detriments of Erwin being in love with him, he could use the distraction. "Yeah, okay."

She smiled and closed the door, then lit the hot plate beneath his kettle. "That shirt looks a little big on you."

He felt his cheeks flush; he looked away. "They mixed up my laundry once. It was comfortable. Too bad it's fucked now; bloodstains never come out."  _Of fabric...of hands._

He thought of the murders he had committed in the Underground. Was Sahlo going to find a way to use that against Erwin, too? Or was he using other tactics? No matter how often Erwin pretended he would go to any lengths to achieve his goals, he had too many pressure points: Levi, his family, the Doks, even Berit.

_And I'm the biggest weakness of all._

The conversation they had started in the tree overlooking Wall Maria had never been addressed, not properly.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. If Erwin returned and he had stood up to Sahlo's pressure tactics, then everything was fine.

But if he returned and Levi had been his weakness, they would have to revisit the treetop conversation. And this time, they would finish it, one way or another.

"Fuck," he muttered.

"Here," said Petra.

He opened his eyes to see a mug of tea. It was a bit weak for his liking, but he appreciated the gesture. She took a mug of her own and sat beside him.

"How are you holding up?" she asked gently.

He gave a low sigh. "I wish Erwin was coming back sooner. We need to talk about how this changes everything around here - base defense plans and all that."  _And us._

Petra smiled. "You think very highly of the Commander, don't you? You mention him a lot when he's not around."

"I do?" That was something Hange had pointed out, too, before he and Erwin had even kissed for the first time. "Well, he's my direct superior, so it makes sense. I bet you end up talking about me a lot when I'm not around, just because you're referring to my orders."

Her cheeks darkened and she stared into her teacup. "Maybe a bit."

In moments like this, he wondered if there was some truth to Erwin's constant assertions that Petra had developed a bit of a crush on him. She was sweet and gentle with everyone - well, almost everyone - so it was difficult to tell, but her expression now was unusually bashful.  _I should probably do something to discourage that._

Before he could think of what to say, Petra spoke: "There are some...rumours about you and the Commander."

"Rumours," he repeated, chest tightening.  _Is that how Sahlo found out?_

"About how you joined the Survey Corps. It's none of my business. I can tell you two are very close, that's all."

His eyes narrowed at Petra as he assessed her expression _._ "What do these rumours say?"

"That Commander Erwin brought you into the Corps."

"That's it? Kind of a boring, shitty rumour."

"Well..." She hesitated, and he held his breath. "They say you're from the Underground. That you were a violent criminal."

He released the breath. "I see. What do you think?"

"I don't know." She shrugged a little. "I met you when you were breaking into the MP headquarters, and you seemed to know what you were doing. But you were probably just following Commander Erwin's orders, so it doesn't necessarily mean you were an experienced criminal."

He decided not to confirm it one way or another. "Well, it's true that I'm here because of Erwin, but I'll let you figure out the rest of it yourself."

"I see."

She already looked like she knew more than she was letting on. He suddenly realized how tired he was of secrecy. There was a kind face right in front of him who could help support him while Erwin, Hange and Mike were out of reach.

"You're right," he said quietly. "We're very close. I hate that he's in the Capital right now and I'm not at his side to protect him. When he gets the message about what happened tonight, I'm not going to be there to talk him through it. I guess that's why I keep mentioning him. We rely on each other a lot."

Petra's face was soft. "At least Squad Leader Hange is there with him."

"I guess." Hange was a decent conversationalist, but Levi knew Erwin inside out. "Look, just keep this conversation between the two of us, okay? There are people out there who would try to get to him through me, or the other way around, if they knew how important we were to each other."

"Oh. Is that what happened tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I won't tell a soul," she said solemnly. "You know I can keep a secret - I never did tell anyone about what happened at the MP HQ when we first met."

"I suppose you didn't," he said, relieved that she understood.

.*.*.*.

A knock sounded at the door, followed by Hange's frantic voice: "Commander!"

"You should get the door," said Sahlo. "It sounds important."

Erwin clenched his jaw as he strode to the door. He threw it open.

Hange grabbed him by the collars. "Erwin! Levi's been attacked.'

His stomach dropped. "What's his status?"

"The Captain's fine, sir." Eld appeared on his left, saluting. He was out of breath. "Three assassins: two men, one woman. I have a full report." He pulled out an envelope.

Erwin pushed Hange's hands off his collars and grabbed the envelope.

_Three assassins. Dumb kids from the Underground. 'Lord Hasek' sent them. Didn't take much pressure to get them to talk. Garrison will collect them soon. They'll detain them until we give the release order in case we need them to speak in court._

_He picked them because they looked like me, Farlan and Isabel. He's fucking with our heads. Watch your back, Erwin._

_-Levi_

Pressure began to build deep inside Erwin; he swallowed hard, fighting to suppress it.

He whirled and stormed into Sahlo's office. The lord was leaning back in his chair, a half-smirk on his face.

"You're getting reckless," said Erwin, tone leaden.

"Reckless? Ha!" Sahlo leaned forward, slamming the chair's front legs to the floor. "I'm showing restraint. My cohorts wanted to kill him, slit his throat from ear to ear. I managed to convince them to scare him a little instead, maybe remind him where he came from. I told you, Erwin: I'm the closest thing you have to a friend right now."

Eld came to a halt on Erwin's left, Hange on his right.  _No,_  thought Erwin,  _I have many more friends than you think._

"You just confessed to your involvement in front of three witnesses," he said aloud.

"Do they know?" asked Sahlo.

Erwin didn't respond, certain he was about to be baited, but the lord pressed ahead without waiting for an answer:

"Do they know you and Captain Levi are in a romantic relationship?"

Eld's eyes snapped to him. Hange stood very still.

Erwin ignored his dread, forcing a raised brow instead. "A romantic relationship? One of your informants must have a twisted sense of humour."

"Don't play dumb, Smith. Here's what's going to happen: you're going to cooperate, or I'm going to break you." Something flickered across the lord's face: was that pity? It disappeared before Erwin could identify it.

The pressure inside him was bubbling to the surface, and he wasn't sure he could keep it back much longer. He held Sahlo's gaze for another moment, then turned and strode for the door. "I don't have time for your mind games. Hange, Eld: we're leaving."

"How much do your goals mean to you?" called the lord. "How much are you willing to sacrifice?"

"There is no personal cost too great," said Erwin without looking back. "I will see you at the Council meeting, Lord Sahlo."

They were silent as they marched down the hallway. Erwin glanced back; Eld looked away.

"Eld," he said. "About-"

"I won't tell anyone, sir." The man wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Good. It won't help our political situation if we spread baseless rumours. Come with us to our hotel room; you can sleep while Hange and I attend the Council meeting. I'll leave you a written message you can take to Captain Levi when you've rested." The poor lad must be exhausted.

He wanted to ask how Levi was doing, but Eld already seemed shaken by the prospect that they might be romantically involved. He didn't want to compound his anxieties.

Luckily, Hange jumped in: "Is Levi okay?"

"Yes, Squad Leader, though he seemed a bit unsettled by the questioning he and Squad Leader Mike performed on the prisoners. I asked Petra to keep an eye on him."

Erwin was shaken by the sudden memory of blood dripping down Levi's nose and chin. How must he be feeling now, having to tap into that side of himself - and against prisoners who looked like his friends, no less?

This whole situation was starting to look like every nightmare he'd had since the beginning of their relationship: he had led Levi straight into the maws of a titan, bitten him clean in half.

How had Sahlo found out? They had been careful to cover their tracks. They always went to their apartment at separate times, taking different routes and checking for people tailing them. They were careful to have legitimate business reasons for every trip they ever took - except that one trip to Utopia district, but they had used fake identification  _and_ Erwin had taken care to keep their names off any waybills and room names.

The leak had to be a person. Leona was an obvious option, though he had never mentioned a romantic relationship, so she would have been guessing. Nile was another obvious option. He trusted Nile, in theory, but there was always the option the Commander would crack under duress to protect his family.

Still, that seemed unlikely. Either Sahlo was bluffing, or one of the Survey Corps soldiers was spying and reporting back to him.

"We need to implement emergency security measures at the base," he said aloud. "If Sahlo is this desperate to get to me, there's no telling what he'll do. I'll do what I can to get him ousted from the Council, but in the meantime, we're going to have to make some adjustments."

"Adjustments?" repeated Hange.

"All leave from the base must now be approved on a case-by-case basis by a Squad Leader, Captain Levi, or me - even day trips into town. As well, all correspondence must be screened."

"What? We can't start treating our own like prisoners."

"Three assassins successfully broke into an officer's bedroom and attempted to kill him - this is a grave situation. This won't be permanent. We'll drop the extra security after Sahlo has been neutralized, or after the Wall is reclaimed. In the meantime, however, we must protect our goals, and that means protecting our people." He stopped at the stairway that led to the main entrance. "I'll take it upon myself to explain this to the soldiers. I'm sure everyone will understand."

"They'll understand, sir," said Eld. "Everyone is focused on reclaiming the Wall, and we're ready to sacrifice anything necessary to reach it."

Hange looked less certain, but there was no time to address any concerns.

"You two go back to the hotel," said Erwin. "I have to speak with Zackly."

Maybe he had time to fact-check some of Sahlo's claims before the Council meeting.

The Commander-in-Chief was still wearing his coat and scarf when Erwin knocked on his door.

"I need to speak with you urgently," said Erwin, pulling into a salute.

"Oh?" Zackly pulled off his glasses, wiping condensation off them. "It can't wait until the meeting?"

"No, sir. This update is for your ears only."

"Very well. Come in."

Erwin sat at the broad desk, waiting patiently while the Commander-in-Chief hung up his jacket and scarf.

"I assume this is about Lord Sahlo?" the man asked as he settled into his chair.

"Indeed. There was a security breech at the Survey Corps base in Trost: an assassination attempt on Captain Levi. Lord Sahlo admitted to being involved - to me and two other witnesses."

He explained the entire conversation in detail, leaving out the accusation of a love affair.

"It sounds like you're building a sizeable body of evidence," said Zackly. "With the witness accounts, this might be enough to convict him of obstruction of military procedure, if it goes to trial. The problem is this: Lord Sahlo has access to the best lawyers within the Walls."

Erwin set his jaw. "He'll work with them delay the trial long enough to delay the reclamation schedule I've set out, so he'll get what he wants, anyway."

Zackly nodded. "And he'll drag your name - and the entire Survey Corps - through the mud. You've done an admirable job of saving your branch of the military from complete dissolution; I don't expect it to hold together if you're out of the picture. I'm sorry, Erwin. I acknowledge Sahlo is a problem, but I can't allow you to pursue this."

"I see."

"On a happier note, I'm now convinced that you and Levi were right to go to the Underground to try to figure out this rat's motives. I'll be waiving all charges. You no longer need to focus on getting me conclusive proof of his attempts to delay the expedition: I can see that for myself." Zackly's face was kind. "You have enough to worry about already. I'm sorry the law can't help you this time, but I expect you'll figure out a way to keep him at bay so your Wall Maria plans can proceed."

 _Is he acknowledging I'll take extreme actions against Sahlo?_ Erwin subtly scratched the inside of his boot, feeling the hilt of Levi's knife. They were up against a wall.

Violence was one way out.

It wouldn't be a permanent solution, of course. Sahlo clearly had powerful friends, and eliminating him wouldn't end the threat. It might, however, delay it long enough to buy them the time they needed.

Levi would want to be the one to do it, but Erwin couldn't allow that to happen. He thought of Levi sitting in the corner of the hotel room, shaking, hands raw. No, he had already asked too much of Levi, pushed him too deeply into parts of himself he had worked hard to bury.

His last hope was to sway the Council to his favour, to use that charisma Sahlo feared. If he succeeded at that, maybe nothing more extreme would be necessary. But if that failed...

_There is no personal cost too great._

There was that pressure again: a restless energy, building in his limbs.

"Is that all, Erwin?" asked Zackly.

Erwin was about to stand and salute, but he paused. "Sir, I have a question. Off the record. In my conversations with Lord Sahlo, we spoke of the last failed reclamation effort. He claimed the reason he pushed so hard for that plan was to block the original plan, one that involved exterminating the residents of the Underground."

"Ah. You want to know if such a plan existed." Zackly lowered his chin, eyeing him over the frame of his glasses. "It did. There was a great deal of worry that the Colossal and Armoured titans would return to knock out Wall Rose. If that happened, the survivors were to be evacuated to the Underground, using it for its original intended purpose: a safe haven from the titans. Priority was to be given to the most valued members of society. That meant taking out its weakest citizens. The nobles argued that the weakest might as well be expended right away, while humanity was still shaken by the fall of Wall Maria, before the Underground could form a resistance and block them out of the shelter."

Erwin's stomach churned. "Sahlo mentioned a plan to use the people of the Underground as meat."

Zackly stared at him, brows high, eyes and mouth round, before he recovered into a neutral expression again. "That sounds like paranoid ramblings. I'll admit the nobles often have their own self-serving motives and contingency plans, but they aren't monsters. If they were cannibals, they'd be no better than the titans."

"You may be right," said Erwin. "He may be paranoid. However, I'd be more inclined to cooperate with him if I found he was speaking the truth. Is this something you have the authority to look into?"

The man squinted at him. "You're asking me for a favour?"

"Yes."

"After all I've done recently for you and your Captain - unusual promotions, covering murder?"

"Yes, sir." Erwin held his gaze. "I wouldn't normally commit such a brash disregard of our chain of command, but these are extenuating circumstances. Humanity's future depends on it."

"I do have access to restricted records. I'll see what I can do. If what you say were true..." Zackly grimaced and leaned back in his chair.

"Let's hope Sahlo is just trying to manipulate me." Erwin stood and saluted.

.*.*.*.

When he returned to the hotel room, Eld had passed out on the bed; Hange strode up to Erwin. "Are you okay?"

He stared blankly for a moment.

"I thought you might be concerned about Levi."

"Levi is capable of taking care of himself," said Erwin. He glanced at Eld. "Did he believe Sahlo?"

"About you and Levi? Yeah. He's wrestling with it. I think a lot of the soldiers see you two as unfeeling gods. Shock to them to find out you're driven by base needs like the rest of them."

"Is he a security risk?"

"No. Eld's as loyal as they come." Hange hesitated. "How did Sahlo find out?"

"The same way he found all the other information about me, I imagine." In spite of Sahlo's insistence that he was laying everything on the table, he had revealed very little about how much information he held. It wasn't just Levi: Nile and Marie might be in danger. Jasper. Leona. And what about his mother and sister? Levi being threatened was bad enough, but how many people was Sahlo willing to go through to get him to change his mind?

The restless pressure was still building inside him, and he knew nothing good could come if it erupted. He took a steadying breath and tried to vent it with honesty:

"I'm having second thoughts about my plan."

Hange blinked at him. "Really?"

He glanced at Eld again, then decided he wanted to ensure the conversation was private. He cocked his head at the other room; Hange followed him, shutting the door behind him.

"His arguments were compelling," admitted Erwin. "I still don't agree with him, but I'm starting to wonder if pushing back against him gains us the advantage I thought. Besides, if he figured out Levi and I are in love, there's no telling what else he's figured out, too. He's already admitted it's convenient for him if the Survey Corps is out of the way - what if he's prepared to dismantle the entire regiment?"

"What would Levi do right now?" asked Hange.

"What do you mean?"

"You always go straight to Levi when you're upset. He's not here, but I am. So what would he do to help you?" After a pause, Hange's nose wrinkled. "Don't say sex."

He considered. "He would encourage me to talk through it and listen carefully, asking questions now and then. Maybe make a crass joke or two, insult me a bit until I smiled."

"Okay, then." Hange strode to the table and pulled out a chair for him. "Sit down, shitbrows."

"Shitbrows?"

"I'm trying to think like Levi. How about I make us tea and hold the mug like I don't know what a handle is? Then I'll act tough and distant while secretly hanging on to every word you say."

Erwin chuckled and sat. "Is that really how you see Levi?"

"Absolutely," said Hange with a wink.

Once the tea was ready, he talked through his entire conversation with Sahlo, adding in his thoughts and observations. Hange listened, nodding along. When he finished, they were silent. He didn't feel any better.

"Usually," he said quietly, "this type of thinking aloud helps me arrive at an obvious solution, but I'm just as confused as before."

"I see." Hange's glasses clinked onto the table as the Squad Leader massaged the red marks they left behind. "Maybe I'm not asking enough questions."

"No, you're a good listener. I suspect this just happens to be a problem with no obvious solution." He slumped a little and rolled his head back against the chair, letting out a low sigh. He closed his eyes. "What if I'm stubbornly pressing ahead with the wrong plan? Sahlo's a bully, but his points are valid. If he's correct about the potential fate of the Underground - and Zackly is looking into that, so we should know soon enough - then what right do I have to sacrifice everyone around me for a worse plan?"

"May I ask you a question?" asked Hange.

His eyes opened. "Of course."

"Why do you want to stick to your timeline?"

"To get to Wall Maria early enough to ensure we can grow crops before winter."

"There've been plenty of missed harvest seasons until now. Food supplies have been dwindling since the day the Wall fell. What makes it so urgent this time?" Hange studied him with that too-intense gaze, even more piercing without the glass shield. "Is this really about food?"

He looked down into his empty mug, considering. Yes, there was more; he had simply latched onto the most concrete, most convenient excuse.

"We're so close to reclaiming the Wall," he said. "So close. Once that's reclaimed, the Survey Corps will be free to once again seek answers about this world. We've spent half a decade and hundreds of lives just to get back to where we started. I'm losing patience."

He swore Hange's eyes twinkled. "There's the spirit of the Survey Corps. That's why we follow your command. And do you think Sahlo's timeline would increase our chances of successfully recapturing the Wall?"

He was still processing all the information Sahlo had given him, so it took him a minute to answer. "Marginally, but not as much as he claims. He's pretending his weapons will give the MP a great advantage against the titans, but we all know that's ridiculous; there's no way to take down a titan with a gun, no matter how powerful it is. He's also pretending his yeast supplement will save the world from starvation, but it's shortsighted. There's no telling how easily we can survive on yeast alone, and if he controls the only supply of it, we'll end up in a similar situation with class-based access to food - maybe different classes than before, but still not universal. Besides..." He held Hange's gaze. "What kind of life is it, eating yeast, waiting for the day the Colossal and Armoured titans return to take Wall Rose? We can't hunker down and resign ourselves to merely surviving - not while there's still hope of reclaiming Wall Maria. We deserve to be free."

Hange smiled, gesturing at him with an open palm. "There you go - that's your new counter-argument. That's what will get those stuffy Council members to listen."

"Maybe," he said.

"The Survey Corps believes in you because we know you can look at two impossible situations and commit to one, then do everything you can to make it possible."

He said nothing, his jaw tight. Phrased that way, it sounded more like gambling than strategy. Were his new doubts the whispers of reason, or had Sahlo successfully compromised his logic?

_I need to make a decision._

His heart was racing, his jaw was tight, and Levi's knife was hard against his leg, burning with his body heat.


	33. Fray - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this was posted at the same time as chapter 32)

**-33-**

**Fray (Part 2)**

Commander-in-Chief Zackly was waiting for Erwin and Hange outside the Council chambers. He cocked his head at Erwin, signalling for him to step aside.

"Save me a seat across from Sahlo," said Erwin to Hange, and then he stepped around the corner.

"I looked into what you asked," said Zackly. His face was pale, his eyes distant.

"Thank you, sir. What did you find?" asked Erwin, even though his expression already gave it away.

"Lord Sahlo was speaking the truth."

Erwin's stomach sank. "If you hadn't heard about it until now, it can't have gotten very far."

"No, only a few were pushing for it, and it was only ever meant as a contingency plan if the food stocks ran low, but..." Zackly shook his head. "I don't know what to make of this."

Neither did Erwin.

When he stepped into the chamber, Sahlo eyed him. Erwin sat across from him, eyeing him back. Maybe it was his imagination, but the lord looked tired: his eye sockets were bruised, his mouth heavy.

The meeting opened with details about promotions in the Military Police - Erwin only half-listened. At last, it was time to discuss Survey Corps business. He stood.

"As you're all aware, last time we met, the Survey Corps put our planned mission on hold to address a silo recovery mission put forth by Lord Sahlo." He stared down at the lord. "While the money retrieved during the mission is sure to be put to good use, the cost was too high: we lost fifteen good soldiers, and a sixteenth is badly injured. These are unacceptable losses for a supply fetch mission, especially when we are nearing a critical point for our Wall Maria reclamation effort." He unrolled a map, marking the remaining four checkpoints in red - pretending they hadn't already stocked two of them.

"If we are to reclaim the Wall before the harvest season," he continued, "we need to stock these checkpoints by the end of the year. With winter approaching, we need to move quickly. I have outlined a proposal for an expedition commencing two weeks from today. On this expedition, the Survey Corps will stock these last four checkpoints. This brings us back into line with the timeline I've consistently been driving for over the past couple years." He stood tall. "There can be no more distractions, no more delays, and no more unnecessary losses."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," said Sahlo, shaking his head. "Didn't we have an understanding that you're pressing ahead too quickly?"

"Lord Sahlo," said Zackly, "Commander Erwin has the floor."

Erwin placed a green marker at the hole in the wall. "This is the goal: Wall Maria. We must reach it before another harvest opportunity is lost, before the Colossal and Armoured titans have the opportunity to return and take Wall Rose. We'll be approaching the Merchant's Guild shortly with a large order, thanks in part to the funds reclaimed during the silo expedition. As well, I'd like to start presenting and formalizing the wall reclamation plans with-"

Sahlo stood and slammed his palms on the table. "Enough! This is bullshit."

 _He's panicking,_ thought Erwin, eyes narrowing.  _Hone in on his weakness._ An opponent swinging this wildly always left an opening.

"Lord Sahlo." Zackly slammed the table. "You are speaking out of turn."

"I'm not going to sit here quietly while you feed us your lies," growled Sahlo, eyes still locked on the Commander. "You are a bull-headed traitor to the crown, and it's clear you're more interested in personal glory than in what's best for humanity." He turned to Zackly. "Commander-in-Chief, I have evidence that Commander Erwin Smith has committed an act of treason."

And suddenly, Erwin had his opening. His hand curled into a fist at his side as he rehearsed the wording in his mind.

The room was tittering; Zackly slammed his palm on the table again. "These are very serious accusations, Lord Sahlo, and I question why you'd bring them up now, of all times."

"Commander-in-Chief, if I may," said Erwin, standing tall. "Lord Sahlo speaks the truth, and I can explain."

The room began to murmur again; in his periphery, he could see Hange staring at him with wide eyes.

"Please go ahead," said Zackly.

"Lord Sahlo is about to present you with evidence I falsified the results of the last expedition." Erwin lifted his chin. "It's true: the gold was a lie. We arrived at the silo to find it empty, presumably emptied during the evacuation from Wall Maria. Sahlo's original numbers were incorrect, no doubt old numbers from before the Fall.

"You've already heard about the devastating personnel losses we've endured, and you know my reasons for wanting to reach Wall Maria as quickly as possible. Bearing all this in mind, when faced with an unexpectedly empty silo, I had to make a snap decision: return with nothing, or lie about our findings?

"I could foresee what would happen if I returned empty-handed. There would be accusations of stealing the gold for ourselves, or perhaps even disregarding the mission objectives entirely. The investigation would stretch several months. Trust in the Survey Corps would be shaken, and the reclamation effort would surely be delayed.

"Or, I could fake the correct amount to avoid wasting the time of the courts and the Council, and ensure the reclamation effort proceeded on schedule. The officers pitched in our own personal funds to fake our findings - I have the receipts if you wish to confirm they all came from our own donations. It did hurt our personal budgets, but maintaining the Council's trust in the Survey Corps is more valuable to our goals, at this point, than money." He bowed his head. "And so, under immense pressure, I made the decision that would lead to the least amount of conflict, all with the goal of reclaiming Wall Maria as quickly as possible.

"Lord Sahlo, meanwhile, chanced upon a more recent inventory, which proves I falsified our mission results. I understand this falsification is treason, and I am willing to submit to a trial, should you see it necessary. Given, however, that we lost time and resources chasing after outdated documentation in the first place, I hope you'll delay your judgement until after the reclamation. Humanity can't afford any more lost time."

Sahlo was still staring at him, open-mouthed. Then, slowly, his lips stretched into a grin. He began to laugh.

Erwin stared him down. Now the lord had no footing if he tried to claim they had deviated from the mission. The only people who could prove what happened outside the walls were the Survey Corps soldiers - and now Erwin had an airtight story about why they had found gold in an empty silo.  _You should have thought twice before you showed me all your cards._

Sahlo was cackling now, tears streaming down his face. The other Council members stared at him with furrowed brows.

"Lord Sahlo?" asked Zackly. "Are you all right?"

The lord dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief. "Well played, Smith. Well played. I should have seen that coming."

"Perhaps you should step outside to collect yourself," said Zackly.

"Yes, yes, I think I shall." Sahlo glanced at Erwin again, then convulsed with another round of laughter. "I don't fucking believe this!"

The door slammed behind him, and an awkward silence descended over the room.

"Please be seated, Erwin," said Zackly. "Since Lord Sahlo is the most outspoken opponent to your timeline, we'll wait until he returns to continue this conversation."

"Lord Sahlo speaks with the voice of reason," said Minister Nick. "Commander Erwin flat-out lied to us, and only brought it up when he was caught. Who knows what else he's hiding from us? How can we trust anything that comes out of his mouth?"

"We'll discuss this matter later," said Zackly firmly. "For now, let's examine the Garrison budget."

Erwin slowly sank to a seat. An elbow nudged his side; he turned to see Hange smirk at him. He nodded. This had played out better than he hoped. Now everyone would think Sahlo was unhinged; Erwin's arguments looked better by default. He busied himself with taking notes during the Garrison budgetary discussion, noting discussion points he might approach Commander Pixis with later.

About an hour later, the door swung open. Two Military Police officers ran into the room.

"Commander! We need you at a crime scene immediately."

Nile frowned and stood. "Have you two lost your minds? I'm in the middle of a Council meeting."

"Not you, sir." The soldier pointed. "Commander Erwin."

Erwin's stomach dropped.

 _Now what?_ He hadn't expected Sahlo to be in the right frame of mind to take any actions against him.

He stood. "Please excuse me." He turned to Hange. "Take notes while I'm gone."

"I'm coming, too," said Nile.

They strode through the street side-by-side, following the anxious soldiers.

"Sahlo?" asked Nile quietly.

"Most likely. He attacked Levi last night. He's threatening to escalate." Erwin scanned the street, trying to figure out where they were going. They weren't heading to the hotel, so Eld was safe. They weren't heading Underground, so it couldn't be Leona.

"I told you not to get mixed up with him." Nile's voice was weary.

"He left me with no choice." Erwin paused. "Your family could be at risk."

"I'm in his good graces."

"If Sahlo dug into my past-"

Nile glared at him. "Erwin. I'm in his good graces."

The crowd was getting thicker here. The Commanders fell into single file, pushing their way through.

A church. They were approaching a church. Erwin's heart sank.  _No. Please, no..._

He forced his way to the front of the crowd.

Helena knelt on the front steps of the church. She rocked back and forth and sobbing, arms wrapped tightly around a man. His head lolled back, showcasing a deep slash from ear to ear. Blood stained his ashen skin, his grey robes, and Helena - her chest, her arms, her hair. Silver glinted on her ring finger. The corpse wore a matching band. Erwin stared at the band _. A wedding ring on a blue, slender finger._

Behind Helena sat Mama, rubbing the woman's back, her gaze absent.

_She's been there before._

"Commander!" yelled an MP, jogging up to him. She handed him a bloodstained envelope. "A man ran up to him, slit his throat in broad daylight, but he got away. Left this with the body."

Erwin accepted the envelope with shaky hands. The back read simply,  _Erwin,_  and the inside said,

_There is no such thing as a permanent secret._

Pressure was rising in Erwin's blood again, making his ears ring. Here were two women, his flesh and blood, who had lost the men they loved because of him, because of his pursuit of a dream that was probably a delusion.

Nile stepped in close. "Is that your mother and sister?"

He pushed forward.

"Erwin, wait-"

No, he wasn't going to stand by, not when he was the one responsible for their suffering. He knelt in front of them.

"Helena."

The woman looked up at him, eyes bloodshot and streaming.

He wasn't sure what to say.

She launched at him. "You fucking asshole!"

He slammed back to the cobblestone, knocking his head. He threw up his forearms just in time to block a punch.

"You selfish motherfucker," she screamed. "He's fucking  _dead._ We warned you, you asshole. You killed him!" Her punches slammed again and again into his forearms, but he didn't fight back.

_I deserve this._

_I killed them both._

_And Levi..._

That was worst of all: he couldn't even stay focused on Helena's pain. How would he feel if he cradled Levi in his arms, killed by Erwin's selfish goals? Or how would Levi feel, cradling his body?  _I could die at any moment... Helena had no idea this was coming. She woke up this morning with a husband, and now she's alone._

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Nile as he and another solider hauled Helena off him. "It's okay."

She whirled on him. "It's not fucking okay!"

Erwin lay flat on his back, slowly lowering his arms to his sides. The sky was clear, the clouds large and fluffy. The cobblestone felt like roof tiles on his back, cold and hard. Now he could feel Helena beside him, both of them giggling, knowing Mama and Papa would send them to bed with no dinner if they knew they were on the roof. Helena would look at this cloud and see a pony. She always saw ponies. He wondered if she liked horses as an adult. She had never been afraid of horses like he had. She had never been afraid of anything except being alone.

"Hey." Nile knelt beside him. "You okay? You hit your head pretty hard."

He sat up. His gaze fixed on Mama. She stood beside the body, gripping its shoulder, as if she could shake the man awake. Her eyes met his.

She didn't say the words, but he heard them, anyway.  _You killed him._

It wasn't the first time her eyes had said those words.

"Make them disappear," he said to Nile. "Tell them to leave the church and start a new life." He rose to his feet, his arms throbbing from Helena's punches. The pain was the only thing he felt. No, there was also that pressure, that buzzing, that restless energy.

He spun, eyeing the crowd for the man he knew he would find.

There.

Sahlo stood at the entrance of an alleyway, hat low, eyes shadowed. Beside him stood a tall, lanky man with a brimmed hat and a dark trench coat.

"I'll be back at the meeting in awhile," said Erwin to Nile, and then he slipped through the crowd. Each footstep echoed through him. He was hollow. Cold. He was made of metal.

Once he was deep in the thick of the crowd, shielded on all sides, he paused to reach into his boot. He slipped Levi's knife into his sleeve.

He stopped beside Sahlo, gripping his shoulder. "Follow."

"Gutsy," said the tall man. "Want me to fix this problem, too, your lordship?" His voice was heavy with an Underground accent, and every word sounded sarcastic.

 _Rage Klein?_  thought Erwin, but that couldn't be right. This man wore the black hat and white band common to nobility. This must be someone connected to the King.

"I can handle it," said Sahlo. "Leave us."

"You're fucking kidding," said the tall man.

"Do not follow."

"Your funeral." The tall man stepped away.

The second he was out of sight, Erwin's fingers clawed into Sahlo's shoulder. He pulled him deep into an alleyway and shoved him against the wall.

Sahlo gasped as the blow knocked the hat off his head, but then he glared. "Told you I'd break you."

The pressure burst.

Erwin snapped his sleeve, and Levi's knife slid into his palm. One hand grabbed the lord's hair, jerking his head back. The other pressed the blade against the lord's neck.

Sahlo gasped and closed his eyes, inching back against the wall. His nostrils flared. "Wait!"

"I could end this right here," said Erwin flatly.

"It won't stop if you kill me." Sahlo's voice squeaked.

"It would even the playing field."

"Just fucking listen! A plan is already in motion. We'll pick off those you care about, one by one. The assassins have already been hired and scheduled. I'm the only one who can cancel the orders."

Erwin's eyes narrowed. He was seeing red now.  _One quick slit and this all ends._

"Your mother and sister are next," said Sahlo. "Then Nile's family. Then each of your Squad Leaders, one at a time. We can make them look like accidents and random crimes. We're saving Levi for last."

Erwin's jaw twitched.

Sahlo held his gaze. "You think we don't have the skills to take him on, but you have no idea what kind of firepower we have at our disposal. We'll sit him in front of you and make you choose between him and your plans. And if you're still this fucking stupid and stubborn, you'll get to watch as the life drains from him. You'll see the betrayal on his face as he realizes the man he trusted, the man he loved above all else, gave him up over some petty political squabbles."

Erwin released the lord's hair and punched him in the stomach so hard that Sahlo doubled over and collapsed. He looked up, eyes wide, as he gasped for air and squirmed. He looked like a dying fish.

Erwin paused.

He thought of Levi scrubbing invisible blood, shaking in the corner. He recalled his words:  _you never forget their faces._

If he did this now, so close to a crowd, he would be found out and arrested. Zackly couldn't cover a crime of this magnitude. And then, with Sahlo dead and Erwin hanged, neither of their plans would come to fruition. Humanity was doomed to starve.

He squatted beside Sahlo, but kept the knife at his side this time. "What do you want?"

"Your support in the Council meeting," wheezed Sahlo.

"No, it's more than that. What do you want?"

Sahlo's face and neck were beet red. "I want you to help support and distribute our product. I want you to use the Survey Corps to protect the people of the Underground. I want you to stop trying to tamper with the Walls. I want you to obey the King and the Holy Walls instead of looking to defy them." His eyes were wild. "The end is coming. The world within these walls will soon turn into a living hell, and the only people who can stop it are the King and his supporters. You and your cult of freedom-seeking heathens are shifting the Council's attention in the wrong direction."

The words were so unexpected and bizarre that Erwin paused. "What do you mean, 'the end is coming?'"

"Six months," said Sahlo. "Just give us an extra six months."

Erwin took a deep breath.  _I need to do what I think is right._

But he was no longer sure what was right. How could he trust himself, when red was clouding his vision? And what was this coming end - religious paranoia? Or did the Wallists and the King truly know something the rest of them didn't? Was that why Helena and Mama had been so insistent he back off?

_Am I making plans on incomplete information?_

He pulled away and slid the knife back into his boot.

"Good choice," said Sahlo, nodding behind him. Erwin turned to see the tall man standing in the entrance to the alleyway, holding a long, curved knife.

"This is your big political opponent?" said the tall man. "What a dumb sack of shit. Didn't even take you somewhere remote."

"The Commander's had a rough day. He wasn't thinking straight for a moment, but he came to his senses." Sahlo stood and brushed off his hat, then put it on, carefully straightening the brim. "Council returns to session soon, Erwin. I look forward to your full support."

Erwin said nothing as he watched them leave.

.*.*.*.

They sat in the Council session fifteen minutes later. Erwin's skin was damp with sweat. Hange gave him a concerned look, but he kept his gaze forward, his chin high.

"Erwin," said Zackly. "Nile tells me there was a violent crime at the church that may have been difficult to witness. If you wish to delay-"

"No." Erwin stood, his limbs heavy. He thought of Helena's wails, of the rings in Hange's pocket. He thought of a dying Levi staring at him with betrayal in his eyes, the way Papa had.

_What does he mean, 'the end is coming?'_

"Lord Sahlo and I have discussed it in depth," he said clearly, "and the only reasonable option is to push the reclamation effort back six months to meet his timeline."

The room burst into chatters, and Sahlo gave him a broad smile.

Erwin sank back to his seat, his jaw tight.

.*.*.*.

When they returned to the hotel that night, Eld had already left for his return journey. Erwin began to pack the trunk as well.

"Erwin," said Hange.

"We have to get back to the base as soon as possible. We can sleep in the carriage. " He paused. "We're going to make a slight detour to Stohess." He had to warn Marie that she could be in danger. Maybe he had deterred Sahlo for now, but he didn't trust the lord to stay back, especially because he couldn't shake the feeling Sahlo was caught in a web of his own. Someone - the Wallists, or the King, or Rage Klein - was applying enough pressure for Sahlo to crack.

_Who is our real enemy?_

Besides, there was still the possibility that Nile had been the one to inform Sahlo that Erwin and Levi were a couple. If so, there was one surefire way to put a stop to that: tell Marie that he and Levi had broken up.

"Erwin," said Hange, more forcefully this time. "Why did the plan change?"

He pulled his shirts off the hangers and neatly folded them. "His arguments became sufficiently persuasive."

"What about Wall Maria? The harvest season?"

"I'm no longer convinced my solution is what's best for humanity."

"Erwin-"

"It doesn't matter. My decision is made." He folded the last of his socks into balls, because no matter how much Levi complained about his sock-folding style, habit was easiest. "There's still room to be flexible. If we uncover evidence that shows my original plan was best, we can stock the last two checkpoints early in the spring and move on my original timeline." He closed his eyes. He was so sick of thinking about timelines, and Wall Maria, and Sahlo. Maybe that had been why he had been so tempted to slit Sahlo's throat: it was an easy way out. Trial, death by hanging.

"You look tired," said Hange quietly.

"I am."

"Will getting back to the base tonight help?"

"Yes." He wasn't sure. What would happen the next time his mask dropped? Would he be able to lift it again?

_I'm so, so tired._

Hange wordlessly began to pack, too.

.*.*.*.

They arrived at the Dok house at half-past eight - Erwin asked the driver to park the carriage around the corner, and they walked, ensuring no one was following them. The lights were still on inside. Erwin drew a deep breath.

"Why are we stopping here?" asked Hange.

"Because I need to repair all the holes in my armour." There was the Dok family doorknocker, the one Levi always made snide comments about. He lifted it and let it fall.

Jasper answered the door. As he grew, his hair was darkening, his chin leaning out.  _Maybe he really is Nile's flesh and blood._

"Commander Erwin!" The boy's eyes lit up, and he saluted.

"At ease," said Erwin, standing with his hands clasped behind his back. "I'm here to speak with your mother."

"Mom," yelled Jasper, turning into the house.

Marie came running, her little one in her hand, her hair tied in a rag. She smiled. "Erwin? What a nice surprise! Is Levi with you?"

He didn't return her smile. "I need to speak with you."

"Oh, I..." She glanced around. "I'm just putting the kids to bed."

"Squad Leader Hange can do that for you."

"I can what?" said Hange.

"That would be lovely." Marie shoved the toddler into Hange's chest. "They each get one bedtime story before lights out. Maybe two, if they're good. They're all washed up, so they just need to change into their pajamas. Jasper knows their routine."

Hange stared down at the kid. "I-"

"Thank you, Hange." Erwin pulled off his boots.

"Bedroom's upstairs," said Marie.

Hange stared at them for another moment, then sighed. "Okay, kids, come follow the absolute stranger upstairs."

Erwin sat on the couch, and Marie sat opposite him.

"Well?" she said.

He waited until he heard the bedroom door close upstairs, then leaned forward. "You may be in danger."

"What?" she asked, leaden.

"Sahlo's making a power play against me. He has vowed to kill everyone from my past, one at a time. I think I've appeased him for now, but-"

"The same Sahlo that Nile kept telling you not to get mixed up with?"

He gritted his teeth. "We don't have time to point fingers."

Her hands balled into fists. "What the fuck did you do to piss him off?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter. Were you pushing after your fucking delusions again? Did you piss off the wrong people chasing after baseless dreams?"

His silence must have incriminated him, because she swore and shook her head.

"Okay, you know what? Fuck you. Get out of my house."

"Marie-"

"I've been an idiot to keep you in my life. You do nothing but hurt me and the ones I love."

The words hit too close to home. Helena's sobs, Mama's cold glare. What expression would Levi wear, when he saw him again? Was he worn and hurt, too?

"I do hurt everyone," he said, trying to make his tone convincingly sad. "Levi and I have ended our relationship."

To his surprise, she looked upset. "What? Why?"

He searched for the most plausible excuse: "Because I need to stay focused. He had been concerned lately that he was a weakness I couldn't afford to have, that he coaxed a vulnerability out of me that needed to stay hidden." His stomach began to sink. "Once Sahlo used him as a pressure point, I saw that Levi was right: he is a weakness."

_Would I have caved in to Sahlo if I weren't so vulnerable when it comes to Levi?_

"I have to be alone," he continued, trying to ignore the thought. "I can't afford to embrace my weaknesses. Not now. And I never know when I might die - it's not fair to him." Why were all these excuses feeling so truthful? He thought of the rings in Hange's pocket. The ball of ice rolled around his stomach, prickly and cold.

Marie's brows slowly lowered. "Erwin, please tell me you didn't come here because you thought you could get a pity fuck."

He blinked. She was misunderstanding. Should he run with it? Seeming like he was propositioning Marie was a surefire way to let Nile know Levi was no longer in the picture, but it would effectively terminate their friendship.

His hesitation must have seemed like an answer, because she stood.

"I can't fucking believe you. Is that what I am to you? Someone you can run to for sex every time to you break up with someone? Where's your respect for me? For Levi? For  _Nile?"_

"I wasn't thinking," he said.

"Clearly not. Yeah, maybe things are always going to be a bit weird between us, but we made our choices long ago. I have two kids now, and a third on the way, and you  _dare_ to-" Her eyes flashed. "Get the fuck out of my house!"

"Please, Marie," he said, standing. "Go somewhere safe. Move, if you have to-"

"Get out!" She stood, hands in tight fists.

He pulled on his boots and strode to the carriage.

When Hange entered the carriage a few minutes later, he was slumped forward over his thighs, his hands raked into his hair.

"That was awkward," said Hange, clearly unimpressed. The carriage door slammed.

"I've been selfish," he said without looking up.

The bell cord rang as Hange alerted the driver to start moving. "If this is about asking me to watch the kids-"

"That, too, I suppose. I meant with Levi." He drew a deep breath and held it.

Those excuses he had given Marie - hadn't Levi just said the same things to him in the treetop overlooking Wall Maria?

He selfishly clung to Levi when it put his plans at risk, when it put their happiness at risk. He couldn't shake the image of Helena cradling her dead husband, the matching rings on their fingers.

"I saw him as a weapon," he murmured, "as a new toy, so I dragged out from the Underground and manipulated him into trusting me. Then I encouraged the sparks between us, playing a ridiculous game of 'let's take it slowly' and then moving too fast, toying with his emotions. And now he's shouldering guilt for the relationship I did nothing to prevent, pointing out - rightfully so - that it's a weakness I cannot afford. And in return, I got him attacked by a lord playing mind games with him. I bring him endless stress and misery, and that's only going to amplify if I die."

Hange said, very quietly, "You need to have this conversation with Levi, not me."

"I already know what he's going to say. He's loyal to my strategy above his own emotions. When he finds out I caved in to Sahlo, he's going to blame himself." Erwin pulled a bag from under the seat and began to dig through it.

"What are you looking for?"

"Alcohol."

"You might not want to be drunk or hung over when you're talking with Levi about all this."

He frowned and leaned back against the bench. "You'll need to watch yourself as well, Hange. Your name was on the list Sahlo used to threaten me."

The Squad Leader swallowed hard. "Oh. But you agreed to his terms."

"Sahlo is being pulled in different directions; he lashed out because he was desperate." He thought of the tall man with the noble's hat. "He's being watched. There's something much larger at play, and we're only scratching the surface. Our situation could change at any moment. We'll monitor communication and external visits, and set up patrols around the base. We must be vigilant."

He thought about sending a message to Leona, but she was savvy - she had already been concerned about his involvement with Sahlo. She would keep herself safe. They should definitely warn Berit and Shadis. Being attached to the Trainee Corps probably gave them some shelter - the training program was geared toward churning out new MP recruits, after all, and the King valued the MP above all other regiments. Still, it didn't hurt to be careful.

His mind kept circling back to Levi.

He let out a long, deep sigh.

Hange gave him a pitying look. "Sleep might help."

Sleep probably would help, but he was lonely, cold and frightened. He didn't like fear. He could usually control it with planning and logic. Maybe he could spend time re-planning the Wall reclamation...

There was Levi again, standing beside him on the tree branch overlooking Wall Maria, offering him hope just as it was slipping away. That was what he needed right now: the man who brought him balance. The man who helped him expose and understand his emotions when his instincts told him to bury them. He needed him.

 _Do you really?_ rasped Levi.  _Or do you just_ want  _to need me?_

The ball of ice had risen to his throat, and it was stuck there, like he was on the verge of crying, but couldn't quite vent it.

Maybe it showed on his face, because Hange shifted over to his bench and sat beside him. A wiry arm slid across his shoulders.

He slumped and laid his cheek on Hange's shoulder, grateful for the contact.

.*.*.*.

"What did Erwin say?" demanded Levi as he strode up to Eld in the dining hall.

Eld was still breathless, downing a glass of water. He nodded a greeting. "Sorry to wake you before reveille."

"It's okay. This is important."

"He approved of how you're handling everything. There's more, but-" He turned to Gunther, who had been on watch when he had ridden in. "We need to talk in private."

"Got it." Gunther stood.

"Hey Gunther," said Levi. "At reveille, go tell Dita he's running the training exercises today. His choice." He hadn't slept much since the attack the night before last, and he had no interest in running mundane exercises himself.

The soldier saluted and closed the door, and then it was just Levi and Eld in the dining hall.

Eld leaned forward. "Sahlo knows about...you."

"About me?"

"About you and the Commander. Your...relationship." He looked so uncomfortable that Levi immediately caught on.

"Oh. You're going to keep that a secret, right?"

"Of course. It's just unexpected."

Unexpected was good; it meant they had been successfully keeping it a secret from the majority of people, at least. Not the person who mattered, though. He frowned. "Did he say when he and Hange were coming back?"

"No, but it didn't sound like they were staying much longer. The Commander was eager to get back here to address safety issues. He'll be putting the base into lockdown."

Levi grimaced. This was all so fucked up. He needed to punch something. "Take the day off," he said to Eld, standing.

He stayed in the gym past reveille, working a punching bag from every angle. By the time he had finished, his heart was racing and he had glowing red spots on the first two knuckles of each hand and the tops of his feet.

It was a heated bath day, so he waited until the other soldiers were in training, then sank into the bath by himself. His ass had barely touched the seat when the door swung open.

"Hey," he called. "You're supposed to be in training. Go see Dita in the yard."

Erwin stepped into view.

Levi's breath caught. Their gaze held.

"You're back early."

Erwin nodded, his face grim. "I came back as soon as I could. I'm glad you're okay."

Levi sank deeper into the water, letting it skim his chin. "Shitty couple days, huh?"

"Indeed. Do you have time to debrief?" His voice was gravelly.

"Yeah. Just give me a minute to finish cleaning up."

Erwin nodded again. "I'll be in my office."

There was that anxious heat in Levi's throat again, the taste of acid. He quickly scrubbed himself down and brushed his teeth, then changed into his uniform.

He paused outside Erwin's office, took a deep breath, and then opened the door.

Erwin sat on the couch, hunched, his hands clasped and hanging loosely between his knees. He tilted his head as if to acknowledge Levi, but didn't look at him.

Levi locked the door and dropped onto the opposite couch, crossing his legs. "I have a lot to tell you about."

"As do I." Erwin lifted his head; his eyes were sunken. "When I heard about the attack against you, I refused to let it sway me from our plans."

"Good," said Levi, feeling a wave of relief.  _I'm not his weakness._

"He applied more pressure: he had someone murder Helena's husband, leaving a note addressed to me with the body."

"Holy shit."

Erwin pulled the knife out of his boot and handed it over. "I dragged him into an alley, threw him against the wall, and held this to his throat."

"Holy shit." Levi's jaw clenched.  _I should have been there._ "Did you kill him?"

"No." A pause. "I gave up, Levi. We're adjusting to his timeline."

"What?"

"He backed me into a corner. He found all my weak spots, twisted a knife into each of them." Erwin's gaze dropped. "I don't even know anymore if my timeline is the one we should follow. He made a compelling argument, and genuinely has some altruistic motives - when I explain it to you in detail, you'll understand my confusion. I have to yield to him, for now."

Levi stared at him, open-mouthed. "After all that? You're rolling over?"

Erwin's hands interlaced, the knuckles white; he stared down at them. "Wall Maria must be our priority. Without Sahlo's support, we'll be wasting valuable time and energy defending ourselves against his attacks. If he knows everything about me, he has the power to ruin me, to knock me out of my position before my plans can be realized. He's connected to the Wallists, to the King, to Rage Klein, to the Military Police. Meanwhile, we're a fringe group of oddballs pushing against common sense, charging headfirst into titan territory, ready to dedicate our hearts to dreams that may not even be attainable."

They were silent. Footsteps passed outside the door, and two soldiers chatted and laughed together before the sounds faded again. Levi cast a glance at the door, wishing he was so ignorant to their burdens. He wished he knew what to say to lighten Erwin's.

"You should go take a good long dump," he tried, because tasteless humour often cheered him up. "You'll feel lighter."

Erwin breathed a single beat of a chuckle through his nose, and that was it. Levi felt a swell of helplessness.

"I've never seen you like this."

"I've never seen our situation with such clarity," said Erwin.

"Let me kill him."

Erwin shook his head. "No. He's the only one who can cancel his own assassination plans - he claims to have hired killers to take out everyone from my past, one by one, until..." He trailed off.

Levi leaned forward. "Until what?"

Nothing followed.

"Eld told me knows about us," said Levi. "He threatened to use me against you, didn't he? Torture me or something in front of you. That sick fuck! I'll tear his throat out with my teeth. I'll carve up his weak spot like the motherfucking titan he is."

The Commander was so still that Levi wondered if he was holding his breath. His silence was understandable. They both knew what this meant.

"I'm a burden," said Levi, so Erwin didn't have to say the words. "I'm a weakness you can't afford."

"No, you're Humanity's Strongest. Your strength on the battlefield is humanity's greatest asset-"

"He's using me to fuck with your head."

"-and you bring hope to humanity, something they desperately-"

"Erwin. Stop."

"It's not just you-"

"Erwin-"

"-it's my mother, my sister, Marie and-"

"Shut up for a second and listen!" Levi flopped back against the couch. "This is everything we talked about during the last expedition. I'm not going to be your weakness, not when you have so much to think about. We swore when this started our work would take priority over us, or we'd have to take a step back."

The Commander looked up, his eyes so glassy that Levi began to shake.

"Levi-" began Erwin, using the same voice he used when he was trying to pitch a difficult expedition to the Council.

"Look me in the eye," interrupted Levi, "and tell me Sahlo's threats against me didn't impact your decision. Tell me I'm not a weakness."

Their gaze held, and nothing followed. He had never seen a man so large look so small.

Levi felt small, too. Insignificant. There was so much at stake. What was his happiness when they were on the cusp of embarking on humanity's most ambitious move against the titans?

He stood and strode over to the liquor cabinet, throwing open the doors.

"It's not even noon," said Erwin.

"If we're going to do this, I'm not staying sober. Which whiskey's the best?"

A pause. "The silver label."

Levi stood on his tiptoes to pull it down from the shelf, then pulled down two glasses. He dropped onto the couch next to Erwin - he smelled so good, so warm - and poured them each a generous glass.

They were silent for the first several sips. Levi closed his eyes, feeling their body heat mingle in the gap between them.

"So," he said. "What happens next?"

"I'd still like to send you north," said Erwin, because of course he would default to talking about strategy instead of facing difficult truths about their relationship. "Since there won't be another expedition until the spring, you can leave as soon as you're ready. Take a small team. We'll put in an order for your supplies tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I'll head to the Capital to work on the revised reclamation plans." He paused. "Like I said, I have a lot to tell you - I know all the details of Sahlo's plans, or at least what he's shared with me - but let's wait until tomorrow. There's..." He hesitated. "There's already a lot to think about."

"Yeah, there is." Levi imagined a hill in Ehrmich, a blazing sunset, Erwin on one knee. He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut.  _Damned whiskey, making my eyes water._

"You should date around while you're in the Capital," he said aloud. "Women. Make a scene about it. No one will be able to use me to bait you if they think you're a straight man playing the field."

Erwin stared at him as if he had been smacked. "I can't do that."

"You don't have to fuck them or anything." Levi's eyes were still tearing up, and squeezing them shut was doing nothing, so he blinked a few times. "Just take them on the town, maybe kiss them a little-"

"Levi, I'm not going to kiss anyone." Erwin hesitated. "Is this..."

"Spit it out."

"Are we ending this? Permanently?"

Levi turned to make eye contact, but the man was staring fixedly at the opposite couch. "I was thinking more like a step back." Even as he said the words, he wasn't sure what they meant.

"I see." Erwin nodded. "You and I... I'm not sure we could ever end, anyway. Not really."

Levi's chest ached. No, they couldn't. They were too intertwined. Erwin coursed through his arteries, fuelled him with drive and purpose. "We both need to focus on Wall Maria, and you need to focus on Sahlo. Until that mission is complete, we need to knock off all the relationship shit."

"Okay." Erwin's voice cracked. "What are our ground rules?"

"You have to over-plan everything, don't you?"

"No sex, no kissing, no cuddling?"

"Yeah. Nothing that makes either of us break down. Nothing that makes us a target."

"No touching." Erwin glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "Even before we were together, every little touch haunted me."

"Yeah. Same." Levi sniffled again, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes. "I guess we won't spend any more nights cuddling and reading together, huh?"

"No. We hadn't done that for awhile, anyway."

"I guess not."

"Haven't done much of anything for awhile," said Erwin, almost to himself.

Levi's face fell. "We were already...stepping back a bit from each other, weren't we?"

Erwin's shoulders suddenly heaved; he buried his face in his free hand.

"Shit," said Levi. "Sorry."

"No; I'm sorry, Levi. You deserve-"

"Don't."

"-so much better than I could ever offer-"

"Knock it off!" Levi elbowed him hard in the side. "This is hard enough without you getting all caught up in self-loathing."

Erwin wiped his eyes with the back of his hand; the bloodshot whites made his irises glow blue. "I haven't given you anything worth waiting for."

"Let me decide that for myself. You agreed to let me choose when and where to offer up my own heart, right? That applies to this, too." He wanted to pull out a handkerchief and dab at those glowing eyes, but wasn't sure if their 'no touching' policy had already begun.

They were silent as they drained their glasses. Levi topped them up again, the bottle shaking.

"The night after everyone's celebrating our reclamation of Wall Maria," he said, "we'll find a moment to sneak away, okay? And we'll talk. Maybe we'll decide to be together again; maybe we won't."

"If we do," said Erwin, "I'd still like to take you to Ehrmich." He took a long sip, then added softly, "How many times now has that trip been delayed?"

"We'll stay in the apartment. The apartments are still half yours, you know. Even the ones I bought."

"You don't have to-"

"This doesn't change that," said Levi firmly. "We're still..." He couldn't think of the right word. "Close."

"Captain and Commander," said Erwin.

"Yeah."

"Partners."

"Yeah."

They were silent, enjoying their drinks in a comfortable silence. Levi's emotions had mellowed - or maybe he was just numb. This decision made sense. It was what was best for them, for humanity.

When the glasses were once again empty, he moved to refill them.

"Wait," said Erwin, holding out a hand to stop him. "Are we going to make love one last time?"

"One last time?" Levi eyed him. "You're still convinced we're going to die before Wall Maria is ours again, aren't you?"

"Yes."

And all at once, grief flooded Levi's body.  _I won't get to fall asleep next to him for months - maybe ever. I won't get to have sex with him for months - maybe ever._ His jaw trembled, but he shrugged it off. If he fell apart now, so would Erwin.

"Okay, sure, let's fuck one last time. Something for the living person to remember if you're right."

Erwin fixed his glowing eyes on him for a moment, then nodded. "Leave for the apartment now. I'll follow, ten minutes behind, to avoid raising suspicions."

"You want to go all the way into town for this?"

"I don't want to hold anything back."

Levi reached out and cupped his jaw; Erwin's hand closed over it, grip too tight. They slowly leaned toward each other, hesitant, as if this was one of their first kisses, not, potentially, one of their last.

 _He's soft._ Levi leaned into it, eyes closing, and a tear trailed down his cheek.  _And warm._

They pulled away, eyes locked. Levi wanted to speak, but his throat was too tight. He stood and walked to the door.

He closed it behind him. His legs were too heavy; he couldn't walk.  _He wants me to go ten minutes ahead so we can't be tracked. Go._

As he was just stepping away, he heard a soft sob from inside the office, and he realized the ten minute head start had nothing to do with safety.

.*.*.*.

The apartment was in a mild state of disarray - Erwin had been the last to use it, and he had left little piles of books, some open, all around the room. Levi frowned and set about tidying it all, distracting himself.

When Erwin stepped inside a few minutes later, the tip of his nose was red and his eyes were puffy, but dry. He closed the door and stood by it, hunched.

"Don't make this weird," said Levi, even though he was apprehensive, too. "Come here."

They quickly warmed as they closed the gap, meeting with hands on cheeks, on shoulders; lips pressed together, spreading, tongues grazing.  _Savour this,_  thought Levi, and his eyes flooded with tears again. He stubbornly shut them. If he started crying, he was going to get snot everywhere, and he could think of nothing less romantic.

Erwin pulled away and buried his mouth in the top of Levi's hair. "Shower with me."

Levi caught his arm and pulled him toward the bathroom.

They undressed each other slowly, palms smoothing each bit of exposed flesh. Erwin's forearms were bruised and swollen.

"My sister," he said softly.

Levi ran his fingertips in swirls across the bruises. "You know it's not your fault, right?"

Erwin's throat bobbed.

"None of this is your fault." Levi bent forward to kiss the bruises, but Erwin caught his jaw instead, lifting it into a kiss.

They didn't bother waiting for the water to finish heating; they took turns, one working the water pump while the other washed. Levi was already clean, but he soaped himself for Erwin anyway, relishing the man's heavily-lidded eyes and parted lips. They met again once they were both clean, naked and shivering, damp bodies sliding together as they kissed. Levi's hands clawed into Erwin's back, desperately pulling him as close as he could.

The kisses faded. As the last of the water - finally warm now - drizzled over them, they held each other in a tight hug.

"Let me clean you up," said Levi, because the thought of no longer grooming Erwin in the mornings was almost as bad as the thought of never having sex.

They brought a chair into the bathroom, and Levi lathered cream onto Erwin's face. The shave took twice as long as usual as Levi took the opportunity to really study Erwin's face, to memorize all the details he had taken for granted: the sneer line ever so slightly deeper by one nostril than the other; the sprinkling of white hairs in his eyebrows, and one in his eyelashes; the tiny, dark mole at the crest of his left cheekbone; the faint scars on his chin, his temple, the bridge of his nose. Their eyes locked. Those blue eyes, so eerie and piercing, so intense even when the rest of his face was gentle.

He finished shaving the man's face and neck, then walked around to clean up the hair on the back of his neck, leaving his undercut with a crisp line. Once that was done, he rinsed the blade and set it in its case, then combed Erwin's hair into place. He applied a small amount of styling product to keep it neat, just the way the man liked. Sure, it was just going to get messed up again right away, but it was an important part of the routine.

He finished by gently combing the thick eyebrows, then kissed the skin between them, lingering.

"My turn," said Erwin quietly.

They traded places. Levi watched Erwin as he shaved his jaw and neck, then took the comb and tidied Levi's hair. It didn't take nearly as long - Levi's beard had never been as full as Erwin's, and his hair was easier to style.

When Erwin was finished, he kissed Levi between the brows, too, mirroring the earlier gesture as if this were some sort of ritual.

In a way, Levi reflected, it was.

They moved to the main room. Erwin set a bottle of oil and two clean handkerchiefs by the bed. Levi dimmed the lamps.

They slid under the covers and began to kiss, legs intertwining. Erwin was giving little moans and grunts, rutting against Levi's thigh, already hard.

Levi felt nothing. Even the kisses, which had been so warm and soft before, felt mechanical. It was as if he were kissing the back of his hand.

After a minute, Erwin pulled back to look at him. "Levi?"

"I'm fine." His eyes were watering again.

Erwin wordlessly drew him in, resting his chin on top of Levi's head.

Levi nuzzled against his collarbone. "Stress is getting to me."

"I understand. We can just lie here."

"No." Levi placed a hand in the centre of his chest, pushing away to look at him. "I want to get it up and fuck you. If not, you can fuck me instead."

Erwin kissed his brow. "Okay." He kissed his jaw, the underside of his chin, his throat, his collarbone. Levi shifted, closing his eyes, trying to feel anything but ticklish.

Then Erwin's mouth was around him, and he was warm, and sucking just the way he liked, but nothing was happening. Levi gripped the sheets and threw his head back, trying to feel something.

_One last time...We were already stepping back...I'm not going to be your weakness..._

"Dammit!" He threw his forearm over his eyes and swallowed against the lump in his throat, again and again, trying to stop it from rising.

Erwin pulled away. "Levi."

"Don't stop." His voice caught. "Dammit, I can't-"

"Levi." Erwin shifted to lie beside him. "It's okay."

"It's not okay. This is our last chance to do this, and I'm fucking it up." He had never felt so humiliated. He wanted to run to the bathroom and lock the door behind him.

Erwin kissed the forearm that covered his eyes. "Tell me what you want."

Levi wanted them to start the night's conversation over. He wanted them to agree their relationship took priority, and Wall Maria and Sahlo were a waste of time, and humanity could go fuck itself.

He took a shuddering breath. "I don't know."

The bed moved, and then he heard furniture shifting. He lifted his forearm, cursing the tears that spilled along either side of his cheeks.

Erwin sat in a chair facing him, palms resting on his bare thighs.

"What are you doing?"

"Giving you control." Erwin's gaze was gentle. "We don't have a lot of control over anything right now, but I can at least give you some. You tell me what you need, and I'll do it. If you want to watch me play with myself, that's fine. If you want me to join you in bed, or hold you, or leave, that's all fine, too."

This was the kind of consideration Levi was going to miss. He still wasn't sure he was interested in sex, but Erwin was so eager to make him feel comfortable.  _I should at least play along a bit._

"Touch your balls."

"Like this?" Erwin started stroking them with his fingertips.

"Yeah. Lift your dick out of the way so I can see. And tug on them a bit."

Erwin complied, sliding further down the chair. His gaze was firmly locked on Levi, his lips parting.

Levi could feel the damp spots still lingering on his flesh from Erwin's kisses; they tingled in the room's draught, suddenly not tickling him so much anymore. "Feel good?" he asked.

"Yeah. Especially with you looking at me like that."

Levi felt a faint glow between his legs, the first sparks of a flame. "Start jerking yourself off a bit."

Erwin obeyed. His chest was starting to rise and fall now with heavy breaths.

 _-the last time I'll see this until-_ Levi cut the thought off in his mind, focused on the long fingers stroking, with that characteristic twist at the tip he loved to watch so much, loved to feel on himself.

"Feel good?" he asked, not caring that he was being repetitive.

"Yeah."

"Looks good, too." He was still flaccid, but he was starting to feel like that wouldn't be the case for long. He shifted, leaning forward for a better look.

After a few minutes, Erwin's head was beginning to loll back, exposing his beautiful throat. His lids were heavy, his eyes losing focus.

"Stop for a second," said Levi.

It seemed to take Erwin great effort to stop; briefly, ever so briefly, his nose wrinkled and his lip curled, a flicker of strain.

Levi stood. He opened a drawer and pulled out a small, clean toy and a bottle of oil, then tossed them at Erwin, who deftly caught them. "Show me how you're going to fuck yourself when I'm not around."

Their gaze held, and for a dizzying second, Levi was certain they were both going to fall apart, but then Erwin's eyes narrowed, and he nodded.

Instead of opening the oil, he brought the toy to his mouth and dragged it across his tongue.

"Oh shit," whispered Levi, transfixed.

Erwin ran his tongue around the tip, then took it deep into his throat.

Levi heard a squeak escape from his mouth. He sat at the edge of the bed.

Erwin slowly withdrew the toy, then slicked it with oil. He pressed the pad of one foot into the chair, half-squatting on it, and slowly lowered himself onto the toy. His face contorted; his eyes squeezed shut.

"Oh fuck," whispered Levi. He wanted to be that toy so badly. His body finally began to respond.

Erwin's eyelids parted, and he stared at Levi, through him. He began to move up and down, his hand moving in the same rhythm.

Levi sucked in a harsh breath. He stood and padded around to the man's back, sliding a palm along his exposed throat. Erwin leaned into his hand, writhing a little in his chair.

"Oh fuck," whispered Levi again, bending down to drag his lips across Erwin's forehead. One hand stayed at his throat; the other slid down his chest to his abdomen, feeling the muscles tense and relax as he gyrated.

 _Savour this_ , thought Levi, but he was quickly getting feverish. He circled to Erwin's front and knelt between his legs.

Erwin cried out and thrust into his throat.

 _Fuck._ Levi pulled out the toy and used his fingers instead.  _Fuck._ He was hard now, aching. He wanted to be inside him, but he didn't want this to end.

"Levi, please..."

"Fuck!" Levi withdrew and frantically oiled himself while they repositioned themselves onto the bed. He pushed into him. They cried out together as he worked all the way in. He gasped and fell forward, mouth on Erwin's nipple, one hand finding his and lacing through it, the other forcing under his lower back. Neither of them was in control now. Levi pushed hard into him and Erwin ground down against him with each thrust as they tried to merge into one.

_Don't let this end...please don't let this end..._

Water trickled down Levi's cheek, and he tasted salt, and he wanted to hang on, but it was so hard to keep his movements slow. His body was betraying him; he was already rising.

_Not yet. I'm not ready. Not yet..._

Erwin's cries were louder, his hand frantically working between them, his back arching.

"Wait," gasped Levi into his nipple.

"I'm so close."

"I know."

"Please, Levi. I'm so close..."

"I know. So am I. So am I." He couldn't slow down; he thrust harder and deeper, angling himself the way Erwin liked. "Fuck!"

The man's head tossed, blond hair scattered and stuck to his damp forehead. "I can't-"

"I know."

"I'm going to come."

"I know. Come on." Levi ran his tongue in rough circles around Erwin's nipple.

"Levi!" Erwin arched against him, and his body began to shudder, clenching around him. Levi squeezed his eyes shut.

_I don't want this to end. I don't want-_

His orgasm tore violently through him, wildfire on dry grass, and he shook so hard that he clung to Erwin, as if he might throw himself off the bed if he didn't anchor himself. So good, it felt  _so good-_

_The last time we'll share this._

He heard himself sob. The last ripple left him, but he kept his eyes closed, desperate to delay the end.

Erwin relaxed into the bed, breathing hard. A heavy hand settled into Levi's hair.

 _He's going to fall apart,_  thought Levi.  _He always falls apart._ He needed to pull himself together so he could be there for him.

But when he lifted his head, Erwin gave him a polite smile. It wobbled a bit, then stuck.

Levi loved and hated that smile. This was the Erwin Smith humanity needed, the one who would save them all from the titans.

_He doesn't have to take his mask off ever again._

And so, even though his heart was aching, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the tip of the sharp nose.

"Commander," he said, his voice cracking.

"Captain." Erwin trailed his knuckles along Levi's jaw. "Thank you. For everything."

"Don't thank me. It's weird."

Erwin smiled and kissed the tip of his nose, too.

They dressed in silence, then exchanged a final kiss at the door. This one felt more like a formality than a proper kiss. Levi knew he wasn't going to be able to hold his emotions in check much longer. Erwin's mask seemed to be getting stronger, but his was cracking.

"You go first," he said. "I'll follow ten minutes behind."

"Levi-"

"For safety." He straightened Erwin's bolo tie and his collars, his jaw already quivering. "Go. I'll follow."

.*.*.*.

Erwin settled in his office, intending to bury himself in work, but he was too empty. He sipped more whiskey and stared at the expense reports until the numbers swam.

Hange's entrance was a welcome relief. The Squad Leader closed the door, then saluted. "Good afternoon, Commander."

"Afternoon."

"How did your talk with Levi go?"

Erwin stiffened his spine, threw his shoulders back. "We decided to put our relationship on hold."

"On hold? What does that mean?"

"It means we are operating in a purely professional capacity until after the reclamation effort, at which point we'll re-evaluate our goals and desires." It was easier than he expected to keep his face expressionless. Emotional exhaustion had its benefits.

Hange squinted at him, as if trying to read him, but there was nothing to read. He was hollow.

"So what do we do with these?" Hange strode forward and set two rings on the desk.

He picked up the larger of the two, trying to recall the excitement he had felt when selecting them. Emotional exhaustion had its detriments, too; excitement was inaccessible to him. He suspected the gravity of this moment would hit him later, and so hard that it might ruin him.

"Take them." He set the ring down again. "Sell them, if you want."

Hange's face fell. "But after Wall Maria-"

"We won't both survive Wall Maria," he said flatly. "Even if we do, there's a good chance the trauma of the losses we'll endure will change us. A lot could happen between now and then, and there's no time to consider it until we're there."

It looked as if Hange was about to cry. "A few hours ago, you were shaking in my arms about this."

"Levi and I came to the most logical conclusion together. Thanks to him, I've regained my focus." A lie. The numbers still swam when he looked at them.

Hange's brows dropped. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

He blinked. "Pardon?"

"You two miserable assholes work so well together, and you're so deeply in love, and now you're shoving each other away because you think it will make you  _stronger?_ That's not logic; it's fear. You're both scared."

His mouth hung open for a moment before he responded. "I would think you'd be in a good position to understand the complications that can arise when mixing business and pleasure, given your history."

"You were mixing them just fine," said Hange, voice rising. "Sahlo would have used him against you if you weren't romantically involved, anyway. And yeah, maybe you break down a bit around each other, but that's healthy. The shit we see every day is more than anyone can handle alone. And you're both closing off the only emotional outlet you have?"

"Hange, you are way over the line." Every muscle in his body was tight and painful.

The Squad Leader snapped up the smaller ring, leaving the large one. "Keep that one. Study it. Think about what you're giving up."

"Leave," he ordered.

Hange stormed out, slamming the door.

At least anger wasn't emptiness. He was angry with Hange -  _how dare you judge our decision_. He was angry with Levi for initiating the separation in the first place, which was odd, because it had been a mutual decision. He was furious with Sahlo for putting him in this position at all.

And above it all, on a level so intense it exhausted him to try to quantify it, he was furious with himself. He had allowed Levi to get caught up in politics, had put him in danger. Had those assassins succeeded, the blood would have been on his hands.

He snatched up the ring and held it up, tempted to throw it across the room. It was just one more reminder of the life he might never have, all by his own choosing.

_Humanity needs me._

A pang rippled through him. It took a moment for him to recognize it as sorrow - not in its usual combination with guilt, but pure, raw sorrow.

He refused to acknowledge it. He didn't have time to fall apart. The whole purpose of this arrangement was to keep him together, after all. He needed to honour his agreement with Levi and close off this part of his life, at least for now.

He opened the bottom drawer of his desk, the one that contained all his mementos. Henrik's picture frame was still on top; he lifted it and sifted others aside, setting the ring carefully on top of the book from his father. The two men who had marked him more deeply than any other.

_I'm sorry, Levi. I love you._

He slid the drawer closed and waited for that wave of peace he had felt when he had first laid Henrik's picture frame to rest, but the sorrow refused to fade.

.*.*.*.

It seemed every single area of the base was tied with memories - offices, bedrooms, the gym, the grounds, the dining hall, even the san. Levi ended up settling in the dining hall once the lunch rush had ended. It was large, empty and cold, just like him. He poured another glass of ale, hoping the glow in his stomach would fill him.

Shortly after the clock struck two in the afternoon, the door opened, and Hange stepped in, brows pinched. "I just talked to Erwin."

"I need to be alone."

"Are you sure?"

He glanced at Hange's worried face, and decided the company might be a little less lonely. He slid a bottle across the table. Hange sat and took a sip.

"How's Erwin doing?" asked Levi. "Polite smiles and evasive answers?"

It took Hange a long time to reply. "Yes."

He snorted. "Figures."

They were quiet for about half a bottle, and then Levi found he couldn't contain his question any longer. "When you were in the Capital..."

"Yeah?"

"Did Erwin seem like he was already distancing himself from me? He seemed..." He thought of that polite smile. "He adapted quickly. I thought maybe he had been starting to let go of me already, before he even got back."

Hange studied him. "Is this important to you?"

"Yeah. I brought up the idea of separating so he didn't have to, but now I'm rethinking every single word and second-guessing its meaning."

"Because it's easier to be paranoid than sad?"

His brow furrowed. "Don't fucking analyze me."

"Easier to be angry, too," said Hange.

Levi huffed and tilted the bottle to his lips.

Hange was quiet for a moment, fingers fidgeting.

"Shit it out," said Levi.

"You don't need to be paranoid. Erwin probably wouldn't want me to give you this, but..." Hange pulled out a small, metal object and slid it across the table. "There's your proof he wasn't distancing himself from you beforehand."

Levi picked it up, examining it. A ring. The gradient on the metal was pleasing; it reminded him of the sky on a clear day. "What is this?"

Hange's jaw quivered for a moment before a kind smile took over. "He said this was an old tradition, one from the time before the Walls: matching wedding rings. He was going to use this to propose to you in Ehrmich."

His chest ached so suddenly and violently that he thought, at first, he had somehow cracked a rib. He blinked against the sting in his eyes.  _So that's why he's been so pre-occupied with my fingers lately._  He tried it on each of his fingers; it was too large for any of them.

"That sausage-fingered bastard can't even get a normal human-sized ring." He swabbed his eye with the back of his hand. "What the fuck did he expect me to do with this - wear it as a bracelet? Fuck!" His hand curled around it, mashing it painfully into his palm.

Hange tried to drape an arm across his shoulders, but he jerked away. "Get off me."

"I'm trying to support you."

"You want to support me, then leave me the fuck alone," he said, but that wasn't what he wanted, not really. His eyes were tearing up again, and he slumped forward. "Fuck!"

This time, when Hange draped an arm across his shoulders, he didn't pull away.

.*.*.*.

Late that afternoon, Levi stepped into his room and closed the door.

The ring was still in his pocket, hot and glowing with body heat. Is this how warm it would have been when Erwin pulled it out of his pocket, too? Fiery, like the sunset.

He flopped backwards onto his bed, holding up the ring to examine it. He was too drunk to focus; there were two of them in his vision. No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn't unite them into one. Fine, then: he would make his vows to both of them.

He closed his eyes.  _No matter what our future brings, Erwin, I will follow you._

He slipped the ring into the inside breast pocket of his uniform jacket so it would always rest next to his heart.


	34. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for all the kind - and not so kind, mwahaha - words after chapter 33. This chapter closes out Part III. I'm going to take a short break before starting up Part IV, so I can a) look into possibly ordering printed copies of this story...? and b) finally catch up on overdue comment responses on AO3 and Tumblr.
> 
> Also, I want to give a shout out to twistedkit for a lovely little ditty about Jean and Armin reacting to chapter 33. ;) http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/127776529406/
> 
> Also, at http://35grams.tumblr.com/post/126136519079/ you'll find a lovely commission from the amazingly talented35grams - Erwin & Levi at the Dok's house in Part II. I am blown away by the detail. COMMISSION THIS ARTIST AND YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!
> 
> Anyway, let's close out Part III!
> 
> Previous chapter: Sahlo pulls out all the stops and murders Erwin's brother-in-law, then threatens to murder everyone else, one by one, saving Levi for last. Erwin and Levi decide their relationship is interfering with their mutual goals, and they agree to put their relationship "on hold" until after the operation to reclaim Wall Maria is complete. Sadness. Ring-related angst. Hange is not amused.

**-34-**

**Home**

Chatter arose from the end of the hallway.

Erwin lifted his head, heart pounding. The base was empty except for Hange and Mike, who were sitting in his office with him, closing out the year's reports. The chatter could only mean one thing: Levi and his squad had returned from their scouting mission to the north.

Sure enough, Levi strode through the door. "Hey," he greeted them, as if he had only been away for a few hours.

Erwin held his breath, studying the man for the first time in two long months. The dark hair was longer and shaggy, his undercut was growing in, and his beard was thicker than Erwin had ever seen it. His expression was neutral, but his eyes were locked on Erwin's, and holding, and Erwin found he couldn't look away.

Gradually, he became aware that Mike and Hange were watching them, waiting for their reaction.

He stood tall, clasping his hands behind his back. "Welcome back."

"Yeah," said Levi. "Thanks."

"Nice beard," offered Hange.

"Yeah, yeah, I know; I look like shit." Levi strode through the room and perched on the couch's armrest. "Do you know how cold metal gets up there? Got fucking frostbite just trying to hold the blade."

"It's a good look," said Mike.

"Of course you'd think so, Scruffy." Levi's face softened. "How's Nanaba?"

"Pulled through just fine. She's visiting her family for the holiday."

"And you weren't invited? What, you sniff around her too much and scare her off?"

Mike chuckled. "I have other plans."

Erwin had been watching them, trying to find a good spot to join in the banter, and now that there was a natural pause, he couldn't figure out a way to contribute. "How did the mission go?" he asked instead. "Any casualties?"

"None. We updated the maps, too." Levi rolled his head, his neck cracking. "Found a passage clear through to Wall Maria, wide enough to transport carriages - if they can handle the weather, that is. Barely any titans up there. We only needed to take down two the entire mission, and only saw maybe three or four. I have more to report, but that's the gist of it." He scratched his bristly jaw.

 _I wonder if his beard is wiry or soft?_ thought Erwin, which was the last question that should be coming to mind. He curled one hand into a fist, digging his fingernails into his palm. "Thank you for leading this mission, Levi. We should debrief as soon as possible."

"Let's do it now." Levi bounced his legs a little, then stood. "But let's go for a walk. Been on the horse all day - need to loosen up my legs."

"Of course." He realized Mike and Hange were watching them again; his nails dug deeper into his palms.

"Excuse me," said a timid voice. "Captain, do you have a minute?"

The four officers turned to see Petra Ral standing in the doorway, her hands behind her back.

"Yeah, sure." Levi winced a little as he rose to his feet, his knees creaking.

Hange leaned close to Erwin. "Ask him to join us."

"That might complicate our situation even more," said Erwin quietly, even though he wanted to.

"He doesn't have anywhere else to go."

"He could spend the holidays with me," said Mike.

Hange glared. "You've been excited about getting one-on-one time with your cousin for weeks. Besides, the last thing Levi's going to want to do right now is ice fishing. More cold weather, and fish guts everywhere? He'd spend the whole time complaining."

"Very well," said Erwin stiffly. "I'll ask him during our debrief." They were going to have to get over their awkwardness sooner or later; it might as well be during a holiday.

The three officers fell silent, watching the exchange at the doorway. Petra was stammering something to Levi, her cheeks bright red. She held a small package behind her back.

"Happy Birthday, Captain!" She thrust the package at him, looking down.

Levi's brows rose as he accepted it. "You didn't have to-"

"I know. You don't have to open it now. I just... Thank you for everything you..." She was looking everywhere except at him - at the floor, at the gift, at the hallway - and then she looked up. Her eyes widened. "Oh!"

Erwin squinted. "Is that mistletoe in my office doorway?" he asked Hange.

"This is going to be good," whispered Hange. Mike nodded, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back against the desk.

Levi, oblivious to the chatting officers, followed Petra's gaze. "What? It's just a Christmas decoration."

"It's mistletoe." Petra's cheeks were redder than her hair.

"You're supposed to kiss," called Hange. "It's tradition."

Levi's nose wrinkled. "What kind of stupid tradition is that?"

"It's not mandatory," said Erwin.

"Don't worry, Captain." Oluo stepped into view in the hallway. "I'm here to help if you need a stand-in."

"Uh... I should... Happy Birthday, Captain." Petra covered her face and ducked out of the doorway, disappearing down the hallway.

"Petra, wait." Oluo jogged after her.

Levi stared after them, mouth hanging open, then shook his head. "Frostbitten brains, all of them." He paced back toward them, but stopped when he saw Hange and Mike snickering. "What?"

"You are so damned oblivious," said Hange. "The poor girl's head over heels for you."

"Petra? No, we talked awhile ago. She knows how much Erwin means to-" Levi winced. " _Meant_  to me. Why the hell do you have mistletoe in your doorway, anyway, Erwin? You try to kiss all your soldiers while I was gone?"

"This is the first time I've noticed it. Someone must have sneaked it up there while I wasn't looking." He cast a sidelong glance at Hange, who grinned and shrugged.

"I thought it was festive. So what's in the package?"

The package had been meticulously wrapped with silver paper. Levi carefully opened a flap and slid out the contents. "Tea." He smelled it. "Good tea."

"You're welcome to make a pot before we debrief, if you like," said Erwin. He paused to reflect, then added, "Or get cleaned up, if you wish. You're probably eager to shave."  _Soft or wiry? Which is it?_

"Nah, let's do this now so I can relax later." Levi cocked his head at the doorway.

They fell into step as easily as they always did, as if they hadn't set aside their relationship, as if they hadn't been hundreds of kilometres apart for weeks. Levi glanced around as they walked.

"Where is everyone? This place is dead."

"We lifted the base lockdown for the Christmas season," said Erwin. "We haven't identified any leaks, but there hasn't been any new information released to the soldiers, either, so the benefits to morale outweigh the risks. The last few soldiers - like Mike - are in the process of leaving now; everyone has taken advantage of their leave except Hange and me. You're welcome to stay here with us, if you wish. We'll be having a small Christmas celebration tonight and tomorrow morning, but otherwise, we'll mostly be focused on work."

Levi studied him. "You sure it won't complicate things if I stay?"

"I wondered the same thing." Erwin kept his gaze carefully focused in front of them. "We'll need to redefine how we interact with each other sooner or later, anyway. Might as well start now."

"I guess."

They stepped outside and began to stroll to the park behind the base. The trees were mostly bare, save for the few evergreens scattered amongst them. The ground was covered in dead leaves and the occasional skiff of snow.

"I'm a little disappointed," said Erwin. "I love lots of snow at Christmas."

"I'm sick of snow," said Levi.

"I imagine. You'll be glad to know it's been unseasonably warm lately. If this trend continues, we'll be able to start our expeditions again as early as January." They passed a bench, and he paused, noticing a slight limp in the other's gait. "Did you want to sit for a bit, or keep walking?"

"Let's keep moving. Need to work out the aches."

This was comfortable; it felt like any other walk through the park. Erwin felt the weight of the past several weeks begin to lift.  _We're going to be okay._

"It's good to be back," said Levi, voice soft. "I don't like being in charge for so long without checking in with you."

"You should have more confidence in your leadership abilities. It sounds like you did well."

"Wasn't exactly hard. We even finished a bit ahead of schedule, so we routed through Stohess on the way back."

"Oh?" said Erwin.

Levi was quiet for several paces, then said, "Didn't feel up for going through Ehrmich." He rubbed his breast pocket, as if deep in thought.

Erwin subtly drew in a breath, releasing it slowly, as he fought to keep his mind from wandering in that direction. In the daytime, he could usually keep himself focused. Night time was a different story.

"Stopped in to visit Nile and Marie," said Levi pointedly.

"Ah."

"When I said you should try to date around a little, I didn't mean you should try to fuck your ex."

"Marie misunderstood my intentions - that was before you left. I was hoping to make her think you and I had separated, in case Nile was saying more than he should to Sahlo, but she took it the wrong way. I did nothing to convince her otherwise. It was the most convenient way to convince the Doks we were no longer together."

"You might have overplayed it a bit. They fed me drinks and ranted at me for a good three, four hours. They're moving, by the way. Eastern district of Wall Rose. Marie's pregnant."

"I see," said Erwin.

"She wants to settle there long term, open a bar once the kids are old enough to go to school. I guess her parents are retiring and moving in with them."

"I see," said Erwin again.

"She got a bit weird about my beard." Levi scratched it. "Kept asking to touch it."

"She really likes facial hair."

"Well, she doesn't have to be so creepy about it. Is that why Nile tries so hard to grow his face pubes?"

Erwin chuckled. "How would poor Nile feel if he knew you were always talking about his beard that way behind his back?"

Levi snorted. "I said it to his face, too."

"Are you planning to keep yours?"

"Fuck no."

Erwin spent a few seconds trying to find a platonic way to ask him to describe the beard's texture before he realized there was, of course, none. He bit the inside of his cheek, his hands clasping together behind his back.

They rounded a corner and took the left fork in the path, the one that circled the training grounds instead of leading to town.

"Sahlo giving you any trouble?" asked Levi, and without even looking at him, Erwin could tell his nose was wrinkled.

"Not really. I must admit, he is a shrewd business partner. Now that we're working to the same timeline and focusing on the same initiatives, we've approached several meetings as allies, and we have the ability to read each other and play the room. I suppose our years-long rivalry, in a way, trained us to read each other well."

"Rivalry is a mild way to put it," muttered Levi. "After all he-"

"I know. But we've been backed into a corner, so we might as well put a positive spin on it." Erwin didn't mention the waves of panic he felt late at night, when he was too tired to hold back the knowledge that he was cooperating with a man who was responsible for so much suffering in the lives of people around him.

"He's also doing a lot to help out with our weapons research," he continued. "Thanks to the investor support he's garnering, Hange and Moblit have developed new nets that should be able to restrain titans. After we test them in the field and make any necessary adjustments, we can use them during the Wall reclamation. They'll make a far more practical solution to temporarily block the gates while we repair them - easier to control than gravel and debris, and a substantially lighter load for the wall top carts."

Levi glanced at him, then looked away. "I bet four-eyes actually invented them to capture titans."

"Indeed." Erwin grimaced. "That desire is only intensifying, and Moblit's starting to harp on it, too. I've already decided to grant them permission after the Wall has been reclaimed, but I haven't told them yet."

"They'd just say it wasn't soon enough, anyway."

"Exactly. I'd rather give in to them afterwards and let them think it was their idea."

Levi cocked his head at a nearby bench. "Legs aren't loosening up as much as I hoped. Need to rest for a bit."

"Of course."

Levi sat, and Erwin settled beside him. A breeze rustled the trees around them and raised goosebumps on Erwin's neck. Dead leaves swirled on the ground, then settled again.

"So, Sahlo's playing nice?" said Levi. "Have you figured him out yet? Before I left, you said he was spouting off Wallfucker dogma."

"He has so many conflicting potential motivations that I can't pin him down. It doesn't help that we've only been talking short-term strategy." Erwin paused. "He changes the topic whenever I try to bring up Wall Maria. It's almost as if he's stalling."

"Stalling? For what?"

"Still trying to work that out."

"You sound frustrated."

"I am."

After a long pause, Levi stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankles. "Does he still seem like he wants to help the Underground?"

"Yes. He's walked me through the process of supplying food to the people there - it is genuinely helping feed the hungry, but it's not enough. Unfortunately, the yeast supplement has encountered a few setbacks. He's hired on a handful of new scientists to try to figure out how to cultivate it more quickly."

Levi rubbed his thighs. "Huh. So is he still a threat?"

"For now, no. He's cooperating. We'll see if that continues when we get closer to the reclamation."

The unasked question hung between them:  _Is it still necessary for us to be apart?_ It certainly seemed less pressing, with Sahlo under control, but that could change any moment. Another Sahlo could easily be waiting in the wings. Erwin breathed in. The air still smelled like winter: chimney smoke and wet leaves.

"I took your advice."

Levi eyed him. "Yeah?"

"Tried to act like a single straight man around town." He wasn't sure why he felt the need to confess this. "I took Lady Gunnhild out for dinner."

"Huh," said Levi, unmoving. "She's been after you for years."

"Indeed, and she has a large sphere of social influence, and a penchant for gossip. Strategically, it made sense."

"Did you fuck her?"

"Of course not."

Levi's shoulders relaxed. "I bet you'd disappoint her anyway - it's been so long since you've had a woman in bed, you'd probably get confused and go for her asshole."

For a moment, Erwin stared at him, stunned. Then, he started laughing. He had missed that combination of deadpan delivery and inappropriate humour. Levi's eyes twinkled at him before he turned away.

"We shouldn't be speaking about her this way," said Erwin, feeling guilty for laughing at her expense. "She's a lovely woman."

"Terrible taste in men, though."

"Yes, just awful." Erwin paused. "Something similar happened with Marie, when she and I were together after Henrik died."

Levi's lip curled. "What, you went for her asshole?"

"No, but I got confused. I was too used to being with Henrik. I forgot to pull out." He had never told anyone that before, and it was wholly inappropriate to share it here, given his history with Levi. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that."

"It's fine. We're close, right?"

The words hung between them, then Erwin nodded. "Of course."

Levi opened his mouth, but hesitated. Erwin waited, expecting more questions:  _did you kiss Lady Gunnhild? Do you have any feelings for her? What are our ground rules for dating other people?_

Instead, Levi said, "What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"Sex with a woman."

Fear gripped Erwin's stomach as he thought of Petra standing beneath the mistletoe. He studied Levi in his periphery and found he was unable to read him. "Why do you-"

"No, never mind."

"If you want, I can talk about-"

"No, I don't really care." Levi shrugged it off. "Just making conversation."

Erwin felt the need to make a joke to lighten the tension between them. "Well, at the very least, I feel I should correct at least one of your misconceptions: some women actually like it when you 'go for the asshole.'"

Levi snorted, then stood. "Let's keep walking. I want to tell you about the expedition."

As they continued to pace along the path, Levi spoke about the weather conditions, the terrain and the geographical features on the route. He had an immaculate memory for his surroundings, something Erwin found himself admiring each time it became apparent. He described the titans they encountered, all of them abnormals.

"Made me think our titan problem would be less of a problem if we moved humanity to the northern territories."

"They'd probably follow us north," said Erwin. "They like to go where the population is most dense."

"Ah, true." Levi paused. "It's beautiful up there, in a weird, frozen way. Lights in the sky every night, everything muffled by snow. The cold is shitty, but I get why people still live up there."

Erwin thought back to the time they had spent at the hot springs in Utopia District, three years ago, and his throat ached.

They crossed the yard in silence, then walked back to Erwin's office. Levi eyed the sprig of mistletoe in the doorway, then quickly stepped through it. "Shitglasses is really into the holiday this year, huh?"

"I think Hange's convinced the holiday spirit will magically convince us to reunite," said Erwin - maybe it was too honest, but he was getting tired of dancing around everything that had happened between them.

Levi leaned against the corner of his desk, folding his arms over his chest. "Hange's still not taking it well, huh?"

"No."

"How about you?"

"I've been keeping myself too busy to consider it," said Erwin, easing to a seat on the couch.

"Wish I could have done the same. Spent a lot of time staring at the northern lights late at night, trying to make sense of it all." Levi paused. "It's weird now, isn't it? Feels like we should be rushing into town for a long night of sex."

Their gaze held, then Erwin looked down. His stomach was still knotted.

"I shouldn't have said that," said Levi.

"It's fine. I don't want us to start censoring ourselves around each other." Erwin swallowed the lump in his throat. "What we have - what we  _had_ doesn't just lie dormant just because we're willing it to sink below the surface."

"No, it doesn't."

"It will take time. We're in this together," said Erwin, even though the words didn't quite make sense for a relationship that was 'on hold.'

"Partners," muttered Levi, as if to himself.

Their gaze held again.

Levi slumped deeper against the desk, arms tightening around his chest. "So, the magic of the season. What are we doing first?"

"Once our debriefing has wrapped up, Hange and I are heading into town to buy groceries, a tree and more decorations. You're welcome to join us."

"Sentimental bullshit," muttered Levi, standing. "Fine, but I need to clean up first."

"We'll meet you back here when you're done," said Erwin, feeling the first real spark of the season's magic. It wasn't the holidays without Levi by his side.

.*.*.*.

Levi closed the door to his bedroom and slumped down it to a seat. He stared fixedly at his hands, picking at his fingernails to clean them, even though he was about to clean up in the bath, anyway. The Doks had kindly offered him access to their shower, and he had taken full advantage of it, but two months of travel was going to take more than a single shower to wash away.

When he was honest, it wasn't the grime that was bothering him, anyway.

_Partners._

He had forgotten how subtle Erwin's cologne was, how it wafted from his body when he leaned in close - did he realize he leaned down to Levi when they spoke? It could have seemed pedantic, but it was just considerate. That was the way they operated: unconsciously drawn in to each other, the world narrowing to just the two of them.

"Fuck it," he muttered, unbuttoning his pants. If he was already filthy, he might as well embrace his filth.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door, moving his hand hard and fast. The expedition had been severely lacking personal time - a detriment of travelling with such a small team in an outdoor environment. Between the constant cold and the confused thoughts about where he stood with Erwin, he hadn't had much of a libido, anyway.

But that look in Erwin's eyes - there was still the same gentleness there that he only showed to Levi, only in private. As much as Levi hated himself for it, he was glowing with hope.

_After Wall Maria. It will all go back to normal after Wall Maria._

His wounds were still too fresh to keep thinking of Erwin, so he tried to blank his mind instead, trusting his body to get where it needed to go. His mind betrayed him; he saw Erwin bent over in front of him, felt the fuzz coating the thick, round muscles, remembered the taste of the skin between them.

"Fuck," he grunted between clenched teeth. He barely pulled out his handkerchief in time to catch the mess.

Now he felt cold and ashamed.

He scrubbed himself twice in the bath: once to remove the filth of the expedition, the second to try to cleanse himself of shame. He shaved off his beard and his undercut, then trimmed his hair and - making sure no one was around to see - his nose hair.

His uniforms were badly in need of washing, including his cravat, so he dressed in black pants and a green hooded shirt over a white dress shirt instead. Before he threw his uniform jacket into the laundry hamper, he reached into the inner pocket to pull out the ring. He slipped it into the breast pocket of his dress shirt, safely hidden beneath the top layer.

Once his boots were on, he strode to Erwin's office. The Commander wasn't around, but Hange lay on the couch, wrapped in a long maroon jacket and a thick white scarf.

"You know it's not that cold out, four-eyes," said Levi, draping himself across the opposite couch.

"I get cold easily." Hange sat up. "You're underdressed."

"All my winter clothes are filthy."

"You look thin. Did you eat enough up there?"

He grunted. "Lost my appetite for trail rations."

"Here." Hange unwrapped the scarf, then threw it at him. He caught it with one hand.

"I don't need this."

"It's for my benefit, not yours. You look awful without something covering that weird long neck."

"Shut up," he muttered, but he sat up and looped it around his neck. It was warm and smelled surprisingly clean. "You actually bathed before you put this on?"

"It's a special occasion."

"Because I'm back?"

Hange grinned. "That ranks third. First is because it's Christmas."

"And second?" he asked, certain he was about be teased, but curious anyway.

"I'm planning to buy new ink while I'm downtown."

His lips flattened. "That ranks above me coming back alive?"

" _Red_  ink, Levi."

"Are you two bickering already?" said Erwin good-naturedly from the door.

Levi turned, and his breath caught.

The Commander wore a long black coat, double-breasted, with a dark blue scarf that matched the outer ring of his irises. His black pants were neatly tailored, making his legs look long and deceptively slender. His hair glowed above it all, golden, clean and crisply parted.

Levi rose to his feet. He had forgotten how handsome Erwin was. How could he have forgotten? His mouth was dry. He had spent two months trying to convince himself he was okay with their separation, but now it felt like mere minutes.

Erwin was staring at him, too, his jaw tight.

"Fun," said Hange, a bit too cheerfully. "This is going to be fun." A hand clapped into Levi's back so hard that he almost stumbled. "Come on, Commander, Captain! Trost awaits us."

Then Hange stepped through the door, and it was just Erwin, Levi and their awkwardness.

Erwin stood tall. "You look..." He paused. "Refreshed."

"Yeah. Feels good to be clean." Emotions were warring inside Levi, and to his surprise, anger seemed to be winning. Maybe he was still exhausted from scouting for so long - or maybe it was the time of year. If he looked back a few years, he saw himself having a snowball fight with Erwin. If he looked before that, he saw Isabel and Farlan decorating him like he was a tree.  _How much of my own happiness do I have to give up for humanity?_

"Hey," yelled Hange from the hallway. "Are you two coming?"

They walked three abreast through the streets. In spite of the food shortages, Trost was heavily in holiday mode: lanterns hung in every window, and shop windows were decorated with ribbons and ornaments. A group of carollers stood in the town square. Erwin hummed along as they passed, his hum so deep that Levi could feel it rumbling in his chest.

"I didn't know you could carry a tune," said Hange.

Erwin smiled. "I'm passable, at best."

 _Have I ever heard him sing? What else don't I know about him?_ Levi's mood soured even more.

Their first stop was a bakery, where Erwin bought a fresh loaf of bread and a pie for dessert. They bought a goose at the grocery store, as well as squash and potato. Hange spent a small fortune on spices for mulled wine.

Finally, they picked out a tree and decorations. While Erwin and Hange discussed their purchase, Levi cast a look toward the back of the store, where he and Erwin had - on separate occasions, of course - purchased erotic oils and toys. He wondered if Erwin still kept oils in the same hidden locations as before. He wondered if he ever used the toys they had bought together, like he had during their last night as a couple. His pulse raced.

The three of them worked together to carry the tree and their shopping bags back to the base. Hange was chatting excitedly about holidays back home, and Erwin was smiling and laughing. Levi felt empty. Lonely.  _This was a bad idea._

They leaned the tree against the wall in the dining hall.

"We'll bring a couch down and light the fireplace," said Erwin, gesturing to the fireplace in the corner. "Then we can spend some time decorating the tree."

"Seems like a lot of hassle for just one night," said Levi.

"Okay, shorty," said Hange, clapping his back. "If you're set on being grumpy, Erwin and I will do the fun tasks out here. You start getting the food ready."

"Fine." He lugged the groceries to the kitchen.

There was something calming and satisfying about food preparation, akin to cleaning. Order from chaos. Within an hour, he had the goose cleaned and cooking, the potato pancakes ready to fry, and the vegetables cut and ready to steam. He didn't know how to mull the wine, but he wasn't sure he wanted to interrupt Hange to ask. There was singing coming from inside the dining hall. It was embarrassing.

Bracing himself, he stepped out of the kitchen.

Erwin and Hange were singing carols together and draping ribbons and garland around the tree. A small fire burned in the fireplace in the corner of the dining hall. The pair had set up a carpet, one of Erwin's office couches and a side table to make a cozy little celebration area. Lanterns and greenery decorated the walls, and nine candles had been set on the ledge above the fireplace.

The scene was so reminiscent of his last Christmas with Isabel and Farlan that Levi leaned against the wall, his knees suddenly weak. It was a bittersweet feeling - he missed them, but his heart was warm with love for Erwin and Hange.

"Levi," called Hange. "Get over here."

He wasn't ready to immerse himself in festivities just yet. "I have the goose in the oven."

"I'll go check on it in a sec. I wanted to mull some wine, anyway." Hange poured a glass of amber liquid, finishing off a bottle. "Want some brandy?"

So they were drunk; that explained the singing and the flushed cheeks. "Sure."

Erwin was fixedly adjusting an ornament, back to him.

"What do you think?" asked Hange, gesturing at their decorating job.

Levi shrugged. "It looks like you fed a bunch of Christmas ornaments to a titan and it threw up."

"So damned grumpy," said Hange. "Here, I know what will cheer you up. Hold still." The Squad Leader shoved a drink into his hand, then began to lower a giant festive bow toward his head.

"Don't you-" began Levi, ducking away, but he had to be careful not to spill his drink, and it slowed him down.

Hange clipped the bow into his hair. "There. I think it looks better on you than on the tree. Erwin?"

The Commander turned around, and then chuckled. "Very festive."

 _Decorating me like I'm a damned tree..._ Levi's throat was tight. He wanted to throw the bow to the ground and storm out, but he couldn't bear to ruin their fun. Instead, he sat down and delicately set the bow aside. "You're both idiots."

"Still grumpy." Hange drained a glass, then began to stride toward the kitchen. "He's your problem now, Commander. I'm going to take my turn in the kitchen."

Erwin finished adjusting the ornament, then stepped back to admire it. "Are you okay, Levi?"

"Not really." Levi took a large swig of brandy. He stared into the fire, enjoying its crackle. His life had revolved around campfires lately; he figured he would have a hard time sleeping without one.

Erwin glanced back at him, then retrieved his own glass from the mantle. He sat on the far side of the couch. "It  _is_  strange, isn't it?" he said quietly.

"What?"

"Figuring out how to remove the romance from our relationship. Where the lines are." Erwin's eyes were fixed on him. "It'll be fine in capacities where we're operating as Commander and Captain - we've always done a good job of keeping our relationship out of professional settings, anyway. But in settings like this, it's difficult not to default to romance." He paused to shake his head, then lifted the drink to his lips.

"We just have to break the ice a bit," said Levi. "We'll figure it out." He wondered if he would ever be able to see Erwin sitting on a couch without wanting to crawl onto his lap and kiss him. His skin was soft in the light from the fire, his eyes glowing. "It would help if you took worse care of yourself, you know."

Erwin's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You're too damned handsome. Get a shitty haircut, let your unibrow grow in-"

"I don't have a unibrow."

"-grow a scraggly goatee like Nile's. Maybe get Mike to give you a black eye or two."

A corner of Erwin's mouth lifted. "A black eye never deterred you before."

"Good point. Maybe just start following Hange's bathing routine instead."

"Then you might be overwhelmed by the manliness of my musk."

Levi gave a soft snort. "Okay, fine, bathe all you want. But the only way this is going to work is if you make yourself repulsive to me, so get working on that."

"Alright, but then you have to agree to do the same." Erwin leaned forward, peering at him. "Hmm."

"What are you doing?"

"Figuring out how you could change to be repulsive to me."

"What if I shave right here?" said Levi, drawing a circle around the top of his head.

Erwin squinted, as if considering. "No, that wouldn't do it."

"Broke my nose a couple times so it was crooked?"

"Then you'd just look rugged."

"How about if I let myself get really, really fat?"

Erwin shrugged. "Then I'd be thinking about how pleasant and soft your hugs would be."

"I'm out of ideas," said Levi. "So I guess we're fucked, then."

"Thoroughly, thoroughly fucked." Erwin took a long sip of his drink. "Discussing how much we're attracted to each other probably isn't helping anything."

"The whole point of this was to make us a little less important to each other," said Levi. "Make it so we weren't each other's weakness."

"I know."

Their gaze held, and Levi's stomach began to sink.  _It doesn't matter what we do. We're already too important to each other._

_Thoroughly, thoroughly fucked._

.*.*.*.

They ate their feast slowly, treasuring the fresh flavours. After so many weeks of trail rations, Levi enjoyed the textures the most: the crispy, oily potatoes in the pancakes, the crunch of the beans, the meaty texture of the goose, the fluffiness of the bread. After dinner, they sat on the couch - Hange in the middle, snuggling with both of them - and drank mulled wine until their bellies glowed. Erwin and Hange spoke of their favourite winter memories, and Levi joined in, reluctantly at first.

His voice strengthened as he recalled the winter they had found a dirty patch of snow in the Underground, fallen from one of the air vents to the surface. Isabel had insisted on making snowmen, and Farlan and Levi had gotten caught up in her excitement. They used broken glass for the faces and dirty rags for hair. Levi's had been the ugliest - a little lump of muddy snow - and he had been teased mercilessly for it.

When he finished talking, he realized his eyes were watering. Hange and Erwin were watching him, faces solemn.

"Don't look at me like that," he said, wiping his eyes.

"It's okay to be sad," said Hange. "They were practically your family."

Erwin nodded. "I suppose there are all sorts of family in this broken world of ours. The strongest ones, for us three, seem to be the ones we've chosen."

"Sentiment," mumbled Levi, but his voice cracked.

Hange snuggled closer to him, head on his shoulder, elbow through his. He hesitated, then nuzzled his cheek against the top of the auburn hair.  _Family._ Mike was part of this family, too. And maybe his squad. Hell, there wasn't one soldier in the Survey Corps he wouldn't trust with his life. Maybe the new recruits, when they arrived, but once their numbers thinned and their skills were honed, they, too, would join this strange family.

He stared at Erwin over the top of Hange's head. They were so alike. Levi had taken abandoned souls into his gang; Erwin took all the outcasts and freaks into the Survey Corps.

They ate the pie later that night, then sat on the couch some more and complained about how full their stomachs were, until Erwin steered the conversation to fond reminiscing.

Around nine o'clock, Hange stood. "This has been a lovely day, but I'm exhausted. Goodnight." After a hug for each of them, the Squad Leader stepped out the door, leaving them alone.

Levi was torn. On one hand, he was fatigued from his trip and the alcohol, and things were still a bit awkward with Erwin. On the other, he was, as always, reluctant to leave the man's presence.

"Don't feel obligated to stay," said Erwin, stretching out his legs. "You must be tired."

With a shrug, Levi said, "I'm not sure I can sleep yet."

Erwin's head rolled along the top of the couch, eyes locking onto him. "Thank you for sharing your story about the snowmen. For all the years we've known each other, I don't know a lot about your time in the Underground."

"Not much worth sharing."

"Would you mind talking a bit about what the holidays were like?"

Levi studied him. "You aren't going to use what I tell you to analyse me, are you?"

"No. I'm just curious."

"Okay." Levi slumped deeper into the couch, tucking his legs beside him. He took another sip of mulled wine. "Holidays were like everything else there: disgusting and cheap. There was a kid down the street who made the best alcohol, and he had a sweet spot for Isabel, so he'd give us a few bottles. Isabel and Farlan would scrape together whatever decorations they could find. We'd stay up all night drinking - kind of like this, really. Isabel would start singing; she had a voice like a songbird, a bit too shrill, but strong and clear." His stomach was glowing. "The holidays were never important to me, but they were important to them, so I tried to help them make it special." He blinked.

"I'm sorry they're gone," said Erwin solemnly.

"Stop apologizing for that. They made their own decisions. I asked them to stay behind, and they wouldn't. You can't..." He cleared his tightening throat. "You can't control what other people choose to do with their lives, even when they're being stupid. They weren't my subordinates. I couldn't order them to stay."

They were silent.

"This is depressing," said Levi. "Change the subject."

"Your accent," said Erwin.

"Huh?"

"It gets stronger when you talk about them." The man squinted. "Or maybe when you're drunk."

"I don't have an accent, and I'm not drunk, and  _that's_ all you have to say when I'm pouring my heart out?"

"You asked for a topic change." Erwin blinked. "Also, I may be a bit inebriated." He pronounced the word so slowly that it almost sounded like it had too many syllables.

"Fucking lightweight." Levi tried to look down at his drink, and his vision blurred for a moment too long before it focused again. "Okay, you tell me about your family so I can accuse  _you_ of having some imaginary accent. What were the holidays like?"

Erwin's face softened. "Papa loved this time of year."

Levi's heart skipped a beat. The Commander rarely spoke about his father, but when he did, it was with great reverence - or calling his name in feverish dreams. "Oh?"

"He used to come home from the schoolhouse with pink cheeks and a big smile, bringing small packages of candy, or decorations, or themed jewellery for Mama. She used to scold him for spending too much money, but I think she loved it. At night, we would gather around the fireplace and Mama would play the violin while Papa sang along, all sorts of strange carols and songs. Or sometimes the four of us would paint lanterns together." He smiled, his focus distant. "Christmas Eve, Helena and I would sneak out of bed and whisper into the wee hours of the morning, wondering what presents we'd get. I'm sure our parents must have heard us, but they never did interrupt us."

"Did you get lots of presents?" asked Levi, unable to fathom the concept.

"Usually one present each. We were comfortable, but not rich. One year..." His eyes glistened. "Our last Christmas together, Papa gave me a second present, in private. It was a piece of the old world, forbidden. No one alive knows it exists. I could be tried for treason simply for owning it." Erwin drained the rest of his glass, then sat up. "I could show it to you. But you can't breathe a word of it to anyone."

Levi studied him, fascinated by the enthusiasm in the blue eyes. He couldn't decide if it was boyish or terrifying - maybe both at the same time.

"Okay," he said, intrigued. "Show me."

Erwin stood, swaying. "I'll be right back."

.*.*.*.

Erwin trailed his palm along the wall as he walked to his office from the bathroom. He hadn't been this drunk in years. He hadn't even really noticed it until he had stood in a bathroom stall, the walls warping around him. It felt good to let go like this without worrying about how it might appear to the other soldiers.

He lit the lamp - after the third try - and sank to his knees by the bottom drawer of his desk. He set Henrik's drawing to the side.

The unused wedding ring sat neatly on top of his father's gift.

His stomach sank. He had spent so much time in the Capital lately that he hadn't seen this ring for weeks, and with all the distractions of work, he hadn't given the ring much thought. He picked it up and, using all his focus, clumsily slid it onto his finger. It felt comfortable. Secure.

What would this night of celebration be like if they weren't in the military? Maybe he'd be living with Levi in a little house of their own, dancing in front of a tree and singing - did Levi even sing? - while their little ones clapped and cheered. Two children, a boy and a girl. They could adopt them from the Underground, give them a chance at more than patches of dirty mud-snow.

"Stop this," he muttered, pulling off the ring. He had to stay vigilant. His relationship with Levi was in a vulnerable state right now, and if he was drunk with wine, nostalgia and hope, he might cause irreparable damage.

He pulled out the book, then carefully set the ring back in the drawer.

When he returned to the dining hall, Levi was sitting on the floor at the base of the couch, head leaning back against the cushion.

"Did you fall off the couch?" asked Erwin, leaning against the doorframe.

"No, I  _slid_ off." Levi squinted at him with one eye, the other closed. "Watch it."

"Watch what?"

Levi nodded up. "No kissing."

Erwin looked above him and saw a sprig of mistletoe that hadn't been there a few hours ago.

"Hange," he muttered, squatting in front of Levi instead. "Need me to help you up?"

Levi was still squinting. "Not supposed to touch."

"Right."

"I'll get up myself. Get us more wine." Levi held out his glass, his hand swaying.

Erwin set his book on the armrest of the couch and filled each of their glasses while Levi struggled back onto the cushion.

"What took you so long, anyway?" asked Levi. "Get lost?"

"I called for a navigator to guide me, but no one's around." Erwin handed him the glass. "You should have some water, too. You're going to be sick tomorrow."

"Who cares? Best I've felt in months. And I'm finally fucking warm. No fucking ice and fucking snow." Levi took a long swig. "Let's see this book."

Erwin eyed the burgundy liquid wobbling perilously near the top of the glass. "Let's wait until we've finished these drinks."

"You don't look as enthusiastic as before." Was that disappointment in his voice?

Erwin thought of the ring. "I suppose I had a sobering moment of realization."

"Screw that. Tell me more about your family." Levi leaned forward and pulled the side table around to the front so he could use it as a footrest, crossing his legs at the ankles. "Grandparents? Aunts or uncles?"

"No. I believe I've mentioned my stepfather before - he came into my life after Papa died, but I don't even know if Mama is still with him." He closed his eyes, because thinking about his mother reminded him of Helena's sobs. "Papa didn't talk about his family much. I got the feeling he fell out with them long before I was born. Mama was an only child, and her parents died shortly after she and Papa were married." He smiled to himself. "Ah, but listen to me. I should start referring to them like an adult instead of 'Mama' and 'Papa.'"

"It's fine." Levi looked down, his face drawn.

"You had an aunt," said Erwin gently. "Right?"

"Maybe." Levi drained his glass and set it on the floor, then curled into himself, arms tight around his chest. "Up north, when it was quiet, I spent a lot of time remembering -  _trying_  to remember. Is my aunt really my aunt? What about the man who took me in, or the gang? I can't trust any of it." His frown deepened. "I saw lots of fucked-up stuff down there, I know I did, but I blocked most of it out. If I can't trust my memories, how do I know who I am? I didn't even know I was such a monster until we went Underground and the knife was so familiar... "

Erwin was torn. He didn't want this path to end Levi's good mood, but then again, what if this was the outlet he needed?

 _I never gave him time to dig into this in any depth,_  he realized, recognizing his instincts to curl protectively around Levi and distract him. He wasn't sure anymore if it was better to ignore trauma or try to work through it. Neither option ever seemed to help.

"Shit." Levi rubbed his temples with one hand. "One drink too many - tipped me over into being a miserable bastard. Screw my past."

"Are you sure you don't need to discuss this more?"

"Yeah. Let's see your book."

Erwin set his glass on the table, too, and picked up the book. He slid across the cushions to sit next to Levi, not quite touching him, but close.

"This is my last tangible memento of my father."

"Looks old as hell," said Levi.

"It is. We don't know how old; there's a date in the front, but it uses a different date system." Erwin smoothed a hand across the leather surface. The edges were worn smooth. He opened the front cover and prepared to turn the page.

"Wait," said Levi. "Let me read the inscription."

Erwin's heart pounded in his chest. This wasn't something he ever intended to share with anyone, even his Captain.

 _"'Erwin_ ,'" read Levi, squinting. "' _May you never stop dreaming, and may your quest for knowledge always drive you forward. Love forever, Papa_.'"

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

"Your writing looks like his," said Levi.

"Does it?" Why did that make his heart swell with pride?

"I think..." Levi paused. "This sums you up perfectly. You're living your life exactly the way he asked you to."

Erwin's eyes flooded with tears. He blinked them back. "You think so?"

"Yeah. Your mother and sister gave you shit all the time for it, but he would have been proud."

 _I wonder if Papa would have liked Levi?_ wondered Erwin, even though that wasn't relevant anymore. He probably would have admired Levi's loyalty.

Papa had always valued loyalty.

He took a deep breath and turned the page.

Levi shifted closer, so close that Erwin had to pull his thigh away so they wouldn't touch. "What's this?"

"A map of the world." Erwin drew his fingertips around the borders of the landmasses. "Those are continents - land, like where we are now. And around them is ocean, salt water filled with enormous fish and strange plant life."

"Salt water," repeated Levi, sounding confused.

"Exactly what it sounds like; it's not normal water like we have in our rivers and lakes.

"This world is bigger than we can imagine; even Wall Maria would be less than a size of a gold coin on this map." Erwin turned the page. He had read this so many times that he knew exactly what would be on each page. "These are volcanoes - molten rock pours out of the tops of mountains, spewing ash into the sky. And here are deserts: sand that stretches as far as the eye can see, with harsh winds and temperatures. These are rainforests: hot, humid forests densely packed together, housing insects and animals so strange, we could only ever dream about them."

He paused to glance at Levi, making sure he wasn't boring him, but Levi's eyes were wide and shining as he leaned in. Erwin smiled. He had waited almost thirty years to share this book with someone; he hadn't realized just how badly he wanted to talk about it.

The next chapter showed illustrations of different birds, insects and animals from around the world. Some were familiar, but many were strange.

"I like to think these creatures are still out there somewhere," said Erwin. "The titans never pay any attention to animals, so to them, their worlds are the same as ever, except without any humans."

"Maybe they like it better that way," said Levi, words slurring. "No one cooking them for Christmas dinner."

"Maybe." Erwin turned the page, eager to get to his favourite chapter. "But this is what really fascinates me." He slid the book closer to Levi, showing him a two-page spread. A variety of humans stood together, illustrated with a wide range of traditional garb. Some had striking features, unlike anyone he had ever seen.

"Who are all these people?" asked Levi, sounding surprisingly enthralled.

"Long ago, before the walls, humanity was made up of all kinds of people of diverse sizes, shapes, skin colours, and cultures." Erwin ran his fingertips across the page. "Aren't they beautiful? Look at how varied their garb is. They spoke all kinds of languages, had all kinds of traditions and life outlooks that have been lost to time." His throat ached with the strange, sad nostalgia that gripped him whenever he stared at this page. "What happened to us, Levi? How did all these cultures and people disappear, leaving us with only a tiny subset of the diversity of human life? Were there wars based on culture that extinguished all these lights?" He swallowed hard, bracing himself to say what he had never said to anyone: "Or are they still out there somewhere?"

Levi's gaze shifted to him. "You think there are people outside the walls?"

"Look how big the world is. Look how many people inhabited it." His head spun, and he was sure it wasn't just from the drink. "They must be out there, somewhere. Imagine what they can tell us about this world we barely know. Imagine what they can tell us about where we came from, how we found our way into these walls."

He turned the page, revealing masterpieces: stone pyramids, and large buildings with multiple columns, and shrines covered in thousands of small statues, and palaces with unfathomably large gold bulbs on towers. "Look at what humanity can create when it works together."

"Is this what your dreams are about?" asked Levi. "Finding these people?"

Erwin hesitated, realizing he wasn't willing to disclose the more dangerous aspects of it. "Partly. There's more, but this isn't the time to discuss it."

He could feel Levi's eyes on him. He turned, and saw the man's eyes shining. "What does that look mean?"

"I forgot how much I like you," said Levi.

Erwin's stomach dropped. "Levi, we came to an agreement."

"No, I mean how much I just..like you." A shrug. "We were always too busy working or trying to jam our dicks into each other to talk like this."

"I suppose that's true." Early in their relationship, they had spent a lot of time talking about things other than work, and doing non-work activities - like reading together - that had allowed them to simply enjoy each other's presence. As the years had slipped by, everything had fallen to the wayside except work or sex. Levi had always been more than a lover; he was his best friend, and it hurt to realize they had inadvertently pushed that aside.

"But should we even be trying to maintain a friendship right now, anyway?" he wondered aloud. "Or should we have a purely professional relationship? Do we even have time to be anything but colleagues?"

Levi winced and flopped back against the couch. "Who knows?"

There was a long pause. Erwin stared at the fire; it was smouldering, and needed another log to keep burning. He still felt warm, with Levi beside him and his father's book in his lap, but he could feel melancholy creeping up the back of his throat.

He carefully closed the book and stood.

"Leaving?" said Levi.

"I feel my mood starting to turn - I'd hate to spoil such a lovely day. Better if I sleep through it."

Levi gave a long sigh and stood, wobbling a little. "Yeah, I need to sleep, too."

Erwin blew out the candles, then attended to the fireplace, exaggerating his movements to try to overcompensate for his clumsiness.

Levi staggered toward the door, then caught himself on the doorframe, doubling over. "Holy fuck."

"Tipsy?"

"Drunk off my ass."

Erwin carefully approached him. "Need help?"

"You're not s'posed to touch me."

"I can make an exception," he said, reaching for Levi's elbow with his free hand, but he paused when he realized the man was staring fixedly above them.

"What?" Erwin followed his gaze to the mistletoe, and his breath caught.

"Dumb tradition anyway," muttered Levi. "Bad hygiene."

Erwin studied him. His face was soft and smooth in the dying light of the fire. His lips were moist, and he was so small, so perfectly small. He wanted to run his thumb across that pouty bottom lip, grip his chin, pull him in. Levi's eyelids were drooping, eyes fixed on Erwin's lips. Was it his imagination, or were they leaning in to each other? He could feel the heat of Levi's breath - kissing that mouth would be so soft, so warm...

_Stop._

He thought of Helena sobbing over her husband's body, thought of Levi's skin stained corpse-blue in the moonlight during their last expedition together.

He had to tear the words from himself, raw and painful: "We can't."

Levi broke eye contact, looking not away, like he usually did, but down at the floor.

Erwin stepped into the hall. The air here was cold, and his chest still hurt from saying those two awful words.

He forced himself to breathe.

"Remember our promise to each other," he said. "We'll revisit this after Wall Maria."

"Why bother saying that?" said Levi. "We're going to die in the reclamation effort anyway, right?" He pushed past him and began to walk away, one hand on the wall for support.

"Levi, I know this isn't easy."

The man stopped, but didn't turn to face him. "I'm just drunk."

"It'll take time."

"I know." A pause. "Thanks for sharing your book with me."

"Of course. Goodnight, Levi."

Levi glanced back at him over his shoulder, face unreadable, then continued to shuffle away.

.*.*.*.

Erwin carefully set his father's book back in the drawer and placed the ring on top of it. Closing the drawer felt like he was betraying them both, and he wasn't sure why.

He paced toward his room. Maybe he shouldn't be fuelling his feelings for Levi, but he couldn't stop thinking about the moment under the mistletoe. How good would that kiss have felt, after two months of believing they might never kiss again? There was no one around to catch them except Hange - they could have kissed frantically in the doorway, falling together on the couch, having loud, drunken sex in front of the fire.

His footsteps slowed as he neared the end of the corridor. He had to move past Levi's bedroom before he reached his own. He still had the key to his room. He could slip into the room, crawl into his bed. They were both drunk; surely that gave them some leeway.

 _Stop this._ He clenched his jaw and kept moving.

He lit a lamp, locked his bedroom door and strode to the drawer, pulling out a thick plug and some oil. This toy always reminded him of the time they had made love after the incident in the Underground, when Levi had blindfolded him and bound him to the bed. He adjusted the front of his pants, his body already anticipating what he was about to do.  _I guess all that wine won't slow me down._

He tossed his clothes on the dresser, then crawled into bed, shivering a little. Masturbation was normally something he did quickly and quietly - mostly out of time constraints, and a bit out of the belief that a man his age should show some decorum - but he had drunk away his usual inhibitions. After all the tension he had experienced with Levi, he owed himself some extra attention.

He carefully lined up a few pillows lengthwise and lay face down on top of them, like he used to do when he was younger. What had been titillating as a youth was a poor approximation now that he knew what a real human felt like beneath him, but at least it would be something different than usual.

He carefully oiled up the toy, but his body wasn't so eager, and he winced. Apparently he wasn't used to this type of stimulation anymore.

It was a strange thing to think, but he felt as if he were letting Levi down, especially after the focus on toys during their last time together.  _He likes thinking about me touching myself. He's probably picturing me doing this kind of thing. He'd be disappointed._

He closed his eyes and awkwardly reached behind himself, skating his fingertips across skin, trying to approximate Levi's tongue. There were so many memories to focus on that he didn't know which one to pick, but he found himself in a hypothetical instead: what if Levi walked through the door right now and saw this? What if he made some crass, insulting comment and stepped forward, pulling Erwin's hand aside, using his mouth instead?

"Fuck," he whispered into the pillow, because the liquor made it easier to get lost in his imagination. He pictured Levi's hands pulling him apart, nose and tongue sliding along damp flesh, humming and purring into the skin.

After a few more minutes, the plug slipped neatly into place. Erwin gasped. He grabbed himself and buried his body in the pillows, rocking his hips into his hand, imagining he was on top of Levi instead.

 _Oh, fuck._ He grabbed the pillow near his face with his free hand, pretending he was gripping Levi's hair, because what did he care how embarrassing he was acting? He was drunk, and he was alone, and there was no one to judge him. He pictured the expressions Levi would be making if he was fucking him like this. Nails would be raking into his back, a soft voice whispering into his ear,  _does it feel like there are two of me right now?_

Orgasm was already sneaking up on him, but no, he was going to relish this. He kept his pace slow and bit into the pillow, muffling a groan.

.*.*.*.

Levi lay on his back on the bed. He pressed a forearm over his eyes, trying to stop the room from spinning. Even his emotions were spinning - with all that was going on, how was he supposed to feel?

A rhythmic creaking sound caught his attention.

Levi lifted his head, then immediately regretted it; the room tilted. He lay it back down, straining his ears. That was definitely a creaking bed. It must be coming from Erwin's room. Did Erwin have someone in there with him? That seemed extremely unlikely. The only person around was Hange, and there was nothing between them. Maybe he was just doing sit-ups or something.

Levi slid down to the floor, intending to crawl to the wall to listen better, but the room was spinning too much. Instead, he rolled onto his side on the floor, pressing his ear to it.

The creaks almost sounded like the long, slow strokes Erwin did when he was really turned on, but trying to pace himself. He thought of how much the man enjoyed rubbing against things.  _Does he have a sex doll in there or something? Or is he just giving himself rug burn on the sheets?_

It had to be wishful thinking, but he was getting hard just thinking about it. He rolled onto his back, uncomfortable. Was this an invasion of privacy? It wasn't his fault if Erwin didn't know how to control himself, was it?

He heard a muffled moan that was decidedly Erwin's, and his moral quandary disappeared beneath a flood of hormones.

 _This is wrong._ He pulled himself out of his pants and held his breath, ears straining to listen.  _This is fucked up, you piece of shit. Don't fucking eavesdrop on him._

But now he was listening to that rhythm and picturing Erwin grinding against the bed, faced flushed and red, neck tendons strained, his ass muscles rolling and clenching with each thrust.

 _Oh, fuck._ Levi tugged hard and fast, his eyes closed. He heard another stifled moan.  _Listen to you, you beautiful horny bastard._ Was he always this frantic when he jerked off alone, or had he lost all control? Had the tension between them driven him to desperation?

The bed was creaking faster now, faster, and he recognized this pace. It was the same whether Erwin was in his throat, taking, or giving, whether they were making love or fucking. These last few seconds were completely out of his control, an instinctive rhythm as reliable as a ticking clock. His head would be tilting back, his lips stretching into an "O", his brows pinching and twitching-

The creaks suddenly slowed, loud and violent.

 _He's coming. He's coming..._ Levi gasped and squeezed his eyes shut as he came hard.

Then there was mess everywhere, but he could only lie back against the ground again. His head was spinning, and everything was foggy. He closed his eyes, willing the spinning to stop.

.*.*.*.

When Levi opened his eyes again, his room was bright. Far, far too bright.

He sat up, clutching at his head; he swore he could feel his brain rattling around. His tongue was dry and swollen, and his front was sticky.  _Did I actually overhear Erwin jerking off last night? Or did I just get sick all over myself?_ Maybe it was both.

He half-heartedly mopped himself with a handkerchief and pulled on comfortable clothes, because he didn't have the energy to bathe or put on his uniform just yet.

When he arrived downstairs, he found Erwin slumped on the table beside a plate of toast.

"Hey." Levi slid into the seat across from him. "Hung over?"

Erwin lifted his head, his hair hanging in his face. His skin was pale, his eyes bloodshot. "Yeah," he croaked.

Levi squinted at him, still not sure if he had dreamed everything that happened. "You know, the walls between our rooms are thinner than I thought."

Erwin held his gaze. "What makes you say that?"

Levi ignored the question and reached for a piece of toast. "Are you going to take today off? Or are you such a workaholic that you'll work with a hangover on Christmas?"

"You already know the answer to that."

"Yeah, I guess I do." Levi bit off a piece of bread, then swallowed before he continued. "Mind if I swing by your office for awhile? I'd like to talk a bit more about the personnel plans for Wall Maria, especially because we have the next wave of new shits joining us in the spring."

"Of course." Erwin paused, then bent to the side. He set a bag on the tabletop.

"What's that?"

"I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to buy you a birthday gift or not, but I've been holding onto this for awhile. Thought you might enjoy it." Erwin slid the bag toward him. "Happy Birthday, Levi."

"You don't have to-"

"I know. It's fine. It's partially for me, too."

Levi looked at him quizzically, then reached into the bag. A book:  _The Secret Soldier._

"What's this?" he asked, pulling it out.

"The bookseller assured me it's an action-packed tale of a Garrison soldier who leads a double life. What you said last night really resonated with me. I genuinely like you, and I'm sorry I didn't do more to show it. We were so busy being colleagues and lovers that, somewhere along the way, we forgot to be friends. I thought we could make time to read together now and then, maybe go up to the guard tower like we used to. We wouldn't cuddle, of course, but the distraction from work could do us both good." Erwin sat tall. "Maybe we can't be romantically involved anymore, but I'm not willing to sacrifice our friendship, too."

Levi's throat was tightening. He cleared it and nodded. "Neither am I. But you've got it wrong, Erwin. We were always friends."

The man smiled.

Levi cleared his throat again, embarrassed. "So, now what?"

"Well, no one's coming back from leave until tomorrow. Let's set aside some off-duty time again tonight. It might be a bit too cold for the guard tower, but I was thinking we could keep the couch down here tonight, maybe read a chapter or two once our work is done."

"Sure."

Erwin stood and clutched his forehead, wincing. "Damned hangover. I know it's not a scheduled day, but I'm going to heat the baths. Take advantage of that, if you wish."

Levi nodded. "I will."

As Erwin was leaving, he stopped in the doorway and looked up, his face suddenly sombre. He pulled down the mistletoe and examined it in his hands. "I'll tell Hange to stop leaving these everywhere."

Levi leaned back, trying to look casual. "Now it looks like you're holding it over your crotch. I don't think friends kiss each other's dicks, blondie."

Erwin gave him a surprised look for a moment, then looked down. He gave a soft chuckle. "Well, that's disappointing."

"Dumb tradition, anyway."

"Yeah." He looked thoughtful. "I sometimes wonder why we value traditions so much. Perhaps it's because life is change. Traditions serve as anchors; people cling to what's familiar so they feel like they still have some control - but in reality, these traditions are just hollow rituals, little bits of false hope that do nothing to prevent the changes we so fear."

"You're getting weird again," said Levi. "I'm too hung over for this."

Erwin chuckled. "So am I." He turned the sprig over in his hands, then looked up. "Come by my office any time. I'll be there."

"You still going to be rambling about anchors and plants?"

"Probably not."

"Okay. I'll come by once I get cleaned up." Levi found he was looking forward to getting back to work. It would be nice to get back to routine.

 _Or in this case,_  he reflected,  _to start defining a new one._

Their gaze held for a beat too long, and then Erwin nodded a farewell and walked away, the mistletoe clenched tightly in his hand.


	35. Covers (Part IV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much for your support and comments. Sorry this update took so long! Also sorry it's so huge - wasn't quite big enough to split into two.
> 
> Shoutout to lady-maverick81 for mentioning HCT & UNKLE's song "Glow" in the blurb for a cute eruri pic!  
> http://lady-maverick81.tumblr.com/post/132198467500/  
> It's awesome that my fic could play a part in inspiring you to draw cute eruri. YAY! :D
> 
> Okay okay, no more rambling...on with the fic.
> 
> Previous chapter: during a Christmas celebration, Erwin and Levi struggle a bit with their mutual attraction, but, at the same time, find ways to strengthen their friendship. Also, Hange keeps trying to bait them with mistletoe.
> 
> Warning: There are mild manga spoilers this chapter. As usual, however, they're so interlaced with headcanons that it'll probably be hard for non-manga-readers to realize what the actual spoilers are. I think.

**Part IV**

**Glow**

Levi slumped into a couch in Erwin's office and slapped a folder onto the coffee table. The Commander didn't move; he sat at his desk reading a worn journal, his brows set in the deep pinch he wore when he was intently focused.

"Erwin."

The man blinked and looked at him, then his face softened with recognition. "My apologies, Levi. I didn't hear you come in."

It was only in recent months that Levi had noticed that softening expression - gentle, warm and only for him. His throat ached; he cleared it. "It's almost dinnertime. I need your signoff on the expedition paperwork."

"This journal of Ilse Langner's is fascinating." Erwin looked down at the worn journal again. "I'm glad you spotted it. It's incredible that a titan could possess language skills and show genuine care for another being. It's a pity we lost a woman as brave as Ilse; to be so dedicated to the cause that she would document bizarre titan behaviour even as it was eating her..." He shook his head as if in awe. "Her documentation changes everything."

Realizing he wasn't going to get any traction with his paperwork discussion, Levi gave in. This discussion was more interesting, anyway. "The credit really goes to shitglasses for bolting off like the horses were on fire. Otherwise, we wouldn't have found the corpse and the titan, and I wouldn't have had the opportunity to spot the journal."

"Then I suppose I shouldn't discipline Hange too harshly."

"No, go ahead. That behaviour was reckless and stupid, especially for a Squad Leader, who's supposed to be setting a good example for the others." Levi threw an arm over the back of the couch, opening his mouth to continue, but then froze.

Erwin was staring down at the book; his lips were twisted into an eerie grin.

"Erwin?"

"Do you realize what this means, Levi?"

"Judging by that creepy look, I'd say it means you just shat your pants."

Erwin looked up, his face softening again. "This titan has intelligence. It formed a bond with a person. It implied there was a hierarchy among the titans-"

Levi's skin crawled. "Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Talking about this." How many titans had he slain by now? He was okay with that so long as they were dumb creatures who were driven to kill by instinct. If they had intelligence, bonds and a social hierarchy, that meant he was disrupting a society. They had to be the monsters, not him.

Erwin looked taken aback, but closed the journal. He crossed the room and sat on the opposite couch, then let out a low sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "At any rate, I don't think I can continue to deny Hange and Moblit's requests. We clearly know very little about the titans - far less than I thought." He lowered his hand, his brows still pinched. "Perhaps this is worthy of some resources after all. Our major Wall Maria reclamation effort won't begin for several months, and it won't take more than an expedition or two to stock and scout the final two checkpoints. If we gather data now, we'll have plenty of time to adapt our strategy to incorporate whatever they learn."

"You want to let them capture a titan?"

"Yes, and within the next week or two so we have time to reorient ourselves for the next expedition briefing with the Council. There's only one squad strong enough to help them do it without sustaining grievous losses." Erwin leaned forward, gaze intense. "Will you accompany Hange?"

Levi sighed. "You say that like it's a question, but I know it's an order."

"This isn't a typical mission. I want to give you the opportunity to speak up if you think I'm asking too much."

"No. I'll do it."

"Good. Thank you. Now, the paperwork you need signed off-"

"Here." He held out the folder.

Erwin took it, but peered at him. "Are you feeling okay, Levi?"

His throat was still aching, and it didn't seem to be from emotional stress alone. Maybe he would pick up some lozenges while he was in town. "Fine. Why?"

"You look a little pale."

"I'm always pale." Levi stood. "A few of us are going into town to buy personal supplies. You need anything?"

"No, thank you. I believe Hange is shopping right now, too. If you happen to cross paths, please mention that I've approved the mission."

"Can't do it face to face?"

Erwin smiled. "After all those years of declining proposals, I fear it's a little difficult to admit we should have been doing deeper titan research this entire time."

It was tempting to tease him about his ego - Levi knew it existed, beneath all those layers of decorum and politeness. Still, he firmly believed Erwin had been making the right call all along. "You couldn't have known there was anything this interesting about titans. We've only ever seen them try to eat us."

Erwin smiled. He stood, tapping the file. "And about my next trip to the Capital..."

"Yeah?"

"You'll be accompanying me."

Their gaze held.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Levi. They had fallen into a good routine since Christmas, but there was still the odd spark of tension here and there. If they diverged from that routine, who knew what might happen? They risked accidentally undoing all the careful control they had imposed on their relationship.

"We can't keep putting it off." Erwin stood tall, clasping his hands - and the file - behind his back. "Our allies in the Capital are already beginning to comment on your absence."

"Huh." He couldn't imagine who would have noticed, aside from Sahlo and Nile.

"Besides, we've reached a good balance now. We'll be fine. But let's worry about capturing a titan first. Meet with Hange and me at dinner to talk about the specifics."

It seemed like the end of the conversation, so Levi nodded and turned for the door. He still hadn't figured out how to end conversations now that a goodbye hug or kiss wasn't an option.

"Levi."

He turned.

Erwin was still wearing the same intense look as before, so the words were a surprise: "Pick out a new book while you're in town. I'll reimburse you the cost."

"Yeah? What kind of book?"

"Anything you want. If you have time tonight, maybe we can read the first chapter."

"Yeah, sure." Levi turned away again.

He could feel Erwin's gaze lingering on him as he left.

 

**-35-**

**Covers**

Erwin stood in the courtyard, watching the titan capture team ride up the driveway. Two horses pulled an enormous cart draped with blankets. He counted exactly a dozen soldiers - the same number they had left with. Energy twitched through every muscle in his body.  _They did it. They actually did it._

"Erwin!" yelled Hange from across the courtyard, not even waiting for the gates to open. "Three metre class. No deaths!"

A few other soldiers began to cheer.

Their enthusiasm was so contagious that he grinned. "Most impressive." He clasped his hands together behind his back, waiting. His eyes trailed the soldiers, but when they fixed on Levi, his smile faded. The Captain's skin was flushed and waxy, and he hunched forward over the neck of his horse.

The team fell into line in front of him, halting the horses. They saluted. Erwin saluted back, but his eyes were still on their Captain.

"Levi?" he said. "Everything all right?"

"Just tired," croaked Levi.

"Go straight to the san to get checked out."

"I'm fine."

The other soldiers dismounted and began to lead their horses to the stables. As Petra walked past Erwin, she quietly said, "He's sick, but he's being stubborn."

Before he could reply, a strong hand clamped over his arm and pulled him toward the cart. "Erwin, come see!" Hange threw the corner of the blanket off the cart, revealing a massive face and oily hair.

Erwin's heart skipped a beat, but he kept his expression calm, leaning closer. Heat streamed off the beast's skin; it smelled vaguely of sulphur. He stared into its eyes, and it stared dumbly back. He was disappointed it didn't show more intelligence. "Is this an abnormal?"

"No. Abnormals are relatively rare - we need to focus on learning more about the regular ones first. Bigger impact on our missions. Isn't it beautiful?" Hange reached in a hand as if to poke its nose.

"Squad Leader," yelped Moblit, "it'll chomp your arm off."

"Yes," said Erwin, "perhaps you should secure it." They had designated a small, walled section of the courtyard as the study area; stakes, chains, nets and ropes were waiting for their new guest.

Once Hange and the other soldiers began to haul their captive away, Erwin strode back to his stubborn Captain, who still sat atop the horse.

"Levi."

"I'm fine." Levi swung one leg over the saddle and jumped to the ground. His knees buckled the instant he landed, and his eyes rolled back into his head.

 _Shit!_ Erwin lunged and caught Levi before he hit the ground. His skin glowed with almost as much heat as the titan. This was almost unprecedented; as far as he could remember, this was only the second time Levi had become ill since they had met.

"Is the Captain okay?" asked Eld, appearing at his side.

Erwin knelt and cradled the unconscious man to his chest, surprised, as always, by how small and dense his body was. "Check his breathing."

"Seems fine," said Eld after a moment. "Pulse is a bit fast."

"He has a fever. Is anyone else showing signs of illness?"

"No, sir."

"I'll take him to the san and quarantine him just in case." Erwin cradled Levi to his chest, surprised, as always, by how heavy and small his body was.

It wasn't until Levi was safely on a bed in the san that it struck him: they weren't supposed to touch. He clenched his jaw, telling himself it was an exceptional circumstance, but now he was becoming hyper-aware of the sensations in retrospect: relaxed muscles, small shoulders and hips...

"We'll take good care of him," said the medic. "You're welcome to stick around, if you want."

"No, thank you." He needed space. Touch was too powerful between them; it would undo all the careful groundwork they had laid since they had separated in the fall.

He returned to the yard instead, gathering the mission report from Moblit. In the background, Hange and several squad members were staking the titan to the ground.

"No mishaps?" he said, still unable to believe it.

"None, sir. Not yet, at least." Moblit eyed Hange nervously; the Squad Leader was standing a little too close to the titan, but the other soldiers seemed to have it restrained well.

"Perhaps you might like to take the afternoon off," suggested Erwin. "It looks like they have it well in hand."

"I'll just help them until-"

The titan lunged, its teeth snapping shut just shy of Hange's knees. The Squad Leader cackled.

"Squad Leader, it's too dangerous!" Moblit rushed toward the group.

 _The man's going to give himself a heart attack one of these days._ Maybe Erwin should pull Hange aside and have a talk about risk-taking, but he suspected it wouldn't stick, anyway. The Squad Leader was only getting more reckless with time.

His thoughts kept pulling back toward Levi as he returned to his office. He resisted, settling into his chair with a pen and paper instead. He was due at the Capital next week to pitch their next expedition proposal, and he was eager to present this triumphant moment.

A knock sounded; he looked up and saw Nifa standing in the doorway. "Yes?"

"Mail delivery," she said, holding out a stack of letters. He wondered why she was grinning, then saw that the top one was from Lady Gunnhild, with a lipstick mark in place of her usual seal.

He let out a low, displeased sigh and accepted the bundle of letters. Though he had accompanied the Lady to several social events over the past few months, he had clearly told her he wasn't actually courting her. She had seemed to understand; she had stopped trying to grab his rear in public, at least.

He sorted through the rest of the mail first, and then stared at the envelope, his elbows on the table, hands folded over his mouth. The lipstick mark stared back at him.

_Maybe I should go check on Levi, or see how Hange's doing with the titan._

He turned the envelope over. Something about her script was jarring. Familiar.

His eyes narrowed, and he reached for his letter opener.

The paper inside had no signature.

_Smith, will be paying you a visit on Tuesday. Tell no one._

Sahlo's handwriting. What game was the lord trying to play this time?

Regardless, "tell no one" always excluded one party, no matter who asked. This was a good excuse to go see if Levi was awake.

The san had transferred the Captain back to his bedroom. Erwin knocked on the door, and was surprised when Petra answered it, wearing a cloth over her mouth and nose.

"Sir," said Petra, saluting. Behind her, he could see Levi asleep in his bed, a full mug of tea and untouched soup bowl on the bedside table.

Erwin found himself lost for words. He hadn't realized it until that moment, but he thought of himself as Levi's caretaker - his  _only_ caretaker.

_You separated. You should only think of yourself as his Commander and his friend._

He finally found his voice. "How is he?"

"Sleeping heavily." Petra looked back at the slumbering Captain, her eyes soft. "They still don't know what he has. You're welcome to come in, but you should wear a cloth just in case it's contagious."

A few minutes later, he sat on a chair next to Petra, a cloth tied over the lower half of his face.

"The medics asked us to keep an eye on him in case anything changes," said Petra, speaking softly. "Eld's the most senior, so he volunteered, but he had a special date night planned in advance, so I took over for him."

"Seems like it might be a boring mission," said Erwin, noting that she didn't even have a book with her.

He could tell she was smiling by the lines in the corners of her eyes. "I don't mind."

Erwin studied Levi's face.

"He looks so peaceful," said Petra. "It's strange to see him without a frown."

An ache gripped Erwin's heart. The expression wasn't strange at all, not to him. Not too long ago, it had been his to view whenever he wanted, almost every single night - or at least a few nights a week, by the end of it. He had taken it for granted.

He stood and began to tidy up the room, setting Levi's boots by the wall.

"You don't have to do that, sir," said Petra.

"I'm afraid I don't have the patience to sit and watch a man sleep. Anyway, if he awoke to his room in disarray, I'd be the one hearing about it." The medics had left Levi's clothes folded on the dresser. He pulled the pants off the top of the pile and inspected them. They were perfectly white, so they probably didn't need washing yet. He folded them again and set them on a shelf in the closet so Levi could decide later. He put the shirt in the hamper, then lifted the jacket, accidentally opening it upside down.

A metal object bounced on the ground.

 _A coin?_ He knelt and caught it on the second bounce. No, a ring.

Not just any ring: Erwin's wedding ring. What was it doing here? Hadn't he left it in his desk drawer?

But no, this one was smaller. The world began to tilt as he realized the significance of it all.  _Hange gave Levi his ring, and he keeps it with him._

"Commander," said Petra.

He remembered to breathe, and the world stopped tilting, but he couldn't turn to face her. His face was sure to show everything. "What is it, Petra?"

"That ring..." She paused. "I know it isn't really my business, but do you know what it is? The Captain spends a lot of time looking at it, when he thinks no one's watching."

_Levi..._

He counted to five as he took in a breath and let it out, then set his face to neutral. He stood and turned to face her.

"The job of Captain is demanding. It requires many sacrifices. Levi has sacrificed more than most." He rotated the ring between his finger and thumb, studying the gradient on its surface. "Not too long ago, Levi had serious thoughts of marriage, and the union was to be sealed with rings. I suppose when he realized it would conflict with his duties, he decided to keep the ring close so he could pause in quiet moments and think about what might have been."

"Oh," said Petra softly. She turned to look at Levi, her head bowed. "That's heartbreaking."

 _Indeed._ Erwin picked up the jacket. "Do you know which pocket he keeps it in? He probably doesn't want me to know he carries this with him."

"Looked like his left inside pocket."

 _Over his heart._ Now that he thought about it, Erwin recalled Levi rubbing his chest, a new mannerism that had only developed since they had separated. His throat ached, and tears rimmed his eyes. He was dangerously close to breaking down.

He cleared his throat. "Given your capabilities, Petra, I think it's a better use of your time to assist Squad Leader Hange's team in getting the titan research centre set up. I'd be happy to watch the Captain for awhile."

Petra looked confused by the request, but she only nodded. "Sir."

"Do you know when the medics are checking in on him next?"

"Dinnertime, unless we report any changes beforehand."

"Very well. Thank you, Petra." He tucked the ring back into the jacket pocket and hung the jacket in the closet.

The door closed as the woman left the room.

He found his seat by the bed, staring blankly at the unconscious man. He couldn't stop picturing Levi finding a quiet place to look at the ring, brooding about their abandoned plans.  _Not abandoned_ , he corrected himself.  _Delayed._

Up until a few hours ago, he thought they had hit their stride as friends and colleagues. These waves of sadness had been few and far between. He swallowed against the fresh lump in his throat, feeling as if their separation had been hours ago instead of weeks.

Levi stirred. His eyelids were fluttering, and now Erwin wished he hadn't sent Petra away so soon. This wasn't a good time to converse, not when he was this vulnerable.

"Ugh." Levi squinted against the light. "Erwin? What-"

"You're sick. You lost consciousness. Lie quietly; I'm going to get a medic."

"What-"

"I'll be right back." He strode for the door.

A few minutes later, he returned with a medic; she began to check over Levi, who seemed to be struggling to stay lucid.

Erwin planned to leave right away to compose himself, but the medic handed him a thermometer. "If you don't mind, sir. I don't have enough hands."

He reluctantly accepted it. "What type of thermometer is this?"

"Mercury."

"I mean, where does it go? Which...orifice?"

She gave him an unimpressed look. "His mouth."

He hadn't meant it as a joke, but he gave her a polite smile and moved to stand by Levi's face. At least he didn't have to slip it into his ass; even his mouth was already too intimate.

"Open your mouth, Levi. I need to take your temperature."

The narrow lips parted, and this was entirely too intimate: hot breath on his hand, the tip of the thermometer probing underneath that tongue that had slid inside Erwin's mouth so many times, had swirled around his nipple, his cock.  _He's ill, you sick bastard._ Erwin squeezed his thighs to try to coax blood away from his groin, mortified and furious with himself for sinking so low. He had thought his libido had been in hibernation lately, but it seemed he was more pent up than he thought.

Shifting away from filthy thoughts brought him to the other emotion plaguing him: worry about Levi's condition. He wasn't sure which was harder on him, but worry was more socially appropriate.

After a minute or two, the medic pulled out the thermometer and frowned. "Captain, these are exactly the same symptoms you had when you were sick five years ago, according to your records. But I can't find any sign of infection." She flipped a page. "Seems the medic couldn't figure it out back then, either. You ended up having different symptoms than the flu that was going around at the time."

Levi mumbled something.

"What was that?" asked the medic, bending down. Erwin leaned in closer, too, curious.

"My mother used to get fevers," rasped Levi. "So did I. Never as bad as hers."

 _Mother?_ Erwin studied Levi's face. He still seemed delirious, his eyes unfocussed.

"I see." The medic made some notes in a file. "Did she have any other symptoms? Rashes?"

His face twisted. "A rash...maybe...I can't... I don't-"

Erwin's' hands tightened into fists.

"It's okay," said the medic, touching Levi's shoulder. She pulled out her medical bag. "Do you mind if I mix medicines into his tea? The caffeine will help make the drug more potent."

It took Erwin a minute to realize she was talking to him. "By all means."

"Are you going to be sitting with him for awhile? Or should I send an assistant over?"

He glanced at Levi, hoping he would have the strength to ask for an assistant's help, but the grey eyes held his gaze.

Erwin looked away. "I have some paperwork to work on. I might as well do it here. There are a few things I'd like the Captain's opinion on, anyway."

"Okay, but don't put too much stress on his shoulders right now. He needs to rest. I'll send someone over with some food for both of you later on." She made a few final notes. "You're welcome to leave the face mask up if it makes you comfortable, but I don't think it's contagious."

"No?"

"The signs are more typical of an inherited illness than an acquired one. After a few days of rest with a steady influx of medication, his body should return to normal. We just need to keep an eye on him to make sure there aren't any complications."

She left him with a set of written instructions, then dismissed herself.

Erwin sat in the chair beside the bed again. "Are you lucid, Levi?"

"Kind of."

"Are you feeling well enough to sit up and drink the medicine?"

Levi grunted and weakly pushed himself to a seat. Erwin adjusted the pillow behind him, then held out the tea.

"You brought tea and soup?" rasped Levi as he accepted the mug. "Cute."

"Petra did."

"Oh."

Erwin forced a polite smile, which was probably pointless, because he was sure his eyes were empty, and the cloth was covering his nose and mouth. "I should probably take this off." He untied the knot at the back of his head.

"Surprised it stayed on." Levi blew on the surface of the tea to cool it. "Thought your sharp nose would've cut right through it."

Erwin chuckled, setting the cloth aside. "That wasn't the only problem. Took them awhile to find a mask large enough to cover this thing."

"Should've borrowed one of Mike's. He could fit your entire nose up one nostril." Levi sipped the tea, then grimaced. "This is awful."

His voice was gravelly, but he seemed more clear-headed already. Maybe he had just needed a few minutes to wake up properly. Erwin felt a wave of relief.

Levi drained the tea, then set the mug aside and settled back into the pillow.

It wasn't his business, but Erwin was curious. "You mentioned your mother."

A slim brow furrowed. "Yeah?"

"When you spoke with the medic. You said she got fevers a lot."

Levi squinted, as if he were trying very hard to focus on something far away. "I...don't..." He blinked, then looked away. "You've probably got better stuff to do than sit and stare at me."

"I don't mind," said Erwin gently, respecting his desire to change the subject. "Don't feel you have to entertain me. If you want to sleep, I can work on paperwork at your desk."

"Yeah, okay." Levi snuggled deeper into the blankets. "My head is throbbing."

"The tea should help soon." Erwin paused. "You should have mentioned you were ill when you left. What if you had fallen unconscious during the expedition?"

"Well, I didn't, and it went well."

He tilted his head with reluctant agreement. "It certainly seems like it did, yes."

Levi gave a soft snort. "You're a bit ticked off about that, aren't you?"

"What? Why would I-"

"All those times you said no to Hange, and we could've pulled it off this easy." Levi's eyes closed.

"Logically, it didn't make sense to-"

"I'm just being an asshole. You don't have to justify it to me. I trust your priorities." His voice was fading. "Erwin?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll be here when I wake up?" His voice was small.

Erwin's throat tightened. "Yeah."

One corner of Levi's mouth lifted.

.*.*.*.

"Erwin," called Mike, knocking on the door.

Erwin lifted his head, then realized his temples ached from squinting at his paperwork. It had somehow gotten dark without him noticing; he must have been too wrapped up in his work. He lit the lamp, then, glancing at the slumbering Levi, opened the door.

Mike handed him a tray of food; a medical assistant stepped past them both and moved to Levi's side to check on him.

"Thank you," said Erwin, breathing in the scent of potato stew. "Is that fish?" The Survey Corps received the worst of the military's rations, and with the food shortages impacting everyone inside the walls, that meant they had been the first to lose meat privileges. It had been months since he had eaten a meat stew he hadn't bought from a restaurant.

"Yeah, that's salmon. Caught a couple this afternoon during my day leave. Had the kitchen cook them up for the officers."

"That's very kind of you. Thank you." Erwin gave him a sincere smile. "What's the occasion?"

Mike shrugged. "Capturing a titan seems like a big deal." He nodded at the bed. "How's Levi?"

"His fever's coming down," said the medical assistant. "He might be a bit fatigued for a few days yet, but the medicine seems to be doing its job."

Erwin let out a breath. "Good." He realized Mike's gaze was boring through him. "What is it?"

"How are you?" There was an odd cadence to the words, as if they were code.

"Fine, thank you." Erwin kept his eyes trained on the medical assistant, waiting until she left.

"All done," she said. "I've left another packet of medicine - please make sure he takes it within the next hour or two. You may want to have a soldier keep an eye on him overnight in case anything changes, but I suspect he'll be fine."

"Thank you." Erwin's gaze followed her as she left the room, then shifted back to the Squad Leader when the door closed. "Mike?"

"Thought you might be interested in this." The Squad Leader held out an envelope. Even though the base lockdown had ended at Christmas, they were still doing spot surveillance and censorship of outgoing and incoming mail. It had ended up becoming such a time sink that Erwin had been tempted to cancel it. This was the first time an officer had approached him with anything of notice.

He was surprised to see a letter signed by Petra Ral, addressed to her sister. As he read the letter, he frowned. "Ah."

Mike glanced at the slumbering Levi, then leaned in close, his voice low. "I didn't realize things between them were romantic." His face was stoic as ever, but there was an edge to his voice.

"I don't think Levi did, either." Erwin flipped the page, reading the rest of it:

_'I know in my heart the ring was never meant to be shared with me, but a part of me dares to hope. We've, at the very least, been growing close as friends, but he's a difficult man to read, and he speaks in circles about his feelings. I wish I could figure out how to stop this girlish fantasizing, how to simply be content to have such an amazing friend and mentor. Or maybe I wish he would tell me how he feels so I could accept it and move on. I'm here to devote my body and my heart to humanity; it's ridiculous that one man should occupy so much space in my thoughts. It's ridiculous that the thing that makes my heart race the fastest is imaging the two of us facing our battles together as a team, a married couple, bound by duty and love.'_

He stopped reading, his chest aching. The words were too familiar.

"This is all a misunderstanding," he said aloud. "This afternoon, I was telling Petra about how Levi has sacrificed his hopes of marriage to focus on his duty to humanity. In retrospect, I didn't mention he was to be engaged to  _me_. Levi insisted she knew about us."

"Petra's strong as hell, but sensitive," said Mike. "Someone should talk to her before she gets in too deep. Levi should just tell her he's gay and be done with it."

"Maybe he's bisexual," murmured Erwin, his heart slowly sinking.

Mike chuckled. "No."

But now his thoughts were running in that direction. The pair did spend an awful lot of time together, and there had been that strange question at Christmas about what sex with a woman was like. It was clear Petra's feelings for Levi weren't too different from Erwin's - was it so unthinkable that her affections might be returned?

"It's not as if I'm the only bisexual man in the world, Mike."

"No shit, but Levi's gay. One night, over drinks, Gelgar and I found out he thinks women have one hole between their legs."

"It's still possible he-" Erwin stopped as the words sank in properly. "Really?"

"Just one giant slit where everything comes out. Didn't think women could have anal sex - thought that was a man-on-man only kind of thing."

Erwin bit the inside of his cheek; it wasn't fair to laugh at an unconscious man who had never seen a vulva up close. "That doesn't mean he isn't attracted to women, just that-"

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Erwin closed his mouth and lifted his chin, holding the other's gaze.

"You know he still mentions you every minute or two when you're not around, right?" continued Mike. "He hasn't ever mentioned Petra. Not once." He thrust the papers at Erwin. "I still don't get what game the two of you are playing, but sounds to me like you're trying to stack the cards so you'll always lose. Knock it off."

Pressure was building in Erwin's stomach, but he knew he wasn't mad at Mike. Not really.

The door closed.

He set the letter and stew aside, then sat in the bedside chair. Levi's face was peaceful, though his breaths were still rasping a bit, and his face was flushed. Contact was forbidden, but a strand of dark hair was hanging in his face, and that had to be uncomfortable. Erwin reached over and hooked it with a finger, sliding it to the side.

 _Levi._ He found himself reluctant to pull away. He slid his fingertip to the damp temple and then down his jaw line before retracting it.

The situation wasn't as simple as Mike thought. If Levi was falling for Petra, it meant he wouldn't be lonely. It meant someone might be able to repair the ache in his chest that Erwin was sure he must also be feeling, the ache so deep that the only possible response was to either ignore it or curl up and weep. Erwin had, for the most part, been able to fill that emptiness with work - that had been part of their agreement, anyway. Had Levi done the same? He deserved a warm body to hold at night, to hug him when he had nightmares.

But Erwin was selfish. The thought of Levi sharing a bed with anyone else made his stomach churn, his vision fog red. So selfish. It wasn't fair that Levi should be doomed to loneliness just because Erwin had petty jealousy.

It was another half hour or so before Levi woke up. True to his usual form, his eyes snapped open, and he was instantly alert.  _He must be feeling better already._

"Am I still sick?" Even his voice was sounding more like his usual self.

"Yeah, but you're getting better. I have more medicine for you, but it can wait a few minutes."

"Are  _you_  sick?"

"Why, do I look ill?" Erwin curled his trembling hands and lowered them to his lap, out of sight.

"You look like you're going to throw up."

"I'm fine."  _Too much time focusing on 'what ifs.'_ Erwin stood and lit the burner under the kettle. "I'll make you some more tea." He quietly slipped Petra's letter under his pile of paperwork.

As Levi sipped a mug of tea, Erwin ate his stew, then relayed everything the medical assistant had told him. "I might ask your squad to watch over you while you sleep tonight, just in case."

"Oh."

"You don't like that idea? I was thinking Oluo would jump at the chance. We can get a medical assistant to help you bathe, too. I'm sure you'd like to get the expedition's grime off you."

"Yeah, sure." Levi's face was twisting; he stared into the bottom of his teacup.

Erwin watched him for a moment, then sat in the chair again. "What's bothering you?"

"It's stupid."

"I'm sure it isn't."

Levi shrugged, staring fixedly into his mug. "I don't sleep so well lately."

"Lately?"

"Since we...stepped back."

Erwin felt his face sag into a frown, and he was powerless to stop it. "I see."

"Only been sleeping a couple hours here and there, usually in my chair. I don't do so well with beds when I'm alone. Not lately. Until today, at least."

"I suppose it helps to be drugged," said Erwin lightly.

"Stay with me." Levi finally looked up at him. "You can sleep above the covers, or on a chair, if you want. I just..." He shrugged. "Bad memories lately. Bad nightmares. You were the only person who ever kept them away."

Erwin swallowed the knot in his throat. "I suppose you do need your sleep to recover."

"Don't worry, I don't need you to to hold me or anything - I know that's off limits."

"I already did."

Levi's eyes widened. "What?"

"I carried you to the san when you passed out. Then I wiped hair off your forehead."

"That's cheating. I wasn't even awake to-"

"It's fine. It was all clinical." This was the first time he could remember outright lying to Levi, and it left his mouth feeling too dry. Maybe the wedding ring was a lie of omission, too. He thought of Mike's words: he was always stacking the game so he would lose. He wasn't even sure what qualified as winning or losing anymore.

Levi took a long sip of tea.

Erwin finished up the stew, then set the bowl aside. "I don't mind staying. I can sleep above the covers." He tried to tell himself this was a clinical decision, too, and now his mouth was even drier.

"Thanks."

He kept thinking about Petra's letter, but then he remembered there was another letter to discuss. "Sahlo sent me a strange letter, disguised as a letter from Lady Gunnhild. He's coming for a visit next week."

Levi frowned. "Here?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He sounds paranoid. He has so many carefully balanced relationships with confliction factions - it wouldn't surprise me if one them fell through."

"And he wants you to bail him out?"

"Maybe," said Erwin. He hadn't given it much thought yet. "Maybe he just wants to lie low for a bit."

"Huh." Levi drained the last of his tea. "Do you want me to debrief you on the mission?"

"Are you feeling up for it?"

"Throat's a bit scratchy, but it's good to talk."

And so, even though Erwin had already gotten the mission debriefing from Moblit, he listened. Levi provided a different perspective, painting a much less dire picture of the actual moments of danger. That was fine; Erwin always mentally adjusted the danger of any given situation when it came out of Moblit's mouth, to account for the man's sensitivity to stress.

Levi slept a bit after that, while Erwin finished up the last of his paperwork. There wasn't much left. Now that there wasn't as much of a rush for Wall Maria, and Sahlo wasn't working directly against him, he was remembering what it was like to sleep at night. Once he had finished, he slipped next door to get a light blanket.

When he returned, Levi was sipping at his tea, an empty medicine packet beside him.

"You look like you're feeling better," said Erwin, feeling the weight on his shoulders lighten.

"Yeah, guess it wasn't that serious. Think I might take a bath before bed."

Erwin hesitated. It was a heated bath day, at least - he couldn't imagine it would be healthy to plunge an ill body into ice water - but it would only take one moment of unconsciousness for him to slip underwater and drown. "You aren't well enough to bathe alone." As tempting as it was to volunteer, they were already going to be pushing several boundaries that night. "I can send for someone. Maybe Oluo?"

"Yeah, sure."

While the bath was underway, Erwin tried his best not to picture Levi naked. He busied himself with pulling the sweat-stained sheets off Levi's bed. A knife narrowly missed his feet and clattered to the floor. Erwin stared at it, wondering how many other mysterious objects he was going to accidentally shake out of Levi's belongings. He set it aside, ready to slip it back under the mattress once he had made the bed with clean sheets.

That wasn't the only hidden knife; he found another tucked inside Levi's pillowcase, carefully sheathed, and a third attached to the back of the headboard. He pulled it out and studied it, holding it with Levi's reverse grip.

When Levi returned, Erwin was just finishing up the fresh bedding. Levi strode forward and flopped onto the bed; Erwin draped the blanket over him.

"Tired?"

"Exhausted," mumbled Levi.

Erwin held out the sheathed knife. "You can slip that one back into your pillowcase."

"Oh."

"If you were this uncomfortable in your room, you should have said something. I might have been able to find you a roommate to ease your anxiety."

Levi rolled over and slid the knife back into place. "I told you, there's only one roommate who makes it stop." He rolled onto his back again, staring at the ceiling. "Guess I'm completely dependent on you."

"I'm just next door."

"Yeah, I know. I hear you jerking off in there all the time."

Heat rose to Erwin's ears. "What?"

"But you've never come knocking when I've woken up hollering from nightmares, so I guess the walls are only thin going one way."

"I suppose they are," murmured Erwin, thinking of all the times he had clawed into the mattress in the middle of the night, restraining himself from responding to Levi's yells. "Though even if I did hear you, I probably wouldn't know how to help you. It's not as if I can hold you close to soothe you the way I used to."

Levi's mouth sagged. "No, I guess not."

They were silent for a moment, and then Levi shifted over to make room.

Erwin lay on top of the covers and draped his own blanket over himself. His feet hung over the end of the mattress - he had never noticed that before. When they had shared this bed in the past, they had lain on their sides, spooning together. He found himself wishing it wasn't so wide, so they would have an excuse to touch, even if through the covers.

_You shouldn't be having these types of thoughts._

"You been back to the apartment at all?" asked Levi quietly.

"No. You?"

"Only once, but I didn't stay long. Too many memories."

"You can sell it, if you want." Erwin nestled deeper into his pillow. "Use the funds for anything you'd like."

"I told you, it's still half yours." Levi rolled onto his side, back to him. "Besides, maybe we'll use it again one day."

Erwin's chest and throat were so tight that they burned. "Is it okay if I turn off the lamp?"

"Yeah. I'm falling asleep, anyway."

Once the light was extinguished, Erwin rolled to face him, carefully maintaining a gap between their bodies. "Are our walls really that thin?"

"Hm?"

"You can overhear me-?"

There was a long pause, then Levi said, "Haven't for awhile."

That made sense. His libido had been relatively non-existent for weeks now, and, as always, the longer he went without it, the less desire he felt. Besides, masturbation felt so hollow in comparison to being with a partner, especially when the subject of fantasies was in the next room over, completely out of his reach. The walls between them were thin, but thicker than ever at the same time.

"We need to get you laid. Break you out of this rut." Of course Levi would know every intimate detail about how his libido worked.

"Levi-"

"When Sahlo's here. We'll go out for drinks, and you can leave with someone. Maybe start grabbing each other in the alleyway. Nothing will convince him we're no longer together quicker than-"

"Levi." Erwin's pulse drummed in his ears. "I'm not going to sleep with a random stranger."

"Then don't sleep with them. But you have to do something." He felt the bed shift. In the cracks of moonlight coming through the window shades, he could see Levi's profile as he lay on his back - his petite, straight nose, lightly snubbed at the end.  _He's so selfless, so beautiful._

The swell of love was so powerful that Erwin's voice broke: "Why are you being so insistent about this?" He thought of Mike; was Levi stacking the cards against himself, too?

"Because," said Levi, "we're making all these sacrifices to convince Sahlo we're not together, and any of his noble pals. Now we've got a perfect chance to really sell it to him. Why'd we make all these sacrifices if we're going to pass up this perfect chance?"

Erwin gave a low sigh. It made sense, and it had to be him. Sahlo didn't care about Levi's weaknesses, only Erwin's.

"Okay," he said. "I'll stay open to the idea."

Levi was quiet, so quiet he might have seemed like he was sleeping, but Erwin could see the faint sheen of moonlight on his eyes as he stared at the ceiling.

.*.*.*.

"Erwin. Wake up."

He opened his eyes and realized he was shivering. His breath condensed in clouds in the faint light in the room.

It took him a moment to realize he wasn't in his room, and Levi was beside him, and that wasn't normal anymore.

"Erwin."

"Yeah?" The word chattered between his teeth.

"The temperature dropped. Your blanket's too thin. Get under mine."

His mind was foggy with sleep and sluggish with cold; he crawled under the covers before he could think twice about it. The sheets were so cold that he shivered harder for a minute or two, but gradually, they warmed with his body heat.

Now he was awake, and very conscious of the fact that he was in bed with Levi. The gap between them was large enough that no part of them touched, but he could feel the glow of body heat.

"Better?" whispered Levi.

"Yeah. Sorry for waking you."

"It's fine. Get some sleep."

"Goodnight."

Erwin lay on his back and closed his eyes, too aware of his own breathing. He tried to force slow, even breaths, but his lungs demanded to move faster. This was ridiculous. He was a thirty-five year old man, a Commander of an entire military regiment. The prospect of sharing a bed with another man - a man who had been his partner for a few years, not that long ago - should not be this intimidating.

Warm skin slid against the back of his hand, then was still.

_Levi's hand._

He struggled to control his breaths. Was this brush of hands an accident, or an invitation? He strained his ears until they rang, listening for a hitch in Levi's breath, but he heard nothing to suggest he was still awake.

It couldn't be an accident - could it? They both knew how powerful touch was between them. It always had been. The first night they had spent together, four years ago, had started with a hand brush, too, one that had led to holding hands in the dining hall.

This hand brush could be another beginning. A rebirth. All one of them had to do was cross their little finger over the other's; the symbolism would be familiar to both of them - or did Levi even remember the secret handholding that had officially started their relationship? His memories weren't always clear.

The contact between them glowed with warmth.

Neither of them moved closer, but neither pulled away.

.*.*.*.

Over the next few days, Levi's condition rapidly improved. Erwin did much of his paperwork at the desk in Levi's bedroom to keep an eye on him. Even the medics remarked that Levi slept better when he was around.

Levi wasn't the only one benefitting; Erwin found he worked better there, too. When they were apart, his imagination tried to craft all the medical complications that could possibly take Levi from him. Illness was more nerve-racking than the titans; Humanity's Strongest could take down any titan in his path with competence and willpower. Illness was less predictable.

They spent their nights together, too, sharing the bed with a gap between them. Erwin was beginning to think the touching hands on the first night had been a coincidence after all. He tried not to let that disappoint him.

When Erwin wasn't watching over Levi, he was checking in with Hange. The Squad Leader was already planning to go outside the walls with Mike's team to capture a partner for the captive titan, who Hange had named Albert. The logic behind this request was sound; Hange wanted to run experiments on two titans at once and compare their reactions. Until now, they had been operating under the assumption that all normal titans were the same, but after learning of a titan that spoke, Erwin wasn't sure any of their common knowledge was valid. The second capture mission was set to return the day before Sahlo's visit.

Sahlo's visit itself was occupying less of Erwin's consideration than it probably should. He had warned Hange, Dita and Mike, and a guest room had been prepared. Other than that, he didn't put much thought into it. Sahlo's message had revealed nothing about his intentions, so Erwin would react to the situation as it developed.

Mike had suggested having a little fun with the lord. "Pretend you're actually expecting Lady Gunnhild, and greet his carriage with a bouquet of flowers."

"Waste of perfectly good flowers," Erwin had replied.

By the morning of Sahlo's visit, the second capture mission had returned with a new titan, who Hange named Chikachironi. Levi was back at work, though confined to desk duty, for now.

Erwin, meanwhile, was so preoccupied with planning for the next trip to Mitras that when he heard the bell tower announce an approaching carriage, the prospect of going down to the courtyard didn't cross his mind. A few minutes later, Nanaba knocked on the door.

"Sir, a noble is here to see you." She held out a badge that bore Sahlo's seal.

"Ah, right." Erwin stood, blinking away the fog of paperwork. "I'll be down in a moment."

When he arrived, he was surprised to see the carriage door open, but no one standing outside it. Erwin stepped on the first rung and peered inside. Sahlo still sat on the bench.

"Does anyone know I'm here?" whispered the Lord.

"I told my officers, but no one else."

"Good. Tell anyone else I'm a visiting merchant."

"Very well." Erwin held out the badge; a clawed hand snatched it back and stuffed it into a pocket. "Would you like us to station guards around your room?"

"Your guards can't help me."

He tried to find patience and sympathy for the lord, but found neither. "You'll be safer inside than in the courtyard. Besides, I'm curious about what has you this nervous."

Sahlo laughed bitterly. "You can say 'paranoid.'"

As the lord stepped out of the carriage, Erwin was surprised to see how grey his hair had become. His cheeks were hollow, his neck skinny. The hair on the back of his neck rose.  _Either he's getting bogged down in needless paranoia, or something major has him worried._

Levi was waiting in Erwin's office when they arrived; he leaned against the couch, his arms folded over his chest. He wore his uniform for the first time in days. While Erwin was happy to see him back on duty, he also - with a hint of guilt - wondered if that was the end of their shared nights.

Sahlo stopped in the doorway, eyeing Levi. "I wanted to speak with you alone, Smith."

"I want to know what kind of shit you're here to pull," said Levi, his voice still a bit raspy. "It's not like a noble to set foot outside Wall Sina."

"I had some concerns only your Commander could address, and they can't wait until he arrives in Mitras next week." Sahlo pushed past him and sat at the desk.

"What happened to you?" said Levi, lip curling. "You look like shit."

The lord smiled at Erwin. "Please dismiss your dog. I don't want to catch his fleas."

Erwin eyed him. "What you say in front of me can be said-"

"No, don't worry about it." Levi stood, arms still crossed over his chest. "I'll be next door. Say the word, and I'll run over and beat the shit out of this asshole."

"A pleasure as always, Captain," said Sahlo.

The door closed behind Levi, and Erwin felt himself deflate a little without the man by his side. He walked over to the liquor cabinet. "May I offer you a drink?"

Now that they were alone and safely enclosed in a room, Sahlo's obnoxious personality was starting to overtake his paranoia; he scanned the room, a lip curled in disgust. "I doubt you have anything to my taste."

Erwin scanned the labels of the bottles until he found one he had been saving for a special occasion that seemed less and less likely to happen. He could purchase a replacement after the wall reclamation effort, if needed. "I have an ice wine from Utopia District."

"That sounds surprisingly lovely," said Sahlo, taken aback. "May I smoke in here?"

"If you must." Erwin pulled down two wine glasses, then sat in his desk chair. He poured them each a glass as Sahlo lit his cigar. The wine was sweet, almost overpowering, and Erwin closed his eyes as if savouring it. Really, he was savouring the lost fantasy of kneeling before Levi at sunset.

With the nights they had been spending together lately, he was even less sure where they stood with each other. The bed sharing was innocent, but its innocence was remarkable in itself. Erwin had slept in the arms of soldiers like Hange and Mike on cold nights outside the walls, limbs intertwined in positions that might seem too intimate for friends to those who had never experienced the harshness of Survey Corps life. If he and Levi were really on platonic terms, they would have no problem sleeping pressed up against each other.

Sahlo took a sip, then stood and approached the liquor cabinet, his wine in one hand, cigar in the other. "I'm impressed, Erwin. You have good taste in alcohol. This is a decent collection."

"Such flattery."

"No, it's genuine." Sahlo didn't turn around as he took a long drag on the cigar; he exhaled three smoke rings before he continued. "I know we've been constantly positioning ourselves against each other since before we first met, but this visit is genuine. No mind games, no posturing. We can pick up where we left off once we meet again in the Capital, if that time ever comes."

Erwin leaned back in his chair. "What's the occasion?"

"I'm being stabbed in the back, made into a scapegoat to set an example." The lord turned and gave him a sad smile. "I've been tolerated for decades, but the powers that be are panicking, and they need to squash someone to feel like they're still in control. I've been sticking my neck out too far; it's the easiest to lasso with a noose."

Erwin waited, because Sahlo often revealed too much when he was left to ramble unhindered.

The lord paced back to the chair and sank into it. This time, when he lifted the cigar to his lips, his hand was shaking.

He was silent.

Erwin leaned forward. "I'm going to need more information than that."

"They're coming for me."

"Who?"

"The King. The Wallists." Sahlo paused for a sip of wine. "They've been working carefully against me, weaving a tale of treason, paying off Rage Klein to make sure there were no holes. The last thread is in place. They're going to come for me any day now."

Erwin studied the lord's face, trying to read between the lines. Sahlo's eyes were glassy and his jaw was quivering. "Why are they targeting you?"

"Because the lords are getting antsy, and the King is afraid the nobles will become unstable, so he needs to make an example. His excuse is paper-thin: I failed." Sahlo held his gaze. "I was supposed to keep you busy."

"Busy?"

"When I laid all the cards on the table for you a few months back, I may have kept a few close to my chest."

 _No surprise there._ Erwin waited.

"I allowed you to believe I was only interested in using you for my private project, but it was more complicated than that." Sahlo took a long sip of wine before continuing. "The aristocracy has always been interested in maintaining control within the walls; it believes control brings peace, and chaos brings conflict. The Survey Corps, once upon a time, was a convenient way to prune down any upstarts who dreamed of heading outside the wall.

"Then suddenly, around 844 or 845, the number of deaths plummeted. We didn't know it at the time, but that was when Keith Shadis made the one useful decision of his entire career: he gave you strategic influence. Suddenly, the populace was full of hope. They genuinely began to believe life outside the walls might be possible. The powers that be were worried this would cause an uprising.

"That idiot Lobov volunteered us to take down the Survey Corps before it became too influential. Unfortunately, we got greedy and tried to interlace our plans with our personal project, and...well, you know how that turned out.

"When you took down Lobov, you made the noble house nervous, because now this rogue regiment was showing it could exert influence over the noble class. If word of that spread, there could be anarchy within the walls.

"It fell to me to deal with you. The King had already done me favours by turning a blind eye to my ventures with the Underground; I knew I had to succeed in squashing you, or all those favours would return to bite me. If I couldn't end the Survey Corps, then I had to distract you. Conveniently, I had a distraction ready to go. You know all about that, too – I have nothing to add to the previous discussion we had about my long-term plans for you. Suffice it to say, everything quickly became complicated."

Erwin's eyes narrowed as he tried to take in the information. "Are you saying all the games you've been playing - all the manipulation and coercion - have been sanctioned by the King?"

"More like 'ordered.'"

"We're just the Survey Corps. We don't have nearly as much influence as you're saying."

Sahlo laughed. "Once upon a time, that might have been true. You underestimate your own genius, Smith. As far as the King is concerned, you have the potential to be one of the most dangerous men within these walls."

"If that were the case, I would have been assassinated or otherwise controlled a long time ago."

"'Otherwise controlled,'" repeated Sahlo, a brow rising.

Erwin searched his gaze, trying to read it, but the lord pressed ahead before he could interpret it.

"If they killed you, they risked making you a martyr and turning the Survey Corps, and any of its supporters, against the monarchy. It's surprisingly difficult to assassinate a high-profile target without leaving a trail. But something else saved you: the fall of Wall Maria. They lost something that day, something very important to the people of this world. And I don't just mean the Wall itself." Sahlo leaned forward, his voice dropping. "They expect the person who stole it to be a strategic mastermind, a person with almost unnatural charisma and sway."

 _What could he be talking about?_ Erwin took a slow sip of wine, studying him.  _An object? A book? An artifact that contains information about our world?_

"They think I have it," he said aloud.

"You quickly became one of the suspects. For several months, Smith, you were a wanted man, and it fell to me to pressure you, distract you, assess your weaknesses and monitor you. This might have moved faster if I hadn't been so set on using you to pursue my personal ambitions, but it ended up being all for nothing, anyway. You cast suspicion away from yourself when you got yourself nearly killed by those titans in 846. Showing up in the Capital half-dead was the smartest thing you could have done - there was no way the person they were looking for would have been in such rough shape from a titan attack, nor would they take so slowly to recover."

 _This lost item is something medical,_ thought Erwin.  _Something that aids healing and helps protect against the titans, perhaps?_

"You've said before the world is coming to an end," he said aloud. "Is that just your religion telling you that, or does it have something to do with what was stolen?"

Sahlo held his gaze. "Both."

"Can you clarify a bit more?"

"No."

A dead end. Maybe this aspect of the conversation would open up more after more alcohol. Erwin leaned back in his chair, studying him, as he changed the subject. "What does all this mean for your nutritive yeast and your plans for the Underground?"

"Science is a harsh mistress. The yeast is too slow to cultivate, and it's too far behind schedule. The investors are panicking; they want to pull out. Everyone is losing patience with me." Sahlo took a long swig. "I imagine they'll use it against me, try to make up lies about what the yeast really is. They'll make me out to be a crackpot or a terrorist."

Erwin pondered this, wondering if it would come back to haunt the Survey Corps. "And what does all this mean for Wall Maria?"

The lord gave a bitter laugh. "They're panicking. When they're finished with me, when they've got the nobles back in line, they're going to make sure the populace is in line, too. That means squashing any major upheavals. And what bigger upheaval than a major military push to reclaim Maria?" He shook his head. "If you want to make a move, you'd better do it quickly, before they can pull their heads out of their asses and remember you're a threat."

Erwin's eyes narrowed slightly as he tried to make sense of the lord's ramblings.  _How much of this is truth and how much is paranoia?_

"What's your true motive for coming here, Lord Sahlo?" he asked. "Surely you aren't lying low here - not when they know we're associated."

"I needed to get out from under my babysitter's thumb so I could tell you what was going on. And I also wanted to warn you: the world within these walls is a lot more tenuously balanced than you know. The Wallists, the King - they have secrets even I don't fully understand. I know my methods over the years have been questionable, but..." The lord's face softened. "I've only ever wanted what's best for this world, Smith. I promise you that. Freedom and survival are often in direct opposition. Given the choice between the two, I'll choose survival any time. I think most humans would." He tapped the cigar ash onto the corner of Erwin's desk. "You're a visionary with strong ideals. You've only ever wanted what's best for this world too, I'm sure, but don't think for one second that gives you the right to force everyone within the walls to your version of 'freedom.' Don't assume you know what's best for humanity when you only know a small part of the picture."

Erwin took a slow sip of the drink, unfazed by the warnings. Those who had been outside the walls knew more about survival than most. "Freedom and survival are intertwined. We're penned inside these walls while the titans wear us down; it needs to be the other way around if humanity has any hope of surviving."

"It isn't as simple as you think. But here I am, rambling on and wasting time..." Sahlo blew another smoke ring, then watched it dissipate, frowning. "I'll be dead within the month - possibly within the week."

"You believe they're going to kill you?"

Sahlo's brows dropped. "Weren't you listening to that whole bit about the noose? Pay attention. Yes, they're going to kill me, and soon. Panic makes people make rash decisions, even monarchs. Part of the reason I'm here is to put my affairs in order." He pulled out an envelope and slid it across the desk.

Erwin opened it. Inside was a copy of a will, leaving fifty percent of Sahlo's estate to a Raphael Klein, twenty-five percent to the Wallists, and twenty-five percent to Erwin Smith. His brows rose.

"This-"

"Given the choice between freedom and survival, I'll choose survival every time." Sahlo raised his glass. "I tried to save the less fortunate in this world, Smith. I failed. Part of it was greed - I stretched myself too thin, tried to play too many parties.

"Don't think this means I agree with your methods. You're stubborn to a fault, you let your heart rule over your head when it comes to the people closest to you, and you take stupid risks. But at this point, you're the only hope this world has. The King can't control his own people, and he loses every weapon that could help him maintain order. The Wallists are paralyzed by ritual. Rage only sees the small picture, and Dok and Pixis are too cautious. So it's up to you. Use that money for recruitment, research and weapons. Maybe skim some off the top and get yourself something nice - god knows you deserve it."

Erwin felt anger swelling within him. "You're trying to buy forgiveness for the constant blocks you've thrown in my path?"

Sahlo laughed. "A man like me doesn't deserve forgiveness, Erwin, so he doesn't ask for it. This is simply a gift. I've spent the past five years of my life losing sleep because of you. I hate you, and I admire you. If there's an afterlife, I daresay I'll miss you more than anyone else I interact with."

Anger drained from Erwin, and he was left with a confusing hollowness. A small part of him thrived on trying to outmanoeuvre Sahlo. What would he do with himself if he didn't have this single embodiment of political obstruction? Sahlo had been the incarnation of everything he had hated about the noble class. An easy focus point. Without him, the challenges were scattered.

But he couldn't accept the funds until he knew one thing for sure.

"The Wallist who was killed in September," he said.

"Your sister's husband."

"Was that your doing?"

Sahlo held his gaze. "Yes."

The anger began to resurface. "You killed an innocent man to try to manipulate me."

"Someone was going to die," said the lord. "That was always the plan. My babysitter was throwing around names that were far more valuable to you - your sister, your mother, your stepfather, Marie Dok, your ex-Squad-Leader Berit, even Levi. I gave them the name of the furthest person from you who might still seem like a plausible pressure point: your brother-in-law." He didn't drop his gaze. "Yes, it's my fault he was the one who was killed. He died to spare the others. Think about it, Erwin, and you'll understand this as an act of charity toward you. And think about how close you came to slitting my throat, and ask yourself if you, in my shoes, would have done anything differently?"

"Who is your 'babysitter?'" asked Erwin, recalling the tall man with the wide-brimmed hat.

"I can't tell you that."

"Is he related to the Wallists? To the King?"

"I can't tell you that, either."

"You're still holding back information. Even now." Erwin held his gaze. "If you really cared about humanity's future - if you were really protecting me - you would tell me everything."

Sahlo gave him a sad smile. "There are some things so important that not even impending death makes them okay to say aloud. You and I both know how small we are, Erwin. How very, very small."

 _That's all I'm ever going to get out of him._  Erwin took a deep breath, held it, and then released it, letting all his history with Sahlo go with it. "We'll put the funds to good use."

The lord nodded.

They were silent.

"Since you're here," said Erwin, "I'd like to show you around the base. Have you ever seen a titan up close?"

"No," said Sahlo, sounding hesitant.

"I'm sure Hange would love to show you the new specimen. Then, tonight, we'll go out for dinner and drinks with some of the others." Erwin gave a polite smile. "When was the last time you socialized without an underlying political goal?"

"Is this an offer born of pity, or ulterior motives?"

"Perhaps a bit of both."

The lord chuckled. "It's a pity we weren't aligned on our goals from the start," he said, as if to himself. "We're both driven by a confusing mix of work addiction, childhood tragedy, ego and a desire to save humanity. In a different life, we might have been friends."

Thinking of all they had been through, Erwin could only say, "I'm not sure you and I have the same definition of 'friends.'"

"At the very least, we might have tolerated each other."

Erwin studied him for a moment, then stood and walked to the cupboards. "Before I give you a tour of the facilities, how would you feel about a game of chess? It's been awhile since we played."

Sahlo nodded, suddenly looking sombre. "One last time."

Erwin pulled out the chess board and silently began to set up the pieces.

.*.*.*.

Levi sat at his desk next door, attempting to finish his mission report, but his face kept snapping toward the wall every time he heard a voice. He couldn't distinguish what they were saying, but the tone sounded surprisingly amicable.

Mike poked his head in the doorway. "Hey."

Levi used his foot to reach across to the opposite chair, kicking it out as an invitation to sit. Mike closed the door, crossed the room and dropped into it. His bangs were so long that Levi couldn't see his eyes.

"You need a haircut."

Mike shrugged. "Feeling better?"

"Mostly. Still get tired easily."

A smirk tugged at the corner of Mike's lips. "We should spar."

"What, you think it'd finally be an even match? Maybe it would've been a few days ago, when I was really sick." Levi folded his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair. "What do you want?"

"Did Erwin ever talk to you about Petra?"

Levi's brow furrowed. "What about her?"

"She thinks you're one step away from marrying her."

The idea was laughable. "She knows about Erwin."

"You keep saying that. She wrote a letter to her sister saying you were going to ask her to marry you, but duty stopped you."

Levi scoffed. "She was just joking around."

Mike leaned forward, all humour gone from his face. "Erwin's starting to believe it, too."

"Bullshit."

"Said you might be bisexual."

Levi let out a low sigh. "All of you need to mind your own fucking business."

"If you respect her, you'll talk to her about it."

"Fine. But I'm telling you, she already knows everything, and she's going to be insulted that I thought she still had some dumb crush on me."

They were quiet for a moment. The sound of Sahlo's laughter next door made Levi's blood boil.

"How's it going over there?" asked Mike.

"No idea." Levi leaned a little closer, ears straining to hear their conversation. "We're taking that fuckhead out for drinks tonight."

"We?"

"A group of us. Erwin's using the budget to pay for it. Bring Nanaba or something. We're going to try to get Sahlo drunk, get him talking." Maybe it wasn't the most elegant plan, but it was simple. Levi kept his voice casual as he continued: "I'll stay sober and pay attention to him, see if he reveals any secrets. But I need your help, too."

"Yeah?"

"We need to get Erwin to hook up with a woman."

Even behind the curtain of bangs, Levi could feel the withering gaze.

"Don't look at me like that." Levi shrugged it off. "The whole reason we separated in the first place was to convince assholes like Sahlo we didn't mean anything to each other."

"You're going to sit there," said Mike, "and watch Erwin chat up someone."

A shiver ran down Levi's spine. "Sure. Even better if they start making out and then leave together."

Mike let out a long, slow sigh.

"What?" said Levi, defensive.

"Hange's right: you're both idiots."

"Don't judge me. You still haven't talked to Nanaba, have you?"

Mike set his jaw. "Nanaba and I never had anything to begin with, so we don't know what we're missing. You and Erwin had something that worked and chose to ignore it."

"It didn't work. Why the hell do you think we ended it?" Levi reached for the breast pocket of his jacket, feeling the ring's outline through the thick cloth. "He broke down every time."

"Every time..?"

"Sex. It fucking ruined him. No, not even just sex - any time he let his guard down around me, it took too long to lift it again. Besides, I'm the whole reason he caved in to Sahlo's timeline." Levi picked at the corner of his notebook, where the leather was peeling away. "Remember when you first found out about us, and you told me we might get under each other's skin, fuck each other up? We should have listened. You saw how he was with Marie, with Henrik. You saw this coming."

Mike was quite for a moment, then he leaned closer. "Yeah, I saw how he was with Marie and Henrik. Marie's fickle - she toyed with him-"

"I like Marie," said Levi flatly.

"Hold on; I'm not done. He toyed with her, too. They were dumb kids who were in love with the idea of being in love, and they thought love meant drama. It was a disaster, and a major distraction for both of them. Separating for good was the best thing they could have done." Mike shook his head. "And Henrik was clingy. In our career path, you can't get clingy. It makes you make dumb decisions, and makes you demand things you shouldn't. If Marie used drama to appeal to Erwin, then Henrik used guilt and pity."

"So what did I use, then?" asked Levi, genuinely curious how the relationship looked to an outsider.

"You didn't 'use' anything. You just had respect for each other. The way it should be. The two of you together were just as strong as you were alone - maybe stronger. So maybe Erwin breaks down around you; big deal. I've seen how he gets when he doesn't break down. He gets more and more detached, and then he snaps. It's not healthy. And sure, maybe he caved to Sahlo because of you. But don't you think that was the logical choice? Don't you understand what you're worth to the Survey Corps? To humanity?" Mike stood. "Every single one of us would give our lives for you, Levi. You're that valuable. Even if Erwin wasn't in love with you, I guarantee he would have weighed the pros and cons and still landed on the side of protecting you. Hell, he was protecting you before we ever made contact with you in the Underground."

Levi's heart thudded in his chest. "There's more to our reasons than all that."

"I know, because I'm the same way. I get it. We've lost so many people; we know how much it hurts. We know we're likely to die at some point soon. The thought of leaving holes in the hearts of the people we care about... It's terrifying. It's easier to put up a wall, convince ourselves it'll hurt them less when we die."

"You think we pushed each other away because we were  _scared_?" said Levi, surprised.

"Wall Maria's coming. We all know most of us aren't going to make it back. The closer it came, the more it got you thinking about the end. It made you skittish. I bet it didn't help when Erwin saw his sister's husband die. I bet he got a first-hand look at what you'd be feeling if he died in front of you." Mike looked away. "Like I said, I know because I'm the same way. But I'll tell you something: it's too late. Like you said, you're too deep under each other's skin. And the way I see it, even though you think you've separated, you're only getting deeper."

"That's bullshit." Levi felt a growing urge to bop the man in the mouth. "We've been separated for months."

"So why have I been smelling him all over you every morning?"

Levi's heart was twisting, and his throat ached, and he wondered what would happen if he actually punched Mike in the face. "Why the fuck are you telling me this?"

The man shrugged. "I've always been honest with you about your relationship. You're my friends."

"Well, your opinion doesn't change a damned thing. What's done is done. And you know shit all about the politics behind our choice, anyway."

Mike nodded. "I said all I need to say." He stood. "Think about it. I'll stay out of it from now on. But if you need to talk about it-"

"I don't." Levi adjusted the papers on his desk; they seemed more interesting now than they had a few minutes ago. Anything was better than the intensity of this conversation. "We'll leave for dinner and drinks around five o'clock. Meet in Erwin's office."

Mike nodded again, then left the room.

Levi reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring. He slipped it on his finger. He had lost a bit of weight in the short time he had been ill; it was even larger on him now than it had been before.

_Was I afraid?_

It was true that his entire logic behind the separation had been grounded in one fear: he was becoming Erwin's weakness. Was that actually true? Or just a convenient excuse? Did he see one piece of evidence for it and blow it out of proportion?

Worse yet: had it been pre-emptive? Had he decided he was Erwin's weakness to protect himself, because he assumed Erwin would one day come to the same conclusion?

He thought of the weight of Erwin in the bed next to him, of that graze of fingertips the other night that was probably accidental, but had lingered for so long that it had become intentional.

They needed each other.

_Maybe that's what really scares me. If we need each other, what happens when one of us disappears?_

He lifted the ring and grazed it; it was cool against his lips.

.*.*.*.

At quarter to five, Levi stepped into Eld's bunk to find his Special Operation Squad members playing cards.

"Shouldn't you be cleaning?"

"Captain!" They all scrambled to their feet, saluting. Levi paced along the line of them, then swabbed two fingers under a bed. He wrinkled his nose as dust flaked off his fingertips.

"I was going to ask one of you to accompany me on a special dinner, but now I don't think any of you deserve to come."

"Petra did her cleaning, Captain," said Anton.

Levi turned to look at them. Petra stared fixedly at the floor.

"It's true," said Gunther. "She got her bunkmates to help her clean their bunk, and then she came here trying to get us to do our tasks, too."

Levi knew exactly what they were trying to do, and his stomach sank, because it meant exactly what Mike had told him: Petra had feelings for him, so strong that the others knew about it. He gave a low sigh. He would have to address this himself. Tonight.

"Is this true?" he asked her. "You finished your cleaning?"

"Yes, Captain." She saluted with a determined look, but her cheeks were dark.

"Fine. Petra, come with me. The rest of you, do your damned cleaning."

"You aren't going to check her work?" sputtered Oluo.

Levi ignored him, marching for the door. He heard pattering footsteps as Petra hurried to catch up to him.

They strode down the hallway, side-by-side, and Levi glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "This is a professional dinner, Petra."

She nodded. "Yes, Captain."

"I chose you because you obeyed your orders for the day. There's no deeper meaning to this."

She cast him a confused look.

"There's no deeper meaning to anything," he clarified. "I'm your superior officer, and that's all there is to it."

"Of course you are, Captain."

Tension drained from his shoulders.  _Mike's crazy._

They entered the Commander's office without knocking. Erwin was speaking with Sahlo at his desk; the lord warily eyed Levi as they entered. Hange and Moblit stood in the far corner. Mike, Nanaba, Lynne and Dita sat on the couches.

Erwin's eyes shifted to Petra and lingered a little too long. Then, he gave a polite smile. "I believe we're ready to head out. That's all of us."

They moved in a herd to waiting carriages, which took them to a popular pub downtown. Sahlo eyed their surroundings with a curled lip; the dim lighting, dark wooden bar tables and stools must not have been up to his standards. Levi pushed past him, heading for their usual long table at the back. He scanned the room, looking for someone who might be a good fit for Erwin.  _She has to be a woman, to keep suspicion off me,_  he thought, although he knew deep down the gender choice wasn't quite as selfless as he pretended.

There were so many of them present that the seating was tight. He found himself squished on a bench between Petra and, to his dismay, Erwin. He fought to keep space between them, but only succeeded in nuzzling up against Petra, which made her blush. Either way he moved, he was making a relationship worse.

Sahlo studied him. "You look uncomfortable, Levi."

"Yeah, you stink like cigars." He sat normally and tried to ignore the thigh pressed against his, especially because it was flexing. He knew Erwin flexed his thighs as a trick to try to keep blood from his groin when he had an unwanted erection - something that had never worked for Levi, but Erwin swore by it.

 _You don't know that's what he's doing this time. Maybe he's just tense,_  thought Levi, but now he couldn't shake the dizzying thought that their proximity was turning him on.

They ordered chicken pies and ale for the table, and Levi's mouth watered as the servers brought the food. They ate, drank and conversed. Sahlo was surprisingly quiet, his face darting back toward the door every time it swung open. At this rate, they weren't going to get anything useful out of him.

About an hour after the meal, a tall woman walked in; she had a youthful face, flowing blond hair, and a large chest. Levi elbowed Erwin - if they were pressed up against each other anyway, what was a little extra elbow contact? - and nodded in her direction. "How about her?"

Erwin's lip curled. "She looks like my sister."

"What's going on here?" Sahlo leaned forward, showing the first sign of interest in conversation.

"I'm trying to get Erwin laid tonight," said Levi.

Erwin gave a weary sigh and stood. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to order a bottle of whiskey."

Sahlo leaned in, so close that Levi's skin crawled. "I thought the Commander was engaged to Lady Gunnhild."

Levi's stomach dropped. "Engaged?"

"That's what the rumours are saying." The Lord's eyes bored through him. "He didn't tell you?"

"The only thing he's married to is his work." Levi's eyes narrowed. "I know what you're trying to do." It was working. Maybe engagement was completely unfathomable, but now he was picturing what Erwin would have to be doing with her in public to start that kind of rumour. Were they walking around arm in arm? Hand in hand? Kissing in alleyways? On dance floors? His lip was curling.

Petra rescued him. She tapped his shoulder and then nodded at a young woman sitting alone at the bar with a book. "What about her? She's been watching the Commander since we walked in."

The woman in question was probably around Petra's age, with an upturned nose, a slim build and fiery red hair. She seemed to be doodling absently in her notebook, sneaking glances at Erwin, who was obliviously examining whiskey labels on the other side of the bar.

Levi's chest tightened. "Not sure she's his type."

"Why not? She's cute. And she brought books to a bar, so she's probably an intellectual."

"So's Hange, but that doesn't mean Erwin-" He remembered the whole reason he had suggested this: to prove to Sahlo that he and Erwin weren't romantically involved. He steadied his face.

Erwin returned to the table with a bottle and uncapped it, pouring a generous serving for Sahlo.

"We've found the perfect woman for you, Commander," said Petra, her cheeks flushed. How much ale had she had? Levi could smell it coming off her in clouds.

"Have you now?" said Erwin, half-interested, as he poured himself a glass.

Petra pointed not-so-subtly to the girl in question. "You know she's been giving you looks since you walked in?"

"She's awfully young," said Erwin. "She can't be more than sixteen."

"She's in her twenties, I'm sure."

"No, I'm certain she's too young for me."

Levi lifted his chin. "Hey, Red," he called.

Erwin and Petra both turned to him, surprised.

"Levi-" began the Commander.

"Red," called Levi. "You, the girl at the bar."

The girl looked up, brows furrowed. "Me?"

"How old are you?"

Erwin rubbed his face with a palm. "Levi-"

"Twenty-three," she said, confused.

"Twenty-three," he said pointedly to Erwin. "Go talk to her."

Their gaze held for a moment, then the Commander looked at Sahlo. "I'm sure you didn't come all the way over here to watch me flirt."

"By all means, go ahead," said the lord. "This  _is_  interesting."

With one last look at Levi, face expressionless, Erwin stood and began to approach the bar. He leaned against it and murmured something, and they both glanced in Levi's direction.  _He's apologizing for my rudeness._

A dark cloud settled over Levi. He had intended to stay sober, but his fake drink - water dressed up to look like hard liquor - wasn't quenching his anxiety.

He realized the entire table was silent, staring at Erwin. "Knock it off. You're going to creep her out."

"I've never seen the Commander flirt," said Petra, still too drunk and honest. "He seems pretty smooth."

He did, with his liquid hand gestures, his easy posture, his explanations about the drink as he handed it to the woman. She was leaning toward him, her cheeks pink, a genuine grin on her face.  _Does she even know who he is? Does she know how much he has given up just so this pub and everyone in it can survive?_

He could feel Mike's gaze on him, but he refused to turn to him. No way in hell he was letting Mike know he had been correct: this was a terrible idea.

It seemed he wasn't the only one uncomfortable. Hange stood. "Moblit and I need to get back to Albert and Chikachironi."

Moblit, who had been drinking heavily through the meal, let out a low groan and rested his forehead against the table. "Squad Leader, please. You need your rest."

"You go ahead, Hange," said Nanaba. "I'll make sure Moblit gets home safely."

"Leaving so soon, Zoe?" said Sahlo, but he received a glare so sharp that even he knew to shut his mouth. Levi didn't blame him. Angry Hange was terrifying.

"Why do you antagonize everyone?" asked Mike.

Sahlo's eyes narrowed. "I'm sorry, Squad Leader, I must have misheard you - did you just address me as if I'm one of your subordinates?"

"It must be a lonely life, poking at everyone around you until they'll give you any form of attention, good or bad. I can't imagine living a life where I knew everyone around me wanted to stab me in the back. Or the face." Mike coolly lifted his drink to his lips.

Levi gave a soft snort at the lord's stunned expression.

Nanaba quickly asked Moblit about the titan research, and the conversation began to wander off track. Levi found his eyes drifting back to Erwin, who sat next to the woman now, leaning in close.

After a moment, he realized Sahlo was studying him, his face unexpectedly soft.

"What?" he snapped.

"You don't seem happy with what's happening over there."

Levi shrugged. "He needs this. You've been shoving so much stress down his throat for so long that he needs a night of fun."

"What a loyal thing to say."

Erwin stood and held out his arm. The woman took it, tucking her book under her other arm.

 _Leave,_  thought Levi, his stomach twisting.

Instead, Erwin looked back at him. Their eyes held.

 _Is he asking for permission?_ Levi's heart beat in his throat.  _I could end this now._ But Sahlo's eyes were on him, and more than that, there was a promise they had to uphold. He lifted his hand in a casual wave.

Erwin nodded back, and then he and the woman stepped through the doorway. The door swung into place behind them.

Levi stared after them, empty.

"We should call it a night, too," said Nanaba. "Moblit is getting sloppy."

The man in question let out a series of high-pitched laughs, slumping against her.

"Let the others go ahead," said Sahlo, eyes fixed on Levi. "There are a few things I'd like to discuss with you alone, Captain."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"You need only listen." The man filled a whiskey glass for each of them. Levi hadn't planned on drinking at all, but it was just as well; Sahlo was far enough ahead that Levi would be sober by comparison, even if they shared a few drinks.

Levi nodded at Mike, who was watching him, to let him know he was okay by himself.

"I can stay, too, Cap'n," said Petra, slumping against his shoulder.

"Go with the others," said Levi. "We'll talk tomorrow."

The others cleared out. Sahlo slid onto the bench next to Levi, sitting a little too close. He held up his glass, then drained it.

"Why are you here?" demanded Levi.

"I'm sure your Commander will tell you all about it tomorrow, once he returns from making tender love to-" Sahlo stopped, and for a moment, his expression flickered. "I really do antagonize everyone, don't I? Your big mop-haired friend is smarter than he looks."

The damage was already done. Was Erwin in the shadowed alley behind the pub right now, kissing her against the wall? Was she on her knees, delicately pulling him out of his pants? What if Erwin felt her breasts and remembered how much he liked them? What if he buried that long, sharp nose in-between her legs and breathed in and remembered how much he preferred vulvas to balls? Levi grimaced and swallowed the whiskey. It burned, but he poured himself another glass.

"I knew your mother," said Sahlo quietly.

Levi slowly turned to him, his skin crawling. "What?" he growled.

"Didn't realize she had a kid, but there's no mistaking the resemblance. She had your fire, too. When Klein tried to wrest control of the house from her Madame, your mother called him every crass name under the sun. He was so amused that he made a truce with your mother's Madame instead."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Levi's head was spinning, and it couldn't be from the alcohol, not so soon. He felt cracks widening in the past memories he had carefully constructed for himself, bits and pieces of them crumbling away. His chest was painfully tight.  _I'm going to have a panic attack in front of this asshole._

"Ah, maybe you were too young to remember. My mistake."

"I don't know what game you're trying to play-"

Sahlo shook his head. "No games. Only missing pieces, and a few scant days to reveal them."

Levi squinted at him. "Are you dying or something?"

"In a manner of speaking. I will be assassinated very soon."

"Oh. So what, you're just going to go back home and let it happen?"

"Where would you propose I go?" asked Sahlo, his eyes narrowing. "These walls are small."

"People disappear inside them all the time."

Sahlo chuckled. "Your expertise is outside the wall, Captain. Mine is inside. Believe me when I say there's no way out for me."

Levi's lip curled. "So what do you want? Pity?"

"I want to clear my conscience. As much as a man like me can, anyway. It's purely selfish." Sahlo tossed back the whiskey again, then poured another. "I've given your Commander all the repentance I can afford. He'll be deciding what to do with it."

"So why are you talking to me?"

"Because your Commander is presumably buried in the bosom of a brainy redhead right now, and you're the closest thing to him." Sahlo leaned close to him, slow and exaggerated. "You terrify me, Captain. I tried to force you two apart. I tried doubt, I tried logic, I tried bluffing. But I underestimated how strong your bond is. I shouldn't have bothered trying."

"What do you mean, bluffing?" said Levi flatly. "That bit about being engaged to Lady Gunnhild?"

"No. The bit a few months back, when I accused the two of you of being in love."

Levi's stomach plummetted. "What?"

"It was an educated guess, at best. I tried it in stages, feeling my way through, but it was a gamble." Sahlo lifted the drink to his lips.

Levi knocked the glass out of his hand; it shattered on the floor. The lord's eyes flew open. Around them, people turned to stare.

"We're leaving." Levi stood. "Pay the rest of the bill."

Sahlo's hand shook as he pulled a stack of notes out of his pocket and laid them on the table. Once there was enough to cover the expense, Levi grabbed the man by the collar and hauled him to the door.

The instant they were outside, Levi punched Sahlo hard in the stomach. The lord doubled over with an  _oof_ , then fell to all fours, his hat rolling along the ground beside him.

"You fucking asshole." Levi knelt, grabbed the lord's grey hair and jerked his head up so they were face-to-face. "You let us believe there was some big rumour that we were together. Evidence."

Sahlo gasped for breath, but grinned at him. "It worked well, didn't it?"

"Does anyone else think we're-"

"No."

Levi yanked harder on his hair. "Have you heard any rumours about us?"

"No. No one suspects a thing. They've commented on your loyalty, but never anything more than that." Sahlo cringed. "Let go of me."

Levi released him; the lord fell to the street and didn't move.

"Fuck." Levi raked a hand into his hair. If only the lord had mentioned this before dinner, Erwin might not be in bed with a woman right now.

"I hate you," growled Sahlo from the ground. "You and your band of kids stole food from the mouths of hardworking people. I thought maybe Erwin could train you, but even last year, you killed good men and women who were just doing what they could to survive. You are a parasite." He lifted his head. "But Erwin seems fond of you. Damned if I can see why." His face softened. "Take care of him."

Levi bared his teeth. "I've been protecting him from  _you,_ you shitting asshole."

"I have many regrets, Captain." Sahlo struggled to his feet, hunching over his stomach. "Everything I did was for the sake of the Underground. Talk to Erwin. He'll explain."

He already had, to some degree. Levi knew all about the nutritive yeast, and the food packages, and the weapons - something Erwin had painted as a negative thing, but Levi knew how essential proper weapons were in the Underground.

With a sigh, he hoisted the lord upright and supported him, leading him back to the base. "You dying is going to make our lives so much easier. I'm glad someone else is doing it so I don't get your blood all over me."

"Yes," said Sahlo, "I'd hate for my death to muss your pretty white cravat."

.*.*.*.

Not surprisingly, Erwin's office was empty, as was his bedroom. Levi lay in his own bed, but it still smelled faintly of cologne.

With a low sigh, he grabbed a lamp and a wool blanket, pulled on warm clothes and trudged up to the one place he didn't feel trapped: the guard tower. He lay down a blanket and sat, staring up at the stars. The air was damp and heavy, the sky clouded. He felt one raindrop, then two, then a light mist.

He had only been up there for about fifteen minutes when the trap door opened behind him. He didn't have to turn to know who it was; only Erwin knew how to get up here.

"I can't do it," murmured Levi.

There was a pause, then Erwin settled to a seat beside him, staring out into the blackness with him. "Can't do what?"

Levi breathed in, trying to detect perfume or other unfamiliar scents that would belong to the redheaded woman.

"Levi?"

"I can't pretend to be okay with you fucking other people." He drew his knees to his chest. "Jealousy is immature as hell, but I guess I'm just immature. I know we stepped back. I know I told you to do this." He couldn't say the words:  _I feel forgotten. Replaced._

Erwin studied him. "You've seen firsthand how hard it is for me to get over people, Levi. Why would you think I would already be over you? I came up here because even holding hands - even  _flirting_  - with someone else overwhelmed me to the point that I had to escape everything for awhile."

"What?" Levi glanced at him. "But you left arm-in-arm-"

"I walked her home."

"You looked back at me like you were asking permission to fuck her."

"I wanted to make sure you knew I was leaving. That's all."

"Oh." Levi realized he was shaking. He tightened his arms around his knees, curling into himself. "This isn't working."

"What do you mean?" asked Erwin gently, but his voice wavered.

"I can't do this halfway. It hurts too much." Levi ran his fingertips along the wool surface of the blanket; it was scratchy. He should have brought a more comfortable blanket.

"Are you saying you want to make this separation permanent?" The words were gentle, but they sliced through Levi's gut like steel.

"I don't know." He flopped onto his back in frustration. A gentle smattering of raindrops began to fall on his face; he held his forearm over his eyes, shielding them. "I don't know what the fuck we are. I don't even know if we need to  _be_  what we are. Sahlo told me tonight he was bluffing the whole time."

"Bluffing?"

"About us being together. He made a guess based on gut instinct and nothing more. Nile didn't tell him. There were no rumours. It was a fucking guess, and no one else has a clue. We're solving a problem that doesn't exist." Levi felt his eyes getting damp anyway; he blinked angrily. "But you've been focused, and the Corps has been making good progress. So maybe we're better off this way. I just..." His voice cracked. "I just want to  _be_ with you." The words left a crater in his chest, and he closed his eyes, feeling too vulnerable.

After an excruciating silence, Erwin stretched out on his back beside him, knees bent a little so he could fit within the circular wall, arms behind his head.

For a few minutes, they stared up into the sky. The rain stopped misting and disappeared.

"With Sahlo out of the picture, we can push for Wall Maria soon," said Erwin quietly. "Next week, you and I will go to Mitras for the Council meeting, but instead of our previous plans, we'll get approval for our final checkpoint mission. I'll send messages to Pixis and Nile tomorrow to start readying their troops. We'll be advancing on Wall Maria within a month. Do you think you can tolerate this halfway state for just a little bit longer?"

"I thought we were going to die in the reclamation," said Levi, rolling his head to look at him.

"We might." Erwin's face was soft in the lamplight. "But you're Humanity's Strongest, and I'm apparently so crafty, the King himself fears me."

"Really?"

"So I hear. I'm starting to think we can survive this, Levi. Maybe that's wishful thinking, but it keeps me warm at night."

Levi rolled onto his side to face him. He slowly reached out a hand, then delicately trailed his fingertips across Erwin's forehead, sweeping the blond bangs to the side. The man's jaw visibly clenched.

"You got to touch me earlier." Levi trailed his fingertips down the broad jaw line, then his hand curled away. "Only seems fair."

Their gaze held.

"Do you want me to keep coming to your room at night?" asked Erwin. "Or is that making it harder?"

Levi felt a swell of frustration. "How the hell should I know? It makes it worse and it makes it better at the same time."

"That's a good way to put it," murmured Erwin, but then his mouth stretched into a yawn. He covered his mouth, his eyes watering.

"Tired?" said Levi. "Good thing you didn't sleep with Red after all. You would've fallen asleep on top of her and crushed her."

The Commander chuckled and sat up. "Are you going to bring this up again? That happened  _once."_

"More like once a week."

"Humanity's Strongest can't handle a little weight on top of him?"

"Not when it's drooling and snoring in his ear." Levi's face fell. He missed how useless Erwin was after sex.

"Not too much longer now," said Erwin gently.

"Yeah, I know."

They stood, shook out the blanket and folded it. Erwin picked up the lantern. "I'm going to retire to my room tonight. You're welcome to join me if you need company in order to sleep comfortably."

"I might." Levi paused. "Thanks."

He still had that hollow crater in his chest. But it wasn't quite empty, not anymore. Now it glowed with hope.


	36. Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for your lovely comments & messages! I'm so glad people are still enjoying this gigantic fic. I'll keep this chapter's A/N short & sweet because I'm really anxious to get this one up! Thank you everyone for your awesomeness.
> 
> And a big shoutout to lady-maverick81 for the lovely pic illustrating part of the cheesy HCT Part IV trailer I posted on Tumblr/Twitter and turning it into something beautiful! The colouring and atmosphere are just gorgeous! This scene will be coming up soon and I'm really excited to get to it now! http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/133049778056/
> 
> Previous chapter: Levi is sick. Sahlo comes to Trost in a sombre mood, convinced he's about to be killed by one of his many contacts. Erwin & Levi talk a bit about their feelings. Hange gets a titan.

**-36-**

**Burn**

Levi rapped on Erwin's office door and pushed it open. The Commander sat with his elbows planted on the desk, hands folded over his mouth, staring down at something. Levi padded closer and saw a sealed envelope, a lipstick mark over its flap.

"Sahlo?"

"Most likely, under the guise of Lady Gunnhild again." His voice was strained.

"You think he puts the lipstick on and kisses the envelope himself?" tried Levi.

Erwin didn't move.

Levi frowned. "Why aren't you opening it?"

"It's been less than a week since he was here." Erwin's eyes shifted to him. "He was rather forthcoming about all that was coming to him, and we both ran up against walls trying to extract more. I can't imagine he has much else to add. Besides, we'll be seeing him tomorrow - why bother sending a message?"

"You're talking about Sahlo. He's probably just fucking with your head for the hell of it." Levi folded his arms over his chest. "Bring it with you. The carriage is waiting downstairs."

"Already?" Erwin stood and opened his jacket to slip the envelope into his inner pocket. "You haven't even packed yet."

"My bag is already in the courtyard."

Their gaze held, Erwin's brows pinched with an unasked question. Levi shrugged and added, "I didn't think we were going to share the trunk." Sharing a trunk seemed like something a couple would do.

"I see." Erwin reached for his pen. "Please ask the driver to wait for just a few minutes longer. I just have a couple last-minute instructions for Mike and Dita."

"Not Hange?"

"Hange's rather preoccupied with plans to capture another set of titans."

"Again?"

"Mm," said Erwin, already writing a list.

Levi left him to finish his work. He hoped Hange's experiments were going well - he hadn't seen much of the Squad Leader since the first capture. He had to admit, he missed the constant chatter and poor volume control during mealtimes.

The driver tipped his hat as Levi approached.

"The Commander will be a couple more minutes," said Levi as he stepped into the carriage. He froze, then stepped back out again. Had the cabin space always been that small? How was he supposed to sit that closely to Erwin for hours without things getting awkward?

"Everything all right, Levi?"

He turned to see Erwin approaching, hair glowing golden in the sunlight. Levi's lips flattened. He settled in a corner and folded his arms over his chest.

The Commander didn't seem to notice his discomfort; he told the driver they were ready, then sat on the bench opposite him. He pulled out a file and began to flip through paperwork.

This was how every day had been since their emotional discussion on the tower. Erwin seemed to think they had come to a resolution; Levi felt more impatient than ever. He still had feelings for Erwin, and Erwin still had feelings for him - that should have been enough, but the little spark of hope in his stomach was roaring into a flame, and it was consuming him.

The problem was that he was thinking too much. It had been Mike's fault, laying out their reasons for separation like cards, then shredding them one at a time until only one remained. He had thought that last one had been fear, but Levi had been watching Erwin carefully since then, and fear didn't fit. When Erwin was afraid, his mask went on. He had been warm and open with Levi since their chat, inviting him into his bedroom each night, burning too many bedside candles on good books, reading himself hoarse. The other night, they had even lain awake at two in the morning, giggling over some dumb joke with half-asleep delirium that had erased the punch line from both their minds the next morning.

No, Erwin wasn't afraid. Only one explanation made sense: relief. His feelings for Levi were a distraction, and he was relieved now that they had acknowledged their tension and carefully set it aside until after Wall Maria.

Levi had known all along that he was a distraction; it had been his main reason for instigating their separation in the first place. Then, however, it had been  _his_ idea. It was worse when it was Erwin's.

He shifted on the bench, drawing his knees tightly to his chest.

Erwin looked up at him and gave a polite smile. "It's been awhile since you've been to Mitras, Levi. Have you missed it?"

"Not one bit." Levi tried not to notice the Commander's lolling knees. The pants seemed unusually tight around the curves and dips of his thigh muscles; the fabric bunched between them, barely showing the shape of his bulge. He was surprised to find himself aching to crawl into that lap and grind against it. It was this damned carriage, too tiny to contain all the memories that had taken place here.

Erwin's smile faded, but his gaze didn't drop. "Well, it shouldn't be too taxing. I purposefully declined all social invitations; we'll only be focusing on the Council. Although I suspect Sahlo might want to speak with me."

He looked so solemn that Levi said, "Did you open the letter?"

"No."

"You think he's changed his mind about your share of the inheritance?"

Erwin pulled out the envelope. "It's possible. It's also possible this is a death notice." His fingertips drummed the paper.

Levi's lip curled. "Don't tell me you're worried about him."

"Strange, isn't it? After all the grief he put us through."

"He's been screwing us over for  _four years._ "

"We did our share of damage to him, too." Erwin's mouth flattened. "I got to know him quite well by the end there - too well. I know very little about any nobles who might take his place. If one of them decides they want to be our opponent rather than our ally, I'll have to start all my tactics and strategies from scratch."

"You love having a problem to solve," said Levi defensively, because he suspected Erwin was more worried about Sahlo's well-being than he was letting on. "Besides, we're so close to Wall Maria. The only things you have to outsmart now are titans." As he said it, he realized how short-sighted he must sound.

But Erwin only said, "I suppose you're right." He flipped the envelope over. "May I borrow your knife?"

Levi pulled the knife out of his boot and handed it over. The blade slid easily through the paper.

Erwin scanned the letter, his frown deepening.

"What?" asked Levi.

"He's inviting me to come to his estate tonight. He wants to speak with me before the meeting." The blue gaze fixed on Levi. "During his visit, he mentioned there were things he was unable to tell me. I wonder if he's had time to think that through, to decide the truth of this world is more valuable to humanity's survival than whatever was stopping him from sharing it?"

"Shouldn't that make you happy?" asked Levi, noting his sombre expression.

"I suppose it should. But it makes me wonder what changed his mind - with a man like Sahlo, an act like this isn't one of sheer benevolence." Erwin folded the letter and slipped it back into his jacket. "I did try to plant seeds in his mind that if he cared about humanity, he would tell me everything he knew. What if he did some soul-searching and realized he needed to share? What if he has information that would prevent us from ever reclaiming the Wall?"

"I don't think that asshole has a soul to search," muttered Levi. With Erwin, it was often difficult to tell if he was having a brilliant hunch, or he was over-thinking things. Given that they were going to be travelling all day, there didn't seem harm in him thinking himself into a fog, if it came to that. It would help him feel better. "Maybe you should brainstorm a bit, come up with some possibilities so you're ready to face him."

"I think I will." The blue gaze was still on him, piercing through him. "What about you, Levi?"

"What?"

"What will you do?"

Levi shrugged. "Just sit here, I guess."

"That might get a bit boring. This trip is surprisingly long if you aren't..." Erwin hesitated. "Killing time."

"Don't make this weird." Too late; Levi was already recalling the ways they used to kill travel time. He rubbed his forehead.

"My apologies." Erwin was using his stiff formal speech, as if he were trying to emphasize the distance between them. "I didn't intend to make things awkward. I am glad we can do this, Levi."

"Do what?"

"Travel comfortably in close quarters like this. I've missed having you along on these trips." Erwin's legs lolled a little wider to either side, as if he were trying to look more casual.

"Yeah," said Levi, trying to ignore the allure of that perfect, muscled lap.

.*.*.*.

Over the next several hours, Levi drifted in and out of sleep. Erwin had long since moved on from brainstorming and was working on documents. Levi decided he should offer to help, but he was so drowsy that he kept falling asleep and dreaming he said the words rather than actually saying them aloud.

The carriage stopped, and he jolted awake.

Erwin looked up, a small smile on his lips. "It's okay. Go back to sleep. We're just at a checkpoint."

That's when he realized they had reached the gate of Ehrmich district. He subtly ran his hand over his chest, feeling for the ring in his breast pocket.

He realized a blue gaze was fixed on his hand.

"What?" asked Levi.

"Everything alright, Levi?"

He thought about lying, but Erwin would see right through him. "This is Ehrmich District, isn't it?"

"Ah," said Erwin quietly.

Their eyes held, then Erwin closed his folder and set it aside. "You must be bored. Why don't we read for a little bit?"

"You brought a book?" asked Levi, surprised. He hadn't expected recreational time to be a big priority during this trip. Anger began to flicker in his chest.

"Of course I did." The thick brows peaked. "Is that unexpected?"

"A bit." The walls of the carriage were beginning to constrict. He tried to take a deep breath. Erwin's cologne, faint as it was, had tainted all the air in the tiny carriage.

"We aren't just colleagues on this trip, Levi. We're still friends." The sentence ended on the wrong tone, as if he were seeking Levi's agreement.

Out. He had to get out. "Forget it."

"Levi?"

"I said, forget it." Levi pulled the stop cord.

Erwin gave a low sigh. "If you would tell me what's wrong-"

"Nothing's wrong. I have to take a shit."

The carriage pulled over and Levi immediately realized his mistake: now he was in a street in Ehrmich in broad daylight. The crowd swarmed around him, couples arm-in-arm, a man tucking a flower behind a woman's ear, a woman laughing at her friend's joke. He ducked into the nearest store in search of a bathroom, because, if nothing else, it would give him a moment of privacy.

He sat on the cold porcelain and took several deep breaths. As much as the air stank in here, at least it didn't smell like Erwin.

The anger faded and left him hollow. He had never felt lonelier than in that carriage: trapped in a box where they had made love dozens of times, travelling through the district that was a symbol of the commitment they had shoved aside. He was tired of pretending they didn't care about each other. And Erwin had the nerve to try to distract him with a book?

Even after he calmed down, it took him a few minutes to drum up the courage to face that carriage again.

When he finally returned, Erwin handed him a thermos. "I took the liberty of getting you some tea."

Levi accepted the offering and opened the cap to smell it. It was high quality tea; he took a sip. The warmth trickled down his throat and glowed in his stomach.

"May I close this?" Erwin reached for the door. "Or too confining?"

"It's fine."

"I know, in the past, confined spaces have made you uncomfortable." Erwin closed it, then sat back in the bench, eyes probing. "But that's not what this is about, is it?"

"Don't pull that mindreading bullshit on me." Levi pulled the cord, alerting the driver they were ready to start moving again.

"I know this isn't easy."

"Seems easy enough to you."

A wounded look flickered across Erwin's face, and Levi immediately felt guilty, but he was too stubborn to apologize.

When the Commander spoke again, his voice was low: "How many years have we known each other, Levi? I would expect you to know by now when I'm overcompensating."

"Just forget it."

Erwin slowly crossed the carriage, bracing his hand against the roof, and dropped to a seat beside him.

"What are you-" began Levi.

Erwin's arms wrapped around him and pulled him in.

Levi stiffened, at first, then slumped against him. Erwin's chest, beneath his cheek. Erwin's heart, pounding against his ear. Levi slid his arms around him, too, and he was shocked by how broad his ribcage was.  _Was he always this big?_

"We're not supposed to touch," he said aloud, and he cringed, because that was the worst possible response.

"I'm sorry, Levi." Erwin pressed his cheek to the top of his head. "Let me lapse for one moment. Just one."

Levi clawed a hand into the back of his shirt, breathing in the scent of his chest. Knowing Erwin was struggling just as much made him feel a little better.

But as nice as the hug felt, a persistent question undercut it: if they were both suffering, why were they still apart?

.*.*.*.

They arrived at the usual hotel late in the afternoon. They stepped inside, walking side-by-side. The front clerk recognized them both and began to check them into their usual suite without even asking which one they wanted. Levi glanced sideways at Erwin and noticed his jaw was tight. He realized he was clenching his jaw, too. The first time they had come here together, they had already been a couple; they had been here every month or two since then, until last fall. It was strange to enter such familiar territory on such new terms. He felt as if he were riding a scouting mission without his gear.

They reached the door. Erwin twisted the key into the lock, then paused for a breath.

The door swung open. Levi's eyes drifted to the bed where they had made love, and the carpet, and the bathtub, and the dresser. And ah, yes, even the closet, that night Levi had drunk too much eggnog at Lord Vasily's winter party.

His feet carried him to the side room. "Mind if I take this room?"

Erwin nodded, jaw still tight.

Levi stepped into the side bedroom and closed the door. Safely sequestered, he began to unpack. He had never opened the closet in the side room before except to spot-check it for cleanliness. It felt wrong to hang his clothes here; they should be hanging next to Erwin's in the main room.

Once they had settled in, Levi moved to the bathroom, washing off the filth of the journey. He checked his chin in the mirror and decided he didn't need a shave until the morning. His undercut was already getting a bit shaggy; he hadn't touched it in a couple weeks.

He found Erwin sitting at the table in the main room, brow furrowed as he stared down at more paperwork. Levi slung himself across the bed, wondering if he was going to end up there that night. They hadn't gone a night without sharing a bed since before Levi had fallen ill, but this place had history.

"I was thinking we might have an early dinner," said Erwin. "Then we'll talk about how we're going to approach my visit with Sahlo this evening."

"Oh?"

Erwin held up the letter. "He wants me to come alone. Given that he believes he's going to die any moment, he may be acting out of desperation, and we can't discount the possibility that this is a trap. I'd like to have you nearby, unseen. I've been to Sahlo's estate before - I'll draw out a map and we'll figure out our strategy."

"Okay." Levi sat up. "No uniform, then?"

"No, let's change into plainclothes." Erwin folded the letter and slipped it back into its envelope. "Do you have any particular food cravings for tonight?"

"Meat," said Levi automatically.

"There's a restaurant near the courthouse that sells a lovely chicken breast platter. It might be expensive."

"I don't care." His money was mostly accumulating in his bank account these days, anyway. The only times he had ever gone out had been with Erwin.

They left the room a short while later, dressed in dark pants and collared shirts. It was a warm night, and Erwin took off his suit jacket, slinging it over his shoulder. He looked unnaturally handsome, and Levi found himself proud to be walking alongside him.

They settled into the restaurant, and for a while, Levi was able to pretend everything was normal between them. They talked about past missions and strategy - all unclassified topics, of course - and Erwin filled in Levi on some of the drama among their investment partners.

"How are things with Nile?" asked Levi when the conversation slowed.

Erwin fell silent.

"You haven't talked to him since you tried to fuck Marie, huh?"

"Not anything outside the realm of business," said Erwin, letting the provocative phrasing slide right over him. "He's still understandably miffed. Though now that we know Sahlo was bluffing all along, I suppose there's no need to pretend I was interested in Marie at all, is there?"

"Probably not." Levi hoped they would patch things up. Nile was pathetic, but he could take a constant stream of abuse and still keep his chin up, and he had a subtle sense of humour that verged on bitterness. And Marie had a strong spirit that always left him feeling good about himself after their visits.

Erwin was still lost in thought. "Then again, it is probably best that Nile and I show some distance. Sahlo may be out of the picture, but there may be others who would be willing to use him and his family against me."

Levi studied him, realizing, for the first time, that losing Sahlo might mean Erwin pushing away everyone near him. As awful as Sahlo had been, he was easier to read than a complete unknown. "Huh."

"Not much room for friendship in this role. That's one thing I didn't expect when I dreamed of becoming Commander." Erwin stared down at his meal. "Or rather, I didn't expect it to bother me."

Levi nodded at it. "Keep eating, or it'll go cold."

"Mm."

"You always forget to eat when you're stressed." The food was delicious; he took another mouthful himself.

Erwin poked at the food with his fork. "Levi, about what happened in the carriage-"

The chicken in Levi's mouth was suddenly too dry; he chugged a sip of water so he could reply. "Don't talk about it."

"Is that what you want?" asked Erwin. "If you want to pretend it didn't happen, I'll respect your decision, but I'd like to understand why you were upset."

"You know exactly why I was upset," said Levi, and that was the end of the conversation.

.*.*.*.

After they returned to the hotel room, Erwin sat on the bed with his notebook. "Let's go over the plan."

 _On the bed?_ Levi glanced at the empty table and chairs. He sat on the bed next to his Commander, leaning in close, but not actually touching.

"Sahlo lives on a large manor in a sparsely populated area just east of Mitras." Erwin sketched a quick map with a stick of graphite. "A thick, vine-covered fence surrounds the yard." Somehow, his vines actually looked like vines. Levi always enjoyed watching him draw; he wished he would do it more often. Drawing probably reminded him too much of Henrik.

"How high?" he asked.

"About two metres. There's a gated driveway here," continued Erwin, drawing a long, curving path into the centre of the property. "A security guard watches the gate, and others patrol the fence. There's nothing but vast green space in-between the fence and the building, with very few hills. It's nearly impossible to reach the house undetected. If we want to ensure you're near the building, you'll have to be in the carriage with me. Unfortunately, if I'm supposed to come alone, I doubt the security guard will allow you inside."

Levi leaned a bit closer, enjoying their proximity. "What if I hide in a box or under a blanket?"

Erwin gave him a wary glance. "Given your dislike of confined spaces, I can't imagine that would be comfortable."

Levi shuddered as he considered it thoroughly. And in a carriage, no less. "Good point. What if I lie flat along the top? There are roof racks on most of the carriages around here, aren't there?"

"Your silhouette would be very noticeable against the street lamps."

Levi felt a swell of frustration. "You're approaching this like we're storming an enemy base, but this is  _Sahlo_. He's weak and paranoid. He's probably hiding under his desk in a puddle of his own piss."

"Then let's just say I'm afraid of crossing paths with the people who might be out to get him." Erwin tapped the gate. "You could wait outside the complex altogether.

"I'm not leaving you alone in there."

After a pause, Erwin said, "Hm."

"Hm?"

"You could be the driver."

"That could work," said Levi. "It's no different than driving a cart, right?"

"Most likely, but there's a catch: if, for some reason, you needed to leave the carriage to intervene, we risk losing our mode of transportation back to the city. Don't forget, these aren't Survey Corps horses. They haven't been bred to wait patiently without a rider like ours have - they need careful instructions. Besides, if there are attackers there, they might take an unattended carriage to cut off our escape route."

"So you'd want me to stay with the carriage."

"Unless it was an absolute emergency, yes."

"Fine." Levi swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. "You know, after all this planning, he's just going to want to invite you in for a cup of tea and ramble on about the future of his failing yeast product."

"I hope you're right." Erwin stared blankly down at the notebook, his brows furrowed.

.*.*.*.

Levi wore the closest thing he could find to a driver's uniform: a black suit and pants.

"Here." Erwin pulled a wide-brimmed hat with white trim out of his trunk.

Levi eyed it. "I don't like hats."

"It'll help disguise you."

"You just happened to have this with you?"

"I suspected we might need to do some infiltration."

Levi eyed it for another second, then slammed it onto his head. He purposefully avoided looking at the mirror as he strode to the door.

They requisitioned a military carriage, but no driver.

"Zackly's going to wonder about that," said Levi.

"We can explain it to him later. And Sahlo's pursuers won't find out until we've already visited the property."

"If he actually has pursuers."

Erwin looked thoughtful. "I suppose we'll see."

The sun had already set by the time they set out. Just as well; darkness would help conceal Levi's identity. He pulled a thick blanket over his legs as he drove, trying to give the illusion he was taller. He couldn't help thinking if he were normal sized, he would be less conspicuous.

The horses easily responded to Levi's commands, but they did require frequent corrections compared to Survey Corps horses. Independence probably wasn't valued as much within the Capital.

He mentally followed the instructions Erwin had given him before they left. Unlike the Underground, Mitras was structured around a numbered grid, so it was easy to navigate his way around. As they approached the city limits, the blocks began to lengthen; the houses grew larger, with sprawling lawns between them. Soon there were no visible homes at all, just walls of fences and hedges as long as full blocks had been in the city. Trees hung over the road, their leaves glowing orange in the lamplight. Did some poor sap come and light all the lamps by hand each night? Planters hung from the lamps, overflowing with blooming flowers. Levi's nose wrinkled.  _I wonder how much water they waste on this bullshit while the Underground drinks mud and sewer-water._ Sahlo had always claimed to want to help the Underground. Had he ever looked at all his own excess and felt guilty? Levi doubted it.

Sahlo's driveway was marked with a marble slab that looked like an old, worn tombstone. Levi slowed the carriage and rode up the driveway to a tall set of gates. The hair on the back of his neck rose as a security guard approached them.

"Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps," said Levi in his most respectable voice. "The Commander has an appointment with Lord Martin Sahlo for eight o'clock."

The security guard held up a lamp. Levi bowed his head, shielding his face with the brim of his hat.

After several seconds, the security guard said, "I'm afraid Lord Sahlo requires all guests to disembark from their private carriages here."

"What?" said Levi, dropping to his normal tone of voice.

"Special orders. I do apologize for the trouble. We have a buggy on the other side of the gates that will escort the Commander up to the estate."

"That's bullshit," said Levi. "The Commander is an important man, and I've been entrusted with his safety."

"What seems to be the problem, driver?"

Levi turned to see the Commander stepping out the carriage, his shoulders thrown back, chin high. He knew Erwin exuded confidence in official situations, but moments like this still always made his breath catch.

The security guard must have been intimidated, because he shrank into himself, stammering, "Lord Sahlo has insisted all visitors approach his estate alone."

Erwin gave the long pause he gave when he was pacing through several alternatives to make a decision. He lifted his chin a little higher, staring down his nose at the guard. "I see. My driver and carriage can wait here?"

"Of course."

"Erwi-" began Levi.

The Commander's sharp gaze landed on him. "I'll need my file out of the lockbox in the back, driver."

They moved to the back of the carriage. Erwin selected a random file, keeping up the pretense. Then he held out a hand and whispered, "I shouldn't go in there unarmed. I need your knife."

"Forget the knife. You're not going in there at all. It feels like a trap."

"If this is a trap, someone is going to a lot of trouble. I want to know who and why."

"Erwin-"

"Levi, your knife." The tone of his voice made it an order.

This was already stretching on too long for a simple file retrieval from a lockbox. With a sigh, Levi pulled the knife out of his boot and handed it over.

"Wait at the end of the driveway," whispered Erwin, "ready to leave in a hurry, if needed." He slipped the knife into his sleeve and strode toward the guard.

The gates opened.

Levi settled into the driver's seat, watching as Erwin stepped into a small buggy. The guard lit a lamp on the front, then began to drive the horses. In the distance, Levi could see the manor house; its windows glowed, warm and inviting.

_Maybe Sahlo really is just being paranoid._

He settled deeper into the seat, eyes locked on the buggy's lamp as it moved closer and closer to the house.

.*.*.*.

The buggy stopped. Erwin adjusted his sleeves, feeling the cold blade of Levi's knife against his forearm.

The door opened. The night air felt too thick. Perhaps it was instinct, honed after years on the field of battle; everything was a little too still, a little too stiff.

"Sorry for the hassle, sir." The guard gave him a military salute. He didn't look old enough to be ex-military, and his posture didn't indicate any type of injury. Was Sahlo hiring plainclothes Military Police?  _He really is spooked_.

Erwin clutched his random file tightly, as if it were an important document, and moved toward the door. He reached out for the bell cord, but stopped when he heard the horses moving behind him. The guard was already ignoring him, leading the buggy further down the driveway.

Taking advantage of his distraction, Erwin slipped through the door unannounced.

The architecture of Sahlo's manor house was old-fashioned, with stone columns and patterned brickwork, and faded tapestries hung from the walls, some appearing to be older than the Walls themselves. Erwin had only been here a few times before, and the grandeur of the building was always intimidating, but this time, he felt a cold twist in the depth of his stomach. It took him a moment to identify what was wrong: the scent of kerosene was far stronger than usual. It was possible a wary Sahlo was keeping more of his home lit than usual, but Erwin's instincts told him that wasn't the case.

He eyed the carpeted stairway up to the next floor, where Sahlo's study was. No, he wasn't going to strand himself on the second floor until he was sure his surroundings were safe. He paced forward.

Just before he reached the front room, voices sounded from the upper floor. Neither of them were Sahlo's.

Erwin's teeth clenched. He quickly returned to the front door, but paused, peering through the window beside it.

The security guard was speaking with a short man he didn't recognize. Erwin couldn't hear what they were saying, but their gestures were agitated.

 _They consider me hostile._ Erwin pressed his back against the door. His options were to go through them and use the knife, or try to escape through another exit. He hurried toward the front room, knowing that beyond it lay a dining room with a low balcony.

This room was dark, but the scent of kerosene was stronger. His eyes weren't adjusted to the dimness, and he felt his way forward, using the wall as his guide. A low side table hit his shins, and he winced.

This was far more dangerous than he had anticipated. He should have listened to his instincts, to Levi's. He should have taken Sahlo's paranoia more seriously.

His eyes were adjusting now.

"Commander Erwin?" boomed a voice with a thick Underground accent. "You're sure?"

_Shit._

A woman's voice spoke next, too low to hear.

The man's voice spoke again: "Well, maybe you should have taken out Lord Shitface in Trost like you were supposed to."

"I told you," said the woman, voice getting closer, "he was always surrounded by too many people."

Erwin clenched his jaw and ducked behind the couch. There was a window behind him. Maybe he could open it and slip through before he was detected. He felt for a latch, then realized the window was sealed. He would have to break it. Maybe there was something heavy nearby.

"Fuck it," drawled the man. "Let's finish cleaning up this mess."

Light flickered, then illuminated the room. Erwin pressed against the back of the couch, controlling his breaths.

"Well?" said the man, very close. "Where the hell is he?"

"Maybe he went upstairs and found Sahlo," said the woman.

"How the fuck would he do that, shit-for-brains? We came down the staircase."

"Maybe he flew," she said dryly, and the man laughed.

Erwin formulated his escape: a single punch to break the glass, a kick to make a hole big enough to escape through, and a dive through it, all before the pair realized where he was. He gritted his teeth and carefully tugged his empty sleeve over his fist.

"He's a big guy, right?" said the man. "Big and tall? Now where would a big guy hide in this room?"

Erwin began to drive his fist toward the window, but froze mid-punch as he heard a click by his ear. Metal tapped his temple.

"Should've sent your short friend, Commander," said the man's voice. "He could've fit into a vase, or scurried up the chimney like a fucking squirrel." He blasted a short laugh, as if he had amused himself with the image. "Get up."

Erwin slowly turned his head. He recognized the man: tall, bearded, flat-brimmed hat. Sahlo's babysitter.

"I'm not a threat to you," said Erwin calmly.

The side of the muzzle tapped against his temple again. "Get up."

He rose to his feet. He wondered if that unusual gun was from the collection Sahlo had been gathering for Rage Klein, or if it was military. His eyes shifted to the man's companion, and a brow rose. He recognized her from the pub in Trost during Sahlo's visit: the attractive blond Levi had pointed out to him, the one who vaguely reminded him of his sister. She eyed him, looking bored.

The tall man cocked his head at the file. "That for his lordship?"

Erwin glanced down and saw that he had, in his haste, grabbed a file containing his list of personal shopping and errands he had intended to do while in Mitras. "Yes."

"Do you have an appointment?" The man had an unnerving grin that showed two sets of yellowed teeth.

Erwin couldn't read him; he was either unstable or toying with him. Perhaps both. "Yes."

"Well, then, we should get the man to his appointment!" The tall man waved the gun. "His lordship is upstairs in his study."

Erwin scanned the area as they walked, looking for an escape, but the gun was still pressed against his skull. Just as well; he wasn't sure he could fight off these two, anyway. That time in the alley, when Erwin had held a knife to Sahlo's throat, the tall man had appeared behind him as quietly and formlessly as if he was smoke.

If Levi were here, the fight would already be over. If only there was a way to signal him...

As they climbed the stairs, the tall man yanked the file out of Erwin's hand and opened it. "...the hell? This some sort of code?"

The woman leaned over to take a look. "Suit measurements; no wonder you didn't recognize them."

"Not a code?"

"No, they're reasonable. His, by the looks of it. And that appears to be a list of popular fiction books below it."

In his periphery, Erwin saw the tall man giving him a confused sneer. He couldn't think of a good excuse, so he said nothing.

The scent of kerosene was so strong on the second floor that Erwin felt dizzy. His heart beat in his throat.

"Nasty oil spill," he said aloud. "Lord Sahlo should hire a new lamplighter."

"Good idea," said the woman. "We'll add it to the shopping list you're giving him."

The massive double doors at the end of the hallway were propped open. Sahlo's chair was turned to face the window, his greying hair just barely showing over the top of the high back.

"Go ahead." The tall man shoved Erwin into the room, training his gun on him. "Talk to him."

Erwin paced toward the desk. Sahlo's office was a mess. The drawers had been thrown open, papers littering the floor. The bookshelves were almost empty, books lying in piles at the base. He could smell the oil in here, too.  _I hope they aren't planning on setting me on fire with everything else._  He eyed the window, wondering how far the drop on the other side was. Levi's knife wasn't much use against guns - or maybe it would be in Levi's hands, but Erwin wasn't quick enough.

"Lord Sahlo," he said, even though he knew it was futile.

No response. No movement. He gripped the back of the chair and turned it.

He had seen hundreds of dead bodies during his time in the Survey Corps, maybe even over a thousand. But they had been soldiers on the field. Sahlo had been safely sequestered in Mitras, far from the front lines. With all his political maneouvring and machinations, he had seemed invincible. Now he stared at nothing with clouded eyes, his head lolling at an unnatural angle. His neck and chest were stained with old blood, and his skin was grey in some places, dark purple in others.

Erwin forgot about the window, forgot about Levi waiting in the carriage, even forgot about the pair standing behind him. Sahlo's face looked peaceful, but maybe it was just slack. Why was he sitting on the chair? Had he been moved here after his death, or had he sat calmly, accepting his fate?

He heard footsteps behind him. In the window's reflection, he could see the tall man and the woman standing behind him, guns trained on him.

Erwin closed his eyes for a moment to steady himself. It was no accident he was here. He made a plausible guess:

"Why did you invite me here?"

"Oh-ho," said the tall man. "They said you were clever."

At the voice, he remembered he was supposed to be looking for an escape route. The darkness made it difficult to gauge the drop to the ground outside the window. He tried to recall past visits here. Sahlo was a fan of theatrical delivery; Erwin surely would have seen him staring dramatically across the yard, arms clasped behind his back for effect. He tried to visualize it. How far below him had the ground been then?

"Check the letter," said the woman.

It took Erwin a moment to notice the blood-stained letter on the floor next to the body. He picked it up and pulled out a document: a revised will, leaving no money to Erwin. The writing appeared to be Sahlo's, but Erwin knew how easily documents could be forged with the right contacts. He turned to face his attackers. "I see. You're setting me up."

"Seems to me you have a pretty strong motive to kill this asshole," said the tall man. "Seems to me he wanted to cut you out of his will. You needed those funds to get to Wall Maria, so you snapped. You've been under a lot of pressure these past few years, haven't you?"

Erwin stood tall, eyeing their guns. "I don't have a reputation as a man who snaps."

"Your file says different."

Erwin's heart beat in his throat. "My file shows impeccable performance."

"Not your military file. Our file." The man bared both sets of teeth again. "846. Squad Leader Mike Zacharias got his nose broken. Ringing any bells?"

Erwin used all his focus to keep his face neutral. How could the tall man possibly have known about his breakdown while Levi and Hange were missing? The Survey Corps had gone to great lengths to keep it a secret; not even Zackly knew about it. Not even Sahlo.

"Or how 'bout the time you and your little pal Levi went below the surface last year? Four bodies." The tall man whistled. "That doesn't sound like impeccable performance to me, Commander. Sounds like you're a dangerous, unstable fellow. And the way you keep getting our spies gobbled up by titans, you're starting to piss me off."

 _Spies?_ What other groups would be keeping an eye on the Survey Corps? Perhaps scanning troop communications hadn't been as unnecessary as Erwin had thought.

"Are you going to kill me?" he asked calmly.

"Nah, we're just trying to provide a little guidance so you make smart choices in the future. Here's what comes next." The man stepped closer. "My friends and me, we're gonna burn this house to the ground, but leave your buddy over there and his new will in good shape, good enough for the MP to trace to you if we need them to. You're going to get the fuck out of here and ignore every secret this bloated weasel ever told you. You're going to fall into line so this isn't the way you die, too. No more blackmailing lords, no more stealing the King's gold, none of that shit. Play by the rules and you won't get hurt. Got it?"

 _That's it? They invited me out here just to scare me while they were taking care of Sahlo?_ "You're letting me leave?"

"Yeah, shoo. We've got bigger fish to fry."

He still couldn't tell who they worked for - were they agents of the King? Of the Wallists? Or just hired goons from Sahlo's investors? They seemed too knowledgeable for that. If it came down to his word against theirs, he doubted he could shout louder than them.

He avoided looking at Sahlo's body as he walked to the door. He could feel the pair's guns trained on him; he half-expected them to shoot him in the back.

Now he could see other colleagues of theirs putting kegs in each doorway, labelled "yeast". They glanced up at Erwin, shocked.

"Let him leave," said the man's voice behind him. "He'll play nice now."

The kegs shifted to the side to make room for Erwin to pass. He walked calmly to the exit and stepped into the yard.

.*.*.*.

Levi watched the front of the house with suspicion. The buggy that had carried Erwin to the door still hadn't returned to the gate; instead, it had travelled further up the driveway. He had thought, at first, that it was following a loop to turn around, but the light had winked out just past the house. That had been a good ten minutes ago. Maybe the guard was waiting to bring Erwin back when he was done, but why would he leave the gate unattended? None of this added up.

"Fuck it," he muttered, and he began to guide the horses up the driveway.

He had only closed about a third of the distance when an explosion shook the air.

He barely caught a glimpse of flames licking up the side of the house; the horses began to bolt.

"Shit," he said under his breath, trying to stay calm - the horses would sense his fear. They careened off the driveway, moving so quickly that they were outrunning the lamp. A tree whipped past them. Several other explosions sounded behind them.

Levi clamped the hat onto his head so he didn't lose it.  _Shit!_ He gently pulled the horses back toward the driveway, trying to guide them in a circular motion to calm them. The city carriage had a hard time negotiating the lawn; it began to tip further, further... It was going to tip over completely if he didn't intervene. He released the hat and used both hands on the reins, desperate to regain control.

They reached the driveway again, and the carriage righted.

Sweat trailed down Levi's temple. His forearms ached. The horses ran back toward the gate, but they were moving in unison now. Gingerly, he tried to slow them.

The horses responded.

They came to a stop just inside the security gate. Levi twisted until he could see the house. The entire building was in flames; the roof had already collapsed in the eastern wing.

 _Erwin!_ He hitched the horses to the gate, ignoring his orders. There was no point in having the carriage ready to go if Erwin was trapped in a burning building. His heart pounded in his throat as he sprinted up the driveway.

About halfway up the driveway, a figure was running toward him, unidentifiable in the darkness. Levi darted to the side of the road and crouched down. The figure slowed, too.

"Levi?"

Relief washed over him. "Come on."

He was fast, but Erwin's legs were long; they ran in unison toward the gate. Erwin leapt into the driver's seat as Levi undid the hitch. He swung into place beside Erwin as the horses began to move.

"Are you okay?" asked Levi.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

"The horses are sweating," said Erwin, slowing their pace.

"They bolted when the first explosion cooked off." Levi paused. "I lost your hat."

"Ah, well." Erwin turned the horses onto a side street and slowed them to a walk. The only light here was from their lamp; this must be a throughway for servants or delivery vehicles.

"Sahlo's dead," said Levi. "Isn't he."

The Commander was very quiet.

"If you're going to tell me what happened, you'd better do it now, because we're going to reach the city soon, and people are going to be able to overhear. And you smell like kerosene."

"Do I?" Erwin grimaced. "Some of Sahlo's friends are cleaning up his business ties. I believe they invited me to scare me. They've planted evidence to make it look like I killed him, and they threatened to use that against me if I don't fall in line. Then they let me leave."

"Fall in line how?"

"I don't know. They seemed like they might be Military Police, but they weren't in uniform, and the leader sounded like he was from the Underground. Maybe Rage hired MP mercenaries?" Erwin's brows were low, his gaze fixed straight ahead. "They knew things they shouldn't have, like the fact that we acquired some of the King's gold."

"Sahlo probably told them."

"They also knew I attacked Mike." Erwin turned to look at him, still wearing that intense gaze. "Only a handful of us knew that. They claimed to have planted a series of spies at the base."

Levi felt winded. "Did they know about us?"

"If they did, they didn't mention it."

The words should have made Levi breathe easier, but Erwin's face showed no relief.

They returned the carriage to the military yard. As they walked back toward the hotel, Erwin massaged the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"You okay?" asked Levi again.

"I suppose there's no point in establishing an alibi. The military records clearly show we had a carriage out around the time of the incident. I suppose I'll have to play by the rules for a little while. I can't shake the feeling Sahlo was shielding me more than I thought - I wonder if I'm going to become a target now that he's gone?"

"Anyone who wants to get to you will have to go through me first."

Erwin gave him a genuine smile. "That's no small comfort. Thank you, Levi."

They returned to the hotel room. Levi pulled off his shoes and set them neatly by the wall, then sat on the bed. He watched as Erwin hovered by the door.

"What is it?"

"Sahlo was holding a doctored will that cut me out of the funds. It was excellent work. It must have been one of Leona's - I need to speak with her to make sure. If it we can't confirm it was a forgery, then we may be setting ourselves up for trouble down the road if we take Sahlo's inheritance." He still hadn't taken off his shoes.

"Now? It's late."

Erwin let out a low sigh. "I have to do something."

So Sahlo's death was bothering him more than he was letting on. In the old days, Levi could have distracted him with sex. "Maybe you should just shower off that kerosene smell and we can read in bed for a bit. It'll be safer to head to the Underground in daylight."

With another low sigh, Erwin nodded. He bent down to pull off his shoes. "I do feel my head is muddled at the moment. Perhaps a good night's sleep will clear it."

Once they had finished cleaning up for the night, they settled into the main bed in their pajama bottoms. Erwin propped a pillow behind his head and began to read. Levi lay on his side, watching. He never grew tired of watching the broad lips speak, the flashes of perfect white teeth behind them, the little tug down on the tip of his nose when he pronounced certain sounds.

The story itself was mediocre - a tale of half-baked political intrigue set against an aristocratic backdrop. It seemed all these types of books followed the same basic plotline: a character fought against the social norm for awhile, but ultimately ended up happier when they embraced it. Levi recognized it as propaganda, but the predictability of the stories was part of the reason they were so relaxing to read. He had enough unpredictability and realistic drama in his everyday life.

After about half an hour, his eyelids were drooping. A long pause caught his attention. When he opened his eyes, the Commander was staring at him with a soft smile.

"Tired," mumbled Levi.

"It is getting a bit late," agreed Erwin, setting the book aside. "Did you want to stay here, or return to your own room?"

"You already know the answer to that," said Levi, but then he paused. "Unless you need space."

"No. I think company is good for me right now." He leaned across to extinguish the lamp.

Levi closed his eyes and rolled onto his back, trying to get comfortable again now that he was fully awake. This particular bed was always a bit too soft. He dropped his arms to the side.

A brush of skin. Their hands were touching again. He froze.

He became aware of Erwin's breaths, a little too long, a little too deep. The bed just barely shifted, and even though Levi couldn't be sure, he was pretty confident those massive thighs were flexing.

 _Don't,_  he told himself, but he was already reaching out his little finger, crossing it over Erwin's - a small bit of contact. A harmless invitation.

He heard Erwin swallow, felt himself do the same. Why were they holding back anymore? Why were they apart, with Sahlo dead, the rumours nonexistent? He was lightheaded.

Erwin's voice was too low: "Levi." An admonition.

He flinched and pulled away. "Guess I was half-asleep." He rolled onto his side, facing away, hoping his pounding heart wasn't audible from the other side of the bed. There was a long pause, so long that he thought that was the end of it. Then he felt the bed shift.

"Levi, if I've been observed closely enough that my attack on Mike is documented, then there's a good chance they know about our history, too. Whoever these people are, they're dangerous. Organized. Trained."

"It doesn't matter," muttered Levi.

"What?"

"It doesn't matter how much they know. I'm your best pressure point, even if things had always been platonic between us. They know I'm your right-hand man; if I don't attend events with you, people begin to question it. And anyone who's figured out where I came from thinks I'm your pet project. So what does it matter if we're fucking or not?"

"You underestimate the depths people would go to," said Erwin, his tone calm and measured. "Our romance was never sanctioned by the military; it was a breach of protocol, and that could be twisted into treason. I won't see you hanging from a noose because of my-" He stopped.

"Your what?" said Levi, humiliation beginning to warp into anger. "Your lapse in judgement? Your weakness? I thought we were equals when the uniforms came off."

"I misspoke."

"Well, it doesn't matter, anyway, because it already happened." Levi rolled onto his back again. "We were together for three and a half fucking years. Holding back now doesn't magically undo that." His voice caught, and he cursed himself for showing emotion. Erwin listened to logic, not emotion.

"I thought we came to an agreement in the tower," said Erwin. "We weren't going to rekindle anything until after Wall Maria, so we could stay focused."

"Well, maybe you're not breaking down as much now, but..." Levi's voice caught again. "I am. Seems we traded one for the other. And you've gotta be the one using your brain more, so maybe it's not so bad if I'm the one suffering. But if you're suffering like I am, that's twice the suffering. So I need to know..." He took a steadying breath. "Have you been breaking down at all, the way you did when we were together?"

After a long pause, Erwin said, "No."

Levi's stomach dropped. "Oh." His hands clawed into the mattress. "Does that mean you're better off if we never..." He couldn't bring himself to suggest it.

The silence was even longer this time.

"Erwin." He hated not seeing him, hated trying to guess what the silences meant. He reached across to his bedside table and lit the lamp.

When he turned to face Erwin again, he saw him with his hand shielding his eyes, his cheeks damp.

Levi sat up. "What the hell? You're crying?"

"A little."

"You said you weren't breaking down!"

Erwin wiped his face with the back of his hand. "It's not much longer now, Levi. We're so close to the Wall, and if we can just stay focused-"

"Bullshit."

"-we can plan the best possible strategy and come out the other end alive, and then-"

"Bullshit! Fucking knock it off." Levi leaned over him. "Tell me what's really going on."

Erwin sighed and closed his eyes. "Levi-"

"No more bullshit."

Erwin's throat bobbed, and he looked away. His voice was small: "I'm terrified."

Levi's breath caught.  _Mike was right._ "Because you're worried what will happen if one of us dies."

"I've taken huge risks before, but I've never had huge consequences until recently. Those consequences don't land on me, where they belong, but on those around me instead." The blue eyes locked on Levi, so cold that he shivered. "Think of all the trauma you've had to endure in the past year- No, it starts earlier than that, with your friends Farlan and-"

"We agreed my choices were going to be my own. I'm the one offering my own heart, and that's my decision, not yours."

"The odds were different back then."

Levi's lip curled. "It doesn't matter."

"It  _does_  matter. What they did to my sister's husband, Levi... What they did to Sahlo..." Erwin's gaze grew distant, and for the first time, Levi recognized that he had been traumatized by what he had seen in the lord's home. Instead of concern, he felt anger.

"You're looking for excuses. Fear's never stopped you from anything before."

"It's not just that I'm afraid," said Erwin quietly. "If we do rekindle our relationship, it needs rebuilding. I want to do that properly, when we have time and focus to be each other's priority."

Levi snorted. "More bullshit. We're never going to be each other's priority."

"After Wall Maria-"

"-we'll be pushing outside the walls. We agreed from the beginning that the titans would always come first. That's how we work." He was getting angrier with every word, and he should probably stop, but the words kept coming. "No more excuses. You're pushing me away because our relationship is the one thing you can control."

"What do you mean?" Erwin asked, and there was a note of danger in his voice, but Levi didn't back down.

"You've lost Sahlo, so you lost any control you had over the interior. You're worried about Wall Maria, because no one really has any control over how that's going to go, not really. Even Nile isn't willing to do you favours anymore. So you're controlling the one thing you can: you're keeping me at arm's length. The only reason we're apart right now is because you're a fucking control freak." Awful, he felt  _awful,_ but at the same time, it felt good to lash out.

The Commander stared at him for a moment, mouth open a crack. Then his brows dropped. He stood and strode to the closet, whipping the door open. It slammed against the wall; Levi jumped.

Erwin yanked a dress shirt off a hanger. "I'm not sure what you're hoping to accomplish with this conversation, Levi, but you can't bully someone into being with you." He pulled off his pajama pants and pulled on a pair of black pants. "And if you think belittling me is going to endear you to me-"

"Where are you going?" interrupted Levi. Realization hit him. "You aren't going to the Underground  _now._ It's the middle of the fucking night."

"This is the best time to do it. I'll pose as a nobleman looking for a sex worker." He pulled on his shoes.

"You're going to get yourself killed."

"I need to know if Leona was involved in Sahlo's forgery." Erwin turned to face him, hands in his jacket pockets. "You stay here."

"Don't be stupid. You need protection."

"That didn't work so well last time."

The words punched Levi in the gut, winded him. Their gaze held, then Erwin turned and marched for the door.

Levi's voice still wasn't working; he leapt out of bed and scrambled to the door, intercepting him before he could open it.

"Move," said Erwin, hand still on the door knob.

He found his voice. "You're storming off to make me feel guilty. That's manipulative as hell. I'm not going to sit around worrying about you while you smugly storm off to your death."

After a moment, Erwin released the doorknob, his face softening. "I know it's manipulative. But I genuinely do want to speak with Leona before we see the Council tomorrow. It's been eating away at me since I saw the modified will."

"We've never really fought like this before."

"No." Erwin looked sombre. "I can't say I'm fond of it."

"No," agreed Levi softly. "This is fucking awful."

Their eyes held.

"The real reason I don't want you to come with me is because you're too recognizable," said Erwin. "I shouldn't have brought up what happened last time. That was low."

"Well, it was true."

Erwin's jaw quivered a little. "Shall we continue our conversation after we've had time to calm down? Maybe we can talk about our fears and issues rationally instead of slinging insults at each other."

"Yeah."

Their eyes were still holding. Erwin's throat bobbed. Slowly, slowly, he bent down. His lips pressed to Levi's forehead, warm and damp. The words, "I'm sorry," fluttered against his skin.

"Yeah, me, too."

Erwin stood upright. "I'm going to use the entrance by the market. I'll be going straight to Leona's place. I should only be about an hour."

"You really have to do this?"

"I have to do something."

Levi remembered the trauma in his eyes, and this time, he felt concern. "I'll be here." He stepped aside, opening the door for him.

Erwin held his gaze for a moment longer, then stepped into the hall.

.*.*.*.

The guard at the entrance stepped forward, burly arms crossed over his chest.

"August Adler," said Erwin, flashing fake papers, because Sahlo had been the only person he had needed to hide that pseudonym from - as far as he knew, anyway. And if anyone already knew about August, then they probably knew all his other secrets, too.

"Damned late to be heading Underground, Mr. Adler," said the man as he read the document.

"A man's needs have no fixed schedule." The words tasted of mud and left a thick film in his mouth.

The guard nodded and let him pass.

Erwin strode down the stairs, chin high. At the base of it, a group of provocatively dressed people whistled and called out to him, trying to draw his attention. He pushed through them and marched toward Leona's house.

The lights were out, and for a moment he thought he smelled kerosene. He knocked, anticipating the worst.

A light went on in the bedroom, then travelled toward the door. He couldn't smell kerosene at all now. He let out a slow breath, feeling his body relax.

The door slat slid open, and then he heard Leona mutter, "What in the three Walls-?"

The door swung open.

She was thinner than he remembered, and her clothes were dirty and tattered. Her smile, however, was as warm as ever.

"What are you doing here?" She glanced up and down the street.

"I wasn't followed. May I come in?"

"Yes, of course."

They settled in the kitchen; she brought him a cup of tea and then sat across from him with a cup of her own.

"It's been awhile," she said. "I was beginning to think I'd never see you again."

"Sahlo is dead."

Her eyes widened for a moment, but then she smiled pleasantly. "That's good news for you, isn't it?"

"I know you were working with him, Leona."

She shrugged. "I saw a lot of clients over the years."

"I suppose money is more important than loyalty."

She laughed. "Are you going to give me a lecture on moral choices, Erwin? I've made a living circumventing the law - something you've done more than your fair share of yourself. Then, at the end of the day, you go back to your guaranteed room and board while the rest of us struggle for scraps."

He frowned. "I know what Sahlo meant to you and the other residents of the Underground. I know the work he was trying to do to keep everyone fed under the name Lord Hasek. I would have been happy to increase your payment, if money was the only issue."

"It's more complicated than that." She leaned closer. "The Klein family has always dominated this segment of town. They have for generations. Independent businesses like me don't do so well unless we ally with the Kleins. And Rage and Hasek were in each other's pockets from the beginning, so being loyal to Rage meant being loyal to Hasek." Her brow furrowed. "I don't know what's going to go on with the food situation here now that Hasek's gone. Both his food supply and the extra money and weapons he was supposed to be bringing in are gone, and that yeast thing he was working on is a bust, too."

"I know. I was helping him with all that."

Her face softened. "I know."

"I've been cut off from my means to help feed people, too: Sahlo originally left a quarter of his estate for me, and the Survey Corps was to use those funds to reclaim Wall Maria. Today, I saw an updated version of the will that wrote me out entirely. Were you approached by anyone to make a fake will for Sahlo?"

"Yeah. Figured his time was up when that happened." She eyed him. "Can I ask you something, Erwin? Friend to friend."

"Of course."

"Is there any chance the Underground is going to see one bit of the food that floods these walls once we have Wall Maria back?"

He stirred his tea and took a long sip, considering. When he set it back down, he said, "I don't anticipate Levi standing for anything less. He still has a soft spot for the Underground."

She raised a brow. "Is that so?"

"He's not well liked here, is he?"

"There were some who admired him. Others who hated him. Just like anyone else here, it depends who you talk to."

He considered the funds they would need for the expedition, doing some quick calculations. "You don't happen to know what amount Sahlo is leaving behind, do you?"

"No idea. He might even be in some debt."

Erwin smirked at the idea; that would be a final 'fuck you' from beyond the grave. He wouldn't put it past him. "How does this sound? I have a sum in mind that the Survey Corps needs in order to successfully reclaim Wall Maria. I suspect it will be less than what Sahlo left to me. I know he left a large sum to Rage, which will help out his people, but there's more to the Underground than just Rage. We need to get money and food to all the people who need it."

She cocked her head. "I'm listening."

"I'd like a revised will that overwrites the one I saw today. If you restore my share to the original amounts, I'll not only quadruple your usual fee, but I'll also give you the excess funds from Sahlo - if there are any - to distribute among your neighbours as you see fit." Sahlo had told him to buy something nice for himself, after all. What did he need? He had guaranteed room and board.

Leona pulled out an envelope and slid it across the table.

He opened it. It was a notarized copy of the original will, the one Sahlo had shown him.

"Wanted to make sure you were thinking of us before I gave this to you," she said. "Your lord friend asked me to hang onto it. You'll find any later versions weren't notarized properly."

He raised a brow. "No?"

"The people who bought the altered version were rude as shit." Her smirk had evolved into a grin. "It was my pleasure to screw them over. If they try to use that altered will as evidence against you, you just lean over it and confidently point out that the date stamp is missing a notary number, like you would have immediately noticed it all along."

"Won't this come back to haunt you?"

She shrugged. "I make fraudulent documents. I'm nobody. They have bigger things to worry about."

"I appreciate this, and I won't forget our deal." He finished his tea, then stood.

At the door, he pulled on his boots. "Take care of yourself."

"You too, Erwin. Don't get eaten." Leona gave him a fond smile. "I've been more loyal than you might think, you know. I could have sold you out to Hasek at any point if I wanted to."

"Thank you." He bent down to give her a tight hug; he stealthily slipped a dozen folded notes into her pocket before he released her. It wasn't much, but it would secure her a couple week's worth of meals.

.*.*.*.

Levi sat up, startled.

Erwin softly closed the door. He must have thought Levi was still sleeping, because he quietly undressed in the darkness. The dim light from the cracks around the door highlighted the shape of his chest and stomach muscles. He turned to lay his clothes on the dresser, revealing the defined muscles of his back. Then he eased into the bed.

"Hey," whispered Levi. "How'd it go?"

"Go back to sleep," said Erwin gently. "I'll tell you in the morning."

"How do you know I was asleep?"

"I could tell by the cadence of your breaths when I first slipped through the door." A pause. "Such a peaceful sound."

"My breaths?"

"Yeah. I've missed that sound. I've slept better lately than I have in weeks. Months." He felt Erwin shift closer, then heard a whisper near his ear. "I have no right to ask you this, Levi, but may I hold you tonight as we sleep?"

His breath caught. "You blow up at me because I touch you with my pinky finger, and now you want to-"

"I know. It's hypocritical, and yet..." A long, slow breath, one that fluttered against Levi's skin in the darkness. "I've slept pressed up against every other officer. I've slept in Mike's arms, and with my limbs entwined with Hange or Berit. It's what comrades do when we're in the field. And if I can't lie next to you like a comrade-" He paused. "No, it's more than that. I miss the way you feel next to me, Levi. I miss how you feel in my arms. If nothing had ever happened between us, I could make this request without either of us thinking twice about it." His voice, still whispered, was shaking.  _Did something happen with Leona that upset him?_

Levi wanted to say yes - his skin was parched, it cried out for Erwin to soak it with his body heat - but he was still smarting from their conversation earlier. "This line between us keeps getting blurrier and blurrier."

"I know."

"Every time we take a step closer, it's just going to hurt more if we try to step back again."

"I know."

Levi swallowed hard. "Okay, fine. Do you want me to face you, or face away from you?"

"Turn your back to me, please."

Levi rolled onto his side, and Erwin curled up behind him. A heavy arm draped across his ribcage and curled around his chest. Levi's throat constricted. He had missed this so much: the warmth and the shape of Erwin's body behind him, large and protective. He had even missed the feeling of being compressed by his grasp. These arms were the only place he could be confined in a tight space and not feel trapped.

A hum sounded in his throat before he could stop it. He snuggled back against Erwin, carefully leaving a bit of a gap in front of his pelvis, as he would do if he were lying for warmth with Mike or Eld.

"I missed this." Erwin's breath was hot in his ear, and Levi felt a shiver ripple through him. He felt a nose press into the back of his hair, felt a shuddering inhale. The shudder didn't feel sexual; it felt like a restrained sob.

"You okay?" whispered Levi.

"I've seen countless dead bodies. One more shouldn't bother me. But what I saw tonight, Levi, I wasn't..." The words trailed off into another shuddering breath, an exhale this time.

"It's okay." He shifted his head a little, nestling back against that sharp nose, and in his fatigue, he found the courage to say: "It's okay. I'm here."

Their hands found each other and interlaced, and Levi pressed them against his heart.

.*.*.*.

The next morning, Levi awoke feeling refreshed - and a little sticky. He had forgotten how sweaty it was to sleep pressed together, or how body hair could get so itchy when it was trapped between damp skin. He was repulsed, but glowing at the same time.

He took a lengthy bath, scrubbing his skin until it glowed. He took a little time to explore himself, because when did he ever get a chance to finger fuck himself in the bathtub at the base? It felt so good that he began to get carried away. A tiny part of him hoped Erwin would walk in on him jerking off, but by the time he had finished his bath, the other was still unconscious.

"Hey," he said, using his foot to shove Erwin's shoulder - a bit of a stretch, but it felt good to show a little playful disdain. "It's already eight o'clock."

"Ugh," said Erwin, sitting up and clutching his face.

"You can't be hung over. You didn't even drink last night."

"No, I didn't." Erwin lowered his hand, only one eye open, the other in a squint. "How are you feeling this morning?"

Levi considered the ups and downs of the night before. "My head's all screwed up."

"Yeah." Erwin slowly blinked his one open eye. "After the Council meeting, we should get some dinner and talk through all this."

"Dinner? How long is this fucking meeting?"

"I expect it will last all day. We're making a big ask, and there are a lot of consequences for the other divisions that must be carefully considered. That, and there's the matter of Sahlo's death."

"Oh." Maybe it showed how much Levi disliked the lord; he had already forgotten he was dead. "Go have a bath. The water tank is still hot from mine."

Once Erwin had bathed and dressed, the two of them fell into place in front of the mirrors in the bathroom, shaving and fixing their hair. Once they had dressed, Erwin put on his bolo tie, then turned to Levi. "Think you can help me get this straight?" He looked almost shy.

Levi bit the inside of his cheek and reached up to make the tails even, centring the green stone over Erwin's chest. "Bend down," he added, and he tidied the part in the golden hair.

Then, he tied his cravat and turned to Erwin, who wordlessly adjusted it for him. His fingers lingered on the cravat several moments too long, then the blue eyes lifted.

Levi felt his throat bob. "Well? Let's go."

Erwin gave him a small smile.

They left the building and found their favourite tea shop. The selection was scant, but Erwin insisted on paying extra for a sweet honey pastry for Levi. They both had tea - coffee was in short supply these days - and sat on a bench in the park outside the courthouse. They quietly discussed the upcoming meeting, refreshing themselves on the expedition details.

"Most importantly," said Erwin, "we must remember that there are officially four checkpoints left to stock, not two."

"Right." They had stocked the other two checkpoints so long ago that it was easy to forget.

They ran into Nile on the way into the chambers. Nile gave Erwin a stiff good morning, and a kinder one to Levi.

"How are Marie and the kids?" asked Erwin.

Nile's lip curled at him. "Go fuck yourself."

The Commander's mouth circled into an "o," and as Nile stormed off, Levi leaned in close.

"He still thinks you tried to sleep with Marie."

"Right." Erwin rubbed the bridge of his nose.

They settled into their seats. Zackly was already seated at the head of the table; he folded his hands in front of him.

"Commander Erwin, has anyone informed you about Lord Sahlo?"

"Yes, I received word last night," said Erwin. "It's an unfortunate loss."

Zackly was staring a little too intently. Levi glanced around the table and realized Pixis was doing the same.

Another Council member, Lord Robrecht, was less subtle: "I suppose this leaves you free to march on Wall Maria. How convenient."

"What the hell are you implying?" growled Levi.

The lord's eyes narrowed at him. "You know very well what I'm implying, Captain."

"It doesn't matter."

All eyes shifted to Erwin, who sat tall, chin high. "Believe what you want," he continued. "Your suspicions are of no concern to me so long as we move quickly to fill the void Martin left behind - and it is a large void. The nutritive yeast product was behind schedule, but it was progressing, and without him at the helm-"

"Actually," said Nile, flipping through a file, "the MP have received accusations that the yeast isn't nutritive, but a biological weapon."

Erwin's brows rose. "Pardon?"

"The accusations come from an anonymous source that claims to be an insider on the project. They say the yeast was never meant to be used for consumption; it was made as a water-soluble toxin, and would wipe out an entire population. The source says Lord Sahlo planned to use it to wipe out Wall Sina and leave room for the Underground to rise."

"What the hell?" said Levi.

Pixis started laughing.

"You think that's funny?" cried Lord Robrecht, wringing his knotted hands.

"It's ridiculous, your lordship," said Pixis. "There's absolutely no way Lord Sahlo would be involved in something so preposterous. We all know he had ties to the Underground - that was a relatively open secret - but he was one of the King's closest confidantes."

Levi glanced over at Erwin. The man's jaw was tight.  _Does he actually think it's possible?_

"Erwin," said Pixis, turning to him, "the Survey Corps became heavily involved with Sahlo's project. Surely you can vouch for the idiocy of this accusation."

"I ate some of the yeast product myself," said Erwin. "It was unpleasant, but it was no weapon. Besides, if he were trying to wipe out Wall Sina for some strange reason, why would he opt for yeast instead of a more straight forward weapon?"

"So no one could point a finger at him afterwards," said the lord, dabbing at his sweaty forehead with a handkerchief.

Erwin's eyes shifted to him. "His supposed plan would wipe out anyone with a finger to point. No, this is posthumous slander. Someone wants to waste our time and lock up his assets."

Levi read between the lines:  _someone's trying to delay our reclamation._

"Regardless of this rumour," said Zackly, "we're going to have to have an inquest to look into the suspicious circumstances of his death. And more than that, we're going to have to look for a new lord to replace his position on the Council."

Minister Nick calmly raised his hand. Levi looked at him, lips pursed. He knew exactly what was coming.

"Yes, Minister Nick?" said Zackly, already sounding weary.

"Given the importance of the Wallists to the King, and given that Sahlo himself was straddling the border between the nobles and the Wallists, I believe our only reasonable course of action is to appoint the purest replacement."

"Purest," snorted the merchant guild leader. "That's ridiculous. You just want one of your cronies to be appointed so you can pass more bills about your fear-mongering-"

"Mr. Weiman," said Zackly, "Minister Nick has the floor."

The Minister stood; he looked like a puppet being drawn up by strings. "It's quite clear we need a more balanced representation on the Council. I'd like to appoint one of my colleagues, a holy man with the highest of morals."

"Perhaps," drawled the lord with disdain, "this is a matter best left to the King. No doubt he has his own successor in mind."

"I'll send word," said Zackly. "In the meantime, we must address a contentious issue, one that Lord Sahlo firmly opposed." He turned to Erwin. "Are you going to make a move for Wall Maria now that he is no longer blocking you? Or are you going to keep on the path the two of you have been walking together?"

Levi tensed as he turned to Erwin, watching him.

Erwin leaned forward, his face taking on his hawk-like focussed expression. "The yeast and the weapons are dead ends. The yeast, though not a biological weapon, will not come together in time to be of use to the Underground. People are starving this moment. Sahlo himself was staving off some of that with his involvement in illicit activities to funnel food to the Underground, or so my intelligence tells me. Without him buying us time, a crisis situation in the Underground is imminent."

The other Council members began to mutter. Nile was staring at his notebook, brows furrowed, but Pixis seemed to be watching Erwin intently. Levi tried to get a read on the old man, but his face was a perfect mask.  _Or maybe he's just drunk._

"As for the weapons that were intended for the Military Police..." Erwin shifted his focus to Nile. "Nile, we both know guns are useless against titans. A high-powered gun would be nothing more than a good luck talisman. If that's something you think we need in order to give your soldiers' confidence, then I'll take some of the funds Sahlo left me and use them to fast track research and weapons development. However, I'd much rather funnel those funds into producing practical weapons. Squad Leader Hange Zoe has been honing our weapons based on our research on the captured titans. I propose we ignore the gun project and use the funds to produce nets, projectile spears, harnesses, and other restraint equipment. Everyone on the field will benefit. But if you tell me false confidence is more important, I'll trust your expertise."

Nile stared at him for a moment, then shrugged and looked down. "No, it's not. Scrap the guns, and go ahead with other weapons."

A hint of a smile showed in the corner of Erwin's lips, and Levi felt a swell of pride.

"I have been preparing a timeline for Wall Maria," said Erwin, holding out a roll of paper. "May I?"

"Of course," said Zackly.

Erwin unrolled it and placed his checkpoint markers on each of the checkpoints. He placed red ones on the last four. "I didn't anticipate we would be able to move on this so quickly, so I haven't yet had a chance to vet this strategy with each of you - I'd appreciate your input if I'm overlooking anything important. If we agree to this strategy, then this is how things will proceed.

"Mr. Weiman, I'll be using some of Sahlo's generous posthumous donation to pay you for food supplies. I understand that food shortages are a real concern right now, so I would be prepared to pay a premium. Say, ten per cent?"

Levi watched the merchant, waiting for a reaction. Weiman had claimed before that the food shortage itself was the reason he was reluctant to support them, but knowing merchants, money had been the true barrier.

Weiman eyed him. "This isn't just a food shortage, Commander: it's a famine. I need a thirty per cent premium."

"Fifteen," said Erwin. "And we will commit to providing protection for your preferred farmers after the Wall is reclaimed. There is bound to be some instability as everyone sorts out ownership of property in Wall Maria."

"Protection plus twenty, final offer."

Erwin nodded. "Send the contracts to my office in Trost and I'll get them properly signed and notarized."

Weiman folded his arms over his chest and nodded, looking satisfied.

"Are you done shopping?" said the lord dryly.

"This impacts all of us, Lord Robrecht," replied Erwin. "Once we've reclaimed Wall Maria, we'll be able to tackle famine - we'll have time for a full harvest cycle." He slid wooden markers into place around the three checkpoints equidistant from Wall Maria. "These three checkpoints will be where we make our stand. Commander Dok and Commander Pixis, any troops you provide will be fighting alongside us.

"The Survey Corps can leave as early as the end of next week to stock the final four checkpoints. I anticipate that mission taking less than two weeks. While we're absent, the MP and Garrison should be preparing their troops for the journey. I anticipate they'll need approximately four weeks of classroom instruction to be brought up to speed on Survey Corps conventions, as well as the reclamation strategy."

"What is this strategy?" asked the lord. "You never did tell us."

"Commanders Pixis and Nile have discussed it with me before. This is a good time to talk about it in more depth." He slid some markers into Mitras and began to push them north. "The operation will begin approximately two weeks after the Survey Corps returns from the final checkpoint mission. Once we return from that mission, we'll bring the newest set of Trainees into the fold and give them a crash course in Survey Corps methods and techniques. Then, we'll depart. The weakest troops will head north, where they are unlikely to encounter any titans. They'll be escorting supplies to the top of Wall Maria, which will be transported to Shiganshina to help block the hole in the wall from above: nets, cannons, traps and debris. I anticipate that trip taking about a week. We'll time the main body of our group to head south a few days later, so we reach the gate by Shiganshina at approximately the same time."

As he continued to explain the strategy in detail, Levi watched the others for any sign of mistrust. They were all listening intently. As Erwin continued speaking, his confidence seemed to be growing. It was if he could hear how much his plan made sense now that he was bouncing it off other people.

Levi glowed with pride.  _I chose the right man to follow._

Once Erwin had finished introducing them to the plan, the Council paused for a vote on whether or not the mission should proceed. Every hand rose except two: Minister Nick and his Wallist colleague.

"This is preposterous," said the Minister. "There's no way we should be tampering with the holy walls. Such a thing is utter blasphemy."

Levi eyed him, unimpressed. "Haven't you been listening? People are going to start dying if we don't claim more land."

The Minister had an unnatural glaze over his eyes. "Perhaps that is not what is meant to happen. Perhaps this famine is punishment for humanity's hubris-"

"Knock off the bullshit," said Weiman. "You're cloistered away in your safe little church, so far from the titans that you probably don't even know what they look like. The merchants in Trost are right on the boundary. All it takes is one broken gate-"

"It's immoral," barked the Wallist sitting next to the Minister.

Zackly pulled off his glasses and set them aside, massaging the marks they left behind. "Minister Nick, is there anything we can do to convince you to reclaim the wall?"

"The wall is not to be tampered with."

"Then perhaps you shouldn't be part of this conversation."

The Minister looked shocked. He glanced between the other faces, but no one would make eye contact with him. His eyes narrowed.

"The King will be none too pleased-"

"The King won't have any subjects to rule pretty soon," said Levi. "I'm sure he doesn't want his servants and his cooks and his soldiers to die of starvation."

The Minister looked scandalized. He stood. "He will be hearing about this." He and his cohort left the room, the door slamming behind them.

"Does the King actually give a shit about the Wallists?" asked Levi.

"It's a complicated matter," said Zackly. "Having Wallist representation was something he insisted on. We must respect his wishes. However, the Wallists are notoriously single-minded - hardly conducive of a collaborative project like the Council."

Levi turned to Erwin, whose eyes were narrow.  _He's trying to connect the dots, but he can't quite see it yet._

"It doesn't matter," said Nile. "The King is a reasonable man, and he knows we can't feed anyone unless we expand our territory. We should keep planning. I want to make sure his soldiers aren't walking into a death trap for nothing." He folded his arms over his chest. "I want to know more about how you're actually going to rebuild the Wall, Erwin, and how we're going to communicate this to the public."

They spent the next couple hours diving into Nile's question in more detail, then paused for lunch. A group of MP served them a bland stew with sweet bread and cheap tea. The room was surprisingly quiet as they ate.

Levi leaned close to Erwin, keeping his voice low. "How do you think it's going?"

Erwin gave him a polite smile. "Everyone's eager to move ahead with the reclamation. That's more than I expected."

"Your plan is good. We're going to succeed."

This time, the smile was genuine.

After lunch, the bulk of the Council disbanded, while the military branches stayed behind to plan: Zackly; Pixis and his aide, Anka; Nile and a female soldier Levi didn't know; Erwin and Levi. They began to pore over the plan in greater detail, assigning deadlines and charting a timeline. Everyone had suggestions and points to bring up, and Erwin incorporated them all. He had been so insecure about his plan in the past that he was probably relieved not to be the only one making strategic suggestions.

They broke for dinner, then pressed on.

By the time the city clock rang nine bells, Levi felt as if his eyes were crossing. Erwin had filled most of his notebook with notes, and Pixis and Nile were busy debating the number of carts they would need to assemble.

Zackly stood. "This has been incredibly productive. However, I think we need to take a break for the night and continue this at a later date." He glanced at his notebook. "Let's set up four or five days of strategic planning after your team returns from stocking the final checkpoint, Erwin, because you'll have the most up-to-date information available then.

"In the meantime: Erwin, your regiment will be in charge of coordinating weapons development and supply acquisition. Nile and Pixis, you will be responsible for dividing your soldiers up by skill and assigning them to squads respectively - northern, defense, scouting, and firefight. Pixis, I'll leave you to work on portable cannon requisition, carts and horses. Nile, you'll handle the acquisition of flares, blades and gas for the travelling teams, and assist Erwin with the financial planning. I'll speak with the King's people to ensure we have his approval - and perhaps try to assuage the Wallists.

"And Erwin, make sure you send detailed maps and strategy to the rest of us. We need to make sure to coordinate and standardize our classroom instruction for this mission."

"Thank you, sir."

The Commanders saluted the Commander-in-Chief, and then they filed out the door.

Once they were out of earshot of the building, Levi turned to Erwin. "That went well."

"Yeah?" said Erwin.

"Yeah. You were good. But I guess we're not going out for dinner after all."

"No. Sorry, I didn't realize it would take so long."

"Not your fault. That was important. Maybe drinks?" He yawned as he said it.

"Maybe." Erwin paused. "I want to discuss our relationship, but-"

"-we already talked all fucking day," finished Levi. "It can wait." Besides, it might be nice to have another night of cuddling under their belts before they spoke, in case their discussion ended up being of the 'let's step back a bit more until after Wall Maria' variety.

They returned to the hotel room, then took turns washing up for bed. Erwin eased into the bed, leaving space for Levi, who hovered in the bathroom doorway, uncertain.

Erwin shifted over a little more. "Would you like to read for a bit?"

"I thought you were tired."

"I am, but my mind is racing. I could use the distraction."

Levi nodded. They snuggled into the pillows - they had seemed too soft the night before, but now, Levi felt tension ebb from his neck and shoulders. He rolled onto his side to watch Erwin's face. They weren't quite touching, but that warmth under the covers was so welcoming that it felt as if they were.

Halfway through the chapter, Erwin read, "'She threw open the heavy oak door, then let out a startled cry. A tall man sat on the bed, his crimson hair tumbling sensually over his broad, well-muscled shoulders. Excitement tingled through her round, ample chest, travelling heatedly to her core. 'My beautiful lady,' he whispered seductively, "you appear to be shivering. Let me warm your alabaster skin with my-' Oh."

"Oh?" repeated Levi.

"I think this is a sex scene." Erwin flipped ahead a page, his brows rising. "Yes, it is."

"What? There wasn't supposed to be any smut in this one." Levi sat up and tried to reach for the book.

Erwin leaned away, flipping the page. "A long scene, apparently. It's rather graphic."

"It can't be  _that_  graphic. She's engaged to the duke, and she doesn't even know this guy's name."

"He's 'tasting the folds of her womanhood.' The author is overly fond of the word 'juices.'" He flipped the page, still reading.

"Disgusting," said Levi, but he leaned over Erwin, still trying to reach the book. "Either read it out loud or give it here."

Erwin's eyes twinkled at him as he held the book out of reach. "I didn't think you'd be interested in a woman's juices."

"I'm not, really," said Levi, but he was curious. He was on top of Erwin now, arm straining. "You're built like a fucking ape."

Erwin laughed, and while he was distracted, Levi snatched the book out of his grasp. He flopped back onto his side of the bed and began to read. "Oh."

"I told you: it's graphic."

"What the hell? Her juices are 'gushing forth like a fountain' - do vaginas really do that?"

"Well..." Erwin's cheeks were dark. "The author is taking poetic license, but they can get quite wet."

Levi turned the page. "How many women have you slept with?"

"Pardon me?" Erwin's ears turned pink.

"How many? More than just Marie, right?"

"Yes, but I'd prefer to keep the number to myself."

"Too many to count, huh?" Levi flipped the page. "Now her bosom is 'heaving.'"

"It just means her breaths are heavy and-"

"I know what it means. It's not just breasts that do it. All chests heave." Levi read the next line. "And bounce, too." He was starting to feel lightheaded from the inappropriate discussion.

"What?"

"With each thrust, they jiggle a little. Especially if they're muscular like yours." He suddenly realized how inappropriate it was to discuss this, and how aroused he was at the same time. He closed his mouth and continued reading. "Huh."

"What?"

He flipped to the end of the chapter. "This scene goes on forever."

"Maybe we should skip ahead," said Erwin absently, but he was squeezing his pectoral muscle with his hand. "Does my chest really bounce?"

"Yeah, a bit. Not nearly as much as your ass."

"I see." Erwin plucked the book out of Levi's hands.

"I was reading that."

"We'll continue tomorrow. I think it's time we both went to bed." Erwin swung his legs over the side of the bed and walked stiffly to the bathroom, his back positioned toward Levi.

 _Is he going to jerk off in there?_ The prospect was so dizzying that Levi sank into the pillow, adjusting the waistband of his pants. He couldn't shake the memory of Erwin's bouncing ass.

The bathroom door was closed. Levi strained his ears, listening for grunts or slapping or anything that would indicate Erwin was touching himself. Instead, he heard running water, then splashing.  _He's splashing cold water on his face._  Now he was picturing Erwin staring at himself in the mirror, water dripping off the sharp tip of his nose, trying to convince himself he wasn't all worked up.  _Shit, that's hot._

A few minutes later, Erwin exited the bathroom. The front of his pants was flat, and Levi wished he could say the same.

"We should get some sleep." Erwin slipped into the bed.

"I guess." Levi turned away from him, curling around the awkward lump in his pants. He felt a heavy arm drape around him, strong and warm, and that was only making it worse.

"Goodnight, Levi." The words rumbled against the back of his neck.

"Goodnight."

The lamp dimmed, then went out.

He closed his eyes, trying to focus on something neutral. He found himself thinking of the Council meeting, but that was even worse, because now he couldn't stop recalling how competent and composed Erwin had been. He had been in complete control the entire way through, even when he had let others think they had the floor. And that determined look on his face, that intense gaze-

_Fuck it._

He slipped out from under Erwin's arm and strode to the bathroom, feeling for the door. He locked the door behind him and lit the bathroom lamp, then lowered the toilet seat, pretending he was settling in for a lengthy visit.

Instead, he pulled his pants down and leaned against the far corner of the room. He grabbed himself, swallowing back a groan. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this turned on. Probably the time he had overheard Erwin at Christmas - he still felt guilty about eavesdropping back then.

He quietly began to move his hand. Heat rippled through him, along with a deep ache, a need to move faster. He fought the urge and kept it slow, because he needed to stay quiet. The slowness itself was tantalizing, and he soon felt himself sliding down the wall, too distracted to stay standing.

His muscles were tight with frustration; he pressed his free hand over his mouth, because he wasn't going to be able to hold back a moan much longer. His ass hit the floor; being bare-bottomed on the floor should be disgusting, but he didn't care.  _Keep it slow._ His entire arm was shaking with strain.  _Quiet. Slow and quiet._ He began to repeat the words with each stroke, hanging onto them like a mantra, even as they started losing their meaning. A sharp groan sounded in his throat, and he clamped his hand tighter.  _Quiet!_

Orgasm sneaked up on him so suddenly that he had to muffle a yelp. It felt so good, so good, his heels skidding across the floor again and again, trying to get traction, as if he were trying to push himself away from the pleasure.

His abdomen shuddered one last time, then stopped, and his hips slowly lowered back to the cold tile. Stars sparked in his vision. He was slumped against the wall now, a mess on his stomach - he hadn't even bothered to pull out a handkerchief.

He slowly unclasped his face, gasping for breath.  _Fuck._

He wanted more. He wanted to go back into the main room and climb on top of Erwin. He wanted to feel the man pushing him face-down into the mattress, riding him from behind. Scenario after scenario surfaced, each more pornographic than the last, and he was already starting to get hard again. He experimentally tried to continue, but he was too sensitive.

Just as well. This loss of control was embarrassing.

He carefully washed his hands and abdomen clean. The room smelled like sex now, and he wasn't sure how to fix that. Hopefully it would dissipate before Erwin was in here next.

He paused at the door for a moment, ashamed, before he opened it.

Erwin's breaths were heavy; he was definitely asleep. Levi wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed that he hadn't been overheard.

He slipped back into bed. Erwin gave a small, half-asleep moan and pulled him in with one arm.

He wanted more. "Erwin," he said softly.

"Mm?"

"What the hell are we?"

He could tell by the tension in Erwin's arm that he was awake, but there was no reply.


	37. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, for all your amazing support! I can't believe you've read this far. HOLY SHIT.
> 
> I'd like to give shout-outs to two amazing artists for their lovely renditions of HCT art!
> 
> aileine made a hilarious 2-panel comic inspired by chapter 35. I'm still laughing, lol.  
> http://aileine.tumblr.com/post/135444721163/
> 
> elisacosplay made a touching picture of Erwin & Levi embracing in the carriage in chapter 36.  
> http://elisacosplay.tumblr.com/post/135915770057/
> 
> Thank you both for your amazing art! 
> 
> Also, blacknekoh has posted the first chapter of an Italian translation of HCT!! AWESOME! Thank you so much! :D If you read Italian, you can find the link here: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/136170801996/
> 
> ~
> 
> Previous chapter: Sahlo is dead, and some shifty folks were involved, but Leona is still on Erwin's side. Erwin proposes a push for Wall Maria. Levi and Erwin cope with unresolved sexual tension. Lots and lots of it.

**-37-**

**Change**

Erwin read Levi's assignments aloud over breakfast. They sat at the table in the hotel room, sharing a loaf of bread with honey and a fresh pot of tea. It wasn't unusual for them to share a meal together - even since their separation, they had continued to take their lunches and dinners together, often just the two of them. But something was different. Maybe it was the way Levi looked at him with focus instead of his usual indifference. Maybe it was just the knowledge that they had spent the night as intertwined as they had in the days when they had been lovers. The wall between them had crumbled, and now they stood on either side, trying to decide if they should cross the line where the barrier had stood.

Once he had finished the list, he sipped at his tea and grimaced; it was cold. Levi swallowed a mouthful of bread, then spoke.

"You're going to be okay here?"

"I'll be fine." He was staying behind in Mitras for a few days. The primary objective was to sort out Sahlo's inheritance, but he had also been summoned for questioning about his death by the MP. He wondered if the tall man's threat would come into play. Was pushing for Wall Maria considered "out of line?"

While Erwin would still be in charge of refining their strategy for the final checkpoint mission, Levi and Mike would be handling the bulk of the planning back in Trost, sorting out squad assignments and resources. The bulk of Erwin's focus would be shifting a few weeks ahead to the reclamation effort. Their timeline was tight, and he wanted to have everything ready early so he could revise it as much as possible. It would be humanity's most ambitious push to date. He wasn't going to fail.

Once they had finished breakfast, Levi gathered the last of his things. They stared awkwardly at each other for a moment. A taste rose in Erwin's memory: Levi's mouth, with its natural sweet notes and strong mint overtones.

He gripped Levi's shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. This one lingered too long, but he couldn't bring himself to end it. Levi's hands smoothed slowly up and down his back.

"When I get back to Trost," said Erwin, "let's make some time to retire to the guard tower and have that talk we've been putting off."

"I already know how it'll go," said Levi quietly. "We'll agree we both want each other, but we'll decide to wait until after Wall Maria. Like always."

As Erwin bent down to breathe in the scent of the dark hair, he had the feeling their version of 'waiting' was just as ridiculous as their version of 'taking it slowly' had been at the very start of their relationship.

When the door closed behind Levi, the room felt colder.

There was no time to linger. He had a meeting downtown with the merchant's guild to start arranging supply delivery.

That afternoon, he met with the MP for questioning about Sahlo's death, and found them disinterested. Apparently the tall man hadn't felt the need to use the evidence he had planted - or maybe he had discovered that the evidence was faulty. Whatever the case, Erwin was glad, as that would have been a waste of time they didn't have.

The next few days passed in a steady stream of meetings and planning. He spent two full days with Pixis and Nile and their officers, making sure they were ready with the classroom material for the reclamation. He met with lawyers and accountants to claim his share of Sahlo's will, then distributed the funds into the appropriate accounts. Some of the funds wouldn't be available for awhile, but there was already more than enough to start paying for supplies for the reclamation effort. He anticipated having a large gift to deliver to Leona in the upcoming weeks. Maybe he would even buy back his half of the apartments he had sold to Levi the previous year.

On the evening of the fourth day, he attended Sahlo's funeral.

Since the lord's house had been demolished and he had no surviving family, the funeral was held in a memorial park in the rich end of town. Erwin wasn't surprised to see that the seats were mostly empty. Less than a dozen people were in attendance. He saw only two familiar faces: Lady Gunnhild sat in the front row, and the tall man with the flat-brimmed hat stood at the trees at the back of the park. The tall man was accompanied with a short man with a round face; Erwin had never seen him before. He nodded at the tall man; the man sneered in response.

No one from the Underground was there, not even the vendors with whom he had known, legitimate business relationships. That seemed odd to Erwin until he remembered Sahlo had been the only lord arranging day passes up to the surface. He doubted anyone else had stepped in. Whatever questionable moves Sahlo had made, it had done a great deal of good for the Underground. They must not forget to carry the Underground with them when it came time for humanity to take a step forward.

A Wallist led the ceremony, referring to Sahlo almost exclusively as "Brother Etienne" as he rattled off a list of the lord's accomplishments with the church. With a brief prayer, he scattered his ashes, and the service ended. Erwin stood, feeling empty. Lady Gunnhild approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Doing okay, Erwin?" she asked. "I know the two of you worked together a lot."

He gave her a flat smile. "I wasn't aware the two of you did."

She shook her head. "We didn't, really. We dated for a time when we were young, and we always stayed on friendly terms, though I never approved of his business ethics." She frowned. "Looks like it all came back to bite him, in the end. The MP won't tell me who killed him, but I'm sure it was one of those gangsters he was working with."

It was strange to picture Sahlo dating anyone; he was too selfish and self-involved. Then again, maybe people thought that about Erwin, too. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Yours, too. Pity the Wallists don't believe in headstones. Now I don't have anywhere to sit and tell him 'I told you so.'" She smiled, but a tear trickled down her cheek. She dabbed at it with a lace-bordered handkerchief.

Erwin was accustomed to letting his officers deal with crying people at funerals; his role required him to steel himself to public displays of emotion like this. He had already said he was sorry for her loss - what more was there to do?

Luckily, she spoke: "If you need to take your mind off things, I'd be happy to take you to dinner. I know a little place that does a great spiced trout."

His polite smile must have said it all, because she nodded.

"I see. Come speak to me before you set out for Wall Maria, Commander. I've heard rumours Squad Leader Hange is doing experiments on live titans, and I'd be interested in supporting such research."

"Thank you," he said. "Perhaps I'll bring Hange with me next time I'm in town."

She smiled and walked away. He glanced back at the tall man and his companion, but they were already gone.

In the absence of wind, the bulk of Sahlo's ashes had landed a short distance from the podium, streaking the grass grey. Erwin crouched over the streak. More than four decades of machinations and personal ambitions, and all that was left was a smudge of ash on the ground.

This was a glimpse into his future - almost. He would have more attendees at his funeral, but most of them would be there out of obligation, and they would remember him as a Commander, not as Erwin Smith. Men like him, men like Sahlo, they didn't make friends. He could count all his friends on one hand.

He retired to his hotel room with a bottle of wine, and ended the night curled around Levi's pillow, trying to breath in traces of lemon scent.

.*.*.*.

On the fifth day since Levi's return to Trost, he stood beside Mike in the courtyard, his weight shifting from foot to foot.

"Awfully impatient," said Mike.

"Shut up."

Mike leaned closer, sniffing Levi's hair.

Levi punched his arm. "The hell are you doing?"

"Just trying to sniff your scent on its own one last time before I start smelling Erwin all over it."

"Knock it off." Levi sidestepped away. "You're presuming too much. Asshole."

Mike grinned.

Levi wished he had the man's confidence. Things with Erwin were strange right now. At least he'd kept his mind off it for a few days - planning was keeping him busy. Together with Dita and Mike, he had built all the squads for the upcoming expedition, and he had a first draft ready for the reclamation effort after it, too. It was difficult to allocate spaces for the new recruits without knowing how many were going to join, but based on the previous years' numbers, they had gone with a conservative estimate of eighty.

Hange, meanwhile, had been busy with a small titan; Mike's squad had captured it just outside the wall. Levi had ventured downstairs to the lab once, but had avoided it since. Hange and Moblit had been spearing the titan's knee, measuring how the titan's super-healing abilities had locked up its joints.

"For a new weapon," Hange had said, turning to Levi with such a cruel grin that he had taken a step back. He had forgotten how ruthless Hange could be in pursuit of knowledge about the titans.

That had been their only interaction, until Hange had walked by them at breakfast this morning and said, "twenty-five on kiss, but no sex," to Mike. And that's how Levi found out the two of them had been betting on his sex life. No wonder they had both been annoyed when Levi had told them nothing had happened in Mitras. Judging by the way Mike was sniffing him now, his fresh bet was on considerably more happening than just a kiss.

A carriage began to roll up the driveway. Levi folded his arms over his chest, attempting to look bored. The carriage stopped, and the door opened. A large boot settled on the step, then Erwin stood tall.

Levi watched him for a flicker of joy, or any little recognition that things were different between them, but the Commander's face was flat.

"We have much to discuss," he said, nodding at each of them in turn.

Levi wasn't sure why he had expected anything else. Erwin always wore his business face in situations like this. A little snuggling in a hotel room wasn't going to change that - it never had before.

They gathered the other officers and settled in Erwin's office, where they gave him a status update on the checkpoint expedition preparation. Everything was on track for them to leave within a few days. Erwin filled them in on what had been happening in Mitras, as well as their plans for Wall Maria.

"Make sure you keep your schedules clear in the upcoming weeks to handle preparation," he said, "and delegate as many tasks to your Executive Officers and Team Leaders as you can. Wall Maria is of utmost importance, so we all need to be focused."

"What about capturing more titans?" asked Hange, looking a bit pouty.

"Yes, that will be critical." Erwin pulled out a file and handed it over. "We have a massive influx of budget - I'm sure Levi must have told you by now that Lord Sahlo passed away and left us a large portion of his inheritance."

They all turned to look at Levi, who sank deeper into his seat and shrugged. "Oh. Sahlo's dead."

"Yes," said Erwin, looking a bit taken aback. "He was murdered last week. Long story short, the money he left to me drastically increases our available budget. We're going to spend part of that on supplies, but the rest will go into weapons. Hange, you mentioned you wanted to work on spring-loaded spear traps and stronger nets; I'm trusting you to pull this together as quickly as possible."

"Of course, sir. We're already making good progress." Hange took the file.

"Dita, Mike, Levi: you'll be taking some of Hange's planning workload. Dita, you'll be in charge of assessing horse fitness and acquiring any supplies we'll need for them. Mike, you'll be in charge of food and weapon supplies. Levi, I want you to evaluate your Special Operations Squad and make sure you have the best possible people for these missions. I anticipate your ability to float through the formation to be critical during the reclamation. As well, you and I will have final say on the personnel assignments. Pixis and Nile will be deferring to us, and I'll need your help judging where each of their regiment's squads should go." Erwin lowered his chin, giving them a determined look. "Together, we will reclaim Wall Maria and ensure the survival of humanity."

"Sir," said Dita, saluting, and Mike nodded. Hange was too busy reading the file. Levi watched Erwin, trying to get a read on him.

"Dismissed for now," said Erwin. "Mike, Levi and Dita, we'll discuss the squad reassignments after dinner."

The others filtered out of the room, but Levi hung back.

"Levi?" asked Erwin, still using his professional voice.

So the mask wasn't lowering. Levi nodded. "We'll talk later."

With all the planning they had to do, their personal baggage could wait.

.*.*.*.

That night, Levi finished washing up for bed, then strode back to his bedroom. He paused at the door, then glanced at Erwin's room. The light was off. He slipped his key into the lock anyway and turned the handle, easing the door open.

The bed was empty.

The light was still on in Erwin's office. He opened the door without knocking.

Erwin's cheek lay on his desk; his hand still gripped a pen. Levi felt a swell of fondness. He hadn't seen Erwin fall asleep at his desk in months. _Dumb bastard probably loves every second of this stress._

He retrieved two blankets and returned to Erwin's side, draping one over his shoulders. Then, he plucked the pen out of Erwin's hand, putting it carefully away. Erwin stirred and mumbled something unintelligible, then began to snore.

"You're going to have a sore neck when you wake up," said Levi, but it seemed best to let him sleep. If he woke up now, he would probably drink a bunch of tea and keep working.

Levi lay back on the couch, slinging his legs over the arm rest, and pulled the second blanket over himself.

This stress what Erwin lived for, and Levi was going to be at his side every step of the way.

.*.*.*.

The next couple days passed in a blur of paperwork and planning tasks; their time was split between the upcoming checkpoint expedition and the reclamation itself. Levi floated between the groups, helping Mike pack blades, gas and signal canisters, then helping Dita decide how many carts to requisition. The party travelling north during the reclamation would have special equipment needs to weather the brutal cold, so he sent Eld and Oluo up to a factory town north of Trost to speak with a specialized vendor. The last thing they needed was for the entire operation to fail due an unexpected equipment malfunction. The success of the reclamation depended on the wall supply team being in place when the bulk of the military arrived at the gate.

When he wasn't helping the other officers plan, he worked with his squad, ensuring the revised teams were operating well as units. As for his Special Operations Squad, in the end, after reviewing countless files, he stuck with the five who had been with him for some time: Petra, Eld, Oluo, Gunther, and Anton. Though their selection should have been no surprise to any of his returning squad members, they celebrated as if he had just granted them lordship.

At night, he stayed in Erwin's office, intermittently helping him with work and napping on the couch to keep him company. It felt like the old days again. A couple times, he woke to find a jacket or a blanket draped over him, Erwin working quietly at his desk as if nothing had happened. One night, he fell asleep sitting in the couch, and awoke to find Erwin curled on his side, his large frame barely fitting on the couch, with his cheek on Levi's thigh.

The day before the checkpoint mission, the base was abuzz with excitement. Everyone was aware that all the hard work they had done until now - all the lives lost, all their retreading of the same ground dozens of times - was one last push away from their ultimate goal.

Even Levi's muscles vibrated with energy. He brought two lunches to Erwin's desk, eager to repeat their shared lunch ritual one last time before the mission.

"It's a lovely day outside," said Erwin with a smile. "Shall we take a more casual lunch and go up to the tower?"

"Oh. Sure."

As they sneaked into the abandoned hallway and slipped through the door, Levi tried to guess why Erwin was taking him up there. Were they finally going to talk about everything? The timing seemed odd.

They spread an old sheet across the top of the tower and sat. The sun was bright and warm; birds flitted around them, and the air smelled of pollen and grass.

Erwin pulled off his jacket and set it aside, then rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt. Levi tried not to stare at the muscled forearms, at the fuzz of hair across them. He wanted to feel those arms around him, wanted to see them strain as Erwin's hands tightened into the bedsheets...

"We're dancing around everything without really dealing with it," he said aloud without thinking through how out of the blue it might seem.

Luckily, Erwin must have been thinking about their relationship, too, because he nodded. "We aren't even dancing around it so much as avoiding it entirely."

"Yeah."

"Should we address it now?" asked Erwin.

"I guess it depends if it's going to hurt or not. We've got a mission tomorrow, and we'll have a lot of planning to do after that for Wall Maria." Levi tore off a piece of bread and slipped it into his mouth, thoughtful. When he swallowed, he added, "Though it probably doesn't matter. Being heartbroken didn't distract us or slow us down before."

"Heartbroken," repeated Erwin softly, as if considering the word.

"You wouldn't call it that?"

"I suppose. It just makes our separation sound that much worse."

He looked so solemn that Levi said, "Don't get hung up on the word."

"Fair enough. Then let me say this: I miss spending my nights with you. And not just sleeping at my desk while you sleep in a couch or a chair - it's not the same as sharing a bed. "

That was a good place to start. "You planning on sleeping in your bed tonight? I could come by."

"I might stay up if I'm too jittery. Regardless, it would be nice to take some time to ourselves." Erwin glanced at him. "Maybe we can read a bit more."

"Yeah. But that last book was getting weird."

"It was. We'll select another one."

They ate, pausing only to discuss outstanding tasks before the next day's mission.

Then they finished, but Erwin didn't make any motion to head back down. Instead, he tilted his head back as if soaking in the sun's rays. Levi studied his neck: the thick throat, the strong swoop of muscles on either side, the hollow at the base. He wanted to kiss it, to nuzzle under his chin and feel the rasp of stubble against his face.

These thoughts couldn't lead anywhere good. He leaned against the short wall instead, eyes on the horizon.

For several minutes, they were silent, enjoying the warm sun and each other's presence.

"Levi," said Erwin quietly.

Levi felt him staring. He turned. "What?"

The words were soft, Erwin's jaw barely moving: "When did I become so afraid of my feelings for you?"

Levi blinked, his lips parting to form a response, but he didn't know what to say. "What?" he said finally.

"I caught myself admiring your ear just now." Erwin leaned forward, staring even more intently. "I tried to remember the scent of your skin here-" He tapped below his own ear, then ran a finger down his neck to his collar. "And I found myself deciding to nuzzle you there tonight, and I felt a surge of fear."

Levi's breaths slid across his parted lips, drying them, but he knew there was no way to moisten them without using his tongue or biting them, and either would seem provocative in context. "You're fucking creepy."

Erwin smiled. "I am a bit, aren't I?"

"Talking about smelling my neck - don't say shit like that. We're still separated."

"I know. It just seems that the more I try to ignore these kinds of thoughts, the more prevalent they become."

Levi finally closed his mouth; he tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. He sat tall and quietly untied his cravat, letting it slide off his neck like water. Erwin was still watching.

"Well?" said Levi.

"Well, what?"

"Ignoring it isn't working, right? So get it over with now." Levi tilted his head to the side a little. "If you start snuffling around my neck in bed, things are going to get out of control. We both know it. It's safer here." He was so dizzy that this logic seemed sound.

"We're still separated."

"Yeah, I know."

After an excruciating moment, Erwin moved slowly toward Levi, as if approaching a stray cat that might spook. He sat cross-legged in front of him, their knees almost touching.

"If we cross this line-" began Erwin.

"We've crossed a shitload already," said Levi. "It's just one more."

A broad hand reached out, the thumb grazing the skin under Levi's ear. He took in a sharp breath; it shuddered as he let it out.

"I knew touch would be our undoing." Erwin's eyes were glazed, and the words were weightless, as if he wasn't aware he was speaking. "Once I started touching you again, l couldn't stop."

"We haven't undone anything yet."

Erwin leaned forward, hovering millimetres from the skin under Levi's ear, and breathed in, but it was the exhale that undid Levi: warm, damp and fluttering. His toes curled in his boots, his hands tightening into fists. In that moment, with Erwin's breath hot against his ear, he would have crossed every line for him.

"You smell clean," whispered Erwin. "You always smell clean." The tip of his nose drifted down the length of Levi's neck.

Levi couldn't speak, and he knew his breaths were probably ragged, but he had lost control over them.

Erwin began to pull away, but instead of pulling away entirely, their foreheads rested gently against each other. His breath was hot on Levi's lips, the taste familiar and enticing.

"Levi."

His name - he loved the way Erwin said his name, breathless and rumbling all at once. He cupped the back of Erwin's neck, felt him mirror the motion. The tips of their noses grazed each other, and warm, damp air filled the tiny space between their mouths.

"What are we doing, Levi?" The whisper skimmed Levi's lips, and fingers tightened around the back of his neck. He wanted to lunge forward into the broad lips. He wanted to lay flat against him, to roll, to feel their weight on each other, to disappear into each other.

Instead, he slowly moved his lips forward, turning a skim into a graze, the faintest whisper of a kiss, then retracting it. His mind was alight. Every muscle tingled. Neither of them moved, but the breaths sped up between their mouths.

"Levi..." This time, Erwin closed the gap, the graze a little longer, tentative, as if feeling his way along a wall in a dark room.

Levi was afraid to reply, afraid to say anything that might break the spell between them. Their noses rolled together, just barely, and this kiss was firmer, but still slow, still tentative.

"We should stop," breathed Erwin, but his free hand rose to Levi's chin, thumb tracing his lower lip, coaxing it open a crack. Their heads barely tilted, their lips melding together. This was a proper kiss, but still shy.

Then they both broke the kiss, their foreheads still pressed together. Levi closed his eyes and felt the world revolve around them.

The clock tower in town square rang once.

"You have a meeting to get to," whispered Erwin.

"They can wait." Levi leaned forward to kiss him again, but Erwin pulled away.

They stared at each other, still breathing hard, as their hands dropped away from each other. The breeze was cold between them, and Levi's neck was damp and bare. He had never felt so exposed.

"There's no going back now," said Erwin, "is there?"

"There was never any going back." Levi stood; his knees felt weak, but they held. "You coming?"

"I'm going to take a minute or two to sort out my thoughts," said Erwin with a polite smile.

Levi searched his eyes for a moment, then shrugged, overcompensating for his drumming heart. "You still want me to come by tonight?"

"Yeah, if you're comfortable with it. We sleep better in the same bed."

"Yeah. Good to be rested for an expedition." Levi tied his cravat in place. Even with the caress of the fabric against his neck, the only thing he could feel there was Erwin's nose.

 _Focus._ He threw open the trap door and quickly climbed down the ladder, thinking ahead to the meeting with his squad.

.*.*.*.

Even though Squad Levi had been fundamentally unchanged for months, they would be critical players in the reclamation expedition, so Levi had devised a harder training regimen than usual. As he watched them spar, he was already noting a marked improvement in their conditioning, particularly the power of their snap movements. Perhaps he would suggest the alteration to the other Squad Leaders in advance of their major expedition.

They were just wrapping up for the day, when Petra approached him. "Captain," she said, saluting. He wondered why she was always so formal around him; weren't they friends by now?

"What is it?" he asked, watching Oluo throw blades at a target.

"I was wondering if you might have a moment to talk after dinner." She shifted her weight to one foot. "Maybe we could meet and go for a walk?"

"Something wrong?" he asked, hoping it was nothing embarrassing. His old squad member Sonya had once tried to talk to him about a menstrual issue, and it had been one of the most uncomfortable conversations in his life.

"Not really wrong," she said. "Just something I need to talk about."

He scanned her squad mates. Eld and Gunther had their backs half-turned to them, as if trying to pretend they weren't listening. Anton seemed to be studying the fabric covering a target dummy with great interest. Only Oluo was acting naturally, but he seemed angry, launching blades at the target with unusual effort. _I see._ He had really been hoping Petra's feelings for him were platonic, but if not, then this conversation needed to happen.

"Okay, Petra. We'll talk. I'll meet you in the yard at seven."

"Thank you, sir." She saluted again, face beet red.

Levi gave a low sigh as she walked away.

He grabbed two dinner trays and brought them to Erwin's office, where the officers would be meeting for a mission briefing. He found Dita, Mike and Hange sitting on the couches, trays balanced on their laps. Erwin's seat was empty.

Levi set the second tray on his desk. "Where's Erwin?"

"Downtown meeting with a merchant. He'll be back in about ten minutes," said Hange. "What's wrong?"

"Huh?"

"You look even more sour than usual. What's going on?"

Levi flopped to a seat on the couch with an irritable huff. "Petra wants to talk to me after dinner."

"Oh," said Hange, drawing out the word. Mike chuckled. Dita looked confused.

"Knock it off," said Levi.

"Did I miss something?" said Dita.

Hange leaned forward, eyes gleaming. "She's going to confess her love for him."

"What? I thought everyone knew he wasn't interested in women."

"Apparently not. I don't know how she can watch him all the time and somehow miss him mooning over Erwin, but-"

"Shut up," growled Levi, already beginning to panic. His mouth was dry.

Mike stood and then knelt in front of him. Levi's lip curled.

"The hell are you doing?"

"Helping out poor Petra," said Mike. "You're going to put your hands on her shoulders, like this." He put his hands on Levi's shoulders. "You're going to look her in the eye and say, very clearly, 'Petra, I'm gay.'"

The other officers chuckled; Levi looked away. "Get your giant ham hands off me."

"Say it exactly like that."

"I've already told her-"

"You've told her a bunch of bullshit no one could understand. You have to be up front about it. And when you finish that conversation, you're going to go to Erwin, and you're going to put your hands on his shoulders, like this-"

"If you can reach them," said Hange.

"Shut up," said Levi.

"-and," continued Mike, "you're going to look him in the eye-"

"If you can-" said Hange.

"Fuck off," snapped Levi.

"-and tell him, 'Erwin, I'm gay.'"

Hange laughed. "He already knows that. Tell him, 'I want to go to your bedroom and have weird, cravat-biting sex with you.'"

Levi knocked Mike's arms away and shifted to a different cushion, trying to get away from them. "You two are fucking assholes. Dita's probably thinking we're all idiots."

Dita chuckled. "Actually, Captain-"

The door opened, and Erwin strode through. Dita immediately fell silent, but Hange was still snickering.

"Did I miss something funny?" asked Erwin, sitting at his desk.

Levi scowled. "Just Hange and Mike and their shitty sense of humour."

"I see." Erwin took a sip of his stew, then grimaced. He poked at it. "Did they run out of salt and pepper in the kitchen again?"

"At least it's food," said Levi.

"True." Erwin pulled out a file. "Shall we begin?"

As they went through the mission parameters for what felt like the hundredth time, Levi's eyes drifted to Erwin's mouth. The kisses they had shared atop the tower felt as if they had happened in another lifetime, in a dream. He tried to picture how Erwin would react if he took Mike and Hange's suggestion, and could only come up with a blank expression.

After dinner, he rose with the other officers, ready to leave.

"Levi," said Erwin. "Wait."

He stopped and turned. The door closed behind him. "What?"

"Will you still be joining me tonight?"

"I already said I would."

"I picked out a new book. I think it'll be more comfortable to read than the last one. I thought maybe we could do the final rounds together, then-"

"I've gotta talk to Petra first."

Erwin sat tall. "Oh?"

"She wants to talk about something." He paused. "Mike and Hange think she's going to confess she has feelings for me."

"I see." Erwin's throat bobbed. Levi squinted at him. _Does he really think I might be bisexual? I thought Mike was full of shit._ "You know I'm not interested, right?"

Erwin gave his impossible-to-read polite smile. "But if you were-"

"I'm not."

"-it would be understandable. I've seen the way she looks at you; she cares for you a great deal. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to be with someone who wasn't afraid to get close to you."

"Did you put on your bolo tie too tight?" Mike's idea wasn't seeming so overblown now. Levi folded his arms over his chest. "Look, I like Petra a lot. Care for her, even. But I'm interested in men, period. In _one_ man." The mood was so intense that he added dryly, "And maybe that bartender we had in Mitras that one time."

Erwin smiled. "Ah, yes. The sharp-tongued fellow with the moustache."

"Only if he shaved that thing, though."

"Pity - the moustache was part of his charm."

The mood had lightened so much that Levi hated to bring it down again. Their eyes held as he tried to figure out what to say.

Erwin looked down at the papers on his desk. "Petra will be waiting for you. I'm very serious: don't be afraid to-"

"Stop trying to pawn me off on her." Frustration welled within Levi. _Why the hell do you make yourself so difficult to love?_ He turned on his heel and marched for the door. "I'll come find you in a bit."

As he strode through the building, the frustration drained from him, and ice began to form in his stomach. He wasn't good at emotional discussions. Erwin was the only person he had ever really been able to speak directly with about his feelings, and lately, even that was difficult.

Petra was leaning against a tree, hugging her chest. When she saw him, she stood tall and gave him a shy smile. "Captain. Thank you for coming."

"Yeah." He stopped in front of her. "Nice night." The sky was cloudy, but the air was warm.

"I thought we might go on a walk through the park."

"Petra-" he said, trying to find the courage to be blunt.

"Please," she said softly. "It won't take long."

They strode side-by-side through the park. The two of them had gone for many walks together, but usually on missions - Levi often scheduled their watches to coincide, because he enjoyed her company. He glanced at her and found himself wondering how simple this would be if he wasn't gay. She was cute, and they were almost the same height; he had never had a partner as short as him before. Her kind expression was likely a pleasant contrast to his perpetual scowl. She was sweet, caring, and a competent warrior.

She glanced at him, her eyes shining, and he felt his breath catch. When she looked at him, he felt wanted. Needed. When was the last time Erwin had looked at him that honestly? When had anyone? Not since Isabel - but no, she had looked at him as a girl, as a little sister. Petra was looking at him as a woman.

Petra stopped at a bench and sat, muttering to herself about how it should be a good place to talk. He sat beside her, leaving a small gap.

"Okay." She shifted so she was half-facing him, looking him in the eye. "This is really stupid, Captain, and I'm sorry for wasting your time, but please listen. From the moment I first met you, I could tell there was something special about you."

Levi felt his heart flutter in his throat. "Special?"

"You have this spark about you, this drive to fight for survival at all costs. I could tell immediately you were the type of man I wanted to dedicate my life to."

"When I took you hostage?" His brows furrowed.

"Oh. Right, but- I guess after that-" Her eyes closed, and she took a shaky breath. "I love working for you. With you. I love that you've picked me to be on your Special Operations Squad for the most important mission humanity will ever undertake."

"Well, you were already on my squad," he said. "That shouldn't have been a surprise. You're one of the strongest soldiers in our entire regiment."

She gave him a shy smile and looked down. "Thank you, sir. I just... The upcoming two missions seem so final, you know? We're on the cusp of humanity's greatest counterattack. And it's got me thinking a lot about what I did and didn't do in my life. We all know the odds. We all know there's a good chance we won't come back. I don't want to leave anything unsaid if..." She paused. "If the worst happens to one of us."

At the words, panic seized his lungs. He couldn't breathe. He saw Isabel's severed head, with its staring, dead eyes... _Big brother..._ Now he could see Petra staring at him the same way- No, he had to stop associating the two of them. They weren't the same person. He struggled to keep the memory buried, where it belonged.

"Captain," said Petra, and then she hesitated. Her face screwed up with resolve. "No: Levi. There's something I need to tell you."

He snapped back to himself. "I'm gay."

She blinked at him. "What?"

She looked so bewildered that he wondered if she wasn't interested in him after all. "Mike and Hange said I should tell you."

Petra's eyes narrowed as if she were struggling to comprehend him. "You're gay. Really? I-" Her chin wobbled for a moment, and then she clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh, shit. You're gay."

"Yeah."

"Oh, shit." She gave a distressed sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "Oh, shit. You're gay. I told my sister- I had all these- Oh, shit."

"I thought everyone knew." He wasn't used to his orientation creating this much of a stir. "Eld knew."

"Oh, shit, of course he knew. He was trying to tell me, but I thought I was seeing all these signs... Oh, shit." She lifted her other hand to her face, hiding behind both. "You must think I'm so stupid. Just a dumb girl with a crush on the Captain."

"Petra," he said, but he wasn't sure what was appropriate right now. Should he offer her a hug? Leave her alone?

A tear trailed down her chin, and he had his answer. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a clean handkerchief.

She accepted it, then turned away and blew her nose. The sound made him jump.

"Look, maybe I haven't been very clear with you." He shifted on the bench. "I thought you had figured out there was someone else." He paused. "Or there used to be, anyway."

She sniffled and dabbed at her face, then turned to face him, her eyes bloodshot. "The person who gave you the ring?"

How did she know about the ring? "Sort of."

Her eyes widened with recognition. "The Commander."

He winced. "Don't be-"

"I can't believe I didn't put two and two together until now. You talk about him nonstop."

"I don't-"

"I thought you just looked up to him, but the way you two look at each other-"

"We don't look at each other."

"And when he was telling me you had once dreamed of marriage, he looked so sad." She bowed her head, and her voice wavered. "Of course. No one would be good enough for you but the Survey Corps' best."

His heart broke for her. He knew a thing or two about how she was feeling. _Fuck it._ He reached out and pulled her in for a hug. She buried her nose in his neck and clung to him, her grip tight. In spite of all her muscle, she was small and soft.

When they pulled apart, her eyes were still damp, but she gave him a kind smile. "I'm sorry, Captain. I feel like an idiot for dumping all this on you tonight."

"It's fine." He paused. "You can call me Levi."

She shook her head, looking down. "I think I should stick to Captain."

"Okay."

She handed back his handkerchief, then stood and saluted, a determined look on her face. "I want you to know this doesn't change anything. I'm going to devote the rest of my life to your command. I'll devote myself twice as hard, so you know I'm not just acting out of dumb puppy love."

"I never thought that."

"Well, maybe others did." Her face softened. "Good luck with the Commander. It sounded like things were complicated."

"Yeah."

"I hope it works out. More than anything, I want you to be happy." Her cheeks were dark, and her jaw was wobbling again. "I'm sorry. I should go."

He nodded. "Get some sleep before the expedition tomorrow."

"Sir." She saluted, then briskly walked away.

He watched her leave, then let out a low sigh and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.

As horrible as he felt for Petra, it felt good to be wanted.

He wanted Erwin to want him the way Petra did. He wanted to recapture the spell they had found themselves under on the tower. He wanted Erwin to look at him with wonder and helplessness, to come undone.

He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets, pacing toward the base. _Just talk to him,_ he told himself. _Do what Mike and Hange said. Lay it all out for him. Don't let him push you away until you get an answer._

He passed a young pair of soldiers frantically making out on a bench; they didn't notice him in the dim lamplight. Any other day, he would have given them hell for breaking protocol - more to scare them into concealing themselves better in the future than out of true discipline - but instead, he glanced at their clawing hands, their frantic movements. Is that what he and Erwin had looked like, back when they had been unafraid to give in to lust? He liked to think they had been more dignified. He felt a grasp of thick fingertips between his shoulder blades, on his ass, and he shivered.

He could see Erwin's office window from the court yard; the light was out. His pulse sped up. _He's waiting for me in his bedroom._

He paused at the bedroom door; he could see the lit cracks of lamplight around it.

_Lay it all out for him. Get an answer._

He pushed into his own bedroom instead.

He took longer than usual getting ready for bed, taking a bath first. The water was so brisk that it distracted him, and he focused on his routine. He carefully dried his hair with a towel and parted it. When there were no more reasons to delay, he pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and trudged to Erwin's door. He raised his fist to knock, but decided to open it instead.

Erwin sat in the bed, propped upright by a couple pillows. He looked up at Levi with a placid face.

Levi closed and locked the door, then leaned against it. He searched for his own words, but found Petra's instead. "We all know there's a good chance we won't come back. I don't want to leave anything unsaid."

He stood there, jaw trembling, desperate for any hint of a sign. But Erwin gave none: his face was still placid.

"I see," was all he said.

Levi felt a swell of frustration. Words were getting them nowhere. _Fuck it._

He strode across the room, caught Erwin's jaw and kissed him hard. Their noses mashed together, and their teeth clashed.

A hand pressed to his chest, pushing him away.

Erwin stared at him, eyes wide and blue, hand still on his chest. Levi heard his own breaths rasping between them, as ragged and frayed as his confidence. He couldn't move, couldn't speak.

The hand on his chest slowly slid up his collarbone, then his neck, and hooked around the back of it. Their gaze still hadn't broken. Erwin's eyelids were low. He wasn't pulling away.

Levi leaned in again.

This time, Erwin's lips were soft. It caught Levi off guard, and he moaned; he heard a catching breath in response. He leaned into the kiss, one knee on the bed. The soft lips parted beneath him, and then their tongues slid together, gently at first, but then the hand at his nape grabbed his hair, pulling him in closer. _Oh, fuck._ He could feel Erwin probing deep into his mouth, and that was when he realized six months' worth of tension was about to consume them.

Without breaking the kiss, he threw a leg over Erwin's body, grinding into his lap over the covers. The hand in his hair tightened, and he heard a low growl. The hips began to counterthrust beneath him.

 _This blanket is too thick._ Levi pulled away to move it.

Erwin seized the opening; he caught Levi's ass with his free hand and rolled, pinning him to the bed with a deep kiss. He freed himself from the blanket and lay on top of Levi, grinding him into the bed. So good, his weight felt so good, his movements surprisingly rough. Levi clawed into his shoulder blades, writhing against him. _He wants me. He wants me..._ He wanted to be closer. He wrapped his legs around Erwin's hips, arching up against him. Erwin ground hard into him, so violently that Levi was afraid they were both going to orgasm before they even had their pants off. Then Erwin was kissing his neck, his collarbone, nuzzling beneath his chin. He was sucking hard. Too hard. It hurt. It felt so good.

Then he pulled away - leaving Levi gasping and dazed - and whispered _fuck_ as he tugged at Levi's waistband. He tugged the pants off Levi's hips, down his legs, then cast them onto the floor.

 _Closer._ Levi reached for Erwin's waistband, too, but the angle was too awkward. He shoved hard to roll him onto his back and yanked the pants off, then dropped on top of him, kissing him again. Hands clamped over his ass, then they were grinding again, skin to skin, so hard that it was almost abrasive.

Levi jerked his head back to moan loudly - the assassination attempt last year had proven this area was soundproof, anyway, so why hide it? Erwin cried out, too, his hands tightening. Levi looked down to see Erwin's staring at him. Blond hair hung in his eyes, and his abdomen was clenched so tightly that he was vibrating.

Levi wanted that energy inside him. "Fuck me," he growled.

Erwin gasped, his eyes closing. "Okay."

Levi broke out of his grasp and reached for the bedside table, yanking open the drawer. There was still a bottle of oil here - nearly empty - as well as several toys.

"Shit," he whispered to himself, imagining Erwin using them during their separation- No, he couldn't let his head go there. He needed to rush into this, or he might think his way out of it. His hand closed over the bottle and he slammed the drawer shut.

Erwin took the oil from him, giving him the look he gave his political opponents, the intense one that was almost intimidating.

 _Stare me down,_ thought Levi, meeting him head on. _Possess me._ He needed to be Erwin's. He needed Erwin to be his.

"Lie on your stomach." The words were soft and commanding; they ran down Levi's spine and glowed deep inside him. He lay face-down.

Broad, strong hands gripped his hips. Levi felt teeth nip a little too hard at his ass, and he was about to complain, but then he felt Erwin's tongue.

"Fuck!" He grabbed the pillow and bit into it, thrusting his hips back against that aggressive tongue. He cursed again, over and over. Erwin was making long, pleased hums that vibrated through him. His tongue began to probe deeper, and then there was a drizzle of oil and a finger.

Levi had forgotten how thick Erwin's fingers were. Sweat rolled down his temple, and he tried to buck back against him to take him deeper, but a strong hand pressed into his lower back to hold him still. Erwin knew exactly where to touch him, and he felt himself steadily beginning to rise. He was just starting to worry about tipping over the edge when Erwin stopped and slowly pulled out.

"Roll over." It was that same soft, commanding tone.

Levi clumsily rolled onto his back. Erwin was on his knees beside him, coating himself with oil. Levi's eyes drifted down his body and rested on his moving hand. He could see the swollen tip and protruding veins, and he felt himself throb. _He wants me._

He grabbed Erwin's shoulders and pulled him down. Their lips met again, and Levi wrapped his arms and legs around him, ready to take him in. Pain shot through him. It had been a long time. He threw his head back, teeth clenched.

Erwin eased up. "Do you need me to-"

"No. It's fine." They couldn't stop to talk; the spell might break.

"Remember to breathe."

Levi realized he had been holding his breath. He took several breaths. "Go in."

It was slow, at first, and then all at once. Finally, finally, after so many weeks apart, they were one.

"Fuck!" Levi clawed Erwin's back, arching against him. _So good, so good, it's so good._ He could feel his shape so perfectly. He had forgotten how much sensation his insides could feel, how intimate it felt to share this with the only man who had ever had access.

Erwin bit into his neck and rocked into him. Levi cried out, high-pitched, carried away by the pleasantly burning stretch, the body weight on top of him. He raked flesh, deeper and deeper, until Erwin yelped. The movement stopped.

Levi opened his eyes, breathing hard. The Commander was looking down at him with the same expression he wore when he was looking down at a map.

"You're getting violent." It didn't sound like a complaint. Erwin grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head with one hand. Levi weakly tried to pull himself free, but he was too distracted to fight back.

"Should I let go?" Erwin bent down and sucked the skin of his neck, sliding it between his teeth.

Levi cried out and squirmed. "Keep going."

"I know you don't like being confined."

"It's fine," he gasped. "Keep going."

Then Erwin was moving inside him again and sucking at the skin under his ear.

Levi writhed, feeling the body weight, the confining grip, the relentless driving hips. Every hair on his body stood on end. All he had wanted was a quick, thoughtless fuck, but this, in all its strange violence, all its strange give-and-take of power, was something deeper. It was months of shared tension and suffering. It was the evaporation of all the restraints they had strained against. The more Erwin confined him, the freer he felt.

He was soaring, too high, but so was Erwin; the mask had flaked away, thrust by thrust, to reveal a flushed face with damp skin, flared lips and clenched teeth. Blond strings of hair flopped against his face in time with the slapping skin, and the veins of his neck and arms were bulging.

"Oh shit." Levi writhed against the bed, tossing his head back. He was getting close, but he needed friction to finish. He let out a frustrated wail, trying to tug his wrists free.

Erwin released him, and Levi grabbed himself, pumping hard with one hand. He clawed into blond hair with the other, pulling Erwin down for a deep kiss. The kiss was deep, wet and sloppy; he cried out into it, feeling himself starting to rise. His legs wrapped hard around Erwin, his hips lifting off the bed-

He came with a wail, clawing hard into flesh, writhing and shuddering. He felt Erwin drive into him with that familiar instinctive rhythm, heard his gasps rise, then felt him shudder and slam, again and again.

Then the world was still as they held each other.

After a moment, Erwin pulled out and collapsed at his side, breathing hard.

Levi's heart pounded in his throat. Was Erwin going to fall apart, the way he always had near the end? Would he look at Levi with regret, or love? He finally gathered enough courage and sat up.

Erwin's face was slack, eyes closed.

 _He's fucking sleeping. Typical._ Levi tried to feel annoyed, but only felt a swell of fondness. He found clean handkerchiefs and mopped himself up, trying not to wonder if this was going to screw up everything between them. The best course of action was probably to go back to his room and pretend this had never happened. They had an expedition tomorrow, and Erwin was clearly too tired for a relationship talk.

He grabbed his pajama bottoms and shook them out, ready to put them on.

"Levi," rasped Erwin.

He turned. The Commander's eyes were only open a crack, but his face was gentle.

"Yeah?"

"Stay." A slow blink. "If you want."

"If I stay, we have to figure out what the hell that was."

"Or," said Erwin softly, "we can just fall asleep."

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then pulled off his pants again and folded them, setting them on the bedside table. He tugged the covers free so he could drape them over Erwin, then crawled under them on the other side of the bed.

"Probably good we blew off steam," he said quietly. "We've been all tense and weird lately."

Erwin rolled over and pulled him in. His nose nuzzled the back of Levi's ear. "Levi."

Maybe it was the hot breath near his ear, or maybe it was the name itself: Levi shivered. "Yeah?"

"You were right when you said there was never any going back. Not for us."

"Maybe." He laced their hands together. "Go to sleep. It's a big day tomorrow."

Erwin's voice was dreamy. "I'll give you Wall Maria, Levi. I'll give you everything you deserve. We're close. We're so close."

Levi reached over to turn out the lamp, then snuggled back into his arms.

.*.*.*.

Erwin awoke the next morning to find his Captain in his arms. Soft breaths fluttered across his collarbone. His heart pounded as he was suddenly wide awake. _We slept together..._

The morning bell began to ring. Levi jolted upright, then turned to look at him. Recognition set in, and his brow furrowed.

Erwin's eyes drifted down to the purple marks across the man's lower neck and shoulders. "I suppose we have an expedition to prepare for."

Levi nodded. "Yeah."

"We'll speak tonight, after we've settled in at the third checkpoint."

"Sure." Levi hesitated. "I don't know if I'm supposed to kiss you right now, or if we were just blowing off steam last night, or what."

Erwin stood and grabbed his towel. "It doesn't matter right now." If they started kissing, there was a good chance he wouldn't want to stop.

Only Mike and Moblit were in the baths when they arrived. Moblit's wide eyes were fixed on the love bites around Levi's neck.

The Squad Leader, meanwhile, sniffed the air, and then a leer began to stretch across his face.

"Don't," warned Levi.

"Hange owes me fifty," said Mike.

"Fifty?" said Moblit.

"Yeah. Last night we went double or nothing. I bet they'd hook up before the expedition today."

"This isn't the time to discuss it. The others will be here soon." Erwin sank into the bath, then sucked in air through his teeth as water hit his back. He had forgotten Levi had raked it up.

"Are you okay, sir?" asked Moblit.

Erwin tried to sink lower to hide the scratches on his back, but Mike pursed his lips and grabbed his shoulder, turning him.

"Holy hell, Levi."

"We were blowing off steam," said Levi, a little too defensively.

Erwin cleared his throat. "We're about to embark on the penultimate mission of humanity's greatest conquest. Perhaps we should shift the conversation away from sex."

"Sure," said Mike, "but anyone who sees those scratches and those love bites side by side is going to put two and two together."

"Love bites?" Levi covered his neck with his hands and narrowed his eyes at Erwin. "You gave me fucking hickeys?"

"I'll finish up here and leave before anyone else notices my scratches," said Erwin, quickly soaping down.

When he returned to his room, he checked his back in the mirror, and he frowned. It looked like he had been rolling around shirtless in bramble like a horse on grass. A few scratches had been deep enough to draw blood, and he wondered if he was going to get bloodstains on his dress shirt. A shiver rippled through him again as he recalled how feral Levi had been, how utterly he had given up control.

_Focus._

He quickly dressed, then styled his hair.

The dining hall was abuzz with the usual pre-expedition jitters. It had been so long since they'd had major losses that the majority of soldiers seemed to have forgotten the horrors that awaited them on the other side of the Wall. Their optimism was good for morale, but they needed to remember to be cautious.

Erwin stood at the front of the hall. "Your attention, please."

Several groups quietened down, but a few others were still tittering and chatting.

"Hey," yelled Levi from the officer's table. "Listen up, brats."

The room fell silent.

"Today," boomed Erwin, "the Survey Corps will embark on the 56th expedition outside the walls. When we return to this base, the path to Wall Maria will be fully stocked with supply caches and checkpoints, and humanity will be ready to launch its counterattack. The titans have long seemed an insurmountable foe, but we are on the cusp of proving humanity is stronger. Today, we fight for our fallen comrades, who gave their lives so this expedition could be possible. Today, we fight for humanity!"

The soldiers roared and stood, saluting. He glowed as he took his seat next to Levi.

Hange leaned across the table. "I hear Mike owes me some money."

Levi let out an irritated huff. "Focus on the mission, shitgoggles."

"The Southern 104th Trainee Squad is in town for wall training while they wait for their official deployment," said Dita, changing the subject. "They'll be watching us set out."

"Is it that time of the year already?" asked Hange. "You want us to give them the usual spectacle, Erwin? Show off the Survey Corps a little as we head out?"

"No," he said, poking at his food. "It doesn't matter where they end up this year; all three branches will be supplying soldiers for the reclamation effort. I don't want anyone wasting valuable energy by showing off for them. We need to conserve all our strength for the upcoming mission. Stay in formation, eyes forward."

"That's no fun," muttered Hange.

Levi leaned close. "Eat something."

Erwin slid his food around the plate. He always found it difficult to eat the morning before an expedition, especially one this important.

"Sir." Nifa rushed up to him and saluted.

"What is it, Nifa?"

"A Garrison soldier just approached us with a message. Titan activity is higher than usual outside the Wall. They're doing their best to thin their numbers with cannons, but our support squads may have their hands full."

"Thanks for the message, Nifa." He looked up at his officers. "We're going to keep the formation tight while we travel through the active area. Mike and Levi, your best teams will assist the support squads. Above all else, we must protect the supply carts."

Of all the days for the titans to be restless, it had to be the day of this expedition. He tried to hold on to optimism. _Better now than during the reclamation effort._

.*.*.*.

The instant they left the walls, Erwin discovered the gravity of the Garrison's warning. Titans swarmed the support squads by the dozen.

"Advance," he roared as the squads around him began to falter, distracted by the activity at their flanks. The titans had been relatively quiet in this area for the past year, so the bulk of his soldiers didn't remember the old days, when they had to fight their way out of the city like this.

The city gave way to grasslands. This was normally where Erwin would deploy the Long-Range Scouting Formation, but their path would bring them through one more abandoned city within about an hour, and his instincts told him to wait. If titans were restless there, too, then the formation would spread them too thin, leaving the centre columns vulnerable. Even the grasslands were swarming with titans; he redirected the formation to avoid several, and the support squads handled the rest.

His suspicions were realized when they began to ride through the abandoned city: it was crawling with titans, too. Red flares began to go up not just from the flanks, but from the centre columns, too. _What the hell is going on?_

"Erwin." Levi rode up beside him, his Special Operations Squad riding in a V shape behind him. "The formation is falling apart."

The southwestern front had the most red flares. Erwin's eyes narrowed, and he pointed. "Go there. We're going to stand our ground and try to fix this."

"Really?" said Levi, dubious.

"We're not just laying a path for the reclamation effort - we're clearing it. There's no point getting supplies to our destination if the Garrison and MP troops are going to die within an hour of the wall. Go." He fired a white flare vertically, signalling to all teams to stand their ground.

"All squads," he hollered, "engage the enemy."

"Petra, Anton," barked Levi. "Come with me. Eld, Gunther, Oluo: assist the scouting squad in the western flank."

"Sir!" barked his squad, and they rode off.

"What about us, sir?" asked Pehr.

A suspicion began to form. Erwin scanned the horizon and found a clock tower. "Pehr, track down Mike and find out if there's a pattern to the titan movements. I'm going up to the clock tower to survey the area."

He galloped hard toward the clock tower, then launched out of his saddle, sinking a grapple as far up the tower as he could. He used several cable grabs, trying to conserve his gas, and landed on the top. He sank to a crouch, scanning their surroundings.

From his vantage point, he could see most of the battlefield. Though his soldiers were engaged in heavy combat, they appeared to be holding their ground well - keeping the formation tight had been the right call.

But when he looked north of the town, he saw hundreds of titans moving north.

Toward Trost.

His gaze snapped south, and he saw the same pattern.

His heart sank.

When Pehr joined him on the tower a few minutes later, he could tell by the man's pale skin that his suspicions had been confirmed. "Mike said they were heading toward Trost, didn't they?"

"Yes, sir."

Erwin's eyes closed as he steadied himself. The only reasonable assumption was the titans were staging another attack on Wall Rose. Trost was in peril. If they rode at full speed and ignored the titans around them, they might be able to make it back to town in less than an hour.

He stood tall, opening his eyes. "Spread a message to each of the Team Leaders: we're retreating to Trost. Tell them to expect hostiles, maybe even all the way into the city. We'll rally in the grasslands and fall into attack formation."

Pehr's eyes were round. "Sir, you don't mean-"

"Go." He fired a green flare north. Green flares went up from every part of the formation except the southwest. _That's where Levi is._ He hopped off the edge of the building, using his gas and grapples to quickly drop down to his horse.

He began to ride southwest; two of his navigators fell in behind him. He thought about sending them away, then decided he didn't want to be caught alone if he rounded a corner and chanced on a titan.

He needed to find Levi. There was no counterattack without Levi's strength. _Where is he?_

He burst into an alley, then slowed the horse. Levi and Petra were kneeling by a corpse. Was that Anton? _No wonder he missed the signal flares._ He felt a swell of frustration - this was why soldiers needed to wait until they had reached safety before they started mourning the lost.

"Levi," he said.

The Captain stood and turned to him, face blank.

Erwin halted his horse. "We're retreating."

"Retreating?" Levi's face darkened; he was clearly still upset about Anton. "We haven't even reached the border of the city. Are my troops dying for nothing? I'm sure you have a good reason for this."

"They're after the town," said Erwin. "They're moving northwards as a group. It's just like five years ago - something's happening in Trost. They may have broken through the wall."

"No," whispered Petra.

Levi's face hardened. "Petra, go make sure the others rejoin the main group. Head straight for Trost." He gave a high-pitched whistle. His horse trotted around the corner.

"You're the fastest soldier we have," said Erwin. "Ride ahead. When you reach the gate, fire a black flare if Trost is under attack, white if not."

Levi nodded. He mounted his horse and began to sprint north.

Erwin fired another green round north to assess the formation of his soldiers. The responses were scattered, but the volume looked about right.

Pehr rejoined him outside the city. "Every surviving team is out, sir."

"How are the casualties looking?"

"Surprisingly few."

"Good." Erwin urged the horse to a gallop so they could reclaim their place at the head of the formation. As they rode through the meadows between the two cities, the formation naturally corrected itself. By the time they were nearing the wall, the entire regiment was where it should be.

Erwin kept his eyes on the horizon. When a black flare went up from the wall, he knew Levi's team had witnessed an attack for themselves. _Is it just Trost, or has Wall Rose fallen, too?_ He felt despair pooling in his stomach, felt himself teetering on the edge, ready to fall in.

He gritted his teeth and drew his sword, thrusting it forward. "Trost is under attack!" he roared, standing in his saddle. "We won't let it fall! Offer up your hearts!"

Around him, he heard blades clicking into place, then cheers and roars. He felt a swell of pride that this traumatic news wasn't breaking them.

The outside town was thick with titans, but they were all ignoring the soldiers, moving toward the gate. Erwin leaned forward, teeth bared, as the horses barreled toward the gate.

But when they reached the gate, a swarm of titans was writhing against it, unable to get through. _The gate is fine after all? It's closed?_ He scanned the area for Levi, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"All teams," he boomed, "switch to 3D movement." He stood on his saddle and leapt, beginning the arduous task of climbing the wall. He blasted extra gas to speed the ascent, almost running out by the time he landed at the top.

He stood tall.

Trost lay in ruin.

Buildings had been flattened; flames billowed from so many places that the city looked like a forest of smoke. Titans roamed the streets. He felt a spike of fear as the ruins of Shiganshina flickered through his memory like a forgotten nightmare.

But no, this was different. Across from them, hundreds of soldiers stood atop Wall Rose, staring.

 _Why are they staring?_ Erwin scanned the city and spotted Levi with - was that a half-formed titan? This didn't make any sense.

Most of the regiment had landed beside him now. He thrust his sword toward the city. "All soldiers, clear out the remaining titans!"

He swooped down toward Levi, carefully using his grapples to help conserve gas. As he landed, he saw an unconscious boy on the top of the titan - no, was he melded _into_ the titan?

"Levi."

The Captain turned to him, skin pale, eyes wide. Erwin had never seen him so shaken on the battlefield. He opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but he heard boots land softly behind him.

He turned to see Commander Pixis.

"Commander," said Erwin, saluting.

Pixis saluted back. "You picked a hell of a time to come back, boys."

The half-formed titan was beginning to steam away. Two kids in trainee uniforms, a blond boy and a dark-haired girl, were trying to pull the boy out of the titan. The blond boy appeared to be crying.

"He sealed the gate," said Pixis, nodding toward a giant boulder at the wall. "Eren Yeager." He turned to Erwin, his eyes sparkling. "He has the ability to transform into a titan."

Levi stepped closer. "What the hell are you rambling about, old man?"

"The Colossal Titan reappeared, and just like five years ago, it kicked a hole in the outer gate. But this time, we had a titan on our side." Pixis pulled out a flask and uncapped it. "Eren Yeager transformed into a titan and took out more than twenty of them himself, then helped us plug the hole with a boulder."

"Holy shit," breathed Erwin, forgetting he was in polite company. He turned to stare at the unconscious boy. His body was steaming, and he had what looked like burn marks on his face.

"What are you saying?" growled Levi.

"He's saying humanity has just discovered its greatest weapon," said Erwin, breathless. _This boy is our answer._

_This boy is how we will seal Wall Maria._

.*.*.*.

There was no time to reflect: boulder or no, the titans still had control of Trost. Cleaning out the stragglers took until nightfall.

Afterwards, Erwin, Pixis, Levi, and a handful of officers from both the Garrison and Survey Corps met in Erwin's office to discuss the damage. While there had been no civilian losses inside the walls, a large number of soldiers had died. The final casualty count was still coming in, but the losses to the Trainee Corps and the Garrison had been severe.

Eren Yeager, still unconscious, had been taken into Military Police custody. His fate was still being determined. Erwin was already planning to head to Mitras the next morning to state his case to Commander-in-Chief Zackly. The Survey Corps needed Eren's powers at any cost. If he could seal a hole in Trost, he could do the same in Shiganshina.

Levi was going to accompany him. Hange and Moblit would have been good to have along, too, but they were already busy with two new titan captives, taken from the stragglers in Trost. Mike and Dita would stay behind and help with paperwork. As short as the expedition had been, the unusual circumstances had created a lot of red tape.

By the time they disbanded, it was nearing midnight. Erwin had hoped to speak with Levi privately, but the Captain slipped out of the office with the others.

Erwin had a quick dinner of cold leftover stew - he hadn't eaten much during the day, so it was surprisingly satisfying.

He debated whether or not he should track down Levi. It was possible he was overwhelmed and needed space, especially with Anton's death. Death always hit him hard. Then again, Erwin might be able to talk him through it.

He decided to check the guard tower first. Even if Levi wasn't up there, Erwin might stay for a little while by himself and try to sort out his whirling thoughts.

He threw open the trap door. The night sky was clear and thick with stars. It was so dark that he couldn't tell for sure if Levi was sitting on the ledge or his eyes were playing tricks on him.

"Levi?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

Erwin settled into place next to him. The air smelled of smoke; a few fires still burned in the city. Even under this thick veil of darkness, it was impossible to pretend the city was unchanged.

"How are you doing?" he asked quietly.

He heard fabric shift beside him. "We're fucked, aren't we? The gate is sealed off permanently. We spent all these years - all these lives - trying to build a supply line to Wall Maria, and in just a few short minutes, it all got wiped to shit. Can we even get to the supply route from any other city?"

"Possibly," said Erwin. "But we'll need some time to scout a new departure point and figure out the best path to meet up with the old route."

"This is fucked. All this time, it was easy to pretend Wall Maria was a fluke, or a one-time thing. Of course they came for Wall Rose, too."

"Levi."

"A boulder is all that stood between us and losing Wall Rose. A boulder and a brat who can apparently turn into a titan." His breath shook. "Everything's ending."

"No, Levi." Erwin felt a swell of hope. "Everything's finally beginning. Think of what it means for us to have a titan on our side, one who can tear through other titans like paper, one who can block off Wall Maria during our reclamation effort. Perhaps we will have to rebuild a portion of our supply route, but we have a new weapon in our arsenal, one more powerful than any mankind has never seen."

"Assuming it wants to fight with us," said Levi. "He's a _titan_ , Erwin. He's a monster."

Erwin glanced at him; his eyes had adjusted enough now that he could make out Levi's silhouette in the darkness. "I know another who believed himself to be a monster, but has turned out to be Humanity's Strongest."

Levi scoffed. "That's different. He's a titan."

"He's a boy. He already worked with Pixis. He'll work with us, too."

"What makes you think that?"

"Do you remember when we spoke with Berit about the 104th Trainee Squad, and she spoke about Eren Yeager?"

"No."

"She said he was a solid soldier, one with great perseverance and charisma. She mentioned his two friends, too - they were with him today."

"They came out of Shiganshina, right?" said Levi, catching Erwin off guard. Levi's memory always worked in strange ways, holding onto details his didn't. "Convenient that he was at both attacks _and_ he can turn into a titan."

"We need to question him, of course, and keep an eye on him. I'll admit I'm listening to my gut on this one. The potential benefits to humanity are too great to ignore."

"Listen to you, willing to bet everything on a titan brat."

"His existence gives me hope. More hope than I've ever felt. I think you'll come around, too, in time."

They were silent for a long time, staring at the stars together. A breeze finally broke the stillness. Levi pressed closer, shivering a little. Erwin glanced at him, then draped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer.

"I guess Wall Maria's a ways off yet," said Levi.

"Maybe a little longer than we were expecting." Erwin nuzzled the side of his hair, breathing in the familiar scent of lemon and natural oils. "I still want us to rebuild our relationship when there's time, when we can give it the attention it would deserve. But then I think you're right: the titans have always come first between us. That's why we work." He closed his eyes, treasuring their proximity. "We're already behaving as if we're back together, anyway."

"You mean fucking."

Erwin felt his cheeks warm.

Levi slid closer, nestling against his torso. "Fine, then say it. Make it official."

"Before we do, you have to understand, Levi: the appearance of Eren Yeager changes everything. We may have to resort to underhanded tactics to acquire him. We may have to oppose the monarchy and the noble class in ways you never imagined. There's a good chance my neck will end up in a noose before we catch sight of Wall Maria again."

There was a long pause. "What are you planning?"

"That boy must be ours at any cost." Erwin found his hand; their fingers interlaced. "With any luck, the Military Police will see reason, but I know Nile: he'll be cautious. The Wallists, too, are likely to oppose anything that gets us close to altering the Wall. The nobles will be on edge because we came so close to losing Wall Rose, and even the King himself might want to weigh in. There are a lot of factors to consider."

"You'll figure it out."

"I hope so. When Sahlo was alive, I had a concentrated pressure point for many groups: the Wallists, the King, the Underground drug lords, and even the Council. Without him at our disposal, I'm going to have to pressure many groups at once. Fighting a war on multiple fronts is always risky. We saw it with Sahlo: a single person cannot weave a web without eventually getting tangled in the threads." His jaw hardened. He thought of Levi, of the future they had sacrificed. He thought of Marie, of Henrik, of his father. "Eren Yeager is the culmination of every goal we've been driving towards since we met, the reason for everything we've ever lost. He is the key to saving humanity. I will stop at nothing to acquire him." He paused. "If I anger the wrong people, they're likely to come through you to get to me."

"Good," said Levi. "I'll take them on."

"You deserve-"

"Shut up. We're not going through all this again; my answer hasn't changed. My heart is my own to offer up. I'll follow you. If you say we need a titan in our regiment, then I'll trust you."

The lounged together, the heat building between them.

"So," said Levi, "say it."

Erwin ran his fingers along the back of Levi's hand. "I don't really know what to say."

"You have fancy words for everything."

He chuckled at the dry delivery. "Fancy words. Very well." He kissed Levi's temple as he began to craft phrases in his mind.

"Well?"

"Give me a moment." He paused. "Levi, our world is constantly changing; during the entire six years we've known each other, I've felt as if the ground is quaking beneath me and I'm staggering to keep my balance. Everything in our lives is a constant game of reaction, of adaptation. But there's been one constant in my life, his loyalty bolstering me when I fear I might lose my balance." He lay his cheek on the dark hair. "We're stronger together than we are apart. Maybe separation was right for awhile, but this little world is going through the biggest changes it has ever known, and I don't want to face them alone. If you agree, I'm ready to try again."

Levi was quiet.

Erwin gave him a nudge. "How was that?"

Levi turned and kissed him. It was gentle and chaste, the opposite of the hungry kisses of the night before. Erwin closed his eyes and leaned into it.

The kiss broke. Their foreheads rested together, and he was surprised to discover he had missed this: the soft pause afterwards, when the kiss was over, but neither was willing to pull apart yet.

"Our carriage will be arriving soon," said Erwin softly. "You should get packed."

"Okay," said Levi, but he didn't move. He was shaking.

"Levi?"

"I can't stop thinking about how fucked everything is."

"We'll figure it out. When has anything ever gone according to plan? By tomorrow at this time, we'll have all the information we need to start looking to Wall Maria again." Erwin kissed his forehead. "It's going to be okay, Levi. When I look to the future, I am dazzled by its brightness. If a boy can turn into a titan, then who knows what else is possible?"

"Hopefully we don't get eaten before we find out," said Levi, standing.

.*.*.*.

An hour later, Levi settled into the carriage next to Erwin. The Commander's eyes were glowing in the lamplight, his lips curved in a soft smile. If he could foresee something amazing coming out of the day's events, then that should be good enough for Levi. Erwin's foresight had never steered them wrong.

They were silent as the carriage began to move. He was tempted to formally consummate their rekindled relationship, but the day's events had taken their toll on his stamina. Even Erwin looked exhausted; he was already nodding in and out of sleep.

"Go to sleep." Levi locked the bed into place and stretched out.

Erwin studied him with bleary eyes. "With you, or over here?"

"We were sharing a bed even before we were officially back together, weren't we?" Levi slid against the wall to leave room.

"We fit better if you're on the outside."

"Right." It had been too long. He was accustomed to putting memories out of his mind, not embracing them.

But when he slid into Erwin's arms, it felt as if no time had passed at all, as if they had been together the entire time. This was familiar. It was right.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Mm." Erwin's arm tightened around him. "You?"

"I guess." The day's events were bringing back a slew of bad memories. Humanity was so fragile - they had been so close to losing another wall, and the Survey Corps hadn't even been around to help defend it until the main attack had passed. Where would humanity be right now, if Wall Rose had fallen? Would there be another massive reclamation push with inexperienced bait? Would Sahlo's paranoia come true, and the people of the Underground would be massacred?

"Levi," whispered Erwin.

"What?"

A palm tapped his chest. "I can feel your heart pounding."

Levi closed his eyes. "I'm not as okay as I'm pretending."

"If you need space-"

"That's the last thing I need right now." Levi was quiet. "I'm thinking about how we weren't there to stop this."

"We took down a lot of titans south of the wall," said Erwin. "I bet we thinned the influx enough to unknowingly protect Trost."

"I guess." Levi glanced back at him. "Why did you ride out to find me?"

"What?"

"When we were retreating. Why did you take the trouble to find me, when you should have been leading the retreat?"

Erwin was quiet for a minute, but then he said, "You're as strong to this regiment as an entire squad. I needed to make sure you retreated safely. You're Humanity's Strongest, Levi. You give the world hope."

Levi didn't realize, until he heard the words, just how miffed he had been that Erwin had found another source of hope in Eren Yeager. "I guess humanity needs as many weapons as it can get."

"I can't imagine attempting to recapture Wall Maria without you," said Erwin quietly, "whether the boy is on our side or not."

Satisfied, Levi snuggled back against Erwin and closed his eyes.

He dreamed they stood on the wall, hand in hand, watching a sunrise engulf Trost in red.


	38. Court

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for your patience!
> 
> Previous chapter: Petra confesses her feelings for Levi. Erwin and Levi's sexual tension boils over. They head out on the penultimate expedition to reclaim Wall Maria, but Trost is attacked. Eren Yeager appears. Erwin and Levi rekindle their relationship.
> 
> **************************  
> SPOILER WARNING: This chapter contains big spoilers for a character's canon backstory. For a censored, non-spoiler version, please read this Google docs version: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16uhp-7MbcoJEaxLQ_GR-nHd2aRecPi23cRPnXKjRJqk/edit?usp=sharing  
> **************************

**-38-**

**Court**

It was strange to step into the hotel room as lovers - the same room where they had, only a week earlier, been so unsure about what they were. As Erwin began to unpack their trunk into the closet, he watched Levi out of the corner of his eye, swabbing sections of the room with two fingers to check for cleanliness. He felt a warm glow in his chest, and realized he had missed paying attention to all of Levi's little quirks and mannerisms. He had spent six months trying to ignore them.

He would have liked to spend a few hours reconnecting, but there was too much to do. First, they would swing by the Military Police barracks and try to speak with Eren Yeager. After that, they would head to the Council chambers to discuss what was to be done with the boy.

What was to be done...

His brow furrowed. At worst, Zackly would bow to panic and order the boy's execution, and that still had some value to humanity: his remains could be analyzed to potentially learn more about the titans. The rewards of enlisting the boy in the Survey Corps, however, greatly outweighed anything he could do posthumously.

Besides, Erwin wanted to understand how Eren had kept his secret for fifteen long years, how he had transformed, and why he had waited until now to do it. Was his father, Dr. Yeager, aware of this power? That seemed unlikely, given that Dr. Yeager had frequently liaised with the military. Surely he would have said something. As a doctor, his goal was to protect life, and a titan warrior could have protected a hell of a lot of life during Wall Maria's fall.

And thinking about Wall Maria raised further questions in light of this revelation. Had the Colossal and Armoured titans had human pilots, too? The attack had been coordinated with intelligence far surpassing any abnormal they had ever encountered.

If that were the case, then there might be others within the walls with the same ability. Perhaps the Colossal and Armoured titans had even sought refuge within the walls, and now lived among them as spies.

"Room's clean. Let me do the socks," said Levi, kneeling in front of the drawer.

"Mm," said Erwin, still lost in thought.

Levi began to lay the socks in the drawer, re-folding the occasional pair. "Lots to think about."

"Indeed." Erwin closed the closet door, then knelt behind Levi as he worked, pressing a kiss to the back of the neck.

"Hey. No more bite marks."

"I'll be gentle." He tugged the cravat out of the way and pressed a soft kiss to the line down the centre of Levi's neck. He had missed nuzzling this line. "Sorry for marking you up."

"I didn't stop you." Levi glanced back at him. "How's your back?"

"Stings a little, but it should heal fine." He placed a gentle kiss at the base of Levi's undercut. "I'd never seen you that wild." He looped his arms around Levi, his palms feeling his abdominal muscles through his shirt.

"You're one to talk." The palms slid lower, and Levi sucked in a sharp breath. "Hey. You keep doing that, we're not going to leave here anytime soon."

The idea was tempting, but there wasn't enough time. Erwin wanted to reconnect slowly, to give it the time it deserved. He pulled away.

"I didn't really want you to stop," said Levi. "I was just being difficult."

"I know, but we should get going anyway. " Erwin stood, carefully adjusting his pants. "I want to speak with Eren before our meeting, if we can."

"Okay."

"Maybe we can pick this up again after the meeting."

"Yeah."

Erwin bent down and pressed a soft kiss to the narrow lips. He began to pull away, but Levi's arms looped around his neck, pulling him in again. Their lips parted, and he felt a soft tongue.

He broke away. "Levi-"

"I know. Let's go."

By the time they exited the lobby and reached the street, Erwin's breaths had finally returned to their normal cadence. Levi was following on his right side, about half a step behind him. His mouth was in a tight line. Clearly, he was still uncomfortable about Eren Yeager. Erwin knew he was asking a lot: trusting a titan went against every instinct a reasonable human could have, and Levi was a man who trusted his instincts above all else.

The front desk clerk greeted them at the Military Police headquarters, and informed them Nile was at his desk. As they strode down the hall, Erwin cast a quick glance into the office where Sahlo had, not long ago, worked a couple days a week. The shelves were bare, the possessions already gathered for the estate sale. Erwin felt a hollow, echoing space inside him, as empty as the office. Intelligence, manipulation and all they gained a person meant nothing, in the end - everything would always be sold to the highest bidder. Would this be his office, after that long-overdue moment when all his life choices caught up to him?

He didn't think he had shown any indication of his thoughts, but Levi said bitterly, "You miss him?"

"Nothing quite that noble, I afraid. Just thinking about all my possessions being stripped from my office when I die."

He expected a reprimand for mentioning his own death, but Levi only said, "If you go before me, I'll clean it myself. And I'll take care of any sensitive information, too."

Maybe that's what the attack on Trost had done to them: death had become less abstract, more tangible, even for Survey Corps members. Or maybe, this time around, they had started their relationship with a pragmatic realization of just how fragile their lives really were. What had, the first time around, been a subject of great stress between them was now something they could casually discuss.

 _We've grown together,_ thought Erwin, reaching out to give a friendly grip Levi's shoulder. _Even while we were apart. Maybe even because of it._

They stepped into Nile's doorway. Nile sat at his desk, frantically flipping through documents.

"Come in."

He didn't seem angry. Erwin hoped that meant he was finally forgiven for his apparent flirtation with Marie, but he knew Nile's grudges ran long and deep. More likely, he was just distracted.

They closed the door and sat down. Levi was uncharacteristically quiet - no comments about Nile's beard or messy office.

"The boy's still in a coma," said Nile. "We interviewed his childhood friends, two trainees by the name of-" He flipped open a file. "Armin Arlert and Mikasa Ackerman."

Erwin cast Levi a sidelong glance, remembering a strange reaction when Berit had mentioned Mikasa Ackerman last year, but if Levi felt anything, he didn't show it.

"They were protective of him," continued Nile, "especially the girl. The two of them seem to have a family history - her parents died about six or seven years back, so the Yeager family took her in. We know a few things for sure: first, Eren Yeager's mother was killed in the attack on Shiganshina, and his father went missing."

"Dr. Grisha Yeager," said Erwin.

Nile eyed him. "You've heard of him?"

"He was a prominent doctor during the plague, and he had a reputation around Shiganshina because of it. He attended to the Survey Corps on occasion, and seemed to be friends with Keith Shadis."

Nile nodded. "He was known around here, too. Spent a lot of time treating people in the Capital. Regardless, he left the kid with a key. His friends weren't too clear about what it is, but they seemed to think it was important. The girl got decidedly upset when we confiscated it. Sounds like Pixis wants to discuss it at the meeting - he developed a bit of a rapport with Eren Yeager and got some information out of him." His lip curled. "Says he wants all Commanders present for that discussion."

"I see," said Erwin, wondering what new piece of the puzzle awaited them.

"Anyway," said Nile, leaning back in his chair, "the trainees also say Eren Yeager had never shown signs of being a titan before the attack on Trost."

"I see," said Erwin again. "So his power manifested itself for the first time during the attack?"

"Convenient," muttered Levi.

Nile nodded. "I agree. Convenient that he'd be able to control a power like that right away, at just the right time to save himself. One of Pixis' senior soldiers, Rico Brzenska, is writing up a full report on the incident. We'll know what happened soon enough, without any bias from his childhood friends."

Erwin leaned forward across the table. "Nile, I'm curious about your gut feeling about all this."

Nile snorted. "Since when do you care about feelings?"

"We rely on them in the field more often than you might think."

"Fine. I think a titan who infiltrated humanity is a danger - not just in terms of the damage he might do physically, but in terms of the way he's polarizing people within the walls. His appearance could lead to civil unrest. He should be executed and then examined. That way, we might finally be able to learn something of use about the titans from him. It's not like your group's research is getting us anywhere."

The snarky tone caught Erwin off guard; his brows rose.

Levi beat him to a response. "What was that, shitbeard?"

Nile turned to the Captain, face cold. "You're on your fourth or fifth titan now, and every time, Erwin comes delivers us the same story: every titan is a bit different, and the flesh dissolves before it can be analyzed, and we need more examples to draw firm conclusions. While your research team was busy playing doctor with your test subjects, we almost lost Wall Rose." The dark gaze shifted to Erwin. "I can't emphasize that enough, Erwin: _we almost lost Wall Rose._ The Interior is panicking. If we let the populace believe we're siding with a titan, there will be anarchy. Rebellion. If we turn on our own people, these walls will do _nothing_ to protect humanity from annihilation. You can pretend the titans are the greatest threat to humanity all you like, but we both know that's not true."

The worst part of Nile talking about the Interior was that he was correct. Tensions between the different classes were only strengthening as resources dwindled, and a mass panic could spark a civil war. Erwin spent the majority of his time gazing outside the walls; Nile gazed into them. It was why they worked so well in their respective posts.

But gazing inside wasn't going to protect him, not this time. They needed Wall Maria and the harvest lands. Starvation could spark a civil war, too.

He stood. "Thank you for your time, Commander. We will see you shortly at the meeting."

Levi stood, too.

Nile looked surprised. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"What do you think we should do with this titan kid?"

"I'll let you know when I'm sure myself." Erwin nodded a farewell.

Once they were far enough down the hallway to be out of earshot, Levi said, "Well that was bullshit."

"What?"

"You know exactly what you want to do with the titan kid."

Erwin opened the door and let him through ahead of him. "We have to be flexible. For one thing, Nile's concerns about the Interior aren't unfounded. For another, it sounds like Commander Pixis is keeping some information up his sleeve for the meeting. But that could be a good thing. If he wants to make sure I'm present to hear this information, and if he has already built a strong relationship with the boy, then there's a good chance this information is something that will help us." He led them down the street to one of their favourite tea shops. "This is all attainable, Levi. We just have to play our cards right."

"We?"

"You will have a very important role to play, if everything proceeds as I expect. But first, we need to acquire Eren Yeager, and to do that, he has to consent to join us."

"He has to wake up first," said Levi.

"True."

They had lunch, chatting idly about the upcoming recruiting presentation for the new trainees.

"Do you think anyone's going to want to join after what they experienced?" asked Levi. "They went from being pampered brats to watching their comrades get eaten in less than a day. That's even worse than going on a first expedition."

"Not all of the 104th were present," said Erwin. "I'm sure it will impact the southern squad, yes, but it remains to be seen if the other squads will panic. Besides, the attack might fuel their resolve. The southern squad saw their friends and their city dying in front of them. Maybe they'll feel inspired to do anything they can to prevent it from happening again."

"Maybe."

He didn't look convinced. Neither was Erwin.

As the bells rang eleven, they settled into the Council chambers. It was strange to see them so empty. Pixis and his aide Anka were present, as well as a woman with white-blond hair and glasses. Presumably, she was Rico Brzenska.

Across from them sat Nile, a Military Police Captain by the name of Jakob, and a surprise - Berit. She beamed at Erwin and Levi.

"Is the Commander-in-Chief joining us?" asked Erwin as he took a seat next to Berit.

"No," said Pixis. "He's otherwise occupied. He'll be doing formal sign-off on whatever we ultimately decide, but he wanted us to see if we could reach an agreement without him."

"I see."

"Ideally, Eren would have some hand in the decision about his own fate, but he's still in a coma. I'll let Rico walk us through the events in Trost, then tell you about my discussions with the boy. Berit is here to speak with us about Eren's personality and background. Then, we'll discuss."

Rico stood and began to dictate the events that had transpired. Trost had fallen soon after the Survey Corps had departed - so soon that it was almost uncanny. Erwin's eyes narrowed. _Did the titans have a plan? Do they have spies on the inside that learned of the Survey Corps' strength, and wanted us out of the way?_

The military had immediately deployed all soldiers, including the southern 104th Trainees Squad, while civilians had been evacuated. The losses had been devastating and the battle had seemed futile for the trainees, until a group of them had noticed a titan fighting against other titans.

"The rogue titan helped them reunite their fragmented squad," said Rico, "and was arguably integral in suppressing the titan attack."

When the titan had eventually collapsed from exhaustion, Eren Yeager had erupted from its weak spot.

Erwin's eyes narrowed. Was this somehow related to all titans having a weak spot in the same location? He briefly considered that all titans had human drivers at the helm, but rejected the idea when he remembered Hange's experiments. The weak spot, when sliced open, had never shown anything unusual - certainly not a human.

"Eren Yeager attracted the attention of Garrison Captain Kitts Woermann," continued Rico, "who ordered the execution of the boy on the spot, but his friends Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert stood in the way. When the Captain ordered his soldiers to fire through them, Eren Yeager transformed himself into a half-formed titan to shield his friends from the blast. Armin Arlert was then able to talk down the Captain. At that point, Commander Pixis overheard and intervened. He devised the plan to move the boulder while the rest of us supported Eren.

"At first, Eren, in his titan form, was uncontrollable and violent - so much so that he attacked his friend, Mikasa Ackerman. Shortly thereafter, he seemed to gain cognizance. He moved the boulder and successfully blocked the wall. Upon completion of this task, Eren seemed too exhausted to continue. Fortunately, that was when the Survey Corps appeared to help clean up the remaining titans. The boy fell into a coma and was taken into custody by the Military Police. His friends were questioned, then released."

"Thank you, Rico," said Pixis, his eyes twinkling. He seemed more amused than alarmed by the situation. "While I was speaking with Eren, he filled me in on some interesting details. Namely, although Dr. Yeager went missing after the fall of Wall Maria, Eren has a vague, shattered memory of running into his father in a refugee camp. His father gave him a key to their basement in Shiganshina, then used a syringe to inject something into Eren, and then his memories end."

The room tilted into darkness. Erwin saw a syringe descending to his arm in the carriage, Papa's distressed face, _"Erwin, never forget-"_

Levi's voice jerked him back to the present: "That sounds like bullshit." He had slumped into his chair, his arms folded over his chest.

"No," said Erwin firmly. "There are injectable substances that can block memories."

All eyes shifted to him.

"It makes sense that Dr. Yeager would have access to one such substance," continued Erwin, "especially if he was giving his son important information he felt he had to hide." His eyes shifted to Pixis. "Being able to transform into a titan is a large secret in itself, but it sounds as if there was more - what is the significance of the basement key?"

Pixis set the key on the table. "Allegedly, the basement contains important information about the titans."

Erwin's stomach dropped. "What sort of information?" Around the table, others began to murmur, too.

"Eren was very insistent the basement was the key to some great truth about the titans - perhaps their origin. Perhaps the reason why they attack us."

"What truth?" snorted Nile. "They're giant, man-eating monsters."

But Erwin was spiralling into himself again. _The truth about the titans. The truth about this world. I can finally know-_

A sharp kick connected with his ankle. He turned to Levi, who was looking at him as if his skin was inside out. Erwin realized he was smiling; he quickly pulled his face back to neutral, but his heart was still racing.

_We have to get that key. Even if we don't succeed in getting Eren, I have to get that key._

"Berit," said Nile, "you've known the kid for three years. Do you have any insight on all this?"

"Eren Yeager is honest and driven," she said. "And idealistic. He was constantly spouting off to the others about defeating the titans, to the point that it often created tension."

"But he _is_ a titan," said Nile.

"There's no indication he knew it at the time. Aside from raw idealism, he didn't have any exceptional skills, and it was pure tenacity that landed him in fifth place in his class ranking. I should also note he kept the key around his neck every moment of every day. He sincerely believes every single word of the story he gave you, Commander Pixis."

Erwin remembered a detail from their discussion the year before. "You said he was intent on joining the Survey Corps?"

"Yeah, he talked about it nonstop from the moment he set foot in the training camp."

"Oh no," said Nile, as if coming to a grim realization. "You want to recruit him."

"Think about it," said Erwin. "If we can harness his titan power to block the hole in Wall Maria, we will save hundreds - maybe even thousands - of lives, including your own soldiers."

"He's a titan," said Nile, looking exasperated. "What if he's some sort of spy?"

"A spy for the titans?" said Levi, lip curling. "I know you've never seen a titan in your life, pubeface, but they're dumb beasts. Your average stray cat is smarter than a titan. We've only ever encountered one who could speak, and it said maybe three words before it lost its mind again. If the brat's a spy, who the hell is he reporting to?"

"Levi," said Nile, gaze locking onto him, "tell me the boy's story doesn't sound too convenient."

"It does. I think he's full of shit, and I think he's a monster. But if he's useful to humanity, maybe that's okay. We all know the old plan to reclaim Wall Maria was going to be a suicide mission. If this kid can pick up a rock and drop it at the gate, it saves us countless lives. We're running out of time to be cautious - food stocks are getting lower, and people are getting restless. You're always talking about civil unrest. What do you think's going to happen when we run out of food?"

"It's too dangerous," said Nile.

"You'd rather we execute and dissect the most powerful weapon humanity has ever encountered?" said Erwin.

"And then examine him. You two say we're running out of time to be cautious, but I say things are getting so precarious, we have to be even more cautious than ever."

"This sounds like something that won't be resolved here after all," said Pixis. "We'll have to get Zackly involved."

"How about a court-martial?" asked Erwin. "Once Eren Yeager is awake. Nile and I will prepare our cases, and Zackly can take Eren's account into consideration. Now that all our intentions are in the open, it should be easy to provide logical arguments for both sides." Since Eren was allegedly so keen to join the Survey Corps, his own testimony might help sway Zackly's opinion.

"Fine," said Nile, looking away.

"Then it's settled," said Pixis. "What shall we do with the key? I was going to recommend we give it to the one Commander who has a chance of seeing Shiganshina soonest, regardless of what happens to Yeager."

A shiver ran down Erwin's spine, but he managed to keep his tone neutral: "I would be honoured to hang onto it."

Nile shrugged. "Makes sense."

Pixis slid the key across the table. Erwin slipped it into the inner pocket of his jacket; it clinked against another metal object that had recently taken up residence there.

As they returned to the hotel, Levi scowled at Erwin. "You know I'm only entertaining all this because I trust you, right?"

"You've made your distrust of him very clear." Erwin considered. "Use it to your advantage. When he awakens, be suspicious. Ask him tough questions; be as harsh as you see fit. I don't want you to believe in this plan just because I do - I want you to find reasons to believe in it yourself. This is too important for blind trust."

"Okay," said Levi quietly.

When they reached the room, he flopped onto the bed. "Is that my role in all this?"

"Hm?" said Erwin, pulling the key out of his pocket to examine it.

"To be harsh with him. To scare him into loyalty."

"Not necessarily. From the sounds of it, he's already loyal to us to begin with. Your role will be to demonstrate to others that you can control him. There's always the possibility that he'll lose control - it happened briefly in Trost, and it could cause a threat on the field. We need to pair him with someone who can take him down if needed."

"I see." Levi eyed him. "So you want me to be his babysitter."

"In a way. You're the only one I can trust to do it."

"Okay," said Levi. "I'll do it."

"We have to ensure we can gain custody of him first." Erwin sat at the table. "I have some preliminary work to do. Could you please deliver a message to Berit that we'd like to meet her for dinner? She should be staying at the Military Police barracks. We'll meet at that restaurant behind the barracks that sells stew."

Levi nodded and stood. "Maybe I'll train in their gym for a bit, too." That made sense; between the carriage and the meeting, he was probably restless.

"Then we'll all meet at the restaurant at six o'clock," said Erwin. "Send for me if Eren Yeager wakes up while you're there."

.*.*.*.

Later that evening, Levi stepped into a small restaurant that smelled of mutton and cooking onions; the room was small and dimly lit, with cloth tablecloths. Erwin and Berit sat at a table near the back with an open bottle of wine.

As he sat down, Berit gave him a smile. "Been a long time."

"Yeah," said Levi. Erwin had left him the seat that gave him a clear view of the door. He sat in it and scanned their surroundings. Everyone was dressed in finery, and even though he was in a collared shirt and dress pants himself, he was certain he stood out. He straightened his cravat.

"I've only just arrived myself," said Erwin. "Would you care for a glass of wine?"

Levi nodded, flipping open the menu. "What are their best dishes?" he asked, pretending he had a refined palate like the rest of the diners.

After some discussion, the server came and took their orders. Levi took a swig of wine and subtly swished it around his mouth as he scanned the room again. He noticed Berit watching him; he swallowed.

"How's the brat?" he asked.

"Whiny and noisy, and my kid's annoying, too," said Berit, and then she laughed at her own joke. "No, Silas and my child are both well, thank you, Levi. They live with me on the base now."

"You're still happy there?" asked Erwin. "No desire to return to the front lines?"

"That life isn't for me anymore, Erwin. My goals are less altruistic these days." She leaned forward. "But I can still provide you with valuable information. Off the record, of course."

"Of course," said Erwin quietly. "But perhaps we should save that until after the meal. If we have any eavesdroppers, we want them to hear a mundane conversation until they're convinced they're nothing going on."

"Still thinking ten steps ahead, I see," she said with a smile.

"You mean paranoid," muttered Levi, and Erwin gave him a good-natured nudge under the table.

A large pot of mutton stew and a basket of bread arrived. As Levi ate, Erwin and Berit prattled a lot about Shadis, and what the Trainee Corps had been like pre-fall compared to now, and other boring reminiscing. Levi helped himself to a third glass of wine and kept watching the door, half-expecting Nile to burst in at any moment to try to accuse them of illicitly gathering information for the court-martial.

Then Berit said something that drew his attention: "And what about the two of you? Any wedding bells in the future?"

Erwin started coughing, as if he had choked on his bread. Levi just stared at her, expression flat.

Her face fell. "Oh. Should I not have-"

"It's fine," wheezed Erwin. He took a swig of water, then cleared his throat a few times, wiping tears from his eyes. "My apologies; that caught me off guard."

An awkward silence descended on the table. Berit sat a little too tall, refilling her wine glass.

"Things were complicated for awhile," said Erwin quietly.

Levi's body tensed as he waited to see how Erwin would describe their relationship.

"Oh no," said Berit. "Did you break up?"

Levi scanned the crowd, concerned they were talking too openly about something they were supposed to keep private. Still, no one seemed to be paying attention.

"We separated for several months. Our duties pull us in many directions, and require us to walk side-by-side as colleagues more than lovers, particularly in the public eye. During particularly intense political scheming, we came to realize we had left ourselves more vulnerable than we intended, so we took a step back. And yet..." Erwin's eyes locked onto Levi. "We've recently come to realize that being apart leaves us vulnerable, too, in different ways. It's complicated, but we're taking things one day at a time."

"I understand," said Berit. "I'm sorry things are so complicated for you."

Levi's heart was pounding in his chest as he felt himself drawn into Erwin's gaze, but then the man looked away and gave a polite smile.

"Enough about us. I think it's safe to begin speaking about information pertinent to the court-martial."

Berit nodded and wiped the last bit of stew from her bowl with a piece of bread.

Erwin leaned close to Levi. "Any threats?"

"Seems clear. I'll keep an eye out." The room was so noisy that he doubted anyone could overhear them even if they tried.

"Okay." Berit paused to wash down the bread with a sip of wine. "I didn't want to mention this in the meeting, particularly when they were discussing whether or not Eren is a threat to humanity, but his passion to fight the titans is more intense than I let on. I played it off like he gives speeches here and there, but they aren't little speeches. They're impassioned rants. He has come to blows with the other Trainees more than once, and there were a few times when Shadis considered sending him into isolation to cool down."

"I see," said Erwin, leaning forward a little. "What sets him off?"

"Complacency among his peers, mainly," said Berit, "but he's also fiercely protective of his friends Mikasa and Armin. Those three kids have a bond I've never seen outside the Survey Corps. They've been through hell together, and it shows. They would die to protect each other."

"I see," said Erwin again, but by the way his eyes were narrowing, Levi could tell he was formulating a plan.

Berit talked a bit more about the obstacles Eren Yeager had overcome, and his family history. Then she moved on to how fervently he protected the key to his basement.

"Do you know what's in the basement?" asked Levi.

"No. Not even Eren seems to."

Levi glanced at Erwin, whose eyes were sparkling. He frowned. The idea of that basement had sparked something inside Erwin, and he couldn't yet put his finger on what it was. It seemed, to him, a ridiculous thing to put one's faith in: a basement that might or might not contain answers about the titans, according to a titan-boy who claimed to have conveniently lost his memories. Usually, Erwin was more logical than this.

By the time a second bottle of wine was empty, Berit had answered all their questions.

"It's late," she said, standing. "But it was good to see you. Good luck with the court-martial."

They exchanged hugs.

"You won't be coming?" asked Erwin.

She shook her head, grimacing. "If they put him to death, I'll break down. Besides, everyone has all the information from me they need." Her jaw set. "You guys save him, okay?"

"We'll do our best," said Erwin with a solemn nod.

Even though it was still early, the streets were nearly empty. Levi frowned. Mitras lost more and more lustre every time they visited. Homeless people lined the sidewalks, gaunt eyes tracking them as they passed. The Military Police tried to keep the homeless sequestered to the Underground, but many of the poorer merchant and servant families of Wall Sina were drifting to the streets. And why should they go to the Underground, when they had known sunlight all their lives? Why should anybody? Heat tossed in Levi's chest. He glanced up at Erwin, but he appeared to be lost in thought.

Once they were safely in the hotel room, the Commander finally spoke. "I know now what we must do at the court-martial. But first, we must speak with Eren Yeager. We need to make sure he's as idealistic and temperamental as Berit says."

"Temperamental?"

"Yes." Erwin sat on the mattress and pulled the basement key out of his pocket, studying it. Levi sat beside him.

"Make anything of it?" asked Erwin, holding it out.

"What, because I can pick locks, you think I'm an expert on keys?"

"That's not how it works?"

"No. Looks like a shitty old key to me." Levi glanced up at him. "So what's this plan for the court-martial?"

"Well, it's not much of a plan unless I can verify Eren Yeager is the boy Berit claims him to be." Erwin pocketed the key again; it gave a soft clink. "In the meantime, I sent for Mike, Hange and a few of their squad members. We need to have a strong presence at the court-martial, to look like we have a united front. We'll never succeed if Nile is able to convince Zackly I'm acting on my own without any support from my regiment."

"You're overestimating Nile's brains."

Erwin smiled. "Perhaps."

"Can I ask you something?" asked Levi.

"Of course."

"Why do you already trust this kid's story?"

Erwin's smile shifted to him and warmed. "Well, I don't think 'trust' is the right word. Did I 'trust' you when I first recruited you to the Survey Corps?"

"No," said Levi. "And you shouldn't have. I was trying to kill you."

"I trusted my instincts: your skills were so invaluable to humanity that they were worth any price, even my life. That's the way I feel about Eren Yeager now: his skills are so invaluable that I have no choice but to trust that everything will work out if we recruit him. Perhaps one day, he and I will come to trust each other as well as you and I did."

"Not exactly the same way, I hope," said Levi dryly.

"Levi, he's fifteen years old." Erwin turned to him. "I know you're just joking, but you understand that I still consider you humanity's greatest hope, right?"

Levi stared blankly at him. "What?"

"Eren Yeager's skills are incredibly important, yes, and he is a key to humanity's victory." Erwin leaned closer. "But I've seen you on the field: you could easily fell twenty titans before collapsing, just like he did, and you don't need to be a titan to do it. Besides, the way you motivate and unite the Survey Corps - the way you're a hero to humanity - has a ripple effect that invigorates everyone around you."

Levi's cheeks were warm. He cleared his throat and looked away. "I'm just a murderer with a couple of fancy knives."

"I know you aren't comfortable with all the attention that being Humanity's Strongest brings you, but I'm worried that having some of that attention shifted to Eren Yeager might make you uncomfortable, too."

"You make me sound like I can't make up my damned mind what I want," muttered Levi, even though it was true.

"What I'm trying to get at is this." He felt Erwin's whisper against his ear, soft and warm: "Let me show you what you mean to me."

Levi was certain his face was beet red. His hands clawed into the duvet. "Don't you have work to do?"

"I have contacts running background checks on the Yeager family; I'll be meeting with them tomorrow morning to gather our report. The boy himself isn't awake yet. We've tapped all our current resources, and I wouldn't mind time to digest what we've learned. As strange as it sounds, I think we find ourselves with a night off."

"Huh," said Levi.

Erwin reached out a curled hand, unfurling it over Levi's thigh. "I know things are still a bit awkward between us, but if you're willing..." His fingertips grazed Levi's thigh, touch so gentle that Levi held his breath. "Just know that I don't have any expectations of you, even with what happened between us the other night. We can take things slowly, if you're more comfortable with it."

Levi snorted. "Shit has never been slow between us."

"Well, it can be this time, if you want."

"And what if I don't want it to?"

Erwin looked up at him, eyelids heavy. "I'm willing to go as far as you want." The fingertips began to ease up Levi's thigh.

Their eyes held, lips parted, as Erwin's hand edged higher, higher. As he reached the top of the inseam, he cupped Levi, warm and firm. Levi let a shuddering breath. So warm, his hand was so warm... Then the fingers curled in, and Erwin was feeling him through his pants, their eyes still holding, still heavy. Levi's pants were getting uncomfortable, but he was locked in place, that intense blue gaze trickling through his blood like ice.

Erwin tightened his grip around him and stroked him through the fabric, and Levi gasped, his head lolling back. He felt the bed shift, felt a warm mouth press to his throat. A rumble sounded against his skin. Had Erwin's voice always been that deep? It reverberated through him, settled between his legs, burning as hot as his hand.

Then the hand lifted. Levi whimpered and thrust up after it, but then felt Erwin working at his cravat. It slid off, and a tongue slid down to his collarbones, with a hot breath that made him shiver. The straps across his torso loosened and fell away. He opened his eyes and saw Erwin unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time, following with his mouth.

He parted his legs, and, on unspoken cue, Erwin knelt between them. He reached the waistband of his pants and kissed Levi's navel, working at his belt buckle, then the buttons of his pants.

"Fuck," whispered Levi, running a hand through Erwin's hair. A skiff of blond hair tumbled across the broad forehead. How long had it been since he had seen him, really seen him, with his hair disheveled? The blue eyes flicked up to him, the angle accentuating the severe planes of his face. Levi cursed again, hand curling into a fist.

Then the fabric of his pants parted, and his waistband shifted, and cool air hit him. He forced his eyes to stay open as Erwin circled his thumb and forefinger around the base, standing him upright. The too-severe gaze lingered, as if he were inspecting him.

Levi groaned. "Don't tease me."

"I think I will, just for a little longer." Erwin leaned in close and breathed hot air from base to tip.

 _Fuck!_ Levi gripped his hair hard, thrusting toward him. "Erwin-"

The mouth closed around the tip, and he felt a conflicted warmth flood his body: relaxation and tension at the same time. He tried to speak, but a wordless cry escaped instead.

Erwin pulled away and tapped his hips. "Lift your hips."

Too distracted to question him, Levi obeyed, and he felt his pants, belts and underclothes slide down to his ankles. A palm pressed between his legs, cupped him and gently tugged. Levi heard an odd, high-pitched noise leave his mouth, but his mind was too thick with fog to feel embarrassment.

"Like this?" rumbled Erwin, tugging a bit harder. Light flashed before Levi's closed eyelids, and he felt himself throb. Then Erwin's hand and mouth were stroking him in the same rhythm. His head rolled back on his shoulders, his hips rising. He was tempted to give in, but no, there was still more he wanted to do.

"Wait," he gasped.

Erwin pulled away just in time, leaving him right on the edge. Levi's head kept rolling as he fought to pull back. The glow finally faded enough for him to open his eyes.

Erwin was staring intently at him. "You had something else in mind?"

"Take off your clothes," wheezed Levi, too clumsy to undress him himself.

Erwin stood and undressed. When his pants came off, Levi saw he wasn't the only one on edge.

"Bring that over here."

Erwin stepped closer, and Levi dropped to his knees on the floor to taste him. Fuck, he had missed the taste, this fullness in his mouth and throat. Erwin's palms settled over Levi's ears, his hips tense and just barely rocking.

 _Let yourself go,_ thought Levi, sucking harder, pulling him in deeper. He heard a low groan, felt one of the hands roughly slide into his hair.

He pulled away and stood, intending to guide him to the bed, but Erwin surprised him, lunging down for a kiss. Their tongues slid against each other, deep and aggressive. Levi grabbed the blond hair to pull him in closer, and he felt a broad hand grip his ass.

The kiss broke, both of them gasping for air. Erwin's skin was flushed and glowing. Levi's hands slid down to Erwin's ass and he grabbed, pulling hard. His thumbs slid to centre, grazing the surface, making clear what he wanted.

"I see," rumbled Erwin.

"Too far?"

Erwin kissed the tip of his nose. "I washed before dinner, just in case."

Levi stood on his toes to steal one more kiss. When he pulled away, he said, "Bend over the end of the bed."

Erwin complied. Levi knelt behind him. The view was even more beautiful than he remembered. He buried his face deep in warm, fuzzy skin, breathing in, tasting him. He felt Erwin's deep voice rumble through him.

 _Come on. Curse for me._ Maybe Levi had love bites on his neck, but Erwin hadn't dropped his guard last time, not fully. He wanted him rambling curse words and bucking back against him. He licked with the flat of his tongue and heard a small groan, probed and heard it rise. _Come on!_ He kissed and moaned into the flesh, and Erwin echoed him, hips beginning to tilt.

Then he finally gave in: the blond head dropped, forehead to his forearms, and he thrust back against Levi with a soft, "Fuck!"

The rush made Levi dizzy. He slowed, teasing him. The curses began to flow. He forced his hand between Erwin and the mattress to grab him; the hips lifted to give him access. He could feel dampness, and he wasn't sure if Erwin was really turned on, or it was Levi's drool dripping down the length of him. Either prospect was surprisingly enticing.

"Levi," gasped Erwin in a voice so high and soft that it was barely recognizable as his.

Levi pulled away, and he heard a sound of protest that was almost a sob.

"I just need to get lube." He strode to the trunk. There was the oil, in the side pocket where they had always kept it, as if no time had passed. As he walked back to Erwin, he considered the enormity of what they were about to do. Maybe they had shared one desperate fuck, but this was far more important than that. This was the end of months of pain and longing…

By the time he reached the bed again, he was flaccid.

Erwin had rolled onto his back, perhaps feeling a bit too exposed with his ass in the air. His face was red and splotchy, his lips swollen. Levi knelt the bed and bent down to kiss them.

When he pulled away, Erwin's hand clumsily reached out to cup his cheek. Levi turned his face into it and kissed his palm.

"This may sound odd, but I'm feeling..." Erwin paused. "I'm not sure if 'shy' is the right word, but it's close."

Levi's chest tightened. "Are things still a bit fucked up between us?"

"To be fair, things were never fucked up between us. They were fucked up _around_ us."

"Well, there's nothing around us now except a hotel room." That wasn't quite true. Their history followed them everywhere. How many ghosts of memories floated around them right now? He kissed the broad palm again. "Look, there's no rush. Be shy for now, if you want. Maybe you're used to protecting yourself a bit now - we both had to for awhile. It's okay. You can be as closed off or open as you want. I've already seen every side of you, anyway, and you've seen every side of me."

Erwin's thumb grazed his cheekbone; his eyes were glassy. "Let's keep going. I'm certain my shyness will pass once you're inside me."

"Is that how you want it?"

"I thought that's what we agreed on." The blush deepened. "Besides, it's your turn."

Levi raised a brow. "We take turns now?"

Instead of replying, Erwin withdrew his hand and rolled onto his stomach, looking expectantly at him. Levi's breath caught. He slid a hand down Erwin's spine and across his ass.

"You beautiful bastard," he whispered as he felt himself getting hard again.

Erwin gave a pleased hum and lifted his hips a little. Levi uncapped the oil and drizzled it across the pads of his fingers, then nestled up against him, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades.

Erwin's body gave easily to his fingers, and Levi sank into him, feeling all his control sinking into that warmth with them. He barely managed to speak: "That okay?"

"Yeah." Erwin dragged the word into two syllables, the first voiced, the second a breath.

"You used toys a lot, didn't you?"

"And my fingers." The strain in the words suggested his eyes were squeezed shut.

Levi pressed deeper, reading the inside of his body. Erwin's shoulders rounded; he pressed his face into the pillow.

"Did you think of me?" asked Levi, throaty.

The response was muffled by the pillow, but was clearly, "Every time." Exactly what he wanted to hear. He slid further down the bed to press a kiss to Erwin's tailbone, his free hand rediscovering the fine blond hairs in a band across his lower back.

Enough foreplay. He shrugged out of his unbuttoned dress shirt, hanging it on a chair. "I want to see your face." That was important, this time.

Erwin clumsily rolled onto one elbow. "Lie down. I'll ride you."

And so Erwin sat above him, the lamplight framing his body in an aura as he rocked up and down. He grabbed Levi's hands and laced his fingers through it, guiding one palm to his chest, another down his torso. So beautiful, he was so impossibly beautiful, with that regal gaze, the rolling muscles of his abdomen. He looked like the paintings he had shown Levi in his forbidden book, a mythical human with wings and a wreath of light around his head.

"Holy Sina," breathed Levi, who had never had a religious thought in his life. "You are so fucking beautiful."

Erwin slowed and bent down, arching his flexible back until his lips grazed Levi's nose. "I love you," he whispered.

Levi cried out, arching into him. He was so close, and Erwin was relentless, all warmth and suction, power and grace. Levi wrenched a hand free and grabbed him, and as he began to stroke, Erwin's body jerked bolt upright, his face strained, blond hair hanging loose.

"Come for me," whispered Levi, because he wanted to see this ethereal being reach its pinnacle state, wanted to bring him the pleasure he deserved.

"Ah-" was all Erwin managed to reply. His cheeks were red as he ground hard into Levi's hips. A bead of sweat trailed down his temple, a spark of gold in the lamp light.

"Come on," said Levi, sensing him holding back. "Louder."

"Fuck!" blasted Erwin, and then he gave a hard thrust into his hand, waves rolling through every muscle in his torso. Levi felt energy surge through him so suddenly that he thought, for a moment, he would follow, too.

Erwin fell forward onto his elbows, then rolled onto his side, breathing hard. His face was slack and soft, his eyes closed, his lips still a bit flared. Levi wondered if anyone else had ever seen this side of the Commander, had even suspected it existed.

"Sorry," rasped Erwin. "I need a minute." He clumsily shoved the hair back off his forehead.

Levi rolled onto his side to study him, awed by how wrecked he looked. His fingertip slid down the bridge of Erwin's nose. When he reached the thick lips, Erwin kissed it.

"Go back in." The word vibrated his finger.

"Now? You'll be too sensitive."

"You do it all the time for me. Use lots of oil." The blond eyelashes parted, and Erwin's gaze drifted to him, still unfocussed. "I want to feel you come inside me."

Levi studied him and, seeing no reluctance in his eyes, decided he liked the idea. He drizzled oil along himself and gently stroked it until it was even, his body erupting into goosebumps. He could already tell he wasn't going to be able to hang on for long.

Erwin had caught his breath; now he was staring fixedly at the stroking motion.

"Looks like you're already getting hard again," said Levi, surprised.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you look glistening in the lamplight like that?"

Levi felt heat rise to his cheeks.

They worked together to put a pillow under Erwin's hips, and Levi lay on top of him, gently pushing his legs out of the way. He began to ease back inside, pausing. "That okay?"

"Yeah. Go deeper."

And then they were connected again.

Levi slowly began to move.

"It's okay," said Erwin, as if addressing the fears he hadn't voiced. "Harder." His arms and legs wrapped around Levi, a hand raking into the back of his hair. His grip was strong and protective. Safe.

Levi gasped. Connected, they were connected, and nothing could take that from them - not politicians, not the law, not even the titans. The world was nothing when the two of them were rocking together like this. He felt his conscious thought begin to unravel, one strand at a time, as his feral side swelled through him. He felt the glow of damp skin and body hair, licked Erwin's nipple and felt him clench tighter. Erwin was whispering words, and he couldn't hear them, but he heard their tone, as encouraging and safe as the grip that encased him.

He heard a sob leave his lips, felt his limbs begin to shake, and he drove the last few strokes hard. Erwin held him tightly, whispering him through every pulse.

Then the only sound was the blood rushing in his ears.

He took a deep breath. Erwin's skin was sticky around him, and he felt the first fluttering of panic as he realized how many different fluids were coating their skin right now.

But Erwin was already unfolding, releasing him. Levi rolled onto his back, dropping a forearm over his eyes to block the lamplight.

"We can bathe together before bed, if you like," said Erwin softly, addressing his unspoken anxiety once again.

Levi nodded.

"When you've caught your breath."

He nodded again, but he used his first breath to change the subject: "I love you."

A soft kiss planted on his elbow. "Is it..." It wasn't like Erwin to be at a loss for words.

Levi let his arm fall to the side, squinting. Erwin sat on the bed beside him. With his hair in his face and his cheeks flushed, he looked boyish.

"Is it what?"

"Is it the same as before?" Erwin dragged his fingertips across Levi's triceps.

"Love?"

"Yeah."

The fingertips were getting too close to his armpit; Levi pulled away. "No. It's different." He couldn't put his finger on how. "What about you?"

"It _is_ different. Before, I was always holding a small part of myself back - considering possible outcomes, weighing our relationship against everything else." Erwin's hand settled on Levi's chest, drawing slow circles in his chest hair. "Now, when you touch me, that side of me is finally silent. I feel free."

Levi thought of how safe he felt in Erwin's arms lately, and realized his own obsessive worries had finally been silent, too. His heart was warm and tight, as securely constrained as his body had been moments ago. Yes, this was different than it had been even a few months ago - no ache in his throat, no tightness in his chest. He cupped Erwin's jaw and looked him solemnly in the eye.

"What does that look mean?" asked Erwin softly.

"Why do you always have to put everything into words?" countered Levi, shy.

"It's how I make sense of the world around me."

"Well, some things are bigger than words."

Erwin's throat bobbed. "I suppose they are."

Their gaze held, and this time, Erwin's hand closed over his, the blue eyes meeting his intensity.

.*.*.*.

The next day, Erwin worked on his notes, while Levi went to check on the status of Eren Yeager, who was still unconscious _. I hope he wakes up, or this will all have been a giant waste of time._

After spending a couple hours training in the Military Police gym, he began to walk back to the hotel. He was surprised to see Erwin in plain clothes, sitting on a park bench next to a woman. They were in earnest conversation. Was this one of his contacts? Levi found a seat at another bench, waiting.

Once the woman left, Erwin approached him, holding a cloth bag. "Any luck?"

Levi shook his head. "They said he seems to be coming out of it a bit, but still hasn't woken up. Maybe this evening."

"Okay. We'll check back then. I have new information to share with you." Erwin began to walk toward the hotel again, and Levi fell into step behind him. Once they were inside, Erwin pulled out a chair at the table and sat down. Several papers lay strewn across its surface, the ink bottle still uncapped. Levi frowned and capped it, then began to tidy the papers.

Erwin didn't seem to notice; he pulled an envelope out of the cloth bag.

"An envelope?" said Levi. "I thought that bag was our lunch." His stomach was growling.

"There's lunch in here, too, but this is more important." He passed the bag to Levi, who rustled through it and pulled out a loaf of bread and some apple butter. As he began to prepare the bread, Erwin flipped through the file.

"What is it?" asked Levi.

"Eren Yeager and his friend Mikasa Ackerman had a brush with the law before Wall Maria fell." Erwin leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head. "Dr. Yeager paid to have the incident struck from the records, but like our friend Sahlo said, there is no such thing as a permanent secret."

Levi frowned at the mention of the lord. "What was their crime?" Petty theft, most likely. Child's play.

"Murder."

"Murder?"

"Three would-be kidnappers approached Mikasa Ackerman's family. Her mother was of a rare race called the 'Asian people'." He looked distracted for a moment; perhaps he was reminiscing about all the types of people in the book he had shared at Christmas.

"And?" prodded Levi.

"I suppose they were hoping for a rare prize for the slave market or the sex trade. The clash didn't go as the slavers were expecting. In the struggle, both parents were killed, but Eren Yeager happened to find them before they could take the girl. Dr. Yeager was their family doctor and had been due for a visit, so the boy must have tracked them down somehow. He and the girl killed all three slavers, even though they were only nine years old."

Levi snorted. "Good riddance." He had met their kind in his day. Selling a human being as if they were a commodity was the worst crime a person could commit.

Erwin was giving him a strange look.

"What?"

"Perhaps such a thing is normal for children in the Underground," said Erwin thoughtfully. "Above ground, it's extremely rare for a child to take a life. This is a noteworthy aggression, and if Nile's team is resourceful enough to find it, they may try to use it against the boy."

"That's not unexpected though, right? Berit already said this kid was aggressive as hell."

"True." Erwin made a quick note. "Perhaps this plays right into our narrative."

"Our narrative?"

"That Eren Yeager is integral to humanity's survival, but dangerous." Erwin drummed his fingers on the table. "We want everyone in that courtroom to be afraid of him so they'll be relieved by the idea of letting us take him outside the walls."

Levi leaned back in his chair and tore off a chunk of bread. "And that I'm the only one who can handle him. Where'd you get this information, anyway?"

"My contacts. I have a few friends with access to military records who get bored easily. They are happy to exchange information for money, if they feel the information is for humanity's benefit. Lord Hasek was part of their ring."

"Stop talking about Sahlo," said Levi irritably. "He's dead."

"I know, and there are power vacuums filling because of it, as we speak."

 _He doesn't like being unaware of what's out there,_ Levi realized. Maybe that was why he was so suddenly fixated on Eren Yeager and the basement key: it was all about regaining control over the world around him.

Shortly after lunch, a knock sounded at the door: Hange and Mike, who had travelled through the morning to reach Mitras. They would be staying at the Military Police barracks.

"You're welcome to stay here," said Erwin, and Levi narrowed his eyes. Hange had only caught them in the act once, years ago, and he still heard about it constantly.

"We're fine in the barracks," said Hange, glancing up at Mike, who was sniffing the air.

"Don't do that," muttered Levi, self-conscious.

"Things are going well," said Mike with a smirk.

"Shut up. That's fucking creepy."

The four of them sat and sipped tea as Erwin summarized everything they knew so far. At the end of it, he handed Mike an envelope. "We've arranged for the two of you to question two of Eren Yeager's childhood friends at five o'clock. Here are some questions you must cover; feel free to ask any others as you see fit. Levi and I are going to see if the boy himself is awake."

Levi folded his arms over his chest. Hearing all the details back to back made the holes in Eren Yeager's story seem that much larger. The kid conveniently remembered the key, but not what it was for. He remembered how to turn into a titan, but only when his life was about to end. Levi had heard many strange things in his lifetime - even stories of powers awakening even when all seemed lost. Hell, he had experienced such things for himself, and maybe his own memory wasn't the greatest. But if this basement was so important, why had Dr. Yeager never shown it to his son? Why would he inject him with something without explaining what he was doing? It was all ridiculous.

"What's wrong, Levi?" asked Erwin patiently.

"You know what's wrong. Same as always. I don't buy the brat's story." Levi slumped deeper in his chair.

"Maybe he doesn't think we're going to act in humanity's best interest," said Hange. "He sounds pretty passionate."

Erwin's gaze was probing deep into Levi; he shifted, uncomfortable. "What?"

"I know it's natural to fear the titans," said Erwin. "Any titan, even one that appears to be on our side. They've been responsible for enormous losses, and we've all felt them. But this boy could be the key to ending that forever. Imagine a world where humanity has enough crops to feed future generations. Imagine the morale boost of reclaiming Wall Maria, of taking back what was lost. We have to believe he's on our side. If he is lying and untrustworthy, that means the titans are organized enough to have infiltrated our society. If that's the case, then humanity is in far worse shape than we thought."

"They probably already have," said Hange, solemn. "You've already thought it too, haven't you?"

"Thought what?"

"That the Colossal and Armoured titans are humans who can shift into titans, too. If they came in through the wall, they could be walking among us as humans."

Levi's teeth clenched. "That's fucking grim."

"How did they know to wait until we were outside the Wall to attack?" murmured Erwin. "They must be a part of the military."

The full implications suddenly hit Levi, and he sat upright. He curled his hands, feeling dampness in his palms. "You think they might be in the Survey Corps?"

"Perhaps. Perhaps another branch. It's plausible they either used forgery to work their way into the military, or went through training." Erwin paused, then stood. "This conversation can wait until we've had time to dig deeper. Right now, our biggest concern is getting Eren Yeager."

"What if he is in league with the titans?" said Levi, wondering why the others looked so calm.

"Then we can keep an eye on him and, if necessary, take him down." Erwin's jaw was tight. "There are too many unknowns. We'll take it one step at a time."

"Fine." Levi stood. "Let's go. I'm sick of wondering how it's going to play out."

"Hange and Mike, if we don't meet up with you during your questioning of the boy's friends, then we'll meet you back here before dinner." He opened the door and stepped through.

"What the hell?" Levi asked when they were out in the hall. "This is looking riskier and riskier."

"We have nothing to lose, and everything to gain." Erwin glanced down at him. "Do you have my back on these decisions, Levi?"

"Of course."

"You seem reluctant every time it comes up."

"Well, I'm not exactly comfortable with it."

"Neither am I." Erwin set his jaw. "Not until we speak with him, at least. I need to see that passion Berit described, and we'll only get it if he thinks he's in danger."

.*.*.*.

The Military Police guard informed them that Eren Yeager was just waking up.

 _Perfect,_ thought Levi. _He'll be disoriented._ It was easier to get honest answers out of someone who was disoriented. There were ways to put a person in that state on purpose, but he doubted Erwin was interested in using them.

They moved to step past them, but one of the guards stopped them. "Your permission hasn't come through."

Levi's eyes narrowed. "Permission?"

"From Commander Nile Dok."

"What? I was in here this morning, and they didn't tell me we needed-"

"Levi, it's okay." Erwin's voice was as calm as his face. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small satchel. _Gold coins. He expected this_. Levi felt a simultaneous swell of admiration for his foresight, and frustration that they had to stoop to bribery.

The soldier began to count the coins. The other looked nervous. "Don't take that! We'll get in so much shit if we're caught."

"Oh, relax, rookie. You'll get your half." The soldier stepped aside with a salute that jingled. "Commander. Captain."

Erwin settled into the chair facing the boy's cell. Levi leaned against the wall beside him, arms folding over his chest.

He wasn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't a small boy in a stained shirt shackled to a bed. He had looked much more impressive half-emerging from a titan. _This dirty brat is humanity's hope?_

The boy groaned and twitched. _Nightmares._ Levi strained his ears, trying to listen for clues about what plagued his dreams. Boys and monsters had very different nightmares.

Instead, the boy jerked upright with a gasp.

"I imagine you have questions," said Erwin calmly.

The boy stared at them, wild eyes coming into focus. Levi looked away, trying to communicate his disdain.

"Where am I?" asked the boy. He didn't sound like a monster. He sounded scared.

"Let's just say you're in a dungeon," said Erwin, voice fluid. "You're currently in the custody of the Military Police Brigade. We were finally granted the right to see you a few minutes ago."

 _Granted the right,_ thought Levi with a sneer as Erwin continued to explain the situation.

The first hint of passion appeared when Erwin pulled out the basement key; the boy strained against his restraints.

Erwin's voice was so calm that it was unsettling. "The basement of the house where you were born, Dr. Yeager's house in Shiganshina District, holds the secret of the titans. Am I right?"

Levi eyed the Commander in his periphery, noticing the hidden strain in the question. _What's going on in your head?_ He felt the flickering onset of anxiety he had felt, years ago, when Erwin had first threatened Sahlo head-on. It was like the tension after cutting the gas on the 3DMG, the body preparing for a sudden drop.

"Yes," said the boy. "Or at least, that's what my father said."

Levi's lip curled. "You have amnesia and your father's missing. That's a convenient story."

Erwin glanced at him. "Levi, we already reached the conclusion he has no reason to lie."

It was difficult to tell if the rebuke was sincere or part of the act, but then again, Levi didn't know any more if his own statement had been sincere or an act. The kid certainly didn't seem like a threat. He didn't look like he could transform into a beast and take out twenty titans, either.

Erwin asked him his intentions, then explained their plans to use him to reclaim Wall Maria.

The boy began to drip sweat, his eyes wide. Levi had seen this look enough times to know exactly what was happening: he was recalling past trauma. _We'll only get his passion if he thinks he's in danger..._

"Hey," said Levi. "Answer the man, scum. What is it you want to do?"

But where others - even Levi, even Erwin - would be temporarily paralyzed by a flashback, the boy's teeth clenched, his body quivering. When he lifted his head, Levi felt his stomach drop.

He knew that look.

Another boy who had never had a childhood, who had been forced to kill to survive at a young age, who would kill again the instant he got a chance.

_He really is a monster, and not just because he can shift into a titan._

"I want to join the Survey Corps," said Eren Yeager, voice quivering, "and exterminate the titans."

"Not bad," murmured Levi, truly believing, for the first time, that they wanted him on their side.

.*.*.*.

"You see in him what you saw in me," said Levi as they strode back to the hotel. "A monster who can become the perfect weapon if he can be tamed."

"Something like that." Erwin glanced at him. "He's a boy before he's a weapon, Levi. Remember that."

But Levi knew if he was to potentially kill Eren Yeager, he had to see him as a monster first. He had a habit of getting too close to those he protected - Isabel and Farlan's remains flashed through his memory, and he shuddered. No, not this time. He wasn't going to grow fond of the kid and get caught up in that "humanity's hope" bullshit.

It seemed even Erwin had gotten caught up in it; his step was light, his lips resting in a faint smile.

"Do you think we have enough information to convince Zackly?" asked Levi when they returned to the hotel room.

"I don't know. My contact suggested the nobles were concerned about a potential war between Wall Rose and Wall Sina, so Nile's argument will appeal to Zackly." Erwin sat at the desk and made a few more notes. "We have one valuable asset: Eren's desire to join us."

"How does that help?" asked Levi, sitting on the bed.

"You saw his passion in there. Once we asked him about his goals, he forgot where he was and who he was speaking to." Erwin turned to face him. "If we start to lose our case, he's very likely to become unstable."

Levi felt the beginning descent of that 3DMG hover he had felt earlier. "And then you want me to demonstrate that I can control him."

Erwin's gaze held his.

 _Eren Yeager is a monster,_ Levi reminded himself, because the idea of beating up a fifteen-year-old kid made him sick. "Fuck."

"Getting beaten is a lot better than death and dissection, and humanity needs him alive." Erwin's face was too taut. "We'll have to make sure to play this card at the right time. Too soon, and no one will be convinced he is truly a threat. Too late, and he might actually shift into a titan."

"I can read him." Levi's eyes narrowed. "I know his kind."

If Erwin was confused, he didn't show it. He only nodded. "Thank you, Levi."

"Don't thank me. We don't have a choice." Levi lay back on the bed, letting out a long breath. "Fuck."

"Indeed. We'll wait to hear what Hange and Mike have to say about Eren's friends, and update them on our plan. If Eren's friends are as tightly knit with him as Berit says, we should probably have them at the court-martial, too."

"Oh?"

"To remind him of what he stands to lose if he dies."

Levi nodded. "So what happens when we get custody of him?"

"Well, he'll join your Special Operations Squad. If you need to shuffle the squad to make sure they can control him-"

"No, this group is the best group to handle him. We'll need to take him out of the city right away."

Erwin nodded. "There's an old, abandoned base about a half hour's ride northeast of Trost that will make a suitable holding place for Eren Yeager. I'll stay behind and work on the expedition approval process and planning; Hange can continue titan research, and Mike will coordinate the transport of all our goods from Trost to Karanes. The 104th recruitment ceremony will happen soon after the court-martial - I'll return to the base with the new recruits."

Levi let out a low sigh.

The bed shifted. He turned to see Erwin stretching out beside him. "You okay?"

"No." Levi rolled halfway onto him, resting his ear on the centre of the broad chest. He could hear his heartbeat, loud and strong.

Erwin's arm settled around his shoulders, smoothing his arm. "We're on the cusp of something great. This little world of ours is beginning to change."

"Why do you trust the kid so much?" asked Levi. "Really?"

"I know what it's like to carry the burden of a father's knowledge when no one believes you. I know what it's like to have a passion to take this world back from the titans at any cost." The hand smoothing his arm slowed to a stop. "When Berit described Eren's interactions with his classmates, she might as well have been describing me. Not all my classmates appreciated my drive."

It felt like only a small part of the story, and Levi bit his lip to restrain himself from asking more questions. If he tried to ask about Erwin's father, and the book, and how it all tied into this, Erwin would just politely shut down the conversation.

Instead, he closed his eyes and focused on his heart beat.

"We should get back to work," said Erwin softly, but his arm tightened around Levi.

.*.*.*.

The court-martial was set for the following afternoon.

Erwin sent Hange and Mike to retrieve Eren Yeager, knowing it would disorient the boy to see unfamiliar faces pick him up. Confusion and fear. They needed to rely on his confusion and fear. Hange was going to give him no warning about what he was about to face, and encourage him to be honest.

It was all cruel, Erwin knew, but this was all for the greater good. Once Eren was safely in their hands, they could begin to treat him with the respect he deserved.

Together with Levi, he settled into position in the courtroom. He hadn't been here for quite some time, probably since Dita had been sworn in as a Squad Leader. He remembered his own swearing-in here, first as Squad Leader, then as Commander. He glanced down at Levi, wondering if he remembered the latter. Things had been so different then.

As they settled into position, his thoughts honed in on Eren Yeager's fate. He studied Nile, who stood with a sheaf of papers. Beside him were Minister Nick, a representative from the merchant's guild, and several MP officers. Pixis stood solemnly with a group of Garrison soldiers; he caught Erwin's look and gave a single, knowing nod.

Erwin's gaze finally rested on Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, and Rico Brzenska. The two youths seemed hardened compared to typical Trainees, no doubt due to their experiences both in Shiganshina and in Trost. He felt a wave of pity. Young soldiers were a fact of life within the Walls, but they usually had a few years to enjoy their youth before they faced the grim reality of the titans.

"Lots of people," said Levi flatly, glancing at the public spectator section of the courthouse.

"Good." The more members of the public were present, the more uptight Nile would be about keeping the peace. "Be ready."

"Yeah." Levi folded his arms over his chest.

The doors opened, and Eren Yeager stepped through.

The courtroom fell silent.

The boy looked even smaller now than he had in the cell. He was hunched and shackled, with wide, sunken eyes.

Erwin studied Nile, who was staring at the boy, jaw tight. _He's terrified of him._

The Military Police locked Eren into place, kneeling at the centre of the courtroom. The boy's gaze was lingering on his friends.

Commander-in-Chief Zackly entered the room and took a seat on a platform elevated far above the rest of them. "Well, let's begin."

He explained the purpose of the court-martial, then handed the floor to the Military Police.

Nile's arguments were exactly the ones he had laid out in their initial meeting: the boy was a threat to the peace within the walls, and he was too dangerous to let live. "Therefore, after extracting as much information as we can from him, we will turn him into a martyr for the human race."

"That isn't necessary!" bellowed Minister Nick beside him. "He is a pest that circumvented the protection of the Walls through trickery. He should be executed immediately."

This was unexpected. The Wallists rarely weighed in on anything other than the Walls themselves. Erwin's eyes narrowed as he studied the man. Had he been coerced into speaking on behalf of someone else? Or was Eren's appearance shaking even those with the deepest faith? For the first time in months, he wondered about his mother and sister.

"Minister Nick, quiet please," said Zackly, looking weary. "We will now hear the proposal from the Survey Corps."

Erwin stood tall, formally introducing himself. "We plan to induct Eren into the Survey Corps as a full-fledged member and use his power to take back Wall Maria. That is all."

Zackly looked over the rim of his glasses at him. "Hm? That's all you have to say?"

"Yes, sir. With his strength, we can recover Wall Maria. I believe our priorities are clear."

He briefly explained their plans to leave from Karanes District. In the background, he could see Nile's eyes narrow. _He thinks I'm up to something._

To his surprise, it wasn't Nile who spoke out against him, but the representative from the merchant's guild. It was the same tired rhetoric Erwin had heard countless times in his career: the Survey Corps was risking too much by venturing outside the Walls, and the gates should be blocked off entirely. He wasn't going to dignify the comments with a response, but to his surprise, Levi muttered,

"You're full of talk, pig."

The room fell silent. The merchant's gaze snapped to Levi.

Erwin briefly considered intervening, then decided any aggression would add to the tension in the courtroom. This was ideal.

"Where's your guarantee the titans will wait patiently while we wall up the gates?" continued Levi, his voice both nonchalant and forceful. "When you say 'we', you're talking about my friends who protect you while you get fat. You pigs take no notice of the people who can't eat because there isn't enough land."

It was tempting to smirk. Erwin was so single-minded about his own goals that he sometimes forgot just how passionate Levi was about helping the downtrodden.

Minister Nick and the merchant began to bicker, so violently that Zackly had to pound on his desk to regain control of the courtroom.

Next, Zackly questioned Eren Yeager directly. Stress was showing in the boy's posture; he was hunched and tense, and his voice was strained. He testified that he could control his titan form, but Rico Brzenska did Erwin an enormous favour by contradicting that statement. As she explained Eren's attack against Mikasa Ackerman, the crowd began to shift, uneasy.

Levi tensed beside him, but Erwin did not signal. _Not yet._

Mikasa tried to explain that Eren had actually protected her on several occasions in spite of that single attack, and that's when Nile played his hidden hand. He described Eren and Mikasa killing three grown men when they were only nine years old.

"Their actions are understandable," said Nile. "It was legitimate self-defense. Yet it raises doubts as to Eren's basic humanity."

This was exactly how Erwin had hoped he would present the information. The crowd began to panic, and shouts escalated around them. He could practically see the boy steaming with rage.

"-a powder keg that could explode at any moment-"

"-titan took the form of a boy to infiltrate our-"

And above it all, the voice that gave them exactly what they needed:

"That one, too!" The merchant pointed to Mikasa. "How do we know she's human?"

The crowd shouted in agreement. Erwin could feel Levi coiling, like a cat about to pounce, but he still refused to give him the signal. Not yet. Not until the frenzy reached its peak.

"No!" yelled Eren.

The room froze.

"I may be a monster, but Mikasa has nothing to do with it!"

Erwin watched Nile, waiting for his reaction. The man's jaw was slack, his eyes bugging. _He's still stunned._

The boy was ranting now, calling them cowards. His voice escalated. It was practically a howl.

 _Almost there...almost there..._ Nile was still blinking dumbly.

"Just shut your mouths," roared the boy, "and invest everything in me!"

For a moment, no one moved.

And then, Nile's eyes began to narrow. Erwin had seen this look countless times - in training, during cards, even during drinking games. This was the face Nile made when he was about to fall back on a last resort.

 _Now._ Erwin folded his arms over his chest.

Levi was off, a blur so fast Erwin could barely see him, just as Nile yelled for his soldiers to ready their weapons.

The first kick landed hard. A tooth flew out of the boy's mouth and skittered across the floor.

For a moment, everyone was stunned, even, it seemed, Levi. Then he grabbed the boy's hair and drove a knee into his face.

Erwin watched, face tight. This was the man he had seen during their last visit to the Underground, the weapon whose lethal force was no match for any foe: human, titan, or - it appeared - both at the same time.

For a moment, he remembered a blood-stained smile, and he shuddered, but then he blinked and the image dissipated. The Levi before him wore a calm face as he continued his work.

"This is just my opinion," said Levi, "but I've always found pain the most effective punishment." He ground Eren's face into the ground with his heel. "The lesson you need to learn right now can't be taught with words, only with action. And you're kneeling, which makes you easy to kick."

The words struck Erwin's ear wrong. These weren't words he could ever fathom Levi saying, not willingly. They must belong to someone else. He thought of the panic attacks Levi had had over the years, the nightmares. The crunches of his attacks were sickening now; Eren was wheezing, unable to sit up on his own. Erwin's hands, carefully hidden by his folded arms, tightened into fists.

"Levi, wait," said Nile, blanching. "It's dangerous. He might get mad and turn into a titan."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Levi grabbed the boy's hair and hoisted him upright. "You're the ones who want to dissect him, right?"

Nile trembled, his skin so pale that Erwin knew their point was clear. He unfolded his arms, signalling Levi to wrap up.

Levi stood tall, his voice strong. "He apparently killed twenty titans when he was in titan form, stopping only out of exhaustion. The fact that he has intelligence could make him a formidable enemy. But he's not _my_ enemy. Is he yours? All you assholes should think carefully: could you really kill him?"

 _Beautifully said._ Erwin raised his hand. "Commander-in-Chief, I have a proposal."

They left the courtroom with Eren in their custody.

.*.*.*.

As they gathered in an empty office behind the courtroom, Hange knelt in front of Eren, tending to his wounds. Levi, however, slumped against the back wall, curling into himself.

Erwin gripped his shoulder; the Captain flinched. "I'm sorry, Levi. Thank you."

There was no response. As badly as he felt for Levi, there was no time to tend to him, not yet. These first few moments of custody were crucial. They had to cement Eren's trust.

He stood beside Hange. "Sorry about that, Eren. But you got your point across to the Commander-in-Chief and the other Council members, and that gave us the perfect chance to play the card we had up our sleeve. Believe me, it was worth the pain." He knelt to eye level and held out a hand. "You have my respect."

Eren's eyes widened. His handshake was firm.

"I look forward to working with you," said Erwin with a gentle smile.

"Sir. Likewise."

Levi dropped to a seat on the couch next to Eren, making him jump. "Tell me, Eren: do you resent me?"

"No sir," said Eren. "I know you needed to put on a show."

"Very well," said Levi, but Erwin could tell he was still shaken.

.*.*.*.

They left Eren to one more night in his cell; it would be easier to arrange transport in the morning. Besides, Erwin wanted to wrap up a few things with Levi and Hange before they headed back to Trost.

The three officers accompanied him to the hotel room. As they walked, Hange spoke up:

"It's okay, Levi. He heals like a titan. He'll be good as new tomorrow."

Levi didn't respond.

Mike walked close to him, as if protecting his flank.

Only Erwin said nothing. He had seen Levi in crisis enough times to know that words wouldn't reach him until he decided to let them. Besides, what could he possibly say that he hadn't already? The whole thing had been his plan in the first place. Any weight on Levi's shoulders right now was Erwin's doing.

Once they reached the hotel room, Levi slid a chair to the corner and sat in it.

The Squad Leaders sat at the table instead. Erwin sat on the bed, facing all three of them.

"Now that we have Eren Yeager in custody, I want to take a minute to realign our priorities."

"We're not even going to take a breath to acknowledge how great it is that we got him?" said Hange.

"The celebration can wait a few minutes." Erwin quickly ran through their next assignments. Levi and his squad were to push to the abandoned base. Hange would join him a few days later to begin studying Eren's powers. A few days after that, Mike would head back to Trost to start arranging transport of their supplies to Karanes, and Erwin would join him shortly after the 104th recruitment ceremony. Within one month, they would have the new troops trained and ready to deploy.

"A month is quick for a full-regiment mission with new troops," said Mike.

"Our first expedition will only be a quick jaunt." That wasn't quite true, but it was all they needed to know for now. He was still working out the details in his mind. "That's everything I wanted to discuss. Shall we head out for some food and drink?"

It seemed they weren't the only ones in Mitras with the same idea - the restaurants and taverns were all packed. They finally found room at the bar of a small, dark tavern on the border of the financial district. Levi took the furthest seat from the door and angled his stool so he was half-facing it. Erwin sat next to him, Mike and Hange on his other side. Erwin ordered a round of drinks for each of them. The first wave of the inheritance had come in, so Sahlo was buying.

As soon as the whiskey hit his lips, however, he realized he wasn't in the mood to drink. His mind was still wound up from the trial, and he was concerned about Levi. He would probably end up in a weird, emotional mood if he got drunk.

Beside him, Levi drained his glass in one swallow, then coughed. Erwin slid his full glass over to him.

Levi looked up, face blank.

"Would getting drunk help?" asked Erwin.

Levi shrugged. "Maybe."

"Then get drunk. I'll keep an eye on you." He signalled to the bartender to bring another drink.

The special of the night was a mushroom stew, aged enough that the flavours were strong and blended. He hadn't eaten much before the trial, so he was the first to finish. Levi pushed his bowl away, too, barely touched.

"You should eat," said Erwin.

"I'll drink my dinner."

His stomach must be in knots. "Would you eat bread if I ordered you some?"

Levi shrugged. "Probably."

The bread came deep-fried and just a little bit sweet, and the four of them devoured it so quickly that Erwin had to order a second basket.

Now that their bellies were full, they were comfortable enough to talk. To everyone's surprise, it was Mike who dominated the conversation. He talked about the time he and his cousin had gotten drunk for the first time after breaking into a bottle of his uncle's homemade whiskey. Then he talked about the first time he and Nile had convinced Erwin to get drunk.

"We don't have to discuss this," said Erwin once he realized where the story was going.

"The most boring drunk _ever_ ," said Mike to Hange. "He spent the whole night repeating the strengths and weaknesses of Survey Corps formations. And every time, he'd bring up the same points as if he was just discovering them."

"Interesting," said Hange, eyes sparkling. "Would you say that's what kicked off your development of the Long-Range Scouting Formation?"

"I doubt it," said Erwin dryly. He waved the bartender for another drink for Levi, who was just emptying a glass.

"He was so boring," said Mike, "we dumped him on Von and went to a different bar."

"Oh, was that the night?" Erwin took a sip of water, then smiled fondly. "He was decidedly more interested in my drunken ramblings. He kissed me under a tree behind the barracks."

Mike's brows shot up. "Von?"

"First time being drunk, first kiss from a boy. Not a bad night, overall." The memory was hazy; he couldn't even remember the lad's face now. "What ever happened to Von?"

"Joined the Survey Corps with us and died during the first expedition."

"Right." Erwin's smile faded.

For a moment, they were silent, then Hange leaned forward. "I never hear any juicy stories about Mike. You must have some, Erwin."

"I do indeed. Let me tell you about the time Mike scaled the bell tower without gear to impress a girl, but couldn't get down again."

Hange cackled. "Like a cat?"

"Like a cat." Erwin felt a surge of boyish playfulness. "Like a big, dumb cat."

Mike shook his head. "Fine. You tell it."

As Erwin spoke, he reached his hand under the bar and, subtly, ran his knuckles across Levi's thigh. At first, there was no response, but then Levi leaned closer to him.

Within a couple hours, that subtle lean had become a full slump. Mike seemed to be spinning, too, one hand braced against his head.

"We should get some rest," said Erwin. He gently nudged Levi. "Can you walk?"

Levi muttered something unintelligible, then slumped against the bar.

"Mike?" asked Erwin. "Can you carry Levi?"

"Spinning," mumbled Mike.

"I see. Can you at least get back to the barracks?"

"Mm."

"I'll help Mike," said Hange. "I didn't drink very much."

Erwin settled their bill, then he and Hange each assisted their drunken counterparts to the door. Mike could walk well enough, but Levi was stumbling and barely coherent.

They stopped in front of the barracks.

"He going to be okay?" asked Hange, looking concerned.

Erwin looked down at Levi, who was swaying against him. "I'll take care of him."

They said their goodnights, and then he began to steer his stumbling Captain toward the hotel. He heard a croaking curse.

"Doing okay, Levi?"

"No," said Levi, and he dropped to all fours and began to wretch.

Erwin knelt beside him and, once he had finished, handed him a handkerchief. Levi clumsily wiped his face.

"Disgusting," he muttered.

"Feel any better?"

"A bit." A pause, then, very quietly, "Sorry."

"It's okay," said Erwin. "I told you I'd keep an eye on you. Can you walk?"

Levi shook his head.

"Let me know if you need to vomit again." Erwin gently scooped him up and stood, carrying Levi against his chest. He was heavy, but they weren't far from the hotel. Levi's head lolled against his collarbone.

When they reached the hotel, the front desk staff gave him questioning looks, but Erwin only smiled politely and said, "A bit too much to drink," and they went back to their work. The stairs seemed endless with the limp weight in his arms, and he had to do an awkward half-kneel and shift Levi's weight around to unlock the room. Once they were inside, he set Levi gently on the bed, then placed a glass of water, a clean handkerchief and a waste bin beside him.

"Fuck," muttered Levi, struggling to pull off his shirt. Erwin intervened and undressed him down to his underwear, then carefully tucked him into bed. He undressed, too, and crawled into bed beside him, setting a book on the bedside table.

He had intended to read, but Levi surprised him by slumping against his shoulder. "- _bullshit_ -" he growled, as if it were the middle of a conversation.

"Hm?"

"All of it. We fight and fight, and we're still trapped."

Erwin wasn't sure he understood the context, exactly, but he understood frustration. "It's going to get better. We made a huge stride toward our freedom today."

"Those weren't my words," murmured Levi. "In the courtroom."

After a long pause, Erwin found Levi's hand under the covers. It was warm. He laced his fingers through it. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe. You've probably pieced it together yourself, anyway." Maybe it was Erwin's imagination, but he sounded more sober than he had a few moments ago. That wasn't unusual for Levi - the man often wavered in and out of sobriety, even at his drunkest. It was almost as if his enormous strength and constitution allowed him to metabolise alcohol differently than the rest of them.

He squeezed the small hand. "Your past is still a mystery to me, Levi. I don't probe into things that should stay hidden. If you wish to talk about it, I'll listen."

There was another pause, then Levi said quietly, "I remember more when I'm drunk. When I'm sober, my head gets in the way." He rolled so his cheek was on Erwin's chest. Erwin snaked an arm around him, pulling him in closer.

"When I was a kid," said Levi, his voice very clear now, "I lived with a woman in a small hut in the Underground. She worked for a man who lived in our group of buildings. She told me her job was to steal money from men who had too much. I was never sure what that meant - whenever she was working, I went to our neighbour's house. Military Police came by from time to time, but she always managed to talk them down from arresting her. When I was a bit older, I assumed she had been selling drugs and bribing the police." He paused. "Now I think she was a sex worker. She only had male clients, and I was never allowed to be home when she was working." His hand clawed into Erwin's chest, and he was silent for a moment, but then continued:

"She got sick a lot. Fevers and pain, and she'd get a rash on her face. One time, she was much worse than usual. Her arms and legs were swollen, and her skin was yellow. She forgot who I was. I ran to her boss to ask for help, but he called her dirty and said she was no good to him anymore. Our neighbour had moved away, and no one else would listen to me."

He was quiet and shivering. Erwin gently smoothed his arm, his throat tight.

"I came home," said Levi quietly. "She recognized me. She took off her shirt and put it on me, told me to think of it as a hug if she wasn't there to hug me. I lay down beside her, my mother. When I woke up, she was dead."

Erwin's heart broke at the thought of young Levi waking up next to his dead mother. He tightened his grip around him.

"I sat on the floor," said Levi, "against the wall and waited, because I knew I was going to join her soon. I was pretty close to it when he found me." A pause. "Have you heard of Kenny the Ripper?"

Erwin's brows rose. "I've heard the legend." A man who, several decades earlier, had killed dozens of military police.

"He's real. He's the one who found me."

"What?"

"Kenny. He knew the woman's name. Said she was my aunt, and kept insisting that - I was so young and sick that I started to believe him." Levi nuzzled closer. "He was a sick fuck, but he fed me and taught me how to fight. Sometimes he'd get me to start fights, and he'd finish them." He began to shiver. "He was always messy. There was so much blood. I'd help him clean up, and I can still feel it on my hands..."

"Your hands are clean now," said Erwin firmly, gripping one.

"Maybe." Levi paused. "The things I said in the court room today... Those were Kenny's words. Sometimes things he said to me, sometimes things he said to other people while I watched. He wanted me to be a monster like him. For a few years, I was."

"You aren't a monster, Levi."

"No?" Levi was shaking again. "A part of me liked beating up that kid today. It felt good to say those things to him. Powerful. Deep down, I'm no better than that asshole."

"It's human nature to enjoy feeling powerful," said Erwin. "I've only seen you act that violently a handful of times, Levi, and every single time, the guilt has crushed you once it's over. You aren't a monster. You're a man who will get his hands dirty when it's necessary."

"But I enjoy it when it's happening."

"It's a surge of adrenaline. Of course that feels good. Your body is giving you the power and strength to carry you through it, because you're required to do things you wouldn't be able to do otherwise." Erwin thought of blood-soaked dimples, and for the first time, didn't feel threatened by them. "You are a man who learned from a young age - far too young - that you have to do whatever it takes to survive in this world. Your body waits until the heat of the moment has passed to consider the morality of your actions. That doesn't make you a monster, Levi. It makes you pragmatic. It makes you a survivor."

After a few moments, Levi said softly, "I was still a kid when he left me. I was terrified he would come back, and terrified he wouldn't, all at the same time. But he never came back."

 _He's been left by everyone he's ever cared about,_ thought Erwin. His mother. Kenny. His early boyfriends, Matthias and Niklaus. Isabel. Farlan. His first Survey Corps team. He nuzzled the dark hair, hoping he would never be part of that list, for Levi's sake.

"You are a survivor, Levi," he whispered, awed that he could function after enduring so much loss. Humanity's Strongest, in every respect.

"I'm tired," said Levi softly.

"Then let's sleep." Erwin extinguished the lamp.

Levi clung to him, ear pressed firmly to the centre of his chest.

.*.*.*.

The next morning, Levi woke up with the sunrise feeling parched and smelly. He drank two glasses of water, then brushed his teeth. His eyes were bloodshot, and his nose was red; had he been crying in his sleep? His stomach dropped as he remembered the conversation from the night before. Tearing open so many layers of repression had been painful. He wished it had been healing, but instead, he felt raw. The fake memories and gaps had been easier to bear.

Cleanliness would help. He heated the bath, taking some time to clean himself. He already felt better without the stale smell of old alcohol clinging to his skin.

Erwin was just stirring when he returned to the bed. Levi crawled over to him and kissed his cheekbone.

"Mm." Erwin opened his eyes. His voice was groggy: "Levi? How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Not hung over?"

"No." Levi sat with his back against the wall, stretching his legs across the mattress. "When does the carriage pick me up?"

"After breakfast." Erwin snuggled closer, pressing his cheek to Levi's thigh.

"Do we have time for sex?"

"Mm," said Erwin again. "If we're quick." He moved his face to Levi's bare lap, nuzzling him. "Are you in the mood for it?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"I need to feel close." He was still feeling vulnerable. But more than that, Erwin's breath was warm.

Then there was a warm mouth around him, sucking for one teasing second, and then Erwin pulled away and sat up. "Let me brush my teeth first."

Levi was going to stop him, then decided a clean mouth would be more pleasant to kiss. "Don't worry about cleaning anything else. I want you to fuck me."

"Okay. I'd like that." Erwin paused. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes. Stop asking."

Erwin studied him for a moment longer, then nodded and stepped into the bathroom.

A few minutes later, he returned and crawled on all fours across the bed to Levi. His kiss was deep and minty, but ended too soon. Levi was going to protest, until he realized Erwin was going for his lap again.

His mouth was warm and cool at the same time, and tingled from the mint. Levi tried to watch, but his head was tilting back against his will, and he couldn't fight it anymore. He clenched the blankets in tight fists.

Erwin pulled away and kissed the tip. "How do you want me?"

It took Levi a moment to find his voice. "Standing. Against the wall. Don't hold back."

"I see," said Erwin, sounding both surprised and pleased. Broad hands gripped his hips.

The wall was cold against Levi's back, Erwin warm against his front. He crossed his ankles against Erwin's lower back, arms looped around his shoulders. This position was impractical - it was hard to get a good rhythm going, difficult to touch himself, and he always felt as if he were on the verge of slipping. But he loved the complete reliance on Erwin to hold him aloft, to control their movements. He loved feeling the strain in Erwin's muscles, the possessiveness of his grip.

Their muscles rolled together, friction building between them. Erwin gasped, his face red, his neck corded with strain. His kiss shoved Levi's head back against the wall.

Then, abruptly, Erwin slowed down and pulled away. "Levi, I can't hold back."

"It's okay. Keep going." Levi shoved a hand between them and grabbed himself. It took him seconds to catch up.

Erwin gasped, thrusting hard, his fingertips curling into the back of Levi's thighs. "I'm coming."

"Come on."

"I'm coming. I'm coming..." Erwin shoved him hard into the wall, burying his moans in Levi's neck.

Levi heard himself cry out, too, and then he went under, his entire body shaking.

When he finally opened his eyes, Erwin was trembling, as if his muscles were fatigued. Levi hopped down, but his legs gave way, and he slumped against the wall.

Erwin gave him a lazy kiss. "Sorry, I should have pulled out."

"It's fine." Levi found his legs and wandered to the bedside table for a clean handkerchief.

"You're travelling. It'll be messy."

"Shut up. I feel good."

They quickly cleaned up, then Erwin collapsed back onto the bed, dropping a forearm over his eyes.

"Are you going to sleep through our last hour together?" said Levi, starting to regain his energy.

"Mm. You had something else in mind?"

"Breakfast, for a start."

"Sure. Just give me a moment." Erwin rolled onto his side, snuggling deeper into the pillow.

 _Cute._ Levi watched him for a moment, then went to the bathroom to clean up. Once he had dressed, he patted the chest pocket of his jacket out of habit. His hand lingered over the ring.

_It's different from before...and yet..._

He studied Erwin's face, peaceful with sleep. Did it still make sense to carry around the ring like this? They should probably talk about it some day. It wasn't a token memory anymore - it was a symbol of a potential future. It probably wasn't okay to keep secretly carrying it around like this now that they were back together.

The blond eyelashes parted, and Levi felt shy, as if Erwin had heard his thoughts and awoken. He reached for a topic change: "Should I give the basement key back to Eren?"

"Yeah." Erwin's face was still smooth and relaxed. "It'll help build his trust in us."

Levi found the Commander's jacket on a hanger and reached for the inside pocket. The key was inside, but so was something else, something metallic and round.

_It can't be._

He pulled it out and stared.

"What the hell?" He turned to face Erwin, pinching the ring between his forefinger and thumb. "Why do you have this?"

"Ah." Erwin's face was sombre. "While you were ill, I was putting away your clothes, and I accidentally discovered the ring you carry in your pocket. Over your heart. I...liked the idea."

"You should have told me."

"Things were still a bit strange between us."

Levi's jaw set. After a minute to consider, he pulled out a seat and set both rings on the table with a purposeful _clink._

"Levi?"

"It's like you said: things were never fucked up between us. They were fucked up _around_ us. We both chose to carry these knowing exactly what they symbolize."

Erwin was staring at the rings, his brow furrowed. "Are you...giving your ring back?"

"No, just listen. Ehrmich is never going to happen. Our celebration after Wall Maria might not, either. Our plans have gone to hell, but that's always the case. Investors change their minds. Sahlo dies. A kid turns into a _titan_ , for fuck's sake." Levi leaned toward him. "There's one thing that always stays the same, no matter how fucked up things get around us. Even when we tried to deny it, we meant so much to each other that we both ended up carrying these rings in our pockets. So maybe we should hold on to the one thing that won't be fucked up, no matter what goes on around us."

Erwin's eyes shifted up to him; they were glassy. "I hoped for a nicer venue."

"Think about how much has passed between us in this hotel room. It's as good a place as any." Levi's pulse drummed in his throat. "I'm not saying we have to get married right away, but maybe the promise of it will give us hope when everything else goes to hell." He grabbed both the rings and sat beside Erwin on the bed, holding them out in his palm. "If we're going to keep carrying these around in our pockets, then take mine. I'll keep yours."

"You're proposing," said Erwin, as if he couldn't quite believe it.

"I'm trying to, yeah."

Erwin's throat bobbed. His fingers closed around the smaller ring. "I would be honoured to spend the rest of our lives side-by-side - maybe not always in body, but always in heart."

The words caught Levi off guard; his jaw wobbled. He didn't trust himself to speak, so he nodded.

Erwin smiled and leaned up, pressing a long, slow kiss to his lips. Levi felt a tear trickle down his cheek, and he wasn't sure whose it was.

When they pulled away, their foreheads rested together.

"My fiancé," whispered Erwin.

Levi grimaced. "That sounds stuffy."

"My husband-to-be."

Levi's stomach flipped, and he pressed a hand to the back of Erwin's neck to steady himself. _Husband-to-be. Husband._ It felt strange to try to apply such a normal word to their relationship.

"You're smiling," said Erwin softly, running a knuckle along his jaw.

"Feels right," said Levi, and this time, the tear was definitely his.


	39. Loss - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken forever because I've been dealing with real life stuff. Thank you for your support and patience. There are 2-3 more chapters left in this story, and I hope not to take so long with the next update, because I need to finish this story by the end of July 2016!
> 
> Note: I broke this chapter into 2 because it was too long for one. I was originally going to trim out a lot of the fluff, but manga chapters happened and a lot of this hit too close to home, so the fluff stays, dammit.
> 
> Previous chapter: the trial to determine Eren Yeager's fate. Levi's actions at the trial lead him to talk about his past. Then there's an exchange of rings... :3

**-39-**

**Loss (Part 1)**

Levi slumped against the carriage wall, watching Eren Yeager sleep. They were more than halfway through the journey; the boy had been sleeping since they had left Mitras. His injuries from the day before had already fully healed.

Beside Eren, Hange finally finished making notes in a notebook, then tucked it under the seat. "Looks like the healing process is exhausting. We'll have to keep that in mind on the field."

Levi grunted.

Hange carefully crossed to his side of the carriage and dropped onto the bench next to him. "You okay? You seemed pretty shaken up last night."

He edged away from the probing brown gaze. "I'm fine." Maybe he was still conflicted about the man he had become in the court room, but he had a ring in his pocket from someone who thought he was worth a shared future. That meant something.

"How do you feel about all this?" asked Hange.

"Hard to believe this kid is the key to our future." He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, studying Eren. "Doesn't look like much, does he?"

"It's real whether we believe it or not," said Hange. "I'm more concerned about using him to his full potential."

"Erwin's already working on plans."

"Well, of course. But he needs to know what Eren can do before we can be effective with him. Eren himself doesn't even understand his powers yet." Hange paused. "Amazing how quickly things changed, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Feels like we might have a real shot now."

Levi leaned back in the corner, folding his arms over his chest.

When they arrived in Trost, his squad was waiting for them in the courtyard, horses saddled and ready to go. Levi kicked the sole of Eren's boot to wake him, then hopped out of the carriage and stretched his legs.

"From a carriage to a horse," he muttered to Hange. "This was a stupid idea."

But Hange pushed past him, rushing toward the cordoned-off section of the base to check on the titan specimens Sawney and Bean.

"Fine, see you tomorrow." Levi turned to the carriage.

Eren stood in the doorway, shielding his eyes with his arm. Levi realized it had been several days since the boy had stood in the sunlight. His thoughts flickered to the time he, Farlan and Isabel had stepped out of the Underground.

The squad was eyeing Eren nervously, but they pulled into salutes as they approached. "Captain!"

"Thank you for choosing us for this special operation, sir," said Eld.

Levi's gaze travelled across their eager faces. "Who else would I have picked? You've always been my Special Operations Squad."

"We're just honoured, sir," barked Petra, still in salute. "You had your pick of anyone for this mission."

It wasn't like them to be so tense. Levi glanced back at Eren and found the boy hunched and sweating.

"Eren," he said.

"Yes, sir!" Eren hastily stepped forward and pulled into a salute.

"These are your new squad mates: Oluo Bozado, Petra Ral, Eld Jinn and Gunther Schultz." To his surprise, the boy seemed to be mouthing the names along with him. _Does he already know who we are?_ "You treat them with respect, and they'll do the same to you."

"Of course, sir!" The boy was so on edge that Levi leaned away from him a little. He wasn't used to the enthusiasm that came with fresh brats - it had been many years since he had been in direct contact with fresh blood.

"Welcome to the team, Eren," said Petra. Her smile was warm, but her gaze was sharp. She held out a folded Survey Corps cloak. "This one's old, but it will have to do until your new uniforms arrive. Sorry, it might be a bit big."

"That's fine. Thank you, Ms. Ral." His hands shook as he draped it around his shoulders and fastened it.

"I assume Shadis and Berit taught you to ride a horse at their little babysitting centre?" asked Levi.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. We're heading to an abandoned base. It's isolated enough to keep you from rampaging through Trost if you lose your head." Levi nodded at the spare horse. "Mount up. Stay at the centre of the group at all times. If you even think about making a break for it, I'll carve you up. Got it?"

"Sir!" Eren saluted with a determined look, then mounted the horse with perfect form.

Petra turned her warm smile to Levi, and this time her gaze was soft, too. A show of support. He looked away. There was no way she would be looking at him so kindly if she had witnessed him beating the shit out of the kid at the trial.

They set out. He could tell his team wanted to ask questions, but they were either too shy or too professional. Only Oluo broke the silence, prattling on at Eren in some sort of show of machismo, until his horse had a misstep and he nearly bit his tongue off. After that, the ride was blissfully silent. That was fine by Levi. There would be plenty of time for conversation later; it would just be the six of them until Hange arrived at the base in the morning.

They arrived at the new base after an hour's leisurely ride. Levi's lip curled. _What a shit hole._ Vines had overgrown the walls, and the windows were so thick with dust that they looked like sheets of wood. Several of the checkpoints they had stocked outside Wall Rose had been cleaner than this dump.

There was one small blessing: the downstairs bathroom still had running water. At first, it was dark with rust and sludge, but after they flushed it out, it was good enough to use for cleaning. Levi sent his squad members to different areas of the building. This was a large area for such a small team to clean, but they had a few days to get everything in order, and this would be a good way to break in Eren. He sent the boy upstairs alone - partly to assess his cleaning style, partly to test if he was dangerous unsupervised.

To his surprise, Eren came downstairs less than an hour later, face barely marked with dust. Levi frowned. _Berit, you need to teach these brats how to clean._ He strode upstairs to double-check his work. When he swiped under a windowsill, his fingers, as he had suspected, came back caked with dust. _Disgusting._

He strode downstairs, ready to rub Eren's nose in every dirty patch he had missed, but he paused before he reached the bottom. He could hear Petra's voice:

"-he wouldn't be concerned with rank or the command structure?"

"Right," said Eren's voice. "I thought he wouldn't take orders from anybody."

Levi tilted his head, listening.

"I don't know all the details," said Petra, "but I think he used to be pretty close to that. I heard that before Captain Levi joined the Survey Corps, he was a notorious thug in the city's Underground."

 _Oh?_ He didn't realize any of his squad members knew anything about his past.

"I don't know what happened," she continued, "but some people say Commander Erwin brought him into the Corps."

"The Commander?"

None of this was any of the kid's business. Levi poked his head into the room. "Hey. Eren."

"Yes, sir," said Eren, jumping. Petra busily began to sweep the floor, distancing herself from them. She knew firsthand the punishment for a poor cleaning job.

"You call that clean?" demanded Levi. "Do it all again."

"Sir." Eren hurried into the hallway, then up the stairs.

Levi folded his arms over his chest, waiting for Petra. She was doing an admirable job of pretending she hadn't noticed him.

"Petra."

She glanced back and smiled. "Captain."

"Don't fill the heads of new recruits with ideas about how close I am with Erwin."

"Sorry, sir." Her cheeks darkened. "I suppose it's still fresh on my mind."

"Oh." His stomach dropped. With all that had been happening, he had forgotten she must still be hurting from their recent conversation. "There's a lot going on right now. You handling it okay?"

"Yes, sir. As well as can be expected, anyway."

"I'm not just talking about Eren."

"I know." She turned to face him, knuckles white around the broom handle. "I'm honoured you selected me for your squad, Captain. I intend to devote my life to following you, the way you have devoted your life to the Commander." She hesitated. "No - you know what I mean. I believe in our cause. I believe we have a real shot at saving humanity." Her eyes had taken on that same sharpness he had seen the first night he had fought her in the Military Police barracks.

He nodded. "You're here because you're one of the best soldiers the Survey Corps has, Petra. Don't thank me. You got here on your own."

She beamed for a moment, but then looked solemn again and nodded. "Thank you, sir." She did a half-salute while still holding the broom, then went back to work.

They gathered at sunset to eat a stew Eld had prepared; it was only moderately better than trail rations, but it was warm, and Levi was comfortable and relaxed by the end of it. He sipped a cup of tea as the others questioned Eren about his titan powers.

Levi had already read the report, so none of this was new to him; his mind was firmly focused on Erwin. How was the proposal going? Was the Council being extra hard on the Commander because they had Eren in their custody, or were they pushing things through in an attempt to get him outside the Wall and out of their hair?

He heard hoof beats outside; the others didn't seem to notice. He had wondered when Hange was going to show up. There was no way the Squad Leader was going to stay away until morning with a perfectly healthy titan shifter specimen to examine.

"You're early," he said as the door opened.

Hange stepped into the room, eyes glowing.

At least that meant he could dump Eren on Hange for the night and get some uninterrupted sleep. He was surprisingly sore from the carriage, the horse and cleaning. He settled into a bedroom on the top floor. The mattress was old and smelled musty, so he sat on it and leaned against the corner instead, wrapped in his bedroll. The must wouldn't have been so bad if he had Erwin beside him, radiating heat and the faint scent of cologne.

It was ridiculous to be missing him after only one night apart; they had spent months apart in the past. Maybe it was because everything was so new again, a second honeymoon period. Or maybe he was just shaken by the events of the past few days, and that was making him clingy.

He closed his eyes and let memories of Erwin float through his mind as he began to drift to sleep. He dreamed of standing on a bridge in Utopia District with Erwin, staring down at the moonlight that rippled across the hot springs.

.*.*.*.

A persistent orange sunbeam across Levi's eyelids awoke him the next morning. He was surprised he had managed to sleep through the night; he must have really been worn out. He stood and stretched, then headed to the one working bathroom. It was well past time to sound reveille, but he wanted to wash in private first.

After a quick, unsatisfying combat shower with a bucket and metallic-scented water, he began knocking on doors to wake up his squad. He went to the basement last, but Eren wasn't there. Hange must have kept him up all night; he expected they were both still sitting in the dining hall, exactly where he had left them.

He was almost at the door when a voice behind him yelled, "Captain!"

He whirled and saw Moblit running toward him, face streaked with sweat.

"Where's Squad Leader Hange?" Moblit came to a halt in front of him, breathing hard.

"Probably in the dining hall. What happened?"

"It's the titan specimens. Someone killed them."

 _Shit._ "We'll meet you in the courtyard."

And so they rode back to Trost on empty stomachs, Hange at the helm, face streaked with tears. Levi's squad was surprisingly quiet; they all understood the gravity of the situation. The titan specimens were valuable research subjects, and slaughtering them was treason.

The titan corpses were still billowing steam when they arrived. Gunther and Eld took the horses while Hange and Moblit ran ahead. The Military Police and the Garrison had already taken over the crime scene; Hange pushed past them and dropped to a kneel in front of the dissipating skeletons, sobbing.

Levi's throat tightened. Maybe they could capture another set of titans for Hange during the upcoming expedition. The emotional display was at once embarrassing and heartbreaking, and he didn't want to watch another second of it.

"The Military Police can handle the rest of this," he said to Eren. "Let's go." But when he turned to leave, he stopped.

Erwin stood behind them, leaning in close to Petra, saying something earnest into her ear. Her face was pale.

Levi's breath caught. _You're still supposed to be in Mitras._

Erwin caught his gaze and nodded a greeting; he began to march toward them, but instead of heading to Levi, he zeroed in on Eren. His hands dropped onto the boy's shoulders, and he leaned close, murmuring something to him, too.

 _What the hell are you up to?_ Levi signaled to Petra.

"Captain," said Petra, hurrying over.

"Keep an eye on Eren, and see if Hange and the MP need any help," said Levi. "I'll meet you back here in an hour."

His conversation over, Erwin stood tall and turned to face him. Their eyes locked; whatever he wanted to discuss, it had to be done in private. Levi spun on his heel and began to walk to the gate.

Once they were at the end of the driveway, Erwin fell into step beside him.

"The apartment?" said Levi.

"Yes. Too many ears at the base right now." Erwin glanced at him. "Your squad can handle Eren without you?"

"Wouldn't have left him behind otherwise. I thought you were going to be in Mitras for a while."

"The expedition planning meeting took exactly one hour."

Levi snorted; if only it could always be so easy. "They couldn't wait to get Eren outside the Wall, could they?"

"Precisely. Let's split up - take a right at the next intersection and go the long way around."

"Sure." Levi needed breakfast, anyway. He stopped at a bakery and bought a small jam bun, scarfing it down as he walked. It left his fingers sticky, and he frowned. The apartment doorknob took a second to open with his palms as he tried not to get his dirty fingers all over it.

He stepped inside, and his face settled into a grimace. He had expected to be hit by nostalgia the instant he stepped inside the room, but the chaos of it was unsettling. The building was still standing solidly after the attack on Trost, but the thundering footsteps of titans around the building must have knocked books off the shelves. The air was thick with dust. Erwin was righting fallen objects on his desk; it looked like one of the lamps had smashed.

Levi marched for the bathroom to wash his hands. "What do you make of this attack?"

"I know Hange wouldn't like to hear this, but it's a good sign." Erwin stepped into the doorframe and leaned against it, watching him wash up. "For one thing, it makes it extremely likely that the Colossal and Armored titans - or their sympathizers - are indeed living inside the walls. They're within our reach. For another, it means we were on track to potentially learn something valuable about titans. The attackers wanted to prevent us from knowing that something."

"Could have just been a vengeful soldier," said Levi. "Someone frustrated with what titans did to the city, or avenging a loved one." He scrubbed his fingernails.

"Possibly."

"You don't sound convinced."

"My gut tells me this is connected to the Wall attack, Eren, and his basement key."

Levi turned off the tap and shook his hands into the basin, then reached for the towel. "Is that really your gut, or just wishful thinking?"

"We'll find out soon. The Military Police are checking the gear of all soldiers for unauthorized use."

"Hm." Levi strode to the door.

Instead of stepping aside, Erwin caught him under the chin and lunged down to kiss him. His tongue slid deep into Levi's mouth for a moment, then he pulled away.

"Shit," whispered Levi, heat flooding his face and his groin.

Erwin kissed his jaw, then his neck, arms wrapping around him. "We're going to try to lure out other titan shifters." He pressed Levi into the doorframe and kissed his neck again, a bit more roughly. "We'll start by-"

"Hey, hey; stop." Levi pushed him away so they could make eye contact. "Are you seriously trying to fuck me and talk strategy at the same time?"

"Well...yes." A thick brow furrowed. "I figured we were short on time."

"I've got a full hour. I can't concentrate if you're groping me. Choose one: fuck and then talk, or talk and then fuck."

He expected Erwin to prioritize their strategy planning, so he was surprised when the reply was, "Fuck first."

Levi's breath caught. "Oh?"

Erwin began to kiss his neck, more aggressively this time. "It won't take long. I need to be inside you."

"Shit. Yeah, okay."

They staggered toward the bed - narrowly missing a pile of fallen books - and Levi fell back onto the mattress, pulling the other on top of him. Erwin ground against his thigh, already rock hard.

Levi shoved a hand between them to grab him. "A single night apart, and look how hard you are, you horny bastard."

"The hotel bed smelled like you," said Erwin, panting. "So did the bed at the base. I swear even the carriage did. I can't stop thinking about you."

Levi's head was spinning. "How do you want me?"

"Face-down. Stick your ass in the air." Erwin tossed his jacket onto the chair, then stood to undo his pants. Levi unbuckled his pants, too, and positioned himself on the bed, hastily hiking his shirt and jacket up his back.

Then he felt a drizzle of oil, the gentle nudge of Erwin waiting for him to relax. Then slowly, slowly, Erwin worked his way into him. He was crouching over Levi, almost squatting, and the angle was deep.

Levi buried his face into the mattress and swore.

He felt a hand smooth his back. "Is that okay?"

Levi nodded, hands curling into fists.

Then Erwin was moving inside him, over him. A hand curled into his hair. Each thrust was forceful enough to shove his face into the mattress, and he wished he could see Erwin's face, but the roughness of it felt so good that he didn't want to change positions. He could hear the buckles of their belts clanking, the bed creaking, and above it all, Erwin's breaths, harsh and forceful.

A hand slid down his hip, around to his front, then wrapped around him, warm and tight. Levi let out a loud cry into the mattress and began to thrust into the grip, bucking back with each thrust.

"Levi," gasped Erwin. "I can't hold back."

Levi lifted his head just enough to say, "Harder. Grab my hips. I'll touch myself."

He felt fingers dig tightly into his hips, and he reached between his legs to tug at himself, trying to catch up. He could feel Erwin getting very close now, could hear it in the cadence of his gasps.

But Erwin surprised him, slowing down and letting out a low hum. "Your ass," he murmured, running his hands over it. "Can I..." He trailed off.

"Yeah," said Levi, knowing what he was always a bit too shy to voice.

"Yeah?" Erwin began to pick up speed again.

"Yeah. Come on."

"Fuck."

"Come on, do it." Levi counterthrust against him, skin slapping against skin.

Erwin gave a cry that was almost a wail and pulled out, and Levi was so aroused that the warm mess on his ass made his head spin. He was close, he was so close, but he was already missing the powerful thrusts behind him.

"Slap me," he gasped.

"Your ass?"

"Yeah. Hard."

Erwin smacked his ass once, twice, and that was enough; Levi buried his face in the mattress again, crying out as orgasm violently overtook him.

When he came back to himself, he realized Erwin was already mopping him up with a handkerchief.

"You didn't get any on my uniform, did you?"

"I don't think so, no."

Levi twisted his head to eye him. "Now we have fifty-eight minutes to talk."

Erwin chuckled, sounding a bit sheepish: "That wasn't quite the slow, gentle lovemaking I'd been picturing."

"We're sticking to our schedule."

"True. Efficiency is important." Erwin finished cleaning him up, then gently clapped his ass to let him know he was done. His hand lingered, smoothed him. "Your ass is red."

"Well, you were going at it pretty hard." Levi rolled onto his back, still out of breath; stars swam in his vision.

"Sorry."

"I'm not complaining. You don't lose control very often. It's hot when you do." He reached out and clumsily ran a hand down Erwin's arm. He loved the way the Commander looked in his uniform without his jacket.

But he couldn't fully enjoy the beautiful view for long, because beyond it, he could see the clutter around the room. He stood and pulled up his pants, buckling his belt. "Alright, so what's going on with this expedition?"

Erwin ran a hand through his hair, sitting upright. "We're going to set a trap to lure out enemies."

Levi began to pick up the books scattered across the floor. "Anyone else know this?"

"So far, just you and me. This is highly confidential - ultimately, only those of us who joined the Survey Corps before Wall Maria's fall will know the truth about this plan."

"That won't be many people."

"No, it won't. But we can't discount the possibility that any of the other soldiers are shifters who came in when the wall fell." Erwin finished adjusting his buckles, then strode to the desk. He pulled out a topographical map and unrolled it. "As far as the Council and most of our troops know, we'll be taking a short expedition to assess Eren's performance on the field and update maps outside of Karanes. If we don't encounter any other titan shifters, that will be the case. If my suspicions are correct, however, and a titan shifter appears, we'll want to lure them to this grove of giant trees." He tapped the map.

Levi set a stack of books on the shelf and approached the desk. The grove wasn't far from Karanes - probably less than an hour's ride. "We can use the gear in those. Best place to stage a battle."

"Yes, and I'll enlist Hange's help in making sure we have quick, effective weapons to trap any titan shifters who pursue us."

"Trap? Not kill?"

"We want to take the person inside alive so we can question them." Erwin looked up at him. "Your job will be to protect our bait."

"Eren?"

"Yes. He seemed genuinely shocked at Sawney and Bean's deaths when I questioned him earlier, so I don't believe he's in league with any other titan shifters. It is, however, reasonable to assume they'll be interested in him. They stopped the attack on Trost before destroying the inner gate - something caught their interest, right around the time Eren appeared."

Levi frowned. "So you're assuming there are shifters living within the walls, and they're not allied with Eren, but they'll be interested enough in him to show themselves on this particular expedition?"

"Yes."

"Lots of assumptions."

"I know," said Erwin. "But think about what happens if I'm wrong: nothing of note. We complete our mission as planned, the Capital is happy, and we have extra weapons on hand in case a shifter appears some other time. It costs us very little to make this gamble, but we have lots to potentially gain."

That was true, and Levi knew better than to underestimate Erwin's assumptions. He thought back to traps he had set with his gang in the Underground. "Where will Eren be in the formation?"

"In the safest position," said Erwin. "Dead centre. He may be bait, but we want to keep him alive at all costs."

"Tell each team he's in a different location," said Levi. "That way, if we have a shifter or a mole, we'll be able to tell which team they're connected to based on where they look for Eren first."

Erwin lifted his head to look at him, brows raised. "That's an excellent idea."

Levi shrugged. "It's how we used to track down snitches during operations in the Underground."

"It also buys us some time to keep your squad safe until you're close to the forest. But if it all falls apart-"

"Protect Eren at all costs," said Levi.

"Right."

Erwin pulled out wooden markers, and they spent a long time discussing formation and team composition. After half an hour, Levi returned to cleaning while they spoke, taking the opportunity to stretch his legs. He had almost finished tidying when Erwin said,

"It's been about an hour now. You should get back to your squad."

"Yeah." Levi carefully folded a dusting rag and set it in the cleaning supplies bucket. "When are you coming to the base?"

"In a few days. I'm going to stay in Trost until at least the recruitment ceremony."

"I'll send a couple people to the ceremony," said Levi. "They can escort you safely to the base."

"That isn't necessary."

"I know. I'll send people anyway." He didn't like leaving Erwin unprotected at a time when there was so much uncertainty in the world. "So it'll be a few days until I see you again, huh?"

"Yeah." Erwin approached him, face soft. For a moment, they stared at each other.

Then Levi stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his cheek to the centre of the broad chest. "It's harder to be apart now."

"I know."

"Why is that?"

"Because everything feels new again." He felt a kiss on top of his head. "Because most people, when they're engaged, have time to celebrate it."

"Engaged," repeated Levi softly, the word still unfamiliar.

"I must admit, Levi..." Erwin squeezed him tighter. "It feels good to share a secret with you again, one only the two of us know. It reminds me of the early days."

The early days. It was strange for Levi to think about how insecure he had been back then, how upset he had been to learn about the imperfect parts of the man he now knew and loved. He took a step back and looked up at him.

"Levi?" asked Erwin gently.

"I love you."

Erwin smiled, and bent down for a soft kiss.

.*.*.*.

Levi's squad was silent as they rode back to the abandoned base. Hange and Moblit had stayed behind for one night, presumably to mourn. He imagined they would be cheered up considerably by speaking with Erwin about the planned traps for the expedition. It sounded like the influx of money they had received from Sahlo would buy some top-quality parts.

The next several days passed quickly in a flurry of cleaning, training, and supervising Hange's experiments with Eren. There was one small incident - after a full day of unsuccessful shifting experiments, Eren reached for a fallen spoon and accidentally spawned a titan's arm. Levi's squad had been ready to kill him on the spot, and it had been surprisingly difficult for Levi to talk them down. Fear of titans ran deeply through each of them; even Levi had felt that instinctive spark, had only stayed his own hand by mentally repeating his orders from Erwin. _Eren must be protected at all costs._

Luckily, he had successfully de-escalated the situation before anything got out of control. The stress was worthwhile: the incident helped Hange nail down why Eren was having difficulties transforming into a titan. It wasn't enough to simply injure himself and wait; he needed a purpose in mind in order to transform. Levi couldn't fathom how that could possibly make a difference, but it seemed to help. Over the next several days, Eren began to demonstrate control over his shifting ability.

The recruitment ceremony came and went, and the new recruits arrived. There were only twenty-one, the smallest influx they had ever had. Maybe that should have been worrying, but Levi knew they were still likely to receive Garrison aid when they made an attempt on Wall Maria. The Military Police, however, were an unknown. He doubted Nile would send his soldiers to fight alongside Eren. Maybe a successful first expedition would sway him.

In spite of the trauma they must have endured during the attack on Trost, the new recruits were as noisy as any other batch, and he decided to leave Eren's supervision to the others. Instead, he waited by the stables, hoping to spot Erwin. Only Dita and a handful of his squad members were present.

"The Commander's helping Mike coordinate transport to Karanes," said Dita. "He doesn't expect to visit for another day or two."

A legitimate excuse, but Levi was disappointed anyway.

That night, as his squad ate dinner, Eren was restless. His eyes kept shifting to the table of new recruits. Levi studied him, still not quite sure what to make of the boy. Sometimes he looked like a beast hunting for meat, dangerous beyond his years; other times, he looked like any other new recruit, impatient and naive.

At any rate, the kid was working hard, and he lived day in and day out with people who would kill him if he stepped out of line. That had to be hard on his morale.

"Go eat with them," said Levi.

Eren's eyes snapped to him, round. "Sir?"

"Your friends." Levi leaned back in his chair and took a sip of tea before he continued, "Ceiling's too low for you to transform in here, anyway. Report back to Eld immediately after the meal."

"Thank you, Captain." The boy grabbed his food and hurried across the room.

Levi leaned close to Eld. "After dinner, take him back to the classroom and go over the signal flares again. Don't let shitglasses try to steal him away for more research. All the titan powers in the world will do nothing if he doesn't know the formation."

"Yes, Captain," said Eld. "Oluo, you can help."

Oluo let out a weary sigh. "Fine. I'll share my vast knowledge with the brat."

"Do you need company this evening, Captain?" asked Petra.

A stroll would be pleasant, but what he really needed right now was space. "No, I need you and Gunther to help Dita's team inspect the horses. Make sure the new recruits know how to care for them." He drained the rest of his tea, then pushed back his chair.

He missed the privacy of the guard tower back in Trost. This base's spires were walled up, with only arrow slits in the walls; far too confining. He had tried to get onto the roof of a spire once, only to realize it was too steep to sit comfortably.

Instead, he wandered along the perimeter of the base. Without the lamps and lit windows of the city, the stars were as bright and clear as the crystals that studded the ceiling of the Underground. When he studied them, he felt a cold, shrinking sensation in his stomach that made him look away.

When he circled to the front of the base, he spotted a faint orange light on the road. He stopped, watching. It had to be Erwin - there was no reason for anyone else to come out to the base that day, and there were no major roads nearby.

Even if it wasn't Erwin, the light warranted investigation. He strode to the stables and quickly saddled up his horse.

As he drew closer to the light, it split into three. Two lanterns belonged to riders on horseback, one to a cart.

"Erwin?" he called.

"Good evening, Levi." The horses halted in front of him. Erwin and Nifa rode on horseback, and one of Dita's Team Leaders, Marlene, was driving the cart.

Erwin turned to the women. "You can go on ahead to the base. I'd like to speak with Captain Levi in private." He dismounted.

"You want to talk out here?" said Levi.

"We're close to the base, and it's a nice night. We can talk and walk the horses in."

Once the cart was far enough away, Erwin leaned down, hugging Levi with one arm, carefully holding the lantern with the other.

"What are we out here?" asked Levi, suspicious. "You going to try to fuck me in a tree again?"

Erwin stared at him blankly for a moment.

"That night we saw Wall Maria."

Erwin let out a deep laugh. "I'd forgotten about that."

"You going senile already? That was less than a year ago."

"Hm. I wouldn't have rushed here if I knew you were going to be cranky."

"You'd be cranky, too, if you were surrounded by shrieking brats all day." Levi paused, then leaned in for another hug, this one longer. "Dita said you weren't coming."

"I wasn't, but we got the transport sorted out early, so I figured I should check in." Erwin nuzzled the top of his head. "I have a day or two free to make sure the training is going well and visit with my fiancé. Then I'll head back to Trost to follow up on some merchant orders. I expected I'll be bouncing a lot between here, Trost, Karanes and maybe even Mitras for the next couple weeks."

Levi had hoped he was staying longer, but at least a couple nights in the same bed was better than none. He breathed in the scent of sweat and cologne - stronger than usual - and every hair on his body stood on end. "Do we have time to fuck in a tree?"

Erwin chuckled. "I haven't bathed in three days."

"What?" Levi jerked away to eye him, not sure if his revulsion outweighed his desire.

"Things have been very busy. I need to clean up before we do anything. Besides, we can't climb a tree; you don't have any gear on."

"So make sure I don't fall."

"You'd trust me to keep you secure? After two seconds of your touch, I'll be too clumsy. Besides, it's been awhile since you were inside me, and that lines up better if we're lying down." Erwin kissed his forehead, then stood tall again. "I'll come find you once all the rounds and updates are complete, and we can spend a leisurely night together."

"After you're clean."

"Yes, I intend to bathe and eat as soon as I set foot in the base. How are things going with Eren?"

They padded toward the base with the horses in tow, taking their time, as Levi gave all his updates. Erwin had a few updates for him about their timeline and supplies, but he seemed to be holding something back.

"What's in the cart?" asked Levi, taking a guess at what he might be avoiding.

"A few provisions, including some tea for you. One of the merchants was kind enough to give me a sample of a new strain that's trendy with the noble class. Most of the supplies, however, are for Hange and Moblit: materials for the new titan traps."

"As if shitglasses wasn't wound up enough already," muttered Levi.

"Yes, I think they're going to be extremely happy, Hange in particular. Sahlo didn't just leave us funds; he left us connections. The supplier gave us several free upgrades when she realized where the money was coming from."

Levi's lip curled at the mention of the lord, but he said, "I see. And that's all your updates?"

"For now. There's more, but I want to make sure we're in a secure location, with four walls around us."

"Okay."

At the base, they handed off the horses to Marlene and Petra. Levi led Erwin to the bathroom and handed him the bucket he was using for makeshift showers. Erwin grimaced as he put his hand under the one working tap.

"It's ice cold. Maybe I'll wait until I'm back in Trost after all."

Levi could tell he was teasing, but he flattened his lips anyway. "Shame to come all the way out here and not get laid."

"I can't tell if you're joking or not." Erwin filled the bucket. "But I'd better not take any chances."

Once the Commander was clean, they returned to the dining hall. Levi could tell Erwin was about to launch into introductions and updates with the other soldiers, so he sat him down with a bowl of stew first, determined to get him fed before he lost track of time. He sat protectively beside Erwin, eyeing those who looked like they might approach.

Hange was the only one who wasn't intimidated, dropping into a chair across from them. "Hey, Erwin, I didn't think you'd be here so soon."

"He's eating."

"It's okay, Levi," said Erwin. "I'm sure Hange would like to hear about the materials I've brought."

The dark eyes lit up. "Oh?"

"I have an inventory for you. Please let me know if we're short on anything you need. Let's meet first thing in the morning and go over the list."

"Not now? I have blueprints ready."

"I have other things I'd like to take care of tonight."

"Ah," said Hange slyly, drawing out the word. The dark eyes shifted between Erwin and Levi.

"Purely business, I assure you," said Erwin. "Shall we meet here at seven in the morning and start our discussions over breakfast?"

"Sure, I'll see you then. It's good to have you here, sir." Hange stood and grinned. "Maybe your Captain will be less grumpy after you've discussed business with him for awhile. You did make sure the office door has a lock on it, didn't you, Levi?"

Levi gave an irritable sigh.

Once the meal was done, they approached the table where the new 104th recruits sat. The youths grew silent as their leaders approached, eyes wide.

"Welcome to the Survey Corps," said Erwin pleasantly. "I hope you've had the opportunity to settle into your quarters and familiarize yourselves with the base. You will begin training in the morning with Squad Leader Ness. I apologize for training you in a base with such old facilities - we'll be settling you in Karanes closer to the expedition date. Eren Yeager will be attending several of your training sessions."

Eren's eyes lit up. "I will, sir?"

"Yes, though the bulk of your training will be conducted by Captain Levi and his squad." His chin lifted. "If any of you have any concerns or questions, please direct them to your Squad Leader."

"Thank you, sir," said the new recruits, almost in unison.

And then, at last, they were able to retreat into private. Many of the offices were in too much disrepair to use, but Levi had saved the best one for Erwin, with one long table for maps and meetings, and a smaller one to use as a desk.

Erwin closed the door behind them as Levi carried a lamp to the centre of the small table.

"You've done a good job with this place," said Erwin, running his fingers along the windowsill. "It's hard to believe it went unused for so long."

"The eastern half is still filthy. My squad will keep working on that tomorrow." Levi pulled up a chair and sat. "So, spit it out. What weren't you saying earlier?"

Erwin sat, too. "I've taken your advice and planned to have Eren's location obscured within the formation. To further plant the seeds, I told the 104th about the basement key during the recruitment ceremony."

"That's a lot of information to divulge."

"It is. But if there are other titan shifters among the 104th, we need to make sure they take our bait."

"Hold on," said Levi, "you think the Armored and Colossal Titans ended up in the 104th?"

"It's unlikely. None of the new recruits are over age seventeen, so none were older than twelve when the attack occurred. But we must assume every soldier who joined our ranks after Wall Maria's attack is a potential threat." Erwin leaned forward across the desk. "This includes your squad, Levi. If any of them make a move toward Eren and his key-"

"They would have done it already," said Levi. "Back when there were only a few of us here."

"Maybe, unless they needed to maintain their cover. It's unlikely any of them are threats, but we can't safely discount them."

"I know," said Levi, irritated. This whole war had been a lot simpler back when it had been just humans against titans.

They spent the next couple hours going over the strategy in detail, then talking about the best ways to roll it out to the troops. After that, they did rounds together, then, satisfied that everyone was where they should be, retired to the bedroom.

"There weren't enough rooms for the new recruits' sleeping quarters," said Levi, "so I paired up a few of the officers. You and I get this room." He opened the door. It was a small room with a window and, most importantly, a single working lock.

"Convenient," said Erwin, testing the locked door.

They lay their bedrolls out side-by-side and Levi was about to extinguish the lamp, but Erwin caught his hand.

"Leave it on. I want to see you."

The bedrolls were hard and awkward, but as they began to kiss, Levi forgot about his discomfort. He sank into Erwin, felt the man's limbs wrap around him. They were slow and quiet, not sure how well sound carried in the building. The lamp was low by the time they were done.

Erwin spooned behind him, skin damp and radiating heat, and gave a low, contented rumble. Levi brought their joined hands to his lips, kissing a knuckle, then reached out to extinguish the lamp.

He intended to take some time to savour the feeling of lying together, but Erwin's embrace was so cozy that he couldn't stay awake.

.*.*.*.

After a day of planning, cleaning and training, they had one more night together, and then Erwin left for Trost again.

Levi filled his time by maintaining his physical fitness, and training his squad and Eren. Eren was an attentive pupil, and while it was necessary for Levi to maintain professional distance - he might still have to kill him one day - he already felt himself growing fond of the kid. He hadn't had such an enthusiastic pupil since Petra, and while the boy wasn't very quick to pick up instruction, he stubbornly obsessed over details until he got them right. Levi was beginning to see what Berit had meant about Eren being a top student through tenacity alone. Isabel had been the same way, back when she had learned to use the 3DMG-

But no, he couldn't keep comparing all his subordinates to Farlan and Isabel. That was a dangerous habit to get into.

One night, after what had appeared to be a particularly frustrating training session, Levi checked on Eren personally at lights out. He found the boy lying on his stomach on the bed, rereading notes about the formation. Levi quietly strode up to the side of the bed to peer down at the notebook.

"Your writing looks like shit." It was even messier than Levi's.

"Captain!" Eren sat up, clumsily saluting. "Sorry, sir. I know it's lights out; I was just-"

"It's fine. Relax." Levi leaned against the wall, folding his arms over his chest. "Lose a bit of sleep if it helps you learn the formation. You're enough of a liability already, and I don't want you getting us killed on the battlefield. Do you have any questions about it?"

"No, sir. It's straight-forward; I just need to memorize it."

Levi studied him. "Do you want to know why you aren't allowed to tell anyone where we are in the formation?"

"No; I figure the Commander has a good reason for it, sir."

"Good. He does. Don't tell anyone, even your friends - the angry girl and the blond kid."

"Of course not, sir."

"And knock off the 'sir' crap. You don't have to use it every sentence. So long as you're calling me Captain, that's good enough. We aren't as formal here as they are in other parts of the military."

Eren nodded, face reddening. "It's a lot different on the field than it was in training."

"I know," said Levi, feeling a wave of sympathy. "And you got thrust into an elite squad right away, so you can't even gradually adapt like your friends." That had been his experience, too. Erwin had shoved him so quickly through the ranks, it had been dizzying at times. But at least Levi had been in his mid-twenties, with years of experience leading people in combat Underground. Eren was still a kid. "Are you adjusting okay?"

"Captain?" The boy's brows pinched.

"You went from being a regular trainee, to being labelled an enemy of humanity, to being labelled humanity's hope, all within the period of a couple weeks. That's a lot to take in."

"It is, but..." Eren's eyes narrowed. "I have to work hard. I have to succeed. Humanity is depending on me." He turned to Levi, eyes crackling with energy. "We almost lost Wall Rose. We have to stop them. We have to kill them all."

The hair on the back of Levi's neck stood on end, but he kept his gaze steady. He had to maintain the appearance that he wasn't intimidated. "Let's start by succeeding at this expedition. Study as late as you want, but make sure you get some sleep. Hange wants to spend part of the afternoon testing your regenerative abilities." Something to do with a new weapon - he hadn't been interested enough to ask.

Talking about Hange reminded him that he hadn't had a good chat with the Squad Leader since before the attack, but when he approached the lab, Hange and Moblit were engrossed in deep conversation over some blueprints. Not wanting to interrupt, Levi headed back upstairs.

The rest of his squad was in the middle of a card game, empty bottles of ale cluttering the table. He stood in the doorway, staring down his nose at them.

"It's lights out. Whose turn is it to watch Eren?"

"Mine, Captain." Gunther stood and held out the cards. "You want to take my hand?"

Levi eyed his chips, significantly smaller than the rest. "Looks like you're almost out of the game. The rest of you should get some sleep, anyway."

"Just one hand, Captain," said Petra with a sly smile.

He nodded at the enormous pile of chips in front of her. "Hoping to clean up?"

"If I'm lucky."

"Fine, one hand." He sat.

One hand turned into a second, then a third. The banter flew. Levi found himself making dry quips of his own. Everything had been so grim lately; it was nice to remember the camaraderie he felt with his squad. Most squads grew close in the Survey Corps, but not like this one. This one was so small, and they had been so isolated during their scouting trip up north, that he felt as if they were his own flesh and blood.

He returned to his bedroom far later than he should have. He didn't sleep so well when Erwin wasn't around, anyway; the bedroll still smelled like cologne. He pulled a chair to the window instead and studied the moon, wondering if Erwin was up on the guard tower in Trost, watching the moon, thinking of Levi. It seemed unlikely he'd go up there alone, especially this late at night, but it was a nice image. At some point, they had stared up at this moon together in comfortable silence. That made him feel a little less lonely.

He woke up at dawn still in his chair, his chin tucked to his chest.

.*.*.*.

At the end of the week, Erwin joined them for a quick overnight visit to deliver further updates. He and Levi stayed up late with Hange and Moblit over a few drinks, discussing the weapons in development. They sounded promising: barbed spears that used a titan's healing powers against it by burrowing deeper into its joints and flesh.

"The faster it heals, the quicker we lock it down," said Hange with an eerie grin. "It'll be anchored to our cannons."

"You're sure it works?" said Erwin.

"We can't be absolutely sure until we see it in action. But Eren graciously let me try a miniature barb on his arm, and it seemed to-"

"Hold on," said Levi. "You stabbed him?"

"It was his idea to try a smaller one, just on his forearm."

"You told me you were only talking to him."

"It healed right away - it didn't hurt him much."

Levi smacked the back of the ponytailed head. "He might have transformed, and if he had been feral, I wouldn't have been there to stop him. You have to be more careful with him, four-eyes."

"That's what I said," muttered Moblit.

"I'm sorry," said Hange, looking miserable. "We don't have any other titan specimens, and we can't go into the field with a _theoretical_ weapon. We need to make sure it works."

"Did you get the information you needed?" asked Erwin, authoritative.

All eyes shifted to him.

"Yes," said Hange.

"Then the risk was worth it this time, but don't do it again. Aside from the risks Levi mentioned, it's unethical to use a soldier as a lab specimen. We're putting him through enough duress as it is." He leaned forward. "You're probably wondering why I have you designing stationary traps for what is essentially a scouting expedition."

Hange leaned forward, too, eyes gleaming. "I think I figured it out."

Erwin's brow rose. "Oh?"

"This isn't a scouting expedition. You're trying to use Eren to lure out the Colossal or Armored titans. That's why you made the basement key common knowledge - you know the people who took down Sawney and Bean are going to want to stop us from getting whatever's in that basement."

 _Not bad, four-eyes,_ thought Levi.

Erwin looked impressed, too. He sat tall. "That's exactly right. We'll be obscuring Eren's position within the formation to give us a better chance at getting to the area where the traps are set. Your squad will be riding in the vanguard with Command so we can quickly set up the traps before any titan shifter guests arrive. Only a handful of trusted comrades will know about this plan, so don't share this with anyone."

"With no disrespect intended, Commander," said Moblit, "this sounds like a risky mission to undertake when the Capital is watching us so closely. And Eren seems to barely have a grasp on how to transform, let alone how to harness his powers and use them effectively."

"We're short on time," said Levi. "They didn't finish their attack on Trost, and they might try again any day now."

"Eren blocked the entrance."

"With a boulder. If he can move it in, other titan shifters can move it out."

"Perhaps it's best that we're being forced to take risks, anyway," said Erwin. "Being cautious is what made us cast away hundreds of soldiers' lives building a supply pathway we can barely salvage. With a bit less prudence, we might have been able to make a real attempt on Wall Maria before the titans even had a chance to attack Wall Rose, and those deaths wouldn't have been in vain. Humanity needs to take bigger risks if it's going to gain any real ground against the titans."

Levi gave him a sharp glance, not liking the sombre note to his tone. "The Wall Maria reclamation effort was probably going to fail. We all knew that going in. Now we've got a real chance to reclaim it."

"If there happens to be a boulder nearby for Eren to seal the gate with," said Moblit dryly, and he took another swig from his bottle.

They were silent for a few minutes as they finished their drinks, then Hange stood. "If that's everything, I'm going to make a few more tweaks to the prototype before I go to bed."

Moblit grimaced. "You didn't sleep last night, Squad Leader. You need to rest."

"I will. Now that I know we have to be able to set these up quickly, I'd like to re-examine the springs. That's all. You go get some rest, Moblit."

The man shook his head and stood, too. "It'll be faster if we both do it."

They said their goodnights, and then Erwin and Levi were alone in the makeshift office.

Erwin gave Levi a sidelong glance. "Over the desk?"

"That thing's so rickety, it'll collapse under us. And what's with you being so horny lately?" It was especially jarring when he had been speaking about their dead comrades a few minutes earlier.

"I suppose I'm just invigorated. Hope is a powerful aphrodisiac. Or maybe I'm still in disbelief that I'm allowed to touch you like this again." Erwin pushed back his chair. He stood behind Levi and kissed the side of his neck, his palms roughly working down his front. "If I'm coming on too strong lately, I can ease up."

Levi's eyes fluttered closed. "Let's try the desk. But I'd better be on top of it. I'm lighter."

Erwin nipped at his earlobe, then pulled away. "I'll lock the door."

A half hour later, they slipped down the hall to the bedroom, then undressed and collapsed onto the bedrolls, sweating and breathing hard. Levi curled onto his side and pressed his cheek to Erwin's chest; the sweat and hair made the contact itchy, but he tolerated the discomfort. Beneath it all was a heartbeat, loud and strong.

"I have some more updates for you." Erwin's voice sounded deeper as it rumbled through his ribcage.

"Yeah?"

"First: I went to Karanes. Mike's squad is close to having the old base ready. They've started doing daily scouting missions through the gates to gauge titan activity. The rest of you will be moving to the base three days before the mission."

"That late?"

"We don't want to disturb the training sessions for the new recruits." His arms wrapped around Levi. "And by the way, while I was in Karanes, I checked on our apartment and cleaned it up a bit."

Levi had been so fixated on the apartments in Trost and Ehrmich, he had forgotten about Karanes. "Is it like the one in Trost?"

"Very similar, but smaller - only a small desk, no table. It has an automatic shower, but no water heater, I'm afraid."

"That's fine. We should meet there after this mission, if it goes well."

"And if it doesn't..." Erwin paused. "That brings me to my second update: I have formally named my successor."

"Oh?" said Levi, surprised. Until now, the Squad Leaders had been deemed too junior to take over as Commander should the worst happen to Erwin. The Survey Corps was slated to default to Garrison command until a suitable replacement grew into the role.

"Well, obviously you have no interest in leading, and your military history disqualifies you, anyway."

 _Plus, there's no way in hell you're going to die while I'm still breathing,_ thought Levi, jaw clenching.

"Mike is a good Squad Leader, but he's too content to follow the status quo. With the ever-changing situation at present, we need a Commander who isn't afraid to take big risks."

Levi's stomach flipped. "Hange?"

"Yes."

"You want to give command to a person who thought it was a good idea to stab a fifteen-year-old inexperienced titan shifter with something sharp to see what happened?"

"I know you think more highly of Hange than that, Levi. We've all seen how our techniques and survival rates have improved thanks to the innovation of Hange's team. And yes, there are certain..." Erwin seemed to be searching for the right word. "...behavioural quirks to be wary of. That's why I need you to promise me to rein in Hange if anything gets too wild. Moblit has an eye out, but ultimately, he's too loyal and too easily persuaded. You aren't afraid to be blunt to get your point across, and that's the kind of counterbalance Hange needs."

"Fine," said Levi.

"Only you and Zackly know of this," said Erwin. "I'll tell Hange once the paperwork goes through."

"Fine." After a small silence, Levi said, "What's the hurry?"

"There are a lot of unknowns right now. It's important to be prepared."

It seemed like there was more to it than that, but Levi was already hollow from envisioning a world without Erwin, so he didn't want to discuss it further. He closed his eyes, listening to the pounding heart beneath his ear.


	40. Loss - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went up at the same time as chapter 39 - please read that one first!

**-40-**

**Loss (Part 2)**

As their physical separation resumed and more days passed, Erwin found himself missing Levi more and more. It felt wrong to lie alone in Trost in the bed they had so often shared. It even felt wrong in Karanes, where they had yet to spend a single night together.

It wasn't just lonely at night. Planning the mission felt empty without Levi by his side to ask questions and make suggestions. Erwin had never realized how much he relied on his Captain to help guide his strategy. He made more unplanned overnight trips back to the old base, telling himself it was important to gather input on his plans, supervise the new recruits and check in on Hange's weapons. During their visits, he and Levi would stay up late into the night talking and making love. Even with the late nights, they slept so soundly together that he always felt rested when he left. Calmer.

When he was alone, he was filled with restless energy. Enthusiasm was a double-edged sword. The appearance of Eren Yeager and his basement key made him feel like he was a teenager again, explaining his theories to Nile over an ale, and it was difficult to channel that energy. He was close now, closer than ever before. He tried to temper his expectations. Whatever truth was in that basement, it would, at the very least, give them answers about the titans that could give them the upper hand.

Whenever he thought of the future, he often found himself looking even beyond the basement, and he would pause to touch the ring he carried in his breast pocket. Like Eren Yeager's key, the ring was a tangible promise of a dream that finally appeared to be within his reach. He had always assumed death was an inevitable part of his career, but maybe that was no longer the case. Maybe now he and Levi really could retire and live a peaceful, quiet life together, the kind of idyllic existence he had always secretly wanted.

Still, death was the likelier outcome, and he made sure to prepare for it. By baiting a titan shifter, they were baiting an enemy who could potentially overpower their entire regiment. Eren had taken out twenty titans during his first transformation - it was logical to assume a trained shifter would be even more powerful. There was a good chance the losses from this expedition would be massive, and Erwin's plan put him right in the middle of the fray.

Levi had noted that, too, during their most recent visit. He had insisted on leaving Eren with his squad so he could stand by Erwin's side during the core of the operation.

"Eren is our most valuable resource," Erwin had said. "I need you protecting him."

Levi had shaken his head. "The kid's a valuable weapon, yeah, but what good is a weapon if you can't aim it? We need you alive to keep coming up with strategy. Besides, if we capture a shifter, you're going to want to cut them out alive for questioning. You need me to be there for that."

"Mike can handle that."

"You said it yourself: we don't know how powerful this thing is going to be. We don't know if there's going to be one, or two, or even more. You need your strongest soldiers standing by."

Erwin suspected this had been a careful appeal to his logic, and the true motive was more personal, but it was sound reasoning. In the end, they had compromised: Levi was to come to Erwin's side only after he had ensured Eren was safely out of reach of whatever mess their plan stirred up.

.*.*.*.

Three days before the mission, Levi, Hange, Dita and the new recruits arrived at the base in Karanes. Erwin watched from his office window as they filed into the courtyard on horseback. Only Levi looked up, scanning the windows; when their gaze locked, they exchanged a nod. It was a small gesture, but Erwin felt lighter for it.

That was the only private exchange they had time to make. When Levi stepped into the office a short while later, he was accompanied by all three of the other Squad Leaders. This was the first time all the officers had been in the same room since Eren had joined the team, and it was imperative to have a thorough meeting to ensure everyone was on the same page.

The meeting took so long that they paused to grab their lunches from the mess hall, and by the time it was wrapping up, it was nearly dinner time. As Erwin made closing statements, he leafed through his notebook a final time, ensuring he hadn't missed a single detail.

An envelope slipped out and landed in his lap. Without missing a beat, he noted the addressee - _Rebeka Ral_ \- then slipped it back into his notebook. It only hit him after he dismissed his officers and took a moment to consider the letter's source: when Levi had been ill, Mike had brought Petra's letter to his attention, the one where she had alluded to her feelings for Levi. He had completely forgotten to mail it; it was weeks overdue. Did it still make sense to send it? It would probably embarrass Petra if he explained the reason it had gotten lost, and he didn't feel like making up an excuse for it. He would find Nifa immediately and correct his mistake by sending it out.

The officers filed out of the room, but Levi hung back. "Hey."

The door closed, and, certain they were alone, Erwin stepped in to give Levi a soft peck. "How are you, my fiancé?"

As he had hoped, Levi's cheeks turned pink. "Stop calling me that."

"Your room is next to mine, at the end of the hallway on the second floor. It says 'Captain' on the door; you can't miss it."

"Okay."

"I have a few tasks to take care of before we spend the night together. All squads are in training review for the rest of the night, so you're under full authority to do as you please with your squad. Nothing too strenuous; they should be resting in preparation for the expedition. Meet me at my room at lights out."

"Sure."

They exchanged another quick kiss, then parted ways.

Nifa was in the lab with Hange and Moblit. Erwin handed her the letter, along with enough money to send it overnight.

His guilt suitably assuaged, he turned to find Mike. There were still some last-minute shipments to secure.

.*.*.*.

That night, as planned, Levi knocked on his door shortly after lights out. Erwin opened it.

He found himself flat against the wall before the door had even finished closing. Levi dropped to his knees in front of him, roughly undoing his belt.

"Levi-"

"Just let me do this." His mouth was warm. Erwin rolled his head back against the wall, slumping into it. He felt Levi's low hum more than heard it.

"Fuck." He politely lay his hand atop Levi's head, but after another minute of moving suction and a swirling tongue, his fingers knotted into the dark hair.

When he was right on the edge, Levi pulled away. "You cleaned my room."

Erwin felt it was appropriate to make a quip in response, but his mind was too empty, so he only gave a small moan. He had somehow managed to slide halfway down the wall, his knees bent, hips thrust forward.

"How do you want it?" Levi looked up at him, lips damp and swollen.

Erwin stared at his mouth, transfixed, then realized he was waiting for an answer. "On the bed?"

The mouth flattened. "No, do you want me inside you, or-"

"Yeah."

Levi pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him, and their mouths were on each other, and then Levi was inside him. He cried out louder than he meant, and a small hand clapped over his mouth. Those swollen lips found his nipple, and that only worsened urge to cry out.

Then Levi slowed, and their eyes locked, and they moved gently together. Just when it seemed like Levi might go under, he stopped. They undressed each other, kissing slowly, hands tracing each new section of exposed flesh until they were bare. They fell back to the bed, under the covers this time, taking their time, rebuilding the frenzy they had started with. Levi came first, then bent down to use his mouth again, and stars sparked in Erwin's vision.

They clung to each other afterwards. The candle by the bedside had almost completely burned down. Erwin watched the flame flicker.

"It's going to be dangerous, Levi."

"Mm?"

"This mission."

"They always are." Levi opened one eye. "Are you getting all melancholy?"

"Yeah." Something about post-sex vulnerability and pre-mission jitters was a bad combination for him, especially this time, when so much was at stake.

A warm hand pressed to the centre of his chest. "You've planned this thing to death. You've done all you can."

"There are too many unknowns. This is the biggest gamble we've ever undertaken: we're betting on a possibility that may not happen. We don't know if the shifters will take the bait, or how strong they'll be in battle. We don't know if Hange's new traps will subdue it. We don't even know if Eren can transform and fight if worse comes to worse and we have a standoff."

"Yeah, there's a lot we don't know. But there's only one way to get answers, and you've given us a hell of a lot to work with." Levi rolled to face Erwin and kissed his shoulder. "You always start overthinking things when there's no more planning left to do. It's good. It means you've already done all the planning you need."

"I suppose."

"Get some sleep." Levi nestled closer. "Fuck, I've missed sleeping in a bed."

Erwin smiled. "The bed at the apartment is more comfortable than this."

"We still planning to meet there after the mission?"

"Yeah, as soon as we can slip away. I need to give you directions to get there."

"Tomorrow." Levi's voice was faint. "Stop planning things and go to sleep."

This time, Erwin decided to take his advice. He draped his arms loosely around Levi and closed his eyes.

.*.*.*.

The morning of the expedition, the Survey Corps assembled in front of the gates. Townsfolk had gathered to see them off; this was a rare occasion for them, since most scouting expeditions had left through Trost.

Erwin sat tall, ignoring the onlookers. In his mind's eye, he reached backwards through the formation, feeling each piece of the formation, a collapsed umbrella that would spread once they were on open ground. He could feel Hange beside him, Levi and Eren towards the middle of the formation, the new weapons they had stashed carefully in the carts.

He took a deep, steadying breath. This was the most important mission beginning the Survey Corps had ever embarked upon. They would not fail.

The gates began to open, and he tensed, focused.

Once the gate was completely open, he roared, "We will now begin the fifty-seventh expedition outside the Wall. Advance!"

Titans immediately surfaced from the remnants of the town outside the gate. The support teams leapt into action. Erwin stared straight ahead, eyes narrow, waiting for the border of the city. The instant they burst into the meadow, he threw out his arm, commanding the troops to deploy the Long-Distance Enemy Scouting Formation.

Behind him, he knew Levi would be waiting until the formation had spread out, then settling into the centre with Eren. He felt the other teams move into position, spreading out to match the map he held in his mind.

At first, the expedition proceeded like any other. The sky was clear, which was important; unexpected rain would completely neutralize their flare communications system. The terrain here was flatter than the old checkpoint routes south of Trost. Mike's squad had carefully scouted the entire route to the forest of giant trees, ensuring there were no unexpected pitfalls or sinkholes to worry about. Even though this territory was relatively untouched compared to the area south of Trost, the terrain would work to their advantage.

After about an hour, the smattering of red flares from the right flank turned into a storm. No matter how many times Erwin redirected the formation, the red flares kept coming. _Odd._

Then, at last, he saw what he had been waiting for: black flares. An abnormal.

Erwin's eyes narrowed. _There you are._

Hange's horse fell into place beside his. "You think that's one of them?"

"Could just be an abnormal, but that persistent cluster of red before it was unusual, wasn't it? And we told several teams Eren was in the right vanguard."

"It can't be the Colossal Titan," said Hange. "That thing could barely stand without holding onto the wall."

"I agree. Do you think your weapons will be effective against the Armored Titan?"

"It depends how strong those armoured plates on its body are, and how exposed its joints are." Hange eyed the right flank nervously. "The flares have stopped completely now."

Erwin's teeth clenched. He fired a green flare in the direction of the forest and increased their pace.

They were nearing the entrance to the forest when the black flares began to start up again, this time moving toward the centre of the formation at great speed.

"It's heading toward Eren," said Hange.

 _That_ has _to be a shifter. The plan is working._ "Keep riding."

"It's moving fast. Do you think Levi and Eren can outrun it?"

"Yes," said Erwin without hesitation, but he knew all Levi's skill meant nothing if the titan was moving faster than the horses. Sweat beaded on his temples and forehead.

They were moving so quickly that the trees suddenly erupted from the earth around them; the temperature dropped, and shade settled around them, damp and cold. The hair on the back of Erwin's neck rose, but he did not slow.

The small clearing in the centre of the forest was where they would stage their attack: the trees allowed 3D movement and cloaked their traps. Once they reached their target, Hange's team quickly rolled the traps into place. Mike's team joined them a few minutes later, settling on the tree branches, ready to provide support.

"How far back are they?" asked Erwin.

"Judging by the flares, maybe ten minutes." Mike rolled his neck and his shoulders. "I can't smell anything nearby."

"Good. Let me know the instant you do." They had set up the bulk of the soldiers as decoys in the trees at the mouth of the forest, hoping to bait the titans so only their shifter would come through. Their plan appeared to be working, for now.

Once everyone was in position, Erwin sank his anchors into the side of a tree trunk where he could overlook the main path, ready to signal Hange's team. Five minutes passed, then ten. His stomach was knotted. If it came to it, if the shifter caught up to Levi's team, he knew Levi's squad would fight to the death to defend Eren. Surely a runner would come to notify them if that were the case...

A sound round echoed through the forest. Levi's signal.

Erwin coiled back into the tree trunk, ready. On a nearby branch, Mike nodded to catch his attention, then held up a hand. _Five hundred metres and closing._

The ground began to vibrate. He heard hoof beats, and screams.

His hand curled tightly around the hilt of his sword. Closer, closer...

Levi's squad burst into view, galloping at full speed.

Then behind them, in a full sprint: a female titan. Her eyes locked onto Erwin, wide with surprise.

"Fire!" roared Erwin, slicing the air with his blade.

The cannons erupted. Harpoons speared the titan's bare skin. Erwin dropped to a thick branch and studied the beast as the traps continued to fire. She was hunched, her hands protecting her nape. She appeared to be built entirely of muscle, a perfect target for Hange's weapons. _We're lucky they sent her instead of the Armored Titan,_ he thought, but at the same time, he wondered just how many titan shifters lived within the Walls.

Levi dropped onto the branch beside him a few minutes later. "Looks like we stopped it."

"We can't let our guard down yet. I'm impressed you managed to lead it here," said Erwin, too deep into his mission mindset to admit he was relieved, too.

"That was thanks to the rear squads, who risked their lives fighting. They bought us the time we needed."

He couldn't think about that now; guilt had to wait until he was off the battlefield. "Is that so?" he said absently, because Levi seemed to be waiting for an answer.

"Yeah. Thanks to them, we'll finally meet whoever's inside the neck of this thing." Levi grimaced. "I just hope whoever it is hasn't pissed themselves."

Normally, the crass remark would make Erwin chuckle, but he was too intently focused on the beast in front of them.

"There were no others?"

"No," said Levi. "Just her."

Then there was no point in leaving any traps loaded. _Before Levi and Mike go in, we'd better make sure she can't so much as twitch._ "Fire!" he called.

Below him, Hange's team fired the last of the trap cannons. Content the titan was secure, Erwin nodded at Levi and Mike. "Go."

The goal was simple: thanks to Eren, they knew the person inside the titan would be located in its nape. They also knew the person could regenerate lost limbs if necessary. They were unlikely to come out willingly, but they could be forcibly extracted.

When Levi and Mike tried to slice into the nape, however, the titan generated a temporary unbreakable skin over her hands, protecting her nape.

Erwin's jaw tightened. _Looks like she can overlay part of her body with a tough layer of skin._ This must be a temporary version of the same plating that allegedly covered the Armored Titan. There was a chance that continually attacking her would wear down this ability - but no, there wasn't time to test that theory. He was just arranging to have the titan's hands blown off at the wrists, when the beast let out a deafening roar.

 _What the hell?_ He covered his ears against the noise, but that barely protected him. He had never heard anything like it: it was a roar, a squeal and a howl all at once, and it chilled him to his core. When it ended, his ears rang. He slowly lowered his hands, stunned.

For a second, no one moved. Levi was still standing on her head; he stomped a couple times, as if chiding her.

 _He shouldn't stay within her threat range if she's that desperate,_ thought Erwin, preparing to recall him.

But before he could open his mouth, Mike yelled, "Erwin! I smell titans incoming."

Erwin's eyes snapped to him. "From which direction?"

"There's a lot, coming from all directions at the same time."

And that's when he realized their prey hadn't been desperate at all. She had been in control of the situation the entire time.

With half their regiment still waiting along the perimeter of the forest, they would be badly outnumbered. _They'll destroy us._

He sent out an intercept team, hoping to buy them time to set the explosives, but the approaching titans charged past the intercept teams and went straight for the trapped titan instead.

_They're after the female titan?_

One of them bit into her calf muscle, tearing flesh from the bone.

Recognition flashed over him.

"All squads, commence the attack," he roared. "Defend the female titan to the death!"

Levi was already in action, taking them down. Around him, soldiers jumped into the fray. Erwin watched, his heart pounding in his chest. There had to be dozens of titans, consuming her flesh, consuming everything they had hoped to gain from this mission. Blood rained down on the battlefield.

Within less than a minute, it became clear the battle was lost.

Erwin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then opened them again.

"All teams, pull back!"

Levi snapped to the tree trunk beside him, wiping steaming blood from his face. Erwin stared down at the evaporating remains of their foe. How strong-willed their enemies must be, that they would rather face death than be taken alive!

But it was more than that: she had made the titans do this. She had controlled them with her scream. And if a titan could perform that sort of rudimentary mind control on other titans...

He saw his father's animated hand gestures, the light in his eyes-

"Hey, Erwin," said Levi.

"She got us."

There was a pause, then Levi said, "Why the hell are you smiling?"

"The enemy was prepared to give up everything. I never thought she would have the titans eat her to erase all information." Did other titans have the power of this scream, too? Did their powers only extend to mindless titans, or were there other applications?

These were things they could wonder about later. For now, they had to get home alive. He ordered the teams to meet in formation west of the forest. He stood overlooking their lost prey for a moment longer, seeing, for the first time, all the bloodied remains of his soldiers scattered around it. His jaw tightened.

"After all my bluster in front of the Council," said Levi, "this is what happens - heavy losses, and nothing useful gained. What's going to happen to us and Eren when we stroll back through the gate?"

"Think about that after we're home. Right now, we have to concentrate on retreating without further casualties. At least for now." Erwin stared at the billowing clouds of steam. They could interfere with their signal flares-

He froze.

 _What if she didn't actually sacrifice herself?_ The Colossal Titan had dissipated into steam, too, only to reappear later. If she had cloaked herself with 3DMG before transforming, she could have escaped in human form in the steam and the chaos.

"I'm going to call my squad over," said Levi, turning to leave. "I just hope they haven't gone too far."

"Wait, Levi. Replenish your gas and blades."

Levi stopped. "Why? There's no time, and I have plenty."

He was right, there was no time, and that included time to explain his logic. "That's an order." Erwin turned to him, using his most authoritative stare. "Follow it."

Levi held his gaze for a moment, then turned away, looking a bit miffed. "Okay, Erwin. I'm going to trust your judgement."

They could clear this up later. For now, they had to get back to Karanes as quickly and safely as possible.

Erwin dropped to the ground, where Hange's team was loading the traps onto the carts. "We have to move. Leave the other traps behind."

"But-" began Hange.

"We can retrieve them later." Erwin whistled for his horse and mounted. "Let's go."

.*.*.*.

Sure enough, before they had reached the edge of the forest, another roar permeated the air. This one was deeper than the Female Titan's scream. _Eren?_

Hange, riding beside him, looked back with pinched brows. "Do you think he can take her?"

"Levi's with him."

"And do you think Levi's squad can take her?"

"If any squad can, it's his," said Erwin firmly, his heart pounding in his throat.

The Survey Corps - or what was left of it - assembled in a meadow about fifteen minutes west of the forest. The female titan's scream seemed to have drawn every titan in the area, at least for now, leaving the meadow empty.

With no immediate threats, they had time to recover bodies and tend to the wounded. Erwin spoke with the Squad Leaders and gathered reports, casting the occasional uneasy eye toward the forest entrance. Would Levi surface? Would Eren? Would Levi's squad kill the Female Titan before they could get any information out of her? Could they take her alive? His neck and shoulders were tight, and he couldn't stand still.

Then a familiar black horse emerged from the woods, two figures riding her. Another rode beside him. As they drew closer, Erwin saw Levi holding an unconscious Eren, and Mikasa Ackerman beside them.

"Get a medic," he said to Mike, stepping forward to greet them.

The horses halted in front of them.

"Is he hurt?" asked Erwin as the medics rushed forward.

"Yeah," said Levi. "He's unconscious. He lost his fight to the Female Titan, and she tried to abduct him in her mouth."

"Did you engage her?"

"Yeah. She's disabled, not dead."

"Good." It was the best scenario aside from taking her captive. He glanced at the forest. "Where's the rest of your team?"

"Dead." Levi dismounted, then began to sag. Erwin lunged forward and caught his arm.

"You're hurt."

"Fucked up my ankle." Levi glanced at Mikasa; the girl was kneeling beside Eren. His voice lowered. "The girl rushed in like an idiot. We almost lost her."

"Then you are to be commended for saving them both," said Erwin. "Let me take a look at your ankle."

"Not until I tell them where to find the bodies." Levi's mouth twisted.

Erwin nodded and waved over Mike.

Once the recovery team had been dispatched, Levi limped over to a rock and sat. Erwin knelt in front of him and pulled off his boot, straps and sock.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. About his team. About his injury.

"Don't do that yet," said Levi, not looking at him. "Keep it together. We need you to get the survivors home alive."

His ankle was red and swelling. Erwin gripped the foot and began to gently move and squeeze it, noting when Levi winced.

"Might be hairline fractures," said Erwin.

"If we're lucky. Could be a tear." His face was still twisted.

"You need morphine."

"No. Just wrap it and shove it back in the boot. I'll deal with it when we get back to Karanes."

Erwin eyed him; the grey gaze didn't drop. "Levi-"

"Don't fight me on this, Erwin. I won't give in, and you have other shit to worry about."

After a pause, he nodded and found a roll of cloth tape. He had sustained so many injuries, had had so many friends and colleagues do the same, that the correct tension and angles for an ankle wrapping were second nature to him. Once the wrapping was in place, he pulled the gear and boot back on. Levi stood, a bit unsteady.

"That will hold." He hesitated, and when he spoke again, his voice was as unsteady as his stance. "Tell me what to do next."

"Check in with the team leaders of your extended squad," said Erwin. "Then see if Hange, Mike or Dit-" He stopped. Dita was gone. "Actually, take charge of Dita's team leaders. They're a bit scattered right now."

"Yeah. Okay." Levi shuffled toward the others.

The teams worked quickly, wrapping the recovered bodies and laying them in a row. Erwin's heart sank as he stared across them. It had been years since they'd had a mission this disastrous. _And all for nothing..._

He tried not to notice Levi kneeling by a body, cutting a patch off a cloak. He thought of the torn patches he had seen in Levi's box of possessions, so long ago. Was this something he always did? How had Erwin never noticed? He supposed there was always a degree of separation between them on the field, particularly when they were busy with recovery duties.

Or maybe it was something he rarely did, and this mission had hurt him just as badly as his first one, so long ago.

When they had recovered all but five bodies, he made the call to mark down the others as missing and leave. They had already lingered too long; there was no point in risking more lives to recover the others. Pehr assured him the others were irretrievable, anyway; the titans, no longer under the Female Titan's spell, had begun to wander through the forest again.

Two young soldiers, however, were not happy with this plan. One of their friends, Ivan, was among the unrecovered bodies.

Erwin listened to their pleas, unmoving. This wasn't the first time he had hurt someone by leaving behind a body, and it wouldn't be the last. These two, however were particularly persistent, one of them going so far as to call him selfish.

He didn't even need to speak up against them; Levi's voice rose behind him: "A pair of noisy brats arguing..."

"Captain Levi." The soldiers turned to him, perhaps hoping for a different decision.

"If you've confirmed his death," said Levi, "then that's enough. Dead is dead. Whether or not we have the body makes no difference."

"You can't be serious," said one of the soldiers.

Erwin turned to leave. "Ivan and the others will be marked down as 'missing.' That decision is final. Let it go."

As he began to walk away, he heard a soldier yell after him: "Don't the two of you have any human feelings at all?"

Erwin's jaw clenched, but he didn't look back. How many times had he thought the same of his own leaders in his younger days? How many friends and loved ones had he left to rot on the battlefield? To these young soldiers, he was a monster, but if they lived long enough, they, too, would see that priority must always be given to the living.

Somehow, that logic didn't make him feel any better.

He became aware, after a moment, that Levi was following him. He stopped a short distance away from the others and turned.

"They think we're made of stone."

Levi studied him. "Well, we have to be."

If Erwin was stone, he was brittle; cracks had formed under the strain, and they were running through him. He could tell by Levi's taut expression he was feeling the same way.

If they, with all their years of experience, were feeling this worn down, the troops must be in terrible shape, too. Especially the new ones.

"We're heading out," said Erwin. "Ride beside me."

"Not in formation?"

"No. You're the only conscious member of your team, and you're injured. The others will close in the gap. You can help me navigate." He needed Levi beside him, needed to know he was there.

Maybe his reason was convincing, or maybe Levi could see him crumbling; either way, he nodded. "Okay."

Within minutes, they set out.

The ride back to Karanes should have been uneventful, but the soldiers who had questioned him about Ivan's body made the foolish decision to go back for him anyway. Their actions led more titans to the group. One of them paid for the mistake with his life; the rest of the regiment was only able to get away because Levi ordered them to dump bodies off the carts to lighten their loads.

Once they had successfully outrun the titans and regrouped, Levi returned to his place beside Erwin, his face drawn.

"What a waste," said Erwin.

"Don't discipline them."

Erwin turned to him, surprised. "They disobeyed a direct order and put everyone in danger."

"And one of them died for it. The other will never disobey an order again."

"We'll have to explain to the relatives of the deceased why we don't have those bodies."

"Tell them they were missing in action, like every other body we couldn't retrieve." Levi turned to stare straight ahead, his jaw rock-hard. "Petra was one of them."

A ball of ice sank into Erwin's stomach. He didn't know what to say, and he had the feeling anything he could say would undo both of them, anyway. He stared straight ahead, his face blank.

But that ball of ice was getting heavier as they approached Karanes. It grew heavier still as he dismounted and walked his horse down the street, the cries and shouts of the bereaved slamming into him like hail. They called his name, reached out to him, wanted to know _why._

And what did he have to offer them? A cartful of corpses, more carts full of the injured, and barely more answers than they had started with.

.*.*.*.

A mountain of paperwork would usually be enough to distract Erwin after a difficult mission, but not this time. So much had been riding on this one: Eren's future, Wall Maria, maybe even the Survey Corps itself. He managed to dash off a status report to the Capital and sent it with a heavy heart, knowing a summons would follow as soon as it was received.

The summons would not go in his favour; he knew that already. Discovering a new shifter without taking her down would make the Council even more skittish than they had been before. Once they ruled against him. Nile would push for Eren's execution and dissection, and they had scant chance of preventing it. Erwin might be tried for lying about the mission objective and casting away so many lives. They might even drag Levi into it, since he had been in on the plans from the start.

He pushed back his chair. The thought of them coming after Levi, after all he had lost, was as upsetting as the thought of humanity losing Eren.

He brought a trembling hand to his chest, feeling for the ring in his pocket. It was so small in his palm; he couldn't believe this tiny ring was still too large for Levi's finger. Those fingers never felt this small when they were interlaced with his, or tracing his body. They carried more strength than their size should be able to contain, just like the man himself.

Erwin's hand wouldn't stop shaking.

He was useless in this state. It was about time he honoured their arrangement and went to their shared apartment - if Levi was even there. More likely, he would be in the san, getting his foot treated or comforting the survivors in his own brisk way. Maybe he was fighting with himself, trying not to blame his Commander for the deaths. He had every right to be upset with him.

Still, Erwin needed to escape, even if just for a few hours.

He found Mike in the mess hall, nursing an ale.

"I'm going out, and I may not be back tonight. Ring the bell if you need me. I'll hear it."

Mike nodded, gaze distant. "Are you taking Levi with you?"

"I don't know. If you see him, tell him I've gone ahead, but there's no obligation to follow."

"None of this is your fault, Erwin. He knows that. We all know that."

It was hard to tell if he believed the words or not.

Instead of wearing his Survey Corps cloak, Erwin pulled a plain grey cloak around his uniform and pulled the hood over his head, trying to avoid attracting the attention of passersby. He knew he deserved as many looks of disdain as they were willing to give him, but he was still cracked, still crumbling.

When he arrived at the apartment, the lamp was lit. He could hear water running in the bathroom, behind a closed door. Levi's boots and clothes were scattered haphazardly on the floor.

Erwin's stomach dropped. He quietly closed the door and locked it. "Levi?"

No response.

He was torn. Did Levi need space, or support?

The stone around his neck was heavier than usual; he slipped off the bolo tie and set it on the mantle. He pulled off his jacket and straps, leaving on only his dress shirt and pants. He folded Levi's clothes and set them on the desk, then swept up the chunks of dirt Levi's boots had left on the floor. There was still no sound from the bathroom except running water.

With nothing left to delay him, he knocked on the door. "Levi, if you need privacy, I'll leave."

No response.

He quietly turned the knob.

Levi sat naked against the tile wall. Water drizzled over his head, plastering his hair to his forehead. He stared at the far wall with a vacant gaze and blue lips. His wounded leg stretched out in front of him, the ankle swollen and purple.

Erwin turned off the taps and knelt beside him. The knees of his pants soaked with chilly water. "Levi," he said softly.

The grey eyes, barely pinpricks, shifted up to him.

"How long have you been here?" Erwin reached for a towel. The man's skin was cold; he draped the towel around the small shoulders and held him close.

"Everyone leaves me," rasped Levi.

"Can I move you to the bed? It'll be warmer there."

Levi didn't respond, but slumped against him, as if all the strength had drained from his frame.

"Here." Erwin gently lifted the small man in his arms and carried him to the bed. He sat him on the edge of the mattress. "Did the medics take a look at your foot yet?"

"They'll just try to drug me," said Levi, hollow.

"Medicine will help the pain. You don't have to suffer."

Levi looked away.

Erwin knelt in front of him to examine it. "May I bandage it again?"

The only reply was a faint shrug.

Seeing him in this absent state was even harder than seeing him break down. Erwin's hands shook as he pulled open drawers, looking for the first aid kit he had stashed here a couple weeks earlier. He found it and retrieved a roll of clean bandage, a syringe and a single vial of morphine.

"Do you remember when I broke my ribs, Levi?" he asked, carefully unwinding the bandage. "You took such good care of me. Please let me do the same for you."

"You have bigger things to worry about."

"It can all wait until tomorrow." He pulled out the syringe. "What's your normal morphine dose? I can cut it in half, if you want to stay clear-headed."

Levi told him, and Erwin suspected it was too low, but he didn't want to risk second-guessing him. He carefully filled the syringe and administered it. Then he began to bandage the wounded ankle again. It seemed like it might still swell, so he tried to balance the tension to allow a bit of swelling, but still provide support. He wasn't confident in his work, but it was the best he could do without actually bringing in a medic.

When he had finished, Levi sank onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Does it still hurt?"

"A bit. Could be worse." Levi's throat bobbed. "I'm alive."

Erwin sat beside him on the bed, folding his legs beneath his body. "I want you to know that I'm truly sorry-"

"Don't. You made the calls you had to. Part of me thinks I could have saved them if I got there soon enough, but I would have run out of supplies and died." Levi rolled his head to look at him. "You knew she was still around. That's why you told me to resupply."

"It was just a guess."

"A good one. You should have told me." His gaze shifted back to the ceiling. "But there was no time, was there?"

"No."

"And I wasted time questioning you. If I'd gone right away-"

"No. It played out how it played out, Levi. Don't start wondering what might have happened. The possibilities are endless."

Levi's eyes closed. "I saw her face as they threw her body from the cart. Petra."

"Levi-"

"She looked like she was sleeping. I saw her sleeping face so many times on missions. Her father confronted me at the gates. He said something about marriage. I couldn't tell him the truth, any of it... What does he think of me now? What does her family think? I couldn't protect her." Levi rolled onto his side and curled tightly into a ball. "Everyone I love leaves me. My mother left me, then...he left me. Matthias died, and that was my fault. Klaus left me- no, I got him killed, too. Farlan and Isabel. My first team. Everyone...and now Eld, and Oluo, and Gunther, and Petra." His voice broke. "Petra..."

The words struck Erwin so hard that he felt the cracks break clean through him, felt himself began to fall apart. Had he ever loved platonically the way Levi did? Possibly Hange, Mike, and Nile, maybe even Marie now...things were always confusing when he thought of Marie. But none of those were the way Levi loved: once the man opened up to anyone, that person marked him.

No, Erwin didn't understand what he was feeling right now, not really. Perhaps he really was made of stone, but not Levi.

"You know," said Levi, voice groggy, "the only ones left are Mike, Shitglasses and you. And if you-"

"Don't think about that."

"If that had been you instead of Petra, neck snapped, staring at me with dead eyes, body flopping like useless garbage off the end of the cart..." His eyes were staring far into the distance now, sunken.

"It wasn't me, Levi. I'm still here."

"And what if it was me? What if I had died with my team?" His eyes shifted back to him. "What would you be doing right now?"

A fair question. Erwin thought back five years to the time he had attacked Mike. Was that still in his temperament? They had seen so much death since them that he had numbed, but then again, his bond with Levi was infinitely stronger than it had been then, too. He expected his grief would be more controlled this time, but... Levi was his lifeblood.

"It would break me," he said, thinking aloud. "When I imagine life without you, Levi, I feel hollow. Empty."

"But you'd keep going," said Levi. "Right? You'd feel pain, but humanity would still have a chance. You'd keep fighting."

Erwin considered. Maybe he would be a shell of himself, but there were still goals to drive him forward. So long as his heart was still beating, he would stubbornly stay the course. "Yes."

"Good." Levi's jaw wobbled. "I have to die before you, Erwin. It can't be the other way around. If I have to see you the way I saw Petra, I'll..." A tear spilled onto his cheek, and he shook his head. "There won't be anything left for me. I'll become a monster, I'll lose myself, my purpose."

"Levi, don't think about this."

"I have to die first." His voice was rising. Erwin had never seen so much anguish on his face. "I can't watch you die. Not you. We go together, or I go first. Don't leave me. Not you."

"Levi." Erwin pulled him in and curled around him, holding him to his chest. He whispered his name over and over, soothing him. He felt a small hand claw into the front of his shirt like a child.

He wanted to promise him everything would be okay, but it was a promise he couldn't make, especially now. The expedition had failed; he was going to have to risk even more to ensure they protected Eren and their future. It was just as Sahlo had said during their last meeting: the neck that stuck out the furthest was the easiest to trap in a noose. If it came to it, he might have to offer himself as a sacrifice to keep humanity's hope alive.

"Levi," he whispered, "we have so much hope now. We have a titan on our side, and a key to secrets about our enemies. Don't forget that." He smoothed the back of the dark hair, still damp from the shower. "Today was only the first step in a whole new attack. We have the brilliant Hange, who can turn weaknesses into weapons. We have Mike, whose nose gives us an incredible defensive advantage. We have Eren, who can transform into a titan. We have the new skills of the 104th's best fighters - nine out of ten of the southern branch's top fighters. And we have you." He breathed in the scent of the dark hair. "We have you, Levi. You are strong, and you'll embrace this pain and come out stronger. That's what you do. And if I go before you-"

Levi let out a small sob.

"-if I go before you," said Erwin, his grip tightening around him, "you'll take that pain deep into yourself and become even stronger than before. That is one of the things I admire most about you, Levi. You carry more pain than any man should have to bear, and you're stronger for it. Every break heals twice as strong."

"I lost the ring," whimpered Levi.

"The ring?"

"It must have fallen out when I was fighting the female titan. I didn't realize until we got back. I can't even protect a ring-"

"It's just a ring. It's okay." Erwin smoothed his back. "I'll get you another ring when we marry."

"When we marry," repeated Levi, with a sniffle. His shoulders weren't shaking anymore. Yes, that was right: engagement was supposed to help them through times like this.

"The ring was just a thing; it's what it represents that's important. Tell me what you want to do once we've eradicated the titans, Levi. Once we're married."

There was a long pause. "You always say we won't both survive-"

"I know."

"You said we were laying the foundation for future generations to win this war."

"Things are different now. It's been awhile since we let ourselves consider this, so let's indulge. What will we do after the war?"

Thinking about it did seem to calm Levi down; his breaths returned to normal, the tension leaving his muscles. "I want a tea shop," he said, nuzzling under Erwin's chin.

"Yeah?"

"Somewhere quiet."

"I like that idea. We'll buy a small business with a house in the back."

"Near a park," said Levi. "So we can go for walks."

"That sounds lovely. I'd like to be a schoolteacher in town."

"I thought you wanted to go into politics."

"No, not anymore. I'm tired of games and lies; I want to focus on truths instead." Erwin snuggled closer. "Do you want children?"

"I don't know. I know you do."

"Maybe. I expect we'll be too old by then. My students can be my surrogate children; we'll get a dog instead."

Levi shifted. "They track mud everywhere."

"I thought you liked dogs. I'm sure, with all the land we reclaim, there will be enough food for people to have pets again. We could take in a stray puppy and give it a good home."

There was a long pause. "A big one. Not one of those annoying small yappy ones."

"A big dog it is. And every night, we'll come home and hold each other like this, and know we're making the most of the peace we fought so hard to achieve."

Levi pulled back to look at him. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose red. "Sounds too good to be true."

"Maybe." Erwin kissed his forehead. "We need hope. We need something to hold onto, something to keep us going when everything else is crumbling. And I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"If I die-"

Levi's face twisted. "Erwin-"

"-I want you to build your tea shop. Find someone to help you run it. You deserve to be happy, after all you've sacrificed."

There was a long pause, and then Levi nodded. "Okay. But same to you. You be a teacher and settle down. Marry. Have kids, if you want." He paused, then said dryly, "Name one of them Levi."

"What if they're all girls?"

"Who cares? Name one Levi anyway. Tell them all about me. But make me taller in your stories, and maybe a bit better with words."

Erwin chuckled. "I refuse to change anything about you."

"Well, then I guess I better hope I don't die."

They studied each other.

"Are you hungry at all?" asked Erwin, smoothing the hair off his forehead.

"Probably. No appetite."

"Me neither, but it's late. We should eat something." Erwin sat up. "I'll go get a loaf of bread."

"No, don't. I-" Levi looked away. He didn't need to voice the next words: _I don't want to be alone._

"How about some rations instead?"

"I'm sick of rations."

"Me, too, but I'm afraid it's all I have here." Erwin rummaged through his desk drawer. He pulled out a piece of flatbread and broke it off. "Your body needs food to help it heal."

Levi took it and reluctantly ate it.

They ate in silence. By the time they were done, Erwin felt a bit more stable. Levi seemed calmer, too; he snuggled back against him.

"I shouldn't have gotten that whiny," said Levi gruffly. "You've lost, too. We all have. I'm not special."

"Doesn't mean it hurts any less." Erwin softly kissed the back of his neck. "And you feel it on a level I never do."

"You do," said Levi quietly. "You just don't think about it too much, because you can't."

"What do you mean?"

"That mask I've talked about before. You have to have it on, all the time." Levi shifted back against him. "That's why you have such a fucked-up look on your face whenever we come back to town. You have to keep going. You have to give everyone hope that you're leading with logic, not emotion. But I know you. I know there's more than that, deep down."

Erwin wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question. Was Levi looking for assurances that he felt sorrow over his team's death? He thought of Levi's dead team, of the others they had lost that day, and felt numb. His exterior had crumbled, and there was nothing beneath it. Even that ball of ice, that guilt, had melted.

"Do you remember that first mission I led after becoming Commander?" he said quietly.

Levi tensed. "Yeah."

"When I heard the number of dead, I reacted violently."

"Yeah, you almost died."

Erwin couldn't imagine reacting the same way now. "What happened between then and now, Levi?"

"There's more going on, deep down," said Levi again. "You have to keep your head together on the field."

Erwin's jaw tightened. Maybe he was still on the field; this expedition wasn't over until they had satisfied the Capital and Eren was formally theirs. All that mattered right now was Eren and his basement key.

Levi still seemed to be waiting for an answer, and Erwin wasn't sure he knew what the question was. He kissed the broad forehead.

"We should get some rest."

Levi's brows pinched, but he only said, "Okay."

They stripped and crawled under the covers. Erwin snuffed out the lamp and nestled against Levi's back.

.*.*.*.

They clawed at him, the members of Squad Levi, the others he had killed. Their faces were contorted into titan-like expressions, heads cocked, eyes lifeless. Erwin opened his mouth to yell, but it wasn't his own voice that sounded; it was the female titan's scream. The dead descended upon him and began to rip his flesh from the bone.

He reached out a hand, and someone caught it. He could tell by the strength of the grip it was Levi. The hand smoothed his palm, down his forearm, pulled him in.

Then Levi was kissing him, and the deceased dissipated. Now it was just the two of them in the dark, warm beneath the blankets, skin sliding against skin. Erwin rolled half on top of him, mindful of the injured leg, and kissed him deeply. Those firm hands slid down his back and up again, palms blistering with heat. He kissed across Levi's jaw to his ear. Levi's head tossed back; his throat rumbled with something between a whimper and a groan.

"It's okay," whispered Erwin, even though he was the one who was supposed to need comforting.

"I need you," said Levi, throat vibrating again.

He had to be awake now, but this still felt dreamlike, the unnatural heat between them, the bedsheets rippling around them like water. He buried his nose between Levi's legs, tilted his hips up, tasted him. Levi cried out, his voice musical, his hips undulating to the melody.

"You saved me," murmured Erwin into him. "You've saved me so many times." Levi cried out again, a pitch-perfect octave higher this time.

He gently slid inside him, oil squelching softly between them, their hands feeling for each other in the dark. Their knuckles interlocked on the pillow, above Levi's head, their mouths finding each other. Erwin tasted his moans, orange and red in the darkness, faintly sour with the taste of sleep.

They were slow, but he couldn't hold back; he spilled into Levi in understated bursts, hazy and warm. He bent down to take Levi into his hand and throat so he could coax louder and louder moans out of him, until they became tangible, hot and liquid. He drank until Levi was quiet.

They clung together in the darkness.

"I told you," murmured Levi, touching his face. "There's more under the mask."

Erwin followed his touch and discovered tears. His voice cracked: "We separated before because I needed to keep my mask on."

"It's okay. It's gotta get heavy. I can hold it for you when you need a break."

Erwin curled tightly around him as he finally let himself grieve.

.*.*.*.

He awoke to an empty bed. A loaf of bread sat on the desk beside a steaming teapot.

"Levi?"

The Captain emerged from the bathroom. He wore his grey dress shirt and cravat with his uniform pants. Instead of his uniform jacket, he wore an oversized black suit jacket, which he had draped around his shoulders like a shawl. "I couldn't get any coffee."

"You're supposed to be resting your leg."

"I want to keep it moving." Levi poured a mug of tea and carried it to the bed.

Erwin sat up, still a bit groggy, and accepted the mug. He blew on it to cool it. "We should get back to the base."

"They can wait until we've had breakfast."

A quiet breakfast together did sound ideal, and Levi seemed to be in good spirits; he didn't want to interrupt that. He studied the jacket, wondering why it was so familiar. "What are you wearing?"

"I didn't feel like being in uniform right now. And..." Levi's cheeks darkened, and he shrugged. "It smells like you."

Recognition dawned on Erwin; he had worn it to meet with the merchant's guild a couple weeks before the mission. "You took that from the closet."

"Yeah, just while I went into town. I can put it back before we leave."

Erwin studied him. "No, hang on to it." That suit was on the verge of going out of fashion, but Levi's casual way of wearing it made it work. And he liked the idea of Levi wearing something of his in public, a little secret between the two of them.

Besides, he remembered Levi telling him about his mother's shirt, the hug she had given him when she was ill. Wearing another's shirt was an important gesture from Levi, and he was honoured to be held in such high regard.

They sat on the bed, ate bread and drank tea. This apartment was so much like the one in Trost that this felt like the early days of their relationship, casually spending time together the morning after a night of lovemaking.

But there was no time to linger, and the instant they stepped outside again, Erwin felt the weight of their failed mission descend upon his shoulders.

They headed back to the base in silence. A letter was waiting on Erwin's desk, bearing Zackly's seal.

His summons.

Beside him, Levi said quietly, "So what happens now?"

Erwin picked up the envelope and traced the seal with the pad of his thumb. "I expect they'll want us to turn over Eren, unless we can think of a way to spin this mission into a success." He opened the letter. The wording was curt; even Zackly, normally his ally, appeared to be angry. He dropped the letter onto the desk and took a few paces to the window.

Behind him, he heard Levi snatch up the paper. After a few seconds, he said loudly, "It's so fucking unfair."

Erwin stared out the window, not wanting to show how much he agreed. "It's okay, Levi."

"It's not. The bulk of the Survey Corps got away because Eren bought us time fighting that thing. If he hadn't taken her on and distracted her, Mikasa and I couldn't have shut her down. And he can barely control himself yet - think of how powerful he'll be when he gets more experienced. Taking him away from us now would be fucking ridiculous."

"I know."

He heard the letter smack against the table. "They sit in the Centre without a clue what we're fighting. That's the problem. If they saw what it's like out there, they would give us anything we asked for."

Erwin stood tall. _If they saw what it's like out there..._ He slowly turned to face Levi. "You're exactly right."

Levi studied him, and slowly, the fists at his sides uncurled. "You have a plan."

"Just a spark of an idea, but it's a start." He pulled out the chair and grabbed a pad of paper. "Start the other Squad Leaders on background checks of every single soldier who was told Eren would be in the right vanguard. We don't have much time."


	41. Love - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: thank you for your patience! I'm posting 41 & 42 at the same time. The final chapter, 43, will be a shorter Epilogue, and will go up pretty soon. I'd love to take this section of the story more slowly instead of rushing it like this, but alas, I'm 8 months pregnant and really need to wrap up this story before I enter that hazy world of sleep deprivation & no free time! :)
> 
> Shout-out to waytooemily for a gorgeous illustration of Levi wearing the Boyfriend Jacket from the previous chapter! The pic can be found here: http://kuni-masks.tumblr.com/post/145466934316/waytooemily-a-little-secret-between-the-two-of
> 
> Previous chapter: the Survey Corps takes control of Eren Yeager and runs their first mission. A Female Titan appears and causes heavy casualties, including most Levi's squad. Erwin and Levi help each other grieve.

* * *

 

 **Warning for anime-only readers : this update contain ****HEAVY SPOILERS up to and including Chapter 51 of the manga! ** This is well past the anime storyline, which ends at Chapter 33. I'm sorry; I really thought season 2 would be out by the time I got to this part of the story. :(

DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPOIL SEASON 2 PLOT POINTS.

* * *

**-41-**

**Love (Part 1)**

Erwin awoke to the sensation of cloth draping around his shoulders. His cheek was pressed to the surface of his desk; he lifted it in time to see Levi walking toward the door. The lamp was low.

"Levi?" He sat up, and the black suit jacket nearly slid off his shoulders; he caught it just in time.

"Oh. You're awake." Levi turned to him. "You looked a bit cold."

"Are you going to bed?"

"Yeah. It's two in the morning."

"Dammit," muttered Erwin, rubbing his forehead. He had hoped to finish his paperwork before falling asleep, but it was too late to stay up now. "Here, I'll join you." He doused the lamp and, in the shadowed room, draped the jacket around Levi's shoulders, where it belonged. He leaned in low and said quietly, "It looks better on you, anyway."

The Karanes base was silent as they strode down the hallway toward Erwin's bedroom. The hair on the back of his neck rose. The ghosts of the deceased had followed them here. He felt their weight on his shoulders, as heavy and cold as the stone walls themselves.

But when Levi lit the lamp in the bedroom, the room filled with a soft orange glow, and the ghosts faded. Now it was only the two of them again. They undressed and crawled into bed, on their sides, facing each other. Erwin reached out to gently graze the slim jawline with a knuckle. They had already had sex earlier that night, between dinner and evening rounds, but he was still craving skin-on-skin contact. He slid closer to take Levi's uninjured leg between his. The inside of those small, muscular thighs always radiated heat.

"Any update on the background checks?" asked Levi.

Erwin shook his head. Based on where the Female Titan had appeared within the formation, they had narrowed down any potential moles to a small subset of Dita's squad, mostly consisting of new recruits from the 104th Trainee Squad. There had been several other teams who might have come under suspicion, but the majority of them had been wiped out by the Female Titan during the mission. "My usual sources are hesitant to work with me while the Survey Corps is under such intense scrutiny, so I have to follow proper bureaucratic channels this time. I expect it will take a week or two."

"That's too long."

"I know, but we don't have any alternatives."

Levi snorted. "I used to wonder why you resorted to blackmail and bribery."

Erwin smiled. "A pity we don't have clear pathways for either now. In the meantime, I'm going to send the suspects to an isolated location. Mike's strongest team can supervise them."

"Yeah? Where are you going to send them?"

"Not sure yet. I'm meeting with a contact tomorrow to try to secure a safe house, somewhere isolated. I don't want it to be anywhere with military connection, in case other branches are compromised. If our enemies have spies in the Corps, they probably have spies in the Garrison and MP as well."

"That reminds me," said Levi. "Eren's up and moving around again today, so tomorrow we'll head back to the abandoned base to wait until the MP escorts arrive. Nile would shit himself if he found out we're keeping him in the city."

"That's a good idea."

"I wonder if Nile-" Levi winced and grabbed at his injured leg. "Fuck."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He rubbed it. "Just weird pains again."

"You should be using a cane or crutch," said Erwin, not for the first time. "Your posture is different because of your limp, so you're stressing other muscles and ligaments-"

"I'm not using a cane. It's fine. I just need a few more days."

This argument had never gotten him anywhere, so he decided not to press it. "What were you saying about Nile?"

"I can't remember. Probably something about his pathetic excuse for a beard."

Erwin chuckled. Under the covers, he gently moved Levi's hand aside and began to rub the painful thigh, applying a bit of pressure with a knuckle. There hadn't been time for a proper massage that day.

"Mm," said Levi, eyes closing.

"That okay?"

"Yeah. Hurts like hell."

"Too much?"

"No, press harder."

Erwin complied. "I expect to join you back at the base before the MP escorts arrive. I'll need to relay our plan to you and Eren."

"So you do have a plan."

"It's still in its infancy, but I'll lock it down by then. The Female Titan wanted Eren. We're going to make sure she knows our route, its timing, and the fact that he's about to be turned over to the Military Police for execution."

Levi pushed off his chest so he could eye him. "You're going to bait her _inside_ the Walls?"

"There's no alternative. We're out of time if we want to keep Eren alive."

"The collateral damage-"

"We're out of time," said Erwin, more firmly. "If she's a member of Dita's squad, as we suspect, then Mike's squad will contain her. If not, we can assume she'll try to attack us in an uninhabited area between cities, because that's where our gear will be nearly useless. The chances of collateral damage will be low."

Levi was still eyeing him.

"Levi?"

"My best squad couldn't take her out. Eren couldn't take her out. I was the only one who was able to neutralize her, and my leg is fucked. If she attacks where none of you can use gear-"

"Eren didn't have our help when he faced her," said Erwin. "There's plenty we can do to aid him from the ground, even if it's as simple as distracting her with MP gunfire and impromptu trip wires."

"If you don't know where she might attack, you won't even be able to set traps."

"Like I said, it's the beginning of a plan. There's no telling if she would attack us at all." Erwin paused. "But if she did, the appearance of a titan within the Walls would certainly give weight to our case at the summons. If we can show we anticipated and trapped a titan shifter, every single Council member would understand we're the best equipped to fight this war. It would open us up to get what we truly need in terms of supplies, resources and permission. It's as you said: the Council is so far removed from the titans that they don't understand what we're up against. They feel too safe."

Levi's frown was deeper than usual.

Erwin's face softened. "We can't let them take Eren away from humanity, Levi, no matter what the cost."

"I know. I get it. I just wish they hadn't backed us into this corner."

"I agree. With any luck, we'll have more information soon, and we can refine this plan to give us a better chance of success."

Levi leaned in close, nuzzling under his chin.

.*.*.*.

Erwin overslept by almost an hour the next morning; Levi must have given the other squads orders not to wake him. A mug of coffee was on the desk, along with a buttered scone and a note: "You needed your rest."

Erwin smiled and lifted the mug to his lips. The drink was cold, but especially smooth and flavourful. _Did you go behind my back to order the accountants to splurge on the tea and coffee provisions - again?_ He should really crack down on that behaviour, but the coffee _was_ delicious.

Levi, Eren and a handful of other soldiers had already left for the abandoned base. Erwin began to work through his duties, too. First, he checked on Hange, who was already hard at work refining the titan traps. Next, he pulled Mike aside to talk about monitoring the suspected soldiers.

Once everything was in order, he settled into his office for more paperwork and planning.

He barely slept that night, only napping at his desk as he worked to refine his plans. He worked through several cups of the coffee Levi had brought for him.

Shortly before lunch on the second day, he received notice that the MP escorts would be arriving the next evening to escort them to Mitras. He sent a message to Levi to let him know he'd arrive at the abandoned base early the next morning to help him prepare.

His plan, even after two days of revisions, wasn't looking any less risky than it had before. That's why it was a relief when, shortly after dinner that day, a knock sounded at the door.

"Come in," he said, hoping for a distraction.

A timid blond head poked through the door: Armin Arlert. "Is this a bad time, Commander?"

Erwin set down his pen. "Not at all. Please come in." It wasn't typical for new recruits to address him directly, but he could tell by the stress on the boy's face that this was urgent.

Armin stepped into the room, followed closely by Mikasa Ackerman. The two made a strange pair: Armin's head was bowed, his steps light, as if he were trying not to disturb the carpet with his footsteps. Mikasa strode with a confidence and strength that reminded him of Levi, shoulders square, chin high.

A third recruit followed them at a distance. He had a leanness about him that made him look deceptively tall, with a jaw that was already squaring with early adulthood. Erwin tried to recall the names of the 104th recruits who weren't in isolation with Mike. Jean Kirstein. Graduated sixth in his class.

The three soldiers stood in a row in front of the desk and drew into firm salutes.

"Armin, Mikasa, Jean," he said in greeting, and their eyes all widened a little, as if they didn't expect him to know their names. "What can I do for you?"

He expected them to ask to be transferred to the same base as Eren - a request he was happy to grant - so he was surprised when Armin replied, "We think we've figured out the identity of the Female Titan."

"I see," said Erwin, his pulse doubling. "Please, take a seat." He gestured at the empty chairs around the room, still in disarray from his meeting with Mike's squad the day before.

The three pulled up chairs. Armin began to speak, his voice shaking at first, but gaining strength as he continued.

The evidence was circumstantial at best, but there was enough of it to make a compelling argument against one of their classmates, Annie Leonhart. Erwin recognized her as the only soldier of the 104th Southern Trainee Squad top ten who had elected to join the Military Police instead of the Survey Corps.

Aside from a physical resemblance, the Female Titan used Annie's distinctive combat style, knew what Eren looked like, and, according to Armin, had reacted to his use of Eren's nickname, "suicidal bastard."

"As well," continued Armin, "when we did the gear inspection after Squad Leader Hange's titan specimens were killed, Annie didn't bring her own gear. The marks and dings were distinctive to the gear of one of our classmates who was killed during the attack on Trost, Marco Bott."

All three of them looked grim at the mention of the deceased's name, particularly Jean, his hands tightening into fists.

"You think she used her own gear to kill the titan specimens, then switched gear with a deceased soldier before the inspection?" asked Erwin, taking notes.

"Yes sir."

"Why didn't you report that she was using different gear at the time?"

Armin looked down, frowning. "It didn't really sink in until we started talking about the Female Titan and all the pieces started coming together."

"I see. Is anyone in your graduating class friends with Annie?" Maybe this was an easy way to find out the identities of other titan shifters.

The three soldiers looked at each other.

"Eren and I are probably the closest thing she has to friends," said Armin. "Especially Eren. They used to train hand-to-hand combat together a lot. And she didn't kill me on the field once she realized who I was - I guess she has a soft spot for me. That's why I think..." He trailed off.

Jean nudged him.

"Go ahead," said Erwin.

"If you're still trying to capture her, we might be able to use Eren and me to lure her in. She's stationed in Stohess, which Eren will be passing through on the way to Wall Sina. Maybe we could pretend we're trying to help Eren escape, and we need someone on the inside to get us past the Military Police checkpoints."

The spark of a plan caught flame in Erwin's mind. "We could pretend I sanctioned your escape. Logic would dictate that we would be reluctant to hand over Eren to the Council. We could ostensibly send you and Eren on the run, under the guise that we were buying time to dig up more evidence to sway the Council's decision." His eyes narrowed at the page as he wrote notes, considering. "You and Eren could approach Annie and say you needed help - perhaps you need her MP connections to get through the checkpoints so you could hide outside the city." This could work. Stohess was where Nile was stationed; if they captured the Female Titan right under Nile's nose, he might finally acknowledge what they were up against. "In fact, the MP will already have their soldiers patrolling while we're passing through, as part of the security surrounding Eren's transportation. It should be relatively easy to determine where she'll be patrolling in advance."

"I could approach her alone to make her more likely to agree," said Armin. "It's Eren she wants. She'd have to follow me in order to get to him. But where would we take her?"

Erwin strode to a cupboard and rummaged through the rolled-up maps until he found one of Stohess. "Though the Underground is primarily located within Wall Sina, there are a few abandoned tunnels in Stohess, and some of them go quite a distance. If you could lure her into one of these tunnels, where she can't transform, we might be able to force her into a surrender."

The three soldiers exchanged glances again.

"Annie is smart," said Mikasa flatly. "She won't be lured in easily."

"If she refuses, then that does a great deal to confirm her identity. We would consider this plan A." Erwin unrolled the Stohess map on his desk and weighted the corners, then pulled out wooden markers. His finger traced the road between the external and internal gate, his eyes scanning for the optimal location to stage an attack. There was a tunnel entrance only a few blocks from the main route, surrounded by plenty of high buildings, and a long distance from the open park grounds that would make their gear useless. He marked the tunnel entrance with a red marker and placed smaller markers around other nearby exits, then marked a perimeter of two blocks. "If you can lure her to this area, I'll have soldiers in disguise as townsfolk, ready to intervene if she refuses to cooperate."

"She'll probably transform into a titan," said Armin, leaned closer to look at the map.

"At that point, Eren can transform and engage her. That will be our plan B." Erwin studied the map. Having only one backup plan wasn't enough. They had underestimated their foe in the forest battle; they couldn't do so again. Levi had been correct in noting that Eren, alone, was unable to take out Annie.

Besides, the potential for collateral damage was a problem if they were going to encourage a titan battle in the middle of the city. They wanted Wall Sina to understand the titan threat, but they wanted to avoid needless deaths, too. Their disguised soldiers would evacuate the area of civilians first, but that wasn't going to be enough.

His finger skated along a direct route toward the open park area near one of the MP barracks, close to the Wall. Halfway along this route was a narrow corridor with plenty of high buildings. "As our plan C, we'll have Squad Leader Hange set up several traps in this corridor. If our plans A and B fail, we need to make sure we restrain her before she does too much damage to the city. The traps would have worked in the forest if she hadn't called the other titans to consume her; she'll find that impossible to do within Wall Sina."

"How do we know she'll go that way?" said Jean.

Armin's eyes were shining. "Because she knows all the strengths and weaknesses of military technology, so she'll aim for strategic advantage. She'll head for that park because it's open ground, where our 3DMG will be useless. That will force Eren into hand-to-hand combat again; she knows she can defeat him one-on-one."

Erwin studied the boy, impressed by his strategic acumen. _And he's still so young yet. I see now why Berit spoke so highly of him._

Aloud, he said, "That's exactly right, Armin, and that's why we need to keep her isolated in 3DMG-friendly areas. We saw what she did to Eren one-on-one last time. He'll need our support, particularly as our best soldier is injured, and our second-best soldier is away on another mission."

Mikasa looked down with a sudden grimace. Perhaps she was considering her role in Levi's injury. It was important for her to learn from her mistakes, but he hoped she wasn't taking it too hard. Regret would only make her hesitate next time she was in a dire situation.

"Mikasa," he said, "Captain Levi speaks very highly of your fighting skills. In his absence, you will be our top fighter. Do what you can to disable her so Eren can take her down more easily. Take risks if you need to, but you're a valuable asset to the Survey Corps yourself, so make sure those risks are calculated."

She nodded resolutely. "Sir."

Working together with the three of them, he formalized their plan. They would present the MP escorts with a decoy disguised as Eren; Eren, meanwhile, would ride in another cart with the Survey Corps soldiers, his identity obscured by rain gear. Once the carts were inside Stohess, Armin would approach Annie. They would attempt to use the tunnel as a safe, undetectable shortcut. At that point, their plans and contingency plans would be in motion.

Jean reluctantly volunteered to dress as Eren. With a wig and the right clothes, he would pass reasonably well as Eren - well enough that Nile and the other MP wouldn't notice, at any rate. There might be better matches elsewhere in the Survey Corps, but they needed to make sure their decoy was someone they could trust. Since Jean hadn't been in the group of recruits who had been told Eren's location was in the right flank, and since Armin and Mikasa seemed to trust him, Erwin saw no reason to be suspicious of him.

Once this part of the plan had been locked down, Erwin looked up and saw the glassy, sunken eyes of his recruits. It was well past time for them to sleep. He sent them to bed and continued working, drinking more coffee. He could sleep in the carriage on the way to Stohess.

At reveille, he found Hange in the lab; it seemed he hadn't been the only one passing a sleepless night. After they had discussed the plans, Moblit began to pack the traps, while Hange and Nifa went to prepare their squad members to dress as civilians.

By the time they were ready, it was nearing noon. Levi and Eren would be waiting for them. Erwin pulled aside Armin, Mikasa and Jean; they rode to the abandoned base by horseback, pushing the horses hard. They had to be sure to have Eren up to speed with the plan before the MP escorts arrived.

They left the horses with a couple soldiers at the stables and found Levi and Eren in the dining hall. Levi was dressed in a casual shirt that left his neck and collarbones exposed, and Erwin felt his breath catch at the sight. It caught him off guard, on occasion, how Levi could look so fragile and powerful at once, a strange mixture of petite bone structure and obvious muscle.

But there was no time to ogle. He apologized for being late, and they all sat down at the table to discuss the plan. Levi followed along with only a few questions, but Eren was more reluctant. The idea that Annie could be the Female Titan seemed to be impossible to him. His three friends worked hard to convince him to go along with the plan, but Eren's expression was hollow, his eyes distant.

When the four recruits went downstairs to help Jean get into disguise, Erwin watched them leave, jaw tight. "He doesn't believe Annie is the Female Titan."

"Eren?" Levi set down the mission brief. "No, he doesn't. Or at least he doesn't want to believe it."

"Do you think that will be a problem?"

"Yes," said Levi flatly. "The transformation experiments he did with Hange showed he needs to have a clear goal in mind in order to transform. We had a better chance of him taking her down when he didn't know who she was." He folded his arms over his chest. "I'm bringing my gear."

"No. You're unfit for the field."

"My leg is getting better."

"I saw you rubbing it while we were talking. If you push your injury too far, it might not heal properly, and then you'd be out of commission permanently."

Levi raised his chin, his gaze strong. "And if we lose Eren, everything's over. Make me your plan D. If everything else fails, I can cut him out of his titan and pull him out of danger."

Erwin's eyes searched his. "You aren't going to take no for an answer, are you?"

"No. If you really think this is a bad idea, then order me not to do it. But we both know we need as many failsafes as possible. You've said before Eren's more important to humanity than anyone. That includes me."

He was correct, and Erwin knew he couldn't place his desire to protect Levi's wellbeing above his duty to protect Eren. "Very well. Bring your gear, but you are not to deploy unless it looks like Eren is going to die or go feral. And Levi." Erwin leaned forward, face solemn. "Let me handle Nile. He's going to resist the plan, and he might panic and threaten me. Do not intervene. I can talk him into it."

Levi nodded. "Okay."

Their gaze held for a moment longer, then Levi turned and left the room. Erwin fell into step beside him. They made their way to the Captain's room, where the Captain pulled off his shirt and began to button up a grey dress shirt instead.

Erwin settled against the wall and watched as Levi's small fingers worked at the buttons, then tied the cravat into place. The cravat-tying mannerisms were distinctly Levi: the tuck, the graceful flick of his wrist to send the ruffles cascading out the front, and a smooth with each hand to make sure it was aligned properly. He stepped forward to let Erwin do the final adjustment, a step that was always unnecessary, but appreciated. The warm scent of lemon and hair oils rose to Erwin's nose, and he subtly breathed in, savouring it.

The last touch was the jacket Levi had taken from the apartment. It hung around his shoulders like a shawl, arms dangling halfway down his thighs. He stood tall, favouring his good leg. "My gear is already downstairs."

"Then I guess you're all set. We'll have Hange's squad bring it with them, along with mine, and they can deliver them to us if necessary." Erwin quietly closed the door and stepped in close, bending down to kiss him, but the small mouth was tense. He pulled away. "What's wrong?"

Levi looked away. "This plan. It's risky. We've never been this close to losing the Survey Corps before."

"Maybe not for awhile, but we've been in an ongoing struggle to prove our relevance since the Corps was first formed. It came very close to shutting down under Shadis' command, right before you joined."

"You mean right before you came up with the Long-Distance Scouting Formation and started saving lives."

Erwin smiled at the compliment. "Keith's mistake was thinking he had to be fully in control of strategy. If he had listened to his subordinates' suggestions sooner, he wouldn't have needlessly cast away so many lives or caused so much political strife. I won't make the same mistake. This operation is so precarious that we have to draw from the skills of everyone at our disposal: Eren's titan powers, Hange's traps, Armin's strategy, Mikasa's combat. We don't have a Sahlo or Lobov to blackmail, so we have to legitimately win the Council's favour using all our resources."

"I think," said Levi, "this is the first time I've ever missed that fucker Sahlo."

Erwin chuckled. "Well, we'll make do with what we have."

Levi pulled him down by his bolo tie for a kiss.

.*.*.*.

In the minutes leading up to their escort's scheduled arrival, Levi sat in a chair in the doorway of Eren's bedroom, facing inwards. Jean was chained to the bed, dressed in a wig. His head was down, lights dim.

"This will never work," muttered Jean.

"It won't if you keep talking." Levi tipped the chair back, trying to stretch his leg. Footsteps sounded at the end of the hallway; he cocked his head to listen. Sounded like at least five people, maybe six. They were still afraid of Eren, then.

His guess was correct: Erwin approached him, followed by three MP soldiers and, most surprisingly, Nile.

Levi let all four chair legs slam to the floor. "The hell are _you_ doing all the way out here, shitbeard? Did you piss off Zackly, or did Marie finally kick you out?"

Nile's mouth flattened. "I'm here to ensure nothing goes wrong while we transport dangerous cargo."

"Your 'dangerous cargo' is a fifteen-year-old kid who was responsible for helping the bulk of the Survey Corps escape the real threat to humanity."

"Levi," said Erwin quietly.

He scowled, but closed his mouth and held up the key to the shackles.

Once they had safely loaded Jean into the transport carriage, Levi felt himself breathe again. Nile hadn't even batted an eye at Jean. The disguise was working.

Nile mounted his horse and circled back to them. "Remember, you're in police custody now: any command these officers give you holds the same weight as if it came directly from me."

"You won't be riding with us?" asked Erwin politely.

"I'm riding ahead to make sure the roads are clear and the police guards are in place. We aren't taking any chances." Nile pointed to a small carriage near the back of the caravan. "That's for the two of you."

The carriage was smaller than the others, but comparable in size to the ones they usually rode to the Capital. Erwin and Levi boarded, then locked the door.

Once the carriage started moving, Levi slid closer. "Looks like they bought it."

"Yes."

"You think this will work?" Levi rested a cheek on a broad shoulder.

"Yes," said Erwin again, and Levi felt better, even though the shoulder beneath him was tense.

"Did you sleep last night?"

"No."

"Then sleep."

Erwin glanced at him, face unreadable. "I'm a bit too tense. I was hoping to unwind a bit."

"Oh?"

A hand dropped to his good knee, then began to slide up his thigh. Levi shivered.

"Not even going to wait until we're through the Trost gates, huh? Did you forget to jerk off while we were apart?"

"I was too distracted." Erwin kissed his forehead, lingering a little too long.

"Even with how horny you've been lately?" Levi reached between the broad legs and found him already hard. "You've gotta take care of this thing. It's not good for you to be pent up. Not good for your pants, either. You're gonna wear a hole through them."

Hot breath rumbled in his ear: "But you're so much better at it."

Levi shivered again. "I want to fuck you against the bench, but I can't with my leg like this."

"Next time, then." Lips closed around his earlobe, sucking for a moment, then released. "Let's just start kissing a bit and see what happens." The lips trailed down his neck. "I wonder, do you still have that sensitive spot here?"

"What sensitive-" began Levi, but then Erwin started aggressively kissing a spot along his neck muscle, and his breath caught.

"I discovered it last time. I don't remember it being here before - or maybe I somehow missed it, all these years." Erwin sucked the skin.

The sensation was so strong it was almost a tickle. Levi yelped, squirming away, but broad arms clamped around him, pulling him closer.

"Fuck!"

"I wonder what happens if I keep kissing it."

Levi tried to push his way free, but his muscles had liquefied. "Stop," he begged.

Erwin stopped. "Too much?"

It took him a minute to catch his breath. "No, it's just not fair. The only place that does that to you is your nipples, and they're buried under your uniform."

"Well, that's not the only place."

"Your asshole's buried, too." Levi closed his eyes as he felt kisses trail down his neck again. He tried to angle himself so they would cross the same sensitive area as before, but Erwin was respecting his wishes and avoiding it. The teasing was even more unbearable. "You don't really have to stop."

"Mm?"

"Do it again."

"You sure?" Erwin kissed around the spot, as if contemplating.

Levi groaned. "Come on!"

"I _am_ curious how all that squirming would feel while I'm inside you. Especially with the vibrations from the carriage."

"Okay, but don't come inside me. It's too hot in here to sit around with wet pants."

Erwin pulled him gently onto his lap and began to kiss his neck again, fingers working at their belts. Levi shifted, trying to get comfortable.

"You okay?"

"My fucking leg. Here." He carefully rotated so his back was to Erwin.

"Better?"

"Yeah." He could brace his good foot against the floor for leverage. "I won't be able to ride you very fast, though."

"It's okay. We'll be slow and gentle." Erwin kissed below his ear, then worked his way down again. "I could kiss you like this for hours."

Levi arched his neck into the hot breaths, and he felt every hair on his body stand on end. Too impatient to wait hours, he grabbed Erwin's hand and pulled it between his legs.

Erwin's breath hitched as he rubbed along the inseam. "You're so warm." His other hand smoothed Levi's chest, and as his lips found the same sensitive spot as before, Levi cried out, squirming back against him. The lump beneath his ass hardened even more.

This was too much attention and not enough, all at the same time. The mouth working at his neck made him dizzy, but the firm hand in the centre of his chest held him fast, so he couldn't pull away. The hand between his legs was slowly rubbing, just barely providing friction. He could hear the increasing harshness in Erwin's breath over the rattle of the carriage, feel the hardening lump rutting slowly against his ass. He felt himself thrash, felt the arm around his chest tighten.

"Please," he whimpered, not really sure what he was asking.

Erwin's hands moved to his belt buckles, and the first skin contact made Levi cry out.

"Sorry," said Erwin.

"What?" gasped Levi.

"You didn't want me to get your pants wet. You're already dripping."

Levi looked down and saw the glistening skin of the large hand wrapped around him, and decided a little dampness was okay. He thrust into it a few times, transfixed by the sight.

"Shit, that looks hot."

"Hm?" Erwin leaned over his shoulder. "Ah. Yes, it does. We can keep doing this for awhile, if you like."

"No, I need you inside me." Levi shifted, pulling his pants down his hips. "Did you bring oil?"

"In the bag under the seat."

"Okay. Pull your pants off." As Levi bent down to retrieve the oil, he heard belt buckles behind him.

When he returned to the bench, he drizzled oil in his hand and reached for Erwin, holding eye contact. As his grip tightened, eyelids drooped over the blue eyes, shaky puffs of air sliding from the thick lips. He looked so handsome and so utterly fixated on him that Levi's head spun. He leaned in for a moment so they could share a kiss.

Then they shifted back into position, Levi's back to Erwin, positioned carefully over his lap. He felt hands cup his ass.

"So firm," breathed Erwin, as if he didn't realize he was saying the words aloud.

Levi reached between his legs to grab him. He began to lower himself around him, tolerating the pain in his leg.

The hands on his ass tightened. "Wait. You won't be ready."

"I'm relaxed enough. It's fine."

"It's been a few days-"

"Just take it slowly." Levi was too impatient for fingers. He slowly lowered himself, working him in and out. Erwin was so swollen that the fit was tighter than usual, and the stretch tingled.

"Fuck," whispered Levi, drawing out the word.

He couldn't see Erwin from this angle, but fingers curled into his hips, and he could tell by their tension that the man was carefully holding back. Slowly, slowly Levi worked his way down, until they were fully joined. He sat there for a moment, letting his body adjust, feeling the vibrations from the carriage jolting through them.

Erwin let out a low, agonized groan and throbbed inside him.

"Kiss me again," said Levi, and he began to rock. Erwin found that sweet spot on his neck.

It was too much stimulation; Levi gasped for air, falling and clumsy. Erwin counterthrust below him to keep the rhythm going; the hands around his hips guided his movements. Levi closed his hands over Erwin's, both of them clawing into his skin.

The rhythm was slow, but persistent, and so was the mouth on his neck. Sweat trailed down Levi's temples, the tip of his nose. Even without either of them touching him, he felt himself getting closer. After several minutes, the build had plateaued, and he knew he had gone as far as he could without touch. "Erwin-"

"God, your neck," whispered Erwin into his skin, voice cracking. His thrusts, though still slow, were getting more forceful, and he was rock hard. "Touch yourself."

"Yeah?" gasped Levi reflexively as he grabbed himself.

"Yeah. Touch yourself for me."

Levi clenched his teeth, head tilting back. He was already close. "I'm going to come."

Erwin gasped, moving hard and fast.

 _Harder. Harder..._ Too late, Levi realized he hadn't set a rag aside. He cupped his other hand around the tip, trying to catch everything, but when he tipped over the edge, he lost control of his limbs. He fell back against Erwin, crying out and shaking.

Then he was still, and the only sounds were the rattling of the carriage and they breaths. The air was damp with sweat. Erwin was holding him tightly from behind, still hard inside him.

Levi opened his eyes. He had missed his hand almost completely, and the bulk of the mess was on the floor. "Shit."

"Here." Erwin reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.

Levi slowly detached himself - he was so over-stimulated that he shuddered - and wiped the oil away, then pulled up his pants.

Then he sat next to Erwin. "Your turn."

"What do you want me to do?"

Levi unbuckled the man's chest strap and began to unbutton the white dress shirt beneath it. "Just sit there." The shirt fell open. He bent down and smoothed the hair away, then circled his tongue around a nipple.

"Fuck," breathed Erwin, chest muscles tightening.

Levi hummed a response into the sensitive flesh, then began to gently suck, flicking with his tongue. He began to stroke Erwin with his other hand. The Commander gasped and melted back against the bench, thrusting into his grip so violently that he kept throwing off Levi's rhythm.

"Levi-"

He gave an encouraging hum.

The he felt Erwin shove the handkerchief into place; his free hand curled around Levi's head, pulling him hard against this chest. After several spasms, he sagged back into the seat.

Levi kissed his nipple one last time, then pulled away. He kissed the tip of Erwin's nose.

Then he pulled out a clean handkerchief and sank to his knees, cleaning up the mess he had left on the floor. It was an unsatisfactory cleaning job, and he wished he had a bucket of soap and a scrub brush. The next person to use the carriage was going to wonder why the whole thing stank of semen.

When he returned to the bench, he found Erwin unmoving, face red-streaked and damp, blond hair plastered to his forehead. The front of his shirt and pants were still undone, and he was already going soft, lying limp against his clothed thigh. He looked so satisfied, so relaxed that Levi felt his lips curve into a smile.

 _My fiancé._ It was the first time the words had ever felt right. He loved this vulnerable man beneath the mask, just as much as he loved the hardened, pragmatic Commander who would lead humanity to victory. _My fiancé..._

But as he thought of their future, he heard the carriage rattle, smelled the familiar must of the hired stagecoach, remembered the MPs who rode in the caravan with them. His smile faded.

"Hey." He sat beside Erwin. "Get dressed. We don't know when they'll check on us next."

The blond eyelashes parted, and blue eyes focused on him, pupils soft. Their gaze held, and Erwin's lips curved into a smile that echoed the one Levi had given him moments earlier. "Hello, my fiancé."

Levi's cheeks warmed. "None of that cheesy shit. You have to sleep properly before we get to Stohess. You're no good to us on no sleep, and this mission is important."

"I suppose you're right." Erwin groggily sat upright and cleaned himself up, then began to fix his uniform. They fixed his hair together, then locked the bed slab into place.

As they lay together, Levi felt a kiss on the back of his head.

"Thank you," whispered Erwin.

"For what?"

"For distracting me. For taking care of me and bringing me peace."

"Well, you do the same for me. Now get some sleep."

Their hands interlaced, and a moment later, he heard Erwin's breaths behind him, steady and soft.

.*.*.*.

Their peace ended when the carriage stopped. Levi opened his eyes, then, remembering where they were, sat upright. The checkpoint to enter Stohess. "We're here."

Erwin sat up, too, blinking and rubbing his eyes. "Already? Are you sure?"

Levi moved the curtain to peer out the window. He saw the Wall Rose gate, and a group of MPs speaking with the driver of the carriage in front of them. "Yeah."

The gate lifted. They sat silently as the carriage began to move again, waiting for a sign that their plan was in motion.

They didn't have to wait long. They were only about halfway through the city when the caravan stopped.

Levi glanced at Erwin; the thick brows were low, his jaw clenched. Through the door, they could hear Nile barking orders.

Erwin reached for the door, but Levi stopped him. His throat was so tight that he could barely manage the words: "Be safe."

Their gaze held for a moment, then Erwin surprised him by leaning in for a firm kiss. It wasn't like him to drop his Commander role once he had melded into it.

He didn't have time to consider it, because they door opened. They climbed out of the carriage.

"Nile," said Erwin, "deploy all your troops. We need to assume a titan has appeared."

Nile spun to face them, his eyes wide. "Here? This is Wall Sina!"

Levi quietly scanned their surroundings as the two Commanders spoke. At least a dozen MP surrounded them, guns drawn but not aimed, looking frantically at each other for support. In the distance, he could hear shouts. Was that smoke he smelled?

He pulled the jacket tighter around his shoulders, his muscles physically aching to go lend support. He stood close to Erwin's back, eyeing the MP around them.

There was more shouting behind them, this voice decidedly younger. He turned to see Jean jump out of the carriage and throw his wig to the ground. The boy ran up to them and saluted.

"Commander! I want to help."

Erwin gave him orders, but before Jean could run off, Levi added, "I like your enthusiasm, but don't get yourself killed." They couldn't afford any more deaths.

"Sir!"

As Jean ran away, one of Hange's squad members hurried up to them with Erwin's 3DMG case. The Commander quickly buckled it on.

"Erwin," barked Nile.

 _I should be going out there with you._ Levi curled into himself. If he had taken Erwin's advice and used a cane, would his leg be in better shape now? Or would it be even more stiff? If only he had given Mikasa better instructions in the forest, he wouldn't have needed to interfere...

Erwin strode forward in full battle gear, barking orders to the other Survey Corps soldiers in the area.

Nile stepped forward and lowered his gun, the barrel aimed squarely at Erwin. The other MP followed his lead, aiming their guns.

Levi tensed. He had a knife strapped to his calf, beneath his pant leg. Could he bend down, grab it, and throw it before Nile got a shot off? ...could he actually throw a knife at Nile, after having drinks with him, with his wife, meeting his kids?

He took a steadying breath. Erwin had said to let him handle Nile. Maybe this could be resolved without violence.

"This is treason!" Nile's hands were shaking, sweat dripping down his temples.

Levi could hold his blade, but not his tongue. "Nile, are your brains as thin as your beard? You're about to make the biggest mistake of your life. You don't even understand what's happening here."

Nile ignored him. "Take off your gear."

But Erwin only stared down the barrel, unflinching.

A flash of yellow light lit up the sky.

Levi's breath caught. _Eren. We're on plan B._

Two MP soldiers landed in front of Nile, drenched with sweat. "Sir, two titans are fighting in the city. Scores of civilians and soldiers are wounded and killed."

"Erwin," snarled Nile. "Is this all the result of your plan?" This snarl was different than his previous tone: it was a wounded snarl. Heartbroken. Levi felt a pang of sympathy for the man, seeing his best friend willingly destroy the city he had sworn to protect. He couldn't blame him for being upset. Even as someone who fully supported the plan, the thought of so many casualties made his stomach churn, too.

"I acted entirely on my own authority," said Erwin. "I don't intend to make any excuses."

Nile's eyes flashed; he lowered his gun and grabbed the man's collar. "You had to have known what this plan of yours would have caused in the middle of city. Why? Why did you do it?

"For humanity's victory," said Erwin calmly.

"Don't give me that! You're a traitor. None of the higher-ups would complain if I executed you right now." The barrel raised to his face again.

Levi's hands tightened into fists. Red began to cloud his vision.

But Erwin spoke before the rage took over: "If you wish. But you'll be in charge afterwards. Do not let the Female Titan escape. Pehr is in charge of logistics; Beirer is in charge of supplies. Work with them and do whatever it takes-"

"Wait," said Nile. "Wait." He looked as if he were about to crumble to his knees, his face white. "Do you really think this is for humanity's sake?"

"I believe it will serve as a step forward."

Levi watched, coiled and ready to spring.

But Nile, shaking, lowered his gun. "Everyone, lower your guns. Cuff him. Deploy all troops and focus on aiding and evacuation the citizens."

Levi took a deep breath as the other MPs ran off to deploy their teams.

"Erwin," said Nile, "I'll leave your execution to the courts."

"I'll gladly submit to that once everything is over." Erwin turned to his Captain, face grim. "Levi, you stay put. You don't like pointless death."

 _He's protecting me, keeping me out of whatever the Council will do to him._ "Yeah," said Levi. "I'm not fond of causing it or experiencing it." He couldn't shake the feeling that every death and injury befalling the people of Stohess was on his shoulders.

There was still a chance he might be able to contribute to the protection of the city.

As the MP led Erwin away, Levi quietly moved to the carriage that held his gear. If he was going to be their Plan D, he needed to be ready.

Even buckling the gear made his leg twinge, and he cursed under his breath. He gently took off Erwin's jacket and folded it, setting it in his gear case, and pulled on a Survey Corps cloak instead.

Once he was ready, he sank his anchors into an overhang and launched himself onto a roof, using gas to soften the landing. He hopped between buildings, relying heavily on the gas to keep pressure off his injury. Maneuvering through the air was difficult; his injured leg couldn't exert much force against the stirrup, so he overcompensated with his good leg, flying unevenly. He had never felt awkward on the gear before. Even in the Underground, self-taught, he had mastered it almost immediately. _So this is what Isabel went through when she was struggling to learn it._

As he approached Hange's team, he could see the traps, already deployed, but the Female Titan and the squad were absent. The buildings around it had been destroyed. Injured and dead soldiers lay in the streets. His stomach turned. _I should have been here, I should have-_

He heard a roar as blue light flashed through the air.

He quickened his pace and burst toward the open park by the Wall. All at once, he saw Mikasa anchored to the Wall, the Female Titan on the ground, Eren's titan pinning her down as if to eat Annie Leonhart inside, and Hange's squad watching helplessly from the rooftops. The blue light was coming from the two titans; the Female Titan appeared to be siphoning energy from Eren, almost as if they were fusing.

 _Shit!_ Levi launched forward without thinking. His leg twinged as he landed on the back of Eren's titan, his swords slicing into the nape.

Eren burst from the flesh, eyes rolling back into his head, his face and hands still bound to the titan by strings of sinew.

"Don't eat our key evidence, idiot," said Levi.

Around them, the blue glow faded.

Mikasa landed beside him. "Eren." She looped her arms through his, struggling to pull him free. Levi sliced through the extra sinew, helping her free him. Together, they carried him to the ground.

Deciding Eren was in good hands, Levi left him with Mikasa and limped toward Hange.

"I thought you were injured," said Hange.

"I am."

The Squad Leader gripped his shoulder, a quick show of support, then strode forward. "She's...crystallized?"

So she was: a thick casing of translucent, blue-tinted stone covered Annie Leonhart's entire body. Levi stepped forward to examine the face of the girl who had killed his entire squad. She looked young and surprisingly helpless, her face visibly damp with tears. He recalled the tears he had seen the Female Titan shed in the forest. _She's just a child. What is she fighting for?_

He became aware of a continual clanging, and realized Jean was stabbing at the crystal with a broken sword. He understood that rage, but it was futile; the crystal was the same substance she had used to coat her hand in the forest. Even their blades, sharp and strong as they were, couldn't cut through it. He caught Jean's arm to stop him.

Beside them, Hange was studying the crystal, lost in thought. He imagined they were thinking the same thing: _After all that, how are we supposed to question a crystal?_

Well, at least they could move her underground, where she couldn't transform into a titan again. Storing evidence was Hange's duty; his, right now, was to make sure Erwin was safe. He turned and limped toward the city.

He found Erwin still in manacles, standing with Nile and his MP escorts. All of them stared at the steaming remains of the two titans. Levi stepped past Erwin and stopped, standing protectively between him and his captors.

"Seems the plan wasn't much of a success," said Levi, just loudly enough for him to hear.

"No," said Erwin, "but I'd say the Survey Corps is in the clear for now, just barely."

Levi cast him a sidelong glance. "Let's hope so." He could protect Erwin from dying on the battlefield, but he couldn't protect him from the law. The word _execution_ was still echoing in his mind. "You think you can convince them?"

"We took the Female Titan out of the equation - who knows what she was planning to do while in Stohess? Any losses we incurred now would have been hundreds of times worse if our enemies took down Wall Rose and Sina."

"Okay, that's enough," said Nile, closing in on them. "Let's go, Erwin."

"What's your hurry?" said Levi. "Shouldn't your soldiers be helping us secure the traitor we captured, instead of wasting time locking down a cooperative man who has already surrendered?"

"Just five more minutes, if you please, Nile," said Erwin quietly.

Nile sighed and turned, giving orders to his men. Several of them began to run toward the crystallized girl to assist Hange's squad.

Erwin turned to face Levi. "There will be an impromptu assembly shortly to figure out how to respond to my actions today. We need to make sure Hange is there to speak to the research prospects for Annie Leonhart."

"What about me?"

"You were injured and, as far as the military is concerned, had no part in this. I'd like to keep it that way."

Levi's face softened. "Are you protecting me?"

"Yes. Your role, for now, is to continue protecting Eren."

He was afraid to ask, but he had to silence the echo. "Are they going to execute you?"

"I doubt it. Ultimately, it won't slow the Survey Corps down much if they do. Eren's safety is more important than mine. I am replaceable; he is not."

Levi's lip curled. There was no one who could replace Erwin, no one who had his balance of experience, skill and foresight. Still, he had to trust that the Commander could talk his way out of whatever charges were levied against him. "Fine. I'll help them store the crystal, then I'll watch Eren. But you'd better send word the second they let you go."

"Of course." Erwin nodded at him. "Take care, Levi." It was the closest he could come to saying something more meaningful, with so many eyes on them.

"Yeah. Stay alive." Levi watched him for a moment longer, then turned, limping back toward Hange, Eren and the rest of the group.

.*.*.*.

The main Military Police barracks in Stohess had been partially destroyed by the fight, so Levi brought Eren and his friends to one of the smaller, unused barracks instead. He informed the MP he had injured soldiers with him, intentionally omitting Eren's name. The soldiers were too shaken to check identification, anyway.

They settled Eren, who was still unconscious, in a small room in the far wing of the building. Mikasa and Armin sat by his side. Jean leaned against a wall, more stoic.

Levi felt as if he were intruding. The four of them clearly had formed strong bonds during their time training together, or maybe during the attack they had faced together in Trost.

Besides, his leg was aching, and he was exhausted and worried about Erwin. The last thing he wanted to do was sit around staring at an unconscious kid while everyone around him was contemplating their mortality. He left them alone and settled into an empty room next door. He sat on the window ledge. Below him, he could see the townsfolk sweeping the streets and fixing broken glass. They were too slim and poorly dressed to be nobles; more likely, they were servants of the upper class. Even when faced with disaster in their own city, the nobles couldn't be bothered to pitch in.

 _And I was going to kill Erwin for the chance to live in Mitras - it's even worse there than Stohess._ Knowing what he did now about the noble class, he wondered how he, Farlan and Isabel had ever expected to fit in. A life of luxury and pampering would have been boring. The Underground, however, had been too far along the opposite end of the scale. A little house in a smaller city in Wall Rose would have been a nice balance: idyllic and serene.

It would be idyllic and serene now, too, if he and Erwin didn't have other duties demanding their attention. His hand rose to his chest, but then he remembered he wasn't wearing his military uniform, and he had lost the wedding ring, anyway. Instead, he caught the collar of Erwin's jacket and lifted it to his nose. He caught a whisper of cologne before his nose adjusted. The scent was fading with wear.

His eyes slipped closed and he folded his arms over his chest. It was wrong for Erwin to face the Council without Levi at his side. What was the point of leaving Levi out of it to protect him? If word reached him Erwin had been executed, he would fly into a rage, anyway, and end up in a noose himself.

 _He can talk his way out of this. If anyone can, it's Erwin_.

Then maybe they could have their little house in Wall Rose, even if it was just part time. Hell, at this point, he'd take a few nights at one of their apartments.

A knock sounded at the door, and he realized his chin was tucked to his chest and the sun had shifted a couple hours across the sky.

"Levi?" called Erwin, voice brisk. "Are you in there?"

 _He's okay,_ he thought, followed by, _That was too fast._ The hair on his neck stood on end."What's going on?"

Erwin strode in, followed by Hange. Their faces were white as they sat at the table.

"Well?" asked Levi, limping over to take a seat.

"Wall Rose has been breached."

Levi's stomach dropped. "What?"

"Titans have appeared inside Wall Rose. Mike's squad and the Garrison are mobilizing to find the breach. It appears to have come from between Krolva and Trost, but we're still waiting on word from Krolva to make sure the city wasn't lost. They would have sent runners immediately in case of an attack, so we must assume either they were immediately and decisively wiped out, or, more likely, the Wall has been breached elsewhere."

"That's impossible."

Hange said, "Annie Leonhart encasing herself in crystal was impossible before today, too."

"Shit," muttered Levi. "What's the plan?"

"Hange's squad will take Eren, Mikasa, and Armin southwest as an improvised squad. Their goal is to meet up with Mike's squad and help with the Wall effort. You will travel with them as far as Ehrmich, then part ways to head south with Minister Nick."

"Minister Nick?" Levi's gaze shifted between the two of them. "What the hell do we need him for?"

"There are titans in the Walls," blurted Hange. "The Wallists know something about them. Minister Nick ran up to me after the attacks, while you were speaking with Erwin. I tried to get information out of him, but he's not talking. He's mentioned that a bloodline is entrusted with the secret, and that's it."

"Nile gave us permission to take custody of him until we can figure out what's going on with the Wall," said Erwin. "He needs to be kept under careful protection. The other Wallists may be willing to take decisive action to ensure his silence."

"Fuck." Levi's brows furrowed; he felt a headache coming on. This was too much to deal with at once. "So I'm stuck with shitgoggles, the fresh brats and a Wallfucker. What are you doing while all this is going on, Erwin?"

"I'll only be a few hours behind you. I'll be trying to convince Nile to release MP into our custody to help fight the breach in Wall Maria, as well as following up on the background checks into our titan shifter suspects. We can't disregard the possibility that one of our soldiers somehow triggered this attack. This means I have to make a quick trip up to Mitras."

"Alone?"

"I'll have Jean with me. He sustained a minor shoulder injury during the fight, and I want to make sure he takes an extra day to heal. Besides, he's eager to help, and he reminds me a lot of Nile. I suspect Nile is more likely to listen to him than to me."

Levi remembered the boy attacking Annie's crystal in vain, and wondered if the shoulder injury had really come about in combat. "Okay. If you think that's best."

"I do."

Hange stood. "I'll go get the carriage ready and assemble my squad. Levi, I'll see you in the courtyard in ten minutes."

The door closed.

Levi held Erwin's gaze. "Another breach - are we fucked this time?"

"Possibly. We need to get Eren to the hole in the Wall as soon as possible so he can seal it. Armin and Mikasa need to be there for him to have a motive; they convinced him to transform in today's battle when he wasn't in the right mental state. If they can work together to block the hole, we might be okay."

"That's the second attack on Wall Rose in-"

"I know." Erwin stood. "As long as we're still breathing, we'll keep fighting."

Levi stood, too. "At least they didn't execute you."

"It came a little too close for comfort, but they were able to see the value in Annie Leonhart's capture." Erwin reached out and cupped his cheek. "You're shaking."

"No, I'm not." His stomach flipped; he felt as if he were about to vomit. He covered the large hand with his own, squeezing it for support. "Do you need me to question Minister Nick?"

"You can if you like, but be delicate. We want to convince him we're his allies."

"Okay."

"Stay safe. I'll see you in Ehrmich tonight." Erwin bent down. His kiss was so soft that Levi could feel the plumpness of his lips, feel the breaths from his nose.

Their hands trailed as he left the room.

.*.*.*.

Erwin sat in the carriage beside Jean. Across from them, Nile was slumped in a corner, arms folded over his chest. Another soldier Erwin didn't recognize sat beside him, back too straight, as if she were uncomfortable with being in their presence.

Beside him, Jean was staring out the window, his expression grim. Erwin knew that expression, that bitterness: the boy had lost someone, a lover or a friend, maybe a family member. He waited until Nile and the other MP were engaged in discussion over some files, then leaned a bit closer, his voice low.

"Jean."

"Mm?" The boy looked up, blinking, as if he had been deep in thought.

"Holding up okay?"

Jean held his gaze for a moment, eyes narrowing a bit, as if sizing him up. Then he shrugged and said, "Yeah, I guess."

"It's okay if the answer is no. Everyone's shaken, and we didn't have the personal connection to Leonhart that you and your classmates did. And I believe you were originally going to join the Military Police, isn't that right? It would be only natural to question your decisions now."

There was a long pause, then Jean said, "Is this a test?"

"No. But we're in a unique position here: you are going to be privy to information and conversations that new recruits aren't normally exposed to, and you and I haven't had the opportunity to develop the trust and mutual respect that normally form in advance of these types of situations." Erwin leaned closer. "If you have any doubts about serving the Survey Corps, it isn't too late. We do, on occasion, transfer soldiers between divisions, and I could put in a good word for you." Petra and Oluo flashed through his mind, then Levi motionless in the shower, but he pushed the memory aside.

Jean looked at the window again, jaw tight. "It's tempting."

"It sounds like there's a 'but' after that."

"Well, yeah. Annie and whoever else is with her took a lot from me, and if Wall Rose falls, they'll take even more. I don't want to fight, but I'd never forgive myself if I ran away and hid. Besides-" He paused and eyed Nile, as if making sure he wouldn't be overheard. "We're trying to pull them into combat now anyway, right? So it's not like I'd be any safer inside Wall Sina."

Erwin smiled. "True."

Jean slumped into the seat a little. "What about you, Commander?"

"Am I questioning my decision to join the Survey Corps?" asked Erwin, amused.

"No, I mean, how are you holding up?" The boy's shoulders tensed a little. "You don't have to answer that."

"No, it's okay. To be honest, I'm not really considering my emotional state, so I don't have an answer for you."

"You can just...not think about it?"

"After nearly two decades with the Survey Corps, a person learns to compartmentalize." Maybe he could dig a bit deeper, just this once. He needed to earn Jean's trust as much as the other way around. "Naturally, I'm concerned about the state of Wall Rose, and what it means for humanity. The increasing frequency of the attacks is worrying, as is Annie Leonhart's brazen grab for Eren. Our enemies are getting desperate, and we don't know what's driving them to escalate." He rubbed his breast pocket, feeling the small ring inside it. "I'm also concerned about what Captain Levi's absence will mean for our troops on the ground, and concerned about whether or not his leg will ever heal to its former state. But in spite of all that, I'm also full of hope."

Across from him, Nile had lifted his eyes to watch him.

"Hope?" asked Jean.

"We have Eren, and his basement key. And with Wall Rose in danger, we'll have all three branches of the military cooperating to keep the Wall citizens safe." He held Nile's gaze. The man quickly looked down.

For a moment, the only sound was the rattling carriage.

"You think he's that important?" asked Jean quietly. "Eren?"

"Yes, I do. His powers make him the most important person within the Walls."

"He couldn't even fight Annie, at first," said Jean, his voice tightening. "Armin and I had to yell at him to get him to transform."

"And he did transform, and he helped us capture Annie. That's a valuable lesson in itself, Jean: Eren is important, but he can't succeed alone. Every single soldier within these Walls brings something unique to the battlefield, a piece of the puzzle. We can help Eren succeed, but only if we work together." His gaze shifted to Nile. "All of his."

Across from them, Nile was silent.

.*.*.*.

They arrived in Mitras an hour before Zackly's appointed time, so Erwin left Jean at the barracks and strode to the nearby park. He dropped a request into the drop box: a coded message asking for more information about this mysterious bloodline that Minister Nick had said held the secret of the Walls. After casually circling the park to ensure he wasn't being watched, he sat at the usual bench with his legs crossed at the ankles, the symbol that he wanted to meet up.

He had expected a runner to arrange a proper meeting time, if his usual group was even interested in talking to him, after all the scrutiny the Survey Corps had been under lately. He was surprised when one of his usual contacts sat down beside him. She wore a plain skirt and a button-up shirt, and she carried a newspaper, which she opened.

"That was fast," he murmured, not looking at her. "I expected you would still be avoiding me."

"Your group was running too hot for us for a couple days, but government officials only care about the Wall at the moment. Heard you were on your way. The records were in rough shape, but we pieced something together for you. Ask for my newspaper when I stand up."

She stood as if to leave.

"Excuse me, ma'am," said Erwin. "Are you finished with that paper?"

"Oh, yes I am. Take it." She handed it to him. He accepted and dug in his pocket, continuing the charade.

"Here, let me pay you for-"

"No, no, that's not necessary. Have a good day." She gave him a polite smile and walked off.

He sat down with the paper and opened it. A note was taped to a page near the back.

_Two other trainees came from AL's hometown: Bertolt Hoover and Reiner Braun._

His jaw tightened. Those were two of the trainees they had sequestered away with Mike.

He stood and folded the paper, walking briskly to find Jean. He found him waiting the meeting room, looking bored. Unfortunately, there were too many others around for him to discuss what he had learned.

"Jean," said Erwin. "Come with me."

"Hey," said Nile from the table. "Don't duck out now. We're almost ready to start."

"Very well." He quickly scrawled a message for Mike and another for Hange, folding them. He handed them to Jean, along with a note indicating the Squad Leaders' expected locations. "Seal these in envelopes and hire messengers to run them to Mike and Hange as urgently as possible. I'll find you at the barracks once this meeting is over." He had hoped to have the boy at his side for the meeting, but it was far more important that the Squad Leaders knew they had been infiltrated.

Jean stood. "Yes, sir."

As he left, Nile said, "What was that about?"

"You'll know soon enough," said Erwin. Bertolt and Reiner could be his trump card.

Zackly joined them a few minutes later. With everyone present, they began the meeting ahead of schedule.

"Commander Pixis won't be joining us," said the Commander-in-Chief. "He's too busy coordinating the Garrison forces out of Trost. Erwin, am I to understand your troops will be joining them?"

"Yes, sir," said Erwin.

Zackly adjusted his spectacles as he examined a piece of paper. "And you want Nile to send MP as well."

"Impossible," said Nile. "The MP are needed to maintain order within the walls and facilitate the evacuation of Wall Rose. It's already going to be a difficult job without the Garrison's assistance. We can't spare a single soldier."

Erwin folded his hands in front of him on the table. "Nile, what if I told you we had identified two more titan shifters within the Walls - possibly the Colossal and Armoured Titans themselves?"

Nile stared, mouth open, as did the MP soldier beside him. Only Zackly remained motionless.

"How?" said Nile when he had found his voice.

"There are two more members of the 104th Trainee Squad whose records indicate they came from the same hometown as Annie Leonhart. These two soldiers were being watched by Mike's squad, and Hange is on the way to join them right now. It's possible they're involved in this breach. We'll send messengers, but who knows if they'll get there in time?" He leaned forward. "They don't know we know their secret. We have the opportunity to capture them alive or take them down, but only if we're prepared. Annie Leonhart on her own took our entire Corps to capture. Two shifters will be even more difficult."

Nile's mouth began to twist into a sneer. "You're certain it's them?"

"Yes," lied Erwin.

"Based on their hometown of origin."

"We're out of time. We have to grasp at any clues we have. Jumping at similarly tenuous clues led us to Annie Leonhart."

"It's your decision, Nile," said Zackly. "We're in crisis mode, so there's no right or wrong answer. Whatever you think is best."

Nile glanced at him, then back at Erwin, then leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. "Fine. I'll give you one improvised squad. That's all we can spare. I'll give you the soldiers who excel at 3DMG - they'll be more use to you than they would be in the Interior."

Erwin found he could breathe again. "Thank you."

"We'll sort out the roster back at the barracks." Nile turned to Zackly. "As for the evacuation, I'll follow the pre-existing emergency plan to the letter. If you have time to speak with the nobles who own the Underground ladders, it will help the sub-surface evacuation immensely."

"I'll arrange it," said Zackly with a nod, and he stood. "Dismissed."

As the room began to clear, Erwin turned to Nile. "I'm impressed you agreed so quickly."

"You were right about the Female Titan," said Nile gruffly. "But if you're reckless with my men, I swear I'll cut you down."

"I will only take necessary risks. I promise you."

"We have very different ideas about 'necessary risks.'"

Erwin reached out to grip his shoulder. "You do what you do best, Nile, and focus on keeping the people inside the Walls safe. I'll do what I do best and hunt down the threats that are poised to eliminate us."

Nile held his gaze. "Fine," he said quietly.

.*.*.*.

Travelling with Minister Nick was infuriating. When Levi and Hange tried to get more information during the carriage ride, the man stayed perfectly silent, his face impassive. Levi was glad Erwin had ordered him to be gentle, because torture was the next logical step. Levi was good at torture, but he loathed it.

When they reached the gates of Ehrmich, however, a shift finally came over the Minister's demeanour. The roads were flooded with Wall Rose refugees, faces tear-stained and panicked. Perhaps it was guilt that provoked him to give them one bit of useful information: a girl in the military was a descendent of the bloodline that held the secrets of the Walls. Krista Lenz, a member of the 104th. Mikasa had identified her as a girl who was always around Ymir, a name that had given Levi and Hange pause. He remembered the talking titan they had encountered when they had found Ilse Langner's journal: it had uttered the word _Ymir_ as it bowed to her.

This had all raised more questions than it had answered, but there was no time to discuss it. Hange, as per Erwin's orders, took the remaining Survey Corps troops southwest to try to intercept Mike's squad. Levi settled the Minister into the barracks for his own protection. They would spend the night there, then head south to Trost in the morning.

The two dined together on cold stew left over from lunch hours earlier. Near the end of the meal, Levi took it upon himself to ask for another bit of information, personal this time.

"The Wallists who were crushed when the church fell... I'm wondering if two people were in the building, a woman by the name of Tessa, and her mother."

"From the Mitras church? No, Sister Tessa left us when her husband passed away. Her mother stayed in Mitras. Neither of them was in the Stohess church at the time of the attack."

That, at least, was good news. Levi wasn't fond of the way Erwin's surviving family treated him, but he knew Erwin would take their deaths onto his shoulders if they had died in Stohess.

The Minister looked so miserable, probably considering the lost lives, that Levi felt an uncomfortable wave of pity. This was someone who, in spite of his infuriating beliefs, had lost as much as the rest of them. It was hard to equate such a broken man with the whiny thorn in their side during Council meetings.

After the meal, Levi escorted Minister Nick to his room, giving a nod to the MP who were standing guard outside. He had assigned four guards: two on the door, two patrolling outside the window. Technically, he didn't have any authority over these soldiers, but they didn't seem to know that, and he needed a break.

He stepped outside. The sky was streaked red, the air brisk. He wandered to a park near the Wall, the one he presumed Erwin had always referred to when he spoke of the place where 'August and Emil' would become engaged. There was a small hill near the back of it, a smattering of trees at its peak. He traipsed through the long grasses and wildflowers, settling to a seat against one of the trees. The bark was rough against his back, and when he looked up, he saw a grey squirrel on the lowest branch, staring down at him from between the needles. It twitched.

"Hey," said Levi quietly.

The squirrel stared for a moment longer, then skittered to higher branches. It was a ridiculous thought, but it reminded him of Isabel, with its combination of curiosity, hyperactivity and self-preservation.

Thinking of Isabel led him to Petra. She wouldn't be a squirrel; she'd be something more graceful, but also fearsome when it needed to be. Maybe a cat.

He let out a low sigh. He missed his entire team, but he missed her the most. Part of it was certainly guilt: things had still been awkward between them when she had died. If they'd had a few months after their conversation in the park, any lingering feelings would have settled, and they could have resumed being close friends. She had downplayed her feelings as a silly crush, but he knew better than that. He knew true friendship when he saw it, and it was rare.

Thoughts of true friendship drove his hand automatically to his breast pocket, but he stopped when he remembered the ring had been lost.

Now he was missing Erwin, the ache larger and emptier than Isabel and Petra put together. Logically, that made no sense: he could see Erwin any time he wanted. He would, in fact, likely see him within the next few hours.

Levi had never been the type to cling to others in times of uncertainty; if anything, he was more likely to push them away. Somehow, the exact opposite was true with Erwin. Somehow, the rougher things became, the more he wanted - needed - to be at his side.

The sky was darker now, and a chilly breeze made him shiver. He stood and nestled deep into Erwin's jacket, fluffing it around him like a bird ruffling its feathers. The city stretched before him. Yellow lamplight glowed in the windows and radiated from the buggies travelling through the streets; he could just barely make out their silhouettes against the brickwork of buildings, blue in the fading light.

He felt that yellow light glowing inside him, too, protecting him against the night air. Maybe it was wrong to feel peace when humanity was in peril, but it was welcome.

When he returned to the base, he was surprised to see Jean waiting for him outside the barracks entrance.

"That was fast."

Jean shrugged. "I guess everyone realized this is no time for politics."

"Those fuckers _always_ have time for politics. Did you get MP soldiers?"

"Yeah, a whole squad of them. The Commanders hand-picked them, and messengers are rallying them right now. They'll meet us in Trost tomorrow morning, together with whatever additional Garrison soldiers Commander Pixis managed to gather."

"Good. I'm guessing Erwin went to talk to Minister Nick?"

"Yeah, and he was looking for you, too."

Levi pulled the jacket tighter around himself. "What are your orders?"

"I don't really have any," said Jean. "The Commander was in a hurry. There's some new information he has to discuss with you."

They strode through the barracks to Minister Nick's room. Levi peeked inside and saw Erwin speaking quietly with the Minister. The guards outside the door saluted as he approached, but he ignored them.

"Take that room," he said to Jean, pointing to a room two doors down. "Get some rest. Erwin and I will be sharing the room in-between. We'll call for you if we need you."

As Levi stepped into the room, Erwin turned his head slightly, as if noting him in his periphery, but his eyes remained focused on Minister Nick.

"I can't tell you that," said the Minister, voice frayed.

"I suspected as much. Please eat the dinner we provided. The guards will be keeping watch." Erwin gave his polite smile, then stood.

Levi followed him to the door. "I have updates."

"So do I. Do you want to go to the apartment to discuss them?"

Levi hesitated. The apartment in Ehrmich was too big of a symbol for a short visit. "It's getting late. We don't have much time."

He swore Erwin's eyes twinkled at him. "You think we'd get distracted?"

"I _know_ we'd get distracted."

"Then let's go for a walk through the training grounds. Fewer ears than in the barracks."

The grounds behind the barracks were smaller than the ones in Trost, but still had ample trees and cover. The moon was full, and Levi's eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness.

"This should be private enough." Erwin sat on a bench near one of the wooden training titans.

Levi sat beside him. "Why do the MP bother training against titans like this if they never see them?"

"Some of them might tomorrow."

"Huh. I guess so."

Erwin slid closer to him, finding his hand on the surface of the bench. His voice was soft: "We suspect the Armoured and Colossal titans are with the group Mike was watching."

"What?"

"Our background checks showed two 104th trainees originating from the same town as Annie Leonhart."

"That's not a lot to go on."

"No." Erwin's hand squeezed tighter. "We're out of options."

"I know. It gets worse." Levi looked around and, confident they were alone, leaned against Erwin's shoulder. "Armin thinks the Walls are made from titans standing side-by-side, bonded by the rock substance the Female Titan formed."

"Really," said Erwin, as if deep in thought.

"The Wallists probably know this. Hange thinks Eren could plug the hole in Wall Rose if he can harden like the Female Titan did." Levi nuzzled closer. "Minister Nick gave us the name of a descendent of this special bloodline. One of the 104th soldiers: Krista Lenz."

"Interesting. She's with Mike's squad now, isn't she?"

"Yeah. We don't know what's so special about her yet."

"I'll put my contacts on it."

The wind blew through the trees. It sounded almost like rushing water. Levi closed his eyes as goosebumps rose on his skin everywhere except the side that was in contact with Erwin's arm. "I asked Minister Nick about your mother and sister."

The arm muscles tensed. "Oh?"

"They weren't in Stohess during the battle."

There was a pause so long that Levi lifted his head to look at him. Erwin stared straight ahead, his face stony in the moonlight.

"He said your sister left the Wallists after her husband died. Maybe she'll talk."

Erwin blinked as if coming back to himself, then shook his head. "If they let her leave willingly, she doesn't have any secrets worth protecting. My mother, on the other hand..."

"You going to try talking to her?"

"I'm quite certain I'm dead to her, after what Sahlo's hired goons did to my brother-in-law. That event might have shaken her enough to make her willing to talk to others, however. I wonder if my contacts could arrange a meeting with her. I'll suggest it to them."

After a long pause, Levi decided it was better to change the subject. "No news on Wall Rose?"

"No."

"Same. We would have heard by now if they had found the hole, right?"

Erwin nodded. "One of the parties would have sent a runner. Maybe it got dark before they could."

Neither of them said the next line, but Levi knew they were both thinking it: _or there was no one left alive to send._

"What next?" he murmured.

"You'll come with us to Trost early in the morning. You'll be staying there to keep an eye on Minister Nick and helping Nile and Pixis evacuate Wall Rose."

Levi's throat tightened. _And you'll be heading into the fray without my protection._ "You think the Colossal and Armoured Titans wiped out Mike's squad?"

"I don't know," said Erwin. "I sent a message to Hange's squad asking them to treat the titans as if their identities were still a secret. As long as they want to protect that secret, they'll be out of play."

 _But if they don't care about protecting their secret, you'll be riding out to face them head-on._ He turned to look at the Commander, jaw clenching. Erwin turned, too, meeting his gaze.

Levi grabbed his chin and pulled him in, catching him in a hard kiss. Maybe Erwin was afraid, too, because his arms wrapped around Levi, pulling their chests flush. The kiss transitioned into a series of soft kisses, cool air hitting damp lips between them. Levi pushed deeper, slid his tongue into Erwin's mouth, felt the familiar ridges on the roof of his mouth, the smooth surface of his teeth.

Erwin caught his shoulder and gently pushed him away. His breaths were harsh against Levi's mouth and nose. "If we're going to do this, we should go somewhere private."

 _Don't go. Send them to fight without you._ Levi bit the inside of his cheek. "We're sharing a room next to Minister Nick. We'll just have to be quiet. You don't have anything else to say about strategy?"

Erwin shook his head. "I won't know what we're running into tomorrow until we get there, and you already have your assignment." He pressed his palm to Levi's cheek, face solemn. "I can't remember the last time I went into battle without you by my side."

 _Don't go._ Levi closed his eyes. "Let's go back to the room."

They walked briskly to the barracks and nodded at the guards outside Minister Nick's door. Levi was glad to see they were awake, sober and alert; he had expected less of them. They looked young. Probably too young to have settled into the lazy ways of the more senior MP.

"Here." He opened the door of the next room, letting Erwin through. "Two beds, so we can bunk together."

He stepped through, then found himself flat against the wall, Erwin leaning into him as the door closed. Broad hands were in his hair, and his mouth was warm and open, and his thigh was firmly pressing between Levi's legs...

"Stop," whimpered a feeble voice from the back of the room.

They froze.

Jean stood by the window, hunched, a hand covering his eyes.

Levi's head slumped back against the wall. "Shit."

"I'm sorry," said Jean, unmoving. "I had a question and thought I'd wait for you to get back - I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," said Erwin calmly, stepping aside and standing tall. "What was your question?"

"I don't remember!"

"Fuck." Levi folded his arms over his chest. "You okay, kid?"

Jean finally lowered his hands. His face was red. "Yeah. I mean, I won't say anything to anyone. I just...didn't expect..."

"We should have used more discretion," said Erwin.

"Yeah," said Levi turning to give him a pointed look. This wasn't their base. They were lucky it had only been Jean.

"That being said..." Erwin strode to the desk and pulled out a chair, indicating for Jean to do the same. "While we're all here, the three of us should take a minute to go over the plan for tomorrow."

The boy still looked uncomfortable, but he sat. Levi sauntered over to the bed and sat on it, arms still folded over his chest. Somehow, this felt less catastrophic than it had the time Hange and Berit had walked in on them. For one thing, the position had been less compromising. For another, he was surprised to discover, with all that was going on, he didn't give a shit who knew about them. Was the Council really going to try them for misconduct when everything was going to hell?

Erwin spoke at length to Jean, revealing more information than Levi expected, including the potential hint that a bloodline within the Walls carried a secret about the titans. At first, he thought Erwin had just taken a shine to the boy and was grooming him for a Squad Leader role one day, but then he realized what was going on: Jean was going to be the only Survey Corps member riding with Erwin to the front lines, as the others were already on the field. _He's making sure he knows everything in case Erwin falls on the way there._

Levi's stomach heaved. He curled tighter into himself.

By the time the discussion ended, Jean looked to be at ease again. Aside from relaying information, the conversation had been a successful distraction.

"That's all," said Erwin. "Go get some rest. We'll be leaving for Trost well before dawn. I'll send someone to wake you."

Jean nodded and stood. He looked between the two of them, a hint of a grimace returning. "Look-"

"It's fine," said Erwin. "We trust you to keep our secret. Our relationship is strictly on a need-to-know basis among trusted comrades who understand romantic entanglement has no impact on our decisions on the field. That has been the case for several years, and we've never had a complaint. Since you've seen us interact on a professional level more often than the other new recruits, I trust you understand that as well."

"Sir."

"Good. Dismissed."

Jean gave a formal salute, then quickly stepped from the room. The door swung closed, and Erwin locked it.

"Lesson learned," said Levi dryly. "Check the room first next time before you start dry humping me."

"Getting caught in the act twice in four years isn't such a bad track record, is it? Particularly considering how little privacy our living quarters afford us."

"We're just lucky it was Jean."

"I suppose." Erwin sat on the bed beside him. "Oddly, I don't find myself caring too much who discovers us anymore."

"Neither do I, but there might be some Council members who would hold it against you. We don't need you getting tangled in red tape when you should be free to focus on humanity." Levi glanced at the dying lamp. "We have to be up in a few hours."

"Yeah." Erwin's hand slid onto his thigh. "Maybe something quick?" His hand settled between Levi's legs, gently squeezing through the fabric.

Levi's eyes closed, his breath shuddering between parted lips. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I was enjoying kissing you. Maybe we could use our hands on each other so we can kiss some more?"

"Okay. But fully naked." He wanted to study Erwin's body. His stomach was still churning.

In spite of their goal to be quick, they undressed slowly, smoothing the fabric away with gentle palms. They curled under the blankets, facing each other, lips and legs interlocking. The angle made it difficult to effectively touch each other, but the contact was enough to keep things moving forward, until Levi couldn't resist anymore: he ducked under the covers and pulled Erwin into his mouth to finish him off. Erwin's cries were silent, both of them aware of the thin walls between them and their neighbours, but his hand tightened into Levi's hair.

When Levi surfaced again, Erwin gave him a deep kiss, then slid under the covers this time, returning the favour. Levi clenched his teeth, lips flared, arching deep into the warm mouth; it was hard to hold back his groans, but he managed to vent them as harsh breaths instead.

Even once they were finished, Erwin kept kissing him, kept running his hands over his entire body.

 _Don't stop,_ thought Levi, even as his eyelids were drooping closed. _Don't go..._

They fell asleep facing each other, still intertwined, their foreheads pressed together on the pillow.


	42. Love - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter went up at the same time as chapter 41 - please read that one first!

* * *

**Warning for anime-only readers: this update contain** **HEAVY SPOILERS up to and including Chapter 51 of the manga!** DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPOIL SEASON 2 PLOT POINTS.

* * *

**-42-**

**Love (Part 2)**

When the wake-up knock sounded at the door, it was still dark outside.

Levi stood first, hoping, by some miracle, his leg had healed enough for him to follow his Commander into battle. It was moving a bit better than the day before, but too weak. He swallowed against the lump in his throat and dressed, pulling Erwin's black jacket around his shoulders.

They sat with Jean and Minister Nick at the breakfast table, along with the bulk of the improvised squad of MP who would be joining them. Levi expected things to be strained with Jean, but he was acting the same as ever - standoffish, but polite enough. The Minister was acting the same as ever, too; he sat staring down at his food, barely eating, his expression morose.

At the end of the meal, the MP Squad Leader, a man named Steinhart, sat across from them.

"Commander, Captain," he said, not saluting. "Commander Nile told us we'd be meeting up with the Garrison in Trost to help clear titans from Wall Rose."

"Something like that," said Erwin. "You have transport?"

"Yeah, the wagons are stocked and the horses are saddled and ready to leave."

"Good. Levi, Minister Nick, you can ride in one of the wagons." Erwin stood. "We should head out immediately."

"I'll escort the Minister to the wagon," said Jean.

"Thank you, but Levi can do that."

"I know. I figured you and the Captain might like one last chance to confer before we set out." Jean didn't look at them. "In case there was any last-minute secret strategy to discuss, or something."

Levi nodded. "Yeah, I do have one last thing to discuss. We'll be down in a minute."

"Thank you, Jean," said Erwin.

They stepped into the hallway, then back into the room they had used the night before. Erwin closed the door behind them.

"That was kind of him, giving us a moment to say goodbye."

Levi's stomach dropped. "Yeah. I just wish we knew what you were going up against."

"We'll know soon. Let's pretend it's a standard battle, and this is a standard goodbye."

Their gaze held.

Erwin slowly reached out and smoothed the hair off Levi's forehead. His eyes were glassy. "Will you be okay on your own in Trost?"

"Will _I_ be okay? Fuck, Erwin." Levi slumped forward to burrow into Erwin's chest. The Commander's pendant was cold against his cheek. He reached up to stroke it with his thumb. He felt a hand combing the back of his hair, and wished that the moment wouldn't end.

But he could hear the horses in the yard outside, and there was a broken wall to address, and titan shifters on Mike's squad. He pulled away and straightened the bolo tie, adjusting the strings so they were even.

Erwin's hands closed over either side of his jaw. His kiss was firm, warm and open, and Levi inhaled the taste of his breath.

Then they pulled apart. The blue eyes glazed over, the jaw hardening; even the lines of Erwin's nose and cheeks seemed more severe than a moment earlier, more commanding. Levi felt his face shifting, too, as they become Commander and Captain once again.

They opened the door and stepped into the hallway, side-by-side.

The sky was just starting to lighten with the impending dawn. Dew clung to the moss between the cobblestones. Levi shivered. He gingerly climbed into the wagon across from Minister Nick, who was wrapped in a thin blanket. Jean stood beside the wagon, looking around as if unsure what to do.

"Jean," said Levi, "go tell the MP to give you a horse, under my authority."

"Captain." The boy hurried away.

Within a few minutes, he heard Erwin's voice from the front, strong and clear, calling for them to fall into travelling formation.

He snuggled deeper into the jacket, breathing the faint cologne.

.*.*.*.

The troops arrived at Trost just as the sky was shifting from orange to blue. They bypassed the base and headed straight for the Wall instead. Levi squinted; he could see two figures standing atop it. The bulk of the Garrison soldiers were at the base of the Wall, stacking crates into wagons and setting up lifts.

The formation halted. At its head, Levi saw a single figure jet up the wall, golden hair glinting in the morning sun. _Erwin._

There were no signs of any titans. Good. Wall Rose was not yet overrun, at least. That meant Erwin would be dragging the MP to the hole itself, wherever that was. Maybe even beyond it, if the titans were still in the process of breaking through.

Around him, the troops began to dismount and eat rations or drink water. Levi reached for a water canister himself, but stopped when someone yelled his name. He turned.

One of the MP - a low-ranking member who had no business addressing him without his title - yelled, "Where's our prey?"

"What?" Levi turned to eye him. "Were you hoping for titans here? Sorry to disappoint you. There are plenty of chances to see them outside the Walls. What do you say we start combining our forces to face off against the titans?"

Another soldier cleared his throat. "Well, you know, we have important work on the inside, too..."

A Survey Corps soldier ran in before the conversation could continue. "The advance party is back! Someone tell Commander Pixis!"

"Shit," muttered Levi, because the sweaty strain on the soldier's face didn't bode well. He reached into a sack beside him and pulled out his signal flare gun, loading a white round.

A column of white smoke rose into the air, and almost immediately, Erwin descended. He landed on the ground in front of the wagon with grace that seemed out of place for such a large man. Pixis and Anka followed closely behind.

The messenger soldier sank to his knees, gasping for air. The others gathered around him. Levi cast a glance at Minister Nick and, gauging he wasn't going anywhere, eased onto the ground to join the circle.

As the soldier fought to catch his breath, he told them there was no discernable hole in the Wall; the search parties starting from Krolva and Trost had met in the middle without spotting a breach. Worse yet, when they met up with Hange and a group of the 104th from Mike's squad, they had made a terrible discovery.

"Three of those soldiers were titans!" The messenger was shaking now.

"Including Eren Yeager?" asked Erwin.

"No."

 _Three others?_ Levi glanced at his Commander, but the stony face gave him nothing.

Jean's face, however, showed plenty as he stepped forward. "What are you saying? There were still three titans on that team? Who?"

Erwin held out a hand. "Jean, wait." He turned back to the soldier. "Once they were discovered, what happened?"

"The Survey Corps engaged the Colossal and Armoured Titans," said the soldier. "By the time we joined the battle, it was over..."

Now Levi stepped forward. "What do you mean, 'over?'"

"They defeated Eren Yeager and kidnapped him and another of the 104th, the other titan." The soldier bowed his head. "Most of the team was incapacitated, and there were no lifts. We couldn't pursue them."

Levi's jaw tightened. _Those bastards have Eren. If they escape with him, it's all over._ His gaze shifted to Erwin.

The Commander's face was still neutral. "How soon can we get the lifts operational?" he asked Pixis.

"Ten, fifteen minutes." Pixis uncapped a flask and took a swig.

"Then we'll ready ourselves to set out." Erwin stood tall. "Good soldiers of the Survey Corps and the MP, we have a new objective: to chase down and retrieve Eren Yeager. Without him, the Walls have no future."

"What?" Steinhardt strode toward him. "We were only supposed to come and help clear titans from Wall Rose."

"You were supposed to help clear threats. If the Colossal and Armoured Titans escape with Eren, we will be powerless to stop further attacks. He is humanity's last hope."

Steinhardt looked at Pixis helplessly. "Commander-"

"The way I understand it," said Pixis, "Your Commander gave Erwin full authority over your squad. And maybe there's no hole this time, but if they're allowed to retreat and regroup, they will attack again, maybe even in bigger numbers. When that happens, the combined strength of all our forces won't be able to protect the people within these Walls, especially if Eren isn't there to help us."

Steinhardt stared at him for a moment longer, then looked away. "Shit..."

"Prepare for departure," said Erwin. "Equip yourself with signal flares and extra blades. Bring only the small, quick carts. We climb the wall in fifteen minutes and head west to rendezvous with the survivors."

As the others began to scatter, Erwin knelt in front of the messenger soldier and held out a water flask. Levi moved closer so he could listen in.

"How many survivors?" asked Erwin.

The soldier took a long swig of water. When he was finished, he wiped his mouth and spoke, his voice steadier than before. "Squad Leader Hange is alive, but badly injured. I'd say at least a dozen senior Survey Corps are alive but injured, too. Most of the 104th who were present are alive. They holed up for the night in an area called Castle Utgard with Mike's Squad, but..."

Levi's stomach twisted. "But?"

"Squad Leader Mike and all his senior soldiers were killed by titans."

"What?" whispered Levi.

The Commander's jaw muscles were visibly tight. "Thank you, soldier. Go get some rest." He clapped the man on the soldier, then stood. Instead of turning to Levi, he paced several steps away, raking a hand into his hair.

Levi stood, too, and limped to Erwin's side. "You okay?"

"Fine." Erwin's voice cracked. "I just need a minute."

There was so much chaos around them that Levi decided it was okay to risk a quick, supportive grip to the man's bicep. To his surprise, Erwin covered his hand and squeezed. For a moment, they stood there together, the strength of the grip the only sign of their grief.

Then Erwin released his hand and turned to face him, his face steady again. "This is a far more dangerous mission than we anticipated, Levi. If I don't-"

"Stop. We've said it all before. I know what to do. Hange's next in line, your will is in order, and all your belongings go to me. I'll protect Eren to the death." Not that he could do that now, anyway. "Go. The longer you wait, the harder it'll be to find them."

Erwin nodded, and Levi nodded back, and that was the only goodbye they could afford in public.

He watched as Erwin sat atop his horse on the lift, back straight, head high. He watched as the Garrison helped them pack up the lifts behind them, ready to transport them to the rendezvous point.

He watched as they rode off atop the Wall, as that golden hair turned into a spec and disappeared, Levi's sun setting behind the horizon.

.*.*.*.

Anka helped Levi settle Minister Nick into the Trost Garrison base with guards.

"You might want to consider putting him under police protective custody instead," she said. "The Garrison and the Survey Corps aren't really equipped to protect him from other members of his sect, especially with everything else going on right now."

It sounded like a good idea, so Levi sent a message to Nile requesting full-time protection.

He stopped for a long lunch on his way back to the Survey Corps base. Between the knowledge that Mike and Nanaba were dead, Hange was injured, and Erwin was riding out into danger, he didn't have much of an appetite. In spite of that, he still managed to polish off half a loaf of bread and three boiled eggs while he was lost in thought.

He returned to the base just as the last of the injured were leaving the stables. Moblit was able to walk, though stooped, his arm in a sling.

"Hey Scribbles," said Levi. "Glad you made it. Where's your boss?"

"In the san."

Hange was lying on a bed, face covered with superficial burns. Levi pulled out a chair beside the bed and sat.

"You dead yet, shitgoggles?"

Hange began to smile, then winced. "Don't make me smile. It hurts."

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"The Colossal titan gives off a lot of heat." The dark eyes opened. "Can't see a damned thing without my glasses."

"Want me to get them?"

"No, face is too sore. You look better as a formless blob, anyway." Hange gave a wheeze that was probably supposed to be a laugh.

"Did you run into Erwin?" asked Levi, shifting forward until his elbows rested on his knees.

"Yeah, hard to miss each other on top of the Wall. Impressed you guys managed to get the MP outside their cushy little stations. Gave Erwin some ideas about where to pursue Bertolt and Reiner."

"The messenger said there were three shifters."

"They took the other one with them. A girl named Ymir - the one who's friends with Krista Lenz." Hange turned to give him a pointed look.

"Huh."

"No idea what that's about. We'll figure it out if Erwin retrieves her and Eren."

"When," corrected Levi.

"Depends how quickly they can track them down. The shifters will be too exhausted to transform right away, so we have a good shot if we get to them quickly." Hange's eyes slipped closed.

"You didn't sleep, right?" said Levi as he rose to his feet. "You should rest."

"Yeah." A pause. "Mike's dead."

Levi swallowed hard and looked away. "I know."

"And Nanaba, Lynne...his whole team."

"Yeah, I know." He reached out to squeeze the Squad Leader's shoulder, then hesitated, realizing it was probably burnt and sore. "You made it back," he said instead, "so don't waste it. You should be resting so you can get back on the field as soon as possible."

The brown eyes fixed on him. "So should you."

He knew that was true, but it was still morning, and there was too much to do.

.*.*.*.

There was no point in worrying about Erwin, so Levi distracted himself by gathering status updates from the injured soldiers, then compiling them into a report, which he left on the Commander's desk. Once that was done, he went to the Garrison base to find Anka so they could discuss the evacuation of Wall Rose. While the evacuation itself was nearly complete, the Garrison and MP were already starting to encounter civil unrest.

"Once Commander Erwin returns, we'll likely enlist the help of the Survey Corps in helping maintain peace within Wall Sina," she said. "Supplies are limited, and the Sina elite are concerned about the Rose refugees starting riots once they start to run low. If tensions rise too high, it could escalate into civil war."

"We'll kill ourselves before the titans get a chance to, at this rate," muttered Levi, annoyed that the people Erwin put himself on the line to save weren't interested in saving themselves.

Late that afternoon, he returned to check on Hange. He found the Squad Leader sitting up, frantically writing notes in a book.

"Looks like you're feeling better," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm just a little scalded. Some of the others got far worse." Hange looked up at him with what he had come to recognize as the mid-brainstorm squint. "I got to see the Colossal and Armoured Titans in detail."

"Tell me everything."

Hange's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"It's important for me to know what we're up against." That, and he needed a distraction.

And so, in true Hange fashion, he heard every single detail about how Reiner and Bertolt had tried to convince Eren to leave with them, how Mikasa had attacked them, but failed to kill them. Eren had fought well against Reiner, but Bertolt had surprised them all and turned the tides.

"Two against one," said Levi. "Poor kid didn't stand a chance."

"The 104th that had been with Mike's squad was unarmed, too, so we could barely provide any support for him. It was a mess." Hange looked down at the notebook. "At that point, I lost consciousness; Bertolt released a suffocating blast of steam and heat. He's slow and immobile, but his exothermic nature makes him nearly invincible - we can't get close enough to land a blow on him. We need to develop some sort of projectile weapon if we want a chance to take him down. I'll have to adjust our trap cannons into something more portable...somehow."

Levi grimaced and turned to look out the window. Nearly invincible, and Erwin was facing that foe with a squad of new recruits and inexperienced Garrison and MP soldiers.

"Hey." He felt a hand close over his. When he turned, Hange's face was gentle. "If he caught up to them before they had recovered, they wouldn't be able to transform. They'd be easy to take down as humans."

"Don't look at me like that," he muttered, embarrassed by pity, but he didn't pull his hand away. "About Mike..."

"Yeah?"

He couldn't say it, but Hange seemed to understand what he was asking.

"He fell before I got to him. It seems his squad tried to defend the unarmed 104th in the abandoned ruins of Castle Utgard. Mike took on a group of nine titans to give them time to escape. One of them was an abnormal - a giant, hairy, beast-like titan that attacked the others at the castle later."

"Eight and an abnormal? Alone?" Levi's mouth twisted. "What the fuck was he thinking?"

"I doubt he expected to survive it," said Hange, voice low. "He probably expected to buy them time, nothing more. The situation must have been dire for him to put himself on the line like that."

Levi tried to control his breath, but it shuddered. "Fuck." He tightened his grip around Hange's hand. Mike had been one of the first soldiers to treat him as an equal, maybe because they had recognized each other's strength early on. He had trusted Mike even before he had fully dropped his suspicions of Erwin.

"It's getting late," said Hange, sitting up. "Let's go get some dinner."

"Squad Leader," croaked Moblit from the next bed over. "You shouldn't be getting up."

"Oh, I'm fine. The damage was mostly superficial." Hange stood, a bit unsteady, then began to walk toward the exit. Levi followed, still limping.

They sat in the hall long after the meal ended, reminiscing about good times with Mike, Nanaba and the other soldiers who had died. Levi ordered a bottle of Mike's favourite ale - a pale brew that left a bitter coating on his tongue - but switched to something darker afterwards. Hange, still on morphine, drank only tea.

Shortly after lights out, they heard a commotion coming from the hallway. Levi stood up so quickly that he knocked over an empty bottle; he caught it before it rolled off the table.

Faintly, he heard a frantic voice: "Where's Captain Levi?"

Ignoring the pain in his leg, he leapt to his feet, ran to the door and threw it open. "I'm here. What is it?"

Pehr stood in the hallway, caked with sweat, grime and blood. "The Commander. He's gravely injured."

The floor began to tilt. Levi caught himself with one hand against the wall. Pehr said something about an arm, and the hospital, and then Hange was standing beside him asking questions, but he couldn't hear them or the responses.

Pehr strode down the hallway, Hange following. Levi's feet felt as if they were sinking in heavy mud as he tried to follow. Blood rushed in his ears. _He's gravely injured._

They passed Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Jean; Eren said something to him, but Levi only stared as he moved past, still stumbling through mud.

A carriage waited for them in the courtyard. He sat next to Hange. Pehr was still talking, and Hange, at least, seemed to be able to comprehend it all. Levi's hands knotted between his knees as he stared at the carriage floor.

Erwin was in surgery when they arrived at the hospital. The nurse brought them to a window overlooking the operating room.

Levi stepped up to the window, shaking. Erwin lay on a bed, his eyes half-open, only whites showing. His skin was grey, and his chest was moving with the shallow breaths of a dying man. A doctor stood in front of his right arm. He stepped away for a moment to reach for a tool, and Levi saw the red meat of muscle, the white of bone.

 _Fuck!_ He slumped against the wall and vomited, his ears ringing. He squeezed his eyes shut, but still saw white against red against grey, heard rasping breaths... A hand reached for him - Hange - but he knocked it away and staggered to the door.

He didn't stop until he was outside the hospital. He slumped against a tree, slid to a seat, and raked a hand into his hair.

That was how Hange found him an hour later. He didn't look up as the Squad Leader sat beside him.

"It's cold out here," said Hange.

Levi pulled Erwin's jacket tighter around his shoulders.

"They were able to properly amputate his shoulder to the joint," said Hange quietly, "but he's lost a lot of blood, and the wound was open for so long that they're worried about infection."

"Shut up," said Levi. "I don't want to hear it."

"He's in a private room now, if you want to...say a few words to him."

"I said, shut up!" Levi stood, his head spinning. He began to limp toward the street.

"Levi, where are you going?"

"I have to file his reports."

"That can wait."

But it couldn't wait. They needed to send the casualty list, and Zackly needed to know what had happened on the field. They had discussed this many times before. Levi had to fulfill Erwin's duties while he was incapacitated.

He had only gone about a block when a carriage pulled up beside him and stopped. The door opened, and Hange held out a hand to help him in. Levi stared at the hand for a moment, his eyes prickling with tears.

"I'll help you," said Hange. "There's a lot to do."

Levi accepted the hand and climbed into the carriage.

.*.*.*.

He didn't sleep at all that night.

The returning soldiers all seemed too upset to sleep, anyway, so he and Hange spent the night collecting statements. Moblit and Nifa joined them on the couches in Erwin's office, helping record the different accounts of what had happened.

The room smelled like his cologne.

When Levi interviewed Jean, the boy was giving him concerned looks that irritated him. Surprisingly, he got the same thing from Mikasa, especially as she told him about the moment Erwin had lost his arm.

"He was beside me one moment," she said, "commanding us to charge. Then his horse had no rider. I looked back, and-" She paused, watching him with that infuriating concerned look.

"And then what?" said Levi dully as Nifa scribbled notes beside him.

"He was in the mouth of a titan, its teeth around his upper arm. But he pointed at Eren and commanded us to advance. He told us Eren was right there."

Levi was surprised to feel a swell of rage. _You selfless bastard! What the hell were you doing?_ "So you obeyed."

She seemed taken aback. He had let too much anger show in his voice. "Yes. A few people stayed behind to take down the titan."

"No one saw the titan coming?"

"No. The battlefield was in chaos."

 _I should have been there. I would have seen it coming. I could have-_ Levi steadied himself. "Then what happened?"

The biggest surprise was that Erwin had apparently flown his 3DMG one-handed to cut Eren free from Bertolt. Maybe Levi should have felt proud, but it only made him even angrier. _You shouldn't have had to do that. You shouldn't have had to do any of this! What the fuck were you thinking?_

They finished the last of the interviews in time for breakfast. During the meal, he made a quick announcement that the Survey Corps would be reporting to Commander Pixis that afternoon to help with the peacekeeping efforts in the Centre. He encouraged them all to get a few hours of sleep before they started.

But he was unable to take his own advice, and he rode ahead to meet Commander Pixis so they could begin discussing the strategy for preventing unrest before the other soldiers arrived.

At about eight o'clock that evening, he heard his name. His head snapped up; he had fallen asleep at the table. The Commander, Hange, and Anka were all watching him with more of that annoying concern.

"What?" he snapped.

"You should get some rest, Captain," said Anka.

"I'm fine. Keep going."

"Levi-" said Hange quietly.

"Fine." Levi stood. "But the civilians aren't going to sit around and wait for us to nap."

"We have the night shift keeping an eye on things," said Pixis calmly. "Go get some rest."

Levi was so tired that the brickwork of the walls seemed to trail after him as he walked down the hallway. He opted to walk back to the base, relishing the crisp night air against his skin. The biting coolness was the only thing he had felt all day.

The road brought him past the hospital. He slowed and turned toward it. _Grey, shallow breaths, the same as my aunt- no, my mother. They'll get louder, then start rattling, and then there won't be any more, and you'll miss the rattling, but it won't start again, it won't start-_

A nurse was sweeping the front driveway. She gave him a kind smile. "Do you need assistance, sir?"

"Friend of mine's in there," he managed, his tongue too dry to form a full sentence.

"Ah. I'm afraid visiting hours are over for the night. You should try again tomorrow."

"Commander Erwin," he said.

"Oh." She stopped sweeping, her hands knotting around the broom handle. "You're Captain Levi, aren't you?"

"Is he..." He didn't know what he wanted to ask.

"He's still in a coma." Now even this woman, a nurse who had never met him in her life, was giving him that same concerned look as everyone else. "We make visiting exceptions all the time for high-ranking officers, if you'd like to go see him."

He drew a deep breath; it shook as he exhaled. "I'll be back soon."

The entire walk back to the base, he warred with himself. If he began mourning now, he wouldn't be able to stop. But the thought of Erwin dying alone was even harder to bear. He had been asleep when his mother had passed. No one should have to die while their loved one slept peacefully without them.

Hange was waiting for him in Erwin's office, holding two mugs of tea. Wordlessly, he accepted one. The Squad Leader perched on the arm of the couch across from him.

"Go see him," said Hange softly. "I'll take care of the duties around here."

Levi stared at the tea leaves at the bottom of his mug. The tea was too weak; it should be so thick that he could barely see the bottom. The leaves began to blur, and he cursed his weakness. There was no time to cry.

"Levi, it's real whether you see him or not. And if he dies, you're going to regret not saying goodbye."

His hand began to tremble; tea splashed perilously close to the brim of the mug. He took a long sip. When he had drained the mug, he set it on the table. "We know Bertolt and Reiner are after Eren, so we have to isolate him. The soldiers who witnessed the battle said Eren was able to somehow control other titans on the battlefield when he was put in a state of absolute desperation. We need to make sure he has access to that desperation in case he needs to defend himself. If we surround him with his friends from the 104th, he'll feel their safety is at stake. They'll make up my new squad."

"I know a safe house we can take him to," said Hange. "My team can protect them. You stay in Trost, for now, and help Pixis coordinate the rest of the Survey Corps to help maintain civil order."

Levi nodded, lost in thought. "What do I say to him?"

"Pixis?"

"Erwin."

"Tell him you love him." Hange held his gaze. "Tell him to fight. We need him. We need both of you, together."

.*.*.*.

He brought a small bag with him to the hospital and identified himself at reception. The nurse led him to Erwin's room.

Levi hovered in the doorway. Erwin lay motionless in the bed, the blanket pulled up to his chin. Though he was still too pale, his skin was warmer than before. His hair hung in his face, and his lips were dry and cracked.

"He still hasn't woken up," said the nurse, "but he's doing very well otherwise. We're keeping him hydrated the best we can, and keeping his wound clean. We're hopeful he'll wake up within the next few days."

Levi swallowed hard and stepped into the room. The nurse closed the door behind him to give him some privacy.

He still smelled like Erwin, even unconscious. His mother had smelled like death long before she had drawn her last breaths.

There were other signs of life, too. The smattering of blond stubble across his jaw. The even rise and fall of his chest.

Levi slowly pulled up a chair and eased to a seat. His heart pounded in his throat. "You look like shit."

He hoped his voice would spark some miraculous recovery, but the eyelids stayed closed and unmoving. At least they weren't half-open anymore.

 _This is stupid. He can't even hear me._ Levi stared at the blanket covering the man's arm - or what should have been his arm. He could see a lump for the shoulder, and then nothing, the blanket flush against the mattress. His pulse drummed in his ears as he reached for the blanket and threw the corner back.

What had once been his arm was now a bandaged stump, maybe ten or fifteen centimetres long. Levi felt bile rise in his throat again. He had seen other soldiers lose limbs before, but never like this, never a limb that had held him, stroked him, teased him.

"Shit, Erwin," he whispered. "What the hell did you do to yourself?"

He gently pulled the blanket back into place.

"I brought you a couple shirts." He pulled them out of the bag. "One of them is your undershirt - better than that tacky hospital gown they've got you in. The other is one of mine." It was a grey collared shirt, one he had worn recently. He folded it and set it on the table. "It's too small for you, but it smells like me. I thought I might-" His voice cracked. "If you were awake, I'd drape it around your shoulders or something, but you're not. You're still in a fucking coma. Shit."

The numbness and anger were beginning to fall away. He closed his eyes, but a tear spilled out anyway. "I should have been there." He slowly leaned forward until his forehead pressed against the bed. "I should have..." He was too far gone now to hold back. Tears began to pour from his eyes and nose, his body shaking.

If Erwin had been awake, he would have placed a gentle hand on Levi's head, stroking his undercut to soothe him. But he wasn't awake, and that gentle hand was gone.

.*.*.*.

The nurses were kind enough to let Levi sleep in the chair next to Erwin's bed. He awoke at dawn and was embarrassed to discover that his face was caked with salt and dried mucous. He must have been blubbering in his sleep.

He scrubbed his face in the basin. Before he left, he smoothed the hair off Erwin's forehead and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Again, he hoped for a miraculous recovery, a timely flutter of eyelashes or a faint groan, but there was nothing.

He left the nurses with instructions to find him immediately if Erwin's condition changed.

When he arrived at Pixis' office, the Commander took one look at him, then held out a bottle of whiskey.

"Sir," said Anka sternly, "it's eight in the morning."

Levi would have liked a glass or two, but the last thing he needed to do was drunkenly blubber in front of the Garrison. He sat at the desk instead, ready to help coordinate the day's operations.

As expected, the populace was cluing in that there weren't enough resources to support them all within Wall Sina, and petty crimes were increasing. "There are mutterings, and we aren't having much luck quashing them. We don't have long before they start banding together to rebel against the nobles."

"We have to let them go back to their homes," said Levi.

"Not yet," said Pixis. "We have to be absolutely certain there's no hole in Wall Rose. Bertolt and Reiner escaped - there's always the chance they tried to break the Wall down while we're busy licking our wounds."

They worked together to deploy troops to troublesome areas, then discussed scouting routes to ensure the Wall was intact.

That night, Levi returned to Erwin's side. There was no improvement, but no worsening, either. He spent a little time updating Erwin on what had happened during the day, but mostly he just sat, watching him. Now that a flush had returned to the man's cheeks, it was easy to pretend he was just sleeping.

He slept in the bedside chair again that night, and the night after it, until a week had passed and a nurse rushed into a meeting between Levi and Pixis.

Erwin was finally showing signs of waking.

.*.*.*.

For a long time, no dreams reached Erwin, no words. He was vaguely aware time was passing; he could hear it pounding like a drum. Slowly, slowly, the drum grew louder, clearer, taking on two distinct, alternating thumps. His heartbeat. Other sounds joined it: the whistling sound of air. The burble of stomach acids. Eventually, he became conscious enough to recognize a thought: _I'm alive._

The drumbeat of his heart continued, the sequence of breaths, and other thoughts began to surface. The thoughts were fragmented, so he assembled them, one shard at a time. _I am Erwin Smith. My father is dead. I love Levi. I am the Commander of the Survey Corps. We saved Eren Yeager. Then he saved us._

He heard himself groan, felt himself move, the movement as disconnected from his body as that first thought had been.

"He doesn't look awake." That voice: Levi. The drumbeat increased. He turned his head toward the voice, just a fraction of a centimeter, and heard, more clearly now, "Oh. Shit."

"Keep talking to him." Hange's voice. "I'll go get Pixis and Connie."

 _Pixis?_ Through the fog in his mind, Erwin was able to grasp this wasn't usual. Something big must be happening. His eyes and mouth felt as if they were full of sand. He struggled to open both.

Blinding light hit his eyes. It took a moment to settle into blurs, but the blur next to him was familiar: dark hair, round face, long neck.

"Le-" The second syllable caught in his throat, and he couldn't free it.

"About time you woke up." Levi's voice was clear now, but it wobbled.

Erwin reached for him, and wondered why Levi wasn't taking his hand. He realized three other people were in the room with them, dressed in the white. "Water," he rasped.

"Here, let's sit him up," said a woman with a tone of authority. "Don't let him drink too much right away."

Erwin was too weak to hold his own weight; several hands hoisted him upright and placed a pillow behind his back. His vision was gradually clearing, as was his mind. Now he saw Levi watching him with pinched brows.

A nurse handed him a glass and a straw, instructing him to take small sips. He tasted it. It was salty and sour at the same time, and his lip curled involuntarily, but he was still tempted to pour the whole glass down his raw throat.

"How's your pain?" asked the nurse.

He paused to consider each part of his body; they still seemed to be floating around him, just out of reach.

As he looked down, he saw the bandaged stump that had once been his right arm.

_Oh._

All at once, he was grounded in the hot breath of the titan, the blinding pain of his own steel as he had cut himself free, the crippling nausea and fog that had swallowed him whole on the ride home.

His arm throbbed now, but he wasn't sure how much of that was memory and how much was reality. He split the difference. "Arm's a bit sore."

"I think you're about due for a morphine dose."

He thought about resisting, but this wasn't a cracked rib. He could still feel his elbow crushing between the enormous titan teeth, still feel searing heat on his hand and forearm.

"Pulse is rising," said the nurse to his left, who had two fingers in his neck.

The doctor immediately called out a dose of morphine that sounded too high, but as the drug flooded his veins, he found he was still relatively clear-headed. The pain was still present, but it didn't bother him as much.

After a few more minutes of prodding, they left the room. Erwin took another sip of the drink and watched Levi. The Captain was wearing a black suit jacket. Was it the one Erwin had given him? The fit seemed a bit too proper. If he was dressed up, he must have been in important meetings.

There was a long silence, then Levi stood and retrieved a shirt from the bedside table. He gently pulled Erwin forward far enough so he could drape the shirt around his shoulders. The fabric smelled like lemon shampoo, and Erwin suddenly found his mouth dry, but not from dehydration this time. Their gaze held, and Levi's lips parted, as if he were about to say something.

The door opened, and Pixis stepped into the room, followed closely by Anka. "Erwin. It's good to see you awake. We weren't sure if you'd pull through." He took a seat on the couch beside the bed; Anka leaned against the wall.

"How long as I out?" asked Erwin.

"A week, and an eventful one, at that."

He did his best to sit tall. "Tell me everything."

"Can you focus? We're about to throw a lot at you."

Erwin considered. His mind was still sluggish, but if their situation was as dire as he expected, he couldn't afford to allow himself recovery time. He would keep up as best he could. "Please."

Pixis spoke of the evacuation of Wall Rose, and the subsequent tensions that had arisen when food supplies had begun to run low. Fearing a revolt, they had decided to call Wall Rose intact and send its citizens back to their homes.

"Everyone got a first-hand reminder," said Pixis. "If Wall Rose really falls, they'll have one week of respite before people begin killing each other again."

"I'm sorry, Erwin," said Levi. "I know you've only just recovered enough to talk to us, but I understand if you'd rather go back to sleep than hear what we have to say." He was posed casually, slouched in the chair, but the uncharacteristic politeness of the words showed how tense he was beneath it. If only they had had a few moments alone before Pixis had arrived; there was a lot to say that had to be said alone.

Erwin held his gaze. "No, I'm tired of sleeping. Please continue."

Levi opened his mouth as if to speak, but then his gaze drifted. "It's too bad about your arm."

 _Just a few minutes alone..._ Erwin looked at his arm, too, and gave him a gentle smile, trying to put him at ease. "How many hundreds of soldiers do you think I've sent out to be eaten by titans? One arm isn't nearly enough to make up for that. I hope I'll be able to pay back the rest when I end up in hell one day."

Pixis chuckled. "Sounds good - mind if I come visit when we both make it down there?"

"What's the matter, old man?" said Levi. "Giving up? Maybe you need another drink."

"Aye, it's the perfect time for a drink. Sadly, this one's taken it all away from me. She says she won't change my diapers like a good mother should."

From her position against the wall, Anka smirked.

Erwin laughed. "It's good that you have an excellent aide by your side."

A knock sounded at the door.

"It's Hange," said Levi. "Come in."

"Good to see you awake, sir." Hange was accompanied by one of the new recruits, a small boy with a shaved head. They saluted, and he introduced himself as Connie Springer.

Together, the two of them relayed information from Ragako village, Connie's hometown. The townspeople had disappeared during the breach; the town had only been occupied by titans when Connie had arrived. The curious thing was the titan at his parents' house: it had spoken to him, welcoming him home, and its face looked suspiciously like his mother.

Erwin's pulse rose. For a moment, the room was silent, and he wondered if they were all thinking what he was thinking. But it was impossible...wasn't it?

"So you're saying the titans are actually humans?" he asked aloud.

"We don't have any solid proof that all titans are this way," said Hange, "but if they are, I have a hunch about what's really in their weak spot."

As Hange explained the theory - the human brain and spinal column being approximately the same size as the weak spot - Erwin's mind began to drift.

He had seen Annie Leonhart, a human in titan form, control other titans with her scream. He had seen Eren Yeager do the same thing on the battlefield.

If all titans were former humans, that meant definitive proof that humans could control other humans using a form of mind control...

He saw his father sitting across from him, animated gestures, explaining his ridiculous theories that memories could be altered, human minds could be controlled-

"The hell are you smiling about?"

Erwin blinked and turned to Levi; the man's eyes were wide, his lip curled in a sneer.

 _Right. If titans were humans, we've killed them, even tortured them for experiments._ Maybe his head was still foggier than he thought. He pulled back his smile. "It's nothing."

"You're creeping me out," muttered Levi.

Erwin remembered his young schoolmates reacting the same way to his own ramblings about his father's theories. "I've been told that since I was a child."

And Levi, always perceptive, said, "Is that the real reason you're in the Survey Corps?"

This was getting dangerously close to revealing his father's theories, and he couldn't burden Levi with that knowledge. He tried to lighten the mood: "Go easy on me, Levi. My arm was eaten. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. Don't you pity me?"

"Heh." The Captain smirked, looking down. "Well, you _are_ pitiful."

Erwin chuckled to himself, but then realized the others were looking confused. _Focus._ _You can visit with Levi when this discussion ends._

Returning to business, he inquired about Krista Lenz and Eren, and learned they were being kept in isolation with Levi's new squad, a team made up of the 104th.

"Your arm was eaten," said Levi. "You're physically and emotionally exhausted. I pitied you, so I went ahead and made some decisions. That includes the new members of my squad. What Eren needs is to be pushed into total desperation."

That was a fair assessment. It seemed to be when the boy performed best; they had seen that both in Stohess, and in the fight against the Colossal and Armoured titans.

For now, they decided, Levi's squad would lay low with some of Hange's best squad members, doing experiments with Eren to try to teach him how to harden the way Annie Leonhart had. Perhaps they might be able to determine the specifics of his ability to control other titans, as well.

The Garrison would continue to monitor the Wall, and inform the Survey Corps if they were required to help maintain order or deal with a breach.

"Unfortunately," said Pixis, "you'll have to face the Council once you are well enough, Erwin. They're going to want your full account of the operation so they can be assured all those Survey Corps, Garrison and Military Police soldiers didn't die in vain."

Erwin frowned. It was starting to feel like he spent more time defending the Survey Corps than actually leading it. He missed the days when they were largely left to their own devices, or at least when Sahlo could help them pull strings to avoid much scrutiny. "I see."

"We should let you rest. This is a lot for you to take in so soon after waking from a coma." Pixis stood. "The Garrison can handle everything from here. You focus on getting well and sorting out everything with the Council."

"Connie," said Hange, "you go ahead to the base and help Moblit load the supplies. I need to speak with Erwin and Levi privately."

Connie nodded and saluted, then followed Pixis and Anka outside the door.

Hange sat on the couch. "How are you feeling?"

"Disoriented." Erwin's gaze shifted to Levi. The Captain was hunched forward elbows on his knees, watching him.

Hange's voice lowered. "I thought you two might like a bit of time to yourselves. I can stand guard outside the door, make sure no one comes in unannounced."

"Yes," said Erwin. "That would be helpful. Thank you."

"Just send Levi to the door when you're done talking." Hange stood and gave a small smile. "I'm glad you pulled through. You're tough as hell, Commander."

Erwin smiled back.

The door closed, and then they were alone.

"It sounds like you did well while I was unconscious," said Erwin quietly. "Thank you, Levi."

Levi shrugged. "Had to keep myself busy." He looked down. "You're okay, right?"

"I'm sorry if I seem a bit detached. I'm still a bit groggy." Erwin shifted, trying to get more comfortable. After being in bed for so long, he felt a dull ache in his joints even through the morphine. "Hopefully I recover quickly so I can speak with the Council as soon as possible. We need to see if they're truly on our side."

"On our side?"

"There has been mounting evidence that the Council and royalty only care about preserving themselves, not humanity. I've long held theories that they would go to great lengths to manipulate humanity for their own sake, and some of what has come to pass in the past week illuminates how corrupt they truly are." He leaned forward, staring intently at Levi. "We now know humanity would destroy itself within a week or two if Wall Rose fell. We know the Armoured and Colossal Titans are out there, ready to attack again at any moment. We need to be sure the government has humanity's best interests at heart when times are dire."

Levi's face was blank. "And what if they don't?"

"We might have to circumvent them, or perhaps even replace them. There are a few pieces of the puzzle that still need to be discovered - we need to find out the true nature of Historia Reiss's background, and we have to see how the Council will react to all the events of the past week-"

"Whoa, hold on," said Levi, sitting sharply upright. "Replace them?"

"Hopefully it won't come to that."

"How much morphine did they give you? You're considering _overthrowing the government?"_

"If it's what it takes to push forward to Wall Maria, we may need to." Erwin held his gaze. "If you choose to walk away before it comes to that, Levi, I won't hold it against you."

"You know I'm not going to walk away. But maybe you should sleep on this a bit before you decide to do anything rash. You just woke up from a fucking coma."

"Yes, and while I was out of the equation, everything operated smoothly without me. That clearly shows how expendable I am." Erwin lifted his chin. "I'll do what I can to protect you and the rest of the Survey Corps, but there's no time left to play it safe anymore."

"We've been playing it safe until now?" Levi was looking at him the same way he had earlier, when he had questioned him about smiling. "Look, just consider it a bit before you make a decision, okay? If you decide this is what you want to do, I'm with you. I've got your back no matter what. You know that." His mouth twisted, and his eyes drifted to Erwin's arm. "At least, I'll do what I can."

"You can't blame yourself for anything that happens while we're apart."

"Yeah, well, I should have been by your side," said Levi. "I would have cut that fucking titan down before it touched you." He looked away. "Fuck, you were so close to dying. And now you're talking about treason-"

"We both knew the gambles were going to get bigger as the stakes rose."

"I know. It's just not fucking fair." Levi's head bowed. "You're wounded. You should be retiring, not walking right back into the middle of this clusterfuck. After all you've done for this ungrateful fucking society, you deserve to get married, settle down, start a family."

Erwin wanted to smooth his hair back, but Levi was sitting on the same side as his missing arm. He leaned forward so he could reach out with his good arm instead. "Levi."

The man looked up, grey eyes bloodshot.

"Marry me."

"You really _are_ groggy. We're already engaged."

"I know. Marry me now."

"Huh?"

"We can't really have a legal ceremony, anyway, not while we're Commander and Captain. Why don't we ask Hange to officiate for us?" Erwin lay his hand palm-up on the covers. "It wouldn't be official, but it would be real to us, and that's all that matters. Now that Mike is gone..." His voice hitched before he could stop it. "And now that your leg is injured...now that I've stared death in the face...I see how fragile we are. You're right; none of this is fair, and I'm tired of facing that with dutiful obligation. Let's take at least one thing for ourselves from this ungrateful fucking world."

After a long silence, Levi said, "Yeah."

Erwin's heart began to pound. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Let's do it. Fuck everything else." Levi grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I'll go get Hange."

It took a few minutes of explaining to get the Squad Leader to understand what they were trying to do.

"It won't be legally binding," said Hange.

"No shit. It doesn't matter." Levi stood beside the head of the bed, arms uncharacteristically relaxed at his sides. "We can't get a legally binding marriage, anyway, at least not without breaking military codes."

"Okay." Hange smiled, cheeks flushing a little. "Well. I don't know what to say. Give me a second to figure something out."

"Should I stand?" asked Erwin.

"No," said Levi, a bit too sharply. "You need to take it easy."

"I should be facing you, at least."

"Here, then: swing your legs over the edge of the bed."

"Okay, I think I've got something," said Hange. "Hold hands."

Erwin sat with his legs over the side the bed, facing Levi; the bed was at the right height for them to see eye-to-eye. He held out his left hand. Small, strong hands closed around it, and electricity ran down his spine.

Their eyes locked.

He studied the broad forehead, the narrow brows, the dark creases that made the grey of his eyes glow like ice in contrast. The delicate mouth, the upturned nose, the cheeks that had a surprising youthful roundness to them. He felt a swell of love so strong that it made his hand tremble; he gripped Levi hard and felt him do the same, their eyes searching each other.

This was real. Wall Rose, Wall Maria, the titan shifters, any of his father's theories, those were all artificially constructed problems, things most likely created in the minds of humans. They could be dismantled by the minds of humans, too. But this surge of love for Levi was rooted in pure instinct, a connection beyond comprehension.

Hange stood tall beside them. "We are here today to join Erwin Smith and Levi in marriage. I am honoured to be here as their officiant and witness." The Squad Leader's voice trembled. "In the years I've known these men, they have displayed that though they hold the ranks of Commander and Captain, they are each other's equals both on and off the battlefield, through an unspoken covenant of trust, mutual respect, and shared experience. In roles steeped with stress and darkness, they have found light in each other, and it shines so strongly that those of us closest to them can see its glow. It brings hope to all of us."

A lump was forming in Erwin's throat. He turned to Hange and saw tears welling in the dark eyes, and he felt another swell of love, seeing in Hange not just a subordinate, but a true friend. The three of them had come through so much together. _And Mike, too._ Maybe Mike was watching them from the afterlife, offering his silent approval.

"Would you like to say some vows to each other?" asked Hange.

"I would," said Levi so quickly that Erwin's heart skipped.

"Then go ahead."

Levi's hands shifted their grip, almost a fidget, but his stare was piercing. "Erwin, when we met, I was a dumb street punk who couldn't see past my next big score. I was so fucking bitter that I was prepared to kill you just because I was convinced you were looking down on me. But you weren't. You knew what I was about, you knew my goals, and you still fought to bring me into the Survey Corps. You showed me how big the world is outside these walls, and the value of fighting for a cause bigger than myself. You gave me the choice to follow you. I-" His voice cracked. "I owe you everything. So I pledge my life to you. My life is yours. It always has been."

Erwin's jaw trembled. "Your life is your own, Levi."

"Okay, yeah, it is, and I make my own choices. I always have. But I've never once regretted following you. I need you to know that. I..." Levi's jaw was shaking, his grip tight. "I will follow you anywhere."

"And I'll do the same." Erwin fought to find the words. "When we met, you were a man who had built a life from nothing, protecting those around him with a fierce loyalty I dreamed would one day be tied to humanity. I was prepared for you to hate me if it meant leveraging your skills - I never dreamed you would willingly give that precious gift of your loyalty and trust not just to humanity, but to me as well.

"You showed me that pushing for humanity's goals didn't require me to give up my human nature. I had been growing more and more detached, but you were stronger than me, strong enough to be vulnerable, to form bonds, to care about the people around you. You taught me that it's okay to love. Even now, you allow me to show vulnerability, and you never see me as weaker for it." He swallowed against the lump in his throat. "I owe _you_ everything, Levi. You protect me from the world around me, but also from myself. You follow me with confidence even when I put both of us in peril. My life is yours as much as yours is mine. We don't lead or follow: we walk side-by-side."

A tear spilled onto Levi's cheek and ran down his jaw. "Shit."

"Well," said Hange, voice soft and shaking. "Do you, Levi, take Erwin to be your husband?"

"Yeah," rasped Levi, "I do."

"Do you, Erwin, take Levi to be your husband?"

"I do." He blinked and felt a loose tear of his own.

"Then to all those present, you're now married. You may kiss."

They leaned in, and Levi's mouth was soft beneath the roughness of Erwin's chapped lips. Levi's breath tasted like mint. _Mine must taste horrible,_ he thought, but Levi didn't pull away. They kissed a second time, even softer.

When they broke apart, Levi looked at him with a gentle one-sided smile, a dimple in his cheek. Erwin smiled back.

"I'll give you some privacy in a moment," said Hange. "Just let me-" Erwin felt an arm wrap around him.

"Ugh," said Levi, who had received the other arm. "Get off us."

"Sorry." Hange squeezed them - delicately avoiding Erwin's injury - then stood, eyes still glassy. "I hope I did okay."

"Yes, that was beautiful," said Erwin.

"Okay, good. I'll be outside the door if you need me." Hange smiled at them both, then stepped away. The door closed.

Levi leaned forward again and stole another quick kiss.

"My breath must be terrible," said Erwin.

"It's not bad." Levi gripped either side of his head, leaning in until their foreheads touched. "So we're married?"

"Yeah." Erwin felt that sweep of electricity down his spine again. "You're my husband."

"Husband. Sounds weird."

"Yeah."

"Feels..." Levi gave an audible swallow. "Feels right."

"Yeah." Erwin reached up to smooth the slim jaw with his palm. "Are we going to consummate the marriage?"

"Aren't you still kind of...fucked up?"

Erwin chuckled. "You might have to be gentle. And quick - I'm not sure how long Hange can delay the nurses from checking on me."

" _I_ have to be gentle?" asked Levi. "You want me inside you?"

"Yeah. Unless you'd rather ride me. I don't think I have the strength to set the pace for us tonight."

"I see. You're clean enough for that?"

"Probably. I haven't eaten in a week, and the nurses have been bathing me. I probably need a shave, though."

Levi ran his fingernails down Erwin's jaw. "I don't mind the beard."

"Alright. Then take off my shirt," said Erwin softly.

Levi pulled the collared shirt aside and draped it on the chair, then began to pull Erwin's shirt up from the bottom. "Lift your arms-" He caught himself, his brows pinching. "Arm."

"It's okay. I still have to lift both." His right arm felt oddly light, oddly unconstrained as he lifted it. The shirt slid over his head.

Levi sucked in a harsh breath, hand smoothing the skin in a manner that was more soothing than sensual. Erwin looked down and saw purpled bruising spilling from the bandage, staining his shoulder and chest.

"Does it hurt?" asked Levi softly.

"A bit. The morphine helps."

"Did it hurt when it happened?"

"Yes," said Erwin, "but I got an incredible rush of adrenaline, and by the time that wore off, I was going into shock. I didn't have time to really register the pain."

"I should have-"

"Don't."

Levi, looking younger and more fragile than he ever had, was chewing his lip. Erwin ran his thumb across it, coaxing it out, then replaced his thumb with his lips. He began to untie the cravat. Levi's hands rose to help him. Together, they pulled off his shirt and jacket, then undid his pants and pulled them down. Levi was already hard; Erwin gripped and began to slowly pump.

"Shit." Levi's head rolled back on his shoulders.

"Good?"

"Yeah. Not bad for left-handed."

"I'm ambidextrous," said Erwin.

Levi lifted his head. "Really?"

"Yeah. I used to practice writing and drawing with both hands as a kid. Right was always a little better, but not much."

"You really were a weird kid, weren't you?"

Erwin smiled. "You have no idea."

Levi kissed him, then reached beneath the waistband of his underwear to grip him, too. His hand was warm, and Erwin gasped and thrust into it.

"Spread your legs," said Levi, tapping the inside of his knees. Erwin complied, and Levi stepped in so close that their moving hands were almost touching.

"I think the bed's a good height for me to fuck you like this."

"Yeah?"

"Might just need to put a pillow under your ass." Levi grabbed a spare pillow from the head of the bed. Together, they worked to position Erwin's hips over the pillow, his legs hanging over the edge of the bed, his back against the mattress.

"Fuck," whispered Levi as he spread his legs a little wider, his fingertips gently caressing the exposed flesh. "Fuck, Erwin, look at you." His fingers drifted lower, then paused. "We don't have any oil."

"There has to be something here somewhere."

Levi began to rummage through cupboards. After a few minutes of reading labels, he pulled out a bottle. "Lubricant for suppositories and pessaries?"

Erwin smiled. "That should work."

"Double-check the label. I don't want to accidentally grab something medicated."

Once they were certain they had the right substance, they opened the cap. The oil smelled the same as what they usually used, but it was far thicker. Levi easily slid a finger into him.

"Fuck," breathed Erwin.

"That okay?"

"Yeah, it's good. Am I clean enough?"

"Yeah, you're fine."

Levi gently stroked with his finger, and the sensations began to build, and build. Erwin tossed his head back, his lower body glowing with heat. He expected the motion to stop, but Levi must have been enjoying himself, because he kept going.

"Still okay?" asked Levi after a few minutes.

"Feels good." Erwin slowly thrust at empty air, his eyes closed, as the warmth continued to build. "Keep that up and I'm going to come."

"Oh?" The word rumbled, and suddenly the finger felt even nicer.

"Yeah. Feels so good." His hand clawed into the bedsheets, his head rolling to the side _._ His voice rose: "Levi-"

"Shh, not so loud." The finger withdrew, and then he felt Levi press against him, hard and damp. The next words were a whisper: "I wonder if I can make you come with just my dick?"

"Fuck." Erwin pushed himself up on his elbow to see better. Levi was using one hand to guide himself inside, gaze fixated on their union, lips parted. _He likes what he sees - he's so hot, so beautiful-_

Levi slid inside, and Erwin bore down reflexively, his head tossing back again.

"Oh god, fucking-"

"Shh."

A hand clamped over his mouth - at an awkward angle, but still effective. Erwin whimpered against it. That stretch was glorious; it was making him feel full, making him feel whole again.

"Fuck, Erwin," whispered Levi, inching deeper. His finger curled into Erwin's mouth, and Erwin wrapped his tongue around it, sucking. Levi gasped and worked in deeper, deeper. Then he slid past the spot he had been working at before, and Erwin's back arched.

"Does that feel as good as my finger did?"

Erwin let a moan slide around the finger in his mouth, fighting to keep his volume down.

"I wish I could hear you yell." Levi's voice was hitching, his thrusts quivering, as if he were fighting to hold back himself. He retracted his hand so he could grip both hips instead. "I love it when you're loud."

Between the bed and the pillow, the angle was perfectly aligned. Erwin felt himself detaching from his body. "Levi-"

"Come on." The thrusts picked up their pace, but were still measured, still careful.

Erwin barely restrained a cry as he tried to counterthrust, but he was too weak, and Levi's hands were holding him still. "I'm going to- Levi-"

"Come on." This time, the whisper was almost a growl.

Erwin cracked open his eyes and saw Levi standing above him, every muscle in his arms and chest flexed, face hard, teeth clenched.

"Fuck!" He bore down with all his strength, and just as he had tipped past the point of no return, Levi grabbed him and stroked to help him along. Warmth rippled through his entire body, his skin tingling, his face numb from stretching into a silent scream. He was floating, he was flying. His body shuddered in violent waves.

Then he lay still, breathing hard. The last few pulses made him shiver.

"Need me to pull out?" whispered Levi.

Erwin shook his head. Between the thick oil and the pain meds, he wasn't feeling his usual post-orgasm discomfort; all he could feel was how hard Levi was. "You're close. Keep going."

Levi let out a gasp that was almost a croak and hunched forward, burying his face in the damp flesh of Erwin's abdomen, arms forcing under his lower back to wrap around him. He began to pick up speed and pushed the last strokes so hard that his back rounded with each thrust.

Erwin reached down to clumsily stroke the dark hair, still too winded to do much more. It must have been enough, because Levi cried out and emptied into him, quivering.

Then he lay there, ragged breaths hot against Erwin's stomach.

After a moment, Levi stood and pulled out. He found some clean towels in the cupboard and began to wipe his face with one, tossing the other to Erwin. The mess was bigger than usual, and it took a few towels to mop up.

"Your nurses are going to have some questions next time they give you a sponge bath," said Levi dryly.

"Then I suppose I'll just have to bathe myself." Erwin gave him a grin. "Make sure you wipe your face well."

"Shut up."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to bury it in my mess."

"Shut up." Levi tossed the dirty handkerchief at him. Erwin caught it and chuckled.

"Is this our first fight as a married couple?" He looked around and, seeing a laundry hamper in the corner, tossed the used rags.

"Hopefully the first of many." Levi paused, suddenly solemn.

Erwin felt his mood drop, too, as he realized they were about to part ways again, and facing the Council felt even more dangerous than facing a possible breach in Wall Rose. Their eyes held, but for the first time, he didn't have any words to offer. What could he possibly say? They had said them all so many times.

Levi's throat bobbed, and he reached for the cravat on the table. "Here." He folded it and held it out with both hands.

"What's this for?" asked Erwin, accepting it.

"My shirt's too small for you, too obvious, but I want you to have something of mine." Levi's lip curled into something approaching a smirk. "You can don't have to wear it. You can just smell it and jerk off when you're missing me in the Capital."

Erwin chuckled and accepted it. "Thank you. I'll be sure to keep it safe until I can return it to you."

"Well, keep yourself safe, too. You just lost a fucking arm." The smirk faded. "But do what you have to do."

"And you do the same. If we lose contact, you may have to use your own judgement for awhile." Erwin leaned forward. "You've been a key part of every strategy I've come up with for the past four years. Don't forget that. Trust your instincts; they'll keep you safe. And trust me to do the same, no matter what happens."

Levi's jaw quivered a little. "Okay."

"Protect Eren and Historia above all else. They're humanity's best chance."

"Okay."

"I'll..." Maybe there was more to say after all. Erwin forced himself to hold eye contact, suddenly shy. They were open with each other, but it was still hard to show vulnerability sometimes. "We're married now, Levi. They can't take that away from us, no matter what happens next. That bond will stretch between us no matter how far apart we are. Remember: I'm always with you."

"Fuck," muttered Levi, and a tear trickled down his cheek. "I love you, Erwin."

"I love you, too."

They carefully dressed. Erwin adjusted Levi's collar and finger-combed his hair, then smoothed his thumb along a crease in the narrow brows. They met in a slow, silent kiss.

Then Levi strode for the door. He paused, his hand on the handle, and turned back one last time.

Warmth swelled in Erwin's chest. It seemed to him they were thinking the same thing in that moment: _Until we meet again, my husband._ He smiled.

Levi's cheek dimpled, then he turned and walked through the door.


	43. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for all your support through this entire process. A special thank you to those who took the time to do gift art, fic recs, and write comments. You're amazing.
> 
> This epilogue is very short, so I was planning to put it up soon after my last update, but my daughter decided to arrive 6 weeks early and caught us off guard! Sorry for the wait. Been pretty busy. :)
> 
> THIS EPILOGUE CONTAINS SPOILERS UP TO AND INCLUDING CHAPTER 72 OF THE MANGA. IT ALSO ASSUMES YOU HAVE READ THAT FAR. Apologies to anime-only readers.

**-Epilogue-**

From the moment Levi next laid eyes on his husband, he knew something in him had broken.

It wasn't the physical wounds, though those were obvious and jarring, one eye swollen half-shut, chin black with bruises. It was the weight in his voice, his shoulders, the corners of his mouth.

"I think we need to ask your opinion, Commander," said Levi aloud, using the formal title he had never used in a military setting. _You're still in charge. You're still the one I choose to follow. You are valued._

Erwin's lips curved into a smile, but his eyes were distant.

.*.*.*.

Levi found himself reluctant to leave Erwin's side during the battle against Rod Reiss. It wasn't right for a man so recently injured to be right back in the thick of battle.

Erwin must have felt the same, because he stood a little too close, leaned in a little too far when they spoke. When he handed back Levi's cravat - a moment that should have held great emotional importance - their fingers brushed, and that was it. Others were watching, and the titan was too immediate a threat to share a proper moment.

Without time to say anything personal, they were left with only formal discussion to convey their concern for each other.

"The cannons on the wall have a much better angle, and they didn't do shit," said Levi. "What's going on?" _Did those MP assholes hurt you so much that you're too exhausted to think of a better strategy? Or is this really the best we can do?_

"Look, this is without a doubt the best fighting force we could muster," said Erwin. _I'm in my right mind. Trust me._

"The Survey Corps' strategy here is nothing more than a gamble, anyway," said Levi. "Just like everything you come up with." _You're putting yourself in danger again. You need to stay off the front lines; you're risking too much._

But Erwin sent him to his position, and all he could do was give him one last glance back before leaving him unprotected yet again.

Gamble or not, the plan worked. Historia Reiss took down the monster that had been her father, rightfully earning her crown in the eyes of the public. That night, the Olvud military let them stay in the Garrison barracks for a celebration. They served the Survey Corps all their best provisions, including fish stew and ice wine for the officers. Levi stood by Erwin's wounded arm the entire night, ready to catch the falling pieces if the man crumbled. Erwin hid behind politeness, giving firm handshakes and smiles that must have seemed genuine to everyone else.

When they were on their third glass of wine, the cracks finally began to show: the Commander's voice hitched mid-sentence.

"I still have to give you my full report, Erwin," Levi cut in. "We should retire for the night."

"Aw, come on, Captain," said one of the soldiers. "There's still plenty more wine-"

"No, the Captain is right. We have much to do, and we'll need to be well-rested." Erwin tipped his head. "Thank you for your hospitality."

They strode to the room that had been set aside for them, Erwin's strides so long and fast that Levi struggled to keep up. The Commander paced around the desk to the chair, and sat.

Levi watched him for a moment, then locked the door. Slowly, he circled toward the desk, trying to gauge the stiffness of the spine, the flex of the knuckles. Seeing too much tension in both, he hung back against the wall. Finally, he could ask the question that had been eating away at them since their reunion. "What the hell did they do to you?"

"It doesn't matter," said Erwin quietly. His arm hung limp in his lap, his chin bowed.

"You shouldn't have had to give this much." Frustration rose in Levi's throat so violently that it almost choked him. "You do so much for those fuckers while they hide deep in the Walls, and this is how they repay you?"

A sharp blue gaze lifted to him. "What about you, Levi?"

"What about me?"

"How many people did you have to kill because of my selfish plans?"

His stomach dropped. "Don't worry about that. I'm fine."

"I turned you into an enemy of the people, forced you to murder-"

"I'm fine," growled Levi. "But look at _you_ , Erwin. What the fuck did they do to you?"

The gaze flicked down, sheltered beneath blond eyelashes. "I lost the ring."

"What?"

"The ring I was carrying. They found it. They..." Erwin looked away. "They wanted to know who it belonged to, threatened to find out..." He trailed off.

Levi swallowed hard. He approached the desk slowly, afraid sudden movements would startle the Commander in his vulnerable state. "Well, I know you didn't tell them a thing, because they didn't come after me." He didn't bother mentioning the MP's threat about hanging Erwin first. That wouldn't help anything.

Erwin's throat bobbed.

"They did all this to you, and you stayed strong. You overthrew the government and saved the wall from Rod Reiss. So fuck them." Levi leaned against the desk, within reach of him now. "The ring doesn't mean shit. It's just a ring. You're still my husband."

The word hung between them for a moment, then Erwin slowly reached out his arm, gripped Levi's waist, and pulled him in. Levi held the blond head close, felt the sharp nose press against his abdomen.

For several minutes, they stayed like that, unmoving except for Levi's hand slowly stroking the soft blond undercut.

"New hairstyle," he said, searching for conversation.

Erwin finally lifted his head; his face was blank. "Yeah."

"Shows off your forehead."

"It was time for a change."

"Hm. Maybe I should change my hairstyle, too."

Erwin brushed the hair off Levi's brow. "If you'd like, but I'm rather fond of this one. You're a constant amidst all this change."

Levi's cheeks warmed. "It's late, and we're both exhausted. We should get ready for bed."

He slowly undressed Erwin. A dark bruise blossomed across the man's breastbone, another over his kidney. They'd had the decency to leave his wounded arm alone, at least - that was healing well - but one of his testicles was swollen and bruised. Levi's breath hitched when he saw it, his vision clouding red.

"It's okay, Levi," said Erwin softly.

"Those fucking barbarians!"

"It's okay. I didn't say what they wanted to hear, so they applied more pressure. I could have stopped them at any time with the right words, but I chose not to."

"You're apologizing for them? Fuck, Erwin-"

"It's okay. The plan worked. That's all that matters right now."

Levi thought of Hange's threat to do the very same thing to their prisoner, and his stomach heaved. _Would we have followed through if he hadn't cracked? We're better than them, aren't we?_

They were silent as Levi cleaned Erwin's wounded arm and dressed it, then tended to a couple gashes on his back that looked suspiciously like they were caused by a whip or flail. All things considered, they had gone much easier on him than they could have, especially compared to what they had done to Minister Nick. He wondered if Nile had intervened on Erwin's behalf - he wouldn't have the power to stop the questioning altogether, but he might have been able to convince his captors to show some restraint. _He should have stopped it entirely. This is an unacceptable way to treat a Commander. To treat anyone._

When the wounds were wrapped and he had administered a small dose of morphine, he said, "Would you like to debrief now, or wait until morning?"

Erwin's gaze had lifted to meet his again. "I haven't slept properly in days."

"Yeah. Okay." Levi strode to the bed; he fluffed the pillows and pulled back the covers, inspecting the sheets for stains or hairs. Satisfied they were clean, he began to undress.

Once they were both in bed, he reached for the lamp, but Erwin caught his arm. When Levi turned, he felt a mouth envelop his, warm with the breath he wasn't sure he would ever taste again. He leaned into it, a tear trailing down his cheek.

A hand ran down his chest, his abdomen. He broke the kiss.

"Hey, you don't have to-"

"Please," said Erwin, and he shifted down, beginning to follow his hand with an open mouth.

"You sure you're up for this?"

"Please, Levi." Kisses trailed down his abdomen. Erwin yanked down the front of his pants.

His mouth was pleasant and warm, but when Levi closed his eyes, all he saw was that swollen testicle and the suspicious marks on the broad back. After a few minutes, he gently pushed Erwin's head away.

"It feels good," he said helplessly, "I just-"

"It's okay."

"It's not you. My body's just not-"

"I know. It's okay, Levi." Erwin kissed a line back up his abdomen, but stopped at his chest, nuzzling against it.

Levi raked a hand in his hair and held him close.

.*.*.*.

When Levi awoke the next morning, he spent several minutes studying Erwin's face. The bruising already looked better, but the furrow in his brows, even in his sleep, made Levi's chest ache. He had previously failed to protect Erwin's arm, then his entire body, and, it seemed, his mind as well.

Well, there was one way he could protect him now: by finding out what had happened to Kenny and his cronies. He enlisted the help of a handful of soldiers and rode toward the chapel where they had first encountered Rod Reiss.

Kenny had always seemed invincible, so it was a surprise to find a dying man.

He returned to Erwin's temporary office carrying a small leather case, a symbol of the respect from Kenny he had craved as a child.

Erwin looked up; the furrow was hidden behind his daytime mask. "Are you all right, Levi?"

Levi sat down across from him. "I screwed up."

"Oh?"

"I put my own interests above humanity's. I found Kenny, and he was dying. I should have asked him about the Reiss family or the coordinate, but I asked him about my childhood instead."

Erwin's focus softened with understanding. Somehow, that soft gaze was even more concerning than the blank one. "I see. Did you find out what you needed to know?"

"Some of it. He was my uncle, on my mother's side. He left because he didn't think he could be a good father figure." He paused, considering all the trauma Kenny had left him with. "I guess he was right."

"I see."

"Anyway." Levi shrugged. "I guess I have a family name after all."

"Ackerman?"

"Yeah. Guess that's why it was so familiar when Berit said it - someone must've called him that around me at some point, or something."

"Does that mean you're related to Mikasa?" asked Erwin.

"I guess."

"Physical prowess must run in the family."

"I guess," said Levi again. He pulled out the leather case and set it on the desk. "He left me this. It's one of Rod Reiss' titan serums."

Erwin was silent for a moment, then he pulled the case closer and opened it. "This will turn anyone who receives it into a mindless titan?"

"That's the theory. And then they can eat a shifter to gain its powers."

"Incredible. We could use it to gain the power of the Colossal, Armoured or Bestial titan."

"Yeah."

Erwin's eyes were alight. "So your father figure has given you a legacy as well, one that could shape the future of humanity."

The reverence in his tone made anger rise in the back of Levi's throat, hot and sharp. "Don't read too much into it." He stood.

Erwin's brows rose. "You're leaving? I thought we could do our full debrief over a meal."

Levi swallowed back his anger. His shitty childhood wasn't Erwin's fault. "Okay."

They accepted food trays from the kitchen staff, and the day's dinner, unlike the night before, was an unappetizing mix of grey vegetables in a globby paste. Levi settled next to Erwin's desk and poked at the mixture a few times with his fork, then set it aside and poured another cup of tea.

The debrief was mostly one-sided. Erwin was, understandably, quiet about the time he had spent in police custody. More surprising was that he was quiet about the moment the monarchy was overthrown. His silence suggested to Levi that he shouldn't pry. When Erwin was ready to talk about it, the mask would drop. It always did eventually.

They briefly parted ways while Erwin made plans for their return to Trost; Levi worked with Hange on the personnel reports.

He returned to Erwin's bedroom that night. When he entered, the Commander was curled tightly on his side.

"Hey."

Erwin rolled over and smiled. "I didn't hear you come in."

Levi glided to the bed and sank into it. Their eyes held. Erwin lifted his hand; Levi pressed a kiss into its palm, then another, then the inside of his wrist.

He let Erwin set the pace, conscious of his wounds; Erwin was soft with him, all smooth palm and slow movements, until Levi cried his name into the hollow between his collarbones.

He awoke three times that night to Erwin sitting bolt upright, shouting for his father. Every time, Levi held him, whispering assurances until he fell back to sleep.

The next morning, Erwin smiled and politely invited Levi to breakfast as if the nightmares hadn't happened at all.

.*.*.*.

The days turned into weeks. Erwin's external wounds healed, but the internal ones worsened, and no one seemed to notice but Levi. Aside from the nightmares, the wounds made themselves known in sad, distant gazes when he thought no one was looking.

"You okay?" asked Levi, on more than one occasion.

The reply was always the same: Erwin would blink, smile and change the subject to the progress on their upcoming mission. Eventually, Levi stopped asking. They were making good progress toward their goals, and their nights were, physically at least, as warm and loving as they had ever been. Maybe Erwin's behaviour was exactly what he needed to recover from the horrors he had survived.

But it wasn't what Levi needed. The more time passed, the more the knot in his stomach tightened. He began to notice the uncharacteristic immediacy of all Erwin's plans: everything was focused on this mission, as if there was no future beyond that. He knew Erwin was no longer fit for the field, and he knew Erwin knew that as well. Gradually, he began to admit to himself that Erwin wasn't expecting to survive.

During their final Officer's meeting, two nights before the mission to Shiganshina, he found himself unable to hold his tongue.

 _Humanity needs you alive._ He tried to reason with him, using the missing arm as an excuse, but the mask went up in defense.

Frustrated, Levi tried to threaten him - softening it with humour, of course, because when could he ever truly threaten the man he loved?

Erwin laughed so heartily that, for a moment, Levi thought he had finally broken through. But then the sharp face hardened again.

"I must be there for the moment we find out the truth about this world."

Levi squinted. He couldn't tell anymore if this was a mask, or if he had accidentally peeled down too many layers and reached a core he had never seen before. Even after all these years, even after all they had been through, he still didn't know Erwin Smith, not really.

"It's that important to you?" he demanded. "More than your legs? More than humanity's future?"

"Yeah," said Erwin, his voice gentle, but his face stern.

Their gaze held, and this was it: the perfect time for the hypothetical they had talked about all those years ago.

_You said once that if I had been Marie, if I had asked you to leave everything behind for a life with me, you probably would have agreed._

But even though Levi was desperate, even though there might never be another opportunity for them, the words caught in his throat. He told himself it was because humanity needed Erwin more than he did; he couldn't risk taking away the Commander when they were on the cusp of such an important mission.

The truth was, deep down, he was too afraid the answer would be no.

"Fine," he said. "Erwin, I'll trust your judgement."

He slammed the door behind him.

His fists tightened as he strode to the dining hall. _Fucking asshole and his fucking death wish! Doesn't he understand how important he is to humanity?_

He could hear a commotion from the closed double doors ahead of him - what the hell were the soldiers doing in there? All he wanted right now was a mug of ale and some peace and quiet.

He threw the door open in time to see Jean and Eren beating each other.

 _Fucking children._ He strode forward. A punch to the gut, a kick to the chest; it felt good to vent a bit of his anger. "All of you, you're being too rowdy. Go to bed."

He strode to the keg and poured a large ale. Hange came up beside him.

"Everything okay?"

"Fine," he said.

"It looked like you were going to have an important talk with Erwin. Did something happen?"

"No," he lied. He drained his mug, then poured another. "Why did you let these brats beat the shit out of each other? We have a mission in two days; they could have injured themselves. We don't need any more dead weight on the field."

"Ah," said Hange, as if he had just revealed some great truth.

"Don't do that." He drained the mug again, then poured a third. "Keep a better eye on these shits."

Hange's face softened. "You're worried about him."

"Of course I'm worried. This whole time, Erwin's talked about one of us dying at Wall Maria." He hadn't meant to reveal that much, but he wasn't in control of his words. "Now he's flying into battle one-armed. I'm supposed to be okay with that?"

"He'll be on top of the Wall for most of the battle, if all goes according to plan."

"Nothing ever goes according to plan." He was dancing around what was really bothering him, and he could tell Hange knew: those brown eyes were probing a little too deeply. He turned away. "No more fighting among the soldiers, all right? I'm going for a walk."

He originally planned to go to the roof by the stables - the guard tower was too heavy with memories right now - but as he was leaving the barracks, he overheard Armin's voice. Something in it made him pause: hope. It was a welcome change from all the grim discussions that were routine these days.

He sidled up to the wall and peered around it. Eren, Mikasa and Armin sat together, the two boys speaking excitedly about the ocean. Armin's blue eyes were alight with youthful optimism that reminded him of Erwin when he had shared his father's book at Christmas. That seemed so long ago now, even though it had only been half a year. Nostalgia bloomed within him, warm and tingling.

He studied the trio. Mikasa's casual disinterest reminded him of himself, those nights when he, Farlan and Isabel had sat by a campfire, looking up at the glowing rocks speckling the Underground cavern. He had been content to observe his friends talk excitedly, happy to just _be_. When was the last time he had found that kind of serenity? Was it that trip to the hot springs in Utopia district? That felt like another lifetime ago.

His spirits weren't the only ones lifting. Even Eren, who also had a broken air about him these days, seemed to be coming alive as Armin spoke.

_I used to be able to pull Erwin back from his sadness like that._

And suddenly, in the face of this youthful optimism, Levi understood: they were old and weary, he and Erwin. They had lived abnormal lives, seen too many abnormal things. It had worn them both, bit by bit.

He looked down at his hands and saw wrinkles around the knuckles. The skin's texture was more leathery than it had been a few years ago, sunken in around the bones. He thought of the white hairs he saw in the mirror each morning, now so prevalent along his scalp that he didn't bother to pluck them anymore.

His shoulders stooped with sudden weight. He struggled to his feet and made his way to Erwin's office. As he had suspected, the cracks around the door glowed with light.

He pushed into the room and stood in the doorway.

Erwin looked up. He was beginning to show his age, too, his cheekbones more prominent, the creases around his eyes more pronounced, especially in the lamplight. He held a glass of amber liquid; his hand wasn't as worn as Levi's, but these days, it had a tendency to shake when he thought no one was looking.

In front of Erwin was his father's book, open to a page in the middle.

"You shouldn't be reading that with the door unlocked," said Levi, nodding at it.

Their gaze held, then Erwin slowly sat upright. "Would you care to join me for a drink?"

Levi shrugged. He locked the door and settled into the chair across the desk from him.

Erwin poured him a glass and slid it across the table, not making eye contact. For a moment, neither of them spoke; they busied themselves with sipping the liquor. It had a strong, leathery taste that warmed Levi's throat. He felt the knot in it begin to loosen.

"All I could think the whole time," said Erwin abruptly, "was that I had subjected my father to the same torture. Maybe worse, because he wasn't a high-ranking military officer. And I-" His voice cracked, and he stared into his drink. "I wonder how long he stayed strong for."

Levi studied him. The lines on the sharp face were deeper now, especially in the corners of his mouth. He was afraid to speak in case he derailed the sudden outburst of honesty, but he couldn't let Erwin blame himself for something he had done as a young child. "You aren't responsible for what anyone did to him."

"Yes, I am." Erwin's throat bobbed. "You don't understand, Levi. If I'd had the sense to keep my mouth shut about his dreams, I wouldn't have been overheard, and they wouldn't have taken him away. My mother always blamed me; she was right..." His voice trailed off. He took another long sip of the liquor.

Levi waited, not wanting to push him.

"I forgot about everything else, in those moments," rasped Erwin after a moment. "The Survey Corps, the titans, even you. I could only think about my father, about how he had felt every bit of what I was going through, how he had known it was my fault the entire time. I don't... I don't know how I managed to keep from telling them everything. I just kept repeating the same phrases, over and over. I didn't know what the words meant anymore." His head ducked, and he shielded his face with his hand, but not before Levi saw his face twist into a grimace. "I wonder, Levi: did he hate me for it? Did he regret telling his idiot son-"

"Hey," said Levi. "Stop."

"All I've ever aspired to is to be _good_ \- a good son, a good Commander, a good husband. But I'm so tired, Levi. I'm so-"

"Stop." He gripped the broad wrist, trying to ground him. "Delay the mission. You need to heal."

"There's no time to heal. Besides, I don't know if I can. I..." Erwin took a deep breath, his shoulders shuddering. "I'm sorry. I drank too much."

He was sober, and they both knew it, but Levi let him have his dignity. "You shouldn't get drunk on liquor this expensive. It's a waste." He withdrew his hand and picked up the book, leafing through it. Maybe he could spread some of the hope he had just experienced. "I overheard Armin talking to Eren about the ocean."

Erwin's head lifted. "Oh?"

"Not sure how he knows about it, but seems you aren't the only one set on learning more about this world." He turned the page and saw giant ships not unlike the ones that ran the waterways within the Walls, but at least five times larger. "I bet the ocean is fucking huge. Look how big these ships are." He randomly flipped to the centre of the book, and found the page Erwin had shown him at Christmas, with the diverse group of people. "You still think they're out there somewhere?"

"I do," said Erwin.

"I bet they have those answers you seek, huh?"

He had pushed too hard; Erwin gave him a polite smile.

 _So that's how it's going to be._ Levi closed the book. "I hope the answers are worth it."

The smile faded. "You're still angry."

"Yeah."

They drank in silence for a few minutes, and Levi searched for a conversation topic that didn't remind him of their argument. It was no use; everything always brought him back to Erwin and his sudden shortsightedness. Maybe they needed to address it head-on instead. He cleared his throat and leaned forward. "This reminds me of the first time we drank together."

"Hm?" Erwin looked up, puzzled.

"You know, the night I got promoted to Squad Leader, when we interviewed four-eyes. Tension we don't want to acknowledge, awkward silences."

To his surprise, Erwin chuckled. "I suppose you're right. That was when I told you about Marie and Henrik, wasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"You tried to guess details about my background."

"I was mostly wrong."

Erwin chuckled again, but then his smile faded. "This past month has been difficult."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Levi. I've said it from the beginning: I'm not an easy person to love. I don't..." His voice was soft. "I don't blame you if you're wondering if it was worth it."

Their gaze locked. Levi drained his glass, then stood and padded around the desk. His hands slid across Erwin's temples as he drew him in, pulling the man's ear to the centre of his chest. He held him close.

After a moment, Erwin's arm wrapped around his waist. "Are you?"

"What? Wondering if it's worth it?"

"Yeah. Do you regret-"

"No."

"I can hear your heartbeat. It sounds strong. Like you." Erwin nuzzled against his chest. "Levi."

"Yeah?"

"I know you don't believe in an afterlife, but if we get to the other side and discover there is one, promise me we'll find each other."

With a wounded husband going into battle, Levi found he could almost convince himself there was an afterlife. "Okay. We'll find each other."

"I know I deserve hell," whispered Erwin. "But maybe whatever afterlife we find will be peaceful instead. Maybe we can just...forget all this."

Levi clutched him tighter against his chest.

.*.*.*.

Erwin lay back on the bed, his naked body lit by striped moonlight from the curtains. His hand lingered on Levi's chin, thumb on his lower lip.

For a moment, Levi watched him, then followed him down. Their lips found each other, their bodies sliding together. They rolled across the bed once, twice. Under Levi's touch, goosebumps rippled across Erwin's back; he traced down the spine to the soft hair at the base. The man suddenly curled around him, clutching him so tightly that Levi's breath escaped in a sharp cry.

"Please," whispered Erwin, breath hot in his ear, "I want you inside me."

Levi shivered. He rolled Erwin onto his back again, studying that striped moonlight, straight edges against the curves of his collarbone, chest and ribs. All those years, he had seen this body as perfect and ethereal, but now it seemed too human, just flesh and bone that could be torn apart with a single titan bite.

But that was freeing, in a way. Here, they were just two men, bodies sliding together as millions of lovers had done before them, expressing the only thing worth saving in this ungrateful world. No military roles. No legacies. No dreams. Just two imperfect, fragile men.

He slid into him, and Erwin arched, his erection throbbing against Levi's abdomen, hands clawing the sheets. The knot in Levi's throat tightened again.

"I love you," he whispered.

The words must have thrust deep into Erwin; he tossed his head back and cried out.

They stretched out their lovemaking as long as possible, changing positions, pausing for slow kisses, until they were too impatient to delay any longer. Levi felt them rise together, and their moans were probably loud enough to be overheard, but what did that matter now?

"Levi!" Erwin's voice was frantic. Levi wrapped around him, fingernails clawing into skin. They shuddered against each other as the waves drowned them both.

The world came back to them too quickly. Weight was settling on Levi's shoulders again, and he wanted none of it. He clung to the freedom they had in each other and found in it the courage he had lacked before.

"Erwin," he whispered, "run away with me."

But the Commander's eyes were closed, his breaths deep and even, and he looked so peaceful, for the first time in weeks, that Levi didn't have the heart to wake him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. ♥


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